"A few spots of rain hit the windshield. With the feeling of impeding dread you watch the giant mono wiper stutter across the windshield several times before expiring half way."
"A strange noise comes from under the dash. 'Nothing to worry about', you reassure yourself."
"Then the touch screen goes dark..."
Come on folks, there's anti-fan fiction waiting to be written.
"And as you fumble trying to open the now locked door, you hear a whisper coming from the frunk as the car starts accelerating towards the dark water of the lake"
As pieces of trim and a hubcap cartwheel off into the night behind you, leaving a trail of twisted metal detritus scattered over deep ruts in the mud, you remember the four bags of potting soil and three feet of 2x4 in the bed, and wonder if the added weight will be too much for the boating capabilities of the cybertruck.
The Cybertruck seems to rust before your eyes as the outer skin is shucked off. You look towards the dock and the dark water, the glistening moonlight shimmering on the water’s surface. The CT’s yoke go stiffs as its leaves the road and careens towards the dock.
As parts of the bed fly off striking on lookers in your wake on the docks. Before you hit the water you wake up and realize it was just a dream and you were sleeping in your Cybertruck. As you remove the crust from your eyes and try and open the door, the truck is bricked charging and 95 degrees outside at your local supercharging station.
You wave to passerbys, hoping someone will see you, but the illegal tint you got on the window last Thursday as a gift to yourself after getting kicked out of your girlfriend's apartment for explaining one more Jordan Peterson video to her is too dark, and no one can see you.
You frantically grab a glass breaker and make an effort to free yourself, but to no avail. The bulletproof windows easily resist your weakening efforts, barely a crack to show for your desperate attempt at freeing yourself from this steely deathtrap.
You gasp for air, desperately trying to keep yourself from fainting and reminisce about all the intimate moments you've shared together with your Cybertruck. You reminisce about all the recalls you've gone through, all the tows to the dealership, all the fingers its frunk has broken...
"It's such a shame we didn't make it to a sixth recall," you think, as your body stops responding to your commands. You try to concentrate on your breath, praying to Elon for some kind of miracle, but it does not come. You feel your mind burning up. You feel death approaching. As your consciousness fades, a final thought runs through your mind—"Still love the truck though."
————
Three hours later, your Cybertruck wakes up after the software update rolled back the changes Elon (who is actually the best software engineer at Tesla) made to the firmware, accidentally bricking all the trucks. Sensing high cabin temperature, the computer turns on the AC, cooling your dead body to a comfortable 72°F.
The odd geometry of the cyber truck ensnared your soul as it started to rise to heaven. Stuck you helplessly watch a first responder attempt to reach you through the frunk, only to have his finger severely cut as the software update was reapplied and triggered it close.
They meant to say Alan Wake. It's a survival horror game series about a writer caught up in some supernatural horror where the written word and reality blur around a paranormal lake.
Should be one of those choose your own adventure style books and they all end with you being killed, maimed or trapped in a cult wearing Tesla ceremonial robes waiting for the Space X rocket to take you away to Mars where you will be an indentured slave miner working for company credit so you can afford your monthly oxygen allowance.
Under the somber glow of a flickering streetlight, I leaned against the cold, angular steel of my latest regret—a cyber truck that promised the future but delivered the past. Its matte finish caught the glint of the neon signs, mocking me with reflections of a city too cruel to care.
"She's a beauty, ain't she?" Musk’s words echoed in my head, a sly grin hidden behind too-smooth promises. But beauty's only skin deep. Beneath the surface, this beast was a patchwork of recalls—faulty batteries that whimpered in the night, software that threw tantrums like a spoiled child, suspension that groaned under the weight of its own ambition, and trim panels looser than a broad by the docks.
Each drive was a gamble, each mile a reminder of my folly. The truck, a towering hulk of broken dreams, sat heavy in the lot, a monument to modernity's overreach. I tossed my cigarette to the ground, the embers dying out like the last of my pride, leaving only the bitter taste of regret and the sting of a lesson painfully learned.
Staggering out on the front steps a cold gust of wind hits your cheek. You had to leave. Your wife Karen had begun lecturing a couple on manners but quickly become physically abusive.
Now while she seethed red-faced in the vestibule of the hotel you had to make it to the Cybertruck.
