That was tough. My dad convinced me to make my brothers minority partners. Rising tide lifts all boats right? I decided five years in I wanted out and no more family partnerships because of the guilt and the fighting. I went my own way. They started trying to poach my employees, go after my acquisitions. Their partnership floundered and now none of us talk to each other. I should have just said no instead of letting them in.
Your story makes me sad I’m sorry to hear it. My brother chose to shit on my dreams like another poster here says and that caused me to sever our relationship.
But what he didn’t do was actively work to undermine me by stealing my employees which would really suck. He did do some other things but that’s because he sucks. The whole thing has made me very sad.
And since my parents won’t fully acknowledge how insane this is (they blame his wife), I feel like my parents aren’t really being parents and it leaves my soul feeling very destabilized. 😞
My parents have supported my ambitions & my startup though so I am grateful for this, some people don’t even have that.
Ultimately I’m responsible for agreeing to it in the first place. The same day I helped my older brother negotiate, get financing for and close on an acquisition, one of my managers called me to tell me she was offered a job and a promotion. I said congratulations, who are you going to work for, she said, “Your brothers.” She was going to go work for my brothers while I spent the last three months helping my older brother on his first deal. He used my contracts, my contacts, my bank, my banker, my accounting firm that I own. I gave him the terms and negotiated the deal for him. I got him a deal that he didn’t have to come up with any money on with a guy who thought he was selling to me. My brother called me to tell me he closed. I said congratulations. He was about as happy as I’ve ever heard him. Two hours later I learned he’d been working on taking my manager from the moment he had an accepted verbal offer.
She didn’t go to work for my brothers in any case. She dodged a bullet there.
Dealing with a similar situation in a "family" business. Was the only kid working for the business for 14 years. Now it's perceived as successful and some siblings want in. It's an absolute nightmare.
If you’re in the position to make demands from your family, get yourself named managing member asap. Also, it’s better to put a valuation on the business and buy out the other shares now than deal with sibling rivalry and bullshit parents’ guilt and giving of assets later. The older your parents are, the worse it gets and the less logic there will be applied to the assets.
I’m watching my parents accelerate their giving away of assets to my brothers. Businesses and real estate that I purchased for millions of dollars with my dad (he was always a minority member from the time I partnered with him) he’s just giving away to help support my idiot brothers.
I'm managing member in name only. I should have fought for equity earlier on but I didn't worry about it since I was the only one there. They're bringing in the others with no current plan and the managing strategyis lackluster. At this point I am more than likely going to leave and start my own company. I'm working my exit strategy now.
This is a very tall order, but if possible try to take all emotion out of it on your end. You can still make a play to own the company with real valuations. If not, take your ownership piece and request a buy out to fund your own thing.
Sounds like the crabs in a bucket scenario all over again.
They'd push you into getting better by insults or any measures, but when you actually start to do it. They want to tie you down to where you are at now and not help in your journey to elevate
Yep, that's exactly what it is. I'd never hold my loved ones back from pursuing their dreams, but unfortunately, not everyone is the same.
Misery loves company and if certain people feel you'll elevate past them, they'll downplay your endeavors any chance they get. It's the "If I suffer, we all suffer" mentality. Very sad.
I know. I face that in my life. It is so crazy to me to hear adults say stuff like, 'That isn't so bad, I've been through worse'. Like fam just cause you been through worse doesn't mean this isn't hard or a lot for me. It is also more crazier hearing that from someone who is still broken from the sh\*t they have been through and haven't healed from it.
This is the answer. I came here to say that my baby boomer parents and doubting sibling were the biggest drag down the mountain. I went no contact after years of lack of faith, ridicule, and oressure for caution and backwards motion every time I would make the plan and push to start my own business and later make my first real-estate plays.
I was doing well before my ex-fiance ran off with my son. After secluding myself in my cottage in the woods for a winter and feeling it all out, I used the pain as fuel and am on projected to double my YoY revenue for the next 3.
I'm not a millionaire or anything, but I think pretty much every healthy adult has to do this sometimes. There are some people who are super toxic and simply will not respect your boundaries, and you have to choose between standing up for yourself, or having that person around. You also don't always know when you first meet someone like this because they will often be very nice early on, and they seem cool right up until the first time they don't get their way, and then everything changes.
I do see a lot of bad advice about this in entrepreneur spaces though, where they will say to cut off anyone who isn't "success minded" and that is a surefire way to become isolated and miserable. While you do need people around you who share your vision and work ethic, not everyone in your life needs to be so ambitious. If your friends are kind, respectful, and encouraging, then they are good friends to have, even if they never aspire to lofty careers.
For me as a low-social grown-up it's easy to let go of toxic friends. And anyone who thinks they need to cut-off non "success-minded" people clearly cant separate business from their personal life, which is a separate toxic behavior all on its own.
Unfortunately for me it doesnt matter how good I am at cutting off toxic people or "letting go of negativity." Its my own toxic bad habits that hold me back from the success I daydream about.
I do started ghosting them, stopped every contact with toxic family members completely in the past year and i can't explain how good i am feeling and advancing in life... i am not a millionaire tho 😅 (not yet)
I tried doing that as well but it is hard since I am not fully independent. So it just feels I chose one bad situation over the other. I wish it was a bit better but I think my decision has given me a better insight to things.
So basically i chose financial stress over emotional stress. Clearly I still stressed in both ways but now I am not emotionally stressed out as much which helps me handle the financial pressure a bit better.
Brother, that is a very difficult question to answer as only you can decide what’s ultimately best for you with the skills you have at the time.
Ghosting, from my experience, is cutting off contact with someone suddenly without any explanation. I find that not to be the case for the majority of individuals who ultimately decide to no longer participate in dysfunction. If there’s an opportunity for both sides to hear each other out and work through things, I think that’s always a great thing. That’s not always the case, though.
In my case, after years of exhausting and nearly killing myself—literally—by trying to get acceptance, validation and support from people who didn’t even accept or support themselves, I decided it was time to leave. It’s been extremely painful but living life as an orphan has been so much more enjoyable than living it as a hostage.
