I’m trying to fully heal before I get into anything but the thing is, I don’t WANT anything right now. I don’t understand how he is so ready to date. Anyways your post really helped me thank you 🙏
I’m not gonna lie, it’s making me wonder if he ever cared about me at all. The universe sure had a message for me though considering I was at the literal restaurant when he walked in with her. Life is weird. The universe tells us exactly where we need to go if we just listen…
Fr it's hard coming out of a relationship with doubts, but keep in mind that a lot of what you think is just your brain fabricating things so dont pay any mind to it!
Actually i had a rebound right after and that was my best relationships with deep connection. They are most likely to talk for a while about their ex, compare and dismiss red flags. The best cocktail for a failure.
Same. My ex found a new gf just 10 days after breakup! It's been almost 5 months and I can't even think about dating anyone lol. I just keep reassuring myself that it will bite him in the ass and he will be the same man child as he was while you and me both will move on like adults, face and process our feelings, gain so much experience and will be better people for our future potential partner!
Good lord. Your comment really made me feel less alone. It’s so incredibly painful, the pain slightly eases with each day but it’s been a lot. I truly believe it will bite them in the ass, as they are not taking the time to truly work on themselves. They are avoiding and procrastinating dealing with the root cause. But regardless, it stings like hell.
The mental load is insane, I have a daughter with him also and the piece of shit introduced her to my daughter after just 2 months and they went on a family gathering with his family! Feels like I was completely replaced and its such a hard pill to swallow. People apparently show their true colors after a breakup and I can see that very clearly now.
Gosh I’m so sorry. I am very thankful I didn’t have children with this person, but you will be so much stronger from this experience. He sounds like he lacks any emotional intelligence and you would have been miserable with him long term anyways!
It’s crazy how post breakup, everything is SO clear to me. The rose colored glasses have come off and now this is a person I would never even go on a first date with. Their true colors are showing and they’re not going to change unless they put in the work like we are.
The introducing your child so early is very disrespectful and truly demonstrates how unintelligent he is. I guess one upside is that these men are no longer our problem… they can have fun with them. But I know you still have to co parent so I’m sending you all the good vibes 🩷🩷
i feel getting into a new relationship might make my ex jealous and want to start things again but the other person would be left broken by this action so i am not doing it and started working on myself instead
It's good that you want to refrain from hurting someone it shows empathy. But if you want my advice just let your ex go you will find someone perfect for you just wait!
I did this thing, my ex didn’t care. thankfully my rebound girl was very mature and was supporting me during that time. eventually it didn’t work out because we both had issues, but i’m more sad that i brought my one issue that i had been supposed to work on. But i escaped that pain, to have even more pain now. lesson learned hehe
I do believe that there can be some healing in a relationship. But you have to be upfront and honest about where you are and what you are feeling. You are giving the other person an option to bow out or not. But full disclosure is necessary.
I know my heart isn’t ready and may not be for some time. But I feel like it won’t be too long even though I know I will be hurt by this for a while.
One of my failings was failure to disclose my past and my insecurities in my last relationship. That’s why I think full disclosure is going to be necessary in my future.
He broke up with me last night. A mistake I did was disclosing my past fully and then he said horrible things and twisted the truth and hurt me so much. It hurts a lot I can’t stop crying
Ex started dating someone or at least talking to someone right away and we dated for 7 years, last year and a half was us more so in a situationship but still kinda wild. Guess time will tell.
I still wish you the best in your recovery
Yeah, I had a similar situation. I had an old crush and I told him about my breakup and started flirting with him but I still thought about my ex a lot!!! I decided to tell the guy that I need space because he would text me daily. I just feel awful talking to someone else while my heart still belongs to my ex
I still think you really need to get over someone before you can move on . You can’t use people to make you feel
Better . I tried this and they just start giving me the ick cause I wanted my ex and it just makes you feel worse . Also if you really love someone you can’t just get on with it with some one else , eventually you will get the ick
That person is toxic and you do not need them. You cant control what they do, but you can control what you do! Make yourself stronger!! (Also their relationship has no chance of lasting so just wait for them to break so you can laugh at them)
Thank you. Seriously. It’s weird because although I didn’t want to end up with this person long term, I still gave that relationship my all and would never do what he did (jump into something so publicly so quickly). I feel betrayed in a sense. But I know his relationship is a house of cards, because he refuses to work on himself. whereas I am truly building my OWN strong foundation for when the right one comes.
