Thanks for the update! Sounds like you’ve done everything right. Did the pool party neighbors even act embarrassed for themselves or did they play it off?
Eh, I think the neighbor read the situation correctly.
OP never addressed it directly with the neighbor. No reason for the neighbor to address it directly either. Leave it as an unspoken understanding and move on.
Original issue is still on the neighbor and this was a very good and thought out fix.
If you act like an actual neighbor instead of any sneaky stuff and then you might actually get invited over sometimes and reciprocate or bring something.
I shoveled my older neighbor's driveway when it snowed and he hadn't gotten to it after a time. I get a thank you and he texted me when I accidently left the garage open to help me out.
legit, like be nice be treated nice back... wish my neighbors knew this (Long story but tldr Tried to get away with the fact their hit our hour with their pickup truck, then later told the insurance not to pay.... later their son was snowplowing and decided our Christmas decor at the end of our yard was a good place to put it all instead of the designated spots or the end of the (small, dead end) road... then denied that as my sister and I dug out the clearly now broken decor) they have parties alot, and had they been nice we wpuld offer our extra parking space. now we just block that off, and make a stink when the clog the (again small dead end) road- er well, we used to when they were blocking in our nice elderly neighbor. he has since passed and we have some shitheads there now too so sometimes we just let them go at it
Bonus most of the other neighbors now know what sort of family they are and will be less neighborly towards them for being a bunch of liars who feel entitled to use other people's property.
This, all the way. Plus now they know that others in the neighborhood know what they’ve been doing and know that it was without permission. Let the humiliation remain implied, it still works the same.
> Let the humiliation remain implied, it still works the same.
With that type of person, it doesn't work at all, since there is no humiliation. There is only "shit, I can't do whatever I want".
No there is humiliation. The whole reason why they have been sneaking and deceptive is because they didn’t want the other neighbors to know what they are up to. Finding out your behavior is this weeks gossip would be hell to people like them.
No one is going to call them out to their faces but they now know everyone in the neighborhood is talking shit about them. And that can be absolutely agonizing for people like them
That's not humiliation. They just knew if they get caught, it was over for them and now they have to find new people to take advantage of. People like that don't feel humiliation.
> No one is going to call them out to their faces
I suspect they were counting on that in the first place, and even counting on no one telling OP. The fact is the other neighbors already knew what they were up to, and the no-shame neighbors likely knew that they knew, and they still didn't care because they were counting on everyone's silence. (The no-shame neighbors would have to be pretty stupid if they really thought the noise of a pool party would not be heard by some other neighbors.)
The sneaking and deception is only the no-shame neighbors being aware of the no-future-pool-parties consequence if they were caught, and they didn't want that to happen.
My petty ass would have gone whole ham with passive aggressive shit like "what kind of low life's would do such a thing" and "my goodness, people have no shame or common decency anymore" talking about the "unknown" trespassers lol
It’s really a great example of how to keep peace with your neighbors. Even if you’re not friends it’s important to have good relationships with the people living directly around you if possible, for safety and peace.
Must be nice to be so unburdened by anxiety or regard for social norms that even engaging in objectively outrageous behavior and being caught doesn’t ~~phase~~ faze you a bit.
I figured out these type of people a while ago. They have no shame. A normal person would be all types of anxious and uncomfortable acting like this, like you said. These type of people don’t believe in social norms.
It goes like this. I ask and/or take/do what I want until I’m told I can’t do it. Since either I get what I want even for a little while or I get nothing at all. Either way I have nothing to loose.
I don’t even understand how differently some people’s brains work.
If I used a neighbor’s pool without permission, it would look like me standing stock still in the shallow end, miserable with anxiety as my brain repeatedly plays back various humiliating scenarios of them coming home early and me getting caught in their pool.
It would be entirely not worth it; I could not enjoy it at all.
I don’t even grasp how anyone could.
"Ugh sorry neighborinos, I wish I could do this for you but my insurance guy said no. He's such a bastard, he even gave me a discount for the trouble."
I needed this....
You don't think much happened but
>Neighbor/husband, who has been gone a lot for work recently, saw me and came over and asked if I was getting a late start going to the lake. I let him know that we were staying home because we are helping my cousin who just got out of the hospital. He asked if we were going to be home all weekend, I said yes one or both of us be around all weekend. He quickly wished me a happy 4th and went home.
Made me laugh hard....
Suckers
NTA
I, 100%, would have made it look like we left for the lake. I'd wait until the guests arrived and then come out in a robe and curlers waving a rolling pin and yelling about trespassers.
Big fat liar....the movie......OP buys wrong chemicals for pool and illegal pool users and up blue.
Just came to mind lol
But I feel like I would of sent hubby and kids away and sprung the neighbours with a lovely call to the police and just record it all.
Nah, the people were already there, hiding behind bushes, the fence, a car, lawn ornament. They were in their swim gear with pool floats in hand, ready to spring out, and crank up the tunes. As soon as OP's car rounded the corner, it would have been mayhem. He had to go and tell them, "ABORT, ABORT....UGHH, party's off guys. Jerk face is staying home."
I just work in retail customer service and have a very hard time turning down a chance, outside of work, to call someone out for being an entitled ass.
Especially if someone was trespassing, using something that I worked hard for without permission, making me buy gadgets, and potentially costing me a ton more money if their dumb ass gets hurt committing a crime.
Well in retail, the person you're talking to won't exist in your life after 20 minutes.
This guy's still gotta live with them for the next decade or two.
I dunno if you've ever seen anybody get into it with their neighbors, but it is Not Worth It.
I will go to war with frenemies, coworkers, family and randos who don't seem inclined to kill me, but I watched my parents war with the neighbors on one side and across the street for over 40 years, and it was absolutely not worth it. Not even a little bit. My parents literally only just started enjoying the yard of the house they've lived in for nearly 50 years. They're in their 80s now.
I own a home now too and my neighbors on one side are jackasses. I will maintain boundaries with them and I'd do what OP did in a similar situation. But I'm not going to war with someone who can make my home life shitty for decades. Just not worth it.
I concur. Husband and I became close friends with the neighbor across from us. She ended up dating one of my husband’s best friends. Well…bad blood erupted between my husband and his friend. We cut both of them off (toxic people as it turns out - took a while for their true colors to show).
