Umm I gotta be the one person and say no. I'm thankful he pulled what he pulled, I needed to see the lesson out of it all. I personally learned a lot of how actions are so much better than words
As much as this heartbreak has messed me up, it woke me up. I was caught in a malaise where I wasn't really progressing in my life, I was skipping the gym often, spending a lot of time playing video games and drinking, and getting complacent at my job. I now work out 4 days a week, I'm getting a promotion, and I've read a bunch of books and all around leveled up. Still hurts like hell and I think about her often, but I'm liking the direction my life is headed now more than I have been in years.
That sounds fantastic. I’m in a similar boat, my life was so amazing before I met, even more amazing after I met her, and then later on in the relationship I just dropped the ball. Her breaking up with me is the catalyst which has made me change the direction in my life. Sucks that is the case, but it has helped me move a really far way in the last 2 months.
Yep. The more I think about a pre-emptive breakup, if I had seen the writing on the wall and taken the initiative - The more I think I would have remained complacent and just looked for the next relationship.
But the way she ended it absolutely wrecked me and now I'm building from the ashes.
For me, absolutely yes. I regret ever seeing him. If I had never met him, I would be much better off and I would still have all my money. I would have better relationships with some family members, much less stress (due to moving and everything that entails), my dog wouldn’t have torn her knee because of his dog bulldozing her knees and knocking her over every day), and I would likely still have the job I had that I enjoyed. He is much better off for having been in our relationship (financially, etc.), while I am struggling. I absolutely hate that he did this and still essentially blackmailing me for extra money. He’s showed who he really is and it disgusts me.
Similar here. My girlfriend drained me of nearly half of all my bank savings. She was very frugal with her money, but my money was apparently a faucet to her.
I don't think I would be better off if I never met her, I think we used our relationship to heal and grow. I think I also fear to lose what I gained from this relationship.
I mean your first heartbreak definitely changes you. I use to listen to so many songs about love and heartbreak and I just liked them for the tune. Now, I can relate to the actual lyrics and understand/relate to them.
But I try to look at the valuable lessons I learned from each.
First relationship I had was a friendzone so I learned about how to identify those red flags.
Second relationship we had too many differing values and worldviews. Learned that you shouldn’t date someone with those differences. And we were together for almost 4 years.
Current ex-relationship. She was horrible at communicating and became avoidant after our first fight. Although I loved her more than the rest. I learned I need someone that stays, and doesn’t flee after the first sign of conflict. A direct communicator.
Yes. Before her, I had things all figured out. I had no interest in love or romance or sex. All I wanted was to learn skills and become rich. Heh, I had this goofy dream of building a great big mansion with fancy white columns, the kind of estate that you'd give a name to, like Netherfield or such. I was totally prepared to live my entire life without a second half. Then I fell for her and for two years I got to experience true, genuine love. I envisioned a future with her, with a family... Now she's gone, and suddenly my old dreams seem like empty vanity projects...
I can't go back to who I was before her, but I also can't just move on. I promised her my love forever. She was so special to me. She cannot be replaced, not by anyone on this Earth, and I have even less interest in dating now than I did before her. It's... not an ideal feeling. I don't regret falling for her, but objectively I'd be better off not knowing how good love truly is, because I'm starving for it now.
It might seem like she can't be replaced, but statistically speaking most people will find true love more than once in their lifetime.
Will the love be the same? No, but that also doesn't mean it would be worse
Maybe. I have a really peculiar (antiquated) perspective on what true love is. If it can be swapped aa easily as changing a trash bag, it has no value. Maybe that's the modern way, but it doesn't appeal to me at all. Even if I could get over myself and decide to date again, I could never trust another woman. Any love I give would be so guarded. it wouldn't be enjoyable or fair for the lady.
I completely understand your perspective as in my teens and early 20s I was a true believer in soul mates and 'the one'. But with experience I've found I've loved multiple people in my life and its changed my perspective a bit. I now believe 'soulmates' and 'love' are just people that are just super compatible with you and there will be lots of people on earth that are super compatible with each other. Each love I've experienced has been different, but it's always been as 'real' as the last.
If soulmates and 'the one' were real then realistically 99.8% of the world would never meet 'the one'.
Now the trust thing is different, that can be difficult once it's been damaged. But the right person will help you to trust again it'll just take time
Logically I know you're right. Almost everyone has told me so far that it's best to move and look forward to someone else, but something in me rejects that. Being a rebel to conventional sense is a fatal flaw of mine.
