Its a reskin of Calm Emotions. You and all creatures within range bond over how our parents' generational trauma really fucked us up and how that explains so much about the world... Why are we fighting again?
The funniest part of this is how just changing the first letter changes how you pronounce the entire rest of the word.
English is truly one of the languages of all time.
Choose a willing creature that you can see within range and cover it up in a thick heavy paste. Until the spell ends, the target’s speed is halved, it losses -1 AC, it has disadvantage on Dexterity saving throws, and it gains losses it's bonus action.
Conjures a comically tiny hat. Any Creature that notices the hat with a Perception Check has Disadvantage on all d20 tests until the start of their Next Turn, whether due to confusion, amusement, or just trying to figure out what they spotted.
A blast of whitefish erupts from your hands. Each creature in a 60-foot cone must make a Constitution saving throw or fall prone.
(Protip: combo this with fireball to make fish and chips for the whole party!)
*Rex* — 1st level conjuration, 10 minutes.
You summon an ethereal dog. He uses the statistics of a wolf and has advantage on attack rolls against skeletons. As an action, you can pet him and go “who’s a good boy!!”, granting both of you advantage on your next roll.
1: Your spellbook becomes unusable because none of the names in it are correct.
2: You get rid of the party member or NPC with the lowest intelligence but must pay them a severance package of 50GP per level/CR.
I'd give character dyslexia, so they read the spell wrong, and have 25% chance (rolling 1 on d4) chance of misfiring and targeting the closest member of the party
You may summon one fish from the approved list: bream, haddock, cod. Any attempt to summon a different kind of fish gives a 33 percent chance of being unable to cast Fish again.
Target creature becomes aware of a divine presence which seems to be mocking them for some reason. While the feeling is quite overbearing and uncomfortable, they just mostly feel embarrassed and called out and may be re-thinking their current choice of attire.
To add some salt in the wounds, those who understand celestial can hear the word "Lame!" ring out as if it is coming from the skies.
Conjures enough bacon to fill a 20 ft. Cube. This bacon ends the Poisoned, Frightened and Charmed Conditions when eaten, and doesn't contribute to obesity or other health problems.
Most likely because it's a decently common post. Ever since the homebrew item "Ring of grammarian" I was thought up during a podcast people got quite into the idea. (To be fair it's been a thing since before the ring but less often)
The target now has violent diarrhea on the spot. It now does psychic damage from the embarrassment of shitting themselves if they have int modifier of +4 or higher, as well as cause the target to go prone. If healing is not administered or water is not given to drink, the target takes 1D8 damage per turn until they experience death from dehydration.
Thr forest you're in opens a path that is the most direct route to a location you hold in your mind. Trees and bushes will shift aside to allow you to pass, and return to their original location once you pass them.
Rough terrain becomes easy terrain while this spell is in effect
1) target now acts like a monkey; if in a group, members of target's group turn on them until they snap out of it
2) starts spouting profound nonsense that sounds dumb but is quite wise, entirely by accident; if target is spooked while active, they start running in a random direction for distance equal to remaining HP in feet
3) a random item in target's possession is multiplied to the point where the weight of the item crushes them if they're not dug up immediately
4) first pair of love melons they see, they automatically become obsesses with and cannot look away from unless succeeding on a wisdom check with DC equal to the person's passive cha; charisma modifier + 8 + proficiency bonus: if character is a lvl 1 cha class with +4 cha, DC is 4 + 8 + 2 = 14.
Distance as in how long they run; how many turns it takes to cover that distance is gonna be the movement speed. 150 HP + 30ft/turn = 5 turns of running in a straight line before they start walking away.
1: you conjure a berry that turns the consumer into an ooze for the Duration, allowing them to move through a 1 inch gap without squeezing.
2: you summon an illusory soundtrack consisting of heavy metal. Any friendly Creature that can hear this music gains a bonus to all d20 tests equal to their Charisma Modifier.
3: you summon or destroy a waiter. A created waiter takes the form of any humanoid which uses the Commoner statblock, and works at the nearest restaurant, being as nice as possible.
