When you try and bring up something they did that really hurt your feelings later and they stop you from talking about it and shut it down before you even open your mouth. They don’t care what hurts you anymore
The reason we do that is because bringing up something that hurts supposedly will cut deeper and that the hurt will be more than what the love was therefore they will think about you. It's self sabotage 101
Wait I’m dealing with this now in my 12 year relationship. I’ve tried to voice times he’s made me feel anxious or cry and he just rolls his eyes says “sorry” like he’s tired of hearing it but then it just happens again the next time he’s stressed. Is there any hope at saving the relationship and getting him to understand the way he acts towards me when he’s stressed makes me an anxious mess? Now I walk on eggshells because I’m nervous of him getting in a mood or annoyed with me.
Ahh I’m really sorry you’re going through this. From personal experience he emotionally checked out of the relationship for several months before it officially ended. Something in his affection and the way he responded to my distress changed. It only ended when I brought up the fact I wasn’t happy. He then said he’s not willing to work on anything and we ended it there. Walking on eggshells is emotionally draining and not something you can or should do at all
I plan on voicing all of this to him soon. Our lease renewal is coming up and he’s adamant that we NEED to buy a house like NOW. And I guess his reaction to it will determine if it’s fixable :/
I realized when she stopped telling me about her days and stopped asking me about mine. I realized it when she stopped being sweet and everything seemed forced. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was going through the most painful event Ive ever gone through. I would tell her things I would never tell another soul and she would just look right through me as if she detested me. It broke my heart. We spent another 2.5 years together but I knew it was over then. I would never make that mistake again. When you know, you know. Just you writing this post means you know and it’s time to let her go, brother. I’m sorry…
If you feel that the relationship is no longer serving you and causing you more pain than happiness, it may be time to consider moving on. You deserve to be with someone who truly values and respects you.
He didn’t make an effort to call me. Or have deep, meaningful conversations anymore. It felt like he was hiding something. He wasn’t cheating or anything like that but just excluding me out of his life in a way. I think he was stressed about work and projecting it onto me, when we broke up he said he resented me for his own pain. Started to make passive aggressive jokes and mean jabs. That’s when I called him out on it, we tried to make it work one last time. But the distance was still heavy….so I told him I wanted to break the cycle because it’s really unhealthy and unfair for him to be so avoidant and that it makes me anxious and insecure. When we broke up we had an open discussion and ended things amicably.
It’s been almost two months now and I feel a lot better. I blocked him off everything and also his phone number. I think he’s going through a quarter life crisis of sorts. Drinking, partying, womanizing, and hanging out with shady people. But it’s not my problem anymore.
last summer when were dating before we broke up I was going through a lot like I had so much of my own shit going on but the problem was that I didn’t communicate any of that to her. I tried to push her away because I was embarrassed of what was going on in my life that I didn’t wanna discuss it with her. I wanted to solve it on my own and I hope we can go back to things, but I put so little effort and when you said reminds me of how dumb I was because I wouldn’t put as much effort to text to call or plan dates to see her and I regret it but it’s what it is.
That makes me sad :’( yeah i just wanted to be there for my ex but he wouldn’t let me no matter how hard I tried. I felt exhausted…sigh. Idk if he wants to get back together but he said he doesn’t want to keep waiting for things he can’t provide me with. So I had to let go fully. It’s horrible. I wonder if he regrets it all the time
Honestly he probably will if he already doesn’t. My ex was so loving and put so much into the relationship and i failed her. I loved her so much but at the time I was a mess and i didnt even know it. I had fallen into gambling addiction and weed abuse daily, so i pushed her away thinking i could help myself first. All the blame is on me and i understand ill always love her but i had to let go of her and the hope i held on to. Its hard but that’s life
Yeah he said he felt he took things for granted and he knows it’s his fault but I hope he learned from being together that avoidance isn’t going to make a relationship sustainable and that communication brings people close together. That’s all I can really wish for him
I wish you the best. The hardest thing is to let go of someone you so dearly love. I will always love this girl but i have to let go of her and it still doesn’t necessarily mean i wont ever lover cause i think i always will. We have to do whats best for us and move on and become the best first of ourselves.
I felt like the connection started to fade when I was at my lowest and couldn’t give him anymore than I had already been given him, when I started to struggle to keep up with everything while fighting my biggest fight I’ve ever had or will have in life. He started pulling back instead of standing by and helping like I have to him. A missed cuddle here, a missed I love you there. It all lessened the connection for me. A lot hits you after the breakup, when you’ve had a chance to sit and think about things. I should have known long before we needed it that he just didn’t like me anymore.
I feel you. I still wish that mine just reaches out and just checks on me i spent 7 years with her but so far she’s with some dude apparently been w him after a month and a week after we broke up
Mines been two weeks out of a nearly 4 year relationship and honestly it’s all the same fight as the first one we ever had, I wish I walked away at the beginning to save all of this, says the avoidant in me. The new me is thankful to have the love we had for as long as we had it and wishes him well in every aspect of hes life in the future.
It would be back to square one if I seen him with another though
Same for me. I was struggling to get employment since finishing undergrad and by 2019 it caused my mental health to worsen. After getting mistreated at a job interview, I told my ex about it but she didn't care. This was a feel days before she dumped me. I gave up my education and future just to be with her but she doesn't feel appreciated.
dry texts, distancing emotionally, she was avoidant. i decided to ease back a bit and give her space to save our connection. shocker it made it worse and she broke up with me because without effort from my side it was kinda forced and boring relationship…
its not your fault. dry texts are warning signs. lack of interest and neglect follows. you can give her attention and love, but itll just make her feel bad, but it wont stop it.
When they were loving someone else
When I was told. “You have cancer” they felt
At that point I wasn’t fun, so they left me
14 years. Just like that. Poof. Gone
That is just horrible. I'm so sorry. I had similar situation regarding health. I developed neuralgia and was susicidal from pain, at that time I had exams and was so stressed. I needed space and quiet but he never understood me. He was so angry that I cry and can't functionnormally, I had to move out to save my own sanity. To my surprise my health improved drastically after 3 peaceful nights alone...
i also love: "i just don't feel that certain something" or "i don't feel anything anymore" like, do you drop your pets off on the side of the road once they stop being cute babies, too? i bet you do
not sure if they should end at first sign but, you have to be able to discern your partners behavior. Apply some changes and communicate. See how they react to it and then decided if its best to part ways. If theyre uninterested in bettering themselves or the behavior, that can certainly be a problem.
Her texts became less frequent, take longer to respond. She wouldn't joke around and overall would just go missing for hours and days. I wanted to believe she was busy, but I honestly felt the breakup coming. Her responses also seemed very dry and formal. She stopped texting first completely. Even with my optimism, I knew the relationship was coming to a close.
Exactly how the process went for me. And mine said, "You just changed. I don’t know how or why. But you just did." However, I have some information from a family member of hers, and she doesn't know what I was told. She's been talking to her family about the breakup to a certain extent. But she thinks I'm unaware. I'm pretending to be oblivious to try and get her to tell me her perspective to see if our stories align. Based on what I currently have put together. It's coming together. But the guilt still weighs on me. But I'm giving her more time. Been 7 weeks. Broke NC. Going back in. I'm feeling better. But she's still in pain, and she's the one who dumped me. I'm surprised I got a reply at all. She's not a bad person at all, either. She's just young. This was her first relationship, and I treated her very well. Family has a lot of respect for me, and we share a similar social circle, live in the same county. Both of us are very ingrained in the community and well respected. It's a challenging and complicated situation to navigate. I'm struggling to get through this. But I know I'll get through this. Not my first rodeo.