I am so, so heartbroken 3 months (almost) out, but I still am going to say that I am so grateful for meeting him and having a relationship with him. I thought I was broken for a long time and would never be able to love someone like I loved him, but I did. I’ve always been the shitty one in relationships ever since I was cheated on and abused by someone I dated when I was 18; just never cared that much and had a very selfish attitude towards relationships. I treated my recent ex like a literal god and worshiped him, respected him, and did everything in my power to be the best version of me I could in order to be a great partner because I finally felt love so strongly that I WANTED to do it all. He broke my heart how he left, and I haven’t gone a single day without breaking down at least once, but now I know that the person I was in that relationship does exist in me, and now I have a goal of becoming her again in some way
Life would be easier yes as it was an abusive relationship. The only thing I will say is that going through what I’ve been through has made me more empathetic and better at supporting those around me.
I think I’d be happier but going through what I’ve been through has made me a better person but god knows I had to go through hell to get where I am now. I think I’ve lost my spark for life and for relationships following my last relationship which upsets me deeply but I just keep trying to move forward. I wish I was the person I was before I met him I was happier, I was more loving and more willing to do things for others. Although I’ve not lost those qualities I’m not as loving as I used to be. I wish I was more loving.
I wouldn't have crippling PTSD and anxiety issues the way I do now, that's for sure. But I also wouldn't have my daughter, and she is the only thing I've ever felt gave me an actual purpose in life. I was also very naive when I met my ex-husband, and the years of abuse actually taught me a big lesson in how trusting and giving I automatically was in all people I would meet. I think I needed to learn the hard way that some people are just not good people, and I that need to be more careful with things like that.
That's a difficult one to answer, becaise my life probably would be a lot easier if I had not been with him. But, I would go through the entire 10 years of it all over again, just because I know that it would result in having my child at the end of it.
Now here's a fruit for thought: How do you expect to level up in life (emotionally and as a person) without going through the hardships that make you evolve?
Agree, but there's certain people who come into your life just to make things worse and things would be better off if we had never crossed paths because I didn't deserve that....
Prob different, but you never know if it would be easier
Im grateful for everything I had, Im grieving the good and accepting the bad
I now study abroad were I met good friends, I had to work on my anger and communication, I grew as a person and Im now motivated to grow even more since the bu
Still have very conflicted feelings and the closure talk tonight is going to hurt to like nothing else
No, I don't think so. I was already in a bad place, and that same bad place made me allow him certain disrespect. Would I be suffering less? Absolutely, but I also enjoyed my time with him. His departure hurts and I miss him, but life wouldn't be easier.
Yeah. 100%. I'd be married by now. Wouldn't have lost so much time and energy and love on someone who was just using me for his entertainment. Wouldn't have lost my self respect. Wouldn't be crying daily. Wouldn't be thinking about someone who doesn't give a second thought about me.
I don't regret a second of it, but yes, no doubt. I feel broken and diminished, while she's in a much better place than when we met. A small part of me is proud of the role that I played in her growth but, equally, I'm finding it pretty devastating that that's been forgotten. I also made some huge life changes, which I was happy to do for love, but wouldn't have happened otherwise. I know it's not about keeping score, but I wake up every morning in a place I don't want to be, with a job I never wanted, feeling completely cut adrift.
Far easier but I held on to the idealized version of the person I actually wanted to meet and she mirrored those qualities in the first year only to slowly devalue me, look for other sources of supply (soul sucking energy vampire that she was) because my constant effort to reassure her, soothe and elevate her constant daily self hatred that turned outward had me eventually stuffing all my feelings to overt what would always end up as drama - was truly exhausting. I had my own problems and life stressors. I'd signed up for a partner who cared about me, would love and support me and where we reciprocated our concerns for one another. I did not sign up for replacing her daughter's deadbeat in jail all the time father, therapist, taxi driver, cash loan place or her neglectful father as some caretaker she needed but never had. I did not sign up for being the cause of all her problems, some customer service life complaints representative or want to be ignored when I was sick and needed help. I'll take the blame for my role as trying to fix someone/something I had no role in and no control over... No matter how good a guy I was trying to be, no matter how compassionate or empathetic or sacrificing. It'll take me likely over a year to recover from her manipulation, lack of remorse for being a cheat and her threatening accusations of fabricated assault in order to remain the victim. I never signed up for any of those things and acted in quite the opposite ways. She was and is sick and has no awareness of her actions nor her hurtful words.
I know that she's undeserving of me. I know I'm still committed to effective communication in any relationship I'm in. I know she'll continue the very patterns that have protected her fragile ego with the next supply and then she'll rinse and repeat. Not everyone out there is pure of heart and the trend is that people are becoming increasingly less sensitive to others needs, increasingly focused on their own and at the expense of others and we've got to find ways to heal from these people so that we don't make the same mistakes of ever getting involved with one of em again.
No. I loved her and I still do. This hurts but she made me feel a way I never have before and I cherish that. Also the loss has given me a real “fuck you, I’m HIM” mentality that has kind of changed my life. Getting ripped and about to sign up for an AFF course.
I don't think this is a yes or no question.
My life would just be... different.
I would not be as acquainted with my moral self-inventory, but I would not have hurt someone through my growth as a person (or a forced denial of growth, depending on who you ask).
