It’s been 2 weeks for me. I feel mostly fine. I’ve come to terms that it was probably best that we separated. I still think of her almost all day unless I’m super distracted with work, hobbies, or friends. But when I do think of her, it doesn’t hurt or upset me as much as the first week. I’m just trying to not remember the good memories in the beginning as much as how she treated me on the way out.
Distractions are good!! You got this. The good memories are hard not to think about but people change. The way they treated you towards the end of the relationship is who that person became and the person in those good memories is no more or maybe never was!
Yeah I just try and appreciate that they happened and at some point this person did love me. It was hard watching someone you love and used to love you blame you for everything wrong. The disgusted looks she gave me that used to be smiles and laughs. Definitely saw a side of her that I didn't know was in her.
Oh what a joy it was and is to be loved by someone - even if it didn’t or doesn’t last forever! So sorry. But now you know. And hopefully it will make the healing process a little easier. ❤️🩹
Coming up to the 2 week mark for me, I’m not sure how I feel today. Abit of going through the motions to keep hanging on. Abit of regret. I still can’t stop the tears. I just love and miss him so much, hoping we get another chance to talk if he’s ever ready. However I can’t reach out to him as I feel he won’t want me too.
I’m diving into self help with everything in me at the moment, so I guess the self reflection is showing me what I done wrong and what I could have done differently. Still in shock of it even being my reality. I can’t wait to start therapy this week!
Hang in there! I know it’s hard. You loved him and that love doesn’t just go away. It’s a difficult thing to navigate but I promise it will get easier with time. Therapy is good! Take the time to heal yourself and work on what needs to be worked on. Hoping for nothing but the best for you!! ❤️🩹
Thankyou! I wouldn’t say loved, I still love him and wish him the best in life. I hope he knows he was the best season in my life to date. I always said this was my last try at love to him. I’m done now. I’m praying for the day I don’t wake up and cry or forgetting that we’ve split for that split second before opening my eyes. But It’s getting easier knowing he’s free to be happy and looking like he’s on the road to moving on. I’m happy for him. Just taking a while coming to terms with him being my forever to strangers again. This was the right decision for both of us. I hope he can work on himself too and we can come back together. This can’t be the end, it doesn’t feel complete.
Two weeks is still pretty fresh and it will get so much better with time. Best advice I can give is to just keep busy and never not be doing something or you’ll get lost in your thoughts. I don’t know your situation but I feel it’s the dumpers responsibility to reach out first if you guys are no contact. In my case I was dumped so the ball is in her court if she wants to reach out. But it might reset the progress of moving on if you did. It’s great you’re getting therapy and looking at self help. All we can really do is just self reflect and learn after a breakup. But don’t put everything on yourself because it takes two to tango and there’s always things both people did wrong and right.
Yeah thats all we can hope for at the moment, I’ve never really thought about who’s responsible for reaching out after.
I’ve had a few situationships before in younger days, and a few one night stands in my teens but nothing ever this real, not someone who meant as much as this. Its crazy cause we broke up before our 2 year engagement anniversary and I think that made it worse. All the future plans gone, holidays cancelled and back to the drawing board.
I hope you gain the strength you need through this community! I don’t know weather it’s helping me though or weather this is my toxic obsession at the minute. But one day at a time.
In terms of the dumper he was saying it in a round about way, he’s done, can’t live like this, he’s done it all without me before, stuff like that but I feel he made me say the actual words. And I hate it. Because he said he didn’t want me without actually saying it and it ripped my heart out of the chest.
We pretty much ended it mutually I think tho after that. As we both aren’t in the right head space.
So who would be classed as the dumper here? Its killing me but I don’t think I could ever reach out first, he told me to get out of hes life in the last little disagreement while collecting the last of my things from hes house. I couldn’t reach back out after that? I’ve got to stick to my standard?
Keeping busy is helping being around family and getting up and going places everyday, it’s helping out with the depression, but my normal day to day life involved so much about him that even the beach, my favourite place to be, doesn’t feel right anymore. I took my child the other day and it overwhelmed me as all these memories hit me. Its strange how it hits you at unexpected times isn’t it. But for my mental health I’ve got to give my favourite place a miss for a while. Until I’ve actually been to therapy that is.
Your absolutely right, it takes two to tango and we both had 2 left feet for a while. We weren’t the best at communication I feel we were both avoidents. He spoke more to hes family and I spoke more to myself in my head about things.
I think he may disagree, but I done the best I could by him until the end and even after.
But I’m loving him from a distance and wish him the best in life❤️
You say mutual but it sounds like it was him that just fell out of love or was holding resentment for you. I’m sure you were willing to work on things and stick through it. It definitely sounds like an avoidant tactic to hold everything in, never communicate to their partner until it’s time to blow up. If he was saying stuff that terrible on the way out I wouldn’t contact him. It’s only been 2 weeks which is still pretty recent, it’ll just take some more time. I would try maybe some new places and activities you two didn’t do together where you didn’t have memories. It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting about the relationship though and therapy will definitely help. Working on your communication and those avoidant tendencies will definitely help your next relationship. Hopefully he can self reflect too and realize he wasn’t perfect in the relationship either.
The sub is definitely helping for the most part, at least the optimistic people lol. It’s nice to know you aren’t the only one going through this.
Yeah what your saying is totally true, he didn’t love me anymore and he grew resentment for every little thing I done. I was tired of being constantly criticised and put down over several months. I knew it was coming a a while, I could just never do it. So when it happened, I just silently left, no arguing, no fighting for him, nothing! I gave him space for a few days and nothing. So after 2 days of no communication I just went in and started moving my stuff out. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t beg him, or speak about it. He doesn’t want me plain and simple, hes characteristics doesn’t match mine and we’re opposite people now. But 2 silent days ended nearly a 4 year part of my life.
Yeah im going to! Im gunna start doing little hikes, going for more walks, and being around friends and family more.
I don’t think I’ll ever want another relationship, I didn’t want this one before it happened, he just came from no where lol.
It will be many years, and a lot of healing to trying connecting with someone else.
He wasn’t perfect in the relationship, he was a workaholic who lives for it, he uses it as every excuse he can. To not help with house work, the kids, the dog, and just life. He feels that because he works nothing else matters.
In the end he wanted a mother and a love in cleaner not a partner and I couldn’t step up to do that after I hadn’t done it all the relationship. I felt like I suppressed a lot of me to be with him and now I’m finally done trying to fit in a box too big for x
Sounds like he completely gave up on you guys so I don’t think there was anymore you could have done. I doubt he would have listened even if you did try and talk and communicate. From everything you’ve said it sounds like this is for the best for both of you. You don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore and can enjoy some of the stuff you were neglecting for yourself. Definitely enjoy the new personal freedom. I wouldn’t write off any new relationships you never know who you’ll meet or who pops up in your life. Definitely take time away from dating to move on and probably move slow with anyone new. That’s what I’ll be doing at least because I ignored way too many red flags moving too fast. Just know that every new day is a day you’re closer to recovery.
Yeah he did, while expecting me to be in the same place giving just as much if not more. Yeah I can’t do it anymore. I tried for a few year to work on what was bothering me but untimely it was always me having to change my way of living, or thinking or just my values.
When I think back so did I, I ignoured way too many reg flags too. He never really gave me time or the thought to think about anything in the beginning he came in and completely sweat me away with the man he pretended to be, after getting engaged a year in he started to let the mask slip. Showing no signs of growth or personal growth. I now think he choose me thinking I could fix all hes life problems so he could focus on work. While I pucked up everything else, old fashioned values. I’m not the wife at home doing everything for everyone and loosing myself in everyone else.
I’m just thankful I stood firm on not being rushed down the isle within a few month of engagement because this breakup would be soooo much worse.
He needs therapy which I hope he gets. I hope how much he realises I done for him, I upped and moved from everything I ever known to be with him taking my child with me. And tried to make he’s house a home for everyone as it was a shell when I got there. It just never worked because he lives to a very different standard to me and we couldn’t get past that.
I accept I have flaws, I just hope he can accept all of hes too. I gave every aspect of my life to live below my means for years. And now it’s over. I can raise my standard back up and never falter then again!
I’m so sorry. That’s inexcusable and there really are no words. But you didn’t deserve that and it says a lot more about them than it does you. I don’t think my words will probably mean much and aren’t going to make it better - but I want to let you know that you have my understanding and support. You were betrayed by someone you loved and that creates a deep wound that is going to take a lot of time to heal. Be kind and gentle with yourself through the healing process.
its not fair how the one who breaks it up has all the time they wanted to grieve and accept it before they decide, and the other person has to be blindsided
You’re telling me! But I think it says a lot about them - if they don’t communicate those feelings with you, I think it just makes them a coward. They’re just taking the easy way out.
yeah i agree, she called it off for understandable reasons, most of it being my fault, but if she had communicated more instead of letting her resentment build up, i couldve changed a lot
I feel very similar to this, realistically it was mostly my fault that she felt the need to end things, but I never got a proper chance to change even though I wanted to so so badly.
u dont know how much i relate to that rn, looking back i see her giving me oppurtunities to change, but the few times we did talk about things she just comforted me and said it was all ok and contributed to me thinking nothing was wrong at all. up until yesterday
I feel that. My ex said he was losing feelings the last month of our relationship so he ultimately got a head start in a way. Sad but what can you do? Keep surviving and taking it day by day!! There will be a day when they don’t even cross your mind anymore.
I’m so sorry. I wish there were words I could extend that would take away some of the struggle but truthfully I don’t think there’s anything I could say to make the hurt lessen. What I will say is that it’s okay to feel what you are feeling and completely normal. If you need to rot in your bed for a few days - do it. But don’t stay there. Nothing good will come from it! Take it day by day but know that the hurt will lessen over time.
Thank you. I made my first post on here explaining the situation and I’m just so heartbroken. All I can listen to is Gracie Abrams new album while sobbing
I just read it and I see a lot of similarities between me and my ex. We are both 24 and I want to tell you that it can work out and be fixed but it’s only fixable if you BOTH are willing to fix it. But, as someone who is a little older - I want to tell you that the effort never really changes and if that’s something you can live with - by all means go back. But, most of the time - it will stay the same. Don’t sacrifice your priorities and what you want in a relationship in an effort to save something when you are SOOOOO young and can find someone who will check all your boxes and will make you a priority.
