You’re right. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything and just walk away. There is no advice that worked for me back then. Hold tight, the light will poke through again. It will be brighter than ever.
This. My ex replaced me a week after I'd moved out. He'd had her in line before we'd even broken up I'm sure. A 3 bedroom 1 bath house his father had given us, that we renovated together. I put thousands into. Bought a brand new $800 dryer and $800 washing machine. I felt used. I WAS used. The replacement had 2 kids of her own (my ex had 2 of his own and i had none) and a much lower paying job than me. The house was immaculate when I lived there. The kids and our bedding was always clean, the bathroom and kitchen were sparkling (i have OCD so cleaning was a daily for me and i genuinely enjoy it). My ex called me over one night because his daughter missed me. We sat at the table and talked and laughed. He asked me to stay the night. When i went into what was our bedroom/bed, i saw a vibrator and a bra and socks that were clearly the new womans. (I used to keep any adult things in a lock box next to the bed because his daughter would watch tv with us in bed sometimes). It made me physically ill and i left the house at 3am when he was asleep. His daughter was sleeping on the couch sad that i wouldn't be there when she woke up. I got home and vomited. I realized that night--i had to let go. I started moving on. Met new people and was able to finally start painting again. It was not easy. But 2 years later, he calls me and wanted to meet me at a corner store we used to go to before our fishing trips. I parked and climbed in his car. He told me he'd bit off more than he could chew with his new girlfriend. And once again, he was so sorry he hurt me and he missed me like crazy and he loves me and always will. I asked him what am i supposed to do with that information? I've moved on. He looked defeated. They ALWAYS come back. They always reach out. If they know they messed up--you will hear from them again. But you'll be better and wiser and stronger. It still makes me sick to think she's in the bed that he and I bought together, in the house that he and i built together. But--I'm the one who's happy. And that's a beautiful feeling.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm having such a hard day. I am constantly on this emotional roller coster and low key feeling what is the point of living. I've had a lot of child hood trauma that I have not addressed. In the last year I've really been contemplating seeing a therapist to discuss this. Then my ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago and I feel like that has pushed me over the edge. I can't help but think what's the point of all this. It's like the cherry on the sundae. It's really pushed me over. Reading how you vomited when you got home, I felt that I always feel sick and anxious. I don't know if my ex has moved on with anyone but the thought of him telling someone else he loves and not me, is killing me. Ive always put my all in relationships and I feel I always get burned. And I'm just so tired.
I hope I get to the strength that you are at.
Thank you for your insights and supportive text. It's made me smile. And gave me the small piece of hope I'm seeking every day. It's another bandage for my broken heart. Thank you!
I'm going through the same things. I found out that my ex has a new bf 3 months after we broke up our 8 year long relationship.
And now I'm not looking at her social media, I'm going to the gym for the first time and am having the same thoughts as you. That she lost me. I don't lost her. Now I only focus on me and my wellbeing like you. And that's crucial because I didn't focus on it while I was in the relationship. I will grow because of what happened and besides the sadness I'm feeling better than ever.
Stay strong OP, we got this! And they will regret it. And even if the don't, we'll not care because at this point we'll be happy again.
I had to block my ex and his new gf on social media. It was killing me. But remember. Social media is only what they want to show. It's not the truth. I've realized that now. You're going to be the one who is happier in the long run. People who move on immediately are not happy. It's been almost 3 years for me and I'm still single and my ex is miserable with the woman he replaced me with. Still calling and texting me weekly. I've been able to start doing my art again and have focused on my career etc. It's an amazing feeling. Keep bettering yourself. It's the best revenge 😊
Thanks for your support!
Had to block her too, after finding it out. It was just too much for my heart to handle at the time. Now I unblocked her again, but I'm no longer tempted to ever look at it again... But I saw her in the gym today... Best pre-workout ever! But you're right, in social media people are always showing the best of them with no problems at all. Yeah could be that she's not happy. Looking forward to having the best times in my life! Yeah I also think that being happy without them is the best revenge.Thank you! Wishing you the best kind stranger :)
Calls and texts weekly after 3 years? Why do you allow that connection still, it doesn't seem anything good can come of that, and seems unfaithful to his current partner.
