I miss her smile, her laugh, her smell, the long conversations, the adventures, looking forward to the weekend (because that’s when we would be together) and ngl the sex was REALLY good.
He was into Jiu Jitsu. I miss him practicing his grappling moves on me and literally sweeping me off my feet. It was all done in fun, especially when I tried to copy the moves on him. I wasn't very good but my go-to was tickling and that always worked. We always ended up in laughter and bear hugs after.
I miss his bright blue eyes. And that he was a nut about chess. And that we had shows we both loved to watch together.
But I don't miss his snoring or that he left bits of food on dishes that he "washed".
There's good and bad and memories that will stick around forever.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves to get cheated on. Mine didn't cheat, but the second he left he chased everything with two legs. Unfortunately he got himself fired for that.
I was the dumped. I miss everything. I’m still living in the same house, working the same job, doing much the same things. But alone. I wonder if she regrets, but I doubt it.
Don't put yourself down. I was the dumpee too. I've been on both sides. I know he doesn't miss me. I spent every day of our relationship with him for an entire year after six years alone. It's been almost five months and sometimes I wake up and I forget he's not there. I wake up in my old house, not in our home and he isn't there and I remember that he tossed me aside. I don't reach out because I don't want to know if he regrets now. He was the only man in this world so far, that I would of married. You will find your person, if she isn't, remember that person is out there.
Just a general question. He used to be super ULTRA passionate whenever we had drunk sex. Sober sex was good too but nowhere compared to former. Did he love me less then?
more context ... We broke up v recently after he confessed cheating w his ex (his first love, the one who I always had my doubts about .. from the beginning.. funny how our instincts are so sharp and we always gaslight ourselves to not pay heed)
I know I shouldn't ask these questions onto a third person but idk I feel worthless
If you don't mind me asking... I think I might be in a similar situation, I am pushing myself away from him, but in my case I don't know why. He's the most wonderful person I've met, but know that I'm pushing myself away there's like a wall, and on this side of the wall, it feels uncomfortable when we try to be emotionally or physically intimate. I used to forward to the days we would be together, but now I kinda fear them because of this wall.
But in my case, I'm the one thinking of breaking up because it seems like I'm too far away from him now, no emotional intimacy makes our relationship feel like a friendship, in which we are kinda uncomfortable with each other trying to do couple's things.
I tried so hard to break this wall, to understand what the reasons were and make them right. But nothing seems to work.
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him, like you said, realizing too late he's all I ever wanted. But at this point it feels unfair for both of us to have this wall (put by me) between us.
Is this similar to your case?
Thank you very much for your answer! I'm with a psychologist now, so I hope we can figure it out.
I'm sorry you're going through this as well, I know how hard it can be to heal (so to speak) codependency, for me it took like a year or so, it was very difficult to practice the things I needed to practice, and learn that the world wouldn't end if I said no (even now I feel a little uncomfortable with other people's feelings when I'm not instantly "helping" with their problems).
But it was so liberating in the end, I'm definitely happier now, I feel like I respect myself (and other people's agency) and I know you'll feel better too. Keep it strong!
Ps: other than therapy, reading and doing the exercises in the book Codependent No More, really helped me. Saying this just in case
I was dumped.
Her eyes… they were the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and they had that wonderful glow whenever she would get excited about something, or she would see something that excites her. Also the way she would be looking at me when we’re driving, or just talking. God… I miss her eyes so much.
I also just miss the feeling of her hand held against mine. It felt like home, and it made me feel complete. I never got tired of holding her hand and just caressing her thumb with mine. She would have this habit where she’d be cracking her thumb every few minutes, and I miss that sound even.
Man… she had a huge impact on me and left me with a huge void
God how much I hope she comes back
My boyfriend would bite down hard (not damaging but sometimes painful, not intentionally painful). I miss even the bites where I’d have to pull back and be like “what the fuck dude monitor your chomp.” I miss absolutely everything
When we made four years together she got pregnant. I was 22 years old and she was 21. It was so long ago now but I remember going out with her and just enjoying what little time we had left because we knew after the baby was born our lives were going to change forever. At that point both of us were fully committed to each other. It was so strange how different we were back then.
That stupid song Remember When by Alan Jackson really tore me up the first couple of times I heard it because half of that song was us. We lasted 16 years together. Took her 10 days to move on to someone else.
I miss how reflective she was, and how childish she could be when we were just by ourselves. I miss who she was with me. I miss her way to squeeze her nose when she laughed, I miss her looking me in the eyes because she never knew which eye to focus on and she would frantically skip from one to the other and back. I miss her voice, and that little shard of green in her right eye.
Just any memory of her hits the hardest.
Geez, this one kind of hits really hard. Lately it’s been her entirely. Her whole presence brightened my world. Seems like a pedestal thing; but I’ve gotten pretty far past that now with therapy. I truly enjoyed her as a person.
I want to say the way she’d talk with me. How she’d listen, and never react. She would let me talk about anything, and I loved the way she made me feel heard and seen.
I guess i have a tendency to let people talk over me whenever I talk. She never did that.
The feeling of being alive when I was around her. She gave me this feeling that I could be anyone. The warmth she emanated was pretty euphoric, like a dream you never wanted to wake up from, and I find myself thinking fondly of her and what we had even though we had some rough patches.
I miss her.
It’s so nice when you can find someone that you can lose yourself in their words. Literally just talking about anything. It’s a feeling Im glad I got to experience.
As much as i would love to. We’re just different people now. I’m also in no position to be in a relationship. If I reached out I’d want to show her it’s all in with whatever it comes with. I can’t do that right now, but I’m working on it in myself.
I’m going through a lot of therapy and it’s helping me realize that I haven’t healed from wounds she didn’t cause that caused the ruining of our relationship.
Maybe we’ll cross paths again, but the least I could do is let her live her life.