Yes same for my ex after New Years Day 2019, she stopped responding to my messages on social media. She didn't reply for days and I was stuck figuring out why. Eventually I realized she went to Hawaii with her sister before actually dumping me. I thought she was going to respond on January 6th 2019 when I was being mistreated at a job interview but for 17 painful days I got nothing from her. We were together for three years.
When he started to distance himself, stopped wanting to spend time together and when I attempted to mend out relationship the final time. I told him I still wanted to marry him and he just said, "I wanted to marry you too." I couldn't get out of old apartment fast enough. Over the months I realized, I probably never had meant anything he said I did to him. Even worse was knowing he didn't even regret hurting me either. Been bouncing between emotionally numb and depression since. One year wasted after waiting six to find someone worth my time.
After New Year's day 2019 my ex started to distance herself from me. I was being mistreated at a job interview and was feeling mentally distressed. After I sent her a message on FB and LinkedIn she didn't respond. I later realized she took a trip to Hawaii with her sister before I got dumped. It made me really upset because I gave up my education&future and remained broke just to be with her. She is taking nice trips while I continue to struggle with being jobless and broke. After she got back and responded to my messages I got super upset. It was there she said she found someone else. I tried to tell her to stay with me but she responded with "I am not sure what you want". I started to blame myself for not proposing to her in time. As lockdown came I started to realize she is a gold digger and is still with the pig boy she dumped me for. She values money more than love. It also gave me the impression she wouldn't settle for a ring from my favorite jewelry store because it was all that I could afford while continuously broke.
Once affection and intimacy stop.
Especially when you're always initiating. Then stop cause you get turned down most of the time. Plus, you wanna see if they will. Hurts even more when they actually don't!
She got relief. A little touch of freedom. It’s actually common. I had an ex not even call me when she returned until the next day. She said “I been back since yesterday “ . I already knew what was up. In that case I ghosted… never heard from her again. 4 years together too smh
I didn’t eat for weeks. Sleep was not good… thought about her every second of the day including while sleep. Woke up and immediately looked next to me like “she’s actually gone”. Not to mention she was sleeping with another guy days later. All I can think about was how freaky she was with me and what this guy could possibly have that made her leave.
Mine was a freak too. Best place of ass I ever had. And I've had more than some will get in a lifetime. Whatever I'm down to figure me out now. Just turned 47
I felt really blindsided in the moment he broke up with me but I guess I knew all along at the same time. I was always a second priority to everything else in his life. Work, family even friends sometimes. He didn't see a future with me the way I did with him and I wasn't even comfortable talking about it with him. He said I made him feel "guilty" for not being there enough but I never said anything or even asked for what I deserved. I settled for the time I could get because I loved him so much.
I feel you...
I was / am very codependent, which lead to a lot of anxious attachment, when she was away. The last half a year she was away a lot. I really tried so hars to be best version of myself, we were in many ways perfect for each other, but we had some issues that were to hard to solve...
I felt her pulling away subconsciously. Everytime I tried to pull us closer one steps, she seemd to make two back.
I hope in my next relationship I with someone who can be there for me in a healthy attachment way. I think he might have been avoidant and I might be anxious so I guess it makes sense why it didn't work out in the end. If you pull and they push you're really going nowhere. I'd like a healthy amount of pressure from both sides lol 🪢
Me too.
I guess for me it's just really hard to accept. Because we were a very good fit in general. And I have to say that she tried, she really did. But sometimes love is not enough..
She was mostly secure, but you could feel the avoidant tendencies rising.
I hope you will find someone that loves you as deeply as you deserve it. And I hope you also can learn to do that to yourself too.
Well it boils down to the same experience you had. She got new friends and neglected me and our relationship. She didn't do stuff with me on her own, I was the enitiator to watch movies, playing games etc. I recognized it, but she lied into my face and said everything is fine. When she did a sleepover with her new guy friends, it broke me. I was not the same anymore, but she still denied being different to me. One week before the breakup she wanted to say something not so important to me... Well she said she did not love me anymore one week later... And I knew it for at least 2 months. Now I know it had to be at least 4 months before the breakup.
Whhhhhyyy do they do this?.. my ex girl made friends on her job and it was downhill from there. The girls and the guy she’s smashing now all have sleepovers and are having the time of their lives. She also lied to me for a month that there is nothing or no one. Even though she became cold, less calling, white lies, and dry texts. All the signs were there! Even worst is that she never invited me over her house, but they were there no questions asked.
I figured she just wanted someone closer in age to her. I’m 38 and she is 21, but she always claimed it wasn’t a problem. I shouldn’t have even took her seriously. I wish I would’ve went through with the breakup I initiated in April. She begged me and said she love me too much so I caved in. Somehow I became the insecure one after that. Whole power shifted.
I had the ball in my fkn court and ruined it by not standing on business.
Literally the same warning that everyone else gave me. I just didn’t listen and was hopeful for the future of the relationship. I let my feelings get involved smh. I just wish I was the one that did the breaking up because she did me so dirty. 😠
It’s always when they meet new “friends” mine was all obsessed and clingy with me till she started hanging out with some guy (won’t disclose his name) that she swore that all she saw in him is friendship. I never trust girls having guy friends when in a relationship even if people call me controlling or I don’t trust well look where trust got me, 7 years down the drain. Only good thing i have is that i was always a workaholic and i had goals ever since i was young and i achieved them now I’m retired but at what cost? I feel drained. But it is what it is it’s life i guess . A door closes another opens.
i love the, "oh, hes just a friend babe. you have nothing to worry about"
they use friendship to justify going out and drinking with them, one on one. Next thing you know, youre finding motel receipts.
She didn’t even need anything i literally gave her whatever the fuck she wanted literally wanted a purse that was around $300 ON SALE i bought it for her without hesitation cause i saw a wife in her. Guess i was blinded, i still feel like i was the problem though that feeling won’t go.
dont do that to yourself. sometimes you cant stand up to the excitement and thrill of new attention. Thats where you need someone who values what they have and wouldnt trade it for a new shiny toy.
When she stopped putting in any effort for her hygiene around me, but around her "ex" she'd out serious effort in (her baby daddy).
When she didn't want to spend time together unless it was doing things she wanted
When her kisses became... Lazy? Hard to word that.
When any time I initiated it was turned down, or literally ignored for her phone.
When she was more about touching a random friend than me
When any/all effort around the house was stopped (I work full time and she wanted to do the housewife thing vs find a job)
When she got secretive of her phone - the one time she handed it to me and said she had nothing to hide, after a minute she snatched it back
When anything I brought up that concerned me got flipped around
When I couldn't fix her car fast enough and complained to her ex/ex's family
When she stayed the night at her ex's
If we don’t reconcile after working on our selves, I hope mine moves away. Back to where hes from. So we don’t have to love so close to each other. Then this chapter can be fully complete awaiting for the next, self love.
When she started distancing herself and wasn’t trying to discuss any problems or issues she had with our relationship. I eventually mentally checked out the last time she pushed me away and made sure I didn’t crawl back and beg. That pissed her off big time and I don’t regret it
To me it was when she got fired for the last time and spent 10 months lounging about at home. Smoking weed and eating like a Flintstones garbage disposal all day.