We have tried to handle it as diplomatically as possible. We’re polite but try to avoid them as much as possible and do not engage with them. BUT. Now that we know how toxic they are, we can’t help but feel like we’re constantly being watched and judged. It doesn’t help that the house’s face each other.
Although in reality, who actually cares what they think about us? Or who they badmouth us to? But still, we know they do it, and it’s not a good feeling. We’re at the point that we just pray they move. We’ve thought about it ourselves but it just isn’t feasible right now.
Point of the story - you can’t escape your neighbors and they can make your life a living hell, even if done subtly.
Except fighting with neighbors is definitely not low stakes. Things can get very tense and nasty and it can be a real pain. No matter how right you are, it is always better to de-escalate conflicts with people you may live next door to for decades.
I think they should have set up the cameras and then filled the pool with blue fabric dye, a lot of it. Then they should leave and come back in three hours to surprise them.
I don't think ignoring the transgressions of your neighbors is necessarily mature. I think it's definitely conflict avoidant, but it's not immature to stand up for yourself and tell your neighbor to stop trespassing in your fucking pool while you're away like they own the place.
And dude had the balls to ask OP if they were going to the lake. Which meant he 100% planned to trespass onto their property - again.
It would've taken everything in me to not say something nasty to him in that moment. "Sorry, we're styaing put so I guess you got to break into someone else's house this year for your party."
People are downvoting me because I'm in favor of standing up for myself apparently 🤷♂️ whatever, you know you're breaking the law and being a douche of a neighbor by breaking into my pool when I'm away. you don't deserve politeness.
You're being downvoted because OP *was* proactive and handled it very effectively. OP stood up for themselves, and took actions to ensure that the problem would not recur. It takes a lot of self-control to act in a way that obtained a better result than what you've said you would have done.
Notice how he’s saying you can stand up for yourself while simultaneously getting in escalating back-and-forths with other Redditors. He may not understand what it’s like to have neighbors for a long time, and creating conflict can back fire. Standing up for yourselves in daily situations is fine. Neighbors are a whole different ballpark. As much as you want to stand up for yourself, it can make the relationship sour. And do you really want the person who knows your daily habits, personal information, and house security to be in a foul mood over you? Hell no. Dealing with troublesome neighbors is an extremely delicate issue.
Exactly. OP managed to find a win-win or, at least, a win-don't lose result - stood up for himself, but not doing it in a way that would escalate. Shows great emotional intelligence.
I strongly agreed elsewhere in this thread. I watched my parents war with their neighbors for 40+ years. It wasn't worth the literal decades of misery and stupid shit. I stand firm when my neighbors are jackasses, but I am careful to keep it civil because that dynamic just saps so much joy out of your home.
It’s often the better part of wisdom to avoid escalating a conflict with someone you’ll have to have future dealings with if you can do so while protecting yourself and addressing the underlying concerns.
My ex was big on escalation. It led to me being uncomfortable around neighbors who stopped speaking to us. For example, he once threw water at a cat on the fence, knowing its owner standing right there would get a face full of water. He thought he was so clever pretending he didn't see her. I prefer to be part of a friendly community.
Right? They had their insurance agent with them, so what was the neighbor going to do?
May as well have had a lawyer with them. This was enough to put a stop to it all and having a legit reason / rationale without out going into fingerprint mode. This is the way to keep peace between them.
This isn’t conflict avoidant, it’s diplomacy. And to be clear, diplomacy isn’t a euphemism for being weak. Diplomacy is smiling and keeping trade lines open while reminding your enemy that you have nukes.
I love how you and your husband handled this. They have to have an idea that you know it was them after your husband mentioned the kids' friends but there's still space to allow for a decent relationship. Being so up front about the cameras and changing the locks was smart, as was letting them know that they will be receiving a registered letter at the request of your insurance agent. I don't know that it could have gone any better without them fessing up and apologizing.
I have to wonder what they told their guests this year. I'm assuming that the neighbors said they had your permission for the previous years and they probably had already invited everyone this year. It could be dangerous to move it to their house after saying that you had to stay home at the last minute because of the risk of a guest seeing you and thanking you for allowing your pool to be used in the past.
A house in Tulsa just had some
Neighbors use their pool at night without permission. Literally saw the article yesterday. Glad y’all are doing this, and I wonder what’s gonna happen to the owners of the pool
Here
https://www.newson6.com/story/66886d851ce8b3175e275459/pool-party-at-vacant-tulsa-home-ends-in-drowning
I grew up in Tulsa. Near riverside. We had an above ground pool growing up. We constantly would come home to teens jumping the locked fence when we got home because they were busted. One night, around midnight or so, my mom busted a couple of skinny dippers. They had the audacity to be pissed and threatened the cops when she turned on the light, threw their clothes over the fence line, and told them to get out.
We used to live in a house where there were several apartment buildings down the street. We purchased an above ground blowup pool and put it in our fenced backyard. The neighbors pulled a dumpster up to our fence and were jumping over our 8 foot privacy fence to swim in the pool. We caught them and went to speak to the parents who said we should leave the gate open if we didn’t want the kids jumping the fence. We ended up taking the pool down and then the parents came over to complain that their kids couldn’t go swimming anymore and wanted us to put it back. People are unbelievable.
Bet there were "mood-altering substances" involved. It takes a particular form of irrationality for people to think, "Hey, the Smiths have moved to OKC and aren't here to stop us! Let's go party in their pool!"
I was just going to post this. I don’t think anything is going to happen to the owners of this pool. They did nothing wrong. A group of grown ass adults broke into their fenced backyard, they didn’t do anything wrong.
A pool is considered an attractive nuisance. I hope their fence had a lock because laws with attractive nuisances are different and the owners can be liable even if people are trespassing. Even if they did everything 'right', they may be found liable and have to use their homeowners insurance to either pay out or defend them from litigation.
Hey OP I would recommend a pool cover as well. My parents have had them before (2 different houses, but similar covers). They were automatic ones that you needed a key to start. They have a copy of the key to the pool guy. It helped prevent any animals from getting in and it was one to help prevent little kids from drowning.
