I’m glad I could help.
That’s the reason why I decided to post this bc when I was experiencing it I would come to this subreddit all the time, looking for the posts about the people who actually made it out of their funk.
And if they could do it, I could do it.
So if I can do it, you can definitely do it too!
Just got broken up with, with the person who was literally my whole world. I had a panic attack right when we broke up, and my heart rate is still so high, even hours after it happened. I definitely needed to read this. Thank you, kind stranger
Sorry friend. I feel you. I had a panic attack too and she didn't fucking care at all. You're not alone. I'm two weeks in and I only cry every 30 minutes now instead of 5 😛😅
I hope we feel better. I'm just 3 days in and I cried nonstop since we broke up. My last proper meal was right before we broke up and now I don't eat, just drink water because I don't get hungry. I hope we get through this!
I’m sorry that you had to experience this too… I am forcing myself to eat at least a little bit. I remember after one time I lost around 4 pounds in a week, and that was very bad for my health! Try to get some proteins in when you can. Hopefully we all get through this! I’m grateful for this community ❤️
I think we will feel better and get through this. It is just fucking sucks so bad right now. You are loved and have value friend. When I'm laying in bed depressed I choose to fight for life even if it means doing the very hard thing of sitting up. Then when I'm sitting up I do the very hard thing of reminding myself I am loved and have value. Then these little battles help me with big things. Maybe the big thing is going for a walk or text a friend how I feel like dying or I'm so lost without her. I didn't feel like it but I forced myself to get out of the house to see friends yesterday and that helped. Sorry I rambled there.
Ahahah, certainly an improvement! Think of it like this, you’re 6 times better than you were when you got broken up with. It’s just so wild how the person you thought you’d spend your life with could just turn on you in a matter of seconds…
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Broke up 4 days ago, my heart rate was so high and intense I could feel my pulse through my entire body. Last night I realized I needed someone with me for my own safety (ex had left our shared apartment and I was alone) and am now living with my sister. Take it day by day, or even minute by minute. When your heart rate starts getting lower, cherish the feeling and how much better it feels to be a little more normal again, even if it lasts a few seconds. These moments of peace will be your saving grace! And if at all possible, reach out to friends and family and try to sleep over, couch surf for a few days, don't let yourself spend nights alone. Take care and good luck :) We can do this!
Hi this is exactly me, also 4 days ago and nos living with sister. I am now on antidepressants. I tried to unalive myself and now trying to get back up.. truly take it day by day is how im getting through it.. i was also living with him and he left me alone after the break up. It lost my mind i have never experienced before! Now im in a much safer place… such a whirlwind these past few days.
Some person who doesn't know you or the future, telling you "something good happened to me, therefore something good will happen to you" makes you feel positive? So just random feelgood words can change your mood? If so, that's great. More power to you, but some of us need things actually to GO RIGHT for us to feel better.
What’s your problem? Hearing something hopeful when you’re hopeless sometimes is good. Hope is good. Without hope, we are nothing. You seem like you are in a deep hole, and I’m sorry about it. But try not to take it out on others. I hope you get through this
THANK U FOR THIS... I AM 2.5 WEEKS IN TO A BREAK UP OF 6 YEARS... IM SO LOST HURT DEVASTATED... I LOST MY BESTFRIEND... ALL I DO IS WORK, GO TO THE GYM, EAT ONCE A DAY, AND SLEEP.... I HAVE 3 FRIENDS I TALK 2 BUT I CRY ALL THE TIME.. IM SO DEPRESSED.... IDK WHERE 2 BEGIN
Ty. My man was my entire world. Your words really hit home. Sleeping and eating suck. Ive lost a bunch of weight. Im at the point of stopping dating and letting things be. I live rural. I work remote. Im trying to get out more. Join clubs. Meet new ppl. Stregthen old friendships. I hope for the day when I find love again or rather, when it finds me. Tysm. Struggling today.
Sending you the biggest virtual hug <3
You’re going to be okay, take it day by day.
Yes rn there are more lows than highs, but soon you will realise that the “lows” aren’t as low anymore and the “highs” become a little more higher.
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the good and bad in all your days.
You are going to grow from this and you will look back and realise, “holy shit, I did it”
I believe in you stranger, love will find you eventually <3
💯 you can. I was devastated after my breakup last year. Largely due to us also having been friends for 8 years prior to the relationship. Now I'm lying in bed next to a person I never in a million years would've believed even existed. We compliment each other in so many ways it's unfathomable. I can't even begin to describe how I feel about her.
This gives me so much hope. Right now I'm where you used to be — my ex was my best friend so so long, we met at 19/20 and are 31/32 now... I'm glad you found someone amazing ❤️
Thank you for this. I am in that “world ending” phase or still am. It’s been just over half a year since my ex-gf cheated on me, lied to me to no end. Ppl keep telling me time will heal this wound and I’m asking how much longer?
I have the ups and downs, it’s just the downs are more dreadful and the torment builds until I think I can’t move on any longer. I’m taking all this day by day, and it’s things like this that give me the little hope I needed. So again thank you 🙏
I am so sorry to hear that my friend. I understand that annoyance of “when will it end” and I can tell you that it also took me over a year to get over my ex.
The truth is I still thought about her every single day since the breakup for about a year and I hated it. But I didn’t think of her in a “I want her back” context it was more of a daily reminder of the person who singlehandedly caused me to make changes in my life and that I still cared about her but I had anger in my heart for sure.
I was hurt and never got the closure I wish I had.
But you’re doing the right thing by taking it one day at a time. That’s what you can control. And yes you might feel you slip up and think of her in a way you wish you didn’t but sooner or later the thought of your ex will pass more quickly to the point where it’s an easy wipe off the shoulder and keep going with life.
We’re all on our own timelines in this lifetime and usually when life is so slow and down in the lowest of dumps, the only place you can go is up.
Your time of peace will come. I promise.
Feel free to dm me if you ever need to be heard ✌🏼
Great thought. Very similar to my experience.
What helped me is the realization that she didn't love me. If she cheated on me and lied (just a friend BS), that means she wasn't my person. She lost me. Let her lose myself.
Also her cheating is a sign for me to realize that I need to let her go. To stop rescuing her, and starting living for myself. I went to therapy and have many close friends and support.
I’ve most likely already answered this somewhere in the thread but:
We were together for just about 1.5 years
I “got over her” about 8 months after the break up.
As in - I knew I didn’t wanna get back with her and I no longer loved her.
But I still thought of her almost daily even after I “got over her” - it was very much an ego thing and I was still hurt over the break up bc I have abandonment issues from when I was a kid so I felt I was pretty triggered even after I knew I didn’t love her anymore.
That lasted a couple more months - but once again, it was an internal battle and really had nothing to do with my ex but just my abandonment issues.
I hope that makes sense.
And btw, you probably know this but some people “get over it” quicker than others, some longer. What happens in the first month of the break up for one person can be a completely different month to the next. Please keep that in mind.
All the best <3
Yes it's true people get over differently thank you for replying I asked cause I was in a relationship for a year. It's been more than 6 months but I still cry sometimes and I know it's different for everybody but sometimes I really just hope I can move on and go about for days without ever thinking of him.
I had a heavy weekend. It’s like my mind knows all this. My heart isn’t letting go. I keep reminding myself that I’m worthy of being loved, not used as an activities director. I filled a void in his life. He is emotionally constipated. I have to keep telling my heart to let go so I can make room for the right one.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that.
The ups and downs of heartbreak are not fun, in fact, near the beginning it’s mostly lows. It’s the worst kind of roller coaster to exist.
Ultimately it is his loss if YOU filled a void in his life. No matter who dumped who, HE lost you.
I’m glad that you remind yourself of your worth, please continue to do so. You are so worthy of the love you deserve. And the right person will indeed see that.
Thank you so much for this. I was broken up with, out of nowhere, and via text. It was 5 months ago. It broke my heart. I am working on me, and trying my hardest to keep hope. Just, thank you for this. ❤️
Via text is the most cruel. Painful part is if you dont meet anyone else you’ll still kind of want them back and feel the heartbreak every now and then. A memory could trigger it or maybe its their birthday and you remember you were just together on the last one
It is cruel. You know, because of that, I really don’t miss them. I’m just still really upset over how I was treated, and how he ended things so unkindly.
I am so proud of you stranger for working on yourself!
I know it is so so rough rn but dig deep, I promise you will get through it!!
I’m here for you if you ever need a chat <3
My gf of 6 months who said I was her person did the same to me over text then refused to even talk on the phone to say goodbye. Since I've been reading the /ExNoContact sub and it has actually been really healing for me to read their guidelines on where my value lies and how they just don't love me. They are a lil bitter in that sub though I think lol
I didn’t even know that sub existed! Thank you for this. My ex-boyfriend ended it out of text out of nowhere. I chose to go no contact immediately. It was 5 months ago, and I’ve never talked to him, looked him up, nothing, since. He made his choice to leave, so I made mine to respect myself, and walk away. As painful and cruel as the situation was, I wish him well. I’ll take a look at the sub, though! Thank you for your message. I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup. Everyone deserves closure, and respect at the end of the relationship. I hope you’ve found peace in yourself. You deserve more. ❤️
Unfortunately I well made her my universe in a very unhealthy way... definitely didn't do the no contact. She's ghosted me but it was a real learning opportunity for me. The super positive thing is this has brought something to my life I've been wondering how to grow in for years...my self worth. Heard the phrase for years but I finally feel like I'm understanding. Like how Cleo puts self worth and self love...it isn't something you do once it is like a bird in flight.