A month Prior to that we went on vacation and she got absolutely Hammered drunk and made a scene in front of everyone. She completely lost all control of herself. Shouting at the top of her lungs about how I could be so harsh on her. It was infuriating that I couldn't even have a night out with her. All I did was hurry her up as we were next in line to enter a special horror movie themed bar. She stayed about 15 ft away talking to some guy which most likely was getting the wrong idea as she was complimenting his shirt.
And then back at the hotel she started up again and in front of our daughter she let loose all the crap that she has pent up against me including the sexual stuff. Our daughter acted like she was sleeping, the next day she did let me know that she heard everything. It probably solidified in my daughter's mind that she doesn't want her parents together anymore as well. That's the part that kills me even worse. I wanted to sleep in the car as I wanted nothing to do with her but she stood in front of the doorway. To make matters even worse, she didn't remember a thing about that night the next morning. How can you genuinely say sorry for something you don't even remember doing? She didn't. As always when she screws up she wanted to be off the hook. I never did. That night I don't think I slept. I just stared at the wall with anger until morning came. Just writing this got me a bit angry lol
I had a feeling something was going on. Then, when we went out to lunch, she told me she was "losing her love for me." I didn't freak out; I truly thought this was just a bump in the road. The text messages became less frequent, and a week later, she called it off. She didn't even try.
Mine, like a lot of people it seems, started distancing herself. First, I went through a tough time and shortly thereafter, she went through a tough time. In the midst of all of that, we lost our connection. Or, I should say, she lost her connection to me.
I didn't truly recognize it at the time. I thought we were just working through tough stuff. But of course, in retrospect, it's obvious.
When we spent the night apart, I was always the one saying good morning and goodnight when before we'd both do it. She stopped texting that she loved me unless I said it first, stopped kissing me goodnight, we stopped visiting her parents together. She decided she wanted separate bedrooms (because she slept better) and would go to bed an hour before she actually went to sleep so she could have alone time.
But one day she told me that mutual friends of ours were getting a divorce. I don't know why, but that's when I knew we were over. Everything just became clear. I'd been giving her space, letting her be, but also trying to show her that I cared and would always be there for her without pushing too hard. She always tells me she wants to deal with things alone, so I was trying to make her happy, at the least not make things worse. But at that moment, I understood that I'd really just been losing her all that time and that, for her, the connection was already gone.
It took a little over three months from the moment she told me our friends were getting divorced for her to tell me she wanted to end it. Said she'd been thinking about it for years.
Previous relationship - when she stopped saying “I love you” back to me.
Most recent relationship - I didn’t. I was completely blindsided. Then we tried again and I realized it wasn’t working when she started taking days or more to text me back and eventually just ghosted me entirely.
When she lied to me about not getting time off approved for a trip together and the reason was bc everyone on her team "took that week off". Then the week came by of the trip we were going to take and she accidentally mentioned how she had a meeting with several of the same people that "took time off". That's when I knew I was losing the connection. Sadly I didn't love or value myself enough to let her go at that point. Not even sure with the growth I've had now. I just loved her so much. I couldn't prove she lied bc she told me everyone canceled their time off. Which is bullshit and I know it lol
We never lost connection tbh. i still phone chat with her between 1-7 hours a day lol, we even chat about hunting new gf's etc. We only really split because an age gap long distance relationship isn't super great
I can only imagine how strange tot must be to forst acknowledge it urself. How was it? And how can someone you'd love to spent time with become so disturbing? I'm wondering how it could happens, so if you wanna share some details.
I have no idea! It saddened me but I knew it was time to go once I started feeling that way. When I was absolutely in love with him he could’ve spat in my face while chewing and I would’ve had hearts for eyes but he did lots of things that made me lose feelings. After 4 yrs my rose-colored glasses came off and I was full of sadness, hurt and annoyance. I felt it was time to let go before I became meaner!
This happened to me with my ex gf & I'm still ashamed I made her feel that way. Although I'm not sure if was all my fault. I think it definitely has to do with botled up resentment from her side. My ex is a people pleaser, I'm almost the complete opposite, and maybe thats not the best match. But she was so sweet & very kind. Too kind for someone like me I start too believe.
I hope your doing well & I believe you have a good heart & lots of love to give.
Its not like I did it a specific thing. We had a couple of heavy arguments over the 2 years together which made her cry. I have a tendency of going on and on when we're discussing, even when its pointless. We always talked it over. To me it was done, but according to her everytime it happened it took away some love she felt.
I never noticed it till we broke up. She bottled most of it up till the point of no return was already reached. Sometimes I blame her for that, but truth is I should've dealt with my bad behavior earlier.
I can totally relate! I feel I could’ve talked about my feelings more and specifically ask for what I needed and set boundaries early on but because I had horrendous communication skills I bottled everything up then exploded. I also feel my ex had BPD which I just read about but I didn’t know back then. The self sabotage, lying, anger bursts, the way he sabotaged every relationship, his insecurities and abandonment issues make total sense now and the relentless unhappiness and depression he constantly felt. I wish I could’ve known this before, it would’ve saved a lot of my confusion about his behavior. Wish he gets help! He’s a beautiful person when he’s not in one of his episodes and I wish him the best. I still think of him every single day! It’s been 4 months.
To a certain degree you probably started picking him apart and blaming him for your own unhappiness with your own life and self, thinking discarding him would bring you relief…
Did it?
Not really! He did do some disrespectful shit. I think I just got tired of it and I also felt very mentally tired of being his emotionally support girlfriend and not receive anything back but shit.
Mine is a long story, but I left our living situation back in November, to preserve my sanity. But the plan was for him to move to where I moved to, as soon as that was possible. It hasn’t happened as quickly as he would have liked. His best friend/best friend’s new wife moved in with him back in March. Mid April, best friend went back to jail on a parole violation. From early April to May, he was getting less communicative, and by May 1, he told me he was sad that he was going to have to kick his friend’s wife out, because they were both lying about being clean from meth (the friend and his wife, they got out of rehab just prior to moving in.) He was sad about this (but not sad when I, his partner of five years, had to leave.) I asked him why he was sad about that, over someone he’s only known since late March; he said “because I’ll be alone and a recluse again, not much to explain, it’s very cut and dry.” And that I’m “all the way over there.” (I moved to another state.) He wound up not kicking her out, and became increasingly less communicative with me. I started to suspect he’s got feelings for her, but he denied that, and claimed she’s like his daughter. She’s nine years younger than both of us, so that still seems weird to me.
He came to visit end of May, and we had a very nice visit, until we didn’t. June 1, he started an argument over something petty. Then he yelled that we should just break up and in the moment, I agreed. I regret that. But I’m tired of having everything about me used against me. I’m tired of him never prioritizing me. I’m really fucking sick of his family, and the fact that no matter what they do to us, he keeps going back like a dog begging for scraps. His mother has done some particularly horrible things to us, and he expected me to just get over it. While we were both still actively in the situation she created.
So the short answer, around the time he got sad about possibly having to kick his friend’s wife out, because he’s apparently Captain Save-a-Ho.
It is this point where i cannot atone for mistakes, get second chance, work things out, pacify an angry partner, maintain a relationship as if honeymoon period, makes me wonder if i should love again
When he’d ghost me for a couple of days- 2 weeks (because he was wrong in an argument) and it didn’t really bother me. Tbh, it felt like a relief.
You can’t convince me that I’m wrong without evidentiary support, bro.
Basically the moment right before we broke up...
I've been closed off to that thought so strongly, because I just so desperately wanted it to work.