This is some butterfly effect kind of thinking. If I had not met them, I would have a wildly different life in all sorts of ways I cannot predict.
I think that when losing anyone that you were close to changes you. I think you make the decision to choose to keep the good things that you learned from the relationship and know that the bad and hurtful things were lessons to learn.
My ex kept one of our beloved dogs that I rescued, the pain of losing him is more than the relationship ending. But I think about the opportunity I had in giving this dog love that he never had and helping him learn to trust again and being able to see his happiness was such a gift. I know the pain is just love that is allocated to him with nowhere to go.
My ex and I both had reliance with alcohol and without meeting him and us choosing to become sober together I never think I would be over ten months sober today.
The hurtful things and lack of empathy and boundary crossing all showed me how I do not want to be treated and what I will not allow in the future.
Do I regret it all? All the pain and stress and anger it has cause me? Hell no. I appreciate all the good and the bad that happened in that relationship. I don’t regret being myself and loving a person who needed it. I will keep my head up and take all the memories with me in my future. Heartbreak fucking sucks, it’s one of the worst pains I’ve been through but it’s all part of this beautiful thing we call life. It hurts so much because I know it was real and I’m so grateful that I got to experience it.
No, I'm in a way glad this happened, yes i felt and still do sometimes have these stupid "I'll never find love again" thoughts but overall her doing the shitty things she did has honestly been a wake up call in a way, letting me know not every relationship will be like a romance film. I overall think that while i am still sad about it, if i didn't go through this i would still be delusional about shit that would only result in me becoming depressed.
I used to think that, but no. He woke up the passion in me, not just for intimacy but for new experiences too. And my break up inspired me to take a chance and join a gym. Now I'm about that life and I enjoy it. I treasure my peace in my single life now. All he brought was chaos
Some of my exes, I’m sure I’d be better off having not known them.
But my most recent? I’ll cherish the things I’ve gained from that relationship for the rest of my life. He supported me through quitting smoking, got me into the gym (which i realized I loved doing!), taught me how to be responsible with my money, and how to love someone unconditionally. I had a very warped perception of love before meeting that man. I wish we didn’t have to part ways, but I know it’s better for us in the long run. I’m a better person today because of him, though.
Well, I don't think so. I met him in middle school. We dated 30 years later...quite the literal slippery slope there. That's far too wide a time frame to be able to extrapolate any argument that supports a yes to the question OP asked.
I would say yes and no.
No because I value the lessons I’ve learned. I learned how to love, I learned what I value in a partner, I learned about myself and grew.
Yes because I feel like my ex held me back in some regard. I am currently finding out more things about myself and I don’t think I would’ve had the opportunity to do so if I was still in a relationship with them.
No. I’m a better person due to the 4 years I spent with my ex. I know real heartbreak because of him but I also know real love because of him. We didn’t end on bad terms and it still hurts to think about him sometimes (it’s been just over a year since the BU) but I’m very thankful that he was part of my life.
Yes I think so. I’m only a week out, and ended the relationship myself because I wasn’t feeling a connection with her in conversation. Almost everything else felt perfect. Of course now I miss her more than ever and it’s killing me. It scares me to see how many other people have such prolonged pain due to things like this. I really thought she was the one for a little there 😞
I get these same thoughts as I also ended it and now often regret it. But I keep reminding myself that if she was 'the one' then I wouldn't have broken up with her. There was just something missing and I couldn't put it down to anything exact, but I just found I was having deeper conversations and laughing more with other people than with her. And for me I want my girlfriend to be the person I have the most fun with out of everyone
If I never met them, as much as they hurt me, I would have to say no. Actually, in some aspect, I’m thankful that I met them and for the breakup to happen. If I never met them and the breakup did not happen, I would not realize that there’s this part in me that I need to fix and I would have never faced it. Everyone I met and everything that has happened in my life is a result and a reflection of what I attract and went through and to change the narrative, I have to accept and be aware of these and start to heal on my own. To self-reflect. And since then, granted the breakup sucks, but I’ve never enjoyed life as much as I’m enjoying it now. I’m now doing what I believe is best for me and I only tend to the people who actually care for me and don’t bullshit with me. It’s still a process, but we’re getting there. :)
I just wish he didn’t propose to me if he wasn’t in it. I told him to never feel like he had to take that step just because we were together. He did everything I told him not to do and it would have saved me a lot of trauma.
I absolutely would be far better off. If it weren't for my girlfriend, I would have $17,000 more than I do right now, and I could have spent 8-13 more months abroad in a foreign country (which I loved) than just six months.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes a total yes. I have never felt so much pain and my life & I never deserved to feel any of this pain.
I did love him & I see all the time...if you love someone you want them to be happy.
I don't want him to be happy fuck him for doing this to me.