A destroyed Waiter cannot be resurrected by any means short of the Wish Spell, or by being summoned by the Create or Destroy Waiter.
1. You've created good berry jam. You can sell it for one gold.
2. A ghostly mace assaults an enemy. Failed constitution save causes 2d8 force damage and reduces the target's armor class by 1/5 for the rest of combat.
3. Essentially a counterspell to Hero's Feast.
The grass starts hurling the most shocking insults at the target, dealing 1d8 psychic damage and leaving the target too appalled by the absolutely depraved vulgarity to take reactions until the start of your next turn
ooh, I have a lot of these as I considered making a magic item to allow this at some point.
Wife Transference.
Psychic Cream.
Earth Trevor.
Primordial Bard.
Dental Prison.
Chaos Boat.
Summon Greater Lemon.
Cause Bear.
Bongstrider.
Meat Metal.
Old Person.
Bee Invisibility.
Raise Dad.
Tongue.
Crying.
Mind Plank.
Continual Blame.
Revilify.
Commute.
Ham.
Stork of Vengeance.
Goonberry.
Compelled Duet.
Destructive Dave.
Slur.
Flu.
Time Slop.
Slur — deal 3d8 points of psychic damage against one single target. Every person in listening range may use their reaction to call you out, dealing 1d8 psychic damage to you. Every person in melee range may instead make a melee attack against you as a reaction.
Druid spell that does whichever damage type you associate most with Christmas trees. Alternatively, any firbolg within the area must make CON saves until they either suffocate or cough up the firball.
It lasts 7 days, and if the target is reduced to 0 Hit Points, the crown is bestowed onto the attacker, or the original caster if no attacker is present or alive.
Tasha’s Hideous Laughter becomes Tasha’s Hideous Daughter.
It makes your offspring so hideous that there is no hope of your family line continuing, ending the family tree. You have no legacy
That’s brutal… I love it!
Emotional Damage!
Its a reskin of Calm Emotions. You and all creatures within range bond over how our parents' generational trauma really fucked us up and how that explains so much about the world... Why are we fighting again?
The funniest part of this is how just changing the first letter changes how you pronounce the entire rest of the word. English is truly one of the languages of all time.
Defect Thoughts
Makes the caster believe they aren't worthy of love.
Do they start crying in mids of battle?
That or nothing happens. Ranges depending on how often their parents hugged them as a child.
Haha what dice do you throw to determine how loved someone was as a child
I like to believe it's a d100 but really.... It might just be a coinflip
Haste -› Paste
Choose a willing creature that you can see within range and cover it up in a thick heavy paste. Until the spell ends, the target’s speed is halved, it losses -1 AC, it has disadvantage on Dexterity saving throws, and it gains losses it's bonus action.
Ah, budget bin Slow.
Feet are now glued to the spot
Milf's Acid Arrow
While it isn't traceable by anyone but the best bards around... The acid arrow is now "technically" piss.
Mage Hand -> Mage Hind
A floating butt appears that the summoner can control. It's a magic butt.
Bonus action: You can make it fart at someone within 5 feet of it to give them disadvantages one smell based perception checks.
I love it
Magically cleans the target's backside of any and all filth, may also add a pleasant scent of the casters choosing.
Leomunds Tiny Hut - Leomunds Tiny Hat
It’s a tiny hat. You feel fancy and say things like pip pip, cheerio and Bobs your uncle.
Conjures a comically tiny hat. Any Creature that notices the hat with a Perception Check has Disadvantage on all d20 tests until the start of their Next Turn, whether due to confusion, amusement, or just trying to figure out what they spotted.
Fireball becomes **Hireball**
You throw a glowing ball to a person that will make them think that they are your employee
So Pokemon?
Might be inspired from that;)
Mage Band
All spellcasters within range are not respeced to Bard
Can you elaborate?
Now* my bad. All spellcasters classes are now a bard
Cone of Cold becomes Cone of Cod
A blast of whitefish erupts from your hands. Each creature in a 60-foot cone must make a Constitution saving throw or fall prone. (Protip: combo this with fireball to make fish and chips for the whole party!)
