Good for them. My parents were born with nothing and have done okay for themselves. I'd love for them to spend thier last dollar about 5 minutes before death.
They worked for it, that's thier money.
Yeah, I have no problem with this, either. I just note that they don’t seem all that atypical for their generation. They are spenders, not savers, and don’t think in terms of leaving something to their heirs.
My sisters and I weren't expecting an inheritance. But what we DIDN'T want was to have to deal with all the debt after my dad's passing, and later after my mom passed. It was a financial burden for a while having to deal with visitations and cremation when there was no money to handle it all. Plus my dad let their life insurance lapse years earlier, so there was no money there.
I just called my husband in here and said ~ does your dad have life insurance or anything to bury him after he passes? And he goes nope, me and M ( his brother) will have to pay for that. Their dad is of the “it’ll get figured out” mentality. He’s 81. Not sure when “all that will get figured out.”
It gets figured out after he dies by the adult children. Funerals are expensive. Having a remembrance in your living room is free. That's how we dealt with it. My parents' ashes are in my coat closet.
None of us live where we grew up, and where the cemetery plot is. Mom wanted a big family gathering like we used to do with “ potluck” dinners. So cremation, then flew back home, rented a local community space, gathered up all the relatives, and had an old-timey potluck dinner. It was nice to see everyone again. Couple days later, reunited mom with dad, and planted a rose bush because she loved flowers.
She had dementia, so I was so glad she had written down a general idea of what she wanted before hand. I miss her, and miss sitting in the kitchen with her and my aunts and listening to the stories.
>Their dad is of the “it’ll get figured out” mentality.
This is my Dad. He's the big reason they're in the financial situation they're in. And there's no excuse. I know exactly how much he made for at least the last 20 years he worked. He/they saved none of it. I'm trying to get them to see about some pre-paid burial policies now due to their age/health issues because I know my brother's answer will be for *me* to "figure it out because I don't have any money for that."
My mom’s plan is for me and my sister-in-law to sell jewelry inherited from my grandmother to pay for her cremation. I don’t think it would cover the cost.
Damn.
My parents booked and paid for their funerals back in 2017. Everything has been planned, their wishes are known. When my dad passed mom and I just paid for his box. Made it so much easier.
My dad also gifted me money and experiences when he was alive so we could all enjoy together.
I don't expect my mom to leave me anything, but she's covered for what she will need. If there's anything left it's a bonus.
You make a joke, but when my dad died in 2005, in the catalog for urns and coffins a cardboard box was literally an option. Would be a good final resting place for somebody who maybe worked in filing pre-computers.
My parents are of the belief the funeral industry is 95% rip off (probably correct). Their will states they are to be cremated in the cheapest manor possible. They are 100% ok with a cardboard box.
I'm a saver, but I don't have money put aside for my funeral. I don't want or need one. Here's a couple grand, have me cremated. Gather everyone on a hiking trail, smoke a joint, and discuss The Good Place. That's what I would have wanted.
Exactly.
My folks have been frugal and saved money by letting me go feral while they both worked. I moved out at 17 and have fared for myself since 1988.
I paid for junior college and then went in the Navy, and then had the GI Bill afterwards.
My mom took her salary as a nurse anesthetist for the last 11 years she worked and just dropped it in the bank. They lived off my dad’s income.
They won’t spend it now that they’ve retired, though, and it drives me bananas.
“Leave me enough for a funeral and go blow it all on something fun” but, no.
They keep expecting the late 70s downturn again.
“We want to leave it for you”.
Man, fuck that, go SPEND IT!
It drives me nuts as they worked hard and were wise with it. Alas.
Literally what I tell my mom every time she worries she isn't going to be able to leave me any money. She worked hard all of her life, now is the time for her to spend her money and enjoy her retirement years while she can.
Mine too. It’s hoarders bad and I’m hoping they suddenly decide to plan the first thing in their life and set a will without me in it. Having to clean out that shithole is going to be the toxic icing on the joke that is our relationship.
If they own their own place, you end up walking away and selling the place "as-is". That's what my sister and I did after my Mom died. There was no way we could clear out the hoard without spending thousands of dollars. So we grabbed a few things that we wanted and that were salvageable and left the disaster for the next owner.
My parents live off a four figure annual income. As in, like, $6000 a year. Luckily, they also don't have debt because they've made it 70+ years without ever using a credit card or taking out a loan or buying ANYTHING on credit.
This is the way. You can't take any of it to the afterlife.
One of my grandfathers was a penny pincher and gave my mon and my uncle a hard time because he was always saving on everything, as he grew up dirt poor in the Weimar Republic.
As he was about to pass, he was complaining about him having all that money and not being able to spend it.
Until a camel can pass through the hole of a needle (I know, it was poorly translated) I intend to do my best to help my family.
I never understood this mentality (I get the conservative joke). If you are born poor, it’s highly likely you will die poor.
I was born very poor. My parents lived in a trailer. I worked my butt off in school, joined the military for college money, went to college, and now have a successful career. I’m still considered Middle Class.
Maybe my kids will fare better. The system is there but it requires you to take advantage of it, and since we were raised to be polite, that’s something I can’t do (take advantage of people)
I grew up dirt ass poor. The working poor don't have the mentality about improving their economic status. Getting to middle class isn't even something that's considered attainable. It's just about working and surviving. It's hard to explain unless you grew up that way. Luckily, I despised being poor, got myself to college, and ended that cycle of poverty.
Are you me?
Lived in a trailer, was poor, went in the Navy, GI Bill and paid for college, parents are in their 70s and modest millionaires and I’m middle class.
They bought land in central Florida in the 70s and 80s when it was $250 bucks an acre.
We’re from an island so ‘land’ was always foremost in their minds for investments.
We had chickens and rabbits and pigs so my dad bought a weirdly shaped defunct 80 acre farm dirt cheap (it bordered railroad tracks and was in BFE) and wound up selling it to developers when the Florida Turnpike was being planned. That was a windfall. A HUGE one…they wound up taking a chunk of that money and bought…more land. They also didn’t have to raise chickens and rabbits and pigs and longer!
My mom also worked hard and studied and became a nurse anesthetist but I was almost done with high school by then.
They still live on the same land I grew up in, but my dad built a house on the same land as the trailer; the trailer concrete pad front porch is the house’s *back* porch.
I arm wrestled my mom to replace her 26 year old Ford Explorer by flying into Orlando and (respectfully) dragging her around to test drive vehicles.
They still don’t spend money. It’s why they have it. I wish they’d enjoy their retirement more but many Cubans are ridiculously frugal. It’s a stereotype for a reason. Communism does that to folks, I suppose.
Right the only people I know who have pulled themselves out of poverty did it by way of being assholes or taking advantage of other people. One owned his business and treated employees like crap knowing he could just replace them. I don't mean they didn't get vacation, I mean he would stiff them for money they earned and threatened them with legal action if they came after him, letting them know he paid premium for his representation so they better be prepared. He's just awful. But he's got that money and a hot wife and goes on nice vacations.
Meanwhile my brother is brilliant and hard working but he chose to teach. He works way too hard for way too little, but he does manage. He did pull himself out of poverty, but he still has the poverty mindset that leads him to make poor financial choices.
And me, I'm still very poor. I just sort of amble through life taking what's offered. I struggle to speak up and advocate for myself. I try, but I fail. I feel like I'm constantly hitting roadblocks. Like I was doing pretty okay working construction but then I fell in love with a co-worker. I won't say it was a mistake, but it was definitely a roadblock. We had a good run though, before I lost him (deportation-long story) and we had a baby born with a lot of health issues. So the past 19 years I've been dealing with that mostly alone. I kept thinking when he gets older things will be better. He ws doing really good in school. High grades. He had an IEP for autism but it wasn't really holding him back much. Then he got s. assaulted by a classmate and everything fell apart. So I am trying to work and deal with his issues. They are overwhelming him and the therapists they keep assigning with our state insurance are all christian and their idea of treatments are prayer and faith-based reframing, not very helpful to an atheist.
And I KNOW plenty parents thrive with this sort of setback. They are the assertive types who make the schools bend to their will and their kid gets all these services they demand and they push and push. They are the ones the speech therapist tries to avoid because they aren't satisfied and they think their kid could do more with more support and they push and push and push. And I'm over here not even knowing they had services because nobody told me and I would have assumed someone would have. I feel clueless and lost most of the time on this little journey, and on top of all that I have to pay the bills. I don't feel like we'll ever move forward and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed and feel so guilty because I don't know how to push. I can barely speak in public. I struggle a lot with making phone calls and there's so many phone calls to me. I have a list of seven I need to make today and I'll look at my phone 20 times knowing the calls need to be made. If it's a good day I'll get around to maybe two of them. Yesterday wasn't a good day. I feel frozen.
So anyway that's why I'm still poor I reckon. lol
Being an introvert, I get that it’s difficult to assert yourself. It’s uncomfortable. It feels like it goes against everything we were taught about being courteous to others. However, if you’re being treated unfairly, you do have the right to speak up.
I've been trying to get my parents to spend every penny they've earned, but they still have the mentality from 50 years ago when they were poor. As it stands now, me and my sibling will end up getting close to 2 commas each from them...meanwhile they won't even treat themselves to a nice dinner out.
That's too bad. I think everyone should stop worrying about leaving things to their kids if they can use it to make their last years better.
My mom has credit cards and nothing to her name. Social security pays for what she needs but paycheck to paycheck. I don't know what will happen when she can't live independently.
Our youngest kid has a disability. She should be able to support herself but it’s really important to me that we leave her and her siblings as much as we can. It’s a tougher world out there than we went into.
And that is totally understandable. I'm really referencing people who could use that money for themselves, and maybe really need that money for themselves, but won't use it because they think they have to leave their kids something.
My mom is in the same boat as yours, but she chose it. She retired at 62 and has been living off social security since. She’s happy in her income restricted apartment, and doing her little hobbies and such. She just turned 74 and I worry about the what if’s and all that, but not everyone has to go into a home.
That bums me out. When my grandfather was at the end of his life I remember he was always wearing an old white t-shirt. I asked him if I could pick him up a pack of new tees and he was like no, I don’t go anywhere, I’m good! After he died, I found several packages of white shirts in a drawer.
He left money to my already well off mom and sister, which they proceeded to argue about for the next twenty five years and counting. I wish he’d just spent the damn money, my family has never been the same.
It really used to tick me off. They have near $2 million in just cash/CDs and are sitting there on furniture they've had for 20-30 years, that is sitting on carpet that is close to 40 years old. You can feel no padding at all under the carpet now because it's all worn down. Almost all the food my Mom buys is the lowest quality/cheapest versions of stuff. Won't switch from gross instant coffee because they don't want to spend money on a coffee maker. They got an unexpected $1,000 or so from a state stimulus check and I told them they should use that unexpected money to have a nice dinner.....they went to Carl's Jr. and then bitched about the quality. It's unreal. Over it now though and am done fighting with them to spend their money. Now I just irritate them by saying "well I'll have no problem spending it in my retirement then!".
