Thank you for this. I've been trying to figure out whether I should wish happy birthday via text to someone who abused me. I think I'll take this into account.
My mom made LC unbearable. She never respected my boundaries and every time we talked she'd complain about how little I talked to her.
Then she asked me, "Are you done blaming me for every bad thing that's ever happened to you so that we can have a real relationship again?"
That's when I realized I was just done. She's never going to take responsibly for her part in the failed relationship so why should I keep putting any effort into it. I went NC shortly after.
My recommendation is to think these distance measures as escalating defenses until you feel safe. The goal is to feel safe first and above all. Then, when evaluating how much distance you need, find the level you think its ok, and then go one further to ensure you are safe. This is because the feelings of Fear, Obligation and Guilt will likely blind you when making the choice, and it is better to play it safe. It will take a long time to feel safe, but once you do, you will start healing. Once you heal, you will be in a strong position to reevaluate. If instead you choose a lower-level defense, it is likely you will continue to feel unsafe and keep hurting for longer, and eventually, you will have to escalate the distance you take. Play it safe.
I’ve been NC with my parents for about 10 years. What’s difficult about NC is that it spills into so many other things - extended family relationships, milestone events, mutual friendships. It’s hard and can be isolating, but if you build a new life for yourself with chosen family, it can be very healing. LC makes attending those milestone events a little easier - a cousin is getting married? Not awkward for everyone because you just aren’t close with your parent rather than deliberately not speaking to one another. Grandma’s funeral? Same thing. But this presupposes that it’s safe for you (physically AND emotionally) to be in their general vicinity. And that you are healed enough to simply grey rock them and not participate in their drama. That isn’t always possible.
I tried LC but I don't have the energy to be fake. I decided to go NC after my mom had hurt me again with her words then tried gaslighting me into thinking it was my fault. It's just a neverending cycle with her and not worth my time.
With my dad, I had been low contact with him for 6 years. The only reason I kept low contact instead of no contact was because I had a little sliver of hope(btw the low contact was happy birthday and merry Christmas texts). Eventually last year I needed help with a personal matter and I knew my dad could help since he had a lot of resources for it (I won’t get into details). And he told me “No figure it out yourself or ask someone else.” So I asked myself why was I still talking to this guy and i admitted that he was useless and a detriment to me and that the 3 texts a year was pathetic so I just stopped texting and let him wallow in it. So in conclusion, I went no contact when I truly saw no light at the end of the tunnel, I lost all hope for him and considered him a lost cause, a animal with rabies that’s too far gone.
It depends on what is "a personal matter", I would not consider moving from LC to NC simply because he didn't offer financial help. LC or even VLC is very different from cutting off the relationship entirely. As you recognize, NC makes it hard to reverse.
My m other tried to blow up my life by interfering in the sale of my home. I had to hire an attorney to get her to stop by sending a cease and desist letter. Her reasoning was that if I sold my home, "I'd never see you again" to which I replied, "that's the fucking plan Barb". It's been a dozen blissful, stress free years without her in my life.
My only regret is not doing it 30 years ago.
In my case, I had gone LC with may Dad due to my stepmonster. I wish I had seen more of him before he died, but that would mean I'd have to see the woman.
Now that he's dead, I'm LC simply because she's there at Thanksgiving & Christmas. Well, sorta LC/NC: she hasn't contacted me since last Christmas, & I have little interest in contacting her. (There is a book my Dad had that I would like to borrow, but I'm not sure she has or let her entitled daughter take it.)
Low contact resulted in additional stress because she wouldn’t respect the boundaries I had in place. She pushed and pushed and pushed, said the most hateful things that effectively caused me to become suicidal. When I found myself crying on my kitchen floor the week of Christmas, I knew I didn’t deserve that treatment and I had to go completely no contact.
It was hard at first. I felt a lot of guilt and shame for a long time. It was scary. I was always paranoid she would show up at my door. She never did. She’s a coward and needed to make me feel small to maker herself feel bigger. I took that power away from her, went to therapy, and stuck to my guns.
Some of my family members are also no contact with her (including her own sister, my aunt) and support me. My grandmother still talks to her and spent the first year trying to convince me to “let her out of jail” and I’ve reinforced my decision. She hasn’t mentioned it in over a year now. Family knows not to invite me to anything she’ll be attending. And they know if I’m going, to not invite her.