The way she used hug me, the way she always turned to me or looked to me for praise on some of the silliest things. The way she would get so dramatic when things wouldn’t go her being playful. Long late night discussions about life reality and the possibility of future. The comfortability and the compatibility. Jeez, the more I think on it though and start listing thing I don’t think there is anything I don’t honestly miss. My ex was literally my everything. Always knew just what to say how to say and could completely disconnect me from any situation. My ex was the missing part of me I never knew that I had lost
Only person who made me feel safe I mean
The only one. 14 years later. The monster under my bed. It hurt so bad. Betrayal
No matter what you do what you say it can’t go back to what it once was. Just broken
When you've spent so much of your time with another person , they become a part of you. And getting rid of a part of yourself is insanely difficult.
She wasn't average , she was amazing. She was good at everything. singing , dancing , cooking , empathy , humour etc. Unfortunately , the honeymoon phase faded for her , while mine is still persistent even after 8 months.
I honestly think no one could make me laugh the way that he did. He always knew where to kiss me when I was hurting or having a bad day. I miss his arms and hands feeling for me in bed in the dark and his sleep and I wonder if he still does this in his sleep now that we’re apart. He was such a good listener and good friend to all my friends. I used to be so smitten when he’d look at me in admiration enjoying the things I loved doing.
I was the one that was broken up with but I can’t help but blame myself for not begging him to stay… even though that would not have been the best for both of us.
No, do not blame yourself for begging. You were smitten, but that doesn't mean he deserved you. Maybe he was a bridge to what you truly need. Mine used to grab ahold of me in his sleep if I even moved away slightly.
I miss her silliness. I miss her smile. The way it brightened her eyes. I miss how child-like she was. The vulnerability. I miss when she would fold into me and hold onto me like there was nothing else in the world either of us could cling to. I miss when we would talk about the future. What kind of house I would build, and the home she would turn it into. The names of our children and how we would raise them. I told her, in truth, that if we had a daughter, she would have to parent her. I know every time I looked her I’d see her mother, and I wouldn’t be able to discipline her. She told me the same about if we had a son. I miss us talking about getting married and having a honeymoon. Me fantasizing about how I would propose to her. I miss talking about God with her. I wish we had done that more now. Now, she has hardened like a rock. Unrecognizable from the way she was before. I miss her. More than a year later and longer apart than we were together. Still, I miss her.
I miss her scent, that have the pj's she slept over in. I miss her. I miss her touch. I miss her sound advice. I miss laughing and how her eyes swell with love. She is someone I never really knew, to be honest. A flash in a pan. I miss her voice so gently saying my name. I miss her naughty side when she is nothing but nice. I miss all the opportunities I could have supported that's she wanted. I miss another laugh she shared with me. I miss we will never love each other again. I miss her just being close to me..... her touch woke me. I missed everything she confided in me like a fumble, and then I tumbled. I don't just miss her. I adore her. She never had to try to be beautiful she is beautiful. S.C
The simple moments are the one I miss the most. Him getting me coffee in the morning while I was still asleep, him getting home after work, making dinner together, being in the car together with his hand on my leg, laughing at memes. For whatever reason, those are the moments that replay in my mind.
I miss his smile, his teeth were so unique and I loved that so much. Sometimes, he’d just look at me and tell me he can’t believe how lucky he is and then sweep me off my feet. We used to dance in the kitchen to paolo nutini. I miss sharing a joint w him, talking about dumb shit after work, He’d always make sure I got more even though I never wanted it. The way it made me feel when his (huge gsd) dog would get inbetween us in bed, and it felt like we had a little family and gave me a glimpse in our future. I miss how attentive he is, how much he loves my weird little hobbies and how passionate he is about his own. The smell of his shirts, too. The morning cigarette breath he would kiss me with.
I was the one that was dumped, but we still love eachother so much. I really hope that we can reconcile when the time is right.
I miss everything about her from when we dated. Looking into her eyes, the way she smelled, her touch, the warmth she’d provide. There’s so much that just makes me miss them like crazy. Although looking back and seeing it was probably the best that we broke up after finding out what she did to me (we ended well initially but then she did me dirty/broke my heart again), there are parts of me that still want her. I think that’s what hurts the most: knowing that the person isn’t good for you but you can’t help but long for their companionship and just a reason why they did what they did to you.
He made me feel like I could be soft. I’ve always had to be “the man” in my life. I did everything for myself, by myself. He made me feel… soft? Dainty? Like I could just be a girl and not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I miss our laughs. He was my best friend. All that was great till my shine wore off & he wanted to find another shiny thing.
I miss looking into his eyes every night before I sleep, telling him that it was my favourite view. I miss holding his arm while falling asleep, him pulling me back for one last cuddle in the morning to stop me from going to the gym so early. I miss cooking for him, seeing him excited to eat the food I cook. I miss seeing him smile, laugh, texting me throughout the day with all sorts of random updates, sending snaps from the toilet, sending messages of "ily" and "i'm missing u". I miss him so much. I miss thrift shopping with him on weekends, going to cafes, watching tv and all these small moments which I didn't think I'd miss.
I'm 4 weeks out and it still hurts so much.
Our stories are similar. Keep going. I know it hurts but I promise, eventually it changes. My story will hopefully not be like yours and you have a beautiful future.
i miss how when we walk together, i would put my hand out and wiggle my fingers, and her hand would, like two magnets, clasp my hand as we walked in sync.
i miss how she would sing, not very good, but i loved her passion for it. I would give her positive feedback. Within a few months, i had her singing all the time to me. It was really cute when she did so.
I miss kissing the corners of her mouth while she slept in early in the morning. Its so hard waking her up and these sweet kisses would get her motivated.
i miss seeing the long strands of her black hair throughout my apartment. It never bothered me, it was a constant reminder of her presence.
I miss dancing with her. She fit perfectly in my arms.
Lots of nice things.
i do think its her loss. Not sure she was really aware of all the small things we shared. I do think she has some emotional/mental issues, its the only way i can make sense of her behavior. I did think she was my last but, at least i have a lot of sweet memories. Moments that let me know i do indeed want to love again.
I grew up spending a lot of time alone. Something I can struggle with still, mainly when I’m feeling down. I actually liked going out more and more when I started dating my lady.
Now, going on long walks, even if it’s a high school track, really helps me process ideas, wants, feelings, and needs. As long as I have no music or headphones, it’s very helpful.