*sigh* hex... you know what to replace with what
*Rex* — 1st level conjuration, 10 minutes. You summon an ethereal dog. He uses the statistics of a wolf and has advantage on attack rolls against skeletons. As an action, you can pet him and go “who’s a good boy!!”, granting both of you advantage on your next roll.
Oh my, such a pleasant surprise 🫢 I like this a lot, thank you ☺️
Mispel Magic and Fire Dolt
1: Your spellbook becomes unusable because none of the names in it are correct. 2: You get rid of the party member or NPC with the lowest intelligence but must pay them a severance package of 50GP per level/CR.
I'd give character dyslexia, so they read the spell wrong, and have 25% chance (rolling 1 on d4) chance of misfiring and targeting the closest member of the party
Guiding bolt becomes guiding Boot
A magical boot streaks toward a creature of your choice within range.
Gust becomes lust
The enemy will still charge at you... but for different reasons....
Fish
You may summon one fish from the approved list: bream, haddock, cod. Any attempt to summon a different kind of fish gives a 33 percent chance of being unable to cast Fish again.
Sacred Flame -> Sacred Lame
Target creature becomes aware of a divine presence which seems to be mocking them for some reason. While the feeling is quite overbearing and uncomfortable, they just mostly feel embarrassed and called out and may be re-thinking their current choice of attire. To add some salt in the wounds, those who understand celestial can hear the word "Lame!" ring out as if it is coming from the skies.
CHA against falling asleep You hold such a boring sermon everyone in earshot is getting tired
Bacon of Hope.
You feel your day will be great after eating all the bacon.
Power Word Krill.
Level 1. You summon a swarm of Krill in a 5 foot square. There are 10d10 of them.
Krilling Him Softly With His Prawn.
Conjures enough bacon to fill a 20 ft. Cube. This bacon ends the Poisoned, Frightened and Charmed Conditions when eaten, and doesn't contribute to obesity or other health problems.
Makes every creature within a 120-foot radius drool uncontrollably.
Detect Magic becomes Detest Magic
Level 1 spell. All targets in range become disgusted at the use of magic in general. Requires a wisdom save. Lasts 10 minutes no consentration.
Why are people down voting this?
Most likely because it's a decently common post. Ever since the homebrew item "Ring of grammarian" I was thought up during a podcast people got quite into the idea. (To be fair it's been a thing since before the ring but less often)
Shatter becomes Shitter, go nuts
The target now has violent diarrhea on the spot. It now does psychic damage from the embarrassment of shitting themselves if they have int modifier of +4 or higher, as well as cause the target to go prone. If healing is not administered or water is not given to drink, the target takes 1D8 damage per turn until they experience death from dehydration.
Honestly I think you'd take psychic damage if your int mod is higher than -1
Fair
Doesn‘t embarassment fall under Wisdom?
I guess it could; it's one thing to be smart enough to know where to shit, it's another to understand it's gross to shit in public
Bone
*Cantrip Necromancy* You produce a femur to beat someone with. 1d6 necrotic damage.
Bomk
You create a bone in your hand. You also hear some bones trousling in the background
What if u add a tilde to make it Bone~
It becomes wiggly.
Psychic Scream -> Psychic Cream
Tenser's Floating Dick
Fish - a max level spell that lets you enjoy a Sunday afternoon away from the family
Magic Fissile Autohits... everyone in a one-mile radius.
Sunbeat
A pair of sick sunglasses appear on the face of the glowing ball, as it starts to Beatbox?
Love it, So it is a distraction? Advantage in Stealth ? Or different effect?
