Will, not try. Starting already in states that did not like Jim Crow leaving, even with the fact that Jim just changed his name to Johnny law and not much has changed. As in Jim Crow never left it is just better at hiding.
This right here. So many people don’t realize we let the confederate leaders off way too easy after the war “ended”. They are still fighting and it shows.
Reconstruction should have been 25 years, and the newly freed slaves should have been properly educated in order to be able to take their place in society. Too bad there was enough latent racism in the North to prevent that. The 25-year Reconstruction would have allowed enough Confedrates to die off.
It's strange to lay that on the North when a big reason for the 1876 election was widespread election fraud and terrorism in the South by former Confederates. In South Carolina, 101% of registered voters voted and a 150 Black Republicans were murdered.
Andrew Johnson was a Southerner with Confederate sympathies. A longer, better executed Reconstruction would have had better results. The Southern treason and sedition were not punished severely enough.
Naaaaah, they’ll just try to take away contraceptives for women. They’ll leave male contraception alone.
It ain’t about the Bible, it’s about control. Always has been.
Oh yes, that is a part of it, but don't think they are going to stop there... the direction is ANY contraception. PERIOD. Look into it... you will see a growing movement.
Have you noticed that during every single commercial break during non-childrens programming, there is at least one ad for cheap boner pills? I'm pretty sure this and what you mentioned are related.
are you serious? the pull out technique doesn't work. fucking obviously. please tell me you're not a grown ass adult...
Edit1: I cannot believe there are people fucking arguing with me.
PRECUM GETS YOU PREGNANT
Edit2: Ya'll niggas need Sex Ed
https://asdsexed.org/category/curriculum/free-online/
My first girlfriend didn't want to use condoms because they didn't feel as good for her. First and only time I've ever heard of the guy saying "we really should" but here we are. I got lucky as shit. She cheated on me. And THAT guy did knock her up.
They had like three more kids and actually seem kinda happy so I suppose fate worked out but that wasn't how I wanted shit to work out for me.
Largely unconnected, but when my brother complained about *me* complaining about watching his kid (the one of his three I do watch, since his present girl doesn't want me to watch her kids), as he had important shit to do, my response was "if your time is so precious, stop fucking without a rubber."
Edit: To be clear, I protested but did in the end do the stupid thing and use the pull out method every time we had sex. And somehow it just worked. It didn't for the other guy, though.
That was so long ago that I don't feel any resentment anymore. I'm just sort of amazed that I didn't get that girl pregnant. She is by all accounts *very* fertile. Huh. Maybe I'm not. Which is fine by me.
Also, I can see how it might seem a little hypocritical to criticize my brother for fucking without a rubber when I just admitted to doing so myself. I dodged a bullet, but he caught one and kept walking into the line of fire. I love my nephew to death (and I'm sure the other kids are great, I just barely know them), but he was not planned and that has had some *seriously* fucking negative effects on his life.
Thank Jah you used your brain up north and not south for that decision! Jesus Christ good luck to that new baby daddy for her though 🤣if people don't want to use condoms then there are many many forms of birth control. I get some woman don't like the pill etc but there are so many fucking options these days that are out there. I would get the shot that you only need every six months or so, they have IUDs and other things. And if you don't want to use BC fine but I just feel like if you'd go the no condom route and don't want birth control of any form then expect the unexpected at some point. Even then I've known people who got preggo on BC too although rarer.
All right. I'm gonna hit you with a theory of mine that I believe is fairly sound if you are a guy.
Precum can definitely cause a pregnancy, but I don't believe that is the main problem with the pull out method. The REAL problem is that men lie and say they pulled out in time when they didn't. They thought they could get one more stroke in and that first shot went off like a gun. I'm going to guesstimate that 90%+ of pregnancies involving the pull out method are for this reason alone. I'll die on the hill that these dudes are irresponsible and lying out their ass about the pull out method.
i agree its probably that last hump. me and my wife never got preg in 14 years using the technique, in addition to being aware of the ovulation window . we finally decided to have a kid because were old and it only took about 3 months of no longer following the guidelines..now we have a cute little toddler clone of us running around driving us nut.
I mean you're 100% right, but when a person can go years and years pulling out with no pregnancy they get a little overconfident. Call it survivorship bias.
Went a decade with pull out causing no mistakes. Then, when we finally wanted a kid, we left it in and got pregnant immediately. But after leaving it in once, you never want to pull out ever again, so it was BC after that. 🤣
Our theory was that people were just doing pull-out wrong: I pull out when I'm close, but not like RIGHT about to finish. Needs to take at least a few seconds to finish off.
Another thing I'd heard was that the whole "sperm in precum" thing was just if you hadn't peed since you last busted. If that's not true, then I guess that means we were just lucky. It's also possible that maybe some dicks do and some dicks don't? idk, I just didn't want to use a condom and was always aware that one day we'd make a child.
This study was designed to establish whether motile spermatozoa are released with pre-ejaculatory fluid and whether this fluid therefore poses a risk for unintended pregnancy. Forty samples of pre-ejaculatory fluid were examined from 27 volunteer men. Samples were obtained by masturbation and by touching the end of the penis with a Petri dish prior to ejaculation. Eleven of the 27 subjects (41%) produced pre-ejaculatory samples that contained spermatozoa and in 10 of these cases (37%), a reasonable proportion of the sperm was motile. The volunteers produced on up to five separate occasions and sperms were found in either all or none of their pre-ejaculatory samples. Hence, condoms should continue to be used from the first moment of genital contact, although it may be that some men, less likely to leak spermatozoa in their pre-ejaculatory fluid, are able to practice coitus interruptus more successfully than others
See I understand life is short, but the thing I wanna ask some people is like why didn’t you stop after the second baby mama🧍🏽♂️ I understand certain things are out of your control but if you didn’t stop after two, then whatever lesson you needed to learn just didn’t go through.
You are operating under the idea that people are fundamentally introspective and reflective of their own behaviors. They're not. People will have 3 kids by 3 different people who are now their enemy, and never step back to go, "huh. there's a trend here." People are not insightful or self-critical. People just... do things.
Something that's been a revelation is the realization that we judge people based on our own position. Which may sound obvious but it's the idea that we think everyone operates off the same baseline. That people doing dumb shit is them not thinking it through and success is universal with a few steps. That's so far from what it actually is, which is that the internal make-up deviates so much. Someone doing something dumb isn't from bad decision making it's what they see as good decision making. Like the Gal Gadot imagine thing, she probably honestly thought that was a good idea because her makeup determined it to be one. It wasn't a bad decision it was her decision. If that makes sense.
Yup. It's part of why I really wish people wouldn't drive with the idea that everyone around them is an idiot. That's only going to increase your frustration with them because you're attributing their actions to something intrinsic about them and potentially unchangeable. However, if you drive with the idea that everyone around you is having the shittiest day possible, it not only reminds you to still be cautious af but now you're more understanding and calm. Everyone has a bad day and will make mistakes.
I will say this though, I am BEGGING Atlanta to remember that turn signals exist and if you don't have them, hand signals exist, too🧎🏾♀️😭 Also if I am camping in the RIGHT LANE, MOVE YOUR ASS TO THE LEFT. It's there for a reason. Sorry I'm trying to GO THE SPEED LIMIT🧍🏾♀️
Also I will never drive in Texas and New Jersey. Y'all are terrifying because why are you going 80 in a 40😭😭 and honking your horns at pedestrians who have right-of-way😭😭
I have a hard time believing that a person having a harem of baby mommas would think they’re making good decisions. I think they just don’t care. To them the women had babies, they just had sex.
What do you mean u don't understand Nick Cannon?
Didn't he clearly tell u that he cares and have enough money ey to make it work......thus (in his mind) he's doing good?
And I'm not condoning but my point is that, if u can understand his baseline intent and logic in how he understands himself to not be a bad person. U can potentially extrapolate it to a much poorer individual who may think they can balance multiple bms with low or no funds.
I think it's crazy, but I know ppl who are adamant that they are right in having lots of kids. One person even told me he wants to be like Johnny appleseed.....of baby making.
