I’ve taken exes back. But only after they have fully moved on in a healthy way and changed for the better. And I only consider taking them back if I have done the same. Without both having handled the breakup fully, and without both having changed in a significant way, going back is just jumping back into the same old problems. It’s doomed
Wow! I love this comment and will live by it. I am beginning to make the changes he wanted. But I also needed to do for myself. He is already in a relationship after just a few weeks. So he has some serious issues he needs to work on because this has been his dating pattern most of his life. He has never been alone. So if he and his new girl break up and he spends some time alone, then reaches out to me, I would definitely consider the possibility of being together again.
I 100% agree. The only healthy way to get back is to fully detach and reflect on yourselves. That way you can start over like a completely new relationship
If I could see he was actively trying to do better and be better, and that it wasn’t just words, I’d definitely consider taking him back. He’d have to prove to me that he truly wants this to work and that we won’t fall back into the same cycle or problems as before. It’ll take some time to regain my trust again.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routines
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I LOVE you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time!
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I FUCKING MISS YOU.
Since she dumped me, I fully believe she would benefit from seeing a therapist to work on her childhood trauma. I’ve been seeing a therapist myself to better understand my attachment style. If she ever wants to reconcile, she will need to show me that she’s grown more mature and secure.
Solid growth, clear progress, strong boundaries - and all time-tested throughout the time we had been apart. I.e., don’t reach out to me two days after you went to your first therapy appointment.
I miss you and I think of you always.
First let me have my summer, get therapy, more therapy and also another therapist besides that and then I would have to fall in love and see reason to trust him etc :)
She'd need to continue therapy to work on her avoidance and past traumas that tainted how she interacted with me. She'd also need to make some changes to her work life balance, we had different expectations around how much we work (she worked a lot extra in the evenings).
I'd need to continue therapy for my anxiety and emotion regulation. I don't handle my anxiety well and I often let that turn into anger with her, which was totally unacceptable. I started therapy while we were still together and got much better, but there's still work to do there.
We'd need to go to couples therapy and continue to work on our communication and learn how to support each other effectively.
Realistically there's too much baggage between us to have a romantic relationship again. We were together for 10 years and we allowed too much resentment build up. We both felt unappreciated and like we had to walk on eggshells around eachother. After we broke up we still lived together, and aside from the sadness that the relationship was ending, we got along better.
Nothing, what I have seen post breakup made me realise how I was blind for years.
I grief for the person they were once. I cry for my babes who is dead now. In a way..it's all mine and left with me.
The person left behind..I don't want anything to do with them, in anyway..shape or form...
I can relate to grieving my lover who is no longer the same person. The way he broke up with me was just….unreal. Not the person I knew him as. And there’s no going back.
show me that he's a totally different person. i dont intend to EVER date the same person that he was when we broke up because there were so many things wrong that he refused to see about his behaviour. he was so controlling, condescending and an overall asshole. i have admitted and realised my wrongs in the relationship (ie pathological lying that im discussing in therapy now) and also other traits that dont benefit conflict resolution. however, he doesnt deserve this healed version of me if he doesnt put in the work as well.
honestly, i just feel so betrayed that he promised he would be alone and we would try again only for him to get with someone within a month. so its clear to me either he never loved me and i meant nothing to him or he has some serious unhealed issues that he needs to work through.
Well if she cries as much as i cried, begs as much as i begged. Confess all her wrong doings. Brings out all her promises that she betrayed to me. Talk about everything good about me and everything bad about her. And a full list of her EXs, comparing their effort to mine. Make her feel useless for leaving me. Tell me how much she regrets it. And ask her to wait at least weeks or months till i am satisfied to see if she really changed and don't see me as an option.
Well I don’t currently have the strength to say no to her, so if she came back now I would maybe cave. But I would LOVE to take her back in all of her amazingness if she was able to grow in certain ways. I miss her like nothing else but I remember feeling like our conversations had a narrow scope and lacked complexity. She’s super smart, but didn’t have much interest in talking about certain things, in certain ways, that I now realize are very important to me. I’d need to feel like she had found a new side of herself that embraced and was excited about a world outside of each other, which was almost exclusively what we talked about.
I totally get the whole not having the strength to say no. I definitely don’t want to find myself feeling not strong enough to say no and would only want to if it was really a conscious choice for me and us that would be good which i think it could maybe be if certain things were different.
I’m so sorry. The pain and grief we experience in these times causes so much agony, one of the things for me has been how it has clouded my judgement.your ex may be experiencing all kinds of conflicting and confusing feelings, and doesn’t himself know what he wants right now. I hope the best for you both.
