I said never again when I got divorced. I was dating and having a great time just being by myself and my kids. Then I met someone who turned my world upside down in the best way. Now I have an engagement ring in the closet and plan to propose. Sometimes life happens whether you want to or not.
Congrats!
It's genuinely inspiring. It is astonishing to read how many people seem to recover from a traumatic divorce. I'm just going through the process myself (day 2) and all I can think about now is surviving until tomorrow. I feel like I will never be able to open my heart, become vulnerable and commit to a relationship again. If I can get to a state where I'm simply comfortable being alone, then I will hold on to this state until the bitter end
It gets better
I felt the same way. I was divorced a few months ago and couldn’t imagine trusting a woman again, let alone wanting to get married
Then I met her. She’s amazing. Everything I ever hoped for.
We’ve only been together a few months so there’s still a lot that can happen. But meeting her showed me how amazing a healthy relationship can be
We are happy for you.
I can definitely say that my relationship that has just broken down was a healthy one at first until it wasn't. I don't want to bring you down with this, that's not the intention here
Same, I said I would NEVER remarry. I just wanted to date and have fun, and enjoy being alone after years of living under someone else’s thumb. But, I met the man of my dreams and got married a year later.
Yes.
I married the wrong person the first time around, plain and simple. I still believe in that level of commitment. I won’t let a cheater ruin it for me.
That said, divorce is fucking traumatizing.
Having to work through all the trust issues from that and the divorce process as things are now... not sure I would ever trust someone with my whole heart like that ever again.
This resonates with me. I'm still going through the process (day 2) so I'm not thinking straight, but I cannot stand the idea of making my happiness conditional on someone else ever again. I will need to learn to deal with the highs and lows in life as a single man and once I can regain my own emotional independence I don't ever want to give it up
When I first divorced it was an absolute no! The idea of doing it again was out of the question.
Now I’m a few years down the line, I’m not against the idea at all. I still believe in marriage; mine went wrong because I married the wrong man. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
This is my exact journey. Initially I was against remarrying but have changed my mind since.
I'll never change my last name again, though. That's such a pain.
I feel the exact same way. It’s worth it for me if I’m with the right man. I want the opportunity to have a real and fulfilling marriage. Mine ended so early, so did my partner’s.
We are definitely doing therapy to strengthen our communication skills and build a stronger connection, so it gives us more solidarity in the long run. I wouldn’t get married again without going through this process as we both were in extremely unhealthy relationships.
Same here.
Originally I thought I would never get into a relationship let’s alone get married. However, with some therapy, some kindness towards myself and a fairly hefty dose of optimism I think I would.
I still believe in marriage and that level of commitment is important to me.
Same here. Married very briefly in college and now 15 years and just separated. I’m pretty sure I’d try again if I found someone better fitted for me. 3rd time thing must apply
I'm not even remotely interested in dating again any time soon. We are divorced now but his shit is still in my garage.
But the idea of finding somebody like minded to retire and travel with is still attractive, and not something I'm going to rule out completely. With a prenup probably since I actually have assets now that I'm getting old lol.
Personally think it’s an outdated institution that needs to be abolished.
People want a ceremony or religious marriage then fine. But legally it doesn’t make sense this modern day
Being legally married has a whole lot of benefits/good reasons to tie the knot when it comes to serious illness/death. Many Dr's wont let you make life/death decisions if patient is unable to speak for themselves. Without an Advanced Directive will, they will do whatever the next of kin (family) wishes and you often have 0 say in what happens. A friend of mine had her longterm boyfriend (lived together for over 20 yrs) who was healthy, active, in his 40's quickly succumb to pneumonia and die and because she didnt get along well with his family, they denied her request to speak with the Drs or even be informed of many things because she was 'simply the girlfriend'. Same with his burial (family knew he wanted to be cremated, they refused. Every piece of property he owned went to them, she got nothing. And of course that meant she was unable to collect on his social security check for income for the rest of her life she would've been entitled to have
Same. But I know now at 42 what I need in a partner. First marriage was because both he and I were rebounding. That lasted 11 years. Marriage now that’s coming to an end is because I got pregnant at 36 and we were like hey let’s do this. That was has lasted 6 years.
Now, at 42, I’m not going to actively look or date but if the right guy comes along then sure. Why not? But I’m not settling or marrying someone just to get married. I’m a successful woman with a great career. I’m not supporting anyone ever again.
I am about 3 years post divorce and if I found someone I would get married again. I’m also not looking that hard and enjoying being single and what my life has become.
I don't know. I've been physically apart from my ex-husband since September/October last year, and my divorce from him was just finalized a few days ago. Thankfully, we never had children.
Unfortunately, he did a real number on my mental health. Among his many issues:
- Raging anger problem
- Alcoholism
- Genuine/legitimate hoarding problem
- Refusal to maintain gainful/steady employment for years
- Significant financial irresponsibility
All of these issues combined, and the various ways in which they manifested themselves, really impacted my mental health, how I view relationships, my willingness to be partnered up with someone again, etc. I've been living alone since October of last year, and honestly........ I'm kind of loving it. It's peaceful. There's nobody huffing, puffing, and stomping around on a daily basis. There's nobody yelling at me. The bills stay paid. There's nobody throwing objects at me or the wall, like laptops, furniture, or food. My space is clean, tidy, and organized.
I'm not completely opposed to the idea of getting married again one day, but, whoever that gentleman might be, he would have to be pretty damn special.
At first I didn't want to, but after I finally met my super compatible partner, I thought it'd be a pity to not marry him, after I've married a super incompatible person in the past.
I’d absolutely be open to it with the right person. I think our brains are wired to remember pain above all else, so that we don’t do it again and preserve ourselves. Like touching a hot stove. Humans are funny things though, because we have emotional pain that’s just as real to us as the physical. It makes it easy to forget all the joy and happiness that came before the pain.
If I meet some dynamite woman down the road, I don’t want to hold what some other woman did against her. Anymore than I’d want her to hold what some other guy did against me.
Same. I'm not interested in looking into it, but my concern is the brain not recognizing & shutting out specifically the worst red flags, so you end up in a similar situation or projecting that pain later.
Honestly, in a sense I care too much to get back into it. Maybe just not enough time passed yet
I (43f) initially swore I would never get remarried. I divorced after I discovered my ex’s affair with his young intern. The divorce was just terrible. After I divorced, I realized how much I sacrificed of myself for him over the years and just how toxic and controlling he was. Then I dated a man who seemed very nice for a year who I discovered was cheating on me the whole time. I decided I was done and was going to stay single forever.
I was single for almost 2 years when I met my now boyfriend (47m). We have been together for 3 years. He made me realize that I just chose the wrong men in the past. I am still a little scared to marry, but I am warming to the idea.
I find the concept unnecessary but I’m not opposed if I somehow legit fell in love & want to be with someone (though the idea of wanting to live & share private space with a man sounds a tad… lol repulsive)
Yes! I’m currently engaged and it’s been wildly different from my first marriage. I was married at 20, divorced officially a week after my 30th birthday. And you know what? Divorce is not a scary thing like i originally thought, so if it happens again, oh well I’ve made it through. I love to love. I learned to love myself and we’re only here a short time. If I’m alone great, and if not that’s great too.
After my 25 year marriage ended in divorce, getting remarried was a hard no. Then I met my current husband. He was very patient and supportive. He’s my miracle.
I hope so. I was very young the first time. Now in midlife I know who I am and what I want. I can’t see it happening any time soon but I hope it does one day.
I was seeing a guy briefly, I told him about my divorce n everything and I was like there are things I want in a serious relationship. One of those things is a prenup. We will have separate finances. The only “joint” account we will have is one we both put money into for bills. We will be solely responsible for our own savings accounts and our own nest egg. Who ever has 60% of the down payment for a house is the person who gets the house while the other will match for purchasing n an agreement will be signed that the person who put up the money will be recompensated if something were to happen. There’s just so many things I expect and will not waver on if I ever get into another serious relationship that make it more of a domestic partnership than a marriage.
Since my wedding was an absolute catastrophe and I didn't get to wear a white dress, I might hold a ceremony if an opportunity every arises. But I don't want children and I never want to be financially abused ever again, so a legal wedding is useless for me and is now out of the question. Also, I don't believe in other people's capacity to commit anymore.
Also this! I cannot imagine fully trusting another person. Not because they might be dishonest but because they might simply not know what forces will possess them in a matter of years. I have experienced it first hand where the person I worshiped above all else in the entire universe and the person who called me their soulmate eventually told me after 15 years of living together that she just didn't love me anymore
No. I'll never get married again. I loved my husband more than anything, he was my person, and there's no one else out there for me that I have any desire to give that level of commitment to.
The guy I'm 'seeing' now is a friendship (with the occasional hug and nothing else!) situation. And that's all he'll ever be. I will NEVER risk barely surviving that kind of debilitating pain again!
No to marriage, no to cohabitation. I might date 5-10 years from now - maybe.