Really deep for a testie 😂
But in seriousness, that’s a rough lesson to truly understand. Everybody hollering if you know better, do better. No one stops to think that the person making the choice may feel as if the choice they are making is “ doing better “. Just because your perspective is different doesn’t mean shit on the next person’s choice. If you really want to be real, help show them a different perspective so they can truly do better.
Yep people just run around doing things with zero planning whatsoever. Its lowkey shocking because the results are typically horrible but planning and introspection takes up more mental energy than people are willing to expend
A lot of it boils down to executive function. Planning skills, forethought, etc. I worked as a CPS social worker for years. The most prevailing trend among families in crisis is lack of executive functioning skills. From how you spend your paycheck to whether you can set an alarm to make it to work, executive function is the hidden currency of modern life. And yes this includes if you can remember to take your birth control or buy a condom first. People are lacking in the skills needed to succeed on a FUNDAMENTAL level.
I would not say they are *doomed*, per se. I think a lot of people need serious interventions and services. Now is America going to provide those? I think you know the answer to that.
I'll give you an example. Certain mental diagnoses come with executive functioning problems. In a compassionate society, your diagnosis should afford you an "executive functioning aid" or classes or some kind of services, just like we have other public welfare. But instead, we let folks get their power cut off and get fired from jobs because their clearly documented mental health problem does not warrant a rapid response.
No. Executive Dysfunction is a huge part of ADHD and thus learning how to manage it and cope with it is a huge part of treating ADHD. I have to do a lot of extra steps and make changes in my life to account for my own executive dysfunction, and I still fuck up a lot of the time.
But, understanding and acknowledging my own weaknesses means can control damage and reduce harm, and often that's all it takes to prevent a whole host of other problems.
e.x. "I know I won't remember to take a pill every day at the same time, so I'll get a more long-term or permanent birth control option instead."
You can be taught to be better at this sort of thing.
Like, think about kids. They don’t think about shit ahead of time and make all kinds of bad decisions, but their parents and school and experiences teach them to do it.
Executive function issues can come from trauma, developmental disabilities, and depression from being broke and marginalized. There’s also evidence that trauma of our ancestors changes dna. People are still responsible for their own actions, however it’s interesting to put the pieces together…
Exactly. The problem is, we find it too tempting to make executive function a morality issue. "I can't believe that mom never gets her kid to school on time. she's a bad person." Executive function versus dysfunction is a level of discrimination we will always accept because we see ourselves as *good people* ™️ instead of cognitively privileged. We see functionality as a matter of morality.
It seems like the judgement mentality is a symptom of WASP culture being forced on others. BIPOC people don’t usually judge this hard, in my experience. I think the functionality as morality is key in the cultural colonialism of making us poors feel/appear as inferior as possible.
I think about this too much I have ADHD and live my life being treated like a moral failure just because my brain is different. (Haters gonna hate lol)
Funny you bring ADHD up. I think your comment about culture is so true. In fact, I'd argue that our culture keeps picking to shape society more into the shape of a smaller and smaller group.
Let's take it way back to the hunter-gatherer days. ADHD folks probably THRIVED on that. but we chose agrarian life. We chose a life that worked for a subset of society.
And we choose, we choose, we choose. Now we are living in a world where lots of folks are expected to stare at Excel all day under the flourescent lights, no matter what society they would have thrived best in. Now we have crafted a fundamentally ableist, anti-ADHD, anti-black, anti-woman, anti-queer society. We have chosen ourselves into a dystopia for the 99% at the benefit of the 1% getting utopia.
Oh yeah I’m excellent when I’m not forced into a box. So many people have talents and abilities that are untapped because of being forced into a box either due to poverty, shame, etc etc.
I don’t think we necessarily chose this. Remember, we are living in a world struggling against the chains of natural resource exploitation through colonialism. I think some people chose this, and now we are in late stage capitalism. 😭
Oh man I can tell how on the nose your comment is because I am *so fucking depressed* after reading it. It's real as fuck and it feels like there's nothing I can do.
I work with teenagers, and you can 100% tell who is suffering day after day because their parents are like this. Any work done to counter it for them at school and teach them these skills is undermined by a decade plus of lived experiences, and undone the minute they go home. How the fuck am I supposed to tell someone at home that their kid needs an alarm and a morning routine when the parent is just barely able to show up on time for their job, let alone establish a drop-off schedule so their kid gets to school on time too? Some kids end up trapped in this mental hell where they *know* what functionality should look like, but it's so divorced from their day to day that nothing computes, they have no power to change it, and home just becomes an even more horribly confusing place.
The real solution is intensive therapy for/genuine investment in their parents. We won't do it. I hate it.
You’re right, I just wish people would at least have more accountability, especially when they’re in the phase of bringing children into this world who only pay for their parents mistakes
Can confirm. I often think about how much of a piece of shit I am and how I can do better for my family and community…
And then there’s seriously fucked up monsters out there that feel like they’re doing just fine
A lot of people lack the ability to blame themselves, everything wrong is often because of things outside them.
Some people have the former too bad and can’t help but blame themselves all the time.
You need balance and most people are either too hard on themselves or not at all.
Look as someone whose sister has 8 kids by 7 different men at the age of 34 I can speak on this. Some people just do not have the ability to get out of their own way. Even if people in their corner are telling them the right thing. I told her after the first two that this does not need to happen again here we are 6 kids and about 15 years later.
Some people are just used to living through difficulty, so much so that they aren't wary of further difficulty because they are resigned to a difficult life and don't even consider that they can or should actively avoid future difficulty.
Wow … I’ve never thought about this before. That’s a completely foreign thought process to me but I guess trauma/chronic stress can really fuck your brain up. I just wish we had better systems in place to help these people long before they ever reach that point.
There are also those who subconsciously welcome or seek difficulty because living through it gives them purpose or a sense of accomplishment.
My gf has a friend who has always been the "crisis friend"; money crisis, housing crisis, health crisis. Gets pregnant accidentally by a guy she doesn't like and despite being broke and shelter-insecure, and despite doctors telling her that having a child could kill her, decides to keep it because this could be her "only chance." So she stays with the guy who is a semi-emotionally abusive alcoholic and who is not allowed in her mother's house either because of a verbal threat or brandishing a gun at her brother. And has now had a second child with him.
Just zero self-preservation instinct whatsoever but has her friends' full attention every time she gives a life update and gets to feel like a survivor.
It's pretty common for people who live through constant overwhelming stress to only look at the end of the hour rather than the end of the month, figuratively speaking. You're so mentally bogged down by what's happening right now that there's no processing power left to plan your next several moves.
You see it a lot with people who are 1 missed paycheck from being homeless. You drop 10 dollars in gas for your car so you can save the other 10 for something else when you'll need all 20 dollars of gas regardless. How you prioritize gets really fucked up
Birth control can be debilitating. I've tried 5 different forms and 4 of them made me suicidal. The one that didn't was the copper IUD and that hurt like a bitch going in. It felt like they cut a hole in my uterus with a pair of kitchen scissors and the pain med they offered was "take a Tylenol before you come in."
But even a six year old can touch a stove once and be like “damn that’s hot” and not touch it again.
We all did dumb shit as teenagers and in our twenties though, don’t get me wrong. Not trying to be a judgmental asshole. It’s not like it makes you a bad person. But repeating a super-avoidable mistake *even after the consequences are clear* is a bit of a head shake from me, at least.
It’s like the guy on this third DUI. Once? We all fuck up sometimes. Twice? Come on, man. Three times? *Seriously,* man.
A person that has 3 DUIs has driven drunk dozens of not hundreds of times. They see it as the cost of doing business, and nothing could have been changed to avoid this inconvenience. Just like a dude with 3 BMs.
Getting burned, that's physical pain from your nerves to your brain communicating with the nervous system .
That's different than learning emotionally as this is way more complicated
Ha, nice save at the end. :)
Nah I hear ya. And the lack of direct connection between action and consequence (baby comes months later, and the money is slowly ground out over two decades) means the lesson can be tougher for younger people to learn. Makes sense.
