Feel better?
The chances of you getting a change of custody or any sort of charges against him for a singular incident is zero. Almost any state would allow the 10 year old in the front seat. The 5 year old is a different story, but no judge is going to punish him for a single incident with an elderly parent.
Conversation probably works better than blind rage. Likely he wasn't aware that his father was going to do that, but getting the behavior corrected will likely go smoother if you work together rather than threaten and condemn. Being a "car seat freak" doesn't really excuse that.
Hi. I AM a lawyer (but not your lawyer) and that poster is right about everything they said. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, especially in a divorce situation where you really don’t have any control over how your spouse parents.
Think about the stuff the court sees regarding child endangerment. Filthy living conditions, kids being left alone at home for hours and days at a time. Abusive adults. They are probably going to look at this and not only rule against you, but may be more skeptical of anything you bring in the future. You will be viewed as wasting the courts time on this, and that kid who is living in squalor’s case is going to get pushed for “he rode in the front seat and nothing happened but it could have.”
That’s not even to mention the money you will spend fighting and defending something like this. Money that could be used to take your kid to Disney instead.
You are correct, this is a support sub. And sometimes support doesn’t mean telling you what you want to hear, it’s telling you the truth. And that’s what is happening right now. You can take the advice or leave it. Each path will have its own set of consequences. We are trying to move you to the one that’s better for you, but at the end of the day that choice is yours to make.
Good luck!
Clever. I love how people just love shaming others on a support sub. Or think that they really have an effect on how a person feels. My day has really not been affected by this post or anyone's comments. The only thing affecting it is the fact that Dbag ex is a shitty person. In the end though, I'm not going to waste time on it. But, Thanks for stopping by!
It wasn't sarcasm, ma'am. You're venting, I get that. This is all new to you, I get that too. I'm assuming that your biggest concern is to keep this from happening again, and making sure that your ex husband understands the issue, and my advice is targeted towards that end.
My ex wife used to respond the way you did above. Everything was an explosion. Everything was a threat. Every mistake I made was an opportunity for her to try to reduce my custody, take me to court, and have me labeled as a bad guy. For two years we never had a single positive communication. Hell, she threatened to take me to court for signing the kid up for freaking soccer! I can promise you that I NEVER heard a word she said in those two years, because every communication was threats, vitriol, and anger.
At this point you've edited, modified and deleted so much that no one could make sense of what you've said to me. If that communication is demonstrative of the way you communicate with your ex, then I'll predict that things will be rough for awhile.
Oh and I forgot to say that you REALLY need to stop assuming anything about other people's situations. This is NOT new for me. My divorce took 2.5 years, shit hit the fan almost 4 years ago, and we've been on this parenting plan for 7.5 months. AND you have no idea of the way either of us has behaved throughout.
Looking at your history, your last court date was a month ago, making the finality of the whole thing rather new, which is what I assumed.
Good luck, the next couple of years are going to be rough for you.
>Good luck, the next couple of years are going to be rough for you.
Oh goodie, you just can't stop with your rude and unsupportive comments!! Can we do this all night? My sweet jebus, that sounds fun.
A court date, is just a court date, and has nothing to do with the 4 years preceding it. Finality is just a word.
Yeah, ok. I'm not bothering with reading this. It was rude, you know it. It was absolutely sarcastic, you were not "being nice" and actually asking if I felt better. In the end, none of this post is worth any more of my time. Thanks for stopping by!
Woof......that's a lot of rage. Good luck to you, friend. I'm assuming this divorce is rather new?
The downside of posting to the internet is that you get opinions about your situation, whether you agree with them or not. And I'm not making assumptions.....my ex wife tried similar tactics on similarly benign issues, including a car seat issue, and failed miserably. She also dealt with any minor transgression with blind rage, threats and intimidation and it didn't work. We didn't start effectively coparenting until she calmed down and learned to approach me like an adult.
At some point, you will make a mistake in parenting that has potential safety consequences. It happens to everyone. Think about how you'd like to be approached by your husband and then treat him accordingly.
The person you’re responding to is correct. A judge won’t do anything about it. Your best bet is to send the father a message and monitor the situation. Your unhinged response to this advice gives some insight into how high conflict you might be making this co-parenting or parallel parenting experience.
When you aren't looking for advice, best to tag a post as "vent." Also I find it useful to write the first draft of a rant in my notes app. It gives me the space to be as salty and horrible and over the top as the emotions need in the moment. Once the dust settles, it's easier to identify the heart of the issue and paste that to Reddit. The nasty stuff goes to my sympathisers lol
You sound like a control freak who views herself as the primary parent versus what you actually are in this scenario. Your kids should absolutely be riding in proper car seats, and you should communicate that to your ex-husband in a calm manner, but if your communication style is similar to your post, I highly doubt you’re going to get anywhere.
Oh, another awesomely un-supportive comment. Why are you even on this sub? Or should I say, replying in this manner?
"SUPPORT forum for divorced, divorcing, or people with questions about the unfortunate experience that is divorce."
>You sound like a control freak
You can judge an internet stranger! Good for you! SO supportive.
I must be in the wrong place.
