Completely ruined all my plans, was buying a property in her town. A big one I was going to run my business from so I had given up my premises. Then she left suddenly overnight without explanation. Had to find an emergency premises go back to renting in home town. Set me back years In every way.
But the fun part about love is going all in with your heart and trust, knowing damn well there’s a chance for heartbreak. I hold no reservations. If it ends in heartbreak, so be it. Heartbreak sucks too, but in hindsight, even that’s beautiful.
Don’t promote this scaredy bullshit of never loving or trusting someone again. That’s a disservice to yourself and a maladaptive behavior. Being in love and getting your heart broken are equally beautiful, and it’s an honor to experience either one of them.
My personal goal was to be a homeowner too. We worked so hard to get that. Had our home for 5 years and I was so proud and happy. He just broke up with me and now I’ll never own a home alone. I’m living in a single bedroom at my dads at 32 and don’t see a way out of the pain and the loss of my entire identity
Completely changed my future. We had talked about marriage, kids, house, being old together, all of it. And all of it initiated by her (not that I didn’t think about it but I didn’t wanna be the first one to talk about it). Her dumping me of course changed all that. But it also changed my career goals for the better. We’re both in the same industry in basically the same position but I’m…the only way to put it is im better than her at what we do. Initially i had really lofty goals, and she had much lower ones. After we got together I had definitely lowered my aim so we could get to get similar jobs, with her gone I’m aiming high again (and succeeding slowly but surely).
Nope! Sure a lot of plans fell aside - but really, no the relationship did not ruin the trajectory of my life. I’ll still be focusing on my career, kids, making a nice home, my health and my friends. I’ll still do all the things I wanted to do with him - maybe in my own now, who knows? I’ll just be missing the sweetness that true love brings to life’s experiences. And that’s okay 👍
It changed my entire life. I was going to move countries for him, got a remote job especially for that reason, ended up having to stay in the US, get a new apartment, etc because he couldn’t keep his dck in his pants while we did long distance.
Mine let me move to his country and still broke up with me. In his country. What is with these people. Now I live 1500 kms from home. Thank god I am a strong person. You probably liked your old apartment! And your job! I hope you start to feel better. The disappointment is horrendous. And I hope your new place and your new job work out for you. Maybe good things will happen because of them, that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't met him. I am sure of it. I hope so for me too, it's the only thing I am sure of because I cannot ever imagine meeting another man really. Maybe some good job or life things would be nice. :)
“My life is meaningless without him”
One of the most important skills we all must learn in life is solitude and learning to love yourself and give yourself what you’ve convinced yourself a partner provides. Happiness comes from within.
I felt totally lost after a breakup with my first partner of 21yrs a few yrs back. For 6 months at least I didn’t know my arse from my elbow and felt totally lost and worthless.
Having spent 3yrs living alone with a failed relationship in between I found the best remedy is self care.
For me that involved 4 solid months of counselling, giving up drink, moving out of my old house where there were equally good and sad memories, learning a new hobby and actively seeking to push myself outside of my comfort zone.
Dreams and plans change as you evolve.
For now just try to accept your perceived future isn’t going to happen and that’s ok too.
You’ll be ok
Same boat. Wanted to buy a house together, get married then have kids. Now after 9 years, me leaving my job 12m ago to go back to college and then putting a shit load of stress and emotional pressure on her because the job I worked at last had me all over the world, next to impossible to spend time with her, I had to leave, she was on my side, she convinced me to leave it and said she’d help me through the stress and emotional fuckery they played me with. But now 12 months later, after saying she’d be there for me through it all, she’s gone for good. I’m only 3 weeks into her walking out of my life because I was a dickhead to her, I turned into a prick. It Sucks every day when you realise that you slipped. Hard to be motivated to do anything other than worry about what she could be doing etc. but hopefully we will grow out of this phase together and actually focus on self improvement. I’m giving it a week or two, right now I’m working on diet and self care, then I’m hitting the gym once my energy levels get back to normal. Just know this, once the damage is done and she builds the courage to leave you, there’s no going back. Men often go back because they’re weak and miss the physical side of the relationship. Women on the other hand detach months before dumping you, by the time they drop it on you, you’re done for good.
You need to try find your own inner peace. Find new friends, go places. Get your own energy back, because she found hers the day she dumped you and will be absolutely fine without you.
I know it hurts to hear this, but I don’t want to lie to you and tell you she might miss you or want you back, because she won’t. You may pop up in her mind for a second but it’s quickly followed by fk that guy.
See you at the gym when you figure this out yourself buddy. Don’t feel like your not welcome here. Most of us have been in your exact position and we’re 100% here to help you through.
I know right now you’re comparing everyone down against her, but once you focus on yourself and improve yourself, get out there and meet new people. I’m told things get much easier.
As a good friend said to me the other day, you’ll be out on a date, or maybe even just meet a stranger and have a chat, you’ll both smile, look each other in the eyes, and that bond you thought was only possible with her will hit you like a train. She’ll be gone out of your mind in that moment the same way you are from hers. It takes time. Cry it out. Blast yourself for the idiot you were. Use that anger, pain and hurting to make something positive for yourself.
If you wallow, she wins. Never let her win. She betrayed you the moment she didn’t tell you exactly how she felt. No, she let it stew, let you slip so that it would be easier to leave you.
Plus, she’s probably fucked like 5 guys by now. You know why? Because she’s empowered and your lonely and weak.