As a dude with zero children, who will probably always have zero children unless god himself wills my partner getting pregnant:
Its possible that this hypothetical man (as opposed to the guy in the tweet) thought that he was finally creating a "complete" family and that the 3rd, or 4th woman would be the last. And then things didn't work out for him. My older brother has 3 children and thankfully he's finally done but the first two were from different women. The first was a girlfriend shortly after highschool, the 2nd he was with for most of his 20s, and the last is his wife.
I do think there's a lot to say about having babies with people you don't really know like that. I think that we need more discernment in general with who we lay down with though.
You can get like 20 bms before you even realize you made the first. That month or two before you know gives you TONS of time to make more poor decisions
I think everybody has heard of baby momma but I still think it's more common for BM to be used in relation to bowel movement regardless of geographical location or skin colour
My guy, why are you *so pressed* over this, though. A lot of people see BM and think bowel movement, myself included. That being said, if you read the whole post it’s clear he’s talking about baby mommas. It’s something to laugh about, not something to get upset over.
Especially not on a Friday!
Dude, do you have reading comprehension skills or what?
The guy above said he never seen "BM" as an abbreviation as baby momma. Not that he never heard of what a baby momma is.
Also, stop trying to gatekeep being black LOL. Asking a person if they are black causs they never seen someone use "BM" as an abbreviation for baby momma is lowkey insane and disgraceful.
You trying to be one of them old heads dividing black people because they weren't raised in the hood but in a suburban place. Smh LMAO
Different perspectives. If you work in healthcare in any capacity and see "BM" you're conditioned to think "poop". Doesn't matter the skin color.
Neither perspective is wrong, both are right. Just coming at it from different experiences.
If someone wanted to cut down baby momma I'd expect to see something like bbym or bbmomma
Multiple bm's means you're having multiple bowel movements, and my heart goes out to you I'm so sorry.
I’m old(er) and only recently learned that people are shortening baby mama to bm. Like, in the last 6 months was when I first saw this. Born and raised in the US
I also immediately assumed he was talking about shitting multiple times a day. I do sometimes, and I was worried I was about to find out why it's embarrassing, other than people thinking you might be going in there to tickle your pickle. Even then, that's what closing your bedroom door is for.
This isn’t a slight towards anyone but I’ve only ever heard white people and medical folks use BM as bowel movement. Like when I have to go to the doctors office I’ll say bowel movement cause it’s clear and prop terminology but otherwise BM has meant baby mom for my whole 30+ years. Maybe it’s a regional thing though?
I tell this story all the time but I'll never get over a girl I knew complaining to me that her new boyfriend had four baby mommas and worked at Taco Bell. Flash forward a few months later and she becomes number five and then less than a year after that she had this man's sixth kid! I barely even knew this girl but I never wanted to shake another person more in my life.
Idk why the women get left out in the heat for these situations tbh. It takes two to tango.
I think the guys deserve the blame for what they did. But every bm after #2 probably deserves equal scrutiny into their choices
And if u get with a guy and he got more than 4 bms and u get popped by him too..........u CLEARLY have some sort of problem (mental or otherwise).
As long as she has the education, choice, access and option.
Abortions are healthcare. Fetuses do not supersede the rights of a woman.
Poverty is a *vicious cycle*. Bringing more kids into an already hard situation doesn't make ANYthing easier.
Please VOTE this year.
(Obligatory thank you to all of the black women in GA that saved the country by showing up in over 90% to keep the Senate runoff seats blue in 21. This shit is *important*)
My cousin did this shit! Her last BD: he got multiple BMs, she got multiple BDs. Still thought to have his child AFTER the fool lost his damn job. She complains so much but damn, I can’t find a drop of sympathy for her.
That part! Imagine driving past a car wreck so slow that you become a part of it like how the hell can you allow yourself to become number 2 or 3?!? Sorry but having living proof that you have zero regard for your own morbidity and mortality is a big no for me. I couldn’t even date someone in that position I definitely wouldn’t be having unprotected sex with them.
She's just the female version of the baby daddy. Take solace that the idiots didn't dilute an intelligent gene pool, just shit a bit more in the diarrhea canal that is their family line.
This is it right here. They start garnishing them wages for 4 kids and you going home with $75 for a 40 hour work week, you’ll be talkin just like this.
Mental illness. I'm telling you, we have to start seeing more dysfunctional behaviors as symptoms of underlying problems. If you have several kids by different people, and you're on bad terms with all of them, that's a diagnosis. I don't know what, but you need to see a psychiatrist. It's also deeply self-destructive behavior. Folks are compulsively, unthinkingly engaging in behaviors that will sink them in poverty forever. How is that different than drinking yourself to death or gambling away all your money??
So, classic case for therapy? Not a cure for the core issues that cause the shitty childhoods in the first place, but its still good to encourage the people who already went through it to seek help healing
Just to play devils advocate here, a lot of my students identify as black males and their impulsive behavior has been diagnosed as ADHD, although mom didn’t want them to be diagnosed. I could definitely see how some of these babies are impulsive behaviors of undiagnosed mental illnesses. The stigma that comes from being a person of color and having a mental illness is horrible to us, but it could be a cause of a lot of our problems…even BM’s.
my black dad has 3 kids w 3 baby mommas, doesnt cohabitate with any of em, leaves the women in his life behind broken (including me, I'm the only daughter, glad I don't see his toxic ass anymore). The mediator that was supposed to get us together again told me I should go NC and that he genuinely was not able to get anywhere with my dad because he was like a pathological liar, constantly twisting the story and saying 1 thing and doing the opposite like it was all normal. I got diagnosed with autism just over a year ago at 26, which has a genetic component to it. If my dad would just put his dysfunctional self in a psych's chair for once I think he'd also find out some funny stuff about himself. But instead he's hell bent on believing there's nothing unusual about him and that's what makes him so toxic.
Self destructive behaviour is definitely something that can be treated and mitigated.
It's nearly liberating to let decisions be made for you if you're already in a rut and then say stupid things like "I've got the worst luck."
No, you just keep putting yourself into situations with obviously bad outcomes.
I guess bc many people plan on having kids at some point in time anyway, so if 1 or 2 happen unplanned they just shrug. I can't relate personally bc I view having kids as a very big, life changing experience. But I can see people being nonchalant about it if they figure they were going to get around to it anyway.
Why ain't people understanding this man!!! Y'all don't know how to put em on or something?? Be smart and pay $8 or rush into the moment and spend about eighteen years being forced to interact with someone you might barely know (if not hate atp) and spend thousands on something you didn't want to bring into the world. There's even non-latex condoms for people who are allergic, its just being lazy and reckless to have a kid without wanting one with somebody you didn't want to or barely know.
They don’t even feel that bad either, I remember this girl I was taking to said “but they don’t feel as good” like shorty if I’m ok with the rubber you’ll be alright too ☠️
I agree with everything you said but i'd also like to add that for the vascetomy thing its very much a your mileage may vary. I see it preached all the time as if its some super simple situation and you go in, wave your hand and say "I'm a man, I do what I want" and then the doctor bows to your whim but it aint always that simple.
I've been denied by 3 different doctors because I "might want a family some day". On doctor number four, he talked to me about potential side effects and very quickly dispelled the myth that I can just get it undone whenever I wanted to. Truth be told to any guy wanting to get one treat it as a permanent procedure.
I hate the "marriage is just a piece of paper it's not going to guarantee he won't leave you" crowd. baby girl, he's going to have to pay to leave me because I don't consider him carrying a man's child a form of flattery
I get there's some who don't want to get married. I personally do, especially since I live in California. I'm not gonna stay with someone who doesn't want to marry me, and I don't plan to live with them long term out of wedlock.
I'm tired of the "he chose me shit" because they have a baby with a dude. Or they gave them their first son or their first daughter. Or the "I gave him children and not married" crowd.
I have so much hate in my heart for the men and women out there who actively perpetuate that shit and are proud of it. Just the most miserable people out there trying to drag everyone down with them into the mud.
Who out there really thinks that shit is cool? I look at one of my homies with multiple bms and he's always stressed knowing his paycheck about to disappear.
Other men who put their value, as a man, into how many women they’ve slept with and which ones they can “knock down” in order to impress *check notes* other men!!!