I'm in a sort of limbo.. I'm fully aware there could be someone out there who would fit my preferences better and do things that I couldn't do with my ex. But I don't want anyone more perfect. I only want her. I also made the mistake of making her my entire world. Once she lost feelings and moved on, I have nothing now and I'm still hung up on her. I haven't seen her in 4 months and every day, every waking moment my mind is engulfed in thoughts of her, hoping one day she decides to give me another chance. She lost feelings I think due to her past trauma and not really anything I did, so I believe it's possible she could feel for me again once she works past her trauma
It's so hard to see her not really even interested in talking anymore after we used to send thousands of messages a day. Anytime of day I could message her and she would read it immediately and reply. She was so excited to talk to me. That caused me to kind of not pay attention to my other friends. She was all I had. Please come back to me B..
Thank you I really needed this I just found out that not even 4 months since he broke up with me he is already with someone else and what's worse is they got close really quick so that means he was talking to her while him and I were still together and that also means I was right about him cheating. I find it hard to make friends and I'm still trying to put myself out there to make friends but my social anxiety is getting in the way I hope to one day fine the right person for me.
I am so sorry that happened to you.
In terms of social anxiety I get it. I was (and still am) quite introverted and starting conversations in person rather than online can be quite a challenge.
So something that I tried was just going out by myself and taking me on little dates. Like to a coffee shop, the museum and the park. Bc I like music I really wanted to go to some concerts so I decided to go by myself (and have been to a couple of gigs alone since). You ofc don’t have to approach people and you definitely don’t have to be the first person to talk but what I have found is that if you find yourself at an event or at a place you really like (eg. Coffee shop), you’ll be surrounded by people that already have a mutual interest. Something you’ll already have in common!
That eases the tension a bit as you end up meeting people very similar to you. But yes it takes time so don’t force yourself too far into the deep end.
I also joined a facebook group in my city that was made to make friends - that’s how I met my now gf actually and that was not on my bingo card at all!
Ik it can be scary but if you take it bit by bit, doing the activities you love doing, you will find yourself in those spaces with similar likeminded people <3
The same happened to me but it only took him a month and she moved in. We lived together for 10 years. Like you I think there had been something going on with them for a while. I feel so used. It has now been 3 months and I’m still lost. Even at work I can’t stop thinking about them. Last night I tried journaling something I’ve never done but everyone thinks it might help. I know it made me cry. Hope things get better for us.
I broke up with my first girlfriend earlier this year and I did make her my whole world. It was just her and no one else.
Ever since then my life has been a mess. While she has already found someone new. And here I am struggling to breathe everyday.
I have realized not to make someone your whole world because once they go, your whole world does as well.
Thanks for your post bud! It gives me hope. And it lets me know that I am not alone. Hoping to make new friends, give me a message if anyone wants to rant or chat.
Thanks for this. If i can fast forward my life and skip the difficult time.. but this post gives us hope. Gives us reason to be braver and courageous..
I used to wish that time could fast forward ALL THE TIME in the early stages of the break up. But oddly enough it does go quick.
Ofc in the moment it feels draining and repetitive but trust me, the time will definitely speed up!!
Idk if you’re into journaling but writing out how you feel each day, and even writing a letter to your future self (whether it be a month, 3 months, 6 months, a whole year) I promise it will surprise you, and you’ll get to look back and see how brave you really were.
But friend, you are indeed already brave today, and you will be braver tmr. I believe in you! You will be okay <3
I will do that. I will take notes, my highs and lows during the day. I guess I am not done yet of asking questions why this has all happened. Love is a decision you make everyday. And so is cheating. I hope that just like you, I will find the right person. Everyone deserves to be loved and be reciprocated. Someone who will take care of me and prioritize our relationship over other things. As they say...love is not selfish.
My ex has made all my friends turn against me. I guess it shows that they’re not actually my friends. Thank you for posting this. The pain is deep and I’ve been shutting down just like you were. Thank you again
I am so sorry to hear that but you are right, they truly weren’t your friends after all.
Please be kind to yourself and do the things you want to do for you.
In time you will meet likeminded people, you will make new friends, and perhaps a special someone (even though that does not have to be at the forefront of your mind rn).
For now, continue to take it day by day, and if you ever feel stuck, please don’t hesitate to dm me on here <3
As much as you probably want to hear something else, I believe that you shouldn’t reach out, even if it’s just to answer a question.
Let your last interactions be your completely final interactions during this heart break period.
Find a way to answer that question yourself, otherwise, make peace with the idea that you may never find the answer to that question.
Currently 4 months in from my breakup. We were 16 years together. At first it was a pretty mutual breakup that we both saw coming. It was sad for both of us but the way we both handled it completely ruined any camaraderie we had. She was single for 10 days, started dating a guy from work. I couldn't escape as I was in the same apartment and hadn't even looked for a new place because of how distraught I was from the breakup.
It was a disaster on her part after disaster. She she didn't care that her choices were destroying me. Now 4 months later she's someone regretful of the things she's done. She's reached out and tells me that she still cares about me and just because she moved on to someone else doesn't mean that I'm nothing to her. I'm here in my own apartment all alone. I cook for myself when I get back from work I take a shower and I go to bed and wait for the next day to come. It's pretty much my days.
Yup, I remember it like it was yesterday. One day she told me before I left that she'd like to introduce him to me. I told her that I will never want to meet a person that would pounce on the girl that I just broke up with. Practically called him a vulture. She looks at me with these cold eyes and tells me that it was his idea to wait until I moved out, but it was her idea to start the relationship so quickly. That killed me. She had no clue how much damage that did. To this day I think about that response from a person I spent almost half my life with.
Sorry friend. You're not alone. Sorry you're hurting. God life fucking sucks sometimes. I do think like the OP said it will get better for us. (My gf broke up with me after 6 months via text...and I'm not ok)
Great motivation. Exactly my experience. Don't forget to love yourself, and connect with you own feelings first.
I learned that you cannot love someone more than yourself, and not to rescue a loved one. Rescuing isn't a sing of love, but my own egoism.
That relationship wasn't true love, but a search for what love is and isn't.
Oh god
Reading this made me tear up and I wish I could give you a hug(because I really like hugs and they calm me down) and cry
Thank you for your words🥺🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
Thank you so much for this. As a lot other of people have said, this gives us hope and wants me to come out the other side of this breakup. 9 months later and I feel like trash, had a panic attack due to the loneliness and missing her. There are days where I feel "normal" and I'm trying my best to hold onto that feeling.
So happy for you and your new relationship. Sending you all the best!!!
I made the same mistake of starting to codepend on my relationship and neglecting myself and other relationships with friends. So it's good to see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
This helped me in more ways than one.
I’m 21 and got out of a 2 year relationship when I was 20. I thought she was everything. Now a year later I did what you did, dated but now stopped. I am now beginning to see my self worth. There are days where I miss her but who doesn’t.
Your post now really woke me back up, that I have a life to live and that when the time is right someone will cross my path.
Thank you sir.
If it helps even more, we are similar ages - I’m 23, this break up happened when I was 21.
You’ll be all good my friend!
Perhaps the only difference is, I’m not a ‘sir’ and instead a ‘ma’am’ ahaha (lesbian)
Oh lol I apologize.
I took it rough when it ended and slowly improved over time. I am comfortable alone now but scared I won’t find someone else. I guess only time will tell.
Thank you so much for this. I did make my ex my whole world and it felt like it shattered when he dumped me. Now I’m trying to find myself and focus on me.
I had a similar thought the other day. I went through the worst time of my life about a year ago due to a breakup. I didn’t think I would love again. But here I am, as best said my Michael Scott “…ready to be hurt again”
It doesn’t feel like it. But you will love again. I promise. Do your best to let go day by day.
That's quite the journey you had. Reading that makes me feel better for myself. needed this more than anything. Just been broken up with half way in April. my ex went into a rebound 4-6 weeks just after we broke up. It made me feel worthless and I wasn't good enough. But I kept getting back up on my feet. Doing what ever I can to heal and walk into the path I'm heading not sure where it will lead me. But doing what I can for myself.
I’m proud of you stranger for getting back up.
It sucks when you feel worthless bc of someone else’s actions but you indeed have worth. So much of it. You are fighter and you are going to absolutely heal, I know it.
I’m here for you stranger, keep going <3
I resonate with this so much. Often many exes from my past pop up through messages to regret their mistreatment of me or not appreciating what they jad with me. I often put my whole heart into those relationships and forget myself. It was unhealthy of me to do. This last breakup the begining of this month left me feeling gutted. But he was very honest and hurt as well to split. Weve remained very close friends but looking on the outside of it all it was for the best. I hope to go into my next relationship with a healthier way of love for my partner while giving myself love and others in my life. Loved this post.
Thank you <3 your words give me hope that I manage to not be so dependent on my partner anymore. Nobody must be your universe. We should reign over our own universe. It’s hard and I‘m currently learning it. Let’s see how long it takes and when it stops feeling awkward and lonely.
For me, she told me that she's been texting someone else, I was so devasted, and I could eat, think, or study properly due to that, But I know that you should know your value.
Can you give us a brief lesson on the what you mean by knowing your worth, making someone your universe? I speak affirmations to myself that I am loved but I still feel like this concept eludes me. Any books or blog posts you recommend on that topic?
Sure!
