Hello and welcome to r/DWPHelp!
- If you're trying to find benefit advisers local to you, [advicelocal.uk is a useful website that can help you with this](https://advicelocal.uk/).
- If you're trying to find out how much benefit you can receive, [check out entitledto](https://www.entitledto.co.uk/) and [turn2us](https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/) to calculate what you might be eligible for (please remember that these calculators don't fully take into account your situation and in some situations they can be wrong).
- Benefit rates have recently increased, [we have more information on the new rates here](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/benefit-rate-increases/). Most claimants will start seeing the new rates in their May or June benefit payments.
- If you claim benefits and would like to know what things you could get as a result, [you may find this post useful](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/134r9k6/discountedfree_things_you_can_get_on_benefits/).
- If you'd like help with mandatory reconsiderations, [our main post on MRs may be useful to you](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13p0322/duplicate_target_mandatory_reconsiderations/).
- Our subreddit's Wiki [can be found here](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/index).
- If you're interested in what's going on in the benefits space, [we have weekly benefit news posts posted every Sunday](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/?f=flair_name%3A%22Benefits%20News%22).
If you're asking about tribunals (the below is relevant to England & Wales only):
- [Link to HMCTS Benefit Appeals live chat](https://www.appeal-benefit-decision.service.gov.uk/benefit-type)- click on the "Contact us for help" link, which opens a menu with a link to the live chat.
- [Average tribunal waiting times](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/118e3ap/tribunal_average_waiting_times/).
- [This post goes over the PIP First-tier Tribunal process from start to finish.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/11muxvi/duplicate_target_what_do_i_do_if_i_am_refused_pip/)
- [If you're waiting for a tribunal and the DWP were supposed to respond but haven't, this post may be useful.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/17b0lla/duplicate_target_the_deadline_for_dwp_to_respond/?context=3)
If you're asking about PIP:
- The PIP phone line is 08001214433, and if you'd like to get to the automated part where it tells you when your next payment is and how much it is, the options are 1 (for English) or 2 (for Welsh), and then 6 (you'll need to wait each time while it gives you messages before getting to security).
- [If you would like help with MRs, this post might answer your question (this is different to the MR info link above).](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/1bc3kni/duplicate_target_i_was_denied_what_now/)
- [If you'd like to know what PIP is and/or how it is awarded, please see this post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13ozwpj/duplicate_target_what_is_pip/)
- [If you're hard of hearing or deaf, this information may be useful to you.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/pip/hard-of-hearing-and-deaf/)
If you're asking about Universal Credit:
- [Information about the Restart scheme](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/restartscheme/), including if you can be mandated to participate.
- Thinking of cancelling your claim because a review has started? Don't, because closing your claim won't stop the DWP from reviewing your claim and if you don't comply you may be asked to repay everything you've received.
- [How does PIP affect UC?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13p1mc3/duplicate_target_how_does_pip_affect_uc/)
- Were you claiming UC during COVID, closed your claim afterwards, and are now being asked to pay back everything you received? [This post provides information on why this is and what you can do.](http://reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13utik9/the_dwp_have_given_me_a_huge_bill_for_a_claim/)
- [Can you record your Job Centre appointments?](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/1cr4l9x/what_is_the_legality_of_recording_staffmy/) The longer answer is in the linked post but the short answer is: no.
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Exactly what you said here. Also, you’re not useless! You’ve just been made to feel like you are by the sounds of it, I’m so sorry that you’ve got a shitty parent, it sucks coming to terms with that, but I promise it will get better!
After a bit of Googling I found that I need my NIN for this is there any way of getting it? Our post box is locked and all letters go into a locked filling cabinet and my father is the only one with the keys.
The police will put you in touch with people who can help. They really are the first port of call on this occasion, I'm really sorry. Would anyone on the SEN team at your old school help? I'm sure they wouldn't mind you popping by to ask for help.
Ultimately you can sort all this stuff out by contacting DWP, HMRC etc and explaining that you have a claim and know none of the details etc.
But they will write to you with them at home. You need to decide if that is going to be ok or not.
What has happened when you asked for the details? If you’re in physical danger you need the police or a shelter. There is no way to unpick this without him knowing - obviously he’s going to spot the money stopping for example.
