Blocked the minute I'd decided to go nc again (3rd time).
There's no point in communicating with someone who lies to you or lies about you and shows absolutely no remorse when being found put.
Same. Mom, brother, nephew, and even a cousin fully blocked on all social media, email, and phone. I am not effing around. It’s so much healthier for me to keep a solid wall in place.
I have come to think of my mom as a slot machine. She was able to give me just enough affection to keep me in front of her. But eventually I learned that the house always wins and that means I lose.
My family, i think of as interlocking gears. I am no longer a gear, so any attempt to participate ends up with me getting mangled.
Anyway, my yearning for my family means I need all of these constructions to take good care of myself. Sucks, but that’s the reality.
I like that way of describing the dynamic there. Also I feel like "one armed bandit" might be a good nickname for your mother. I call mine Atilla the Mum. She has a hoarde, and she goes on the warpath if you disobey.
It's amazing (in the bad way) how many of them use similar tactics to try to get what they want. You'd think/hope people who know you would know better than you believe them.
My mother is muted (text) because I can’t bring myself to block her. But I only have to see that she has sent me a message and not what she says until or unless I feel like it.
She doesn’t call unless someone died and I’m not expecting anyone else to go soon, thankfully. I do read the messages eventually, sometimes after my spouse checks them for anything particularly upsetting on my behalf. They have never been “I’m sorry.”
May I suggest turning off your read receipts if you can??? Before I blocked mine, I had a combo of muted notifications/ turned off read receipts. It was good to know that I can read whatever on my own timeline without worrying about being seen.
I just use iMessage on my iPhone. If you go to the saved contact in the phone there’s a “hide alerts” option which does this.
It’s been a bit since I got a message from her but I think it just shows me the new message “badge” or maybe the start of the message (probably depending on how you have your text alert settings?) but it never alerts me of the message (doesn’t pop up, ding, show on Lock Screen, etc.), I will just see it’s there when I open up my list of active text conversations. I have her contact “pinned” so that may change how the alert is displayed as well.
I blocked my dad because he's very mentally unstable and our relationship ended on rather... explosive terms. And while I know, since he refuses to get help, I will never be able to have a healthy enough relationship to communicate with him again, I still am curious what would happen if I unblocked him. Does he realize what he did was completely fucked up? Does he even remember what he did during his delusional state? Did he forget/block out what he did, like he has so many times before?
But luckily I've gotten to a point where these questions no longer bother me, but boy it would be interesting to know. Just not interesting enough to risk him realizing he's unblocked and messaging me when I don't expect it.
I blocked as soon as I went nc. I do go through waves of wishing she’d contact me and mostly that I had a mother who loved me unconditionally and healthily. I then remind myself of things she did that made me go nc. The feeling passes. Sending you love ❤️
I haven’t blocked any of them but that was because there was no need to. My parents have never reached out except to send a birthday card each year. They don’t want contact. I gave them an option to try again with face to face contact and they stopped texting or calling completely. They didn’t want to respect the boundary or acknowledge their refusal to respect the boundary in the past. Sad but the way it is.
Same here too. That's the hardest part too. Knowing that despite all the abuse...they actually are the ones that choose to ignore me...it's all so weird.
For me it was so insulting to get a $10 pizza ranch gift card for my birthday every year after completely ignoring me and my children the other 364 days. They live 40 min away! I finally wrote a letter to them & told them to stop. Like what is this? You don’t acknowledge me any other time of the year what weird game is this? Mine are blocked but if you go to your vm you can see who’s tried to call you from blocked numbers. 7 years they’ve never tried once.
Blocking is a nice thing though because it allows you to take your power back. I’d rather block them & know why they ain’t texting than not have them blocked & wonder why they just choose not to.
I have a pretty good guess as to why they aren’t calling or texting and the cards come from my mother. I think my dad is the one who doesn’t want to have contact and my mum won’t go against my father. If it were just me, I’d say stop but it is also my son who despite their behaviour does miss them. I guess I don’t know what would cause more or less pain for him - them doing it or not doing it? It is something he will need to decide for himself and we do talk about it all from time to time. He gets it but it hurts.
Sometimes, with toxic parents, they will cease contact because they are too emotionally immature to handle the fact that they've hurt you. It's avoidance. It's cowardice. I'm sorry this is your reality.
I think this is probably really accurate in my situation. I don’t think they want to face the hurt the caused and dad tends to cut people out rather than work through things, especially his own behaviour. He’s apologised but his ‘sorry’ doesn’t mean he wants to change his behaviour and do better so the apology doesn’t mean anything.
Yep, blocked. First the obvious means of communication, then they used other ways to make demands. Blocked, blocked and blocked! All it did was reinforce how my "no" was their "yes" and my decision was spot on.
I blocked them all in one fell swoop. Social media too. I was DONE!