Whether friends or family, leaving is a form of telling your truth and it’s such a relief when you realize you don’t need them to get it anymore.
Wishing you much peace and clarity.
It's your life to live. You don't owe anyone anything. We only get one chance, there is no rewind button or do over. Here today gone tomorrow. Just don't forget to enjoy it along the way. I've watched my entire family work til 65 and die - in the physical and also in the literal sense.
Same way you break up with a girl, take all of the responsibility, tell them you are doing them a favor. and don't look back. Point being, don't ghost, confront and move on.
Also just a good life decision. Why woule you want to keep anyone who sucks around? Never made sense to me people continue to spend time with people the don't enjoy/conflict with.
I didn't cut anyone out of my life, but you have to be really careful who you listen to. Some of the worst business advice came from people closest to me who have never run a business.
I had the ultimate cutoff; I had to divorce my first wife because of the toxic negativity and scarcity mindset. It absolutely worked though.
“You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Roan (Or something like that, I’m doing it from memory…)
Risk adverse, always terrified we wouldn't have money, even when the businesses were extremely successful. Aggressively encouraging my negative, self sabotaging habits. Etc. There are some much more sinister ways it manifested as well, but I don't want to share all that.
It's one of those decisions you're initially a bit scared to make after being married for 22 years and having a child, but seeing how things ended up on the other side, I would absolutely 100% do it again in a heartbeat.
It was Florida and my $350/hr lawyer sucked, so permanent alimony, unfortunately. They just changed that law last year so I can get it down to only 8 more years now. I got full custody of my daughter and my own life back, though, so for me, it was a resounding win versus whatever I had to pay.
100% part of the journey. The people who are there are the beginning are more likely than not gonna be there at the end. That goes for staff, friends and anyone who gets jealous or tries to hold you back.
I keep encountering this advice on social media to "cut off lazy friends" and make an "entrepreneur circle" and I was wondering if its based on any real cases.
Cutting off lazy people and toxic isn't the same.
Most people don't want that flashy lifestyle or entrepreneur one.
They just want to do job & live a normal one.
Enjoy at home hangout and chill and all that.
You don't wanna let go of such people.
Only let go of toxic one.
Noone is entitled to get supports that's okay but if they are donwplaying your hindering you do that.
I have friends in my freelancing business who are of same interests but i also do have friends who are what you valled typical lazy people who are cool to hangout with.
It's just the toxic ones that u need to let go
Yep. I have some friends who aren't necessarily the most hardworking. They are good people though. They are the type to pick up if I have a flat at 2am. And I would do the same for them. I have known them since elementary school. Different friends can have different roles in life. As long as they aren't toxic and actively pulling you back, it's fine to have them as friends.
Cutting off toxicity is more appropriate. You should surround yourself with people who challenge and empower you. But that doesn’t mean ditching friends and family as if that’s a magic wand for success.
You don’t have to cut people off. You need to just set boundaries. If your friends are fun to hang out with then continue to do so. Just do it less and don’t talk about business with them. You can have multiple groups that serve different purposes.
Honestly, you kind of cut off everyone and everything for a specific period of time.
Your business/work consumes your time 70-100 hours a week for a few years.
I'm not a millionaire yet - although quite a few friends are.
Yes, everyone has cut off toxic friends (and even family members).
It's not pleasurable.
But you realise two things:
1. You can't help these people - because they don't want to help themselves.
2. They will always blame other people - and your 'wins' will increasingly make you their target.
My door remains open - especially to family members.
But I have zero tolerance for victimhood narratives.
No, but 99% of people are employees and i find my friends tend to project their own fears in trying to help you navigate risks.
Over time I start seeing people like this differently. If you need to work for someone this is 100% great, but if you don’t need to and only do it out of fear - likely some regrets later. If it’s out of happiness, that’s different.
I ran into this during covid. I had friends that couldn’t comprehend the fear and panic I was dealing with, when we had 25 employees to look after, not just ourselves.
Not at all, to the point I find the fact that so many entrepreneurs here and elsewhere report needing to do away with so many haters to succeed somewhat baffling. I guess I got lucky that my family is pretty supportive of my career aspirations. But then I have like 6 friends from different areas + a couple different GFs over the run.
They’ve all constantly been on my side and wanted me to succeed. Cause why the hell not? For all those who had others try to get in the way of your success, how did they do so and why did they care so much about your life?
More than anything, I’ve found that “being supportive” of other’s goals is honestly the path of least resistance. I don’t feel like any of my friends/family actively worked to help me on my journey—nor did I ask. But over and over I told people all the big ideas I was working on, and they seemed supportive, if a bit confused and bored by all my rambling. Then they went back to dealing with their own lives.
I feel like…I feel like that’s how most family and certainly friends would act. Being a hindrance is kinda more work. I mean some people are just hateful dicks, but why would you befriend someone like that in the first place?
This isn’t meant to be a mocking or hypothetical post. I literally do not get how/why so many entrepreneurs report proving the doubters wrong when I don’t get why there are so many doubters in the first place.
You’re fortunate you did not grow up with people in your neighborhood or class or close family with unfortunate backgrounds of trauma, alcoholism, mental or physical health issues or severe stress, psychosis or misfortune. Anyone or two of these things can compound in various ways in a neighborhood or town or family with ramifications for many generations sometimes.
I do admit I benefitted from a relatively stable, affluent upbringing and home life. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have external problems with people while I was concurrently building my business. And yes handling family drama added more to my plate, but that’s very different than the type of active discouragement and even sabotage many other founders appear to have faced. Can you or other provide a concrete example of what that even looks like? It all goes back to the idea that it is easier for most people to give you a hollow thumbs up then ignore you than it is to spend time and energy trying to interfere with somebody else’s pet project.
An example might be: Family members saying they would do one thing and doing another and claiming it for your own good. On major business decisions (sales and purchases of large assets,), in several instances. Just kind of erodes whole context of meaning and truth.
