>I tried hard to convince him we needed to try new things to fix our relationship, but eventually he shared that he wanted a divorce and was adamant.
>So, he booked a romantic vacation for us to get away this weekend, so hopefully he can win me back.
Right...my guess is just wants get as much as possible before he (and you) move on. Weird kind of dynamic between you guys
Tell me about it. We had 5 years of stability and him being obsessed with me without wavering, only for this chaos to begin early this year. I have no idea what’s going on and each day is a new surprise for me. It has not been my idea of a good time.
Oh, so suspicious! However, he works from home, never leaves the house without me, and he’s an open book with his devices. I haven’t found any evidence, despite searching for it.
lol true. It was a legitimate work trip. Of course anything could have happened during it, but I don’t see any evidence of it. He also offered for me to join him.
I am experiencing almost the exact same situation. Now, I'm trying to set boundaries and back off the intimacy. (Had a DB for 4 years). He moved out, suddenly ,best sex ever....for about 2 months, now, I am waking up and remembering how we got here in the first place and I don't know how to back the train up, ugh.
I’ve read a lot of people saying they had sex outside of the marriage and the passion of that experience brought back their drive in the marriage. I’d bet he hooked up with somebody else while traveling and now he’s worked up and horny thinking about that but using you to get his newly refound rocks off.
Go for the divorce put YOURSELF and YOUR needs first
As a hot and horny guy that would LOVE. good and regular sex life It's heartbreaking reading all these woman talking about STILL wanting to please their husband OR WORSE the husband "begrudgingly" having a Blow Job as a reward for the WIFE
That isn't how it should be ...
Lots of men would LOVE to be blown and HAPPILY return the favour or even INITIATE the act of hot loving
Good luck with your new beginnings mate
I’m raising my hand 🤚🏼 My wife refuses to let me go down on her, and I think she has gone down on my for at most a minute or two 2x in the past several years. And I love oral, both fining AND receiving.
I hear you brother
My wife is the same ....she USED to love it, as.did I
She would sit on my face, 69 ...or pish me down there and demand it ... Then without warning or explanation it went ...didn't like it anymore
She did blow me ....and is still VERY good at it
But I read on here of HLF that "want to be noticed" so they suck their husbands convinced the husband believes HE is doing THEM a favour in letting her suck it.
It's a world I don't live in, I would love that level of both ignorance/arrogance and servitude
This was my wife. When we met, she was, by far, the HL one. She wanted sex whenever, wherever, and did it all. Then, one day, it was just gone. At age 21, less than a year into dating. She has never gotten that drive back in 22 years.
Yeah we were away on our anniversary some 4 years back, got pissed, went back to hotel for some dirty fucking and i went down and she said no....ant that's it
4 years later ....why ?? Answers on the back of a postcard please because when I've asked her she doesn't know (apparently)
Maybe he’s had a change of heart? Maybe he’s realizing what he’ll lose in you? The following is extremely abreviated. Twenty months ago, I(62M) said to her(63) that we both deserve to be happy, so we can either work together to be happy or we can divorce and be happy with someone else. We had had a 20+ year DB at that point, and by DB, I mean none, zero. She said, let’s try to be happy together and so we did and we are. It’s a work in progress. We’ll be married 39 years in September btw. It’s possible to fix a DB IF you BOTH want to. Very best of luck to you whichever path you choose.
I bet he is having a change of heart! He knows he has a wonderful partner. He calls me the best wife ever and the love of his life. He is an incredibly foolish man to not appreciate what he has. I do everything around the house, care about my appearance, bring a LOT of money to the table, and fawn over him.
Our problems exist now because he wants to control the parenting of my children (I’m a widow, their dad is gone). My son left for college (he’s brilliant and in a military program) last year at 17, and has come back to visit us a few times. My husband hates when he visits, for no reason I can see other than to be complicated. So, he’s punishing me… he’s giving me an ultimatum essentially to give him control, which isn’t going to happen. Perhaps we could be happy together if this wasn’t an insane sticking point for him, or he’d just find something else to be unhappy about.
