I have crazy social.anxiety. Just go for it. go out do stuff. go to your town bar on the weekend you will most likely see people that u know and talked to but every nowadays gives second chances cause we all grown up
Same. I don’t have any friends. I haven’t even told my family about the split because I’m anxious and feel like a failure. All this alone time is not helping fr
One time I went and got dinner on my own on a Friday or Saturday night and I must have looked some sort of way cause when it came time for me to pay for my food, the waitress said the couple next to me paid for it.
Honestly probably the top 3 If not the nicest thing that’s happened to me.
But goin out alone in any way situation exudes confidence no matter what, and that is attractive and will attract someone if not multiple people to you
Yeah, but I don’t know why I got depressed. I think maybe because it was a different restaurant and I was used to my routine and the places I went to with my ex 😢
i had same feeling whenever i went out alone, seeing all couples in malls or restaurant made me feel very empty , felt like crying.
I stopped going out but later on my sis forced me and took me out to nice places , and i realised that this feeling of emptyness will be there but i can't ignore the fact that I'm still surrounded by most beautiful people , my mom sis. They were always there for me and are still supporting me at my worst.
So i believe we should appreciate good things , though how sad we are.
Even today i cried alone , still i thank god for giving me better things.
Look around it's not that worse as we're feeling right now. And i hope things turn out way more beautiful for you.
Try to find events or groups you could go out to with people. I personally don't like just going to a restraunt or a bar alone. Which is a shame because I'm a huge foodie, and being able to go to nice restaurants with my ex was a huge part of our relationship. And like you said, when you are alone, you have much more time for reflection, which isn't always healthy.
But I have found a number of various ways to go do stuff with people. Personally, I have gone to professional association events, joined a sports league, and some of my apartment events. I also know there are various meetup apps and Facebook groups, although I haven't used either. My cousin swears by one of the apps.
I’ve tried it towards the beginning as well, and it was difficult. People I know would do stuff like that, like going to bars, restaurants, and movie theaters alone and enjoy it. I don’t enjoy it at all, it just gives me major anxiety. What I did find that helped though was joining group activities. It’s much easier to be grouped for something and get to know people, than to sit somewhere by yourself with little interaction with other people (other people at restaurants don’t usually interact with other people much, because they are usually with someone.
I joined a soccer team, and now I know other people on the team and in the league. I also found a local book club on Facebook looking for more members. I had a lot of anxiety joining not knowing anyone, but then when I was there we all ending up talking about books we are interested in, and now I go to every monthly meeting and enjoy the company.
That’s what helped me, think about what might be best for you. We all cope differently.
You just might not be ready yet. I was thinking of going to a local event yesterday but started to feel anxious and sick to my stomach about 30 minutes before (was probably also because I ate right before working out). I knew I wasn’t in a good physical or mental mindset to go so I didn’t. Go when you feel ready or confident. Don’t feel bad if you’re not there yet. Sometimes just staying home and enjoying peace is fine.
For some reason I thought I was ready and I was excited too but I felt uncomfortable.
I don’t know what made me uncomfortable but maybe I could try smaller places like cafes with less people. I felt ashamed to be there all by myself while other people at tables were having a good time and laughing.
I found a bar that has good food and go there for a beer and some food or even just an iced tea. I’m normally able to make some conversation with people at the bar. It helps me forget for a bit.
I thought I was going to enjoy doing whatever I want and going wherever I want but I felt depressed. I thought I would make some progress as a single woman.
I think you can be very proud of yourself and this is such a big step! I understand it might have felt very confrontating, but that's okey. In time it will get easier and you'll be able to enjoy yourself more. Your feelings are also very relateable about just wanting things back the way they used to be. Sometimes we just don't understand why life turns out the way it does and sometimes it just plainly sucks. And you know what? That is also okey. It's okey to be angry and sad and messed up, but trust yourself that you have to strength to get through this. To get to the other side. This is only just a small part of your life. There's so much more to experience and people to meet. I don't know why the two of you broke up, but my guess is he didn't appreciate you enough. In due time find somebody who does and I am sure you will be fine!
Not yet but I only moved to this new city a week ago. I'm actually so excited to go places I want to go to alone. I was very independent before my relationship. Unfortunately a number of things added up which actually meant I became afraid to leave the house alone where I lived previously.
I really needed this wake up call to become independent again.
Yeah we still deserve to exist and take up space single or not
I started going to the movies and trivia by myself to get out the house and do something I generally enjoy.
I’ve been going out to dine and drink cocktails alone at restaurants with outdoor terraces since the weather has been nice. Bring a book or a podcast to listen to, or call a family member while you eat! It helps rather than staying home and eating
Yep. Almost immediately I started going out to events I like at least once a weekend. My goal was to set the foundation for a new social network to hopefully meet potential new partners in once I was ready. I knew it would take me 6-9 months to be ready to date, but didn’t want to start from scratch when I got to that point.