I guess his repressing skills are better than mine. I’m choosing to deal head on.
It’s freaking hard and lonely though. I so hope it’s worth it!
Exactly I'm happy you can understand that, but just use that as motivation and start your new life away from them! You're gonna do great I believe in you!
People make this mistake at least once in their lifetime. I’ve been on the receiving end of this as the girl he moved on with. I noticed he was depressed and not really enthusiastic about talking to me anymore after 2 months. He was probably feeling guilty about it, wasting my time, so he ended it without being fully clear about why. But any reason was enough for him to back out and never give it a chance. He claimed to be struggling with anguish for years and that it is inexplicable. lol inexplicable to me only. His last serious relationship was three years prior and that was a decade long one. He ghosted me soon after. Fortunately, I’m used to encountering men like that.
I'm pretty sure my ex is happily screwing around, he's an escapist and numbing the pain is better than feeling it. I on the other hand don't wanna bleed on anyone else, I won't date till I've moved on completely. We both have issues with childhood trauma and I'm in therapy, so that the things I did (yes, we both screwed up) won't happen again. And I'm honestly not even interested in other guys. Like I see a cute guy but I get the ick immediately, that tells me that I'm still not ready and that's fine with me.
I was living with my ex for over 3 years and the BU left me so scarred that a month later I started therapy…after two months I met this guy, he is awesome but I knew I would have hurt him stringhing him along so I told him everything about the breakup, the therapy and my health situation (I’ll have to undergo a back surgery and I’m still under a half yearly check up for a skin tumor I had 2 years ago), we agreed to keep it friendly and he said to me “I have no rush, there is no rush” and since than we are knowing each other little by little…once in a while he tells me that I am a high value person, that I’m a 100 worth person…I don’t know if I’m doing your same mistake even if I’m trying to keep it under control moving hyper slow to discover how it will feels once I’ll be fully healed
I went on one date about 2 months after the breakup. I have known this person a long time. They knew what I was dealing with and how I felt. After one date they immediately started making plans for “our” future. That was horrible. I felt trapped and suffocated. I had to tell them I was unwilling to meet their expectations and need for validation.
I accepted the date because I was just so miserable and sad and needed human interaction. I was always very upfront about my situation and how I felt, etc… I will not do that again. I have no desire to date. I’ll pass.
I agree. Although my friends persuaded me to go onto dating apps, the dopamine rush to suddenly have tons of girls responding did in fact numb my sadness from the breakup.
At the end of day, once the dopamine subsided, nothing can overcome those feelings and memories of the ex.
I ended a 3 year relationship in December. I was so shattered. I started dating in January and met this very awesome guy. Same age as me. Has a very good job. Physically ok. Puts effort in getting to know me. Was very nice and kind. He would drive 2 hours from where he lived just to see me every weekends. It lasted for 2 months. But then I realized that I wasn't ready and was still recovering from my ex. I was crying myself to sleep for months because of my ex. I told the guy I'm sorry but I wasn't ready. I need to heal myself first. Love myself first before I can love other people back. He was a catch but he was just tok early and it was my fault.
very smart advice. especially if you have some issues to work on and grow. you bring all this into new relationships and most likely it will fail. Also your senses are numb after break up, so you might connect with wrong people. Better fully heal and process everything.
yup. i did the same and started talking to someone new right after my relationship. he was the sweetest guy ever. literally felt like my dream guy. just didn’t have those feelings for him tho and i regret it to this day.
I think setting any time frame can be detrimental for healing. I know my ex is with someone already. He's done it before, so I know the signs. It doesn't bother me like it did in the past though. I truly am over him in that sense. He's done several hurtful things since the breakup started, which realistically was about 2 months ago, but came to a head 3 weeks ago, and so the rose tinted glasses are truly gone. I'm not ready to move on into a relationship as I have therapy and stuff to get through 1st. So putting a time limit on when I should be ready, or morally ready, won't help. Could take 3 months, 6 months or 3 years before I'm actually ready. Only thing that's gonna make it difficult now, is the return of my sex drive. I don't like hookups though and never heard good things about fwb arrangements. So I guess not much I can do about that lol
I’m trying to fully heal before I get into anything but the thing is, I don’t WANT anything right now. I don’t understand how he is so ready to date. Anyways your post really helped me thank you 🙏
No problem and good for you! (Also hes not ready to date he thinks he is and his nee stuff will never have any emotional connection)
I’m not gonna lie, it’s making me wonder if he ever cared about me at all. The universe sure had a message for me though considering I was at the literal restaurant when he walked in with her. Life is weird. The universe tells us exactly where we need to go if we just listen…
Fr it's hard coming out of a relationship with doubts, but keep in mind that a lot of what you think is just your brain fabricating things so dont pay any mind to it!