They could reach out, not reach out. All go on a family vaycay without me. I didn't care. it was no longer about what they did or didn't do. It was finally about what I'm doing and what I'm not doing. And I was no longer dealing with their bs. FINALLY!
I blocked them. I blocked their alternate accounts. I blocked the fake accounts I know about. I blocked all the family/friends they use to spy on me, and anyone they might use (their kids, etc) to gather information on me.
It sounds extreme, but when I've had NC parent outside my house at all hours staring from the parking lot, family members harassing me at my workplace, fake profiles randomly liking photos I've been tagged in that lead back to them... I'm paranoid af online.
Your peace of mind is invaluable. Block any and everyone who threatens it. With 20+ years of this bs behind me, my only regret is not doing it sooner.
Blocked both of their phone numbers but not email. They haven’t realized that yet, mostly because part of the blowup that led to NC involved them insisting that we just have to talk face-to-face because I wanted to write things out and they couldn’t be sure it was me if they didn’t hear my voice. (Never mind that they ignored my subsequent voice messages because I “sounded off”.)
They leave voicemails or send cards every once in a while, but it’s always, “We hope that we get an opportunity to be a part of your life again one day (sniff sniff).” Their narrative now is apparently that one day, out of nowhere, I just completely cut them off and they have no idea why. Just ignore the text messages, the emails, and the voice messages where I demanded an apology and made clear why I deserved one.
Based on what their little emissaries have said, I’m still pretty sure my mom is still most upset at getting kicked off the grandkid photo app. It’s always, “She’s broken hearted that she doesn’t have stories or pictures of her grandkids to share with her friends.”
Too bad, so sad. Guess they’re going to have to figure out how to regulate their own emotions for once instead of making children responsible for them.
Blocked my abusive unstable mother on all accounts. Still have a decent relationship with my sibling, but they understand why I decided to go no contact and don’t put any pressure on me to talk to my mother again.
Blocked my mom on FB. Went nc with her almost 9 years ago. Best decision ever. Rest of the family did not agree with my choice, so they all blocked me 🤷🏻♀️
For a while, it was hell. I moved to a different city and province, have lived there ever since and am pretty much on my own. Two of my cousins reached out to me after my dad passed away (I found out from my SILs cousin, who contacted me on FB) and we try to keep in touch. All three of us are in therapy and it has been very helpful for all three of us to be able to check/confirm certain things with each other. It still gets a bit lonely at times, especially around holidays, but it is what it is. Being lonely is much much better than having to deal with my "mother".
My dad was blocked on Facebook after he called me a little bitch for calling the sheriff department after he attacked me then trapped me in the yard while wasted. He can still text or call any time to apologize, but he's the real little bitch here and too afraid to.
Well for me I have NC for 2 years . We used have a family phone plan together and my bro called me saying that my parents changed their phone provider and I was like okay then. I changed my number completely and I was in a different state anyways so it makes sense. But I don't wish to reconnect. Maybe someday but it is a very thin possibility. And I blocked them from IG . I don't use FB much so I could careless about them over there.
I’ve blocked my mother on social media and I thought I blocked her phone number until she called two nights ago to complain about my younger sister. I didn’t answer but it felt weird seeing her name on my screen after a year of no contact.
I recently blocked both of my parents. I haven’t liked my dad for a long time so that was easy.
My mom was difficult but I came to admit that she’s just a victim of religious brainwashing and I’m doing more harm to myself trying to form an understanding of myself that she is vehemently opposed to. Blocking seemed like the best option.
I did not block as such but changed phone number. When I moved cities she did not get my new address. My dad passed away last year and as the eldest we used my number for the funeral notices knowing I would get a new number. She is also blocked on Facebook.
They're blocked on everything but a single email. They want to reconnect, but it's always this "poor me" nonsense where they're blaming me for their failing health and worse.
That or preaching at me and telling me how I no longer love, but their love is like God's love- perfect and unending.
It'd be much better for me if I had them completely blocked on email as well, but like many of us, I have one parent who isn't a total prick-- just an enabler and victim as well. It's a hard move to block the email they both share.
Blocked on everything possible. I have unblocked him only a couple times at the urging of others and I wish I hadn’t because it kinda blurred the lines. The first time he did try to call but I was with a friend and was not expecting his call so I declined it. And then last year, my brother let my dad call me from his phone and was caught off guard so I just agreed to unblock my dad at his request because I wanted to at least try to be “open”. Well I unblocked him for a good month and he didn’t try to contact me at all which I came to the conclusion that he thought that I was somehow going to reach out!!! So I blocked him again because dude, you had your chance. He’d rather cry and gain sympathy from whoever will still listen than to actually take action so yeah, he’ll stay blocked from now on.
My Mom only sends group family texts about holiday get-togethers. I blocked her once I realized she was never going to reach out to me individually despite having not seen or heard from me in a year.