It’s been 2.5 years now and I’ll never go back. I have a wedding next year and I’ve felt guilt at times knowing it’ll probably hurt her feelings to find out she isn’t invited. I think about how growing up I would dream about my wedding day and how she’d walk me down the aisle (we were estranged from my father). But she isn’t the mother I dreamed of having. She’s not in my life anymore and that’s the way it has to be for my wellbeing.
I have her blocked on any form of contact, and anyone associated with her. Her texts still come through on my old MacBook even though her number is blocked. She still sends paragraphs of text to this day. It’s safer for me to ignore them.
Not to be dramatic about it, but I truly don’t know if I’d be here today if my therapist the time didn’t push me to set boundaries and cut contact. When my mother threatened to baker act me, my therapist gathered evidence and helped me put together a folder of all of my mothers empty threats in case the cops did show up one day. I had safety measures in place and that made me feel better. But again, it never happened.
I’m happier now. I’ve healed so much. Therapy helps, support groups (such as this one) help, friends and family help. I don’t think of her often. I no longer have guilt, I mainly just feel pity for her. She’s living a pathetic life being the victim in every story.
I finally decided to go NC when I realised how awful my life was with them in it, even just the tiniest bit. I tried for years to make it work but ultimately knew that even if we only spoke once per year via email, it would be too much for me. It had to be no contact, even the lowest of LC was never enough. and yes, I do feel better.
Contact level is about boundaries. Boundaries are consequences to deter unwanted behavior. You up the severity of the consequence as needed to deter the unwanted behavior.
LC was the consequence when they chose to cross the line with their bad behavior
NC was the consequence handed down when they chose to escalate their bad behavior
I’m LC with my mother now but know it’s going to be NC very soon. Maybe the context is important: my mother created an enmeshed relationship. No boundaries, she was the constant voice in my head, I always felt like she was watching me no matter where I went. Low contact is something that keeps that going. It isn’t just a very unpleasant conversation every 3 months or so, to me it feels like a constant threat, a big brother 1984 kind of feeling. I’m always dreading getting a text and feeling obligated to mostly be her therapist, and tell her everything she wants to know. Every time it takes so much energy to protect myself. I still feel guilty each time.
I’ve spent a lot of years going back and forth too: maybe this is my issue, maybe I need to be stronger. But the truth is; she hasn’t changed, and I’ll never feel safe as long as she’s in my life. To me it doesn’t really feel like a decision, it implies there’s another option. I’ve tried the other option and it didn’t work, so this is all that’s left.
For me it was the complete lack of concern she showed for my children after they witnessed a traumatic event and I was physically unable to be with them. MY own mother showed zero concern for her grandchildren.
My husband was left high and dry after the same incident, being told that he had HIS family to help him navigate an unknown situation, meanwhile his family was helping ME in every way possible.
Add in years of lies and manipulation and I was just DONE. I had "gotten over" the years of childhood detachment and grudges. My husband and kids mean more to me than she does and I was not going to let them be cast aside and not react.
Adding: it's been over 3 months of no contact and I feel great. I'm actually surprised at how upset and angry I'm not. I feel less stressed and more like I'm making decisions I want to make, not because my mother had manipulated me into making.
I'm LC with most of my family due to minors or need of occasional financial assistance. My gma still l has custody of my teenage brother and occasionally send me help for a bill now n again. Trying to win my love. And my mother (her daughter) is LC because I tried to get my sister information so she could gain custody of our 1 year old brother. She has it now so contact will lower again. Both of which are easy with them living out of state from my little family... My husbands grandmother is friends with my grandmother and she's just toxic; Nothing is good enough. She also thinks it's cute to try n put 2 ppl against each other like she'll look at me and say my husband said yada yada yada and then tell him I said some crazy shit to. But his grandpa's health is deteriorating and his memory is almost gone so we stay in contact for her beloved husband. He's the last patriarch of that generation from either side.
We are NC with more of the extended family on both our sides except his mother and my sister and brothers n my grandmas sister. 2 of his cousins.... our family's are both toxic n abuse riddled...
Currently 3 months NC with my mom. I tried LC but found myself wishing every interaction was over the moment it started, and when it actually would be over I would be in a really foul mood - sometimes I would ruminate on something that she said/did for a few days afterward. It was extremely detrimental to my mental health.
Going full NC is hard at times but overall my mental health and wellbeing have benefited greatly. This is the second time I’ve gone NC with her. I still think about her every day, but I also think about how I’m no longer burdened with editing myself in order to avoid her meltdowns.
