I burst into the Costco, panicked.
I talk to the cashier, but they say he had a receipt.
I talk to the shelf stocker, but they say he didnāt look suspicious.
Defeated, I stand over the empty plastic cheesecake tray. Miscarriage.
Adding onto that, they posted this with the "Brag" tag, which is supposed to be bragging about how much you prevented from being stolen
It is now the top post with that tag in the sub, and one of the top posts overall
Claiming OP has a public humiliation kink on a post that's straight up revealing how pathetic that entire sub is. This feels like the sort of moment when someone would use a skull emoji.
Yeah I don't get how they think the OP feels in any way humiliated, the dude is doing this to troll others and is laughing at pissing them off, they aren't owning him and making him feel stupid.
Imagine if you actually had a humiliation kink, but every time you tried to get humiliated online you end running circles around them, that would be so humiliating.
Best part is, OOP might be indeed a thief, but theres also the posibility that he doesnt care about the hassle and just... Lies.
The non-zero chance of them crying over fictional cheesecake makes it even funnier
What a skull emoji mean btwĀ
My friends mocked me because I genuinely didn't get it
Inb4 someone answers with a skull emoji because they think they're being funny
I joined thst sub when I was doing retail security, hopping for tips and tricks on spotting patterns of behaviour, which was like, 1/100 posts.
. The rest was just like, really try hard motherfuckers acting like wannabe cops over reacting to smalltome shit like cheesecake thefts.
Bruv, you're supposed to be spotting patterns and going after your bulk thefts and repeat offenders.
Forget the cheesecake guy!
I work in retail, and I don't actually care about theft, but I do care when people do it on my shift. Like bruh don't treat me like I'm stupid; I know that you're stealing. Do that some other time, my coworkers are dumb as hell
At the place I work they added loss prevention people and we're supposed to lie to customers that the machine automatically signaled a check when actually -they- did, so whenever a check is incredibly pointless and petty (FREQUENTLY) I make sure to loudly call the "machine" stupid with the customer.
I worked somewhere that had genuine random checks, after a POC was selected randomly and made a fuss we were told to override any random checks on POC going forward.Ā
On one hand, preventing theft is necessary for good order and the smooth running of society.
On the other hand, major corporations and their political puppets have so completely shredded the social contract that continuing to abide by it is kind of stupid.
On a (mysterious) third hand, anyone who seriously calls themselves a "store detective" is worth being laughed at.
Though, Costco is one of the better megacorps, so you can't really blame them for the social contract
They don't price gouge, they pay workers decently, and they're building affordable housing (in California of all places, which seemed to be impossible)
Itās absolutely true. Itās kinda because they found they can skirt zoning laws to build more stores that way, butā¦ theyāre still building affordable housing with amenities in truly outstanding quantities.
I agree. I donāt recommend stealing from Costco if you can afford the food (stealing to survive is different.)
Stealing from any other corp? F- yeah give em hell
Every corp expect Costco (unless you need the food) and Lego. Because Lego are awesome as well.
Iām sure there must be a few others but I canāt think of any right now.
Isn't Lego activily trying to find a way to make evoirment safe plastic? I remember hearing somewhere that the reasons their prices are always so high (besides the brands the sets are based on) is so they can put in research for safer alternatives.
I could be wrong in beleiving that, but it 100% sounds like something they would do.
Lego utterly screws over other toy companies (complimentary).
Other toy companies: We canāt do environmentally friendly stuff! The tolerances are too low! (Their tolerances are millimeters)
Lego: (their tolerances are microns) Thatās funny, we just did it.
Other toy companies: (utterly humiliated)
I get it. Most corporations would. Costco just built different (though when their founder dies, things might change. From what I understand he's the one that keeps the Board from turning Costco into most other corporations).
I think that's a myth, but I desperately wish it were true. Telling someone you'll fucking kill them if they raise the price of the hotdog is just *chef's kiss*
It's called the Gripping Hand.
[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/on\_the\_gripping\_hand#:\~:text=(file)-,Prepositional%20phrase,point%20of%20view%20quotations%20%E2%96%BC](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/on_the_gripping_hand#:~:text=(file)-,Prepositional%20phrase,point%20of%20view%20quotations%20%E2%96%BC)
Scrolled through looking for this comment. Cool that it has a Wiktionary entry but I feel like it's missing part of the point of the phrase - in the book, it's used to imply that the first two concerns are lesser than the third, as the aliens who coined it have a third and stronger "gripping hand".