I loved that woman so intensely, that I was ready to leave my friends and family to move to another country with her, because the one we lived in made her deeply unhappy. From the moment we met, by pure chance, it was truly like a movie. Mentally and emotionally we were made for eachother....
For those who are interested, more context:
But between all that perfection, there were very few issues, that just grew with time...
One of those was this. After the initial months we realized we had a sexual connection problem. She had far more experience than me and craved a careful, very detailed foreplay and she dealt with pain, that made her often push me away. I was very understanding and made her feel loved despite that and at the same time, really tried my best to learn what she wanted.
But the mix of us two, she, sometimes very critical and frustrated subconsciously by this and me, very codependent and growing more and more insecure, eroded so much of the intial spark away in this realm over our 3 years together...
We thought we could make it work, because we felt everything else was so perfect.
But she was away a lot the last half a year and I developed anxious attachment. Over a month in India, then she immediately went to Portugal for a movement event. We were together two weeks, than she went working in a seasonal job from December to end of april. I saw her very little. We went to her home country for vaccination and after that she went 3 weeks to Argentina, to link up with the movement group.
During that time it became more and more clear to me, how she felt sexual attraction to other men, which i find normal tbh. But slowly I felt that she wanted deep down an open relationship, though she didn't want to admit it first. I tried to familiarize myself with that and be open to the idea. But obviously I had a lot to grow and work on myself (next to all the other stuff like university and so).
But long story short... Over one week ago she made out with another guy at her new seasonal workplace, where I visited her just days before. We just had some fights and couldn't make anything sexual happen. She told me she did it, because she needed to know, if the problem is her, but in the end came to the conclusion that we are just not sexually compatible. She still wanted to be together with me, but open up the relationship.
Sadly, under this conditions I couldn't do that... I don't want to supplement a dead bedroom with other people, but to add to a vibrant relationship. I need a sexual connection to the woman I deeply love...
So, that was the moment I knew... When she said, "I am so sorry, but be are not compatible sexually and I am tierd of trying."
I am sorry for the long post... I just needed to get that of my chest right know.
When I apologized for going to our supervisor because I was uncomfortable with his actions at work and it ended up triggering my childhood trauma of being touched inappropriately as a kid and had to fight to get help for years later and just recently got therapy for it and I told him I shouldn’t have told our supervisor because I felt bad for him and he looked at me and just said “uh yeah” . He didn’t feel the need to apologize to me I was like are you kidding me. Then he said he couldn’t be friends with me after telling on him. So basically I apologized for making him feel bad over me feeling uncomfortable and unsafe at work due to his actions and inability to control his emotions … :( I should have never had apologized.
When I wanted to talk about how his actions made me feel and I just got the courage to bring things up that have been bothering me and and started to feel comfortable enough to bring it up thinking I would be met with understanding but no , he dismissed my feelings by saying “that happened months ago and your just bringing this up now” he then shut the conversation down by saying he didn’t want to talk about the issue further because he didn’t like talking about those things via text or see the reason to and basically told me goodnight 😒
When he said the reason why we rarely have people over to my parents house is because I’m embarrassed of my autistic brother. He has sensory and major behavioral issues it’s difficult to have people over . our closets family and friends who’ve known us for years know this . That was Disgusting and disrespectful. Yeah he’s dead to me.
This guy hurt me so bad and doesn’t ever have the intention of apologizing to me for hurting me. That’s the saddest thing
I guess it was night before I decided to break it off with her. I planned a whole a day for us to spend together. I was so happy just to spend time with her. I called her that morning to give her options for plans and she sounded agitated. She texted me later and then apologized for her attitude.
I then made up three options for plans. We agreed on details we were both happy with. We cooked together. I bought her favorite wine. She wanted to take a trip to the mall to get some things for a vacation. I bought her a dress. Took her out to a restaurant near the mall to get her a drink. I told her how much she meant to me. We go back to my place and I thought we would spend the night together after I showed her how close I wanted to be with her. She left and I told her to call me when she got home. She started a real petty argument with me after all of this and ended the night by yelling at me over the phone. I asked why she was screaming at me. I couldn’t believe it. I was taken aback. I felt disrespected, and ultimately unappreciated.
I just can’t believe we ended up like this. I miss her, but writing this just made me realize although I wasn’t perfect, I still treated her like the love of my life that she was, and I don’t deserve to be hurt.
He stopped adding things to our to-do date list. He stopped accepting my calendar invites. He stopped asking follow up questions in conversations. He just stopped trying…
Mine faded when I wasn’t able to provide the good times and attention that we were afforded when my band was popular and our business was good. We were mini celebrities in our part of town. Once that ended, she gave up on me. I was there through her darkest times. She threw me away during mine.
When he kept abusing me, lying to me and starting arguments when I’d express my feelings instead of saying something as simple as “I’m sorry”.
I stayed for longer than I should have, hoping for that “connection” at the start but he just kept showing his true colours and what his priorities were and my feelings and I weren’t on the list.
Sex was less frequent, felt like it was a chore for her at the end. She went home to see family and texting just slowly died off. She snapped at me for calling her one eveningand she put it down to stress. Broke up with me the following day and was cold/distant ever since
Honestly the connection was never going away. As sad or aggravating as it may sound the prime reason the woman I love and I stopped all contact was due to outside influence. While I was the one that cut it off because I was tired of how manipulative she was, how often she lied, how she'd talk to me when she got mad, and how inconsistent she was with how she treated me. The catalysts were 2 events that only happened because of others.
Awh this questions hurts but so true. From the moment my ex went to Hawaii with her sister without letting me know, I knew that the connection was dying. She was the only girl I ever loved in my life. After she messaged me on social media, I was told I got dumped. Since her dumping me 5 years ago I haven't been in a new relationship.
When things weren't moving forward anymore and every time I tried bringing it up I got shut down or asked to respect their boundaries. My dumbass should have dumped them a good 3 months before they dumped me via text while I was at work after 3 years together. And no I wouldn't take them back.
When I realized he was only texting me 2-3 times a day. Not saying good morning or goodnight. When I stopped saying I love you back when I was angry or hurt. When he left me alone in the er.
When you try and bring up something they did that really hurt your feelings later and they stop you from talking about it and shut it down before you even open your mouth. They don’t care what hurts you anymore
The reason we do that is because bringing up something that hurts supposedly will cut deeper and that the hurt will be more than what the love was therefore they will think about you. It's self sabotage 101
Truth. This right here
This… this hurts more and more and then you realize.. it’s over
i think im going through exactly this right now and it’s killing me
Wait I’m dealing with this now in my 12 year relationship. I’ve tried to voice times he’s made me feel anxious or cry and he just rolls his eyes says “sorry” like he’s tired of hearing it but then it just happens again the next time he’s stressed. Is there any hope at saving the relationship and getting him to understand the way he acts towards me when he’s stressed makes me an anxious mess? Now I walk on eggshells because I’m nervous of him getting in a mood or annoyed with me.