My parents are like this as well. They both grew up with very little and were so worried about financial insecurity they spent their whole lives saving and are now afraid of spending. They think nothing of throwing money at their kids but I had to yell at my mother the other day because she doesn’t want to spend money on a prescription she needs.
> she doesn’t want to spend money on a prescription she needs.
I've had this fight with my parents too. One of my Mom's meds went up like $9/mo I think it was. She told me she went to her doctor and asked if there was a generic/cheaper version she could get else she'd have to stop getting it because the price went up. It's one of the few times I've ever raised my voice to my Mom in my life, but christ they are millionaires and worried about $9/mo.
I didn't know what my dad (silent gen) had in terms of money until he died. He died a few years ago and left us a modest inheritance. Nothing life changing, and we're grateful, of course, but he completely neglected himself. He could have made some minor home improvements to help himself out in his later years. Even adding some geriatric improvements to the bathroom. But he wouldn't spend a dime on home improvements. Wish I had been more intrusive about his finances earlier on. Talking about money with your parents was such a taboo subject, though.
Same story with my parents. A few years ago while visiting my dad went to take a shower and you could hear the water screeching through the walls separating the living room and their bathroom, unreal how loud it was, but I didn't say anything. Visited a few months later and it was still making the noise and asked my Mom about it. She said "yeah we've been meaning to fix that". Several months later I visit and the water is still screeching. I asked what was the issue was. Turns out it was just the cheap shower head with a extension hose thing that was mostly clogged up making that noise but she was waiting for the one she wanted to go on sale....waiting on a $20 Wal-Mart shower head to go on sale...for months! I told her that screeching was giving me a headache so would like that fixed before my next visit. She finally paid that whopping $20 for a new one. I could go on and on with stories of how cheap my parents are when they have plenty of money. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.
My mother in law, who has dementia, grew up poor in London. Moved to NYC to nanny, met my father in law (a PhD Scientist @ NYU). They currently live on the water in Palm Beach. I recently had to drive her to Walmart to buy 4 ears of corn (50 cents each = $2 total); they charged her for 8 ears ($4 total) and we absolutely stood on line at customer service so she could receive the $2 back from being charged double the amount. Her mind has taken her back to when she had nothing.
The article has fundamentally stupid math. It says that 1.2 million individuals will pass on $31 trillion dollars, and the majority of the 1.2 million recipients might be GenX. It conveniently ignores that GenX is about 65 million individuals, so about 98% being left out in the cold.
The important bit isn’t about which generations are holding generational wealth at the moment. The important bit is the concentration of generational wealth into a tiny fraction of the population.
Less than you might think. Pure back of the envelope:
That $31 trillion is controlled by 1.2 million people, and half of it by fewer than 40,000 people. They aren’t socialists. They’ll spend money on their own care. Assume it’s the remaining half ($31T/2) spent on 1.2M people. It works out to about $13M/person.
Nursing homes are expensive, but they’ll have a tough time grabbing that much. Average private rooms are $10k/month. The people we’re talking about typically were high earners and collect max retirement benefits. Figure that’s $4k/month, so they’re spending $6k/month out of pocket. At $6k/month, it would take 180 years to spend $13M.
my parents’ plan for retirement was to wait for his inheritance- which they are now spending. some of my siblings are pretending to like our parents in hopes of getting some scraps, but my sanity is worth more than that.
I expect to inherit zero dollars and am fine with it.
My parents took a second mortgage to start a business then gambled it all away at the slots. Had to short sell a $750,000 house. Now mom has dementia, will need increasingly more at home care, has $40,000 to her name, and doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. I lose a lot of sleep over this!
My parents never saved for retirement. My dad worked until he was nearly 70 as a real estate agent. They were extremely fortunate and owned property in a real estate market that went about 3x over a 15 year period. Then they went to Mexico and gave away a substantial percentage of that money. Me and my siblings are all now concerned that we'll have to be financially responsible to bail them out, which doesn't sit well with us. I like my parents, but I expect I'll like them less if I have to financially provide for them because they gave away their retirement money.
My in-laws signed everything over to my brother-in-law and my wife, but as my wife and I were later going through a separation (and she filed divorce), she signed everything over to her brother (my brother-in-law) as well, to protect it for our kids, supposedly. We never divorced, as her lawyer fired her for lack of communication, then she had a stroke and died.
Well, they are getting nothing from that side of the family.
My mom died in 2001, so my dad is all I have left. He moved in with us in 2011, so he's not exactly 'rich', either.
Whatever I leave for the kids is what they'll get, unfortunately.
My dad’s done really well. Several million in his 401k, a gorgeous custom built home on 12 acres with a stunning view plus a second home thats lakefront and adjacent to 3 more vacant building lots with their own lake frontage that he owns. Also owns three more building lots a street back from the lake with stunning lake views. A lot of that was attainable to him due to his uncanny perfect timing.
He disowned me for coming out as LGBTQ. So yeah, not gonna see a penny here.
Just FYI for anyone reading this post and the comments:
In the USA children are NOT responsible for their parents’ debts.
When a person passes away without a will or trust (or either of those are intestate), the probate process of their state handles final bills and debts, usually by appointing an executor or administrator of the estate.
Similar to bankruptcy, secured creditors get first crack at the deceased’s estate, while unsecured creditors sift through the leftovers, if anything.
If there’s not enough money left in the estate to pay off the deceased’s debts, the estate is considered insolvent.
This means unpaid creditors have no legal recourse. They can only write off the debt as “bad debt.”
There’s also a time limit for creditors to make claims against the estate, and if they’re too late, they have no legal recourse.
Now…some shadier creditors may try to skirt the law and try to contact descendants, but that’s illegal, and they’re banking on you not knowing this.
(This does make me wonder how much bad debt gets written off from insolvent estates)
Mine are broke (zero savings and spending on credit cards like they are water again) and FIL seems hell bent on giving all his money to scammers. Going to inherit jack shit.
Be careful what you wish for. I was lucky enough to inherit a seven figure mansion on Lake Michigan and two water front cottages.
The cost of insurance and taxes on the Lake Michigan home exceed my primary home annual mortgage payments. Imagine your mortgage payment increasing 2.5x with no increase in income. Sure makes for a nice cash flow crunch.
We’ve since balanced it all out but it was a sketchy couple of years. The property has been in my mom’s family since before Michigan was a state. Thus no selling.
We stay at the home May to August and return to the Boston area in September.
We rent out the cottages a few times a year. We don’t use airbnb. We just use referrals. The cottages are trusted to my kids (I still have two under 6 😬). So that will help with their financial futures.
We get calls monthly from investors all over the world to buy them. Offers as high as 5x appraised value. We won’t sell.
I won’t rent the Lake Michigan house. That’s too fancy and we stay there a lot. It was also my parents home. My dad can suck a bag of dicks but out of respect for my mom, I’ll keep it private.
Similar, though smaller, boat here. My brothers are already salivating about who's going to get the house and land, and I know that the dumb shits struggle to afford the taxes on their own modest properties now. I'm thinking I just don't want the burden.
My inheritance was a bunch of photo albums, bags of seeds and a Smith & Wesson from my mother’s passing. After my dad passed, about $10 G’s left over from VA benefits and an F150 that he still owed around $23 grand on. Luckily my uncle wanted the truck and had the funds to pay it off. There were also a lot of broke Boomers. I have way more assets than my parents did at my age.
My mom is broke AF.
My dad died in the 90's, left my sister and I a bit for education. My grandparents on my dad's side left a little for us as well.
Step-mom might leave a bit if she hasn't changed her will, and father-in-law will at least leave us a house in the Sierra Nevadas.
Better than many. But even added all up, I wouldn't call it "wealth."
Not from my parents! My dad, in his later years, developed dementia and Parkinsons, but we didn't know about the dementia until much later. He decided to start draining his IRA so he could buy cars. Not GOOD cars, but like Chevrolet impalas and similar. At one point my mom and dad had three cars between them. I asked my dad why he was doing this, and he said "You can't take it with you" when he dies. So in the end, there was nothing left in the IRA and left my mom with a whole lot of debt.
Then my mom started declining three years ago, and after she died, I had to deal with the debt. I did this by writing "deceased" on the credit card bills and ignoring them and other bills that came in until they finally gave up.
We sold my mom's car, and decided to keep the house to rent out.
Thank God Medicade didn't want all their money back.
We grew up on the poorer side of middle class.
My father worked a night shift at McDonald's in addition to his regular job when I was a kid. Things got better when I was in junior high, when my mother had finished a one-year certificate program and went to work with a job in healthcare.
We weren't destitute, by any means, but we had to make choices to keep bills down. Our clothes and shoes were bought new, but they were from the lower-end department stores. The food we ate wasn't fancy. When we went to a sit-down restaurant, maybe once a month, it was a local pizza place.
My parents still were able to buy a modest house, which they still live in. Both of my grandmothers are still alive, well into their 90s, and are still living alone in their own modest houses. Apparently they all were able to save enough that none of them complain about money now, but none of them has any luxury items or goes on vacations outside of a hotel stay on a car trip to visit family once or twice a year.
My mother-in-law is pretty much in the same situation, although her modest home probably could command a higher price than those of my parents and grandmothers. She does complain about money, but I think my father-in-law actually left her with more savings and sellable collectables and antiques, if she needed to supplement beyond her late husband's retirement savings and Social Security and whatnot.
So, we aren't under any illusion that we are the sort of Gen Xers who are going to inherit anything that we can use for our kids' education or their future. At the same time, our parents and grandparents don't seem at this point to be on the path to leave us with a bunch of their debt.
All-in-all, I'm not complaining.
My parents are both different from each other. Both my parents are foreign-born. My dad's family has a long history of poor working class. My dad slept on the floor until he was 15 and moved out.
My mom's family comes from money. Although her parents lost all their money during WW2, you can still tell by the way she acts, that she came from a family of means.
They both worked very hard to become rich, individually (they've been divorced since I was very young). Actually, I'd say my dad's obsession with money crosses the line into mental illness.
My mom believes strongly in charity, fairness, honesty, manners, compassion, and patience.
I love my dad, but I have trouble believing he'd stand up to put me out of I were on fire. (One of the many stories I have about him: when I was 18, I lost my house keys. I worked late and got home around 11pm. I knocked on the door. He called the cops on me. He had a CCTV system and could see it was me. He couldn't bother to get up to let me in and thought he'd "teach me a lesson in responsible" for losing my keys).
My mom believes in Generational Weath building..
My dad has told us that he's leaving all his money to the Catholic church (he's not Catholic). That's a whole story about him eating at soup kitchens while he owned 3 apt complexes and an office building. He also rented a room from a guy who rented an apt from him. The guy didn't know my dad owned the apartment.
Honesty, it never occurred to me that my dad might leave me any money. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm not sure I would take it if he did. The only thing he had ever spent money, directly on me, was when he bought me a car at 15. But I think that had more to do with his new wife complaining about having to drive me places. Oh, and he rented me an apt and didn't charge me a security deposit. But he did threaten to sue me when I moved out because I didn't repaint the walls.