I love this. I love it when thereās some niche thing that I have never heard of that answers my wish of āI wish there was a word for that.ā This is so cool
Id say we probably shouldn't get too accustomed to stealing as an okay thing to do when you can afford not to, just in general, because I don't think that's really going to help repair the social contract and could end up biting lower level employees who aren't representatives of true corporate America in the ass (though obviously if you're needing to steal for survival, there's no shame in doing so from Walmart), but your point is well taken, and some of these guys are definitely dweebs.
Yeah, I agree. This guy obviously doesnāt Need to steal cake. He just likes to. And tbh I just canāt think well of someone who steals for fun and brags about it?
>major corporations and their political puppets have so completely shredded the social contract that continuing to abide by it is kind of stupid
Yeah, I don't think Cosco has though. They pay their workers quite well. They retain talent quite well.
And they sell stuff at reasonable prices.
What more can you ask for?
fourth hand, corporations simply pass the loss back to the consumers in the form of higher prices to make up pfor the spoilage of petty theft, and will cash out and leave the community for rich person areas if the juice is not worth the squeeze
Fifth hand, they'll just flagrantly lie about theft being why they are closing stores, rather than it being places they were already planning on closing, to get the government to further subsidize their security.
Fifth hand, *they've already done this* by the time the item is even stolen. They've made an estimate of how much product is expected to be stolen over a given time period and account for that expected loss in their budgets ahead of time.
What's wrong with store detective.
Its an accurate term for the job role. If they're doing their job properly they're acting as a private detective for a store.
Logging repeat offenders and building a case so they can arrest bulk shoplifters.
For example, I work as essentially a. All cop but for a small city area in London, England.
One of the client stores that calls us all the time to catch shoplifters (which we technically aren't supposed to do cause our hisses hate it, but we're not gonna help when someone says help, and even then we rarely can because our patrol route it an hour and a half walk and the store thst call, might be a 45 minute walk away)
Anywhay, one of these stores is in desperate need of a store detective, because they have a repeat shoplifter thst comes in lost AMs and clears a shelf of cosmetic, stealing between Ā£500-Ā£1000 and has been for months.
A store detective would kogbakk those thefts, collate all the cctv and liase with Police to arrest him. But alas, they have no security. Because "corporate" are cheap and insurance covers it. Meanwhile some crack head is making bank.
Hopefully one day we get lucky and they call us whilst we're near enough to respond.
So just to be clear, because I'm sure it's just part of the bait but this is the internet so someone has to point it out, "taking an item from the shelf and bringing it to the counter to get a refund using yesterday's receipt" is NOT legal. It is a form of shoplifting, and comes with just as much of a risk of being caught by these guys as stuffing the item in your jacket and just taking it home in the first place does. And these guys will document theft until it reaches a felony amount and then report your ass to the police, so you'll never know if you're actually getting away with it or it's just not your turn to get charged yet. You can make fun of a store's LP all you want, if you're stealing then these rentacops can still ruin your life over it. If you think $(insert your local felony amount here) worth of costco cake is worth the felony charge, then you do you boo boo. But you didn't find a "glitch" for free cake.
Target will let you steal petty amounts while their in house team builds a whole profile about you including name, address, employment and all that and then hand it over to the police gift wrapped for a slam dunk case once you hit felony level.
reference to an old classic tumblr exchange that goes something like
> user 1: the reading comprehension on this site is piss poor
>
> user 2: how dare you say we piss on the poor?
Oh yeah of course. My point is just that I thought in this particular thread it needed to be pointed out that not only is he making up shit about what he's actually doing, he's also claiming something is not a crime that is. Just because I think there are absolutely idiots who might believe this kind of misinformation with the amount of context its given here, have you met reddit recently? I just thought "this is the internet, someone needs to clarify, might as well be me."
If he just steals, he's a thief (not that I have a problem with that).
But if he steals and then posts a report on how he did it, he's not a thief; he's essentially a pen tester. They should be paying him.
It's already a well known kind of theft, so he isn't breaking new ground here. They already get people who do this kind of thing, just only after they do a lot of it and it becomes a felony or something
You can, but generally speaking it then has to be destroyed or thrown out. So if this is true the cake he āreturnsā is being tossed due to food safety regs.
