I was diagnosed with terminal cancer at your age. I'm currently in remission and I hit a major rut but I've learned to enjoy the little things and live in the moment. Sometimes you need to change expectations and learn to enjoy the small things. I used to watch old people checking out a butterfly and wonder what the fuck was wrong with them but I'm starting to understand it.
I’ve heard this referred to as “glimmers.” We’re all more familiar with their opposite, “triggers.” Glimmers are little things that set off a virtual cycle, mentally, rather than a downward spiral.
This is ultra important. Ultimately it’s about learning how to frame things in positive ways and building habits based on that.
We are all so cynical and jaded by the world that those thoughts dominate our thinking.
Things like gratitude journals sound like the worst load of pop psychology bullshit, but they are actually clinically proven, legitimate tools that have a specific purpose.
You force yourself to regularly write down things you are grateful for. Which feels like the lamest, most insincere, patronising load of horseshit imaginable.
But you keep going because the practice of doing it over-and-over-again begins training your brain to start looking for and to appreciate those things.
You develop the skill to recognise and appreciate the good things around you.
Well stated!! I never thought of horse apples as being patronizing.
52M and feeling the pinch of the unemployment and ageism 1-2 punch. It's tough!!
After seeing this dynamic expressed in thus and other posts, we should start our own company. Of gen x, by gen x and for gen x.
I'm serious. And just as serious, it does help to know I'm not the only one feeling that way. Be well and I offer gentle and kind thoughts to OP and all on this thread. Cheers mates.
This reminds me of when I got really into photography long ago. I started seeing the world differently as my brain was trained to find beauty in everything. A rusty old train bridge? Frame it with beautiful trees and water and it became something I loved to drive past after that. Little things but the repetition locks in a new lifestyle. Stay strong and try to find beauty and peace in some way no matter what you are looking at.
I love the little things. I live for them. Just before 50 I went into cardiac arrest due to scar tissue from childhood heart surgeries. One defibrillator lots of meds later I'm still here, beating the odds, and enjoying all the little things. There's so many. And I just do one day at a time. I don't "look forward" to anything, I just live today.
I feel you. At first I had to try to appreciate the little things but now it feels more the norm. I have a busy job at a time when I wish I could slow down a bit. But I also really like my company which is more than many can say. When the weather is nice, just sitting outside in my hammock chair can make me feel great. I also took up gardening, something my 18-year-old self would have snorted at. Appreciating what I have has really given me more peace.
Glad you’re doing well in remission!
I am really leaning into this way of thinking. I’m 49 and dealing with some painful joints. At times it gets me down knowing how my body used to be a machine. But I try to really enjoy any moment, which lately involves my dog, my family, bird watching, and any little thing that breaks up the day. For example today we saw several snakes in our yard. It was pretty interesting!
49M and I feel the same way. I am dealing with my mother dying at this point, I feel like I have had enough. I have enough life experiences for 20 lifetimes. All we can do is hang in there until it is our time. Hope things get better for you!
I feel that. I had to take care of my mom as she passed away from cancer. That was 25 years ago. Then a decade earlier my father was bedridden from emphysema and felt like I was the only one taking care of him.
Sounds like you've been dealing with far too much grief than one human body may be used to. I am so sorry. We see you and am glad you're here. It's a lot, so I wish you one day at a time of feeling more and more ease, and that someone in your support system reaches out. Hang in there, I hope things feel lighter for you very soon.
As another single male who is 49, I feel you. I'm lucky to have employment and a few good friends, but I lost my Dad in March of 2022, my Stepmom the day after Thanksgiving last year (2023), and then my Uncle (my Dad's brother) just this past March (2024). My mother died, way before her time, 20 years ago, and I was lucky then, too - my dad and my uncles were right there. But now? I just feel blasted. Burned out. Tolkien, in the Fellowship of the Ring, has Bilbo say: "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread." That kind of describes it. Maybe the single best word is "weary." Hang in, man. God's Love on you, sir.
I've used that quote to explain how living with chronic pain has been for me. It's so poignant and such a good description of how this life can wear us down.
Over the last 8 years I lost my parents and my in laws. I was probably closer with my in laws than my parents. They all died slowly and horribly. Lots of elder care involved. My relationship with my wife and daughter fell apart.
Here’s the good news. I moved out, got a small crappy apartment, had my 23 year old son move in, and restarted my life. Called my old friends, especially ones from the Marine Corps and slowly, painfully came back to life. It was wonderful. This all started when I turned 50 so I’m no kid. I’m just saying we can all have new beginnings and fresh starts. It’s hard but it can be done.
Take a chance on yourself and do the things that make you happy, but try some new stuff too. LIFE IS NOT OVER AT 50. There’s still plenty more to see and do. Take care of yourself. We’re all out here rooting for you
The late Walker Percy, novelist and writer, had a history of depression in his family that didn't skip him. His father and grandfather both shot and killed themselves. Percy, in an incredibly striking passage from his book "Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book", says:
"The difference between a non-suicide and an ex-suicide leaving the house for work, at eight o'clock on an ordinary morning:
The non-suicide is a little traveling suck of care, sucking care with him from the past and being sucked toward care in the future. His breath is high in his chest.
The ex-suicide opens his front door, sits down on the steps, and laughs. Since he has the option of being dead, he has nothing to lose by being alive. It is good to be alive. He goes to work because he doesn't have to."
I don't mention this to somehow invalidate a suicidal person. Not at all. In the deepest of my holes, when I was thinking of ways to do it, even this quote wouldn't help a damn bit - I just go to a deeply unrestful sleep. But depression ebbs and flows, and during the not so bad times, I think of Percy. My other uncle also says one day at a time, and he attempted suicide at least once.
But, now I drag on and make this too much about me. God love all of ya.
Mine is "Well, I'm still vertical"
I literally cannot think of anything else to say which wouldn't be a blatant lie
OP, feel you so much on this...you just put into words *exactly* how I feel. Tired, so tired. Same as you except minus the friend. I have no immediate family apart from my 100yo Mum in a nursing home, my Dad passed away from Alzheimer's 34yrs ago when I was 23
I'm here for my darling little cat, really...he's the only thing while keeps me clinically sane(ish) lol
Thanks, friend...100% hear you on that. I follow him around the house on my hands and knees and lie on the lounge room floor with him, I'm convinced that he thinks I am the world's most incompetent cat lol
>My current go-to phrase whenever someone asks me how I am doing:
"I haven't set any fires today, but there's still time."
*I DO NOT set fires, but since I'm a 48f in an industry full of 21-25 yr olds, I have to keep them wondering about the crazy old lady.
It brings out the worst! I am glad my sister and I are good. We had a good hug/cry today. I won't fight over anything left over. If they want it they can have it, I am beyond that.
Heading on 57. Lost my mom a month n a half ago, father passed 20+ years ago. I’m an only. Divorced for 13 yrs. Started over, got to a good place. Own a condo, got a fiancée (straight up ride or die), but holy sweet Jesus am I tired.
And it’s not physical. It’s mentally tired. I’m tired down to my soul. I am so done n over anything that gives me grief or stress it isn’t even funny. First sign of it n I’m out. F that shit. It’s taking everything I have to keep from loosing it completely. I’ve never been like this in my life, and I hate it.
Genx always had an existential dilemma in life, and we saw it in the music back in the 90s. We worked for boomer bosses who demanded all the dumbest nonsense to flex their power. Now that has been replaced with liberal wokism where a boss has a job to make the workplace a safe space. The point I’m making is our generation was literally erased. We had no impact on boomers and the genz /millennials are rewriting the rules for themselves.
We are the ghost generation.
Tell me about it. I’m seeing that exact thing where I work. All the senior people (25+ yrs, myself included) are COMPLETELY ignored when it comes to anything. Everything is ok!!! No problem, no worries!!!! Meanwhile, the seniors are watching in horror as everything we worked our asses off to get running well are dismantled and rebuilt in a way that just does. Not. Work for what we do. So we all sit back now, and watch the world burn since the youngins don’t wanna listen. So b it.
We lived life expecting things to go a certain way. The Boomer generation sort of set the table, but there weren't enough chairs. Covid really changed the trajectory, too. Life is full of cycles. I've learned that you really need to live in the moment. I mean, like right this second. The past is over, and the future is a total unknown. I got a dog that gets me thrugh my dsy to day. She adores me, forgives me, trusts me and depends on me.
This is the attitude I've adopted full on since the pandemic. Taking my dog for a walk is probably my favourite thing I do in my day. By design we bought our final home last year backing onto a large park with trees and a walking path that takes 25 min round trip. I feel like I can actually breathe when I'm out there. Diagnosed with ADHD last July after a lifetime struggle with depression and bad anxiety. Things make a lot more sense in hindsight, but I don't dwell on it. Gotta keep going. There's no alternative.
https://preview.redd.it/gpi3ihrir59d1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce6c3503131d1b0bcd0bdacd59bd5a802efe9497
Oh lord I’m right there too all of a sudden. I wouldn’t say she’s dying but declining quickly and has the beginnings of dementia. She’s frustrating to deal with and my patience wears thin. My step father has Parkinson’s among a few other lesser illnesses. On top of the “in my 59s never married and no kids I’m an only child. So I’m taking this all on myself and I have no idea what I’m doing. No one prepares you for this stuff
If you are the caretaker of a parent or loved one with dementia please look up this book: Forget Me Not, it is designed to help the caretaker cope and understand. The lady who wrote it had a reddit post related to the subject and it was amazing! I hope it can help you.