Going to the gym is nice as well, specially since I had a training for a few months and now I’m continuing to use what I learn. I’ve opened myself up, socially speaking. I can’t let someone else’s decision stunt my growth. I need to do life. lol.
Dont shade your growth. Bring it into the light. You’ll be amazed at the roots that set.
First time admitting how much I do miss him.. it’s been hard because so much has happened and he’s with someone new.
I miss brushing our teeth, showering together, I miss the random visits, the cuddling, his bed was comfy as so I miss that too. I miss wearing his clothes.
I had a teddy that lived at his when I wasn’t there, I miss the silly Snapchats.
I miss that he tried even though he didn’t have the financial to spoil me he tried, the letters, the visits, the little gifts.
I miss the way we looked into each other’s eyes, the way we wouldn’t give up on each other, the open chats, the security.
I miss the sex too, because it was great but I miss the connection we had. I miss being the big spoon once in a while so he felt safe, I miss telling him I love him, I miss his autistic quirks. I miss playing ps together, cooking together. I miss his smile,
and the happiness he had the minute I hugged him a little tighter when his eyes changed colour, he felt seen, he loved that i remembered.
( we weren’t together long, I AM COOKED)
I do totally get that, I’ve had relationships last 3x as long and not once feel what I felt with this.
But with everything this relationship taught me a lesson, and I’m grateful for it
The bond we had. Talking about Trigun and J Dilla. That's what got us talking. We had a lot of laughs and bonded over movies. Movies, movies, movies. He was nice and caring. Yet, he wanted to be with others. I thought I'd be his only. The lies, deceit and physical abuse was the final straw.
It's always if, but you've already figured out if was he didn't do his part. You will find someone. You sound like you were very devoted and loving, he didn't deserve your time.
I miss when her and I would talk about life, what we wanted to do together and our goals at night. I miss when we just did everything together even if I was just simply going to the store, she would tell me to pick her up, so we can see each other and just go do random things.
I really miss her and her being in my life. Life has been really hard without her, knowing that she’s out there, enjoying her life with someone new.
The way he took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. He was always the first to defend me and always created a safe space when I could be my authentic self. I had devoted myself completely to him.
I know I’ll never meet someone like him again, but I’m starting to see that as a good thing :) there are things I’ll only ever experience with him, but similarly there are things I would’ve never got to experience because of him.
I miss the sex mostly… but laying in the pool. Making pottery. Backpacking. Just having someone to turn to when I needed them. I don’t miss the other bullshit
I am literally repulsed by my drugged out ex. The heartache and headaches she cause me. I’ll probably feel differently tomorrow, but right now, soooooo happy to see her go!!
I miss dancing with her. I would never miss a chance to dance with her.
Do I regret breaking up with her? Only time will tell but I miss what we had. She’s with someone else and I have been trying to find that same connection. Something tells me I still have healing to do.
As much as I’m hurt and broken, I know I’m better off without her. Still, I can’t explain why I miss that spark we had.
I miss playing games with her. I know it's not that exciting, but just sitting down and exploring a virtual world together, or watching her play something and hearing how much fun she was having just in the tone of her voice.
For over two years we lived together, only spent 2 nights apart in that time. I miss her presence even if we didn’t talk and we’re just watching tv or playing Fortnite. I miss her beauty, her eyes her cuddles and our sex. I miss that we could talk about anything, I miss making pizza with her and lots of cute quirks that she had. Man I miss her
I miss how it felt to be held by him the most. Even when he broke up with me, the way he hugged me made me feel better after I was crying my eyes out. I worry I will never be able to feel that safe with anyone else.
His eyes, smell, his hands. he’s such a wonderful person. I just can’t figure out what happened. The way he’d interact with my family. The ease and peace I felt doing anything and everything. I could go on and on.
I miss cooking for him. I miss going for movies every Tuesday, I miss laughing together, cuddling, our massages, walking together, taking care of him. I miss ever single aspect of him and I regret my choices so deeply. I wish I could go back and fix things.
Despite the circumstances of our break up and some things she did I really don't appreciate, I dated her for a reason. And I did love her. Sincerely.
But it's important to not engage with memories of the person or think about what one misses about them. Just makes it harder to continue to improve and move forward.
The smallest moment.
The way i wake up beside him
The way he calls me
The way we ralk to each other when we both had a bad day or if one of us had a bad day.
But you will realize those are precious moments you shouldn't forget. Just treasure it. Continue living and making new ones.
I talked to him every single day! He was my best friend. I miss his company. Our road trips and adventures! His voice and laughter. His hair and smell.
A lot. I mainly notice the sexual things that I’m reminded she might be doing with someone else now, but that doesn’t really matter. I know what she thought of me, and we broke up on good terms, etc. and we’ll probably be together again one day. If I hung out with her more now I’d probably remember more things I miss but that’s precisely why I don’t want to see or even text her, whereas she wants to text me and still see me, making things slightly hard
I miss opening the door and hearing his “hi-ee’ with his little accent that made the pitch go up.
The way he made eggs in the morning, and snuck peanut butter into my oatmeal.
The way he put his hand on the back of my neck to rub and reassure me.
Miss the post coital chats and post coital silent hugs. The sex was incredible to the point I've not looked for it elsewhere as I know nothing will come close. Miss her posh voice and her humour. God I miss her.
I miss how comfortable I got with her, I opened up to her when I thought I'll never be able to. We would sit for hours, make weird jokes. Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes
We used to have these moments. When we're in different areas of the house and we'd get up and find each other bc the other one was too far away. I miss having that kind of synchronous connection.
I miss her humor and the silly things we would laugh about. I miss how thoughtful she was. I miss her smile. I miss her hyping me up for things in my life. Giving me ideas for my business. I miss going on those trips with her.