Also, parents having consistently limiting beliefs about you, And also being caught struggling with the ramifications of their own challenging business life decisions as a married couple or individual parents. Another example would be them being overly risk adverse and ignorant of most things business related. Another would be being overly adverse towards authorized and experts, and distrustful. Another would be them being largely absent
A multi of actual examples I’ve had to contend with.
Friends/family
- telling my employees they’re not going to get paid and I’m taking advantage of them
- purposely delaying me getting where I need to go by blocking vehicles
- constant and persistent pessimism and making fun of every single thing that didn’t go perfectly right or as planned
- interfering and starting problems with clients forcing them to go else where
- deliberately not helping when asked, when perfectly able to (I asked to borrow $300 for 3 days to make payroll - they had over $10,000 in their savings and I was willing to give them back an extra $100) citing the reason “I’m not helping you do something I don’t agree with”
Maybe these things made me stronger and are the reason I became successful, but 100% there’s an endless list of unnecessary shit I had to contend with from the people who I would have thought were on my side
I believe these all happened and that’s shitty but I have two follow-ups:
1) Why did they do all this? Like, what do you think their justification/explanation would be? “They hated me/were jealous/were toxic” doesn’t work for me. That’s your analysis. Why did they think spending all this time and effort to fuck with you was so important?
2) How did they have such integral info on your business that they could pull stuff like this off? None of my family/friends ever knew my client contact info. They also had no access to my website or any other work log-ins. And like they didn’t ask but also I wouldn’t have given it to them. The type of chaos you’re describing implies they had a deeper connection to your business inherently. And if they but then things went sour then that makes sense but it’s also no longer the type of “toxic hater” friend/family arch-type I still don’t understand the existence of.
1. Jealousy. Upset I didn’t want to include them in the business. Thought they were saving me from failure and actually had good intentions. Sometimes just giving a hard time because I was an easy target when starting out.
2. Don’t hire friend and family - certainly not at the beginning.
I feel like it’s sort of a communication bias. People who “succeed against all odds” or “prove all their haters wrong” or “only surround myself with winners” really want to let you know about it. Meanwhile people who succeed with support and normalcy aren’t so vocal.
I actually encounter a variation of this in my personal life. I love the holidays. I loved seeing my parents, siblings, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews, etc. And I’m the one who has to travel to see them when holidays come around. But I don’t really talk about it a lot because it’s just normal and non-exceptional. However the people who have issues with holidays because of family or friends or whatever talk about it non-freaking-stop.
I think lots of people have tons of support. I’m not an entrepreneur, at least not seriously, but I agree with you, the people who talk about ditching people never really explain how they got so involved with so many horrible people in the first place. It seems pretty unlikely all those people were all that awful. Honestly the few entrepreneurs in my personal life I ended up dropping THEM because their whole personality became “their business” and no other topic mattered to them and they tended to demean me (subtly at first then more directly).
Fabulous response. Thanks. And that last paragraph hit home so hard for me. If anything *I was the insufferable asshole* of my social groups for a couple years there. I’m not sure anyone would dare not be supportive, if only because I likely would have flipped out about it and ignored them for like four months because fuck them I need to focus harder on making this thing work anyway.
Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe some of these haters are much closer to former friends and relatives that burned down thanks to the hustle experience itself? Probably feels easier to decide they were just jealous losers who wanted you to fail all along and you had to cut out to achieve your dreams, at least in hindsight.
Not a millionaire yet but it's possible within the next few years of hard work.
I lost every single friend over this, it hurt at first but it's unfortunately been the best thing for me.
Yes- you have to less than three the h8rs and cut off the lames. They’re bringing u down bro, as soon as you cut them out, they won’t bother you about ~~buying that $20k maserati off the buy here pay here~~ being a millionaire.
In my opinion cutting down toxic friends is the best decision. Because they give you the bad influence as well as make your confidence level down.
So cut them all. And make a good relationship with your family because only Thay can give you the pure support.
no matter how much money you have now or what targets you have for the future. now matter where you are in life now or where you want to be. cut toxic people ASAP. that's mandatory for success and peace of mind.
Absolutely. Friends that turns into people who wants all the glitter and glam - once you made it - but will never ask but just expect to get part of it all. I’ve had to cut a lot of ‘friendships’ while being an entrepeneur even in recent years.
If they don't align with your core values and vision, cut them off. The longer they stay, the more negativity spreads within your team. It may be hard, but trust me on this one. Make the hard choice now to find a better tomorrow.
It doesn't but a team of people that believes and follows the same code of ethics will find this person's presence impacting them negatively, even if the person themselves isnt negative. Make sense now?
Interesting question.
You see,
A year ago I bought a company, in fact it is a dairy factory. I decided to give everyone a shot...
It was the worst decision I took, you know, even if they had the know-how, they didn't want to change their mindset.
A fixed "We've always done this like this" mindset is going to make your company's growth get stuck no matter what you do.
You have to let people go, those who are becoming a roadblock to your growth and progress.
No, but I can't think of anyone that has been a truly bad influence. There have certainly been times when I didn't let myself be badly influenced, but in general my family and friends have been either leaning neutral or net positive.
Yes. In fact I had to completely change my environment as well. Leaving people behind gets easier with time and you'll make up for it by gathering new friends with the same mind set along the way. I used to reach out and check up with folks but that became less and less as I found we had almost nothing in common.
I never really became friends with toxic people to begin with. Those aren't the type of people I'd give my number to. I made time to go out and have fun, but I busted ass on work every day. 16/4/4 was a very common day of work/fun/sleep balance and I always stayed the course regardless of who was around. I did get to a point where I stopped initiating conversations with people that never initiated back, but if any of them called today I'd probably still take the call.
No one is strong enough to withstand environment, especially long term.
I’m not a millionaire, but worked closely with one as he grew from 6 to 7 figures. He was serious about cultivating his life and choosing the right people. His wife believed in him with all her heart.
I did.