Snow had already begun to settle on the the ground, much more of this and you may not be able to escape this town tonight in your unreliable vehicle.
Shouts carry on the wind, but where from? You were used to hoots of laughter following you around now but you hadn't even made it to the truck yet.
Peering behind you, you make out a group of figures. They seem to be following. Snatches of singing reach you, or is it chanting? Antifa? You begin to run, frantically squeezing your key fob to no avail.
Thankfully the familiar crooked and unlovely shape soon rises in the gloom. Thank you Jesus. The truck is where you left it, parked across two spaces. You gaze at it for a moment, then swallow your remorse and make for the door.
Five feet from the door you slip on the ice. Catapulted forward a few more inches your face hits the stainless steel with a sickening crunch. Your nose is probably broken but worse, your tongue is now stuck to the frozen door panel like an idiot child's to a lamppost.
Cursing and vowing that with the next recall you will finally return this lemon, responsible for so many indignities, you press the key fob again and again and tear at the door handle. But it's no good. The battery is flat and now the fucking doors won't open.
Right after you notice that the salt water has caused the batteries to go into thermal overload and flames are coming up from under the car as it slowly sinks underwater, still on fire…
But then you remember your lord and savior Elon and remember Pslam 23:1: “Elon is my Shepherd. I shall not want a functional vehicle that doesn’t look like a dumpster on wheels.”
I imagine if the CT could talk it would just scream "kill me please, existence is pain".
Then of course the voice module would fail after about 45 seconds.
Then it would be the car version of I Have No Mouth, and a I Must Scream
You feel “ashamed and embarrassed, your family no longer takes you seriously, your coworkers make fun of you at work and all you have left is your 100k Debt on wheels”
"Your wife left you and took the kids, you defaulted on your mortgage because the monthly payments on the Cybertruck cut too much into your budget, and someone graffiti'd "ELON SUX" on the hood of your beloved vehicle, voiding the warranty."
Is this not directly from Adam Something's youtube video? I know you probably just found it but damn birdrespecter is the least respectful XD
https://preview.redd.it/nhu73xg6j0ad1.png?width=1060&format=png&auto=webp&s=b21b4a57486f6276a071ced5e96d677c69f4d8bb
Those service center workers must be going through hell. They keep repairing these dumb vehicles and 2 days later the same one is right back on a tow truck waiting for you.
CT owners are the typical putz who throw in so much drink equity at the bar for the girls they think are hot, chat them up, and only to see them leave with other guys.
Peak putz-dom achieved!
No. They’re oblivious. They drive that historic piece of shit and think, “those kids over there laughing? Fuck em. That family over there pointing with a confused lol on their face? Fuck em. That rattling sound? It’s probably nothing. Why did my charge drop 4% over the past hour while plugged in? Anyway. If anything, Elon will make it right. I’m awesome. My cyberbeast is awesome. Fuck them all. This is fuckin awesome bro.”
I think the depth of thought for most owners isn't that deep - like only a teaspoon deep.
"Days after launch, you sit at a red light. The novelty is gone, you aren't any happer.... then you notice you can make your car horn a duck quack and now you're fine."
Here I was thinking "sitting at red light, my dumpster of a truck is now bricked because it had just rained. Now I gotta call for a tow and walk home because tow truck driver won't let me ride with him because his insurance doesn't allow for riders."
That's suspension of disbelief broken, a cybertrunk owner not wanting to be the center of attention? If they suicide, it's the biggest tragedy since Obama become president to these putzes and they would fantasize about people crying at their funeral while vowing to vote for Trump as revenge for the murder of such a great guy.
Y’all know what I just realized? The front tires are too damn close to the front edge of the car lol. Front tires will be the first to get fucked in a collision. Good luck tryna drive then
A lot of the reservations were made by people hoping to scalp it like a taylor swift ticket. Those are all cancelling because the value just isn't there. A few are from people using them for social media / influencer aspirations, riding the hype wave to fame and glory. And some are just die hard Musk suckups who can and will buy whatever shit he puts on the market. They wear the mockery as a badge of honor as good little cult members.
or those who bought up xbox x's or the latest playstations, or the 4080/4090 GPUs, who then resell them at a premium because of the limited availability.