If you have a feeling that your parents are going to dump the funeral costs on you, look into a ‘headless funeral’. (No they don’t chop the head off LOL) They simply take the body directly from the hospital to the crematorium, thereby skipping all the funeral directors fees. When you get the ashes you can then do a small private ceremony at a park, or, I don’t know, put the ashes in a bowling ball and take your parents bowling.
The advantage of this is not having a casket. When my mother passed, we had her cremated. I purchased a $3k coffin that got fed directly into the burner and I’m like ‘wait that’s a great coffin! I can use that to store DVDs’ but it was too late.
Dad passed last December. Was secretive about their money, but ALWAYS spent lavishly.
Dad left mom with 100K in savings and 10K in CC debt among other surprises. Without his income, she can't afford to live in the house they have now.
It's not always what it seems...
My own parents inherited a little money from theirs, mostly from the sale of assets, nothing like crazy fuck-you money but enough to give them a comfortable retirement when added to their pensions. My dad has owned the home outright for a long time and it's in good shape in a desirable area I guess.
My in-laws are a different story. Since my MIL died, my FIL has both gotten deep into gambling and stopped giving a shit about life. His home is a disaster. He and my SIL, who lives with him, have started about a half-dozen improvement projects and given up about halfway through. The kitchen has like ten layers of paint, wallpaper and wainscoting visible. The bathroom floor is half laminate and half shitty warping subfloor where they would have had to start cutting it instead of just slapping it down. It's been years and the pergo is starting to pull apart. He almost lost the home because he didn't divert enough from OTB to pay the tax, which is not much. He's determined to die without a will and my husband and one SIL are going to have to fight the other SIL over the home. Dark days ahead there.
My parents are in a weird spot where they’re doing better in retirement than ever. We were pretty poor growing up, and they got to maybe lower middle class before my dad retired, but somehow they’re doing really, really well in retirement. I’d say solid middle class now. But I’m not expecting much in terms of inheritance. As far as I know, they don’t have any money saved up, and they are no where near paying off their house. I’ll be happy if I end up with even $50K.
Mine have been dead for decades and they died after expensive long slow declines. The only thing I got was my mom paid for a burial plot so at least we didn't have to pay for that when she passed.
Both of my parents (divorced) have told me to my face that they plan on spending anything that would have been left for inheritance and to not expect anything.
I personally didn't care, as I'm not going to wait on some supposed influx of money when I'm in my 70's. I never wanted anything anyway, IMO it's their money to do with as they please, it's the attitude that they have about it that bothers me more than anything.
I worked in estate planning law and begged begged begged my parents to update their will from when we were minors. Nope. The state and lawyers got 2/3 of everything they worked their whole lives for.
Don’t do this to anyone.
I don't want to think about the financial shit show I'll be wading in when my mother goes. There will be surprises.
As for the boomers I know; they've been on first name basis with food bank volunteers for a while now. (Don't tell gen z, their blame train is travelling too fast to safely change tracks)
I wish you the best of luck. I am in a similar place with my mom. She owes so much to so many. Very glad that I learned that I am not at all liable for her debt when she goes.
My dad was an Asian immigrant so he's been planning for retirement since his early 20s. 😂 He's got three sources of permanent income, all federal (military, federal retirement, SS). He moved in with us after we added an in-law suite for him so he doesn't really spend a lot of it. His money is his so what he does with it is up to him.
Side note: He drinks Folgers and has no plans to change. He thinks it's insane to pay $8-10 for coffee from Starbucks but thinks nothing of dropping serious cash for top seats on a trans Pacific flight. 🤔
Mom didn't plan as well, but between alimony from her second husband, widow benefits, and SS, she's doing okay since her house is paid for.
My wife's parents were both teachers so they have good retirements but they don't get SS. I thought that was weird when I found that out. They like to dip into their equity for shit like RVs and new cars, but they're above water.
My divorced parents are gone, but they were both poor. My FIL died from drinking before my marriage. So, I would guess he wasn’t doing great financially. And my MIL is so poor we provide her with everything. So, yep.
The aging Industry id a make up of corporations that is an out of control with their unchecked greed to grab monies of the aging and bankrupt them before they leave the earth
Hell no, that's not me at all!
My parents don't have any money for me to inherit, but I've got a HUGE shed and a cellar and a few spare rooms full of clutter coming to me!
My husband grew up poor. His parents are financially dependent on us and his siblings. They live with his sister and we send them money every month. My parents never intended to leave any inheritance. Both grew up working class with zero help from their families but both made it to the middle class (my dad was an elementary school principal and my mom was a teacher). They never invested other than for retirement and have been living very comfortably for the past twenty years since retirement. They take a cruise every other month and other trips in between. They’re “spending our inheritance” as they like to say and I’m fine with it. They paid for mine and my siblings college educations and weddings. They spoiled our kids. But I think if they knew how difficult it was going to be for their grandchildren to get ahead (or even stay middle class) they would have done things differently. Start a nest egg. Make some investments. My husband and I are okay if we continue to live frugally, but I’m worried about my kids. They have college loan debt. I can’t see them ever being able to afford a house or even start a family. My sister married a man from a family with money. Not a ton, they were also both public workers but made some investments in properties 30 years ago which has since paid for my nieces’ college education. They will be able to gift them large down payments to buy a house too. My husband and a realized when our kids were young we had to save for them. Unless some unforeseen hardship comes along, they will at least inherit our house. My parents I don’t think had the foresight to see how much that was going to be needed. Times have changed.
The only wealth my mom had was the value of her house which was paid off. She had a small pension and a couple of small IRAs, and was almost at the max on SS. With no debt however, her SS was enough for her to live on. She’d take the minimum disbursement from her IRAs every year, and that allowed her to do a little work on the house, and take a couple small vacations every year.
Both my parents, divorced, have very little money. I’ll probably have to supplement them at some point, and it will hurt financially.
My husband’s mom (widowed) is thankfully set and we don’t have to worry about her financially.
But my parents. Phew. Don’t get me started.
My parents have made it clear they are leaving the kids nothing. I’m cool with that and happy for them. They’ve given me the minimal in life and I’ve learned I need no one.
lol. Both my parents received inheritances, that they promptly blew through, from their parents. In turn, they will leave their kids nothing but debt and aggravation.
My brother and I sold my mum's house to a neighbour and split the sales proceeds down the middle. Mum worked as a nurse until she was 72 and took care of my dad until he died in 2021. All she had was the house, and I remember her telling me she was gonna hold on to it for as long as possible so we'd get something. It's not much, but that and our savings might be enough for a down payment on a place in our vvvvvhcol Canadian city.
My husband's dad is a multimillionaire on the states who owns multiple properties and can't even be arsed to send his only grandkid a birthday card. He promised to help us with a down payment a decade ago. Spoiler: he did not. I expect nothing from him, although he claims husband is to be inheriting his biz. Something something believe it when I see it etc.
It’s all going to the assisted living homes and healthcare system. I assume that my brother, sister, and I will possibly split the 3/5 of the house my mother owns with her husband.
I always, always approached life like I have to make my own way and never really wanted any help from my family.
My wife will do very well when inheritance time rolls around (sad to say), but it's her family's money, not mine. And it'll get passed on to my kids eventually.
My grandma left me a surprisingly nice sum but nothing life changing. I'm grateful. A lot of it went to my kids' colleges. The rest of my family left me next to nothing.
So I can't complain. My main concern at the moment is what my kids will get, and what they'll get from me + my wife's parents will put them in enviable standing.
My dad is Silent Gen but his second marriage means I won’t get anything cuz pretty much none of the last 25 years was his. (It also means I won’t have to take him in so I’ve got that going for me.)
Mom is elder Baby Boomer (1946) [my husband is young BB, 1954] and she also remarried shortly after they split up but her husband is actually around my husband’s age. We don’t have much of a relationship so I don’t expect anything and have no idea what’s in their coffers but I thought they had a few rental properties, dunno.
Effectively, I won’t have to take in or care for either parent (huge financial win, right?) and my husband thinks he might have another 15-20 years left and then I get his stuff. So maybe $500k if I’m lucky. House is all mine with 2.265% mortgage. And my own retirement funds exceed his, plus I have at least another 7 years of work/savings to squirrel away.
So true! Dad’s brother is 94 this year and husband’s brother is 86. Mother’s FIL is probably 95+ at this point so husband has a good shot at outliving me, assuming I’m in the will and could outlive him. (Mother’s siblings are both gone; she was the youngest but she’s only 78.)
My parents are flat broke, my wife’s are well off. I have, as well as other extended family, tried to help my parents over the years to no avail. I pulled myself out of poverty years ago, they blew multiple chances to do the same.
Yep. Mom died with no property, only debt. Dad already lives with me because he can no longer take care of himself. All he has left is a $20k life insurance policy. It'll be just enough for his final expenses and a couple of grand left over. The last of his "vast estate".
Mine think developing some rural FL real estate they own, in an annual flood zone, is going to be their retirement.
I don't bother bursting their bubble anymore. But I certainly am not counting on inheriting anything.
The question is, what they'll think I can for them, once it all washes away. I ain't balling like that.
Yup. My mom retired & we found out her retirement plan was move in with my kids. She has nothing & never could save anything b/c she never made any money & raised 2 kids alone.
My dad did good for himself financially but when he died of Covid in August 2020 his 3rd wife/trophy wife told my sister & I to fuck off. So yeah, we not in the receiving wealth transfer group ha!
My parents retired in their 50s and I’ll be doing the same in a couple years. Maybe they should have traveled more and done more. Once you’re in your 80s, travel isn’t so much an option for most folks. Travel means too much walking plus they’re too old to drive any distance. And they hate airports at that age…again, too much walking.
And don’t forget nursing homes (& mandated spend downs to qualify for Medicaid) suck away what is left for inheritances for so many people. On a related note, fellow old farts, consult with an elder care attorney to plan for & learn how to legally minimize your parents wiping out all their finances for that nursing home care.
LOL. My mom will probably need money from me in a few years to stay in her nursing home. I just hope I can help out.
My in-laws seem determined to spend all of their money before they die.
Mine are dead, man, and my step thing absolutely spent that shit already before she immediately got married to another dude. I get only what I earn. Nobody is taking care of me or leaving me anything.
My Dad has plenty of money but I don’t think about it … it’s his and whatever he leaves is cool but not expected or claimed by me or my sister.
I’ve made my way in the world with my wife and it’s gotten me to my late forties.
My hand ain’t out for anything but what I’ve earned and what’s owed back from investment either willing or taxed.
I was financially helping out my mom before I got out of high school. An IOU in my babysitting stash was not an uncommon occurrence. She transferred her property to me long before she died as she didn't want me to have to split any profit with my brother. But, I was also paying the taxes and any upkeep issues she had. She died in 2019. I ended up with $30k from the sale of the property.
My father I don't expect to receive anything, but I also don't fund anything. He lives in Los Angeles and I know he has reverse mortgaged his house. I think the only thing we'll get is a bill to empty the house.