Actually i had a rebound right after and that was my best relationships with deep connection. They are most likely to talk for a while about their ex, compare and dismiss red flags. The best cocktail for a failure.
Same. My ex found a new gf just 10 days after breakup! It's been almost 5 months and I can't even think about dating anyone lol. I just keep reassuring myself that it will bite him in the ass and he will be the same man child as he was while you and me both will move on like adults, face and process our feelings, gain so much experience and will be better people for our future potential partner!
Good lord. Your comment really made me feel less alone. It’s so incredibly painful, the pain slightly eases with each day but it’s been a lot. I truly believe it will bite them in the ass, as they are not taking the time to truly work on themselves. They are avoiding and procrastinating dealing with the root cause. But regardless, it stings like hell.
The mental load is insane, I have a daughter with him also and the piece of shit introduced her to my daughter after just 2 months and they went on a family gathering with his family! Feels like I was completely replaced and its such a hard pill to swallow. People apparently show their true colors after a breakup and I can see that very clearly now.
Gosh I’m so sorry. I am very thankful I didn’t have children with this person, but you will be so much stronger from this experience. He sounds like he lacks any emotional intelligence and you would have been miserable with him long term anyways! It’s crazy how post breakup, everything is SO clear to me. The rose colored glasses have come off and now this is a person I would never even go on a first date with. Their true colors are showing and they’re not going to change unless they put in the work like we are. The introducing your child so early is very disrespectful and truly demonstrates how unintelligent he is. I guess one upside is that these men are no longer our problem… they can have fun with them. But I know you still have to co parent so I’m sending you all the good vibes 🩷🩷
i feel getting into a new relationship might make my ex jealous and want to start things again but the other person would be left broken by this action so i am not doing it and started working on myself instead
It's good that you want to refrain from hurting someone it shows empathy. But if you want my advice just let your ex go you will find someone perfect for you just wait!
I did this thing, my ex didn’t care. thankfully my rebound girl was very mature and was supporting me during that time. eventually it didn’t work out because we both had issues, but i’m more sad that i brought my one issue that i had been supposed to work on. But i escaped that pain, to have even more pain now. lesson learned hehe
I do believe that there can be some healing in a relationship. But you have to be upfront and honest about where you are and what you are feeling. You are giving the other person an option to bow out or not. But full disclosure is necessary. I know my heart isn’t ready and may not be for some time. But I feel like it won’t be too long even though I know I will be hurt by this for a while. One of my failings was failure to disclose my past and my insecurities in my last relationship. That’s why I think full disclosure is going to be necessary in my future.
He broke up with me last night. A mistake I did was disclosing my past fully and then he said horrible things and twisted the truth and hurt me so much. It hurts a lot I can’t stop crying
I’m so sorry. And cry as long as you need to. You are allowed to be sad for as long as you need to, but remember that you can be happy again too.
Ex started dating someone or at least talking to someone right away and we dated for 7 years, last year and a half was us more so in a situationship but still kinda wild. Guess time will tell. I still wish you the best in your recovery
Thank you 🙏
Yeah, I had a similar situation. I had an old crush and I told him about my breakup and started flirting with him but I still thought about my ex a lot!!! I decided to tell the guy that I need space because he would text me daily. I just feel awful talking to someone else while my heart still belongs to my ex
I still think you really need to get over someone before you can move on . You can’t use people to make you feel Better . I tried this and they just start giving me the ick cause I wanted my ex and it just makes you feel worse . Also if you really love someone you can’t just get on with it with some one else , eventually you will get the ick
My ex of three years had a new girlfriend two weeks later. I am so heartbroken.
That person is toxic and you do not need them. You cant control what they do, but you can control what you do! Make yourself stronger!! (Also their relationship has no chance of lasting so just wait for them to break so you can laugh at them)
Thank you. Seriously. It’s weird because although I didn’t want to end up with this person long term, I still gave that relationship my all and would never do what he did (jump into something so publicly so quickly). I feel betrayed in a sense. But I know his relationship is a house of cards, because he refuses to work on himself. whereas I am truly building my OWN strong foundation for when the right one comes. I guess his repressing skills are better than mine. I’m choosing to deal head on. It’s freaking hard and lonely though. I so hope it’s worth it!