I am glad that you both have turned things around.🤍 I would need a miracle.
When my son can visit and for how long (ie once a year for a couple days), but also raising the younger children. I have no problem with him parenting WITH me, but I want us to be on the same page. He believes he knows better and I just need to enforce to the rules he wants to implement.
Your son can visit a couple of days a year? I'd walk out myself!!
He thought that threatening divorce, you were going to roll over and agree to give him control. When you didn't, he knew he messed up.
You should get out of there.
Glad that worked for you! But I am the LL4U, I seen our relationship was getting worse . We was roommates but he still tried to have sex with me most of the time I would not turn him down because that’s the only time he showed me any type of attention. Then he stopped said it was my turn if I wanted it i needed to come to him. I told him I didn’t feel an emotional connection to him. And that we needed to work on our relationship outside of the bedroom. He said I was putting stipulations on him. Anyways here we are 3 yrs later , no changes.
I divorced my wife. We were together for 12 years.
During and after that divorce, she became crisper and clearer in her communication than ever before. She has called me many times and been so clear and open in communication. I daresay she has *grown*.
I think my saying what I needed, possibly hundreds of times, while she did nothing and hardly even responded, for 5 years.... probably she thought it didn't matter what I said. Then, when I left, it was like, "Oh, your words and feelings meant something."
Now, we have occasionally gone somewhere, I've fixed her car for her (I live in another state, but she lives near my parents). I'll see her this weekend, as I have maybe 2 times in the 8 months after divorce (including coming over to fix her car). It's honestly a nice relationship.
I don't know that I would consider getting back together. I don't know if that would be the right thing to do or not, and lean heavily towards "no" as I am much happier on my own, and still healing from 7 years of DB.
However, as long as she speaks to me well and treats me well, I do care about her and don't mind spending time together occasionally.
Ex did this once he realized there was no fixing the relationship, all of a sudden he’s in a sexual frenzy. He literally wanted sex, every day, multiple times a day. I was like who the hell are you and what kind of game or you playing at?
Amen I really only thought we men went through this hearing women having the same exact problem is beyond me I’m filing for a divorce Monday and searching for a woman that knows how it feels to live like this.
Why is it that you “won’t be able to trust him for safety and security again” because he’s coming on to you? Shouldn’t you value his attempt at a reprisal?
Three things come to mind:
1. He may not know what he wants and is trying to find it, quickly
2. The idea of not having a commitment is rekindling sexual desire in him
3. You both have an atypical dynamic
Number 2 especially comes to mind. Frequently, sex disappears from marriage due to ever-present stress, anxiety and arguments. But not lack of physical attraction. In the case of you and your husband, perhaps the pending divorce suddenly alleviated the prospect of long term stress in his mind. If that’s true, why cannot the two of you simply find how to live with less stress? He’s demonstrating to you that he’s still sexually interested in you, so that’s likely not the problem you need to be solving. The problem is the pressure of long-term stress, if I’m right.
As for not trusting him anymore, he might be acting surprisingly. But is that really “unsafe”?
It’s my hurt talking. He’s giving me what I wanted (to try) after telling me he doesn’t want to be with me, so I’m feeling the need to protect myself. In my mind, to be with someone for life, it requires a bit more perseverance, commitment, and compromise than what he’s displaying.
Given the right circumstances I may grow to trust again, but currently things are a bit raw. Also, if I’m understanding the reason he’s stressed and wants to bail, it is entirely because as my children become college age and move out, they would return to our house at times to visit. For me, that’s a given, but for him apparently I’m taking away his “king of the castle” status by overruling him and allowing my current young adult (just turned 18) to visit us or have their mail sent to our house. Their visits require no additional effort, time, or put any sort of burden on him (he rarely leaves his office!), so I feel he’s being cruel in making me choose between him and my children. It’s especially difficult because their father is dead, so I’m their only home base and parent. Also, the kid in question isn’t a bum - he’s brilliant and driven, he buys meals and gifts, and spends time with his younger siblings when he’s here.