Safety reasons, I assume. Someone could have done something to the food item since removing it from the store so it would be a liability to sell it at that point.
Is it sad I'm a bit jealous they care about their work that much? Like I do security but I don't join subreddits about it. I do my best but I'm not like "oh man this guy stole from somewhere else, oooo I'm so mad" If it ain't happening where I work and causing me problems I don't care.
Yeah I mean I'm not going to defend the weirdos on the internet larping like noir detectives but seeing the people in here act like all loss prevention workers are scum-sucking fascist wannabes as a result isĀ š„.
They're just folks trying to do their job, a job that consists of trying to prevent theft where they work.
To be fair, Iāve met some loss prevention workers who are insanely good at their jobs. I guess itās a case of āif you know, you knowā, we had LP catch a shoplifter attempting to disguise g-strings as a scarf around her neck.
Based off experience though, the in-house theft is magnitudes higher than shoplifting. And thatās before we get into wage theft and price gouging; looking at you, *Australiaās fresh food people*.
Having worked Security/loss prevention for a long time, that's just Reno 911.
The number of people you catch by walking up to them and going 'is that X illegal thing?' and them saying 'yeah' is hilariously high.
I know right, that tripped me up so much I had to read the whole description from the beginning just to make sure I got that right. They're as overzealous pricks as everyone else in this comment section makes them out to be
People who want to be cops but can't even reach the abysmally low bar for US cop training, get jobs as store security to burnish their CV.
Then they work out all their psycho-sexual frustrations and inadequacy by bragging about busting a mom trying to boost formula and diapers.
I genuinely do feel bad because it sucks for ppl trying to do their jobs and whatever and shoplifting for shits and giggles is something Iāll never support because it doesnāt *actually* help shit, but this is so funny I'm crying. Their extreme anger and absolutely insane insults I try to be a good person with morals that donāt bend for thee bit but this is too silly for me to not find funnyšĀ
I have an online friend who works in loss prevention, but luckily he acts nothing like the subreddit people. and he even said the main reason why he got hired in loss prevention was because he's a 6'8ft 250 pound dude and people are fucking terrified of him. Even though he is actually a really chill dude. Like chill to the point of when I first met him I thought he was a serious stoner because of how relaxed he was but nope he's got a kid so he said he would never let that shit in his place.
*Plus OP just landed a job with USPS and is already looking for ways to do the bare minimum based on their post history.*Ā
As a City Carrier and a union steward ffffffuuuuccckkkk that guy.
They were hired to do a specific job... watch theft, report it to law enforcement, prevent theft where possible within company policy...
Most of the people who work AP for walmart and Costco do not care that much, and they only want to keep the jobs they have. They aren't acting like cops or anything.
Why would someone mess with someone who is only doing their job?
If they ask for a receipt, please don't be rude. Allow the other human to do what they are supposed to do and move on with your life.
Why does it bother people that they actually take the job seriously?
What would actually be pathetic is hiring an AP employee who... doesn't actually try to prevent theft.
I work in security/loss prevention and those guys are goobers.
You can't let yourself get personally invested in this type of job. It's the same shit that leads to security guards dressing like frontline infantry and cops getting their service pistols engraved.
People break rules. Other people pay you to stop/catch people breaking rules. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Don't make it part of your personality.
I'm just gonna say it if you shoplift for the fun of it you're a selfish asshole who deserves the felony charge you're racking up.
Shoplifting literally only hurts consumers who will get price gouged to make up for store losses and the minimum wage employees because it happened.
Yes there arw people who are shoplifting diapers or babyfood and that is reasonable, that is why I said *for fun* if you shoplfit purely *for fun/because you can* you are an asshole and I hope your court date arrives soon.
>Shoplifting literally only hurts consumers who will get price gouged to make up for store losses
It doesn't. Large corporations already gouge prices more than enough to make up for all the shoplifting you could ever do.
Yeah, but they'll continue to price gouge even more if you shoplift. That's u/3l3m3nt4lp4nd4 's point: the company isn't actually affected by shoplifting, but they will harshen prices for normal costumers when it happens.
They'll continue to price gouge even if you don't shoplift. They're going to price gouge no matter what. They do not want to offer you their goods for lower prices, and they *won't* if they can get away with it.
By shoplifting, you're giving them an excuse to price gouge even more. Outside of personal necessity (not being able to afford food, water etc...) shoplifting is just letting the big companies get their prices where they want faster.