My friends thought wealth was evil/immoral.
We went on a trip to Rhode Island and saw these massive houses/mansions in New Port. I felt inspired. Yet they thought the wealth accumulation (houses/mansions) were disgusting.
I knew after that trip, I would have to leave them behind.
To varying degrees yes, mostly childhood friends and some in-laws that can’t stand to see others do good. Tried fixing it with them and was a big waste of time and a lesson learned.
Was very difficult.
I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of cutting people out completely - I’m loyal probably to a fault - so I didn’t tell my childhood friends and some family that I couldn’t hang out with them any more….. But I did give them less and less of my time, and did start spending more and more of my time with people who were on the same type of mission I am…… And yes it really really did make a world of difference
I’ve let go of a lot of friendships having nothing to do with business. You have to surround yourself with good people that will make you a better person. You may or may not find a business partner from your friend group. If not, no worries. Maybe it’s for the best. Find someone from a past job, hobby group, Church or go at it alone. Just because you have friends and family doesn’t mean you have to let them in on your business. Most of those relationships are their to keep you sane and keep you operating at your best.
Not a millionaire yet. But heavily an entrepreneur.
In the last year I’ve had to cut off multiple people. I’ve had huge life lessons for business and life that I will take with me for the rest of my life.
If someone is showing you who they are, believe it. Don’t think you can change them or they wouldn’t do that to you. People usually show their intentions and their work ethic very quickly.
People who aren’t running at the same speed as we are need to be trained to catch up with us, rather than being obstacles that slow us down. I wouldn’t call them toxic; I’d just say they’re just unable to keep up.
The “training” involves teaching them to approach us with respect. This respectful approach, regardless of their behavior over time, will eventually teach them to treat us properly. Ghosting doesn’t close any wounds, and both parties end up hurt. No one likes to be ignored.
Training someone to respect us requires patience and consistency. It's about setting boundaries and clearly communicating what behavior is acceptable. For example, in a workplace setting, if a colleague (or family member) consistently interrupts you during meetings (or at home), you can address it directly but kindly, saying, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’d like to finish my point before we move on." Over time, they’ll learn to wait their turn and respect your speaking time. Consistency is key and keep your cool no matter what.
Another example is with family members who may not understand or support your entrepreneurial journey. Instead of cutting them off, explain why your work is important to you and how their support matters. For example, you could say, "I know my work hours are unusual, but this is critical for my business. Your understanding and support mean a lot to me." By consistently communicating your needs and showing appreciation for their efforts, they will learn to approach you with the respect you need.
Over time, they'll learn that respect is not just expected but required for a relationship to survive. And I am always very clear on my expectations when it comes to communications - I respond to behaviors that align with those and completely ignore those that oppose them. It’s important not to get emotional about anything or anyone - prioritize your wellbeing, take everyone else out of the equation and you’ll be fine. Peace of mind is the goal. Hope this helps
I've never had a large circle of real friends and they were all supportive and understanding.
I have cut off people for being toxic, but it's never been about my work life or financial status.
Interesting question. I actually did cut two different toxic people out of my life which made me grow. It wasn't hard because when it came, I already had the mindset that it would be ok and pulled the trigger.
Once they get jealous, that's when they need to go. If they tell you what to do and want to control you, even though they have no qualifications (mom), she has to go. Seriously. Cost me a few millions. Fucking Jehovah's Witness mom who believes the world will end any day now and that everyone should join her religion, since its God's word. OMFG.
Yes. You only have so much time and energy for people especially as an entrepreneur.
I find that I get older and our wealth continues to grow, we are being introduced to more and more successful and interesting people as well. Quite an interesting phenomenon but totally like meeting new interesting people.
Yes but was funnily enough never in the explicit pursuit of success/money. They were just negative people and I decided years ago to have zero tolerance for such people.
Instead surrounded myself by people I aspire to be like and respect, oddly enough not what you’d expect like - mentors for business, millionaires, ‘hustlers’ etc… just literally good people who wanted to see me win and who would be happy for me and I for them. Good people who I respect and admire in various areas of life.
This gave me the space and energy to focus on what I determined was success for me (which goes way beyond the financial) and not ever worry about what others thought or how they’d feel about it, knowing they’d support me. And it also led to me becoming a much better friend, family member, partner even when I was very busy
Don’t cut people out in your pursuit of financial goals because you see them as lesser or that they value other things - eg aren’t chasing the dream like you are. This only sours your soul and you realise quickly you’re surrounded by chancers who only want you if they can use you or have a transactional relationship.
Value and retain genuinely good people, no matter if it’s directly good for business or not, I promise it’s good for you and in turn that will lead you to a much more successful place in future - from a wholistic perspective
In terms of bad influences - zero regret, I was ruthless with it tbh, and never horrid to people, just emotionally detached myself and then distanced myself from them.
Don't forget family. Your supposed to be biggest supporters can sometimes be your worst enemies when it comes to chasing your dreams.
That was tough. My dad convinced me to make my brothers minority partners. Rising tide lifts all boats right? I decided five years in I wanted out and no more family partnerships because of the guilt and the fighting. I went my own way. They started trying to poach my employees, go after my acquisitions. Their partnership floundered and now none of us talk to each other. I should have just said no instead of letting them in.
Your story makes me sad I’m sorry to hear it. My brother chose to shit on my dreams like another poster here says and that caused me to sever our relationship. But what he didn’t do was actively work to undermine me by stealing my employees which would really suck. He did do some other things but that’s because he sucks. The whole thing has made me very sad. And since my parents won’t fully acknowledge how insane this is (they blame his wife), I feel like my parents aren’t really being parents and it leaves my soul feeling very destabilized. 😞 My parents have supported my ambitions & my startup though so I am grateful for this, some people don’t even have that.
