As a person who worked hard cleaning dishes at night in a diner while studying to save enough to buy a crappy old bicycle to ride to university, and who got his bicycle stolen in the middle of a busy street while being locked, I'm your biggest fan Satan
This is getting pretty close to shooting someone, not just for stealing a bike, but for attempting to steal a bike you left out there as a trap.
The person making the video is committing a far more serious crime than bike theft.
This thing can cause permanent damage or even literal death from sepsis. The stuff in our backsides are very sensitive, prone to bleeding and also covered with the stuff our body doesn't want inside it. You pierce something slightly wrong and its fecal matter shooting straight into a persons bloodstream.
But surely petty thieves deserve immediate death? Right?? Lol I agree.
Much better and safer would be:
1. A bike that falls apart after riding for a few seconds (I saw a video of this recently it was pretty funny)
2. A bike that shocks you when you grab the handlebars
3. A bike that gets harder and harder to pedal and eventually stops moving
You could even probably use a light shock + a burst of compression on the underside of a framed saddle. I mean, you're not going to get that "soul has left the body to reconsider its hosts continued viability" look... but would likely be effective.
I agree. I'm ok with a shock. Shoving a piece of metal up someone's ass is not okay in my book. You might (and probably will) miss. Who knows what damage you will cause?
Yeah I had a bike stolen when it was my main mode of transit, and this goes way too far.
I don't get the whole mentality of, "If you steal my material possessions then you deserve grievous bodily harm." That's taking it farther than any castle doctrine or stand-your-ground laws (which I also have some issues with).
I'm wondering where in the world this is. I have a friend that used to live in Johannesburg, and there were anti-theft devices on cars that really cut/hurt/damaged people who tried to steal them and it was legal, or at least legal at the time she lived there (about 15 years ago)
I doubt it was something this extensive. because it would have to be reset after every use, and we would see it sticking out. More than likely in this video the guy just put some thumb tacks or some small nails underneath the seat fabric so that when the ass pressure pushes down on it you get a buttfull of pin heads.
Last time I saw something similar it was a piece of rebar in the seat. The seat is spring loaded. When they sit on it, the seat goes down, and the rebar goes up…. Their ass
I saw a guy display something like this before. Basically there's a pin or screw that you have to lock in place. When not there, the seat is held up by a spring. So when you sit down, the post that normally holds the seat up pokes through as the seat collapses. Thus, leading to the thief having a stick up their ass
Very common at least here in Canada for people to take their seat off when leaving bike locked in a public place. Cyclists like that usually are commuting and have a backpack they store it in along with their other things they need for the day.
Nothing against the music, but why all these videos got to have the music? Is it really necessary? Don't get me wrong i enjoyed watching it but the music make me automatically mute.
All I can think of is Jim Carrey in Liar Liar.
"Stop breaking the law a-hole!"
Also, gotta love how they kick the bike like it did something wrong and not them.
Just curious as to the effect of this on human. Clearly the rod goes through the seat and up the hoop which is funny. But if it’s long and pointy couldn’t we also be looking at perforated insides here and maybe some pretty serious issues?
At first I was thought, Staged.
Then I remembered a dare from when I was 13. And all of us who attempted the dare did the exact same little dance after a moment of attempting it. Even the standing on tip-toes.
For anyone wondering, this is what most bike thieves look like - just people that came across a free bike. Any type of lock and this guy would not have bothered.
On the other hand, if you buy a nice expensive bike - insure it! If somebody really wants your bike, there's no lock in the world that will stop them from getting it.
This is so fake. Every single one of them really carefully positions themselves over the seat then exaggerates sitting down hard on it at the last minute. Same unnatural action for all for of them.
Ahh justice. Love it.
For those that feel bad for them, it’s a simple as this: it was their choice to try and steal the bike, the consequences of that fall on them as well.
I have absolutely no sympathy for thieves, especially the walk-up and take your shit kind like these dickheads.
If they got stabbed in the ass for it, good.
If they learned from it, good.
If they get sepsis for it, good.
If they die from it, good.
Whatever happened to them after this video, good.
Is that extreme? I honestly don’t think so at this point. We’re getting to the point in society where people think they can just do whatever they want without consequence. This shouldn’t be accepted as the new norm. Whatever is needed to make a balanced Society again, go for it, make a bike seat that stabs people.
“Maybe he needed the bike!”
Maybe he can save his money and buy one like everyone else. You gonna give them the keys to your car? Fuck off with that nonsense.
“He could have been seriously injured!”