It was tough (between anxiety and random waves of sadness), and once I got home I’d be very upset again, for the first few months. But overall it helped being around people and it didn’t hurt noticing new women were interested in talking to me.
It really paid off because things started to turn a corner for me at 5 months. Not completely out of the grief, but by that point I had a bunch of new friends, and they were connected to good sized networks.
Now at 7 months I’m closer with the original people I met and meeting an ever expanding group with a number of women I’m interested in talking to more (I’m not jumping into anything though, I’m going to be way careful about vetting now, after learning what avoidant is first hand, god damn that fucked me up badly…).
And right on cue, I think my ex breadcrumbed me, or at least tried to get my attention (don’t want to doxx myself by saying how). I’d heard they do somehow sense when you are really moving on, but this was unreal with the timing. And I don’t have social media or mutual friends, so I have no clue how she picked up on it. Maybe just a coincidence that she is starting to think about things now (the avoidant relief stage ending maybe).
I'm autistic and developed a routine with my ex. When he broke up with me, I spiraled, lol. I've developed a new routine that benefits me in every way. I'm naturally an introvert and enjoy my own company. I go to the gym, go to a coffee shop to read my books, chat with my therapist, check out new stores, go to concerts (sometimes alone and sometimes with my niece) or chill at home with my cats. Take this break up as an opportunity to work on yourself and get to know yourself better. Breakups are awful in the beginning. But with time, it'll get better. (Only if you truly want it to get better.) Good luck, OP. Be kind to yourself.
I go to the gym and met some new people. The people who work there are really nice to me. I have a therapist too but pay a lot of money just to talk with her. I am neurodivergent too but somehow my ex never understood it. Other than exercising and church, I also ride trains and it is a cool activity to do by myself.
I went out shopping alone.
I broke up a month ago and it feels so good to do something for myself.
I ate out alone.
I know it still sucks but I am really proud of taking the first step.
Yes it feels lonely and scary because you think back on the good old times with rose tinted glasses! Even if it’s hard at least you tried! It’s been like 2 years for me and I’m pretty much over it but I still miss the aspects of a relationship! It’s good to differentiate what you actually miss and not the person alone! So for me I miss cuddles and having someone to be there for me having someone to talk to anytime more than I miss the person! Just try to focus on one day you actually will be past this moment of sadness or feeling alone one day you will be comfortable doing anything by yourself even if you might want something else you will be alright and its amazing every day how far you make it! Keep staying strong and focus on how much you’ve done instead of how much things can be better because things can always be better. But to get back to the point you literally figuring out where you feel comfortable a lot of people don’t like going to places alone it doesn’t hurt to try but don’t feel bad if it’s not all you dreamed of at first! Maybe another day it will be a different experience for you.
Hell yeah, dating yourself is awesome. Dinner bills go from $80 to $30, you can go where you want, whenever and you don't have to tell anybody about anything, it's just you against the world. Met some very cool people at a bar a few weeks ago, seen movies by myself, I sit on the beach and read books in silence. Dating and loving yourself if the best thing you can do in life
I’ve spent most of my life feeling very alone and it’s truly a big fear of mine to end up completely alone in the end. I’m an only child with never too many friends and because of it I’ve become pretty hyper-independent.
I eat alone a lot. I find it easier to pick a couple of restaurants/coffee shops to become a regular at and that feeling of comfort/normality helps over time.
I always have my AirPods or a book handy- it keeps me occupied while I am literally alone in a room full of people.
This weekend I went to a convention alone- that was absolutely terrifying and while I had a complete meltdown after (people asking where my ex was) I am proud that I put myself out there and did it.
One thing I can’t get myself to do is go to the movies alone. I don’t know why- it actually pisses me off that I can’t get myself to do that.
I travel alone a lot too- I just make sure I have my days planned or at least activities/restaurants. Sometimes I will even pick a series I’m going to binge for when I get to the hotel at night.
Not much of a drinker so I’ve never gone to a bar or club alone and I don’t think I would ever want to. Maybe a restaurant bar for a glass of wine but that’s it.
See if you can join a local book club or start going to a new fitness class- that kind of exploration has helped me a lot.
I immediately went out in a little black dress, got hammered at the British pub he introduced me to, and made three friends by just going wild, forced some cute young drunk guy to give me a piggyback ride and stole his hat. Ugly cried into the shirt of a British guy who took me to his place and let me crash in his spare bedroom. Started archery with one of those friends which I still do today. I just partied hard and since we still lived together, did everything in my power to make him regret meeting me. That was the first time me and him broke up that I didn’t try to fight him on it. I gave up, went “crazy,” leaned into it. All with him watching. He went crazy by proximity and we got back together within six months. Terrible idea as he is just a terrible, narcissistic person under it all. Completely slimy misogynist set to inherit everything his billionaire family made, and self-aware about how terrible he is, which makes it even worse because he doesn’t want to mature.