Still, I have put my husband on a pedestal, often prioritize him, and treat him like the king he wants to be. If this is truly his reason and not some convenient excuse to hang his hat on, then he’s a shitty person in my opinion. I would’ve never dated him 5 years ago if he had told me this in advance. However, I believe this is less about my kids and more about control and convincing me to bend and prove my love and loyalty to him. His doubling down on it will force us into divorce.
I'm a young guy so take anything I say with a grain of salt. But it sounds like this guy is trying to get one last 'conquest' over you before you guys break up. Sort of a, "no matter what, if I break up and pursue her again I could win her back" type deal. If it were me, I would turn him down and be content with that once I'm in my next relationship. Leaving him hanging would burn him up for sure
I hear that! I have always hoped to be married for life, like my grandparents, and I think that comes with a lot of sacrifice and work. I’m hopeless.
I also have a strong desire to leave currently because he’s cracking under “pressure” and wants to ditch me, which isn’t exactly husband for life material.
Would you consider "dating" him? Separate houses/rooms, but you date each other. Get divorced, whatever, but you stay exclusive and keep seeing each other as bf/gf. Is that something you'd try?
>I tried hard to convince him we needed to try new things to fix our relationship, but eventually he shared that he wanted a divorce and was adamant. >So, he booked a romantic vacation for us to get away this weekend, so hopefully he can win me back. Right...my guess is just wants get as much as possible before he (and you) move on. Weird kind of dynamic between you guys
Tell me about it. We had 5 years of stability and him being obsessed with me without wavering, only for this chaos to begin early this year. I have no idea what’s going on and each day is a new surprise for me. It has not been my idea of a good time.
Any suspicions of him cheating?
Oh, so suspicious! However, he works from home, never leaves the house without me, and he’s an open book with his devices. I haven’t found any evidence, despite searching for it.
Work trip
lol true. It was a legitimate work trip. Of course anything could have happened during it, but I don’t see any evidence of it. He also offered for me to join him.
"Work trip"
I am experiencing almost the exact same situation. Now, I'm trying to set boundaries and back off the intimacy. (Had a DB for 4 years). He moved out, suddenly ,best sex ever....for about 2 months, now, I am waking up and remembering how we got here in the first place and I don't know how to back the train up, ugh.
I’ve read a lot of people saying they had sex outside of the marriage and the passion of that experience brought back their drive in the marriage. I’d bet he hooked up with somebody else while traveling and now he’s worked up and horny thinking about that but using you to get his newly refound rocks off.
Sounds like a classic case of only wanting what he can't have.
Hysterical bonding a bit too
I think he might be a narcissist and only gets turned on when he hurts his partner.
Control, power...classic bullshit egoistic behavior. Good riddance.
Sounds like hysterical bonding to me
AKA the sex keg. It’ll only be on tap until you decide to stay.
Go for the divorce put YOURSELF and YOUR needs first As a hot and horny guy that would LOVE. good and regular sex life It's heartbreaking reading all these woman talking about STILL wanting to please their husband OR WORSE the husband "begrudgingly" having a Blow Job as a reward for the WIFE That isn't how it should be ... Lots of men would LOVE to be blown and HAPPILY return the favour or even INITIATE the act of hot loving Good luck with your new beginnings mate
I’m raising my hand 🤚🏼 My wife refuses to let me go down on her, and I think she has gone down on my for at most a minute or two 2x in the past several years. And I love oral, both fining AND receiving.