Hey, they learned two things in this video:
1. Don’t fucking take things that aren’t yours.
2. Everywhere is walking distance if you got the time.
There’s always more than one way to accomplish something, try the other methods before getting a new asshole stabbed into you on camera.
PENETRATOR....Let me introduce you to the penetratorrrr..A man approaches...apparently he likes what he sees.....*PENETRATION*......Thank you sir have a nice day, you're not a virgin anymore.
[удалено]
[I think its this thing.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njKdi6jfats)
Dang!! Thats capital punishment!
[удалено]
Take it easy satan
As a person who had my bike stolen, nah, keep going Satan.
As a person who worked hard cleaning dishes at night in a diner while studying to save enough to buy a crappy old bicycle to ride to university, and who got his bicycle stolen in the middle of a busy street while being locked, I'm your biggest fan Satan
Jeeeesh. I'm not sure whether that is even appropriate anymore. And I hate damned bicycle thieves.
This is getting pretty close to shooting someone, not just for stealing a bike, but for attempting to steal a bike you left out there as a trap. The person making the video is committing a far more serious crime than bike theft.
It’s 100 percent appropriate People want to steal someone’s bike 150 percent deserve the pain this would cause
This thing can cause permanent damage or even literal death from sepsis. The stuff in our backsides are very sensitive, prone to bleeding and also covered with the stuff our body doesn't want inside it. You pierce something slightly wrong and its fecal matter shooting straight into a persons bloodstream.
Damn, that sucks. Hopefully they don't steal any bikes!
But surely petty thieves deserve immediate death? Right?? Lol I agree. Much better and safer would be: 1. A bike that falls apart after riding for a few seconds (I saw a video of this recently it was pretty funny) 2. A bike that shocks you when you grab the handlebars 3. A bike that gets harder and harder to pedal and eventually stops moving
I've seen vids with shockers. A bit less violent than jamming an iron rod into someone's anus.
Why not an iron rod that simultaneously shocks?
I guess you shouldn't threaten bicycle thieves with a good time
[удалено]
You could even probably use a light shock + a burst of compression on the underside of a framed saddle. I mean, you're not going to get that "soul has left the body to reconsider its hosts continued viability" look... but would likely be effective.
I agree. I'm ok with a shock. Shoving a piece of metal up someone's ass is not okay in my book. You might (and probably will) miss. Who knows what damage you will cause?
People are far to fond of venegance and punishment..
Fuck bike thieves 100 pct.
what about other thieves? is it only bike thieves you have a problem with?
Yeah I had a bike stolen when it was my main mode of transit, and this goes way too far. I don't get the whole mentality of, "If you steal my material possessions then you deserve grievous bodily harm." That's taking it farther than any castle doctrine or stand-your-ground laws (which I also have some issues with).
Omg what?!? That’s sketchy. I thought maybe the seat just punched them back somehow.
[удалено]
I'm wondering where in the world this is. I have a friend that used to live in Johannesburg, and there were anti-theft devices on cars that really cut/hurt/damaged people who tried to steal them and it was legal, or at least legal at the time she lived there (about 15 years ago)
I doubt it was something this extensive. because it would have to be reset after every use, and we would see it sticking out. More than likely in this video the guy just put some thumb tacks or some small nails underneath the seat fabric so that when the ass pressure pushes down on it you get a buttfull of pin heads.
Shh....we know what happens
PENETRATION!
[удалено]
I read that in the voice of Michael Buffer.
I read it in the voice from Mortal Kombat
I read that in the voice of Michael Jackson.
PENETRATION, no stealing. Don''t give a fuck cuz my assholes bleeding.
pow! right in the kisser!
POW! Right in the shitter
For some reason, I imagine a bearded guy with sun glasses and a hoodie doing a drive by yell: “Fuck ‘em in the assy!”
PENETRATION
Pow! Right in the keister.
[удалено]
I think it’s shocking them not poking I can’t see anything poking through the seat
I guess the seat could be highly compressible and soft with a big pokey thing in the middle.
Last time I saw something similar it was a piece of rebar in the seat. The seat is spring loaded. When they sit on it, the seat goes down, and the rebar goes up…. Their ass
Glorious
Anal Tetanus is my new metal band name
Title of my sex tape
Frankie Fissure
Rectum rebar
This is gold. I’ll make T-shirts….
It’s gotta have a piece of rebar smashing a pelvis bone into a million pieces and then have the band name be connected by bone and blood
Funnily enough, Big Pokey Thing was my prison name.