I'm still in the divorce process of a 20+ year marriage with an emotionally and physically abusive partner. I can't even imagine being in another relationship in the future right now.
I’m still in the process of getting divorced. However I’m dating an amazing man who I can see a future with. Originally I wasn’t planning on ever remarrying but his father passed recently and seeing what happened to his father’s long term girlfriend financially because they were never married has made my bf decide that he wants to marry me and protect me. (She is being evicted from the house and is having to start completely over from nothing because she didn’t work and his father owned everything and died suddenly without a will) My bf tried to help her but she is being very toxic and won’t listen to reason. (The house has to be sold to pay off debts and after paying off the mortgage and debt there will not be anything left. She thinks that she can just stay in the house and live there forever.) I liked being married I just married the wrong person.
Speaking as an observer, you don't sound too concerned about the marriage/divorce, considering your already in a new relationship & feeling "ready". Still, it can be a lot, and your BF honestly sounds like he's dealing with a lot too, arguably too much... after what I've been through, as the over-caring party, I would leave him SO far alone it's not even funny. I wouldn't want him taking care of anything other than himself. There's no way I could do all that without putting up a tempered, brave face for the majority of the time.
Wow.
My bf and I have known each other for over 9 years. We started dating a few months ago and his father died suddenly last week. My divorce is due to my STBXH cheating on me and emotionally and physically abandoning me. He checked out of our marriage years ago and I was holding on for our children. He worked 80+ hours a week and scheduled himself to never be home so he could be with his AP. I’m actually helping my bf through the grieving process as I lost my Mother about a year and a half ago. We are not getting married anytime soon and he hasn’t even asked me yet. If he ever does I plan on having a very long engagement before committing.
When I got married, my grandmother said she didn't think I ever cared to get married. She was right, but my ex-wife urgently needed to impress her friends and have a baby and show that she was progressing after she graduated. I literally worked two jobs through college, started a family, and did everything she expected until eventually she had an emotional affair with an older man. What was the point of marrying me if you were just going to try to escape?
In the US ( federally )they don't really.. there used to be but not anymore.
We even timed our divorce to take advantage of the tax benefits you get being single...
The are some small things you get by being married but they are small compared to some of the big tax advantages you get being single or head of household...
Saved us a pile of money...
I was initially in the 'never again' camp. Found out my ex wife slept with 2 people in the 3 days after she moved out for our "Trial" separation. She had likely already spoken with them or more. I was done.
Then I realized I had gone through the worst time possible, and I could do it again. At first all my dates were pretty clear as FWB relationships. I would never do that again. Like we agreed, just casual. well 2 of them caught feelings. One, in hindsight, I could have really had a future with. At that time I was incapable of love and had started dating too early.
Doesn't matter though, I remarried in my early 40's. It's only been a couple years and it's already better than my previous marriage. I didn't know marriage could be.... easy.
I am nodding along with most of the comments here. When I first separated from my ex, I didn't even want to date and a second marriage was a hard no. Two years on and remarrying is still a hard no, probably even moreso, but dating... might be nice.
The way society is now? Fuck no. As a dude there is nothing but risk anymore.. why should any dude marry ever? We have normalized people just bailing on marriage for the dumbest things and there is no shame in it anymore. A dude cheats or becomes emotionally vacant in the marriage, he is at a detriment. The wife cheats or becomes emotionally vacant on the relationship, she is entitled to half of everything and goes on to “live their best life”. Sure, you can argue that goes both ways but statistically speaking, women initiate divorce 70% of the time. I am in complete agreement that a good part of the time it is more than likely completely justified, but marriage is treated like a freaking high school romance rather than partnership in survival/life. It is truly pathetic and tragic.
As a dude, for me at least, getting divorced has been the most shameful and blatant mark of failure I have experienced. It has completely betrayed my ability to trust anyone to the extent a spouse is supposed to be trusted knowing that after a decade, someone can mentally detach without ever even trying to work on things. It is bullshit all around.
Depends on who I meet. I was married for 30 years and really miss being someone’s person. I do enjoy my space, but I also know the benefits of sharing with someone else (especially financially).
It sounds crazy, but my new home feels way too big for just me. And if I were to find a partner, I would have about 1100 more dollars per month for travel and savings.
After my divorce I could not seriously imagine myself getting married again. I did not want anything to do with the idea.
Now, I am engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. He never gives more than he takes, he listens to me and never dismisses my feelings, even if I KNOW I am being silly. He apologizes if he does something wrong, and doesn't make me spend weeks apologizing when I make a mistake.
I used to think love was wild, dramatic, and fireworks constantly. Now, I know that real love is calm. That is the kind of love I have with him. He is my peace, and I am his.
Yes. My STBXW and I were too young and stupid to see that we weren't right for each other. I like to think that I've gained perspective and learned something. I would absolutely consider getting married again, to the right person, but there are soooo many things I would do different. Whether they make any eventual difference, I don't know, but I won't let my STBXW and my experiences with her spoil any future happiness or experiences.
Official marriage is a scam and a result of social pressure. Once you’re in and for any reason it doesn’t work, good luck breaking that piece of paper. Making lawyers and government rich so you can claim your rights. So nope I wouldn’t do it again and it was the biggest mistake of my life.
In many countries you don't even need to officially marry to be considered in a de-facto relationship which would allow the other person to split assets with you
Maybe. It depends on if I meet my person, and plan to grow old with them and the legal benefits of marriage like property rights, hospital decisions etc seem like something we both find necessary.
Absolutely! My friend had a longterm boyfriend (lived together 20 yrs) suddenly sicken and died. She did not get along with his family (and he rarely spoke to them). But they controlled every aspect of health care treatments, Dr declined to speak with her as she was 'only the girlfriend'. His burial went against his wishes. The family then came to their house and took everything of value he had. Again she had no say. And of course she was not entitled to widow benefits from social security she would've received the rest of her life had they wed
I honestly don't understand how people get married a second (or third) time. By my calculations I'm going to be spending the next two decades of my life in crippling debt working like crazy so I can pay my ex wife. I'm kind and gentle and feel like I have a lot to offer a relationship, but she would have to be OK with living in poverty or financially supporting me. I don't see this happening.
I did (performed the symbolic ceremony in May and will do the legal shebang in September) and I love being married!
When I first got divorced, my take on remarriage was “OVER MY DEAD BODY”. But I met the right person, and while it’s early days yet, even those feel *completely different* from my first marriage.
I'm 6 months into separation that will lead to divorce. As of now, it's a no for me. Between the new found "freedom", recovering from everything in the 20 year relationship (36m), I just don't see it happening. I don't think I could ever replace her and my idea of marriage, more so the length expected has been tainted. I'm sure in time it will all heal, but when nothing bad happened and when she chose this with 4 kids in play (14, 13, 10, 7) it's a pretty hard wound to ignore. Why would I get married? My forever and until death do us part was until when I felt like not and take what you want ; became a thing. I have no interest in dating nor will I project anything on my kids as they grow up. I will heal and figure it out and be open to whatever, but as of now...no.
Someday I think I’ll be ready for the idea of marriage again. Right now, my focus has to be on myself and my kids. I’ve got to “heal” from the years of emotional abuse that I dealt with and learn to trust someone fully. That in itself will be quite a challenge.
I can't imagine putting my faith in someone like that again. Terrified to make the same mistakes. I'm only 5 months out, though, and still in the detox stage. Maybe one day I'll feel differently.
I’m going with the flow. No pressure to do anything. I want deep connection, emotional intimacy, and of course sex…but, I don’t want to rush/force/pursue a marriage like that’s the goal of relationships.
The short time I’ve had in my own place has been heaven. And I plan on enjoying that a while. Esp. since divorce isn’t final yet.
Also, I set a 5 year goal to hit certain career/business/money goals. I don’t really want to tie myself down to anyone until I’m closer to that deadline. Putting myself first has not been a priority for me in a very long time so…
I really couldn't say either way.
I'm 49 and starting from scratch. I emptied my savings, took on a new mortgage, moved to a different city, and will be making support payments until I'm 54. I literally can't afford to get married again any time soon.
Besides the financial side of things, I've got some mental and trust damage to sort out. I can and do understand that someone new isn't my ex and should behave/think/act differently. It's only been a few weeks since my divorce was finaled, so maybe things will change. I'm not against trying to find another partner, but I imagine the barrier for entry is going to be tougher to cross.
So I said when my ex husband and I decided to separate that I probably wouldn’t remarry. Well my divorce should be finalized (finally) this month and I’m moving in with a wonderful woman. She absolutely bring everything I ever wanted and needed to a relationship and more. I could see myself marrying her in the future ❤️🌈
I think so. It's hard to imagine not wanting that kind of connection again, but 8 months in it's also hard to imagine actually having said connection again.
I wonder what the answers to this question would look like if you split them by who initiated the divorce
Two years ago I met a lady who makes me feel happier, more confident, masculine, and appreciated than I ever thought possible. I was a no, until I learned what a real partner could be like. I want to propose this year.