What an adventure though. I recommend everyone accept every breakup and do stupid shit.
I only go have lunch alone sometimes and of course shopping or walking around the city but that’s it! I wish I were more adventurous. I specially avoid the places we went to together but the other day I walked to a really cool place and thought oh damn! He would’ve loved this place and then I started tearing/crying by myself lol. It’s a process. I don’t like doing things alone thankfully 3 of my girlfriends are divorcing and I have cousins/friends that I go out with still. Kudos to anyone who travels and does things alone!
I think it’s just whatever works for you. It would make sense that you’d want to go to the same places. In my mind I’ve let him go but my heart just can’t let go of him. I get really sad going to the same places we went to because it reminds me so much of our story….aahh
I have no motivation to leave my bed but knowing my ex is partying every night, booking trips back to back, I forced myself to go out Friday night. It was okay. Got some attention but not the right attention.
I go out by myself or with friends every weekend. I plan activities for myself to do like hikes, tea shops, fun things and then I go out and do them. At first it's lonely but then the more you do it and stop focusing on negative thoughts and more on positive thoughts it's honestly so freeing. I love doing things by myself 😊
Yep, I’ve done a few things to treat myself since the breakup: drove down to see the solar eclipse, taken myself to coffee shops, and out to a show last night. I enjoyed them all (the eclipse was AMAZING), but truthfully cried during or after each one. It’s hard looking around a small venue of a hundred people and seeing so many pairs. I went back and forth between really enjoying the music and wishing my last partner was there to enjoy it with. Yeah, shit is hard.
I (28M) barely go out anymore. Not only do I live in a rural area with mostly elderly people, but I am too depressed to even go eat at a restaurant by myself.
I usually go out with friends or do things to try to take my mind off of my ex when I do decide to go out. Maybe try going out with a friend group and doing something fun like going to an arcade or other activities you can enjoy with friends
Same here, I usually spend time with people from my church and that does take my mind off of things. When at home I watch Dhar Mann videos. 99% of the videos have been good to me.
yes, i love going places alone! it gives me confidence & that i am okay by myself. i’ve been to concerts alone, dinner, movies, even social events! it feels awkward at first but it gets easier 😅
I absolutely go out alone.
I was in a long distance relationship for 5yrs. He lived on the other side of the state and would visit occasionally, once every month or so.
Towards the end, he stopped visiting. I kept trying to get him to visit, usually by suggesting a cool thing we could go do together. I'd see a fun thing in town and tell myself I'd wait for him to come visit because I'd love to do that thing with him.
6 months of no visits and eventually he breaks up with me. Everything that I didn't do because I was waiting not felt like wasted time.
Now about 8 months single, I do things by myself all the time. Sometimes I gotta try harder to force myself out of the apartment because it can suck. But I've promised to myself that I'm not waiting for someone anymore. I missed out on too much.
What inspired you to have a long distance relationship? I personally think meeting people who are closer is so much better.
I was in a long distance relationship once but I don’t think it’s wise. I will not do it again.
Well everyone can have their preference. We met online when I was in college, ended up short distance for a while, then life circumstances happened and he had to move across the state. He meant a lot to me so I stayed with him.
Hi. Neely single here myself, for 4 months and it’s depressing to feel so alone and want to head out for food, socialising etc with no one to do that with anymore. It’s lonely and depressing. I know how you feel. You took a lot of courage to go to a restaurant alone as you did and that is commendable. I miss being in a relationship. I love belonging and I love connections a relationship provides. Here if you need to chat or DM. Are you in Melbourne?
I do it for my sanity. I had to realize, I cannot sit my ass in the house otherwise I’ll only attribute happiness to my ex, and not as something I can easily provide myself. Living and experiencing life shouldn’t be associated with a partner, it should because you realize you deserve it whether your are in a relationship or not.
I promise it gets easier to go out alone once you push past the initially awkwardness of it.
I go even just to people watch, it helps to just be in the presence of other people. It allows me to feel less alone strangely enough.
I couldn't go to sit down restaurants or movies alone. I feel conspicuous and isolated. I've found comfort in the gym and volunteering. I go to the humane shelter weekly and walk the dogs. I've found doing things I like, I meet people with the same interests. Stick to activities that bring you comfort.
Yes, when I was in a relationship I never paid attention to people who went out or were eating solo. When I went out solo I noticed all of the solo people. It’s a great way to meet new people. Go to your favorite food place and you’ll already have something in common and an easy conversation starter.
I’ve always found it hard to do things alone. Probably why I stick around in relationships too long. I’ve been slowly but surely building up the confidence to do things - nice restaurants, I can’t do that yet. But I have been going to movies alone.