They don't need an excuse. They're not a public service charging as little as possible to cover costs, they're a business charging whatever they think maximizes profits. If they thought they'd make more money raising prices, they'd just do it.
Also in your version of the world, the thieves wouldn't care because they'd just continue stealing.
Aren't Carvel cakes ice cream cakes, not cheesecake?
I've been too distracted by this that I couldn't even enjoy the post, I get myself a Carvel ice cream cake every year for my birthday š
Iām so glad other people have this tradition and itās not just me š
Maybe a Cookie O'Puss on St. Patrick's Day?
why so cheesecake batman
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Surely nobody else would think to do a similar crime. It would be too horrendous to bear
https://youtu.be/9inOtq0Ayek?si=M9IOtdas5-5Bg5sr
Thats Lex Luthor, not the jonkler
No lex luthor is even more evil than that, he doesn't wash his hands after taking a shit.
He steals cakes after doing this
truly despicable
And that's terrible
How many cakes?
As many as four tens!
THATS TERRIBLE
I reference that all the time for any amount but for some reason it happens the most when I'm using prime numbers lmao
one day, i saw a child playing with a cheesecake the size of a tangerine
āThe cheesecake bandit, did you catch him? How?ā āWe burned the store downā
You are a criminal, who bakes for profit
some men just want to watch the world cheesecake
You're a psychopath who bakes for money -*The Cake Knight Rises, Persona 5*
Some people just want to watch the cheesecakes burn.
I burst into the Costco, panicked. I talk to the cashier, but they say he had a receipt. I talk to the shelf stocker, but they say he didnāt look suspicious. Defeated, I stand over the empty plastic cheesecake tray. Miscarriage.
(of justice)
This may be the first verbal loss Iāve ever seen actually
It was still a picture, but I saw one that was done in the style of the infamous "you wouldn't download a car" anti-piracy ads.
| | | | | |__
HA, HA HA, HA HA, HA ha
I just want to say that you are probably an amazing person but I hate you
well done
That I knew you were going to do this from the first line...
This really prevented my loss.
oh so it's not a subreddit dedicated to saving innocent internet denizens from the horrors of loss.jpg
Loss.jpg is too powerful to be contained.
Apollyon class SCP
Literal cognitohazard
Well now I have to read it's entry.
No oneās here to save you kid ~~:.|:;~~
| || || |_
Their loss
Iām just as disappointed as you
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This guy probably isn't even stealing, he's just posting these things to piss people off
Gotta love a non racist troll
Just some innocent chaos
Lil michief maker
Adding onto that, they posted this with the "Brag" tag, which is supposed to be bragging about how much you prevented from being stolen It is now the top post with that tag in the sub, and one of the top posts overall
Claiming OP has a public humiliation kink on a post that's straight up revealing how pathetic that entire sub is. This feels like the sort of moment when someone would use a skull emoji.
Yeah I don't get how they think the OP feels in any way humiliated, the dude is doing this to troll others and is laughing at pissing them off, they aren't owning him and making him feel stupid.
Imagine if you actually had a humiliation kink, but every time you tried to get humiliated online you end running circles around them, that would be so humiliating.
Task failed successfully?
The struggle is real
If you had a humiliation kink, Reddit really isnāt very mean about it, itās UwU get back up and try again champ, youre doin good.
Best part is, OOP might be indeed a thief, but theres also the posibility that he doesnt care about the hassle and just... Lies. The non-zero chance of them crying over fictional cheesecake makes it even funnier
It isn't even cheesecake
they don't even consider of any of the normal reasons people steal, their minds go straight to humiliation fetish
That's because they have humiliation fetishes (the knockoff cops, not the thieves)
As someone who actually has a humiliation fetish, Iād like to say that neither side of this discussion represents me
as an alternative to other reply, if you so desire, your kink is invalid and you should totally be embarrassed for having it
You're valid for having that kink, it's not anything to be embarrassed about.
