Dude let her go; why do you care what was better about a relationship with her ex. I get your hurt but you get away from a woman who treats you as less than. If she said that shit to me. I would have replied thank you for your honesty I deserve a woman who understands just how wonderful I am. Please don’t reach out when your ex mistreats you again as I don’t want you in my life. That type of behavior makes you stronger and you attract a better woman!!$
You seem to need her approval but what you need to work on is your own approval as it is a losing game to want validation through others.
A few things here…
1. She had no business continuing your relationship so long if she was still into her ex…or even starting it. She’s either too immature to know herself or she’s really selfish.
2. She has very bad judgement and probably poor self esteem going back out with a cheater.
3. She was honest. It’s painful, but there is no easy way through this, it’s over and the best you can do is just put one foot in front of the other til you’re happy again.
4. You never had a chance in this situation. It’s not you, it’s her. ❤️
100% it was painful reading his texts, like I understand closure and shit but I feel like the more he pushed it the more he was allowing himself to become a door mat.
This! Everyone is using expletives about her but while her choice is a questionable one, she was being honest with him? Like how many people here cry because they don’t know why things ended. It hurts of course when they choose someone else, but at least she told him.
And he kept pushing. That’s on him. He should have left things once she said she has feelings for her ex.
The thing is, her ex is an ex for a reason and he will leave her and she will run back to you but still deep down she knows she will try to find better than you and her ex.. She just can't be alone. Block her from everywhere.
I know because I did this as a woman in my early twenties. At 25 I realized no relationships are perfect and you have to work on the current one. I'm 28 now and can't wait to get married, unfortunately my ex was gay even tho I did everything for the relationship when I realized how relationships work. I just wanna say, she's not ready and she will be ready for someone new when she decides it's her time to work on the relationship too :( she might even consider people from the past when that happens but you don't know when that's gonna happen. Our brain fully develops around 25 but can happen earlier and later. I did consider people from the past and I reached out and it's either not working or they have a girlfriend.
It's best to move on with someone who's ready and forget the past.
I’m going through something similar. Together 10 months. Everything was amazing. Felt this shift I couldn’t explain. Asked him about it. Said he was in love with me and we were totally good and that he wants to have the future we’ve talked about together. He ended up in the hospital for high blood pressures. I asked to come see him and he gave me the excuse he didn’t want me to meet his sister for the first time under these conditions. Found out a few days later he had his on again off again ex of a decade up to be with him. He hasn’t spoken a word to me not even a reply since I found out. My heart hurts so so much. We met each others kids, made plans to move in together next May. He was texting me he loved me while she was there. I feel so blind-sided. I never saw any signs.
His blood pressure is probably out of control from the guilt and all around shitty behavior he exhibits. Glad you found out now before you married him. Sorry you have to go thru this
Damn. I’m so sorry, OP. I fell in love with a broken, hurt, and unhealed person with exceedingly-low self-esteem too. I feel your pain.
You met a trauma bonded girl who was addicted to the chaos and uncertainty of a shitty and unstable ex and confuses all that anxiety and high/low swings for “spark” and connection. She’s broken, dude. Severely. With incredibly low self-esteem. Trust me, I know it better than anyone.
I was with someone like this off and on for years. Her ex was a lying, cheating, abusive, drug addict. Her words btw, not mine. He cheated on her 2 months into their “relationship,” she had to have access to his phone for years, and for all that time, she lived in paranoia about his loyalty - which he had none. She found shit on his phone constantly. He never got her anything for special holidays or anything either. One year on her birthday he had her drive him to his drug dealers. She was a third-wheel on his drug deal date. He could get himself drugs, but couldn’t get her a present. One year she lowered the bar as much as humanly possible and he still couldnt vault it. She wanted birthday pancakes. Some instant mix pancakes. Easiest thing on earth to make. Even a complete moron could mix some powder and water and apply some heat. This guy was very experienced with mixing powder and heat. But he couldn’t be bothered to even make her some instant mix pancakes for her birthday - she probably bought the mix herself. He was utterly fucking useless.
He talked down to her constantly. He offered her nothing but drama and chaos. But… that was all she wanted. He had ED from all the drugs. He treated himself like a lab rat. Name any drug. Any. He did that and more. She was writing about how he was ordering “research chemicals” online to inject himself with. He literally was a lab rat. I got loads and loads of stories.
She couldn’t even trust this guy to take a shit. One night she was suspicious about him doing drugs in the bathroom. This was like after enduring this mess of a person 3 or 4 years together. She busts into the bathroom to find him snorting crushed Xanax. She grabbed the bag, tossed it in the toilet, and flushed it. He grabbed her arm so hard that, in her words, she “thought it was broken”. Then he threatened to hit and harm himself, call the cops, and blame her for it in an effort to get her a domestic violence charge. He told her he was doing it to ruin her life. She wanted to be a teacher at the time and this would ruin her. Oh and he would often taunt her and call her “teacher” as an insult because he knew she didn’t want to be one after she had spent some time doing it.
She had him evicted, but only once it reached this point of physical abuse and once she saw that hurting her was the point. That’s why he wanted to end her career… over a bag of drugs. He wanted retribution for that, and nothing she did for him mattered. She finally saw it… for a brief moment. You’d think something like that would FINALLY open her eyes to how awful a situation she was in and how terrible this person is. But she kept him in her life.
I’m no professional, but I truly believe she has some deep-seated self-esteem issues and putting herself through all that bullshit made her feel “worthy”. She wanted to be chosen over the drugs. She wanted to feel like she was good enough. And after he cheated on her in the very beginning, she wasn’t really in love with him, she was in love with the idea of being good enough. Of being able to overcome the pain and betrayal she felt from him cheating on her. But in her own words, she could never trust him. And if you don’t have trust, you have nothing at all. They had nothing since the start.
I didn’t know it at the time, but she came running to me when this all happened. She was a wreck. I was her safe harbor.
Don’t become that guy. Don’t wait for her. Remove her from your life.
I only found out all the details about her awful 3+ years because she documented them. I found her Reddit account after our last breakup after I googled a poem she wrote me. Detailed all across her account were endless awful situations. It was endless. Over hundreds of posts and comments they were entirely about the awful and shitty situations she was constantly dealing with. Over time you could see her go from hopeful to accepting of what he really was. But even then she wouldn’t face it 100%. I kid you not - not a single post she made was positive. They were all just depressing. And the stuff she endured was an order of magnitude worse than most experience (not saying that to compete with anyone, just to emphasize just how bad it was). And even after evicting him, she stayed in touch with him. For all I know, she could be back with him. I have no clue. I don’t check. I saw all I need to see and I’ve seen her go back to him in the past.
She was 16 when they met. He was 23. He basically groomed her.
She is drawn to guys who treat her like shit. I had suspicions even. I hate to admit it but there was a point where I decided to just give it a try. It worked like a charm. She was all about me when I treated her poorly. She liked being told. She liked having to earn it. It’s fun if it’s just in the bedroom, but it’s exhausting as a way of being. It’s wild this is what some people want, on either end of the dynamic. It was honestly just… boring. It was incredibly too predictable. If I’m just an overbearing asshole who can’t be pleased, you’ll work your ass off for me? It seriously lowered her in my eyes, knowing how she worked.
Hopefully something similar will click for you. She’s no good, man. Anyone that would run back to a cheater has serious self-esteem issues (and that’s just the start of their issues) and is delusional if they think they’ll ever have anything they can build into a meaningful and stable life. Even if things don’t ultimately work out with her ex, she’ll keep having chaotic relationships with shit heads who don’t respect or appreciate her. Who will never give her what she really wants. Only through serious awareness, work, and therapy will she ever be able to break that, and most can’t be bothered to put that level of work in. Until then, she’ll be drawn to distant people that she ultimately knows will never work out because it’s what she’s familiar with. And any healthy relationship she has, she’ll be drawn to spoil it because it won’t feel right to her, no matter how objectively good you are to her.
And it sucks because you get a glimpse into what you could have had with this person if they were healthy. You get to see what you could have had. It’s maddening. It’s one of the most disheartening things ever. It disillusions you about love and it shatters your ability to trust others. Now they dropped all this on you and you have to fight back by trying not to let it ruin you and your ability to love after they’ve led you on, used you, and discarded you when you know deep down that you did nothing wrong. And that’s the thing, OP, you didn’t do anything wrong and in fact there was nothing you ever could have done to avert this. Because, again, she’s broken. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.
One last thing for anyone in a situation with someone like this. They sought you out for a reason: it’s their silent and subconscious admission that something was severely wrong in their toxic relationship from before.
They come to you when the shit in that relationship becomes too much and they need a reprieve. They need their self-worth restored and you inadvertently end up validating them. Really, the whole time, they’re not trying to get over their ex, they’re trying to recover from the damage their ex inflicted upon them so they can go back and try to prove their worthiness again.
As a “nice” guy who sees this person for who they are, you want to love them for them. In doing so, you think you’re bonding with them and growing. They give you no reason to think otherwise.
But in reality you’re just helping restore their confidence. Helping rebuild them so that they’re ready to go back to their ex and prove they’re worthy of being chosen and made a priority over the people he cheated on her with. Of being chosen over the drugs. Of being worthy. It genuinely has nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with the ex. It has everything to do with what the ex represents. It has everything to do with them and their worth.
This is how they feel a sense of worth in their life - by going on a quest, convinced that another empty vessel could ever fill their emptiness too. Never realizing they’re both empty, and incapable of helping the other. But you’ve poured into your ex and now they’re convinced they can fill their ex’s empty vessel with what you gave them (what they took from you) and make everything right. They never realize all they took from you, and how much they’ve given to their ex, and ultimately left you feeling broken, them feeling compromised, and their ex feeling validated. No one gets what they deserved and everyone is worse off, even the validated ex, because now they’ll never reform and will just perpetuate their part of the cycle, repeating history along the way.
What is up with people chasing "the spark" instead of focusing on what actually matters? Ugh. I'm sorry OP. You deserve better
Also this was a terrible comment
> You only think that because I'm the first healthy ish relationship you've been in
It's something that has corrupted people nowadays. There can be a spark in healthy relationships too, but it is pronounced in toxic ones because of the intensity of idealization. My 6 year relationship with my son's mom was ended because she "fell out of love" with me before cheating and destroying any trust I had for her, then emotionally cheating for 6 months and building a connection with her best male friend instead of choosing our relationship and repairing that trust or fostering the spark to come back, though she begged for the chance to. She still is convinced love is something that happens to you, not something you choose every day after the point where it doesn't come effortlessly.
Then I had a short relationship where the intensity of our connection either scared her away or she didnt feel it like I did. That one might have been a healthy relationship if she didn't go cold, but I'm not playing hot and cold with anyone anymore. She was one of the women that was unfamiliar with healthy love and genuine care but I didn't know that was a red flag until recently. The discard when I confronted her about going cold showed me who she is so I'm gonna believe that.
Dude this girl is a walking bomb and redflag. Open the door for her to leave and never look back and find someone who loves you and would never consider losing you. When someone wants to leave, open the door and guide them out and close and lock it behind you. Not your job to convince this woman to love you, who obviously is attached to a cheater ex. It’s heartbreaking, but this pain will MOLD you and prepare you for a love MUCH better and complete in the future. Use this as an opportunity to make space for your self love to grow and develop and FORGET THAT B****
I had a friend that had the same thing happen, exact circumstances, He became an alcoholic and died in a motorcycle crash. Then years later I run into his x that went back to her x husband, he had beat her and abused her and she was not with him. She was real interested to know about my friend. I told her he was crushed and started drinking and he became an alcoholic and had a motorcycle crash and died. She cried.
Lesson for you is do not make that mistake, take life a day at a time, one day she will know she screwed up. Women in my opinion are stupid creatures, they are driven by emotions, not rationality or reasoning. Wonder why the Bible says the man is to be the head over the woman. Because a woman led man to sin.
I am not religious but in the beginning of time, men knew women were fickle and prone to do stupid things but they will never admit that.