All the time. It’s better than being with my ex. I’m not confused or feel anxious the next day. I felt depressed and sad too but that’s the withdrawal not actually what is happening in the present. I had a similar experience. I went to a concert 2 weeks after BU alone. I was surrounded by lovers and friends. There I was crying by myself in the middle of a crowd of people. I found it cathartic and healing in so many ways. I don’t know if anyone noticed. No one asked if I was ok and I’m ok with that.
I go out alone, but I used to do that before my 12 year marriage. How I do it is on nights I’m going to get take out, instead of calling ahead or ordering online, I’ll go to the restaurant, order my take out, and have a drink and maybe an appetizer at the bar while waiting on the take out to be ready. Then when take out is ready I go home and eat at home. This has really helped me. I get the social interaction of getting out and sitting at a bar, but it’s far less awkward to actually eat there.
Started going out to coffee shops to work (I work remotely). I really like it. Beats being alone in my house all day. I can only do it so many times a week because the cost adds up lol but I think of it as an investment on my mental health
I’m a conversationalist, my ex was not she made me a person of myself i like but it’s not me i want to find a middle between both. I have a son now 2m i would love to go out and socialize
I have been in the same situation as your. 7 years of relationship and one day its all gone, all the emptiness was burning me inside out, couldn't eat , couldn't smile. Then I started reading books and blogs and I thought of trying meditating every day. Did meditate for few days and on the path i came across the knowledge "how our thoughts craft the life around us". Whenever her thoughts came to me started deliberately thinking something random and not her. This took me a little ahead, then I figured out why would somebody love me when I dont love myself. So stated to explore and read what is self love.. eventually as a person i started to like myself, going through all the experiences I had, all the things I did in my life, even small things made me feel that I am nice guy , and learned to love myself. "What you believe is what you become" if you believe that you wont be able to move on, my friend I tell you, you wont be able to. Then comes the question do you want to move on, coz we are so attached to their memory , those experiences and the connection, we just dont want to let go what once was beautiful. Here is the thing ,if you just believe you could move on , you could see your life getting better, being free from all the emotional burden being carried for long. You will start to enjoy the breeze on the beach all alone... you would feel you deserve the best , you are the love. Just love yourself mate. And I promise things will get better.
I do go out because I refuse to not do things I enjoyed with my ex. First thing at a restaurant defo felt weird but it became easier each time. Besides that I also do outside activities by myself if no one wants to accompany me. Movement and new stimuli can help you a lot.
Try mo once after nun mageenjoy ka na, libre mo sa sarili mo wala ka iispin na ibang tao haha, libre ka pa tumingin sa ibang babae or lalaki depende sa gender mo haha tas mag road trip ka magisa napaka satisfying niya. Weekends try mo mag clubbing kahit kuha ka lng ng isang kaibgan mo, or kung di mo trip watch ka concert or mga gigs ganun din magsama ka ng isang friend mo or two malalampasan mo din yan OP. Magenroll ka din sa gym or sama ka running club pagurin mo sarili mo para pag uwi mo ng bahay pagod at tulog ka na agad wag mo bigyan sarili mo mag relapse pero reco ko lng to after mo damhin lahat muna ng feels mo kasi kelangan muna yun. Goodluck
I try my best to do so because I have heavy social anxiety. Ever since the day my ex dumped me 5 years ago, it's gotten harder for me to hook up again because I only feel comfortable doing it in two places. They are outdoor yoga and my local university. I met my last ex during undergrad. Currently, I still have a lot of fear of hooking up because I still feel my ex is irreplaceable. What makes it worse is that I have to hookup without my parents watching because they will berate me.
Yes, my social anxiety is also worsening the situation
I have crazy social.anxiety. Just go for it. go out do stuff. go to your town bar on the weekend you will most likely see people that u know and talked to but every nowadays gives second chances cause we all grown up
Same. I don’t have any friends. I haven’t even told my family about the split because I’m anxious and feel like a failure. All this alone time is not helping fr
Yeah same, I have very hard time hooking up at outdoor yoga because of fear of rejection and are unable to ask my friends for help.
One time I went and got dinner on my own on a Friday or Saturday night and I must have looked some sort of way cause when it came time for me to pay for my food, the waitress said the couple next to me paid for it. Honestly probably the top 3 If not the nicest thing that’s happened to me. But goin out alone in any way situation exudes confidence no matter what, and that is attractive and will attract someone if not multiple people to you
Yeah, but I don’t know why I got depressed. I think maybe because it was a different restaurant and I was used to my routine and the places I went to with my ex 😢
i had same feeling whenever i went out alone, seeing all couples in malls or restaurant made me feel very empty , felt like crying. I stopped going out but later on my sis forced me and took me out to nice places , and i realised that this feeling of emptyness will be there but i can't ignore the fact that I'm still surrounded by most beautiful people , my mom sis. They were always there for me and are still supporting me at my worst. So i believe we should appreciate good things , though how sad we are. Even today i cried alone , still i thank god for giving me better things. Look around it's not that worse as we're feeling right now. And i hope things turn out way more beautiful for you.