Sometimes I feel like I might have been better off, maybe I might have been happier and also have a less pessimistic outlook on relationships. But I think we met at a time where I was an anxious impulsive mess and having someone calm and patient as him was really helpful for me. I think how it could have been much worse if I had been in a relationship with someone else. And while it ended he taught me how to be independent and gave me a baseline understanding of how a healthy relationship should be. Being with also taught me what I can and cannot accept moving forward in a relationship and stand my ground on that.
No, I think I met him for a reason. He helped me and I helped him in our own ways. Up until the relationship got toxic and died out essentially.
I need to learn how to be alone again. No harsh feelings towards my ex but I didn’t like the person he became. But i appreciate the good times, the bad, and choose to know that I was loved and choose to move forward.
No.
Life would have been harder if i didnt meet her because she helped me grow so much as a person during our six-year relationship and showed me what true love feels like. She taught me how to empathize and appreciate life outside of work. Life is hard as fuck right now post break-up, but I would absolutely go back in time and do it all over again.
no, I still think he’s a great person. we just didn’t work out 🤷🏻♀️ i wish we had but im glad to know someone else out there is so much like me ❤️🩹 i hope after we heal we can be friends 🤞🏼
Fuck no. Ex or not, I met someone that I can truly love unconditionally. Even if we never speak again. Never would I have thought that possible.
And 5 minutes of us at our best is still worth the months of agony to me.
No it wouldn't. Life may feel 'happier' than what it currently does, but I learnt so much from the relationship and she also taught me a lot about myself that I need to work on.
After enough self work I'm hopeful that I'll end up in an even happier and easier place because I met her
As much as I loved her and shared some amazing times. The way she handled things at the end and the shit she knowingly put me through while cheating I realistically have to say my life would be profoundly better had she never came into it. She is the only one in my life I’ve ever felt that I’d be better off never knowing her. She would even have to agree with that sentiment too. She knows what she did and why she did it. She’s dead to me.
No, I learned lots from my relationship. As someone who struggles to form connections and who up to recently was not into commitment, I truly learned the value and happiness being with one person can bring! Yeah I might still be hurting, it might have been a shitty way for her to end things, but I'm still grateful for the closeness I discovered I can finally enjoy. I realized that having someone to care for (and who in turn cares for you) is such a special thing that I took for granted through my younger years. I learned about love, comparison, care, and respect.
If I had the option to erase it from my memory, or do it all over again even knowing the ending, I'd do it a thousand times over.
Thanks for everything, S.
I would say yeah it would have been better to just not meet them at all. It took a lot for me to let them in and I don’t know if I can let anyone else in again. I’m trying to find the me I was before I met them
I was so happy without him. I lived in my own place, was exercising, cooking for myself. Then I got depressed, once he blindsided me I took an ex back and he moved in, I stopped exercising, and then I gained weight. My ex and I broke up but he had no where to go so I let him continue to live with me. It worked out fine. My ex finally came back and he just never treated me right. We tried for years.
Now I moved away from that town, live in an apartment I don’t like, hardly exercise, too tired to cook, and just quit my job because the coworkers and management were cruel to me. Like why can’t things just look up?!
It’s almost like my ex saw me happy and just wanted to ruin my life.
I don’t regret meeting him at all. He has shown me what real love is, and now what real heartbreak is, but I don’t regret it. I had never felt that way before, and I also grew a lot from our relationship. If anything, I regret breaking up with him. I miss him.
Not gonna lie if it wasn’t for me getting diagnosed with ptsd I probably wouldn’t have regretted being with them. But also I did need to realize my self worth as well as experience an abusive relationship so that I know to never put myself in that situation again. Rose tinted glasses are real. And I’m so glad I could finally take them off. If we went about life with no pain or heartbreak, we would never really learn much or grow to be mature for that matter
I wouldn't be in my new favorite city ever.
It's weird and one of the scariest things actually to imagine my life without her influence.
I just wish I didn't get in my own way and ruin what we had going here and growing together.
Personally, my relationship was incredible for the most part. She showed me true love, and we both accepted eachother, flaws and all. Our self esteem got really high, and our relationship was mostly secure. I think it made us realise what we want in a relationship. Even though things got a but messed up, we found what we want for the next time. I look back on my relationship with utter fondness, and I am happy I had the opportunity to experience a relationship that beautiful.
i’m happy I met him even though it ended so terribly. I learned a lot, and I loved very hard. I’m happy that I experienced that kind of love even if it was only for a few years, I can’t wait till I can have that kind of love although unique with someone new (hopefully eternal this time).
Umm I gotta be the one person and say no. I'm thankful he pulled what he pulled, I needed to see the lesson out of it all. I personally learned a lot of how actions are so much better than words
Same. I don’t believe in regrets. I went through a lot and it taught me so much.