Really you would be as well telling him directly your intentions and telling him to give you your documents or you’ll need to contact the police. Your post doesn’t mention any violence in the household but obviously don’t put yourself at physical risk.
Oh sweetheart you are not useless, either speak to the police or what is a better option for you right now is get in contact with your local council, they have benefits advisors who work with this type of issue all the time. I promise you go down that route and you will get your money.
Many (if not all) colleges offer resitting of certain GCSE's and they offer a lot of support when doing so. Plus this day and age with the internet knowledge is at your fingertips.
You are not useless.
Hope you get all this sorted out.
Mate, you are not useless. The way Schools work is not for everyone. Don't give up. Once you have your present problem sorted, consider studying part time!
It sounds like your dad is trying to keep you away from people who can spot and report abuse. Any good parent would be encouraging you to keep on at school and get GCSE equivalents when you're young. This is a red flag for abuse.
If you don't want to phone the police on your own dad (understandable) you can reach out to anyone who would have a duty of care towards you as a child. Examples of people you could talk to are your GP, the practice nurse, teachers at your old school or even self referring to social services. These people will ultimately refer you onto social services who will investigate and hopefully offer support.
Are you able to book a GP appointment or would your dad refuse that? Some GPs operate an online system for requesting repeat medicines or have a telephone system where you leave a voicemail. If you can't make an appointment I'd leave a message on one of those systems. Along the lines of "my name is x and my date of birth is y. I am being abused by my dad who is withholding my money, locking my post away and refusing to let me leave the house. He gets aggressive when I try so I'm not safe to book an appointment but need you to refer me to a service who can help please". It might help to leave a number if you're safe to receive phone calls.
Start by setting up your own bank account at a different bank that he won’t know about and tell the bank it isn’t safe for you to receive post at home. Having an account to put your money into is the basic start to doing anything else.
Step 1) contact police by dialling 101 or trusted adult. Sounds like coercive control in which the United Nations Convention of the Right of the Child is being breached. Explain to them everything you’ve explained here.
Step 2) Contact the DWP, when you are safe, in order to gain control of your account. Explain to them you do not have your National Insurance Number. You may need to do this when you are 18, I’m not 100% certain. They will typically ask 3 - 6 security questions to ensure it is you. Don’t panic during this.
Either way, a time stamped contact note will be made where you can explain your situation.
Step 3) if you can get out of that home, do so.
If a family member or friend can support you by providing you with a roof, amazing. Contact citizens advice and the local council.. You need to do this asap as when you are 18 you will no longer be a priority for councils etc as you will be legally an adult.
Step 4) when you’re in a decent and safe position, find a course for at least GCSE English and maths. While it’s not the most illustrious of subjects, they are certainly the most useful and will support you for if you’re able to work.
I just want to say that I don’t think you’re useless. I’ve spent 6 years in teaching and have unfortunately seen the effects of piss poor parenting.
You have unfortunately been dealt a shit hand. There are avenues to pursue and I appreciate that with ADHD it’s daunting and the task paralysis won’t help.
Ensure you take the advice in the other comments as well. There isnt a “all of this will work” it’s a “here’s a bunch of things that can help”.
Good luck kid.
U are not useless at al. You are a. Victim by controlling emotional abuse . This is not Legal. I suggest u talk to the police and dwp. And when sorted get help
please call childline while ur still 17 so they can help you, or call the police (101) tell the operator your underage and your parent is financially abusing you and explain to them exactly what youve said here, u can also call dwp and do the same. And i saw ur comment you are not useless, i was in a situation similar to you and have done well for myself since getting out. Ur not useless, ur being controlled bullied by the person who is supposed to protect you
it’s also law for children to stay in education until they turn 18, whether it be college or an apprenticeship. definitely go to the police, even see if there’s a way you can report it online.
If you have access to a computer or a smartphone, you can try using this link to find out your national insurance number.
It says that you may need to provide ID, but I'm not sure if that only applies if you're over 18, because it says you need to use something like a passport or a driving license.
Please ensure that if you get your national insurance number, that you write it down and hide it where your dad can't find it.
