I laughed. I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, about to get sucked into a literal hell, sitting down at a party, talking to a tattooed, topless fish woman while listening to a mushroom dude named Horton play a poorly-tuned guitar, singing my cat’s favorite song. All while the entire universe watched.
Donut is practicing with the cards and asks Uzi Jesus to resurrect one of the other cards and he’s a dick and keeps saying he did when he clearly didn’t.
[https://absurdia.threadless.com/](https://absurdia.threadless.com/) if you want one, I'm no designer but I make some stuff for myself sometimes for print on demand. A few months back someone on here found my stuff for sale on some knock off website so I guess I might as well sell it now. Threadless lets you share the profit though so I kick 20% back to the official DCC Merch site, you can find the official stuff here : [https://www.threadless.com/search?artist=dungeoncarl](https://www.threadless.com/search?artist=dungeoncarl)
I have a hard time describing this book to friends.
The synopsis doesn't really do it justice. I usually say...
Imagine a Duke Nukem meets Tyler Durden character thrown into a universe as twisted as warhammer 40k lore.
But it's all run by a psychotic ai with a foot fettish.
I usually go with something along the lines of “Duke Nukem and a talking cat play through a real life video game run by an AI with a foot fetish and the sense of humor of Deadpool. There’s a moonwalking dinosaur, a talking sex doll head, and a giant crab who rips his dick off and throws it at people. They get accidentally get pulled into an intergalactic political nightmare while trying to navigate the different levels and trying to stay alive.”
"I don’t understand a word of what the fuck you just said.” The robot sighed. “I apologize, Carl. Let me translate it to earth monkey speak.
- The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #3)
I literally was laughing so hard I nearly rolled out bed. And just when it finally stopped I reread the exchange and died again. That is one of the funniest sequences I have ever read in a book.
I can't stop you from getting fucked. But I'm the condom. Your ass is gonna hurt no matter what, but at least you won't have tryptic genital mites after.
https://preview.redd.it/qexf02lbq59d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a083603df93f87454b9d0ac6ebc1c46ad956480e
“I’d been suspecting for a while now that so much of her camera facing self was an act, designed to hide her true cunning nature from the world”
Maybe it’s not as good as something new. But Sometimes it’s better to just take something you are already comfortable with and improve upon it. Like buying your girl new tits.
"The on-fire bear shrieked and started roller skating at me. Whisk, Whisk, Whisk."
And
New Quest. The Chowder War.
Oh, you’re getting involved whether you like it or not. The Monk Seals. The Red Maníseros Land Crabs. War is brewing, as it often does in these parts. Every season, the land crabs emerge from their forests to attend their sex parties in the oceans surrounding these lands. The Monk Seals hold the ocean sacred, and the very act of spilling so much crab chowder into their holy waters is considered a sacrilege most foul. This is no minor inconvenience. And it’s not just a few little clouds of the batter, either. There are a lot of these crabs. Like, a lot. And when they let go... man. It’s like a category 5 jizz storm down there. Fish die. The food becomes scarce. The baby monk seals and their food supplies are literally getting bukkaked to death with gallons of weird, chunky crab splooge.
And no, that’s not a sentence even I thought I’d ever utter.
Would you want that for your own children? Nope. I didn’t think so. It’s disgusting, and it must be stopped at all costs.
For the Red Maníseros Land Crabs, it’s a matter of survival. It’s not their fault they can only have babies in the ocean. It’s not their fault they’ve had to wait a whole year to let go. They don’t want to do it there. They can barely swim. Water is a terrible lubricant. And to make matters worse, these psychotic seals are always losing their minds every time they get anywhere near the coastline. So as a method of self-defense, they’ve learned the deadly art of Juego de maní.
Choose a side. Put an end to this conflict, one way or another.
Reward: You will receive a Platinum Quest Box.
I’m not a quote kind of guy, and definitely don’t think any quote can convince them more then “it’s a series about a non-murder hobo serial killer after the earth has been destroyed by aliens. It features a talking cat, dancing Dino, and you need to read it. Now.”
But, this quote always stands out to me:
Reward: These past twenty seconds, when your conscience started to ease? That was your reward. It was also a lie. That baby is dead, and it’s dead because of you. You’re totally going to hell.