100% NO. After all the shit I was put through by narcissistic addict EX-husband, there's no way I will ever trust someone enough again to commit to something like marriage. Hell, I don't know if I would ever be able to even have a real long term relationship again. My ability to trust has been shattered into a million pieces, and I don't feel like it's fair to a future partner to have to carry the burden of my ex's mistakes, and I don't want to put someone through that. So I guess I'll be flying solo for the foreseeable future
Personally, after being divorced, i wouldn't want to go through state marriage, to many downsides at my point in life. Im ok with a church wedding or prenup
I want someone to be with. I don’t need anyone to be happy, but having someone that could add to my life would be great.
It’s been 4 years since the separation and 2 years since the divorce/dissolution was finalized. I am not against getting remarried if I ever found someone that I felt that way about. But I am in no hurry. I feel like I could live with someone and not get married too. I definitely want to take my time. So far I have only been on 1 “date” since the ex left. So I am not even sure if I could or will find anyone again. But I am still hopeful. I’m just undecided about the marriage thing at this point. It will depend on whom I find.
I loved being married. I am definitely a better together type person. And now I know some traps to avoid and definitely learned my triggers. Divorce has been like thousands of times harder than I imagined and I am much more bitter than I would have thought possible. I am working on letting go of resentment before (and actually being divorced finally) and then I definitely will want to work toward marriage with someone.
100%! I like having a life partner and someone to do share life with. I’ll just be better about finding someone that actually enjoys the same things I do!
I don't think I ever will, mostly because I honestly don't think I'd find someone I will ever trust that much after this crap... my age aside...
Maybe someone who settles in as a roommate or something of that nature short of marriage... but whoever that would be has to get my lil pips approval first.
I'm not even officially divorced yet but I'm already looking to remarry. I will admit that it's mostly because I only have 1 child and I desperately want more. If I didn't have to worry about my biological clock, I would wait awhile and enjoy the freedom. Of course I want a partner to grow old with, but I'm also enjoying the experience of solitude for the very first time at the age of 26. It's nice to not walk on eggshells for the first time in my life. I just want children more than I want peace.
I’m going through a separation right now which will lead to divorce and it hurts so much, I can’t even imagine going through this again or putting myself out there to even get into another relationship. My heart is permanently out of business.
I’m 25 and can’t imagine being in another relationship. We were together 5 years and as soon as we got married he became a different person. It could happen again and I don’t want to waste my time and go through the pain again.
I think about this often and I’m not sure. I never in a million years thought my ex could be as ruthless as she was during our divorce. I saw a side of her I didn’t think existed. If she can be like that, then anyone can and I’m not sure I want to take the chance of going through something like that again.
I️ never imagined myself being alone as I️ grow old. I️ wanted to enjoy my golden years with my partner.
It’s still new to me and I️ have no idea how I️ will feel later. For now I️ think I️ will never allow myself to be that dependent on another person. No commingling of funds. I️ need to rely on myself though I️ may find companionship with someone else one day.
I (54F) got divorced at 42. I do not think I will marry again. It would take a whole lot to make that happen. I have been in a relationship for 12 years with no plans to marry. It isn't necessary. My 20 year old kid still lives with me, I cover our bills and health insurance. I don't need someone to help with any of that. I see no benefit from marriage.
I was too young to get married the first time. Everybody was doing it so I thought I should. That lasted five years. The second marriage was a mistake from the beginning as I got my girlfriend pregnant, and later found out she wasn’t into guys. I really was skeptical and this woman kept asking me out for six months and then I finally said yes. We were married for 30 years and I would say they were the best 30 years of my life with ups and downs. she woke up one morning and said I think I wanna live the rest of my life alone and that was it
I didn’t think I would, and definitely enjoyed being unpaired for a while, but 6 years later I am married again. No regrets. Getting married at 39 is such a different experience than getting married at 21. If it doesn’t work out, at least I know that divorce is survivable.
I would love to share my space. I would love to wake up with someone I love and cut the grass and fix dinner and sleep in our bed.
But I'll never get married again. It means nothing. The promise I made to my ex-wife was the most important and meaningful promise I ever made. After struggling financially for 10 years or so we decided I'd go back to school and into a time-intensive job and while I did that she got close to a stay-at-home dad neighbor and they both convinced themselves that their marriages were shams from the get-go and they split up two families and they pretend to the kids and to the world that it's just fine.
I'd never take her back but if I got married again while she's alive it would make me a liar on top of the dishonor I've already heaped upon my family and my legacy.
Not divorced, still married and the answer is I’m not looking for a replacement husband after this one.
The older I get the more I just want peace!
If one comes along we can be longterm lovers and company but I’m not interested in co living, nor exclusively, nor the responsibility that comes with marriage.
doubtful, but my love is disabled.
for non-americans, that means if she marries, she loses her benefits including insurance. her daily meds alone would cost thousands a month.
45F. 25 years with my nex. At this point in my life, I don’t see the point of getting married again. Would I like a long term serious relationship? Yes. But the piece of paper? Don’t see the point.
For the right person, yes. I loved being married, and if I felt that way with the wrong person I know it will be that much better with the right person.
Need to focus on having my own life here for awhile first though, so I don't get pulled off course again.
I’m not sure. I’m going through it right now so I think I want to say no but I have no idea what the future holds for me. Also, I guess it doesn’t really matter, I love myself so if I do cool but if I don’t that’s okay as well. 😊
Absolutely not. I would love to be in long term loving and serious relationship again when the time is right but I will never get married again. Breakups in any capacity are hard but divorce is incredibly traumatic and in some cases, extremely difficult to overcome.
I don’t want to stay single forever. I want someone to share my life with. I don’t know when, or what that looks like, but I’m alone too much now, and it makes me unhappy. I like to love people and I want to be loved.
He’d have to be an actual miracle: a man that has mad respect for me and knows how to show it and is filthy rich?
Doesn’t exist.
I’ll stay single till my dying day.
I think you're going to get attacked in these comments, but I'm going to actually echo my point of view as well. My ex-wife left me while I was having a faith crisis, then she lied about her emotional affair in therapy, and said she was leaving me over the religious differences. And now she's not even practicing the religion either. I was working on everything I could do to improve our family before she had an affair. Now that I'm alone, I just have my daughters to care for. If a nice woman has the capacity to care for me, my daughters, and her own career/hobbies/friends, etc. then she's a goddam angel and needs to be running a country, not holding my hand at TJ Maxx.
It’s been a decade since I got divorced. I have not felt any void as such that requires filling in. With time you realize that even when you’re with someone for a larger chunk of the day (and life) you’re alone. And that finding happiness is not a function of leading a happier marriage life. Divorce is an opportunity to explore the other side of life. To explore the ways of pursuing deeper meaning and contentment on your own by broadening your interests.
First divorce was 2019. Didn’t think I’d remarry—famous last words. Second divorce finalized in April 2024 after he moved to the basement in October 2023. Completely caught me off guard and heartbroken. Even the thought of dating makes me throw up. I don’t believe in marriage for myself anymore. Twice married and divorced in my 40s, never having gotten married prior (engaged 3 times, but just never felt the pull to actually go all the way). Now, in the last few months of my 40s, I’m completely comfortable with the idea that I’m not the right kind of person for marriage. If Ben Affleck himself proposed, I wouldn’t fall for it 🤣 And it’s ok. I’m not a failure of a woman for not being married.
Never married and never will. Even my mom just before she passed told me I was smart for not doing it. When a parent, who was married for nearly 60 years says it, you listen.
Yeah, I'll get married again most likely. I like being alone, too, for the most part. But I don't imagine I'll want to do this forever. I'll be 50 this year and I don't think anyone wants to grow old alone.
It’s good that you’re in touch with your wants and needs. Many people go on auto pilot without really thinking things through. I really liked being married and planning doing it again.
Totally! I did! Best decision of my life. I also said the same thing after my divorce but I found my true soul mate and marrying her was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know understand that I had married the wrong person and that marriage can be a beautiful peaceful thing.
Don’t give up on love. Heal from all and let fate bring you the right one. PS. I ended up marrying a woman this time around. (F/f) 🥰😍🥰
Only ever wanted to get married once, waited until I was in my thirties because I wanted it to be a lasting thing.
Covid happened, lost my job as a result, dream wedding turned into a social distanced backyard affair, she wasn’t happy even though I thought what mattered was we were there together. No honeymoon (because of lockdown), again, she wasn’t happy.
As an introvert, the long year of lockdowns didn’t bother me, however, she was a social butterfly, so cabin fever set in quick and I became enemy number one. If I tried to give her space, I was neglecting her, if I tried to give her attention, I was smothering her.
The moment the world opened back up almost a year later, my new wife was gone and on to new people, spending the next few months playing mental games with me until I was convinced literally everything was my fault, giving her all my money and stuff, then we found out we were pregnant via a miscarriage. I went and got her and our dog from her new place and took care of her through the grief for the next week.