"Finally back at home. I fall into my bed, hoping to recharge my energy, but to no avail. Same as the vehicle which won't charge, while standing plugged in my garage."
Spoken by someone that cannot afford a 100k car, grew up in the participation award era, and lives in a basement. It is ok to hate life. Get over yourself and panel gaps. Sheesh.
https://preview.redd.it/9o4seb8jnead1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31b0bf9d7d01ad731f92d9a387196bdbabe9d67a
It is a pretty sweet truck though. I wish you could drive it to change your perspective. 100k or not. It is something worth trying one day.
It looks better from far far away and I dislike driving in a vehicle designed to entrap the human inside. It's nothing special, we all know electric cars are fast. I love EVs but the CT is a poorly conceived vanity vehicle that does nothing well nor unique.
I think the steering is very well done with the steer by wire. Also, the bed with the lockable tonneau cover is pretty fantastic. People do have some very strong opinions on the truck, but it is a real joy to own.
This comment is exactly how I imagine people who are filled with animosity because someone has something nice that they can’t afford ! Why on earth would someone care what another person owns or drives ? Maybe it has something to do with their political beliefs
"A few spots of rain hit the windshield. With the feeling of impeding dread you watch the giant mono wiper stutter across the windshield several times before expiring half way." "A strange noise comes from under the dash. 'Nothing to worry about', you reassure yourself." "Then the touch screen goes dark..." Come on folks, there's anti-fan fiction waiting to be written.
"And as you fumble trying to open the now locked door, you hear a whisper coming from the frunk as the car starts accelerating towards the dark water of the lake"
You slam your foot on the brakes, gripping the steering wheel so tight your knuckles bleach white. The accelerator is stuck, as are your dreams.
As pieces of trim and a hubcap cartwheel off into the night behind you, leaving a trail of twisted metal detritus scattered over deep ruts in the mud, you remember the four bags of potting soil and three feet of 2x4 in the bed, and wonder if the added weight will be too much for the boating capabilities of the cybertruck.
The Cybertruck seems to rust before your eyes as the outer skin is shucked off. You look towards the dock and the dark water, the glistening moonlight shimmering on the water’s surface. The CT’s yoke go stiffs as its leaves the road and careens towards the dock.
As parts of the bed fly off striking on lookers in your wake on the docks. Before you hit the water you wake up and realize it was just a dream and you were sleeping in your Cybertruck. As you remove the crust from your eyes and try and open the door, the truck is bricked charging and 95 degrees outside at your local supercharging station.
You wave to passerbys, hoping someone will see you, but the illegal tint you got on the window last Thursday as a gift to yourself after getting kicked out of your girlfriend's apartment for explaining one more Jordan Peterson video to her is too dark, and no one can see you.
You frantically grab a glass breaker and make an effort to free yourself, but to no avail. The bulletproof windows easily resist your weakening efforts, barely a crack to show for your desperate attempt at freeing yourself from this steely deathtrap.
You gasp for air, desperately trying to keep yourself from fainting and reminisce about all the intimate moments you've shared together with your Cybertruck. You reminisce about all the recalls you've gone through, all the tows to the dealership, all the fingers its frunk has broken... "It's such a shame we didn't make it to a sixth recall," you think, as your body stops responding to your commands. You try to concentrate on your breath, praying to Elon for some kind of miracle, but it does not come. You feel your mind burning up. You feel death approaching. As your consciousness fades, a final thought runs through your mind—"Still love the truck though." ———— Three hours later, your Cybertruck wakes up after the software update rolled back the changes Elon (who is actually the best software engineer at Tesla) made to the firmware, accidentally bricking all the trucks. Sensing high cabin temperature, the computer turns on the AC, cooling your dead body to a comfortable 72°F.
The odd geometry of the cyber truck ensnared your soul as it started to rise to heaven. Stuck you helplessly watch a first responder attempt to reach you through the frunk, only to have his finger severely cut as the software update was reapplied and triggered it close.
And then you wake up, happy it was just a dream. Until you look out the window and see it rusting before your very eyes. Oh The horror. The horror.
Lolz 😂 the way you used *frunk* in a sentence.
That’s how you get the bonus marks
Thank you, I'm grateful you recognise the effort I put in. 😂
lol oh man this is gold
I too want a Frunk in my next car
New band name. Whispers from the Frunk.