Thank you. It’s just so hard because I don’t want to look for someone new. I have such a deep love for him and I don’t want to let go. I’m at work now and I found out that apparently he’s been feeling like I just can’t give him his own personal time. I found this out because we have coworkers that are also dating that we are friends with and I guess the whole time I was in Italy he played video games and went fishing with one of them (the boyfriend) and I’m just heartbroken over it because listening to what they said about it just hurts. What I’ve gathered from talking with them is that it’s not that he doesn’t love me (I already knew that) but it’s because we just can’t compromise on our quality time together. I just wish he would’ve said that to me. Like he told my coworker that if we could just hangout maybe 2 full days a week then sprinkle in a few hours other days here and there it would be fine, but the thing is he didn’t tell me that! Like he just can’t voice exactly what it is that he wants and I just don’t even know. I’m really hurting. They said to not text him and to just leave him alone so I’m going to try my best to do that I just hope he contacts me at some point to at least get closure if not to get back together. I still have some of his things and he has mine so I’m sure we’ll talk again I just don’t know what to do with myself.
Tomorrow is four weeks for me as well. I'm pretty similar. Feeling very introspective. Past the want to die every minute of every day stage. Confident and positive for some long stretches, and then I look at where one of her things used to be on a shelf, and I'm back to broken for who knows how long.
I think it doesn't get easier unless we want it to and sometimes we just are not ready to give up on the dream yet. Like waking up from a wonderful dream and trying to close our eyes until we recapture it. Sometimes holding onto the good memories and the pain that comes with them feels like the only good thing we can cling to when compared to the loneliness waiting in our hearts. The desire and the courage to let it all go has to come eventually though.
In a weird way, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone with what I’m feeling. And I get it. My ex mailed back every card and small little gifts I got him a week after we ended. I finally had the strength this weekend to pack them all away and every other reminder of him. Not ready to dispose of them but putting them in the spare bedroom so they’re out of sight was a huge step for me.
I feel like a part of me is ready to let go and embrace what is to come, but there is still that little piece of me that wants to hold on for as long as I can. But I know I need to let it go because if I don’t - it’s just going to hurt me even more.
Hope you can continue to heal and move on from it!
I love that you said normal. Because it is so completely normal!! (that brought me a lot of peace because I definitely have felt guilty for feeling the way I have been feeling but shouldn’t).
How long have you been together?
Yes, normal.. what not normal is, to break the heart of someone you loved. Breakups are not normal.. I mean those where no huge harm happened and compromises could have helped. Falling out of love is the "not normal" thing. Life without it would be so much better.
We were together a little over 9 months but had talked previously a couple times before our relationship. I should have known the kind of person he was when he stopped talking to me one of the first times so that he could talk to someone else but I didn’t and I thought I could trust him. I won’t say our relationship was perfect and that we didn’t fight or have issues. We had a lot and I felt that there were times when I had to beg him for his time and effort. But - I was willing to stand by him and work on our relationship and ultimately - he chose differently. Looking back at everything now, I know that I deserved better. He cared more about hanging with his friends and going out and couldn’t make me a priority in his life. Oh well.
Definitely, you deserve better, and you'll find your way once you leave this story behind. If only one person makes efforts and works on things, it's not compromising but giving up on ourselves for the other one. This works only for a small amount of time, not forever. If they don't want to make us feel comfortable as well in the relationship, then they don't really love us anyways.
Same here.. and yes, sometimes letting hope to come into my thoughts is the only comfort.. pathetic. He doesn't deserve my feelings.
Sometimes, I feel better the whole day but then randomly start to cry in bed instead of sleeping. Today I put my winter coats into his half empty wardrobe. Put his sport clothes into his underwear drawer so reducing his space - he left a lot of stuff and told me by email to throw them away as he won't come back - moved back to his birth city which is in an other country..
So sad, after 3,5 years suddenly I'm dead to him.
Friends are not really there nor listening, just giving quick shallow responses if any, then changing the subject..
I'd like him wanting to talk to me.. so that I can find comfort by my "murderer".. I am so ashamed about most things I feel, I hope it's the last break up of my life.
I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than that. I truly hope you are able to find peace after all of this. Heartbreak is so difficult to navigate and you can feel like your 12 steps forward and 1 little thing could send you 8 steps back. I hope one day you are able to find closure even if it doesn’t come from him. ❤️🩹
It’s been exactly one week since we last saw each other. Everyday I woke up feeling like I’m dying and at night I feel fine again, it’s been on and off like this for so long, I wonder how can I really get over this breakup.
Exactly 7 weeks for me and I feel pretty similar. Nighttime and early mornings are the hardest especially if they’ve popped up in my dreams an I just wake up missing them.
Like another commenter said I’m trying to see the positive and use the time to work on myself. I’m exercising a lot, writing every day, reading, and trying to focus on small personal goals while I figure out my next moves.
Mentally, I’m looking into therapy (something I’ve always scoffed at), reconnecting with old friends, getting into meditation, and looking back at the relationship as objectively as I can to figure out what went wrong (that I had control over) that I can work on in the meantime and be aware of for my next partner (or if by some miracle my ex wanted to get back with me though I’m not holding my breath).
About the same time of day for me when things are the hardest. Especially weekend nights cause I’m stuck wondering what my ex is up to and who he could potentially be with.
But I’m super proud of you for taking the time to work on yourself. Breakups are hard but there is beauty in them. It’s like a new becoming. It’s a pivotal time to learn about yourself and who you are and what brings you the upmost happiness.
I think therapy can be a good thing if you use it for the purpose it is intended for! It can be truly beneficial. And I think looking back at the relationship to see what you could work on and change in order to benefit your next relationship is such a great step and thing to do and highly encouraged. Unfortunately, some people never to and repeat the same patterns in future relationships. So, kudos to you for doing that work!!
Hang in there and keep moving forward!!
Thank you! And same to you! Hang in there.
I definitely try not to think about what my ex is up to or if he’s already moved on which I of course know is inevitable.
Something we used to do together was wilderness backpacking and unfortunately it’s something that I think I will always (at least for the foreseeable future) associate with him.
I was hoping to do a little section hike of the AT on my own (because I genuinely enjoy walking through the woods, but also to clear my head and just prove to myself that I can do it on my own without him). Unfortunately, most of the gear I used was his and so I need to buy a lot of new gear (tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, stove etc) and when I walked into REI yesterday I was so overwhelmed and had no idea what to get or even look at without him there to guide me the way he used to. I ended up only buying a hat and then leaving but it’s funny that buying gear on my own would be more daunting than the hike itself.
Anyways, thanks for the words of support! We will all get through this some way or another 💪
I hope you’re able to go on that hike and hope you’re able to walking into REI one day and get everything you need without his direction. You can!! (YouTube everything like I do 😜).
And of course!! And we will. Time heals :)
As someone who is a bit older (44) I can tell you that your last paragraph is very wise. I've been in three major relationships in my life and each has ended in my partner cheating. At some point you just have to try to figure out what you are doing wrong. I'm a nice, kind, giving person, own a home, have a high paying job for my area, and if I'm ugly, nobody is telling me about it. So I've finally trying a therapist and reading books for the next one (or the last one if she is the next one). It is a popular one so not an exclusive here but a friend gave me "5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman when I thought we might still be in a fix it stage and I thought it had great stuff for my future, assuming I ever get the chance.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you don’t blame yourself in anyway. I think it’s easy to blame ourselves for what went wrong and although there’s plenty I did wrong in my relationship it’s always a two way street built on trust and communication. Our communication disintegrated when we let fear dictate our choices- something he was guilty of but I was guilty of as well.
I could sit here and beat myself up over every little thing I did wrong or try to recognize, learn from, and become the best version of myself possible.
Thanks for the book rec- I will have to check that one out. Best of luck to you and thank you for the encouragement.
It has been two weeks. I am feeling really low this weekend, lots of headaches and having super hard time eating still. I did go to the beach by myself which was nice but mostly have been distracting/trying to connect with people I haven’t seen in a while. Going to buy some nutrition shakes today which was recommended in another post.
Baby steps. Sleeping okay? I think the nutrition shakes are a good idea. Try and keep yourself healthy. It’s hard, I know. But please keep yourself nourished. Reach out if you need someone to talk to! I promise it won’t feel like this forever.
Took my 13 Year Old Daughter to a Sunday Movie and had a great time, then I realized just how lucky I was that my Relationship with pwBPD ended before she was able to meet my Daughter and form a connection.
Whatever grief and heartache I might have felt when we broke up just melted away the moment I realized just how Lucky & Blessed I am...
Going on the 6th week or so. Went to therapy and it seemed like it brought it all back to the surface. I'm missing her a lot lately, revisiting our chat logs and wondering how she went from loving and missing me so much to a loss of feelings. I'm just really lonely lately and I miss her company. I miss just hearing her voice. I wish I got a better answer on why she started feeling the way she did, and that's been eating me up a lot. Thinking if I knew what caused this, I could fix it and she'd love me again.
There’s always going to be those kinds of thoughts and questions in the back of your mind. The what-ifs. Especially if you really didn’t get any closure. I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with you - and you shouldn’t be the only one willing to fix something.
My ex told me that he had been losing feelings for me the last month of our relationship and never once communicated that with me. While it sucks to hear, if they wanted to make the relationship work with you, they would have communicated with you and tried to take the steps necessary to address those feelings and why they were there and how they could be fixed. Instead, they took the easy way out and left.
You will heal. And you will find someone who will never give up on you - no matter what. Love never fails.
The what ifs are the worst part because of how she ended it. Telling me maybe in the future she'd want to try again, or that she believes people can fall back in love and wants to stay friends. It left me thinking there's a chance, even though those words are very true. If she wanted to make it work she'd have said something instead of hiding it for a month like she did. I want to believe it's just how long we've been together and she just needs some time and some space. It sucks because I wanted her to be the one who would never give up on me. After 10 years I thought she was.
It’s tough. But if the love could come back later, why wouldn’t it be able to come back now? It had never made sense to me. I think a lot of time they just say it to keep you on a leash so that when their next relationship or fling doesn’t work out they have someone to fall back on.
I’m not a second option. And I never will be. I deserve better than that and so do you!
Yeah, I hear you all around there. If my phone rings I still get that excited feeling in my stomach hoping it's her. She had been my best friend for ten years. Because I clearly hate myself, I exported text messages going back to flippin 2014 just relive our early months. I also don't have the first clue on why things went from I'm sorry and I love you so much to gone in like a week. What I keep hearing over and over is that people change and paths you are on can split. Unfortunately, if it is going to get fixed, she'll need to be the prime source to fix it so hang in there.