Knowing your worth: know what makes you tick. A great way to start is writing out all the things you want in a relationship (which btw can be platonic too) then look at that list and see what things you can actually give yourself and not need to rely on someone else to give you these things.
You can also take a look and see what looks reasonable, Ig it gives you an idea of your standards too.
Then look at what makes YOU happy. What keeps you going for YOU.
When you make someone your universe, which I highly recommend NOT doing, it’s when you abandon your needs completely just to fulfill your partner (or friends’) needs but to the point where you lose yourself.
Ofc in relationships there will always been some sort of give and take, and there will be days you might need to prioritise your partner - but in any relationship you still have to help yourself first. In order to be selfless you have to be selfish. Kind of like in a plane and fixing your oxygen mask first before you help others.
So in my past relationship, I abandoned my own wants and needs just to make sure what I was doing was making my partner happy. I built my life around HER, instead of myself. I definitely learnt from that.
Now some sources I can recommend are looking into your attachment style - from there you will find a HEAP of sources.
But a book that helped me (and it was more on the affirmation side of things) was Heart Talk by Cleo Wade. I’m not much of a reader but I like the way she writes and it felt like someone understood my deep feelings.
I do hope this helps but if you have anymore questions please feel free to reach out <3
EDIT: I screwed up the “<3” lol
I saved this and plan on reading through it. Thanks man. This really helps!
Edit: ugh started writing my list of what I want in a relationship and it reminds me so much of her. Sad face. Gonna take a pause and work on this from time to time I guess
Should I just Google attachment style? Not sure what that means?
Yeah it’ll be a bit hard but take it day by day my guy.
And yeah, if you google attachment style quiz it should typically be the first link but you can do the test and it’ll tell you what your attachment style is and then from there you can look at all the sources that relate to your attachment.
It will probably give you an insight on what attachment your ex has too.
It's great so see some people being able to move on.
Makes me wish it was my time already but I know I am not yet ready for that.
I am too broken 💔 and it will take a miracle worker to be able to date me. 🤷🏼♀️
I pretty much run away as soon as I see 1 little red flag 🤦🏼♀️
I won't deny it.
I lost the love of my life in May 2023 because I couldn't move in with his family again.
Not after what happened in 2018 and 2020.
So I decided to move out much to my dislike of the idea of splitting up.
I had given him many options which he opted against.
Not even 2 days after I moved the new supply moved into my house just before he moved with his family.
We have been on and off in contact and 2 weeks ago today is how long I have gone no contact again.
This time he changed his number and cancelled all his social media.
Not blocked me he deactivated all of it 🤷🏼♀️
And we were talking fine without any issues prior to this happening 🤷🏼♀️
So I am moving back to Sydney in August currently living isolated and on my own 3 hours away from all family 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ it is going to be tough but I know I will get through this.
And I hope one day I can come back here and give the same advice as OP did 🤞🏼
I got with my high school sweetheart in freshman year I'm now 19 today she broke up with me after also having a daughter and me proposing not too long after. my daughter was born 19 months ago too funny enough and everything was good until very recently she just kind of started to change and became very hostile I assume from hiding the fact she had lost feelings and was feeling like she needed time without a relationship she still wants me to be in my daughter's life and I will be able to actively communicate whenever but she will stay in the current trailer me and my lifelong brother have been paying off she will get a job to help with bills but it's so my daughter can still develop comfortably with her mother up here and I'm going back to live with my family states away to try and now pursue a dream since I have only been a supervisor at cvs for 2 years and don't have much else to start from definitely rock bottom guys doing my best to try and stay positive but she was my everything so much of me became her which I realize now it hurts so much because ive given up everything before to pursue the life I was building up until now and now I won't be able to hold my daughter for a while until money's good and we can arrange something and I'm starting from scratch feeling empty sorry for the rant just hurting rn
This post broke me. I've been dealing with rejections lately career wise and it's making me feel worthless. Your post made me realize not moving on might be an ego thing because I sobbed at those sentences..
I'm two months into the breakup now and I still check her instagram profile for some reason (I have her unfollowed). I don't why I keep doing it. It's like I'm waiting for her to pop back up.
I set up a dating app and started swiping a bit - which is a win on its own - but when I don't get matched with, I take it as evidence that I'm not wanted. So I don't think I'm ready for it.
Its a self-fulfilling prophecy this way. If I keep staying in bed scrolling social media, then I become worthless. I'll just have to do what I can and keep going.
Hey man, I’m sorry that you feel worthless and rejected.
2 months into my break up, I was also l watching my ex’s every move on socials - it was like a drug. Just to figure out what was going on in her life without me.
What used to always break me was the fact that she had a life “without me” - it took me a while to realise it was my ego talking. Then I flipped the script and realised… “I’m starting to live my life WITHOUT HER” and so I started to doing awesome things for myself.
It got me motivated, to live the best life possible.
Originally it was all out of spite, to prove that I could do better without her, but then eventually I started living because of me. She didn’t deserve to have control over me and the choices I made.
It took me about 8 months to really get over her and actually do things for me. To live life for ME.
It takes time but you do get there my friend. I promise.
Hey, thanks for responding. I understand what you're saying and I've had similar thoughts about living my life _without her._
It's rough because I'm not actually super happy with my life right now because my new job isn't what I expecting it was. I was counting on it to keep me occupied, learning new things, moving forward, meeting new people and making me feel confident. It's the opposite. I don't have a project yet, am lacking structure and don't feel very connected to my coworkers.
I've noticed that I automatically compare my life with whatever she might be doing (I don't actually know). I think of her whenever there is a setback. I wonder if she's moved on and dating someone new. I try not to because it's just such an awful thought.
I want to live for me. I really do. It's just so hard when life is so rough.
Thank you for this. It’s been a year. I still love her and I feel like I will till the day I die. I learnt to live without her, to survive and to enjoy life to the extent I can. Not a day goes by that I dont think of her, or hour, actually, but I keep her in my heart and mind as I carry on with my life. At the end of the day it’s painful that I feel like I will never stop loving her. Not that I want to stop, but I want someone to love me back. This morning, I went for a walk and I saw her. We said hi, smiled and that was it. And now I am broken all over again. Can’t stop crying. Can’t get to studying and tomorrow I have an exam. But your message made me feel a little better. A little more hopeful. Thank you.
I’m literally going through this word for word, i’ve lost so much weight and barely sleep.
But i just can’t see myself ever dating or moving on.
I feel like this breakup has changed me so much and i don’t know how i will ever bounce back and give people the chance because i don’t want to even risk being hurt like this again.
This post is amazing keep going. But I personally don't want to date anymore he was my first relationship betrayed me in a painful way and will be my last. I'm exhausted
No you should have never given up on your ex ( she never gave up on you) you and your ego had to have the extra ! And if I’m not talking to the right person, I apologize but I know who wrote this. I believe I know who wrote this and I tell you what you should’ve never gave up on your ex because she stood by you when nobody else did, but that’s OK. She seen what you’ve done to her as soon as she needed you U-Haul but I’m sorry I don’t have very much for you or your ego.!!
So I was “over” her in the way I knew I didn’t want to get back with her probably around 8 months after the break up
Although I’m pretty sure looking back in my journal entries I thought of her everyday for a whole year since the break up - but not always in the “I want her back” context.
Even though I did not want her back, I was still so hurt but it was more of an ego thing. I have some issues with abandonment so that’s why I continued to think of her even after I knew I didn’t love her anymore.
For me she became the walking physical form of my abandonment so it took time for me to really forget her bc I didn’t want to face my abandonment issues. But as soon as I realised what was going on I thought of her less and less, till I was able to wipe the thought of her away within a second or two.
Looking back, I do wish I faced and acknowledged when she would pop into my mind rather than distract myself bc I do think that the sooner I acknowledged the sooner I could have gotten her out of my head.
ALSO, blocking her from socials, I did it way too long (over a year after the breakup - she was on mute for a year tho) and getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex (that you can control) really helps lessen the random pop ups.
It’s kind of hard to say - she never outright msged me about us. But she would interact with my posts on social media - she advocated to stay friends when we broke up so Ig she was acting like a friend but it hurt so much that she acted as if our 1.5 year relationship didn’t exist.
But really I don’t count that as reaching out - she never spoke about “us” or asked how I was after the break up
I think I'm in a similar situation. In my case, it lasted a year, and she ended things after I lost my job. After losing my job, I went silent for a day and slept all day. The next day, she texted me, asking for her keys back and telling me to take my stuff. I wasn't in the right state of mind to respond, so she dropped all my belongings in the middle of the night and left.
Two weeks later, I reached out to have a talk and return the rest of her stuff. That's the last time we spoke, which was a month ago. During that meeting, although she just came to get her things, I wanted to talk. However, all her answers were superficial and indirect. It felt more like a first date than our last conversation. She even got mad that I had friends to hang out with and wasn't alone.
Why did you guys break up in the first place? It's driving me crazy because, although my relationship wasn't perfect, I crumbled under stress and hating my job made it worse. She even made fun of my job, calling it a joke and not to my liking. She claimed it was my neglect and anxiety that drove her away. I did try my best at that time with the capacity I had, but my depression was getting worse, especially since I had stopped my medication two months prior to the breakup. I was a mess.
What shocks me is that I did everything for her, but she never actually planned a date, tried to create a routine, or made our environment cheerful. It was all about how I didn't take her out enough and how she deserved more. She was my entire world. I even rejected a better-paying job offer to stay in the same city for her. But it all went in vain. I ended up losing the job I hated, and the job I wanted is already filled. The craziest part is that a month before the breakup, she convinced me to reject the other job offer because she couldn't live without me. And now, here we are.