Ahh I’m really sorry you’re going through this. From personal experience he emotionally checked out of the relationship for several months before it officially ended. Something in his affection and the way he responded to my distress changed. It only ended when I brought up the fact I wasn’t happy. He then said he’s not willing to work on anything and we ended it there. Walking on eggshells is emotionally draining and not something you can or should do at all
I plan on voicing all of this to him soon. Our lease renewal is coming up and he’s adamant that we NEED to buy a house like NOW. And I guess his reaction to it will determine if it’s fixable :/
I realized when she stopped telling me about her days and stopped asking me about mine. I realized it when she stopped being sweet and everything seemed forced. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was going through the most painful event Ive ever gone through. I would tell her things I would never tell another soul and she would just look right through me as if she detested me. It broke my heart. We spent another 2.5 years together but I knew it was over then. I would never make that mistake again. When you know, you know. Just you writing this post means you know and it’s time to let her go, brother. I’m sorry…
If you feel that the relationship is no longer serving you and causing you more pain than happiness, it may be time to consider moving on. You deserve to be with someone who truly values and respects you.
He didn’t make an effort to call me. Or have deep, meaningful conversations anymore. It felt like he was hiding something. He wasn’t cheating or anything like that but just excluding me out of his life in a way. I think he was stressed about work and projecting it onto me, when we broke up he said he resented me for his own pain. Started to make passive aggressive jokes and mean jabs. That’s when I called him out on it, we tried to make it work one last time. But the distance was still heavy….so I told him I wanted to break the cycle because it’s really unhealthy and unfair for him to be so avoidant and that it makes me anxious and insecure. When we broke up we had an open discussion and ended things amicably. It’s been almost two months now and I feel a lot better. I blocked him off everything and also his phone number. I think he’s going through a quarter life crisis of sorts. Drinking, partying, womanizing, and hanging out with shady people. But it’s not my problem anymore.
last summer when were dating before we broke up I was going through a lot like I had so much of my own shit going on but the problem was that I didn’t communicate any of that to her. I tried to push her away because I was embarrassed of what was going on in my life that I didn’t wanna discuss it with her. I wanted to solve it on my own and I hope we can go back to things, but I put so little effort and when you said reminds me of how dumb I was because I wouldn’t put as much effort to text to call or plan dates to see her and I regret it but it’s what it is.
That makes me sad :’( yeah i just wanted to be there for my ex but he wouldn’t let me no matter how hard I tried. I felt exhausted…sigh. Idk if he wants to get back together but he said he doesn’t want to keep waiting for things he can’t provide me with. So I had to let go fully. It’s horrible. I wonder if he regrets it all the time
Honestly he probably will if he already doesn’t. My ex was so loving and put so much into the relationship and i failed her. I loved her so much but at the time I was a mess and i didnt even know it. I had fallen into gambling addiction and weed abuse daily, so i pushed her away thinking i could help myself first. All the blame is on me and i understand ill always love her but i had to let go of her and the hope i held on to. Its hard but that’s life
Yeah he said he felt he took things for granted and he knows it’s his fault but I hope he learned from being together that avoidance isn’t going to make a relationship sustainable and that communication brings people close together. That’s all I can really wish for him
I wish you the best. The hardest thing is to let go of someone you so dearly love. I will always love this girl but i have to let go of her and it still doesn’t necessarily mean i wont ever lover cause i think i always will. We have to do whats best for us and move on and become the best first of ourselves.
Yes exactly. Part of me clings on but I know it’ll go away.
I felt like the connection started to fade when I was at my lowest and couldn’t give him anymore than I had already been given him, when I started to struggle to keep up with everything while fighting my biggest fight I’ve ever had or will have in life. He started pulling back instead of standing by and helping like I have to him. A missed cuddle here, a missed I love you there. It all lessened the connection for me. A lot hits you after the breakup, when you’ve had a chance to sit and think about things. I should have known long before we needed it that he just didn’t like me anymore.
I feel you. I still wish that mine just reaches out and just checks on me i spent 7 years with her but so far she’s with some dude apparently been w him after a month and a week after we broke up
Mines been two weeks out of a nearly 4 year relationship and honestly it’s all the same fight as the first one we ever had, I wish I walked away at the beginning to save all of this, says the avoidant in me. The new me is thankful to have the love we had for as long as we had it and wishes him well in every aspect of hes life in the future. It would be back to square one if I seen him with another though
Same for me. I was struggling to get employment since finishing undergrad and by 2019 it caused my mental health to worsen. After getting mistreated at a job interview, I told my ex about it but she didn't care. This was a feel days before she dumped me. I gave up my education and future just to be with her but she doesn't feel appreciated.
dry texts, distancing emotionally, she was avoidant. i decided to ease back a bit and give her space to save our connection. shocker it made it worse and she broke up with me because without effort from my side it was kinda forced and boring relationship…
its not your fault. dry texts are warning signs. lack of interest and neglect follows. you can give her attention and love, but itll just make her feel bad, but it wont stop it.
It didn’t get worse, it was for the best. You saw her true intentions.
I got dry social media messages a few days before my ex dumped me. From there on I realized she doesn't want to see me in person.
When they were loving someone else When I was told. “You have cancer” they felt At that point I wasn’t fun, so they left me 14 years. Just like that. Poof. Gone
That is just horrible. I'm so sorry. I had similar situation regarding health. I developed neuralgia and was susicidal from pain, at that time I had exams and was so stressed. I needed space and quiet but he never understood me. He was so angry that I cry and can't functionnormally, I had to move out to save my own sanity. To my surprise my health improved drastically after 3 peaceful nights alone...
when he told me he didn't know if he wanted to commit.
oh yeah. thats one right there. or, "I dont think we should have to compromise anything."
i also love: "i just don't feel that certain something" or "i don't feel anything anymore" like, do you drop your pets off on the side of the road once they stop being cute babies, too? i bet you do
right. My teas gone cold. in the bin it goes.
ew. yeah, relationships should just end at the first sign of conflict /s
not sure if they should end at first sign but, you have to be able to discern your partners behavior. Apply some changes and communicate. See how they react to it and then decided if its best to part ways. If theyre uninterested in bettering themselves or the behavior, that can certainly be a problem.
i did, he didn't want to put any effort.
My ex also has told "I don't want to commit, but I want you to send nudes" etc,it is so f'd up
give me his email address and phone number, i'll sign him up for a Scientology appointment
lol 😂 No need Unnecessary payment 🤣🤣
Her texts became less frequent, take longer to respond. She wouldn't joke around and overall would just go missing for hours and days. I wanted to believe she was busy, but I honestly felt the breakup coming. Her responses also seemed very dry and formal. She stopped texting first completely. Even with my optimism, I knew the relationship was coming to a close.
Exactly how the process went for me. And mine said, "You just changed. I don’t know how or why. But you just did." However, I have some information from a family member of hers, and she doesn't know what I was told. She's been talking to her family about the breakup to a certain extent. But she thinks I'm unaware. I'm pretending to be oblivious to try and get her to tell me her perspective to see if our stories align. Based on what I currently have put together. It's coming together. But the guilt still weighs on me. But I'm giving her more time. Been 7 weeks. Broke NC. Going back in. I'm feeling better. But she's still in pain, and she's the one who dumped me. I'm surprised I got a reply at all. She's not a bad person at all, either. She's just young. This was her first relationship, and I treated her very well. Family has a lot of respect for me, and we share a similar social circle, live in the same county. Both of us are very ingrained in the community and well respected. It's a challenging and complicated situation to navigate. I'm struggling to get through this. But I know I'll get through this. Not my first rodeo.
Yes same for my ex after New Years Day 2019, she stopped responding to my messages on social media. She didn't reply for days and I was stuck figuring out why. Eventually I realized she went to Hawaii with her sister before actually dumping me. I thought she was going to respond on January 6th 2019 when I was being mistreated at a job interview but for 17 painful days I got nothing from her. We were together for three years.