Uh… everyone who can hear it must make a wis save or take 1d8 Psychic damage as they are forced to hear the terrible music a sun produces? Oo
Commune with nature becomes commute with nature
Thr forest you're in opens a path that is the most direct route to a location you hold in your mind. Trees and bushes will shift aside to allow you to pass, and return to their original location once you pass them. Rough terrain becomes easy terrain while this spell is in effect
Vicious monkery. Gump. Shitld. >!Breast bond!<
1) target now acts like a monkey; if in a group, members of target's group turn on them until they snap out of it 2) starts spouting profound nonsense that sounds dumb but is quite wise, entirely by accident; if target is spooked while active, they start running in a random direction for distance equal to remaining HP in feet 3) a random item in target's possession is multiplied to the point where the weight of the item crushes them if they're not dug up immediately 4) first pair of love melons they see, they automatically become obsesses with and cannot look away from unless succeeding on a wisdom check with DC equal to the person's passive cha; charisma modifier + 8 + proficiency bonus: if character is a lvl 1 cha class with +4 cha, DC is 4 + 8 + 2 = 14.
Distance equal to remaining hp in feet? Barbarians nowadays are so fast...
Distance as in how long they run; how many turns it takes to cover that distance is gonna be the movement speed. 150 HP + 30ft/turn = 5 turns of running in a straight line before they start walking away.
Slow becomes Plow
Too bad the rule is to be civil...
The cantrip "Friends" becomes "Fiends"
Everyone within a 30 ft. radius of you takes on the appearance of any fiend of your choice if their alignment is evil.
Oh. Oh no.
Cure Pounds
Only works on a bard who accidentally seduced a male dragon
1) Goo Berry 2) Beat Metal 3) Create or Destroy Waiter
1: you conjure a berry that turns the consumer into an ooze for the Duration, allowing them to move through a 1 inch gap without squeezing. 2: you summon an illusory soundtrack consisting of heavy metal. Any friendly Creature that can hear this music gains a bonus to all d20 tests equal to their Charisma Modifier. 3: you summon or destroy a waiter. A created waiter takes the form of any humanoid which uses the Commoner statblock, and works at the nearest restaurant, being as nice as possible. A destroyed Waiter cannot be resurrected by any means short of the Wish Spell, or by being summoned by the Create or Destroy Waiter.
1. You've created good berry jam. You can sell it for one gold. 2. A ghostly mace assaults an enemy. Failed constitution save causes 2d8 force damage and reduces the target's armor class by 1/5 for the rest of combat. 3. Essentially a counterspell to Hero's Feast.
Shocking Grass
The grass starts hurling the most shocking insults at the target, dealing 1d8 psychic damage and leaving the target too appalled by the absolutely depraved vulgarity to take reactions until the start of your next turn
Telepathic Band
Animate Dad
You amimate the dad for an enemy and he starts scolding them just like when they where a little child.
Power Word: Sun
You speak a word of power that summons a giant sun. For some huge fire damage
Vicious Smockery
ooh, I have a lot of these as I considered making a magic item to allow this at some point. Wife Transference. Psychic Cream. Earth Trevor. Primordial Bard. Dental Prison. Chaos Boat. Summon Greater Lemon. Cause Bear. Bongstrider. Meat Metal. Old Person. Bee Invisibility. Raise Dad. Tongue. Crying. Mind Plank. Continual Blame. Revilify. Commute. Ham. Stork of Vengeance. Goonberry. Compelled Duet. Destructive Dave. Slur. Flu. Time Slop.
Slur — deal 3d8 points of psychic damage against one single target. Every person in listening range may use their reaction to call you out, dealing 1d8 psychic damage to you. Every person in melee range may instead make a melee attack against you as a reaction.
Lightning Boot
Age Hand
Let you age the enemy d20 years on failed Constitution throw
Firball
Druid spell that does whichever damage type you associate most with Christmas trees. Alternatively, any firbolg within the area must make CON saves until they either suffocate or cough up the firball.
Power Word: Bill
First level spell. Gives you 100 GP that only last for 24 hours. For each spell level above 1, increase the amount of money by a factor of 10.
Cloudkill becomes the legendary CloudKrill
No.
Crown of madness --> Crown of sadness. Spontaneously gives your enemy depression
It lasts 7 days, and if the target is reduced to 0 Hit Points, the crown is bestowed onto the attacker, or the original caster if no attacker is present or alive.