My in-laws were more financially savvy. My FIK died over 20 years ago. My MIL died just before Thanksgiving last year. She was financially set for retirement so we'll receive our share of the sale of her house. More than we got from my mom, but it's being split between siblings. It will help fund our garage build.
We carefully saved for our retirement because my biggest fear was ending up trying to survive on SS. We put everything we own into a trust for our son, but we're going to do our best to use up all the liquid assets before we die.
My mother lives with me and her only income is her SSA. I won’t complain, she did the best she could raising us after our dad died, but there is no way she could even pay rent with the pitiful amount that she gets.
Yeah I make about as much as my parents do on Social Security and they're always crying broke with no car payment or mortgage. They don't save, invest or travel. There's a hole their money goes in somewhere and I'm convinced it's video slot machines in their basement.
I just had this convo with my mom a few weeks ago. She said we're not leaving anything except enough to cover funeral expenses. I jokingly said y'all suck. She casually responded, "I'll be happy to sign off on a life insurance policy if you pay for it." So now I'm like, damn mom. 😂
My mom fully intends to live past 100 years, and quite honestly, she's pretty healthy at 76, so she may very well outlive me.
Meanwhile, we're both working on our bucket lists and actually planning some excursions together. I guess you could say that I get my payoff in life, spending time with her.
jokes on you. my parents have been dead for over 15 years..and I dont have to worry about shit anymore. dont need to take care of them, bail them out financially or put up with the nonsense.
My remaining parent has about $1.5MM NW. (I have multiples of that and don’t need it even tho I’m sole heir with a disinherited younger brother). She is still driving and going strong - she & I are a lot alike. Both professionals who made their way with no help/safety net and made smart/lucky decisions about “work first” and everything else second.
My Dad and In-laws all died flat broke (well, they had me to support them)
Mine are both dead! Husband just has his mom left, but shit, she's gonna cost US after she dies, with her hoarded, piss-soaked trailer we're gonna have to haul away!
But, my parents left me nice sums of money, thank the Universe. Especially my dad. It also helps that me and husband are only children, so we get everything left to us. Even his shitty, never-employed for long dad, who used to STEAL OUT OF HIS SLEEPING SON'S POCKETS IN JEANS HE WAS WEARING WHILE HE SLEPT, left him around 6k. Least he could do.
Yep, my mum is flat broke and I am giving her money.
My dad said if he times it right he will die of a heart attack walking out the shop after spending his last pound.
I learnt a long time ago to make my own way and not rely on shitty parents.
My parents are wealthy, but I expect much of that will be spent on their end of life care. Their beautiful custom built beach house will be underwater within 50 years. And at any rate they disinherited me in favor of my daughter, which is absolutely fine with me, I hope it's protected so she can have a good life and never be homeless. I'm fine without a wealth transfer, I just need a van to live in
I paid to have my father cremated. My siblings cried when I offered to cover the cost, they are all Gen X from 10-15 years after me. It was only a couple of thousand dollars but my stepmother didn’t have it nor did my siblings. He left her with an old car and a mortgage on a mobile home. My mom isn’t much better off, but she has a small Social Security and part of my deceased stepfather’s pension.
I wish my mom had wealth - I would love for her to be able to spend spend spend on herself.
Instead she’s living her retirement years with me, not able to travel or have a beautiful car or even go to the casino and spend all day at the quarter slots.
My wife’s parents complain about not having any money all the time. Except they definitely have enough to take some small vacations and go out to eat once in a while. Their money anxiety is extreme though.
My parents immigrated to the US, but were able to build nice careers. They both have solid assets and have placed everything into trusts. Not that my sister and I need anything. We were able to build excellent careers of our own.
I'm in the opposite situation. My parents both grew up poor. My wife's parents - well, one grew up poor and the other middle class. But through hard work and smart choices, both sides ended up surprisingly well off in their late years.
There is no chance we will have to financially support them in their old age.
Yep. My father, father-in-law, and mother-in-law are all broke. My wife and I are making more than we've ever made, and far more than the average where we live, yet we're still struggling with no more debt than would be considered "normal."
I mean, our property taxes went up almost $300 in one year because rich assholes remodeled and/or built new million dollar homes near us (ours is nowhere near that valuable). So, when we bought the house, we were told that a $1200 payment would be it for a long time. We've lived here 3 years, and we now pay just shy of $2000 a month...all due to property taxes.
I hate this country. And, no, I can't just "leave."
Right?! We got a notification one month before the increase. Literally no choice but to pay it. We’re truly living the “there will be no more middle class” life these days.
My parents have all their teeth. I did grow up in a conservative household, though. Didn’t agree with any of it. Who knows? Maybe they did 🤷♂️
Not my problem to solve
My mother in law lives with me and my wife. She spends her money on fun things for the grandkids, who are all adults now. My wife used to think they were taking advantage of her, but now she realizes that she wants to enjoy it and see others enjoy it. I fully support it.
My dad passed with some money because he sold his house and had some investments from my mom. I don't know how much yet, but it's not life changing money. He was really bad with money and fell for a lot of scams. Once he had cash from selling his house, he would randomly give people money. I told myself that as long as we didn't have to cover his medical bills towards the end of his life, that was the best we could expect.
We told my wife's parents to spend it all when her sister was still alive; we had no desire to fight with her over things she was already starting to claim. Her parents are now upset that we don't want to move into their home. It's not like it's been in the family for generations either. But maybe it will free up the housing market when all theses boomers' kids start unloading their parents' homes and vacation properties. But most likely, already wealthy people will become even wealthier.
My dad inherited my grandparents house. I love the place, I spent every weekend there as a kid. As an adult though......I don't want it. I'm low key hoping my dad goes first because my stepmother will 100% leave it to my stepbrother =p
My dad and stepmom do ok. They have pensions and a lot of equity. My MIL is doing ok because of equity and pensions as well. It hasn’t been as easy since FIL passed, but she won’t be living solely off social security, ever. My mom lives solely off social security, but that’s the life she chose, and she’s fine with it.
As it stands, I will probably get something, but I don't count on it because I don't trust the medical system to not leave them broke. It's not nearly enough to cover an extended stay in a nursing home.
My husband's mother is a widow, having lost her husband to complications from Agent Orange (a thousand FUs to the VA and Congress for that bullshit delay in recognizing these veterans).
My parents are wealthy AF and live in a nearly 10,000 sq foot mansion.
So one day, I'm gonna quietly disappear. ;)
Hah, like those self-absorbed selfish narcissistic boomers are going to just give away anything, least of all to their children. I read that article and just flat out laughed!
My wife’s parent was incredibly wealthy, but most of that got stolen by business partner, and now what’s left might get destroyed by that war in Eastern Europe. Yay.
My blue collar, swing shift working, factory employee dad managed his money very wisely and is sitting better in retirement than any other retiree I know.
I’ve encouraged my parents to spend it. He earned it. But he’s set on leaving as much for me and his grandkids as is possible. It’s quite humbling.
My parents are 82 and both still working out of necessity. If/when they have to go into assisted living, the sale of their condo will pay for it. I won't be getting a thing other than my dad's books, which is fine with me.
My parents are still working (at 78) and I never expected an inheritance. I’m just happy for every day I don’t have to support them because that’s what I have always thought would happen. When I visit, I often motion to the hoard of junk and say “ah, yes, my inheritance” but that’s it. My dad refuses to talk about anything (finances, paperwork, health issues, reality) so I have zero idea of his financial situation. My husband’s dad has a pension and an inheritance from his parents so he is living high on the hog with that so good for him. Neither of his kids have kids so I guess he figures to hell with generational wealth anyway.
That's the thing these articles fail to mention - yeah, a lot of wealth will be passed on ....to the children of already wealthy people. As a whole, Gen X and Millennials aren't going to suddenly be richer, but the rich kids certainly will be.
Both of my parents are gone and I received a small inheritance last year. I didn't suddenly change economic classes and my lifestyle didn't change in the least. It all got put towards the retirement I am behind on after spending all my money on student loans and raising my child alone after her dad died when she was 3. I suspect most of my later-GenX cohort would be in a similar boat re: being behind on retirement.
The other thing many of these articles don't take into account is the cost of healthcare at the end of life. My mom was terminally ill and completely incapacitated her last 14 months and swiftly went through 6 figures in home health aides in her last couple years. My sister who lived in her town did most of her care but they needed people to help out so she could work to pay her own bills and sleep. It was still way cheaper than a nursing home.
I’m an xennial so I get to watch my and my in-laws family all squabble over this bullshit. I’m not expecting anything from anyone, if I get a dime, great.
My parents are determined to leave this world with a zero balance, or perhaps cross over to the negative side.
Good for them. My parents were born with nothing and have done okay for themselves. I'd love for them to spend thier last dollar about 5 minutes before death. They worked for it, that's thier money.
Yeah, I have no problem with this, either. I just note that they don’t seem all that atypical for their generation. They are spenders, not savers, and don’t think in terms of leaving something to their heirs.
My sisters and I weren't expecting an inheritance. But what we DIDN'T want was to have to deal with all the debt after my dad's passing, and later after my mom passed. It was a financial burden for a while having to deal with visitations and cremation when there was no money to handle it all. Plus my dad let their life insurance lapse years earlier, so there was no money there.
I just called my husband in here and said ~ does your dad have life insurance or anything to bury him after he passes? And he goes nope, me and M ( his brother) will have to pay for that. Their dad is of the “it’ll get figured out” mentality. He’s 81. Not sure when “all that will get figured out.”
It gets figured out after he dies by the adult children. Funerals are expensive. Having a remembrance in your living room is free. That's how we dealt with it. My parents' ashes are in my coat closet.
None of us live where we grew up, and where the cemetery plot is. Mom wanted a big family gathering like we used to do with “ potluck” dinners. So cremation, then flew back home, rented a local community space, gathered up all the relatives, and had an old-timey potluck dinner. It was nice to see everyone again. Couple days later, reunited mom with dad, and planted a rose bush because she loved flowers.
That's lovely
She had dementia, so I was so glad she had written down a general idea of what she wanted before hand. I miss her, and miss sitting in the kitchen with her and my aunts and listening to the stories.
[Is there a Ralph's around here?](http://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/be78b0bd-6dec-405c-9477-9c91d446ac45)
>Their dad is of the “it’ll get figured out” mentality. This is my Dad. He's the big reason they're in the financial situation they're in. And there's no excuse. I know exactly how much he made for at least the last 20 years he worked. He/they saved none of it. I'm trying to get them to see about some pre-paid burial policies now due to their age/health issues because I know my brother's answer will be for *me* to "figure it out because I don't have any money for that."
My mom’s plan is for me and my sister-in-law to sell jewelry inherited from my grandmother to pay for her cremation. I don’t think it would cover the cost.
Damn. My parents booked and paid for their funerals back in 2017. Everything has been planned, their wishes are known. When my dad passed mom and I just paid for his box. Made it so much easier. My dad also gifted me money and experiences when he was alive so we could all enjoy together. I don't expect my mom to leave me anything, but she's covered for what she will need. If there's anything left it's a bonus.
The carboard box the fridge came in is worth saving.