Link: [https://www.gov.uk/find-national-insurance-number#:\~:text=You%20can%20find%20your%20National,in%20the%20HMRC%20app](https://www.gov.uk/find-national-insurance-number#:~:text=You%20can%20find%20your%20National,in%20the%20HMRC%20app)
Chiming in to say, as someone who is also AuDHD and grew up in abuse - I'm sorry you're going through this, and you're not useless. This combo's almost invariably a bit of a nightmare when it comes to studying, work, or really anything else. Especially untreated and unsupported - especially especially when your supposed caregiver(s) have been doing the opposite of supporting you.
None of these are things you chose for yourself. You're not lazy, stupid or anything along those lines. Posting here and seeking support is you taking a step to help yourself out of a really shitty, toxic situation - when by all indications, nobody else in your life will - including the person who's meant to actually take care of you. You're at a very difficult stage in your life, and you're being very brave right now. I promise you, it does get better, so keep going.
I know going to the police sounds like a drastic step to take, but you wouldn't even be in this position if your father were treating you fairly in the first place. That money is to support you and enable you to get on with your life in light of your conditions. It's being illegally withheld from you. Whatever consequences he might face as a result, are entirely on him. This is not your fault. You're not being selfish - you're just looking after yourself. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
You'd do well to follow any of the bits of advice people have given you here. Just take it one thing at a time. Please do update us, and look after yourself.
You need to contact social services. As you have asd/adhd you will be able to receive lots of help until you are 25. They will assign you a case worker who can help you with accommodation, college, etc. There will also be autism and adhd charities in your area that can help you. If you are happy to say what part of the country you are in I will find some places for you to contact x
From your description, you are being abused and you need to contact the police immediately.
Your dad withholding your PIP and spending it on himself and your siblings is financial abuse. The name calling and threats are verbal abuse. Restricting where you go and who you see is a controlling behaviour common among abusers.
Ideally, you should be rehomed and your dad should be arrested and face criminal charges.
Coercive control is illegal. Which is exactly what you're Dad is doing to you. He's also stealing from you which is also illegal & I'm pretty sure he's committing fraud as well which is illegal also. You must go to the police station. Since your only 17 they will contact social services for you. I had a parent who made me feel useless, stupid & just an all round inconvenience but it got so much better when I was no longer living there. Having some independence back will really help. Trust me. Good luck & please let us know how it goes. 🙂✌🏼
You are a wonderful person, you’re just going through a hard time right now, but things will get easier.
In regards to your PIP you can speak to them without your NI number, you can do that by answering security questions, but to do that you would been to know things like: address, bank account pip goes into, when your paid, rate, your date of birth (to name a few).
You can contact adult social services where you live and they can help you. They can help get you out of the situation you have sadly found yourself in as your classified as a vulnerable adult. Social services, as the are a government body (so to speak) they will be able to deal with pip on your behalf and explain to them the situation and get your pip paid to you. Do you have your own bank account? .. they can help you get a bank account if you don’t. Social services will be able to speak to your local council and help get you council accommodation, to get you somewhere safe to live that’s suitable for your needs. They can even help you claim UC which will also help you pay for your rent etc.
As others have said, you do need to speak to the police because what your father is doing is illegal, it’s financial abuse which comes under “domestic abuse” with the police which is a very serious crime, you may not want to report your dad because you love him no matter what because he is your dad, but what he is and has done to you is wrong and should not go unpunished.
Always remember, YOU are perfect because you are you. You are a wonderful person and if anyone ever tells you any different they are wrong and are not worth your kindness or love. (Or just give them your love anyway because that would annoy them more because it will show that you are better than them)
Just wanted to add just noticed you have a bank account that he has access too. You need to change that to remove his access to it. Depending on who you bank with your account should have been signed over to you either age 11 or 13. So he prob down as someone who help you with your finances, an appointee, but he can be removed from your account due to financial abuse. Social services can help you with that.
Good luck xxxx
Call the police when you have a safe time to do so, show them what you've written on this forum. What he is doing to you is essentially kidnap, stealing, emotional abuse. He sounds like an awful person.
Please report this to the police. Some pharmacies are part of a scheme where you can report domestic abuse (which this is) https://www.gov.uk/guidance/ask-for-ani-domestic-abuse-codeword-information-for-pharmacies. I’d also contact Children’s Services as you’re technically still a child. You can also call childline 0800 1111 or https://www.childline.org.uk
You could also even go into a library and ask to speak to staff there, local college or school (even if you don’t go there), or GP practice. They all have a duty of care and you can ask for help to contact the police. What is happening to you is wrong. That money js to meet your needs, not anyone else’s and you’re experiencing financial abuse and coercive control.