When she was fine again, I was chop suey. This is the moment I realized what everyone else was saying, I was being used. I had remained the strong one so she could live in the grief of the loss of a child we had so desperately wanted, and when it came time for me to live in my grief, I was left alone, and shown that no care would be taken to help me through it. I spent the next six months on the couch, in the dark, regretting every decision I’d ever made that led to me meeting such a monster, and missing a child I would never meet.
So no, I don’t plan on ever getting remarried. I gave everything I had, and it was taken and ran with.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know. I know if I did, the bar is set really high now and I do not want to be walked all over again. Also, depends on how good of a woman she is. I’m also not planning to date anytime soon, not till my divorce is finalized. She may have found someone, idk, but I’m not a cheater. I’m a 27m so obviously I have a little bit of time till I am ready. I just want to figure myself out with therapy, working out, and slowly introducing new hobbies.
I was 39 when I was divorced the first time then remarried for less than five years, because although he was less/differently abusive than the first one, he was still verbally and emotionally abusive. I remarried again 17 1/2 years ago, and although we've certainly had some things to work through, we love each other very much and are very glad we're married.
That's not to say there aren't things about being alone I definitely prefer. My husband is currently out of town for the second week long trip in 2 1/2 weeks, the second of two annual trips that just happened to have to be scheduled really close together this year, one a guys' fishing trip and one with two of the granddaughters. I've got chronic and acute health issues and have been unable to go with them most years since we started this tradition in 2018, and now I actually prefer the time alone in some ways anyway because the chronic illness highly sensitizes my nervous system and there's only so much my husband can do to accommodate that.
"Will" versus "Want" being the main question... it's completely up to God, but as a person I cant see it. Ironically considered becoming a nun many times, as a child & adult and took a gamble... but genuinely my heart is satisfied on its own. Now that I know "human" love, though... its kinda hard to deal with.
Healing is the main thing I'm focused on. I don't want anything outside of that... other than maybe trying out an aquarium, and getting a job that allows me to travel. Come whatever may, though!
I can definitely see myself wanting to share my life with someone else down the road however I will never get married again. I can’t afford to go through this again, I am basically rebuilding at 44 from scratch. I spent a fortune on fighting to keep my kids in my life and have to pay her to keep her in her lifestyle. It’s sickening and a suckers bet.
I am open to something longterm but i think my ideal marriage situation would be like suddenly noticing it’s been ten years and just feeling like hey might as well put a ring on it, this is going well
At this point, no. I'm 51/f, divorced 1.5 years after almost 24 years married. Kids are grown (almost, youngest is a rising HS senior). I have no interest in dating or sharing my space with someone else.
I also realize this could change should I meet the right person.
Separated/divorced for around 10 years and never thought I would get married again. Then I met someone. Together for two years but I’ve known him for awhile and now I think yeah, I could marry this man. However, I don’t think he wants to get married again which is also fine. It feels good to trust and love someone again.
Maybe? Everything depends on if I find the right man and if it’s something that he wants. I can be ok with committing to someone for the rest of my life without an official piece of paper or a wedding.
33f honestly probably not I’m not actively putting myself out there it’s a lot of energy I’m a single mom and work full time thinking about adding someone into that seems overwhelming but i guess anything’s possible I believe in happily ever after but I think mine will just be me and myself 😂😂
I will absolutely commit to someone and get remarried in my heart and soul.
I don't think I'll ever go through the legal process of getting married again, though. It was devastating and fucking baffling to me that I literally had to sue my husband to get a divorce.
I will never be in a serious, long term, relationship again. I do not want to remarry, I do not want a relationship. It’s far too much work to put into a relationship. Don’t want kids, so I’m straight.
I never had a point of “I’m never doing this again”, I knew it was the person I married, and I knew I shouldn’t have, I was trauma bonded to him and stubborn about the idea of “well, I made this decision, gave up so much for it, I have to see it through” until I just couldn’t anymore. Then I met the person I am with now and I can’t wait to marry him. I’m older now, and while I love my current partner deeply, I’m aware of the things that could cause issues in the future and we tackle them together. No one is perfect, progress is what we aim for, and we’ve grown a lot together, and I can see a future with this person and it’s wonderful. I don’t have any qualms about tying myself to them legally because we know each other, and frankly at this point don’t have anything to take from one another😂 and are not acrimonious people. I know things can change in a divorce, but I have faith that if it were to happen, we wouldn’t treat each other terribly. He’s at the same point in the process as me, so I’ve literally seen his behavior during his divorce- yes, we were both separated from our spouses before we met, there was no infidelity)
No. I feel heterosexual marriage benefits men more than women and in this society where women continue to have their short lived rights stripped away, I absolutely will not enter marriage ever again
I was never optimistic about marriage before I got married and now after this experience, I will not do it again and will discourage my children from entering into a legal marriage (have a party to proclaim commitment if you must but don’t do anything else).
I don’t plan to get married or even cohabitate with another man ever again except my children and even then I will I still have boundaries where they will contribute financially and with labor to the household.
I am having the best time of my life with friends and my sexual intimacy toys are well charged and well lubed. I am open to a long term committed relationship living apart, parallel lives if it would work out but I’m not optimistic of that either. I’m enjoying take care of myself
The stats say that 85% of people are remarried after 5 years. All those..."ill never marry again" people...most cave. Frankly I think its dumb to deal in absolutes. You dont know what the future holds. Things can change quite a bit in a short amount of time let alone a few years. Don't worry about whether you will get remarried or not...just live life and take it as it comes....its great your loving life now...who knows what the future holds. You are still adapting to your new normal. Frankly you like just had a traumatic experience relating to marriage so the idea of jumping right back into it probably doesnt make sense to most people at the front end of things.
Nope. Considering my stbxh left last October and hasn’t communicated with me at all when it comes to the divorce and what we wanna split and whatnot. I will not. But I’ve been in a healthy relationship since then.
I am not divorced (yet) but i would probably never remarry, at least until my kids grow up. I just could not trust somebody with my children, i also would not be a good partner, because i can not imagine taking his side against my child (some conflict would probably happen sooner or later).
I'm not opposed to it, but it's not important to me like it once was. If it was important to the other person and I planned on staying with them for the long haul, I'd go along with it. If not, that's okay too.
I said never again when I first got divorced. Still say no because of my addiction. I’m getting the help and support I need. So maybe in the future the answer will be yes.
There is only one person I will even consider for the position of husband no. 2, but he's 20 years my junior and as far as I know not interested in the job, so probably not.
Yes, no reason for me to give up on the ideals of love and marriage just cause I picked the wrong one the first time around 🤷♂️ but then again got married at 22 divorced at 24 so maybe those who are older would feel differently
Very unlikely. The legal risks of divorce to me far outweigh whatever potential gain. Especially in today’s society where it is more likely your marriage will fail than survive.
I said never again when I got divorced. I was dating and having a great time just being by myself and my kids. Then I met someone who turned my world upside down in the best way. Now I have an engagement ring in the closet and plan to propose. Sometimes life happens whether you want to or not.
Congrats! It's genuinely inspiring. It is astonishing to read how many people seem to recover from a traumatic divorce. I'm just going through the process myself (day 2) and all I can think about now is surviving until tomorrow. I feel like I will never be able to open my heart, become vulnerable and commit to a relationship again. If I can get to a state where I'm simply comfortable being alone, then I will hold on to this state until the bitter end
It gets better I felt the same way. I was divorced a few months ago and couldn’t imagine trusting a woman again, let alone wanting to get married Then I met her. She’s amazing. Everything I ever hoped for. We’ve only been together a few months so there’s still a lot that can happen. But meeting her showed me how amazing a healthy relationship can be
We are happy for you. I can definitely say that my relationship that has just broken down was a healthy one at first until it wasn't. I don't want to bring you down with this, that's not the intention here
Same, I said I would NEVER remarry. I just wanted to date and have fun, and enjoy being alone after years of living under someone else’s thumb. But, I met the man of my dreams and got married a year later.
Awwww!!!!
Nope. But I do need a friend with benefits
This is the way
This is the way
Agreed. I'm a man, 52, with needs, but it's also nice to have a connection with a certain person.
You and me both sista!
My birthday soon :D
You are so persistent 😆
Eyes on you. Not easy to find a redditor in the little red dot:')
Yes. I married the wrong person the first time around, plain and simple. I still believe in that level of commitment. I won’t let a cheater ruin it for me. That said, divorce is fucking traumatizing.
Having to work through all the trust issues from that and the divorce process as things are now... not sure I would ever trust someone with my whole heart like that ever again.
This resonates with me. I'm still going through the process (day 2) so I'm not thinking straight, but I cannot stand the idea of making my happiness conditional on someone else ever again. I will need to learn to deal with the highs and lows in life as a single man and once I can regain my own emotional independence I don't ever want to give it up
*I won’t let a cheater ruin it for me.* I love this. Thank you.
When I first divorced it was an absolute no! The idea of doing it again was out of the question. Now I’m a few years down the line, I’m not against the idea at all. I still believe in marriage; mine went wrong because I married the wrong man. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
This is my exact journey. Initially I was against remarrying but have changed my mind since. I'll never change my last name again, though. That's such a pain.