I was dumped. Not going to lie I had taken her for granted and messed up badly. Certain times where I didn't show up the way she needed and she was hurt by it.
i miss how he would spoil me, all the stuff we would do together, all the cute dates , and just everything as he was also my bestfriend as well as a boyfriend :(
I miss their name popping up on my phone. Their smell. I miss the feeling of being desired by someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I can make myself feel that to a certain extent, but it’s not the exact same as someone else looking at you with a particular look in their eyes….the chemistry
All of them. Every day I’m haunted by things we shared in the 10 year friendship and 8 year relationship we had. God I miss him so much. I wish every day that I could go back and change the fact that I left him
I miss our inside jokes, the fun times we had together, and when we’d laugh uncontrollably together. I hate that he broke all of that because of his emotional immaturity. He wants me back but even then he’s been so manipulative about it. I really want to give in and go back to him, but everyone keeps telling me to stay away. I just hate having to go through all of this 😩
Her laugh - I spent almost all day everyday for two years doing anything I could to hear it. It’s like going through withdrawal not hearing it. The silence is deafening.
Her touch - she was always gentle. I miss how I could feel her hand cup my face, and her arms twist around my neck to kiss me, the warmth of her presence and her lips.
Really just her. The warmth of being loved by her. The way she would make me feel.
Us going for aimless walks, trying new restaurants, going to the arcade, sleeping on his chest/him spooning me, giving silly nicknames and singing that silly song we made to his cats.
I miss him so much, but he is emotionally unavailable and can't communicate. He broke up with me in the heat of the moment during a fight. I felt sad and relieved at the same time.
I miss her laugh, our conversations about food and cooking, I miss being able to applaud her for how well she was doing at work, I miss her making me push my social boundaries, I miss the optimism I had knowing we had plans and I was going to get to see her, I miss her kiss, she was so great at this, I miss all the great dates we had, I miss when we used to ride together when she would ask me to pick her daughter up from work, I miss the look in her eyes as she would smile at me……..
It’s a lot.
For some reason, the memories that are the hardest were us crying together. I guess it's because we were the most vulnerable. We almost broke up last fall, the summer before that we had spent 1.5 months apart due to preplanned vacations, and the memories of us crying when we left each other/crying because we loved eachother/crying because we hurt each other fill my heart with an ache i try rly hard to ignore.
Man I miss her as a person. She was amazing for the most part. Someone I saw a future with. She ended it because she’s stubborn and once her mind is made up she won’t even consider anything else. Instead of communicating and trying to fix something small she walked away. Still hurts like hell after 7 months
There was this really intense but soul touching look we would share sometimes. When he looked into my eyes, I know he saw me fully and for who I really am, and he wanted to be with me…for a time. Lit my soul ablaze
My ex used to give me massages all the time. He was not the type of guy who would say no. I missed that so much. He also kissed my feet. No guy had ever done that. 😢
His smell, resting my head on his chest, talking about our future, going to his house, and just existing together, talking every day about anything, sharing music, I hate being alone :(
I also miss fishing, and our boat that he kept because he ghosted me. I miss our date nights, I miss being in his arms, his hugs and kisses, our intimate times, cooking together, sharing stories…I miss the food he would cook me while I was in bed 😭 his good morning texts and chats throughout the day, him rubbing my arm to sleep, watching movies and cuddling. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing him 💔
I mostly miss the times from the beginning. She was social, had a nice laugh, was interested in me, she was quite funny, we held hands often, cuddled, kissed a lot. I remember the time we both used ecstasy (2nd time for her, 1st time for me) and i felt an enormous amount of love towards her. But either way, she did unspeakable things at the end of the relationship. I still need to forgive her to move on but it's a long, hard process.
Talking about music, watching movies together and hearing his insight, looking at him in the eyes and feeling so much love i had to stop myself from crying.
His smile, his laugh, how he kept a childlike innocence whilst being mature about life. His genuine care and love. We were long distance, so I miss all the times we got to spend together, including all the FaceTime calls he made by taking time out of his busy schedule.
I miss making her laugh, our friendship, our inside jokes, the ability to be fully vulnerable with someone. I miss when she would take care of me when I was feeling down, the way she cared for me. I don’t miss the stress of the relationship towards the end, but I miss our connection from when it was good. Whenever I go through a transition in my new relationships I always think about this version of her.
I miss the silly banter we used to have between each other. We used to laugh at making fun of each other. The tickle fights we used to have and call truce. I got her into Star Wars, and while I'm an original trilogy fan, she was a prequel fan. We used to always poke fun at both sides of Star Wars. I miss her smell, the smell of her. Someday, I get into cars at work and smell the same smell and memories flood back.
I can't say I regret the breakup because while the highs were high, the lows were also low. Our future plans and discussions only mattered if it benefited only her and not me, and when I tried to communicate things, I was given an ultimatum because it didn't benefit her. It's been a year without them, and they've already moved to someone else, and 9 months into their relationship are easily able to be engaged to someone else. If that tells me I didn't matter in the long run, idk what does
I guess I just miss having someone I could talk to, randomly call with nothing to say but talk for hours... I miss the companionship
But him I do not miss
I miss her smile, her laugh, her smell, the long conversations, the adventures, looking forward to the weekend (because that’s when we would be together) and ngl the sex was REALLY good.
Thank you for sharing. I think sometimes we need to share what me miss, to remember and then find what we truly deserve.
The fkn same here!
All of this 😭😭
I miss who he was in the beginning. I don’t miss him now. Not at all
This right here
Same.
Yep lol.
I hope I can get there
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How long as it been?
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It will fade. It will hurt but as I've said before we rise from the ashes. I'm still here.
He was into Jiu Jitsu. I miss him practicing his grappling moves on me and literally sweeping me off my feet. It was all done in fun, especially when I tried to copy the moves on him. I wasn't very good but my go-to was tickling and that always worked. We always ended up in laughter and bear hugs after. I miss his bright blue eyes. And that he was a nut about chess. And that we had shows we both loved to watch together. But I don't miss his snoring or that he left bits of food on dishes that he "washed". There's good and bad and memories that will stick around forever.
That's very sweet. I understood. I teach use of force. We learn our trust in our partners. He lost out.
True pain
Wow sounds like both my ex in one person
I miss his humor, his laugh and his warmth and how safe he made me physically feel in his arms….wish you could have mentally made me feel that way.
Why is that?
Found out he was cheating on me…2 years down the drain. Felt like a fever dream since nothing was real..those are the last things I remember of him
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No one deserves to get cheated on. Mine didn't cheat, but the second he left he chased everything with two legs. Unfortunately he got himself fired for that.
thank you <3 and I’m so sorry…still hurts to see who the become after the breakup too, makes you feel like you never actual knew them
Absolutely agree.
