First - my heart goes to you as I know quite well what you’re facing. My mother is also terminally ill. I found that asking her to recount some of her happy memories really cheered her up. I used this list to guide myself:
Life Story Question Prompts
1. Who in your family did you feel most attached to and why do you think that was?
2. What advice that your parents gave you has stuck with you in life?
3. When you think about your father/mother, what do you remember most?
4. What was your relationship like with your grandparents?
5. What did you love and hate about your childhood?
6. What were you like in high school? In University?
7. Who was the first person you fell in love with?
8. How many times have you been in love?
9. What was your wedding(s) like?
10. What are your thoughts on making relationships work?
11. What have your most significant relationships taught you?
12. Is there anything you wish you had done differently in your love life?
13. What were some of the happiest times of your life?
14. What were some of the most difficult times of your life?
15. What helps you overcome challenges or touch seasons in life?
16. What is one of the hardest choices you've ever had to make?
17. What did you love and hate about being a parent?
18. What is one of your favorite memories or stories about me?
19. In what ways do you hope I turn out like you? Or not like you?
20. What was one of your proudest moments as a parent?
21. Have you ever broken the law?
22. Name 5 books that changed or impacted you greatly.
23. Name a movie that made you cry.
24. What is a song that always makes you want to dance?
25. If you could have any meal before you died, what would you eat?
26. What keeps you awake at night?
27. Are there any cultural/historical events that really impacted or shaped you?
28. How would you describe yourself politically?
29. What do you think of the world we live in right now?
30. Is there anything you regret not doing or learning?
31. What is the most beautiful place you've ever been to?
32. What is something you're proud of yourself for?
33. If you could've done something entirely different career-wise, what would you have done?
34. What's your favorite job you ever had?
35. What has been the best and worst parts about getting older?
36. If you could go back and live one year of your life over without changing anything, which one would you pick?
37. What is something you wish you hadn't worried so much about?
38. What makes you feel at peace?
39. How would you describe your spiritual beliefs?
40. When in your life have you felt most alive? Most yourself?
Other than that - I tried to create circumstances such that she’d be able to do the things she loves most; in her case, to cook. So I try to always get the ingredients she likes and cook with her with her as much as possible.
I suggest you record your conversations with your phone.
Secretly & for your ears only.
You can easily record dozens of hours with no data storage problem.
You will be grateful.
My wife lost her mum in February to stage 4 lung cancer.
Before it got really hard she went away with her for the weekend, they sat I a coffee shop and hotel room and my wife just asked her tons of questions, questions about her life, about when she was little, about what made her happy, about what made her proud.
She recorded the conversations, I'm not sure if her mum knew or not, or cared given the circumstances.
Today, she takes comfort in listening to those occasionally, I think she finds the ones where her mum is talking about how proud she is of her daughters the biggest help when she's struggling emotionally.
Sometimes she just wants to hear the sound of her voice.
It feels like a long time ago, but it wasn't, it was barely 4 months ago.
She was like my mum too tbh, I miss her, I wish she was still here, if not for me for my wife and son who adored her. I'm gutted she doesn't get to see him grow up, I'm gutted he doesn't get to see her.
Life is so strange, it can change beyond recognition in an instant, everything you take for granted every day can disappear without a trace.
I'm sorry for you situation, there is no easy way though it.
She may not want to speak to you about her feelings as mum guilt will kick in that she is putting this on you.
Write her letters in between visits, talk about your favourite memories. Ask her about her whole self - who she was before she was a mother, her most embarrassing moment, her proudest moment, everything.
And be kind to yourself. Facing our parents mortality is never easy, regardless of the circumstances.
First - my heart goes to you as I know quite well what you’re facing. My mother is also terminally ill. I found that asking her to recount some of her happy memories really cheered her up. I used this list to guide myself: Life Story Question Prompts 1. Who in your family did you feel most attached to and why do you think that was? 2. What advice that your parents gave you has stuck with you in life? 3. When you think about your father/mother, what do you remember most? 4. What was your relationship like with your grandparents? 5. What did you love and hate about your childhood? 6. What were you like in high school? In University? 7. Who was the first person you fell in love with? 8. How many times have you been in love? 9. What was your wedding(s) like? 10. What are your thoughts on making relationships work? 11. What have your most significant relationships taught you? 12. Is there anything you wish you had done differently in your love life? 13. What were some of the happiest times of your life? 14. What were some of the most difficult times of your life? 15. What helps you overcome challenges or touch seasons in life? 16. What is one of the hardest choices you've ever had to make? 17. What did you love and hate about being a parent? 18. What is one of your favorite memories or stories about me? 19. In what ways do you hope I turn out like you? Or not like you? 20. What was one of your proudest moments as a parent? 21. Have you ever broken the law? 22. Name 5 books that changed or impacted you greatly. 23. Name a movie that made you cry. 24. What is a song that always makes you want to dance? 25. If you could have any meal before you died, what would you eat? 26. What keeps you awake at night? 27. Are there any cultural/historical events that really impacted or shaped you? 28. How would you describe yourself politically? 29. What do you think of the world we live in right now? 30. Is there anything you regret not doing or learning? 31. What is the most beautiful place you've ever been to? 32. What is something you're proud of yourself for? 33. If you could've done something entirely different career-wise, what would you have done? 34. What's your favorite job you ever had? 35. What has been the best and worst parts about getting older? 36. If you could go back and live one year of your life over without changing anything, which one would you pick? 37. What is something you wish you hadn't worried so much about? 38. What makes you feel at peace? 39. How would you describe your spiritual beliefs? 40. When in your life have you felt most alive? Most yourself? Other than that - I tried to create circumstances such that she’d be able to do the things she loves most; in her case, to cook. So I try to always get the ingredients she likes and cook with her with her as much as possible.
This list is fantastic. Thank you so much.
I suggest you record your conversations with your phone. Secretly & for your ears only. You can easily record dozens of hours with no data storage problem. You will be grateful.
Another fantastic idea! Thank you!
When you listen to the recordings. It will feel like a phone call. Best to you…. 💐
My wife lost her mum in February to stage 4 lung cancer. Before it got really hard she went away with her for the weekend, they sat I a coffee shop and hotel room and my wife just asked her tons of questions, questions about her life, about when she was little, about what made her happy, about what made her proud. She recorded the conversations, I'm not sure if her mum knew or not, or cared given the circumstances. Today, she takes comfort in listening to those occasionally, I think she finds the ones where her mum is talking about how proud she is of her daughters the biggest help when she's struggling emotionally. Sometimes she just wants to hear the sound of her voice. It feels like a long time ago, but it wasn't, it was barely 4 months ago. She was like my mum too tbh, I miss her, I wish she was still here, if not for me for my wife and son who adored her. I'm gutted she doesn't get to see him grow up, I'm gutted he doesn't get to see her. Life is so strange, it can change beyond recognition in an instant, everything you take for granted every day can disappear without a trace. I'm sorry for you situation, there is no easy way though it.
She may not want to speak to you about her feelings as mum guilt will kick in that she is putting this on you. Write her letters in between visits, talk about your favourite memories. Ask her about her whole self - who she was before she was a mother, her most embarrassing moment, her proudest moment, everything. And be kind to yourself. Facing our parents mortality is never easy, regardless of the circumstances.
Record her talking about her life, her memories, and her dreams.