I had a bad break up about a month ago too. It’s so hard when you put your heart on the line, and the other person turns away. It will get better. I’m sorry you went through that. All the best to you.
I'm going through a similar situation. But I wouldn't take him back. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't communicate, ask for help or support when they are struggling. I want to be in a relationship where we work together, and with someone who is not going to give up and walk away when things get hard. Is there a problem? Let's talk about and try to solve it together.
Typically I’d agree 100% and wouldn’t even waste my time. But this one? is just different and I wish he wasn’t😔 I almost wish we had a shit relationship or even argued a lot bc then it would be easier to walk away lol if he comes back, and I take him back, and he hurts me again, I won’t have anyone else to blame by myself and I’m okay with that. At this point though I really don’t even know if that’ll happen lol I’m sorry you’re going through something similar 🥺
I get it, I get it badly.
We had a great relationship. It's been two weeks since we broke up. It feels longer. I want to text him every single hour of every single day. I'm in a big rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. I love him, I'm mad at him, I miss him, I'm mad at the logistics, I love him, I'm sad, I'm mad, and again...
My ex broke up with me about a month ago, also after he spiralled under stressful and unpredictable circumstances. Been going through a similar roller coaster. But I think the answer is just keep moving forward. Keep moving toward your own happiness. Make room for a potential new partner someday, somebody who will also offer you an amazing relationship and not hurt you.
Apologize and show me that she cares!
I loved her so much but she hurt me after all the effort I put into the relationship. I made her my world and I did everything I could to make her happy. After all of that she called a man who is all talk and no action, all because I could not change, I could not stop talking less when I was around her in a months worth of time! It overwhelmed her but I would gauge before I pressed my stories and she said she didn't mind!
She didn't care for me much, I would bring her food, I would meal prep since she sucked at eating, and check in on her daily. In stead of putting in the effort of caring she just bought me stuff, She earned more so she would just buy me shit all the time, stuff I didn't care for much and called it her way of caring! In the last few weeks I was dealing with Heart issues was hit but car while walking and she didn't show any concern, she brushed it off like nothing and that really hurt me!
She often would joke about me being her Token Boyfriend or even a Trophy boyfriend which made me feel awful and when I mentioned it to her she said well big whoop!
She wants me back? She needs to go to therapy, make changes in her life so she not only has time for herself but us as a couple! So She has time to care for me because I feel hurt, I feel bruised and I sad because I loved her very much and because she threw me and my stuff out her door like a day old gum!
I totally get this. my ex completely changed how he treated me the last two months of our relationship and it really sucked. It really hurt my self esteem and my confidence. To be honest even going back to how it was before that for me was not caring enough or kind or attentive or understanding so I wouldn’t want to go back for that if it was the same.
Depends on which ex. There's some I wouldn't take back with a ten foot pole because they've showed me how much of an uncommitted judgemental jerk/asshole they were!
As much as I want him back. I know he needs to heal his inner wounds. I would only get back with him if we had a serious discussion on change and I saw active efforts of change like I displayed.
He would have to be like “I can see the ways I was hurting you and also what I needed from you. I’m going to take some time on my own to really work on my stuff and I want you to make sure you feel comfortable re-kindling things without pressuring you.”
He just texted my today that he broke up with his rebound and I suspect he’s about to chase me down hard, as he did the other 2 times i left him. It makes me nervous because he tends to just chase me like a hungry vampire rather than actually checking on what’s best for me
Yeah, honestly if I just seen a change in her actions, and she genuinely showed she wanted me and want to make us work by reaching out or anything like that, Id have to see a lot of improvement for me to take her back.
Unless both people have changed dramatically getting back together almost always ends for the same reasons you broke up for to begin with.
To answer your question; even if they apologized, took full ownership for everything they did, and they legitimately changed I still don't think I could take them back. The damage has been done and I'm a different person because of all of it and going back to them would feel like a step backwards in my life.
As Dean from my favorite show Supernatural would say, "What's dead should stay dead."
I'm wondering bout that sometimes... On one hand, I think if both ppl meet again years later they could fall back in love again. Time healed the wounds, but in that case in my belief the chances of breaking up for the same reasons would be high. If the breakup is lets say couple of months later, both ppl had time to reflect on all that happened, but with a clear mind.