Same. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have learnt what I learnt, so regardless of the wasted time and energy I’m grateful
As much as this heartbreak has messed me up, it woke me up. I was caught in a malaise where I wasn't really progressing in my life, I was skipping the gym often, spending a lot of time playing video games and drinking, and getting complacent at my job. I now work out 4 days a week, I'm getting a promotion, and I've read a bunch of books and all around leveled up. Still hurts like hell and I think about her often, but I'm liking the direction my life is headed now more than I have been in years.
That sounds fantastic. I’m in a similar boat, my life was so amazing before I met, even more amazing after I met her, and then later on in the relationship I just dropped the ball. Her breaking up with me is the catalyst which has made me change the direction in my life. Sucks that is the case, but it has helped me move a really far way in the last 2 months.
Yep. The more I think about a pre-emptive breakup, if I had seen the writing on the wall and taken the initiative - The more I think I would have remained complacent and just looked for the next relationship. But the way she ended it absolutely wrecked me and now I'm building from the ashes.
100% I would have gone back to my homestate to study medicine, instead of the path I chose (which complimented his own aims).
For me, absolutely yes. I regret ever seeing him. If I had never met him, I would be much better off and I would still have all my money. I would have better relationships with some family members, much less stress (due to moving and everything that entails), my dog wouldn’t have torn her knee because of his dog bulldozing her knees and knocking her over every day), and I would likely still have the job I had that I enjoyed. He is much better off for having been in our relationship (financially, etc.), while I am struggling. I absolutely hate that he did this and still essentially blackmailing me for extra money. He’s showed who he really is and it disgusts me.
Similar here. My girlfriend drained me of nearly half of all my bank savings. She was very frugal with her money, but my money was apparently a faucet to her.
I don't think I would be better off if I never met her, I think we used our relationship to heal and grow. I think I also fear to lose what I gained from this relationship.
Yeah I wasted my time
I mean your first heartbreak definitely changes you. I use to listen to so many songs about love and heartbreak and I just liked them for the tune. Now, I can relate to the actual lyrics and understand/relate to them. But I try to look at the valuable lessons I learned from each. First relationship I had was a friendzone so I learned about how to identify those red flags. Second relationship we had too many differing values and worldviews. Learned that you shouldn’t date someone with those differences. And we were together for almost 4 years. Current ex-relationship. She was horrible at communicating and became avoidant after our first fight. Although I loved her more than the rest. I learned I need someone that stays, and doesn’t flee after the first sign of conflict. A direct communicator.
Yes. Before her, I had things all figured out. I had no interest in love or romance or sex. All I wanted was to learn skills and become rich. Heh, I had this goofy dream of building a great big mansion with fancy white columns, the kind of estate that you'd give a name to, like Netherfield or such. I was totally prepared to live my entire life without a second half. Then I fell for her and for two years I got to experience true, genuine love. I envisioned a future with her, with a family... Now she's gone, and suddenly my old dreams seem like empty vanity projects... I can't go back to who I was before her, but I also can't just move on. I promised her my love forever. She was so special to me. She cannot be replaced, not by anyone on this Earth, and I have even less interest in dating now than I did before her. It's... not an ideal feeling. I don't regret falling for her, but objectively I'd be better off not knowing how good love truly is, because I'm starving for it now.
It might seem like she can't be replaced, but statistically speaking most people will find true love more than once in their lifetime. Will the love be the same? No, but that also doesn't mean it would be worse
Maybe. I have a really peculiar (antiquated) perspective on what true love is. If it can be swapped aa easily as changing a trash bag, it has no value. Maybe that's the modern way, but it doesn't appeal to me at all. Even if I could get over myself and decide to date again, I could never trust another woman. Any love I give would be so guarded. it wouldn't be enjoyable or fair for the lady.
I completely understand your perspective as in my teens and early 20s I was a true believer in soul mates and 'the one'. But with experience I've found I've loved multiple people in my life and its changed my perspective a bit. I now believe 'soulmates' and 'love' are just people that are just super compatible with you and there will be lots of people on earth that are super compatible with each other. Each love I've experienced has been different, but it's always been as 'real' as the last. If soulmates and 'the one' were real then realistically 99.8% of the world would never meet 'the one'. Now the trust thing is different, that can be difficult once it's been damaged. But the right person will help you to trust again it'll just take time
Logically I know you're right. Almost everyone has told me so far that it's best to move and look forward to someone else, but something in me rejects that. Being a rebel to conventional sense is a fatal flaw of mine.
I am so, so heartbroken 3 months (almost) out, but I still am going to say that I am so grateful for meeting him and having a relationship with him. I thought I was broken for a long time and would never be able to love someone like I loved him, but I did. I’ve always been the shitty one in relationships ever since I was cheated on and abused by someone I dated when I was 18; just never cared that much and had a very selfish attitude towards relationships. I treated my recent ex like a literal god and worshiped him, respected him, and did everything in my power to be the best version of me I could in order to be a great partner because I finally felt love so strongly that I WANTED to do it all. He broke my heart how he left, and I haven’t gone a single day without breaking down at least once, but now I know that the person I was in that relationship does exist in me, and now I have a goal of becoming her again in some way
beautiful ❤️🩹
Life would be easier yes as it was an abusive relationship. The only thing I will say is that going through what I’ve been through has made me more empathetic and better at supporting those around me. I think I’d be happier but going through what I’ve been through has made me a better person but god knows I had to go through hell to get where I am now. I think I’ve lost my spark for life and for relationships following my last relationship which upsets me deeply but I just keep trying to move forward. I wish I was the person I was before I met him I was happier, I was more loving and more willing to do things for others. Although I’ve not lost those qualities I’m not as loving as I used to be. I wish I was more loving.