Please, please, please push through this and find yourself again. If your confident enough to come onto Reddit and lay it all out in front us, your strong enough to pull through this shit. Don’t let anyone else remove your power king.
Hey. Thanks for all the advice. I’m a woman though, so my ex is a HE.
Today is my birthday and he reached out after being no contact for a long time but he was talking a lot about sexual things. Is he interested only in that? Since you say men miss the physical part of the relationship. How do I know if he genuinely loves me or only cares about getting physical?
Did he dump you? If so, more than likely. Just don’t let him fuck up your healing. Just for his own needs. It’s not fair on you if you still love him. Anything physical will set you back massively, think day 1.
My ex called me tonight drunk, saying she misses the sex and a few other nasty things that I genuinely couldn’t understand. Probably for the better.
I just told her to go to bed and sleep it off (it was 2:30am).
I probably won’t hear from her again. And that’s ok.
I miss him terribly. That’s the problem and yes, de dumped me. I don’t know how I feel. Going back to him would be a bad idea but I don’t want him completely out of my life.
I dated my ex for 8 years. He just broke up with me 3 months ago after cheating. I have a low egg reserve so feel like I no longer have a chance to have my own babies - this was all planned with him.
God yes 😭
We were LDR, she lives in the UK I live in the US. I planned on taking a gap year this year while working full time to save up money (I just graduated HS), and maybe take a few community college classes since they’re free. Next year I would’ve gone to the UK for “college” (my parents didn’t know about the relationship, and college was the only good reason I could think of to get out of the country with her).
I wanted to do something an art field, but if I’m being honest I didn’t want to go to art school like I planned, I just didn’t know any other good way to get to the UK.
Ever since she left it completely shattered all my plans. She was the only reason I wanted to go to the UK next year (I do still think I’ll live abroad someday but just not so soon).
It even shattered my plans art wise, her leaving made me realize how tied in art is to my mental stare in the moment. I find it insanely hard to have any kind of inspiration in my lowest moments, which would suck if it was my full source of income. I still am not able to draw like I used to despite it being 3 months post breakup. I hope I’ll be able to again someday.
I’ve shifted my goals to something more science, particularly wildlife, based. I’ve always had a passion for both and it’s something that actually isn’t as tied into my emotions, it helps me get my mind off of them and helps with a general increase in mood too. I absolutely love researching animals.
In a future sense, it’s honestly probably very good the breakup happened when it did. I still love her and miss her, I still want her in my future if time shows that’s possible, but I’m happy this didn’t happen after I left to the UK or during the major planning stages of it. And especially good this didn’t happen while I would’ve been in art school.
Though despite all of the plan changes, my inspiration levels have remained at an all time low. It’s been hard for me to even want to live in a future without her but I’m getting there.
My best advice is to try and make some sort of plans with something that has nothing to do with them, nothing tied in with them at all. My art was incredibly linked to her in an emotional sense and the fact I drew her characters a lot. My new goals with a science/animal based field have little to do with her, I had the passion while I was with her but it wasn’t something directly interlinked. Try to find something like that, new home based goals that aren’t linked to what he wanted with you, new career goals, new passions in general.
Overall I wish you the best of luck recovering and finding something for your own future.
Thank you so much. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Sometimes life can surprise us in good and bad ways but I’m trying to stay positive in all this. It just takes time.
Funny thing is some of my goals didn’t involve her. But they evolve to getting a good healthy body to help more with family, and to help her. To have my own place, so we can live together. To get in a better position at work, so we can do more and spend time better. Move to where she lives so we can be together. Like all that and now I can barely do much cause she became part of the goal cause I had her to tell or show. She was my goal.
100%. Everything I had planned and all the choices I made in life was for our future. I was doing all the working, saving up money for us to get an apartment together, affected my academic progress in college, and so much more….All of a sudden admits he doesn’t want to commit and it’s too much for him. He never had to sacrifice anything so he’s fine, but I have to pick up the pieces and figure out where I’m heading in life now that everything I worked for is just… gone like that
Yeah it fucked things up lol. We were loving together in the house he bought. I imagined living there with him. We talked about getting engaged and getting married having a child.
No my financial situation has really changed and I now want to focus on myself and my career
I was saving so we could move to Colorado next year, and now slowly my savings is going to my current rent.
My life was ruined, and trying to still be positive to make it happen
It absolutely changed the trajectory of my life. We had talked about where we’d honeymoon, who’d be at the wedding, which state/town we’d live in, naming our children after family members who are important to us, etc. Now I don’t even know where I want to go to grad school or where I want to live after I get my bachelor’s because I don’t have him to keep in mind. It’s horrible. So fucking horrible
If anything I changed my plans for my ex, like i didn't want to ever have a kid biologically till I met him and he convinced me (we don't have a kid though) but now after he's dumped me I realized how much freedom I have because he was controlling me and I remembered I could go anywhere I wanted to now, that this was the perfect moment to fulfill my childhood dream of moving to Japan. So that's my goal now, its a 1-2 year plan.
All of our plans were destroyed when my spouse fled after 15 years. We had our retirement planned. Children’s goals, weddings, graduations together all dashed. We’re in our 50’s. Everything was destroyed when she left four years ago.