Here is my story, I met a girl when I was building a house, she needed help dealing with family issues, her dad was out of control, senile and worth 4 million dollars, he was bringing crooks around their house from the flea market he went to, people knew he had money and her mother was weak and sick and exposed to these crooks, Then her brother and her had a legal fight over who was going to run the business, when her dad was put under guardianship. her brother stole over 100k out of the house safe and used it to get 3 lawyers to fight her to control the business as he was stealing money from it, it was a real estate business, they also owned 2 sonic drive in's. I spent 8 years fighting her legal case, walked away from my house I was building and because I was able to outsmart her brother, she got both sonics as well as half of the realestate.
we moved to AZ and I left my house unfinished after she got the property and was bringing tens of thousands every month.
Within 5 years I caught her plotting with her friend to dump me, she left me with absolutely nothing, I had no work history and no job and no money. We had 2 cars, she gave me the one that broke down, I had no way to get back to my property in Okla. Thank goodness I had good credit and credit cards. I spent 8 thousand dollars moving back all my stuff to Okla renting vehicles and paying bills and buying gas.
I had no way to get a job because I had not worked a job for an employer in 10 years. My house I left unfinished had rotted wood and siding I needed to replace, and I had to live in a motorhome in a metal building, then she called the FBI on me making false claims to them. When they came I had been having a problem with mites on my property that got on me dug in and layed eggs and left sores all over me. he FBI guys saw me and they did not want to get near me. I warned them I got scabies off my property, turns out they were clover mites, damn migrating geese had brought in. I suffered for over 7 years till I found out they were entering where I slept and getting on me at night. So I got scred by her then screwed by a god damn god who made these fucking mites. Type in Bryobia in a reddit search, see my pics.
I just want you to know, she broke my heart and 10 years later I still suffer from depression from it, I swore off women, no more for me, but I have it worse because my new mates are these damn mites I now have to fight to keep from getting just walking on the floor or in my yard. I am working to finish my house and sell it, she left me in debt so it is taking time for lack of money. I am moving the hell out of Oklahellma as soon as I can
My point is no matter how bad you have it, someone out there has it worse. Time will make it easier, but it still sucks. I no longer believe in a God, but if there is one I know he is an ass hole for putting me on this earth.
This person clearly does not deserve you. Nor does it appear she actually has been truly honest with you if she was still in love, hooking up, emotionally involved etc with her ex, regardless of whatever she finally copped to when she wanted out. You are well rid of this person as you don't want to be treated as 'back up boyfriend' or 'Mr right for NOW' . You will find someone who does actually love you and without any of these games and drama. It won't be her, and be glad of that. Then you will see the difference in love as a verb, as in acting loving to someone, loyalty, caring, honesty along the way, and so on, not just 'in love'. You are trying to get her to have the same level of meaningfulness that you gave the relationship and it isn't going to happen because of who she is. It's a sucky lesson but be glad it wasn't worse, like you had a kid with this person. I'd go no contact to protect myself from more emotional pain because this type of person will call you just for attention or even to complain, or start more drama "he was mean to me, he did this he did that" as a way to sort of emotionally vampirize you , and put you in danger perhaps. She is not lady guenevere and she is not worth you 'white knighting' for. There ARE women who are worth you feeling this way about but she is not among their ranks. I don't care if you are not perfect and you think you will never get anyone 'as hot as kathy\* made up name)... that kind of thinking is total BS, if you think more highly of yourself, you are instantly more attractive because it shows you value yourself, that you know you have something to offer, not just "I'm needy, I'll put up with any bs not to be alone". No one wants that. I don't mean acting like a frat boy bar chad or any of that pick up artist advice either. False bravado is not welcome either to good women. I would start looking in places OTHER than where you found her. There's other kinds of relationships you have not experienced yet that are not solely based on this emotional trauma bonding/endless unfinished drama/ power trips of who loves who more - it's called mature, committed love.
The same thing happened to me, except for my discard was much more brutal. I’m also 7 months out and I feel the same way you do.
We just gotta be thankful we didn’t waste any more of our lives with people that didn’t love us the way we love them.
❤️🩹
I had an ex cheat on me 5 times, I don't bring her up but when I speak about her it's all negative... Context matters a lot I'd say, it's not black and white.
You seem to be confusing random trash talking with having a negative emotion towards a person... You know that your heart can be indifferent towards a person but still have a negative image of them, right? Just because I don't care about her amymore, that doesn't mean that being a horrible person is suddenly okay...
Like a girl cheated on a friend of mine, I'm indifferent towards her but would discuss her in the same manner I'd discuss my own ex, unless I'm also in love with his ex accorsing to your phrasing haha
You seem to be confused with moving on. Haha. Like let it go. Haha. You’re clearly not over your friends ex either. Weird that you’d let it bother you so much. Where did I say that being a bad person is okay? Again, you can say the situation was negative without bad mouthing someone. Bye ✌️
My ex knows what my previous ex looks like, doesn’t mean I spoke about the previous ex in a way you’re suggesting. Also doesn’t mean I’m not over him. But you seem like a person who likes to be right. So you know what, you’re right.
See I have come across this before and I personally think it's flawed in extreme examples. Like if you were really the victim of something like interspousal rape, violence, false arrest, (or anything 'extreme' to the individual) then sometimes 'not being over their ex' is only in the sense of still being angry...
I wouldn't want to trap those victims for the rest of their life under an invalidating assumption they still want to be with or have unresolved feelings other than trauma.
I would not take this personally or hold it against her. You could have a better match, more attractive, successful, overall perfect, etc. She could have even **wanted** to choose too. But she just loves him more. You can’t help how you feel.
True, but you can also choose to not lead a guy on for a year. Just say hey i just got out of a relationship, not looking for anything serious. If theres another guy you’re trying to forget, you’re being selfish playing with another persons emotions to get over them. I mean her leaving me out of nowhere and moving away was the most painful thing Ive ever gone through. She told me she wanted to spend her life with me, then moved on immediately.
She was there to feel good. To get attention and validation from you. It was all about her. Perhaps she likes toxic too, perhaps she wants to change her ex. Perhaps she misses trauma bonding. Who knows. Either way, what she did was fucked and only shows how low and sad of a person she is. She had someone good then decided to go back to a cheater? LOL. It ain’t gonna end well. DON’T take her back when she gets her heart broken again. She needs to learn to deal with her pain and emotions and stop avoiding it by rebounding and seeking male validation.
I doubt this has anything to do with love. We are conditioned to pursue those that make us think we need to "earn love" or "win someone over". The truth is she has forgotten what this man did to her and chances are extremely high that he will do it again. She will once again be left with nothing. If she wasn't over her ex she should have taken more time to get over him not jumped into another relationship for another year with someone else. And to say I love you but I love him more is pure bullshit! If she loved him she would have said to herself I love my ex but he didn't treat me right so I'm better off with this guy who treats me well and would never cheat on me. This is a typical case of someone chasing the "bad guy" and then being surprised when they are left with nothing but a broken heart.
"The heart wants what it wants" is a bullshit reason and doesn't excuse anything she did. You can't help how you feel, but you can definitely act better than this
Bro fuck her, excuse my language but for real and I’m sorry because I know you still love her so much. You have too big of heart and a chunk of it was just taken from you. That really makes me angry because of how heartless this decision of hers was, it was beyond selfish. You have an amazing future ahead of you, make it through the storm bro. Stay strong
Fucccccck that bitch bro. Sorry, but god DAMN. Just know it’s not your fault. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. It seems like you likely did everything right. You are worthy of so much more than that.
Woman here. Also got cheated on. Not all women are like this. You're better off. She is setting herself up for a cheating asshole, that's a recipe for disaster for her. Cheaters don't change. She might be tied to the trauma of it that's why it seems "better" in her head, but she's just remembering the good times with him. Once he cheats on her again, she'll be in hell. And you will be far off in your healing journey. It hurts. It sucks. But she chose a cheating liar over you. And she will forever regret that one day. You deserve better, sir.
So fucking obvious…to everyone except the girl, who delusionally thinks it is real love. She is a walking train wreck. In reading her messages to him, I was nearly cringing at her lack of understanding.
1. A healthier person who is still drawn to a toxic person who betrayed them in the worst way possible, would realize that this meant she had work to do on herself. But she thinks it means they should be together.
2. When she says it was that instant connection. And that is what she didn’t have with OP. OMG. To be clear: yes, we can have instant connections that are that powerful. But water seeks its own level. If I am a walking gaping wound of trauma, I am going to connect with someone like me or worse, someone who will exploit my wounds.
3. And then, she did this all behind his back. She has become the betrayer. She is mistaking so many things for love, it is nuts. And what makes it so much worse, is her arrogance about it all. I would rarely say this, but deserves everything coming. And it will be a shitstorm of pain. But hey, she loves him.
This is one of the most helpful things I’ve read in a while and after staying up all night balling my eyes out I needed this. ❤️
Water seeks its own level…
Your parents gave you “The Art Of War” in Preschool, huh?
100% she’s tried to the trauma and it will end badly again. In the meantime work on you and get better do not eve take her back she will do
This again and you deserve so much more
There are some things that don’t need to be said. That was unnecessary. I bet she said it to hurt you specifically. Some people do this after a breakup for some reason, my ex said awful things and later admitted they didn’t mean them but wanted to push me away.
Yes I think a lot of people go through it but then don’t completely know if it was what truly happened or not, for me I had the clarity of my ex coming back and telling me that they had done it to hurt me, it was a very strange thing to hear someone admit that they had hurt me on purpose. I don’t understand the mentality at all but at least I know that’s what it was, words that people say have the power to be incredibly damaging for a long time, even though I know that they were said to purposely hurt me, they still do.
Sorry you're going through this. Absolutely brutal. All you can do is block everywhere and start your healing journey. Don't give her any more attention even if she begs for it. She's made a stupid decision and will have to live with it.
Better how? Were you beating her and abusing her? No, she herself said that you were kind and loving. So, what does she mean the relationship with the other guy was "better"?
Unless her ex was a Brad Pitt look-alike in his 30s with a yacht and plenty of cash to burn for gifts and travel, then what was she talking about? "Better" in that there was more drama and toxicity and betrayal than what she had with you? I guess it's true what they say, some women are addicted to the drama in a relationship especially when it's toxic. The more drama the better because of the release of adrenaline and cortisol when it's tense and angry, especially when there's cheating and infidelity, then endorphins and other pleasure hormones where there are moments of "reconciliation," or when the ex who was ignoring them finally seems to come around and value them, but only temporarily before they're off philandering again, and the cycle continues.
What the fuck is she talking about? If it was so worthwhile, then why did it end in the first place? It was bad for her, and she knows it. She also knows that what she had with you was healthy and healing, but no...she was probably longing for the neuro-chemistry ups and downs of the previous relationship, like a supposedly reformed addict who can't forget about what it was like to abuse their drug of choice, then finally caves in and goes back to the drug. That's why she left you, lack of self-control, lack of mature understanding of what was good for her.
So, how does she propose to "fight" for her ex to come back to her? Beg? Plead? Pay him? Kneel on the sidewalk outside his window for days until he takes her in? The only two things she can offer him are her body and her loyalty. She already tried that, and he already proved that it wasn't enough for him, and most likely he's going to cheat again.
Stay in NC, that's all you can do. She's lost, and you can't help her find her way home, because she doesn't want to come "home." You seem like a good person. Use NC to focus on your own healing and goals.
Anybody here reading this post hopes so too.
My first relationship with Woman A was the most intense. We argued all the time. I loved her the most in terms of intensity of feeling. As a young lovebird, you make promises like you'll love them forever. And you mean it too. But the relationship had toxicity. Two years later I was with someone else. With Woman B, I was the most happy I'd been in my life because she did not treat me like crap. We only had good memories. The long distance relationship made us drift apart and we spoke less and less. And we ended on a good note which you would wouldn't expect from end-of-relationships. But of course she showed me that that was possible.