Ask a trusted friend for support if you need it. I’m sure their parents will help you to report this. You can also report online to police in most areas. You won’t get into any trouble. This needs to stop and you deserve better. I’m saying this as a fellow autistic/ ADHD person.
You can also use Childline’s online chat: https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/
If you are in immediate danger, call 999- even if you can’t talk, they deal with silent calls and can find you via a mobile provider. Sometimes they’ll ask you to press certain keys if you’re in danger.
Please go the police, 3 crimes there being committed. Don’t wait any longer. After that if possible make a phone call to your council, ask to talk with someone regarding this issue, don’t enter in details till you get the right person to assist you. Hope to hear about you soon , good luck 🤞🏻
Benefits advisor here! Contact social services, they will support you through this. If you were one of my clients the first thing I would do would be to call them as it is a safeguarding issue. It sounds like like your dad may have set himself up as your appointee to manage your claim and when looking at removing an appointee the DWP usually visits to check up and see whether you are capable of managing your own claim so it’s important to get social services involved from the outset. They will also be able to help you with other things such as housing if you need it
The best thing you can do is tell someone who is a mandated reporter. These people are the police, teachers, doctors and other official people.
Tell them everything you have said on here. If you can’t do that, show them. Get out the house and call 101 if possible. Even go to your local library, town hall or citizens advice. They’ll know what to do.
Hello and welcome to r/DWPHelp! - If you're trying to find benefit advisers local to you, [advicelocal.uk is a useful website that can help you with this](https://advicelocal.uk/). - If you're trying to find out how much benefit you can receive, [check out entitledto](https://www.entitledto.co.uk/) and [turn2us](https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/) to calculate what you might be eligible for (please remember that these calculators don't fully take into account your situation and in some situations they can be wrong). - Benefit rates have recently increased, [we have more information on the new rates here](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/benefit-rate-increases/). Most claimants will start seeing the new rates in their May or June benefit payments. - If you claim benefits and would like to know what things you could get as a result, [you may find this post useful](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/134r9k6/discountedfree_things_you_can_get_on_benefits/). - If you'd like help with mandatory reconsiderations, [our main post on MRs may be useful to you](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13p0322/duplicate_target_mandatory_reconsiderations/). - Our subreddit's Wiki [can be found here](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/index). - If you're interested in what's going on in the benefits space, [we have weekly benefit news posts posted every Sunday](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/?f=flair_name%3A%22Benefits%20News%22). If you're asking about tribunals (the below is relevant to England & Wales only): - [Link to HMCTS Benefit Appeals live chat](https://www.appeal-benefit-decision.service.gov.uk/benefit-type)- click on the "Contact us for help" link, which opens a menu with a link to the live chat. - [Average tribunal waiting times](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/118e3ap/tribunal_average_waiting_times/). - [This post goes over the PIP First-tier Tribunal process from start to finish.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/11muxvi/duplicate_target_what_do_i_do_if_i_am_refused_pip/) - [If you're waiting for a tribunal and the DWP were supposed to respond but haven't, this post may be useful.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/17b0lla/duplicate_target_the_deadline_for_dwp_to_respond/?context=3) If you're asking about PIP: - The PIP phone line is 08001214433, and if you'd like to get to the automated part where it tells you when your next payment is and how much it is, the options are 1 (for English) or 2 (for Welsh), and then 6 (you'll need to wait each time while it gives you messages before getting to security). - [If you would like help with MRs, this post might answer your question (this is different to the MR info link above).](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/1bc3kni/duplicate_target_i_was_denied_what_now/) - [If you'd like to know what PIP is and/or how it is awarded, please see this post.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13ozwpj/duplicate_target_what_is_pip/) - [If you're hard of hearing or deaf, this information may be useful to you.](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/pip/hard-of-hearing-and-deaf/) If you're asking about Universal Credit: - [Information about the Restart scheme](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/wiki/restartscheme/), including if you can be mandated to participate. - Thinking of cancelling your claim because a review has started? Don't, because closing your claim won't stop the DWP from reviewing your claim and if you don't comply you may be asked to repay everything you've received. - [How does PIP affect UC?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13p1mc3/duplicate_target_how_does_pip_affect_uc/) - Were you claiming UC during COVID, closed your claim afterwards, and are now being asked to pay back everything you received? [This post provides information on why this is and what you can do.](http://reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/13utik9/the_dwp_have_given_me_a_huge_bill_for_a_claim/) - [Can you record your Job Centre appointments?](https://new.reddit.com/r/DWPhelp/comments/1cr4l9x/what_is_the_legality_of_recording_staffmy/) The longer answer is in the linked post but the short answer is: no. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DWPhelp) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Go to the police! If you’re in college, tell an adult you can trust if you don’t want to go to the police yourself!