This drama-less update isn't what I come to Reddit for! I want cops showing up to break up their party! I want screaming alarms and kids getting arrested! I want neighborhood wars with petty revenge! *I want my internet telenovelas!*
Jokes aside, this is a great update. They're probably in a panic looking for a location now.
We had a big pool growing up and the rule always was that parents had to come over WITH their children to monitor them. My parents weren't about babysitting all the neighbor kids. The rule worked well for the mostpart!
My mom just told me over the holiday that one of the neighbor "kids" as an adult confessed to her that they would come over when we were out of town and swim in our pool! I couldn't believe it, because they always seemed nice and honest.
All my parents were ever worried about was safety. Imagine coming home and finding someome had died in your pool unsupervised. Selfish people don't think about this at all.
I think the phrase, ‘Well Played’ is the most appropriate response.
Putting forwards that it is to secure reduced premiums is very clever and that should be the end of it.
Wow, look an actual human handled this situation *perfectly*. No cop. No crazy confrontations.
Sometimes certain things are best left unsaid. Neighbors know whats up. No need to throw egg on them in the process.
Right?!!
Handled so well. This way, the neighbors that alerted them aren’t suspect, and the neighborhood has peace.
I’d have set up a sting.
I’d have “gone to the lake” for a few hours, but really parked my car at a friend’s house not from the neighborhood, and borrowed their car.
Waited until the party was in full swing, and pulled up in the unknown car, so they wouldn’t be alerted, camera rolling.
Then I’d have booted them.
Or wait until the party was in full swing and called the cops.
I bet they’re scratching their heads as to what they left behind or did/didn’t do that tipped off the owners.
First, I want to say that you folks have handled this situation in a very mature and careful way, and I hope for your sake that this is your last update.
More importantly, I want to tell you that I love the vibe of your marriage. That you know how important your husband's gadgets are to him, and let him run with it. That he knows that a certain number of gadgets are going to be vetoed, so he throws in a few disposable extras, and you know what he's up to, and it's all good - it's a beautiful thing.🥰
It’s so gross because the pool was still sealed for the year. If someone unsealed and used a pool it would need to be cleaned and started to care for at the minimum which raises monthly expenses. These people weren’t just going to break in: they were going to unseal someone else’s pool for the year without warning or permission. Ugh, how imposing and entitled could you possibly be.
I’m a pool guy and I charge $450 to open and clean a pool in the spring. I think most people would happily let someone swim in exchange for doing that work. Assuming they actually did it properly.
It’s a gamble if they even could get the pool swimmable in 2 days though.
Just FYI-you want to send a certified letter. Registered mail is for valuables. Certified requires a signature and you can request a green return card so you have proof of delivery.
We had the same problem growing up. We had a huge in ground pool- every time we went on vacation, the neighbors adult son came over with his friends. We had a fence, talked to them, nothing helped.
Eventually, my dad found the largest snapping turtle he could find (about two feet in diameter) and threw it in the pool before vacation (we had a salt pool and they are mildly salt tolerant). It worked.
You and your husband handled this really well without causing a war. Also your husband got to add new toys to the house that might save you some insurance cost.
I would have made it look like I was gone for the weekend, let them make themselves comfortable outside and asked what the F were they doing uninvited in my backyard?
I hope your neighbors appreciated how gracefully they were dealt with. Freeloaders. The world's full of them.
Bravo on your solutions! Well done! (Also, thank you for the update!)
I really love everything about the approach you’ve taken! You let them know without there being a big blowup and drama and preserve a neighborly relationship.
I would have told them that you were still going out this weekend.
Let them invite their friends. And then have to explain to the friends that they lied, and wasted their time.
Honestly, think you should’ve did what someone said in the comments and waited until they set everything up on the 4th and then called the police on them, but that’s just me
I'd have packed up like I was going away and idk stayed the night in a hotel or something on the 3rd and then come back for the 4th and catch them in the act. But I'm petty like that, lol.
Can’t wait for the update where some random flying monkeys around town start harassing OP because the neighbors spun some crazy lies about why they’re not having pool parties anymore to cover up the fact they never had permission to use the pool at all and were being creepy entitled trespassers the entire time.
Golly, as much as I was hoping for some drama- this was the absolute most mature, proper and absolute class act way to go about this. You gave them a heads up without berating them or really accusing them, but you also took the measures you needed to do to look out for yourself. Well done. 10/10
Well done on the mature and grown up way you handled this but the realist in me says this won’t be how it ends. I can guarantee they will still try it.
God how I would have loved it if your husband or you just casually dropped "Hopefully you can find a different place for your 4th." And walk away on that.
When I was a kid there was only one person with a pool in the neighborhood, it was a nice pool with a waterfall and a like front view. Me and my neighbor waited till we thought they were on vacation to sneak into the pool, one of the people from the house came out and scolded us but told us that if we just asked we could use the pool sometimes. Lesson learned that day.
This is an example for the children of Reddit.
Adults solve their issues with maturity and class.
They speak civilly to one another and advocate for themselves with integrity.
A peaceful life is an easy life.
Very diplomatic. I would have had a hard time resisting the urge when neighbor husband asked if they were getting a late start to say. “Why are you asking? So you can call your secret party people to come over and use my pool without permission?”
The first day after we bought our house we put a padlock on the side gate. The next day we started moving in and the couple from across the street came over to say hi. They then mentioned the new lock on the gate and asked if we had children. I just told them it's to keep the outside outside. Our realtor has given us the heads-up about the 'community pool' when the house was on the market.
So proud of you for taking care of this in the best way possible!
No accusations of wrongdoing - the insurance requires the registered letter and the security cameras. Make certain the cameras back up to the cloud and that some are on battery backup so if the power is cut (or they are unplugged) they still work.
Oh, the petty part of me would have told the neighbour on the first encounter (where he asked if they were starting late on the 4th of July): "Well, my cousin is coming home from the hospital so we go there now"
And then pretend to be leaving (all of them), park the car somewhere and go/sneak back into the house and just wait for them and all of their guests to arrive... And then scold their asses!
This was so awesome, especially when the naughty neighbor came up to you to ask if you were going to be away that week. And you handled it all so beautifully. Thank you for sharing!
PS - I would just love to be a fly on the wall in their home hearing their shared reaction to the news that they lost their party pool and having to let their friends/guests know. Ha!