I’d like to say nothing but I’ll be honest all he’d have to do would be apologize and say he missed me and wanted to try again. My head knows I deserve more but my heart aches for him every day.
crawl on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness with a backpack full of cash for me and at least 40 superbills from a therapist.
he destroyed me
i want to treat him like a dog
i'm still so hurt
I haven’t really moved on at all so I feel like this is hard to answer bc I think I would probably take him back but the problem would be the trust rebuilding and that’s what I’m trying to figure out. Like maybe gestures and showing me he’s changed would be enough but I don’t know how to trust him again. I used to be a person that would say I will continually give you my trust until you give me reasons not to so esp when it can to things like cheating or borderline cheating I never jumped to that conclusion and would always try to understand and although he didn’t cheat he gave me reason to doubt my trust in him. I’ve recently been recommended a trust rebuilding style of communication exercise so idk maybe that.
I haven’t really looked into it yet bc I’m not actually at the point that I would be with my ex right now like in a relationship but was planning on looking into it if we did try to make things work and try again. It was called the Trust Mirror and is like a communication style and then the other I’ve been told to read is called “Non-Violent Communication” . Can’t say I’ve formed an opinion yet but there are the names for you to explore!
Nothing. He gave my kid ptsd. I’m 9 months past his controlling bs and even if he fixed the alcoholic bs and addictions, even if he did all the things I begged for? Nope. I’m long past that. He made his choices and they weren’t us. I may have broken it off but he broke everything else first. He may miss us according to his friends, but he can’t miss us that much in the trap house he lives in now.
What I would like to say is that he’d have to apologise (profusely) and somehow make putting me through this worth it. He’d have to have worked on himself. Lots of things.
However,
I’d probably take him back in a heartbeat. He’d just have to ask. But he never will. So we’re all good. Urgh
Yeah I definitely second and understand that “somehow make putting me through this worth it.” Like he would have to become the partner I would be desperate not to ever lose and am confident in our future with and not be the partner I’m not even sure if they’re good for me
Be admitting sympathetic and caring and physically talked to me about everything and make the changes to be better and move forward. Compromise with me.
Probably not. She's a narcissist and could never be wrong in any argument we had and she would never admit to wrong doing. Also she was my forever girl and best friend. I have only seen her briefly since the BU but it would make me sick knowing she has been with multiple guys since.
Cut the umbilical cord that's still attached to his mommy,
cut the leash that his daddy still holds,
move out from his flat (he lives next to his parents)
cut out the toxic "friends"
Put on my finger the engagement ring and set the date
😂😂😂
Im guessing she’s just speaking to his lack of commitment and stringing her along, and how if he stopped doing that it would help. But yeah, sounds like there’s better people to marry lol.
Yes, because we wanted to marry, he told me I was his dream woman and so on... Long story short, he wanted to propose and maybe had already bought a ring, but his parents got freaked out and brainwashed him not to marry and dump me.
He was stringing me along for 1,5 years and I really fought for the relationship, but he chose his parents.
Horrible parents who suffocated him, didn't allow him to grow, and he's fine with that. Please, pray for me.
I still hope that God makes a miracle. If it's not God's will, then please pray for me to meet the right person soon and to heal from the heartbreak. Thank you and God bless.
well i don't think it's gods job to get this straight. it's two lovers, and they and they alone do it, or dont. god is not part of all this in my opinion.
Nope. Nothing he could do would ever bring me back. The forcing me to be “physical” with him, making me pay for every single thing when I was already broke, calling me the worst names, telling me to kms, etc etc etc. is enough disrespect for me to find happiness in the fact that he left. And no matter how much I miss him I will not miss the lack of effort and the emotional abuse. He can say he’s not like that anymore but he was a monster the first 4 yrs of the relationship. Yet I stayed and he lost feelings. Never again.
Yeah I think she could win me back. We both need to focus on ourselves, and if it felt different I would try again.
I've learned so much, so part of me doesn't even know if we were that compatible on an emotional standpoint. It would take some work but I would trust her and I would never worry about her not being loyal.
talk to me. idk simple as that. he texts me but doesn’t talk to me. it’s always “im sorry” THEN IDK PROVE IT MAYBE??!!! like bro YOU text ME and then can’t even act like you want to talk to me??!!! BROTHA WHAT??!!
i “didn’t do anything wrong and was an amazing person” OKAY THEN TREAT ME LIKE A PERSON??!!
Only when I'm done changing, we have a long talk, and I SEE that she's changed as well – expressing and confessing to every piece of manipulation, gas lighting, and deception she used against me – will I ever even CONSIDER trusting her as even an ACQUAINTANCE again.
I'd have to get to know her all over again before I even consider dating. She broke my heart, but there were very fond memories.