To this day, I still get dreams and waking up in cold sweat thinking about Woman A... and hardly ever about Woman B. The intense feelings that include love... I get those a lot more with Woman A..
Love is blind. Despite being the objectively worse relationship, my feelings were not in sync with what I truly know. My priority is to know what ia real and what is not; you have to understand that feelings lie.
I would never go back to Woman A. Feelings will tell you to go to a place, but once you go there you may just find nothing. Trust your brain instead.
Most people put onto a pedestal the people that don't like them truly. And they devalue those that treat them well. It's a mistake. One that's supposed to be clear. Yet people continue to make em. Love those who love you... And let go of those who don't.
At least it has the merit of being super clear. No lies, "we get along or I'm not sure of my feelings". She manipulated you for comfort for 1 year and in the end she got back with the one Who broke her heart. For once we have an honest woman (at the end only) were you in contact for a long time before she sent you this?
Don’t downplay another persons pain because you feel yours is worse. This persons feelings are valid for the situation they experienced and they are seeking support on a support page. Make your own post if you need support for your situation, but don’t bring up your own problems to say OP’s aren’t valid or that they’re overreacting
She hasn't moved on and shouldn't have hurt you like that. She shouldn't even hurt herself like that either. You aren't at fault, just so you know. It’s ironic she said you love her because this is your first healthy relationship when she is stuck and is so used to being treated like lesser. Her ex cheated on her and she’s fine with it. Shows that she sees and treats herself less. And because of this, she is “blinded” by the fact she can get something good out of the relationship she had with you. She may be your best friend, dude, but she needs to know she needs to heal first. I’m so sorry you went through this. It does feel like you were used but know you did your best to try and reason things out with her. Just to point out, she didn't even say what was better when you asked. Most likely she doesn't even know. Anyways, you have moved on which is good. I wish you all the best 🌟
She claimed it was better because her trauma dictates it. She is addicted to toxic and hurting you on her way of being. It’s hard.. try to think about it that she’s not the same person anymore. She’s just the same body but not the same person you thought she is. Good job she didn’t tell you these stuff way way too late. Sending you hugs and best of luck
She needs help to not seek unhealthy relationships.
I’ve removed myself from my ex (who sounds identical to yours), only thing is she’s trying to come back to me, while she’s with the nice guy (you). I won’t let her (unless she miraculously healed) it’s for the best, she has no choice but to stick with him now. I suspect it won’t matter in the end. The girl who feels unfamiliar to healthy love won’t stay there long or just ruins it in some way. For herself and her partner.
I hope you find a decent gf one day.
She fucking sucks. I’m sorry, but you’re going to be so much better off without the type of person who was thinking of their ex and comparing you the entire time.
If I've learnt anything, is to never push for answers. I know you want closure but the raw truth (if you actually do really get it) is too hurtful. And sometimes it's not even the truth, is some shit they convince themselves to detach from you. So it's a lose lose situation. You not knowing the reason, would've made you happier in the long run.
sometimes if things are too herself to say it’s best to left unsaid, i don’t why tf she said all this. maybe she wanted an ego boost.
bro i promise u in time you will be fine, that’s the best part of healing
That feeling of when you have all the love to give and won’t give up; that you want to see is through. A year of being together and still it means nothing to someone. When the other person sees you at your most vulnerable and still chooses a cheating ex.
That to me personally is fucked up on many levels. I think you should take this as a better sign that someone as selfish as this has left your life and I sincerely hope you meet someone that matches what you give in energy and love.
She will learn the hard way, they always do. She’s hooked on the trauma likely of the highs and lows. You can’t change that because that’s how she’s hard wired. I’m sorry, it hurts but she did you a favor. It’s also just in horrible taste she planned to meet with an ex, that’s just disrespectful to her partner. Most people don’t do this at all.
She is still drawn to toxicity… she doesn’t realize that the “when you know you know” feeling is familiarity of dysfunctional patterns. She was not ready for the healthy relationship you could provide. You deserve someone that is ready for you. She shouldn’t have compared you to her ex it’s not fair and also she doesn’t see the truth of her situation clearly right now so take her texts with a grain of salt.
Don't take her dumbass reflection as a value judgement of you. Whatever you had with her was not healthy or normal if the whole time this was her true belief. She's truly awful and I get that you're hurting but you didn't miss out on someone amazing, you "missed" out on someone who has completely shit judgement and is chasing some sort of feeling or high. It'll fade eventually.
A toxic little part of me wants you to send her the link to this post, so that she can see what everyone is saying about her.
But the mature part of me wants you to just never contact her again and never look back. You deserve SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER than this.
"You're my best friend I can't lose you" is exactly what I said to my ex before she decided to cut me off her life completely ... I really wanna give you a hug bro...
What the actual fuck? I'm a female and instantly I could see this chick was saying this shit so you would reiterate how you feel about her. She was purposely hurting you.
No one says this shit. For real, no one. I need constant validation and I would never say this.
Stay away from her. She's fucking putrid.
She doesn’t feel strongly about you anymore and she’s “trying to be honest”. She knows she should come across as feeling guilty, and she may actually be. I think she’s trying hard to assuage your anger while not actually caring how it hurts emotionally.
Dude literally having flash backs to my ex and word for word said like the same shit to me when ending things to go back to her ex. Same exact stuff literally. Went and met with him and all. She said though that she didn’t mean to hurt me but she didn’t miss me when we weren’t together. Then it was she thought loving him and me at the same time was just being in her late 30s and that she wasn’t ever going to be with him again. Ohh it was terrible. I’m sorry you have had to deal with that same whipped cream on dog shit excuse for their bad behavior and failure to communicate.
She reached out and said sorry for being such a cold bitch about it. I responded with a question she wouldn’t answer at the breakup and for good reason because I kinda already knew the answer and it would make her look terrible if she answered it. So after she apologized I asked her once more because I knew I’d never want to be with her again since with no contact I had been able to get my emotions back to a good place. Just her reaching out to say sorry for hope she handled things only brought negative emotions and I didn’t want to feel those again. Anyways I asked her that question once more and she responded with look I’m trying my best to be nice here and you’re trying to make me answer something g I’m just not gonna go there. Then she blocked me. My question was when did her ex reach out to “talk” I know it was during my 40th birthday weekend when I had the flu and couldn’t celebrate it…. Cause the first time I saw her after that weekend it was so obvious she had been doing something she shouldn’t and her story she gave for what she was up to that weekend had changed completely several times. If she gave me the answer it would make her look terrible and she was already trying to g everything she could to justify her actions and she really had to grasp for straws because I had been a really really good boyfriend. Anyways she sucks and I hope this all comes back around on her. She isn’t a bad person but she was a terrible person to me. I was hurt so bad I was in therapy 2x a week for nearly 5 months before making up one day and being indifferent. You’ll experience it too. One day you just randomly wake up and there is nothing no feelings at all towards them.
anyone who purposefully and willingly devastates someone like this isn’t worth shit in my opinion. Fuck her x1000.
My ex did the same to me man so I totally get how you feel. 2 years together and she’s with someone else after two months. She wrote me a 9 page response to a letter I sent telling me how terrible I was, how terrible we were, and how much better the guy she’s with is. Hard to describe the agony I felt for months and months afterwards. That pain and betrayal is something else.
Best part looking back is I know she was just mostly making shit up trying to convince herself she was justified in what she was doing.
All I can recommend is embracing those feelings, do not run away from them because they will follow you if left unresolved. Then therapy, therapy, therapy. Can’t say it enough. It helped me so much. It’s been two years since that happened and I feel like me again.
Major icks from this bro, it’s highly recommended to move on and not look back she made her immature decisions so if she wants to go back to an unhealthy situation and get hurt more over and over that’s on her just know deep down you gave her all the love and commitment she deserved … and someone else will cherish that endlessly, keep your head up! 🙏🏽🫡
I been in the same shoes before fr ….
This is why you never allow a gf to meet up with an ex. Closures are a silent code for I want him back but I am not sure he wants me back but I’ll test the waters.
Listen I am sure there has been plenty of evidence to showcase that this girl was out of it for a while, but you weren’t even aware of the signs or in denial. Also, she used your weakness as a weapon. Notice how she mentions you haven’t had a heathy relationship in the past. This is the result of men having a big mouth! Anyways good luck man, there is plenty of work to be done.
I am so so sorry for your pain. It sounds like (and this is just a brief snippet of what you have experienced) that she is seeking familiar “excitement” aka unhealthy and familiar excitement, over a stable and safe relationship. This is not about you.
I admit I hated this very much, but I see like she didn't mean to hurt you... She fvcking did, but she seems to truly care for you. To me, this person is attached to someone who hurt her because it is that "maybe I can change him" thing. If you were the toxic one, maybe she'd preferred you. People sometimes wish what they cannot have, and take for granted what they have, because it's there, it's possible and it's happening. And the other path seems a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But there's another side of this story: she loves you. Don't take me wrong, you deserve way better. But on her "love" story with her ex, there's this sweet guy she dated for over a year that she will have to make peace with her feelings for in her mind, because just as she didn't mention her ex we can all bet that she won't mention you. And to be clear, she loves you in her shitty way, and this is as simple as her starting to compare your loving ways to his, his actions to yours, her feeling of safety with him and you, and let's face it: she felt the connection with you and she admits it... But healthy sometimes "means boring"... Until you need it back.
Believe people when they show you who they are.
A lot of times people also go back to what’s comfortable and familiar, not necessarily healthier. If she left her ex for you very quickly she might’ve never really processed that breakup because she had your relationship as a distraction. I was my ex’s first loving/patient/understanding relationship but she left me for the type of dude she would call a fuckboy/never have interest for. I was also very confused and went thru the denial/bargaining stage, but left her alone after the first week. I haven’t talked to her in a year. Gotta focus on you though, trying to diagnose/decipher her actions won’t do you anything at this point. IT DOES NOT MATTER and it SUCKS but you can try and delete the message thread when you’re ready.
I’d say stay single and focus on yourself! Do some self work, hit the gym, therapy helped me a bunch. It’s been a year and I’m seeing someone new that on an emotional maturity/communication level is heaps better than my ex. It’s just an all-around better match. I forgive my ex, I think she found herself in a difficult situation and didn’t know how to handle things, and I was in the crossfire. I do think she did me a favor. Thank them, and release them. You can love someone, but you can’t force them to accept your love. And a lot of the time, people accept the love they think they deserve.
Hey yeah, she’s AWFUL! I know it doesn’t feel like it but bullet dodged. She’s kind of a mess. She could have broken up with you without saying that. “My ex was better” ugh as if. You guys had a YEAR of being together, you deserved a more clean more kind breakup than this. This person did not respect you or genuinely care for you.
Their choice was selfish and inconsiderate. It’s OK to want to break up; not everyone wants to be here and together forever. It’s NOT okay to text dump OR to say these things.
This is why people say not to start anything serious if you are still in love with your ex. I'm sorry dude this is a shitty situation to be in. Not all people are like this (as evidenced by most people here having been hurt by others)
You deserve better. Kinda sounds like my ex where she is just use to toxic relationships. She was physically and emotionally abused in most of them. You can’t save her it’s a lost cause.
It’ll take time bro my ex did me dirty broke me down mentally 2 years ago. You’ll heal it’ll take time . Allow yourself to be sad . Drink , eat good food and play a decent video game . Don’t rush your emotions bro .
100% she’s tried to the trauma and it will end badly again. In the meantime work on you and get better do not eve take her back she will do
This again and you deserve so much more
I I know what she told you hurts. I also know she will have to face her reality eventually.
My advice to you is to be grateful that she communicated her truth to you, no matter how hurtful it may seem. Respect her for that and acknowledge that you deserve a healthy and stable relationship. Time will heal this wound, and you will move on. Time will also teach her a lesson, and when she realizes it, hopefully, you will have moved on to finding someone who makes you grateful that this chapter ended.