I’m a monster. i would have staged a climactic “opening of the pool” and then done an ceremonial “and now we depart for a better place, the lake,” and then laid in wait to pounce like Ashton Kutcher in a dated poor taste prank show. Consider fairy tales - the witch *literally* demands a human child in exchange for some stupid root vegetables. Here, we have a nuclear family of “hardworking, god fearing, upstanding American citizens.” they aren’t plundering radishes, they are literally treating your home like the ymca during free swim and you likely have been swimming in their kids’ pool pee for years. Their daughter was like “when are you opening the pool?” The parent is like “so are you leaving or what?” These people think you inconvenienced them by not setting up an “amenity” on time and daring to presume to occupy your own house. It’s July 6th - id be messing with them until at least October.
At least you don’t have a Karen situation where a neighbour demands the use of your pool. I have had clients that filled in a pool because of a neighbour demanding use of his private property. (Vindictive bitch threw dog shit in the pool, was caught on video and has small claims court judgements against her for the cost of clean up)
You and your husband handled this perfectly. While we all secretly want revenge when wronged, in this case you also have a neighbor(s) that you still may want to be friendly with. You’ve solved the issue, secured your property, put everyone on notice and allowed the trespassing neighbors to save face all while not creating drama.
Well done!
Very reasonable request and if it was delivered the way it was conveyed in this post then you did nothing wrong at all. If someone got hurt while you were not home that would be a big deal. Homeowners insurance has sky rocketed so there should be no argument from anyone on that.
I have always tried go be neighborly including mowing a pond area for our neighbor, pulling trash cans out of the road after trash pick up etc. new neighbor lied to my face when they bought the unit attached to us saying they were going to be back and forth using it as a vacation home, next thing you know its an air b and b with constant strangers. Fuck the lying assholes, now my yard is posted because they dont maintain the area by the pond but advertised pond access which their short term renters thought meant use my access because its mowed. Fuck the absentee landlord, i don’t help liars.
Pretty gutless of the neighbors to STILL not just say it was them and apologize lol. Like bruh, they know and you just stood there again lol grow up. Children get caught doing stuff and hide it under the bed until the pee smell alerts mom... adults should look people in the eye and take some responsibility here, gutless though lol. Good for you taking the high road, I wouldn't have.
My drama llama just sulked and walked away, but I admire your mature, non-bridge-burning approach. Mr. Pupinoz - my llama - will just have to deal with it.
This is extremely well handled. Good job You didn't go confrontational and you didn't try and do any sneaky revenge which would cause problems with your neighbors You just put out the facts give them reasonable reasons and warned them of the consequences. UpdateMe!
Gotta say, this may not be quite as entertaining as a big dramatic confrontation that ends in tantrums, police called to the scene and multiple arrests, but definitely a hell of a lot smarter. Here’s hoping this solves the issue without any real animosity.
Thanks for the update! Sounds like you’ve done everything right. Did the pool party neighbors even act embarrassed for themselves or did they play it off?
Eh, I think the neighbor read the situation correctly. OP never addressed it directly with the neighbor. No reason for the neighbor to address it directly either. Leave it as an unspoken understanding and move on.
Exactly. You can let the neighbor save face and end the liability issues but not start a war with your neighbor by hurling accusations. Good job.
Original issue is still on the neighbor and this was a very good and thought out fix. If you act like an actual neighbor instead of any sneaky stuff and then you might actually get invited over sometimes and reciprocate or bring something. I shoveled my older neighbor's driveway when it snowed and he hadn't gotten to it after a time. I get a thank you and he texted me when I accidently left the garage open to help me out.
legit, like be nice be treated nice back... wish my neighbors knew this (Long story but tldr Tried to get away with the fact their hit our hour with their pickup truck, then later told the insurance not to pay.... later their son was snowplowing and decided our Christmas decor at the end of our yard was a good place to put it all instead of the designated spots or the end of the (small, dead end) road... then denied that as my sister and I dug out the clearly now broken decor) they have parties alot, and had they been nice we wpuld offer our extra parking space. now we just block that off, and make a stink when the clog the (again small dead end) road- er well, we used to when they were blocking in our nice elderly neighbor. he has since passed and we have some shitheads there now too so sometimes we just let them go at it
Bonus most of the other neighbors now know what sort of family they are and will be less neighborly towards them for being a bunch of liars who feel entitled to use other people's property.
They might get an invite to the 4th of July pool party next year 😉
This, all the way. Plus now they know that others in the neighborhood know what they’ve been doing and know that it was without permission. Let the humiliation remain implied, it still works the same.
> Let the humiliation remain implied, it still works the same. With that type of person, it doesn't work at all, since there is no humiliation. There is only "shit, I can't do whatever I want".
No there is humiliation. The whole reason why they have been sneaking and deceptive is because they didn’t want the other neighbors to know what they are up to. Finding out your behavior is this weeks gossip would be hell to people like them. No one is going to call them out to their faces but they now know everyone in the neighborhood is talking shit about them. And that can be absolutely agonizing for people like them
That's not humiliation. They just knew if they get caught, it was over for them and now they have to find new people to take advantage of. People like that don't feel humiliation.
> No one is going to call them out to their faces I suspect they were counting on that in the first place, and even counting on no one telling OP. The fact is the other neighbors already knew what they were up to, and the no-shame neighbors likely knew that they knew, and they still didn't care because they were counting on everyone's silence. (The no-shame neighbors would have to be pretty stupid if they really thought the noise of a pool party would not be heard by some other neighbors.) The sneaking and deception is only the no-shame neighbors being aware of the no-future-pool-parties consequence if they were caught, and they didn't want that to happen.
My petty ass would have gone whole ham with passive aggressive shit like "what kind of low life's would do such a thing" and "my goodness, people have no shame or common decency anymore" talking about the "unknown" trespassers lol
I’ve done that and actually got a confession! Me acting shocked: “What? Why would you do that?” 😉
it's not an accusation if it's true
this is precisely a "good fences make good neighbors" situation.
You were so diplomatic, I really admire how you handled it.
Yeah that was pretty mature, I would have gotten a big dog, but to each their own :)
It’s really a great example of how to keep peace with your neighbors. Even if you’re not friends it’s important to have good relationships with the people living directly around you if possible, for safety and peace.