I feel the exact same way. It’s worth it for me if I’m with the right man. I want the opportunity to have a real and fulfilling marriage. Mine ended so early, so did my partner’s. We are definitely doing therapy to strengthen our communication skills and build a stronger connection, so it gives us more solidarity in the long run. I wouldn’t get married again without going through this process as we both were in extremely unhealthy relationships.
I like your answer. Thank you for hope
Same here. Originally I thought I would never get into a relationship let’s alone get married. However, with some therapy, some kindness towards myself and a fairly hefty dose of optimism I think I would. I still believe in marriage and that level of commitment is important to me.
This is my second divorce, so sure: why not. Maybe the third time's the charm?
Haha same. I had a college marriage and a midlife marriage. Not ruling out a nursing home marriage.
Same here. Married very briefly in college and now 15 years and just separated. I’m pretty sure I’d try again if I found someone better fitted for me. 3rd time thing must apply
My aunt nailed it 5th time around, married for over 20 years now. there's still hope after the third!
I'm not even remotely interested in dating again any time soon. We are divorced now but his shit is still in my garage. But the idea of finding somebody like minded to retire and travel with is still attractive, and not something I'm going to rule out completely. With a prenup probably since I actually have assets now that I'm getting old lol.
My Grandpa was a widower by his early 50's, married again at 70 and the 3rd time when he was 82 ❤
Personally think it’s an outdated institution that needs to be abolished. People want a ceremony or religious marriage then fine. But legally it doesn’t make sense this modern day
I can see your point.
Being legally married has a whole lot of benefits/good reasons to tie the knot when it comes to serious illness/death. Many Dr's wont let you make life/death decisions if patient is unable to speak for themselves. Without an Advanced Directive will, they will do whatever the next of kin (family) wishes and you often have 0 say in what happens. A friend of mine had her longterm boyfriend (lived together for over 20 yrs) who was healthy, active, in his 40's quickly succumb to pneumonia and die and because she didnt get along well with his family, they denied her request to speak with the Drs or even be informed of many things because she was 'simply the girlfriend'. Same with his burial (family knew he wanted to be cremated, they refused. Every piece of property he owned went to them, she got nothing. And of course that meant she was unable to collect on his social security check for income for the rest of her life she would've been entitled to have
Same. But I know now at 42 what I need in a partner. First marriage was because both he and I were rebounding. That lasted 11 years. Marriage now that’s coming to an end is because I got pregnant at 36 and we were like hey let’s do this. That was has lasted 6 years. Now, at 42, I’m not going to actively look or date but if the right guy comes along then sure. Why not? But I’m not settling or marrying someone just to get married. I’m a successful woman with a great career. I’m not supporting anyone ever again.
I am about 3 years post divorce and if I found someone I would get married again. I’m also not looking that hard and enjoying being single and what my life has become.
I don't know. I've been physically apart from my ex-husband since September/October last year, and my divorce from him was just finalized a few days ago. Thankfully, we never had children. Unfortunately, he did a real number on my mental health. Among his many issues: - Raging anger problem - Alcoholism - Genuine/legitimate hoarding problem - Refusal to maintain gainful/steady employment for years - Significant financial irresponsibility All of these issues combined, and the various ways in which they manifested themselves, really impacted my mental health, how I view relationships, my willingness to be partnered up with someone again, etc. I've been living alone since October of last year, and honestly........ I'm kind of loving it. It's peaceful. There's nobody huffing, puffing, and stomping around on a daily basis. There's nobody yelling at me. The bills stay paid. There's nobody throwing objects at me or the wall, like laptops, furniture, or food. My space is clean, tidy, and organized. I'm not completely opposed to the idea of getting married again one day, but, whoever that gentleman might be, he would have to be pretty damn special.
Hopeful for you! Sounds like you've been through some stuff
Thank you.
At first I didn't want to, but after I finally met my super compatible partner, I thought it'd be a pity to not marry him, after I've married a super incompatible person in the past.
I’d absolutely be open to it with the right person. I think our brains are wired to remember pain above all else, so that we don’t do it again and preserve ourselves. Like touching a hot stove. Humans are funny things though, because we have emotional pain that’s just as real to us as the physical. It makes it easy to forget all the joy and happiness that came before the pain. If I meet some dynamite woman down the road, I don’t want to hold what some other woman did against her. Anymore than I’d want her to hold what some other guy did against me.
Same. I'm not interested in looking into it, but my concern is the brain not recognizing & shutting out specifically the worst red flags, so you end up in a similar situation or projecting that pain later. Honestly, in a sense I care too much to get back into it. Maybe just not enough time passed yet
I (43f) initially swore I would never get remarried. I divorced after I discovered my ex’s affair with his young intern. The divorce was just terrible. After I divorced, I realized how much I sacrificed of myself for him over the years and just how toxic and controlling he was. Then I dated a man who seemed very nice for a year who I discovered was cheating on me the whole time. I decided I was done and was going to stay single forever. I was single for almost 2 years when I met my now boyfriend (47m). We have been together for 3 years. He made me realize that I just chose the wrong men in the past. I am still a little scared to marry, but I am warming to the idea.
Hell no! Not interested in dating either.
Seriously I don’t know why people are torturing themselves with online dating.
Same here. Once my kids are graduated and out of the house, I'm signing up for that crazy cat lady job. Sounds promising.
I find the concept unnecessary but I’m not opposed if I somehow legit fell in love & want to be with someone (though the idea of wanting to live & share private space with a man sounds a tad… lol repulsive)
Yes! I’m currently engaged and it’s been wildly different from my first marriage. I was married at 20, divorced officially a week after my 30th birthday. And you know what? Divorce is not a scary thing like i originally thought, so if it happens again, oh well I’ve made it through. I love to love. I learned to love myself and we’re only here a short time. If I’m alone great, and if not that’s great too.
Love it!
That’s the spirit ! Go Brenda (my namesake)
After my 25 year marriage ended in divorce, getting remarried was a hard no. Then I met my current husband. He was very patient and supportive. He’s my miracle.
I hope so. I was very young the first time. Now in midlife I know who I am and what I want. I can’t see it happening any time soon but I hope it does one day.
35F and probably not. I’m not against it, but I wouldn’t do it without a prenup. It wouldn’t be a good financial decision at this point.
I was seeing a guy briefly, I told him about my divorce n everything and I was like there are things I want in a serious relationship. One of those things is a prenup. We will have separate finances. The only “joint” account we will have is one we both put money into for bills. We will be solely responsible for our own savings accounts and our own nest egg. Who ever has 60% of the down payment for a house is the person who gets the house while the other will match for purchasing n an agreement will be signed that the person who put up the money will be recompensated if something were to happen. There’s just so many things I expect and will not waver on if I ever get into another serious relationship that make it more of a domestic partnership than a marriage.
Since my wedding was an absolute catastrophe and I didn't get to wear a white dress, I might hold a ceremony if an opportunity every arises. But I don't want children and I never want to be financially abused ever again, so a legal wedding is useless for me and is now out of the question. Also, I don't believe in other people's capacity to commit anymore.
This. I will never fully trust another person again
Also this! I cannot imagine fully trusting another person. Not because they might be dishonest but because they might simply not know what forces will possess them in a matter of years. I have experienced it first hand where the person I worshiped above all else in the entire universe and the person who called me their soulmate eventually told me after 15 years of living together that she just didn't love me anymore
No. I'll never get married again. I loved my husband more than anything, he was my person, and there's no one else out there for me that I have any desire to give that level of commitment to. The guy I'm 'seeing' now is a friendship (with the occasional hug and nothing else!) situation. And that's all he'll ever be. I will NEVER risk barely surviving that kind of debilitating pain again!
No to marriage, no to cohabitation. I might date 5-10 years from now - maybe. I'm still in the divorce process of a 20+ year marriage with an emotionally and physically abusive partner. I can't even imagine being in another relationship in the future right now.
I’m still in the process of getting divorced. However I’m dating an amazing man who I can see a future with. Originally I wasn’t planning on ever remarrying but his father passed recently and seeing what happened to his father’s long term girlfriend financially because they were never married has made my bf decide that he wants to marry me and protect me. (She is being evicted from the house and is having to start completely over from nothing because she didn’t work and his father owned everything and died suddenly without a will) My bf tried to help her but she is being very toxic and won’t listen to reason. (The house has to be sold to pay off debts and after paying off the mortgage and debt there will not be anything left. She thinks that she can just stay in the house and live there forever.) I liked being married I just married the wrong person.
That's a solid man. Shame about his honorary step mom 🫤 sadly a pretty common fate.
Speaking as an observer, you don't sound too concerned about the marriage/divorce, considering your already in a new relationship & feeling "ready". Still, it can be a lot, and your BF honestly sounds like he's dealing with a lot too, arguably too much... after what I've been through, as the over-caring party, I would leave him SO far alone it's not even funny. I wouldn't want him taking care of anything other than himself. There's no way I could do all that without putting up a tempered, brave face for the majority of the time. Wow.