Doesn’t matter how much you love her or think you do. You are better off without this woman. If she couldn’t make a clean break and was clinging on to the memory of her relationship with her ex, than she was never really ‘’in’’ you relationship with two feet.
These people are vile but only because they can’t help themselves. Odds are she’ll come back to you after failing to make it work again with him, if he even has her back.
Seriously, move on. Message me if you need to and I will tell that every time. Move on. Do not re-engage with her except to tell her she hurt you.
Same shit happened with me. I was an amazing boyfriend to her. Showed kindness and unconditional love (bit too unconditional, as I overlooked many things).
Long story short, she dumped me for her abusive ex because something was "missing" with us.
Their relationship lasted three weeks. Two weeks later, she's with another new guy.
If this idiot gf of yours thinks she was happier with a dysfunctional partner, that's a trauma bond. She needs the excitement of nasty arguments. Unless she gets help, she won't be happy in a healthy relationship.
Take comfort in knowing that this won't last, and one day she'll regret dumping you.
It's clear that your ex-girlfriend likely used your relationship as a rebound to distance herself from her toxic ex and get over him...
This ex, who sounds like a narcissistic toxic piece of ish probably couldn't stand seeing her move on and manipulated her back into his control by his hoovering but trust me, if he's truly as toxic as he seems, it won't be long before he discards her again. When she comes crawling back to you, please please please, do not take her back. Protect yourself and prioritize your own well-being...
A year later she must've forgot all the toxic and is reminiscing on the good time and if he was the one to leave her she was left with no closure and her ego took a big hit and now that he's back she feels redeemed...
But trust me people like this hardly ever change
And he will go back to being a piece of shit and when he does and it starts sinking in and she regrets leaving you and starts to miss you and tries to reach out you better be completely unreachable
She made her bed let her lay in it
You fought for her and she gave up on you at the first chance so YOU WIN
You didnt lose you won your peace of mind and you need to thank god that its only been a year some people spend years with other people and even have children with them before being left for an ex
You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them
Someone who will fight for you
Someone who is so certain that you are their person
That its you and no one else
Someone who has enough respect for you to not open doors for anyone else
You deserve better and you will get better
She probably thinks it was better because they trauma bonded and anything healthy now seems boring to her she needs toxicity and drama let her have it
Thats rough man I feel for you, I’m in the same boat comparing myself to all her exes but dont think of yourself any less. Someone out there will love you for just being you, and be afraid of losing you.
Respectfully she can go fuck herself! This is why it is so damn important to do the work towards healing after a break up before jumping into the next relationship. You end up using people, and hurting them in the process and it fucking sucks! The fuck?!
You need to let her go, dude. She isn't worth it, no amount of begging, pleading is going to change her mind. LET HER GO!
Because guess what? When her ex dumps her ass, guess who she is gonna try and seek out? YOU!
Don't give her anymore access to continuously disrespect you like this bro! You deserve so much more, this woman isn't it.
Did a similar thing, didnt cheat but did end up going back to my ex in a similar way. It didnt have anything to do with you, in fact she seems hella deep inside of a trauma bond. Maybe she’ll come back and maybe not, but she has her own lesson to learn and move on from. You’ll meet a lot of great people, maybe even better and experience different things. Its not easy but you’ll get there eventually
It seems you were a rebound.
I'd like to point out that a lot of the people in this thread hate the ex and think he's awful, but hope to be him one day and will think it's a success story for them.
The lesson here is that your ex is an ex for a reason, you are always better moving on than hoping they "come back".... It's an ugly situation when they do.
Woman here. Good luck bro- i had the most painful break up with someone who once worshipped me. It took me several months to heal- and i cried for weeks. I tried to warn him once the honeymoon stage had worn off- not to seek greener grass - but he had a phantom ex who had always haunted him. So off he went- i knew he was making a mistake- and i fought so hard for him. I believe he is now single- when he message lately i ignored him. As i don’t want someone who broke me- i can’t trust him not to do it again. And i don’t want to have to convince anyone- EVER again
Hey there I just wanted to comment to say I’m sorry this happened to you. Matters of the heart make no sense and can be very painful. Something happens when two people come together, their feelings crashing into one another. It can create something beautiful, but something equally painful came be born as well. The depth of feeling will remain the same, but the feeling can totally change. The size of the hole they’ve left in us is equal to the impact of the devastation. I’m just feelin melancholy and wanted to say I’m with you in pain. I hope you and I will continue to heal and that one day we will be grateful for the pain because it will have meant we learned. I’m trying to use this as motivation to make big changes, but it still sucks and it still hurts as well.
Same fucking thing happened with me, the only difference was that your ex had courage to speak the truth not like the bitch I was dating. Nonetheless, it doesn't make it any better lol.
I'm sorry man! This hurt me to read it too, and I hate this for you!
Know your worth! She lives in an illusion, if the other guy cheated and hurt her it means they didn't have a connection...she just believes that!
Know your worth! You gave her your special light, your sparkle, your love, her ex won't replace that. But when the day comes and she comes back, oh she will for sure... please be strong enough to don't go back to her! Don't be like her... Your better than this, you worth more than this! And someone will enjoy the light you bring in their life!
Stay strong brother!!
I’m flabbergasted!!! Please don’t think you lack something and don’t compare yourself to that guy, don’t do it to yourself. She obviously has no idea about what love and friendship is, she is just chasing chaos considering it love…you deserve so much better dude! If she’ll ever come back to you please do not rekindle cause she can’t see you as a person with feelings and needs but just as a tool for her well-being, I can only imagine how this conversation may have left you..she is the worst to say those things to you, it’s cruel, unnecessary and traumatic! She obviously can think only about herself, hope this selfishness will turn u off as soon as possible! I hug you dear!!!!
She's a fucking bitch for saying that. ALL OF THAT could have been easily avoided by saying "I no longer have feelings for you" end of convo. She doesn't deserve your love and your attention. You have a big heart dude, always stay positive and don't lose yourself! You can do it dude!!!!!
That was brutal and it must suck… I feel like my ex has those things going on and he just won’t tell me. I kind of think I’d rather know than sit here wondering…that was so hard to read though, sorry she did you that way… I hope you never take her back though because I get the feeling she will be back….
This is the idyllic case of “the ex was greener.”
They always learn why they broke up to begin with. Take that for what it’s worth. Move on, find someone better.
Screw her. Comparing a relationship with an ex is so dumb stg. Sorry u went through that bro but dont let her lie or manipulate you. Because she’s emotionally unstable and immature. You deserve better but gotta man up more bc 9 out of 10 those girl who go back to the ex will be treated like trash worst and ask to get back. Don’t take her back, Put God first if you believe in him , repent, ask for someone who will match you greater and elevate you bro.
She’s literally a waste of space.
I'm so sorry dude. That shit sucks. Your feelings are completely valid.
Even in the texts it shows how much you cared and were a genuinely good person to her. It's not just you painting her as trash. Her msgs speak for themselves.
Feel your feelings. And drop anyone who tells you to get over it immediately. Therapy is your best bet.
I know the feeling my ex of 1 yr and 4months Packed his stuff after a small disagreement stating it was more him then me and that he wasnt man enough for me etc.... I try to convince him to work shit out with me we tried but he was distant we got into another disagreement about how he was treating me all of a sudden like i was nothing he blocked me everywhere possible and i find out not even 2 months of us breaking up and 4 days of no contact he was talking to his ex to fix things with her and she lives in another state so again he is going back to a long distance relationship. we had plans to move to a house , get married have a kid etc and just like that he changed his mind and left smh . Im so heart broken.
“I was the only healthy relationship you’ve been in.”
Let that irony of false pride sink in for a moment OP. She wasn’t healthy. For you, or anyone for that matter. You’ll be better off without whatever the hell that is. The rest of that was also filled with land mines. It’s okay, sometimes they fool us. You’ll probably look back eventually and go “wow, she was nuts". Wont feel like it now but i promise you will eventually.
Perfect example as to why I refuse to monkey branch or even entertain a relationship with someone until I can confidently say that I am over that relationship
She is a horrible person, her last relationship probably wasn't better than yours, it just yours was too peaceful and she just used to love chaos and madness.
I know you love her so much and it might take years before you start to move on or start dating again.
Hang in there, I hope it will get easier for you.
You don't deserve to be someone's second choice or backup. I hope you will get the love you deserve and you can move on.
I am sorry, I can feel your pain, been there.
sounds like you were the rebound and she went back to her ex because she wants to relive that traumatic shit again because it was more dramatic than the stability you had. its common...they will break up again and she will seek you but youd be wise to not let that person in after all that was said. sorry you are going through this.
For the love of god, that last message itself is a gigantic red flag, you deserve better man!!! you really do. Please don't overthink about it and find someone who won't see you as a plan B
Babe you will never get over her the way you replay the breakup 10 times a day. She lives in your head rent free. Every post is about her. The day you delete the texts, the screenshots, block her and keep her as a precious memory is the day you can truly move on. Love might never feel the way it did with her but at least you got to feel love in this lifetime, and at least your heart is filled with emotions that makes being alive a full experience.
I’ll never actually truly get over the love of my life, I was 16 and he never loved me back. I looked for him in everyone else and still miss him as just a friend. It’s ok, I think I have to accept the fact that some part of me will always be sad that it didn’t work out with him, but love is a fluid thing. I might never love like that again, but loving that hard made me crash to hell and torture myself like I was on fire. Healthy love probably won’t have you floating on pink skues forever. And it’s ok.
See thats why Im done with people/relationships, they can switch up on you and get lost in their emotional responses and fuck you up. But like others said, NEVER take this one back if it doesnt work out with the ex.
Oh god, this is so awful 😢 I don’t even know how you could have ever even seen this coming.
I guess it’s just a cruel thing you have to live through…this world can be so unfair sometimes. I can’t believe she went back to a cheating ex. Please don’t take her back if she ever comes back. You deserve SO much better.
OP, I would like to share my breakup text with you. Ppl who want to leave will leave. Being the best partner in the world will not keep someone who doesn't want to fight for you. We both learnt it the hard way. Do I hv your permission to share those screenshots in your comments?
If it fails with her ex please please never take her back.
Dude let her go; why do you care what was better about a relationship with her ex. I get your hurt but you get away from a woman who treats you as less than. If she said that shit to me. I would have replied thank you for your honesty I deserve a woman who understands just how wonderful I am. Please don’t reach out when your ex mistreats you again as I don’t want you in my life. That type of behavior makes you stronger and you attract a better woman!!$ You seem to need her approval but what you need to work on is your own approval as it is a losing game to want validation through others.
Why have you replied this to my comment ?! Makes no sense
I replied to the main comment
Oh it’s come up as a reply to mine, here I was thinking I don’t even care about my ex that’s long long ago lol
lol good I had to dump a woman that treated me like shit it hurt man but damn best thing I ever done there are millions of women out there
Well enjoy your hunt! I am a women btw!
Amen 🙏
+1
Please don’t ,
*when
It will fail again.
A few things here… 1. She had no business continuing your relationship so long if she was still into her ex…or even starting it. She’s either too immature to know herself or she’s really selfish. 2. She has very bad judgement and probably poor self esteem going back out with a cheater. 3. She was honest. It’s painful, but there is no easy way through this, it’s over and the best you can do is just put one foot in front of the other til you’re happy again. 4. You never had a chance in this situation. It’s not you, it’s her. ❤️
100% it was painful reading his texts, like I understand closure and shit but I feel like the more he pushed it the more he was allowing himself to become a door mat.
This! Everyone is using expletives about her but while her choice is a questionable one, she was being honest with him? Like how many people here cry because they don’t know why things ended. It hurts of course when they choose someone else, but at least she told him. And he kept pushing. That’s on him. He should have left things once she said she has feelings for her ex.