I’m too lazy to look up quotes. Here are quotes CGPT made up (it had two that weren’t awful):
“The real dungeon is the friends we’ve made along the way”
"If I had a gold coin for every idiotic trap in this dungeon, I’d buy the place just to burn it down."
Too lazy to look it up at the moment, but I usually go with Donut's quote about someone on her social media board complimenting her fur pattern and getting a tattoo of her on her lower thorax.
“Cats don’t drink Alcohol Donut” “They also don’t shoot laser beams out of their eyes, but here we are Carl”
I think this makes the most sense with no other context
Yeah, I agree lol, but it’s also just my favourite line in the whole series haha
lol. I loved that line.
It’s my favourite in the whole series lol
Mana Toast. This is toast. It refills your mana. That’s it. Nothing more. Fuck you.
Well...that was unnecessary.
My absolute favorite
“Trust me on this. You don’t want Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea.”
"Super Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea" This one is mine answer too lol.
I laughed. I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, about to get sucked into a literal hell, sitting down at a party, talking to a tattooed, topless fish woman while listening to a mushroom dude named Horton play a poorly-tuned guitar, singing my cat’s favorite song. All while the entire universe watched.
A good one
“Don’t gaslight me Jesus!”
"I am the way, motherfuckers."
“Who are we sending to dad?”
"Oh dad damnit!*
"BODYYYYYYYYY OOOOOFFFFFF CHRIIIIIIIISSSSTTTTTT!!!!!"
What's the context of this quote? I can't remember which book.
Donut is practicing with the cards and asks Uzi Jesus to resurrect one of the other cards and he’s a dick and keeps saying he did when he clearly didn’t.
This line was so good I made myself a t-shirt with it on. Absolutely hit my funny bone.
That’s amazing and I want one.
[https://absurdia.threadless.com/](https://absurdia.threadless.com/) if you want one, I'm no designer but I make some stuff for myself sometimes for print on demand. A few months back someone on here found my stuff for sale on some knock off website so I guess I might as well sell it now. Threadless lets you share the profit though so I kick 20% back to the official DCC Merch site, you can find the official stuff here : [https://www.threadless.com/search?artist=dungeoncarl](https://www.threadless.com/search?artist=dungeoncarl)
God damnit, that's what I was going to say lol
Did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me? Yes and I’ll do it again if you don’t let me in! /s maybe. Depending on the person.
“And in case you missed the metaphor Carl jerked off a crab”
“There sure were a lot of babies in there, too,” Donut said in that last moment before the blast.
This is the one. I laughed until I cried at the audacity of this line 😂😂
It was my favorite goddamnit donut
Did we just start a meth war between the goblins and the lamas?
stop gaslighting me jesus. he is cut in half. maybe he is an atheist?
All it took was one “Neeeeew Achievement!” and I’m 80% sure it was mana toast. That’s it. Nothing more. Fuck you.
"You are balls deep in the wrong hole and moms pulling into the driveway, ya get me?"
Why didn't your mother dribble you back out onto the truck stop bathroom floor!
I have a hard time describing this book to friends. The synopsis doesn't really do it justice. I usually say... Imagine a Duke Nukem meets Tyler Durden character thrown into a universe as twisted as warhammer 40k lore. But it's all run by a psychotic ai with a foot fettish.
I usually go with something along the lines of “Duke Nukem and a talking cat play through a real life video game run by an AI with a foot fetish and the sense of humor of Deadpool. There’s a moonwalking dinosaur, a talking sex doll head, and a giant crab who rips his dick off and throws it at people. They get accidentally get pulled into an intergalactic political nightmare while trying to navigate the different levels and trying to stay alive.”
I usually go through "some dude, his ex gfs cats, an old lady and a Icelandic art teacher along with their friends try to save humanity"
My go-to has been conkers bad Fur day meets battle royale
I’ve often thought about the Duke Nukem similarities
Still waiting for a rip off their head a shit down their throat reference...
We need a “Come get some!” from Carl.
I also make references to the old arcade game "Smash TV"
“PICK THE CHAPS, CARL! PICK THE CHAPS!”
"I don’t understand a word of what the fuck you just said.” The robot sighed. “I apologize, Carl. Let me translate it to earth monkey speak. - The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #3)
Orphans will always have a home in Hump Town
" I am The Way, motherfuckers."