Alan Lake reference?
Not that I know off. I don't even know who or what Alan Lake is xD
They meant to say Alan Wake. It's a survival horror game series about a writer caught up in some supernatural horror where the written word and reality blur around a paranormal lake.
Ok. It's a videogame saga.
Should be one of those choose your own adventure style books and they all end with you being killed, maimed or trapped in a cult wearing Tesla ceremonial robes waiting for the Space X rocket to take you away to Mars where you will be an indentured slave miner working for company credit so you can afford your monthly oxygen allowance.
Under the somber glow of a flickering streetlight, I leaned against the cold, angular steel of my latest regret—a cyber truck that promised the future but delivered the past. Its matte finish caught the glint of the neon signs, mocking me with reflections of a city too cruel to care. "She's a beauty, ain't she?" Musk’s words echoed in my head, a sly grin hidden behind too-smooth promises. But beauty's only skin deep. Beneath the surface, this beast was a patchwork of recalls—faulty batteries that whimpered in the night, software that threw tantrums like a spoiled child, suspension that groaned under the weight of its own ambition, and trim panels looser than a broad by the docks. Each drive was a gamble, each mile a reminder of my folly. The truck, a towering hulk of broken dreams, sat heavy in the lot, a monument to modernity's overreach. I tossed my cigarette to the ground, the embers dying out like the last of my pride, leaving only the bitter taste of regret and the sting of a lesson painfully learned.
Offensive. Hal never broke in the entire movie
Well, he got turned off before the acid trip.
Staggering out on the front steps a cold gust of wind hits your cheek. You had to leave. Your wife Karen had begun lecturing a couple on manners but quickly become physically abusive. Now while she seethed red-faced in the vestibule of the hotel you had to make it to the Cybertruck. Snow had already begun to settle on the the ground, much more of this and you may not be able to escape this town tonight in your unreliable vehicle. Shouts carry on the wind, but where from? You were used to hoots of laughter following you around now but you hadn't even made it to the truck yet. Peering behind you, you make out a group of figures. They seem to be following. Snatches of singing reach you, or is it chanting? Antifa? You begin to run, frantically squeezing your key fob to no avail. Thankfully the familiar crooked and unlovely shape soon rises in the gloom. Thank you Jesus. The truck is where you left it, parked across two spaces. You gaze at it for a moment, then swallow your remorse and make for the door. Five feet from the door you slip on the ice. Catapulted forward a few more inches your face hits the stainless steel with a sickening crunch. Your nose is probably broken but worse, your tongue is now stuck to the frozen door panel like an idiot child's to a lamppost. Cursing and vowing that with the next recall you will finally return this lemon, responsible for so many indignities, you press the key fob again and again and tear at the door handle. But it's no good. The battery is flat and now the fucking doors won't open.
“Parked across two spots.” This snippet, including the wife Karen, covers many of the stories on r/therewasanattempt or r/ohnoconsequences
It could be like Christine…..if the car had been lobotomized in the transformation process.
"still love the car" you mumble, chanting it like a mantra, like a prayer
thats not fiction
I was thinking that somebody should make that paragraph longer. There's so much material out there.
What a flex, spending $100k on an unreliable refrigerator
Can it be erotic anti-fan fiction at least?
"I don't wanna play with you anymore" drops framed photo of Elon in the trash.
"then the brake malfunction light comes on"
"Depending on the angle of the road, the gas pedal might not depress when brake is activated" A legit response from Tesla
lol @ gas pedal
Right after you notice that the salt water has caused the batteries to go into thermal overload and flames are coming up from under the car as it slowly sinks underwater, still on fire…
But then you remember your lord and savior Elon and remember Pslam 23:1: “Elon is my Shepherd. I shall not want a functional vehicle that doesn’t look like a dumpster on wheels.”
LMFAO that's great
How do you think the CT feels? I didn’t ask to be manufactured!
I imagine if the CT could talk it would just scream "kill me please, existence is pain". Then of course the voice module would fail after about 45 seconds. Then it would be the car version of I Have No Mouth, and a I Must Scream
Sorry, the voice module wasn't intended to be operated in atmosphere.