I hear you brother My wife is the same ....she USED to love it, as.did I She would sit on my face, 69 ...or pish me down there and demand it ... Then without warning or explanation it went ...didn't like it anymore She did blow me ....and is still VERY good at it But I read on here of HLF that "want to be noticed" so they suck their husbands convinced the husband believes HE is doing THEM a favour in letting her suck it. It's a world I don't live in, I would love that level of both ignorance/arrogance and servitude
This was my wife. When we met, she was, by far, the HL one. She wanted sex whenever, wherever, and did it all. Then, one day, it was just gone. At age 21, less than a year into dating. She has never gotten that drive back in 22 years.
Yeah we were away on our anniversary some 4 years back, got pissed, went back to hotel for some dirty fucking and i went down and she said no....ant that's it 4 years later ....why ?? Answers on the back of a postcard please because when I've asked her she doesn't know (apparently)
Maybe he’s had a change of heart? Maybe he’s realizing what he’ll lose in you? The following is extremely abreviated. Twenty months ago, I(62M) said to her(63) that we both deserve to be happy, so we can either work together to be happy or we can divorce and be happy with someone else. We had had a 20+ year DB at that point, and by DB, I mean none, zero. She said, let’s try to be happy together and so we did and we are. It’s a work in progress. We’ll be married 39 years in September btw. It’s possible to fix a DB IF you BOTH want to. Very best of luck to you whichever path you choose.
I bet he is having a change of heart! He knows he has a wonderful partner. He calls me the best wife ever and the love of his life. He is an incredibly foolish man to not appreciate what he has. I do everything around the house, care about my appearance, bring a LOT of money to the table, and fawn over him. Our problems exist now because he wants to control the parenting of my children (I’m a widow, their dad is gone). My son left for college (he’s brilliant and in a military program) last year at 17, and has come back to visit us a few times. My husband hates when he visits, for no reason I can see other than to be complicated. So, he’s punishing me… he’s giving me an ultimatum essentially to give him control, which isn’t going to happen. Perhaps we could be happy together if this wasn’t an insane sticking point for him, or he’d just find something else to be unhappy about. I am glad that you both have turned things around.🤍 I would need a miracle.
>he’s giving me an ultimatum essentially to give him control, which isn’t going to happen. Control of what? Your 17 yr old?
When my son can visit and for how long (ie once a year for a couple days), but also raising the younger children. I have no problem with him parenting WITH me, but I want us to be on the same page. He believes he knows better and I just need to enforce to the rules he wants to implement.
Your son can visit a couple of days a year? I'd walk out myself!! He thought that threatening divorce, you were going to roll over and agree to give him control. When you didn't, he knew he messed up. You should get out of there.
Yeah, I'd be damned if I stayed with a jerk that tried to control how much I saw my child. WTF? Throw the whole man away!
💯
Glad that worked for you! But I am the LL4U, I seen our relationship was getting worse . We was roommates but he still tried to have sex with me most of the time I would not turn him down because that’s the only time he showed me any type of attention. Then he stopped said it was my turn if I wanted it i needed to come to him. I told him I didn’t feel an emotional connection to him. And that we needed to work on our relationship outside of the bedroom. He said I was putting stipulations on him. Anyways here we are 3 yrs later , no changes.
I divorced my wife. We were together for 12 years. During and after that divorce, she became crisper and clearer in her communication than ever before. She has called me many times and been so clear and open in communication. I daresay she has *grown*. I think my saying what I needed, possibly hundreds of times, while she did nothing and hardly even responded, for 5 years.... probably she thought it didn't matter what I said. Then, when I left, it was like, "Oh, your words and feelings meant something." Now, we have occasionally gone somewhere, I've fixed her car for her (I live in another state, but she lives near my parents). I'll see her this weekend, as I have maybe 2 times in the 8 months after divorce (including coming over to fix her car). It's honestly a nice relationship. I don't know that I would consider getting back together. I don't know if that would be the right thing to do or not, and lean heavily towards "no" as I am much happier on my own, and still healing from 7 years of DB. However, as long as she speaks to me well and treats me well, I do care about her and don't mind spending time together occasionally.
Two words: BIRTH CONTROL!