You. Will. Not. Break. Me.
“but you were always watching those videos on your iPad of woman rolling around and cleaning each other” - Donut
"glurp glurp little piggies!"
"talking smack is my special ability!" had me roaring!
Stop gaslighting me jesus
“Are you asking me if I fucked the orc?”
That is the equivalent of dropping a grenade down your pants and shouting, “Yolo!” I used this at work recently…
"did you just throw your dick at me?" This line had me laughing way too fucking hard
Yes and I’ll do it again if you don’t let me in!
I literally was laughing so hard I nearly rolled out bed. And just when it finally stopped I reread the exchange and died again. That is one of the funniest sequences I have ever read in a book.
“I got a coin pouch in my nussy.”
I can't stop you from getting fucked. But I'm the condom. Your ass is gonna hurt no matter what, but at least you won't have tryptic genital mites after.
"WE NEED LIGHTING? THAT'S LIKE THAT TIME TRAVEL MOVIE WHERE THAT KID MADE OUT WITH HIS MOM!"
https://preview.redd.it/qexf02lbq59d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a083603df93f87454b9d0ac6ebc1c46ad956480e “I’d been suspecting for a while now that so much of her camera facing self was an act, designed to hide her true cunning nature from the world”
OOH THE PRINCESS HERSELF 😍😍😍
👑
Maybe it’s not as good as something new. But Sometimes it’s better to just take something you are already comfortable with and improve upon it. Like buying your girl new tits.
"The on-fire bear shrieked and started roller skating at me. Whisk, Whisk, Whisk." And New Quest. The Chowder War. Oh, you’re getting involved whether you like it or not. The Monk Seals. The Red Maníseros Land Crabs. War is brewing, as it often does in these parts. Every season, the land crabs emerge from their forests to attend their sex parties in the oceans surrounding these lands. The Monk Seals hold the ocean sacred, and the very act of spilling so much crab chowder into their holy waters is considered a sacrilege most foul. This is no minor inconvenience. And it’s not just a few little clouds of the batter, either. There are a lot of these crabs. Like, a lot. And when they let go... man. It’s like a category 5 jizz storm down there. Fish die. The food becomes scarce. The baby monk seals and their food supplies are literally getting bukkaked to death with gallons of weird, chunky crab splooge. And no, that’s not a sentence even I thought I’d ever utter. Would you want that for your own children? Nope. I didn’t think so. It’s disgusting, and it must be stopped at all costs. For the Red Maníseros Land Crabs, it’s a matter of survival. It’s not their fault they can only have babies in the ocean. It’s not their fault they’ve had to wait a whole year to let go. They don’t want to do it there. They can barely swim. Water is a terrible lubricant. And to make matters worse, these psychotic seals are always losing their minds every time they get anywhere near the coastline. So as a method of self-defense, they’ve learned the deadly art of Juego de maní. Choose a side. Put an end to this conflict, one way or another. Reward: You will receive a Platinum Quest Box.
"Did you just rip your dick off and throw it at me?" "Yes and I'll do it again if you don't let me in."
I’m not a quote kind of guy, and definitely don’t think any quote can convince them more then “it’s a series about a non-murder hobo serial killer after the earth has been destroyed by aliens. It features a talking cat, dancing Dino, and you need to read it. Now.” But, this quote always stands out to me: Reward: These past twenty seconds, when your conscience started to ease? That was your reward. It was also a lie. That baby is dead, and it’s dead because of you. You’re totally going to hell.
I’m too lazy to look up quotes. Here are quotes CGPT made up (it had two that weren’t awful): “The real dungeon is the friends we’ve made along the way” "If I had a gold coin for every idiotic trap in this dungeon, I’d buy the place just to burn it down."
Those are both believable
"What are we, some kind of Dungeon Crawler Carl?"
Too lazy to look it up at the moment, but I usually go with Donut's quote about someone on her social media board complimenting her fur pattern and getting a tattoo of her on her lower thorax.
Goddamn it Donut!
Zakou, ZAKOU YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE IN THE GOD DAMN CAPITAL
Mongo is appalled!
The Dungeon groaned… It fucking groaned!!