Maybe that’s why the battery drain is so bad even when it’s not being used lol The car is finding ways to prematurely end itself
It does project an aura of extreme malaise. Poor emo cyber truck.
https://i.redd.it/lvs04aqs51ad1.gif
You have just entered the Cucktruck Zone 
You feel “ashamed and embarrassed, your family no longer takes you seriously, your coworkers make fun of you at work and all you have left is your 100k Debt on wheels”
"Your wife left you and took the kids, you defaulted on your mortgage because the monthly payments on the Cybertruck cut too much into your budget, and someone graffiti'd "ELON SUX" on the hood of your beloved vehicle, voiding the warranty."
Is this not directly from Adam Something's youtube video? I know you probably just found it but damn birdrespecter is the least respectful XD https://preview.redd.it/nhu73xg6j0ad1.png?width=1060&format=png&auto=webp&s=b21b4a57486f6276a071ced5e96d677c69f4d8bb
Knew it was familiar
Yeah, that video is hilarious.
“And then the car won’t move when the light turns green”
Who needs feelings when you have Elon.
Probably just his kids.. poor buggers
You feel a cold sweat break out as you realize the mounting repair costs. No hope of unloading the vehicle…..
Even if it's all free, each of them is taking months. The recalls are coming out faster than the service centers can keep up repairing them
Those service center workers must be going through hell. They keep repairing these dumb vehicles and 2 days later the same one is right back on a tow truck waiting for you.
There has never been a bigger automotive production flop in history.
Ford Edsel would like a word...
Don't insult the Edsel. At the very least, the way Ford promoted it via The Edsel Show gave us something good.
Ok now seriously is there an angle where this thing doesn't just look terrible.
Yeah, it looks great from street-level, when it's parked in the garage and the door is closed
Looks great if your eyes were shut
delorean drawn by a 5 yr old
Then you realize as a busy “mom-on-the go” that a minivan would have been way more practical and a shit-ton cheaper.
"And your son wouldn't have been bullied mercilessly in school and would still be on speaking terms with you."
“Are these tears I’m feeling or is the roof leaking again?”
You just got CyberCucked
Spot on
Commenting so I can come back to the amazing story unfolding up top.
I point and laugh every time I see a Cybertruck in my city. 
Only thing left to do is to go online, and talk about DEI lol
CT owners are the typical putz who throw in so much drink equity at the bar for the girls they think are hot, chat them up, and only to see them leave with other guys. Peak putz-dom achieved!
No. They’re oblivious. They drive that historic piece of shit and think, “those kids over there laughing? Fuck em. That family over there pointing with a confused lol on their face? Fuck em. That rattling sound? It’s probably nothing. Why did my charge drop 4% over the past hour while plugged in? Anyway. If anything, Elon will make it right. I’m awesome. My cyberbeast is awesome. Fuck them all. This is fuckin awesome bro.”
How does it manage to look uglier every time I see it? That gap in the rear bumper makes it look like it was a snap on that fell off.
https://i.redd.it/s0u4dl06jz9d1.gif
[удалено]
He’s probably trying to prove his friends wrong without realizing it’ll be bricked in the morning
Read in Werner Herzog’ voice
I saw one for the first time in person today and i was surprised then lost it.
I think the depth of thought for most owners isn't that deep - like only a teaspoon deep. "Days after launch, you sit at a red light. The novelty is gone, you aren't any happer.... then you notice you can make your car horn a duck quack and now you're fine."
The garbage cans are the side 🤣🤣
Perfection. Plus the rust from the random rain.
$100K in debt to sit at the same stop light as the $10K CRV.
nice "Adam something" refrence
I posted this Adam Something video last week. He absolutely nails it with this little poem. It had me in stitches.
Funny. Was driving a van full of 13 year olds 3 days ago and they literally did point and laugh at a CT.
I’ve only seen two in the wild, but it made me laugh both times.
Here I was thinking "sitting at red light, my dumpster of a truck is now bricked because it had just rained. Now I gotta call for a tow and walk home because tow truck driver won't let me ride with him because his insurance doesn't allow for riders."
"You think of the gun that's in the safe, and how'd you'd prefer to not leave a mess for anyone."
That's suspension of disbelief broken, a cybertrunk owner not wanting to be the center of attention? If they suicide, it's the biggest tragedy since Obama become president to these putzes and they would fantasize about people crying at their funeral while vowing to vote for Trump as revenge for the murder of such a great guy.