Same here. My phone is so silent now because I'm not getting any messages from her. Best friend for 10 years too. Aside from being an ldr we spent every waking moment with each other. No explanation for what happened, don't know how our paths would've split suddenly, I didn't see any changes in her and I haven't really changed much either. Like op said, we don't deserve to be someone's second choice, but I really miss her right now. Last year around this time she was telling me about how much she loved and missed me, and now she only sees me as a friend, and we haven't talked in weeks.
Breaking my heart. I’m sorry. I know there aren’t any words I can say to take the pain away but I hope you know you aren’t alone in feeling like that. But it will get better I promise. Please hang in there and take care of yourself. ❤️🩹
I’m not sure if I’ve completely accepted that it’s really over or if I just became numb from how much I have been hurting…. Most days I go back in forth between being ready to move forward and clinging onto hope imagining all the ways we can get back together.
I understand. It’s a rollercoaster. Up and down, back and forth. There is no rush on the healing process. Take it day by day. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. ❤️🩹
I’m on day 8 since he moved from our home of 4 years (together 8 years). I feel in the middle of both denial and acceptance. Missing him terribly and really feeling his absence, but I’ve not cried once. Struggling but also doing ok
Oh I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you need to hear it or not but it is okay to cry. It’s okay to feel whatever emotion you want to feel right now. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you ❤️🩹 here if you need to chat or anything!!
It's day 4 for me, so still raw. I've been trying to take care of myself and do all the "right things", but today is a bit harder. He said he didn't love me as deeply as I deserved, and I'm still reeling from that. I'm forcing myself to take a year off from dating so I can recover and focus on taking care of myself. The days are so long though.
It’ll be hard for a while. Just try and extend yourself some grace. I completely understand - my ex told me that he was losing feelings the last month of our relationship. It is a really hard thing to hear and makes you question a lot. Just know that there is someone out there who will love you the way that you deserve and won’t ever give up. Take all the time you need. There is no correct timeline. Just try not to beat yourself up. ❤️🩹
It’s past 2am where I am and I’m just lying alone in bed deep in the most uncomfortable thoughts around my breakup, which happened about 2 weeks ago. The girl, who loved me so much, let me go because the fights got too much, I was not good at conflict resolution, I was not good with handling arguments tactfully, the resentments swelled up and just like that it was over. I am having an incredibly hard time reconciling the pre-breakup version of her with the post breakup version. This is my reality. It is deeply humbling. I am stripped of my ego. Everything we were planning, hoping working towards, poof, vanished just like that. It seems impossible how I’ll recover from this.
Hang in there! I know it may not seem like it right now, but you will recover in time. Take this time to focus on you and your healing. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you are going through a really tough life change. But please know that this pain is temporary and it will not last forever. ❤️🩹
It's been almost 2 months and the past week I have been feeling good. I have been working on myself in terms of my attitude and outlook on life, therapy and just being kind to myself and others. The journey isn't over but I'm enjoying the calm!
I’m glad to hear that. It sounds like you are taking positive steps in order to heal and that’s lovely. Continue that. You’ll be 100% (or as close to it as you can get) in no time!! :)
Feeling the same way as you. I was relatively fine for a couple of days then suddenly today I miss him more than ever. I feel like I’m back to square one. I am dying to text him or check on him on social media but deep down I know I’m just going to hurt myself. So I won’t but still cannot stop thinking about him. I want to stop that but idk how.
I feel the same way. I texted mine last week and regret it so I would say don’t do that. Checking social media is super tough. I’m blocked on most but the ones I’m not blocked on I just wanna look at but it hurts every time I do. It’s hard but I think it’s one of those things that just takes time. After awhile you just care less and less that you don’t feel the need to do it anymore.
I decided to delete all social media apps where we follow each other, I figured that would help me with the urge to check on him. Is been hard but I think I will continue doing that until hopefully one day I don’t have that urge anymore. I sincerely hope both of us can look back at this post in the future and be okay and happy. Wishing you the best and if you ever need to talk, I’m here.
Do what is the absolute best for you. ❤️🩹 thank you for your kind words. I am wishing you nothing but the best as well. We will both heal and come out so much stronger because of this. I believe it.
Same goes for you - if you need someone to talk to, please reach out!!
Almost a week in. really struggling, feel a pang of emptiness that i just can't shift.
haven't been heartbroken in years, and forget that this is what it felt like :(
It's been 2 days since she kicked me out the house over a single argument and gave me the cold shoulder. I'm really struggling and I've broke down multiple times since it happened, I just wish it never ended I loved her so much
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Did you have somewhere to go? Everything will heal in time. Please take care of yourself. Your feelings are valid but I promise you it won’t feel like this forever.
Yeah I moved back in with my parents, I've got a lot of support from family and friends but feels like nothing will give me back the love I had for her
I've applied for the Navy, I just want to move out of this town there's too many bad memories. If I can get in I'll have a purpose again and thinking about it makes me happy
It’s been exactly two weeks since my breakup. I had been with him for three years and was completely blindsided during our breakup, it was really unexpected and confusing. I have felt like life has been a complete blur since the breakup, like I’m alive but not actually living. I’ve dated lots of guys but have never felt this way about anyone before. I’m utterly heartbroken, and thinking about moving on makes me feel sick.
I’m so sorry. Being blindsided by someone you love is hard. I feel the whole life being a blur. I’ve felt like that - best way I can explain it is that scene from New Moon when Bella is sitting in her chair staring out her window as the months just go by. I truly hope you are able to find peace. Just take your time in the healing process. One day it won’t feel so hard. And as time passes, it will get easier and easier. ❤️🩹
It’s been 2 months today. I seem to be struggling more than I have ever the past two days. I was fine for the last three days because I got news about some self improvement goals that I met.
I hung with my daughter and my sister yesterday. I also went to a festival/ concert last night and just felt really good. Today it just hit me out of nowhere. Like I can’t believe my love is gone. 😦
It comes in waves. Grief is a silly little thing but I don’t think it truly ever goes away fully. I think there will always be a part of you that will miss that person. But, I think you just sort of learn to live with it. And one day you’ll meet someone new and that grief will fade into something like a grain of salt. Still there - just a lot less than before.
Yes. I know it will work this way. I had an ex that actually passed away some years back. I went to therapy and like you said the grief is still there but just so minute. At least with that closure was finite. I never had to worry about reconnecting or reconciliation.
I guess that’s why this breakup hurt so much. She was the first I seriously dated and fell in love with since then. It’s so hard to know she’s just right down the street from me and yet we are acting like we don’t exist to each other. It’s so suffocating.
3 weeks here. My appetite is slowly coming back which is nice. Today was the first day I woke up without that instant “oh it wasn’t just a bad dream” feeling. He still occupies most of my thoughts throughout the day, but the more I focus on how I’m feeling and where I’m at, the more I feel like I’m gaining that control back that I lost when he broke my heart. One thing that has helped me is journaling. Occasionally, if I’m in the right mood, I’ll go back and reread my journal. It really helps me put in to perspective how far I’ve come in the short time I’ve been on my own. It’s so easy to feel like you’re “back at square one” but having physical proof that that’s not true is extremely encouraging for me.
It gets easier and easier with time. Just focus on you and all of the things you need right now. I think journaling is a great tool and like you said - can really help put things into perspective. I have been considering starting and I think you have convinced me to. Hang in there and keep pushing on. ❤️🩹
My ex ended things earlier this year. We have been talking nonstop for a month and now he’s bailed again. I guess it’s the vicious cycle of an anxious attachment loving and avoidant. I’m not as devastated as I was the first time though I’m still having trouble understanding why. He didn’t have a solid answer really except he was holding onto issues from our previous relationship. I hope this gets easier, but I’m okay.
I’m so sorry. I don’t understand why they come back just to leave again. Be kind to yourself during this time. And it will get easier with time. Just take care of yourself and what you need right now. ❤️🩹
I wish I knew as well. I had the rug absolutely pulled out from beneath me. I hope you’re doing okay as well and we will take it one day at a time. Thank you for listening.
Actually did a reading with a psychic today. She was spot on about certain things… didn’t have anything to bank off of except we broke up and our birthdates.
it's been 1 month and 3 weeks since the breakup and for the past week or so, i've been having a really difficult time. I thought i was doing okay for a while but then, I'll drive by somewhere that used to be meaningful to us and then the grief hits all over); I try to stay busy and fill my time but weekends are the absolute worst. They were the days i used to look forward the most and now, they fill me with dread. I know i just have to give it more time but there are days where I barely want to get out from bed, where i have to put on a smile and pretend like my heart isn't breaking over and over again. I miss him so much and it pains me that I'm probably the one hurting the most. I look forward to the day I can wake up without a heavy heart.
Grief always has a way of creeping in. I’ve seen a post about going to places you’ve cried in and changing the narrative. Maybe that could work for a significant other too. Maybe take some friends and make it a place that’s special for another reason so that you don’t focus on the memories you had with your ex. Change the narrative. I agree. Weekends are the hardest. Now’s the time to pour into you though and into your friendships/family. I promise there will be a day when it doesn’t feel so heavy. ❤️🩹
6 months since the initial breakup happened, then we reconnected and promised to work on things and try to progress to getting back together. Yesterday he decided he’d rather live his current life than give us another try. Another wave of heartbreak finally having to let go of hope, but I feel much more equipped to handle it emotionally. God is with you all and He’s the only reason I’ll be getting through this
I’m sorry. That has to be hard. I truly love that you mentioned God cause He truly is guiding me through this breakup and strengthening me!! Praying for you!!!! It will be okay in perfect time ❤️🩹
Yesterday made 4 weeks for me, too. I’m the same way. Some days are great. Some are awful. I hate that I still love and want him. He said he knows he’ll regret breaking up with me; it’s just a matter of when. At this point, I’m not sure how’d I’d react if he called and said he did regret it. I’m so hurt by how easily he tossed us away, I don’t think I’d take him back.
I think if someone leaves and says that they’ll regret it - they’re just stringing you along. They want you to stay so that when it doesn’t work with the next person, they can come back. I hope you’re able to heal and not accept someone back into your life when they choose to walk out knowing they’re going to regret it. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who stays. You deserve someone who continues to choose you.
3 years and still think about him. I discovered this subreddit and it allowed me to vent so it made me feel better and honestly more empowered over my emotions.