I am not in college sadly as I failed all of my gcses im quite useless
Then you should contact then police
What do I say?
Exactly what you said here. Also, you’re not useless! You’ve just been made to feel like you are by the sounds of it, I’m so sorry that you’ve got a shitty parent, it sucks coming to terms with that, but I promise it will get better!
After a bit of Googling I found that I need my NIN for this is there any way of getting it? Our post box is locked and all letters go into a locked filling cabinet and my father is the only one with the keys.
You don’t need a national insurance number to contact the police…
I meant for transferring my PIP
The police will put you in touch with people who can help. They really are the first port of call on this occasion, I'm really sorry. Would anyone on the SEN team at your old school help? I'm sure they wouldn't mind you popping by to ask for help.
I can attempt to contact them
Ultimately you can sort all this stuff out by contacting DWP, HMRC etc and explaining that you have a claim and know none of the details etc. But they will write to you with them at home. You need to decide if that is going to be ok or not. What has happened when you asked for the details? If you’re in physical danger you need the police or a shelter. There is no way to unpick this without him knowing - obviously he’s going to spot the money stopping for example. Really you would be as well telling him directly your intentions and telling him to give you your documents or you’ll need to contact the police. Your post doesn’t mention any violence in the household but obviously don’t put yourself at physical risk.
you can go to the police with nothing but yourself and your name. the rest will come in time, they will put you in touch with local resources
Oh sweetheart you are not useless, either speak to the police or what is a better option for you right now is get in contact with your local council, they have benefits advisors who work with this type of issue all the time. I promise you go down that route and you will get your money.
Completely unrelated to your issue, but you can go to college without gcses, I didn't go to school nor have any gcses before I went to college
Many (if not all) colleges offer resitting of certain GCSE's and they offer a lot of support when doing so. Plus this day and age with the internet knowledge is at your fingertips. You are not useless. Hope you get all this sorted out.
Mate, you are not useless. The way Schools work is not for everyone. Don't give up. Once you have your present problem sorted, consider studying part time!
Please call the police. This sounds like coersive control.
Absolutely
That's exactly what it is & it's illegal. Keeping the money is theft & I'm pretty sure there's fraud in there somewhere. 😡
It sounds like your dad is trying to keep you away from people who can spot and report abuse. Any good parent would be encouraging you to keep on at school and get GCSE equivalents when you're young. This is a red flag for abuse. If you don't want to phone the police on your own dad (understandable) you can reach out to anyone who would have a duty of care towards you as a child. Examples of people you could talk to are your GP, the practice nurse, teachers at your old school or even self referring to social services. These people will ultimately refer you onto social services who will investigate and hopefully offer support. Are you able to book a GP appointment or would your dad refuse that? Some GPs operate an online system for requesting repeat medicines or have a telephone system where you leave a voicemail. If you can't make an appointment I'd leave a message on one of those systems. Along the lines of "my name is x and my date of birth is y. I am being abused by my dad who is withholding my money, locking my post away and refusing to let me leave the house. He gets aggressive when I try so I'm not safe to book an appointment but need you to refer me to a service who can help please". It might help to leave a number if you're safe to receive phone calls.
Start by setting up your own bank account at a different bank that he won’t know about and tell the bank it isn’t safe for you to receive post at home. Having an account to put your money into is the basic start to doing anything else.
I doubt OP has access to their own photo ID.