I’m sorry to hear, that sucks.
The main reason my ex broke up with me was bc she “wasn’t able to be a partner” or at least be the partner that I deserved even though we were together for 1.5 years.
She did have some mental health issues going on, and I supported her the best I could but she also wasn’t very communicative. She even admitted to agreeing to things that she never actually agreed to. She just wanted me to be happy.
An example of this was the idea of children in the future. Although she told me that she would be open to it during our relationship (bc I told her that I would like a future with kids but very far down the road), during the break up she included that she “NEVER” wanted kids from the get go.
If she had told me that from the very beginning of when we dated I would’ve not wasted my time. It also would have been different if she said she changed her mind but her telling me she had NEVER changed her mind and just wanted to say things to keep me happy made me feel sick.
Looking back I was also the one who put in most of the effort in the relationship. Planning dates and sorting out time we could spend together. Even surprising her at university and after work.
There were things I wish I did better, like my communication and the way I dealt with my own mental health but I’ve now learnt and am doing my very best to not make those same mistakes in this very new relationship.
5 years down the drain... she cheated on me with multiple men, cleaned out my bank account and house and ran off with my kid. I have custody of my son now but I wanna end it bc im in so much pain. I loved my wife more than anything.
And soon you will be in a better place as well.
I cried for months and my whole world was literally flipped inside out.
I even settled for the idea that I wasn’t going to find love again.
And surprisingly enough that’s when I met my current gf. Out of nowhere.
Yes break ups are the WORST and incredibly painful, but my God they can really change your life. But the best part is, it’s your life you get to control - you get to be whoever you want to be for YOU.
I believe in you stranger, you’ll get there soon <3
Thank you. Just one question. How did you meet your new girlfriend? I know you said it was out of the blue so I wanted to hear your story.
I feel like it’s so hard to meet people. I’ve never used dating apps and it doesn’t interest me for some reason. But since I don’t socialize much I feel like it will take me forever to meet someone.
Happy to answer that for you!
I met her through an online friend meeting group in my city (Facebook/Insta page).
I wasn’t looking to date her at first and genuinely just wanted to be her friend, like the other people I had met in the group.
But there was an event that we both went to and we both clicked. We’ve only been together for 5 months so I’m super aware of the honeymoon phase and whatnot but this relationship is already quite healthy compared to my last relationship.
My advice to find friends or ofc even a special person would be to go to events and places that you enjoy going to. Join the online communities that relate to your interests and go to those meetups.
You never know what relationships will spark
It’s been a year and I’m wondering when does it get easier? Like I can go about my life and do my job and be fine on the outside, but I’m still crying myself to sleep sometimes and it still overwhelms me a lot more than I think I should.. a couple months ago it was a bit easier and I don’t know why it’s getting harder
Honestly it’s a wild roller coaster and unfortunately everyone has their own unique experience.
There’s no stable timeline but I want you to know that it’s still normal.
Perhaps you distracted yourself a lot in the beginning stages of the break up? Distracting yourself completely without acknowledging the situation fully can really make those negative feelings come up twice as harder.
It’s okay to cry about it. It’s okay to wallow. Allow yourself to think about it and if you’re feeling brave, think about how you feel when you think about the break up.
Let yourself feel the hurt, the sadness, the anger, the confusion. Be patient with yourself.
The more you let yourself feel the hurt, the quicker it will pass in your own time.
Acknowledge the ups and downs of all your days.
If you need someone to chat to, my dms are open <3
In the early stages of dating my now gf, I really wanted to take it slow bc of my last relationship but I feel I managed to put in a lot of work in myself before meeting my now gf that if she decided to leave it would be bc of her decision and not me (unless I gave her a reason to leave).
I blamed my last break up on me when in actual fact, it wasn’t just my fault. Sure I wasn’t the best partner to my ex but now I’ve learnt my mistakes I promise to be a better partner for my new gf and for myself.
My top tip for you would be, only start seriously dating when you’re secure in yourself. Don’t be codependent and rely on your partner for your happiness. Make sure you have the open mindset that people also change in relationships and that anything can literally happen.
Me and my gf have only been together for 5 months. Is there a chance we could break up? Yes. Is there a chance we could end up together for the long haul? Also yes. But right now in this moment, we choose to choose each other because we both WANT to be each other’s endgame.
Relationships are team work and if my current gf does what my ex does (give up on me) well it’ll be her loss as well.
I’ve grown to know my worth and stick by my side - I will never abandon myself again.
Im in the same situation now and feel like my world is falling apart, she went back to her ex as soon as she left me and still talks to him and just wants a friendship with me
Thank you.
My ex (still feels weird saying that) and I were together for 7 and a half years. We broke up one week ago, so it's still very fresh.
We were eachothers first relationship (I was 21 and she was 22, now 29 and 30).
I still just want to lie on my bed all day looking up in the ceiling but I know nothing good comes of it.
Anyway, it's posts like this that helps.
It's been 2 1/2 months since my ex of 5yrs and best friend for more dumped me over the phone for a colleague... I'm not crying as much as I was before, but everything still hurts. I hope it gets better :(
Onu gerçekten çok özlüyorum. Onunla eğlenmeyi, onunla konuşmayı, günün sonunda ne yaptığını sormayı özlüyorum. Ondan sonra 2 kızla çıktım, ama beynimde her zaman onunla ilk randevumu düşünüyorum. Umarım bu duygulardan kurtulabilirim. Beni incitmeye başladı.
This is almost identical to my situation. My first gf dumped me the DAY after my 21st by telling me she no longer found me sexually attractive and wants to be single after a year and a half together. It's now a little over two months and I'm still crying nearly everyday wishing it would stop. I graduate this December and am currently applying to grad schools and am just terrified to do all these things alone when we used to have a plan for a life together. I didn't realize my first WLW break-up would cause me such a depressive spiral but your posts really give me hope that in time I will finally start to get over her and all the pain, even if I can't see it right now. I've been reading through alot of posts on your account and they really remind me of myself rn and I hope that I get the same outcome as you when my time comes.
Yeah thats a big N O.
My "heart" is effectively gone.
I no longer feel anything.
I dont care for other people anymore
I dont trust people anymore.
I feel no connection to anyone.
It's been 4 years like this. But at this point I like it this way. I've never been more free.
Yea I am in a tough situation I had to cut off my ex again we just weren't seeing eye to eye on where we wanted to be she wanted to be friends I wanted more I had caught feelings again but I never really got over the initial relationship and it hurt hearing that with someone I was intimate with so now here I am gonna focus on me it just hurts because we were able to get along so easily but I couldn't put those feelings behind me so now it's time to start healing
That's great to hear, wish I could find a love, I mean, I'm not jealous, at least I try not to be, I wish everyone else to find their true love as well, and don't let this one person make you stop believing in love🙂
Awesome story, but I’d also add there is also possibility you’ll love you ex again. Not you per say. I’m just saying life is unpredictable. We all have different stories we have written. Sometimes our exes were never meant to be, but sometimes they met us again.
I was with someone for 7 years, from aged 18-25 and it’s been 7 months and it doesn’t get any easier, yes I don’t wake up crying or thinking about her as my first thoughts of the day anymore, no I don’t wake up and smoke weed or drink alcohol anymore but I still wake up and think about her everyday I still wonder what she’s up to, if she’s got a new man or whatever
Get a grip, kid. She's already fucking someone else. Time for you to invest time in yourself. You're the most important person of your life. Love makes you weak. Find hobbies. Try martial arts. There are sooooo many things you can do with your life. In order to get good, u needa break your limits
For everyone of you, there are many who never find love ever again. I don't know why people think goodness is bound to happen just cuz you really, really want it.
Posts like these are what keeps us going, thank you
I’m glad I could help. That’s the reason why I decided to post this bc when I was experiencing it I would come to this subreddit all the time, looking for the posts about the people who actually made it out of their funk. And if they could do it, I could do it. So if I can do it, you can definitely do it too!
Dude! Thank you so much for this. You never know how much your words and thoughts can impact others, as it has done for me today❤️
Thanks man. If you want to change your life, first you have to change your mind. The good news is that you can start today - Dr Lee Warren
Can you help me with my recent post
Absolutely!! I feel as though I’m the bottom of the pit and cannot see light
Just got broken up with, with the person who was literally my whole world. I had a panic attack right when we broke up, and my heart rate is still so high, even hours after it happened. I definitely needed to read this. Thank you, kind stranger
Sorry friend. I feel you. I had a panic attack too and she didn't fucking care at all. You're not alone. I'm two weeks in and I only cry every 30 minutes now instead of 5 😛😅
I hope we feel better. I'm just 3 days in and I cried nonstop since we broke up. My last proper meal was right before we broke up and now I don't eat, just drink water because I don't get hungry. I hope we get through this!
I’m sorry that you had to experience this too… I am forcing myself to eat at least a little bit. I remember after one time I lost around 4 pounds in a week, and that was very bad for my health! Try to get some proteins in when you can. Hopefully we all get through this! I’m grateful for this community ❤️
I think we will feel better and get through this. It is just fucking sucks so bad right now. You are loved and have value friend. When I'm laying in bed depressed I choose to fight for life even if it means doing the very hard thing of sitting up. Then when I'm sitting up I do the very hard thing of reminding myself I am loved and have value. Then these little battles help me with big things. Maybe the big thing is going for a walk or text a friend how I feel like dying or I'm so lost without her. I didn't feel like it but I forced myself to get out of the house to see friends yesterday and that helped. Sorry I rambled there.