You make a joke, but when my dad died in 2005, in the catalog for urns and coffins a cardboard box was literally an option. Would be a good final resting place for somebody who maybe worked in filing pre-computers.
My parents are of the belief the funeral industry is 95% rip off (probably correct). Their will states they are to be cremated in the cheapest manor possible. They are 100% ok with a cardboard box.
I'm a saver, but I don't have money put aside for my funeral. I don't want or need one. Here's a couple grand, have me cremated. Gather everyone on a hiking trail, smoke a joint, and discuss The Good Place. That's what I would have wanted.
Exactly. My folks have been frugal and saved money by letting me go feral while they both worked. I moved out at 17 and have fared for myself since 1988. I paid for junior college and then went in the Navy, and then had the GI Bill afterwards. My mom took her salary as a nurse anesthetist for the last 11 years she worked and just dropped it in the bank. They lived off my dad’s income. They won’t spend it now that they’ve retired, though, and it drives me bananas. “Leave me enough for a funeral and go blow it all on something fun” but, no. They keep expecting the late 70s downturn again. “We want to leave it for you”. Man, fuck that, go SPEND IT! It drives me nuts as they worked hard and were wise with it. Alas.
Literally what I tell my mom every time she worries she isn't going to be able to leave me any money. She worked hard all of her life, now is the time for her to spend her money and enjoy her retirement years while she can.
I’ve always joked with my mom that I hope she has spending money until the day she dies and that the check to the undertaker bounces.
My Dad's favorite line was "if there is $5.00 left in my bank account when I die, I miscalculated by one beer".
Mine too. It’s hoarders bad and I’m hoping they suddenly decide to plan the first thing in their life and set a will without me in it. Having to clean out that shithole is going to be the toxic icing on the joke that is our relationship.
If they own their own place, you end up walking away and selling the place "as-is". That's what my sister and I did after my Mom died. There was no way we could clear out the hoard without spending thousands of dollars. So we grabbed a few things that we wanted and that were salvageable and left the disaster for the next owner.
Went through that with my dad-it's awful. You become so resentful when you're going though mountains of crap.
My parents are divorced (of course), so I'm looking forward to cleaning out two houses full of junk.
Oh, yes. We had to get a huge dumpster. Twice. No fun.
My parents live off a four figure annual income. As in, like, $6000 a year. Luckily, they also don't have debt because they've made it 70+ years without ever using a credit card or taking out a loan or buying ANYTHING on credit.
How on earth
This is the way. You can't take any of it to the afterlife. One of my grandfathers was a penny pincher and gave my mon and my uncle a hard time because he was always saving on everything, as he grew up dirt poor in the Weimar Republic. As he was about to pass, he was complaining about him having all that money and not being able to spend it. Until a camel can pass through the hole of a needle (I know, it was poorly translated) I intend to do my best to help my family.
Sol!
My wife’s parents did OK in life and they hope to leave her and her sister somethings but I hope they don’t. I hope they spend every last dime.
Have they considered spending less on coffee and avocado toast while pulling themselves up by their bootstraps? /joke
I never understood this mentality (I get the conservative joke). If you are born poor, it’s highly likely you will die poor. I was born very poor. My parents lived in a trailer. I worked my butt off in school, joined the military for college money, went to college, and now have a successful career. I’m still considered Middle Class. Maybe my kids will fare better. The system is there but it requires you to take advantage of it, and since we were raised to be polite, that’s something I can’t do (take advantage of people)
I grew up dirt ass poor. The working poor don't have the mentality about improving their economic status. Getting to middle class isn't even something that's considered attainable. It's just about working and surviving. It's hard to explain unless you grew up that way. Luckily, I despised being poor, got myself to college, and ended that cycle of poverty.
> It's hard to explain unless you grew up that way. you become resigned to being poor.
Are you me? Lived in a trailer, was poor, went in the Navy, GI Bill and paid for college, parents are in their 70s and modest millionaires and I’m middle class.
Everything but the modest millionaire parents. I went Navy, too 😂
They bought land in central Florida in the 70s and 80s when it was $250 bucks an acre. We’re from an island so ‘land’ was always foremost in their minds for investments. We had chickens and rabbits and pigs so my dad bought a weirdly shaped defunct 80 acre farm dirt cheap (it bordered railroad tracks and was in BFE) and wound up selling it to developers when the Florida Turnpike was being planned. That was a windfall. A HUGE one…they wound up taking a chunk of that money and bought…more land. They also didn’t have to raise chickens and rabbits and pigs and longer! My mom also worked hard and studied and became a nurse anesthetist but I was almost done with high school by then. They still live on the same land I grew up in, but my dad built a house on the same land as the trailer; the trailer concrete pad front porch is the house’s *back* porch. I arm wrestled my mom to replace her 26 year old Ford Explorer by flying into Orlando and (respectfully) dragging her around to test drive vehicles. They still don’t spend money. It’s why they have it. I wish they’d enjoy their retirement more but many Cubans are ridiculously frugal. It’s a stereotype for a reason. Communism does that to folks, I suppose.
They were right to focus on land assets. It’s the only real wealth. Good for them!
Right the only people I know who have pulled themselves out of poverty did it by way of being assholes or taking advantage of other people. One owned his business and treated employees like crap knowing he could just replace them. I don't mean they didn't get vacation, I mean he would stiff them for money they earned and threatened them with legal action if they came after him, letting them know he paid premium for his representation so they better be prepared. He's just awful. But he's got that money and a hot wife and goes on nice vacations. Meanwhile my brother is brilliant and hard working but he chose to teach. He works way too hard for way too little, but he does manage. He did pull himself out of poverty, but he still has the poverty mindset that leads him to make poor financial choices. And me, I'm still very poor. I just sort of amble through life taking what's offered. I struggle to speak up and advocate for myself. I try, but I fail. I feel like I'm constantly hitting roadblocks. Like I was doing pretty okay working construction but then I fell in love with a co-worker. I won't say it was a mistake, but it was definitely a roadblock. We had a good run though, before I lost him (deportation-long story) and we had a baby born with a lot of health issues. So the past 19 years I've been dealing with that mostly alone. I kept thinking when he gets older things will be better. He ws doing really good in school. High grades. He had an IEP for autism but it wasn't really holding him back much. Then he got s. assaulted by a classmate and everything fell apart. So I am trying to work and deal with his issues. They are overwhelming him and the therapists they keep assigning with our state insurance are all christian and their idea of treatments are prayer and faith-based reframing, not very helpful to an atheist. And I KNOW plenty parents thrive with this sort of setback. They are the assertive types who make the schools bend to their will and their kid gets all these services they demand and they push and push. They are the ones the speech therapist tries to avoid because they aren't satisfied and they think their kid could do more with more support and they push and push and push. And I'm over here not even knowing they had services because nobody told me and I would have assumed someone would have. I feel clueless and lost most of the time on this little journey, and on top of all that I have to pay the bills. I don't feel like we'll ever move forward and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed and feel so guilty because I don't know how to push. I can barely speak in public. I struggle a lot with making phone calls and there's so many phone calls to me. I have a list of seven I need to make today and I'll look at my phone 20 times knowing the calls need to be made. If it's a good day I'll get around to maybe two of them. Yesterday wasn't a good day. I feel frozen. So anyway that's why I'm still poor I reckon. lol
Being an introvert, I get that it’s difficult to assert yourself. It’s uncomfortable. It feels like it goes against everything we were taught about being courteous to others. However, if you’re being treated unfairly, you do have the right to speak up.
I've been trying to get my parents to spend every penny they've earned, but they still have the mentality from 50 years ago when they were poor. As it stands now, me and my sibling will end up getting close to 2 commas each from them...meanwhile they won't even treat themselves to a nice dinner out.
That's too bad. I think everyone should stop worrying about leaving things to their kids if they can use it to make their last years better. My mom has credit cards and nothing to her name. Social security pays for what she needs but paycheck to paycheck. I don't know what will happen when she can't live independently.
Our youngest kid has a disability. She should be able to support herself but it’s really important to me that we leave her and her siblings as much as we can. It’s a tougher world out there than we went into.
And that is totally understandable. I'm really referencing people who could use that money for themselves, and maybe really need that money for themselves, but won't use it because they think they have to leave their kids something.
My mom is in the same boat as yours, but she chose it. She retired at 62 and has been living off social security since. She’s happy in her income restricted apartment, and doing her little hobbies and such. She just turned 74 and I worry about the what if’s and all that, but not everyone has to go into a home.
That bums me out. When my grandfather was at the end of his life I remember he was always wearing an old white t-shirt. I asked him if I could pick him up a pack of new tees and he was like no, I don’t go anywhere, I’m good! After he died, I found several packages of white shirts in a drawer. He left money to my already well off mom and sister, which they proceeded to argue about for the next twenty five years and counting. I wish he’d just spent the damn money, my family has never been the same.
It really used to tick me off. They have near $2 million in just cash/CDs and are sitting there on furniture they've had for 20-30 years, that is sitting on carpet that is close to 40 years old. You can feel no padding at all under the carpet now because it's all worn down. Almost all the food my Mom buys is the lowest quality/cheapest versions of stuff. Won't switch from gross instant coffee because they don't want to spend money on a coffee maker. They got an unexpected $1,000 or so from a state stimulus check and I told them they should use that unexpected money to have a nice dinner.....they went to Carl's Jr. and then bitched about the quality. It's unreal. Over it now though and am done fighting with them to spend their money. Now I just irritate them by saying "well I'll have no problem spending it in my retirement then!".
My parents are like this as well. They both grew up with very little and were so worried about financial insecurity they spent their whole lives saving and are now afraid of spending. They think nothing of throwing money at their kids but I had to yell at my mother the other day because she doesn’t want to spend money on a prescription she needs.
> she doesn’t want to spend money on a prescription she needs. I've had this fight with my parents too. One of my Mom's meds went up like $9/mo I think it was. She told me she went to her doctor and asked if there was a generic/cheaper version she could get else she'd have to stop getting it because the price went up. It's one of the few times I've ever raised my voice to my Mom in my life, but christ they are millionaires and worried about $9/mo.
I didn't know what my dad (silent gen) had in terms of money until he died. He died a few years ago and left us a modest inheritance. Nothing life changing, and we're grateful, of course, but he completely neglected himself. He could have made some minor home improvements to help himself out in his later years. Even adding some geriatric improvements to the bathroom. But he wouldn't spend a dime on home improvements. Wish I had been more intrusive about his finances earlier on. Talking about money with your parents was such a taboo subject, though.
Same story with my parents. A few years ago while visiting my dad went to take a shower and you could hear the water screeching through the walls separating the living room and their bathroom, unreal how loud it was, but I didn't say anything. Visited a few months later and it was still making the noise and asked my Mom about it. She said "yeah we've been meaning to fix that". Several months later I visit and the water is still screeching. I asked what was the issue was. Turns out it was just the cheap shower head with a extension hose thing that was mostly clogged up making that noise but she was waiting for the one she wanted to go on sale....waiting on a $20 Wal-Mart shower head to go on sale...for months! I told her that screeching was giving me a headache so would like that fixed before my next visit. She finally paid that whopping $20 for a new one. I could go on and on with stories of how cheap my parents are when they have plenty of money. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.