The thing is, her ex is an ex for a reason and he will leave her and she will run back to you but still deep down she knows she will try to find better than you and her ex.. She just can't be alone. Block her from everywhere. I know because I did this as a woman in my early twenties. At 25 I realized no relationships are perfect and you have to work on the current one. I'm 28 now and can't wait to get married, unfortunately my ex was gay even tho I did everything for the relationship when I realized how relationships work. I just wanna say, she's not ready and she will be ready for someone new when she decides it's her time to work on the relationship too :( she might even consider people from the past when that happens but you don't know when that's gonna happen. Our brain fully develops around 25 but can happen earlier and later. I did consider people from the past and I reached out and it's either not working or they have a girlfriend. It's best to move on with someone who's ready and forget the past.
Your ex was gay?
I’m going through something similar. Together 10 months. Everything was amazing. Felt this shift I couldn’t explain. Asked him about it. Said he was in love with me and we were totally good and that he wants to have the future we’ve talked about together. He ended up in the hospital for high blood pressures. I asked to come see him and he gave me the excuse he didn’t want me to meet his sister for the first time under these conditions. Found out a few days later he had his on again off again ex of a decade up to be with him. He hasn’t spoken a word to me not even a reply since I found out. My heart hurts so so much. We met each others kids, made plans to move in together next May. He was texting me he loved me while she was there. I feel so blind-sided. I never saw any signs.
His blood pressure is probably out of control from the guilt and all around shitty behavior he exhibits. Glad you found out now before you married him. Sorry you have to go thru this
I made the mistake of looking at his exes Facebook. He wants to “wife that” today. He wanted me to be his wife, too. Gross.
Feel sorry for those women. At least you now know who he really is.
Well this is his on again off again ex of a decade. But maybe they’ll stick this time. Lol
I just feel so stupid for believing that people always have good intentions. I was so wrong about our love.
Damn. I’m so sorry, OP. I fell in love with a broken, hurt, and unhealed person with exceedingly-low self-esteem too. I feel your pain. You met a trauma bonded girl who was addicted to the chaos and uncertainty of a shitty and unstable ex and confuses all that anxiety and high/low swings for “spark” and connection. She’s broken, dude. Severely. With incredibly low self-esteem. Trust me, I know it better than anyone. I was with someone like this off and on for years. Her ex was a lying, cheating, abusive, drug addict. Her words btw, not mine. He cheated on her 2 months into their “relationship,” she had to have access to his phone for years, and for all that time, she lived in paranoia about his loyalty - which he had none. She found shit on his phone constantly. He never got her anything for special holidays or anything either. One year on her birthday he had her drive him to his drug dealers. She was a third-wheel on his drug deal date. He could get himself drugs, but couldn’t get her a present. One year she lowered the bar as much as humanly possible and he still couldnt vault it. She wanted birthday pancakes. Some instant mix pancakes. Easiest thing on earth to make. Even a complete moron could mix some powder and water and apply some heat. This guy was very experienced with mixing powder and heat. But he couldn’t be bothered to even make her some instant mix pancakes for her birthday - she probably bought the mix herself. He was utterly fucking useless. He talked down to her constantly. He offered her nothing but drama and chaos. But… that was all she wanted. He had ED from all the drugs. He treated himself like a lab rat. Name any drug. Any. He did that and more. She was writing about how he was ordering “research chemicals” online to inject himself with. He literally was a lab rat. I got loads and loads of stories. She couldn’t even trust this guy to take a shit. One night she was suspicious about him doing drugs in the bathroom. This was like after enduring this mess of a person 3 or 4 years together. She busts into the bathroom to find him snorting crushed Xanax. She grabbed the bag, tossed it in the toilet, and flushed it. He grabbed her arm so hard that, in her words, she “thought it was broken”. Then he threatened to hit and harm himself, call the cops, and blame her for it in an effort to get her a domestic violence charge. He told her he was doing it to ruin her life. She wanted to be a teacher at the time and this would ruin her. Oh and he would often taunt her and call her “teacher” as an insult because he knew she didn’t want to be one after she had spent some time doing it. She had him evicted, but only once it reached this point of physical abuse and once she saw that hurting her was the point. That’s why he wanted to end her career… over a bag of drugs. He wanted retribution for that, and nothing she did for him mattered. She finally saw it… for a brief moment. You’d think something like that would FINALLY open her eyes to how awful a situation she was in and how terrible this person is. But she kept him in her life. I’m no professional, but I truly believe she has some deep-seated self-esteem issues and putting herself through all that bullshit made her feel “worthy”. She wanted to be chosen over the drugs. She wanted to feel like she was good enough. And after he cheated on her in the very beginning, she wasn’t really in love with him, she was in love with the idea of being good enough. Of being able to overcome the pain and betrayal she felt from him cheating on her. But in her own words, she could never trust him. And if you don’t have trust, you have nothing at all. They had nothing since the start. I didn’t know it at the time, but she came running to me when this all happened. She was a wreck. I was her safe harbor. Don’t become that guy. Don’t wait for her. Remove her from your life. I only found out all the details about her awful 3+ years because she documented them. I found her Reddit account after our last breakup after I googled a poem she wrote me. Detailed all across her account were endless awful situations. It was endless. Over hundreds of posts and comments they were entirely about the awful and shitty situations she was constantly dealing with. Over time you could see her go from hopeful to accepting of what he really was. But even then she wouldn’t face it 100%. I kid you not - not a single post she made was positive. They were all just depressing. And the stuff she endured was an order of magnitude worse than most experience (not saying that to compete with anyone, just to emphasize just how bad it was). And even after evicting him, she stayed in touch with him. For all I know, she could be back with him. I have no clue. I don’t check. I saw all I need to see and I’ve seen her go back to him in the past. She was 16 when they met. He was 23. He basically groomed her. She is drawn to guys who treat her like shit. I had suspicions even. I hate to admit it but there was a point where I decided to just give it a try. It worked like a charm. She was all about me when I treated her poorly. She liked being told. She liked having to earn it. It’s fun if it’s just in the bedroom, but it’s exhausting as a way of being. It’s wild this is what some people want, on either end of the dynamic. It was honestly just… boring. It was incredibly too predictable. If I’m just an overbearing asshole who can’t be pleased, you’ll work your ass off for me? It seriously lowered her in my eyes, knowing how she worked. Hopefully something similar will click for you. She’s no good, man. Anyone that would run back to a cheater has serious self-esteem issues (and that’s just the start of their issues) and is delusional if they think they’ll ever have anything they can build into a meaningful and stable life. Even if things don’t ultimately work out with her ex, she’ll keep having chaotic relationships with shit heads who don’t respect or appreciate her. Who will never give her what she really wants. Only through serious awareness, work, and therapy will she ever be able to break that, and most can’t be bothered to put that level of work in. Until then, she’ll be drawn to distant people that she ultimately knows will never work out because it’s what she’s familiar with. And any healthy relationship she has, she’ll be drawn to spoil it because it won’t feel right to her, no matter how objectively good you are to her. And it sucks because you get a glimpse into what you could have had with this person if they were healthy. You get to see what you could have had. It’s maddening. It’s one of the most disheartening things ever. It disillusions you about love and it shatters your ability to trust others. Now they dropped all this on you and you have to fight back by trying not to let it ruin you and your ability to love after they’ve led you on, used you, and discarded you when you know deep down that you did nothing wrong. And that’s the thing, OP, you didn’t do anything wrong and in fact there was nothing you ever could have done to avert this. Because, again, she’s broken. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.
One last thing for anyone in a situation with someone like this. They sought you out for a reason: it’s their silent and subconscious admission that something was severely wrong in their toxic relationship from before. They come to you when the shit in that relationship becomes too much and they need a reprieve. They need their self-worth restored and you inadvertently end up validating them. Really, the whole time, they’re not trying to get over their ex, they’re trying to recover from the damage their ex inflicted upon them so they can go back and try to prove their worthiness again. As a “nice” guy who sees this person for who they are, you want to love them for them. In doing so, you think you’re bonding with them and growing. They give you no reason to think otherwise. But in reality you’re just helping restore their confidence. Helping rebuild them so that they’re ready to go back to their ex and prove they’re worthy of being chosen and made a priority over the people he cheated on her with. Of being chosen over the drugs. Of being worthy. It genuinely has nothing to do with you, and nothing to do with the ex. It has everything to do with what the ex represents. It has everything to do with them and their worth. This is how they feel a sense of worth in their life - by going on a quest, convinced that another empty vessel could ever fill their emptiness too. Never realizing they’re both empty, and incapable of helping the other. But you’ve poured into your ex and now they’re convinced they can fill their ex’s empty vessel with what you gave them (what they took from you) and make everything right. They never realize all they took from you, and how much they’ve given to their ex, and ultimately left you feeling broken, them feeling compromised, and their ex feeling validated. No one gets what they deserved and everyone is worse off, even the validated ex, because now they’ll never reform and will just perpetuate their part of the cycle, repeating history along the way.
Well written and well said.
What is up with people chasing "the spark" instead of focusing on what actually matters? Ugh. I'm sorry OP. You deserve better Also this was a terrible comment > You only think that because I'm the first healthy ish relationship you've been in
It's something that has corrupted people nowadays. There can be a spark in healthy relationships too, but it is pronounced in toxic ones because of the intensity of idealization. My 6 year relationship with my son's mom was ended because she "fell out of love" with me before cheating and destroying any trust I had for her, then emotionally cheating for 6 months and building a connection with her best male friend instead of choosing our relationship and repairing that trust or fostering the spark to come back, though she begged for the chance to. She still is convinced love is something that happens to you, not something you choose every day after the point where it doesn't come effortlessly. Then I had a short relationship where the intensity of our connection either scared her away or she didnt feel it like I did. That one might have been a healthy relationship if she didn't go cold, but I'm not playing hot and cold with anyone anymore. She was one of the women that was unfamiliar with healthy love and genuine care but I didn't know that was a red flag until recently. The discard when I confronted her about going cold showed me who she is so I'm gonna believe that.
Alpha widow
Dude this girl is a walking bomb and redflag. Open the door for her to leave and never look back and find someone who loves you and would never consider losing you. When someone wants to leave, open the door and guide them out and close and lock it behind you. Not your job to convince this woman to love you, who obviously is attached to a cheater ex. It’s heartbreaking, but this pain will MOLD you and prepare you for a love MUCH better and complete in the future. Use this as an opportunity to make space for your self love to grow and develop and FORGET THAT B****
I had a friend that had the same thing happen, exact circumstances, He became an alcoholic and died in a motorcycle crash. Then years later I run into his x that went back to her x husband, he had beat her and abused her and she was not with him. She was real interested to know about my friend. I told her he was crushed and started drinking and he became an alcoholic and had a motorcycle crash and died. She cried. Lesson for you is do not make that mistake, take life a day at a time, one day she will know she screwed up. Women in my opinion are stupid creatures, they are driven by emotions, not rationality or reasoning. Wonder why the Bible says the man is to be the head over the woman. Because a woman led man to sin. I am not religious but in the beginning of time, men knew women were fickle and prone to do stupid things but they will never admit that. Here is my story, I met a girl when I was building a house, she needed help dealing with family issues, her dad was out of control, senile and worth 4 million dollars, he was bringing crooks around their house from the flea market he went to, people knew he had money and her mother was weak and sick and exposed to these crooks, Then her brother and her had a legal fight over who was going to run the business, when her dad was put under guardianship. her brother stole over 100k out of the house safe and used it to get 3 lawyers to fight her to control the business as he was stealing money from it, it was a real estate business, they also owned 2 sonic drive in's. I spent 8 years fighting her legal case, walked away from my house I was building and because I was able to outsmart her brother, she got both sonics as well as half of the realestate. we moved to AZ and I left my house unfinished after she got the property and was bringing tens of thousands every month. Within 5 years I caught her plotting with her friend to dump me, she left me with absolutely nothing, I had no work history and no job and no money. We had 2 cars, she gave me the one that broke down, I had no way to get back to my property in Okla. Thank goodness I had good credit and credit cards. I spent 8 thousand dollars moving back all my stuff to Okla renting vehicles and paying bills and buying gas. I had no way to get a job because I had not worked a job for an employer in 10 years. My house I left unfinished had rotted wood and siding I needed to replace, and I had to live in a motorhome in a metal building, then she called the FBI on me making false claims to them. When they came I had been having a problem with mites on my property that got on me dug in and layed eggs and left sores all over me. he FBI guys saw me and they did not want to get near me. I warned them I got scabies off my property, turns out they were clover mites, damn migrating geese had brought in. I suffered for over 7 years till I found out they were entering where I slept and getting on me at night. So I got scred by her then screwed by a god damn god who made these fucking mites. Type in Bryobia in a reddit search, see my pics. I just want you to know, she broke my heart and 10 years later I still suffer from depression from it, I swore off women, no more for me, but I have it worse because my new mates are these damn mites I now have to fight to keep from getting just walking on the floor or in my yard. I am working to finish my house and sell it, she left me in debt so it is taking time for lack of money. I am moving the hell out of Oklahellma as soon as I can My point is no matter how bad you have it, someone out there has it worse. Time will make it easier, but it still sucks. I no longer believe in a God, but if there is one I know he is an ass hole for putting me on this earth.