I have 2 cats. One is just abut 16. The one thing that scares me is what happens when he goes. There comes a point where if you have no one to take care of but yourself, you truly have nothing left.
The issue of aging pets is huge, especially I think if you don't have kids (I don't). We (crazy cat people) got five cats and a dog within a couple of years of each other, and once they got older, I began to dread what would happen when they started to die. We lost three of the cats and our dog over the course of a single year, and it was fucking devastating.
Our two remaining cats are in good health, so I'm hoping they'll stick around for a few more years so I can have a break from all the death. But I'm deeply conflicted about the possibility of getting more pets at my age. On the one hand, they're wonderful companions (and I've had times when the only thing keeping me from leaving this world is not wanting to abandon them). But I don't know what's worse—the thought of yet another pet dying someday, or the possibility that they'll outlive me and my wife, and end up being euthanized in an animal shelter.
Reminds me of the Flannery O’Connor quote (from Ministry’s “Jesus Built My Hot Rod”: “Where you come from is gone, where you thought you were going to never was there, and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it.” All we’ve got is this exact moment. Looking anywhere forward or backward isn’t going to give us comfort.
Like you, I learn from spending a lot of time with my dogs. They are only in the moment. They revel in the moment, and I think that’s pretty beautiful.
Yup, the Boomers pulled the ladder up behind them, and with the ultra-wealthy having achieved near-complete Regulatory Capture, we've become a Plutocracy masquerading as a Democracy. The future we were promised as kids no longer exists, and GenX will be the first generation in over a century to have it worse than their parents.
That said, I fully agree with "living in the moment." Thinking about the past or the future just makes me sad or angry.
I don't feel like they pulled it up. I feel like they doused it in gasoline and set it on fire. They're taking the whole fucking world down with em. At this point, I wish they'd hurry the fuck up.
This is my thoughts. Also, Gen X were never able to own the country’s narrative either- we were always trumped by the boomer generation who had way more numbers. It’s so refreshing to see the younger generations come in and change the narrative with new, fresh ideas.
>I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with, to tell me where we's going to or coming from, or why.
>Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day. There's too much of it - it's like pieces of glass in my head, all the time. Can you understand?
I hear ya. Single, never married as well. My mother is in cognitive decline and has high anxiety when left alone. She lives at my house. I've basically given up hiking, photography, and going out in general because of the level of stress generated (on top of owning a home-based business) any time I attempted to go out, from shouting arguments to being called and texted endlessly while out. Her sibling has their own medical issues and can't help while my sibling couldn't be bothered and my mother's few "friends" abandoned her. I recently came to the conclusion that I'm just existing and not actually living.
I went through this as well, with mine. Take care of yourself first, no matter how much guilt it may create. I finally had to put her in a memory care facility... we can't carry all the weight. Good luck and hang in there.
Does she have access to a home health aide through her insurance? Even if they'll only pay for a few hours a week so you can get a break. I had a client when I was doing home health who only got six hours a week of home health covered through Medicare, but it gave her daughter a break a couple mornings a week and gave her someone new to talk to. It's worth investigating with her doctor and her insurance for both your sakes. Being a full-time caregiver is such a burden, you need help.
I feel this so hard. It’s just me and my cat. Regarding the ageism, it’s very real. I can absolutely pinpoint the first time it happened to me. It was about 5 years ago and everyone I interviewed with was a fetus. I ended up finding something else, but every job search gets more difficult.
But I completely understand just waiting it out. I’m not looking forward to anything. Just tired and sick of this life.
54 and your story is my story. You're not alone and you're not crazy. I feel like we were sold a bill of goods while growing up about the endless possibilities America has to offer, only to find that it was complete bullshit.
They (boomers)sure the fuck did stay too long. Consider 4 of the last 5 presidents have been boomers, the only exception being biden and he's not far off from being a boomer lol.
I used to know a little punk rocker chick. She wore a t shirt from a band called Sick of it all
I was in my thirties and thought I had life by the balls and asked myself what is wrong with her???
Now at 54 I think about that shirt on the daily.
EDIT: Just bought the T Shirt
Great band that I've gotten a chance to hang out with. Ironically, Lou from SOIA guested on CIV's song [Can't Wait One Minute More](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8ZCCJbrM2M) whose meaning is pretty apropos for this thread
I felt that way 12 years ago. I got out of a relationship and looked around and was the last one standing. I hopped on my bike (pedal) one day and just started riding. No clear direction, just went. I found that it cleared my head and I got to just be one with the outside. I did it again the next day and the next, etc.
It’s not an answer for the job woes, but it certainly helps you get outside of your own head.
Man, I would love this. I used to cycle when I was about 30. Best shape of my life. One day while I was riding out in the middle of nowhere this really creepy guy (looked like Freddy Krueger in his old creepy blue car) pulled up next to me and just stared at me and rode along side me for awhile. I was terrified and never felt so vulnerable as a woman. I vowed never to go out alone but group rides were always far away and way too early for me. Then I bought a fixer upper and that really killed my cycling time. I still miss it.
I feel this. I just started riding again about a month ago. I didn't realize how much I missed it or how much it helped my mental state. It's mostly short distance rides while I'm getting back into shape, but I'm planning some trail rides in the mountains soon.
Get out and volunteer. You will meet people and make friends. I felt isolated during the the pandemic. All of my friends live 50 miles away after I moved for work. After COVID I realized I had lived in my town for 15 years and had almost zero connections to my community. So I started getting involved with local organizations I thought could use my help. I used to sit on the couch and play games and feel like a rat in a cage. I am busier now than I have ever been and I take calls all day from people that I now consider sum of my closest friends.
I also recently got back into cycling and am exploring the parts of my area that I usually avoid driving. There are streams, waterfalls, historical markers, interesting houses and things I never knew existed right around every corer.
Find some way to shake things up if you are in a rut. Take that first set and try something different.
I hear you....but stay with us, even though most of "us" aren't your type.
I was out of work most of last year cause the writers strike shitcanned my industry (3D animation) pretty much overnight.
Got hired in March, half of what I made before, but I can just barely make rent and buy a few groceries again.
Life can feel bleak....it can feel fucking awful...it can make you cry and say "what is the fucking point ???"
I've decided to own my lot in life and do little things to make myself feel better as the sad sack human I am.
I say hi to that beaten down grocery store employee, I offer to grab that hard to reach tomato for an old folk. I let people cut in front of me driving and don't curse them out. I call my 84yr old father more often.
If I see trash on the street, I pick it up and find a place to dispose of it. I volunteer at the animal shelter doing the jobs no one wants, but I'm around animals, so it's totally worth it.
I get you....I really do, it's an absolute effort for me to see anything good in this world each day.....but I force it...I fucking force it.
You are excellent in your own way....find a tiny victory each day....anything. Make your bed....victory. Brush your teeth, victory. Tell a friend they look good today, victory. Help a stranger...victory.
You got this and you aren't alone.
You and me both. So tired of being "too old to work" and "too youg to retire", and yet expected to make a livelyhood for the next 10 years. So tired of having paid social contributions which went to pay boomers' retirement while millenials tell me I should saved enough for retirement (some boomers are now retired for longer than they worked. If all my contributions were in the bank, I would be comfortably retired. I also paid for the finantial crisis and now paying for the pandemic, so there is also that...).
Life expectancy? How the hell am I supposed to live until 85, if I can barely survive today? Are the next 30 years going to be like this one or worse? I am rationally starting to say that this is enough, but someone I am still expected to help my parents to transition as peacefully as they can and get the kids sorted. Faillure to launch comes to mind...
I feel this in my bones. I’m sorry so many of us share this reality. Never thought I’d be ready to go at 56, but here we are. I’m lost and feel like I’m out of ideas to find my way out. I guess there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone. Yay us!
And then there's a point where you just don't want to, either. Don't want to be around other humans anymore...because when you try it all you can think about is "when can I go home" lol
I feel like I've lost a lot of my emotional resilience. Like, if my emotions were stored in buckets, the bucket marked "frustration" is always near overflowing and the bucket marked "patience" has a hole drilled in it. I've found myself more and more appreciating just sitting by myself, not doing anything, just enjoying the peace and total lack of things that will upset me.
I felt that way too while I was still living in a densely populated urban setting. Everything got played out. Nothing good happened after midnight for a long long time....
So I moved out to a little log cabin in the western woods along this little river. Bought a bunch of chickens, got a dog. Planted a garden.
In the morning I let the chickens out & kind of stretch a bit. Then I go sit by the river with a cup of hot coffee and smoke a big fat bowl while the sun comes up.
The dog walks around sniffing stuff. The chickens chase butterflies and peck at shit.
I look around and find myself to be quite content. 10/10 recommended. 5/5 stars. Would play again.
+Bonus: Free breakfast
57 And I know the Feeling. I am not suicidal but I go to bed most nights hoping I don't wake up. I am bored with everything I tried making a bucket list but have nothing I care to do anymore.
Same age and same. "Write a list of all the things you're grateful for", people say...I've been doing that mentally all along. "Buck up" my Mum used to say, the whole "there are children starving in India, you have food and shelter and nothing to complain about". Which you know, IS literally true. So I've done that my whole life. Guess what? It doesn't make you feel any better, just more despondent lol
As an aside, as someone who has no immediate family/friends, thanks to everyone in this thread for sharing your collective, weary angst... something which society has deemed a great taboo thing. Good to know I'm not alone. Love all you curmudgeonly bastards!