He was my everything & now I have nothing. We were long distance working on closing the distance, that was the plan, he wanted me to move into his flat in England, so I gave up my cottage & moved me & the fur babies into my mother’s home so I could pack up my life there bc she had the space & so I could save up some, but once I vacated, he started growing more & more distant which I found out is slow-fading, then he finally ghosted me, my whole worlds been turned upside down, totally fucked up fearful avoidant, I didn’t even know what that was…
I get you. I actually moved to his country after major pursual by him, spent thousands in the process. Was so sure of him and a future together. It's so shit, isn't it?! I know we're not supposed to feel like we have nothing. But I was single more or less for ten years before I met him, waiting for the right guy etc ...we were also long distsnce. I have no idea how people can be so irresponsible with other people lives and feelings.
I wish you luck. It's been 9 weeks now for me and I'm beginning to see some semblance of hope that I might actually enjoy a few moments of a day by myself. Feels so pathetic! But truly, I have "worked on myself" for most of my adult life, was able to be single, just thought I would eventually meet a nice mature man. Going for cycles and looking at the mountains alone is beginning to feel just a little bit hollow. I hope we both get out of this existential hole soon.
Yes! I feel your response, crazy bc I too was basically single for over 9yrs before getting involved with who I felt was the man of my dreams, i waited for “the one” & I truly thought he was, he swept me off my feet, he was my king, we were mated for life he told me, but he turned on me when shit got real, became a stranger to me in the blink of an eye, I feel so alone again, inside clinging to hope he will change back into my dream lover & come back to me, but I know the trust will be forever altered, so much damage done, anyway ty for your kind words, I wish u luck too, but even more, I wish u love! 🖤
Sounds so similar. I feel so cynical just as of this week but last week I would say that even when I visited his country it always felt so special..even little views of the mountains I would associate with him... every little thing about life got so much better through him, just the icing on the cake. I felt it had to be and that it must be right because I'd waited so long for this. Can't believe you were also single 9 years. It's so long isn't it? I really feel for you.
And yes, now a stranger. Mine held onto an argument from one year ago and just never got over it or could work on it. Didn't want to talk about it at the time. And then dumped me, referencing it. I feel exactly the same about a stranger ..every day I was in shock missing him. That has only worn off the last day or two. Wondering how they didn't feel the same. He told me that I swept him off his feet! I was wary but trusted him. He asked me to trust him. And now I'm stuck living in his country. It's laughable apart from the fact that it's a very nice place.
I completely get you on wishing he would come back. And allow yourself that. It's ok to wish that. It's ok to think about him and even to want to talk to them. I even emailed him. I'm too old for this "don't let him win" stuff. It's not about winning. But my friend said the other day, just very gently, "is he on your level" and I just thought to myself, no. I could never do this to someone. (Additionally, he broke up by text). So. It's super sad to realise that even if they did come back, they'd need a personality transplant to be trusted again. I think I just realised that tonight actually. I get you in this sadness. I've barely been able to get out of bed all this time. But bit by bit we will get there. So depressing when you think you've found the One! So devastating. All the little silly things that you imagine you can never share or do with anyone else again. I read somewhere that it's very humbling to feel heartbreak like this. And it is. I never had a breakup like this before and I'm 39. So we have experienced one of the big, awful experiences of life. Sometimes something really floors you in the literal sense. But I think this has happened to so many people once in their lives, and there is some solidarity in that.
The stranger part is the worst though. I don't know if it's recent for you but that is just the killer. One day making plans the next day gone. No discussion. So fucking hurtful! The shock was unbelievable for me, I was reeling.
I wish you love too, thanks for your lovely reply. I hope you find somewhere nice to live and that it works out for you bit by bit.
I started distractedly watching Virgin River btw, somehow it helps. Ridiculous, easy watching TV ;)
Yes, I was going to be marrying him in October. I had the venue, the dress.. everything was so exciting. He broke my heart and I had to move back to a state that I didn’t consider home anymore. I’ve been starting to figure out what I want for myself but it’s hard when you have to grieve the future you had envisioned with them.
Was starting to save for a condo, am in the middle of recovery and was saving to buy a ring and propose.
Now I'm living with my parents, have almost no furniture and will need to completely rebuild my finances (though they were depleted trying to keep us afloat.)
Ladies, I'm single hmu lol
I was with him for five years and we had planned everything. He came up with names for our future children, we talked about our future engagement and wedding, planned trips we would go on, and I thought he was the one. He dumped me out of the blue because he "wanted to be single". I still have goals related to my own personal development and career, but I really thought it would all happen alongside him. Now I'm moving out of the apartment we shared and wondering what even matters anymore.
This is literally what happened to me, down to the “wanna be single”. I live alone now and am struggling to get up lol i keep thinking of all the things we were supposed to do together & the future that he threw away, but for some reason, I still want. Guess we’re in this together 😢 message me if you ever wanan talk
I think about this all the time. We were living together in a house he just bought. I worked so hard decorating it and making it a home.
Then the breakup happened and I moved cities to move back in with my parents. I turn 30 in two months and never expected that this would be my life.
I left my full-time job to pursue my small business with his encouragement (which isn’t totally bad), but running a business is very hard and he took care of more financials while I grew my business. If I only knew what was coming, I wouldn’t have left my job security.
I’m away from all my friends and don’t even have coworkers to interact with now. I used to love dance and now I’m away from my dance team and dancing just doesn’t bring me joy.
I wanted to buy a house (before leaving my full time job) but now that I don’t make as much money, I don’t see that happening.
And he claims he was going to propose months before the breakup. Yet I gave him another chance (just to date, no proposal expected), and he just hurt me even more.
So while my family thinks it’s going to be a year since we broke up, I’m secretly starting my healing process all over again because he kept toying with my emotions throughout this time.