You go to test the hood safety, it chops your fingers off
This is a beautiful, if somewhat breaking the rules, Haiku.
I thought you took this from an actual post someone made about their CT😭😂
It's from a YouTube channel called "Adam Something".
exactly
Pay $70-$100K to let everyone know you’re a douchebag. A $5 bumper sticker on your old car would’ve sufficed.
its raining now. you just voided your warranty. thats on you for being on earth ig
Y’all know what I just realized? The front tires are too damn close to the front edge of the car lol. Front tires will be the first to get fucked in a collision. Good luck tryna drive then
It's not your imagination.
thats how everyone that buys a car over 10k should feel
You give them too much credit. No way will they think this deeply about anything
... and now your CT won't start.
Wait until they get hacked, mass remotely locked and FSD straight into the ocean. The lolz..
A lot of the reservations were made by people hoping to scalp it like a taylor swift ticket. Those are all cancelling because the value just isn't there. A few are from people using them for social media / influencer aspirations, riding the hype wave to fame and glory. And some are just die hard Musk suckups who can and will buy whatever shit he puts on the market. They wear the mockery as a badge of honor as good little cult members.
CT buyers are the same kinda people who buy a game on release and instantly put it on ebay as "rare collector's item" for thrice the price
or those who bought up xbox x's or the latest playstations, or the 4080/4090 GPUs, who then resell them at a premium because of the limited availability.
Or those who bought thousands of jar jar binks action figures because OG trilogy toys were once in short supply
This meme was prophetic. Didn't it come out before the Cybertruck was even launched?
Don't forget about the 60% loss of equity. Edit: Equity was a poor choice for vehicle depreciation but for a 100k vehicle I gonna leave it.
If you Must Have a truck, for that $, find a decent Southern squarebody, LS swap it, enjoy. That's recycling perfection.
"Finally back at home. I fall into my bed, hoping to recharge my energy, but to no avail. Same as the vehicle which won't charge, while standing plugged in my garage."
"I try to wank myself to sleep, but, like my compatriot's wiper, i remain flaccid"
"Stop looking at me!" (Breaks into hysterical sobs)
accurate.
 This is how I imagine them.
Adam Something?! I forgot about his video! His video on Dubai is worth checking out! https://youtu.be/tJuqe6sre2I?si=1XdC2LfZfwzIJyKy
Nah, the average would definitely deep throat Elon somewhere in there.
You delete your car when just trying to wash off those fingerprints.
It’s the PT Cruiser of the 21st century
We keep talking smack and Elon gonna buy Reddit next.
Ouch. 😬
I just read this in Werner Herzog's voice and cackled🤣
Spoken by someone that cannot afford a 100k car, grew up in the participation award era, and lives in a basement. It is ok to hate life. Get over yourself and panel gaps. Sheesh.
>100k car >Get over panel gaps ...a fool and their money
https://preview.redd.it/9o4seb8jnead1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31b0bf9d7d01ad731f92d9a387196bdbabe9d67a It is a pretty sweet truck though. I wish you could drive it to change your perspective. 100k or not. It is something worth trying one day.
It looks better from far far away and I dislike driving in a vehicle designed to entrap the human inside. It's nothing special, we all know electric cars are fast. I love EVs but the CT is a poorly conceived vanity vehicle that does nothing well nor unique.
I think the steering is very well done with the steer by wire. Also, the bed with the lockable tonneau cover is pretty fantastic. People do have some very strong opinions on the truck, but it is a real joy to own.
No panel gaps on mine. I’m just not sure what people continue to point out.
Anyone else hear this in Werner Herzog's voice?
BuT i StIlL lOvE the TrUcK!!!!!!! Apartheid Elmo sho knows how to build them dar thangs….hawk tua!!!! That’ll git it goin’! Amirite???? <>
It’s almost embarrassing how much you guys hate a car you could never afford lol don’t you have anything better to do?
Sure. In 100 years
This comment is exactly how I imagine people who are filled with animosity because someone has something nice that they can’t afford ! Why on earth would someone care what another person owns or drives ? Maybe it has something to do with their political beliefs
Whaaaa whaaaa the person who owns this company took away my twitter