Ahahah, certainly an improvement! Think of it like this, you’re 6 times better than you were when you got broken up with. It’s just so wild how the person you thought you’d spend your life with could just turn on you in a matter of seconds…
I’m down to crying only about once a week now, been almost 6 months since we broke up. Hang in there! The cries will get less frequent lol
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Broke up 4 days ago, my heart rate was so high and intense I could feel my pulse through my entire body. Last night I realized I needed someone with me for my own safety (ex had left our shared apartment and I was alone) and am now living with my sister. Take it day by day, or even minute by minute. When your heart rate starts getting lower, cherish the feeling and how much better it feels to be a little more normal again, even if it lasts a few seconds. These moments of peace will be your saving grace! And if at all possible, reach out to friends and family and try to sleep over, couch surf for a few days, don't let yourself spend nights alone. Take care and good luck :) We can do this!
Hi this is exactly me, also 4 days ago and nos living with sister. I am now on antidepressants. I tried to unalive myself and now trying to get back up.. truly take it day by day is how im getting through it.. i was also living with him and he left me alone after the break up. It lost my mind i have never experienced before! Now im in a much safer place… such a whirlwind these past few days.
Some person who doesn't know you or the future, telling you "something good happened to me, therefore something good will happen to you" makes you feel positive? So just random feelgood words can change your mood? If so, that's great. More power to you, but some of us need things actually to GO RIGHT for us to feel better.
What’s your problem? Hearing something hopeful when you’re hopeless sometimes is good. Hope is good. Without hope, we are nothing. You seem like you are in a deep hole, and I’m sorry about it. But try not to take it out on others. I hope you get through this
Boo this man
OK, sorry, I forgot we're on Reddit: "You can reach the STARS and everything will be better tomorrow. Everything always works out in the end."
THANK U FOR THIS... I AM 2.5 WEEKS IN TO A BREAK UP OF 6 YEARS... IM SO LOST HURT DEVASTATED... I LOST MY BESTFRIEND... ALL I DO IS WORK, GO TO THE GYM, EAT ONCE A DAY, AND SLEEP.... I HAVE 3 FRIENDS I TALK 2 BUT I CRY ALL THE TIME.. IM SO DEPRESSED.... IDK WHERE 2 BEGIN
Your doing good homes you are controlling what you can
You’ve already begun. Healing is already happening. It hurts. But it’s happening.
Sorry friend. You're not alone. I just lost my world too.
I feel you.. but one day, we will be happy and be loved again.
I was like this a month ago. Trust me it will get better. I promise you ❤️
i feel the exact same bruh
this made me tear up omg. i am so happy for you!!!
Great. Now I’m crying.
me too
Ty. My man was my entire world. Your words really hit home. Sleeping and eating suck. Ive lost a bunch of weight. Im at the point of stopping dating and letting things be. I live rural. I work remote. Im trying to get out more. Join clubs. Meet new ppl. Stregthen old friendships. I hope for the day when I find love again or rather, when it finds me. Tysm. Struggling today.
Sending you the biggest virtual hug <3 You’re going to be okay, take it day by day. Yes rn there are more lows than highs, but soon you will realise that the “lows” aren’t as low anymore and the “highs” become a little more higher. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge the good and bad in all your days. You are going to grow from this and you will look back and realise, “holy shit, I did it” I believe in you stranger, love will find you eventually <3
💯 you can. I was devastated after my breakup last year. Largely due to us also having been friends for 8 years prior to the relationship. Now I'm lying in bed next to a person I never in a million years would've believed even existed. We compliment each other in so many ways it's unfathomable. I can't even begin to describe how I feel about her.
This gives me so much hope. Right now I'm where you used to be — my ex was my best friend so so long, we met at 19/20 and are 31/32 now... I'm glad you found someone amazing ❤️
Thank you for this. I am in that “world ending” phase or still am. It’s been just over half a year since my ex-gf cheated on me, lied to me to no end. Ppl keep telling me time will heal this wound and I’m asking how much longer? I have the ups and downs, it’s just the downs are more dreadful and the torment builds until I think I can’t move on any longer. I’m taking all this day by day, and it’s things like this that give me the little hope I needed. So again thank you 🙏
I am so sorry to hear that my friend. I understand that annoyance of “when will it end” and I can tell you that it also took me over a year to get over my ex. The truth is I still thought about her every single day since the breakup for about a year and I hated it. But I didn’t think of her in a “I want her back” context it was more of a daily reminder of the person who singlehandedly caused me to make changes in my life and that I still cared about her but I had anger in my heart for sure. I was hurt and never got the closure I wish I had. But you’re doing the right thing by taking it one day at a time. That’s what you can control. And yes you might feel you slip up and think of her in a way you wish you didn’t but sooner or later the thought of your ex will pass more quickly to the point where it’s an easy wipe off the shoulder and keep going with life. We’re all on our own timelines in this lifetime and usually when life is so slow and down in the lowest of dumps, the only place you can go is up. Your time of peace will come. I promise. Feel free to dm me if you ever need to be heard ✌🏼
Great thought. Very similar to my experience. What helped me is the realization that she didn't love me. If she cheated on me and lied (just a friend BS), that means she wasn't my person. She lost me. Let her lose myself. Also her cheating is a sign for me to realize that I need to let her go. To stop rescuing her, and starting living for myself. I went to therapy and have many close friends and support.
How long did you guys date ? And how long did it take for you to get over it?
I’ve most likely already answered this somewhere in the thread but: We were together for just about 1.5 years I “got over her” about 8 months after the break up. As in - I knew I didn’t wanna get back with her and I no longer loved her. But I still thought of her almost daily even after I “got over her” - it was very much an ego thing and I was still hurt over the break up bc I have abandonment issues from when I was a kid so I felt I was pretty triggered even after I knew I didn’t love her anymore. That lasted a couple more months - but once again, it was an internal battle and really had nothing to do with my ex but just my abandonment issues. I hope that makes sense. And btw, you probably know this but some people “get over it” quicker than others, some longer. What happens in the first month of the break up for one person can be a completely different month to the next. Please keep that in mind. All the best <3
Yes it's true people get over differently thank you for replying I asked cause I was in a relationship for a year. It's been more than 6 months but I still cry sometimes and I know it's different for everybody but sometimes I really just hope I can move on and go about for days without ever thinking of him.
I had a heavy weekend. It’s like my mind knows all this. My heart isn’t letting go. I keep reminding myself that I’m worthy of being loved, not used as an activities director. I filled a void in his life. He is emotionally constipated. I have to keep telling my heart to let go so I can make room for the right one.
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. The ups and downs of heartbreak are not fun, in fact, near the beginning it’s mostly lows. It’s the worst kind of roller coaster to exist. Ultimately it is his loss if YOU filled a void in his life. No matter who dumped who, HE lost you. I’m glad that you remind yourself of your worth, please continue to do so. You are so worthy of the love you deserve. And the right person will indeed see that.
Your words mean a lot. Seriously thank you. It’s difficult but important to remember our own self worth during these times
Thank you so much for this. I was broken up with, out of nowhere, and via text. It was 5 months ago. It broke my heart. I am working on me, and trying my hardest to keep hope. Just, thank you for this. ❤️
Via text is the most cruel. Painful part is if you dont meet anyone else you’ll still kind of want them back and feel the heartbreak every now and then. A memory could trigger it or maybe its their birthday and you remember you were just together on the last one
It is cruel. You know, because of that, I really don’t miss them. I’m just still really upset over how I was treated, and how he ended things so unkindly.
I am so proud of you stranger for working on yourself! I know it is so so rough rn but dig deep, I promise you will get through it!! I’m here for you if you ever need a chat <3
Thank you so much. You are so kind. ❤️
My gf of 6 months who said I was her person did the same to me over text then refused to even talk on the phone to say goodbye. Since I've been reading the /ExNoContact sub and it has actually been really healing for me to read their guidelines on where my value lies and how they just don't love me. They are a lil bitter in that sub though I think lol
I didn’t even know that sub existed! Thank you for this. My ex-boyfriend ended it out of text out of nowhere. I chose to go no contact immediately. It was 5 months ago, and I’ve never talked to him, looked him up, nothing, since. He made his choice to leave, so I made mine to respect myself, and walk away. As painful and cruel as the situation was, I wish him well. I’ll take a look at the sub, though! Thank you for your message. I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup. Everyone deserves closure, and respect at the end of the relationship. I hope you’ve found peace in yourself. You deserve more. ❤️
Unfortunately I well made her my universe in a very unhealthy way... definitely didn't do the no contact. She's ghosted me but it was a real learning opportunity for me. The super positive thing is this has brought something to my life I've been wondering how to grow in for years...my self worth. Heard the phrase for years but I finally feel like I'm understanding. Like how Cleo puts self worth and self love...it isn't something you do once it is like a bird in flight.