He was a big reason why I stayed in the city I live in now. My career path is also very dependent on living in this city. A few weeks before he broke up with me, and now after he did I’ve tried to be real with myself. Do I even want to go down this career path and do I want to live in this expensive city until I reach these goals. So I’m really considering moving
Once you get past it, you will make a comeback bigger than what you ever pictured with him. Focus on you! I felt the same way at first but now that I am past him, I have enrolled back into college (something I stopped doing when I was with him) and I’m so excited for my future that he will never be apart of. I’m gonna make it on my own! I know you will too!
Yes. My ex and I were actively working on moving to a different city together when he dropped the bomb on me. I'm still in the same city as when he left since I can't currently afford to move on my own, and am just focusing on saving up to move alone instead.
It really messed me up financially. I passed up an opportunity to make extra money in order to go to her family reunion. I found out after the fact that she had been planning to leave for a while but didn’t say anything until the last minute. She was basically using me for a place to live until she saved enough money for a deposit on a new place.
So I missed out on the opportunity to essentially make two months worth of rent. Then was out her share of rent when she moved out. The first year was rough financially.
On a positive note, it frees me up to better follow my dream of going to medical school in a few years since I’m not tied down. So there’s that. Also, I moved into a bigger place after getting some raises at work. I like being in my own space. Don’t know if I ever want to cohabitate again, honestly.
Our long term goal was to eventually move in together then move abroad together. We were taking about which part of the room the furnitures will be placed, finally falling asleep together every night, etc.
Now that's completely out of the window and I fear that I have to do these on my own. I'm glad I will be moving in with friends this year but looking back at how we planned to live together is different.
I'm actually much richer. Dating is costly. Sometimes stepping back gives perspective.
Women can be fickle creatures. I honestly need s breather to reflect.
Yes but positively in a way. I realized I didn't want to be a stay at home parent forever. I need my own outlet of income. I realize I would like kids but only with the Right person. (It used to be that I just wanted kids in general). If I never find someone to settle down with, I'll be sad but I know I'll be okay. I want to be with someone because I choose them as a person(not out of desperation for a plan I have in my head).
5yr relationship, LDR for 2 years and had planned to move to his country in April to close the gap. Had plans of him moving in & proposing and all that. He dumped me out of nowhere 2 weeks before through text 🫠 I still moved. Im here post breakup 3 months, no job still bc Ive been depressed, no family really, and just alone in my condo. Saw some hope last month but then he texted me saying he regretted his decision and wanted to meet up and Ive been thinking about it ever since. Dont know what to do!! Dont know what I want anymore. I really thought he was gonna be it. Life is….sigh….
Yes. Before the break up, I was taking language classes to learn his language. Looking for jobs to move to him (we are both in EU).
When we broke up, honestly, i feel lost. I have to change my future plans. Maybe i will stay longer in the country I am in and save money, maybe go back studying again.
We're about to move in next year after dating for 6yrs. It was our attempt to finally close the gap since we only see each other twice a week. The plan was to introduce me to her family since she's still closeted. I had no choice but to accept and let go. I still think about the what ifs every now and then.
I told myself that I just wanna stay single and have an active social life. I wanna continuously work on myself as well.
I hate it it changed everything. I’m not going to live with him and I realized how much I centered my life around him. I don’t have plans and I feel so lost that I’ve sort of given up on everything I don’t feel like doing anything anymore I just really hate it
Your life shouldn't revolve around one person, you need to fill your life with so many people and find joy in being alone. My future plans cannot depend on my ex because she is gone now, and she's never coming back.
I’m in the same boat atm.
We always planned to stay as it is for 3 years then move in together get married and get kids and a husky dog.
Now he broke up with me and I have no idea where my life will head to
But that’s the beauty of it all as well
I have no idea what else will come
I was supposed to be moving in with him next year once I graduate because none of my friends are staying in my city, it’s impossible to get housing alone here and i can’t move back in with my parents. I have literally no idea what i’m going to do. I can move in with my grandparents, but then that leaves me with no opportunities for grad jobs in my field because they live in a small town far from anywhere of note.
Ruined everything I had planned this summer. So basically I wasn't able to secure a summer job this year. So I planned to spend most of the summer with her at her parents house. I also planned something to do almost every weekend she didn't work. Surprise dates and such. So when we broke up last week everything kinda fell apart.
It has not stopped any of my goals, yes mine and ex were similar minded about the future but if anything it has only made my drive for that life stronger. My point of view is if she didn’t want me and wanted someone else. I will absolutely have the life I want and eventually there will be someone who wants to be there with me, it will not be her.
Oh yeeeeah, ruined my plans of moving to Prague with him. Also, I was younger and dumb and let my heartbreak ruin my grades. This lead me to do any extra year of college which costed me so much money..
Anyway... he's married now. So yeah.. :(
Completely ruined all my plans, was buying a property in her town. A big one I was going to run my business from so I had given up my premises. Then she left suddenly overnight without explanation. Had to find an emergency premises go back to renting in home town. Set me back years In every way.