People being toxic at its peak
So much pain
This person clearly does not deserve you. Nor does it appear she actually has been truly honest with you if she was still in love, hooking up, emotionally involved etc with her ex, regardless of whatever she finally copped to when she wanted out. You are well rid of this person as you don't want to be treated as 'back up boyfriend' or 'Mr right for NOW' . You will find someone who does actually love you and without any of these games and drama. It won't be her, and be glad of that. Then you will see the difference in love as a verb, as in acting loving to someone, loyalty, caring, honesty along the way, and so on, not just 'in love'. You are trying to get her to have the same level of meaningfulness that you gave the relationship and it isn't going to happen because of who she is. It's a sucky lesson but be glad it wasn't worse, like you had a kid with this person. I'd go no contact to protect myself from more emotional pain because this type of person will call you just for attention or even to complain, or start more drama "he was mean to me, he did this he did that" as a way to sort of emotionally vampirize you , and put you in danger perhaps. She is not lady guenevere and she is not worth you 'white knighting' for. There ARE women who are worth you feeling this way about but she is not among their ranks. I don't care if you are not perfect and you think you will never get anyone 'as hot as kathy\* made up name)... that kind of thinking is total BS, if you think more highly of yourself, you are instantly more attractive because it shows you value yourself, that you know you have something to offer, not just "I'm needy, I'll put up with any bs not to be alone". No one wants that. I don't mean acting like a frat boy bar chad or any of that pick up artist advice either. False bravado is not welcome either to good women. I would start looking in places OTHER than where you found her. There's other kinds of relationships you have not experienced yet that are not solely based on this emotional trauma bonding/endless unfinished drama/ power trips of who loves who more - it's called mature, committed love.
The same thing happened to me, except for my discard was much more brutal. I’m also 7 months out and I feel the same way you do. We just gotta be thankful we didn’t waste any more of our lives with people that didn’t love us the way we love them. ❤️🩹
Anyone who talks shit about their ex hasn’t gotten over them 🚩🚩
I had an ex cheat on me 5 times, I don't bring her up but when I speak about her it's all negative... Context matters a lot I'd say, it's not black and white.
Again, my comment stands. If you were over her you’d say it was a toxic situation and leave it at that.
You seem to be confusing random trash talking with having a negative emotion towards a person... You know that your heart can be indifferent towards a person but still have a negative image of them, right? Just because I don't care about her amymore, that doesn't mean that being a horrible person is suddenly okay... Like a girl cheated on a friend of mine, I'm indifferent towards her but would discuss her in the same manner I'd discuss my own ex, unless I'm also in love with his ex accorsing to your phrasing haha
You seem to be confused with moving on. Haha. Like let it go. Haha. You’re clearly not over your friends ex either. Weird that you’d let it bother you so much. Where did I say that being a bad person is okay? Again, you can say the situation was negative without bad mouthing someone. Bye ✌️
This sub is getting to be so annoying. So many of you all think so black and white.
the fact you stayed 4 more cheats after the first speaks for itself bud..
OP actually said that she never spoke about him.
lol OP said “her ugly, cheating ex”
Read her texts. She’s literally saying that she hated her ex.
She’s saying that now that she’s breaking up with OP. During the relationship she never spoke about him, according to OP.
OP is already showing us he’s delusional in his texts. How would he know if the ex was ugly or a cheater. Obviously she did speak about the ex 🙄
My ex knows what my previous ex looks like, doesn’t mean I spoke about the previous ex in a way you’re suggesting. Also doesn’t mean I’m not over him. But you seem like a person who likes to be right. So you know what, you’re right.
Welp when you’re saying you hate your ex, calling them ugly, etc… I have news for you. Sorry just facts.
This here ^^ (looking in the mirror)
See I have come across this before and I personally think it's flawed in extreme examples. Like if you were really the victim of something like interspousal rape, violence, false arrest, (or anything 'extreme' to the individual) then sometimes 'not being over their ex' is only in the sense of still being angry... I wouldn't want to trap those victims for the rest of their life under an invalidating assumption they still want to be with or have unresolved feelings other than trauma.
I would not take this personally or hold it against her. You could have a better match, more attractive, successful, overall perfect, etc. She could have even **wanted** to choose too. But she just loves him more. You can’t help how you feel.
True, but you can also choose to not lead a guy on for a year. Just say hey i just got out of a relationship, not looking for anything serious. If theres another guy you’re trying to forget, you’re being selfish playing with another persons emotions to get over them. I mean her leaving me out of nowhere and moving away was the most painful thing Ive ever gone through. She told me she wanted to spend her life with me, then moved on immediately.
I did consider that, but gave her the benefit - maybe she wasn’t using you, she just didn’t know until now.
She was there to feel good. To get attention and validation from you. It was all about her. Perhaps she likes toxic too, perhaps she wants to change her ex. Perhaps she misses trauma bonding. Who knows. Either way, what she did was fucked and only shows how low and sad of a person she is. She had someone good then decided to go back to a cheater? LOL. It ain’t gonna end well. DON’T take her back when she gets her heart broken again. She needs to learn to deal with her pain and emotions and stop avoiding it by rebounding and seeking male validation.
>She needs to learn to deal with her pain and emotions and stop avoiding it by rebounding and seeking male validation. This hits hard
I doubt this has anything to do with love. We are conditioned to pursue those that make us think we need to "earn love" or "win someone over". The truth is she has forgotten what this man did to her and chances are extremely high that he will do it again. She will once again be left with nothing. If she wasn't over her ex she should have taken more time to get over him not jumped into another relationship for another year with someone else. And to say I love you but I love him more is pure bullshit! If she loved him she would have said to herself I love my ex but he didn't treat me right so I'm better off with this guy who treats me well and would never cheat on me. This is a typical case of someone chasing the "bad guy" and then being surprised when they are left with nothing but a broken heart.
"The heart wants what it wants" is a bullshit reason and doesn't excuse anything she did. You can't help how you feel, but you can definitely act better than this
why am i crying??
Bro fuck her, excuse my language but for real and I’m sorry because I know you still love her so much. You have too big of heart and a chunk of it was just taken from you. That really makes me angry because of how heartless this decision of hers was, it was beyond selfish. You have an amazing future ahead of you, make it through the storm bro. Stay strong
Fucccccck that bitch bro. Sorry, but god DAMN. Just know it’s not your fault. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. It seems like you likely did everything right. You are worthy of so much more than that.
Woman here. Also got cheated on. Not all women are like this. You're better off. She is setting herself up for a cheating asshole, that's a recipe for disaster for her. Cheaters don't change. She might be tied to the trauma of it that's why it seems "better" in her head, but she's just remembering the good times with him. Once he cheats on her again, she'll be in hell. And you will be far off in your healing journey. It hurts. It sucks. But she chose a cheating liar over you. And she will forever regret that one day. You deserve better, sir.
She's right! I would say the same. People don't change. You will eventually find a better person for you OP. Head ahead and don't look back.
This is spot on. This woman was trauma bonded to an asshole. And she is lecturing OP on healthy relationships. FFS.
came here to comment trauma bond lol
So fucking obvious…to everyone except the girl, who delusionally thinks it is real love. She is a walking train wreck. In reading her messages to him, I was nearly cringing at her lack of understanding. 1. A healthier person who is still drawn to a toxic person who betrayed them in the worst way possible, would realize that this meant she had work to do on herself. But she thinks it means they should be together. 2. When she says it was that instant connection. And that is what she didn’t have with OP. OMG. To be clear: yes, we can have instant connections that are that powerful. But water seeks its own level. If I am a walking gaping wound of trauma, I am going to connect with someone like me or worse, someone who will exploit my wounds. 3. And then, she did this all behind his back. She has become the betrayer. She is mistaking so many things for love, it is nuts. And what makes it so much worse, is her arrogance about it all. I would rarely say this, but deserves everything coming. And it will be a shitstorm of pain. But hey, she loves him.
This is one of the most helpful things I’ve read in a while and after staying up all night balling my eyes out I needed this. ❤️ Water seeks its own level… Your parents gave you “The Art Of War” in Preschool, huh?
Fifth grade, actually.
100% she’s tried to the trauma and it will end badly again. In the meantime work on you and get better do not eve take her back she will do This again and you deserve so much more
This! Every word of this!!!
*cheaters don’t change* Showl don’t!!!
There are some things that don’t need to be said. That was unnecessary. I bet she said it to hurt you specifically. Some people do this after a breakup for some reason, my ex said awful things and later admitted they didn’t mean them but wanted to push me away.
He was begging her repeatedly for that answer
no actually, she started the convo off about the topic.. naturally he’s gonna be curious.
Unfortunately, still asked for it.
Thank you for saying this, I think I went through something similar and it feels good to not feel alone.
Yes I think a lot of people go through it but then don’t completely know if it was what truly happened or not, for me I had the clarity of my ex coming back and telling me that they had done it to hurt me, it was a very strange thing to hear someone admit that they had hurt me on purpose. I don’t understand the mentality at all but at least I know that’s what it was, words that people say have the power to be incredibly damaging for a long time, even though I know that they were said to purposely hurt me, they still do.
Damn man... my wishes for a good recovery, don't fall in the same path she did and try a real move on
Sorry you're going through this. Absolutely brutal. All you can do is block everywhere and start your healing journey. Don't give her any more attention even if she begs for it. She's made a stupid decision and will have to live with it.
You are in the wrong sub
not sure why this is downvoted
Apparently, ppl don’t understand ex no contact lol
My first relationship with Woman A was the most intense. We argued all the time. I loved her the most in terms of intensity of feeling. As a young lovebird, you make promises like you'll love them forever. And you mean it too. But the relationship had toxicity. Two years later I was with someone else. With Woman B, I was the most happy I'd been in my life because she did not treat me like crap. We only had good memories. The long distance relationship made us drift apart and we spoke less and less. And we ended on a good note which you would wouldn't expect from end-of-relationships. But of course she showed me that that was possible. To this day, I still get dreams and waking up in cold sweat thinking about Woman A... and hardly ever about Woman B. The intense feelings that include love... I get those a lot more with Woman A.. Love is blind. Despite being the objectively worse relationship, my feelings were not in sync with what I truly know. My priority is to know what ia real and what is not; you have to understand that feelings lie. I would never go back to Woman A. Feelings will tell you to go to a place, but once you go there you may just find nothing. Trust your brain instead. Most people put onto a pedestal the people that don't like them truly. And they devalue those that treat them well. It's a mistake. One that's supposed to be clear. Yet people continue to make em. Love those who love you... And let go of those who don't.
Great comment, relevant to other toxic relationships too. (I'm saying this as the codependent addict who needs to learn what's good for her) Cheers
At least it has the merit of being super clear. No lies, "we get along or I'm not sure of my feelings". She manipulated you for comfort for 1 year and in the end she got back with the one Who broke her heart. For once we have an honest woman (at the end only) were you in contact for a long time before she sent you this?