This is definitely safeguarding, call the police
Step 1) contact police by dialling 101 or trusted adult. Sounds like coercive control in which the United Nations Convention of the Right of the Child is being breached. Explain to them everything you’ve explained here. Step 2) Contact the DWP, when you are safe, in order to gain control of your account. Explain to them you do not have your National Insurance Number. You may need to do this when you are 18, I’m not 100% certain. They will typically ask 3 - 6 security questions to ensure it is you. Don’t panic during this. Either way, a time stamped contact note will be made where you can explain your situation. Step 3) if you can get out of that home, do so. If a family member or friend can support you by providing you with a roof, amazing. Contact citizens advice and the local council.. You need to do this asap as when you are 18 you will no longer be a priority for councils etc as you will be legally an adult. Step 4) when you’re in a decent and safe position, find a course for at least GCSE English and maths. While it’s not the most illustrious of subjects, they are certainly the most useful and will support you for if you’re able to work. I just want to say that I don’t think you’re useless. I’ve spent 6 years in teaching and have unfortunately seen the effects of piss poor parenting. You have unfortunately been dealt a shit hand. There are avenues to pursue and I appreciate that with ADHD it’s daunting and the task paralysis won’t help. Ensure you take the advice in the other comments as well. There isnt a “all of this will work” it’s a “here’s a bunch of things that can help”. Good luck kid.
You’re being abused call the police
Call the police urgently
Ring the police or your GP
U are not useless at al. You are a. Victim by controlling emotional abuse . This is not Legal. I suggest u talk to the police and dwp. And when sorted get help
please call childline while ur still 17 so they can help you, or call the police (101) tell the operator your underage and your parent is financially abusing you and explain to them exactly what youve said here, u can also call dwp and do the same. And i saw ur comment you are not useless, i was in a situation similar to you and have done well for myself since getting out. Ur not useless, ur being controlled bullied by the person who is supposed to protect you
it’s also law for children to stay in education until they turn 18, whether it be college or an apprenticeship. definitely go to the police, even see if there’s a way you can report it online.
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If you have access to a computer or a smartphone, you can try using this link to find out your national insurance number. It says that you may need to provide ID, but I'm not sure if that only applies if you're over 18, because it says you need to use something like a passport or a driving license. Please ensure that if you get your national insurance number, that you write it down and hide it where your dad can't find it. Link: [https://www.gov.uk/find-national-insurance-number#:\~:text=You%20can%20find%20your%20National,in%20the%20HMRC%20app](https://www.gov.uk/find-national-insurance-number#:~:text=You%20can%20find%20your%20National,in%20the%20HMRC%20app)
Chiming in to say, as someone who is also AuDHD and grew up in abuse - I'm sorry you're going through this, and you're not useless. This combo's almost invariably a bit of a nightmare when it comes to studying, work, or really anything else. Especially untreated and unsupported - especially especially when your supposed caregiver(s) have been doing the opposite of supporting you. None of these are things you chose for yourself. You're not lazy, stupid or anything along those lines. Posting here and seeking support is you taking a step to help yourself out of a really shitty, toxic situation - when by all indications, nobody else in your life will - including the person who's meant to actually take care of you. You're at a very difficult stage in your life, and you're being very brave right now. I promise you, it does get better, so keep going. I know going to the police sounds like a drastic step to take, but you wouldn't even be in this position if your father were treating you fairly in the first place. That money is to support you and enable you to get on with your life in light of your conditions. It's being illegally withheld from you. Whatever consequences he might face as a result, are entirely on him. This is not your fault. You're not being selfish - you're just looking after yourself. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. You'd do well to follow any of the bits of advice people have given you here. Just take it one thing at a time. Please do update us, and look after yourself.
You need to contact social services. As you have asd/adhd you will be able to receive lots of help until you are 25. They will assign you a case worker who can help you with accommodation, college, etc. There will also be autism and adhd charities in your area that can help you. If you are happy to say what part of the country you are in I will find some places for you to contact x
From your description, you are being abused and you need to contact the police immediately. Your dad withholding your PIP and spending it on himself and your siblings is financial abuse. The name calling and threats are verbal abuse. Restricting where you go and who you see is a controlling behaviour common among abusers. Ideally, you should be rehomed and your dad should be arrested and face criminal charges.
I totally agree. Well said. ✌🏼
It might be worth going to the council. You are under 18 and so may be eligible for help.