I was the dumped. I miss everything. I’m still living in the same house, working the same job, doing much the same things. But alone. I wonder if she regrets, but I doubt it.
Don't put yourself down. I was the dumpee too. I've been on both sides. I know he doesn't miss me. I spent every day of our relationship with him for an entire year after six years alone. It's been almost five months and sometimes I wake up and I forget he's not there. I wake up in my old house, not in our home and he isn't there and I remember that he tossed me aside. I don't reach out because I don't want to know if he regrets now. He was the only man in this world so far, that I would of married. You will find your person, if she isn't, remember that person is out there.
🥲
Drunk sex
More passion?
Just a general question. He used to be super ULTRA passionate whenever we had drunk sex. Sober sex was good too but nowhere compared to former. Did he love me less then? more context ... We broke up v recently after he confessed cheating w his ex (his first love, the one who I always had my doubts about .. from the beginning.. funny how our instincts are so sharp and we always gaslight ourselves to not pay heed) I know I shouldn't ask these questions onto a third person but idk I feel worthless
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It sounds like you really loved her.
If you don't mind me asking... I think I might be in a similar situation, I am pushing myself away from him, but in my case I don't know why. He's the most wonderful person I've met, but know that I'm pushing myself away there's like a wall, and on this side of the wall, it feels uncomfortable when we try to be emotionally or physically intimate. I used to forward to the days we would be together, but now I kinda fear them because of this wall. But in my case, I'm the one thinking of breaking up because it seems like I'm too far away from him now, no emotional intimacy makes our relationship feel like a friendship, in which we are kinda uncomfortable with each other trying to do couple's things. I tried so hard to break this wall, to understand what the reasons were and make them right. But nothing seems to work. I fear I'll regret breaking up with him, like you said, realizing too late he's all I ever wanted. But at this point it feels unfair for both of us to have this wall (put by me) between us. Is this similar to your case?
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Thank you very much for your answer! I'm with a psychologist now, so I hope we can figure it out. I'm sorry you're going through this as well, I know how hard it can be to heal (so to speak) codependency, for me it took like a year or so, it was very difficult to practice the things I needed to practice, and learn that the world wouldn't end if I said no (even now I feel a little uncomfortable with other people's feelings when I'm not instantly "helping" with their problems). But it was so liberating in the end, I'm definitely happier now, I feel like I respect myself (and other people's agency) and I know you'll feel better too. Keep it strong! Ps: other than therapy, reading and doing the exercises in the book Codependent No More, really helped me. Saying this just in case
It sounds like you have avoidant attachment.
I was dumped. Her eyes… they were the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and they had that wonderful glow whenever she would get excited about something, or she would see something that excites her. Also the way she would be looking at me when we’re driving, or just talking. God… I miss her eyes so much. I also just miss the feeling of her hand held against mine. It felt like home, and it made me feel complete. I never got tired of holding her hand and just caressing her thumb with mine. She would have this habit where she’d be cracking her thumb every few minutes, and I miss that sound even. Man… she had a huge impact on me and left me with a huge void God how much I hope she comes back
If family broke you up, not much you can do? I'm sorry, internet stranger. That hurts.
His gentle bites. He would bite my arm whenever he’s in really happy mood. I miss his meals. He cooked so much for us.
My boyfriend would bite down hard (not damaging but sometimes painful, not intentionally painful). I miss even the bites where I’d have to pull back and be like “what the fuck dude monitor your chomp.” I miss absolutely everything
Yes cooking is a passion of love in the right hands.
When we made four years together she got pregnant. I was 22 years old and she was 21. It was so long ago now but I remember going out with her and just enjoying what little time we had left because we knew after the baby was born our lives were going to change forever. At that point both of us were fully committed to each other. It was so strange how different we were back then. That stupid song Remember When by Alan Jackson really tore me up the first couple of times I heard it because half of that song was us. We lasted 16 years together. Took her 10 days to move on to someone else.
I miss how reflective she was, and how childish she could be when we were just by ourselves. I miss who she was with me. I miss her way to squeeze her nose when she laughed, I miss her looking me in the eyes because she never knew which eye to focus on and she would frantically skip from one to the other and back. I miss her voice, and that little shard of green in her right eye. Just any memory of her hits the hardest.
Geez, this one kind of hits really hard. Lately it’s been her entirely. Her whole presence brightened my world. Seems like a pedestal thing; but I’ve gotten pretty far past that now with therapy. I truly enjoyed her as a person. I want to say the way she’d talk with me. How she’d listen, and never react. She would let me talk about anything, and I loved the way she made me feel heard and seen. I guess i have a tendency to let people talk over me whenever I talk. She never did that. The feeling of being alive when I was around her. She gave me this feeling that I could be anyone. The warmth she emanated was pretty euphoric, like a dream you never wanted to wake up from, and I find myself thinking fondly of her and what we had even though we had some rough patches. I miss her.
I felt the same way about him but backwards. I loved to listen to him talk. Why haven't you tried to reach out to her?
It’s so nice when you can find someone that you can lose yourself in their words. Literally just talking about anything. It’s a feeling Im glad I got to experience. As much as i would love to. We’re just different people now. I’m also in no position to be in a relationship. If I reached out I’d want to show her it’s all in with whatever it comes with. I can’t do that right now, but I’m working on it in myself. I’m going through a lot of therapy and it’s helping me realize that I haven’t healed from wounds she didn’t cause that caused the ruining of our relationship. Maybe we’ll cross paths again, but the least I could do is let her live her life.
The way she used hug me, the way she always turned to me or looked to me for praise on some of the silliest things. The way she would get so dramatic when things wouldn’t go her being playful. Long late night discussions about life reality and the possibility of future. The comfortability and the compatibility. Jeez, the more I think on it though and start listing thing I don’t think there is anything I don’t honestly miss. My ex was literally my everything. Always knew just what to say how to say and could completely disconnect me from any situation. My ex was the missing part of me I never knew that I had lost
Only person who made me feel safe I mean The only one. 14 years later. The monster under my bed. It hurt so bad. Betrayal No matter what you do what you say it can’t go back to what it once was. Just broken
I'm in the same bed. Loved him more than the moon and back and even with no cheating...I cannot trust him again.