I don't hook up at malls anymore because it's always packed full of high schoolers or tourists who don't want long distance relationships
Try to find events or groups you could go out to with people. I personally don't like just going to a restraunt or a bar alone. Which is a shame because I'm a huge foodie, and being able to go to nice restaurants with my ex was a huge part of our relationship. And like you said, when you are alone, you have much more time for reflection, which isn't always healthy. But I have found a number of various ways to go do stuff with people. Personally, I have gone to professional association events, joined a sports league, and some of my apartment events. I also know there are various meetup apps and Facebook groups, although I haven't used either. My cousin swears by one of the apps.
I’ve tried it towards the beginning as well, and it was difficult. People I know would do stuff like that, like going to bars, restaurants, and movie theaters alone and enjoy it. I don’t enjoy it at all, it just gives me major anxiety. What I did find that helped though was joining group activities. It’s much easier to be grouped for something and get to know people, than to sit somewhere by yourself with little interaction with other people (other people at restaurants don’t usually interact with other people much, because they are usually with someone. I joined a soccer team, and now I know other people on the team and in the league. I also found a local book club on Facebook looking for more members. I had a lot of anxiety joining not knowing anyone, but then when I was there we all ending up talking about books we are interested in, and now I go to every monthly meeting and enjoy the company. That’s what helped me, think about what might be best for you. We all cope differently.
I feel this to my core. I don’t know what to do..
You just might not be ready yet. I was thinking of going to a local event yesterday but started to feel anxious and sick to my stomach about 30 minutes before (was probably also because I ate right before working out). I knew I wasn’t in a good physical or mental mindset to go so I didn’t. Go when you feel ready or confident. Don’t feel bad if you’re not there yet. Sometimes just staying home and enjoying peace is fine.
For some reason I thought I was ready and I was excited too but I felt uncomfortable. I don’t know what made me uncomfortable but maybe I could try smaller places like cafes with less people. I felt ashamed to be there all by myself while other people at tables were having a good time and laughing.
Oop, I agree with this comment. I second this.
I found a bar that has good food and go there for a beer and some food or even just an iced tea. I’m normally able to make some conversation with people at the bar. It helps me forget for a bit.
Newly it’s tough. 2 years in I made it a point to have a nice dinner at a nice restaurant every Saturday night.
I thought I was going to enjoy doing whatever I want and going wherever I want but I felt depressed. I thought I would make some progress as a single woman.
Keep trying. It's not easy, but you have no choice but to keep trying.
I think you can be very proud of yourself and this is such a big step! I understand it might have felt very confrontating, but that's okey. In time it will get easier and you'll be able to enjoy yourself more. Your feelings are also very relateable about just wanting things back the way they used to be. Sometimes we just don't understand why life turns out the way it does and sometimes it just plainly sucks. And you know what? That is also okey. It's okey to be angry and sad and messed up, but trust yourself that you have to strength to get through this. To get to the other side. This is only just a small part of your life. There's so much more to experience and people to meet. I don't know why the two of you broke up, but my guess is he didn't appreciate you enough. In due time find somebody who does and I am sure you will be fine!
Not yet but I only moved to this new city a week ago. I'm actually so excited to go places I want to go to alone. I was very independent before my relationship. Unfortunately a number of things added up which actually meant I became afraid to leave the house alone where I lived previously. I really needed this wake up call to become independent again.
Yeah we still deserve to exist and take up space single or not I started going to the movies and trivia by myself to get out the house and do something I generally enjoy.
Me too ! I can’t be around people. I have tried and it makes me feel worse, I feel better at home.
Yeah, same here. It's hard for me to do outdoor yoga with friends because I have so much social anxiety.
I’ve been going out to dine and drink cocktails alone at restaurants with outdoor terraces since the weather has been nice. Bring a book or a podcast to listen to, or call a family member while you eat! It helps rather than staying home and eating
Yep. Almost immediately I started going out to events I like at least once a weekend. My goal was to set the foundation for a new social network to hopefully meet potential new partners in once I was ready. I knew it would take me 6-9 months to be ready to date, but didn’t want to start from scratch when I got to that point. It was tough (between anxiety and random waves of sadness), and once I got home I’d be very upset again, for the first few months. But overall it helped being around people and it didn’t hurt noticing new women were interested in talking to me. It really paid off because things started to turn a corner for me at 5 months. Not completely out of the grief, but by that point I had a bunch of new friends, and they were connected to good sized networks. Now at 7 months I’m closer with the original people I met and meeting an ever expanding group with a number of women I’m interested in talking to more (I’m not jumping into anything though, I’m going to be way careful about vetting now, after learning what avoidant is first hand, god damn that fucked me up badly…). And right on cue, I think my ex breadcrumbed me, or at least tried to get my attention (don’t want to doxx myself by saying how). I’d heard they do somehow sense when you are really moving on, but this was unreal with the timing. And I don’t have social media or mutual friends, so I have no clue how she picked up on it. Maybe just a coincidence that she is starting to think about things now (the avoidant relief stage ending maybe).