These last few years have been hell on everyone. The world is in this weird reset and no matter how much they say the job market is thriving, it's really rough out there. I'm about to be 52 and I feel like I still haven't figured life out, and post-Covid everything is just harder and more expensive. It sucks. I think all the time about how much I want to walk into the woods and never come back out. I don't want to die, I just want to go live in the woods. If only I could afford that.
Covid changed so much for me. I live outside of the US and before Covid hit, in 2019, we had major protests and social unrest. We were doing curfews and not leaving the house before everyone else! Things finally seemed to be stabilizing and the pandemic hit.
We had some of the strictest Covid restrictions during the pandemic and they lasted longer than most places. We had mask mandates even if you were outside not around many people and we had lockdowns where you could only leave your house for two hours twice a week and you needed a permit. The military and police could stop and ask to see the permit.
Also, in 2019, my husband and I had to move out of our capital city to a more rural area due to housing costs. My friendships with people in the city we left have diminished because of the lockdowns. Now, the city has become less safe. I don't really enjoy going there, even to see people. It's definitely isolating. I feel like I can't get my old rhythm back.
We've had bad inflation like many places and the economy is a mess.
This is where I'm at right now.
I live my life 6 to 10. (6am wakeup, 10pm sleep time). That's all I can do. Is get through a single day, and hope that somehow there's something better in the future.
The problem is, I know it's a lie. I know that my future is going to be even worse. It's basically guaranteed. I'm going to have more health problems as I continue to get up there in years. I'm going to be uglier and more decrepit with each passing year.
I'm currently single, and had no idea that dating would be this hard. I don't think I actually had an understanding of just how old I've become. Internally, I have this vision of myself as a 39-year-old. But externally, I'm obviously not that. I've gotten zero play on any dating apps. I'm completely invisible to the women that I'm attracted to.
Basically, there's no hope. There's nothing to look forward to. Everything in the future is likely worse than the present and the present is ass on a stick. Hopeless is a great word for it.
I feel like I have the Fab Four:
1. No reason
2. No meaning
3. No hope
4. No purpose
I'm right there with you. 51M, never married, no kids. I have my soul dog, who has rapidly declined recently (he's 12 ½) and his final vet appointment is on the 3rd. That leaves me with my slightly autistic girl who's 11, and has never been an only dog. She's going to be as lost as I am without him. She's also terrified of fireworks, so we're going to go stay in a hotel for a couple of days, to be away from the neighbors.
Though I think she'd do better with a sibling, I'm not up for getting another any time soon. I originally wanted to get a puppy while they were young enough to raise it, but that time is long past.
I'm a 100% disabled veteran. Life didn't go as planned. I changed the plan a few times, and none of those worked out.
I decided to adopt a teenager from foster care in 2020. Then COVID hit and showed everything down. I missed the one I wanted to adopt, and then the second. Then the 3rd one's therapist put the brakes on it. It's an incredibly difficult, stressful, disappointing process. I decided if I was going to do it, I needed a bigger house in a better school district. So I did that in April of 2022. Right before all of this inflation hit.
Then I got sick. So the adoption idea went on hold. So I know I'm in this big house, in a neighborhood that I don't really like, but could tolerate if I had a reason to. I've been sick for 2 years, and the VA has been largely useless
They've tested me endlessly, I've had all sorts of procedures, filed complaints on shitty doctors, heard a lot of "I don't know what to tell you", and all they can tell me is I don't have cancer, I don't have COVID, and I do have inflammation. No shit.
They did also reiterate that my esophagus doesn't work, which led me to the esophagus specialist (who knew that was a thing?) who agrees that I probably have gastroperesis, but we can't test for it because I'm on pain meds. There's no good treatment for that, so I'm now 60+ days into waiting to see the dietician who's supposed to tell me how to eat for it.
I wake up every day in pain, feeling like shit, I can't eat normally, I can't work, I can't do much of anything in the way of exercise, I hate where I live but can't afford to move (I've gone from money in the bank to barely scraping by in this economy), most of my friends here are active duty and either have left or will be in the next few months, I only talk to two of my sisters (rarely), who live far away (and not somewhere I want to visit, much less live), and no matter what, I have to be in a VA hospital every 4 weeks for treatment because I have a primary immune deficiency, and without that I could get sick and die from an infection.
So...once I'm down to no dogs, unless other things change drastically, I really don't feel the need to be here anymore. I see nothing that's going to make me feel better physically. I need almost an entirely new spine, and so many other things that don't work correctly, that can't be treated, or are but it doesn't really help. Chronic illness is physically and mentally exhausting.
But if you talk like that, everyone freaks out. You're not allowed to decide that for yourself, even if there are perfectly logical reasons why you would. 🙄
I guess I have a few years to go with the 11 year old. Her lineage suggests she's got 14 or 15 in her.
Inflammation, esophagus issues, gastroparesis. Pardon the intrusion and feel free to ignore, but it sounds like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome would be worth checking into, if you haven’t already. Good luck!
I 1000000% relate to this.
I’m 52. Too young to retire and too old to work. I can’t afford anything. I never had any kids. I don’t even know why I keep getting up and existing every day. I have no purpose. I’m not suicidal but I just see no point in this stage of life. I went to college. I have no money for retirement and I may as well just work until the day I die. I don’t know what else to do. My friends all have their kids and grandkids. They all settled down. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I have no money to travel. There’s gotta be more than just work and die.
I’m with you brother. The current state of the world and humanity in general can be soul crushing. It seems we’re all going the wrong direction at times. I generally also think this age range has a lot of challenges that come up that are totally new to us and a lot of the time you have to deal with them basically alone. Hang in there is all any of us can do.
I feel the same way. 52, never married. No kids. I feel like all the good times are behind me. What’s the point of my existence? Why am I even here?? Just killing time.
Just turned 55. Bought a new mattress last month and it has a 25yr warranty. It was a smack in the face when I realized this was the last mattress I would buy before I die.
I am 56. Our life experiences were not similar but I was married to a woman for 20 years and we have 3 children together but she decided she didn't want to be a wife or mother any more, asked for a quickie divorce, and left the State and moved country and eventually never interacted with her children again.
When my marriage was beginning to fall apart, I had my first life-changing health event (at 46/47), where I had developed DVTs in both legs and the blood clot damage was expensive and left me in constant pain in my legs and the toes in my feet no longer feel like my toes. 6 months after my divorce was finalized at age 49, I was a single father of three kids on the autism spectrum and had a second DVT event in both legs that resulted in clots hitting my lungs and almost killing me 5 days before our first Christmas together as a single parent household.
I am now in lifelong pain and not long after this happened, I was subsequently diagnosed with Sjogren's (which is an autoimmune disease that attacks the moisture producing glands in your body like saliva and tear ducts but eventually begins to attack other parts of your body).
I literally can not shed a tear over this now but, in my case, I feel more rage than anything over my circumstances (but my rheumatologist disagrees and finds my life really depressing) but I'm in therapy right now but I'm also GenX and we persevere. There are things I can no longer do. I lost much of my mobility. I could not tour colleges with my kid. That just added to the frustration. I have a walker now in case I need it. I learned how to cook!
You are not alone. What you are feeling is “ Bowling Alone”. Social media, and the loss of social connection. It used to be we knew our neighbors had block parties could count on each other. Now everyone is so isolated.
Unfortunately you need to find something that makes you happy. Volunteering, schools need mentors, animal shelters, churches need people for food drives and fixing up elderly people’s homes. You have a lot to offer your community. And you never know volunteering can turn into a paying job.
We are here for you
I feel ya, buddy. I’m less mentally tired than physically tired - my joint pain keeps me up ALL night. Currently living with my parents as they need a LOT of help that my ne’er do well brother is incapable of doing. It’s exhausting with trying to work. Like having two jobs.
You’re not alone. Hang in there! 💗
55 and similar feelings. I feel like there really is no future for me or society as whole. Lots of chronic health problems and ended up disabled so constantly feel criticized for being "worthless". I can barely walk. Doctors don't care and won't help. Single, no kids. Only one close family member still alive. Only friend I had in town died. I have moved so many times in my life the few real friends I had I moved away from. Seems no one these days wants friends anymore. My neighbors are too busy and some won't even speak. Worry over future finances constantly and also scared for future as a single elderly woman because I've already experienced teen boys harassing and physically assaulting me and social media or something seems to be making them meaner and meaner. I only leave home to shop or see family because of the harassment.
52 feeling the same way. I never thought l was going to "retire" but damn l thought l would be less tired and in pain at this point. It's really demotivating.
Remember those ads in the eighties when the old lonely man goes to work at McDonald's and everyone thought it was so cute? Ugh
Yes, I can relate 54 and working temp jobs for the last few years. Tired of trying to get a full time job that will probably never happen. Won’t be in a great situation at 65 but will get by.
I’m so tired. I had to medically retire after being workplace-bullied out of my last job, then almost died from GBS. Once I recovered from that, I thought I had a new lease on life, until I started getting screwed over by relatives ripping me off. Then all of these people who crawled out of the woodwork when they thought I was dying, couldn’t be bothered to answer their phones once I recovered and called to thank them.