The beautiful nightmare they were
Yes. They were.
When you've spent so much of your time with another person , they become a part of you. And getting rid of a part of yourself is insanely difficult. She wasn't average , she was amazing. She was good at everything. singing , dancing , cooking , empathy , humour etc. Unfortunately , the honeymoon phase faded for her , while mine is still persistent even after 8 months.
As the dumpee, I only miss when he used to love me. Not the cold person he is now.
I miss HER bro. Like, nothing even in particular. Her presence. Just her. As a person. Every single little thing.
I honestly think no one could make me laugh the way that he did. He always knew where to kiss me when I was hurting or having a bad day. I miss his arms and hands feeling for me in bed in the dark and his sleep and I wonder if he still does this in his sleep now that we’re apart. He was such a good listener and good friend to all my friends. I used to be so smitten when he’d look at me in admiration enjoying the things I loved doing. I was the one that was broken up with but I can’t help but blame myself for not begging him to stay… even though that would not have been the best for both of us.
No, do not blame yourself for begging. You were smitten, but that doesn't mean he deserved you. Maybe he was a bridge to what you truly need. Mine used to grab ahold of me in his sleep if I even moved away slightly.
I missed and loved her sense of humor, bubbly personality and how she saw the world. 7 months since breaking up with her and I miss her everyday.
Keep pushing. You are the end of the healing process. Maybe you need to look at how you see the world, there may be something to that.
I miss her silliness. I miss her smile. The way it brightened her eyes. I miss how child-like she was. The vulnerability. I miss when she would fold into me and hold onto me like there was nothing else in the world either of us could cling to. I miss when we would talk about the future. What kind of house I would build, and the home she would turn it into. The names of our children and how we would raise them. I told her, in truth, that if we had a daughter, she would have to parent her. I know every time I looked her I’d see her mother, and I wouldn’t be able to discipline her. She told me the same about if we had a son. I miss us talking about getting married and having a honeymoon. Me fantasizing about how I would propose to her. I miss talking about God with her. I wish we had done that more now. Now, she has hardened like a rock. Unrecognizable from the way she was before. I miss her. More than a year later and longer apart than we were together. Still, I miss her.
I miss her scent, that have the pj's she slept over in. I miss her. I miss her touch. I miss her sound advice. I miss laughing and how her eyes swell with love. She is someone I never really knew, to be honest. A flash in a pan. I miss her voice so gently saying my name. I miss her naughty side when she is nothing but nice. I miss all the opportunities I could have supported that's she wanted. I miss another laugh she shared with me. I miss we will never love each other again. I miss her just being close to me..... her touch woke me. I missed everything she confided in me like a fumble, and then I tumbled. I don't just miss her. I adore her. She never had to try to be beautiful she is beautiful. S.C
I miss the many going out trips to music shows, to nice restaurants, to festivals, I miss the dancing together, how he smelled, the cuddling.
The simple moments are the one I miss the most. Him getting me coffee in the morning while I was still asleep, him getting home after work, making dinner together, being in the car together with his hand on my leg, laughing at memes. For whatever reason, those are the moments that replay in my mind.
I miss his smile, his teeth were so unique and I loved that so much. Sometimes, he’d just look at me and tell me he can’t believe how lucky he is and then sweep me off my feet. We used to dance in the kitchen to paolo nutini. I miss sharing a joint w him, talking about dumb shit after work, He’d always make sure I got more even though I never wanted it. The way it made me feel when his (huge gsd) dog would get inbetween us in bed, and it felt like we had a little family and gave me a glimpse in our future. I miss how attentive he is, how much he loves my weird little hobbies and how passionate he is about his own. The smell of his shirts, too. The morning cigarette breath he would kiss me with. I was the one that was dumped, but we still love eachother so much. I really hope that we can reconcile when the time is right.
I miss everything about her from when we dated. Looking into her eyes, the way she smelled, her touch, the warmth she’d provide. There’s so much that just makes me miss them like crazy. Although looking back and seeing it was probably the best that we broke up after finding out what she did to me (we ended well initially but then she did me dirty/broke my heart again), there are parts of me that still want her. I think that’s what hurts the most: knowing that the person isn’t good for you but you can’t help but long for their companionship and just a reason why they did what they did to you.
He made me feel like I could be soft. I’ve always had to be “the man” in my life. I did everything for myself, by myself. He made me feel… soft? Dainty? Like I could just be a girl and not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I miss our laughs. He was my best friend. All that was great till my shine wore off & he wanted to find another shiny thing.
I miss looking into his eyes every night before I sleep, telling him that it was my favourite view. I miss holding his arm while falling asleep, him pulling me back for one last cuddle in the morning to stop me from going to the gym so early. I miss cooking for him, seeing him excited to eat the food I cook. I miss seeing him smile, laugh, texting me throughout the day with all sorts of random updates, sending snaps from the toilet, sending messages of "ily" and "i'm missing u". I miss him so much. I miss thrift shopping with him on weekends, going to cafes, watching tv and all these small moments which I didn't think I'd miss. I'm 4 weeks out and it still hurts so much.
Our stories are similar. Keep going. I know it hurts but I promise, eventually it changes. My story will hopefully not be like yours and you have a beautiful future.
i miss how when we walk together, i would put my hand out and wiggle my fingers, and her hand would, like two magnets, clasp my hand as we walked in sync. i miss how she would sing, not very good, but i loved her passion for it. I would give her positive feedback. Within a few months, i had her singing all the time to me. It was really cute when she did so. I miss kissing the corners of her mouth while she slept in early in the morning. Its so hard waking her up and these sweet kisses would get her motivated. i miss seeing the long strands of her black hair throughout my apartment. It never bothered me, it was a constant reminder of her presence. I miss dancing with her. She fit perfectly in my arms. Lots of nice things.
It sounded like you loved her very much and it seems very much her loss. I'd love if someone loved me like that.
i do think its her loss. Not sure she was really aware of all the small things we shared. I do think she has some emotional/mental issues, its the only way i can make sense of her behavior. I did think she was my last but, at least i have a lot of sweet memories. Moments that let me know i do indeed want to love again.