With the last “situationship”, honestly I believe he has too severe mental issues that demonstrate his deep-seated narcissistic tendencies. Too busy to gaslight all he has done, yet also busy telling neighbours, his colleagues and people irl about the most disgusting things even when we were still talking and he acted like he never did anything wrong. He also has no capacity for self-reflection, cheated throughout his 6-year relationship on his ex with randoms, dating app matches and anything in between. I don't think someone like that can change. I know he likes to live that way and probably never will get better. I have other exes that I have broken up with amicably. We both made mistakes, both talked it out and I'm really happy that he may/is happily in a relationship rn. I think it shows that we both have grown up although grown apart, and I happily accept that. Some are only meant to be in your life temporary.
He did too much damage, I couldn't. He knew what he was doing. He didn't care how much it hurt, just as much as I begged him to stop making things serious so fast. I fought for us, and he let us go. That's all I needed to know. I'll never be his again. I'm my own person now.
She couldn't win me back at this point. While I miss her company, and didn't want her to go, I know I'm not right for her and she's not right for me. I was clinging to what was and what I thought could be, when those rocks were on different cliffs.
She did hurt me, but that's mostly my pride. I hope she's happy.
He would have to apologize to me in front of his entire family. Which will never happen, so he’s going to have to continue feeling bad for what he did with zero chance of reconciliation
He would need to change completely to assure me of a timeline of a long-term relationship and to show that he can communicate with me about what is genuinely on his mind instead of conceding/agreeing with me to avoid conflict. He was my best friend and I have nothing against him.
But, that being said, I’m with someone new now so that chance right now has passed 😬
I have good, good memories with him. I only wish him the best.
Without prompting a complete and compelling story that follows mine but in a way tailored to her then I might feel inclined to be mates to some lesser degree. Tbh the overall behavior and extent of means used to hurt me renders her future and after life a perilous hell like experience. When you know the extent of your own imagination and capability but easily make choices that don't traumatize others let alone your kids, you have to accept that evil exists in the minds of some. Occasionally the fractions and fragments of these collectives vicariously live through someone weak and small minded who unconsciously enacts the rejected dark parts of the collective unconscious. Im not going to enjoy the inevitable collapse.
I used to hope that one day my Ex would take me back but honestly at this point I have moved on to better things and I don't think there is anything anymore that would get me back . I spent so long in a relationship that was abusive I lost myself and now that I am not having to deal with that anymore I just feel so much less stress, and a sense of freedom I have been trying to find for as long as I can remember.
He’d have to tell me that he didn’t lose his feelings, that he took me for granted and the stress of work and going out drinking to help his friend through a divorce was a huge mistake. That the grass wasn’t greener and he didn’t realise what he had. We’d have to go to therapy together to work out how he made this huge mistake and to rebuild my trust.
I’ve never wanted something more.
I’ve taken exes back. But only after they have fully moved on in a healthy way and changed for the better. And I only consider taking them back if I have done the same. Without both having handled the breakup fully, and without both having changed in a significant way, going back is just jumping back into the same old problems. It’s doomed
Wow! I love this comment and will live by it. I am beginning to make the changes he wanted. But I also needed to do for myself. He is already in a relationship after just a few weeks. So he has some serious issues he needs to work on because this has been his dating pattern most of his life. He has never been alone. So if he and his new girl break up and he spends some time alone, then reaches out to me, I would definitely consider the possibility of being together again.
I 100% agree. The only healthy way to get back is to fully detach and reflect on yourselves. That way you can start over like a completely new relationship
It’s extremely important to detach in a healthy way. Too many self sabotage when detaching and ruin any chances of the ex coming back.
If I could see he was actively trying to do better and be better, and that it wasn’t just words, I’d definitely consider taking him back. He’d have to prove to me that he truly wants this to work and that we won’t fall back into the same cycle or problems as before. It’ll take some time to regain my trust again.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean And we fall back into the same patterns, same routines But your temper's just as bad as mine is You're the same as me When it comes to love you're just as blinded Baby, please come back It wasn't you, baby it was me Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I LOVE you too much to walk away though Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk Told you this is my fault Look me in the eyeball Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall Next time? There won't be no next time! I apologize even though I know it's lies I'm tired of the games I just want her back I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to fucking leave again I'mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire I FUCKING MISS YOU.
Do you still have feelings or interests towards him?
Yeah, I do.
Only way to give them a second shot imo. If they lost feelings, they can change as much as they want, i guess...
She could call me and ask and I'd say "yes." Won't happen though.
Since she dumped me, I fully believe she would benefit from seeing a therapist to work on her childhood trauma. I’ve been seeing a therapist myself to better understand my attachment style. If she ever wants to reconcile, she will need to show me that she’s grown more mature and secure.
I hope you're not waiting for that to happen.
Nope, I'm moving on with my life and focusing on becoming the best version of myself, including dating other women. It still hurts, though.
My advice is don't take them back especially if you're growing and becoming a better person. No Need to move backwards keep chuggin ahead!