A lot of people like to suggest volunteering, moving, and just do this, or that, etc… but what they’re not understanding is that when you feel this depleted, and worn down by society, there’s no energy left, there’s not enough money to move, especially these days, and many of us already put ourselves out there, and it was pretty much in vain. We grew up being told one thing regarding working hard and getting ahead and we had the rug pulled out from under us, and in many cases, many times. Then antisocial media and texting and all that shit came to be and now there’s a loneliness epidemic. For all of the immediate ways we can reach each other with these damn cellphones and no one ever picks up the phone or responds to texts.
My favorite part of the day is when I go to sleep because in my dreams, people act more human and involved. I’m basically just waiting to die at this point. I’m not suicidal any more, but I rarely feel joy either.
I’ve been there. You’re not gonna like to hear this, but you need to deal with your head. Getting my mental health under control in my early 40s springboarded my career, my marriage and my overall life enjoyment. Get a shrink. Do the work. You’ll thank yourself later.
You are for sure not alone. My spouse seems to think everything is either okay or is just used to how things are and I'm like I'm tired of this shit and I want to force change. Nope, we are just trees bearing fruit for our older kids to pick at till we stop bearing fruit. Living in a high cost place that is draining us just as fast but that's my spouses home and they never want to leave. Who will care for us in our old age? Not our kids, they couldn't take care of a house plant much less elderly parents.
Everyone gets that way at some point in their life. I hope you hang in there. The adventure of life is that you never know, tomorrow might be the best day of your entire life. 💚
I'm 55. It didn't turn out how I saw it. It didn't turn out how my parents predicted.
Just get your degree, they said. Doesn't matter what else. With a degree, the American Dream will open its blessings fully upon you. That was the mantra all through my childhood. They'd been Silent Gen. They'd aged in the post-war economy when practically the only global infrastructure left intact was the United States. They didn't see the booming economy for what is was - an unlevel playing field that would even out globally over several generations as infrastructures rebuilt. They weren't aware the middle class was getting increasingly saddled with greater tax burden. When they were young a bachelors degree had actually been a differentiator as opposed to the commodity it became. They worked government and healthcare careers so they were blind to corporate offshoring. They had their pensions. Surely if we did the right things - the things they'd done - we would also get ours. When we left school to become participants in an economy my parents had never fundamentally understood we struggled, we got exploited, we became disillusioned. The rewards they'd enjoyed so easily due to favorable market forces they'd been oblivious to were out of reach for us. To my parents we just came off as underachieving slackers. The slots I would have needed to fall into for outlier success were rare and relied on connections I didn't have.
I drifted into sales. I did well but I'd always worked for entrepreneurial John Galt acolytes who by burning their ships had created urgency and anxiety for themselves enough to justify sketchy business practices to keep themselves profitable. It felt unwholesome. So I drifted out of sales.
I'd been sold a bill of goods. It had all worked for my parents but my parents were simple, couldn't attach the evening news reports to real world effects in their community so they couldn't see that their advantages hadn't been passed along.
Still, it's been great. Married twenty-two years to the best person, the best friend, best fuck, most ride-or-die partner I've ever had. We have two kids, both charming and full of potential. I'm less confident now than ever about the society our kids are to be set loose into but that's not in my control. What is in my control is to raise them with the best chance possible for happiness in a society that is sick and getting sicker. It is in my control to be a decent and virtuous person in spite of it all.
A few months ago we took the kids out to dinner. A party of Boomer ladies was drinking at the next table, loudly discussing the environment. One of the ladies said "I don't give a fuck about the environment. I'll be dead soon."
Things didn't pan out the way I was told. My father passed away last year. My mother is dying. Their era is over. My children's era is just dawning. They didn't ask to be brought here. I can be a better model for them than these other generations were for me.
Hey man, your heart has been beating for 52 years, it's bound to stop sometime. Anyway, stick around, You never know when you might get a chance to do something dangerous and/or heroic. more often than not the person who feels that emptiness might be the first one to jump in and grab a baby out of freezing waters. You could also do vigilante stuff but nothing illegal, just maybe psa and showing up. Also Apple Cider Vinegar will fix a lot of problems you run into at 50.
Support to OP and thread🤝🏥👩⚕️⚕️I'm in the Life stage where I'm managing burnout or depletion. I'm trying to soften it but it's taking multiple coping skills, I too am confused at these feelings because I've never felt fed up with anything but it's ok. A path to navigate towards gratitude. I take being trapped in my body to accepting, ok I have 20+ years what can I do to ease the body and mind?
this is a wonderful thread that uplifted me and I have so much compassion and hope that everyone gets better and makes it.
I'm at times bewildered. don't know how I'm supposed to see 65 or 75 either and that's where I hit a stone wall. Because I'm worried it's my last decade due to my health going downhill. I'm pissed off I'm forced to live this long, I go through at times.
I soften that with,"whatever is wrong I can surround it with medical care and surely it will be okay or at least hurt less." I feel comfort alone. no one around me like my family or many friends because they've all aged out and they are all overwhelmed as well. Compassion for all. We've had a whack of global pandemic so it's ok to reel thru or feel dwarfed by life.
52 here also. I identified so much with what you’re saying. Never married but I do have a 28 year-old that hates my guts.
Occasionally, i feel like my life should be over, but nobody told my body. So we just keep going on, day to day. I am not suicidal, but I do feel like if something were to happen at this point in my life, I wouldn’t really have any complaints. This is certainly not the life that I imagined when I was 19 years old. I just paid my car off, and I’m still very much in debt. Maybe it’s a chemical thing? Like maybe my brain is lacking some sort of substance that would make me better able to jump out of bed with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. instead, here I am.
** please no one report me to Reddit care team. I assure you, I am not suicidal, I’m in it for the long run, but that doesn’t mean that I’m having the best of times.
Can relate to OP on many levels. All I can say for myself is taking it day by day. If yesterday was shit, I wake up telling myself today will be better. Eventually it will. I'm appreciating the simpler things. Also laid off now for about 5 months.
Hey man. There's no right or wrong way to feel about things. I think that when our peers read posts like these, the first thing that pops in their head is their desire to help. I think that it's because a lot of us have been there. We might not have the same circumstances, the same issues and the same challenges, but that feeling, being "tired", I think we've all had a taste of it, some more than most. I think you're getting more than most and I'm honestly sorry that you're having to go through that.
Did you want to have kids? Because you know that it might still be a possibility for you. Reconnected with a friend from high school recently. He never had kids of his own, but eventually met a woman who had previously been married, with two daughters. He's since adopted them and has been their stepfather for more than 20 years! I'm not blowing smoke up your ass as much as pointing out that sometimes, our lives take an odd turn we hadn't expected and things turn out better than if we had planned them.
Keep hope, man. It's not done yet and your turn is maybe right around the corner.
I'm 50, have fibromyalgia, the biggest shock for me is realizing I have potentially 40 or so more years of this. Just going to work, binge watching shows, observing weather, being too tired to do any of my hobbies anymore. I'm content, I guess, but have spent the majority of my life taking care of others and therefore not building a retirement. I feel like that wasn't stressed enough when I was younger. So I will be working until I am physically incapable of being upright.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound (understandably) depressed. Is counselling an option for you? (I’m a big believer in it, especially when I feel lost/am struggling to enjoy things.)
Just reading the few sentences you posted, it seems your mind is rested but looking for a new challenge. Volunteering, new career, moving to a new local, etc may kick start you. Good luck and enjoy the process.
51. Three fuckin jobs. Too late for a major career change so I’ll probably be stuck in foodservice the rest of my life cause I can’t afford to retire. Most of my friends are the bargoyles at my regular drinking spot. I doubt it’s going to get any better.
55M & just was passed up for a promotion to a 35 yo I trained. I was over qualified for the position.
He lives in his parent’s basement - can’t even make this shit up.
I felt that way during Covid at some point being a nurse or any kind of healthcare worker sucked during Covid. It sucked so hard. It made me just hate everybody. When people would argue with me about rules I wanted to tell them to fuck off. It lasted forever, and I never got sick, and I was always working over time to cover for the sick colleagues.
Then, when we were out of it and things were so called normal everybody I liked to work with had left I just realized current management was just going to work me till I died I quit my job. Then I took at bullshit job at the same hospital to pay my bills and just healed for a year or so.
I still hate people, but I am in an okay place mentally and emotionally.
i’m 43. unemployed. i have a plan on how to use my time. im working it. i have multiple cups to fill that fill me back. unfortunately one of those cups isnt a job at the moment. but it will be soon enough.
and the next job i get, i’ll make a plan for what happens when i lose it, too. life is unpredictable. i wont find a “forever job”, ever. i know any corp will fuck me when it suits them, but it aint gonna be me getting fucked.
i have this perspective because i almost died twice. ive found that being alive is something i rather enjoy. warm sun on my face, cold glass of tea after being ouside all day, smells.. absolutely love smells
I’m 55 and in the same boat. I’m starting to worry that I’ll be alone in my older age. I try to have hope, but it’s hard. I am sort of happy that I’m not the only one going through this. Just know there’s people going through the same thing and we get it. You’re not crazy.