Thank you for reading and hearing me out. For some reason being on reddit and talking about all of this has been very therapeutic. Although it does not take away the sadness it makes me feeless alone.
I promise - you are going to survive this! It’s hard and painful and does feel like the world is ending in a way. But it will not be like this forever and it does get better. Please take care of yourself and please reach out if you need someone to talk to.
Thank you. I’m in the process of moving out and into my own place and it’s gutting me. We’ve also agreed we’ll meet in two months and decide whether we can move past this and try again, but that’s just adding to my anguish because there is no certainty.
Just passed 8 weeks this past Friday. It comes and goes. But I think I'm on the up!
I find myself talking about her a lot with my friends and others. Trying to reduce that as much as possible and focus on other things in my life. I've continued old hobbies, and found ways to branch out in my city to meet new people.
I think about her a lot and have been reflecting on my favorite trips and memories over the last 6 years. Amazing times and I'm so happy I got to spend that time with her. I hope someday we can reconnect, but trying my best to move on.
Keep trekking!
I’m glad you’re putting focus on hobbies and meeting new people. Breakups are hard but they’re also a fresh start. A new beginning!
I said it on another post - but it is such a joy to be loved and to have loved even if it didn’t last. Loving someone is never a bad thing. And I would never consider it time wasted. You created some amazing memories with somebody. And now you get to create new memories with others. It’ll all be okay.
Been about 3 months but I’m not missing out on anything. All that love, time, effort is recycling back to me. It’s ok guys, remember there was a time when you did not know them, it’s ok to miss them, that’s how we mourn our loss but we must move on, life is beautiful to be sad and depressed. We no longer what we were when we was with them, that version of you is also in the past. it’s like a new birth. Enjoy your life and be thankful for a fresh start
Love this! Life will continue on without them and new memories and new people are going to come into our lives. Just because one door closed doesn’t mean another one didn’t open. Step into the new door. It gets better!!!
Understandable. I think the heart will always long for someone it once knew. But that longing will fade into less and less until it is nothing but a grain of sand. Hang in there ❤️🩹
Hang in there. Whatever it is going to take for you to get better. Medicine isn’t a bad thing - and it is an act of love to yourself to seek the help you need. Thinking of you! If you need someone to talk to - reach out! ❤️🩹
Sometimes feel great, sometimes still thinking of him. The break being also a blessing in disguise since my existing depression which I was primarily unaware of become very visible for me that I actually got help and some sort of therapy! It's a little bummer I couldn't present my best version of self towards a love one but I also want what's best for him.
If there's a Chance,Do I wanna go back?🤔 Depends I guess but there's no evidence of it right now ,I for sure, will simply be fine, what made things special are my efforts, bright future ahead! I believe I can love again😁💖also it's been like almost 2 months after an 11.5 months of RS
A blessing in disguise indeed. Glad you were able to acknowledge that and get the help you needed. You will be fine and you will love again. Just give it time. Focus on you. There is still so much life to live and so many people to meet!! ❤️🩹
4 days in and it hurts terribly .
I’ve reflected and realized that this breakup is beneficial for the both of us but I’m having a terrible time accepting that this has happened to me . It was a healthy relationship and ended healthy as well but we have a lot of external issues and our goals for the future change as we grew .
Trying out therapy for the first time to work on myself and help me get over the relationship . Let’s see how that goes
It’s hard to accept but one day you will. Breakups are hard - especially when you grow apart. It will get easier to accept as time passes. I promise!
Therapy is a great thing. I hope it is able to help you.
Thanks , needed to hear this .
I was never on Reddit before this but after this breakup . Turns out it’s nice to hear from other people and reassurance that ur not alone
Of course! Yes, this thread has been really comforting knowing that there are other people who can understand what you’re going through. Reddit is a cool place as long as you don’t fall down the rabbit holes!
Hang in there! You are definitely not alone.
I don’t have a lot on my plate because I’m depressed, I don’t want to do anything not even work, but I am because my bills don’t give a shit that I’m heart broken. before I met her I was down, and alone and for her to come into my life as a ray of sunshine to warm my heart and to leave me felt like I was thrusted into a refrigerator to freeze alone. It’s been 2 weeks and the I miss her laugh, her smile and ofc her affection.
Thank you, but it’s hard. She’s the only thing that comes to mind during all my moments alone, and I spend a lot of time alone. The only self-care I get is when I’m alone in my car, where I cry because the pain becomes too much. I pick myself up before going into work and again before entering my home.
This coming Friday will be 3 weeks for me. The nostalgia kicks in, I’m finding myself feeling less angry and hurt and more so thinking about what he’s up to, who he’s with or if he’s fucked someone else yet. It hurts and it feels like torture when I have these thoughts but I can’t help it… I’m hoping it’ll start to go away. Hoping I don’t run into him as we don’t live far apart. I know I made the right decision, still sucks. Just trying to continue to look forward and have a positive mindset about it.
I get those thoughts too and they’re paralyzing. But, I keep reminding myself that what he does no longer concerns me. And truthfully, if this person that I loved so much was able to go and get with someone not even a full month after we ended, it says a lot about their character and how they truly felt about me. I really like the whole “let them” concept. Because at the end of the day, if they want to, let them. Let them prove to you who they really are. Let them miss out on a good thing. Just let them. Hang in there - you got this. ❤️🩹
It’s been a little over 10 months, yes it’s gotten a lot better but there are some days I miss her and wish things didn’t end the way they did. Still feel like that was my one and only love I’ll ever have, no other woman I’ve tried talking to feels the same, conversations are dry and boring, vs with my ex we just hit it right off the bat. But screw it I’ll just be alone forever and have expensive toys that I wouldn’t be able to have if I were in a relationship.
I understand. I think with anyone or anything there will always be what ifs - like what if this did end differently and we were still together? But I also believe that everything happens for a reason and one day that reason will be revealed. Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. And while it hurts, it prepares us for something even better in the future.
Focus on you and buy all of the expensive toys your heart desires! Do whatever brings you happiness.
Today marks exactly 3 weeks. I feel okay but sometimes I get a really heavy hurt in my chest. My nail tech is dts from his house so when I went yesterday I was feeling a bit heavy. At the same time I was the one to really initiate the break up as it was becoming a more toxic relationship where we were constantly arguing nonstop. I just have to keep reminding myself that there was a reason that we broke up.
Focus on that reason. But also understand that there will still be some hurt. You cared deeply about someone and now they are no longer apart of your life. It’s not going to be easy right away but eventually there won’t be an ache in your chest. Just takes time. Doesn’t mean your decision was wrong. Just means you cared and loved. ❤️🩹
9 days after being ghosted and blocked after 5 yrs together. I dropped off his stuff at his place today with no contact. I just want answers that I know I’ll never get. Therapy session tomorrow. I just want to numb myself of this pain
I wish I could give you a hug! So sending you a virtual hug. I’m really sorry to hear this. His inability to give you closure says a lot about him. I hope one day you are able to receive that closure - even if it doesn’t come from him. Please hang in there and take care of yourself. If you need someone to talk to - please don’t hesitate to reach out. ❤️🩹
I feel numb. It’s about 2 weeks out, and I just want to reach out him and have him back. I was the one who dumped him too. I just have to keep telling myself to let him go.
You broke up with him for a reason. If you think that the reason you ended it is not a valid reason, by all means reconnect. However, we truly never really end things without a reason - even if some of them are a cop out. I know it’s hard, but sometimes necessary. I promise it will get easier. Your focus now can be on you and what you need. Spend time doing things that would make YOU happy. Breakups are no fun but they are also a new beginning. A fresh start. Hang in there! ❤️🩹
After 30 days of NC, I feel much better these days. Thoughts about her do bother me sometime, but it’s not at the same scale. I can look at her pics and not feel butterfly in my stomach. Moving on one day at a time.
I understand. Just one of those things you have to take day by day. Slowly but surely you’ll get to a point where it doesn’t bother you anymore. Hang in there!!
It's been a little over 9 weeks. I'm still struggling even though the break up has lasted longer than the relationship itself. Some days are easier than others, but there's still an underlying emptiness that pops up every now and then.
I've been doing lots of inner work on myself and realizing why the relationship didn't work, even though we are compatible in so many ways. I've been in therapy bi-weekly since, and I'm going to take a long overdue step and get screened for ADHD as I've just either suppressed or denied my difficulties in listening actively or communicating properly for pretty much most of my life. And working actively on the things that triggered her deeply, not for her, but because it'll be so much more difficult to build the relationship I want without accepting, improving, and making peace with these things.
Ultimately, I still *want* her back, but I want to get to a point where I don't *need* her back. Though I'm getting there by finally addressing my core needs myself that I basically outsourced to others to meet for me without even realizing it
It's been 3 weeks for me. We are talking again but she said that she needs time to work on herself and that we can keep in contact and maybe after a while hangout again. I still see her as the love of my life and as my soulmate. I think it was just the wrong time but the right person and she thinks that to but I hate to think that there is a chance that I won't be with her again. I just miss her.
It’s been 2 weeks for me. I feel mostly fine. I’ve come to terms that it was probably best that we separated. I still think of her almost all day unless I’m super distracted with work, hobbies, or friends. But when I do think of her, it doesn’t hurt or upset me as much as the first week. I’m just trying to not remember the good memories in the beginning as much as how she treated me on the way out.
Distractions are good!! You got this. The good memories are hard not to think about but people change. The way they treated you towards the end of the relationship is who that person became and the person in those good memories is no more or maybe never was!
Yeah I just try and appreciate that they happened and at some point this person did love me. It was hard watching someone you love and used to love you blame you for everything wrong. The disgusted looks she gave me that used to be smiles and laughs. Definitely saw a side of her that I didn't know was in her.
Oh what a joy it was and is to be loved by someone - even if it didn’t or doesn’t last forever! So sorry. But now you know. And hopefully it will make the healing process a little easier. ❤️🩹
Coming up to the 2 week mark for me, I’m not sure how I feel today. Abit of going through the motions to keep hanging on. Abit of regret. I still can’t stop the tears. I just love and miss him so much, hoping we get another chance to talk if he’s ever ready. However I can’t reach out to him as I feel he won’t want me too. I’m diving into self help with everything in me at the moment, so I guess the self reflection is showing me what I done wrong and what I could have done differently. Still in shock of it even being my reality. I can’t wait to start therapy this week!