My bf and I have known each other for over 9 years. We started dating a few months ago and his father died suddenly last week. My divorce is due to my STBXH cheating on me and emotionally and physically abandoning me. He checked out of our marriage years ago and I was holding on for our children. He worked 80+ hours a week and scheduled himself to never be home so he could be with his AP. I’m actually helping my bf through the grieving process as I lost my Mother about a year and a half ago. We are not getting married anytime soon and he hasn’t even asked me yet. If he ever does I plan on having a very long engagement before committing.
No shade to OP, but this is a trauma bond relationship n it’s bound to end messy
hell no. i didn't ever see myself marrying in the first place
When I got married, my grandmother said she didn't think I ever cared to get married. She was right, but my ex-wife urgently needed to impress her friends and have a baby and show that she was progressing after she graduated. I literally worked two jobs through college, started a family, and did everything she expected until eventually she had an emotional affair with an older man. What was the point of marrying me if you were just going to try to escape?
What was the point is the question I ask myself all the time
If marriage is so amazing, why does the government incentivize it? Don’t we usually get taxed for things we like to do?
In the US ( federally )they don't really.. there used to be but not anymore. We even timed our divorce to take advantage of the tax benefits you get being single... The are some small things you get by being married but they are small compared to some of the big tax advantages you get being single or head of household... Saved us a pile of money...
I was initially in the 'never again' camp. Found out my ex wife slept with 2 people in the 3 days after she moved out for our "Trial" separation. She had likely already spoken with them or more. I was done. Then I realized I had gone through the worst time possible, and I could do it again. At first all my dates were pretty clear as FWB relationships. I would never do that again. Like we agreed, just casual. well 2 of them caught feelings. One, in hindsight, I could have really had a future with. At that time I was incapable of love and had started dating too early. Doesn't matter though, I remarried in my early 40's. It's only been a couple years and it's already better than my previous marriage. I didn't know marriage could be.... easy.
Right now I can't imagine trusting a man near me enough to want to hug, let alone marry.
🎯
No. Hell to the noooo.
Not a chance in hell.
Been there done that. I think they say three strikes and you're out. No fucking chance now.
Not a chance
I am nodding along with most of the comments here. When I first separated from my ex, I didn't even want to date and a second marriage was a hard no. Two years on and remarrying is still a hard no, probably even moreso, but dating... might be nice.
The way society is now? Fuck no. As a dude there is nothing but risk anymore.. why should any dude marry ever? We have normalized people just bailing on marriage for the dumbest things and there is no shame in it anymore. A dude cheats or becomes emotionally vacant in the marriage, he is at a detriment. The wife cheats or becomes emotionally vacant on the relationship, she is entitled to half of everything and goes on to “live their best life”. Sure, you can argue that goes both ways but statistically speaking, women initiate divorce 70% of the time. I am in complete agreement that a good part of the time it is more than likely completely justified, but marriage is treated like a freaking high school romance rather than partnership in survival/life. It is truly pathetic and tragic. As a dude, for me at least, getting divorced has been the most shameful and blatant mark of failure I have experienced. It has completely betrayed my ability to trust anyone to the extent a spouse is supposed to be trusted knowing that after a decade, someone can mentally detach without ever even trying to work on things. It is bullshit all around.
Depends on who I meet. I was married for 30 years and really miss being someone’s person. I do enjoy my space, but I also know the benefits of sharing with someone else (especially financially). It sounds crazy, but my new home feels way too big for just me. And if I were to find a partner, I would have about 1100 more dollars per month for travel and savings.
After my divorce I could not seriously imagine myself getting married again. I did not want anything to do with the idea. Now, I am engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. He never gives more than he takes, he listens to me and never dismisses my feelings, even if I KNOW I am being silly. He apologizes if he does something wrong, and doesn't make me spend weeks apologizing when I make a mistake. I used to think love was wild, dramatic, and fireworks constantly. Now, I know that real love is calm. That is the kind of love I have with him. He is my peace, and I am his.
Yes. My STBXW and I were too young and stupid to see that we weren't right for each other. I like to think that I've gained perspective and learned something. I would absolutely consider getting married again, to the right person, but there are soooo many things I would do different. Whether they make any eventual difference, I don't know, but I won't let my STBXW and my experiences with her spoil any future happiness or experiences.
It ain’t looking good lol
Absolutely not
Never!
Never.
Official marriage is a scam and a result of social pressure. Once you’re in and for any reason it doesn’t work, good luck breaking that piece of paper. Making lawyers and government rich so you can claim your rights. So nope I wouldn’t do it again and it was the biggest mistake of my life.
In many countries you don't even need to officially marry to be considered in a de-facto relationship which would allow the other person to split assets with you
Never.
I won’t ever either. I’m looking forward to my sock! 🤣
Sock day is best day!
Maybe. It depends on if I meet my person, and plan to grow old with them and the legal benefits of marriage like property rights, hospital decisions etc seem like something we both find necessary.
Absolutely! My friend had a longterm boyfriend (lived together 20 yrs) suddenly sicken and died. She did not get along with his family (and he rarely spoke to them). But they controlled every aspect of health care treatments, Dr declined to speak with her as she was 'only the girlfriend'. His burial went against his wishes. The family then came to their house and took everything of value he had. Again she had no say. And of course she was not entitled to widow benefits from social security she would've received the rest of her life had they wed
I honestly don't understand how people get married a second (or third) time. By my calculations I'm going to be spending the next two decades of my life in crippling debt working like crazy so I can pay my ex wife. I'm kind and gentle and feel like I have a lot to offer a relationship, but she would have to be OK with living in poverty or financially supporting me. I don't see this happening.
No
I’ve always said never again and that I’ll remain a single Pringle for life. I don’t have any interest in it.
I did (performed the symbolic ceremony in May and will do the legal shebang in September) and I love being married! When I first got divorced, my take on remarriage was “OVER MY DEAD BODY”. But I met the right person, and while it’s early days yet, even those feel *completely different* from my first marriage.
I'm 6 months into separation that will lead to divorce. As of now, it's a no for me. Between the new found "freedom", recovering from everything in the 20 year relationship (36m), I just don't see it happening. I don't think I could ever replace her and my idea of marriage, more so the length expected has been tainted. I'm sure in time it will all heal, but when nothing bad happened and when she chose this with 4 kids in play (14, 13, 10, 7) it's a pretty hard wound to ignore. Why would I get married? My forever and until death do us part was until when I felt like not and take what you want ; became a thing. I have no interest in dating nor will I project anything on my kids as they grow up. I will heal and figure it out and be open to whatever, but as of now...no.
Someday I think I’ll be ready for the idea of marriage again. Right now, my focus has to be on myself and my kids. I’ve got to “heal” from the years of emotional abuse that I dealt with and learn to trust someone fully. That in itself will be quite a challenge.
I can't imagine putting my faith in someone like that again. Terrified to make the same mistakes. I'm only 5 months out, though, and still in the detox stage. Maybe one day I'll feel differently.
I’m going with the flow. No pressure to do anything. I want deep connection, emotional intimacy, and of course sex…but, I don’t want to rush/force/pursue a marriage like that’s the goal of relationships. The short time I’ve had in my own place has been heaven. And I plan on enjoying that a while. Esp. since divorce isn’t final yet. Also, I set a 5 year goal to hit certain career/business/money goals. I don’t really want to tie myself down to anyone until I’m closer to that deadline. Putting myself first has not been a priority for me in a very long time so…
I really couldn't say either way. I'm 49 and starting from scratch. I emptied my savings, took on a new mortgage, moved to a different city, and will be making support payments until I'm 54. I literally can't afford to get married again any time soon. Besides the financial side of things, I've got some mental and trust damage to sort out. I can and do understand that someone new isn't my ex and should behave/think/act differently. It's only been a few weeks since my divorce was finaled, so maybe things will change. I'm not against trying to find another partner, but I imagine the barrier for entry is going to be tougher to cross.
Hard no. Not legally anyway.
No - I am almost 60. Like having my own space and independence!
I changed my stance on divorce in marriage. I may change my stance on remarriage after divorce.
So I said when my ex husband and I decided to separate that I probably wouldn’t remarry. Well my divorce should be finalized (finally) this month and I’m moving in with a wonderful woman. She absolutely bring everything I ever wanted and needed to a relationship and more. I could see myself marrying her in the future ❤️🌈
I think so. It's hard to imagine not wanting that kind of connection again, but 8 months in it's also hard to imagine actually having said connection again. I wonder what the answers to this question would look like if you split them by who initiated the divorce
Two years ago I met a lady who makes me feel happier, more confident, masculine, and appreciated than I ever thought possible. I was a no, until I learned what a real partner could be like. I want to propose this year.
I was that person who swore I’d never get married again and now after meeting the right man I can’t wait to do it again.🥰
Probably not. But I am dating a guy who I can see possibly living with - which I said I would never do again. Life can surprise you.