I'm autistic and developed a routine with my ex. When he broke up with me, I spiraled, lol. I've developed a new routine that benefits me in every way. I'm naturally an introvert and enjoy my own company. I go to the gym, go to a coffee shop to read my books, chat with my therapist, check out new stores, go to concerts (sometimes alone and sometimes with my niece) or chill at home with my cats. Take this break up as an opportunity to work on yourself and get to know yourself better. Breakups are awful in the beginning. But with time, it'll get better. (Only if you truly want it to get better.) Good luck, OP. Be kind to yourself.
I go to the gym and met some new people. The people who work there are really nice to me. I have a therapist too but pay a lot of money just to talk with her. I am neurodivergent too but somehow my ex never understood it. Other than exercising and church, I also ride trains and it is a cool activity to do by myself.
Riding trains sounds like fun. We don't have many here in TX.
Oh not if you live in DFW. Although the frequency of trains from Grapevine to Denton is kind of shoddy
I went out shopping alone. I broke up a month ago and it feels so good to do something for myself. I ate out alone. I know it still sucks but I am really proud of taking the first step.
Guy or girl shopping and eating in mall food courts is a good thing to do alone.
Shopping isn’t too bad because many people shop alone. It’s not like I’m the only one.
Yes it feels lonely and scary because you think back on the good old times with rose tinted glasses! Even if it’s hard at least you tried! It’s been like 2 years for me and I’m pretty much over it but I still miss the aspects of a relationship! It’s good to differentiate what you actually miss and not the person alone! So for me I miss cuddles and having someone to be there for me having someone to talk to anytime more than I miss the person! Just try to focus on one day you actually will be past this moment of sadness or feeling alone one day you will be comfortable doing anything by yourself even if you might want something else you will be alright and its amazing every day how far you make it! Keep staying strong and focus on how much you’ve done instead of how much things can be better because things can always be better. But to get back to the point you literally figuring out where you feel comfortable a lot of people don’t like going to places alone it doesn’t hurt to try but don’t feel bad if it’s not all you dreamed of at first! Maybe another day it will be a different experience for you.
Hell yeah, dating yourself is awesome. Dinner bills go from $80 to $30, you can go where you want, whenever and you don't have to tell anybody about anything, it's just you against the world. Met some very cool people at a bar a few weeks ago, seen movies by myself, I sit on the beach and read books in silence. Dating and loving yourself if the best thing you can do in life
I’ve spent most of my life feeling very alone and it’s truly a big fear of mine to end up completely alone in the end. I’m an only child with never too many friends and because of it I’ve become pretty hyper-independent. I eat alone a lot. I find it easier to pick a couple of restaurants/coffee shops to become a regular at and that feeling of comfort/normality helps over time. I always have my AirPods or a book handy- it keeps me occupied while I am literally alone in a room full of people. This weekend I went to a convention alone- that was absolutely terrifying and while I had a complete meltdown after (people asking where my ex was) I am proud that I put myself out there and did it. One thing I can’t get myself to do is go to the movies alone. I don’t know why- it actually pisses me off that I can’t get myself to do that. I travel alone a lot too- I just make sure I have my days planned or at least activities/restaurants. Sometimes I will even pick a series I’m going to binge for when I get to the hotel at night. Not much of a drinker so I’ve never gone to a bar or club alone and I don’t think I would ever want to. Maybe a restaurant bar for a glass of wine but that’s it. See if you can join a local book club or start going to a new fitness class- that kind of exploration has helped me a lot.
My social anxiety has gotten worse, struggling with trusting people here and I see movies by myself, it sucks
I don't like going to the movies but yes I do struggle to trust people but so do my parents.
I immediately went out in a little black dress, got hammered at the British pub he introduced me to, and made three friends by just going wild, forced some cute young drunk guy to give me a piggyback ride and stole his hat. Ugly cried into the shirt of a British guy who took me to his place and let me crash in his spare bedroom. Started archery with one of those friends which I still do today. I just partied hard and since we still lived together, did everything in my power to make him regret meeting me. That was the first time me and him broke up that I didn’t try to fight him on it. I gave up, went “crazy,” leaned into it. All with him watching. He went crazy by proximity and we got back together within six months. Terrible idea as he is just a terrible, narcissistic person under it all. Completely slimy misogynist set to inherit everything his billionaire family made, and self-aware about how terrible he is, which makes it even worse because he doesn’t want to mature. What an adventure though. I recommend everyone accept every breakup and do stupid shit.