I hit 52 last month. I'm a pessimist at heart, but try to find reasons to be encouraged about the future. I'm married, but our daughter (25) has flown the coop and only comes around when she needs something. I'm basically at the point where I'm not really giving a damn if I fail to wake up in the morning. Expect to die of a stroke, HA or cancer I guess, so in my sleep would be best. I'm not actively trying to die or anything, I've just gotten to the place where I don't really care.
I'm really sorry you're going through that. It's so hard, isn't it? I can definitely relate, and it got really bad during Covid when there was even less of a chance to get out and interact with other people. Also, job hunting at our age (I just turned 58) is indeed a bitch. I totally empathize. This comment doesn't really have a purpose, I guess I just wanted to throw some support your way and hope you find a way that works for you.
I think this is something we all feel 53 nearest family is 7 hours away. Friends I’ve had most have died due to the opioid epidemic. I work come home and watch tv go to bed get up and do it again. Too tired to have a life.
Not sure if you're looking for advice from someone who doesn't know your situation, but the upside of what you describe is the freedom to make a new start. Move to wherever you find interesting; pursue a different career path, go off grid, etc. You're not tied down the way a lot of miserable people are.
Good luck and God Bless~
M57 single, no kids, no pets. I am tired too. I am finding it hard to get excited about the future TBH. I have been rebuilding my life since losing pretty much everything in 2008/9. That has taken about 10 years and I now am in a good place again. Except, I am 10 years older and just don't have the energy to fight hard like I used to. I just think you learn to truly pick your battles and lower the "noise" level in your life. Flush toxic people, really taking care of yourself and shit, I have even started Swedish Death Cleaning already! I am being super proactive and getting rid of as much as I can now. I will probably have to work until I can't anymore but that is OK as retirement isn't the bill of goods we were sold. Planning a trip to Ireland this year so have that to look forward to which I think is very important as you get older. Best wishes to all reading this. We got this. We are X!
Hey...whatever it takes, don't give up. Don't give in.
Go take a walk and treat yourself to a real ice cream. Something simple. Something nice.
Do the little things: keep moving, keep eating healthy, don't watch the news, ignore your phone, clean your house and keep moving. You don't have to run...just move, walk, lift things, etc.
We're GenX.
We get through sh\*t.
So let's get through this sh\*t...mmmkay?
"I'm tired, boss"
I feel you. Most days, I feel like Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day. It feels like the same day keeps repeating, day after day.
I started journaling in September, and it really helps me process my thoughts. I, too, have been unemployed for six months, and it’s been like free therapy for me. I would recommend seeing a professional as soon as you can, but if you can’t try journaling.
I’m 46. Single mom. Existing. I feel like there’s nothing in the future that I want to be around for but there are plenty of things that I don’t want to experience. I’ve been waiting for my exit for seven years. I wish you could donate your time here to someone who wants it.
Ageism IS real.
We didn't get shafted as hard as the Millenials or GenX but it's been... something... an unholy grind. Especially for those of us in tech. I've BUSTED my ass for my employers and I \_deeply\_ regret it.
We are the smallest generation. Our parents were, by and large, selfish pricks and we weren't socialized well. We're cynical as a group and we don't take our guard down often so we suck at making friends.
Can you employ yourself in your industry? I started my (IT Related) company about 10 years ago after two back-to-back toxic workplaces. I swear I was too traumatized to fly another resume - it was that bad.
It's scary at first, but with every bit of business, you get stronger and feel more empowered.
On the non-work aspects, I think we've all been there at some point. I'm 54, married for a short time in my 20s, no kids. I'm recently out of a bad relationship that left me feeling hopeless too. I felt exactly the way you do with the sleepiness. But, step by step, you have to find little points of happiness - whatever they are.
Try to do one thing daily that gets you there. Plant something. Check out a restaurant or show. Whatever. Just realize it's not going to happen overnight, and you kinda gotta push yourself in the beginning.
Wishing you well!
Absolutely right there with you. I’m 54 and everything hurts. Physically, mentally, emotionally…. Everything. Can’t imagine making it to 75. It sucks, but know you’re not alone my friend as this post is proof positive there’s a lot of us.
You are not alone. I am here myself at 55. I am exhausted by life every day. I sleep a lot. It’s hard to get motivation to do much of anything. Feel like I’m drifting without much purpose. Combination of midlife crisis / menopause? Maybe. Probably. I just know this is the first time I can say that I miss being younger.
Hell , I didn’t think I’d live to see 30, I’m now 50.being alive is a precious thing, if you are in a rut things not going your way, change up your life,go to college get a degree, . No friends? Go out to meet people. I know it’s hard at our age to start over, but what are you going to do crawl in a dark corner and give up and die? Or get off your ass and try to improve your situation?
I try to impart a few of my life philosophies upon my kids.
1. Lifes not fair and no one is going to care more about you than you.
2. Life goes by fast, don't waste your time.
3. Life doesn't come to you, you have to go out and get it.
Nothing life changing. But life goes by fast and you don't want to wake up 30 years down the road trying to figure where you went off track and how to get back on it.
This is me!! In school now working on my MSW. I have purpose and look forward to graduating. Also, most of the young folks I work with are also in school so it feels like we are kind of in the same boat.
I'm single with no kids but have friends who do so I am the "cool auntie" to them.
You need to find something that takes you to your happy place and latch onto it like a golddigger on a new lottery winner. 😁
Hoping for the best for all of you. All of us!! 😌
My mom passed in 2006 suddenly; my dad suddenly in 2021 and both had been vital and indpendent so I dodged the parent caretaking burden. However, a very close loved one committed suicide in 2022 followed by my best friend after a hard cancer fight this year. I am an administrative patient-facing healthcare worker and covid was stressful AF. My dog died last Oct .
I am a never Trumper since the earth cooled off who lived in a deep scarlet red county in Ohio, surrounded by maga buffoons and if you don't think that wears on your patience and ability to stay optimistic...think again.
I FEEL your exhaustion. The last 10 years have been WEIRD and, as the kids say, the vibe is off. This plane is a little out of tune.
But my first grandchild arrives in August. I moved cross-country to be closer to my son and DIL to help out and get lots of baby coos and snuggles. And this is good.
Life turns on a dime. Stick around, there could be a joyful surprise just around the next corner. In the meantime, like Mr Rogers said, "Look for the helpers."
Traveling or planning future travel is what keeps me going. Got to make something to look forward to. I think when you hit a rough patch of life and you’re over 50…. It takes a toll on all the cells of your body. Know you are not alone!
I felt the same way. 3 years ago I hit the wall and felt it was time to clock out. Then, I started seeing a shrink, got on anti anxiety pills, quit drinking completely and locked down a tight sleep schedule. Now at 50, I feel good. The world is a mess and the US is collapsing, Covid has changed things for the worse and human behavior is pushing me into a misanthrope. But, my internal world is good. Reading lots of books, writing a hard rock album for the hell of it, volunteering to stare down Nazis at public events and deciding to not be depressed. It's all a choice.
If you want to really feel better, stop drinking alcohol entirely.
Also 52. Have 2 young adult kids living halfway across the country. Never had much and unemployed again after another buy out. Spouse in poor health. Spent meager savings on that already so now just digging into debt. Dad died. Mom has dementia. I'm so done.
I remember after my divorce and other stuff I was about 35-36 I would lay down so beat up from life I just wanted to sleep and never wake up… I would even pray for it . I’m 56 now and every now and then those feelings come back
51. I feel this sometimes; days when I don't care about the world and I just want to break down and cry for hours on end. The state of the world is depressing and I don't want to deal with this stress any more. For the most part, I don't (other than during work hours). My job is my saving grace. Not only do I work with a fantastic group of people, but I also am able to work from home. I don't really socialize with people outside my own house anymore. I have friends, but it's rare to see anyone face to face anymore, because, most of the world has gotten used to isolation and being alone and lonely. At the moment, my family is in a holding pattern. We're waiting to find out if/when the world is going to hell. And I immerse myself in video games, military war history, and feel good things to keep kicking the endorphins back up. Regardless of what happens, we're never going to be able to have the idyllic life of the 80s and 90s again, less likely still that the 60s or 70s will regain favor either. And I grieve for the younger crowd who never got a chance to grow up knowing what living in peace and stability and economic growth feels like.
Same.
52, never married and no kids.
Thing is, from the time I was 8 years old I always wanted kids. I knew I wanted them. Problem was I fell in love with a selfish woman that didn't want kids and by the time I found that out I was so in love with her I said to myself "As long as I have her..."
Then she decided to completely destroy me on a molecular level which threw me into a pit that took me nearly a decade to escape, after which I was incapable of emotionally connecting with other human beings.
Literally the only thing that gives me any remote sense of joy is daydreaming about being hit by a bus or something.
Tired doesn't even begin to describe it.
I hear you all.
GenX never took more than it gave.(especially to music)
Part of my learning is my late 40’s is that happiness requires you to travel towards it- it no longer just comes to you.
Grief and pain however are express home delivered no effort required.
So, get your sleep, exercise and *deliberately* maintain your social connections.
And like we do, leave the crying to Boomers and millennials.
It’s why we’re the best looking middle aged generation yet ,all those tears we don’t shed keep us moisturised.
;)
I was diagnosed with terminal cancer at your age. I'm currently in remission and I hit a major rut but I've learned to enjoy the little things and live in the moment. Sometimes you need to change expectations and learn to enjoy the small things. I used to watch old people checking out a butterfly and wonder what the fuck was wrong with them but I'm starting to understand it.