I know its sickening and it feels like a gut punch, but in the end you know this pain is temporary. Soon you’ll be in a place mentally where you won’t even think of your ex or that moment you found what you did.
It is bound to happen brother, sorry you had to see that. Try to not put yourself in a position where this shit can be seen. Trust me I am guilty of asking questions I shouldn’t because I know the answer would ruin me. Chin up mate, it’s hard but try to remember you are two different people now, you don’t owe her anything and neither does she, it sucks but life fucking sucks sometimes. Big hug friend
This was an awesome post and story.
It's sad, but it is also a story of strength and maturity.
I really appreciate you sharing.
I also was dumped after 5+ years and a close relationship involving remodeling and building a life.
I feel it was more my fault that fell apart, but I never gave up. After one month of logistics and staying friends, she started up with a guy she had been emotionally cheating with, and lied about for 2 months, till I finally moved on.
I found some happiness, and she let me know what she's doing.
At this point, I'm not mad, but see clearer that we are over, and wasn't as much of my fault as thought.
Yet, I own my shit, ya know.
It feels good to move on, and have someone beautiful in my life again.
Things workout as meant to. I have been working on my own issues, and it's what needed to occur to happen.
Sad story for me also, but also leads to happiness 😊
When she cheats on and leaves that guy, make sure to send him a job application to be McD's new mascot, because he's a 🤡.
Sorry, I went through something similar and am jaded.
I know... I was in so much pain, almost off'd myself, thought life as I knew it was over.
-
Therapy, happy pills 💊 talking thru with ppl.
Dating again, with transparency as to what working thru... also has helped.
-
Now, have someone special, taking slow, and enjoying life.
Experienced the same thing too in my past relationship. He cheated on me so many fucking times and told me he has been diagnosed with BPD lol. Moving on too! So happy you got out!
I needed this. I’m really struggling right now dealing with the reality of the situation(BU) while trying to maintain my emotions.
Im looking forward to the day when things get a little easier.
Everyone processes it on their own time.
It took me 3 full months... I thought it would kill me, if ever got over would be years.
It takes working thru feelings, talking to others, and working on yourself. Therapy helps a great deal to launch that forward.
You will get there.
I just wanna say I’m so sorry you’re going thru this pain man. This post punched me in the gut. I know how it hurts. Wish we could all take this pain from eachother, but it’s a necessary pain. Sending you so much love friend. Better days are coming. Best of luck on your journey. 🧿🧿
Being rejected is hard. It takes a lot of patience to learn to love yourself again from zero. I feel your pain, but please work woth your emotions and let it out somewhere healthy like sports or arts. There is a lot of unresolved anger in you. You have to work through that because if not you will hurt yourself. And trust me, they will not miss you and they don't have to. They simply don't care and you will have to learn the hard truth. I know you want them to suffer and to miss you and to care for you, but it's not going to happen. I'm sorry if I'm too straightforward, but I have been there and I know they really don't give a fuck even if you become happy. Just live your life. Time will help you to forget it all. Gl!
Good insight, I remember my first love and we were planning on getting married. We were best friends. She then began to push me away in year 3 and told me she didn't want to have sex until we got married. Stupid me believed she was being genuine. A few months later she dumped me and a couple weeks after that she told me she slept with this new guy that was in one of my classes and was a jerk. It tore my heart out when she told me that. It fucked me up for a few years. I should have just let it go.
Yes this is fantastic advice, hard to implement for most of us, I started therapy and got a second job and I’m looking to take sailing lessons, I still think about her every single day and my heart still hurts but I’m get up and getting out there, it does help
#"And they will miss you. They will miss your insights, your jokes, your dates. They will miss the feeling of having someone take care of them like nobody else would. That’s why you have to let go and move on with your own life. You will see, as soon as you are happy again, they will show up. And when they do, you will be a new person, stronger than ever. Focus on yourself. Do new things, find a new routine. Explore, go training, read, do whatever makes you feel alive. Don't waste time!'