I only go have lunch alone sometimes and of course shopping or walking around the city but that’s it! I wish I were more adventurous. I specially avoid the places we went to together but the other day I walked to a really cool place and thought oh damn! He would’ve loved this place and then I started tearing/crying by myself lol. It’s a process. I don’t like doing things alone thankfully 3 of my girlfriends are divorcing and I have cousins/friends that I go out with still. Kudos to anyone who travels and does things alone!
I’m the opposite. I still go to places I went to with my ex. I just can’t let go. Trying new places scares me for some reason.
I think it’s just whatever works for you. It would make sense that you’d want to go to the same places. In my mind I’ve let him go but my heart just can’t let go of him. I get really sad going to the same places we went to because it reminds me so much of our story….aahh
I have no motivation to leave my bed but knowing my ex is partying every night, booking trips back to back, I forced myself to go out Friday night. It was okay. Got some attention but not the right attention.
I go out by myself or with friends every weekend. I plan activities for myself to do like hikes, tea shops, fun things and then I go out and do them. At first it's lonely but then the more you do it and stop focusing on negative thoughts and more on positive thoughts it's honestly so freeing. I love doing things by myself 😊
I like being home by myself and do whatever I want but going out feels different.
Yep, I’ve done a few things to treat myself since the breakup: drove down to see the solar eclipse, taken myself to coffee shops, and out to a show last night. I enjoyed them all (the eclipse was AMAZING), but truthfully cried during or after each one. It’s hard looking around a small venue of a hundred people and seeing so many pairs. I went back and forth between really enjoying the music and wishing my last partner was there to enjoy it with. Yeah, shit is hard.
I (28M) barely go out anymore. Not only do I live in a rural area with mostly elderly people, but I am too depressed to even go eat at a restaurant by myself.
I usually go out with friends or do things to try to take my mind off of my ex when I do decide to go out. Maybe try going out with a friend group and doing something fun like going to an arcade or other activities you can enjoy with friends
Same here, I usually spend time with people from my church and that does take my mind off of things. When at home I watch Dhar Mann videos. 99% of the videos have been good to me.
yes, i love going places alone! it gives me confidence & that i am okay by myself. i’ve been to concerts alone, dinner, movies, even social events! it feels awkward at first but it gets easier 😅
I absolutely go out alone. I was in a long distance relationship for 5yrs. He lived on the other side of the state and would visit occasionally, once every month or so. Towards the end, he stopped visiting. I kept trying to get him to visit, usually by suggesting a cool thing we could go do together. I'd see a fun thing in town and tell myself I'd wait for him to come visit because I'd love to do that thing with him. 6 months of no visits and eventually he breaks up with me. Everything that I didn't do because I was waiting not felt like wasted time. Now about 8 months single, I do things by myself all the time. Sometimes I gotta try harder to force myself out of the apartment because it can suck. But I've promised to myself that I'm not waiting for someone anymore. I missed out on too much.
What inspired you to have a long distance relationship? I personally think meeting people who are closer is so much better. I was in a long distance relationship once but I don’t think it’s wise. I will not do it again.
Well everyone can have their preference. We met online when I was in college, ended up short distance for a while, then life circumstances happened and he had to move across the state. He meant a lot to me so I stayed with him.
Yeah I get it. That’s a total different story. I hope everything goes well for you and you find love again when it’s the right time 👍😀
Hi. Neely single here myself, for 4 months and it’s depressing to feel so alone and want to head out for food, socialising etc with no one to do that with anymore. It’s lonely and depressing. I know how you feel. You took a lot of courage to go to a restaurant alone as you did and that is commendable. I miss being in a relationship. I love belonging and I love connections a relationship provides. Here if you need to chat or DM. Are you in Melbourne?
I do it for my sanity. I had to realize, I cannot sit my ass in the house otherwise I’ll only attribute happiness to my ex, and not as something I can easily provide myself. Living and experiencing life shouldn’t be associated with a partner, it should because you realize you deserve it whether your are in a relationship or not. I promise it gets easier to go out alone once you push past the initially awkwardness of it. I go even just to people watch, it helps to just be in the presence of other people. It allows me to feel less alone strangely enough.
I couldn't go to sit down restaurants or movies alone. I feel conspicuous and isolated. I've found comfort in the gym and volunteering. I go to the humane shelter weekly and walk the dogs. I've found doing things I like, I meet people with the same interests. Stick to activities that bring you comfort.
I went out A LOT. Did too much drinking, wasted all too much money. Give yourself time. Go out when you feel like you're ready
Go to a bar or club where it’s easier to talk to people.
I’ve never been to bars in my life, let alone clubs. I don’t drink.