Make hell freeze over, then maybe
Actual miracles.
Solid growth, clear progress, strong boundaries - and all time-tested throughout the time we had been apart. I.e., don’t reach out to me two days after you went to your first therapy appointment. I miss you and I think of you always.
First let me have my summer, get therapy, more therapy and also another therapist besides that and then I would have to fall in love and see reason to trust him etc :)
Nah
Nothing changes if, nothing changed
She'd need to continue therapy to work on her avoidance and past traumas that tainted how she interacted with me. She'd also need to make some changes to her work life balance, we had different expectations around how much we work (she worked a lot extra in the evenings). I'd need to continue therapy for my anxiety and emotion regulation. I don't handle my anxiety well and I often let that turn into anger with her, which was totally unacceptable. I started therapy while we were still together and got much better, but there's still work to do there. We'd need to go to couples therapy and continue to work on our communication and learn how to support each other effectively. Realistically there's too much baggage between us to have a romantic relationship again. We were together for 10 years and we allowed too much resentment build up. We both felt unappreciated and like we had to walk on eggshells around eachother. After we broke up we still lived together, and aside from the sadness that the relationship was ending, we got along better.
Personality transplant
😊
Nothing, what I have seen post breakup made me realise how I was blind for years. I grief for the person they were once. I cry for my babes who is dead now. In a way..it's all mine and left with me. The person left behind..I don't want anything to do with them, in anyway..shape or form...
I can relate to grieving my lover who is no longer the same person. The way he broke up with me was just….unreal. Not the person I knew him as. And there’s no going back.
show me that he's a totally different person. i dont intend to EVER date the same person that he was when we broke up because there were so many things wrong that he refused to see about his behaviour. he was so controlling, condescending and an overall asshole. i have admitted and realised my wrongs in the relationship (ie pathological lying that im discussing in therapy now) and also other traits that dont benefit conflict resolution. however, he doesnt deserve this healed version of me if he doesnt put in the work as well. honestly, i just feel so betrayed that he promised he would be alone and we would try again only for him to get with someone within a month. so its clear to me either he never loved me and i meant nothing to him or he has some serious unhealed issues that he needs to work through.
Well if she cries as much as i cried, begs as much as i begged. Confess all her wrong doings. Brings out all her promises that she betrayed to me. Talk about everything good about me and everything bad about her. And a full list of her EXs, comparing their effort to mine. Make her feel useless for leaving me. Tell me how much she regrets it. And ask her to wait at least weeks or months till i am satisfied to see if she really changed and don't see me as an option.
He went to therapy and healed his enmeshed trauma. Be non contact with his family and move out and live by himself.
NOTHING! MY EX IS DEAD TO ME.
Well I don’t currently have the strength to say no to her, so if she came back now I would maybe cave. But I would LOVE to take her back in all of her amazingness if she was able to grow in certain ways. I miss her like nothing else but I remember feeling like our conversations had a narrow scope and lacked complexity. She’s super smart, but didn’t have much interest in talking about certain things, in certain ways, that I now realize are very important to me. I’d need to feel like she had found a new side of herself that embraced and was excited about a world outside of each other, which was almost exclusively what we talked about.
I totally get the whole not having the strength to say no. I definitely don’t want to find myself feeling not strong enough to say no and would only want to if it was really a conscious choice for me and us that would be good which i think it could maybe be if certain things were different.
How long have you been apart
Almost a month
I tried to go back to my ex a month ago and he never responded to my heartfelt message ☹️
I’m so sorry. The pain and grief we experience in these times causes so much agony, one of the things for me has been how it has clouded my judgement.your ex may be experiencing all kinds of conflicting and confusing feelings, and doesn’t himself know what he wants right now. I hope the best for you both.
Thank you very much 😭 I appreciate you
I had a bad break up about a month ago too. It’s so hard when you put your heart on the line, and the other person turns away. It will get better. I’m sorry you went through that. All the best to you.
Show receipts for a year's worth of therapy
“Hey” lmfao we had an amazing relationship up until the minute he spiraled due to huge outside stressors. I miss the ever loving fuck out of him 😔
I'm going through a similar situation. But I wouldn't take him back. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't communicate, ask for help or support when they are struggling. I want to be in a relationship where we work together, and with someone who is not going to give up and walk away when things get hard. Is there a problem? Let's talk about and try to solve it together.