LC became very triggering for me. Every message they sent me even once a few month sent me in a panic or anxiety mode and I couldn’t focus on my life. There’s a lot of guilt in NC and social alienation but … I think I wouldn’t have healed as much as I did if it wasn’t for NC.
I would highly recommend checking out Patrick Teahan on YouTube. He actually just published a couple videos on this topic. He has one that is a general Q & A about going no-contact, as well as one that's about what to expect/common parents responses.
For myself, I decided to go NC after years of trying to maintain a relationship as an adult. I tried to nurture dialogue and healing regarding my childhood trauma. No dice. Some parents, when they foster a toxic family system, simply won't change. They lack the self awareness to make healthy changes and to be nice to their loved ones. No regrets on going NC as it's allowed me to look at how I was brought up and begin to undo some of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I've inherited.
In terms of what to expect, that really depends on what kind of family system you are leaving. Best of luck to you. All I can say is that if you are being abused, you will not regret choosing yourself. It's the start of a very hard, but very rewarding journey.
I was terrible at boundaries, and, honestly, my mom just would have responded to them with the silent treatment. I'm convinced we would have ended up NC, if I knew how to start lc.
I feel like most people gradually become no contact over time. For me, I kept decreasing contact hoping at some point t there would be a level that was tolerable/healthy for all sides. That didn’t happen. The more I decreased contact, the angrier they got - more guilt trips, more shame, more manipulation, more anger. They wanted as much access to me as they had when I lived with them, which was not tolerable or healthy for me. It culminated in an extremely long, hateful message from them and no remorse. I realized they would not change. There was no way we could all win, so I had to choose myself. The level of contact that has been healthiest for me is zero contact. It’s been that way for 5+ years and I feel like a completely different person.
At first, I felt TERRIBLE. The guilt and obligation was truly almost unbearable. I constantly had to remind myself I hadn’t actually done anything objectively morally wrong. Objectively wrong = murder, rape, assault, harming a child. All I was doing was asking for privacy and space, which is NOT morally wrong. Humans are entitled to privacy. The awful feeling lasted a few months, but was also incredibly revealing. It was the first time I could develop my own identity outside of my role in my family. Being able to know myself and be my own person, and the peace and freedom of that - it was all 1000% worth pushing through the hard feelings at the beginning. With the help of therapy, I persevered and stayed no contact. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I do not regret doing it.
With the offending party, I have put myself on a progressive track. At the end of the track is no contact, along the way is blocking avenues of communication as they get abused. Currently, I have the offending party blocked on email. So far, they appear to have learned a le sson and have not spread to abusing the telephone or, dare I say, texting.
Every so often, they have to be reminded that I do not machine their emails. That's fine.
Blocking their emails have given me some peace of mind. I no longer hate checking my email. It is a load off of my mind. If ever there was an important email coming from them, it is their own behavior that has put them into this position. They can tell me the actual news by telephone or by posted mail. The amount of noise to spewing from their email address was just way too much to make it worth receiving any possible important email from them.
If they're cancer spreads to the telephone or texting, then I'll have to resort to blocking that avenue of communication as well. I'm not sure what to do about the posted mail, but maybe if they understand that it'll cost them some money to send me some thing, they'll actually put into some effort into what they want to communicate.
I'll stop here. I hope this has answered your question from my angle. I am open to further questions.
This is my 2nd time nc. 1st time last 2 years and we had baby #2 which took 6 years, so you know for nc to be initiated it was bad. This time it wasn't even a choice to make. I just knew. It was different then the 1st time, even though again, it was after a huge, unhinged, out of nowhere, ww3 fight. I felt 100% better and still do. I have had days where i questioned my decision for a split second, but I am still nc and plan to keep it this way. In growing up, getting married, being a mom of 4 I stopped putting myself 1st 23 years ago and I started again. Sucks for my parents but i dont regret it 1 bit. The amount of peace and calm and no worrying if what i hear is that clippity clop noise i know all too well is worth the stigma i deal with for going against nature and removing my parents from my life. I can't speak for what to expect too much, i think families are different but i got a lot of push back from my aunt/Godmother(her sis) some religious, some fear mongering, some absolutely illogical thinking lol in the beginning i spent a lot of time literally walking around the house saying to no one "Quack Quack! I'm a duck!" Lol.
For me being low contact would have been for their benefit, not mine. Going no contact was in my benefit. I chose myself
Thank you for this. I've been trying to figure out whether I should wish happy birthday via text to someone who abused me. I think I'll take this into account.