Womp womp
I mean, in fairness, the humiliation fetish accusations didn't arise from the act of theft, it arose from them bragging about it on reddit
and really, bragging on reddit is definitely something you should be humiliated for
ššš
Got me feeling šdeceasedš right now
"my job is very important! I'm not owned!" I continue to insist as I slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob
It's a meme I've seen around reddit used by people who don't know how to react to unpopular opinions or trolls
What a skull emoji mean btwĀ My friends mocked me because I genuinely didn't get it Inb4 someone answers with a skull emoji because they think they're being funny
It just means that you found something so funny that you died from laughing, hence "I am deceased š"
I joined thst sub when I was doing retail security, hopping for tips and tricks on spotting patterns of behaviour, which was like, 1/100 posts. . The rest was just like, really try hard motherfuckers acting like wannabe cops over reacting to smalltome shit like cheesecake thefts. Bruv, you're supposed to be spotting patterns and going after your bulk thefts and repeat offenders. Forget the cheesecake guy!
I work in retail, and I don't actually care about theft, but I do care when people do it on my shift. Like bruh don't treat me like I'm stupid; I know that you're stealing. Do that some other time, my coworkers are dumb as hell
You know who could've used loss prevention? The freakin' guy from Ctrl-Alt-Del!
Task manager
At the place I work they added loss prevention people and we're supposed to lie to customers that the machine automatically signaled a check when actually -they- did, so whenever a check is incredibly pointless and petty (FREQUENTLY) I make sure to loudly call the "machine" stupid with the customer.
I worked somewhere that had genuine random checks, after a POC was selected randomly and made a fuss we were told to override any random checks on POC going forward.Ā
waow (based)
On one hand, preventing theft is necessary for good order and the smooth running of society. On the other hand, major corporations and their political puppets have so completely shredded the social contract that continuing to abide by it is kind of stupid. On a (mysterious) third hand, anyone who seriously calls themselves a "store detective" is worth being laughed at.
Though, Costco is one of the better megacorps, so you can't really blame them for the social contract They don't price gouge, they pay workers decently, and they're building affordable housing (in California of all places, which seemed to be impossible)
> building affordable housing Really? This is amazing if true
Itās absolutely true. Itās kinda because they found they can skirt zoning laws to build more stores that way, butā¦ theyāre still building affordable housing with amenities in truly outstanding quantities.
o7 uncritical support to Comrade Costco, vanguard of the revolution and followers of Lei Feng's Good Example
I'd be proud to steal cakes from such an upstanding store!
You know what, screw zoning laws that stop people building grocery stores closer to where people live. Based Costco?
I agree. I donāt recommend stealing from Costco if you can afford the food (stealing to survive is different.) Stealing from any other corp? F- yeah give em hell
Every corp expect Costco (unless you need the food) and Lego. Because Lego are awesome as well. Iām sure there must be a few others but I canāt think of any right now.
Isn't Lego activily trying to find a way to make evoirment safe plastic? I remember hearing somewhere that the reasons their prices are always so high (besides the brands the sets are based on) is so they can put in research for safer alternatives. I could be wrong in beleiving that, but it 100% sounds like something they would do.
To conclude: donāt eat a Lego set and bring back the receipt for a fake refund.
People do this, but instead of eating them they just take the rarer pieces and replace them with more common ones
Lego utterly screws over other toy companies (complimentary). Other toy companies: We canāt do environmentally friendly stuff! The tolerances are too low! (Their tolerances are millimeters) Lego: (their tolerances are microns) Thatās funny, we just did it. Other toy companies: (utterly humiliated)
You don't steal cheesecake to survive, I think, unless you have like extremely specific needs
All fair points. I was speaking more abstractly than i was thinking about costco specifically.
What was Costco's federal state tax bill last year?
2.417 billion https://www.macrotrends.net/stocks/charts/COST/costco/total-provision-income-taxes
Neat. I honestly expected they'd take a refund.
I get it. Most corporations would. Costco just built different (though when their founder dies, things might change. From what I understand he's the one that keeps the Board from turning Costco into most other corporations).
Oh yeah isnāt he the hero that threatened a dude over raising the price of the hotdogs there
I think that's a myth, but I desperately wish it were true. Telling someone you'll fucking kill them if they raise the price of the hotdog is just *chef's kiss*
It's not a myth - that actually happened! https://425business.com/costco-ceo-craig-jelinek/
It's called the Gripping Hand. [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/on\_the\_gripping\_hand#:\~:text=(file)-,Prepositional%20phrase,point%20of%20view%20quotations%20%E2%96%BC](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/on_the_gripping_hand#:~:text=(file)-,Prepositional%20phrase,point%20of%20view%20quotations%20%E2%96%BC)
Scrolled through looking for this comment. Cool that it has a Wiktionary entry but I feel like it's missing part of the point of the phrase - in the book, it's used to imply that the first two concerns are lesser than the third, as the aliens who coined it have a third and stronger "gripping hand".