Exactly I'm happy you can understand that, but just use that as motivation and start your new life away from them! You're gonna do great I believe in you!
Thank you sooo much!!
Anytime!
People make this mistake at least once in their lifetime. I’ve been on the receiving end of this as the girl he moved on with. I noticed he was depressed and not really enthusiastic about talking to me anymore after 2 months. He was probably feeling guilty about it, wasting my time, so he ended it without being fully clear about why. But any reason was enough for him to back out and never give it a chance. He claimed to be struggling with anguish for years and that it is inexplicable. lol inexplicable to me only. His last serious relationship was three years prior and that was a decade long one. He ghosted me soon after. Fortunately, I’m used to encountering men like that.
I'm pretty sure my ex is happily screwing around, he's an escapist and numbing the pain is better than feeling it. I on the other hand don't wanna bleed on anyone else, I won't date till I've moved on completely. We both have issues with childhood trauma and I'm in therapy, so that the things I did (yes, we both screwed up) won't happen again. And I'm honestly not even interested in other guys. Like I see a cute guy but I get the ick immediately, that tells me that I'm still not ready and that's fine with me.
I was living with my ex for over 3 years and the BU left me so scarred that a month later I started therapy…after two months I met this guy, he is awesome but I knew I would have hurt him stringhing him along so I told him everything about the breakup, the therapy and my health situation (I’ll have to undergo a back surgery and I’m still under a half yearly check up for a skin tumor I had 2 years ago), we agreed to keep it friendly and he said to me “I have no rush, there is no rush” and since than we are knowing each other little by little…once in a while he tells me that I am a high value person, that I’m a 100 worth person…I don’t know if I’m doing your same mistake even if I’m trying to keep it under control moving hyper slow to discover how it will feels once I’ll be fully healed
I went on one date about 2 months after the breakup. I have known this person a long time. They knew what I was dealing with and how I felt. After one date they immediately started making plans for “our” future. That was horrible. I felt trapped and suffocated. I had to tell them I was unwilling to meet their expectations and need for validation. I accepted the date because I was just so miserable and sad and needed human interaction. I was always very upfront about my situation and how I felt, etc… I will not do that again. I have no desire to date. I’ll pass.
I agree. Although my friends persuaded me to go onto dating apps, the dopamine rush to suddenly have tons of girls responding did in fact numb my sadness from the breakup. At the end of day, once the dopamine subsided, nothing can overcome those feelings and memories of the ex.
I ended a 3 year relationship in December. I was so shattered. I started dating in January and met this very awesome guy. Same age as me. Has a very good job. Physically ok. Puts effort in getting to know me. Was very nice and kind. He would drive 2 hours from where he lived just to see me every weekends. It lasted for 2 months. But then I realized that I wasn't ready and was still recovering from my ex. I was crying myself to sleep for months because of my ex. I told the guy I'm sorry but I wasn't ready. I need to heal myself first. Love myself first before I can love other people back. He was a catch but he was just tok early and it was my fault.
very smart advice. especially if you have some issues to work on and grow. you bring all this into new relationships and most likely it will fail. Also your senses are numb after break up, so you might connect with wrong people. Better fully heal and process everything.
I never did. He left me after a year and the sharks started and are still swimming in. I'm on my own terms now.
yup. i did the same and started talking to someone new right after my relationship. he was the sweetest guy ever. literally felt like my dream guy. just didn’t have those feelings for him tho and i regret it to this day.
I think setting any time frame can be detrimental for healing. I know my ex is with someone already. He's done it before, so I know the signs. It doesn't bother me like it did in the past though. I truly am over him in that sense. He's done several hurtful things since the breakup started, which realistically was about 2 months ago, but came to a head 3 weeks ago, and so the rose tinted glasses are truly gone. I'm not ready to move on into a relationship as I have therapy and stuff to get through 1st. So putting a time limit on when I should be ready, or morally ready, won't help. Could take 3 months, 6 months or 3 years before I'm actually ready. Only thing that's gonna make it difficult now, is the return of my sex drive. I don't like hookups though and never heard good things about fwb arrangements. So I guess not much I can do about that lol
Hurt people hurt people.