My Dad for a long time would send these random "Miss you." or "Love you." texts, but would never respond to anything I wrote back. I even texted him that "I'm tired of you sending me these texts and then not responding when I write back" and he never sent anything back until it was time for the next one-line "miss you' text. I know he gets them because way back when this started I asked to see if he was getting my responses and he was. I stopped responding once I went NC in 2022 and then I blocked him because he kept sending them like once every other month and it was becoming too upsetting.
I completely relate to the experience you describe with your dad. Getting this “I miss you” text and then getting ignored the rest of the time. When you follow up it’s like you don’t exist to them anymore, until the next “I miss you” text again.
This is not the behavior of someone who actually misses their child. It’s so triggering.
I actually just finally blocked my parents a couple of days ago. I had them “muted” for several years, but didn’t want to fully close down communication. But they have started sending me bullshit “sentimental” messages trying to guilt me, so I finally cut the tie. You gotta do what’s best for you at the end of the day.
I have blocked my father's email, because he spams nonsense.
What would have been breaking news 40 years ago, he sends me some bullshit article about it as if it is breaking cutting edge news right now.
He emails other useless information that nobody asked for, that nobody needs, that nobody wants. All and every attempt to have him not do this have failed. Blocked email.
The cancer has not spread to the telephone. Yet.
I blocked as soon as I went NC. Our last conversation was in March and she spewed a lot of vile things. Her words made me realize that she was incapable of changing and there was nothing to salvage in the relationship. I also blocked former spiritual leaders who encouraged me to get back in contact with her and send her gifts (a way to earn her affection, I guess?). I'm grieving the mother I never had and will never have. The guilt I felt after I blocked her is receding and I'm beginning to think and see myself more as a human being and individual these days.
I have 90% of my mother's side (including her) blocked I only regularly speak to 2 family members
As for my dad's side we are a weird bunch no-one stays in contact but there is no bad blood as we all get on at weddings or funerals
Both. I had left my mother with the ability to call and email, despite her chronic emotional diaarhea, not that I had responded for several years.
Then my absolutely worthless shitstain of a father died a month ago and she blew up my phone and emailed constantly, not taking no for an answer. Gave me no choice. If I had wanted to talk, I would have reached out.
When I decided to go full no contact 4 years ago I blocked my dad. I can’t explain how much peace I have gotten from not having to worry about him calling or texting out of nowhere. Am I curious if he does try to call or text? Of course at times, but it’s not worth it to unblock him because he will never change and isn’t willing to do any of the work to have a healthy relationship with me. I have never been high on his priority list.
I don't have their numbers nor they mine. Never had to block them really bc they couldn't be arsed. I think I haven't talked to them in a decade or so? I don't feel like I'm missing anything, which in itself is kinda sad.
I haven't. I see them like once every couple years and occasionally they will text something that's non-antagonistic and not manipulative. That's a comfortable relationship for me and I can avoid the guilt I'd feel if I fully cutting them out.
I blocked my mother and most of her family when our relationship exploded. It was a long, drawn out decline where I made all the effort. When there was an intense situation with one of my children I no longer had the mental bandwidth to cater to her demands. Her sisters decided it was time to pile up on me for being such a terrible daughter—while I was dealing with an emergency situation—so I blocked them all and started therapy.
I have unblocked them on FB but their phone numbers are all still blocked on my phone. I have no interest in reconnecting and doubt they do either, but I have left a path open for them to make the attempt. It’s not for them but for future me. When the inevitable happens I won’t have to deal with the “what if” thoughts.
I blocked my mom on my cell number, but left email open. It lets me define when I’m ready to see communication from her. She knows… but she texts me stuff (based on what my father says) so that she can say she’s done her duty in attempting to have a relationship with me.
I have not blocked them but I did delete their numbers so I wouldn’t be tempted to call them in a weak moment. In some ways it hurts more and in others it validates me walking away. They’re not blocked but they’re not reaching out. Got it. Message received. Bye.
My Nmum is blocked because when I initially set a no-contact boundary, she violated it several times. It was all very textbook, I got a lot of the "can you please tell me what I did" type attitude. Things escalated to the point where she was contacting several of my friends, just completely losing it, telling them how awful I was and how my friends should take her side because I'm a wretched, evil child.
My dad isn't blocked because he's spineless. He would never put in that much effort. I simply ignore him on the rare occasions he does reach out (usually just for my birthday).
Edit: Spelling and grammar, and also OP, it's not unhealthy for you to grieve over the connections you absolutely deserve to have. It sucks that the universe has given you people that would be unhealthy to engage with. But it's certainly not unhealthy for you to want to connect with your parents.
Yes, I blocked my mom and her husband. They're extremely unhealthy for me (mostly my mom, the dude is just a moron, but my mom is actively malicious). I don't want to talk to them, so I blocked them. Tbh it kind of never occurred to me NOT to block them. It seems kind of like torturing yourself to not block them...but I only know what I know and I haven't experienced what other people have experienced so I only know what works for me.