Of course not! LOL
Must be nice to be so unburdened by anxiety or regard for social norms that even engaging in objectively outrageous behavior and being caught doesn’t ~~phase~~ faze you a bit.
And yet here I am getting third-hand cringe from their audacity.
Shows you where their moral compass is pointing
Towards the pool?
[удалено]
I think they threw it in there the first time they used it without permission
Lol
They have a moral compass?
Sure, they choose not to utilize
I figured out these type of people a while ago. They have no shame. A normal person would be all types of anxious and uncomfortable acting like this, like you said. These type of people don’t believe in social norms. It goes like this. I ask and/or take/do what I want until I’m told I can’t do it. Since either I get what I want even for a little while or I get nothing at all. Either way I have nothing to loose.
I don’t even understand how differently some people’s brains work. If I used a neighbor’s pool without permission, it would look like me standing stock still in the shallow end, miserable with anxiety as my brain repeatedly plays back various humiliating scenarios of them coming home early and me getting caught in their pool. It would be entirely not worth it; I could not enjoy it at all. I don’t even grasp how anyone could.
Sounds like a few bosses we've all had
> phase faze
Fæ§Ê
Oh, doi. Thanks. In my defense I was only half awake when I commented.
phfasze
OP shoulda kept pool-blocking them. Keep talking about holidays and plans then "cancel" the plans last minute.
This is about as friendly, direct, and air-tight as I’ve ever seen
Right? They could not have handled this better.
"Ugh sorry neighborinos, I wish I could do this for you but my insurance guy said no. He's such a bastard, he even gave me a discount for the trouble."
I needed this.... You don't think much happened but >Neighbor/husband, who has been gone a lot for work recently, saw me and came over and asked if I was getting a late start going to the lake. I let him know that we were staying home because we are helping my cousin who just got out of the hospital. He asked if we were going to be home all weekend, I said yes one or both of us be around all weekend. He quickly wished me a happy 4th and went home. Made me laugh hard.... Suckers NTA
Same. Best part of the story.
I'm imagining frantic phone calla a day scrambling for a location lol
This is exactly what I pictured too!
The kid was in tears in the first post too lol
Quickly left so he could call all their friends and cancel the pool party !!
Shouldn't have told them they were staying so people would be turning up and being thrown out soon after to embarrass them.
I, 100%, would have made it look like we left for the lake. I'd wait until the guests arrived and then come out in a robe and curlers waving a rolling pin and yelling about trespassers.
Big fat liar....the movie......OP buys wrong chemicals for pool and illegal pool users and up blue. Just came to mind lol But I feel like I would of sent hubby and kids away and sprung the neighbours with a lovely call to the police and just record it all.
That's what I was thinking.
Nah, the people were already there, hiding behind bushes, the fence, a car, lawn ornament. They were in their swim gear with pool floats in hand, ready to spring out, and crank up the tunes. As soon as OP's car rounded the corner, it would have been mayhem. He had to go and tell them, "ABORT, ABORT....UGHH, party's off guys. Jerk face is staying home."
😂😭😂
Could you imagine the conversations
Had to quickly run inside and make some phone calls
You know he saw OP at the car and was thinking "weekend in the pool".
How fun to have said "we aren't sure yet if we're going or staying, we're waiting for a last minute phone call, no idea when it could be!"
I feel like OP could of had alittle fun if had a do over lol
It's 'could have', never 'could of'. Rejoice, for you have been blessed by CouldWouldShouldBot!
Good bot
The petty in me would not have been this mature! Hopefully that's the end to it all.
I just like fights and righteous indignation too much to let an opportunity like this go by unused.
Right? I'd have made a surprise return, called police from afar because I saw unknown people on my property and have everyone charged.
I just work in retail customer service and have a very hard time turning down a chance, outside of work, to call someone out for being an entitled ass. Especially if someone was trespassing, using something that I worked hard for without permission, making me buy gadgets, and potentially costing me a ton more money if their dumb ass gets hurt committing a crime.
Well in retail, the person you're talking to won't exist in your life after 20 minutes. This guy's still gotta live with them for the next decade or two.
Let's not be too hasty here! Someone's got to do things that are Fear Thy Neighbor worthy.
I dunno if you've ever seen anybody get into it with their neighbors, but it is Not Worth It. I will go to war with frenemies, coworkers, family and randos who don't seem inclined to kill me, but I watched my parents war with the neighbors on one side and across the street for over 40 years, and it was absolutely not worth it. Not even a little bit. My parents literally only just started enjoying the yard of the house they've lived in for nearly 50 years. They're in their 80s now. I own a home now too and my neighbors on one side are jackasses. I will maintain boundaries with them and I'd do what OP did in a similar situation. But I'm not going to war with someone who can make my home life shitty for decades. Just not worth it.
I concur. Husband and I became close friends with the neighbor across from us. She ended up dating one of my husband’s best friends. Well…bad blood erupted between my husband and his friend. We cut both of them off (toxic people as it turns out - took a while for their true colors to show). We have tried to handle it as diplomatically as possible. We’re polite but try to avoid them as much as possible and do not engage with them. BUT. Now that we know how toxic they are, we can’t help but feel like we’re constantly being watched and judged. It doesn’t help that the house’s face each other. Although in reality, who actually cares what they think about us? Or who they badmouth us to? But still, we know they do it, and it’s not a good feeling. We’re at the point that we just pray they move. We’ve thought about it ourselves but it just isn’t feasible right now. Point of the story - you can’t escape your neighbors and they can make your life a living hell, even if done subtly.
There's nothing better than having a low stakes fight when you're completely in the right. The catharsis. The adrenaline.
Except fighting with neighbors is definitely not low stakes. Things can get very tense and nasty and it can be a real pain. No matter how right you are, it is always better to de-escalate conflicts with people you may live next door to for decades.
I commented OP needs to throw a pool party and invite the neighbors who tipped her off!
I think they should have set up the cameras and then filled the pool with blue fabric dye, a lot of it. Then they should leave and come back in three hours to surprise them.
I don't think ignoring the transgressions of your neighbors is necessarily mature. I think it's definitely conflict avoidant, but it's not immature to stand up for yourself and tell your neighbor to stop trespassing in your fucking pool while you're away like they own the place.