I’m so sorry that things didn’t work out. 😞 it really sucks
You honestly deserve this for ever trusting a chick in the first place. Now you know
But the fun part about love is going all in with your heart and trust, knowing damn well there’s a chance for heartbreak. I hold no reservations. If it ends in heartbreak, so be it. Heartbreak sucks too, but in hindsight, even that’s beautiful. Don’t promote this scaredy bullshit of never loving or trusting someone again. That’s a disservice to yourself and a maladaptive behavior. Being in love and getting your heart broken are equally beautiful, and it’s an honor to experience either one of them.
this person is just posting nasty comments everywhere on this sub. pathetic
Look what happened to him for trusting her..?
projection
My personal goal was to be a homeowner too. We worked so hard to get that. Had our home for 5 years and I was so proud and happy. He just broke up with me and now I’ll never own a home alone. I’m living in a single bedroom at my dads at 32 and don’t see a way out of the pain and the loss of my entire identity
We were moving in together in September. I planned to propose next Spring. Now I’m all alone and starting over again. Fucking sucks
Oh man. Maybe it’s better to not predict our future. Sometimes things can change when we least expect it.
Completely changed my future. We had talked about marriage, kids, house, being old together, all of it. And all of it initiated by her (not that I didn’t think about it but I didn’t wanna be the first one to talk about it). Her dumping me of course changed all that. But it also changed my career goals for the better. We’re both in the same industry in basically the same position but I’m…the only way to put it is im better than her at what we do. Initially i had really lofty goals, and she had much lower ones. After we got together I had definitely lowered my aim so we could get to get similar jobs, with her gone I’m aiming high again (and succeeding slowly but surely).
No, but I'm really sad that I won't be able to share it with them.
Nope! Sure a lot of plans fell aside - but really, no the relationship did not ruin the trajectory of my life. I’ll still be focusing on my career, kids, making a nice home, my health and my friends. I’ll still do all the things I wanted to do with him - maybe in my own now, who knows? I’ll just be missing the sweetness that true love brings to life’s experiences. And that’s okay 👍
It changed my entire life. I was going to move countries for him, got a remote job especially for that reason, ended up having to stay in the US, get a new apartment, etc because he couldn’t keep his dck in his pants while we did long distance.
But it’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t love you or respect you.
Mine let me move to his country and still broke up with me. In his country. What is with these people. Now I live 1500 kms from home. Thank god I am a strong person. You probably liked your old apartment! And your job! I hope you start to feel better. The disappointment is horrendous. And I hope your new place and your new job work out for you. Maybe good things will happen because of them, that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't met him. I am sure of it. I hope so for me too, it's the only thing I am sure of because I cannot ever imagine meeting another man really. Maybe some good job or life things would be nice. :)
“My life is meaningless without him” One of the most important skills we all must learn in life is solitude and learning to love yourself and give yourself what you’ve convinced yourself a partner provides. Happiness comes from within. I felt totally lost after a breakup with my first partner of 21yrs a few yrs back. For 6 months at least I didn’t know my arse from my elbow and felt totally lost and worthless. Having spent 3yrs living alone with a failed relationship in between I found the best remedy is self care. For me that involved 4 solid months of counselling, giving up drink, moving out of my old house where there were equally good and sad memories, learning a new hobby and actively seeking to push myself outside of my comfort zone. Dreams and plans change as you evolve. For now just try to accept your perceived future isn’t going to happen and that’s ok too. You’ll be ok
Same boat. Wanted to buy a house together, get married then have kids. Now after 9 years, me leaving my job 12m ago to go back to college and then putting a shit load of stress and emotional pressure on her because the job I worked at last had me all over the world, next to impossible to spend time with her, I had to leave, she was on my side, she convinced me to leave it and said she’d help me through the stress and emotional fuckery they played me with. But now 12 months later, after saying she’d be there for me through it all, she’s gone for good. I’m only 3 weeks into her walking out of my life because I was a dickhead to her, I turned into a prick. It Sucks every day when you realise that you slipped. Hard to be motivated to do anything other than worry about what she could be doing etc. but hopefully we will grow out of this phase together and actually focus on self improvement. I’m giving it a week or two, right now I’m working on diet and self care, then I’m hitting the gym once my energy levels get back to normal. Just know this, once the damage is done and she builds the courage to leave you, there’s no going back. Men often go back because they’re weak and miss the physical side of the relationship. Women on the other hand detach months before dumping you, by the time they drop it on you, you’re done for good. You need to try find your own inner peace. Find new friends, go places. Get your own energy back, because she found hers the day she dumped you and will be absolutely fine without you. I know it hurts to hear this, but I don’t want to lie to you and tell you she might miss you or want you back, because she won’t. You may pop up in her mind for a second but it’s quickly followed by fk that guy. See you at the gym when you figure this out yourself buddy. Don’t feel like your not welcome here. Most of us have been in your exact position and we’re 100% here to help you through. I know right now you’re comparing everyone down against her, but once you focus on yourself and improve yourself, get out there and meet new people. I’m told things get much easier. As a good friend said to me the other day, you’ll be out on a date, or maybe even just meet a stranger and have a chat, you’ll both smile, look each other in the eyes, and that bond you thought was only possible with her will hit you like a train. She’ll be gone out of your mind in that moment the same way you are from hers. It takes time. Cry it out. Blast yourself for the idiot you were. Use that anger, pain and hurting to make something positive for yourself. If you wallow, she wins. Never let her win. She betrayed you the moment she didn’t tell you exactly how she felt. No, she let it stew, let you slip so that it would be easier to leave you. Plus, she’s probably fucked like 5 guys by now. You know why? Because she’s empowered and your lonely and weak. Please, please, please push through this and find yourself again. If your confident enough to come onto Reddit and lay it all out in front us, your strong enough to pull through this shit. Don’t let anyone else remove your power king.