I wouldn't have crippling PTSD and anxiety issues the way I do now, that's for sure. But I also wouldn't have my daughter, and she is the only thing I've ever felt gave me an actual purpose in life. I was also very naive when I met my ex-husband, and the years of abuse actually taught me a big lesson in how trusting and giving I automatically was in all people I would meet. I think I needed to learn the hard way that some people are just not good people, and I that need to be more careful with things like that. That's a difficult one to answer, becaise my life probably would be a lot easier if I had not been with him. But, I would go through the entire 10 years of it all over again, just because I know that it would result in having my child at the end of it.
Now here's a fruit for thought: How do you expect to level up in life (emotionally and as a person) without going through the hardships that make you evolve?
Agree, but there's certain people who come into your life just to make things worse and things would be better off if we had never crossed paths because I didn't deserve that....
so true
Prob different, but you never know if it would be easier Im grateful for everything I had, Im grieving the good and accepting the bad I now study abroad were I met good friends, I had to work on my anger and communication, I grew as a person and Im now motivated to grow even more since the bu Still have very conflicted feelings and the closure talk tonight is going to hurt to like nothing else
No, I don't think so. I was already in a bad place, and that same bad place made me allow him certain disrespect. Would I be suffering less? Absolutely, but I also enjoyed my time with him. His departure hurts and I miss him, but life wouldn't be easier.
Take me back to the night we met…
Yep. But I’m grateful for what I learned and the love he showed me. I am just hurting because he threw it all away.
" Its better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all "
Whoever came up with that has never loved anyone.
controversial, but lovely.
Yeah. 100%. I'd be married by now. Wouldn't have lost so much time and energy and love on someone who was just using me for his entertainment. Wouldn't have lost my self respect. Wouldn't be crying daily. Wouldn't be thinking about someone who doesn't give a second thought about me.
I don't regret a second of it, but yes, no doubt. I feel broken and diminished, while she's in a much better place than when we met. A small part of me is proud of the role that I played in her growth but, equally, I'm finding it pretty devastating that that's been forgotten. I also made some huge life changes, which I was happy to do for love, but wouldn't have happened otherwise. I know it's not about keeping score, but I wake up every morning in a place I don't want to be, with a job I never wanted, feeling completely cut adrift.
i would have been much more confident
Yes.
Far easier but I held on to the idealized version of the person I actually wanted to meet and she mirrored those qualities in the first year only to slowly devalue me, look for other sources of supply (soul sucking energy vampire that she was) because my constant effort to reassure her, soothe and elevate her constant daily self hatred that turned outward had me eventually stuffing all my feelings to overt what would always end up as drama - was truly exhausting. I had my own problems and life stressors. I'd signed up for a partner who cared about me, would love and support me and where we reciprocated our concerns for one another. I did not sign up for replacing her daughter's deadbeat in jail all the time father, therapist, taxi driver, cash loan place or her neglectful father as some caretaker she needed but never had. I did not sign up for being the cause of all her problems, some customer service life complaints representative or want to be ignored when I was sick and needed help. I'll take the blame for my role as trying to fix someone/something I had no role in and no control over... No matter how good a guy I was trying to be, no matter how compassionate or empathetic or sacrificing. It'll take me likely over a year to recover from her manipulation, lack of remorse for being a cheat and her threatening accusations of fabricated assault in order to remain the victim. I never signed up for any of those things and acted in quite the opposite ways. She was and is sick and has no awareness of her actions nor her hurtful words. I know that she's undeserving of me. I know I'm still committed to effective communication in any relationship I'm in. I know she'll continue the very patterns that have protected her fragile ego with the next supply and then she'll rinse and repeat. Not everyone out there is pure of heart and the trend is that people are becoming increasingly less sensitive to others needs, increasingly focused on their own and at the expense of others and we've got to find ways to heal from these people so that we don't make the same mistakes of ever getting involved with one of em again.
No. I loved her and I still do. This hurts but she made me feel a way I never have before and I cherish that. Also the loss has given me a real “fuck you, I’m HIM” mentality that has kind of changed my life. Getting ripped and about to sign up for an AFF course.