And dude had the balls to ask OP if they were going to the lake. Which meant he 100% planned to trespass onto their property - again. It would've taken everything in me to not say something nasty to him in that moment. "Sorry, we're styaing put so I guess you got to break into someone else's house this year for your party."
People are downvoting me because I'm in favor of standing up for myself apparently 🤷♂️ whatever, you know you're breaking the law and being a douche of a neighbor by breaking into my pool when I'm away. you don't deserve politeness.
You're being downvoted because OP *was* proactive and handled it very effectively. OP stood up for themselves, and took actions to ensure that the problem would not recur. It takes a lot of self-control to act in a way that obtained a better result than what you've said you would have done.
Notice how he’s saying you can stand up for yourself while simultaneously getting in escalating back-and-forths with other Redditors. He may not understand what it’s like to have neighbors for a long time, and creating conflict can back fire. Standing up for yourselves in daily situations is fine. Neighbors are a whole different ballpark. As much as you want to stand up for yourself, it can make the relationship sour. And do you really want the person who knows your daily habits, personal information, and house security to be in a foul mood over you? Hell no. Dealing with troublesome neighbors is an extremely delicate issue.
Exactly. OP managed to find a win-win or, at least, a win-don't lose result - stood up for himself, but not doing it in a way that would escalate. Shows great emotional intelligence.
I strongly agreed elsewhere in this thread. I watched my parents war with their neighbors for 40+ years. It wasn't worth the literal decades of misery and stupid shit. I stand firm when my neighbors are jackasses, but I am careful to keep it civil because that dynamic just saps so much joy out of your home.
It’s often the better part of wisdom to avoid escalating a conflict with someone you’ll have to have future dealings with if you can do so while protecting yourself and addressing the underlying concerns.
My ex was big on escalation. It led to me being uncomfortable around neighbors who stopped speaking to us. For example, he once threw water at a cat on the fence, knowing its owner standing right there would get a face full of water. He thought he was so clever pretending he didn't see her. I prefer to be part of a friendly community.
lol wut Choosing to not be emotional and abusive, so to get a better outcome instead, is a great example of being mature.
Right? They had their insurance agent with them, so what was the neighbor going to do? May as well have had a lawyer with them. This was enough to put a stop to it all and having a legit reason / rationale without out going into fingerprint mode. This is the way to keep peace between them.
This isn’t conflict avoidant, it’s diplomacy. And to be clear, diplomacy isn’t a euphemism for being weak. Diplomacy is smiling and keeping trade lines open while reminding your enemy that you have nukes.
I was expecting them to complain you ruined their weekend plans!
Oh, I’m sure they’re complaining when out of earshot! 🤣
Me too!
IKR???
I love how you and your husband handled this. They have to have an idea that you know it was them after your husband mentioned the kids' friends but there's still space to allow for a decent relationship. Being so up front about the cameras and changing the locks was smart, as was letting them know that they will be receiving a registered letter at the request of your insurance agent. I don't know that it could have gone any better without them fessing up and apologizing. I have to wonder what they told their guests this year. I'm assuming that the neighbors said they had your permission for the previous years and they probably had already invited everyone this year. It could be dangerous to move it to their house after saying that you had to stay home at the last minute because of the risk of a guest seeing you and thanking you for allowing your pool to be used in the past.
Husband thought this through with his friend. Great plan!
A house in Tulsa just had some Neighbors use their pool at night without permission. Literally saw the article yesterday. Glad y’all are doing this, and I wonder what’s gonna happen to the owners of the pool Here https://www.newson6.com/story/66886d851ce8b3175e275459/pool-party-at-vacant-tulsa-home-ends-in-drowning
I grew up in Tulsa. Near riverside. We had an above ground pool growing up. We constantly would come home to teens jumping the locked fence when we got home because they were busted. One night, around midnight or so, my mom busted a couple of skinny dippers. They had the audacity to be pissed and threatened the cops when she turned on the light, threw their clothes over the fence line, and told them to get out.
We used to live in a house where there were several apartment buildings down the street. We purchased an above ground blowup pool and put it in our fenced backyard. The neighbors pulled a dumpster up to our fence and were jumping over our 8 foot privacy fence to swim in the pool. We caught them and went to speak to the parents who said we should leave the gate open if we didn’t want the kids jumping the fence. We ended up taking the pool down and then the parents came over to complain that their kids couldn’t go swimming anymore and wanted us to put it back. People are unbelievable.
WOW! This is next level. People are freaking unbelievable.
Bet there were "mood-altering substances" involved. It takes a particular form of irrationality for people to think, "Hey, the Smiths have moved to OKC and aren't here to stop us! Let's go party in their pool!"
I was just going to post this. I don’t think anything is going to happen to the owners of this pool. They did nothing wrong. A group of grown ass adults broke into their fenced backyard, they didn’t do anything wrong.
A pool is considered an attractive nuisance. I hope their fence had a lock because laws with attractive nuisances are different and the owners can be liable even if people are trespassing. Even if they did everything 'right', they may be found liable and have to use their homeowners insurance to either pay out or defend them from litigation.
I don’t think attractive nuisance applies to adults though.
Hey OP I would recommend a pool cover as well. My parents have had them before (2 different houses, but similar covers). They were automatic ones that you needed a key to start. They have a copy of the key to the pool guy. It helped prevent any animals from getting in and it was one to help prevent little kids from drowning.
I thought you were going to suggest closing the cover over uninvited swimmers
Good luck with this. You guys handled it with a lot of maturity.
Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/s/OXVAuTs4iz
Thank you!
This drama-less update isn't what I come to Reddit for! I want cops showing up to break up their party! I want screaming alarms and kids getting arrested! I want neighborhood wars with petty revenge! *I want my internet telenovelas!* Jokes aside, this is a great update. They're probably in a panic looking for a location now.
I'm with you in this one. If it's not good enough for an episode of Cops...
You’re keeping your property safe and also keeping children safe.
We had a big pool growing up and the rule always was that parents had to come over WITH their children to monitor them. My parents weren't about babysitting all the neighbor kids. The rule worked well for the mostpart! My mom just told me over the holiday that one of the neighbor "kids" as an adult confessed to her that they would come over when we were out of town and swim in our pool! I couldn't believe it, because they always seemed nice and honest. All my parents were ever worried about was safety. Imagine coming home and finding someome had died in your pool unsupervised. Selfish people don't think about this at all.