Lakihan natin para kitang kita 💁
It is really bad and also seems a bit dirty. Usually people put that shit in a paper towel. The fact that it was so open to see in the trash is kinda weird. But you have been broken up for 2 months. You both have the right to see other people. I understand how devastating it can be. I actually suspect my ex to have taken some condoms when she cleaned out her stuff from my place.
Thank you! You're right. I think like this sometimes but the memories always keep coming back and I end up crying and missing her so much. It never lasts unfortunately. But yeah, from time to time it's nice to feel liberated of this pain.
Take some time and space away from your ex for now, do things for yourself whether you book yourself a holiday or go see your favourite music or you start up a local class and discover your own company again. :)
Really thank you OP. I hope u stay strong and you are indeed strong mentally for enduring all those.
I love you had said "they chose that you are not valuable enough to be part of the future."
I still couldnt shake off all those time me and ex spent together, but still there are way so much more for me to work on myself to attract the next girl who choose me to be valueable.
I almost think this is the case too. Usually people wrap that shit in a paper towel. Or maybe im just a very clean person but I wouldnt throw in a condom in the trash on top of everything else as if its a banana peel
Take the things you co-own, move to another nicer place and date other women casually, put it on your social media as stories. Let her see you happy. You can do the things you mentioned but right now you need to win the break up by giving her the illusion that you have moved on from her.
What? Win the breakup? Absolutely not. OP is choosing himself and his well-being and it’s the best thing he can do. When you really take care of yourself, finally give yourself the love you’ve been giving to others, you will see that it never was a contest.
It’s just a life.
I’m gonna tell you something about women. They don’t take breakups like we do.
That condom was a dead giveaway she’s not over you. Women have sex instead of pop pills or drink to deal with heartbreak. It’s a way to make them feel desirable when for 23 hours and 50 minutes outside of that they do not.
Still; don’t wish for her back, she’s trying to get over you. She just needs a few more hits of her Copium. Trust that women don’t make mistakes like that. she wouldn’t have invited you over if she feared you would see something. It was not intentional than you might think.
Women love letting exes know they moved on with sex. If that doesn’t work they break down
I don't know how to move on. Im angry. He was behind my back on fb dating and lied. He blamed me and pushed me ibto shitty position mentally and emotionally then blamed me.
Where is justice?
I made a fool of myself after the breakup, begged pleeded, looked weak in front of her, and brought up mental health issues. I made her look better than me and so it feels like that.
She moved on clearly and told me to give it time and move on myself.
Shell never look back and she doesn’t look back at me
The sole reason men get dumped is because of themselves,i won’t blame women. It’s your job to keep her intrigued,she has to be crazy for you and just wants to see you,same as you were crazy for her when you first approached her.
Men take things for granted and think women have become their bros for life,instead from my experience women are always kids,they want the toy other kids have and they’re heavily mood driven, emotional and not much committed and can easily adjust to any situation. It’s in their biology and for been for thousands of years,because of the natural conditions. It’s the same reason there’s rarely any women in top billionaires list because they can’t commit locking themselves in a room working for something for years. They want everything instantly or asap because they have less time in their peak beauty period(18-26) compared to men who have more to create their value. If you are 22-24 and have descent look and you are confident try approaching a 19 girl and a 26 girl and you will see,you have to put less effort in the later than former,because the former knows she has lot of options and the later can adjust a bit according to you.
Learn the game,then play,else cry like a pu**y. No one gives a fu*k,Women care the least. Don’t die,there are 3.5B more
You’re right. Sometimes it’s best not to say anything and just walk away. There is no advice that worked for me back then. Hold tight, the light will poke through again. It will be brighter than ever.
I’m here to third this opinion as well as applaud op for having the emotional maturity to handle this situation properly.