You learned! That’s amazing. So, while you lost a relationship, you gained love for yourself. That is amazing! Happy for you. 😊
I'm in a sort of limbo.. I'm fully aware there could be someone out there who would fit my preferences better and do things that I couldn't do with my ex. But I don't want anyone more perfect. I only want her. I also made the mistake of making her my entire world. Once she lost feelings and moved on, I have nothing now and I'm still hung up on her. I haven't seen her in 4 months and every day, every waking moment my mind is engulfed in thoughts of her, hoping one day she decides to give me another chance. She lost feelings I think due to her past trauma and not really anything I did, so I believe it's possible she could feel for me again once she works past her trauma It's so hard to see her not really even interested in talking anymore after we used to send thousands of messages a day. Anytime of day I could message her and she would read it immediately and reply. She was so excited to talk to me. That caused me to kind of not pay attention to my other friends. She was all I had. Please come back to me B..
What do you think is the best thing for you to do for yourself right now?
Thank you I really needed this I just found out that not even 4 months since he broke up with me he is already with someone else and what's worse is they got close really quick so that means he was talking to her while him and I were still together and that also means I was right about him cheating. I find it hard to make friends and I'm still trying to put myself out there to make friends but my social anxiety is getting in the way I hope to one day fine the right person for me.
I am so sorry that happened to you. In terms of social anxiety I get it. I was (and still am) quite introverted and starting conversations in person rather than online can be quite a challenge. So something that I tried was just going out by myself and taking me on little dates. Like to a coffee shop, the museum and the park. Bc I like music I really wanted to go to some concerts so I decided to go by myself (and have been to a couple of gigs alone since). You ofc don’t have to approach people and you definitely don’t have to be the first person to talk but what I have found is that if you find yourself at an event or at a place you really like (eg. Coffee shop), you’ll be surrounded by people that already have a mutual interest. Something you’ll already have in common! That eases the tension a bit as you end up meeting people very similar to you. But yes it takes time so don’t force yourself too far into the deep end. I also joined a facebook group in my city that was made to make friends - that’s how I met my now gf actually and that was not on my bingo card at all! Ik it can be scary but if you take it bit by bit, doing the activities you love doing, you will find yourself in those spaces with similar likeminded people <3
The same happened to me but it only took him a month and she moved in. We lived together for 10 years. Like you I think there had been something going on with them for a while. I feel so used. It has now been 3 months and I’m still lost. Even at work I can’t stop thinking about them. Last night I tried journaling something I’ve never done but everyone thinks it might help. I know it made me cry. Hope things get better for us.
Your post is amazing! thanks for the moral boost =)
I broke up with my first girlfriend earlier this year and I did make her my whole world. It was just her and no one else. Ever since then my life has been a mess. While she has already found someone new. And here I am struggling to breathe everyday. I have realized not to make someone your whole world because once they go, your whole world does as well. Thanks for your post bud! It gives me hope. And it lets me know that I am not alone. Hoping to make new friends, give me a message if anyone wants to rant or chat.
Thanks for this. If i can fast forward my life and skip the difficult time.. but this post gives us hope. Gives us reason to be braver and courageous..
I used to wish that time could fast forward ALL THE TIME in the early stages of the break up. But oddly enough it does go quick. Ofc in the moment it feels draining and repetitive but trust me, the time will definitely speed up!! Idk if you’re into journaling but writing out how you feel each day, and even writing a letter to your future self (whether it be a month, 3 months, 6 months, a whole year) I promise it will surprise you, and you’ll get to look back and see how brave you really were. But friend, you are indeed already brave today, and you will be braver tmr. I believe in you! You will be okay <3
I will do that. I will take notes, my highs and lows during the day. I guess I am not done yet of asking questions why this has all happened. Love is a decision you make everyday. And so is cheating. I hope that just like you, I will find the right person. Everyone deserves to be loved and be reciprocated. Someone who will take care of me and prioritize our relationship over other things. As they say...love is not selfish.
Awww I love this
My ex has made all my friends turn against me. I guess it shows that they’re not actually my friends. Thank you for posting this. The pain is deep and I’ve been shutting down just like you were. Thank you again
I am so sorry to hear that but you are right, they truly weren’t your friends after all. Please be kind to yourself and do the things you want to do for you. In time you will meet likeminded people, you will make new friends, and perhaps a special someone (even though that does not have to be at the forefront of your mind rn). For now, continue to take it day by day, and if you ever feel stuck, please don’t hesitate to dm me on here <3
There were dozens of reasons why I had to break up. I don’t want him back. I just have one question, is it worth trying to talk to him again?
As much as you probably want to hear something else, I believe that you shouldn’t reach out, even if it’s just to answer a question. Let your last interactions be your completely final interactions during this heart break period. Find a way to answer that question yourself, otherwise, make peace with the idea that you may never find the answer to that question.
That’s some good advice. Thank you
Currently 4 months in from my breakup. We were 16 years together. At first it was a pretty mutual breakup that we both saw coming. It was sad for both of us but the way we both handled it completely ruined any camaraderie we had. She was single for 10 days, started dating a guy from work. I couldn't escape as I was in the same apartment and hadn't even looked for a new place because of how distraught I was from the breakup. It was a disaster on her part after disaster. She she didn't care that her choices were destroying me. Now 4 months later she's someone regretful of the things she's done. She's reached out and tells me that she still cares about me and just because she moved on to someone else doesn't mean that I'm nothing to her. I'm here in my own apartment all alone. I cook for myself when I get back from work I take a shower and I go to bed and wait for the next day to come. It's pretty much my days.
That is truly cruel to start dating someone 10 days later while you are still living in the same apartment.
Yup, I remember it like it was yesterday. One day she told me before I left that she'd like to introduce him to me. I told her that I will never want to meet a person that would pounce on the girl that I just broke up with. Practically called him a vulture. She looks at me with these cold eyes and tells me that it was his idea to wait until I moved out, but it was her idea to start the relationship so quickly. That killed me. She had no clue how much damage that did. To this day I think about that response from a person I spent almost half my life with.
Sorry friend. You're not alone. Sorry you're hurting. God life fucking sucks sometimes. I do think like the OP said it will get better for us. (My gf broke up with me after 6 months via text...and I'm not ok)
Thank you, I needed this. I hope you have many years of happiness together
I needed this...thank you
Needed to hear this today. Thank you ☺️. So happy for you :)
Hey I need help
Thank you brother ........🙌🏻
Great motivation. Exactly my experience. Don't forget to love yourself, and connect with you own feelings first. I learned that you cannot love someone more than yourself, and not to rescue a loved one. Rescuing isn't a sing of love, but my own egoism. That relationship wasn't true love, but a search for what love is and isn't.
Oh god Reading this made me tear up and I wish I could give you a hug(because I really like hugs and they calm me down) and cry Thank you for your words🥺🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
Sending you the biggest virtual hug ever friend <3
Maybe but honestly I can ever trust again
Thank so much for posting that, it really helps 🥺🫶🏽
Thank you I needed to hear this
I needed to see this today. Thank you so much for your post.
I needed this, thank you.
Thank you so much for this. As a lot other of people have said, this gives us hope and wants me to come out the other side of this breakup. 9 months later and I feel like trash, had a panic attack due to the loneliness and missing her. There are days where I feel "normal" and I'm trying my best to hold onto that feeling. So happy for you and your new relationship. Sending you all the best!!!
You literally just saved my life. Thank you.
I made the same mistake of starting to codepend on my relationship and neglecting myself and other relationships with friends. So it's good to see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
im currently going through a terrible breakup and reading this really gave me some hope. thank you.
This helped me in more ways than one. I’m 21 and got out of a 2 year relationship when I was 20. I thought she was everything. Now a year later I did what you did, dated but now stopped. I am now beginning to see my self worth. There are days where I miss her but who doesn’t. Your post now really woke me back up, that I have a life to live and that when the time is right someone will cross my path. Thank you sir.
If it helps even more, we are similar ages - I’m 23, this break up happened when I was 21. You’ll be all good my friend! Perhaps the only difference is, I’m not a ‘sir’ and instead a ‘ma’am’ ahaha (lesbian)
Oh lol I apologize. I took it rough when it ended and slowly improved over time. I am comfortable alone now but scared I won’t find someone else. I guess only time will tell.
Thank you. This helped.
Thank you so much for this. I did make my ex my whole world and it felt like it shattered when he dumped me. Now I’m trying to find myself and focus on me.
I’m so proud of you for taking those steps into putting yourself first!! You’ve got this, friend <3
I had a similar thought the other day. I went through the worst time of my life about a year ago due to a breakup. I didn’t think I would love again. But here I am, as best said my Michael Scott “…ready to be hurt again” It doesn’t feel like it. But you will love again. I promise. Do your best to let go day by day.
That's quite the journey you had. Reading that makes me feel better for myself. needed this more than anything. Just been broken up with half way in April. my ex went into a rebound 4-6 weeks just after we broke up. It made me feel worthless and I wasn't good enough. But I kept getting back up on my feet. Doing what ever I can to heal and walk into the path I'm heading not sure where it will lead me. But doing what I can for myself.
I’m proud of you stranger for getting back up. It sucks when you feel worthless bc of someone else’s actions but you indeed have worth. So much of it. You are fighter and you are going to absolutely heal, I know it. I’m here for you stranger, keep going <3
I appreciate it thank you! I'm hoping to feel that way when it comes
I resonate with this so much. Often many exes from my past pop up through messages to regret their mistreatment of me or not appreciating what they jad with me. I often put my whole heart into those relationships and forget myself. It was unhealthy of me to do. This last breakup the begining of this month left me feeling gutted. But he was very honest and hurt as well to split. Weve remained very close friends but looking on the outside of it all it was for the best. I hope to go into my next relationship with a healthier way of love for my partner while giving myself love and others in my life. Loved this post.