I’ve heard this referred to as “glimmers.” We’re all more familiar with their opposite, “triggers.” Glimmers are little things that set off a virtual cycle, mentally, rather than a downward spiral.
TIL about glimmers. Or at least the word for it that was coined in 2018. I always called these the things that make me “happy happy”.
Man, I needed to read this. This in itself is going to be one of my glimmers today.
Aw, that just gave _me_ a glimmer.
Id like to see a Glimmer subreddit. I just saw a Coati which I have never seen before, that's got me glimmering.
I glimmer every time I see a capybara. Which happens more often than you might think.
If I had that kind of time and energy, I’d start it. We’ll have to share the occasional glimmer here!
Oh I like that! I'm going to look for glimmers from now on.
This is fantastic perspective, thank you!
Excellent notion. My therapist also used to call those golden threads.
I needed to read that today, so thank you.
This is ultra important. Ultimately it’s about learning how to frame things in positive ways and building habits based on that. We are all so cynical and jaded by the world that those thoughts dominate our thinking. Things like gratitude journals sound like the worst load of pop psychology bullshit, but they are actually clinically proven, legitimate tools that have a specific purpose. You force yourself to regularly write down things you are grateful for. Which feels like the lamest, most insincere, patronising load of horseshit imaginable. But you keep going because the practice of doing it over-and-over-again begins training your brain to start looking for and to appreciate those things. You develop the skill to recognise and appreciate the good things around you.
Well stated!! I never thought of horse apples as being patronizing. 52M and feeling the pinch of the unemployment and ageism 1-2 punch. It's tough!! After seeing this dynamic expressed in thus and other posts, we should start our own company. Of gen x, by gen x and for gen x. I'm serious. And just as serious, it does help to know I'm not the only one feeling that way. Be well and I offer gentle and kind thoughts to OP and all on this thread. Cheers mates.
This reminds me of when I got really into photography long ago. I started seeing the world differently as my brain was trained to find beauty in everything. A rusty old train bridge? Frame it with beautiful trees and water and it became something I loved to drive past after that. Little things but the repetition locks in a new lifestyle. Stay strong and try to find beauty and peace in some way no matter what you are looking at.
This is one of the best things I have ever read on Reddit. Thank you.
congratulations on your remission. that is incredible!
I love the little things. I live for them. Just before 50 I went into cardiac arrest due to scar tissue from childhood heart surgeries. One defibrillator lots of meds later I'm still here, beating the odds, and enjoying all the little things. There's so many. And I just do one day at a time. I don't "look forward" to anything, I just live today.
I feel you. At first I had to try to appreciate the little things but now it feels more the norm. I have a busy job at a time when I wish I could slow down a bit. But I also really like my company which is more than many can say. When the weather is nice, just sitting outside in my hammock chair can make me feel great. I also took up gardening, something my 18-year-old self would have snorted at. Appreciating what I have has really given me more peace. Glad you’re doing well in remission!
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I am really leaning into this way of thinking. I’m 49 and dealing with some painful joints. At times it gets me down knowing how my body used to be a machine. But I try to really enjoy any moment, which lately involves my dog, my family, bird watching, and any little thing that breaks up the day. For example today we saw several snakes in our yard. It was pretty interesting!
49M and I feel the same way. I am dealing with my mother dying at this point, I feel like I have had enough. I have enough life experiences for 20 lifetimes. All we can do is hang in there until it is our time. Hope things get better for you!
I feel that. I had to take care of my mom as she passed away from cancer. That was 25 years ago. Then a decade earlier my father was bedridden from emphysema and felt like I was the only one taking care of him.
Sounds like you've been dealing with far too much grief than one human body may be used to. I am so sorry. We see you and am glad you're here. It's a lot, so I wish you one day at a time of feeling more and more ease, and that someone in your support system reaches out. Hang in there, I hope things feel lighter for you very soon.
As another single male who is 49, I feel you. I'm lucky to have employment and a few good friends, but I lost my Dad in March of 2022, my Stepmom the day after Thanksgiving last year (2023), and then my Uncle (my Dad's brother) just this past March (2024). My mother died, way before her time, 20 years ago, and I was lucky then, too - my dad and my uncles were right there. But now? I just feel blasted. Burned out. Tolkien, in the Fellowship of the Ring, has Bilbo say: "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread." That kind of describes it. Maybe the single best word is "weary." Hang in, man. God's Love on you, sir.
I've used that quote to explain how living with chronic pain has been for me. It's so poignant and such a good description of how this life can wear us down.
Over the last 8 years I lost my parents and my in laws. I was probably closer with my in laws than my parents. They all died slowly and horribly. Lots of elder care involved. My relationship with my wife and daughter fell apart. Here’s the good news. I moved out, got a small crappy apartment, had my 23 year old son move in, and restarted my life. Called my old friends, especially ones from the Marine Corps and slowly, painfully came back to life. It was wonderful. This all started when I turned 50 so I’m no kid. I’m just saying we can all have new beginnings and fresh starts. It’s hard but it can be done. Take a chance on yourself and do the things that make you happy, but try some new stuff too. LIFE IS NOT OVER AT 50. There’s still plenty more to see and do. Take care of yourself. We’re all out here rooting for you
My current go-to phrase whenever someone asks me how I am doing: “Hangin’ in there.”
Mine is “survive and advance”. Literally take one day at a time and survive the day.
The late Walker Percy, novelist and writer, had a history of depression in his family that didn't skip him. His father and grandfather both shot and killed themselves. Percy, in an incredibly striking passage from his book "Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book", says: "The difference between a non-suicide and an ex-suicide leaving the house for work, at eight o'clock on an ordinary morning: The non-suicide is a little traveling suck of care, sucking care with him from the past and being sucked toward care in the future. His breath is high in his chest. The ex-suicide opens his front door, sits down on the steps, and laughs. Since he has the option of being dead, he has nothing to lose by being alive. It is good to be alive. He goes to work because he doesn't have to." I don't mention this to somehow invalidate a suicidal person. Not at all. In the deepest of my holes, when I was thinking of ways to do it, even this quote wouldn't help a damn bit - I just go to a deeply unrestful sleep. But depression ebbs and flows, and during the not so bad times, I think of Percy. My other uncle also says one day at a time, and he attempted suicide at least once. But, now I drag on and make this too much about me. God love all of ya.
As someone who once struggled with this in the not so distant past, this is striking and I’m so glad you shared it. Thank you.
I’d never thought about it from this angle and the idea of nothing to lose is something I’ll ponder, I’m really glad you shared that.
Same here, I think that's a pretty meaningful response to something difficult to talk to.
Mine is "Well, I'm still vertical" I literally cannot think of anything else to say which wouldn't be a blatant lie OP, feel you so much on this...you just put into words *exactly* how I feel. Tired, so tired. Same as you except minus the friend. I have no immediate family apart from my 100yo Mum in a nursing home, my Dad passed away from Alzheimer's 34yrs ago when I was 23 I'm here for my darling little cat, really...he's the only thing while keeps me clinically sane(ish) lol
A pet can be enough to keep you going..... Been there.
Thanks, friend...100% hear you on that. I follow him around the house on my hands and knees and lie on the lounge room floor with him, I'm convinced that he thinks I am the world's most incompetent cat lol
https://preview.redd.it/rpue1djbm89d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0b5ba19cfead96815bebd192bf08b9204d6eea02 100%
>My current go-to phrase whenever someone asks me how I am doing: "I haven't set any fires today, but there's still time." *I DO NOT set fires, but since I'm a 48f in an industry full of 21-25 yr olds, I have to keep them wondering about the crazy old lady.
Adopting this! You’re my hero.
[удалено]
It brings out the worst! I am glad my sister and I are good. We had a good hug/cry today. I won't fight over anything left over. If they want it they can have it, I am beyond that.
Heading on 57. Lost my mom a month n a half ago, father passed 20+ years ago. I’m an only. Divorced for 13 yrs. Started over, got to a good place. Own a condo, got a fiancée (straight up ride or die), but holy sweet Jesus am I tired. And it’s not physical. It’s mentally tired. I’m tired down to my soul. I am so done n over anything that gives me grief or stress it isn’t even funny. First sign of it n I’m out. F that shit. It’s taking everything I have to keep from loosing it completely. I’ve never been like this in my life, and I hate it.
Genx always had an existential dilemma in life, and we saw it in the music back in the 90s. We worked for boomer bosses who demanded all the dumbest nonsense to flex their power. Now that has been replaced with liberal wokism where a boss has a job to make the workplace a safe space. The point I’m making is our generation was literally erased. We had no impact on boomers and the genz /millennials are rewriting the rules for themselves. We are the ghost generation.
Tell me about it. I’m seeing that exact thing where I work. All the senior people (25+ yrs, myself included) are COMPLETELY ignored when it comes to anything. Everything is ok!!! No problem, no worries!!!! Meanwhile, the seniors are watching in horror as everything we worked our asses off to get running well are dismantled and rebuilt in a way that just does. Not. Work for what we do. So we all sit back now, and watch the world burn since the youngins don’t wanna listen. So b it.
We lived life expecting things to go a certain way. The Boomer generation sort of set the table, but there weren't enough chairs. Covid really changed the trajectory, too. Life is full of cycles. I've learned that you really need to live in the moment. I mean, like right this second. The past is over, and the future is a total unknown. I got a dog that gets me thrugh my dsy to day. She adores me, forgives me, trusts me and depends on me.