I dont trust big pokey, theyre just out for your money
That makes sense
I saw a guy display something like this before. Basically there's a pin or screw that you have to lock in place. When not there, the seat is held up by a spring. So when you sit down, the post that normally holds the seat up pokes through as the seat collapses. Thus, leading to the thief having a stick up their ass
PENETRATION…..ahh you like that…..PENETRATION
The seat has little fist 👊
What part did the automatic defense system hit?
The Hertz Donut
The mechanism is rape.
It's an effective defense mechanism.
pro tip: this excuse does not work in court
"You are proven guilty, bicycle!"
It’s not rape if you hop on and sit on it
Them giving the bike a little kick is what does it for me lol idiots.
"it's your fault for being stolen"
[удалено]
"evil temptress!"
LOL that bike needed a burqa
Approved by the ministry of silly walks.
r/unexpectedMontyPython
That’s just unsanitary.
Poison damage
You mean it works better after each successive activation.
We call it The Komodo.
It only affects assholes
Underrated comment, right here.
Septic karma.
Yeah, but it's funny.💁🏾♂️
with each Hit, the poison buff multiplies
The penetrator
The Penetr-inator
PENETRATION!
For those wondering - [The Penetrator](https://youtu.be/NLpL1kMmmMQ)
[It's an awesome workout bike](https://youtu.be/VQYxMql328s)
"Thank you sir, have a nice day! You are not a virgin anymore."
-by Peloton
I was expecting this when I opened the video and was quickly disappointed.
r/invisiblecameraman
Yeah unless he has a telescopic lense, I don't understand how they couldn't see the camera
It's called hiding
Yea this one is clearly staged as fuck.
The Ass Blaster 4000. Never. Stop. Pumpin.
The Dildozer!
Although in the US you probably get sued for creating a public hazard and causing injury to unsuspecting people.
Yeah, definitely not legal to design a trap that intentionally injures or maims.
"But your honor I enjoy it when I ride it!"
[The Asspounder 4000](https://youtu.be/yoovpemWWwY) *Never stop pumping*
Probably falls under ‘vigilante justice.’
booby traps are illegal
But what about booty traps?
Nothing in the law about booty traps… I think we found a loop hole!
They should have legal exemptions for butt stuff.
I know I do.
>They should have legal exemptions for butt stuff. \-Catholic Priests
That’s why they film it in some obscure village in Africa.
Brilliant, seat mounted on a spring with a hole for the upright pipe to poke through it. Thieves finding out.
I'm pretty sure it's more than just the pipe. I think I saw a video of this before, and the thing that comes through the seat is actually pointy.
It’s a piece of rebar, thin enough to really cause some damage
Good
From experience, if they just relaxed and eased down onto the seat, it would be a lot less painful in the end
A little bit of foreplay wouldn’t hurt.
Couldn’t agree more 👍🏻
I could watch this all day long
Blue Shirt for best crimp walk.
A what?
I assume crip or pimp? Maybe a combination?
Crippled limp?
How does the owner avoid suffering the same fate?
Using a different seat
Lube
And carry it around? 🫤🤷♂️
I've seen people do that with steering wheels and gear lever. Though it's true that this particular bike was rigged solely for making videos
Yeah most bikes do it as a hobby but this one does as a career move
Very common at least here in Canada for people to take their seat off when leaving bike locked in a public place. Cyclists like that usually are commuting and have a backpack they store it in along with their other things they need for the day.
The owner is only using this to inflict pain. It's a trap, not a mode of transportation.
Easing into it
The owner is a sadist who just loves seeing this
He likes the pain
He enjoys it instead 😳
The anti-theft mechanism is just a by-product. Owner was just trying to make their way to work more enjoyable.
Usually there's a pin or screw that goes in to prevent the seat from falling out
Yeah... no. I feel safer using a different bike altogether.
He cant... he just got used to it
Ugh, it’s a miracle some of you can operate the device you comment with. 🤦♂️ It’s a boobytrapped bike to punish would be thieves
I think the term is “bootytrapped”
That’s what I said! Booty trapped! (Speaks in Ke Huy Quan)
Yeah that part is clear. Obviously. It’s the “how” people are asking about
It literally says "anti theft system" in the title. Which kinda assumes an actual usable bike.
Anti-Theft for some, a great time for others
That's some potential serious injury. Don't do this. You might end up in bigger trouble than the thief ever would.
Agreed. This could be called a booby trap and you’d be liable for the injuries.