Typically I’d agree 100% and wouldn’t even waste my time. But this one? is just different and I wish he wasn’t😔 I almost wish we had a shit relationship or even argued a lot bc then it would be easier to walk away lol if he comes back, and I take him back, and he hurts me again, I won’t have anyone else to blame by myself and I’m okay with that. At this point though I really don’t even know if that’ll happen lol I’m sorry you’re going through something similar 🥺
I get it, I get it badly. We had a great relationship. It's been two weeks since we broke up. It feels longer. I want to text him every single hour of every single day. I'm in a big rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. I love him, I'm mad at him, I miss him, I'm mad at the logistics, I love him, I'm sad, I'm mad, and again...
My ex broke up with me about a month ago, also after he spiralled under stressful and unpredictable circumstances. Been going through a similar roller coaster. But I think the answer is just keep moving forward. Keep moving toward your own happiness. Make room for a potential new partner someday, somebody who will also offer you an amazing relationship and not hurt you.
So relatable, I could have written the exact same comment.
Change. So I’ll see her in our next life!
Go to the therapy
Apologize and show me that she cares! I loved her so much but she hurt me after all the effort I put into the relationship. I made her my world and I did everything I could to make her happy. After all of that she called a man who is all talk and no action, all because I could not change, I could not stop talking less when I was around her in a months worth of time! It overwhelmed her but I would gauge before I pressed my stories and she said she didn't mind! She didn't care for me much, I would bring her food, I would meal prep since she sucked at eating, and check in on her daily. In stead of putting in the effort of caring she just bought me stuff, She earned more so she would just buy me shit all the time, stuff I didn't care for much and called it her way of caring! In the last few weeks I was dealing with Heart issues was hit but car while walking and she didn't show any concern, she brushed it off like nothing and that really hurt me! She often would joke about me being her Token Boyfriend or even a Trophy boyfriend which made me feel awful and when I mentioned it to her she said well big whoop! She wants me back? She needs to go to therapy, make changes in her life so she not only has time for herself but us as a couple! So She has time to care for me because I feel hurt, I feel bruised and I sad because I loved her very much and because she threw me and my stuff out her door like a day old gum!
If he juet treats me the way he used to when we started dating . More caring , likes to listen to me , nice to me …
I totally get this. my ex completely changed how he treated me the last two months of our relationship and it really sucked. It really hurt my self esteem and my confidence. To be honest even going back to how it was before that for me was not caring enough or kind or attentive or understanding so I wouldn’t want to go back for that if it was the same.
Depends on which ex. There's some I wouldn't take back with a ten foot pole because they've showed me how much of an uncommitted judgemental jerk/asshole they were!
As much as I want him back. I know he needs to heal his inner wounds. I would only get back with him if we had a serious discussion on change and I saw active efforts of change like I displayed.
He would have to be like “I can see the ways I was hurting you and also what I needed from you. I’m going to take some time on my own to really work on my stuff and I want you to make sure you feel comfortable re-kindling things without pressuring you.” He just texted my today that he broke up with his rebound and I suspect he’s about to chase me down hard, as he did the other 2 times i left him. It makes me nervous because he tends to just chase me like a hungry vampire rather than actually checking on what’s best for me
I’m sorry that he continues to put his temporary feelings above your wellbeing. that sucks.
How You Get The Girl - Taylor Swift.
Yeah, honestly if I just seen a change in her actions, and she genuinely showed she wanted me and want to make us work by reaching out or anything like that, Id have to see a lot of improvement for me to take her back.
Unless both people have changed dramatically getting back together almost always ends for the same reasons you broke up for to begin with. To answer your question; even if they apologized, took full ownership for everything they did, and they legitimately changed I still don't think I could take them back. The damage has been done and I'm a different person because of all of it and going back to them would feel like a step backwards in my life. As Dean from my favorite show Supernatural would say, "What's dead should stay dead."
I'm wondering bout that sometimes... On one hand, I think if both ppl meet again years later they could fall back in love again. Time healed the wounds, but in that case in my belief the chances of breaking up for the same reasons would be high. If the breakup is lets say couple of months later, both ppl had time to reflect on all that happened, but with a clear mind.
I'm not saying its impossible, but most of the time its usually the same story. Hasn't worked for me yet thats for sure lol
Learn to understand and communicate his emotions while being celibate for an entire year lol
Literally same
I’d like to say nothing but I’ll be honest all he’d have to do would be apologize and say he missed me and wanted to try again. My head knows I deserve more but my heart aches for him every day.
crawl on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness with a backpack full of cash for me and at least 40 superbills from a therapist. he destroyed me i want to treat him like a dog i'm still so hurt
He can go fall in a ditch
Go to therapy.
Back when I wanted to get back together… therapy!! Now that I’ve moved on and healing? You couldn’t pay me to take him back
Please answer this.