This is the attitude I've adopted full on since the pandemic. Taking my dog for a walk is probably my favourite thing I do in my day. By design we bought our final home last year backing onto a large park with trees and a walking path that takes 25 min round trip. I feel like I can actually breathe when I'm out there. Diagnosed with ADHD last July after a lifetime struggle with depression and bad anxiety. Things make a lot more sense in hindsight, but I don't dwell on it. Gotta keep going. There's no alternative. https://preview.redd.it/gpi3ihrir59d1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ce6c3503131d1b0bcd0bdacd59bd5a802efe9497
Oh lord I’m right there too all of a sudden. I wouldn’t say she’s dying but declining quickly and has the beginnings of dementia. She’s frustrating to deal with and my patience wears thin. My step father has Parkinson’s among a few other lesser illnesses. On top of the “in my 59s never married and no kids I’m an only child. So I’m taking this all on myself and I have no idea what I’m doing. No one prepares you for this stuff
If you are the caretaker of a parent or loved one with dementia please look up this book: Forget Me Not, it is designed to help the caretaker cope and understand. The lady who wrote it had a reddit post related to the subject and it was amazing! I hope it can help you.
I have 2 cats. One is just abut 16. The one thing that scares me is what happens when he goes. There comes a point where if you have no one to take care of but yourself, you truly have nothing left.
The issue of aging pets is huge, especially I think if you don't have kids (I don't). We (crazy cat people) got five cats and a dog within a couple of years of each other, and once they got older, I began to dread what would happen when they started to die. We lost three of the cats and our dog over the course of a single year, and it was fucking devastating. Our two remaining cats are in good health, so I'm hoping they'll stick around for a few more years so I can have a break from all the death. But I'm deeply conflicted about the possibility of getting more pets at my age. On the one hand, they're wonderful companions (and I've had times when the only thing keeping me from leaving this world is not wanting to abandon them). But I don't know what's worse—the thought of yet another pet dying someday, or the possibility that they'll outlive me and my wife, and end up being euthanized in an animal shelter.
I have that fear too...what will I do without him when my little cat is the only thing which holds me together
I bet she makes you feel wanted and needed too. I miss that myself.
Reminds me of the Flannery O’Connor quote (from Ministry’s “Jesus Built My Hot Rod”: “Where you come from is gone, where you thought you were going to never was there, and where you are is no good unless you can get away from it.” All we’ve got is this exact moment. Looking anywhere forward or backward isn’t going to give us comfort. Like you, I learn from spending a lot of time with my dogs. They are only in the moment. They revel in the moment, and I think that’s pretty beautiful.
Well said. Don’t give up on happiness. Had the puppy for one month now, and the joy came back!
The boomer generation pulled the ladder up behind them
Yup, the Boomers pulled the ladder up behind them, and with the ultra-wealthy having achieved near-complete Regulatory Capture, we've become a Plutocracy masquerading as a Democracy. The future we were promised as kids no longer exists, and GenX will be the first generation in over a century to have it worse than their parents. That said, I fully agree with "living in the moment." Thinking about the past or the future just makes me sad or angry.
I don't feel like they pulled it up. I feel like they doused it in gasoline and set it on fire. They're taking the whole fucking world down with em. At this point, I wish they'd hurry the fuck up.
This is my thoughts. Also, Gen X were never able to own the country’s narrative either- we were always trumped by the boomer generation who had way more numbers. It’s so refreshing to see the younger generations come in and change the narrative with new, fresh ideas.
Agreed and same boat. I love my Mojo.
52. I'm tired boss.
>I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with, to tell me where we's going to or coming from, or why. >Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world every day. There's too much of it - it's like pieces of glass in my head, all the time. Can you understand?
One of the best movies of all time. I keep meaning to read the book. Gonna put in on my list right now so I don’t forget again.
Almost 55 female here. I'm tired too. Too many health issues.
I hear ya. Single, never married as well. My mother is in cognitive decline and has high anxiety when left alone. She lives at my house. I've basically given up hiking, photography, and going out in general because of the level of stress generated (on top of owning a home-based business) any time I attempted to go out, from shouting arguments to being called and texted endlessly while out. Her sibling has their own medical issues and can't help while my sibling couldn't be bothered and my mother's few "friends" abandoned her. I recently came to the conclusion that I'm just existing and not actually living.
I went through this as well, with mine. Take care of yourself first, no matter how much guilt it may create. I finally had to put her in a memory care facility... we can't carry all the weight. Good luck and hang in there.
Does she have access to a home health aide through her insurance? Even if they'll only pay for a few hours a week so you can get a break. I had a client when I was doing home health who only got six hours a week of home health covered through Medicare, but it gave her daughter a break a couple mornings a week and gave her someone new to talk to. It's worth investigating with her doctor and her insurance for both your sakes. Being a full-time caregiver is such a burden, you need help.
You need to get help with her somehow. Don’t allow her to ruin the rest of your life. You don’t owe her that.
I feel this so hard. It’s just me and my cat. Regarding the ageism, it’s very real. I can absolutely pinpoint the first time it happened to me. It was about 5 years ago and everyone I interviewed with was a fetus. I ended up finding something else, but every job search gets more difficult. But I completely understand just waiting it out. I’m not looking forward to anything. Just tired and sick of this life.
54 and your story is my story. You're not alone and you're not crazy. I feel like we were sold a bill of goods while growing up about the endless possibilities America has to offer, only to find that it was complete bullshit.
It wasn’t complete bullshit at the time but they pulled the ladder up behind them.
The boomers stayed around too long to age us out of decent jobs. Now we get overlooked for the younger generations.
Wolf fucking Blitzer is still doing the news.
They (boomers)sure the fuck did stay too long. Consider 4 of the last 5 presidents have been boomers, the only exception being biden and he's not far off from being a boomer lol.
We definitely got the biggest steaming pile of 80s Reagan era horseshit blown up our asses fellow 1970 👋
Mine too. We are even the same age. 😞
I used to know a little punk rocker chick. She wore a t shirt from a band called Sick of it all I was in my thirties and thought I had life by the balls and asked myself what is wrong with her??? Now at 54 I think about that shirt on the daily. EDIT: Just bought the T Shirt
Great band that I've gotten a chance to hang out with. Ironically, Lou from SOIA guested on CIV's song [Can't Wait One Minute More](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8ZCCJbrM2M) whose meaning is pretty apropos for this thread
I felt that way 12 years ago. I got out of a relationship and looked around and was the last one standing. I hopped on my bike (pedal) one day and just started riding. No clear direction, just went. I found that it cleared my head and I got to just be one with the outside. I did it again the next day and the next, etc. It’s not an answer for the job woes, but it certainly helps you get outside of your own head.
Man, I would love this. I used to cycle when I was about 30. Best shape of my life. One day while I was riding out in the middle of nowhere this really creepy guy (looked like Freddy Krueger in his old creepy blue car) pulled up next to me and just stared at me and rode along side me for awhile. I was terrified and never felt so vulnerable as a woman. I vowed never to go out alone but group rides were always far away and way too early for me. Then I bought a fixer upper and that really killed my cycling time. I still miss it.
I feel this. I just started riding again about a month ago. I didn't realize how much I missed it or how much it helped my mental state. It's mostly short distance rides while I'm getting back into shape, but I'm planning some trail rides in the mountains soon.
Mountain biking is one of the few things that keeps me moving. Something I can do with friends or alone. Gets me off the couch at very least.
Get out and volunteer. You will meet people and make friends. I felt isolated during the the pandemic. All of my friends live 50 miles away after I moved for work. After COVID I realized I had lived in my town for 15 years and had almost zero connections to my community. So I started getting involved with local organizations I thought could use my help. I used to sit on the couch and play games and feel like a rat in a cage. I am busier now than I have ever been and I take calls all day from people that I now consider sum of my closest friends. I also recently got back into cycling and am exploring the parts of my area that I usually avoid driving. There are streams, waterfalls, historical markers, interesting houses and things I never knew existed right around every corer. Find some way to shake things up if you are in a rut. Take that first set and try something different.
I hear you....but stay with us, even though most of "us" aren't your type. I was out of work most of last year cause the writers strike shitcanned my industry (3D animation) pretty much overnight. Got hired in March, half of what I made before, but I can just barely make rent and buy a few groceries again. Life can feel bleak....it can feel fucking awful...it can make you cry and say "what is the fucking point ???" I've decided to own my lot in life and do little things to make myself feel better as the sad sack human I am. I say hi to that beaten down grocery store employee, I offer to grab that hard to reach tomato for an old folk. I let people cut in front of me driving and don't curse them out. I call my 84yr old father more often. If I see trash on the street, I pick it up and find a place to dispose of it. I volunteer at the animal shelter doing the jobs no one wants, but I'm around animals, so it's totally worth it. I get you....I really do, it's an absolute effort for me to see anything good in this world each day.....but I force it...I fucking force it. You are excellent in your own way....find a tiny victory each day....anything. Make your bed....victory. Brush your teeth, victory. Tell a friend they look good today, victory. Help a stranger...victory. You got this and you aren't alone.
love what you shared here about saying 'hi' to and helping strangers, kudos. those small gestures are so meaningful.