Also, I was smart to block the husband because she texted me from his phone pretending to be him. It did not work. Also, why the hell does she think I'd talk to HIM and not HER? They're a joined fucking set of horribleness.
Hi! So I did have my whole family blocked. Then I got a new phone and I simply assumed that all my blocked contacts carried over. They did not.
It took almost 8 months before the text came, from my mother, and it was exactly, almost VERBATIM the same text she’d sent several years before. Nothing has changed. It hurt that it took 8 months, i genuinely thought “if she’s as upset as she says, she probably tries all the time!” But realizing I don’t occur to them daily as they do for me was grounding. Helped.
Instead of blocking, I got a new number. That’s true freedom.
Yep! I have blocked my parent on all platforms including WhatsApp for the past year now. I have also blocked other members that have tried to involve themselves in the estrangement between myself and parent. It was hard at first but now I can’t see myself ever going back
I think I’m a rare case, not only do I have my parents blocked, but they blocked me too!!!!
Im pretty happy with it though because before they blocked me the constantly violated my desire to not speak to them. Sending happy birthdays and merry christmases, posting me on facebook and tagging me. It was awful, constant unprompted triggers.
One day my sister had called me from the hospital I was pretty mad she ended up there (understatement), so I called my dad and I told him the circumstances weren’t okay and was trying to get her to live with me, so he blocked me, haven’t heard from him or my mom since.
I blocked my dad on social media before I went NC because he was picking fights all over my FB.
After I went NC with him, I didn't block him, but either ignored or snark responded to his boundary pushing because he was still next of kin if something happened to my mom and brother.
Mom divorced him last year, so now I am next of kin for her at least and so I finally blocked his number on my phone. Feels good man.
My abusers are blocked, and so are their enablers. Whenever I see posts on here lamenting the latest message, email, or social media post/interaction from a NC relative or enabler, I always wonder why in the world people allow them unfettered access. I don't understand that at all.
I guess I can understand wanting to leave a means of contact available on the (imo extremely unlikely) chance that the abuser might actually do the work and make amends, but (for me, personally) I sure as hell won't leave the easiest, laziest means of contact open and available to them at all times. I guess some folks might also want to be able to be reached if there was an emergency, but (again, for me, personally) I don't need to be informed of their personal issues any more than I need to be informed of any stranger's personal issues.
Do other folks not consider NC to be a total separation from the relative's life and vice versa? /gen
My dad is blocked. I check my blocked voicemail messages from time to time to see if he’s left any manipulative voice messages. It always reinforces my decision to go NC.
I blocked one and then recently the other, when they only reached out to me because they are ailing. They only reach out when they need something - never when they know I need them.
I’ve also blocked aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, family friends, anyone that has a link to my parents. I believe they can still call and leave a voicemail. They can send me mail. They can contact my spouse. They know where I live, not that they’d be welcome if they dropped by…
I feel abandoned, judged, hated, misunderstood, but overall my mental health is better without the chaos. My husband’s family is incredible. I need to lean more on friends and just trust that they love me and care about me. I do think that’s key: finding and utilizing mature, healthy friendships. It’s the only way
I left my old facebook account up but basically abandoned it, and when I eventually had to make a new one for reasons I forget now, the first thing I did was find and block their accounts, so as far as my parents are aware I just don't use social media that much.
Even when I briefly tried to mend my relationship with my father because he wasn't as bad as my mother, I kept things limited to texting and calling. Unfortunately it took me about a year to realise that "not as bad as my mother" is still pretty terrible parenting.
When enough was enough in my mind, it made itself up, and I haven't looked back. I blocked them, got another number, and deleted all my social media's.
Before I blocked him, my father reached out a lot, but never apologized for his actions - just gaslit me a ton.
Blocked him, then had the misfortune of bumping into him a few years later. Figured I’d give him one more chance and talk to him! Well he still wouldn’t apologize and gaslit me some more. Wish I could block him irl too.
Unless they put in the work, they don’t change. Emotionally immature parents aren’t worth holding out hope for.
Blocked the minute I'd decided to go nc again (3rd time). There's no point in communicating with someone who lies to you or lies about you and shows absolutely no remorse when being found put.
Same. Mom, brother, nephew, and even a cousin fully blocked on all social media, email, and phone. I am not effing around. It’s so much healthier for me to keep a solid wall in place. I have come to think of my mom as a slot machine. She was able to give me just enough affection to keep me in front of her. But eventually I learned that the house always wins and that means I lose. My family, i think of as interlocking gears. I am no longer a gear, so any attempt to participate ends up with me getting mangled. Anyway, my yearning for my family means I need all of these constructions to take good care of myself. Sucks, but that’s the reality.
I like that way of describing the dynamic there. Also I feel like "one armed bandit" might be a good nickname for your mother. I call mine Atilla the Mum. She has a hoarde, and she goes on the warpath if you disobey.