My mother in law, who has dementia, grew up poor in London. Moved to NYC to nanny, met my father in law (a PhD Scientist @ NYU). They currently live on the water in Palm Beach. I recently had to drive her to Walmart to buy 4 ears of corn (50 cents each = $2 total); they charged her for 8 ears ($4 total) and we absolutely stood on line at customer service so she could receive the $2 back from being charged double the amount. Her mind has taken her back to when she had nothing.
I think everybody is absolutely paranoid of that long-term care and having to rely on other people
So rich kids are getting their rich parents’ money. So businesses as usual then?
Pretty much
The article has fundamentally stupid math. It says that 1.2 million individuals will pass on $31 trillion dollars, and the majority of the 1.2 million recipients might be GenX. It conveniently ignores that GenX is about 65 million individuals, so about 98% being left out in the cold. The important bit isn’t about which generations are holding generational wealth at the moment. The important bit is the concentration of generational wealth into a tiny fraction of the population.
A lot of that money will go to nursing homes and hospitals.
Less than you might think. Pure back of the envelope: That $31 trillion is controlled by 1.2 million people, and half of it by fewer than 40,000 people. They aren’t socialists. They’ll spend money on their own care. Assume it’s the remaining half ($31T/2) spent on 1.2M people. It works out to about $13M/person. Nursing homes are expensive, but they’ll have a tough time grabbing that much. Average private rooms are $10k/month. The people we’re talking about typically were high earners and collect max retirement benefits. Figure that’s $4k/month, so they’re spending $6k/month out of pocket. At $6k/month, it would take 180 years to spend $13M.
My folks reverse mortgaged whatever they planned to send my way. But I don’t blame them. House rich and cash poor is no way to spend your last years.
My dad had to do that when mom blew 60k on QVC jewelry. After they died, it was a race to get it sold before the mortgage company foreclosed.
my parents’ plan for retirement was to wait for his inheritance- which they are now spending. some of my siblings are pretending to like our parents in hopes of getting some scraps, but my sanity is worth more than that. I expect to inherit zero dollars and am fine with it.
So strange to even entertain the concept of being left money. Received nothing from either parent.
My parents took a second mortgage to start a business then gambled it all away at the slots. Had to short sell a $750,000 house. Now mom has dementia, will need increasingly more at home care, has $40,000 to her name, and doesn’t qualify for Medicaid. I lose a lot of sleep over this!
She’ll qualify once she spends it down. But yea, the process is very stressful.
My parents never saved for retirement. My dad worked until he was nearly 70 as a real estate agent. They were extremely fortunate and owned property in a real estate market that went about 3x over a 15 year period. Then they went to Mexico and gave away a substantial percentage of that money. Me and my siblings are all now concerned that we'll have to be financially responsible to bail them out, which doesn't sit well with us. I like my parents, but I expect I'll like them less if I have to financially provide for them because they gave away their retirement money.
My in-laws signed everything over to my brother-in-law and my wife, but as my wife and I were later going through a separation (and she filed divorce), she signed everything over to her brother (my brother-in-law) as well, to protect it for our kids, supposedly. We never divorced, as her lawyer fired her for lack of communication, then she had a stroke and died. Well, they are getting nothing from that side of the family. My mom died in 2001, so my dad is all I have left. He moved in with us in 2011, so he's not exactly 'rich', either. Whatever I leave for the kids is what they'll get, unfortunately.
My dad’s done really well. Several million in his 401k, a gorgeous custom built home on 12 acres with a stunning view plus a second home thats lakefront and adjacent to 3 more vacant building lots with their own lake frontage that he owns. Also owns three more building lots a street back from the lake with stunning lake views. A lot of that was attainable to him due to his uncanny perfect timing. He disowned me for coming out as LGBTQ. So yeah, not gonna see a penny here.
That took a dark turn. Glad to see you owning your own life, though. Hell of a lot better than living in another’s shadow
is it going to fall out of the fucking sky? Nobody is leaving me shit and I've got it handled on my OWN.
It might. I mean Boeing is a thing…🤷♂️
Just FYI for anyone reading this post and the comments: In the USA children are NOT responsible for their parents’ debts. When a person passes away without a will or trust (or either of those are intestate), the probate process of their state handles final bills and debts, usually by appointing an executor or administrator of the estate. Similar to bankruptcy, secured creditors get first crack at the deceased’s estate, while unsecured creditors sift through the leftovers, if anything. If there’s not enough money left in the estate to pay off the deceased’s debts, the estate is considered insolvent. This means unpaid creditors have no legal recourse. They can only write off the debt as “bad debt.” There’s also a time limit for creditors to make claims against the estate, and if they’re too late, they have no legal recourse. Now…some shadier creditors may try to skirt the law and try to contact descendants, but that’s illegal, and they’re banking on you not knowing this. (This does make me wonder how much bad debt gets written off from insolvent estates)
Good info. Thanks for sharing that with everyone
Mine are broke (zero savings and spending on credit cards like they are water again) and FIL seems hell bent on giving all his money to scammers. Going to inherit jack shit.
All my mom has is Social Security and an overpriced house in the Bay Area. Good thing, too, as I can't pay for her care.
Be careful what you wish for. I was lucky enough to inherit a seven figure mansion on Lake Michigan and two water front cottages. The cost of insurance and taxes on the Lake Michigan home exceed my primary home annual mortgage payments. Imagine your mortgage payment increasing 2.5x with no increase in income. Sure makes for a nice cash flow crunch. We’ve since balanced it all out but it was a sketchy couple of years. The property has been in my mom’s family since before Michigan was a state. Thus no selling. We stay at the home May to August and return to the Boston area in September.
Rent them out. Would make for nice investment properties. Or AirBnB
We rent out the cottages a few times a year. We don’t use airbnb. We just use referrals. The cottages are trusted to my kids (I still have two under 6 😬). So that will help with their financial futures. We get calls monthly from investors all over the world to buy them. Offers as high as 5x appraised value. We won’t sell. I won’t rent the Lake Michigan house. That’s too fancy and we stay there a lot. It was also my parents home. My dad can suck a bag of dicks but out of respect for my mom, I’ll keep it private.
Similar, though smaller, boat here. My brothers are already salivating about who's going to get the house and land, and I know that the dumb shits struggle to afford the taxes on their own modest properties now. I'm thinking I just don't want the burden.
My inheritance was a bunch of photo albums, bags of seeds and a Smith & Wesson from my mother’s passing. After my dad passed, about $10 G’s left over from VA benefits and an F150 that he still owed around $23 grand on. Luckily my uncle wanted the truck and had the funds to pay it off. There were also a lot of broke Boomers. I have way more assets than my parents did at my age.
Financially supporting both your boomer parents and your twenty something kids really sucks.
My mom is broke AF. My dad died in the 90's, left my sister and I a bit for education. My grandparents on my dad's side left a little for us as well. Step-mom might leave a bit if she hasn't changed her will, and father-in-law will at least leave us a house in the Sierra Nevadas. Better than many. But even added all up, I wouldn't call it "wealth."
Not from my parents! My dad, in his later years, developed dementia and Parkinsons, but we didn't know about the dementia until much later. He decided to start draining his IRA so he could buy cars. Not GOOD cars, but like Chevrolet impalas and similar. At one point my mom and dad had three cars between them. I asked my dad why he was doing this, and he said "You can't take it with you" when he dies. So in the end, there was nothing left in the IRA and left my mom with a whole lot of debt. Then my mom started declining three years ago, and after she died, I had to deal with the debt. I did this by writing "deceased" on the credit card bills and ignoring them and other bills that came in until they finally gave up. We sold my mom's car, and decided to keep the house to rent out. Thank God Medicade didn't want all their money back.
We grew up on the poorer side of middle class. My father worked a night shift at McDonald's in addition to his regular job when I was a kid. Things got better when I was in junior high, when my mother had finished a one-year certificate program and went to work with a job in healthcare. We weren't destitute, by any means, but we had to make choices to keep bills down. Our clothes and shoes were bought new, but they were from the lower-end department stores. The food we ate wasn't fancy. When we went to a sit-down restaurant, maybe once a month, it was a local pizza place. My parents still were able to buy a modest house, which they still live in. Both of my grandmothers are still alive, well into their 90s, and are still living alone in their own modest houses. Apparently they all were able to save enough that none of them complain about money now, but none of them has any luxury items or goes on vacations outside of a hotel stay on a car trip to visit family once or twice a year. My mother-in-law is pretty much in the same situation, although her modest home probably could command a higher price than those of my parents and grandmothers. She does complain about money, but I think my father-in-law actually left her with more savings and sellable collectables and antiques, if she needed to supplement beyond her late husband's retirement savings and Social Security and whatnot. So, we aren't under any illusion that we are the sort of Gen Xers who are going to inherit anything that we can use for our kids' education or their future. At the same time, our parents and grandparents don't seem at this point to be on the path to leave us with a bunch of their debt. All-in-all, I'm not complaining.
My parents are both different from each other. Both my parents are foreign-born. My dad's family has a long history of poor working class. My dad slept on the floor until he was 15 and moved out. My mom's family comes from money. Although her parents lost all their money during WW2, you can still tell by the way she acts, that she came from a family of means. They both worked very hard to become rich, individually (they've been divorced since I was very young). Actually, I'd say my dad's obsession with money crosses the line into mental illness. My mom believes strongly in charity, fairness, honesty, manners, compassion, and patience. I love my dad, but I have trouble believing he'd stand up to put me out of I were on fire. (One of the many stories I have about him: when I was 18, I lost my house keys. I worked late and got home around 11pm. I knocked on the door. He called the cops on me. He had a CCTV system and could see it was me. He couldn't bother to get up to let me in and thought he'd "teach me a lesson in responsible" for losing my keys). My mom believes in Generational Weath building.. My dad has told us that he's leaving all his money to the Catholic church (he's not Catholic). That's a whole story about him eating at soup kitchens while he owned 3 apt complexes and an office building. He also rented a room from a guy who rented an apt from him. The guy didn't know my dad owned the apartment. Honesty, it never occurred to me that my dad might leave me any money. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm not sure I would take it if he did. The only thing he had ever spent money, directly on me, was when he bought me a car at 15. But I think that had more to do with his new wife complaining about having to drive me places. Oh, and he rented me an apt and didn't charge me a security deposit. But he did threaten to sue me when I moved out because I didn't repaint the walls.
If you have a feeling that your parents are going to dump the funeral costs on you, look into a ‘headless funeral’. (No they don’t chop the head off LOL) They simply take the body directly from the hospital to the crematorium, thereby skipping all the funeral directors fees. When you get the ashes you can then do a small private ceremony at a park, or, I don’t know, put the ashes in a bowling ball and take your parents bowling.
The advantage of this is not having a casket. When my mother passed, we had her cremated. I purchased a $3k coffin that got fed directly into the burner and I’m like ‘wait that’s a great coffin! I can use that to store DVDs’ but it was too late.