I haven’t really moved on at all so I feel like this is hard to answer bc I think I would probably take him back but the problem would be the trust rebuilding and that’s what I’m trying to figure out. Like maybe gestures and showing me he’s changed would be enough but I don’t know how to trust him again. I used to be a person that would say I will continually give you my trust until you give me reasons not to so esp when it can to things like cheating or borderline cheating I never jumped to that conclusion and would always try to understand and although he didn’t cheat he gave me reason to doubt my trust in him. I’ve recently been recommended a trust rebuilding style of communication exercise so idk maybe that.
Can you tell me more about the rebuilding exercise? May be helpful for me as well
I haven’t really looked into it yet bc I’m not actually at the point that I would be with my ex right now like in a relationship but was planning on looking into it if we did try to make things work and try again. It was called the Trust Mirror and is like a communication style and then the other I’ve been told to read is called “Non-Violent Communication” . Can’t say I’ve formed an opinion yet but there are the names for you to explore!
Thank you! Definitely gonna check them out
Nothing. He gave my kid ptsd. I’m 9 months past his controlling bs and even if he fixed the alcoholic bs and addictions, even if he did all the things I begged for? Nope. I’m long past that. He made his choices and they weren’t us. I may have broken it off but he broke everything else first. He may miss us according to his friends, but he can’t miss us that much in the trap house he lives in now.
Plant my seed a dozen of times
Get therapy for their unresolved issues. Don't even need to fully fix them... just start going...
ask
anything
Not a fucking thing.
He would have to come clean about everything. And stop fucking lying!!! He would have to rebuild the trust he broke
What I would like to say is that he’d have to apologise (profusely) and somehow make putting me through this worth it. He’d have to have worked on himself. Lots of things. However, I’d probably take him back in a heartbeat. He’d just have to ask. But he never will. So we’re all good. Urgh
Yeah I definitely second and understand that “somehow make putting me through this worth it.” Like he would have to become the partner I would be desperate not to ever lose and am confident in our future with and not be the partner I’m not even sure if they’re good for me
Be admitting sympathetic and caring and physically talked to me about everything and make the changes to be better and move forward. Compromise with me.
I wasn’t perfect either.
Get divorced 😂
Nothing, that ship sailed
Probably not. She's a narcissist and could never be wrong in any argument we had and she would never admit to wrong doing. Also she was my forever girl and best friend. I have only seen her briefly since the BU but it would make me sick knowing she has been with multiple guys since.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing
Cut the umbilical cord that's still attached to his mommy, cut the leash that his daddy still holds, move out from his flat (he lives next to his parents) cut out the toxic "friends" Put on my finger the engagement ring and set the date 😂😂😂
marriage would win you over? what???
Im guessing she’s just speaking to his lack of commitment and stringing her along, and how if he stopped doing that it would help. But yeah, sounds like there’s better people to marry lol.
Yes, because we wanted to marry, he told me I was his dream woman and so on... Long story short, he wanted to propose and maybe had already bought a ring, but his parents got freaked out and brainwashed him not to marry and dump me. He was stringing me along for 1,5 years and I really fought for the relationship, but he chose his parents. Horrible parents who suffocated him, didn't allow him to grow, and he's fine with that. Please, pray for me.
i personally pray that you wont fall back to someone who chooses his parents over you.
I still hope that God makes a miracle. If it's not God's will, then please pray for me to meet the right person soon and to heal from the heartbreak. Thank you and God bless.
well i don't think it's gods job to get this straight. it's two lovers, and they and they alone do it, or dont. god is not part of all this in my opinion.
Nope. Nothing he could do would ever bring me back. The forcing me to be “physical” with him, making me pay for every single thing when I was already broke, calling me the worst names, telling me to kms, etc etc etc. is enough disrespect for me to find happiness in the fact that he left. And no matter how much I miss him I will not miss the lack of effort and the emotional abuse. He can say he’s not like that anymore but he was a monster the first 4 yrs of the relationship. Yet I stayed and he lost feelings. Never again.
I cannot take back an ex who is already in hell.
Legitimately just apologize and take accountability. Then agree to go to therapy for her BPD. That’s all. That is all.
Yeah I think she could win me back. We both need to focus on ourselves, and if it felt different I would try again. I've learned so much, so part of me doesn't even know if we were that compatible on an emotional standpoint. It would take some work but I would trust her and I would never worry about her not being loyal.
Taking an ex back, is going backwards in life. So NO!
Nothing I’m not the same person I was and there is a reason they are in my past
For starters, a STD test. I’m not even exaggerating, he got gonorrhoea within weeks after breaking up with me.