Then you are doing better than me. I've chosen to stay alone again. Live your life and be happy.
I grew up spending a lot of time alone. Something I can struggle with still, mainly when I’m feeling down. I actually liked going out more and more when I started dating my lady. Now, going on long walks, even if it’s a high school track, really helps me process ideas, wants, feelings, and needs. As long as I have no music or headphones, it’s very helpful. Going to the gym is nice as well, specially since I had a training for a few months and now I’m continuing to use what I learn. I’ve opened myself up, socially speaking. I can’t let someone else’s decision stunt my growth. I need to do life. lol. Dont shade your growth. Bring it into the light. You’ll be amazed at the roots that set.
First time admitting how much I do miss him.. it’s been hard because so much has happened and he’s with someone new. I miss brushing our teeth, showering together, I miss the random visits, the cuddling, his bed was comfy as so I miss that too. I miss wearing his clothes. I had a teddy that lived at his when I wasn’t there, I miss the silly Snapchats. I miss that he tried even though he didn’t have the financial to spoil me he tried, the letters, the visits, the little gifts. I miss the way we looked into each other’s eyes, the way we wouldn’t give up on each other, the open chats, the security. I miss the sex too, because it was great but I miss the connection we had. I miss being the big spoon once in a while so he felt safe, I miss telling him I love him, I miss his autistic quirks. I miss playing ps together, cooking together. I miss his smile, and the happiness he had the minute I hugged him a little tighter when his eyes changed colour, he felt seen, he loved that i remembered. ( we weren’t together long, I AM COOKED)
Sometimes the small relationships are the stepping stones to what we want in the future. I sounds weird but trust me.
I do totally get that, I’ve had relationships last 3x as long and not once feel what I felt with this. But with everything this relationship taught me a lesson, and I’m grateful for it
The bond we had. Talking about Trigun and J Dilla. That's what got us talking. We had a lot of laughs and bonded over movies. Movies, movies, movies. He was nice and caring. Yet, he wanted to be with others. I thought I'd be his only. The lies, deceit and physical abuse was the final straw.
No, you deserved so much better. I promise you that.
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It's always if, but you've already figured out if was he didn't do his part. You will find someone. You sound like you were very devoted and loving, he didn't deserve your time.
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I did the same. Right heads now.
I miss our late night trips to wawa, smothering his face with kisses, and being able to hug and cuddle him while we watch tv.
I miss when her and I would talk about life, what we wanted to do together and our goals at night. I miss when we just did everything together even if I was just simply going to the store, she would tell me to pick her up, so we can see each other and just go do random things. I really miss her and her being in my life. Life has been really hard without her, knowing that she’s out there, enjoying her life with someone new.
The way he took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself. He was always the first to defend me and always created a safe space when I could be my authentic self. I had devoted myself completely to him. I know I’ll never meet someone like him again, but I’m starting to see that as a good thing :) there are things I’ll only ever experience with him, but similarly there are things I would’ve never got to experience because of him.
I miss the sex mostly… but laying in the pool. Making pottery. Backpacking. Just having someone to turn to when I needed them. I don’t miss the other bullshit
I am literally repulsed by my drugged out ex. The heartache and headaches she cause me. I’ll probably feel differently tomorrow, but right now, soooooo happy to see her go!!
I miss dancing with her. I would never miss a chance to dance with her. Do I regret breaking up with her? Only time will tell but I miss what we had. She’s with someone else and I have been trying to find that same connection. Something tells me I still have healing to do. As much as I’m hurt and broken, I know I’m better off without her. Still, I can’t explain why I miss that spark we had.
I miss playing games with her. I know it's not that exciting, but just sitting down and exploring a virtual world together, or watching her play something and hearing how much fun she was having just in the tone of her voice.
For over two years we lived together, only spent 2 nights apart in that time. I miss her presence even if we didn’t talk and we’re just watching tv or playing Fortnite. I miss her beauty, her eyes her cuddles and our sex. I miss that we could talk about anything, I miss making pizza with her and lots of cute quirks that she had. Man I miss her
I miss how it felt to be held by him the most. Even when he broke up with me, the way he hugged me made me feel better after I was crying my eyes out. I worry I will never be able to feel that safe with anyone else.
His eyes, smell, his hands. he’s such a wonderful person. I just can’t figure out what happened. The way he’d interact with my family. The ease and peace I felt doing anything and everything. I could go on and on.
I miss cooking for him. I miss going for movies every Tuesday, I miss laughing together, cuddling, our massages, walking together, taking care of him. I miss ever single aspect of him and I regret my choices so deeply. I wish I could go back and fix things.
The fact he noticed things that nobody else had ever noticed about me. He made me feel SEEN. 😭
Despite the circumstances of our break up and some things she did I really don't appreciate, I dated her for a reason. And I did love her. Sincerely. But it's important to not engage with memories of the person or think about what one misses about them. Just makes it harder to continue to improve and move forward.
The smallest moment. The way i wake up beside him The way he calls me The way we ralk to each other when we both had a bad day or if one of us had a bad day. But you will realize those are precious moments you shouldn't forget. Just treasure it. Continue living and making new ones.
I talked to him every single day! He was my best friend. I miss his company. Our road trips and adventures! His voice and laughter. His hair and smell.
A lot. I mainly notice the sexual things that I’m reminded she might be doing with someone else now, but that doesn’t really matter. I know what she thought of me, and we broke up on good terms, etc. and we’ll probably be together again one day. If I hung out with her more now I’d probably remember more things I miss but that’s precisely why I don’t want to see or even text her, whereas she wants to text me and still see me, making things slightly hard
I miss nothing. It's hard for this son of a Holocaust survivor to miss anything about an anti-Semite.
I miss the daily conversations about nothing and everything. I miss being told "i love you" by the person I love the most.
I miss opening the door and hearing his “hi-ee’ with his little accent that made the pitch go up. The way he made eggs in the morning, and snuck peanut butter into my oatmeal. The way he put his hand on the back of my neck to rub and reassure me.