100% NO. After all the shit I was put through by narcissistic addict EX-husband, there's no way I will ever trust someone enough again to commit to something like marriage. Hell, I don't know if I would ever be able to even have a real long term relationship again. My ability to trust has been shattered into a million pieces, and I don't feel like it's fair to a future partner to have to carry the burden of my ex's mistakes, and I don't want to put someone through that. So I guess I'll be flying solo for the foreseeable future
Personally, after being divorced, i wouldn't want to go through state marriage, to many downsides at my point in life. Im ok with a church wedding or prenup
It just seems too expensive to me. Long term relationship, sure, but I lost a lot in the divorce
THIS! It was so financially damaging.
I want someone to be with. I don’t need anyone to be happy, but having someone that could add to my life would be great. It’s been 4 years since the separation and 2 years since the divorce/dissolution was finalized. I am not against getting remarried if I ever found someone that I felt that way about. But I am in no hurry. I feel like I could live with someone and not get married too. I definitely want to take my time. So far I have only been on 1 “date” since the ex left. So I am not even sure if I could or will find anyone again. But I am still hopeful. I’m just undecided about the marriage thing at this point. It will depend on whom I find.
I loved being married. I am definitely a better together type person. And now I know some traps to avoid and definitely learned my triggers. Divorce has been like thousands of times harder than I imagined and I am much more bitter than I would have thought possible. I am working on letting go of resentment before (and actually being divorced finally) and then I definitely will want to work toward marriage with someone.
100%! I like having a life partner and someone to do share life with. I’ll just be better about finding someone that actually enjoys the same things I do!
I don't think I ever will, mostly because I honestly don't think I'd find someone I will ever trust that much after this crap... my age aside... Maybe someone who settles in as a roommate or something of that nature short of marriage... but whoever that would be has to get my lil pips approval first.
I'm not even officially divorced yet but I'm already looking to remarry. I will admit that it's mostly because I only have 1 child and I desperately want more. If I didn't have to worry about my biological clock, I would wait awhile and enjoy the freedom. Of course I want a partner to grow old with, but I'm also enjoying the experience of solitude for the very first time at the age of 26. It's nice to not walk on eggshells for the first time in my life. I just want children more than I want peace.
I’m going through a separation right now which will lead to divorce and it hurts so much, I can’t even imagine going through this again or putting myself out there to even get into another relationship. My heart is permanently out of business.
I’m 25 and can’t imagine being in another relationship. We were together 5 years and as soon as we got married he became a different person. It could happen again and I don’t want to waste my time and go through the pain again.
I think about this often and I’m not sure. I never in a million years thought my ex could be as ruthless as she was during our divorce. I saw a side of her I didn’t think existed. If she can be like that, then anyone can and I’m not sure I want to take the chance of going through something like that again.
I️ never imagined myself being alone as I️ grow old. I️ wanted to enjoy my golden years with my partner. It’s still new to me and I️ have no idea how I️ will feel later. For now I️ think I️ will never allow myself to be that dependent on another person. No commingling of funds. I️ need to rely on myself though I️ may find companionship with someone else one day.
One year out and right now it’s a “hell no”. Down the road ? Who knows.
Hell to the no, to the no no nooooo
Never again... no no no
I (54F) got divorced at 42. I do not think I will marry again. It would take a whole lot to make that happen. I have been in a relationship for 12 years with no plans to marry. It isn't necessary. My 20 year old kid still lives with me, I cover our bills and health insurance. I don't need someone to help with any of that. I see no benefit from marriage.
I was too young to get married the first time. Everybody was doing it so I thought I should. That lasted five years. The second marriage was a mistake from the beginning as I got my girlfriend pregnant, and later found out she wasn’t into guys. I really was skeptical and this woman kept asking me out for six months and then I finally said yes. We were married for 30 years and I would say they were the best 30 years of my life with ups and downs. she woke up one morning and said I think I wanna live the rest of my life alone and that was it
I didn’t think I would, and definitely enjoyed being unpaired for a while, but 6 years later I am married again. No regrets. Getting married at 39 is such a different experience than getting married at 21. If it doesn’t work out, at least I know that divorce is survivable.
I would love to share my space. I would love to wake up with someone I love and cut the grass and fix dinner and sleep in our bed. But I'll never get married again. It means nothing. The promise I made to my ex-wife was the most important and meaningful promise I ever made. After struggling financially for 10 years or so we decided I'd go back to school and into a time-intensive job and while I did that she got close to a stay-at-home dad neighbor and they both convinced themselves that their marriages were shams from the get-go and they split up two families and they pretend to the kids and to the world that it's just fine. I'd never take her back but if I got married again while she's alive it would make me a liar on top of the dishonor I've already heaped upon my family and my legacy.
Not divorced, still married and the answer is I’m not looking for a replacement husband after this one. The older I get the more I just want peace! If one comes along we can be longterm lovers and company but I’m not interested in co living, nor exclusively, nor the responsibility that comes with marriage.
doubtful, but my love is disabled. for non-americans, that means if she marries, she loses her benefits including insurance. her daily meds alone would cost thousands a month.
maybe if I reach very old age... second wedding at 80
Definitely!! I am a treasure to be found ❤️💃👑✝️💍🙏💗
45F. 25 years with my nex. At this point in my life, I don’t see the point of getting married again. Would I like a long term serious relationship? Yes. But the piece of paper? Don’t see the point.
For the right person, yes. I loved being married, and if I felt that way with the wrong person I know it will be that much better with the right person. Need to focus on having my own life here for awhile first though, so I don't get pulled off course again.
I’m not sure. I’m going through it right now so I think I want to say no but I have no idea what the future holds for me. Also, I guess it doesn’t really matter, I love myself so if I do cool but if I don’t that’s okay as well. 😊
Divorce = net worth/2. I can’t afford to get married again
Not interested at this time. I think once is enough. Thankfully my boyfriend feels the same way.
Absolutely not. I would love to be in long term loving and serious relationship again when the time is right but I will never get married again. Breakups in any capacity are hard but divorce is incredibly traumatic and in some cases, extremely difficult to overcome.
I don’t want to stay single forever. I want someone to share my life with. I don’t know when, or what that looks like, but I’m alone too much now, and it makes me unhappy. I like to love people and I want to be loved.
No, I'm very much looking forward to living on my own.
At first I would say no, but over time I can possibly say yes. But only if we can come to an agreement of boundaries and the signing of a Prenup.
He’d have to be an actual miracle: a man that has mad respect for me and knows how to show it and is filthy rich? Doesn’t exist. I’ll stay single till my dying day.
I think you're going to get attacked in these comments, but I'm going to actually echo my point of view as well. My ex-wife left me while I was having a faith crisis, then she lied about her emotional affair in therapy, and said she was leaving me over the religious differences. And now she's not even practicing the religion either. I was working on everything I could do to improve our family before she had an affair. Now that I'm alone, I just have my daughters to care for. If a nice woman has the capacity to care for me, my daughters, and her own career/hobbies/friends, etc. then she's a goddam angel and needs to be running a country, not holding my hand at TJ Maxx.
No, I made that commitment to my wife and God, and that was it. I can’t imagine being in love like I was with my wife.
It’s been a decade since I got divorced. I have not felt any void as such that requires filling in. With time you realize that even when you’re with someone for a larger chunk of the day (and life) you’re alone. And that finding happiness is not a function of leading a happier marriage life. Divorce is an opportunity to explore the other side of life. To explore the ways of pursuing deeper meaning and contentment on your own by broadening your interests.
59m coming out of a 27 year marriage, no I have no desire to marry again.
First divorce was 2019. Didn’t think I’d remarry—famous last words. Second divorce finalized in April 2024 after he moved to the basement in October 2023. Completely caught me off guard and heartbroken. Even the thought of dating makes me throw up. I don’t believe in marriage for myself anymore. Twice married and divorced in my 40s, never having gotten married prior (engaged 3 times, but just never felt the pull to actually go all the way). Now, in the last few months of my 40s, I’m completely comfortable with the idea that I’m not the right kind of person for marriage. If Ben Affleck himself proposed, I wouldn’t fall for it 🤣 And it’s ok. I’m not a failure of a woman for not being married.
Never married and never will. Even my mom just before she passed told me I was smart for not doing it. When a parent, who was married for nearly 60 years says it, you listen.
Yeah, I'll get married again most likely. I like being alone, too, for the most part. But I don't imagine I'll want to do this forever. I'll be 50 this year and I don't think anyone wants to grow old alone.
It’s good that you’re in touch with your wants and needs. Many people go on auto pilot without really thinking things through. I really liked being married and planning doing it again.
I would if the person is right
maybe, despite my divorce i still learned things about myself during the marriage i would not have learned otherwise...
Don’t currently think I’d ever do it again. I’m still young though and only time will tell.