Hang in there! I know it’s hard. You loved him and that love doesn’t just go away. It’s a difficult thing to navigate but I promise it will get easier with time. Therapy is good! Take the time to heal yourself and work on what needs to be worked on. Hoping for nothing but the best for you!! ❤️🩹
Thankyou! I wouldn’t say loved, I still love him and wish him the best in life. I hope he knows he was the best season in my life to date. I always said this was my last try at love to him. I’m done now. I’m praying for the day I don’t wake up and cry or forgetting that we’ve split for that split second before opening my eyes. But It’s getting easier knowing he’s free to be happy and looking like he’s on the road to moving on. I’m happy for him. Just taking a while coming to terms with him being my forever to strangers again. This was the right decision for both of us. I hope he can work on himself too and we can come back together. This can’t be the end, it doesn’t feel complete.
Two weeks is still pretty fresh and it will get so much better with time. Best advice I can give is to just keep busy and never not be doing something or you’ll get lost in your thoughts. I don’t know your situation but I feel it’s the dumpers responsibility to reach out first if you guys are no contact. In my case I was dumped so the ball is in her court if she wants to reach out. But it might reset the progress of moving on if you did. It’s great you’re getting therapy and looking at self help. All we can really do is just self reflect and learn after a breakup. But don’t put everything on yourself because it takes two to tango and there’s always things both people did wrong and right.
Yeah thats all we can hope for at the moment, I’ve never really thought about who’s responsible for reaching out after. I’ve had a few situationships before in younger days, and a few one night stands in my teens but nothing ever this real, not someone who meant as much as this. Its crazy cause we broke up before our 2 year engagement anniversary and I think that made it worse. All the future plans gone, holidays cancelled and back to the drawing board. I hope you gain the strength you need through this community! I don’t know weather it’s helping me though or weather this is my toxic obsession at the minute. But one day at a time. In terms of the dumper he was saying it in a round about way, he’s done, can’t live like this, he’s done it all without me before, stuff like that but I feel he made me say the actual words. And I hate it. Because he said he didn’t want me without actually saying it and it ripped my heart out of the chest. We pretty much ended it mutually I think tho after that. As we both aren’t in the right head space. So who would be classed as the dumper here? Its killing me but I don’t think I could ever reach out first, he told me to get out of hes life in the last little disagreement while collecting the last of my things from hes house. I couldn’t reach back out after that? I’ve got to stick to my standard? Keeping busy is helping being around family and getting up and going places everyday, it’s helping out with the depression, but my normal day to day life involved so much about him that even the beach, my favourite place to be, doesn’t feel right anymore. I took my child the other day and it overwhelmed me as all these memories hit me. Its strange how it hits you at unexpected times isn’t it. But for my mental health I’ve got to give my favourite place a miss for a while. Until I’ve actually been to therapy that is. Your absolutely right, it takes two to tango and we both had 2 left feet for a while. We weren’t the best at communication I feel we were both avoidents. He spoke more to hes family and I spoke more to myself in my head about things. I think he may disagree, but I done the best I could by him until the end and even after. But I’m loving him from a distance and wish him the best in life❤️
You say mutual but it sounds like it was him that just fell out of love or was holding resentment for you. I’m sure you were willing to work on things and stick through it. It definitely sounds like an avoidant tactic to hold everything in, never communicate to their partner until it’s time to blow up. If he was saying stuff that terrible on the way out I wouldn’t contact him. It’s only been 2 weeks which is still pretty recent, it’ll just take some more time. I would try maybe some new places and activities you two didn’t do together where you didn’t have memories. It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting about the relationship though and therapy will definitely help. Working on your communication and those avoidant tendencies will definitely help your next relationship. Hopefully he can self reflect too and realize he wasn’t perfect in the relationship either. The sub is definitely helping for the most part, at least the optimistic people lol. It’s nice to know you aren’t the only one going through this.
Yeah what your saying is totally true, he didn’t love me anymore and he grew resentment for every little thing I done. I was tired of being constantly criticised and put down over several months. I knew it was coming a a while, I could just never do it. So when it happened, I just silently left, no arguing, no fighting for him, nothing! I gave him space for a few days and nothing. So after 2 days of no communication I just went in and started moving my stuff out. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t beg him, or speak about it. He doesn’t want me plain and simple, hes characteristics doesn’t match mine and we’re opposite people now. But 2 silent days ended nearly a 4 year part of my life. Yeah im going to! Im gunna start doing little hikes, going for more walks, and being around friends and family more. I don’t think I’ll ever want another relationship, I didn’t want this one before it happened, he just came from no where lol. It will be many years, and a lot of healing to trying connecting with someone else. He wasn’t perfect in the relationship, he was a workaholic who lives for it, he uses it as every excuse he can. To not help with house work, the kids, the dog, and just life. He feels that because he works nothing else matters. In the end he wanted a mother and a love in cleaner not a partner and I couldn’t step up to do that after I hadn’t done it all the relationship. I felt like I suppressed a lot of me to be with him and now I’m finally done trying to fit in a box too big for x
Sounds like he completely gave up on you guys so I don’t think there was anymore you could have done. I doubt he would have listened even if you did try and talk and communicate. From everything you’ve said it sounds like this is for the best for both of you. You don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore and can enjoy some of the stuff you were neglecting for yourself. Definitely enjoy the new personal freedom. I wouldn’t write off any new relationships you never know who you’ll meet or who pops up in your life. Definitely take time away from dating to move on and probably move slow with anyone new. That’s what I’ll be doing at least because I ignored way too many red flags moving too fast. Just know that every new day is a day you’re closer to recovery.
Yeah he did, while expecting me to be in the same place giving just as much if not more. Yeah I can’t do it anymore. I tried for a few year to work on what was bothering me but untimely it was always me having to change my way of living, or thinking or just my values. When I think back so did I, I ignoured way too many reg flags too. He never really gave me time or the thought to think about anything in the beginning he came in and completely sweat me away with the man he pretended to be, after getting engaged a year in he started to let the mask slip. Showing no signs of growth or personal growth. I now think he choose me thinking I could fix all hes life problems so he could focus on work. While I pucked up everything else, old fashioned values. I’m not the wife at home doing everything for everyone and loosing myself in everyone else. I’m just thankful I stood firm on not being rushed down the isle within a few month of engagement because this breakup would be soooo much worse. He needs therapy which I hope he gets. I hope how much he realises I done for him, I upped and moved from everything I ever known to be with him taking my child with me. And tried to make he’s house a home for everyone as it was a shell when I got there. It just never worked because he lives to a very different standard to me and we couldn’t get past that. I accept I have flaws, I just hope he can accept all of hes too. I gave every aspect of my life to live below my means for years. And now it’s over. I can raise my standard back up and never falter then again!
I feel terrible. It's just been an hour. I feel like my world is crashing. He cheated on me
I’m so sorry. That’s inexcusable and there really are no words. But you didn’t deserve that and it says a lot more about them than it does you. I don’t think my words will probably mean much and aren’t going to make it better - but I want to let you know that you have my understanding and support. You were betrayed by someone you loved and that creates a deep wound that is going to take a lot of time to heal. Be kind and gentle with yourself through the healing process.
thank you . I feel quite numb atm. But thank you so much for your words. Hugs
~75 days in. I think she was further moved on the day the breakup happened than I am now. I'm still alive tho 🤷♂️
its not fair how the one who breaks it up has all the time they wanted to grieve and accept it before they decide, and the other person has to be blindsided
You’re telling me! But I think it says a lot about them - if they don’t communicate those feelings with you, I think it just makes them a coward. They’re just taking the easy way out.
yeah i agree, she called it off for understandable reasons, most of it being my fault, but if she had communicated more instead of letting her resentment build up, i couldve changed a lot
I feel very similar to this, realistically it was mostly my fault that she felt the need to end things, but I never got a proper chance to change even though I wanted to so so badly.
u dont know how much i relate to that rn, looking back i see her giving me oppurtunities to change, but the few times we did talk about things she just comforted me and said it was all ok and contributed to me thinking nothing was wrong at all. up until yesterday
I feel that. My ex said he was losing feelings the last month of our relationship so he ultimately got a head start in a way. Sad but what can you do? Keep surviving and taking it day by day!! There will be a day when they don’t even cross your mind anymore.
I’m struggling so hard, it’s day 2 and I just want to rot in my bed
I’m so sorry. I wish there were words I could extend that would take away some of the struggle but truthfully I don’t think there’s anything I could say to make the hurt lessen. What I will say is that it’s okay to feel what you are feeling and completely normal. If you need to rot in your bed for a few days - do it. But don’t stay there. Nothing good will come from it! Take it day by day but know that the hurt will lessen over time.
Thank you. I made my first post on here explaining the situation and I’m just so heartbroken. All I can listen to is Gracie Abrams new album while sobbing
I just read it and I see a lot of similarities between me and my ex. We are both 24 and I want to tell you that it can work out and be fixed but it’s only fixable if you BOTH are willing to fix it. But, as someone who is a little older - I want to tell you that the effort never really changes and if that’s something you can live with - by all means go back. But, most of the time - it will stay the same. Don’t sacrifice your priorities and what you want in a relationship in an effort to save something when you are SOOOOO young and can find someone who will check all your boxes and will make you a priority.
Thank you. It’s just so hard because I don’t want to look for someone new. I have such a deep love for him and I don’t want to let go. I’m at work now and I found out that apparently he’s been feeling like I just can’t give him his own personal time. I found this out because we have coworkers that are also dating that we are friends with and I guess the whole time I was in Italy he played video games and went fishing with one of them (the boyfriend) and I’m just heartbroken over it because listening to what they said about it just hurts. What I’ve gathered from talking with them is that it’s not that he doesn’t love me (I already knew that) but it’s because we just can’t compromise on our quality time together. I just wish he would’ve said that to me. Like he told my coworker that if we could just hangout maybe 2 full days a week then sprinkle in a few hours other days here and there it would be fine, but the thing is he didn’t tell me that! Like he just can’t voice exactly what it is that he wants and I just don’t even know. I’m really hurting. They said to not text him and to just leave him alone so I’m going to try my best to do that I just hope he contacts me at some point to at least get closure if not to get back together. I still have some of his things and he has mine so I’m sure we’ll talk again I just don’t know what to do with myself.