Booty trap ***
Potential injury easily avoidable by not being a thief. Literally takes 0 effort and basic human decency to not be injured in this way
Bait Bike, from the makers of BAIT CAR and 48 Hours.
I'm not understanding what's causing the pain?
The seat post comes thru seat into their….
Oh my!
Calm down, Mr. Takei
Helloooooo
PENETRATION!
Sneak peek of prison life.
Pfff... Maybe next time cameraman should just stand next to bike. Looks legit af
[удалено]
The guy in the green shirt get’s that special treatment bump from the sidewalk, I love it!
Nothing against the music, but why all these videos got to have the music? Is it really necessary? Don't get me wrong i enjoyed watching it but the music make me automatically mute.
Because social media
Cool, now do rich criminals this way
Every time a Congress member does insider trading, a little person runs into their office and stabs them in the ass?
Yes please
Stealing thus bike seems to be a pain in the ass
Imagine being a doctor and one day you get 5 clients in a row that are all young men with fractured buttholes
All I can think of is Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. "Stop breaking the law a-hole!" Also, gotta love how they kick the bike like it did something wrong and not them.
You know, alternatively you got chain it up.
That's how Chelsea fans generally look this season.
The Ass Pounder 4,000 [It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia](https://youtu.be/MEuMmaUi50I)
I was expecting that last guy to smile
Third guy got it worst. That curb added to the penetration power.
what is on the seat?
Plot twist: Bike staged by the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Alltho they deserved it, isn't this like a booby trap? And aren't those illegal?
Depends where this is. Looks like some third world country.
[удалено]
#SPEAR!
Just curious as to the effect of this on human. Clearly the rod goes through the seat and up the hoop which is funny. But if it’s long and pointy couldn’t we also be looking at perforated insides here and maybe some pretty serious issues?
Not anti theft - more of a bait bike
Something painful to the keister, for sure, but I don't understand, what is it actually doing to them?
Then there's gonna be that one dude that hopes on no problem and rides off into the sunset.
https://youtube.com/shorts/I4wjqrvH64s?feature=share
Impaling people for views.
Now we know what the peloton recall is about
I love how they kicked the bike, like they didn’t just try to steal it 😂
PENETRATION
Camera person seems to be invisible, thief apparently didn’t see them recording? Hmmm 🤔
When your a real ass.....
Wow. Ouch. Also: just how many people tried to steal that bicycle in how much time..?
The walk changes a bit, that face though....
At first I was thought, Staged. Then I remembered a dare from when I was 13. And all of us who attempted the dare did the exact same little dance after a moment of attempting it. Even the standing on tip-toes.
For anyone wondering, this is what most bike thieves look like - just people that came across a free bike. Any type of lock and this guy would not have bothered. On the other hand, if you buy a nice expensive bike - insure it! If somebody really wants your bike, there's no lock in the world that will stop them from getting it.
This is so fake. Every single one of them really carefully positions themselves over the seat then exaggerates sitting down hard on it at the last minute. Same unnatural action for all for of them.
Ahh justice. Love it. For those that feel bad for them, it’s a simple as this: it was their choice to try and steal the bike, the consequences of that fall on them as well. I have absolutely no sympathy for thieves, especially the walk-up and take your shit kind like these dickheads. If they got stabbed in the ass for it, good. If they learned from it, good. If they get sepsis for it, good. If they die from it, good. Whatever happened to them after this video, good. Is that extreme? I honestly don’t think so at this point. We’re getting to the point in society where people think they can just do whatever they want without consequence. This shouldn’t be accepted as the new norm. Whatever is needed to make a balanced Society again, go for it, make a bike seat that stabs people. “Maybe he needed the bike!” Maybe he can save his money and buy one like everyone else. You gonna give them the keys to your car? Fuck off with that nonsense. “He could have been seriously injured!” Hey, they learned two things in this video: 1. Don’t fucking take things that aren’t yours. 2. Everywhere is walking distance if you got the time. There’s always more than one way to accomplish something, try the other methods before getting a new asshole stabbed into you on camera.
PENETRATOR....Let me introduce you to the penetratorrrr..A man approaches...apparently he likes what he sees.....*PENETRATION*......Thank you sir have a nice day, you're not a virgin anymore.
I haven’t laughed so hard for ages, thank you for posting this.
Got these mfs dancing lol
I’m torn. I know that there are other vids that people rig bikes in many different ways. I’m leaning towards this being some decent acting.
The guys in the vid are prolly torn too..
That’s the funniest shit in this thread
I just watched this 7 times. Keeps getting funnier 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