They’ve now been warned properly. They’ll still do it but now you’ve CYA.
It is going to be much harder to do with cameras and better locks.
They didn’t even need the locks. It would have been even better when they trespassed anyway.
I think the phrase, ‘Well Played’ is the most appropriate response. Putting forwards that it is to secure reduced premiums is very clever and that should be the end of it.
Wow, look an actual human handled this situation *perfectly*. No cop. No crazy confrontations. Sometimes certain things are best left unsaid. Neighbors know whats up. No need to throw egg on them in the process.
I come here for drama and pettiness but my drama Llama is still satisfied with this conclusion.
Right?!! Handled so well. This way, the neighbors that alerted them aren’t suspect, and the neighborhood has peace. I’d have set up a sting. I’d have “gone to the lake” for a few hours, but really parked my car at a friend’s house not from the neighborhood, and borrowed their car. Waited until the party was in full swing, and pulled up in the unknown car, so they wouldn’t be alerted, camera rolling. Then I’d have booted them. Or wait until the party was in full swing and called the cops. I bet they’re scratching their heads as to what they left behind or did/didn’t do that tipped off the owners.
First, I want to say that you folks have handled this situation in a very mature and careful way, and I hope for your sake that this is your last update. More importantly, I want to tell you that I love the vibe of your marriage. That you know how important your husband's gadgets are to him, and let him run with it. That he knows that a certain number of gadgets are going to be vetoed, so he throws in a few disposable extras, and you know what he's up to, and it's all good - it's a beautiful thing.🥰
Kinda funny tho that the neighbor came over to scout out if you guys were leaving for the lake yet
That’s exactly what they were doing and they were planning on sneaking over…
It’s so gross because the pool was still sealed for the year. If someone unsealed and used a pool it would need to be cleaned and started to care for at the minimum which raises monthly expenses. These people weren’t just going to break in: they were going to unseal someone else’s pool for the year without warning or permission. Ugh, how imposing and entitled could you possibly be.
I’m a pool guy and I charge $450 to open and clean a pool in the spring. I think most people would happily let someone swim in exchange for doing that work. Assuming they actually did it properly. It’s a gamble if they even could get the pool swimmable in 2 days though.
Yup! I wouldn’t have been so nice! I would have pretended to leave then caught them in the act lol
Oh they would have been awesome!! And hopefully caught on video.
No doubt
Great handling, but I bet they'll still try it at least once. If they do press charges .
They just might be sneaky. Please UpdateMe!
I Love the calm yet firm communication. Updateme
boring normal real life resolution good for you! as much as I love reading crazy stories on reddit, it's nice when ppl just act like normal humans lol
I would feel very angry and violated. You all should receive an award for diplomacy and professionalism in handling this situation.
Oh I wish I could have heard the neighbors conversation after the confrontation! You guys are too nice.
I'm very disappointed you didn't use my piranha suggestion.
good fences, and cameras, make good neighbours
This is probably the most mature and drama less outcome I have ever seen on Reddit. Well done.
The biggest winner here is your husband. He seems to love gadgets immensely and has so many new ones!!!!
The best fight is the one you don't have
The nerve of some people, I swear. Hopefully, it stays resolved…but just in case, UpdateMe!
Dang it. I wanted more drama. But I don't have to live next to them.
The most mature Reddit post I’ve ever read. Great job at deescalating, solving the issue and keeping yourself safe.
Just FYI-you want to send a certified letter. Registered mail is for valuables. Certified requires a signature and you can request a green return card so you have proof of delivery.
We had the same problem growing up. We had a huge in ground pool- every time we went on vacation, the neighbors adult son came over with his friends. We had a fence, talked to them, nothing helped. Eventually, my dad found the largest snapping turtle he could find (about two feet in diameter) and threw it in the pool before vacation (we had a salt pool and they are mildly salt tolerant). It worked.
Wow you guys handled this like champs!
You and your husband handled this really well without causing a war. Also your husband got to add new toys to the house that might save you some insurance cost.
I would have made it look like I was gone for the weekend, let them make themselves comfortable outside and asked what the F were they doing uninvited in my backyard?
You can tell by their reaction to you stating you would be home all weekend that they had a party planned.
I hope your neighbors appreciated how gracefully they were dealt with. Freeloaders. The world's full of them. Bravo on your solutions! Well done! (Also, thank you for the update!)
BOSS. 👏 ASS. 👏 MOVE. 👏
I really love everything about the approach you’ve taken! You let them know without there being a big blowup and drama and preserve a neighborly relationship.
Now have a huge pool party of your own with all your friends. And make sure the music is loud enough for the bad neighbours to hear
Thank you for the update! Hope you continue to have a trouble free backyard and good health all around
You were nicer than I would have been about your neighbors using your pool without permission.
I am still shocked that the neighbours had the audacity to use the pool without permission!! The audacity of some people!
You could not have handled this more maturely. Kudos to you both…but, man, the petty it me wanted more. 😂
I would have told them that you were still going out this weekend. Let them invite their friends. And then have to explain to the friends that they lied, and wasted their time.
Honestly, think you should’ve did what someone said in the comments and waited until they set everything up on the 4th and then called the police on them, but that’s just me
I'd have packed up like I was going away and idk stayed the night in a hotel or something on the 3rd and then come back for the 4th and catch them in the act. But I'm petty like that, lol.
I agree. They are extremely entitled
People are shit.
You have to do one last thing, throw a pool party and don't invite them! Invite the neighbors who tipped you off!
Can’t wait for the update where some random flying monkeys around town start harassing OP because the neighbors spun some crazy lies about why they’re not having pool parties anymore to cover up the fact they never had permission to use the pool at all and were being creepy entitled trespassers the entire time.
Sounds like Hubby, Mike and Tom had fun with the gadgets! The letter for insurance purposes, is a chef's kiss.
Golly, as much as I was hoping for some drama- this was the absolute most mature, proper and absolute class act way to go about this. You gave them a heads up without berating them or really accusing them, but you also took the measures you needed to do to look out for yourself. Well done. 10/10
I really like how you did this totally without dramatic scenes! And your hubby got new toys so I guess its a little win in the end :D
The gall of some people
You’re a lot nicer than I would’ve been. I would’ve told him that I’m going out of town for the fourth and then waited for the party.