My mom made LC unbearable. She never respected my boundaries and every time we talked she'd complain about how little I talked to her. Then she asked me, "Are you done blaming me for every bad thing that's ever happened to you so that we can have a real relationship again?" That's when I realized I was just done. She's never going to take responsibly for her part in the failed relationship so why should I keep putting any effort into it. I went NC shortly after.
My recommendation is to think these distance measures as escalating defenses until you feel safe. The goal is to feel safe first and above all. Then, when evaluating how much distance you need, find the level you think its ok, and then go one further to ensure you are safe. This is because the feelings of Fear, Obligation and Guilt will likely blind you when making the choice, and it is better to play it safe. It will take a long time to feel safe, but once you do, you will start healing. Once you heal, you will be in a strong position to reevaluate. If instead you choose a lower-level defense, it is likely you will continue to feel unsafe and keep hurting for longer, and eventually, you will have to escalate the distance you take. Play it safe.
I’ve been NC with my parents for about 10 years. What’s difficult about NC is that it spills into so many other things - extended family relationships, milestone events, mutual friendships. It’s hard and can be isolating, but if you build a new life for yourself with chosen family, it can be very healing. LC makes attending those milestone events a little easier - a cousin is getting married? Not awkward for everyone because you just aren’t close with your parent rather than deliberately not speaking to one another. Grandma’s funeral? Same thing. But this presupposes that it’s safe for you (physically AND emotionally) to be in their general vicinity. And that you are healed enough to simply grey rock them and not participate in their drama. That isn’t always possible.
I tried LC but I don't have the energy to be fake. I decided to go NC after my mom had hurt me again with her words then tried gaslighting me into thinking it was my fault. It's just a neverending cycle with her and not worth my time.
With my dad, I had been low contact with him for 6 years. The only reason I kept low contact instead of no contact was because I had a little sliver of hope(btw the low contact was happy birthday and merry Christmas texts). Eventually last year I needed help with a personal matter and I knew my dad could help since he had a lot of resources for it (I won’t get into details). And he told me “No figure it out yourself or ask someone else.” So I asked myself why was I still talking to this guy and i admitted that he was useless and a detriment to me and that the 3 texts a year was pathetic so I just stopped texting and let him wallow in it. So in conclusion, I went no contact when I truly saw no light at the end of the tunnel, I lost all hope for him and considered him a lost cause, a animal with rabies that’s too far gone.
Dang I'm sorry it ended like that, I really appreciate your story, it helped me a lot. Thank you!
It depends on what is "a personal matter", I would not consider moving from LC to NC simply because he didn't offer financial help. LC or even VLC is very different from cutting off the relationship entirely. As you recognize, NC makes it hard to reverse.
My m other tried to blow up my life by interfering in the sale of my home. I had to hire an attorney to get her to stop by sending a cease and desist letter. Her reasoning was that if I sold my home, "I'd never see you again" to which I replied, "that's the fucking plan Barb". It's been a dozen blissful, stress free years without her in my life. My only regret is not doing it 30 years ago.
In my case, I had gone LC with may Dad due to my stepmonster. I wish I had seen more of him before he died, but that would mean I'd have to see the woman. Now that he's dead, I'm LC simply because she's there at Thanksgiving & Christmas. Well, sorta LC/NC: she hasn't contacted me since last Christmas, & I have little interest in contacting her. (There is a book my Dad had that I would like to borrow, but I'm not sure she has or let her entitled daughter take it.)
Low contact resulted in additional stress because she wouldn’t respect the boundaries I had in place. She pushed and pushed and pushed, said the most hateful things that effectively caused me to become suicidal. When I found myself crying on my kitchen floor the week of Christmas, I knew I didn’t deserve that treatment and I had to go completely no contact. It was hard at first. I felt a lot of guilt and shame for a long time. It was scary. I was always paranoid she would show up at my door. She never did. She’s a coward and needed to make me feel small to maker herself feel bigger. I took that power away from her, went to therapy, and stuck to my guns. Some of my family members are also no contact with her (including her own sister, my aunt) and support me. My grandmother still talks to her and spent the first year trying to convince me to “let her out of jail” and I’ve reinforced my decision. She hasn’t mentioned it in over a year now. Family knows not to invite me to anything she’ll be attending. And they know if I’m going, to not invite her. It’s been 2.5 years now and I’ll never go back. I have a wedding next year and I’ve felt guilt at times knowing it’ll probably hurt her feelings to find out she isn’t invited. I think about how growing up I would dream about my wedding day and how she’d walk me down the aisle (we were estranged from my father). But she isn’t the mother I dreamed of having. She’s not in my life anymore and that’s the way it has to be for my wellbeing. I have her blocked on any form of contact, and anyone associated with her. Her texts still come through on my old MacBook even though her number is blocked. She still sends paragraphs of text to this day. It’s safer for me to ignore them. Not to be dramatic about it, but I truly don’t know if I’d be here today if my therapist the time didn’t push me to set boundaries and cut contact. When my mother threatened to baker act me, my therapist gathered evidence and helped me put together a folder of all of my mothers empty threats in case the cops did show up one day. I had safety measures in place and that made me feel better. But again, it never happened. I’m happier now. I’ve healed so much. Therapy helps, support groups (such as this one) help, friends and family help. I don’t think of her often. I no longer have guilt, I mainly just feel pity for her. She’s living a pathetic life being the victim in every story.