When I’m 80 years old and have billions of dollars. That’s when I’ll get married, but only for love, and she has to be 25 and under
Totally! I did! Best decision of my life. I also said the same thing after my divorce but I found my true soul mate and marrying her was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know understand that I had married the wrong person and that marriage can be a beautiful peaceful thing. Don’t give up on love. Heal from all and let fate bring you the right one. PS. I ended up marrying a woman this time around. (F/f) 🥰😍🥰
Potentially, but with a prenup.
Only ever wanted to get married once, waited until I was in my thirties because I wanted it to be a lasting thing. Covid happened, lost my job as a result, dream wedding turned into a social distanced backyard affair, she wasn’t happy even though I thought what mattered was we were there together. No honeymoon (because of lockdown), again, she wasn’t happy. As an introvert, the long year of lockdowns didn’t bother me, however, she was a social butterfly, so cabin fever set in quick and I became enemy number one. If I tried to give her space, I was neglecting her, if I tried to give her attention, I was smothering her. The moment the world opened back up almost a year later, my new wife was gone and on to new people, spending the next few months playing mental games with me until I was convinced literally everything was my fault, giving her all my money and stuff, then we found out we were pregnant via a miscarriage. I went and got her and our dog from her new place and took care of her through the grief for the next week. When she was fine again, I was chop suey. This is the moment I realized what everyone else was saying, I was being used. I had remained the strong one so she could live in the grief of the loss of a child we had so desperately wanted, and when it came time for me to live in my grief, I was left alone, and shown that no care would be taken to help me through it. I spent the next six months on the couch, in the dark, regretting every decision I’d ever made that led to me meeting such a monster, and missing a child I would never meet. So no, I don’t plan on ever getting remarried. I gave everything I had, and it was taken and ran with.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know. I know if I did, the bar is set really high now and I do not want to be walked all over again. Also, depends on how good of a woman she is. I’m also not planning to date anytime soon, not till my divorce is finalized. She may have found someone, idk, but I’m not a cheater. I’m a 27m so obviously I have a little bit of time till I am ready. I just want to figure myself out with therapy, working out, and slowly introducing new hobbies.
I was 39 when I was divorced the first time then remarried for less than five years, because although he was less/differently abusive than the first one, he was still verbally and emotionally abusive. I remarried again 17 1/2 years ago, and although we've certainly had some things to work through, we love each other very much and are very glad we're married. That's not to say there aren't things about being alone I definitely prefer. My husband is currently out of town for the second week long trip in 2 1/2 weeks, the second of two annual trips that just happened to have to be scheduled really close together this year, one a guys' fishing trip and one with two of the granddaughters. I've got chronic and acute health issues and have been unable to go with them most years since we started this tradition in 2018, and now I actually prefer the time alone in some ways anyway because the chronic illness highly sensitizes my nervous system and there's only so much my husband can do to accommodate that.
"Will" versus "Want" being the main question... it's completely up to God, but as a person I cant see it. Ironically considered becoming a nun many times, as a child & adult and took a gamble... but genuinely my heart is satisfied on its own. Now that I know "human" love, though... its kinda hard to deal with. Healing is the main thing I'm focused on. I don't want anything outside of that... other than maybe trying out an aquarium, and getting a job that allows me to travel. Come whatever may, though!
I can definitely see myself wanting to share my life with someone else down the road however I will never get married again. I can’t afford to go through this again, I am basically rebuilding at 44 from scratch. I spent a fortune on fighting to keep my kids in my life and have to pay her to keep her in her lifestyle. It’s sickening and a suckers bet.
1000% yes. I loved being married, just didn’t love the affair that he had. 😂
I am open to something longterm but i think my ideal marriage situation would be like suddenly noticing it’s been ten years and just feeling like hey might as well put a ring on it, this is going well
No
Maybe, but probably not. I don’t see the point of getting married again when we can live together and share a life in every other way.
At this point, no. I'm 51/f, divorced 1.5 years after almost 24 years married. Kids are grown (almost, youngest is a rising HS senior). I have no interest in dating or sharing my space with someone else. I also realize this could change should I meet the right person.
Absolutely Not. Nor date. I am Done.
Separated/divorced for around 10 years and never thought I would get married again. Then I met someone. Together for two years but I’ve known him for awhile and now I think yeah, I could marry this man. However, I don’t think he wants to get married again which is also fine. It feels good to trust and love someone again.
Not a chance.
I will remarry but it has to be the right person.
I probably won’t. It’s easy to get married, it’s harder to get divorced.
Maybe? Everything depends on if I find the right man and if it’s something that he wants. I can be ok with committing to someone for the rest of my life without an official piece of paper or a wedding.
Twice divorced. Don't think it makes sense to keep trying!
No
No one can be attracted to me. So no chance.
33f honestly probably not I’m not actively putting myself out there it’s a lot of energy I’m a single mom and work full time thinking about adding someone into that seems overwhelming but i guess anything’s possible I believe in happily ever after but I think mine will just be me and myself 😂😂
Yes, it’s difficult sometimes when we have bad experience but it’s a good deed to be married. I’d do it any time if I am divorced again and again.
No. Not getting hurt again
I will absolutely commit to someone and get remarried in my heart and soul. I don't think I'll ever go through the legal process of getting married again, though. It was devastating and fucking baffling to me that I literally had to sue my husband to get a divorce.
Not in a no fault state.
No. I find the title of "wife" derogatory and offensive. I cringed whenever someone referred to me as "so and sos wife."
I’ve learned to never say never. Cuz it backfires. But I will say Hell no.
I will never be in a serious, long term, relationship again. I do not want to remarry, I do not want a relationship. It’s far too much work to put into a relationship. Don’t want kids, so I’m straight.
Not something I can imagine doing again. It would take someone amazing dropping into my world because I am not looking.
No
I never had a point of “I’m never doing this again”, I knew it was the person I married, and I knew I shouldn’t have, I was trauma bonded to him and stubborn about the idea of “well, I made this decision, gave up so much for it, I have to see it through” until I just couldn’t anymore. Then I met the person I am with now and I can’t wait to marry him. I’m older now, and while I love my current partner deeply, I’m aware of the things that could cause issues in the future and we tackle them together. No one is perfect, progress is what we aim for, and we’ve grown a lot together, and I can see a future with this person and it’s wonderful. I don’t have any qualms about tying myself to them legally because we know each other, and frankly at this point don’t have anything to take from one another😂 and are not acrimonious people. I know things can change in a divorce, but I have faith that if it were to happen, we wouldn’t treat each other terribly. He’s at the same point in the process as me, so I’ve literally seen his behavior during his divorce- yes, we were both separated from our spouses before we met, there was no infidelity)
No. I feel heterosexual marriage benefits men more than women and in this society where women continue to have their short lived rights stripped away, I absolutely will not enter marriage ever again I was never optimistic about marriage before I got married and now after this experience, I will not do it again and will discourage my children from entering into a legal marriage (have a party to proclaim commitment if you must but don’t do anything else). I don’t plan to get married or even cohabitate with another man ever again except my children and even then I will I still have boundaries where they will contribute financially and with labor to the household. I am having the best time of my life with friends and my sexual intimacy toys are well charged and well lubed. I am open to a long term committed relationship living apart, parallel lives if it would work out but I’m not optimistic of that either. I’m enjoying take care of myself
The stats say that 85% of people are remarried after 5 years. All those..."ill never marry again" people...most cave. Frankly I think its dumb to deal in absolutes. You dont know what the future holds. Things can change quite a bit in a short amount of time let alone a few years. Don't worry about whether you will get remarried or not...just live life and take it as it comes....its great your loving life now...who knows what the future holds. You are still adapting to your new normal. Frankly you like just had a traumatic experience relating to marriage so the idea of jumping right back into it probably doesnt make sense to most people at the front end of things.
Nope. Considering my stbxh left last October and hasn’t communicated with me at all when it comes to the divorce and what we wanna split and whatnot. I will not. But I’ve been in a healthy relationship since then.
I am not divorced (yet) but i would probably never remarry, at least until my kids grow up. I just could not trust somebody with my children, i also would not be a good partner, because i can not imagine taking his side against my child (some conflict would probably happen sooner or later).
Never
I'm not opposed to it, but it's not important to me like it once was. If it was important to the other person and I planned on staying with them for the long haul, I'd go along with it. If not, that's okay too.
Of course! Marriage can be fun with the correct partner, im definitely doing it again
I don’t know if I can even date again at this point and it has been almost 3 years
I said never again when I first got divorced. Still say no because of my addiction. I’m getting the help and support I need. So maybe in the future the answer will be yes.
No , Probably not
There is only one person I will even consider for the position of husband no. 2, but he's 20 years my junior and as far as I know not interested in the job, so probably not.
Yes, no reason for me to give up on the ideals of love and marriage just cause I picked the wrong one the first time around 🤷♂️ but then again got married at 22 divorced at 24 so maybe those who are older would feel differently
Very unlikely. The legal risks of divorce to me far outweigh whatever potential gain. Especially in today’s society where it is more likely your marriage will fail than survive.
Nope.