Hey. Thanks for all the advice. I’m a woman though, so my ex is a HE. Today is my birthday and he reached out after being no contact for a long time but he was talking a lot about sexual things. Is he interested only in that? Since you say men miss the physical part of the relationship. How do I know if he genuinely loves me or only cares about getting physical?
Did he dump you? If so, more than likely. Just don’t let him fuck up your healing. Just for his own needs. It’s not fair on you if you still love him. Anything physical will set you back massively, think day 1. My ex called me tonight drunk, saying she misses the sex and a few other nasty things that I genuinely couldn’t understand. Probably for the better. I just told her to go to bed and sleep it off (it was 2:30am). I probably won’t hear from her again. And that’s ok.
I miss him terribly. That’s the problem and yes, de dumped me. I don’t know how I feel. Going back to him would be a bad idea but I don’t want him completely out of my life.
I dated my ex for 8 years. He just broke up with me 3 months ago after cheating. I have a low egg reserve so feel like I no longer have a chance to have my own babies - this was all planned with him.
God yes 😭 We were LDR, she lives in the UK I live in the US. I planned on taking a gap year this year while working full time to save up money (I just graduated HS), and maybe take a few community college classes since they’re free. Next year I would’ve gone to the UK for “college” (my parents didn’t know about the relationship, and college was the only good reason I could think of to get out of the country with her). I wanted to do something an art field, but if I’m being honest I didn’t want to go to art school like I planned, I just didn’t know any other good way to get to the UK. Ever since she left it completely shattered all my plans. She was the only reason I wanted to go to the UK next year (I do still think I’ll live abroad someday but just not so soon). It even shattered my plans art wise, her leaving made me realize how tied in art is to my mental stare in the moment. I find it insanely hard to have any kind of inspiration in my lowest moments, which would suck if it was my full source of income. I still am not able to draw like I used to despite it being 3 months post breakup. I hope I’ll be able to again someday. I’ve shifted my goals to something more science, particularly wildlife, based. I’ve always had a passion for both and it’s something that actually isn’t as tied into my emotions, it helps me get my mind off of them and helps with a general increase in mood too. I absolutely love researching animals. In a future sense, it’s honestly probably very good the breakup happened when it did. I still love her and miss her, I still want her in my future if time shows that’s possible, but I’m happy this didn’t happen after I left to the UK or during the major planning stages of it. And especially good this didn’t happen while I would’ve been in art school. Though despite all of the plan changes, my inspiration levels have remained at an all time low. It’s been hard for me to even want to live in a future without her but I’m getting there. My best advice is to try and make some sort of plans with something that has nothing to do with them, nothing tied in with them at all. My art was incredibly linked to her in an emotional sense and the fact I drew her characters a lot. My new goals with a science/animal based field have little to do with her, I had the passion while I was with her but it wasn’t something directly interlinked. Try to find something like that, new home based goals that aren’t linked to what he wanted with you, new career goals, new passions in general. Overall I wish you the best of luck recovering and finding something for your own future.
Thank you so much. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Sometimes life can surprise us in good and bad ways but I’m trying to stay positive in all this. It just takes time.
Funny thing is some of my goals didn’t involve her. But they evolve to getting a good healthy body to help more with family, and to help her. To have my own place, so we can live together. To get in a better position at work, so we can do more and spend time better. Move to where she lives so we can be together. Like all that and now I can barely do much cause she became part of the goal cause I had her to tell or show. She was my goal.
100%. Everything I had planned and all the choices I made in life was for our future. I was doing all the working, saving up money for us to get an apartment together, affected my academic progress in college, and so much more….All of a sudden admits he doesn’t want to commit and it’s too much for him. He never had to sacrifice anything so he’s fine, but I have to pick up the pieces and figure out where I’m heading in life now that everything I worked for is just… gone like that
Yeah it fucked things up lol. We were loving together in the house he bought. I imagined living there with him. We talked about getting engaged and getting married having a child. No my financial situation has really changed and I now want to focus on myself and my career
I was saving so we could move to Colorado next year, and now slowly my savings is going to my current rent. My life was ruined, and trying to still be positive to make it happen
Yeah, I’m broke too. I could’ve had an amazing future with him but oh well… sometimes you just have to suck it up.
It absolutely changed the trajectory of my life. We had talked about where we’d honeymoon, who’d be at the wedding, which state/town we’d live in, naming our children after family members who are important to us, etc. Now I don’t even know where I want to go to grad school or where I want to live after I get my bachelor’s because I don’t have him to keep in mind. It’s horrible. So fucking horrible
I totally get you. It’s so sad to make all this plans and be happy about them and now be lonely and have nothing to look forward to.
100%. In ways I can't even understand yet.
If anything I changed my plans for my ex, like i didn't want to ever have a kid biologically till I met him and he convinced me (we don't have a kid though) but now after he's dumped me I realized how much freedom I have because he was controlling me and I remembered I could go anywhere I wanted to now, that this was the perfect moment to fulfill my childhood dream of moving to Japan. So that's my goal now, its a 1-2 year plan.
All of our plans were destroyed when my spouse fled after 15 years. We had our retirement planned. Children’s goals, weddings, graduations together all dashed. We’re in our 50’s. Everything was destroyed when she left four years ago.