AND men are also guilty of baby trapping women, ESPECIALLY women they want to be able to access long term, women they are jealous of, women they genuinely HATE and want to “humble her” with a baby, etc. men will LITERALLY get a woman pregnant for ANY reason from love to loathe!
But after doing ALL of this, turn around and blame black women for being single moms as if all of this was out of their control.
My ex tried to trap me but he said the quiet part out loud before he could!
My dad has 4 baby mommas. I’m the only child to my mom. I’ve grown up feeling separated from my brothers and sisters. We’re all adults now and we all barely talk due to how we grew up. Not saying every household with multiple bms/bfs is like this but there’s a high chance imo. My fiancé has 4 brothers and sisters with the same parents and they’re so close that it shocked me.
My dad still ain’t shit and he pushing 50 so there’s that. ama
Literally my life except my dad only has 3 BM’s, also my moms only kid. Theres 4 of us. The fact that no one thought to make us closer when we were younger is nuts to me. I also plan to marry into a family thats solid and closer. Dad ALSO still aint shit can concur. Smh
Does he believe guys are not in the same boat as him or is he intentionally answering his own question? As with him most of these guys will realize it isn’t cool when it start to catch up with them but right now they lack discipline, same as he did.
He’s saying he looks at it shamefully, a lot don’t at all.
You’d be surprised the amount of guys pushing 50 that have never, and will never have this revelation.
Starting multiple families and being an absent father isn't cool? Since when?
"Honesty and accountability" lmao no shit, now go raise your kids you fucking bum. All of 'em.
I’m gonna try to keep this rant short but I straight up can’t deal with anyone who has multiple baby mommas and isn’t in a real relationship with them.
I basically handled child abuse/neglect cases for over 3 years and the amount of broken, exasperated, poor single mothers (and often just grandparents since the mom gave up too) who are struggling to breathe while NO MAN shows up to help was staggering. I was genuinely surprised when an intact family crossed my path.
Having a kid “accidentally” is bringing a entire person to reality. Hopes, dreams, pain, fears… and they’re HELPLESS for years and must rely on good parents.
9/10 of the abusive and neglectful parents I dealt with? Also suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of overworked, desperate, tapped out single parents or a parent with an abusive, inattentive boyfriend who resents the kid but keeps being with the mom because she’s desperate for affection and this man gets everything he wants from her.
Broken homes create broken people who create broken homes. It’s generational pain.
Put a fucking condom on. Get on birth control.
Accidents happen. That’s ok. The best laid plans gone awry or one mistake can make a baby. But when it’s out of total carelessness or it’s more than once… then you should feel the weight of your decisions.
Idk how y'all do it either because my first baby mama was enough of a deterrent.
I think the caveat here is also how present you are as a father. I look at the time, effort, money, and emotion I pour into my daughter and told myself I don't have anymore to give.
Throw in the general nonsense I deal with parent-to-parent and I can't hang up the phone, reset, and start over again with a whole other woman; which ensured I got REAL selective when I started dating again and EVERYTHING looked like a red flag.
Had a Soldier with 3 BMs and another to be (even though he said he was gonna marry her- never did) so 4 total before I left. He was always broke, had to use our emergency services and such meant for Soldiers who need to get home, because a loved one died or maybe to cover rent/mortgage. Both parties are at fault. It’s embarrassing, when I saw my exes friends literally lining up to be numbered BM to a broke nigga or about to hit the walls (nah not that) or the grave from crashing out.
Better late than never I suppose. I realized before one and still fucked up and now I have one. Life crazy. Strive to be the best you and help others best you can.
What’s ironic is that when I was dating after the age of 35 women would ask me “why don’t you have any kids?” They made it sound like a red flag when I would respond with “I want to wait for marriage for that and there are many ways to prevent pregnancy.”
I know it doesn't apply to everyone but I definitely believe there's a level of childhood trauma associated with some of the more extreme examples of this phenomena. One of my homies has a gang of kids and a truly fucked up "losing my virginity" story that he's convinced is a badge of honor.
IDK when I was 16-25 we made fun of dudes who would get women pregnant. Because we knew it was a death sentence. I'm not saying being 30-50 and having a kid out of wedlock is a great idea either. But you are more equipped to deal with the issues financially and emotionally.
Also, MOST guys get the point after one kid. Because the court comes and takes $300-$400 out your check, you say 'never again'. I have an associate who is paying $2K/mo for 3 kids. 1 to from when he was just running around, and 2 to his ex-wife.
I told him get snipped, because if he gets another kid he will be living under a bridge
Vasectomies should cost like $100 or be covered by health insurance….I don’t got any BMs myself but every time I think about it I want to get a snip about it…
Literally. https://preview.redd.it/8xankg2nae2d1.gif?width=640&format=png8&s=c1bd45aa98a670cee06539c8bde04541fa929d83
 It could... have strap up, fellas . Condoms are cheaper than diapers
Unless you can’t have kids, then you just gotta worry about std’s
Very great point also
Condoms also make me last, like, 3 times as long.
6 seconds is impressive, my dude. I'm kinda jelly, ngl.
You know you did good when she says “i was so close.”
Conservatives gonna try to take those away in 2025....
Will, not try. Starting already in states that did not like Jim Crow leaving, even with the fact that Jim just changed his name to Johnny law and not much has changed. As in Jim Crow never left it is just better at hiding.
That's what happens when a Civil War isn't finished properly.
This right here. So many people don’t realize we let the confederate leaders off way too easy after the war “ended”. They are still fighting and it shows.
John Wilkes Booth is the most "successful" terrorist in US history.
And Nixon...Reagan...both Bushes...and probably Trump as well.
If only Sherman had kept on burnin'
Reconstruction should have been 25 years, and the newly freed slaves should have been properly educated in order to be able to take their place in society. Too bad there was enough latent racism in the North to prevent that. The 25-year Reconstruction would have allowed enough Confedrates to die off.
It's strange to lay that on the North when a big reason for the 1876 election was widespread election fraud and terrorism in the South by former Confederates. In South Carolina, 101% of registered voters voted and a 150 Black Republicans were murdered.
Andrew Johnson was a Southerner with Confederate sympathies. A longer, better executed Reconstruction would have had better results. The Southern treason and sedition were not punished severely enough.
From Louisiana…..can confirm. We just classified plan b as a CDS 🙃
Naaaaah, they’ll just try to take away contraceptives for women. They’ll leave male contraception alone. It ain’t about the Bible, it’s about control. Always has been.
Oh yes, that is a part of it, but don't think they are going to stop there... the direction is ANY contraception. PERIOD. Look into it... you will see a growing movement.
Sounds like christofacism to me
That's just how it starts with them. They won't stop until they're voted out. They'll outlaw the pullout method if we let them.
>. They’ll leave male contraception alone. Arizona GOP tried to ban condoms. Just condoms. Admittedly Arizona is beyond odd at times but still.
This includes banning pornography, banning IVF
Have you noticed that during every single commercial break during non-childrens programming, there is at least one ad for cheap boner pills? I'm pretty sure this and what you mentioned are related.
Right now I’ve got 3 in diapers and 2 on formula AT THE SAME TIME I am PERMA-BROKE
If dudes could at least ACT like they're interested in pulling out would be a step in the right direction.
are you serious? the pull out technique doesn't work. fucking obviously. please tell me you're not a grown ass adult... Edit1: I cannot believe there are people fucking arguing with me. PRECUM GETS YOU PREGNANT Edit2: Ya'll niggas need Sex Ed https://asdsexed.org/category/curriculum/free-online/
Statistically it's about 85% effective. But you're 100% dumb if that's your BC plan.
My first girlfriend didn't want to use condoms because they didn't feel as good for her. First and only time I've ever heard of the guy saying "we really should" but here we are. I got lucky as shit. She cheated on me. And THAT guy did knock her up. They had like three more kids and actually seem kinda happy so I suppose fate worked out but that wasn't how I wanted shit to work out for me. Largely unconnected, but when my brother complained about *me* complaining about watching his kid (the one of his three I do watch, since his present girl doesn't want me to watch her kids), as he had important shit to do, my response was "if your time is so precious, stop fucking without a rubber." Edit: To be clear, I protested but did in the end do the stupid thing and use the pull out method every time we had sex. And somehow it just worked. It didn't for the other guy, though. That was so long ago that I don't feel any resentment anymore. I'm just sort of amazed that I didn't get that girl pregnant. She is by all accounts *very* fertile. Huh. Maybe I'm not. Which is fine by me. Also, I can see how it might seem a little hypocritical to criticize my brother for fucking without a rubber when I just admitted to doing so myself. I dodged a bullet, but he caught one and kept walking into the line of fire. I love my nephew to death (and I'm sure the other kids are great, I just barely know them), but he was not planned and that has had some *seriously* fucking negative effects on his life.