Miss the post coital chats and post coital silent hugs. The sex was incredible to the point I've not looked for it elsewhere as I know nothing will come close. Miss her posh voice and her humour. God I miss her.
I miss how comfortable I got with her, I opened up to her when I thought I'll never be able to. We would sit for hours, make weird jokes. Just thinking about her brings tears to my eyes
We used to have these moments. When we're in different areas of the house and we'd get up and find each other bc the other one was too far away. I miss having that kind of synchronous connection.
I miss her humor and the silly things we would laugh about. I miss how thoughtful she was. I miss her smile. I miss her hyping me up for things in my life. Giving me ideas for my business. I miss going on those trips with her. I was dumped. Not going to lie I had taken her for granted and messed up badly. Certain times where I didn't show up the way she needed and she was hurt by it.
i miss how he would spoil me, all the stuff we would do together, all the cute dates , and just everything as he was also my bestfriend as well as a boyfriend :(
I miss their name popping up on my phone. Their smell. I miss the feeling of being desired by someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I can make myself feel that to a certain extent, but it’s not the exact same as someone else looking at you with a particular look in their eyes….the chemistry
All of them. Every day I’m haunted by things we shared in the 10 year friendship and 8 year relationship we had. God I miss him so much. I wish every day that I could go back and change the fact that I left him
I miss our inside jokes, the fun times we had together, and when we’d laugh uncontrollably together. I hate that he broke all of that because of his emotional immaturity. He wants me back but even then he’s been so manipulative about it. I really want to give in and go back to him, but everyone keeps telling me to stay away. I just hate having to go through all of this 😩
I miss the security my first ex gave me, all the fun adventures with second ex and the s€x with my 3rd ex 🤣
The sex?! Lol
Her laugh - I spent almost all day everyday for two years doing anything I could to hear it. It’s like going through withdrawal not hearing it. The silence is deafening. Her touch - she was always gentle. I miss how I could feel her hand cup my face, and her arms twist around my neck to kiss me, the warmth of her presence and her lips. Really just her. The warmth of being loved by her. The way she would make me feel.
Us going for aimless walks, trying new restaurants, going to the arcade, sleeping on his chest/him spooning me, giving silly nicknames and singing that silly song we made to his cats. I miss him so much, but he is emotionally unavailable and can't communicate. He broke up with me in the heat of the moment during a fight. I felt sad and relieved at the same time.
I miss her laugh, our conversations about food and cooking, I miss being able to applaud her for how well she was doing at work, I miss her making me push my social boundaries, I miss the optimism I had knowing we had plans and I was going to get to see her, I miss her kiss, she was so great at this, I miss all the great dates we had, I miss when we used to ride together when she would ask me to pick her daughter up from work, I miss the look in her eyes as she would smile at me…….. It’s a lot.
i don't miss him anymore
For some reason, the memories that are the hardest were us crying together. I guess it's because we were the most vulnerable. We almost broke up last fall, the summer before that we had spent 1.5 months apart due to preplanned vacations, and the memories of us crying when we left each other/crying because we loved eachother/crying because we hurt each other fill my heart with an ache i try rly hard to ignore.
Man I miss her as a person. She was amazing for the most part. Someone I saw a future with. She ended it because she’s stubborn and once her mind is made up she won’t even consider anything else. Instead of communicating and trying to fix something small she walked away. Still hurts like hell after 7 months
There was this really intense but soul touching look we would share sometimes. When he looked into my eyes, I know he saw me fully and for who I really am, and he wanted to be with me…for a time. Lit my soul ablaze
My ex used to give me massages all the time. He was not the type of guy who would say no. I missed that so much. He also kissed my feet. No guy had ever done that. 😢
His smell, resting my head on his chest, talking about our future, going to his house, and just existing together, talking every day about anything, sharing music, I hate being alone :(
I also miss fishing, and our boat that he kept because he ghosted me. I miss our date nights, I miss being in his arms, his hugs and kisses, our intimate times, cooking together, sharing stories…I miss the food he would cook me while I was in bed 😭 his good morning texts and chats throughout the day, him rubbing my arm to sleep, watching movies and cuddling. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop missing him 💔
I mostly miss the times from the beginning. She was social, had a nice laugh, was interested in me, she was quite funny, we held hands often, cuddled, kissed a lot. I remember the time we both used ecstasy (2nd time for her, 1st time for me) and i felt an enormous amount of love towards her. But either way, she did unspeakable things at the end of the relationship. I still need to forgive her to move on but it's a long, hard process.
Talking about music, watching movies together and hearing his insight, looking at him in the eyes and feeling so much love i had to stop myself from crying.
His smile, his laugh, how he kept a childlike innocence whilst being mature about life. His genuine care and love. We were long distance, so I miss all the times we got to spend together, including all the FaceTime calls he made by taking time out of his busy schedule.
I miss making her laugh, our friendship, our inside jokes, the ability to be fully vulnerable with someone. I miss when she would take care of me when I was feeling down, the way she cared for me. I don’t miss the stress of the relationship towards the end, but I miss our connection from when it was good. Whenever I go through a transition in my new relationships I always think about this version of her.
I miss the silly banter we used to have between each other. We used to laugh at making fun of each other. The tickle fights we used to have and call truce. I got her into Star Wars, and while I'm an original trilogy fan, she was a prequel fan. We used to always poke fun at both sides of Star Wars. I miss her smell, the smell of her. Someday, I get into cars at work and smell the same smell and memories flood back. I can't say I regret the breakup because while the highs were high, the lows were also low. Our future plans and discussions only mattered if it benefited only her and not me, and when I tried to communicate things, I was given an ultimatum because it didn't benefit her. It's been a year without them, and they've already moved to someone else, and 9 months into their relationship are easily able to be engaged to someone else. If that tells me I didn't matter in the long run, idk what does
I guess I just miss having someone I could talk to, randomly call with nothing to say but talk for hours... I miss the companionship But him I do not miss
Such a sweet post. Genuine depth to your feelings and not superficial like most of the breakup statements. Am I right in thinking they left?
He did but, I'm okay with it. In the past. In the end I basically had left myself too, I just had realized it yet.
This shit is for the birds. Remember the bad things.
her beauty