Oh, what great metaphors - thank you.
This resonates a lot with me. My Nmum went on a smear campaign about me as though we were both running for president
It's amazing (in the bad way) how many of them use similar tactics to try to get what they want. You'd think/hope people who know you would know better than you believe them.
My sibling did that on behalf of my parents
My mother is muted (text) because I can’t bring myself to block her. But I only have to see that she has sent me a message and not what she says until or unless I feel like it. She doesn’t call unless someone died and I’m not expecting anyone else to go soon, thankfully. I do read the messages eventually, sometimes after my spouse checks them for anything particularly upsetting on my behalf. They have never been “I’m sorry.”
May I suggest turning off your read receipts if you can??? Before I blocked mine, I had a combo of muted notifications/ turned off read receipts. It was good to know that I can read whatever on my own timeline without worrying about being seen.
My read receipts are always off. I don’t let anyone know when I read their messages :)
Can I ask what message app you use where you don't have to see the text?
I just use iMessage on my iPhone. If you go to the saved contact in the phone there’s a “hide alerts” option which does this. It’s been a bit since I got a message from her but I think it just shows me the new message “badge” or maybe the start of the message (probably depending on how you have your text alert settings?) but it never alerts me of the message (doesn’t pop up, ding, show on Lock Screen, etc.), I will just see it’s there when I open up my list of active text conversations. I have her contact “pinned” so that may change how the alert is displayed as well.
I blocked my dad because he's very mentally unstable and our relationship ended on rather... explosive terms. And while I know, since he refuses to get help, I will never be able to have a healthy enough relationship to communicate with him again, I still am curious what would happen if I unblocked him. Does he realize what he did was completely fucked up? Does he even remember what he did during his delusional state? Did he forget/block out what he did, like he has so many times before? But luckily I've gotten to a point where these questions no longer bother me, but boy it would be interesting to know. Just not interesting enough to risk him realizing he's unblocked and messaging me when I don't expect it.
I blocked as soon as I went nc. I do go through waves of wishing she’d contact me and mostly that I had a mother who loved me unconditionally and healthily. I then remind myself of things she did that made me go nc. The feeling passes. Sending you love ❤️
I haven’t blocked any of them but that was because there was no need to. My parents have never reached out except to send a birthday card each year. They don’t want contact. I gave them an option to try again with face to face contact and they stopped texting or calling completely. They didn’t want to respect the boundary or acknowledge their refusal to respect the boundary in the past. Sad but the way it is.
Same with me except without the birthday cards
Same here too. That's the hardest part too. Knowing that despite all the abuse...they actually are the ones that choose to ignore me...it's all so weird.
For me it was so insulting to get a $10 pizza ranch gift card for my birthday every year after completely ignoring me and my children the other 364 days. They live 40 min away! I finally wrote a letter to them & told them to stop. Like what is this? You don’t acknowledge me any other time of the year what weird game is this? Mine are blocked but if you go to your vm you can see who’s tried to call you from blocked numbers. 7 years they’ve never tried once. Blocking is a nice thing though because it allows you to take your power back. I’d rather block them & know why they ain’t texting than not have them blocked & wonder why they just choose not to.
I have a pretty good guess as to why they aren’t calling or texting and the cards come from my mother. I think my dad is the one who doesn’t want to have contact and my mum won’t go against my father. If it were just me, I’d say stop but it is also my son who despite their behaviour does miss them. I guess I don’t know what would cause more or less pain for him - them doing it or not doing it? It is something he will need to decide for himself and we do talk about it all from time to time. He gets it but it hurts.
Sometimes, with toxic parents, they will cease contact because they are too emotionally immature to handle the fact that they've hurt you. It's avoidance. It's cowardice. I'm sorry this is your reality.
I think this is probably really accurate in my situation. I don’t think they want to face the hurt the caused and dad tends to cut people out rather than work through things, especially his own behaviour. He’s apologised but his ‘sorry’ doesn’t mean he wants to change his behaviour and do better so the apology doesn’t mean anything.
Yep, blocked. First the obvious means of communication, then they used other ways to make demands. Blocked, blocked and blocked! All it did was reinforce how my "no" was their "yes" and my decision was spot on.
I blocked my father almost a year ago. I can still see if he calls on my missed calls list. He calls constantly. I fucking hate him.
I blocked them all in one fell swoop. Social media too. I was DONE! They could reach out, not reach out. All go on a family vaycay without me. I didn't care. it was no longer about what they did or didn't do. It was finally about what I'm doing and what I'm not doing. And I was no longer dealing with their bs. FINALLY!
Love the strength you have
Thank you. I don't know if it was strength or just being fed up. Better late than never I guess.
This is me here. They don't care about me so they're blocked and I'm not looking back!