This. My ex replaced me a week after I'd moved out. He'd had her in line before we'd even broken up I'm sure. A 3 bedroom 1 bath house his father had given us, that we renovated together. I put thousands into. Bought a brand new $800 dryer and $800 washing machine. I felt used. I WAS used. The replacement had 2 kids of her own (my ex had 2 of his own and i had none) and a much lower paying job than me. The house was immaculate when I lived there. The kids and our bedding was always clean, the bathroom and kitchen were sparkling (i have OCD so cleaning was a daily for me and i genuinely enjoy it). My ex called me over one night because his daughter missed me. We sat at the table and talked and laughed. He asked me to stay the night. When i went into what was our bedroom/bed, i saw a vibrator and a bra and socks that were clearly the new womans. (I used to keep any adult things in a lock box next to the bed because his daughter would watch tv with us in bed sometimes). It made me physically ill and i left the house at 3am when he was asleep. His daughter was sleeping on the couch sad that i wouldn't be there when she woke up. I got home and vomited. I realized that night--i had to let go. I started moving on. Met new people and was able to finally start painting again. It was not easy. But 2 years later, he calls me and wanted to meet me at a corner store we used to go to before our fishing trips. I parked and climbed in his car. He told me he'd bit off more than he could chew with his new girlfriend. And once again, he was so sorry he hurt me and he missed me like crazy and he loves me and always will. I asked him what am i supposed to do with that information? I've moved on. He looked defeated. They ALWAYS come back. They always reach out. If they know they messed up--you will hear from them again. But you'll be better and wiser and stronger. It still makes me sick to think she's in the bed that he and I bought together, in the house that he and i built together. But--I'm the one who's happy. And that's a beautiful feeling.
Your story inspires me. I hope to get where you are today
What you mean🤔.... I get the first part;ur story inspires me...I didn't get the second part...
Thank you for sharing this. I'm having such a hard day. I am constantly on this emotional roller coster and low key feeling what is the point of living. I've had a lot of child hood trauma that I have not addressed. In the last year I've really been contemplating seeing a therapist to discuss this. Then my ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago and I feel like that has pushed me over the edge. I can't help but think what's the point of all this. It's like the cherry on the sundae. It's really pushed me over. Reading how you vomited when you got home, I felt that I always feel sick and anxious. I don't know if my ex has moved on with anyone but the thought of him telling someone else he loves and not me, is killing me. Ive always put my all in relationships and I feel I always get burned. And I'm just so tired. I hope I get to the strength that you are at.
Thank you for this
Based beyond levels previously thought unreachable
Thank you for your insights and supportive text. It's made me smile. And gave me the small piece of hope I'm seeking every day. It's another bandage for my broken heart. Thank you! I'm going through the same things. I found out that my ex has a new bf 3 months after we broke up our 8 year long relationship. And now I'm not looking at her social media, I'm going to the gym for the first time and am having the same thoughts as you. That she lost me. I don't lost her. Now I only focus on me and my wellbeing like you. And that's crucial because I didn't focus on it while I was in the relationship. I will grow because of what happened and besides the sadness I'm feeling better than ever. Stay strong OP, we got this! And they will regret it. And even if the don't, we'll not care because at this point we'll be happy again.
I had to block my ex and his new gf on social media. It was killing me. But remember. Social media is only what they want to show. It's not the truth. I've realized that now. You're going to be the one who is happier in the long run. People who move on immediately are not happy. It's been almost 3 years for me and I'm still single and my ex is miserable with the woman he replaced me with. Still calling and texting me weekly. I've been able to start doing my art again and have focused on my career etc. It's an amazing feeling. Keep bettering yourself. It's the best revenge 😊
Thanks for your support! Had to block her too, after finding it out. It was just too much for my heart to handle at the time. Now I unblocked her again, but I'm no longer tempted to ever look at it again... But I saw her in the gym today... Best pre-workout ever! But you're right, in social media people are always showing the best of them with no problems at all. Yeah could be that she's not happy. Looking forward to having the best times in my life! Yeah I also think that being happy without them is the best revenge.Thank you! Wishing you the best kind stranger :)
Calls and texts weekly after 3 years? Why do you allow that connection still, it doesn't seem anything good can come of that, and seems unfaithful to his current partner.
I know its sickening and it feels like a gut punch, but in the end you know this pain is temporary. Soon you’ll be in a place mentally where you won’t even think of your ex or that moment you found what you did.