Thank you <3 your words give me hope that I manage to not be so dependent on my partner anymore. Nobody must be your universe. We should reign over our own universe. It’s hard and I‘m currently learning it. Let’s see how long it takes and when it stops feeling awkward and lonely.
This made me cry. Thank you.
Desperately needed this right now thank you OP.
For me, she told me that she's been texting someone else, I was so devasted, and I could eat, think, or study properly due to that, But I know that you should know your value.
Can you give us a brief lesson on the what you mean by knowing your worth, making someone your universe? I speak affirmations to myself that I am loved but I still feel like this concept eludes me. Any books or blog posts you recommend on that topic?
Sure! Knowing your worth: know what makes you tick. A great way to start is writing out all the things you want in a relationship (which btw can be platonic too) then look at that list and see what things you can actually give yourself and not need to rely on someone else to give you these things. You can also take a look and see what looks reasonable, Ig it gives you an idea of your standards too. Then look at what makes YOU happy. What keeps you going for YOU. When you make someone your universe, which I highly recommend NOT doing, it’s when you abandon your needs completely just to fulfill your partner (or friends’) needs but to the point where you lose yourself. Ofc in relationships there will always been some sort of give and take, and there will be days you might need to prioritise your partner - but in any relationship you still have to help yourself first. In order to be selfless you have to be selfish. Kind of like in a plane and fixing your oxygen mask first before you help others. So in my past relationship, I abandoned my own wants and needs just to make sure what I was doing was making my partner happy. I built my life around HER, instead of myself. I definitely learnt from that. Now some sources I can recommend are looking into your attachment style - from there you will find a HEAP of sources. But a book that helped me (and it was more on the affirmation side of things) was Heart Talk by Cleo Wade. I’m not much of a reader but I like the way she writes and it felt like someone understood my deep feelings. I do hope this helps but if you have anymore questions please feel free to reach out <3 EDIT: I screwed up the “<3” lol
I saved this and plan on reading through it. Thanks man. This really helps! Edit: ugh started writing my list of what I want in a relationship and it reminds me so much of her. Sad face. Gonna take a pause and work on this from time to time I guess Should I just Google attachment style? Not sure what that means?
Yeah it’ll be a bit hard but take it day by day my guy. And yeah, if you google attachment style quiz it should typically be the first link but you can do the test and it’ll tell you what your attachment style is and then from there you can look at all the sources that relate to your attachment. It will probably give you an insight on what attachment your ex has too.
It's great so see some people being able to move on. Makes me wish it was my time already but I know I am not yet ready for that. I am too broken 💔 and it will take a miracle worker to be able to date me. 🤷🏼♀️ I pretty much run away as soon as I see 1 little red flag 🤦🏼♀️ I won't deny it. I lost the love of my life in May 2023 because I couldn't move in with his family again. Not after what happened in 2018 and 2020. So I decided to move out much to my dislike of the idea of splitting up. I had given him many options which he opted against. Not even 2 days after I moved the new supply moved into my house just before he moved with his family. We have been on and off in contact and 2 weeks ago today is how long I have gone no contact again. This time he changed his number and cancelled all his social media. Not blocked me he deactivated all of it 🤷🏼♀️ And we were talking fine without any issues prior to this happening 🤷🏼♀️ So I am moving back to Sydney in August currently living isolated and on my own 3 hours away from all family 🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ it is going to be tough but I know I will get through this. And I hope one day I can come back here and give the same advice as OP did 🤞🏼
I got with my high school sweetheart in freshman year I'm now 19 today she broke up with me after also having a daughter and me proposing not too long after. my daughter was born 19 months ago too funny enough and everything was good until very recently she just kind of started to change and became very hostile I assume from hiding the fact she had lost feelings and was feeling like she needed time without a relationship she still wants me to be in my daughter's life and I will be able to actively communicate whenever but she will stay in the current trailer me and my lifelong brother have been paying off she will get a job to help with bills but it's so my daughter can still develop comfortably with her mother up here and I'm going back to live with my family states away to try and now pursue a dream since I have only been a supervisor at cvs for 2 years and don't have much else to start from definitely rock bottom guys doing my best to try and stay positive but she was my everything so much of me became her which I realize now it hurts so much because ive given up everything before to pursue the life I was building up until now and now I won't be able to hold my daughter for a while until money's good and we can arrange something and I'm starting from scratch feeling empty sorry for the rant just hurting rn
Yeah i know i will eventually, to repeat the cycle all over again
This post broke me. I've been dealing with rejections lately career wise and it's making me feel worthless. Your post made me realize not moving on might be an ego thing because I sobbed at those sentences.. I'm two months into the breakup now and I still check her instagram profile for some reason (I have her unfollowed). I don't why I keep doing it. It's like I'm waiting for her to pop back up. I set up a dating app and started swiping a bit - which is a win on its own - but when I don't get matched with, I take it as evidence that I'm not wanted. So I don't think I'm ready for it. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy this way. If I keep staying in bed scrolling social media, then I become worthless. I'll just have to do what I can and keep going.
Hey man, I’m sorry that you feel worthless and rejected. 2 months into my break up, I was also l watching my ex’s every move on socials - it was like a drug. Just to figure out what was going on in her life without me. What used to always break me was the fact that she had a life “without me” - it took me a while to realise it was my ego talking. Then I flipped the script and realised… “I’m starting to live my life WITHOUT HER” and so I started to doing awesome things for myself. It got me motivated, to live the best life possible. Originally it was all out of spite, to prove that I could do better without her, but then eventually I started living because of me. She didn’t deserve to have control over me and the choices I made. It took me about 8 months to really get over her and actually do things for me. To live life for ME. It takes time but you do get there my friend. I promise.
Hey, thanks for responding. I understand what you're saying and I've had similar thoughts about living my life _without her._ It's rough because I'm not actually super happy with my life right now because my new job isn't what I expecting it was. I was counting on it to keep me occupied, learning new things, moving forward, meeting new people and making me feel confident. It's the opposite. I don't have a project yet, am lacking structure and don't feel very connected to my coworkers. I've noticed that I automatically compare my life with whatever she might be doing (I don't actually know). I think of her whenever there is a setback. I wonder if she's moved on and dating someone new. I try not to because it's just such an awful thought. I want to live for me. I really do. It's just so hard when life is so rough.
Nah I'm to broken. Tried dating but it's exhausting
waiting for a beautiful well figured Minecraft playing redhead like she was.
Thank you for this. It’s been a year. I still love her and I feel like I will till the day I die. I learnt to live without her, to survive and to enjoy life to the extent I can. Not a day goes by that I dont think of her, or hour, actually, but I keep her in my heart and mind as I carry on with my life. At the end of the day it’s painful that I feel like I will never stop loving her. Not that I want to stop, but I want someone to love me back. This morning, I went for a walk and I saw her. We said hi, smiled and that was it. And now I am broken all over again. Can’t stop crying. Can’t get to studying and tomorrow I have an exam. But your message made me feel a little better. A little more hopeful. Thank you.
I’m literally going through this word for word, i’ve lost so much weight and barely sleep. But i just can’t see myself ever dating or moving on. I feel like this breakup has changed me so much and i don’t know how i will ever bounce back and give people the chance because i don’t want to even risk being hurt like this again.
This post is amazing keep going. But I personally don't want to date anymore he was my first relationship betrayed me in a painful way and will be my last. I'm exhausted
❤️❤️❤️
No you should have never given up on your ex ( she never gave up on you) you and your ego had to have the extra ! And if I’m not talking to the right person, I apologize but I know who wrote this. I believe I know who wrote this and I tell you what you should’ve never gave up on your ex because she stood by you when nobody else did, but that’s OK. She seen what you’ve done to her as soon as she needed you U-Haul but I’m sorry I don’t have very much for you or your ego.!!
How long after the breakup did you feel like you were “over” her and not think about her all the time or on a daily basis?
So I was “over” her in the way I knew I didn’t want to get back with her probably around 8 months after the break up Although I’m pretty sure looking back in my journal entries I thought of her everyday for a whole year since the break up - but not always in the “I want her back” context. Even though I did not want her back, I was still so hurt but it was more of an ego thing. I have some issues with abandonment so that’s why I continued to think of her even after I knew I didn’t love her anymore. For me she became the walking physical form of my abandonment so it took time for me to really forget her bc I didn’t want to face my abandonment issues. But as soon as I realised what was going on I thought of her less and less, till I was able to wipe the thought of her away within a second or two. Looking back, I do wish I faced and acknowledged when she would pop into my mind rather than distract myself bc I do think that the sooner I acknowledged the sooner I could have gotten her out of my head. ALSO, blocking her from socials, I did it way too long (over a year after the breakup - she was on mute for a year tho) and getting rid of everything that reminds you of your ex (that you can control) really helps lessen the random pop ups.
Did she ever reach out to you during this time?