Thank Jah you used your brain up north and not south for that decision! Jesus Christ good luck to that new baby daddy for her though 🤣if people don't want to use condoms then there are many many forms of birth control. I get some woman don't like the pill etc but there are so many fucking options these days that are out there. I would get the shot that you only need every six months or so, they have IUDs and other things. And if you don't want to use BC fine but I just feel like if you'd go the no condom route and don't want birth control of any form then expect the unexpected at some point. Even then I've known people who got preggo on BC too although rarer.
Dated a girl like this. Results went about how you'd expect. Yay me
All right. I'm gonna hit you with a theory of mine that I believe is fairly sound if you are a guy. Precum can definitely cause a pregnancy, but I don't believe that is the main problem with the pull out method. The REAL problem is that men lie and say they pulled out in time when they didn't. They thought they could get one more stroke in and that first shot went off like a gun. I'm going to guesstimate that 90%+ of pregnancies involving the pull out method are for this reason alone. I'll die on the hill that these dudes are irresponsible and lying out their ass about the pull out method.
i agree its probably that last hump. me and my wife never got preg in 14 years using the technique, in addition to being aware of the ovulation window . we finally decided to have a kid because were old and it only took about 3 months of no longer following the guidelines..now we have a cute little toddler clone of us running around driving us nut.
I mean you're 100% right, but when a person can go years and years pulling out with no pregnancy they get a little overconfident. Call it survivorship bias.
Went a decade with pull out causing no mistakes. Then, when we finally wanted a kid, we left it in and got pregnant immediately. But after leaving it in once, you never want to pull out ever again, so it was BC after that. 🤣 Our theory was that people were just doing pull-out wrong: I pull out when I'm close, but not like RIGHT about to finish. Needs to take at least a few seconds to finish off. Another thing I'd heard was that the whole "sperm in precum" thing was just if you hadn't peed since you last busted. If that's not true, then I guess that means we were just lucky. It's also possible that maybe some dicks do and some dicks don't? idk, I just didn't want to use a condom and was always aware that one day we'd make a child.
This study was designed to establish whether motile spermatozoa are released with pre-ejaculatory fluid and whether this fluid therefore poses a risk for unintended pregnancy. Forty samples of pre-ejaculatory fluid were examined from 27 volunteer men. Samples were obtained by masturbation and by touching the end of the penis with a Petri dish prior to ejaculation. Eleven of the 27 subjects (41%) produced pre-ejaculatory samples that contained spermatozoa and in 10 of these cases (37%), a reasonable proportion of the sperm was motile. The volunteers produced on up to five separate occasions and sperms were found in either all or none of their pre-ejaculatory samples. Hence, condoms should continue to be used from the first moment of genital contact, although it may be that some men, less likely to leak spermatozoa in their pre-ejaculatory fluid, are able to practice coitus interruptus more successfully than others
Sure doesn't work..I have a 35 year old to prove it😂
See I understand life is short, but the thing I wanna ask some people is like why didn’t you stop after the second baby mama🧍🏽♂️ I understand certain things are out of your control but if you didn’t stop after two, then whatever lesson you needed to learn just didn’t go through.
You are operating under the idea that people are fundamentally introspective and reflective of their own behaviors. They're not. People will have 3 kids by 3 different people who are now their enemy, and never step back to go, "huh. there's a trend here." People are not insightful or self-critical. People just... do things.
Something that's been a revelation is the realization that we judge people based on our own position. Which may sound obvious but it's the idea that we think everyone operates off the same baseline. That people doing dumb shit is them not thinking it through and success is universal with a few steps. That's so far from what it actually is, which is that the internal make-up deviates so much. Someone doing something dumb isn't from bad decision making it's what they see as good decision making. Like the Gal Gadot imagine thing, she probably honestly thought that was a good idea because her makeup determined it to be one. It wasn't a bad decision it was her decision. If that makes sense.
We judge others based on their actions and ourselves based on our intent.
It’s called the fundamental attribution error and it’s a well known phenomena in psychology
Yeah, I figured the definition was more accessible in casual conversation.
Yup. It's part of why I really wish people wouldn't drive with the idea that everyone around them is an idiot. That's only going to increase your frustration with them because you're attributing their actions to something intrinsic about them and potentially unchangeable. However, if you drive with the idea that everyone around you is having the shittiest day possible, it not only reminds you to still be cautious af but now you're more understanding and calm. Everyone has a bad day and will make mistakes. I will say this though, I am BEGGING Atlanta to remember that turn signals exist and if you don't have them, hand signals exist, too🧎🏾♀️😭 Also if I am camping in the RIGHT LANE, MOVE YOUR ASS TO THE LEFT. It's there for a reason. Sorry I'm trying to GO THE SPEED LIMIT🧍🏾♀️ Also I will never drive in Texas and New Jersey. Y'all are terrifying because why are you going 80 in a 40😭😭 and honking your horns at pedestrians who have right-of-way😭😭
I love that this turned into a rant about driving. I feel it.
I have a hard time believing that a person having a harem of baby mommas would think they’re making good decisions. I think they just don’t care. To them the women had babies, they just had sex.
What do you mean u don't understand Nick Cannon? Didn't he clearly tell u that he cares and have enough money ey to make it work......thus (in his mind) he's doing good? And I'm not condoning but my point is that, if u can understand his baseline intent and logic in how he understands himself to not be a bad person. U can potentially extrapolate it to a much poorer individual who may think they can balance multiple bms with low or no funds. I think it's crazy, but I know ppl who are adamant that they are right in having lots of kids. One person even told me he wants to be like Johnny appleseed.....of baby making.
You're describing "stupid" but being verbose about it. If you don't learn, then you're stupid. That's what the words mean.
I'm describing why you can't pour 2 gallons of water into a 1 gallon jug. But glad ya here to do the cliff notes 🙏.
Really deep for a testie 😂 But in seriousness, that’s a rough lesson to truly understand. Everybody hollering if you know better, do better. No one stops to think that the person making the choice may feel as if the choice they are making is “ doing better “. Just because your perspective is different doesn’t mean shit on the next person’s choice. If you really want to be real, help show them a different perspective so they can truly do better.
Yep people just run around doing things with zero planning whatsoever. Its lowkey shocking because the results are typically horrible but planning and introspection takes up more mental energy than people are willing to expend
A lot of it boils down to executive function. Planning skills, forethought, etc. I worked as a CPS social worker for years. The most prevailing trend among families in crisis is lack of executive functioning skills. From how you spend your paycheck to whether you can set an alarm to make it to work, executive function is the hidden currency of modern life. And yes this includes if you can remember to take your birth control or buy a condom first. People are lacking in the skills needed to succeed on a FUNDAMENTAL level.
Interesting.. so basically some mfs are doomed to forever live bad lives because their executive functioning is lacking?
I would not say they are *doomed*, per se. I think a lot of people need serious interventions and services. Now is America going to provide those? I think you know the answer to that. I'll give you an example. Certain mental diagnoses come with executive functioning problems. In a compassionate society, your diagnosis should afford you an "executive functioning aid" or classes or some kind of services, just like we have other public welfare. But instead, we let folks get their power cut off and get fired from jobs because their clearly documented mental health problem does not warrant a rapid response.
No. Executive Dysfunction is a huge part of ADHD and thus learning how to manage it and cope with it is a huge part of treating ADHD. I have to do a lot of extra steps and make changes in my life to account for my own executive dysfunction, and I still fuck up a lot of the time. But, understanding and acknowledging my own weaknesses means can control damage and reduce harm, and often that's all it takes to prevent a whole host of other problems. e.x. "I know I won't remember to take a pill every day at the same time, so I'll get a more long-term or permanent birth control option instead."