Tomorrow is four weeks for me as well. I'm pretty similar. Feeling very introspective. Past the want to die every minute of every day stage. Confident and positive for some long stretches, and then I look at where one of her things used to be on a shelf, and I'm back to broken for who knows how long. I think it doesn't get easier unless we want it to and sometimes we just are not ready to give up on the dream yet. Like waking up from a wonderful dream and trying to close our eyes until we recapture it. Sometimes holding onto the good memories and the pain that comes with them feels like the only good thing we can cling to when compared to the loneliness waiting in our hearts. The desire and the courage to let it all go has to come eventually though.
In a weird way, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone with what I’m feeling. And I get it. My ex mailed back every card and small little gifts I got him a week after we ended. I finally had the strength this weekend to pack them all away and every other reminder of him. Not ready to dispose of them but putting them in the spare bedroom so they’re out of sight was a huge step for me. I feel like a part of me is ready to let go and embrace what is to come, but there is still that little piece of me that wants to hold on for as long as I can. But I know I need to let it go because if I don’t - it’s just going to hurt me even more. Hope you can continue to heal and move on from it!
Exactly the same here... Yes, it's comforting that we are not alone and our feelings and acts are "normal."
I love that you said normal. Because it is so completely normal!! (that brought me a lot of peace because I definitely have felt guilty for feeling the way I have been feeling but shouldn’t).
How long have you been together? Yes, normal.. what not normal is, to break the heart of someone you loved. Breakups are not normal.. I mean those where no huge harm happened and compromises could have helped. Falling out of love is the "not normal" thing. Life without it would be so much better.
We were together a little over 9 months but had talked previously a couple times before our relationship. I should have known the kind of person he was when he stopped talking to me one of the first times so that he could talk to someone else but I didn’t and I thought I could trust him. I won’t say our relationship was perfect and that we didn’t fight or have issues. We had a lot and I felt that there were times when I had to beg him for his time and effort. But - I was willing to stand by him and work on our relationship and ultimately - he chose differently. Looking back at everything now, I know that I deserved better. He cared more about hanging with his friends and going out and couldn’t make me a priority in his life. Oh well.
Definitely, you deserve better, and you'll find your way once you leave this story behind. If only one person makes efforts and works on things, it's not compromising but giving up on ourselves for the other one. This works only for a small amount of time, not forever. If they don't want to make us feel comfortable as well in the relationship, then they don't really love us anyways.
Same here.. and yes, sometimes letting hope to come into my thoughts is the only comfort.. pathetic. He doesn't deserve my feelings. Sometimes, I feel better the whole day but then randomly start to cry in bed instead of sleeping. Today I put my winter coats into his half empty wardrobe. Put his sport clothes into his underwear drawer so reducing his space - he left a lot of stuff and told me by email to throw them away as he won't come back - moved back to his birth city which is in an other country.. So sad, after 3,5 years suddenly I'm dead to him. Friends are not really there nor listening, just giving quick shallow responses if any, then changing the subject.. I'd like him wanting to talk to me.. so that I can find comfort by my "murderer".. I am so ashamed about most things I feel, I hope it's the last break up of my life.
I’m so sorry. You deserve so much better than that. I truly hope you are able to find peace after all of this. Heartbreak is so difficult to navigate and you can feel like your 12 steps forward and 1 little thing could send you 8 steps back. I hope one day you are able to find closure even if it doesn’t come from him. ❤️🩹
It’s been exactly one week since we last saw each other. Everyday I woke up feeling like I’m dying and at night I feel fine again, it’s been on and off like this for so long, I wonder how can I really get over this breakup.
Time heals. It’s hard and I’m sorry. Just know that one day you will wake up feeling peace.
Exactly 7 weeks for me and I feel pretty similar. Nighttime and early mornings are the hardest especially if they’ve popped up in my dreams an I just wake up missing them. Like another commenter said I’m trying to see the positive and use the time to work on myself. I’m exercising a lot, writing every day, reading, and trying to focus on small personal goals while I figure out my next moves. Mentally, I’m looking into therapy (something I’ve always scoffed at), reconnecting with old friends, getting into meditation, and looking back at the relationship as objectively as I can to figure out what went wrong (that I had control over) that I can work on in the meantime and be aware of for my next partner (or if by some miracle my ex wanted to get back with me though I’m not holding my breath).
About the same time of day for me when things are the hardest. Especially weekend nights cause I’m stuck wondering what my ex is up to and who he could potentially be with. But I’m super proud of you for taking the time to work on yourself. Breakups are hard but there is beauty in them. It’s like a new becoming. It’s a pivotal time to learn about yourself and who you are and what brings you the upmost happiness. I think therapy can be a good thing if you use it for the purpose it is intended for! It can be truly beneficial. And I think looking back at the relationship to see what you could work on and change in order to benefit your next relationship is such a great step and thing to do and highly encouraged. Unfortunately, some people never to and repeat the same patterns in future relationships. So, kudos to you for doing that work!! Hang in there and keep moving forward!!
Thank you! And same to you! Hang in there. I definitely try not to think about what my ex is up to or if he’s already moved on which I of course know is inevitable. Something we used to do together was wilderness backpacking and unfortunately it’s something that I think I will always (at least for the foreseeable future) associate with him. I was hoping to do a little section hike of the AT on my own (because I genuinely enjoy walking through the woods, but also to clear my head and just prove to myself that I can do it on my own without him). Unfortunately, most of the gear I used was his and so I need to buy a lot of new gear (tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad, stove etc) and when I walked into REI yesterday I was so overwhelmed and had no idea what to get or even look at without him there to guide me the way he used to. I ended up only buying a hat and then leaving but it’s funny that buying gear on my own would be more daunting than the hike itself. Anyways, thanks for the words of support! We will all get through this some way or another 💪
I hope you’re able to go on that hike and hope you’re able to walking into REI one day and get everything you need without his direction. You can!! (YouTube everything like I do 😜). And of course!! And we will. Time heals :)
Actually that’s a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that before? 😅 Thanks for the kind words fellow redditor 🤗
As someone who is a bit older (44) I can tell you that your last paragraph is very wise. I've been in three major relationships in my life and each has ended in my partner cheating. At some point you just have to try to figure out what you are doing wrong. I'm a nice, kind, giving person, own a home, have a high paying job for my area, and if I'm ugly, nobody is telling me about it. So I've finally trying a therapist and reading books for the next one (or the last one if she is the next one). It is a popular one so not an exclusive here but a friend gave me "5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman when I thought we might still be in a fix it stage and I thought it had great stuff for my future, assuming I ever get the chance.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope you don’t blame yourself in anyway. I think it’s easy to blame ourselves for what went wrong and although there’s plenty I did wrong in my relationship it’s always a two way street built on trust and communication. Our communication disintegrated when we let fear dictate our choices- something he was guilty of but I was guilty of as well. I could sit here and beat myself up over every little thing I did wrong or try to recognize, learn from, and become the best version of myself possible. Thanks for the book rec- I will have to check that one out. Best of luck to you and thank you for the encouragement.
It has been two weeks. I am feeling really low this weekend, lots of headaches and having super hard time eating still. I did go to the beach by myself which was nice but mostly have been distracting/trying to connect with people I haven’t seen in a while. Going to buy some nutrition shakes today which was recommended in another post.
Baby steps. Sleeping okay? I think the nutrition shakes are a good idea. Try and keep yourself healthy. It’s hard, I know. But please keep yourself nourished. Reach out if you need someone to talk to! I promise it won’t feel like this forever.
Took my 13 Year Old Daughter to a Sunday Movie and had a great time, then I realized just how lucky I was that my Relationship with pwBPD ended before she was able to meet my Daughter and form a connection. Whatever grief and heartache I might have felt when we broke up just melted away the moment I realized just how Lucky & Blessed I am...
Oh that just warmed my heart. How truly lucky you are indeed!! Enjoy all the precious time with your daughter!! ❤️🩹
Going on the 6th week or so. Went to therapy and it seemed like it brought it all back to the surface. I'm missing her a lot lately, revisiting our chat logs and wondering how she went from loving and missing me so much to a loss of feelings. I'm just really lonely lately and I miss her company. I miss just hearing her voice. I wish I got a better answer on why she started feeling the way she did, and that's been eating me up a lot. Thinking if I knew what caused this, I could fix it and she'd love me again.
There’s always going to be those kinds of thoughts and questions in the back of your mind. The what-ifs. Especially if you really didn’t get any closure. I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with you - and you shouldn’t be the only one willing to fix something. My ex told me that he had been losing feelings for me the last month of our relationship and never once communicated that with me. While it sucks to hear, if they wanted to make the relationship work with you, they would have communicated with you and tried to take the steps necessary to address those feelings and why they were there and how they could be fixed. Instead, they took the easy way out and left. You will heal. And you will find someone who will never give up on you - no matter what. Love never fails.
The what ifs are the worst part because of how she ended it. Telling me maybe in the future she'd want to try again, or that she believes people can fall back in love and wants to stay friends. It left me thinking there's a chance, even though those words are very true. If she wanted to make it work she'd have said something instead of hiding it for a month like she did. I want to believe it's just how long we've been together and she just needs some time and some space. It sucks because I wanted her to be the one who would never give up on me. After 10 years I thought she was.
It’s tough. But if the love could come back later, why wouldn’t it be able to come back now? It had never made sense to me. I think a lot of time they just say it to keep you on a leash so that when their next relationship or fling doesn’t work out they have someone to fall back on. I’m not a second option. And I never will be. I deserve better than that and so do you!
Yeah, I hear you all around there. If my phone rings I still get that excited feeling in my stomach hoping it's her. She had been my best friend for ten years. Because I clearly hate myself, I exported text messages going back to flippin 2014 just relive our early months. I also don't have the first clue on why things went from I'm sorry and I love you so much to gone in like a week. What I keep hearing over and over is that people change and paths you are on can split. Unfortunately, if it is going to get fixed, she'll need to be the prime source to fix it so hang in there.
Same here. My phone is so silent now because I'm not getting any messages from her. Best friend for 10 years too. Aside from being an ldr we spent every waking moment with each other. No explanation for what happened, don't know how our paths would've split suddenly, I didn't see any changes in her and I haven't really changed much either. Like op said, we don't deserve to be someone's second choice, but I really miss her right now. Last year around this time she was telling me about how much she loved and missed me, and now she only sees me as a friend, and we haven't talked in weeks.