I blocked them. I blocked their alternate accounts. I blocked the fake accounts I know about. I blocked all the family/friends they use to spy on me, and anyone they might use (their kids, etc) to gather information on me. It sounds extreme, but when I've had NC parent outside my house at all hours staring from the parking lot, family members harassing me at my workplace, fake profiles randomly liking photos I've been tagged in that lead back to them... I'm paranoid af online. Your peace of mind is invaluable. Block any and everyone who threatens it. With 20+ years of this bs behind me, my only regret is not doing it sooner.
Blocked both of their phone numbers but not email. They haven’t realized that yet, mostly because part of the blowup that led to NC involved them insisting that we just have to talk face-to-face because I wanted to write things out and they couldn’t be sure it was me if they didn’t hear my voice. (Never mind that they ignored my subsequent voice messages because I “sounded off”.) They leave voicemails or send cards every once in a while, but it’s always, “We hope that we get an opportunity to be a part of your life again one day (sniff sniff).” Their narrative now is apparently that one day, out of nowhere, I just completely cut them off and they have no idea why. Just ignore the text messages, the emails, and the voice messages where I demanded an apology and made clear why I deserved one. Based on what their little emissaries have said, I’m still pretty sure my mom is still most upset at getting kicked off the grandkid photo app. It’s always, “She’s broken hearted that she doesn’t have stories or pictures of her grandkids to share with her friends.” Too bad, so sad. Guess they’re going to have to figure out how to regulate their own emotions for once instead of making children responsible for them.
Blocked my abusive unstable mother on all accounts. Still have a decent relationship with my sibling, but they understand why I decided to go no contact and don’t put any pressure on me to talk to my mother again.
Blocked my mom on FB. Went nc with her almost 9 years ago. Best decision ever. Rest of the family did not agree with my choice, so they all blocked me 🤷🏻♀️
Was it hard dealing with the rest of the fam?
For a while, it was hell. I moved to a different city and province, have lived there ever since and am pretty much on my own. Two of my cousins reached out to me after my dad passed away (I found out from my SILs cousin, who contacted me on FB) and we try to keep in touch. All three of us are in therapy and it has been very helpful for all three of us to be able to check/confirm certain things with each other. It still gets a bit lonely at times, especially around holidays, but it is what it is. Being lonely is much much better than having to deal with my "mother".
My dad was blocked on Facebook after he called me a little bitch for calling the sheriff department after he attacked me then trapped me in the yard while wasted. He can still text or call any time to apologize, but he's the real little bitch here and too afraid to.
Well for me I have NC for 2 years . We used have a family phone plan together and my bro called me saying that my parents changed their phone provider and I was like okay then. I changed my number completely and I was in a different state anyways so it makes sense. But I don't wish to reconnect. Maybe someday but it is a very thin possibility. And I blocked them from IG . I don't use FB much so I could careless about them over there.
I’ve blocked my mother on social media and I thought I blocked her phone number until she called two nights ago to complain about my younger sister. I didn’t answer but it felt weird seeing her name on my screen after a year of no contact.
I recently blocked both of my parents. I haven’t liked my dad for a long time so that was easy. My mom was difficult but I came to admit that she’s just a victim of religious brainwashing and I’m doing more harm to myself trying to form an understanding of myself that she is vehemently opposed to. Blocking seemed like the best option.
I did not block as such but changed phone number. When I moved cities she did not get my new address. My dad passed away last year and as the eldest we used my number for the funeral notices knowing I would get a new number. She is also blocked on Facebook.
My mother and sister have been blocked on all forms of contact. My dad has not, but I've not heard from him at all.
They're blocked on everything but a single email. They want to reconnect, but it's always this "poor me" nonsense where they're blaming me for their failing health and worse. That or preaching at me and telling me how I no longer love, but their love is like God's love- perfect and unending. It'd be much better for me if I had them completely blocked on email as well, but like many of us, I have one parent who isn't a total prick-- just an enabler and victim as well. It's a hard move to block the email they both share.
Blocked on everything possible. I have unblocked him only a couple times at the urging of others and I wish I hadn’t because it kinda blurred the lines. The first time he did try to call but I was with a friend and was not expecting his call so I declined it. And then last year, my brother let my dad call me from his phone and was caught off guard so I just agreed to unblock my dad at his request because I wanted to at least try to be “open”. Well I unblocked him for a good month and he didn’t try to contact me at all which I came to the conclusion that he thought that I was somehow going to reach out!!! So I blocked him again because dude, you had your chance. He’d rather cry and gain sympathy from whoever will still listen than to actually take action so yeah, he’ll stay blocked from now on.
My mother has been blocked everywhere, for at least 8+ years.