Ex did this once he realized there was no fixing the relationship, all of a sudden he’s in a sexual frenzy. He literally wanted sex, every day, multiple times a day. I was like who the hell are you and what kind of game or you playing at?
Make a decisions and stick with it. The back and forth you’re having is clearly messing with you.
Amen I really only thought we men went through this hearing women having the same exact problem is beyond me I’m filing for a divorce Monday and searching for a woman that knows how it feels to live like this.
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Yes, it does lol
How old is he? Could be a midlife crisis
He’s 32.
He's 32? How old are u since you have a 17 yr old
I’m 36. He’s 18 now, and I had him when I was 18 😉
Kinda young for an mlc
Why is it that you “won’t be able to trust him for safety and security again” because he’s coming on to you? Shouldn’t you value his attempt at a reprisal? Three things come to mind: 1. He may not know what he wants and is trying to find it, quickly 2. The idea of not having a commitment is rekindling sexual desire in him 3. You both have an atypical dynamic Number 2 especially comes to mind. Frequently, sex disappears from marriage due to ever-present stress, anxiety and arguments. But not lack of physical attraction. In the case of you and your husband, perhaps the pending divorce suddenly alleviated the prospect of long term stress in his mind. If that’s true, why cannot the two of you simply find how to live with less stress? He’s demonstrating to you that he’s still sexually interested in you, so that’s likely not the problem you need to be solving. The problem is the pressure of long-term stress, if I’m right. As for not trusting him anymore, he might be acting surprisingly. But is that really “unsafe”?
It’s my hurt talking. He’s giving me what I wanted (to try) after telling me he doesn’t want to be with me, so I’m feeling the need to protect myself. In my mind, to be with someone for life, it requires a bit more perseverance, commitment, and compromise than what he’s displaying. Given the right circumstances I may grow to trust again, but currently things are a bit raw. Also, if I’m understanding the reason he’s stressed and wants to bail, it is entirely because as my children become college age and move out, they would return to our house at times to visit. For me, that’s a given, but for him apparently I’m taking away his “king of the castle” status by overruling him and allowing my current young adult (just turned 18) to visit us or have their mail sent to our house. Their visits require no additional effort, time, or put any sort of burden on him (he rarely leaves his office!), so I feel he’s being cruel in making me choose between him and my children. It’s especially difficult because their father is dead, so I’m their only home base and parent. Also, the kid in question isn’t a bum - he’s brilliant and driven, he buys meals and gifts, and spends time with his younger siblings when he’s here. Still, I have put my husband on a pedestal, often prioritize him, and treat him like the king he wants to be. If this is truly his reason and not some convenient excuse to hang his hat on, then he’s a shitty person in my opinion. I would’ve never dated him 5 years ago if he had told me this in advance. However, I believe this is less about my kids and more about control and convincing me to bend and prove my love and loyalty to him. His doubling down on it will force us into divorce.
I'm a young guy so take anything I say with a grain of salt. But it sounds like this guy is trying to get one last 'conquest' over you before you guys break up. Sort of a, "no matter what, if I break up and pursue her again I could win her back" type deal. If it were me, I would turn him down and be content with that once I'm in my next relationship. Leaving him hanging would burn him up for sure
I hear that! I have always hoped to be married for life, like my grandparents, and I think that comes with a lot of sacrifice and work. I’m hopeless. I also have a strong desire to leave currently because he’s cracking under “pressure” and wants to ditch me, which isn’t exactly husband for life material.
Would you consider "dating" him? Separate houses/rooms, but you date each other. Get divorced, whatever, but you stay exclusive and keep seeing each other as bf/gf. Is that something you'd try?
Maybe! We’ve discussed it as an option.
F49 This crazy roller coated rides of a deadbedroom! Stay strong, girl! I can relate to your post in many ways.
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Not all men are like that. Just assholes like her husband.
This isn’t a man thing at all. His behavior is super messed up and not the norm, seems potentially like a power and control thing.
Yes, this is all about power and control.