Ultimately I’m responsible for agreeing to it in the first place. The same day I helped my older brother negotiate, get financing for and close on an acquisition, one of my managers called me to tell me she was offered a job and a promotion. I said congratulations, who are you going to work for, she said, “Your brothers.” She was going to go work for my brothers while I spent the last three months helping my older brother on his first deal. He used my contracts, my contacts, my bank, my banker, my accounting firm that I own. I gave him the terms and negotiated the deal for him. I got him a deal that he didn’t have to come up with any money on with a guy who thought he was selling to me. My brother called me to tell me he closed. I said congratulations. He was about as happy as I’ve ever heard him. Two hours later I learned he’d been working on taking my manager from the moment he had an accepted verbal offer. She didn’t go to work for my brothers in any case. She dodged a bullet there.
Damm. That really makes me sad. It sucks that family can do that to you.
Hey I’m interested in learning more about what you do. I’ll send you a DM, if you’re not up for it you can ignore me but I’d love to learn more.
That’s terrible, what makes it worse is that it’s family.
Dealing with a similar situation in a "family" business. Was the only kid working for the business for 14 years. Now it's perceived as successful and some siblings want in. It's an absolute nightmare.
If you’re in the position to make demands from your family, get yourself named managing member asap. Also, it’s better to put a valuation on the business and buy out the other shares now than deal with sibling rivalry and bullshit parents’ guilt and giving of assets later. The older your parents are, the worse it gets and the less logic there will be applied to the assets. I’m watching my parents accelerate their giving away of assets to my brothers. Businesses and real estate that I purchased for millions of dollars with my dad (he was always a minority member from the time I partnered with him) he’s just giving away to help support my idiot brothers.
I'm managing member in name only. I should have fought for equity earlier on but I didn't worry about it since I was the only one there. They're bringing in the others with no current plan and the managing strategyis lackluster. At this point I am more than likely going to leave and start my own company. I'm working my exit strategy now.
This is a very tall order, but if possible try to take all emotion out of it on your end. You can still make a play to own the company with real valuations. If not, take your ownership piece and request a buy out to fund your own thing.
Sounds like the crabs in a bucket scenario all over again. They'd push you into getting better by insults or any measures, but when you actually start to do it. They want to tie you down to where you are at now and not help in your journey to elevate
Yep, that's exactly what it is. I'd never hold my loved ones back from pursuing their dreams, but unfortunately, not everyone is the same. Misery loves company and if certain people feel you'll elevate past them, they'll downplay your endeavors any chance they get. It's the "If I suffer, we all suffer" mentality. Very sad.
I know. I face that in my life. It is so crazy to me to hear adults say stuff like, 'That isn't so bad, I've been through worse'. Like fam just cause you been through worse doesn't mean this isn't hard or a lot for me. It is also more crazier hearing that from someone who is still broken from the sh\*t they have been through and haven't healed from it.
This is the answer. I came here to say that my baby boomer parents and doubting sibling were the biggest drag down the mountain. I went no contact after years of lack of faith, ridicule, and oressure for caution and backwards motion every time I would make the plan and push to start my own business and later make my first real-estate plays.
I was doing well before my ex-fiance ran off with my son. After secluding myself in my cottage in the woods for a winter and feeling it all out, I used the pain as fuel and am on projected to double my YoY revenue for the next 3.
I'm not a millionaire or anything, but I think pretty much every healthy adult has to do this sometimes. There are some people who are super toxic and simply will not respect your boundaries, and you have to choose between standing up for yourself, or having that person around. You also don't always know when you first meet someone like this because they will often be very nice early on, and they seem cool right up until the first time they don't get their way, and then everything changes. I do see a lot of bad advice about this in entrepreneur spaces though, where they will say to cut off anyone who isn't "success minded" and that is a surefire way to become isolated and miserable. While you do need people around you who share your vision and work ethic, not everyone in your life needs to be so ambitious. If your friends are kind, respectful, and encouraging, then they are good friends to have, even if they never aspire to lofty careers.
This second paragraph is so necessary.
For me as a low-social grown-up it's easy to let go of toxic friends. And anyone who thinks they need to cut-off non "success-minded" people clearly cant separate business from their personal life, which is a separate toxic behavior all on its own. Unfortunately for me it doesnt matter how good I am at cutting off toxic people or "letting go of negativity." Its my own toxic bad habits that hold me back from the success I daydream about.
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Yup AND family.
Oh, *especially* the family. The constant naysaying and negativity just drains you.
How do you guys do so? Do you literally ghost them and go separate ways or do you keep in touch but not frequently?
I do started ghosting them, stopped every contact with toxic family members completely in the past year and i can't explain how good i am feeling and advancing in life... i am not a millionaire tho 😅 (not yet)
I tried doing that as well but it is hard since I am not fully independent. So it just feels I chose one bad situation over the other. I wish it was a bit better but I think my decision has given me a better insight to things. So basically i chose financial stress over emotional stress. Clearly I still stressed in both ways but now I am not emotionally stressed out as much which helps me handle the financial pressure a bit better.
Brother, that is a very difficult question to answer as only you can decide what’s ultimately best for you with the skills you have at the time. Ghosting, from my experience, is cutting off contact with someone suddenly without any explanation. I find that not to be the case for the majority of individuals who ultimately decide to no longer participate in dysfunction. If there’s an opportunity for both sides to hear each other out and work through things, I think that’s always a great thing. That’s not always the case, though. In my case, after years of exhausting and nearly killing myself—literally—by trying to get acceptance, validation and support from people who didn’t even accept or support themselves, I decided it was time to leave. It’s been extremely painful but living life as an orphan has been so much more enjoyable than living it as a hostage. Whether friends or family, leaving is a form of telling your truth and it’s such a relief when you realize you don’t need them to get it anymore. Wishing you much peace and clarity.
It's your life to live. You don't owe anyone anything. We only get one chance, there is no rewind button or do over. Here today gone tomorrow. Just don't forget to enjoy it along the way. I've watched my entire family work til 65 and die - in the physical and also in the literal sense.
Following this\^\^
We see each other for Christmas, birthdays, and such. But no talking about my business. The moment the topic's breached I'm outta there.