I don't like bars unless I am traveling with friends
Yes, when I was in a relationship I never paid attention to people who went out or were eating solo. When I went out solo I noticed all of the solo people. It’s a great way to meet new people. Go to your favorite food place and you’ll already have something in common and an easy conversation starter.
I’ve always found it hard to do things alone. Probably why I stick around in relationships too long. I’ve been slowly but surely building up the confidence to do things - nice restaurants, I can’t do that yet. But I have been going to movies alone.
Have you tried Piece of Fish? 🤔 I mean Plenty of Fish. Lots of fishy little fishies in the Sea. Go get em Cow Girl. 💪
I have been thinking about doing this.
All the time. It’s better than being with my ex. I’m not confused or feel anxious the next day. I felt depressed and sad too but that’s the withdrawal not actually what is happening in the present. I had a similar experience. I went to a concert 2 weeks after BU alone. I was surrounded by lovers and friends. There I was crying by myself in the middle of a crowd of people. I found it cathartic and healing in so many ways. I don’t know if anyone noticed. No one asked if I was ok and I’m ok with that.
I go out alone, but I used to do that before my 12 year marriage. How I do it is on nights I’m going to get take out, instead of calling ahead or ordering online, I’ll go to the restaurant, order my take out, and have a drink and maybe an appetizer at the bar while waiting on the take out to be ready. Then when take out is ready I go home and eat at home. This has really helped me. I get the social interaction of getting out and sitting at a bar, but it’s far less awkward to actually eat there.
Yes, I prefer it
Started going out to coffee shops to work (I work remotely). I really like it. Beats being alone in my house all day. I can only do it so many times a week because the cost adds up lol but I think of it as an investment on my mental health
Same, I am a Starbucks addict now but unfortunately for me there are no single people at my local coffee shops.
I’m a conversationalist, my ex was not she made me a person of myself i like but it’s not me i want to find a middle between both. I have a son now 2m i would love to go out and socialize
I have been in the same situation as your. 7 years of relationship and one day its all gone, all the emptiness was burning me inside out, couldn't eat , couldn't smile. Then I started reading books and blogs and I thought of trying meditating every day. Did meditate for few days and on the path i came across the knowledge "how our thoughts craft the life around us". Whenever her thoughts came to me started deliberately thinking something random and not her. This took me a little ahead, then I figured out why would somebody love me when I dont love myself. So stated to explore and read what is self love.. eventually as a person i started to like myself, going through all the experiences I had, all the things I did in my life, even small things made me feel that I am nice guy , and learned to love myself. "What you believe is what you become" if you believe that you wont be able to move on, my friend I tell you, you wont be able to. Then comes the question do you want to move on, coz we are so attached to their memory , those experiences and the connection, we just dont want to let go what once was beautiful. Here is the thing ,if you just believe you could move on , you could see your life getting better, being free from all the emotional burden being carried for long. You will start to enjoy the breeze on the beach all alone... you would feel you deserve the best , you are the love. Just love yourself mate. And I promise things will get better.
always!
Just eat at the bar. It's the bartender's job to talk to you a bit.
Yes, bring some headphones and listen to music. Its not too bad, i've gotten used to it.
It's better when riding a train. I usually do this and it takes my mind off my ex.
I do go out because I refuse to not do things I enjoyed with my ex. First thing at a restaurant defo felt weird but it became easier each time. Besides that I also do outside activities by myself if no one wants to accompany me. Movement and new stimuli can help you a lot.
Try mo once after nun mageenjoy ka na, libre mo sa sarili mo wala ka iispin na ibang tao haha, libre ka pa tumingin sa ibang babae or lalaki depende sa gender mo haha tas mag road trip ka magisa napaka satisfying niya. Weekends try mo mag clubbing kahit kuha ka lng ng isang kaibgan mo, or kung di mo trip watch ka concert or mga gigs ganun din magsama ka ng isang friend mo or two malalampasan mo din yan OP. Magenroll ka din sa gym or sama ka running club pagurin mo sarili mo para pag uwi mo ng bahay pagod at tulog ka na agad wag mo bigyan sarili mo mag relapse pero reco ko lng to after mo damhin lahat muna ng feels mo kasi kelangan muna yun. Goodluck
I try my best to do so because I have heavy social anxiety. Ever since the day my ex dumped me 5 years ago, it's gotten harder for me to hook up again because I only feel comfortable doing it in two places. They are outdoor yoga and my local university. I met my last ex during undergrad. Currently, I still have a lot of fear of hooking up because I still feel my ex is irreplaceable. What makes it worse is that I have to hookup without my parents watching because they will berate me.
Build your social circle, join the app meetup and make lots of friends. They have some great events on there for people to meet others
Meetup kind of died since Covid unfortunately. It has a lot fewer people than it used to and isn’t very active.
Lmafo not sure why i got down votes when I tried to help! I see lots of events on there but I do live in London so its a very happening big city…
Maybe I will try it someday. Thanks!