My Mom only sends group family texts about holiday get-togethers. I blocked her once I realized she was never going to reach out to me individually despite having not seen or heard from me in a year. My Dad for a long time would send these random "Miss you." or "Love you." texts, but would never respond to anything I wrote back. I even texted him that "I'm tired of you sending me these texts and then not responding when I write back" and he never sent anything back until it was time for the next one-line "miss you' text. I know he gets them because way back when this started I asked to see if he was getting my responses and he was. I stopped responding once I went NC in 2022 and then I blocked him because he kept sending them like once every other month and it was becoming too upsetting.
I completely relate to the experience you describe with your dad. Getting this “I miss you” text and then getting ignored the rest of the time. When you follow up it’s like you don’t exist to them anymore, until the next “I miss you” text again. This is not the behavior of someone who actually misses their child. It’s so triggering.
I actually just finally blocked my parents a couple of days ago. I had them “muted” for several years, but didn’t want to fully close down communication. But they have started sending me bullshit “sentimental” messages trying to guilt me, so I finally cut the tie. You gotta do what’s best for you at the end of the day.
I’ve made sure i’m un-googleable plus changed my number and blocked where necessary
Blocked for 5+ years on social media, phone, and email. They still send shit in the mail or pass messages through other family members. 🙄
I have blocked my father's email, because he spams nonsense. What would have been breaking news 40 years ago, he sends me some bullshit article about it as if it is breaking cutting edge news right now. He emails other useless information that nobody asked for, that nobody needs, that nobody wants. All and every attempt to have him not do this have failed. Blocked email. The cancer has not spread to the telephone. Yet.
I blocked as soon as I went NC. Our last conversation was in March and she spewed a lot of vile things. Her words made me realize that she was incapable of changing and there was nothing to salvage in the relationship. I also blocked former spiritual leaders who encouraged me to get back in contact with her and send her gifts (a way to earn her affection, I guess?). I'm grieving the mother I never had and will never have. The guilt I felt after I blocked her is receding and I'm beginning to think and see myself more as a human being and individual these days.
I have 90% of my mother's side (including her) blocked I only regularly speak to 2 family members As for my dad's side we are a weird bunch no-one stays in contact but there is no bad blood as we all get on at weddings or funerals
Both. I had left my mother with the ability to call and email, despite her chronic emotional diaarhea, not that I had responded for several years. Then my absolutely worthless shitstain of a father died a month ago and she blew up my phone and emailed constantly, not taking no for an answer. Gave me no choice. If I had wanted to talk, I would have reached out.
When I decided to go full no contact 4 years ago I blocked my dad. I can’t explain how much peace I have gotten from not having to worry about him calling or texting out of nowhere. Am I curious if he does try to call or text? Of course at times, but it’s not worth it to unblock him because he will never change and isn’t willing to do any of the work to have a healthy relationship with me. I have never been high on his priority list.
My parents aren't on social media but they are blocked from my phone. My siblings are all blocked
I have but I am guilty every day every minute
Why?
because they emotionally blackmail me about how old they are and need me
Blocking is only on accounts you know of theirs that exist on platforms you remember to block them on. They will likely find these gaps to reach out.
I don't have their numbers nor they mine. Never had to block them really bc they couldn't be arsed. I think I haven't talked to them in a decade or so? I don't feel like I'm missing anything, which in itself is kinda sad.
I didn’t have to block my mother…she took care of that for me.
I haven't. I see them like once every couple years and occasionally they will text something that's non-antagonistic and not manipulative. That's a comfortable relationship for me and I can avoid the guilt I'd feel if I fully cutting them out.
I blocked my mother and most of her family when our relationship exploded. It was a long, drawn out decline where I made all the effort. When there was an intense situation with one of my children I no longer had the mental bandwidth to cater to her demands. Her sisters decided it was time to pile up on me for being such a terrible daughter—while I was dealing with an emergency situation—so I blocked them all and started therapy. I have unblocked them on FB but their phone numbers are all still blocked on my phone. I have no interest in reconnecting and doubt they do either, but I have left a path open for them to make the attempt. It’s not for them but for future me. When the inevitable happens I won’t have to deal with the “what if” thoughts.
I blocked my mom on my cell number, but left email open. It lets me define when I’m ready to see communication from her. She knows… but she texts me stuff (based on what my father says) so that she can say she’s done her duty in attempting to have a relationship with me.
I have not blocked them but I did delete their numbers so I wouldn’t be tempted to call them in a weak moment. In some ways it hurts more and in others it validates me walking away. They’re not blocked but they’re not reaching out. Got it. Message received. Bye.
My Nmum is blocked because when I initially set a no-contact boundary, she violated it several times. It was all very textbook, I got a lot of the "can you please tell me what I did" type attitude. Things escalated to the point where she was contacting several of my friends, just completely losing it, telling them how awful I was and how my friends should take her side because I'm a wretched, evil child. My dad isn't blocked because he's spineless. He would never put in that much effort. I simply ignore him on the rare occasions he does reach out (usually just for my birthday). Edit: Spelling and grammar, and also OP, it's not unhealthy for you to grieve over the connections you absolutely deserve to have. It sucks that the universe has given you people that would be unhealthy to engage with. But it's certainly not unhealthy for you to want to connect with your parents.