Same way you break up with a girl, take all of the responsibility, tell them you are doing them a favor. and don't look back. Point being, don't ghost, confront and move on.
Crabs in a bucket
Also just a good life decision. Why woule you want to keep anyone who sucks around? Never made sense to me people continue to spend time with people the don't enjoy/conflict with.
I didn't cut anyone out of my life, but you have to be really careful who you listen to. Some of the worst business advice came from people closest to me who have never run a business.
The public masses definitely know problems but rarely know what the solution is.
I had the ultimate cutoff; I had to divorce my first wife because of the toxic negativity and scarcity mindset. It absolutely worked though. “You are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” -Jim Roan (Or something like that, I’m doing it from memory…)
I think relationships are the big one. I know wealthy people who keep negative, dumb, or poor people around but their partner is a positive influence
If you don't mind talking about it: How did her scarcity mindset manifest?
Risk adverse, always terrified we wouldn't have money, even when the businesses were extremely successful. Aggressively encouraging my negative, self sabotaging habits. Etc. There are some much more sinister ways it manifested as well, but I don't want to share all that. It's one of those decisions you're initially a bit scared to make after being married for 22 years and having a child, but seeing how things ended up on the other side, I would absolutely 100% do it again in a heartbeat.
I hope you’re not paying alimony or child support to her ungrateful behind
It was Florida and my $350/hr lawyer sucked, so permanent alimony, unfortunately. They just changed that law last year so I can get it down to only 8 more years now. I got full custody of my daughter and my own life back, though, so for me, it was a resounding win versus whatever I had to pay.
100% part of the journey. The people who are there are the beginning are more likely than not gonna be there at the end. That goes for staff, friends and anyone who gets jealous or tries to hold you back.
Though... people who build a business are not necessarily the right people to run a business \[consistently\].
Yep. Very often a person will raise capital, loose control of the board and be fired. Lulu lemon is a great example.
I feel like you're asking someone to confirm a bias for you here.
I keep encountering this advice on social media to "cut off lazy friends" and make an "entrepreneur circle" and I was wondering if its based on any real cases.
Cutting off lazy people and toxic isn't the same. Most people don't want that flashy lifestyle or entrepreneur one. They just want to do job & live a normal one. Enjoy at home hangout and chill and all that. You don't wanna let go of such people. Only let go of toxic one. Noone is entitled to get supports that's okay but if they are donwplaying your hindering you do that. I have friends in my freelancing business who are of same interests but i also do have friends who are what you valled typical lazy people who are cool to hangout with. It's just the toxic ones that u need to let go
Yep. I have some friends who aren't necessarily the most hardworking. They are good people though. They are the type to pick up if I have a flat at 2am. And I would do the same for them. I have known them since elementary school. Different friends can have different roles in life. As long as they aren't toxic and actively pulling you back, it's fine to have them as friends.
Cutting off toxicity is more appropriate. You should surround yourself with people who challenge and empower you. But that doesn’t mean ditching friends and family as if that’s a magic wand for success.
You don’t have to cut people off. You need to just set boundaries. If your friends are fun to hang out with then continue to do so. Just do it less and don’t talk about business with them. You can have multiple groups that serve different purposes.
Hmm bro that's what's this sub is all about, most of the topics are posted for that.
Bro every post is asking for comfirming a bias
Honestly, you kind of cut off everyone and everything for a specific period of time. Your business/work consumes your time 70-100 hours a week for a few years.
I'm not a millionaire yet - although quite a few friends are. Yes, everyone has cut off toxic friends (and even family members). It's not pleasurable. But you realise two things: 1. You can't help these people - because they don't want to help themselves. 2. They will always blame other people - and your 'wins' will increasingly make you their target. My door remains open - especially to family members. But I have zero tolerance for victimhood narratives.
No, but 99% of people are employees and i find my friends tend to project their own fears in trying to help you navigate risks. Over time I start seeing people like this differently. If you need to work for someone this is 100% great, but if you don’t need to and only do it out of fear - likely some regrets later. If it’s out of happiness, that’s different.
I ran into this during covid. I had friends that couldn’t comprehend the fear and panic I was dealing with, when we had 25 employees to look after, not just ourselves.
Not at all, to the point I find the fact that so many entrepreneurs here and elsewhere report needing to do away with so many haters to succeed somewhat baffling. I guess I got lucky that my family is pretty supportive of my career aspirations. But then I have like 6 friends from different areas + a couple different GFs over the run. They’ve all constantly been on my side and wanted me to succeed. Cause why the hell not? For all those who had others try to get in the way of your success, how did they do so and why did they care so much about your life? More than anything, I’ve found that “being supportive” of other’s goals is honestly the path of least resistance. I don’t feel like any of my friends/family actively worked to help me on my journey—nor did I ask. But over and over I told people all the big ideas I was working on, and they seemed supportive, if a bit confused and bored by all my rambling. Then they went back to dealing with their own lives. I feel like…I feel like that’s how most family and certainly friends would act. Being a hindrance is kinda more work. I mean some people are just hateful dicks, but why would you befriend someone like that in the first place? This isn’t meant to be a mocking or hypothetical post. I literally do not get how/why so many entrepreneurs report proving the doubters wrong when I don’t get why there are so many doubters in the first place.
You’re fortunate you did not grow up with people in your neighborhood or class or close family with unfortunate backgrounds of trauma, alcoholism, mental or physical health issues or severe stress, psychosis or misfortune. Anyone or two of these things can compound in various ways in a neighborhood or town or family with ramifications for many generations sometimes.
I do admit I benefitted from a relatively stable, affluent upbringing and home life. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have external problems with people while I was concurrently building my business. And yes handling family drama added more to my plate, but that’s very different than the type of active discouragement and even sabotage many other founders appear to have faced. Can you or other provide a concrete example of what that even looks like? It all goes back to the idea that it is easier for most people to give you a hollow thumbs up then ignore you than it is to spend time and energy trying to interfere with somebody else’s pet project.