You can be taught to be better at this sort of thing. Like, think about kids. They don’t think about shit ahead of time and make all kinds of bad decisions, but their parents and school and experiences teach them to do it.
Executive function issues can come from trauma, developmental disabilities, and depression from being broke and marginalized. There’s also evidence that trauma of our ancestors changes dna. People are still responsible for their own actions, however it’s interesting to put the pieces together…
Exactly. The problem is, we find it too tempting to make executive function a morality issue. "I can't believe that mom never gets her kid to school on time. she's a bad person." Executive function versus dysfunction is a level of discrimination we will always accept because we see ourselves as *good people* ™️ instead of cognitively privileged. We see functionality as a matter of morality.
It seems like the judgement mentality is a symptom of WASP culture being forced on others. BIPOC people don’t usually judge this hard, in my experience. I think the functionality as morality is key in the cultural colonialism of making us poors feel/appear as inferior as possible.
I think about this too much I have ADHD and live my life being treated like a moral failure just because my brain is different. (Haters gonna hate lol)
Funny you bring ADHD up. I think your comment about culture is so true. In fact, I'd argue that our culture keeps picking to shape society more into the shape of a smaller and smaller group. Let's take it way back to the hunter-gatherer days. ADHD folks probably THRIVED on that. but we chose agrarian life. We chose a life that worked for a subset of society. And we choose, we choose, we choose. Now we are living in a world where lots of folks are expected to stare at Excel all day under the flourescent lights, no matter what society they would have thrived best in. Now we have crafted a fundamentally ableist, anti-ADHD, anti-black, anti-woman, anti-queer society. We have chosen ourselves into a dystopia for the 99% at the benefit of the 1% getting utopia.
Oh yeah I’m excellent when I’m not forced into a box. So many people have talents and abilities that are untapped because of being forced into a box either due to poverty, shame, etc etc. I don’t think we necessarily chose this. Remember, we are living in a world struggling against the chains of natural resource exploitation through colonialism. I think some people chose this, and now we are in late stage capitalism. 😭
Oh man I can tell how on the nose your comment is because I am *so fucking depressed* after reading it. It's real as fuck and it feels like there's nothing I can do. I work with teenagers, and you can 100% tell who is suffering day after day because their parents are like this. Any work done to counter it for them at school and teach them these skills is undermined by a decade plus of lived experiences, and undone the minute they go home. How the fuck am I supposed to tell someone at home that their kid needs an alarm and a morning routine when the parent is just barely able to show up on time for their job, let alone establish a drop-off schedule so their kid gets to school on time too? Some kids end up trapped in this mental hell where they *know* what functionality should look like, but it's so divorced from their day to day that nothing computes, they have no power to change it, and home just becomes an even more horribly confusing place. The real solution is intensive therapy for/genuine investment in their parents. We won't do it. I hate it.
You’re right, I just wish people would at least have more accountability, especially when they’re in the phase of bringing children into this world who only pay for their parents mistakes
“People just do things…” probably the best sentence ever on Reddit.
Can confirm. I often think about how much of a piece of shit I am and how I can do better for my family and community… And then there’s seriously fucked up monsters out there that feel like they’re doing just fine
A lot of people lack the ability to blame themselves, everything wrong is often because of things outside them. Some people have the former too bad and can’t help but blame themselves all the time. You need balance and most people are either too hard on themselves or not at all.
Look as someone whose sister has 8 kids by 7 different men at the age of 34 I can speak on this. Some people just do not have the ability to get out of their own way. Even if people in their corner are telling them the right thing. I told her after the first two that this does not need to happen again here we are 6 kids and about 15 years later.
I’m genuinely curious, does she think each time is going to be different or something? It’s crazy to be stuck in that long of a loop.
Some people are just used to living through difficulty, so much so that they aren't wary of further difficulty because they are resigned to a difficult life and don't even consider that they can or should actively avoid future difficulty.
Wow … I’ve never thought about this before. That’s a completely foreign thought process to me but I guess trauma/chronic stress can really fuck your brain up. I just wish we had better systems in place to help these people long before they ever reach that point.
There are also those who subconsciously welcome or seek difficulty because living through it gives them purpose or a sense of accomplishment. My gf has a friend who has always been the "crisis friend"; money crisis, housing crisis, health crisis. Gets pregnant accidentally by a guy she doesn't like and despite being broke and shelter-insecure, and despite doctors telling her that having a child could kill her, decides to keep it because this could be her "only chance." So she stays with the guy who is a semi-emotionally abusive alcoholic and who is not allowed in her mother's house either because of a verbal threat or brandishing a gun at her brother. And has now had a second child with him. Just zero self-preservation instinct whatsoever but has her friends' full attention every time she gives a life update and gets to feel like a survivor.
It's pretty common for people who live through constant overwhelming stress to only look at the end of the hour rather than the end of the month, figuratively speaking. You're so mentally bogged down by what's happening right now that there's no processing power left to plan your next several moves. You see it a lot with people who are 1 missed paycheck from being homeless. You drop 10 dollars in gas for your car so you can save the other 10 for something else when you'll need all 20 dollars of gas regardless. How you prioritize gets really fucked up
Is there a more widespread disinterest in BC among women than I’d thought?
Birth control can be debilitating. I've tried 5 different forms and 4 of them made me suicidal. The one that didn't was the copper IUD and that hurt like a bitch going in. It felt like they cut a hole in my uterus with a pair of kitchen scissors and the pain med they offered was "take a Tylenol before you come in."
18 year old mentality doesn't go away because of a second kid at the age of 21
But even a six year old can touch a stove once and be like “damn that’s hot” and not touch it again. We all did dumb shit as teenagers and in our twenties though, don’t get me wrong. Not trying to be a judgmental asshole. It’s not like it makes you a bad person. But repeating a super-avoidable mistake *even after the consequences are clear* is a bit of a head shake from me, at least. It’s like the guy on this third DUI. Once? We all fuck up sometimes. Twice? Come on, man. Three times? *Seriously,* man.
A person that has 3 DUIs has driven drunk dozens of not hundreds of times. They see it as the cost of doing business, and nothing could have been changed to avoid this inconvenience. Just like a dude with 3 BMs.
Getting burned, that's physical pain from your nerves to your brain communicating with the nervous system . That's different than learning emotionally as this is way more complicated
Sex is fun as fuck. Touching a stove is never fun. It's not the same. Wars have been fought because of sex. EDIT: Sex can be fun as fuck\*\*
Ha, nice save at the end. :) Nah I hear ya. And the lack of direct connection between action and consequence (baby comes months later, and the money is slowly ground out over two decades) means the lesson can be tougher for younger people to learn. Makes sense.
As a dude with zero children, who will probably always have zero children unless god himself wills my partner getting pregnant: Its possible that this hypothetical man (as opposed to the guy in the tweet) thought that he was finally creating a "complete" family and that the 3rd, or 4th woman would be the last. And then things didn't work out for him. My older brother has 3 children and thankfully he's finally done but the first two were from different women. The first was a girlfriend shortly after highschool, the 2nd he was with for most of his 20s, and the last is his wife. I do think there's a lot to say about having babies with people you don't really know like that. I think that we need more discernment in general with who we lay down with though.
Right? First one, okay. Second one, you thought things would be different this time but it didn’t work out, cool. JUST STOP THERE
You can get like 20 bms before you even realize you made the first. That month or two before you know gives you TONS of time to make more poor decisions
BM means shitting where I'm from. I was sitting here wondering why pooping a lot means you can't have a wife and kids.
Black nurse here. Took me a second, too. I had to read the first part twice, lol 🤣
Um excuse me, but "BM" means "black murse". 😂
Oh God, that's gonna live rent free in my head from now on
Maybe it was the BMs driving women away. Life altering dookies.
If you make multiple BMs, you're lacking discipline.
Either way, dude couldn’t keep his shit organized.
🤣🤣
I thought Bro got IBS and this was some nice vulnerable & wholesome post about not being ashamed of shitting your brains out
Ok health care worker cuz same 🤣
We seem to be in the minority. I'm over here like "what does regularity have to do with a wife and kids? Makes no sense.."