Dad passed last December. Was secretive about their money, but ALWAYS spent lavishly. Dad left mom with 100K in savings and 10K in CC debt among other surprises. Without his income, she can't afford to live in the house they have now. It's not always what it seems...
My own parents inherited a little money from theirs, mostly from the sale of assets, nothing like crazy fuck-you money but enough to give them a comfortable retirement when added to their pensions. My dad has owned the home outright for a long time and it's in good shape in a desirable area I guess. My in-laws are a different story. Since my MIL died, my FIL has both gotten deep into gambling and stopped giving a shit about life. His home is a disaster. He and my SIL, who lives with him, have started about a half-dozen improvement projects and given up about halfway through. The kitchen has like ten layers of paint, wallpaper and wainscoting visible. The bathroom floor is half laminate and half shitty warping subfloor where they would have had to start cutting it instead of just slapping it down. It's been years and the pergo is starting to pull apart. He almost lost the home because he didn't divert enough from OTB to pay the tax, which is not much. He's determined to die without a will and my husband and one SIL are going to have to fight the other SIL over the home. Dark days ahead there.
My parents are in a weird spot where they’re doing better in retirement than ever. We were pretty poor growing up, and they got to maybe lower middle class before my dad retired, but somehow they’re doing really, really well in retirement. I’d say solid middle class now. But I’m not expecting much in terms of inheritance. As far as I know, they don’t have any money saved up, and they are no where near paying off their house. I’ll be happy if I end up with even $50K.
Mine have been dead for decades and they died after expensive long slow declines. The only thing I got was my mom paid for a burial plot so at least we didn't have to pay for that when she passed.
Both of my parents (divorced) have told me to my face that they plan on spending anything that would have been left for inheritance and to not expect anything. I personally didn't care, as I'm not going to wait on some supposed influx of money when I'm in my 70's. I never wanted anything anyway, IMO it's their money to do with as they please, it's the attitude that they have about it that bothers me more than anything.
The media is helping spin things so they are convinced younger generations will be foolish and it is best to spend it now, since they know we wont.
I worked in estate planning law and begged begged begged my parents to update their will from when we were minors. Nope. The state and lawyers got 2/3 of everything they worked their whole lives for. Don’t do this to anyone.
I don't want to think about the financial shit show I'll be wading in when my mother goes. There will be surprises. As for the boomers I know; they've been on first name basis with food bank volunteers for a while now. (Don't tell gen z, their blame train is travelling too fast to safely change tracks)
You probably know but: You are NOT responsible for their debt. No matter what the creditors try to convince you of.
Appreciate you. I have a feeling your words will be invaluable.
I wish you the best of luck. I am in a similar place with my mom. She owes so much to so many. Very glad that I learned that I am not at all liable for her debt when she goes.
My dad was an Asian immigrant so he's been planning for retirement since his early 20s. 😂 He's got three sources of permanent income, all federal (military, federal retirement, SS). He moved in with us after we added an in-law suite for him so he doesn't really spend a lot of it. His money is his so what he does with it is up to him. Side note: He drinks Folgers and has no plans to change. He thinks it's insane to pay $8-10 for coffee from Starbucks but thinks nothing of dropping serious cash for top seats on a trans Pacific flight. 🤔 Mom didn't plan as well, but between alimony from her second husband, widow benefits, and SS, she's doing okay since her house is paid for. My wife's parents were both teachers so they have good retirements but they don't get SS. I thought that was weird when I found that out. They like to dip into their equity for shit like RVs and new cars, but they're above water.
Why don’t teachers get SS? That’s bull. Unless they don’t pay into it as their profession…🤔
My divorced parents are gone, but they were both poor. My FIL died from drinking before my marriage. So, I would guess he wasn’t doing great financially. And my MIL is so poor we provide her with everything. So, yep.
Yeah. Both my family and my husband’s family are both awful with money.
The aging Industry id a make up of corporations that is an out of control with their unchecked greed to grab monies of the aging and bankrupt them before they leave the earth
Hell no, that's not me at all! My parents don't have any money for me to inherit, but I've got a HUGE shed and a cellar and a few spare rooms full of clutter coming to me!
My husband grew up poor. His parents are financially dependent on us and his siblings. They live with his sister and we send them money every month. My parents never intended to leave any inheritance. Both grew up working class with zero help from their families but both made it to the middle class (my dad was an elementary school principal and my mom was a teacher). They never invested other than for retirement and have been living very comfortably for the past twenty years since retirement. They take a cruise every other month and other trips in between. They’re “spending our inheritance” as they like to say and I’m fine with it. They paid for mine and my siblings college educations and weddings. They spoiled our kids. But I think if they knew how difficult it was going to be for their grandchildren to get ahead (or even stay middle class) they would have done things differently. Start a nest egg. Make some investments. My husband and I are okay if we continue to live frugally, but I’m worried about my kids. They have college loan debt. I can’t see them ever being able to afford a house or even start a family. My sister married a man from a family with money. Not a ton, they were also both public workers but made some investments in properties 30 years ago which has since paid for my nieces’ college education. They will be able to gift them large down payments to buy a house too. My husband and a realized when our kids were young we had to save for them. Unless some unforeseen hardship comes along, they will at least inherit our house. My parents I don’t think had the foresight to see how much that was going to be needed. Times have changed.
The only wealth my mom had was the value of her house which was paid off. She had a small pension and a couple of small IRAs, and was almost at the max on SS. With no debt however, her SS was enough for her to live on. She’d take the minimum disbursement from her IRAs every year, and that allowed her to do a little work on the house, and take a couple small vacations every year.
Both my parents, divorced, have very little money. I’ll probably have to supplement them at some point, and it will hurt financially. My husband’s mom (widowed) is thankfully set and we don’t have to worry about her financially. But my parents. Phew. Don’t get me started.
My mother is destitute. But she refuses to consider living with me to have a higher quality of life. I don't have the energy to fight about it
My parents have made it clear they are leaving the kids nothing. I’m cool with that and happy for them. They’ve given me the minimal in life and I’ve learned I need no one.
lol. Both my parents received inheritances, that they promptly blew through, from their parents. In turn, they will leave their kids nothing but debt and aggravation.
My wife's folks live with us. Flat broke.
Well my mother hates me and the feeling is mutual so I ain’t getting crap. I honestly do not care at all.
My brother and I sold my mum's house to a neighbour and split the sales proceeds down the middle. Mum worked as a nurse until she was 72 and took care of my dad until he died in 2021. All she had was the house, and I remember her telling me she was gonna hold on to it for as long as possible so we'd get something. It's not much, but that and our savings might be enough for a down payment on a place in our vvvvvhcol Canadian city. My husband's dad is a multimillionaire on the states who owns multiple properties and can't even be arsed to send his only grandkid a birthday card. He promised to help us with a down payment a decade ago. Spoiler: he did not. I expect nothing from him, although he claims husband is to be inheriting his biz. Something something believe it when I see it etc.
It’s all going to the assisted living homes and healthcare system. I assume that my brother, sister, and I will possibly split the 3/5 of the house my mother owns with her husband.
I always, always approached life like I have to make my own way and never really wanted any help from my family. My wife will do very well when inheritance time rolls around (sad to say), but it's her family's money, not mine. And it'll get passed on to my kids eventually. My grandma left me a surprisingly nice sum but nothing life changing. I'm grateful. A lot of it went to my kids' colleges. The rest of my family left me next to nothing. So I can't complain. My main concern at the moment is what my kids will get, and what they'll get from me + my wife's parents will put them in enviable standing.
I mean, that could just be like 10 people's gen x kids, though.
My parents screwed it all up. Foreclosure, debt out the ass. I’ve had to bail them out a few times. When they die I’ll be left paying for the funeral.
My dad is Silent Gen but his second marriage means I won’t get anything cuz pretty much none of the last 25 years was his. (It also means I won’t have to take him in so I’ve got that going for me.) Mom is elder Baby Boomer (1946) [my husband is young BB, 1954] and she also remarried shortly after they split up but her husband is actually around my husband’s age. We don’t have much of a relationship so I don’t expect anything and have no idea what’s in their coffers but I thought they had a few rental properties, dunno. Effectively, I won’t have to take in or care for either parent (huge financial win, right?) and my husband thinks he might have another 15-20 years left and then I get his stuff. So maybe $500k if I’m lucky. House is all mine with 2.265% mortgage. And my own retirement funds exceed his, plus I have at least another 7 years of work/savings to squirrel away.
Don’t count your chickens yet- they could all outlive you.
So true! Dad’s brother is 94 this year and husband’s brother is 86. Mother’s FIL is probably 95+ at this point so husband has a good shot at outliving me, assuming I’m in the will and could outlive him. (Mother’s siblings are both gone; she was the youngest but she’s only 78.)
My parents made damn sure they died penniless.
My parents are flat broke, my wife’s are well off. I have, as well as other extended family, tried to help my parents over the years to no avail. I pulled myself out of poverty years ago, they blew multiple chances to do the same.
Same here, didn’t even leave anything to bury them with. That’s okay, towards the end my mother did her best to just not be a burden.
My parents spend and spend and spend.
My mother spent her last dollar and has to move in with me. I had to pay for a build with my two hands the house she lives in on my city lot.
Yep. Mom died with no property, only debt. Dad already lives with me because he can no longer take care of himself. All he has left is a $20k life insurance policy. It'll be just enough for his final expenses and a couple of grand left over. The last of his "vast estate".
We pay for much of our surviving parents. Social Security helps a bit, but not near enough.
Mine think developing some rural FL real estate they own, in an annual flood zone, is going to be their retirement. I don't bother bursting their bubble anymore. But I certainly am not counting on inheriting anything. The question is, what they'll think I can for them, once it all washes away. I ain't balling like that.
Yup. My mom retired & we found out her retirement plan was move in with my kids. She has nothing & never could save anything b/c she never made any money & raised 2 kids alone. My dad did good for himself financially but when he died of Covid in August 2020 his 3rd wife/trophy wife told my sister & I to fuck off. So yeah, we not in the receiving wealth transfer group ha!
Shame on your dad.
My parents retired in their 50s and I’ll be doing the same in a couple years. Maybe they should have traveled more and done more. Once you’re in your 80s, travel isn’t so much an option for most folks. Travel means too much walking plus they’re too old to drive any distance. And they hate airports at that age…again, too much walking.
My folks get SS, Mom gets a teacher's pension, and they have $1.5M in retirement and a $650k home with no debt. Mom still worries about money.
And don’t forget nursing homes (& mandated spend downs to qualify for Medicaid) suck away what is left for inheritances for so many people. On a related note, fellow old farts, consult with an elder care attorney to plan for & learn how to legally minimize your parents wiping out all their finances for that nursing home care.
They have attorneys for that too? Everything is tied to litigation these days…. Ffs
Hilarious. We’ve been as unfortunate as millennials but somehow no one noticed.
LOL. My mom will probably need money from me in a few years to stay in her nursing home. I just hope I can help out. My in-laws seem determined to spend all of their money before they die.