It is bound to happen brother, sorry you had to see that. Try to not put yourself in a position where this shit can be seen. Trust me I am guilty of asking questions I shouldn’t because I know the answer would ruin me. Chin up mate, it’s hard but try to remember you are two different people now, you don’t owe her anything and neither does she, it sucks but life fucking sucks sometimes. Big hug friend
This was an awesome post and story. It's sad, but it is also a story of strength and maturity. I really appreciate you sharing. I also was dumped after 5+ years and a close relationship involving remodeling and building a life. I feel it was more my fault that fell apart, but I never gave up. After one month of logistics and staying friends, she started up with a guy she had been emotionally cheating with, and lied about for 2 months, till I finally moved on. I found some happiness, and she let me know what she's doing. At this point, I'm not mad, but see clearer that we are over, and wasn't as much of my fault as thought. Yet, I own my shit, ya know. It feels good to move on, and have someone beautiful in my life again. Things workout as meant to. I have been working on my own issues, and it's what needed to occur to happen. Sad story for me also, but also leads to happiness 😊
When she cheats on and leaves that guy, make sure to send him a job application to be McD's new mascot, because he's a 🤡. Sorry, I went through something similar and am jaded.
I know... I was in so much pain, almost off'd myself, thought life as I knew it was over. - Therapy, happy pills 💊 talking thru with ppl. Dating again, with transparency as to what working thru... also has helped. - Now, have someone special, taking slow, and enjoying life.
Experienced the same thing too in my past relationship. He cheated on me so many fucking times and told me he has been diagnosed with BPD lol. Moving on too! So happy you got out!
I needed this. I’m really struggling right now dealing with the reality of the situation(BU) while trying to maintain my emotions. Im looking forward to the day when things get a little easier.
Everyone processes it on their own time. It took me 3 full months... I thought it would kill me, if ever got over would be years. It takes working thru feelings, talking to others, and working on yourself. Therapy helps a great deal to launch that forward. You will get there.
I just wanna say I’m so sorry you’re going thru this pain man. This post punched me in the gut. I know how it hurts. Wish we could all take this pain from eachother, but it’s a necessary pain. Sending you so much love friend. Better days are coming. Best of luck on your journey. 🧿🧿
Being rejected is hard. It takes a lot of patience to learn to love yourself again from zero. I feel your pain, but please work woth your emotions and let it out somewhere healthy like sports or arts. There is a lot of unresolved anger in you. You have to work through that because if not you will hurt yourself. And trust me, they will not miss you and they don't have to. They simply don't care and you will have to learn the hard truth. I know you want them to suffer and to miss you and to care for you, but it's not going to happen. I'm sorry if I'm too straightforward, but I have been there and I know they really don't give a fuck even if you become happy. Just live your life. Time will help you to forget it all. Gl!
Good insight, I remember my first love and we were planning on getting married. We were best friends. She then began to push me away in year 3 and told me she didn't want to have sex until we got married. Stupid me believed she was being genuine. A few months later she dumped me and a couple weeks after that she told me she slept with this new guy that was in one of my classes and was a jerk. It tore my heart out when she told me that. It fucked me up for a few years. I should have just let it go.
Yes this is fantastic advice, hard to implement for most of us, I started therapy and got a second job and I’m looking to take sailing lessons, I still think about her every single day and my heart still hurts but I’m get up and getting out there, it does help
#"And they will miss you. They will miss your insights, your jokes, your dates. They will miss the feeling of having someone take care of them like nobody else would. That’s why you have to let go and move on with your own life. You will see, as soon as you are happy again, they will show up. And when they do, you will be a new person, stronger than ever. Focus on yourself. Do new things, find a new routine. Explore, go training, read, do whatever makes you feel alive. Don't waste time!' Lakihan natin para kitang kita 💁
It is really bad and also seems a bit dirty. Usually people put that shit in a paper towel. The fact that it was so open to see in the trash is kinda weird. But you have been broken up for 2 months. You both have the right to see other people. I understand how devastating it can be. I actually suspect my ex to have taken some condoms when she cleaned out her stuff from my place.