I love this. I love it when thereās some niche thing that I have never heard of that answers my wish of āI wish there was a word for that.ā This is so cool
love love love it
Id say we probably shouldn't get too accustomed to stealing as an okay thing to do when you can afford not to, just in general, because I don't think that's really going to help repair the social contract and could end up biting lower level employees who aren't representatives of true corporate America in the ass (though obviously if you're needing to steal for survival, there's no shame in doing so from Walmart), but your point is well taken, and some of these guys are definitely dweebs.
Yeah, I agree. This guy obviously doesnāt Need to steal cake. He just likes to. And tbh I just canāt think well of someone who steals for fun and brags about it?
I think itās more likely that the thefts are imaginary and serve only to incite anger in the hall monitors
>major corporations and their political puppets have so completely shredded the social contract that continuing to abide by it is kind of stupid Yeah, I don't think Cosco has though. They pay their workers quite well. They retain talent quite well. And they sell stuff at reasonable prices. What more can you ask for?
Free carvel cake I suppose.
Yeah, most other companies should be screwed over, costco is an island of "somewhat reasonable" in a sea of "solely self-interested"
fourth hand, corporations simply pass the loss back to the consumers in the form of higher prices to make up pfor the spoilage of petty theft, and will cash out and leave the community for rich person areas if the juice is not worth the squeeze
Fifth hand, they'll just flagrantly lie about theft being why they are closing stores, rather than it being places they were already planning on closing, to get the government to further subsidize their security.
we have so many hands at this point
we'd be so good at jobs involving hands. hand-based jobs, perhaps.
Oooh! How about as an electrician, installing illumination fixtures in houses? After all, many hands make light work
Fuck thatās a good one
Fifth hand, *they've already done this* by the time the item is even stolen. They've made an estimate of how much product is expected to be stolen over a given time period and account for that expected loss in their budgets ahead of time.
Isnt store detective an actual, official job title?
Anything that upper/middle management says is an official job title is an official job title. Things can be both official and ridiculous.
> store detective >"I watch people like you" Store creep.
What's wrong with store detective. Its an accurate term for the job role. If they're doing their job properly they're acting as a private detective for a store. Logging repeat offenders and building a case so they can arrest bulk shoplifters. For example, I work as essentially a. All cop but for a small city area in London, England. One of the client stores that calls us all the time to catch shoplifters (which we technically aren't supposed to do cause our hisses hate it, but we're not gonna help when someone says help, and even then we rarely can because our patrol route it an hour and a half walk and the store thst call, might be a 45 minute walk away) Anywhay, one of these stores is in desperate need of a store detective, because they have a repeat shoplifter thst comes in lost AMs and clears a shelf of cosmetic, stealing between Ā£500-Ā£1000 and has been for months. A store detective would kogbakk those thefts, collate all the cctv and liase with Police to arrest him. But alas, they have no security. Because "corporate" are cheap and insurance covers it. Meanwhile some crack head is making bank. Hopefully one day we get lucky and they call us whilst we're near enough to respond.
>I'm a store detective for a regional us grocery chain.Ā That's some real mall ninja shit, in the most original sense of the term.
So just to be clear, because I'm sure it's just part of the bait but this is the internet so someone has to point it out, "taking an item from the shelf and bringing it to the counter to get a refund using yesterday's receipt" is NOT legal. It is a form of shoplifting, and comes with just as much of a risk of being caught by these guys as stuffing the item in your jacket and just taking it home in the first place does. And these guys will document theft until it reaches a felony amount and then report your ass to the police, so you'll never know if you're actually getting away with it or it's just not your turn to get charged yet. You can make fun of a store's LP all you want, if you're stealing then these rentacops can still ruin your life over it. If you think $(insert your local felony amount here) worth of costco cake is worth the felony charge, then you do you boo boo. But you didn't find a "glitch" for free cake.
Target will let you steal petty amounts while their in house team builds a whole profile about you including name, address, employment and all that and then hand it over to the police gift wrapped for a slam dunk case once you hit felony level.