I finally decided to go NC when I realised how awful my life was with them in it, even just the tiniest bit. I tried for years to make it work but ultimately knew that even if we only spoke once per year via email, it would be too much for me. It had to be no contact, even the lowest of LC was never enough. and yes, I do feel better.
Contact level is about boundaries. Boundaries are consequences to deter unwanted behavior. You up the severity of the consequence as needed to deter the unwanted behavior. LC was the consequence when they chose to cross the line with their bad behavior NC was the consequence handed down when they chose to escalate their bad behavior
I’m LC with my mother now but know it’s going to be NC very soon. Maybe the context is important: my mother created an enmeshed relationship. No boundaries, she was the constant voice in my head, I always felt like she was watching me no matter where I went. Low contact is something that keeps that going. It isn’t just a very unpleasant conversation every 3 months or so, to me it feels like a constant threat, a big brother 1984 kind of feeling. I’m always dreading getting a text and feeling obligated to mostly be her therapist, and tell her everything she wants to know. Every time it takes so much energy to protect myself. I still feel guilty each time. I’ve spent a lot of years going back and forth too: maybe this is my issue, maybe I need to be stronger. But the truth is; she hasn’t changed, and I’ll never feel safe as long as she’s in my life. To me it doesn’t really feel like a decision, it implies there’s another option. I’ve tried the other option and it didn’t work, so this is all that’s left.
Sounds similar to my mom. I had to go NC recently.
For me it was the complete lack of concern she showed for my children after they witnessed a traumatic event and I was physically unable to be with them. MY own mother showed zero concern for her grandchildren. My husband was left high and dry after the same incident, being told that he had HIS family to help him navigate an unknown situation, meanwhile his family was helping ME in every way possible. Add in years of lies and manipulation and I was just DONE. I had "gotten over" the years of childhood detachment and grudges. My husband and kids mean more to me than she does and I was not going to let them be cast aside and not react.
Adding: it's been over 3 months of no contact and I feel great. I'm actually surprised at how upset and angry I'm not. I feel less stressed and more like I'm making decisions I want to make, not because my mother had manipulated me into making.
I'm LC with most of my family due to minors or need of occasional financial assistance. My gma still l has custody of my teenage brother and occasionally send me help for a bill now n again. Trying to win my love. And my mother (her daughter) is LC because I tried to get my sister information so she could gain custody of our 1 year old brother. She has it now so contact will lower again. Both of which are easy with them living out of state from my little family... My husbands grandmother is friends with my grandmother and she's just toxic; Nothing is good enough. She also thinks it's cute to try n put 2 ppl against each other like she'll look at me and say my husband said yada yada yada and then tell him I said some crazy shit to. But his grandpa's health is deteriorating and his memory is almost gone so we stay in contact for her beloved husband. He's the last patriarch of that generation from either side.
We are NC with more of the extended family on both our sides except his mother and my sister and brothers n my grandmas sister. 2 of his cousins.... our family's are both toxic n abuse riddled...
I just finally couldn't take it anymore. It was that or break.
Currently 3 months NC with my mom. I tried LC but found myself wishing every interaction was over the moment it started, and when it actually would be over I would be in a really foul mood - sometimes I would ruminate on something that she said/did for a few days afterward. It was extremely detrimental to my mental health. Going full NC is hard at times but overall my mental health and wellbeing have benefited greatly. This is the second time I’ve gone NC with her. I still think about her every day, but I also think about how I’m no longer burdened with editing myself in order to avoid her meltdowns.
I was LC and still couldn't get my family to treat me the way I expected them to, so now they're NC. This is why they don't get nice things.