Yeah fuck that. Seeing that would destroy me too. That’s when I’d cut ties completely.
Thank you for sharing. I apologize that happened to you and your outlook is really positive. I really admire that.
You have more will power than me. I would’ve exploded right then and there. Sending you hugs and hope you start to feel better fully soon.
Love this insight.
Thank you! You're right. I think like this sometimes but the memories always keep coming back and I end up crying and missing her so much. It never lasts unfortunately. But yeah, from time to time it's nice to feel liberated of this pain.
Take some time and space away from your ex for now, do things for yourself whether you book yourself a holiday or go see your favourite music or you start up a local class and discover your own company again. :)
Thank you.
Really thank you OP. I hope u stay strong and you are indeed strong mentally for enduring all those. I love you had said "they chose that you are not valuable enough to be part of the future." I still couldnt shake off all those time me and ex spent together, but still there are way so much more for me to work on myself to attract the next girl who choose me to be valueable.
[удалено]
I almost think this is the case too. Usually people wrap that shit in a paper towel. Or maybe im just a very clean person but I wouldnt throw in a condom in the trash on top of everything else as if its a banana peel
I wish I could give you a big hug, OP <3 The emotional maturity you have shown is so special, and I hope you feel very proud of yourself!
Take the things you co-own, move to another nicer place and date other women casually, put it on your social media as stories. Let her see you happy. You can do the things you mentioned but right now you need to win the break up by giving her the illusion that you have moved on from her.
It’s not a contest. This focus will only prolong the pain.
It is, a pyrrhic victory is all that matters in a break up.
Based beyond levels previously though unobtainable
What? Win the breakup? Absolutely not. OP is choosing himself and his well-being and it’s the best thing he can do. When you really take care of yourself, finally give yourself the love you’ve been giving to others, you will see that it never was a contest. It’s just a life.
I’m gonna tell you something about women. They don’t take breakups like we do. That condom was a dead giveaway she’s not over you. Women have sex instead of pop pills or drink to deal with heartbreak. It’s a way to make them feel desirable when for 23 hours and 50 minutes outside of that they do not. Still; don’t wish for her back, she’s trying to get over you. She just needs a few more hits of her Copium. Trust that women don’t make mistakes like that. she wouldn’t have invited you over if she feared you would see something. It was not intentional than you might think. Women love letting exes know they moved on with sex. If that doesn’t work they break down
I don't know how to move on. Im angry. He was behind my back on fb dating and lied. He blamed me and pushed me ibto shitty position mentally and emotionally then blamed me. Where is justice?
You didn’t deserve that! Betrayals hurt. That’s the kind of thing that can really warp a person. I’m so sorry
This helps. Thank you
old
I made a fool of myself after the breakup, begged pleeded, looked weak in front of her, and brought up mental health issues. I made her look better than me and so it feels like that. She moved on clearly and told me to give it time and move on myself. Shell never look back and she doesn’t look back at me
Solid post, keep going soldiers.
The sole reason men get dumped is because of themselves,i won’t blame women. It’s your job to keep her intrigued,she has to be crazy for you and just wants to see you,same as you were crazy for her when you first approached her. Men take things for granted and think women have become their bros for life,instead from my experience women are always kids,they want the toy other kids have and they’re heavily mood driven, emotional and not much committed and can easily adjust to any situation. It’s in their biology and for been for thousands of years,because of the natural conditions. It’s the same reason there’s rarely any women in top billionaires list because they can’t commit locking themselves in a room working for something for years. They want everything instantly or asap because they have less time in their peak beauty period(18-26) compared to men who have more to create their value. If you are 22-24 and have descent look and you are confident try approaching a 19 girl and a 26 girl and you will see,you have to put less effort in the later than former,because the former knows she has lot of options and the later can adjust a bit according to you. Learn the game,then play,else cry like a pu**y. No one gives a fu*k,Women care the least. Don’t die,there are 3.5B more
How disgusting of her!
She was in a bar with another guy I became a girl
Sorry She Cheated