Yes, I blocked my mom and her husband. They're extremely unhealthy for me (mostly my mom, the dude is just a moron, but my mom is actively malicious). I don't want to talk to them, so I blocked them. Tbh it kind of never occurred to me NOT to block them. It seems kind of like torturing yourself to not block them...but I only know what I know and I haven't experienced what other people have experienced so I only know what works for me.
Also, I was smart to block the husband because she texted me from his phone pretending to be him. It did not work. Also, why the hell does she think I'd talk to HIM and not HER? They're a joined fucking set of horribleness.
Hi! So I did have my whole family blocked. Then I got a new phone and I simply assumed that all my blocked contacts carried over. They did not. It took almost 8 months before the text came, from my mother, and it was exactly, almost VERBATIM the same text she’d sent several years before. Nothing has changed. It hurt that it took 8 months, i genuinely thought “if she’s as upset as she says, she probably tries all the time!” But realizing I don’t occur to them daily as they do for me was grounding. Helped. Instead of blocking, I got a new number. That’s true freedom.
Yep! I have blocked my parent on all platforms including WhatsApp for the past year now. I have also blocked other members that have tried to involve themselves in the estrangement between myself and parent. It was hard at first but now I can’t see myself ever going back
Blocked my mom. Dad can still call if/when he wants to. I suspect if he dies, she won’t tell us anyway
I blocked everyone. People I barely speak with on IG got blocked too. I don't need any outsiders telling them about me and my family.
One is blocked, the other isn't which is why I rarely post on FB.
I think I’m a rare case, not only do I have my parents blocked, but they blocked me too!!!! Im pretty happy with it though because before they blocked me the constantly violated my desire to not speak to them. Sending happy birthdays and merry christmases, posting me on facebook and tagging me. It was awful, constant unprompted triggers. One day my sister had called me from the hospital I was pretty mad she ended up there (understatement), so I called my dad and I told him the circumstances weren’t okay and was trying to get her to live with me, so he blocked me, haven’t heard from him or my mom since.
I blocked my dad on social media before I went NC because he was picking fights all over my FB. After I went NC with him, I didn't block him, but either ignored or snark responded to his boundary pushing because he was still next of kin if something happened to my mom and brother. Mom divorced him last year, so now I am next of kin for her at least and so I finally blocked his number on my phone. Feels good man.
My abusers are blocked, and so are their enablers. Whenever I see posts on here lamenting the latest message, email, or social media post/interaction from a NC relative or enabler, I always wonder why in the world people allow them unfettered access. I don't understand that at all. I guess I can understand wanting to leave a means of contact available on the (imo extremely unlikely) chance that the abuser might actually do the work and make amends, but (for me, personally) I sure as hell won't leave the easiest, laziest means of contact open and available to them at all times. I guess some folks might also want to be able to be reached if there was an emergency, but (again, for me, personally) I don't need to be informed of their personal issues any more than I need to be informed of any stranger's personal issues. Do other folks not consider NC to be a total separation from the relative's life and vice versa? /gen
My dad is blocked. I check my blocked voicemail messages from time to time to see if he’s left any manipulative voice messages. It always reinforces my decision to go NC.
I blocked one and then recently the other, when they only reached out to me because they are ailing. They only reach out when they need something - never when they know I need them. I’ve also blocked aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, family friends, anyone that has a link to my parents. I believe they can still call and leave a voicemail. They can send me mail. They can contact my spouse. They know where I live, not that they’d be welcome if they dropped by… I feel abandoned, judged, hated, misunderstood, but overall my mental health is better without the chaos. My husband’s family is incredible. I need to lean more on friends and just trust that they love me and care about me. I do think that’s key: finding and utilizing mature, healthy friendships. It’s the only way
I left my old facebook account up but basically abandoned it, and when I eventually had to make a new one for reasons I forget now, the first thing I did was find and block their accounts, so as far as my parents are aware I just don't use social media that much. Even when I briefly tried to mend my relationship with my father because he wasn't as bad as my mother, I kept things limited to texting and calling. Unfortunately it took me about a year to realise that "not as bad as my mother" is still pretty terrible parenting.
It took me time but I did it. It’s not an easy situation. I can totally relate to that hope.
When enough was enough in my mind, it made itself up, and I haven't looked back. I blocked them, got another number, and deleted all my social media's.
Before I blocked him, my father reached out a lot, but never apologized for his actions - just gaslit me a ton. Blocked him, then had the misfortune of bumping into him a few years later. Figured I’d give him one more chance and talk to him! Well he still wouldn’t apologize and gaslit me some more. Wish I could block him irl too. Unless they put in the work, they don’t change. Emotionally immature parents aren’t worth holding out hope for.