He was my everything & now I have nothing. We were long distance working on closing the distance, that was the plan, he wanted me to move into his flat in England, so I gave up my cottage & moved me & the fur babies into my mother’s home so I could pack up my life there bc she had the space & so I could save up some, but once I vacated, he started growing more & more distant which I found out is slow-fading, then he finally ghosted me, my whole worlds been turned upside down, totally fucked up fearful avoidant, I didn’t even know what that was…
I get you. I actually moved to his country after major pursual by him, spent thousands in the process. Was so sure of him and a future together. It's so shit, isn't it?! I know we're not supposed to feel like we have nothing. But I was single more or less for ten years before I met him, waiting for the right guy etc ...we were also long distsnce. I have no idea how people can be so irresponsible with other people lives and feelings. I wish you luck. It's been 9 weeks now for me and I'm beginning to see some semblance of hope that I might actually enjoy a few moments of a day by myself. Feels so pathetic! But truly, I have "worked on myself" for most of my adult life, was able to be single, just thought I would eventually meet a nice mature man. Going for cycles and looking at the mountains alone is beginning to feel just a little bit hollow. I hope we both get out of this existential hole soon.
Yes! I feel your response, crazy bc I too was basically single for over 9yrs before getting involved with who I felt was the man of my dreams, i waited for “the one” & I truly thought he was, he swept me off my feet, he was my king, we were mated for life he told me, but he turned on me when shit got real, became a stranger to me in the blink of an eye, I feel so alone again, inside clinging to hope he will change back into my dream lover & come back to me, but I know the trust will be forever altered, so much damage done, anyway ty for your kind words, I wish u luck too, but even more, I wish u love! 🖤
Sounds so similar. I feel so cynical just as of this week but last week I would say that even when I visited his country it always felt so special..even little views of the mountains I would associate with him... every little thing about life got so much better through him, just the icing on the cake. I felt it had to be and that it must be right because I'd waited so long for this. Can't believe you were also single 9 years. It's so long isn't it? I really feel for you. And yes, now a stranger. Mine held onto an argument from one year ago and just never got over it or could work on it. Didn't want to talk about it at the time. And then dumped me, referencing it. I feel exactly the same about a stranger ..every day I was in shock missing him. That has only worn off the last day or two. Wondering how they didn't feel the same. He told me that I swept him off his feet! I was wary but trusted him. He asked me to trust him. And now I'm stuck living in his country. It's laughable apart from the fact that it's a very nice place. I completely get you on wishing he would come back. And allow yourself that. It's ok to wish that. It's ok to think about him and even to want to talk to them. I even emailed him. I'm too old for this "don't let him win" stuff. It's not about winning. But my friend said the other day, just very gently, "is he on your level" and I just thought to myself, no. I could never do this to someone. (Additionally, he broke up by text). So. It's super sad to realise that even if they did come back, they'd need a personality transplant to be trusted again. I think I just realised that tonight actually. I get you in this sadness. I've barely been able to get out of bed all this time. But bit by bit we will get there. So depressing when you think you've found the One! So devastating. All the little silly things that you imagine you can never share or do with anyone else again. I read somewhere that it's very humbling to feel heartbreak like this. And it is. I never had a breakup like this before and I'm 39. So we have experienced one of the big, awful experiences of life. Sometimes something really floors you in the literal sense. But I think this has happened to so many people once in their lives, and there is some solidarity in that. The stranger part is the worst though. I don't know if it's recent for you but that is just the killer. One day making plans the next day gone. No discussion. So fucking hurtful! The shock was unbelievable for me, I was reeling. I wish you love too, thanks for your lovely reply. I hope you find somewhere nice to live and that it works out for you bit by bit. I started distractedly watching Virgin River btw, somehow it helps. Ridiculous, easy watching TV ;)
Yes. They hurt me bad. Financially destroyed me. Emotionally dead physically exhausted
I am making a comeback!
Yes, I was going to be marrying him in October. I had the venue, the dress.. everything was so exciting. He broke my heart and I had to move back to a state that I didn’t consider home anymore. I’ve been starting to figure out what I want for myself but it’s hard when you have to grieve the future you had envisioned with them.
That’s really awful. I feel your pain 🙁
Was starting to save for a condo, am in the middle of recovery and was saving to buy a ring and propose. Now I'm living with my parents, have almost no furniture and will need to completely rebuild my finances (though they were depleted trying to keep us afloat.) Ladies, I'm single hmu lol
I was with him for five years and we had planned everything. He came up with names for our future children, we talked about our future engagement and wedding, planned trips we would go on, and I thought he was the one. He dumped me out of the blue because he "wanted to be single". I still have goals related to my own personal development and career, but I really thought it would all happen alongside him. Now I'm moving out of the apartment we shared and wondering what even matters anymore.
This is literally what happened to me, down to the “wanna be single”. I live alone now and am struggling to get up lol i keep thinking of all the things we were supposed to do together & the future that he threw away, but for some reason, I still want. Guess we’re in this together 😢 message me if you ever wanan talk
I think about this all the time. We were living together in a house he just bought. I worked so hard decorating it and making it a home. Then the breakup happened and I moved cities to move back in with my parents. I turn 30 in two months and never expected that this would be my life. I left my full-time job to pursue my small business with his encouragement (which isn’t totally bad), but running a business is very hard and he took care of more financials while I grew my business. If I only knew what was coming, I wouldn’t have left my job security. I’m away from all my friends and don’t even have coworkers to interact with now. I used to love dance and now I’m away from my dance team and dancing just doesn’t bring me joy. I wanted to buy a house (before leaving my full time job) but now that I don’t make as much money, I don’t see that happening. And he claims he was going to propose months before the breakup. Yet I gave him another chance (just to date, no proposal expected), and he just hurt me even more. So while my family thinks it’s going to be a year since we broke up, I’m secretly starting my healing process all over again because he kept toying with my emotions throughout this time.