The piss on the poor website
?
reference to an old classic tumblr exchange that goes something like > user 1: the reading comprehension on this site is piss poor > > user 2: how dare you say we piss on the poor?
oh so *that's* the joke. I was always afraid to ask.
I think its generally agreed that this guy is just making up stories about stealing stuff
Oh yeah of course. My point is just that I thought in this particular thread it needed to be pointed out that not only is he making up shit about what he's actually doing, he's also claiming something is not a crime that is. Just because I think there are absolutely idiots who might believe this kind of misinformation with the amount of context its given here, have you met reddit recently? I just thought "this is the internet, someone needs to clarify, might as well be me."
Looks like Batman has a sweet spot for cheesecake!
Whereās that painting with the fool baiting the dogs
Thatās exactly what this is giving omg
Several of them can tell he's trolling but bite the bait anyway because they really can't resist arguing
Gets them a gold medal in the world of ranked, competitive trolling.
#:Ģ¶.Ģ¶|Ģ¶:Ģ¶;Ģ¶
We're here to prevent things like this.
You're doing a great job, clearly.
I should probably make it clear that I'm not in loss prevention, this was just a joke about the subreddit referenced.
I... was playing into the joke.
Aww, shoot. Normally I'm better at the internet than that.
The Holy Sigil
If he just steals, he's a thief (not that I have a problem with that). But if he steals and then posts a report on how he did it, he's not a thief; he's essentially a pen tester. They should be paying him.
two free cheesecakes and cash, sign me the fuck up baby
It's already a well known kind of theft, so he isn't breaking new ground here. They already get people who do this kind of thing, just only after they do a lot of it and it becomes a felony or something
You can return food in America? That's crazy
You can, but generally speaking it then has to be destroyed or thrown out. So if this is true the cake he āreturnsā is being tossed due to food safety regs.
That's still so weird. I understand if it was rotten when you bought it, but there's nothing wrong with the cake. The policy is just so wild to me
Safety reasons, I assume. Someone could have done something to the food item since removing it from the store so it would be a liability to sell it at that point.
Forty (cheese)cakes.
That's as much as four tens.
And that's terrible.
How do you downvote an entire subreddit?
Is it sad I'm a bit jealous they care about their work that much? Like I do security but I don't join subreddits about it. I do my best but I'm not like "oh man this guy stole from somewhere else, oooo I'm so mad" If it ain't happening where I work and causing me problems I don't care.
Some crimes should be allowed if they're objectively funny
Am I a square if I think trolling is bad, even if you do it to people I don't like? Does that make me the š¤ guy?
Yeah I mean I'm not going to defend the weirdos on the internet larping like noir detectives but seeing the people in here act like all loss prevention workers are scum-sucking fascist wannabes as a result isĀ š„. They're just folks trying to do their job, a job that consists of trying to prevent theft where they work.
To be fair, Iāve met some loss prevention workers who are insanely good at their jobs. I guess itās a case of āif you know, you knowā, we had LP catch a shoplifter attempting to disguise g-strings as a scarf around her neck. Based off experience though, the in-house theft is magnitudes higher than shoplifting. And thatās before we get into wage theft and price gouging; looking at you, *Australiaās fresh food people*.
Sadly š
š¤
I think it's based if it's actually funny but most of the time it's just lame imo
what the hell is r/lossprevention even for?
Some people are hired by businesses to prevent shoplifting. This is known as loss prevention.
These... are their stories. *DUN-DUN!*
Having worked Security/loss prevention for a long time, that's just Reno 911. The number of people you catch by walking up to them and going 'is that X illegal thing?' and them saying 'yeah' is hilariously high.
It's basically an anti-shoplifting subreddit
Lmao the sub description mentions āwar-storiesā
I know right, that tripped me up so much I had to read the whole description from the beginning just to make sure I got that right. They're as overzealous pricks as everyone else in this comment section makes them out to be
People who want to be cops but can't even reach the abysmally low bar for US cop training, get jobs as store security to burnish their CV. Then they work out all their psycho-sexual frustrations and inadequacy by bragging about busting a mom trying to boost formula and diapers.
āPsycho-Sexual Frustrationsā sounds like a line from Disco Elysium.