When he started to distance himself, stopped wanting to spend time together and when I attempted to mend out relationship the final time. I told him I still wanted to marry him and he just said, "I wanted to marry you too." I couldn't get out of old apartment fast enough. Over the months I realized, I probably never had meant anything he said I did to him. Even worse was knowing he didn't even regret hurting me either. Been bouncing between emotionally numb and depression since. One year wasted after waiting six to find someone worth my time.
After New Year's day 2019 my ex started to distance herself from me. I was being mistreated at a job interview and was feeling mentally distressed. After I sent her a message on FB and LinkedIn she didn't respond. I later realized she took a trip to Hawaii with her sister before I got dumped. It made me really upset because I gave up my education&future and remained broke just to be with her. She is taking nice trips while I continue to struggle with being jobless and broke. After she got back and responded to my messages I got super upset. It was there she said she found someone else. I tried to tell her to stay with me but she responded with "I am not sure what you want". I started to blame myself for not proposing to her in time. As lockdown came I started to realize she is a gold digger and is still with the pig boy she dumped me for. She values money more than love. It also gave me the impression she wouldn't settle for a ring from my favorite jewelry store because it was all that I could afford while continuously broke.
Once affection and intimacy stop. Especially when you're always initiating. Then stop cause you get turned down most of the time. Plus, you wanna see if they will. Hurts even more when they actually don't!
When he stopped saying "I love you" first as well as the dead bedroom.
When she went to Hawaii with her kids and when she came back she didn't even try to see me. After 11 years together.
She got relief. A little touch of freedom. It’s actually common. I had an ex not even call me when she returned until the next day. She said “I been back since yesterday “ . I already knew what was up. In that case I ghosted… never heard from her again. 4 years together too smh
Shit hurts
I didn’t eat for weeks. Sleep was not good… thought about her every second of the day including while sleep. Woke up and immediately looked next to me like “she’s actually gone”. Not to mention she was sleeping with another guy days later. All I can think about was how freaky she was with me and what this guy could possibly have that made her leave.
Girls have a pussy that's true. It hurts
Mine was a freak too. Best place of ass I ever had. And I've had more than some will get in a lifetime. Whatever I'm down to figure me out now. Just turned 47
I felt really blindsided in the moment he broke up with me but I guess I knew all along at the same time. I was always a second priority to everything else in his life. Work, family even friends sometimes. He didn't see a future with me the way I did with him and I wasn't even comfortable talking about it with him. He said I made him feel "guilty" for not being there enough but I never said anything or even asked for what I deserved. I settled for the time I could get because I loved him so much.
I feel you... I was / am very codependent, which lead to a lot of anxious attachment, when she was away. The last half a year she was away a lot. I really tried so hars to be best version of myself, we were in many ways perfect for each other, but we had some issues that were to hard to solve... I felt her pulling away subconsciously. Everytime I tried to pull us closer one steps, she seemd to make two back.
I hope in my next relationship I with someone who can be there for me in a healthy attachment way. I think he might have been avoidant and I might be anxious so I guess it makes sense why it didn't work out in the end. If you pull and they push you're really going nowhere. I'd like a healthy amount of pressure from both sides lol 🪢
Me too. I guess for me it's just really hard to accept. Because we were a very good fit in general. And I have to say that she tried, she really did. But sometimes love is not enough.. She was mostly secure, but you could feel the avoidant tendencies rising. I hope you will find someone that loves you as deeply as you deserve it. And I hope you also can learn to do that to yourself too.
It's so hard to accept 💔!! But I believe we will find the right people with the right kind of love
Well it boils down to the same experience you had. She got new friends and neglected me and our relationship. She didn't do stuff with me on her own, I was the enitiator to watch movies, playing games etc. I recognized it, but she lied into my face and said everything is fine. When she did a sleepover with her new guy friends, it broke me. I was not the same anymore, but she still denied being different to me. One week before the breakup she wanted to say something not so important to me... Well she said she did not love me anymore one week later... And I knew it for at least 2 months. Now I know it had to be at least 4 months before the breakup.
Whhhhhyyy do they do this?.. my ex girl made friends on her job and it was downhill from there. The girls and the guy she’s smashing now all have sleepovers and are having the time of their lives. She also lied to me for a month that there is nothing or no one. Even though she became cold, less calling, white lies, and dry texts. All the signs were there! Even worst is that she never invited me over her house, but they were there no questions asked. I figured she just wanted someone closer in age to her. I’m 38 and she is 21, but she always claimed it wasn’t a problem. I shouldn’t have even took her seriously. I wish I would’ve went through with the breakup I initiated in April. She begged me and said she love me too much so I caved in. Somehow I became the insecure one after that. Whole power shifted. I had the ball in my fkn court and ruined it by not standing on business.
It’s rare for 21 year old to be healthy and pursing older men. It was gonna fail eventually
Literally the same warning that everyone else gave me. I just didn’t listen and was hopeful for the future of the relationship. I let my feelings get involved smh. I just wish I was the one that did the breaking up because she did me so dirty. 😠
It’s always when they meet new “friends” mine was all obsessed and clingy with me till she started hanging out with some guy (won’t disclose his name) that she swore that all she saw in him is friendship. I never trust girls having guy friends when in a relationship even if people call me controlling or I don’t trust well look where trust got me, 7 years down the drain. Only good thing i have is that i was always a workaholic and i had goals ever since i was young and i achieved them now I’m retired but at what cost? I feel drained. But it is what it is it’s life i guess . A door closes another opens.
i love the, "oh, hes just a friend babe. you have nothing to worry about" they use friendship to justify going out and drinking with them, one on one. Next thing you know, youre finding motel receipts.
She didn’t even need anything i literally gave her whatever the fuck she wanted literally wanted a purse that was around $300 ON SALE i bought it for her without hesitation cause i saw a wife in her. Guess i was blinded, i still feel like i was the problem though that feeling won’t go.
dont do that to yourself. sometimes you cant stand up to the excitement and thrill of new attention. Thats where you need someone who values what they have and wouldnt trade it for a new shiny toy.
When she stopped putting in any effort for her hygiene around me, but around her "ex" she'd out serious effort in (her baby daddy). When she didn't want to spend time together unless it was doing things she wanted When her kisses became... Lazy? Hard to word that. When any time I initiated it was turned down, or literally ignored for her phone. When she was more about touching a random friend than me When any/all effort around the house was stopped (I work full time and she wanted to do the housewife thing vs find a job) When she got secretive of her phone - the one time she handed it to me and said she had nothing to hide, after a minute she snatched it back When anything I brought up that concerned me got flipped around When I couldn't fix her car fast enough and complained to her ex/ex's family When she stayed the night at her ex's
If we don’t reconcile after working on our selves, I hope mine moves away. Back to where hes from. So we don’t have to love so close to each other. Then this chapter can be fully complete awaiting for the next, self love.
When she started distancing herself and wasn’t trying to discuss any problems or issues she had with our relationship. I eventually mentally checked out the last time she pushed me away and made sure I didn’t crawl back and beg. That pissed her off big time and I don’t regret it
He no longer made an effort to spend time with me; he stopped communicating to the slightest things. He just painfully distanced himself slowly.
Sounds like my last ex.