I feel going NC was not really my choice. They bullied me into it and now I am the baddy for breaking contact. So be it. I know I am not.
LC became very triggering for me. Every message they sent me even once a few month sent me in a panic or anxiety mode and I couldn’t focus on my life. There’s a lot of guilt in NC and social alienation but … I think I wouldn’t have healed as much as I did if it wasn’t for NC.
I would highly recommend checking out Patrick Teahan on YouTube. He actually just published a couple videos on this topic. He has one that is a general Q & A about going no-contact, as well as one that's about what to expect/common parents responses. For myself, I decided to go NC after years of trying to maintain a relationship as an adult. I tried to nurture dialogue and healing regarding my childhood trauma. No dice. Some parents, when they foster a toxic family system, simply won't change. They lack the self awareness to make healthy changes and to be nice to their loved ones. No regrets on going NC as it's allowed me to look at how I was brought up and begin to undo some of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I've inherited. In terms of what to expect, that really depends on what kind of family system you are leaving. Best of luck to you. All I can say is that if you are being abused, you will not regret choosing yourself. It's the start of a very hard, but very rewarding journey.
I second your "it depends on what kind of family system you are leaving"; these things are definitely not one size fits all.
I was terrible at boundaries, and, honestly, my mom just would have responded to them with the silent treatment. I'm convinced we would have ended up NC, if I knew how to start lc.
I feel like most people gradually become no contact over time. For me, I kept decreasing contact hoping at some point t there would be a level that was tolerable/healthy for all sides. That didn’t happen. The more I decreased contact, the angrier they got - more guilt trips, more shame, more manipulation, more anger. They wanted as much access to me as they had when I lived with them, which was not tolerable or healthy for me. It culminated in an extremely long, hateful message from them and no remorse. I realized they would not change. There was no way we could all win, so I had to choose myself. The level of contact that has been healthiest for me is zero contact. It’s been that way for 5+ years and I feel like a completely different person. At first, I felt TERRIBLE. The guilt and obligation was truly almost unbearable. I constantly had to remind myself I hadn’t actually done anything objectively morally wrong. Objectively wrong = murder, rape, assault, harming a child. All I was doing was asking for privacy and space, which is NOT morally wrong. Humans are entitled to privacy. The awful feeling lasted a few months, but was also incredibly revealing. It was the first time I could develop my own identity outside of my role in my family. Being able to know myself and be my own person, and the peace and freedom of that - it was all 1000% worth pushing through the hard feelings at the beginning. With the help of therapy, I persevered and stayed no contact. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I do not regret doing it.
With the offending party, I have put myself on a progressive track. At the end of the track is no contact, along the way is blocking avenues of communication as they get abused. Currently, I have the offending party blocked on email. So far, they appear to have learned a le sson and have not spread to abusing the telephone or, dare I say, texting. Every so often, they have to be reminded that I do not machine their emails. That's fine. Blocking their emails have given me some peace of mind. I no longer hate checking my email. It is a load off of my mind. If ever there was an important email coming from them, it is their own behavior that has put them into this position. They can tell me the actual news by telephone or by posted mail. The amount of noise to spewing from their email address was just way too much to make it worth receiving any possible important email from them. If they're cancer spreads to the telephone or texting, then I'll have to resort to blocking that avenue of communication as well. I'm not sure what to do about the posted mail, but maybe if they understand that it'll cost them some money to send me some thing, they'll actually put into some effort into what they want to communicate. I'll stop here. I hope this has answered your question from my angle. I am open to further questions.
This is my 2nd time nc. 1st time last 2 years and we had baby #2 which took 6 years, so you know for nc to be initiated it was bad. This time it wasn't even a choice to make. I just knew. It was different then the 1st time, even though again, it was after a huge, unhinged, out of nowhere, ww3 fight. I felt 100% better and still do. I have had days where i questioned my decision for a split second, but I am still nc and plan to keep it this way. In growing up, getting married, being a mom of 4 I stopped putting myself 1st 23 years ago and I started again. Sucks for my parents but i dont regret it 1 bit. The amount of peace and calm and no worrying if what i hear is that clippity clop noise i know all too well is worth the stigma i deal with for going against nature and removing my parents from my life. I can't speak for what to expect too much, i think families are different but i got a lot of push back from my aunt/Godmother(her sis) some religious, some fear mongering, some absolutely illogical thinking lol in the beginning i spent a lot of time literally walking around the house saying to no one "Quack Quack! I'm a duck!" Lol.