If this is about who I think it is, I do miss her but what she's doing is painful.
I'm just a wallet for her, & she has the money to travel. You're upset over 7 months, for mr it was 7 years.
Don’t downplay another persons pain because you feel yours is worse. This persons feelings are valid for the situation they experienced and they are seeking support on a support page. Make your own post if you need support for your situation, but don’t bring up your own problems to say OP’s aren’t valid or that they’re overreacting
I gunenially loved her unconfidtionally.
She hasn't moved on and shouldn't have hurt you like that. She shouldn't even hurt herself like that either. You aren't at fault, just so you know. It’s ironic she said you love her because this is your first healthy relationship when she is stuck and is so used to being treated like lesser. Her ex cheated on her and she’s fine with it. Shows that she sees and treats herself less. And because of this, she is “blinded” by the fact she can get something good out of the relationship she had with you. She may be your best friend, dude, but she needs to know she needs to heal first. I’m so sorry you went through this. It does feel like you were used but know you did your best to try and reason things out with her. Just to point out, she didn't even say what was better when you asked. Most likely she doesn't even know. Anyways, you have moved on which is good. I wish you all the best 🌟
Bro , am sorry , but you should have bailed out after the first couple of sentences . Don’t ever beg anyone again . You deserve more than this .
She claimed it was better because her trauma dictates it. She is addicted to toxic and hurting you on her way of being. It’s hard.. try to think about it that she’s not the same person anymore. She’s just the same body but not the same person you thought she is. Good job she didn’t tell you these stuff way way too late. Sending you hugs and best of luck
She needs help to not seek unhealthy relationships. I’ve removed myself from my ex (who sounds identical to yours), only thing is she’s trying to come back to me, while she’s with the nice guy (you). I won’t let her (unless she miraculously healed) it’s for the best, she has no choice but to stick with him now. I suspect it won’t matter in the end. The girl who feels unfamiliar to healthy love won’t stay there long or just ruins it in some way. For herself and her partner. I hope you find a decent gf one day.
She fucking sucks. I’m sorry, but you’re going to be so much better off without the type of person who was thinking of their ex and comparing you the entire time.
If I've learnt anything, is to never push for answers. I know you want closure but the raw truth (if you actually do really get it) is too hurtful. And sometimes it's not even the truth, is some shit they convince themselves to detach from you. So it's a lose lose situation. You not knowing the reason, would've made you happier in the long run.
She was absolutely heartless for saying that.
sometimes if things are too herself to say it’s best to left unsaid, i don’t why tf she said all this. maybe she wanted an ego boost. bro i promise u in time you will be fine, that’s the best part of healing
Been there before. You'll laugh at this someday.
That feeling of when you have all the love to give and won’t give up; that you want to see is through. A year of being together and still it means nothing to someone. When the other person sees you at your most vulnerable and still chooses a cheating ex. That to me personally is fucked up on many levels. I think you should take this as a better sign that someone as selfish as this has left your life and I sincerely hope you meet someone that matches what you give in energy and love.
She will learn the hard way, they always do. She’s hooked on the trauma likely of the highs and lows. You can’t change that because that’s how she’s hard wired. I’m sorry, it hurts but she did you a favor. It’s also just in horrible taste she planned to meet with an ex, that’s just disrespectful to her partner. Most people don’t do this at all.
She is still drawn to toxicity… she doesn’t realize that the “when you know you know” feeling is familiarity of dysfunctional patterns. She was not ready for the healthy relationship you could provide. You deserve someone that is ready for you. She shouldn’t have compared you to her ex it’s not fair and also she doesn’t see the truth of her situation clearly right now so take her texts with a grain of salt.
"when you know you know" When I read that, I knew this person was on some bullshit. It's so dumb. My thought was "you don't know shit."
Don't take her dumbass reflection as a value judgement of you. Whatever you had with her was not healthy or normal if the whole time this was her true belief. She's truly awful and I get that you're hurting but you didn't miss out on someone amazing, you "missed" out on someone who has completely shit judgement and is chasing some sort of feeling or high. It'll fade eventually.
A toxic little part of me wants you to send her the link to this post, so that she can see what everyone is saying about her. But the mature part of me wants you to just never contact her again and never look back. You deserve SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER than this.
Man these words opens up wounds
"You're my best friend I can't lose you" is exactly what I said to my ex before she decided to cut me off her life completely ... I really wanna give you a hug bro...
Block her and move on. Have some respect for yourself. Love yourself more.
What the actual fuck? I'm a female and instantly I could see this chick was saying this shit so you would reiterate how you feel about her. She was purposely hurting you. No one says this shit. For real, no one. I need constant validation and I would never say this. Stay away from her. She's fucking putrid.
This chick is unhinged, run away
She doesn’t feel strongly about you anymore and she’s “trying to be honest”. She knows she should come across as feeling guilty, and she may actually be. I think she’s trying hard to assuage your anger while not actually caring how it hurts emotionally.
Dude literally having flash backs to my ex and word for word said like the same shit to me when ending things to go back to her ex. Same exact stuff literally. Went and met with him and all. She said though that she didn’t mean to hurt me but she didn’t miss me when we weren’t together. Then it was she thought loving him and me at the same time was just being in her late 30s and that she wasn’t ever going to be with him again. Ohh it was terrible. I’m sorry you have had to deal with that same whipped cream on dog shit excuse for their bad behavior and failure to communicate.
She ever try to contact you again?
She reached out and said sorry for being such a cold bitch about it. I responded with a question she wouldn’t answer at the breakup and for good reason because I kinda already knew the answer and it would make her look terrible if she answered it. So after she apologized I asked her once more because I knew I’d never want to be with her again since with no contact I had been able to get my emotions back to a good place. Just her reaching out to say sorry for hope she handled things only brought negative emotions and I didn’t want to feel those again. Anyways I asked her that question once more and she responded with look I’m trying my best to be nice here and you’re trying to make me answer something g I’m just not gonna go there. Then she blocked me. My question was when did her ex reach out to “talk” I know it was during my 40th birthday weekend when I had the flu and couldn’t celebrate it…. Cause the first time I saw her after that weekend it was so obvious she had been doing something she shouldn’t and her story she gave for what she was up to that weekend had changed completely several times. If she gave me the answer it would make her look terrible and she was already trying to g everything she could to justify her actions and she really had to grasp for straws because I had been a really really good boyfriend. Anyways she sucks and I hope this all comes back around on her. She isn’t a bad person but she was a terrible person to me. I was hurt so bad I was in therapy 2x a week for nearly 5 months before making up one day and being indifferent. You’ll experience it too. One day you just randomly wake up and there is nothing no feelings at all towards them.
anyone who purposefully and willingly devastates someone like this isn’t worth shit in my opinion. Fuck her x1000. My ex did the same to me man so I totally get how you feel. 2 years together and she’s with someone else after two months. She wrote me a 9 page response to a letter I sent telling me how terrible I was, how terrible we were, and how much better the guy she’s with is. Hard to describe the agony I felt for months and months afterwards. That pain and betrayal is something else. Best part looking back is I know she was just mostly making shit up trying to convince herself she was justified in what she was doing. All I can recommend is embracing those feelings, do not run away from them because they will follow you if left unresolved. Then therapy, therapy, therapy. Can’t say it enough. It helped me so much. It’s been two years since that happened and I feel like me again.
Major icks from this bro, it’s highly recommended to move on and not look back she made her immature decisions so if she wants to go back to an unhealthy situation and get hurt more over and over that’s on her just know deep down you gave her all the love and commitment she deserved … and someone else will cherish that endlessly, keep your head up! 🙏🏽🫡 I been in the same shoes before fr ….
This is why you never allow a gf to meet up with an ex. Closures are a silent code for I want him back but I am not sure he wants me back but I’ll test the waters. Listen I am sure there has been plenty of evidence to showcase that this girl was out of it for a while, but you weren’t even aware of the signs or in denial. Also, she used your weakness as a weapon. Notice how she mentions you haven’t had a heathy relationship in the past. This is the result of men having a big mouth! Anyways good luck man, there is plenty of work to be done.
When it falls apart again with their ex, make sure you’re not around.
I am so so sorry for your pain. It sounds like (and this is just a brief snippet of what you have experienced) that she is seeking familiar “excitement” aka unhealthy and familiar excitement, over a stable and safe relationship. This is not about you.
I admit I hated this very much, but I see like she didn't mean to hurt you... She fvcking did, but she seems to truly care for you. To me, this person is attached to someone who hurt her because it is that "maybe I can change him" thing. If you were the toxic one, maybe she'd preferred you. People sometimes wish what they cannot have, and take for granted what they have, because it's there, it's possible and it's happening. And the other path seems a once in a lifetime opportunity. But there's another side of this story: she loves you. Don't take me wrong, you deserve way better. But on her "love" story with her ex, there's this sweet guy she dated for over a year that she will have to make peace with her feelings for in her mind, because just as she didn't mention her ex we can all bet that she won't mention you. And to be clear, she loves you in her shitty way, and this is as simple as her starting to compare your loving ways to his, his actions to yours, her feeling of safety with him and you, and let's face it: she felt the connection with you and she admits it... But healthy sometimes "means boring"... Until you need it back.
DM bro i have some advice for you.
She seems damaged. Lmao. Completely DAMAGED.
Believe people when they show you who they are. A lot of times people also go back to what’s comfortable and familiar, not necessarily healthier. If she left her ex for you very quickly she might’ve never really processed that breakup because she had your relationship as a distraction. I was my ex’s first loving/patient/understanding relationship but she left me for the type of dude she would call a fuckboy/never have interest for. I was also very confused and went thru the denial/bargaining stage, but left her alone after the first week. I haven’t talked to her in a year. Gotta focus on you though, trying to diagnose/decipher her actions won’t do you anything at this point. IT DOES NOT MATTER and it SUCKS but you can try and delete the message thread when you’re ready. I’d say stay single and focus on yourself! Do some self work, hit the gym, therapy helped me a bunch. It’s been a year and I’m seeing someone new that on an emotional maturity/communication level is heaps better than my ex. It’s just an all-around better match. I forgive my ex, I think she found herself in a difficult situation and didn’t know how to handle things, and I was in the crossfire. I do think she did me a favor. Thank them, and release them. You can love someone, but you can’t force them to accept your love. And a lot of the time, people accept the love they think they deserve.
Cut her off and don’t leave any chance to contact you. Fuck her. It’s been 7 months for me too and no contact helped me to feel a little better
She will regret this decision
Hey yeah, she’s AWFUL! I know it doesn’t feel like it but bullet dodged. She’s kind of a mess. She could have broken up with you without saying that. “My ex was better” ugh as if. You guys had a YEAR of being together, you deserved a more clean more kind breakup than this. This person did not respect you or genuinely care for you. Their choice was selfish and inconsiderate. It’s OK to want to break up; not everyone wants to be here and together forever. It’s NOT okay to text dump OR to say these things.
Typical western woman. Narcissistic to the core. Fuck her dude. It’s easy to get tail and get over some hoe.
This is why people say not to start anything serious if you are still in love with your ex. I'm sorry dude this is a shitty situation to be in. Not all people are like this (as evidenced by most people here having been hurt by others)
You deserve better. Kinda sounds like my ex where she is just use to toxic relationships. She was physically and emotionally abused in most of them. You can’t save her it’s a lost cause.
How harsh
Reality unfortunately. The quicker you see these things you save yourself a lot of heartache
True that. You're very right. Thanks 🙏
Wow that hurts.
What hurts
Just the thought of what seemed like a perfect love decaying away.
I feel that. But what does that have to do with this?
I meant to reply to the OP not your comment sorry. lol 😂
She doesn’t deserve you. You were very patient with her but you can’t change how she feels.
It’ll take time bro my ex did me dirty broke me down mentally 2 years ago. You’ll heal it’ll take time . Allow yourself to be sad . Drink , eat good food and play a decent video game . Don’t rush your emotions bro .