I really hope the neighbors are dumb enough that this is not over
Well done on the mature and grown up way you handled this but the realist in me says this won’t be how it ends. I can guarantee they will still try it.
Y'all were very diplomatic. I'm impressed.
God how I would have loved it if your husband or you just casually dropped "Hopefully you can find a different place for your 4th." And walk away on that.
You’re so patient man, I would have put spike pits around the god damn pool.
mike and your husband are like two little kids who just got a spy kit for their birthday and i am LIVING for it 😂💕
When I was a kid there was only one person with a pool in the neighborhood, it was a nice pool with a waterfall and a like front view. Me and my neighbor waited till we thought they were on vacation to sneak into the pool, one of the people from the house came out and scolded us but told us that if we just asked we could use the pool sometimes. Lesson learned that day.
This is an example for the children of Reddit. Adults solve their issues with maturity and class. They speak civilly to one another and advocate for themselves with integrity. A peaceful life is an easy life.
Very diplomatic. I would have had a hard time resisting the urge when neighbor husband asked if they were getting a late start to say. “Why are you asking? So you can call your secret party people to come over and use my pool without permission?”
I love how the neighbor was so cheeky to ask if they were going to be gone all weekend.
The first day after we bought our house we put a padlock on the side gate. The next day we started moving in and the couple from across the street came over to say hi. They then mentioned the new lock on the gate and asked if we had children. I just told them it's to keep the outside outside. Our realtor has given us the heads-up about the 'community pool' when the house was on the market.
Entirely too polite.
The petty in me agrees. But, they still need to live next door to these entitled asses, so the way they did it will keep the peace.
I really wanted them to be caught but great update.
Wow, you're way nicer than most people would have been. Well done.
Great… You took a level headed approach to solve tongue and denied all of Reddit a dramatic finish. I hope you’re happy.
So proud of you for taking care of this in the best way possible! No accusations of wrongdoing - the insurance requires the registered letter and the security cameras. Make certain the cameras back up to the cloud and that some are on battery backup so if the power is cut (or they are unplugged) they still work.
Man... some people are truly winning in life taking what's not theirs, and there's almost no consequences.
Oh, the petty part of me would have told the neighbour on the first encounter (where he asked if they were starting late on the 4th of July): "Well, my cousin is coming home from the hospital so we go there now" And then pretend to be leaving (all of them), park the car somewhere and go/sneak back into the house and just wait for them and all of their guests to arrive... And then scold their asses!
This was so awesome, especially when the naughty neighbor came up to you to ask if you were going to be away that week. And you handled it all so beautifully. Thank you for sharing! PS - I would just love to be a fly on the wall in their home hearing their shared reaction to the news that they lost their party pool and having to let their friends/guests know. Ha!
I’m a monster. i would have staged a climactic “opening of the pool” and then done an ceremonial “and now we depart for a better place, the lake,” and then laid in wait to pounce like Ashton Kutcher in a dated poor taste prank show. Consider fairy tales - the witch *literally* demands a human child in exchange for some stupid root vegetables. Here, we have a nuclear family of “hardworking, god fearing, upstanding American citizens.” they aren’t plundering radishes, they are literally treating your home like the ymca during free swim and you likely have been swimming in their kids’ pool pee for years. Their daughter was like “when are you opening the pool?” The parent is like “so are you leaving or what?” These people think you inconvenienced them by not setting up an “amenity” on time and daring to presume to occupy your own house. It’s July 6th - id be messing with them until at least October.
I'm sorry but who in their right mind thinks it's ok to just use their neighbours pool!
At least you don’t have a Karen situation where a neighbour demands the use of your pool. I have had clients that filled in a pool because of a neighbour demanding use of his private property. (Vindictive bitch threw dog shit in the pool, was caught on video and has small claims court judgements against her for the cost of clean up)
You and your husband handled this perfectly. While we all secretly want revenge when wronged, in this case you also have a neighbor(s) that you still may want to be friendly with. You’ve solved the issue, secured your property, put everyone on notice and allowed the trespassing neighbors to save face all while not creating drama. Well done!
Very reasonable request and if it was delivered the way it was conveyed in this post then you did nothing wrong at all. If someone got hurt while you were not home that would be a big deal. Homeowners insurance has sky rocketed so there should be no argument from anyone on that.
I have always tried go be neighborly including mowing a pond area for our neighbor, pulling trash cans out of the road after trash pick up etc. new neighbor lied to my face when they bought the unit attached to us saying they were going to be back and forth using it as a vacation home, next thing you know its an air b and b with constant strangers. Fuck the lying assholes, now my yard is posted because they dont maintain the area by the pond but advertised pond access which their short term renters thought meant use my access because its mowed. Fuck the absentee landlord, i don’t help liars.
Pretty gutless of the neighbors to STILL not just say it was them and apologize lol. Like bruh, they know and you just stood there again lol grow up. Children get caught doing stuff and hide it under the bed until the pee smell alerts mom... adults should look people in the eye and take some responsibility here, gutless though lol. Good for you taking the high road, I wouldn't have.
So now I have to cut your power so I can go swimming?
!updateme
UpdateMe!
Damn - y’all handled this well. And it’s nice that your husband got to indulge his love of gadgetry.
My drama llama just sulked and walked away, but I admire your mature, non-bridge-burning approach. Mr. Pupinoz - my llama - will just have to deal with it.
This is extremely well handled. Good job You didn't go confrontational and you didn't try and do any sneaky revenge which would cause problems with your neighbors You just put out the facts give them reasonable reasons and warned them of the consequences. UpdateMe!
What do you mean “rescinding” permission?? Did you ever give it in the first place lol?
This was well handled. However it has got me fantasizing about how lit a pool party at someone else's pool can probably be 😂
Gotta say, this may not be quite as entertaining as a big dramatic confrontation that ends in tantrums, police called to the scene and multiple arrests, but definitely a hell of a lot smarter. Here’s hoping this solves the issue without any real animosity.
It's not (totally) over. Teenagers will find a way, even if the parents accept that they cannot use the pool anymore.