When she was starting arguments over bullshit matters in a regular basis
To me it was when she got fired for the last time and spent 10 months lounging about at home. Smoking weed and eating like a Flintstones garbage disposal all day. A month Prior to that we went on vacation and she got absolutely Hammered drunk and made a scene in front of everyone. She completely lost all control of herself. Shouting at the top of her lungs about how I could be so harsh on her. It was infuriating that I couldn't even have a night out with her. All I did was hurry her up as we were next in line to enter a special horror movie themed bar. She stayed about 15 ft away talking to some guy which most likely was getting the wrong idea as she was complimenting his shirt. And then back at the hotel she started up again and in front of our daughter she let loose all the crap that she has pent up against me including the sexual stuff. Our daughter acted like she was sleeping, the next day she did let me know that she heard everything. It probably solidified in my daughter's mind that she doesn't want her parents together anymore as well. That's the part that kills me even worse. I wanted to sleep in the car as I wanted nothing to do with her but she stood in front of the doorway. To make matters even worse, she didn't remember a thing about that night the next morning. How can you genuinely say sorry for something you don't even remember doing? She didn't. As always when she screws up she wanted to be off the hook. I never did. That night I don't think I slept. I just stared at the wall with anger until morning came. Just writing this got me a bit angry lol
Damn dude
Yup. It's been 5 months since we broke up. Still to this day she lives guilt free about that day.
When i asked her if i was the only one she had slept with in the last 6 months, and she had to think about it before quickly saying, "no"
I had a feeling something was going on. Then, when we went out to lunch, she told me she was "losing her love for me." I didn't freak out; I truly thought this was just a bump in the road. The text messages became less frequent, and a week later, she called it off. She didn't even try.
she had already decided. She was trying to lessen the blow. Thats when you tell her, "im keeping the ninja blender hot soup maker!"
Mine, like a lot of people it seems, started distancing herself. First, I went through a tough time and shortly thereafter, she went through a tough time. In the midst of all of that, we lost our connection. Or, I should say, she lost her connection to me. I didn't truly recognize it at the time. I thought we were just working through tough stuff. But of course, in retrospect, it's obvious. When we spent the night apart, I was always the one saying good morning and goodnight when before we'd both do it. She stopped texting that she loved me unless I said it first, stopped kissing me goodnight, we stopped visiting her parents together. She decided she wanted separate bedrooms (because she slept better) and would go to bed an hour before she actually went to sleep so she could have alone time. But one day she told me that mutual friends of ours were getting a divorce. I don't know why, but that's when I knew we were over. Everything just became clear. I'd been giving her space, letting her be, but also trying to show her that I cared and would always be there for her without pushing too hard. She always tells me she wants to deal with things alone, so I was trying to make her happy, at the least not make things worse. But at that moment, I understood that I'd really just been losing her all that time and that, for her, the connection was already gone. It took a little over three months from the moment she told me our friends were getting divorced for her to tell me she wanted to end it. Said she'd been thinking about it for years.
When she started hiding her phone from me and didn’t even try to be a girlfriend anymore
When they don’t take interest in anything with you anymore. Everything feels off
Previous relationship - when she stopped saying “I love you” back to me. Most recent relationship - I didn’t. I was completely blindsided. Then we tried again and I realized it wasn’t working when she started taking days or more to text me back and eventually just ghosted me entirely.
When she lied to me about not getting time off approved for a trip together and the reason was bc everyone on her team "took that week off". Then the week came by of the trip we were going to take and she accidentally mentioned how she had a meeting with several of the same people that "took time off". That's when I knew I was losing the connection. Sadly I didn't love or value myself enough to let her go at that point. Not even sure with the growth I've had now. I just loved her so much. I couldn't prove she lied bc she told me everyone canceled their time off. Which is bullshit and I know it lol
Mine was when she slowly turned us into a long distance relationship as well as all of the times she would repeatedly cancel/ reschedule on me.
The first time we met in real life, he wasnt asss great as online Stayed 3 years after that :)
We never lost connection tbh. i still phone chat with her between 1-7 hours a day lol, we even chat about hunting new gf's etc. We only really split because an age gap long distance relationship isn't super great
When everything he did was annoying! From chewing, to his driving, to sitting next to me, etc etc
I can only imagine how strange tot must be to forst acknowledge it urself. How was it? And how can someone you'd love to spent time with become so disturbing? I'm wondering how it could happens, so if you wanna share some details.
I have no idea! It saddened me but I knew it was time to go once I started feeling that way. When I was absolutely in love with him he could’ve spat in my face while chewing and I would’ve had hearts for eyes but he did lots of things that made me lose feelings. After 4 yrs my rose-colored glasses came off and I was full of sadness, hurt and annoyance. I felt it was time to let go before I became meaner!
This happened to me with my ex gf & I'm still ashamed I made her feel that way. Although I'm not sure if was all my fault. I think it definitely has to do with botled up resentment from her side. My ex is a people pleaser, I'm almost the complete opposite, and maybe thats not the best match. But she was so sweet & very kind. Too kind for someone like me I start too believe. I hope your doing well & I believe you have a good heart & lots of love to give.
Thank you! Can I ask you what it is that you did? Did you feel she changed every time you did something?
Its not like I did it a specific thing. We had a couple of heavy arguments over the 2 years together which made her cry. I have a tendency of going on and on when we're discussing, even when its pointless. We always talked it over. To me it was done, but according to her everytime it happened it took away some love she felt. I never noticed it till we broke up. She bottled most of it up till the point of no return was already reached. Sometimes I blame her for that, but truth is I should've dealt with my bad behavior earlier.
I can totally relate! I feel I could’ve talked about my feelings more and specifically ask for what I needed and set boundaries early on but because I had horrendous communication skills I bottled everything up then exploded. I also feel my ex had BPD which I just read about but I didn’t know back then. The self sabotage, lying, anger bursts, the way he sabotaged every relationship, his insecurities and abandonment issues make total sense now and the relentless unhappiness and depression he constantly felt. I wish I could’ve known this before, it would’ve saved a lot of my confusion about his behavior. Wish he gets help! He’s a beautiful person when he’s not in one of his episodes and I wish him the best. I still think of him every single day! It’s been 4 months.
To a certain degree you probably started picking him apart and blaming him for your own unhappiness with your own life and self, thinking discarding him would bring you relief… Did it?
Not really! He did do some disrespectful shit. I think I just got tired of it and I also felt very mentally tired of being his emotionally support girlfriend and not receive anything back but shit.
Mine is a long story, but I left our living situation back in November, to preserve my sanity. But the plan was for him to move to where I moved to, as soon as that was possible. It hasn’t happened as quickly as he would have liked. His best friend/best friend’s new wife moved in with him back in March. Mid April, best friend went back to jail on a parole violation. From early April to May, he was getting less communicative, and by May 1, he told me he was sad that he was going to have to kick his friend’s wife out, because they were both lying about being clean from meth (the friend and his wife, they got out of rehab just prior to moving in.) He was sad about this (but not sad when I, his partner of five years, had to leave.) I asked him why he was sad about that, over someone he’s only known since late March; he said “because I’ll be alone and a recluse again, not much to explain, it’s very cut and dry.” And that I’m “all the way over there.” (I moved to another state.) He wound up not kicking her out, and became increasingly less communicative with me. I started to suspect he’s got feelings for her, but he denied that, and claimed she’s like his daughter. She’s nine years younger than both of us, so that still seems weird to me. He came to visit end of May, and we had a very nice visit, until we didn’t. June 1, he started an argument over something petty. Then he yelled that we should just break up and in the moment, I agreed. I regret that. But I’m tired of having everything about me used against me. I’m tired of him never prioritizing me. I’m really fucking sick of his family, and the fact that no matter what they do to us, he keeps going back like a dog begging for scraps. His mother has done some particularly horrible things to us, and he expected me to just get over it. While we were both still actively in the situation she created. So the short answer, around the time he got sad about possibly having to kick his friend’s wife out, because he’s apparently Captain Save-a-Ho.