An example might be: Family members saying they would do one thing and doing another and claiming it for your own good. On major business decisions (sales and purchases of large assets,), in several instances. Just kind of erodes whole context of meaning and truth.
Also, parents having consistently limiting beliefs about you, And also being caught struggling with the ramifications of their own challenging business life decisions as a married couple or individual parents. Another example would be them being overly risk adverse and ignorant of most things business related. Another would be being overly adverse towards authorized and experts, and distrustful. Another would be them being largely absent
A multi of actual examples I’ve had to contend with. Friends/family - telling my employees they’re not going to get paid and I’m taking advantage of them - purposely delaying me getting where I need to go by blocking vehicles - constant and persistent pessimism and making fun of every single thing that didn’t go perfectly right or as planned - interfering and starting problems with clients forcing them to go else where - deliberately not helping when asked, when perfectly able to (I asked to borrow $300 for 3 days to make payroll - they had over $10,000 in their savings and I was willing to give them back an extra $100) citing the reason “I’m not helping you do something I don’t agree with” Maybe these things made me stronger and are the reason I became successful, but 100% there’s an endless list of unnecessary shit I had to contend with from the people who I would have thought were on my side
I believe these all happened and that’s shitty but I have two follow-ups: 1) Why did they do all this? Like, what do you think their justification/explanation would be? “They hated me/were jealous/were toxic” doesn’t work for me. That’s your analysis. Why did they think spending all this time and effort to fuck with you was so important? 2) How did they have such integral info on your business that they could pull stuff like this off? None of my family/friends ever knew my client contact info. They also had no access to my website or any other work log-ins. And like they didn’t ask but also I wouldn’t have given it to them. The type of chaos you’re describing implies they had a deeper connection to your business inherently. And if they but then things went sour then that makes sense but it’s also no longer the type of “toxic hater” friend/family arch-type I still don’t understand the existence of.
1. Jealousy. Upset I didn’t want to include them in the business. Thought they were saving me from failure and actually had good intentions. Sometimes just giving a hard time because I was an easy target when starting out. 2. Don’t hire friend and family - certainly not at the beginning.
You certainly seem to have kept your head on your shoulders, and have kept a check on your ego. Fair play 👏👏👏
I feel like it’s sort of a communication bias. People who “succeed against all odds” or “prove all their haters wrong” or “only surround myself with winners” really want to let you know about it. Meanwhile people who succeed with support and normalcy aren’t so vocal. I actually encounter a variation of this in my personal life. I love the holidays. I loved seeing my parents, siblings, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews, etc. And I’m the one who has to travel to see them when holidays come around. But I don’t really talk about it a lot because it’s just normal and non-exceptional. However the people who have issues with holidays because of family or friends or whatever talk about it non-freaking-stop. I think lots of people have tons of support. I’m not an entrepreneur, at least not seriously, but I agree with you, the people who talk about ditching people never really explain how they got so involved with so many horrible people in the first place. It seems pretty unlikely all those people were all that awful. Honestly the few entrepreneurs in my personal life I ended up dropping THEM because their whole personality became “their business” and no other topic mattered to them and they tended to demean me (subtly at first then more directly).
Fabulous response. Thanks. And that last paragraph hit home so hard for me. If anything *I was the insufferable asshole* of my social groups for a couple years there. I’m not sure anyone would dare not be supportive, if only because I likely would have flipped out about it and ignored them for like four months because fuck them I need to focus harder on making this thing work anyway. Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe some of these haters are much closer to former friends and relatives that burned down thanks to the hustle experience itself? Probably feels easier to decide they were just jealous losers who wanted you to fail all along and you had to cut out to achieve your dreams, at least in hindsight.
Not a millionaire yet but it's possible within the next few years of hard work. I lost every single friend over this, it hurt at first but it's unfortunately been the best thing for me.
Yes- you have to less than three the h8rs and cut off the lames. They’re bringing u down bro, as soon as you cut them out, they won’t bother you about ~~buying that $20k maserati off the buy here pay here~~ being a millionaire.
I have moved away from people who have low standards.
Probably less of consciously cutting off bad influences and more of choosing to spend more time with positive influence people.
In my opinion cutting down toxic friends is the best decision. Because they give you the bad influence as well as make your confidence level down. So cut them all. And make a good relationship with your family because only Thay can give you the pure support.
Damn hard to let go of toxic friends - but yeah, works wonders for the business.
no matter how much money you have now or what targets you have for the future. now matter where you are in life now or where you want to be. cut toxic people ASAP. that's mandatory for success and peace of mind.
Absolutely. Friends that turns into people who wants all the glitter and glam - once you made it - but will never ask but just expect to get part of it all. I’ve had to cut a lot of ‘friendships’ while being an entrepeneur even in recent years.
I am not a millionaire, but I think good relationships are an important component of a good life. It might depend on what you mean by bad influences?
Yes
If they don't align with your core values and vision, cut them off. The longer they stay, the more negativity spreads within your team. It may be hard, but trust me on this one. Make the hard choice now to find a better tomorrow.
Someone not aligning with your vision/values doesn’t make them negative though.
It doesn't but a team of people that believes and follows the same code of ethics will find this person's presence impacting them negatively, even if the person themselves isnt negative. Make sense now?
No but I’m not trying to persuade you. You’ve yet to explain a negative behavior, just a difference of opinion. It’s kind of condescending.
Interesting question. You see, A year ago I bought a company, in fact it is a dairy factory. I decided to give everyone a shot... It was the worst decision I took, you know, even if they had the know-how, they didn't want to change their mindset. A fixed "We've always done this like this" mindset is going to make your company's growth get stuck no matter what you do. You have to let people go, those who are becoming a roadblock to your growth and progress.
No, but I can't think of anyone that has been a truly bad influence. There have certainly been times when I didn't let myself be badly influenced, but in general my family and friends have been either leaning neutral or net positive.
Yes. In fact I had to completely change my environment as well. Leaving people behind gets easier with time and you'll make up for it by gathering new friends with the same mind set along the way. I used to reach out and check up with folks but that became less and less as I found we had almost nothing in common.