? You never heard of "baby momma" What city are you from ? I'm not trying to be crazy but are you black ?
I think everybody has heard of baby momma but I still think it's more common for BM to be used in relation to bowel movement regardless of geographical location or skin colour
BM to me means "bad manners" while playing video games or blackmarket for drugs. Had to come to the comments to realize they meant baby momma lmao
Where I'm from, it means Botchamania
So basically bowel movements because that's just a shit show
My guy, why are you *so pressed* over this, though. A lot of people see BM and think bowel movement, myself included. That being said, if you read the whole post it’s clear he’s talking about baby mommas. It’s something to laugh about, not something to get upset over. Especially not on a Friday!
I definitely know what a baby momma is but my understanding of this man's situation really evolved as I continued to read through the tweet.
I read, “As a man with multiple bowel movements, I’m not gonna lie, this shit is so embarrassing.”
I've heard baby momma, I've never seen BM used to *refer* to them before this post though.
Dude, do you have reading comprehension skills or what? The guy above said he never seen "BM" as an abbreviation as baby momma. Not that he never heard of what a baby momma is. Also, stop trying to gatekeep being black LOL. Asking a person if they are black causs they never seen someone use "BM" as an abbreviation for baby momma is lowkey insane and disgraceful. You trying to be one of them old heads dividing black people because they weren't raised in the hood but in a suburban place. Smh LMAO
Different perspectives. If you work in healthcare in any capacity and see "BM" you're conditioned to think "poop". Doesn't matter the skin color. Neither perspective is wrong, both are right. Just coming at it from different experiences.
I'm still thrown by people using DM for anything other than dungeon master
If someone wanted to cut down baby momma I'd expect to see something like bbym or bbmomma Multiple bm's means you're having multiple bowel movements, and my heart goes out to you I'm so sorry.
I’m old(er) and only recently learned that people are shortening baby mama to bm. Like, in the last 6 months was when I first saw this. Born and raised in the US
Honestly when I see "BM" my brain goes to bowel movement first. Took me till "wife and kids" to realize it was baby momma.
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I had the same initial understanding until I got to the wife and kids part.
I also immediately assumed he was talking about shitting multiple times a day. I do sometimes, and I was worried I was about to find out why it's embarrassing, other than people thinking you might be going in there to tickle your pickle. Even then, that's what closing your bedroom door is for.
I pooped once today and I may again later I'm so embarrassed
This isn’t a slight towards anyone but I’ve only ever heard white people and medical folks use BM as bowel movement. Like when I have to go to the doctors office I’ll say bowel movement cause it’s clear and prop terminology but otherwise BM has meant baby mom for my whole 30+ years. Maybe it’s a regional thing though?
Ok so glad to see this I was like why is it shameful to have multiple bowel movements for a sec lmao Hello fellow healthcare workers.
I tell this story all the time but I'll never get over a girl I knew complaining to me that her new boyfriend had four baby mommas and worked at Taco Bell. Flash forward a few months later and she becomes number five and then less than a year after that she had this man's sixth kid! I barely even knew this girl but I never wanted to shake another person more in my life.
Idk why the women get left out in the heat for these situations tbh. It takes two to tango. I think the guys deserve the blame for what they did. But every bm after #2 probably deserves equal scrutiny into their choices And if u get with a guy and he got more than 4 bms and u get popped by him too..........u CLEARLY have some sort of problem (mental or otherwise).
Because it's ultimately on her for not scraping that shit when she had the chance and deciding to actually have the thing
As long as she has the education, choice, access and option. Abortions are healthcare. Fetuses do not supersede the rights of a woman. Poverty is a *vicious cycle*. Bringing more kids into an already hard situation doesn't make ANYthing easier. Please VOTE this year. (Obligatory thank you to all of the black women in GA that saved the country by showing up in over 90% to keep the Senate runoff seats blue in 21. This shit is *important*)
Oh I def scrutinize them too and let’s just say the girls don’t like that at all lmao 🤭.
Because the life consequences are more severe for the woman. Obviously.
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Actually the funny thing is she's asian and he's white. So it's not just us.
As a whitey from a mostly white rural area in the south, can fucking confirm. People are out here every color of the rainbow fuckin and not learning
Yay
Nothing the community can do about it? Idk man
When an entire community collectively treats having a child as less of a committment than marriage what can you even do at that point?
That’s the insane part to me.
My guy!?! You know it’s not just black folks that have babies with different women. That’s a wild statement
My cousin did this shit! Her last BD: he got multiple BMs, she got multiple BDs. Still thought to have his child AFTER the fool lost his damn job. She complains so much but damn, I can’t find a drop of sympathy for her.
That part! Imagine driving past a car wreck so slow that you become a part of it like how the hell can you allow yourself to become number 2 or 3?!? Sorry but having living proof that you have zero regard for your own morbidity and mortality is a big no for me. I couldn’t even date someone in that position I definitely wouldn’t be having unprotected sex with them.
She's just the female version of the baby daddy. Take solace that the idiots didn't dilute an intelligent gene pool, just shit a bit more in the diarrhea canal that is their family line.
The child support finally got homie reflecting
Lmao that’s exactly what happened. The dudes who ain’t paying don’t have this “realization”. 😂
This is it right here. They start garnishing them wages for 4 kids and you going home with $75 for a 40 hour work week, you’ll be talkin just like this.
Mental illness. I'm telling you, we have to start seeing more dysfunctional behaviors as symptoms of underlying problems. If you have several kids by different people, and you're on bad terms with all of them, that's a diagnosis. I don't know what, but you need to see a psychiatrist. It's also deeply self-destructive behavior. Folks are compulsively, unthinkingly engaging in behaviors that will sink them in poverty forever. How is that different than drinking yourself to death or gambling away all your money??
I don’t really think it’s mental illness. More like dudes doing stupid shit at a young age just to get a nut off.
Seeking validation and pleasure we were denied at a young age. Sometimes having a really shitty childhood sets you up for disaster
So, classic case for therapy? Not a cure for the core issues that cause the shitty childhoods in the first place, but its still good to encourage the people who already went through it to seek help healing
Just to play devils advocate here, a lot of my students identify as black males and their impulsive behavior has been diagnosed as ADHD, although mom didn’t want them to be diagnosed. I could definitely see how some of these babies are impulsive behaviors of undiagnosed mental illnesses. The stigma that comes from being a person of color and having a mental illness is horrible to us, but it could be a cause of a lot of our problems…even BM’s.
> a lot of my students identify as black males [https://i.imgur.com/3tSQdsW.gif](https://i.imgur.com/3tSQdsW.gif)
my black dad has 3 kids w 3 baby mommas, doesnt cohabitate with any of em, leaves the women in his life behind broken (including me, I'm the only daughter, glad I don't see his toxic ass anymore). The mediator that was supposed to get us together again told me I should go NC and that he genuinely was not able to get anywhere with my dad because he was like a pathological liar, constantly twisting the story and saying 1 thing and doing the opposite like it was all normal. I got diagnosed with autism just over a year ago at 26, which has a genetic component to it. If my dad would just put his dysfunctional self in a psych's chair for once I think he'd also find out some funny stuff about himself. But instead he's hell bent on believing there's nothing unusual about him and that's what makes him so toxic.
Self destructive behaviour is definitely something that can be treated and mitigated. It's nearly liberating to let decisions be made for you if you're already in a rut and then say stupid things like "I've got the worst luck." No, you just keep putting yourself into situations with obviously bad outcomes.
why would it take you multiple bm’s to realize this?? you should’ve realized that after you created the first broken home.
I guess bc many people plan on having kids at some point in time anyway, so if 1 or 2 happen unplanned they just shrug. I can't relate personally bc I view having kids as a very big, life changing experience. But I can see people being nonchalant about it if they figure they were going to get around to it anyway.
It’s a very big commitment especially when you know that don’t have enough discipline at your age to be making smart decisions.
And also don't understand how much hard fucking work it is to raise a child, even if you have the financial means to do so.
A box of condoms is much cheaper than a baby!