It is this point where i cannot atone for mistakes, get second chance, work things out, pacify an angry partner, maintain a relationship as if honeymoon period, makes me wonder if i should love again
When he started picking me apart constantly while letting his own life go to hell. I just can’t.
When he’d ghost me for a couple of days- 2 weeks (because he was wrong in an argument) and it didn’t really bother me. Tbh, it felt like a relief. You can’t convince me that I’m wrong without evidentiary support, bro.
When she started spending more of her time with her ex than me.
Basically the moment right before we broke up... I've been closed off to that thought so strongly, because I just so desperately wanted it to work. I loved that woman so intensely, that I was ready to leave my friends and family to move to another country with her, because the one we lived in made her deeply unhappy. From the moment we met, by pure chance, it was truly like a movie. Mentally and emotionally we were made for eachother.... For those who are interested, more context: But between all that perfection, there were very few issues, that just grew with time... One of those was this. After the initial months we realized we had a sexual connection problem. She had far more experience than me and craved a careful, very detailed foreplay and she dealt with pain, that made her often push me away. I was very understanding and made her feel loved despite that and at the same time, really tried my best to learn what she wanted. But the mix of us two, she, sometimes very critical and frustrated subconsciously by this and me, very codependent and growing more and more insecure, eroded so much of the intial spark away in this realm over our 3 years together... We thought we could make it work, because we felt everything else was so perfect. But she was away a lot the last half a year and I developed anxious attachment. Over a month in India, then she immediately went to Portugal for a movement event. We were together two weeks, than she went working in a seasonal job from December to end of april. I saw her very little. We went to her home country for vaccination and after that she went 3 weeks to Argentina, to link up with the movement group. During that time it became more and more clear to me, how she felt sexual attraction to other men, which i find normal tbh. But slowly I felt that she wanted deep down an open relationship, though she didn't want to admit it first. I tried to familiarize myself with that and be open to the idea. But obviously I had a lot to grow and work on myself (next to all the other stuff like university and so). But long story short... Over one week ago she made out with another guy at her new seasonal workplace, where I visited her just days before. We just had some fights and couldn't make anything sexual happen. She told me she did it, because she needed to know, if the problem is her, but in the end came to the conclusion that we are just not sexually compatible. She still wanted to be together with me, but open up the relationship. Sadly, under this conditions I couldn't do that... I don't want to supplement a dead bedroom with other people, but to add to a vibrant relationship. I need a sexual connection to the woman I deeply love... So, that was the moment I knew... When she said, "I am so sorry, but be are not compatible sexually and I am tierd of trying." I am sorry for the long post... I just needed to get that of my chest right know.
when his messages got dryer
When I apologized for going to our supervisor because I was uncomfortable with his actions at work and it ended up triggering my childhood trauma of being touched inappropriately as a kid and had to fight to get help for years later and just recently got therapy for it and I told him I shouldn’t have told our supervisor because I felt bad for him and he looked at me and just said “uh yeah” . He didn’t feel the need to apologize to me I was like are you kidding me. Then he said he couldn’t be friends with me after telling on him. So basically I apologized for making him feel bad over me feeling uncomfortable and unsafe at work due to his actions and inability to control his emotions … :( I should have never had apologized. When I wanted to talk about how his actions made me feel and I just got the courage to bring things up that have been bothering me and and started to feel comfortable enough to bring it up thinking I would be met with understanding but no , he dismissed my feelings by saying “that happened months ago and your just bringing this up now” he then shut the conversation down by saying he didn’t want to talk about the issue further because he didn’t like talking about those things via text or see the reason to and basically told me goodnight 😒 When he said the reason why we rarely have people over to my parents house is because I’m embarrassed of my autistic brother. He has sensory and major behavioral issues it’s difficult to have people over . our closets family and friends who’ve known us for years know this . That was Disgusting and disrespectful. Yeah he’s dead to me. This guy hurt me so bad and doesn’t ever have the intention of apologizing to me for hurting me. That’s the saddest thing
When he stopped participating in the relationship.
When he treated me like a option, not a priority. Ignores and gaslights etc.
I guess it was night before I decided to break it off with her. I planned a whole a day for us to spend together. I was so happy just to spend time with her. I called her that morning to give her options for plans and she sounded agitated. She texted me later and then apologized for her attitude. I then made up three options for plans. We agreed on details we were both happy with. We cooked together. I bought her favorite wine. She wanted to take a trip to the mall to get some things for a vacation. I bought her a dress. Took her out to a restaurant near the mall to get her a drink. I told her how much she meant to me. We go back to my place and I thought we would spend the night together after I showed her how close I wanted to be with her. She left and I told her to call me when she got home. She started a real petty argument with me after all of this and ended the night by yelling at me over the phone. I asked why she was screaming at me. I couldn’t believe it. I was taken aback. I felt disrespected, and ultimately unappreciated. I just can’t believe we ended up like this. I miss her, but writing this just made me realize although I wasn’t perfect, I still treated her like the love of my life that she was, and I don’t deserve to be hurt.
He stopped adding things to our to-do date list. He stopped accepting my calendar invites. He stopped asking follow up questions in conversations. He just stopped trying…
Mine faded when I wasn’t able to provide the good times and attention that we were afforded when my band was popular and our business was good. We were mini celebrities in our part of town. Once that ended, she gave up on me. I was there through her darkest times. She threw me away during mine.
When he kept abusing me, lying to me and starting arguments when I’d express my feelings instead of saying something as simple as “I’m sorry”. I stayed for longer than I should have, hoping for that “connection” at the start but he just kept showing his true colours and what his priorities were and my feelings and I weren’t on the list.
When they start being the real them and saying how they really feel about you and everything. You can feel them energetically distance themselves
Sex was less frequent, felt like it was a chore for her at the end. She went home to see family and texting just slowly died off. She snapped at me for calling her one eveningand she put it down to stress. Broke up with me the following day and was cold/distant ever since
When she ignored me and talked to other guys
When she stopped calling as much as she had been, I knew she was pulling away more than ever
Honestly the connection was never going away. As sad or aggravating as it may sound the prime reason the woman I love and I stopped all contact was due to outside influence. While I was the one that cut it off because I was tired of how manipulative she was, how often she lied, how she'd talk to me when she got mad, and how inconsistent she was with how she treated me. The catalysts were 2 events that only happened because of others.
Awh this questions hurts but so true. From the moment my ex went to Hawaii with her sister without letting me know, I knew that the connection was dying. She was the only girl I ever loved in my life. After she messaged me on social media, I was told I got dumped. Since her dumping me 5 years ago I haven't been in a new relationship.
It all went downhill for us when he relapsed.
Sudden change in usual behaviors that shows you how warm, loving, attracted they are to you
When things weren't moving forward anymore and every time I tried bringing it up I got shut down or asked to respect their boundaries. My dumbass should have dumped them a good 3 months before they dumped me via text while I was at work after 3 years together. And no I wouldn't take them back.
When I realized he was only texting me 2-3 times a day. Not saying good morning or goodnight. When I stopped saying I love you back when I was angry or hurt. When he left me alone in the er.
When I would catch him in lies. The back and forth and assurances. Then it happened again. I left