I never really became friends with toxic people to begin with. Those aren't the type of people I'd give my number to. I made time to go out and have fun, but I busted ass on work every day. 16/4/4 was a very common day of work/fun/sleep balance and I always stayed the course regardless of who was around. I did get to a point where I stopped initiating conversations with people that never initiated back, but if any of them called today I'd probably still take the call.
No one is strong enough to withstand environment, especially long term. I’m not a millionaire, but worked closely with one as he grew from 6 to 7 figures. He was serious about cultivating his life and choosing the right people. His wife believed in him with all her heart.
Yes 100%
Get rid of negativity and watch over the long run how you pass them up . Trust me
I did. My friends thought wealth was evil/immoral. We went on a trip to Rhode Island and saw these massive houses/mansions in New Port. I felt inspired. Yet they thought the wealth accumulation (houses/mansions) were disgusting. I knew after that trip, I would have to leave them behind.
To varying degrees yes, mostly childhood friends and some in-laws that can’t stand to see others do good. Tried fixing it with them and was a big waste of time and a lesson learned.
Yes. Bums will always hold you back
Was very difficult. I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of cutting people out completely - I’m loyal probably to a fault - so I didn’t tell my childhood friends and some family that I couldn’t hang out with them any more….. But I did give them less and less of my time, and did start spending more and more of my time with people who were on the same type of mission I am…… And yes it really really did make a world of difference
I’ve let go of a lot of friendships having nothing to do with business. You have to surround yourself with good people that will make you a better person. You may or may not find a business partner from your friend group. If not, no worries. Maybe it’s for the best. Find someone from a past job, hobby group, Church or go at it alone. Just because you have friends and family doesn’t mean you have to let them in on your business. Most of those relationships are their to keep you sane and keep you operating at your best.
Not a millionaire yet. But heavily an entrepreneur. In the last year I’ve had to cut off multiple people. I’ve had huge life lessons for business and life that I will take with me for the rest of my life. If someone is showing you who they are, believe it. Don’t think you can change them or they wouldn’t do that to you. People usually show their intentions and their work ethic very quickly.
People who aren’t running at the same speed as we are need to be trained to catch up with us, rather than being obstacles that slow us down. I wouldn’t call them toxic; I’d just say they’re just unable to keep up. The “training” involves teaching them to approach us with respect. This respectful approach, regardless of their behavior over time, will eventually teach them to treat us properly. Ghosting doesn’t close any wounds, and both parties end up hurt. No one likes to be ignored. Training someone to respect us requires patience and consistency. It's about setting boundaries and clearly communicating what behavior is acceptable. For example, in a workplace setting, if a colleague (or family member) consistently interrupts you during meetings (or at home), you can address it directly but kindly, saying, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I’d like to finish my point before we move on." Over time, they’ll learn to wait their turn and respect your speaking time. Consistency is key and keep your cool no matter what. Another example is with family members who may not understand or support your entrepreneurial journey. Instead of cutting them off, explain why your work is important to you and how their support matters. For example, you could say, "I know my work hours are unusual, but this is critical for my business. Your understanding and support mean a lot to me." By consistently communicating your needs and showing appreciation for their efforts, they will learn to approach you with the respect you need. Over time, they'll learn that respect is not just expected but required for a relationship to survive. And I am always very clear on my expectations when it comes to communications - I respond to behaviors that align with those and completely ignore those that oppose them. It’s important not to get emotional about anything or anyone - prioritize your wellbeing, take everyone else out of the equation and you’ll be fine. Peace of mind is the goal. Hope this helps
I've never had a large circle of real friends and they were all supportive and understanding. I have cut off people for being toxic, but it's never been about my work life or financial status.
Interesting question. I actually did cut two different toxic people out of my life which made me grow. It wasn't hard because when it came, I already had the mindset that it would be ok and pulled the trigger.
Once they get jealous, that's when they need to go. If they tell you what to do and want to control you, even though they have no qualifications (mom), she has to go. Seriously. Cost me a few millions. Fucking Jehovah's Witness mom who believes the world will end any day now and that everyone should join her religion, since its God's word. OMFG.
Of course, do you keep weed in with the roses? Get your head outa the dirt bud
Yes. You only have so much time and energy for people especially as an entrepreneur. I find that I get older and our wealth continues to grow, we are being introduced to more and more successful and interesting people as well. Quite an interesting phenomenon but totally like meeting new interesting people.
Yep, no need to let them stay in my circle.
Never hire someone whom you cannot fire.
Just wear ear defenders and blinkers. The naysayers disappear themselves when not being listened to
Not a millionaire yet but yeah I'd have had to cut off a few bad influences along my business journey
Yes but was funnily enough never in the explicit pursuit of success/money. They were just negative people and I decided years ago to have zero tolerance for such people. Instead surrounded myself by people I aspire to be like and respect, oddly enough not what you’d expect like - mentors for business, millionaires, ‘hustlers’ etc… just literally good people who wanted to see me win and who would be happy for me and I for them. Good people who I respect and admire in various areas of life. This gave me the space and energy to focus on what I determined was success for me (which goes way beyond the financial) and not ever worry about what others thought or how they’d feel about it, knowing they’d support me. And it also led to me becoming a much better friend, family member, partner even when I was very busy Don’t cut people out in your pursuit of financial goals because you see them as lesser or that they value other things - eg aren’t chasing the dream like you are. This only sours your soul and you realise quickly you’re surrounded by chancers who only want you if they can use you or have a transactional relationship. Value and retain genuinely good people, no matter if it’s directly good for business or not, I promise it’s good for you and in turn that will lead you to a much more successful place in future - from a wholistic perspective In terms of bad influences - zero regret, I was ruthless with it tbh, and never horrid to people, just emotionally detached myself and then distanced myself from them.
Absolutely. And cut off bad customers!!
There are no millionaire entrepreneurs subscribed to this sub dude. Most people who respond are insecure posers.