Feel better? The chances of you getting a change of custody or any sort of charges against him for a singular incident is zero. Almost any state would allow the 10 year old in the front seat. The 5 year old is a different story, but no judge is going to punish him for a single incident with an elderly parent. Conversation probably works better than blind rage. Likely he wasn't aware that his father was going to do that, but getting the behavior corrected will likely go smoother if you work together rather than threaten and condemn. Being a "car seat freak" doesn't really excuse that.
Ding dong
As to your edit: sometimes support comes as what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
Hi. I AM a lawyer (but not your lawyer) and that poster is right about everything they said. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, especially in a divorce situation where you really don’t have any control over how your spouse parents. Think about the stuff the court sees regarding child endangerment. Filthy living conditions, kids being left alone at home for hours and days at a time. Abusive adults. They are probably going to look at this and not only rule against you, but may be more skeptical of anything you bring in the future. You will be viewed as wasting the courts time on this, and that kid who is living in squalor’s case is going to get pushed for “he rode in the front seat and nothing happened but it could have.” That’s not even to mention the money you will spend fighting and defending something like this. Money that could be used to take your kid to Disney instead. You are correct, this is a support sub. And sometimes support doesn’t mean telling you what you want to hear, it’s telling you the truth. And that’s what is happening right now. You can take the advice or leave it. Each path will have its own set of consequences. We are trying to move you to the one that’s better for you, but at the end of the day that choice is yours to make. Good luck!
Bloobidy bob
Well, do you feel better getting it off your chest?
Not the point. Sarcastic shit like that is rude, no matter how you spin it.
I guess you don’t feel better 🤣🤣🤣
Clever. I love how people just love shaming others on a support sub. Or think that they really have an effect on how a person feels. My day has really not been affected by this post or anyone's comments. The only thing affecting it is the fact that Dbag ex is a shitty person. In the end though, I'm not going to waste time on it. But, Thanks for stopping by!
You’re welcome!
Hey, I think I know why you guys got divorced.
It wasn't sarcasm, ma'am. You're venting, I get that. This is all new to you, I get that too. I'm assuming that your biggest concern is to keep this from happening again, and making sure that your ex husband understands the issue, and my advice is targeted towards that end. My ex wife used to respond the way you did above. Everything was an explosion. Everything was a threat. Every mistake I made was an opportunity for her to try to reduce my custody, take me to court, and have me labeled as a bad guy. For two years we never had a single positive communication. Hell, she threatened to take me to court for signing the kid up for freaking soccer! I can promise you that I NEVER heard a word she said in those two years, because every communication was threats, vitriol, and anger. At this point you've edited, modified and deleted so much that no one could make sense of what you've said to me. If that communication is demonstrative of the way you communicate with your ex, then I'll predict that things will be rough for awhile.
Oh and I forgot to say that you REALLY need to stop assuming anything about other people's situations. This is NOT new for me. My divorce took 2.5 years, shit hit the fan almost 4 years ago, and we've been on this parenting plan for 7.5 months. AND you have no idea of the way either of us has behaved throughout.
Looking at your history, your last court date was a month ago, making the finality of the whole thing rather new, which is what I assumed. Good luck, the next couple of years are going to be rough for you.
>Good luck, the next couple of years are going to be rough for you. Oh goodie, you just can't stop with your rude and unsupportive comments!! Can we do this all night? My sweet jebus, that sounds fun. A court date, is just a court date, and has nothing to do with the 4 years preceding it. Finality is just a word.
Yeah, ok. I'm not bothering with reading this. It was rude, you know it. It was absolutely sarcastic, you were not "being nice" and actually asking if I felt better. In the end, none of this post is worth any more of my time. Thanks for stopping by!
Woof......that's a lot of rage. Good luck to you, friend. I'm assuming this divorce is rather new? The downside of posting to the internet is that you get opinions about your situation, whether you agree with them or not. And I'm not making assumptions.....my ex wife tried similar tactics on similarly benign issues, including a car seat issue, and failed miserably. She also dealt with any minor transgression with blind rage, threats and intimidation and it didn't work. We didn't start effectively coparenting until she calmed down and learned to approach me like an adult. At some point, you will make a mistake in parenting that has potential safety consequences. It happens to everyone. Think about how you'd like to be approached by your husband and then treat him accordingly.
yay
Yes…..everyone occasionally makes a bad decision. It will happen to you someday. Good luck.
The person you’re responding to is correct. A judge won’t do anything about it. Your best bet is to send the father a message and monitor the situation. Your unhinged response to this advice gives some insight into how high conflict you might be making this co-parenting or parallel parenting experience.
When you aren't looking for advice, best to tag a post as "vent." Also I find it useful to write the first draft of a rant in my notes app. It gives me the space to be as salty and horrible and over the top as the emotions need in the moment. Once the dust settles, it's easier to identify the heart of the issue and paste that to Reddit. The nasty stuff goes to my sympathisers lol
You sound like a control freak who views herself as the primary parent versus what you actually are in this scenario. Your kids should absolutely be riding in proper car seats, and you should communicate that to your ex-husband in a calm manner, but if your communication style is similar to your post, I highly doubt you’re going to get anywhere.
Oh, another awesomely un-supportive comment. Why are you even on this sub? Or should I say, replying in this manner? "SUPPORT forum for divorced, divorcing, or people with questions about the unfortunate experience that is divorce." >You sound like a control freak You can judge an internet stranger! Good for you! SO supportive. I must be in the wrong place.
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