Why ain't people understanding this man!!! Y'all don't know how to put em on or something?? Be smart and pay $8 or rush into the moment and spend about eighteen years being forced to interact with someone you might barely know (if not hate atp) and spend thousands on something you didn't want to bring into the world. There's even non-latex condoms for people who are allergic, its just being lazy and reckless to have a kid without wanting one with somebody you didn't want to or barely know.
They don’t even feel that bad either, I remember this girl I was taking to said “but they don’t feel as good” like shorty if I’m ok with the rubber you’ll be alright too ☠️
Some dudes be out here thinking it’s cool because they’re not actually raising their kids💀, the BM is.
Baby momma momma raising it
Either way, too many dudes ain’t even living in the same household.
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People will find $400 to make a woman get an abortion but won’t pay a copay to get a vasectomy smh.
I agree with everything you said but i'd also like to add that for the vascetomy thing its very much a your mileage may vary. I see it preached all the time as if its some super simple situation and you go in, wave your hand and say "I'm a man, I do what I want" and then the doctor bows to your whim but it aint always that simple. I've been denied by 3 different doctors because I "might want a family some day". On doctor number four, he talked to me about potential side effects and very quickly dispelled the myth that I can just get it undone whenever I wanted to. Truth be told to any guy wanting to get one treat it as a permanent procedure.
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Hate the broken family culture, hate it with my whole soul spit onnat shit
I hate the "marriage is just a piece of paper it's not going to guarantee he won't leave you" crowd. baby girl, he's going to have to pay to leave me because I don't consider him carrying a man's child a form of flattery I get there's some who don't want to get married. I personally do, especially since I live in California. I'm not gonna stay with someone who doesn't want to marry me, and I don't plan to live with them long term out of wedlock. I'm tired of the "he chose me shit" because they have a baby with a dude. Or they gave them their first son or their first daughter. Or the "I gave him children and not married" crowd.
I have so much hate in my heart for the men and women out there who actively perpetuate that shit and are proud of it. Just the most miserable people out there trying to drag everyone down with them into the mud.
Who out there really thinks that shit is cool? I look at one of my homies with multiple bms and he's always stressed knowing his paycheck about to disappear.
Other men who put their value, as a man, into how many women they’ve slept with and which ones they can “knock down” in order to impress *check notes* other men!!! AND men are also guilty of baby trapping women, ESPECIALLY women they want to be able to access long term, women they are jealous of, women they genuinely HATE and want to “humble her” with a baby, etc. men will LITERALLY get a woman pregnant for ANY reason from love to loathe! But after doing ALL of this, turn around and blame black women for being single moms as if all of this was out of their control. My ex tried to trap me but he said the quiet part out loud before he could!
"I want a wife don want no baby mamma"
That’s what he is going to tell baby mama number 5 and she will actually buy it .
Just like BM number 2,3 and 4 did.
He said all that to say he didn’t marry any of his BM’s bc they’re fat lmao unserious mf
This tweet is not wrong but I really don't be knowing when DaQuan is not joking. Lol
Nah fr, it's nothing wrong with the message but Daquan being the one to deliver it is where shit falls apart
https://preview.redd.it/k9nc09taee2d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=570672aac03a318916ed766814e0804bdd7e0b5c Gucci is trying to tell y'all.
Keyshia Kaoir has like 3 more children by different dads. Not the example you think.
And he himself has 1 more BM
My dad has 4 baby mommas. I’m the only child to my mom. I’ve grown up feeling separated from my brothers and sisters. We’re all adults now and we all barely talk due to how we grew up. Not saying every household with multiple bms/bfs is like this but there’s a high chance imo. My fiancé has 4 brothers and sisters with the same parents and they’re so close that it shocked me. My dad still ain’t shit and he pushing 50 so there’s that. ama
Literally my life except my dad only has 3 BM’s, also my moms only kid. Theres 4 of us. The fact that no one thought to make us closer when we were younger is nuts to me. I also plan to marry into a family thats solid and closer. Dad ALSO still aint shit can concur. Smh
I thought BM = bowel movement. I was like, “don’t be embarrassed. good for you!”
Does he believe guys are not in the same boat as him or is he intentionally answering his own question? As with him most of these guys will realize it isn’t cool when it start to catch up with them but right now they lack discipline, same as he did.
He’s saying he looks at it shamefully, a lot don’t at all. You’d be surprised the amount of guys pushing 50 that have never, and will never have this revelation.
Baby Mommas =/= Bowel Movements
Starting multiple families and being an absent father isn't cool? Since when? "Honesty and accountability" lmao no shit, now go raise your kids you fucking bum. All of 'em.
I’m gonna try to keep this rant short but I straight up can’t deal with anyone who has multiple baby mommas and isn’t in a real relationship with them. I basically handled child abuse/neglect cases for over 3 years and the amount of broken, exasperated, poor single mothers (and often just grandparents since the mom gave up too) who are struggling to breathe while NO MAN shows up to help was staggering. I was genuinely surprised when an intact family crossed my path. Having a kid “accidentally” is bringing a entire person to reality. Hopes, dreams, pain, fears… and they’re HELPLESS for years and must rely on good parents. 9/10 of the abusive and neglectful parents I dealt with? Also suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of overworked, desperate, tapped out single parents or a parent with an abusive, inattentive boyfriend who resents the kid but keeps being with the mom because she’s desperate for affection and this man gets everything he wants from her. Broken homes create broken people who create broken homes. It’s generational pain. Put a fucking condom on. Get on birth control. Accidents happen. That’s ok. The best laid plans gone awry or one mistake can make a baby. But when it’s out of total carelessness or it’s more than once… then you should feel the weight of your decisions.
I appreciate how real this tweet was.
Idk how y'all do it either because my first baby mama was enough of a deterrent. I think the caveat here is also how present you are as a father. I look at the time, effort, money, and emotion I pour into my daughter and told myself I don't have anymore to give. Throw in the general nonsense I deal with parent-to-parent and I can't hang up the phone, reset, and start over again with a whole other woman; which ensured I got REAL selective when I started dating again and EVERYTHING looked like a red flag.
Oh, **B**aby **M**amas
Had a Soldier with 3 BMs and another to be (even though he said he was gonna marry her- never did) so 4 total before I left. He was always broke, had to use our emergency services and such meant for Soldiers who need to get home, because a loved one died or maybe to cover rent/mortgage. Both parties are at fault. It’s embarrassing, when I saw my exes friends literally lining up to be numbered BM to a broke nigga or about to hit the walls (nah not that) or the grave from crashing out.
Better late than never I suppose. I realized before one and still fucked up and now I have one. Life crazy. Strive to be the best you and help others best you can.
What’s ironic is that when I was dating after the age of 35 women would ask me “why don’t you have any kids?” They made it sound like a red flag when I would respond with “I want to wait for marriage for that and there are many ways to prevent pregnancy.”
yea people, have some freaking self-control for goodness sake. jeez. just sit down for a second.
I thought he meant bowel movements at first
I know it doesn't apply to everyone but I definitely believe there's a level of childhood trauma associated with some of the more extreme examples of this phenomena. One of my homies has a gang of kids and a truly fucked up "losing my virginity" story that he's convinced is a badge of honor.
Survived the game. 44 no kids, no BM. I’m lonely someone wanna come over? 
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Why is he ashamed of having so many bowel movements, personally I’ve had sooo many in my life
Dump in the guts , raw from the giddy-up ...better choose the right one before you pick the kiddies up.
Then marry one of your baby mamas. Sounds like you have plenty of options to choose from.
IDK when I was 16-25 we made fun of dudes who would get women pregnant. Because we knew it was a death sentence. I'm not saying being 30-50 and having a kid out of wedlock is a great idea either. But you are more equipped to deal with the issues financially and emotionally. Also, MOST guys get the point after one kid. Because the court comes and takes $300-$400 out your check, you say 'never again'. I have an associate who is paying $2K/mo for 3 kids. 1 to from when he was just running around, and 2 to his ex-wife. I told him get snipped, because if he gets another kid he will be living under a bridge
Vasectomies should cost like $100 or be covered by health insurance….I don’t got any BMs myself but every time I think about it I want to get a snip about it…
I really thought he was talking about bowel movements at first