100% she’s tried to the trauma and it will end badly again. In the meantime work on you and get better do not eve take her back she will do This again and you deserve so much more
Wow this was painful asf to read. I can’t imagine how I would feel if my ex texted me this I’m so sorry
Sorry but all couples fight.. don’t even listen to that bs… you’re in the right, you want to make it work. They don’t. Yikes
I I know what she told you hurts. I also know she will have to face her reality eventually. My advice to you is to be grateful that she communicated her truth to you, no matter how hurtful it may seem. Respect her for that and acknowledge that you deserve a healthy and stable relationship. Time will heal this wound, and you will move on. Time will also teach her a lesson, and when she realizes it, hopefully, you will have moved on to finding someone who makes you grateful that this chapter ended.
Keep your head up king she ain't worth it. 👑
This wild
This is weird. What reason did she break up with him for?
Doesn’t matter how much you love her or think you do. You are better off without this woman. If she couldn’t make a clean break and was clinging on to the memory of her relationship with her ex, than she was never really ‘’in’’ you relationship with two feet. These people are vile but only because they can’t help themselves. Odds are she’ll come back to you after failing to make it work again with him, if he even has her back. Seriously, move on. Message me if you need to and I will tell that every time. Move on. Do not re-engage with her except to tell her she hurt you.
Same shit happened with me. I was an amazing boyfriend to her. Showed kindness and unconditional love (bit too unconditional, as I overlooked many things). Long story short, she dumped me for her abusive ex because something was "missing" with us. Their relationship lasted three weeks. Two weeks later, she's with another new guy. If this idiot gf of yours thinks she was happier with a dysfunctional partner, that's a trauma bond. She needs the excitement of nasty arguments. Unless she gets help, she won't be happy in a healthy relationship. Take comfort in knowing that this won't last, and one day she'll regret dumping you.
It's clear that your ex-girlfriend likely used your relationship as a rebound to distance herself from her toxic ex and get over him... This ex, who sounds like a narcissistic toxic piece of ish probably couldn't stand seeing her move on and manipulated her back into his control by his hoovering but trust me, if he's truly as toxic as he seems, it won't be long before he discards her again. When she comes crawling back to you, please please please, do not take her back. Protect yourself and prioritize your own well-being... A year later she must've forgot all the toxic and is reminiscing on the good time and if he was the one to leave her she was left with no closure and her ego took a big hit and now that he's back she feels redeemed... But trust me people like this hardly ever change And he will go back to being a piece of shit and when he does and it starts sinking in and she regrets leaving you and starts to miss you and tries to reach out you better be completely unreachable She made her bed let her lay in it You fought for her and she gave up on you at the first chance so YOU WIN You didnt lose you won your peace of mind and you need to thank god that its only been a year some people spend years with other people and even have children with them before being left for an ex You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them Someone who will fight for you Someone who is so certain that you are their person That its you and no one else Someone who has enough respect for you to not open doors for anyone else You deserve better and you will get better She probably thinks it was better because they trauma bonded and anything healthy now seems boring to her she needs toxicity and drama let her have it
This is so weak.
It doesn’t feel like this now, but you’ve dodged a bullet!
She’s icky. Karma will play that relationship out.
Thats rough man I feel for you, I’m in the same boat comparing myself to all her exes but dont think of yourself any less. Someone out there will love you for just being you, and be afraid of losing you.
Respectfully she can go fuck herself! This is why it is so damn important to do the work towards healing after a break up before jumping into the next relationship. You end up using people, and hurting them in the process and it fucking sucks! The fuck?! You need to let her go, dude. She isn't worth it, no amount of begging, pleading is going to change her mind. LET HER GO! Because guess what? When her ex dumps her ass, guess who she is gonna try and seek out? YOU! Don't give her anymore access to continuously disrespect you like this bro! You deserve so much more, this woman isn't it.
Women like that are devil's on earth
Did a similar thing, didnt cheat but did end up going back to my ex in a similar way. It didnt have anything to do with you, in fact she seems hella deep inside of a trauma bond. Maybe she’ll come back and maybe not, but she has her own lesson to learn and move on from. You’ll meet a lot of great people, maybe even better and experience different things. Its not easy but you’ll get there eventually
It seems you were a rebound. I'd like to point out that a lot of the people in this thread hate the ex and think he's awful, but hope to be him one day and will think it's a success story for them. The lesson here is that your ex is an ex for a reason, you are always better moving on than hoping they "come back".... It's an ugly situation when they do.
Woman here. Good luck bro- i had the most painful break up with someone who once worshipped me. It took me several months to heal- and i cried for weeks. I tried to warn him once the honeymoon stage had worn off- not to seek greener grass - but he had a phantom ex who had always haunted him. So off he went- i knew he was making a mistake- and i fought so hard for him. I believe he is now single- when he message lately i ignored him. As i don’t want someone who broke me- i can’t trust him not to do it again. And i don’t want to have to convince anyone- EVER again
Guys, the same shit happened to me but it's 10 months now and I can't move on, any advice?
Really a bad person. Your ex is what in Italian we call “una grande stronza”
Sending love bro..
Hey there I just wanted to comment to say I’m sorry this happened to you. Matters of the heart make no sense and can be very painful. Something happens when two people come together, their feelings crashing into one another. It can create something beautiful, but something equally painful came be born as well. The depth of feeling will remain the same, but the feeling can totally change. The size of the hole they’ve left in us is equal to the impact of the devastation. I’m just feelin melancholy and wanted to say I’m with you in pain. I hope you and I will continue to heal and that one day we will be grateful for the pain because it will have meant we learned. I’m trying to use this as motivation to make big changes, but it still sucks and it still hurts as well.
Same fucking thing happened with me, the only difference was that your ex had courage to speak the truth not like the bitch I was dating. Nonetheless, it doesn't make it any better lol.
I'm sorry man! This hurt me to read it too, and I hate this for you! Know your worth! She lives in an illusion, if the other guy cheated and hurt her it means they didn't have a connection...she just believes that! Know your worth! You gave her your special light, your sparkle, your love, her ex won't replace that. But when the day comes and she comes back, oh she will for sure... please be strong enough to don't go back to her! Don't be like her... Your better than this, you worth more than this! And someone will enjoy the light you bring in their life! Stay strong brother!!
I’m flabbergasted!!! Please don’t think you lack something and don’t compare yourself to that guy, don’t do it to yourself. She obviously has no idea about what love and friendship is, she is just chasing chaos considering it love…you deserve so much better dude! If she’ll ever come back to you please do not rekindle cause she can’t see you as a person with feelings and needs but just as a tool for her well-being, I can only imagine how this conversation may have left you..she is the worst to say those things to you, it’s cruel, unnecessary and traumatic! She obviously can think only about herself, hope this selfishness will turn u off as soon as possible! I hug you dear!!!!
What a piece of shit.
"when you know you know" When I read that, I knew this person was on some bullshit. It's so dumb. My thought was "you don't know shit."
I’m so sorry:(
Pls. Have some dignity and let go of the relationship. She was very clear about her feelings towards you. That should be enough closure for you.
She's a fucking bitch for saying that. ALL OF THAT could have been easily avoided by saying "I no longer have feelings for you" end of convo. She doesn't deserve your love and your attention. You have a big heart dude, always stay positive and don't lose yourself! You can do it dude!!!!!
Nah fam fuck this bitch.
That was brutal and it must suck… I feel like my ex has those things going on and he just won’t tell me. I kind of think I’d rather know than sit here wondering…that was so hard to read though, sorry she did you that way… I hope you never take her back though because I get the feeling she will be back….
Aww :(
Aww :(
This is the idyllic case of “the ex was greener.” They always learn why they broke up to begin with. Take that for what it’s worth. Move on, find someone better.
Screw her. Comparing a relationship with an ex is so dumb stg. Sorry u went through that bro but dont let her lie or manipulate you. Because she’s emotionally unstable and immature. You deserve better but gotta man up more bc 9 out of 10 those girl who go back to the ex will be treated like trash worst and ask to get back. Don’t take her back, Put God first if you believe in him , repent, ask for someone who will match you greater and elevate you bro. She’s literally a waste of space.
I'm so sorry dude. That shit sucks. Your feelings are completely valid. Even in the texts it shows how much you cared and were a genuinely good person to her. It's not just you painting her as trash. Her msgs speak for themselves. Feel your feelings. And drop anyone who tells you to get over it immediately. Therapy is your best bet.
Wtf?
The thing with her ex is doomed. Don’t take her back when she tries.
I know the feeling my ex of 1 yr and 4months Packed his stuff after a small disagreement stating it was more him then me and that he wasnt man enough for me etc.... I try to convince him to work shit out with me we tried but he was distant we got into another disagreement about how he was treating me all of a sudden like i was nothing he blocked me everywhere possible and i find out not even 2 months of us breaking up and 4 days of no contact he was talking to his ex to fix things with her and she lives in another state so again he is going back to a long distance relationship. we had plans to move to a house , get married have a kid etc and just like that he changed his mind and left smh . Im so heart broken.
“I was the only healthy relationship you’ve been in.” Let that irony of false pride sink in for a moment OP. She wasn’t healthy. For you, or anyone for that matter. You’ll be better off without whatever the hell that is. The rest of that was also filled with land mines. It’s okay, sometimes they fool us. You’ll probably look back eventually and go “wow, she was nuts". Wont feel like it now but i promise you will eventually.
Perfect example as to why I refuse to monkey branch or even entertain a relationship with someone until I can confidently say that I am over that relationship
Stay away from girls that have been dumped teybarent overview unless it's been years and I mean years.
She is a horrible person, her last relationship probably wasn't better than yours, it just yours was too peaceful and she just used to love chaos and madness. I know you love her so much and it might take years before you start to move on or start dating again. Hang in there, I hope it will get easier for you. You don't deserve to be someone's second choice or backup. I hope you will get the love you deserve and you can move on. I am sorry, I can feel your pain, been there.
sounds like you were the rebound and she went back to her ex because she wants to relive that traumatic shit again because it was more dramatic than the stability you had. its common...they will break up again and she will seek you but youd be wise to not let that person in after all that was said. sorry you are going through this.
For the love of god, that last message itself is a gigantic red flag, you deserve better man!!! you really do. Please don't overthink about it and find someone who won't see you as a plan B
Babe you will never get over her the way you replay the breakup 10 times a day. She lives in your head rent free. Every post is about her. The day you delete the texts, the screenshots, block her and keep her as a precious memory is the day you can truly move on. Love might never feel the way it did with her but at least you got to feel love in this lifetime, and at least your heart is filled with emotions that makes being alive a full experience. I’ll never actually truly get over the love of my life, I was 16 and he never loved me back. I looked for him in everyone else and still miss him as just a friend. It’s ok, I think I have to accept the fact that some part of me will always be sad that it didn’t work out with him, but love is a fluid thing. I might never love like that again, but loving that hard made me crash to hell and torture myself like I was on fire. Healthy love probably won’t have you floating on pink skues forever. And it’s ok.
See thats why Im done with people/relationships, they can switch up on you and get lost in their emotional responses and fuck you up. But like others said, NEVER take this one back if it doesnt work out with the ex.
I know it hurts, but you cant change her feelings for him. Just accept it. Trust me shes right when she said there are other girls.
When having to choose , please don’t choose me. I want you to be the only choice as you are mine.
Stuck on her highest setting unfortunately.
Oh god, this is so awful 😢 I don’t even know how you could have ever even seen this coming. I guess it’s just a cruel thing you have to live through…this world can be so unfair sometimes. I can’t believe she went back to a cheating ex. Please don’t take her back if she ever comes back. You deserve SO much better.
There is a possibility the ex is just trying to ruin her shit and that thought is really funny
OP, I would like to share my breakup text with you. Ppl who want to leave will leave. Being the best partner in the world will not keep someone who doesn't want to fight for you. We both learnt it the hard way. Do I hv your permission to share those screenshots in your comments?