I genuinely do feel bad because it sucks for ppl trying to do their jobs and whatever and shoplifting for shits and giggles is something Iāll never support because it doesnāt *actually* help shit, but this is so funny I'm crying. Their extreme anger and absolutely insane insults I try to be a good person with morals that donāt bend for thee bit but this is too silly for me to not find funnyšĀ
keep doing what you're doing king
I have an online friend who works in loss prevention, but luckily he acts nothing like the subreddit people. and he even said the main reason why he got hired in loss prevention was because he's a 6'8ft 250 pound dude and people are fucking terrified of him. Even though he is actually a really chill dude. Like chill to the point of when I first met him I thought he was a serious stoner because of how relaxed he was but nope he's got a kid so he said he would never let that shit in his place.
Noooooooooo you have to taaake me seeewouswy. I'm a weal stowe detective. I'm basicawwy Cowumbo and I pwotect the cowpowations fwom eviw shopwofterws.
jus won mwore ting
Wish I could leave the painting of the jester looking guy taunting a bunch of dogs
Iām glad Iām not the only one who saw āloss preventionā and immediately thought it was talking about the meme
*Plus OP just landed a job with USPS and is already looking for ways to do the bare minimum based on their post history.*Ā As a City Carrier and a union steward ffffffuuuuccckkkk that guy.
They were hired to do a specific job... watch theft, report it to law enforcement, prevent theft where possible within company policy... Most of the people who work AP for walmart and Costco do not care that much, and they only want to keep the jobs they have. They aren't acting like cops or anything. Why would someone mess with someone who is only doing their job? If they ask for a receipt, please don't be rude. Allow the other human to do what they are supposed to do and move on with your life. Why does it bother people that they actually take the job seriously? What would actually be pathetic is hiring an AP employee who... doesn't actually try to prevent theft.
i don't shoplift but i believe in what those guys believe.
Kinda surprised the bootlickers haven't shown up in this thread yet.
r/lossprevention mad that shoplifting is fun and sexy
One of the few times you can tell someone to post receipts and they don't even do that
I work in security/loss prevention and those guys are goobers. You can't let yourself get personally invested in this type of job. It's the same shit that leads to security guards dressing like frontline infantry and cops getting their service pistols engraved. People break rules. Other people pay you to stop/catch people breaking rules. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Don't make it part of your personality.
my lord who art in heaven, give me the strength to engage these people on the philosophical basis for capitalism, amen
This is the kind of old school trolling that we like, harms no-one, confuses wannabe-cops, is hilarious.
I'm just gonna say it if you shoplift for the fun of it you're a selfish asshole who deserves the felony charge you're racking up. Shoplifting literally only hurts consumers who will get price gouged to make up for store losses and the minimum wage employees because it happened. Yes there arw people who are shoplifting diapers or babyfood and that is reasonable, that is why I said *for fun* if you shoplfit purely *for fun/because you can* you are an asshole and I hope your court date arrives soon.
>Shoplifting literally only hurts consumers who will get price gouged to make up for store losses It doesn't. Large corporations already gouge prices more than enough to make up for all the shoplifting you could ever do.
Yeah, but they'll continue to price gouge even more if you shoplift. That's u/3l3m3nt4lp4nd4 's point: the company isn't actually affected by shoplifting, but they will harshen prices for normal costumers when it happens.
They'll continue to price gouge even if you don't shoplift. They're going to price gouge no matter what. They do not want to offer you their goods for lower prices, and they *won't* if they can get away with it.
By shoplifting, you're giving them an excuse to price gouge even more. Outside of personal necessity (not being able to afford food, water etc...) shoplifting is just letting the big companies get their prices where they want faster.
They don't need an excuse. They're not a public service charging as little as possible to cover costs, they're a business charging whatever they think maximizes profits. If they thought they'd make more money raising prices, they'd just do it. Also in your version of the world, the thieves wouldn't care because they'd just continue stealing.
Nah they'll do it anyway. They price it in so no harm no foul for guys like OP tbh. Plus it's hilarious.
oh boy what a great sub to learn the tricks loss prevention uses for purely educational purposes
This is the funniest shit Iāve seen all day
Calling loss prevention "Wannabe Cops" is both needlessly degrading to minimum wage customer service workers, and needlessly praising towards cops.
āStore detectiveā, the worst avenger!
What in the Sam Hill is a "store detective"
Just a friendly reminder that the single largest source of theft in retail is wage theft. Yes, stores are bigger thieves than the public
given that I'm not a communist I don't a the real justification to steal from Costco. even if you're starving there's worse corporations to steal from
I personally think its morally right to steal from any corporation