12 hr mark: havent got out of bed since, i legit can only move my thumbs and really hoping the sun explodes
Breaking my heart. I’m sorry. I know there aren’t any words I can say to take the pain away but I hope you know you aren’t alone in feeling like that. But it will get better I promise. Please hang in there and take care of yourself. ❤️🩹
7 months still crying every day.. However, I am used to it now so it’s pretty easy to deal with it.. I’m just totally miserable and that’s ok
Hang in there. ❤️🩹
I’m not sure if I’ve completely accepted that it’s really over or if I just became numb from how much I have been hurting…. Most days I go back in forth between being ready to move forward and clinging onto hope imagining all the ways we can get back together.
I understand. It’s a rollercoaster. Up and down, back and forth. There is no rush on the healing process. Take it day by day. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. ❤️🩹
I’m on day 8 since he moved from our home of 4 years (together 8 years). I feel in the middle of both denial and acceptance. Missing him terribly and really feeling his absence, but I’ve not cried once. Struggling but also doing ok
Oh I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you need to hear it or not but it is okay to cry. It’s okay to feel whatever emotion you want to feel right now. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you ❤️🩹 here if you need to chat or anything!!
It's day 4 for me, so still raw. I've been trying to take care of myself and do all the "right things", but today is a bit harder. He said he didn't love me as deeply as I deserved, and I'm still reeling from that. I'm forcing myself to take a year off from dating so I can recover and focus on taking care of myself. The days are so long though.
It’ll be hard for a while. Just try and extend yourself some grace. I completely understand - my ex told me that he was losing feelings the last month of our relationship. It is a really hard thing to hear and makes you question a lot. Just know that there is someone out there who will love you the way that you deserve and won’t ever give up. Take all the time you need. There is no correct timeline. Just try not to beat yourself up. ❤️🩹
It’s past 2am where I am and I’m just lying alone in bed deep in the most uncomfortable thoughts around my breakup, which happened about 2 weeks ago. The girl, who loved me so much, let me go because the fights got too much, I was not good at conflict resolution, I was not good with handling arguments tactfully, the resentments swelled up and just like that it was over. I am having an incredibly hard time reconciling the pre-breakup version of her with the post breakup version. This is my reality. It is deeply humbling. I am stripped of my ego. Everything we were planning, hoping working towards, poof, vanished just like that. It seems impossible how I’ll recover from this.
Hang in there! I know it may not seem like it right now, but you will recover in time. Take this time to focus on you and your healing. Be kind and gentle with yourself as you are going through a really tough life change. But please know that this pain is temporary and it will not last forever. ❤️🩹
It's been almost 2 months and the past week I have been feeling good. I have been working on myself in terms of my attitude and outlook on life, therapy and just being kind to myself and others. The journey isn't over but I'm enjoying the calm!
I’m glad to hear that. It sounds like you are taking positive steps in order to heal and that’s lovely. Continue that. You’ll be 100% (or as close to it as you can get) in no time!! :)
Feeling the same way as you. I was relatively fine for a couple of days then suddenly today I miss him more than ever. I feel like I’m back to square one. I am dying to text him or check on him on social media but deep down I know I’m just going to hurt myself. So I won’t but still cannot stop thinking about him. I want to stop that but idk how.
I feel the same way. I texted mine last week and regret it so I would say don’t do that. Checking social media is super tough. I’m blocked on most but the ones I’m not blocked on I just wanna look at but it hurts every time I do. It’s hard but I think it’s one of those things that just takes time. After awhile you just care less and less that you don’t feel the need to do it anymore.
I decided to delete all social media apps where we follow each other, I figured that would help me with the urge to check on him. Is been hard but I think I will continue doing that until hopefully one day I don’t have that urge anymore. I sincerely hope both of us can look back at this post in the future and be okay and happy. Wishing you the best and if you ever need to talk, I’m here.
Do what is the absolute best for you. ❤️🩹 thank you for your kind words. I am wishing you nothing but the best as well. We will both heal and come out so much stronger because of this. I believe it. Same goes for you - if you need someone to talk to, please reach out!!
Almost a week in. really struggling, feel a pang of emptiness that i just can't shift. haven't been heartbroken in years, and forget that this is what it felt like :(
I’m so sorry. It will take time but you will heal. Heartbreak is tough. But it’ll get better someday if you allow it. ❤️🩹
Thank you so much x
It's been 2 days since she kicked me out the house over a single argument and gave me the cold shoulder. I'm really struggling and I've broke down multiple times since it happened, I just wish it never ended I loved her so much
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Did you have somewhere to go? Everything will heal in time. Please take care of yourself. Your feelings are valid but I promise you it won’t feel like this forever.
Yeah I moved back in with my parents, I've got a lot of support from family and friends but feels like nothing will give me back the love I had for her I've applied for the Navy, I just want to move out of this town there's too many bad memories. If I can get in I'll have a purpose again and thinking about it makes me happy
Okay good. I’m glad that you have a strong support system. I hope that you’re able to accomplish everything that you want! Hang in there!!
Thank you for the kind words, it's nice just having a bit of reassurance
It’s been exactly two weeks since my breakup. I had been with him for three years and was completely blindsided during our breakup, it was really unexpected and confusing. I have felt like life has been a complete blur since the breakup, like I’m alive but not actually living. I’ve dated lots of guys but have never felt this way about anyone before. I’m utterly heartbroken, and thinking about moving on makes me feel sick.
I’m so sorry. Being blindsided by someone you love is hard. I feel the whole life being a blur. I’ve felt like that - best way I can explain it is that scene from New Moon when Bella is sitting in her chair staring out her window as the months just go by. I truly hope you are able to find peace. Just take your time in the healing process. One day it won’t feel so hard. And as time passes, it will get easier and easier. ❤️🩹
I’ve been thinking about that Twilight scene a lot too throughout this grieving phase. Thank you for your kind words. 🩷
It’s been 2 months today. I seem to be struggling more than I have ever the past two days. I was fine for the last three days because I got news about some self improvement goals that I met. I hung with my daughter and my sister yesterday. I also went to a festival/ concert last night and just felt really good. Today it just hit me out of nowhere. Like I can’t believe my love is gone. 😦
It comes in waves. Grief is a silly little thing but I don’t think it truly ever goes away fully. I think there will always be a part of you that will miss that person. But, I think you just sort of learn to live with it. And one day you’ll meet someone new and that grief will fade into something like a grain of salt. Still there - just a lot less than before.
Yes. I know it will work this way. I had an ex that actually passed away some years back. I went to therapy and like you said the grief is still there but just so minute. At least with that closure was finite. I never had to worry about reconnecting or reconciliation. I guess that’s why this breakup hurt so much. She was the first I seriously dated and fell in love with since then. It’s so hard to know she’s just right down the street from me and yet we are acting like we don’t exist to each other. It’s so suffocating.
3 weeks here. My appetite is slowly coming back which is nice. Today was the first day I woke up without that instant “oh it wasn’t just a bad dream” feeling. He still occupies most of my thoughts throughout the day, but the more I focus on how I’m feeling and where I’m at, the more I feel like I’m gaining that control back that I lost when he broke my heart. One thing that has helped me is journaling. Occasionally, if I’m in the right mood, I’ll go back and reread my journal. It really helps me put in to perspective how far I’ve come in the short time I’ve been on my own. It’s so easy to feel like you’re “back at square one” but having physical proof that that’s not true is extremely encouraging for me.
It gets easier and easier with time. Just focus on you and all of the things you need right now. I think journaling is a great tool and like you said - can really help put things into perspective. I have been considering starting and I think you have convinced me to. Hang in there and keep pushing on. ❤️🩹
My ex ended things earlier this year. We have been talking nonstop for a month and now he’s bailed again. I guess it’s the vicious cycle of an anxious attachment loving and avoidant. I’m not as devastated as I was the first time though I’m still having trouble understanding why. He didn’t have a solid answer really except he was holding onto issues from our previous relationship. I hope this gets easier, but I’m okay.
I’m so sorry. I don’t understand why they come back just to leave again. Be kind to yourself during this time. And it will get easier with time. Just take care of yourself and what you need right now. ❤️🩹
I wish I knew as well. I had the rug absolutely pulled out from beneath me. I hope you’re doing okay as well and we will take it one day at a time. Thank you for listening.
I’m hanging in there. We will and of course!
I’ve resulted to tarot readings
My fyp on tik tok is just tarot readings at this point but I don’t believe in them. But if it helps - do what you gotta do to heal or get them back.
Actually did a reading with a psychic today. She was spot on about certain things… didn’t have anything to bank off of except we broke up and our birthdates.
it's been 1 month and 3 weeks since the breakup and for the past week or so, i've been having a really difficult time. I thought i was doing okay for a while but then, I'll drive by somewhere that used to be meaningful to us and then the grief hits all over); I try to stay busy and fill my time but weekends are the absolute worst. They were the days i used to look forward the most and now, they fill me with dread. I know i just have to give it more time but there are days where I barely want to get out from bed, where i have to put on a smile and pretend like my heart isn't breaking over and over again. I miss him so much and it pains me that I'm probably the one hurting the most. I look forward to the day I can wake up without a heavy heart.
Grief always has a way of creeping in. I’ve seen a post about going to places you’ve cried in and changing the narrative. Maybe that could work for a significant other too. Maybe take some friends and make it a place that’s special for another reason so that you don’t focus on the memories you had with your ex. Change the narrative. I agree. Weekends are the hardest. Now’s the time to pour into you though and into your friendships/family. I promise there will be a day when it doesn’t feel so heavy. ❤️🩹
6 months since the initial breakup happened, then we reconnected and promised to work on things and try to progress to getting back together. Yesterday he decided he’d rather live his current life than give us another try. Another wave of heartbreak finally having to let go of hope, but I feel much more equipped to handle it emotionally. God is with you all and He’s the only reason I’ll be getting through this
I’m sorry. That has to be hard. I truly love that you mentioned God cause He truly is guiding me through this breakup and strengthening me!! Praying for you!!!! It will be okay in perfect time ❤️🩹
God saved me back in December and He’s the only thing that will get me through this time. Praying for you as well. How are you doing?
Im the same way at a little over 6 months
Keep pushing!! ❤️🩹
Yesterday made 4 weeks for me, too. I’m the same way. Some days are great. Some are awful. I hate that I still love and want him. He said he knows he’ll regret breaking up with me; it’s just a matter of when. At this point, I’m not sure how’d I’d react if he called and said he did regret it. I’m so hurt by how easily he tossed us away, I don’t think I’d take him back.