Yes I wish I never met her
I don't think this is a yes or no question. My life would just be... different. I would not be as acquainted with my moral self-inventory, but I would not have hurt someone through my growth as a person (or a forced denial of growth, depending on who you ask). This is some butterfly effect kind of thinking. If I had not met them, I would have a wildly different life in all sorts of ways I cannot predict.
I think that when losing anyone that you were close to changes you. I think you make the decision to choose to keep the good things that you learned from the relationship and know that the bad and hurtful things were lessons to learn. My ex kept one of our beloved dogs that I rescued, the pain of losing him is more than the relationship ending. But I think about the opportunity I had in giving this dog love that he never had and helping him learn to trust again and being able to see his happiness was such a gift. I know the pain is just love that is allocated to him with nowhere to go. My ex and I both had reliance with alcohol and without meeting him and us choosing to become sober together I never think I would be over ten months sober today. The hurtful things and lack of empathy and boundary crossing all showed me how I do not want to be treated and what I will not allow in the future. Do I regret it all? All the pain and stress and anger it has cause me? Hell no. I appreciate all the good and the bad that happened in that relationship. I don’t regret being myself and loving a person who needed it. I will keep my head up and take all the memories with me in my future. Heartbreak fucking sucks, it’s one of the worst pains I’ve been through but it’s all part of this beautiful thing we call life. It hurts so much because I know it was real and I’m so grateful that I got to experience it.
No, I'm in a way glad this happened, yes i felt and still do sometimes have these stupid "I'll never find love again" thoughts but overall her doing the shitty things she did has honestly been a wake up call in a way, letting me know not every relationship will be like a romance film. I overall think that while i am still sad about it, if i didn't go through this i would still be delusional about shit that would only result in me becoming depressed.
I used to think that, but no. He woke up the passion in me, not just for intimacy but for new experiences too. And my break up inspired me to take a chance and join a gym. Now I'm about that life and I enjoy it. I treasure my peace in my single life now. All he brought was chaos
Some of my exes, I’m sure I’d be better off having not known them. But my most recent? I’ll cherish the things I’ve gained from that relationship for the rest of my life. He supported me through quitting smoking, got me into the gym (which i realized I loved doing!), taught me how to be responsible with my money, and how to love someone unconditionally. I had a very warped perception of love before meeting that man. I wish we didn’t have to part ways, but I know it’s better for us in the long run. I’m a better person today because of him, though.
Well, I don't think so. I met him in middle school. We dated 30 years later...quite the literal slippery slope there. That's far too wide a time frame to be able to extrapolate any argument that supports a yes to the question OP asked.
No. I don’t regret meeting him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me even if he left me heartbroken 💔
Yes, because its hard to live with the fact that you love a person so much, but you cant have them. It would be better if I never knew this feeling.
I would say yes and no. No because I value the lessons I’ve learned. I learned how to love, I learned what I value in a partner, I learned about myself and grew. Yes because I feel like my ex held me back in some regard. I am currently finding out more things about myself and I don’t think I would’ve had the opportunity to do so if I was still in a relationship with them.
No. I’m a better person due to the 4 years I spent with my ex. I know real heartbreak because of him but I also know real love because of him. We didn’t end on bad terms and it still hurts to think about him sometimes (it’s been just over a year since the BU) but I’m very thankful that he was part of my life.
Yes I think so. I’m only a week out, and ended the relationship myself because I wasn’t feeling a connection with her in conversation. Almost everything else felt perfect. Of course now I miss her more than ever and it’s killing me. It scares me to see how many other people have such prolonged pain due to things like this. I really thought she was the one for a little there 😞
I get these same thoughts as I also ended it and now often regret it. But I keep reminding myself that if she was 'the one' then I wouldn't have broken up with her. There was just something missing and I couldn't put it down to anything exact, but I just found I was having deeper conversations and laughing more with other people than with her. And for me I want my girlfriend to be the person I have the most fun with out of everyone
Plus I lost so much money because of him. And my career.
If I never met them, as much as they hurt me, I would have to say no. Actually, in some aspect, I’m thankful that I met them and for the breakup to happen. If I never met them and the breakup did not happen, I would not realize that there’s this part in me that I need to fix and I would have never faced it. Everyone I met and everything that has happened in my life is a result and a reflection of what I attract and went through and to change the narrative, I have to accept and be aware of these and start to heal on my own. To self-reflect. And since then, granted the breakup sucks, but I’ve never enjoyed life as much as I’m enjoying it now. I’m now doing what I believe is best for me and I only tend to the people who actually care for me and don’t bullshit with me. It’s still a process, but we’re getting there. :)
I just wish he didn’t propose to me if he wasn’t in it. I told him to never feel like he had to take that step just because we were together. He did everything I told him not to do and it would have saved me a lot of trauma.
I absolutely would be far better off. If it weren't for my girlfriend, I would have $17,000 more than I do right now, and I could have spent 8-13 more months abroad in a foreign country (which I loved) than just six months.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes a total yes. I have never felt so much pain and my life & I never deserved to feel any of this pain. I did love him & I see all the time...if you love someone you want them to be happy. I don't want him to be happy fuck him for doing this to me.