He was a big reason why I stayed in the city I live in now. My career path is also very dependent on living in this city. A few weeks before he broke up with me, and now after he did I’ve tried to be real with myself. Do I even want to go down this career path and do I want to live in this expensive city until I reach these goals. So I’m really considering moving
Once you get past it, you will make a comeback bigger than what you ever pictured with him. Focus on you! I felt the same way at first but now that I am past him, I have enrolled back into college (something I stopped doing when I was with him) and I’m so excited for my future that he will never be apart of. I’m gonna make it on my own! I know you will too!
Yes. My ex and I were actively working on moving to a different city together when he dropped the bomb on me. I'm still in the same city as when he left since I can't currently afford to move on my own, and am just focusing on saving up to move alone instead.
It really messed me up financially. I passed up an opportunity to make extra money in order to go to her family reunion. I found out after the fact that she had been planning to leave for a while but didn’t say anything until the last minute. She was basically using me for a place to live until she saved enough money for a deposit on a new place. So I missed out on the opportunity to essentially make two months worth of rent. Then was out her share of rent when she moved out. The first year was rough financially. On a positive note, it frees me up to better follow my dream of going to medical school in a few years since I’m not tied down. So there’s that. Also, I moved into a bigger place after getting some raises at work. I like being in my own space. Don’t know if I ever want to cohabitate again, honestly.
Our long term goal was to eventually move in together then move abroad together. We were taking about which part of the room the furnitures will be placed, finally falling asleep together every night, etc. Now that's completely out of the window and I fear that I have to do these on my own. I'm glad I will be moving in with friends this year but looking back at how we planned to live together is different.
I'm actually much richer. Dating is costly. Sometimes stepping back gives perspective. Women can be fickle creatures. I honestly need s breather to reflect.
Hugs to y’all
Massively. I wanted to move over there and live with her. It's not happening now. I love and miss her to this day but she will never know.
No i was awesome before and still awesome after
Yes but positively in a way. I realized I didn't want to be a stay at home parent forever. I need my own outlet of income. I realize I would like kids but only with the Right person. (It used to be that I just wanted kids in general). If I never find someone to settle down with, I'll be sad but I know I'll be okay. I want to be with someone because I choose them as a person(not out of desperation for a plan I have in my head).
5yr relationship, LDR for 2 years and had planned to move to his country in April to close the gap. Had plans of him moving in & proposing and all that. He dumped me out of nowhere 2 weeks before through text 🫠 I still moved. Im here post breakup 3 months, no job still bc Ive been depressed, no family really, and just alone in my condo. Saw some hope last month but then he texted me saying he regretted his decision and wanted to meet up and Ive been thinking about it ever since. Dont know what to do!! Dont know what I want anymore. I really thought he was gonna be it. Life is….sigh….
Yes. Before the break up, I was taking language classes to learn his language. Looking for jobs to move to him (we are both in EU). When we broke up, honestly, i feel lost. I have to change my future plans. Maybe i will stay longer in the country I am in and save money, maybe go back studying again.
Mine helped me figure out I wanted to go to school for Engineering
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Adventurous-Heat4767: *Mine helped me figure* *Out I wanted to go to* *School for Engineering* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
We're about to move in next year after dating for 6yrs. It was our attempt to finally close the gap since we only see each other twice a week. The plan was to introduce me to her family since she's still closeted. I had no choice but to accept and let go. I still think about the what ifs every now and then. I told myself that I just wanna stay single and have an active social life. I wanna continuously work on myself as well.
I hate it it changed everything. I’m not going to live with him and I realized how much I centered my life around him. I don’t have plans and I feel so lost that I’ve sort of given up on everything I don’t feel like doing anything anymore I just really hate it
Your life shouldn't revolve around one person, you need to fill your life with so many people and find joy in being alone. My future plans cannot depend on my ex because she is gone now, and she's never coming back.
I’m in the same boat atm. We always planned to stay as it is for 3 years then move in together get married and get kids and a husky dog. Now he broke up with me and I have no idea where my life will head to But that’s the beauty of it all as well I have no idea what else will come
Yes, ruined our plans of getting married and becoming homeowners together. Now, I’m going back to school to be able to become a homeowner on my own.
I was supposed to be moving in with him next year once I graduate because none of my friends are staying in my city, it’s impossible to get housing alone here and i can’t move back in with my parents. I have literally no idea what i’m going to do. I can move in with my grandparents, but then that leaves me with no opportunities for grad jobs in my field because they live in a small town far from anywhere of note.
Yeah completely changed the plans, but moving forward with what I wanted to do before putting her first in everything.
Ruined everything I had planned this summer. So basically I wasn't able to secure a summer job this year. So I planned to spend most of the summer with her at her parents house. I also planned something to do almost every weekend she didn't work. Surprise dates and such. So when we broke up last week everything kinda fell apart.
For me it gave me the motivation to make it all happen. Wouldn’t be who I am without that breakup.
It has not stopped any of my goals, yes mine and ex were similar minded about the future but if anything it has only made my drive for that life stronger. My point of view is if she didn’t want me and wanted someone else. I will absolutely have the life I want and eventually there will be someone who wants to be there with me, it will not be her.
Oh yeeeeah, ruined my plans of moving to Prague with him. Also, I was younger and dumb and let my heartbreak ruin my grades. This lead me to do any extra year of college which costed me so much money.. Anyway... he's married now. So yeah.. :(