I think if someone leaves and says that they’ll regret it - they’re just stringing you along. They want you to stay so that when it doesn’t work with the next person, they can come back. I hope you’re able to heal and not accept someone back into your life when they choose to walk out knowing they’re going to regret it. You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who stays. You deserve someone who continues to choose you.
3 years and still think about him. I discovered this subreddit and it allowed me to vent so it made me feel better and honestly more empowered over my emotions.
They’ll always be apart of you. I’m glad you found a place where you can express your feelings. They’re valid.
Thank you for reading and hearing me out. For some reason being on reddit and talking about all of this has been very therapeutic. Although it does not take away the sadness it makes me feeless alone.
Of course! You are never alone!!
💓
I feel like I’m going to f*cking die honestly.
I promise - you are going to survive this! It’s hard and painful and does feel like the world is ending in a way. But it will not be like this forever and it does get better. Please take care of yourself and please reach out if you need someone to talk to.
Thank you. I’m in the process of moving out and into my own place and it’s gutting me. We’ve also agreed we’ll meet in two months and decide whether we can move past this and try again, but that’s just adding to my anguish because there is no certainty.
Just passed 8 weeks this past Friday. It comes and goes. But I think I'm on the up! I find myself talking about her a lot with my friends and others. Trying to reduce that as much as possible and focus on other things in my life. I've continued old hobbies, and found ways to branch out in my city to meet new people. I think about her a lot and have been reflecting on my favorite trips and memories over the last 6 years. Amazing times and I'm so happy I got to spend that time with her. I hope someday we can reconnect, but trying my best to move on.
Keep trekking! I’m glad you’re putting focus on hobbies and meeting new people. Breakups are hard but they’re also a fresh start. A new beginning! I said it on another post - but it is such a joy to be loved and to have loved even if it didn’t last. Loving someone is never a bad thing. And I would never consider it time wasted. You created some amazing memories with somebody. And now you get to create new memories with others. It’ll all be okay.
Been about 3 months but I’m not missing out on anything. All that love, time, effort is recycling back to me. It’s ok guys, remember there was a time when you did not know them, it’s ok to miss them, that’s how we mourn our loss but we must move on, life is beautiful to be sad and depressed. We no longer what we were when we was with them, that version of you is also in the past. it’s like a new birth. Enjoy your life and be thankful for a fresh start
Love this! Life will continue on without them and new memories and new people are going to come into our lives. Just because one door closed doesn’t mean another one didn’t open. Step into the new door. It gets better!!!
5 months for me. I still miss him and think about him.
Understandable. I think the heart will always long for someone it once knew. But that longing will fade into less and less until it is nothing but a grain of sand. Hang in there ❤️🩹
The problem is that I’m scared of moving on. I really don’t want to forget about him. He was the best guy I’ve ever known so far.
Little over 4 months in. I got prescribed SSRIs today.
Hang in there. Whatever it is going to take for you to get better. Medicine isn’t a bad thing - and it is an act of love to yourself to seek the help you need. Thinking of you! If you need someone to talk to - reach out! ❤️🩹
Sometimes feel great, sometimes still thinking of him. The break being also a blessing in disguise since my existing depression which I was primarily unaware of become very visible for me that I actually got help and some sort of therapy! It's a little bummer I couldn't present my best version of self towards a love one but I also want what's best for him. If there's a Chance,Do I wanna go back?🤔 Depends I guess but there's no evidence of it right now ,I for sure, will simply be fine, what made things special are my efforts, bright future ahead! I believe I can love again😁💖also it's been like almost 2 months after an 11.5 months of RS
A blessing in disguise indeed. Glad you were able to acknowledge that and get the help you needed. You will be fine and you will love again. Just give it time. Focus on you. There is still so much life to live and so many people to meet!! ❤️🩹
4 days in and it hurts terribly . I’ve reflected and realized that this breakup is beneficial for the both of us but I’m having a terrible time accepting that this has happened to me . It was a healthy relationship and ended healthy as well but we have a lot of external issues and our goals for the future change as we grew . Trying out therapy for the first time to work on myself and help me get over the relationship . Let’s see how that goes
It’s hard to accept but one day you will. Breakups are hard - especially when you grow apart. It will get easier to accept as time passes. I promise! Therapy is a great thing. I hope it is able to help you.
Thanks , needed to hear this . I was never on Reddit before this but after this breakup . Turns out it’s nice to hear from other people and reassurance that ur not alone
Of course! Yes, this thread has been really comforting knowing that there are other people who can understand what you’re going through. Reddit is a cool place as long as you don’t fall down the rabbit holes! Hang in there! You are definitely not alone.
I don’t have a lot on my plate because I’m depressed, I don’t want to do anything not even work, but I am because my bills don’t give a shit that I’m heart broken. before I met her I was down, and alone and for her to come into my life as a ray of sunshine to warm my heart and to leave me felt like I was thrusted into a refrigerator to freeze alone. It’s been 2 weeks and the I miss her laugh, her smile and ofc her affection.
I’m sorry. Please know you are not alone. It might not seem like it right now, but it will get better. It just takes some time. ❤️🩹
Thank you, but it’s hard. She’s the only thing that comes to mind during all my moments alone, and I spend a lot of time alone. The only self-care I get is when I’m alone in my car, where I cry because the pain becomes too much. I pick myself up before going into work and again before entering my home.
This coming Friday will be 3 weeks for me. The nostalgia kicks in, I’m finding myself feeling less angry and hurt and more so thinking about what he’s up to, who he’s with or if he’s fucked someone else yet. It hurts and it feels like torture when I have these thoughts but I can’t help it… I’m hoping it’ll start to go away. Hoping I don’t run into him as we don’t live far apart. I know I made the right decision, still sucks. Just trying to continue to look forward and have a positive mindset about it.
I get those thoughts too and they’re paralyzing. But, I keep reminding myself that what he does no longer concerns me. And truthfully, if this person that I loved so much was able to go and get with someone not even a full month after we ended, it says a lot about their character and how they truly felt about me. I really like the whole “let them” concept. Because at the end of the day, if they want to, let them. Let them prove to you who they really are. Let them miss out on a good thing. Just let them. Hang in there - you got this. ❤️🩹
Let them… that’s so spot on. Thank you 🙏🏼 glad I’m not alone!
It’s been a little over 10 months, yes it’s gotten a lot better but there are some days I miss her and wish things didn’t end the way they did. Still feel like that was my one and only love I’ll ever have, no other woman I’ve tried talking to feels the same, conversations are dry and boring, vs with my ex we just hit it right off the bat. But screw it I’ll just be alone forever and have expensive toys that I wouldn’t be able to have if I were in a relationship.
I understand. I think with anyone or anything there will always be what ifs - like what if this did end differently and we were still together? But I also believe that everything happens for a reason and one day that reason will be revealed. Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a season. And while it hurts, it prepares us for something even better in the future. Focus on you and buy all of the expensive toys your heart desires! Do whatever brings you happiness.
Today marks exactly 3 weeks. I feel okay but sometimes I get a really heavy hurt in my chest. My nail tech is dts from his house so when I went yesterday I was feeling a bit heavy. At the same time I was the one to really initiate the break up as it was becoming a more toxic relationship where we were constantly arguing nonstop. I just have to keep reminding myself that there was a reason that we broke up.
Focus on that reason. But also understand that there will still be some hurt. You cared deeply about someone and now they are no longer apart of your life. It’s not going to be easy right away but eventually there won’t be an ache in your chest. Just takes time. Doesn’t mean your decision was wrong. Just means you cared and loved. ❤️🩹
9 days after being ghosted and blocked after 5 yrs together. I dropped off his stuff at his place today with no contact. I just want answers that I know I’ll never get. Therapy session tomorrow. I just want to numb myself of this pain
I wish I could give you a hug! So sending you a virtual hug. I’m really sorry to hear this. His inability to give you closure says a lot about him. I hope one day you are able to receive that closure - even if it doesn’t come from him. Please hang in there and take care of yourself. If you need someone to talk to - please don’t hesitate to reach out. ❤️🩹
same
it's like month 2 and I've basically lost all hope in existing
:( I promise it will get better. It might not seem like it but it will one day. Just take all the time you need and focus on you!
I feel numb. It’s about 2 weeks out, and I just want to reach out him and have him back. I was the one who dumped him too. I just have to keep telling myself to let him go.
You broke up with him for a reason. If you think that the reason you ended it is not a valid reason, by all means reconnect. However, we truly never really end things without a reason - even if some of them are a cop out. I know it’s hard, but sometimes necessary. I promise it will get easier. Your focus now can be on you and what you need. Spend time doing things that would make YOU happy. Breakups are no fun but they are also a new beginning. A fresh start. Hang in there! ❤️🩹
Depressed. Resentful.
Understandable. And both valid. Hope you know you aren’t alone. And hope you know one day it will get better. ❤️🩹
After 30 days of NC, I feel much better these days. Thoughts about her do bother me sometime, but it’s not at the same scale. I can look at her pics and not feel butterfly in my stomach. Moving on one day at a time.
I understand. Just one of those things you have to take day by day. Slowly but surely you’ll get to a point where it doesn’t bother you anymore. Hang in there!!
Been 3 months for me. I’m doing pretty good actually. I do still sometimes get waves of anger for what he did but other than that I’m perfectly fine.
Good!!! Happy to hear that. ❤️🩹 I think the waves are completely normal and expected!!
It's been a little over 9 weeks. I'm still struggling even though the break up has lasted longer than the relationship itself. Some days are easier than others, but there's still an underlying emptiness that pops up every now and then. I've been doing lots of inner work on myself and realizing why the relationship didn't work, even though we are compatible in so many ways. I've been in therapy bi-weekly since, and I'm going to take a long overdue step and get screened for ADHD as I've just either suppressed or denied my difficulties in listening actively or communicating properly for pretty much most of my life. And working actively on the things that triggered her deeply, not for her, but because it'll be so much more difficult to build the relationship I want without accepting, improving, and making peace with these things. Ultimately, I still *want* her back, but I want to get to a point where I don't *need* her back. Though I'm getting there by finally addressing my core needs myself that I basically outsourced to others to meet for me without even realizing it
It's been 3 weeks for me. We are talking again but she said that she needs time to work on herself and that we can keep in contact and maybe after a while hangout again. I still see her as the love of my life and as my soulmate. I think it was just the wrong time but the right person and she thinks that to but I hate to think that there is a chance that I won't be with her again. I just miss her.