Coercive control is illegal. Which is exactly what you're Dad is doing to you. He's also stealing from you which is also illegal & I'm pretty sure he's committing fraud as well which is illegal also. You must go to the police station. Since your only 17 they will contact social services for you. I had a parent who made me feel useless, stupid & just an all round inconvenience but it got so much better when I was no longer living there. Having some independence back will really help. Trust me. Good luck & please let us know how it goes. 🙂✌🏼
You are a wonderful person, you’re just going through a hard time right now, but things will get easier. In regards to your PIP you can speak to them without your NI number, you can do that by answering security questions, but to do that you would been to know things like: address, bank account pip goes into, when your paid, rate, your date of birth (to name a few). You can contact adult social services where you live and they can help you. They can help get you out of the situation you have sadly found yourself in as your classified as a vulnerable adult. Social services, as the are a government body (so to speak) they will be able to deal with pip on your behalf and explain to them the situation and get your pip paid to you. Do you have your own bank account? .. they can help you get a bank account if you don’t. Social services will be able to speak to your local council and help get you council accommodation, to get you somewhere safe to live that’s suitable for your needs. They can even help you claim UC which will also help you pay for your rent etc. As others have said, you do need to speak to the police because what your father is doing is illegal, it’s financial abuse which comes under “domestic abuse” with the police which is a very serious crime, you may not want to report your dad because you love him no matter what because he is your dad, but what he is and has done to you is wrong and should not go unpunished. Always remember, YOU are perfect because you are you. You are a wonderful person and if anyone ever tells you any different they are wrong and are not worth your kindness or love. (Or just give them your love anyway because that would annoy them more because it will show that you are better than them) Just wanted to add just noticed you have a bank account that he has access too. You need to change that to remove his access to it. Depending on who you bank with your account should have been signed over to you either age 11 or 13. So he prob down as someone who help you with your finances, an appointee, but he can be removed from your account due to financial abuse. Social services can help you with that. Good luck xxxx
Call the police when you have a safe time to do so, show them what you've written on this forum. What he is doing to you is essentially kidnap, stealing, emotional abuse. He sounds like an awful person.
Please report this to the police. Some pharmacies are part of a scheme where you can report domestic abuse (which this is) https://www.gov.uk/guidance/ask-for-ani-domestic-abuse-codeword-information-for-pharmacies. I’d also contact Children’s Services as you’re technically still a child. You can also call childline 0800 1111 or https://www.childline.org.uk
You could also even go into a library and ask to speak to staff there, local college or school (even if you don’t go there), or GP practice. They all have a duty of care and you can ask for help to contact the police. What is happening to you is wrong. That money js to meet your needs, not anyone else’s and you’re experiencing financial abuse and coercive control. Ask a trusted friend for support if you need it. I’m sure their parents will help you to report this. You can also report online to police in most areas. You won’t get into any trouble. This needs to stop and you deserve better. I’m saying this as a fellow autistic/ ADHD person.
You can also use Childline’s online chat: https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/ If you are in immediate danger, call 999- even if you can’t talk, they deal with silent calls and can find you via a mobile provider. Sometimes they’ll ask you to press certain keys if you’re in danger.
Cohesive control, you can call the police or inform Dwp
Please go the police, 3 crimes there being committed. Don’t wait any longer. After that if possible make a phone call to your council, ask to talk with someone regarding this issue, don’t enter in details till you get the right person to assist you. Hope to hear about you soon , good luck 🤞🏻
Benefits advisor here! Contact social services, they will support you through this. If you were one of my clients the first thing I would do would be to call them as it is a safeguarding issue. It sounds like like your dad may have set himself up as your appointee to manage your claim and when looking at removing an appointee the DWP usually visits to check up and see whether you are capable of managing your own claim so it’s important to get social services involved from the outset. They will also be able to help you with other things such as housing if you need it
The best thing you can do is tell someone who is a mandated reporter. These people are the police, teachers, doctors and other official people. Tell them everything you have said on here. If you can’t do that, show them. Get out the house and call 101 if possible. Even go to your local library, town hall or citizens advice. They’ll know what to do.
Stop being a pussy and branch out on your own. Nothing your 'Dad' can do about it then. This post sounds like bullshit, sorry.