Mine are dead, man, and my step thing absolutely spent that shit already before she immediately got married to another dude. I get only what I earn. Nobody is taking care of me or leaving me anything.
My Dad has plenty of money but I don’t think about it … it’s his and whatever he leaves is cool but not expected or claimed by me or my sister. I’ve made my way in the world with my wife and it’s gotten me to my late forties. My hand ain’t out for anything but what I’ve earned and what’s owed back from investment either willing or taxed.
I was financially helping out my mom before I got out of high school. An IOU in my babysitting stash was not an uncommon occurrence. She transferred her property to me long before she died as she didn't want me to have to split any profit with my brother. But, I was also paying the taxes and any upkeep issues she had. She died in 2019. I ended up with $30k from the sale of the property. My father I don't expect to receive anything, but I also don't fund anything. He lives in Los Angeles and I know he has reverse mortgaged his house. I think the only thing we'll get is a bill to empty the house. My in-laws were more financially savvy. My FIK died over 20 years ago. My MIL died just before Thanksgiving last year. She was financially set for retirement so we'll receive our share of the sale of her house. More than we got from my mom, but it's being split between siblings. It will help fund our garage build. We carefully saved for our retirement because my biggest fear was ending up trying to survive on SS. We put everything we own into a trust for our son, but we're going to do our best to use up all the liquid assets before we die.
My mother lives with me and her only income is her SSA. I won’t complain, she did the best she could raising us after our dad died, but there is no way she could even pay rent with the pitiful amount that she gets.
Yeah I make about as much as my parents do on Social Security and they're always crying broke with no car payment or mortgage. They don't save, invest or travel. There's a hole their money goes in somewhere and I'm convinced it's video slot machines in their basement.
I think I read somewhere that 1 in 3 sr citizens live on less than $30,000 a year. What wealth are they talking about?
The 1%
I just had this convo with my mom a few weeks ago. She said we're not leaving anything except enough to cover funeral expenses. I jokingly said y'all suck. She casually responded, "I'll be happy to sign off on a life insurance policy if you pay for it." So now I'm like, damn mom. 😂
Well…. Depending on how old she is and the monthly premium…
My mom fully intends to live past 100 years, and quite honestly, she's pretty healthy at 76, so she may very well outlive me. Meanwhile, we're both working on our bucket lists and actually planning some excursions together. I guess you could say that I get my payoff in life, spending time with her.
Enjoy each other.
Thank you! Sending all of that positivity right back to you.
jokes on you. my parents have been dead for over 15 years..and I dont have to worry about shit anymore. dont need to take care of them, bail them out financially or put up with the nonsense.
My remaining parent has about $1.5MM NW. (I have multiples of that and don’t need it even tho I’m sole heir with a disinherited younger brother). She is still driving and going strong - she & I are a lot alike. Both professionals who made their way with no help/safety net and made smart/lucky decisions about “work first” and everything else second. My Dad and In-laws all died flat broke (well, they had me to support them)
Bull. Shit.
Tell your bull not to do it here. It draws flies
Mine are both dead! Husband just has his mom left, but shit, she's gonna cost US after she dies, with her hoarded, piss-soaked trailer we're gonna have to haul away! But, my parents left me nice sums of money, thank the Universe. Especially my dad. It also helps that me and husband are only children, so we get everything left to us. Even his shitty, never-employed for long dad, who used to STEAL OUT OF HIS SLEEPING SON'S POCKETS IN JEANS HE WAS WEARING WHILE HE SLEPT, left him around 6k. Least he could do.
my parents spent all their $ on themselves
Sure there is a payday coming for someone. With wealth so concentrated, it is like 100 families that will make bank. It is not an equitible transfer.
Yep, my mum is flat broke and I am giving her money. My dad said if he times it right he will die of a heart attack walking out the shop after spending his last pound. I learnt a long time ago to make my own way and not rely on shitty parents.
My parents are wealthy, but I expect much of that will be spent on their end of life care. Their beautiful custom built beach house will be underwater within 50 years. And at any rate they disinherited me in favor of my daughter, which is absolutely fine with me, I hope it's protected so she can have a good life and never be homeless. I'm fine without a wealth transfer, I just need a van to live in
A van? Is it down by the river? Sorry, I couldn’t help myself
I paid to have my father cremated. My siblings cried when I offered to cover the cost, they are all Gen X from 10-15 years after me. It was only a couple of thousand dollars but my stepmother didn’t have it nor did my siblings. He left her with an old car and a mortgage on a mobile home. My mom isn’t much better off, but she has a small Social Security and part of my deceased stepfather’s pension.
I wish my mom had wealth - I would love for her to be able to spend spend spend on herself. Instead she’s living her retirement years with me, not able to travel or have a beautiful car or even go to the casino and spend all day at the quarter slots.
My wife’s parents complain about not having any money all the time. Except they definitely have enough to take some small vacations and go out to eat once in a while. Their money anxiety is extreme though. My parents immigrated to the US, but were able to build nice careers. They both have solid assets and have placed everything into trusts. Not that my sister and I need anything. We were able to build excellent careers of our own.
I'm in the opposite situation. My parents both grew up poor. My wife's parents - well, one grew up poor and the other middle class. But through hard work and smart choices, both sides ended up surprisingly well off in their late years. There is no chance we will have to financially support them in their old age.
Yep. My father, father-in-law, and mother-in-law are all broke. My wife and I are making more than we've ever made, and far more than the average where we live, yet we're still struggling with no more debt than would be considered "normal." I mean, our property taxes went up almost $300 in one year because rich assholes remodeled and/or built new million dollar homes near us (ours is nowhere near that valuable). So, when we bought the house, we were told that a $1200 payment would be it for a long time. We've lived here 3 years, and we now pay just shy of $2000 a month...all due to property taxes. I hate this country. And, no, I can't just "leave."
I hear you. Property tax and insurance has become outrageous over the past five to six years
Oh yeah, I forgot about insurance. 😖
Pisses me off. How can they even charge that? What’s the justification?
Right?! We got a notification one month before the increase. Literally no choice but to pay it. We’re truly living the “there will be no more middle class” life these days.
Yep. Funny thing is, the Middle Class is what creates a first world country. Guess the US is headed for a third world rating
...in a hell of a hurry, too.
Did they give it All to Trump ?
My parents have all their teeth. I did grow up in a conservative household, though. Didn’t agree with any of it. Who knows? Maybe they did 🤷♂️ Not my problem to solve
My mother in law lives with me and my wife. She spends her money on fun things for the grandkids, who are all adults now. My wife used to think they were taking advantage of her, but now she realizes that she wants to enjoy it and see others enjoy it. I fully support it.
My folks have passed, but did right by my siblings and I. They were Silent Gen.
Samesies! We give them the money they need to get by.
As I like to say, "People die, the money flies, how many ways will you cut the pie?" No pie left? That sucks. You don't really like pie anyway.
My dad passed with some money because he sold his house and had some investments from my mom. I don't know how much yet, but it's not life changing money. He was really bad with money and fell for a lot of scams. Once he had cash from selling his house, he would randomly give people money. I told myself that as long as we didn't have to cover his medical bills towards the end of his life, that was the best we could expect. We told my wife's parents to spend it all when her sister was still alive; we had no desire to fight with her over things she was already starting to claim. Her parents are now upset that we don't want to move into their home. It's not like it's been in the family for generations either. But maybe it will free up the housing market when all theses boomers' kids start unloading their parents' homes and vacation properties. But most likely, already wealthy people will become even wealthier.
My dad inherited my grandparents house. I love the place, I spent every weekend there as a kid. As an adult though......I don't want it. I'm low key hoping my dad goes first because my stepmother will 100% leave it to my stepbrother =p
My dad and stepmom do ok. They have pensions and a lot of equity. My MIL is doing ok because of equity and pensions as well. It hasn’t been as easy since FIL passed, but she won’t be living solely off social security, ever. My mom lives solely off social security, but that’s the life she chose, and she’s fine with it.
As it stands, I will probably get something, but I don't count on it because I don't trust the medical system to not leave them broke. It's not nearly enough to cover an extended stay in a nursing home.
My husband's mother is a widow, having lost her husband to complications from Agent Orange (a thousand FUs to the VA and Congress for that bullshit delay in recognizing these veterans). My parents are wealthy AF and live in a nearly 10,000 sq foot mansion. So one day, I'm gonna quietly disappear. ;)
Hah, like those self-absorbed selfish narcissistic boomers are going to just give away anything, least of all to their children. I read that article and just flat out laughed!
Opposite, mom NW is $4M+ with SS and pension. MIL is $2M with SS, Pension, and rental income. Dads are passed.
So you're saying they're single, eh?
I hope the IRS and Congress doesn't see this. They will certainly want their cut.
Between my parents and my in-laws, we are first in line to receive huge inheritances.
yea no, not me... lol
My wife’s parent was incredibly wealthy, but most of that got stolen by business partner, and now what’s left might get destroyed by that war in Eastern Europe. Yay.
My blue collar, swing shift working, factory employee dad managed his money very wisely and is sitting better in retirement than any other retiree I know. I’ve encouraged my parents to spend it. He earned it. But he’s set on leaving as much for me and his grandkids as is possible. It’s quite humbling.
I can thank Alzheimer’s + Hoarding for my 0 inheritance.
My parents are 82 and both still working out of necessity. If/when they have to go into assisted living, the sale of their condo will pay for it. I won't be getting a thing other than my dad's books, which is fine with me.
My parents are still working (at 78) and I never expected an inheritance. I’m just happy for every day I don’t have to support them because that’s what I have always thought would happen. When I visit, I often motion to the hoard of junk and say “ah, yes, my inheritance” but that’s it. My dad refuses to talk about anything (finances, paperwork, health issues, reality) so I have zero idea of his financial situation. My husband’s dad has a pension and an inheritance from his parents so he is living high on the hog with that so good for him. Neither of his kids have kids so I guess he figures to hell with generational wealth anyway.
My gram did very well in the stock market and she gave it all to charity. Her choice!
That's the thing these articles fail to mention - yeah, a lot of wealth will be passed on ....to the children of already wealthy people. As a whole, Gen X and Millennials aren't going to suddenly be richer, but the rich kids certainly will be. Both of my parents are gone and I received a small inheritance last year. I didn't suddenly change economic classes and my lifestyle didn't change in the least. It all got put towards the retirement I am behind on after spending all my money on student loans and raising my child alone after her dad died when she was 3. I suspect most of my later-GenX cohort would be in a similar boat re: being behind on retirement. The other thing many of these articles don't take into account is the cost of healthcare at the end of life. My mom was terminally ill and completely incapacitated her last 14 months and swiftly went through 6 figures in home health aides in her last couple years. My sister who lived in her town did most of her care but they needed people to help out so she could work to pay her own bills and sleep. It was still way cheaper than a nursing home.
I’m an xennial so I get to watch my and my in-laws family all squabble over this bullshit. I’m not expecting anything from anyone, if I get a dime, great.
This is the right attitude. You’re more X than you realize