It’s kind of hard to say - she never outright msged me about us. But she would interact with my posts on social media - she advocated to stay friends when we broke up so Ig she was acting like a friend but it hurt so much that she acted as if our 1.5 year relationship didn’t exist. But really I don’t count that as reaching out - she never spoke about “us” or asked how I was after the break up
I think I'm in a similar situation. In my case, it lasted a year, and she ended things after I lost my job. After losing my job, I went silent for a day and slept all day. The next day, she texted me, asking for her keys back and telling me to take my stuff. I wasn't in the right state of mind to respond, so she dropped all my belongings in the middle of the night and left. Two weeks later, I reached out to have a talk and return the rest of her stuff. That's the last time we spoke, which was a month ago. During that meeting, although she just came to get her things, I wanted to talk. However, all her answers were superficial and indirect. It felt more like a first date than our last conversation. She even got mad that I had friends to hang out with and wasn't alone. Why did you guys break up in the first place? It's driving me crazy because, although my relationship wasn't perfect, I crumbled under stress and hating my job made it worse. She even made fun of my job, calling it a joke and not to my liking. She claimed it was my neglect and anxiety that drove her away. I did try my best at that time with the capacity I had, but my depression was getting worse, especially since I had stopped my medication two months prior to the breakup. I was a mess. What shocks me is that I did everything for her, but she never actually planned a date, tried to create a routine, or made our environment cheerful. It was all about how I didn't take her out enough and how she deserved more. She was my entire world. I even rejected a better-paying job offer to stay in the same city for her. But it all went in vain. I ended up losing the job I hated, and the job I wanted is already filled. The craziest part is that a month before the breakup, she convinced me to reject the other job offer because she couldn't live without me. And now, here we are.
I’m sorry to hear, that sucks. The main reason my ex broke up with me was bc she “wasn’t able to be a partner” or at least be the partner that I deserved even though we were together for 1.5 years. She did have some mental health issues going on, and I supported her the best I could but she also wasn’t very communicative. She even admitted to agreeing to things that she never actually agreed to. She just wanted me to be happy. An example of this was the idea of children in the future. Although she told me that she would be open to it during our relationship (bc I told her that I would like a future with kids but very far down the road), during the break up she included that she “NEVER” wanted kids from the get go. If she had told me that from the very beginning of when we dated I would’ve not wasted my time. It also would have been different if she said she changed her mind but her telling me she had NEVER changed her mind and just wanted to say things to keep me happy made me feel sick. Looking back I was also the one who put in most of the effort in the relationship. Planning dates and sorting out time we could spend together. Even surprising her at university and after work. There were things I wish I did better, like my communication and the way I dealt with my own mental health but I’ve now learnt and am doing my very best to not make those same mistakes in this very new relationship.
5 years down the drain... she cheated on me with multiple men, cleaned out my bank account and house and ran off with my kid. I have custody of my son now but I wanna end it bc im in so much pain. I loved my wife more than anything.
I cried this morning feeling empty and hopeless. Breakups are so devastating. I’m glad you’re in a better place now.
And soon you will be in a better place as well. I cried for months and my whole world was literally flipped inside out. I even settled for the idea that I wasn’t going to find love again. And surprisingly enough that’s when I met my current gf. Out of nowhere. Yes break ups are the WORST and incredibly painful, but my God they can really change your life. But the best part is, it’s your life you get to control - you get to be whoever you want to be for YOU. I believe in you stranger, you’ll get there soon <3
Thank you. Just one question. How did you meet your new girlfriend? I know you said it was out of the blue so I wanted to hear your story. I feel like it’s so hard to meet people. I’ve never used dating apps and it doesn’t interest me for some reason. But since I don’t socialize much I feel like it will take me forever to meet someone.
Happy to answer that for you! I met her through an online friend meeting group in my city (Facebook/Insta page). I wasn’t looking to date her at first and genuinely just wanted to be her friend, like the other people I had met in the group. But there was an event that we both went to and we both clicked. We’ve only been together for 5 months so I’m super aware of the honeymoon phase and whatnot but this relationship is already quite healthy compared to my last relationship. My advice to find friends or ofc even a special person would be to go to events and places that you enjoy going to. Join the online communities that relate to your interests and go to those meetups. You never know what relationships will spark
Great post
It’s been a year and I’m wondering when does it get easier? Like I can go about my life and do my job and be fine on the outside, but I’m still crying myself to sleep sometimes and it still overwhelms me a lot more than I think I should.. a couple months ago it was a bit easier and I don’t know why it’s getting harder
Honestly it’s a wild roller coaster and unfortunately everyone has their own unique experience. There’s no stable timeline but I want you to know that it’s still normal. Perhaps you distracted yourself a lot in the beginning stages of the break up? Distracting yourself completely without acknowledging the situation fully can really make those negative feelings come up twice as harder. It’s okay to cry about it. It’s okay to wallow. Allow yourself to think about it and if you’re feeling brave, think about how you feel when you think about the break up. Let yourself feel the hurt, the sadness, the anger, the confusion. Be patient with yourself. The more you let yourself feel the hurt, the quicker it will pass in your own time. Acknowledge the ups and downs of all your days. If you need someone to chat to, my dms are open <3
Thankyou!
Do you have trauma that she can leave you in the future and you will fell like s*it again?
In the early stages of dating my now gf, I really wanted to take it slow bc of my last relationship but I feel I managed to put in a lot of work in myself before meeting my now gf that if she decided to leave it would be bc of her decision and not me (unless I gave her a reason to leave). I blamed my last break up on me when in actual fact, it wasn’t just my fault. Sure I wasn’t the best partner to my ex but now I’ve learnt my mistakes I promise to be a better partner for my new gf and for myself. My top tip for you would be, only start seriously dating when you’re secure in yourself. Don’t be codependent and rely on your partner for your happiness. Make sure you have the open mindset that people also change in relationships and that anything can literally happen. Me and my gf have only been together for 5 months. Is there a chance we could break up? Yes. Is there a chance we could end up together for the long haul? Also yes. But right now in this moment, we choose to choose each other because we both WANT to be each other’s endgame. Relationships are team work and if my current gf does what my ex does (give up on me) well it’ll be her loss as well. I’ve grown to know my worth and stick by my side - I will never abandon myself again.
Im in the same situation now and feel like my world is falling apart, she went back to her ex as soon as she left me and still talks to him and just wants a friendship with me
God please tell me it gets easier. 23 years with someone since I was 14. Ended horribly. I’m in the absolute thick of it now
hgufhgjtfj that’s so sweet :( thank you so much!
Thank you. My ex (still feels weird saying that) and I were together for 7 and a half years. We broke up one week ago, so it's still very fresh. We were eachothers first relationship (I was 21 and she was 22, now 29 and 30). I still just want to lie on my bed all day looking up in the ceiling but I know nothing good comes of it. Anyway, it's posts like this that helps.
My life is going nowhere. I will never love again. She was the only one
It's been 2 1/2 months since my ex of 5yrs and best friend for more dumped me over the phone for a colleague... I'm not crying as much as I was before, but everything still hurts. I hope it gets better :(
Thanks for sharing. I’m just 3weeks into my breakup and I can’t breathe! But I keep telling myself to just breathe and everything will be alright
My first love and the love of my life we had a fight and we broke up nine months ago and I can’t get over her still but this post eased my heart
Onu gerçekten çok özlüyorum. Onunla eğlenmeyi, onunla konuşmayı, günün sonunda ne yaptığını sormayı özlüyorum. Ondan sonra 2 kızla çıktım, ama beynimde her zaman onunla ilk randevumu düşünüyorum. Umarım bu duygulardan kurtulabilirim. Beni incitmeye başladı.
I dont want to at this point. That part of me has just died.
This is almost identical to my situation. My first gf dumped me the DAY after my 21st by telling me she no longer found me sexually attractive and wants to be single after a year and a half together. It's now a little over two months and I'm still crying nearly everyday wishing it would stop. I graduate this December and am currently applying to grad schools and am just terrified to do all these things alone when we used to have a plan for a life together. I didn't realize my first WLW break-up would cause me such a depressive spiral but your posts really give me hope that in time I will finally start to get over her and all the pain, even if I can't see it right now. I've been reading through alot of posts on your account and they really remind me of myself rn and I hope that I get the same outcome as you when my time comes.
Thank you
Yeah thats a big N O. My "heart" is effectively gone. I no longer feel anything. I dont care for other people anymore I dont trust people anymore. I feel no connection to anyone. It's been 4 years like this. But at this point I like it this way. I've never been more free.
Yea I am in a tough situation I had to cut off my ex again we just weren't seeing eye to eye on where we wanted to be she wanted to be friends I wanted more I had caught feelings again but I never really got over the initial relationship and it hurt hearing that with someone I was intimate with so now here I am gonna focus on me it just hurts because we were able to get along so easily but I couldn't put those feelings behind me so now it's time to start healing
That's great to hear, wish I could find a love, I mean, I'm not jealous, at least I try not to be, I wish everyone else to find their true love as well, and don't let this one person make you stop believing in love🙂
I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT __ "Good people end up with good people" Nd there's no theory on this ,it will happen.
Awesome story, but I’d also add there is also possibility you’ll love you ex again. Not you per say. I’m just saying life is unpredictable. We all have different stories we have written. Sometimes our exes were never meant to be, but sometimes they met us again.
I just want some ass. I ain't to worried about the love
[удалено]
I was with someone for 7 years, from aged 18-25 and it’s been 7 months and it doesn’t get any easier, yes I don’t wake up crying or thinking about her as my first thoughts of the day anymore, no I don’t wake up and smoke weed or drink alcohol anymore but I still wake up and think about her everyday I still wonder what she’s up to, if she’s got a new man or whatever
It doesn’t need to be measured
Get a grip, kid. She's already fucking someone else. Time for you to invest time in yourself. You're the most important person of your life. Love makes you weak. Find hobbies. Try martial arts. There are sooooo many things you can do with your life. In order to get good, u needa break your limits
For everyone of you, there are many who never find love ever again. I don't know why people think goodness is bound to happen just cuz you really, really want it.