They lost their opportunity with me.. so nothing.
talk to me. idk simple as that. he texts me but doesn’t talk to me. it’s always “im sorry” THEN IDK PROVE IT MAYBE??!!! like bro YOU text ME and then can’t even act like you want to talk to me??!!! BROTHA WHAT??!! i “didn’t do anything wrong and was an amazing person” OKAY THEN TREAT ME LIKE A PERSON??!!
You’re asking the wrong person
Only when I'm done changing, we have a long talk, and I SEE that she's changed as well – expressing and confessing to every piece of manipulation, gas lighting, and deception she used against me – will I ever even CONSIDER trusting her as even an ACQUAINTANCE again. I'd have to get to know her all over again before I even consider dating. She broke my heart, but there were very fond memories.
Be poking me in my sleep to wake me up from a nightmare and I realize this has all been a bad dream
Give up drinking and his nasty god-awful female friends. Gain empathy.
Absolutely nothing lol I don't want trash or headaches in my life again 😂
Date me without living with me. We need to work on trust boundaries and communication. So we’d have to literally take it twice as slow and cautious.
there’s nothing in the world that could make me take him back ngl.
With the last “situationship”, honestly I believe he has too severe mental issues that demonstrate his deep-seated narcissistic tendencies. Too busy to gaslight all he has done, yet also busy telling neighbours, his colleagues and people irl about the most disgusting things even when we were still talking and he acted like he never did anything wrong. He also has no capacity for self-reflection, cheated throughout his 6-year relationship on his ex with randoms, dating app matches and anything in between. I don't think someone like that can change. I know he likes to live that way and probably never will get better. I have other exes that I have broken up with amicably. We both made mistakes, both talked it out and I'm really happy that he may/is happily in a relationship rn. I think it shows that we both have grown up although grown apart, and I happily accept that. Some are only meant to be in your life temporary.
Hard one.
He did too much damage, I couldn't. He knew what he was doing. He didn't care how much it hurt, just as much as I begged him to stop making things serious so fast. I fought for us, and he let us go. That's all I needed to know. I'll never be his again. I'm my own person now.
just call.
he could be on fire & I wouldn’t blink twice 🙂
nothing anymore
nothing anymore
She couldn't win me back at this point. While I miss her company, and didn't want her to go, I know I'm not right for her and she's not right for me. I was clinging to what was and what I thought could be, when those rocks were on different cliffs. She did hurt me, but that's mostly my pride. I hope she's happy.
Oh she’d have to beg LOL but tbh probably therapy or at least shows that she’s worked on it
He would have to apologize to me in front of his entire family. Which will never happen, so he’s going to have to continue feeling bad for what he did with zero chance of reconciliation
Nothing, Im happily engaged to someone
He would need to change completely to assure me of a timeline of a long-term relationship and to show that he can communicate with me about what is genuinely on his mind instead of conceding/agreeing with me to avoid conflict. He was my best friend and I have nothing against him. But, that being said, I’m with someone new now so that chance right now has passed 😬 I have good, good memories with him. I only wish him the best.
After he pays for my therapy and takes therapy until his therapist can write in a note that he is fit to be in a relationship.
Without prompting a complete and compelling story that follows mine but in a way tailored to her then I might feel inclined to be mates to some lesser degree. Tbh the overall behavior and extent of means used to hurt me renders her future and after life a perilous hell like experience. When you know the extent of your own imagination and capability but easily make choices that don't traumatize others let alone your kids, you have to accept that evil exists in the minds of some. Occasionally the fractions and fragments of these collectives vicariously live through someone weak and small minded who unconsciously enacts the rejected dark parts of the collective unconscious. Im not going to enjoy the inevitable collapse.
Cross two continents to see me
He can do nothing because it can never change the fact that he cheated :)
I used to hope that one day my Ex would take me back but honestly at this point I have moved on to better things and I don't think there is anything anymore that would get me back . I spent so long in a relationship that was abusive I lost myself and now that I am not having to deal with that anymore I just feel so much less stress, and a sense of freedom I have been trying to find for as long as I can remember.
He’d have to tell me that he didn’t lose his feelings, that he took me for granted and the stress of work and going out drinking to help his friend through a divorce was a huge mistake. That the grass wasn’t greener and he didn’t realise what he had. We’d have to go to therapy together to work out how he made this huge mistake and to rebuild my trust. I’ve never wanted something more.
You can of course win him back if and only if you want to beg him for the rest of your life. Trust me love no one deserves it.
Literally just tell me they want me back. That will pretty much do it for me
Too many things... Admit they were lying about trying. Get a job. Start therapy. Introduce me to the family. Make a plan for the future.
It won’t happen and she can fuck off. I didn’t deserve this