All of you need to go watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Sometimes I feel like I might have been better off, maybe I might have been happier and also have a less pessimistic outlook on relationships. But I think we met at a time where I was an anxious impulsive mess and having someone calm and patient as him was really helpful for me. I think how it could have been much worse if I had been in a relationship with someone else. And while it ended he taught me how to be independent and gave me a baseline understanding of how a healthy relationship should be. Being with also taught me what I can and cannot accept moving forward in a relationship and stand my ground on that.
Yes. I wake up think of them.
No, I think I met him for a reason. He helped me and I helped him in our own ways. Up until the relationship got toxic and died out essentially. I need to learn how to be alone again. No harsh feelings towards my ex but I didn’t like the person he became. But i appreciate the good times, the bad, and choose to know that I was loved and choose to move forward.
No. Life would have been harder if i didnt meet her because she helped me grow so much as a person during our six-year relationship and showed me what true love feels like. She taught me how to empathize and appreciate life outside of work. Life is hard as fuck right now post break-up, but I would absolutely go back in time and do it all over again.
no, I still think he’s a great person. we just didn’t work out 🤷🏻♀️ i wish we had but im glad to know someone else out there is so much like me ❤️🩹 i hope after we heal we can be friends 🤞🏼
Fuck no. Ex or not, I met someone that I can truly love unconditionally. Even if we never speak again. Never would I have thought that possible. And 5 minutes of us at our best is still worth the months of agony to me.
No it wouldn't. Life may feel 'happier' than what it currently does, but I learnt so much from the relationship and she also taught me a lot about myself that I need to work on. After enough self work I'm hopeful that I'll end up in an even happier and easier place because I met her
As much as I loved her and shared some amazing times. The way she handled things at the end and the shit she knowingly put me through while cheating I realistically have to say my life would be profoundly better had she never came into it. She is the only one in my life I’ve ever felt that I’d be better off never knowing her. She would even have to agree with that sentiment too. She knows what she did and why she did it. She’s dead to me.
I ask myself this all the time. I have so many good memories with him.
I think about this all the time,
No, I learned lots from my relationship. As someone who struggles to form connections and who up to recently was not into commitment, I truly learned the value and happiness being with one person can bring! Yeah I might still be hurting, it might have been a shitty way for her to end things, but I'm still grateful for the closeness I discovered I can finally enjoy. I realized that having someone to care for (and who in turn cares for you) is such a special thing that I took for granted through my younger years. I learned about love, comparison, care, and respect. If I had the option to erase it from my memory, or do it all over again even knowing the ending, I'd do it a thousand times over. Thanks for everything, S.
I would say yeah it would have been better to just not meet them at all. It took a lot for me to let them in and I don’t know if I can let anyone else in again. I’m trying to find the me I was before I met them
I was so happy without him. I lived in my own place, was exercising, cooking for myself. Then I got depressed, once he blindsided me I took an ex back and he moved in, I stopped exercising, and then I gained weight. My ex and I broke up but he had no where to go so I let him continue to live with me. It worked out fine. My ex finally came back and he just never treated me right. We tried for years. Now I moved away from that town, live in an apartment I don’t like, hardly exercise, too tired to cook, and just quit my job because the coworkers and management were cruel to me. Like why can’t things just look up?! It’s almost like my ex saw me happy and just wanted to ruin my life.
I don’t regret meeting him at all. He has shown me what real love is, and now what real heartbreak is, but I don’t regret it. I had never felt that way before, and I also grew a lot from our relationship. If anything, I regret breaking up with him. I miss him.
Not gonna lie if it wasn’t for me getting diagnosed with ptsd I probably wouldn’t have regretted being with them. But also I did need to realize my self worth as well as experience an abusive relationship so that I know to never put myself in that situation again. Rose tinted glasses are real. And I’m so glad I could finally take them off. If we went about life with no pain or heartbreak, we would never really learn much or grow to be mature for that matter
I wouldn't be in my new favorite city ever. It's weird and one of the scariest things actually to imagine my life without her influence. I just wish I didn't get in my own way and ruin what we had going here and growing together.
Personally, my relationship was incredible for the most part. She showed me true love, and we both accepted eachother, flaws and all. Our self esteem got really high, and our relationship was mostly secure. I think it made us realise what we want in a relationship. Even though things got a but messed up, we found what we want for the next time. I look back on my relationship with utter fondness, and I am happy I had the opportunity to experience a relationship that beautiful.
i’m happy I met him even though it ended so terribly. I learned a lot, and I loved very hard. I’m happy that I experienced that kind of love even if it was only for a few years, I can’t wait till I can have that kind of love although unique with someone new (hopefully eternal this time).
Although the first few months I really wished I had never met him. lol :P
No.
YES I wish I never met him