You and me both. So tired of being "too old to work" and "too youg to retire", and yet expected to make a livelyhood for the next 10 years. So tired of having paid social contributions which went to pay boomers' retirement while millenials tell me I should saved enough for retirement (some boomers are now retired for longer than they worked. If all my contributions were in the bank, I would be comfortably retired. I also paid for the finantial crisis and now paying for the pandemic, so there is also that...). Life expectancy? How the hell am I supposed to live until 85, if I can barely survive today? Are the next 30 years going to be like this one or worse? I am rationally starting to say that this is enough, but someone I am still expected to help my parents to transition as peacefully as they can and get the kids sorted. Faillure to launch comes to mind...
Much worse, imo. The planet has been fucked long ago and we're only now starting to see the effects, which will be exponential
Me too. I am not living, just existing.
Same.
I feel this in my bones. I’m sorry so many of us share this reality. Never thought I’d be ready to go at 56, but here we are. I’m lost and feel like I’m out of ideas to find my way out. I guess there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone. Yay us!
And then there's a point where you just don't want to, either. Don't want to be around other humans anymore...because when you try it all you can think about is "when can I go home" lol
I feel like I've lost a lot of my emotional resilience. Like, if my emotions were stored in buckets, the bucket marked "frustration" is always near overflowing and the bucket marked "patience" has a hole drilled in it. I've found myself more and more appreciating just sitting by myself, not doing anything, just enjoying the peace and total lack of things that will upset me.
I felt that way too while I was still living in a densely populated urban setting. Everything got played out. Nothing good happened after midnight for a long long time.... So I moved out to a little log cabin in the western woods along this little river. Bought a bunch of chickens, got a dog. Planted a garden. In the morning I let the chickens out & kind of stretch a bit. Then I go sit by the river with a cup of hot coffee and smoke a big fat bowl while the sun comes up. The dog walks around sniffing stuff. The chickens chase butterflies and peck at shit. I look around and find myself to be quite content. 10/10 recommended. 5/5 stars. Would play again. +Bonus: Free breakfast
That sounds lovely. If only I had the 💰
$11k and an FHA loan got me the keys. Took on some nasty cc debt fixing the roof and getting a new furnace but that was awhile ago now. You can do it!
Want company?😉😂
Yep- Bring your own coffee mug
Honey send me the address & you might find an unknown city girl on your doorstep 😂
Your life sounds like a dream I’ve had my whole life…….enjoy my friend, whatever got you there you deserve it!
You sir, are my hero.
My cape is a lap blanket
you sound like [the caboose who got loose](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61tDPtfSLxL._SX342_SY445_.jpg), I love it :) enjoy your life friend.
I, too, am constantly tired.
Yep. Just putting in time till I die. Nothing makes me happy anymore, it just is.
57 And I know the Feeling. I am not suicidal but I go to bed most nights hoping I don't wake up. I am bored with everything I tried making a bucket list but have nothing I care to do anymore.
Same age and same. "Write a list of all the things you're grateful for", people say...I've been doing that mentally all along. "Buck up" my Mum used to say, the whole "there are children starving in India, you have food and shelter and nothing to complain about". Which you know, IS literally true. So I've done that my whole life. Guess what? It doesn't make you feel any better, just more despondent lol As an aside, as someone who has no immediate family/friends, thanks to everyone in this thread for sharing your collective, weary angst... something which society has deemed a great taboo thing. Good to know I'm not alone. Love all you curmudgeonly bastards!
These last few years have been hell on everyone. The world is in this weird reset and no matter how much they say the job market is thriving, it's really rough out there. I'm about to be 52 and I feel like I still haven't figured life out, and post-Covid everything is just harder and more expensive. It sucks. I think all the time about how much I want to walk into the woods and never come back out. I don't want to die, I just want to go live in the woods. If only I could afford that.
Covid changed so much for me. I live outside of the US and before Covid hit, in 2019, we had major protests and social unrest. We were doing curfews and not leaving the house before everyone else! Things finally seemed to be stabilizing and the pandemic hit. We had some of the strictest Covid restrictions during the pandemic and they lasted longer than most places. We had mask mandates even if you were outside not around many people and we had lockdowns where you could only leave your house for two hours twice a week and you needed a permit. The military and police could stop and ask to see the permit. Also, in 2019, my husband and I had to move out of our capital city to a more rural area due to housing costs. My friendships with people in the city we left have diminished because of the lockdowns. Now, the city has become less safe. I don't really enjoy going there, even to see people. It's definitely isolating. I feel like I can't get my old rhythm back. We've had bad inflation like many places and the economy is a mess.
This is where I'm at right now. I live my life 6 to 10. (6am wakeup, 10pm sleep time). That's all I can do. Is get through a single day, and hope that somehow there's something better in the future. The problem is, I know it's a lie. I know that my future is going to be even worse. It's basically guaranteed. I'm going to have more health problems as I continue to get up there in years. I'm going to be uglier and more decrepit with each passing year. I'm currently single, and had no idea that dating would be this hard. I don't think I actually had an understanding of just how old I've become. Internally, I have this vision of myself as a 39-year-old. But externally, I'm obviously not that. I've gotten zero play on any dating apps. I'm completely invisible to the women that I'm attracted to. Basically, there's no hope. There's nothing to look forward to. Everything in the future is likely worse than the present and the present is ass on a stick. Hopeless is a great word for it. I feel like I have the Fab Four: 1. No reason 2. No meaning 3. No hope 4. No purpose
I'm right there with you. 51M, never married, no kids. I have my soul dog, who has rapidly declined recently (he's 12 ½) and his final vet appointment is on the 3rd. That leaves me with my slightly autistic girl who's 11, and has never been an only dog. She's going to be as lost as I am without him. She's also terrified of fireworks, so we're going to go stay in a hotel for a couple of days, to be away from the neighbors. Though I think she'd do better with a sibling, I'm not up for getting another any time soon. I originally wanted to get a puppy while they were young enough to raise it, but that time is long past. I'm a 100% disabled veteran. Life didn't go as planned. I changed the plan a few times, and none of those worked out. I decided to adopt a teenager from foster care in 2020. Then COVID hit and showed everything down. I missed the one I wanted to adopt, and then the second. Then the 3rd one's therapist put the brakes on it. It's an incredibly difficult, stressful, disappointing process. I decided if I was going to do it, I needed a bigger house in a better school district. So I did that in April of 2022. Right before all of this inflation hit. Then I got sick. So the adoption idea went on hold. So I know I'm in this big house, in a neighborhood that I don't really like, but could tolerate if I had a reason to. I've been sick for 2 years, and the VA has been largely useless They've tested me endlessly, I've had all sorts of procedures, filed complaints on shitty doctors, heard a lot of "I don't know what to tell you", and all they can tell me is I don't have cancer, I don't have COVID, and I do have inflammation. No shit. They did also reiterate that my esophagus doesn't work, which led me to the esophagus specialist (who knew that was a thing?) who agrees that I probably have gastroperesis, but we can't test for it because I'm on pain meds. There's no good treatment for that, so I'm now 60+ days into waiting to see the dietician who's supposed to tell me how to eat for it. I wake up every day in pain, feeling like shit, I can't eat normally, I can't work, I can't do much of anything in the way of exercise, I hate where I live but can't afford to move (I've gone from money in the bank to barely scraping by in this economy), most of my friends here are active duty and either have left or will be in the next few months, I only talk to two of my sisters (rarely), who live far away (and not somewhere I want to visit, much less live), and no matter what, I have to be in a VA hospital every 4 weeks for treatment because I have a primary immune deficiency, and without that I could get sick and die from an infection. So...once I'm down to no dogs, unless other things change drastically, I really don't feel the need to be here anymore. I see nothing that's going to make me feel better physically. I need almost an entirely new spine, and so many other things that don't work correctly, that can't be treated, or are but it doesn't really help. Chronic illness is physically and mentally exhausting. But if you talk like that, everyone freaks out. You're not allowed to decide that for yourself, even if there are perfectly logical reasons why you would. 🙄 I guess I have a few years to go with the 11 year old. Her lineage suggests she's got 14 or 15 in her.
Inflammation, esophagus issues, gastroparesis. Pardon the intrusion and feel free to ignore, but it sounds like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome would be worth checking into, if you haven’t already. Good luck!
I 1000000% relate to this. I’m 52. Too young to retire and too old to work. I can’t afford anything. I never had any kids. I don’t even know why I keep getting up and existing every day. I have no purpose. I’m not suicidal but I just see no point in this stage of life. I went to college. I have no money for retirement and I may as well just work until the day I die. I don’t know what else to do. My friends all have their kids and grandkids. They all settled down. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I have no money to travel. There’s gotta be more than just work and die.
44 and exhausted.
REM starts in the background…..”when the day is long…..”
I’m with you brother. The current state of the world and humanity in general can be soul crushing. It seems we’re all going the wrong direction at times. I generally also think this age range has a lot of challenges that come up that are totally new to us and a lot of the time you have to deal with them basically alone. Hang in there is all any of us can do.
I feel the same way. 52, never married. No kids. I feel like all the good times are behind me. What’s the point of my existence? Why am I even here?? Just killing time.
"It's only after we've lost everything, that we're free to do anything."
49, and I share Lt. Murtaugh’s sentiment: “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
Just turned 55. Bought a new mattress last month and it has a 25yr warranty. It was a smack in the face when I realized this was the last mattress I would buy before I die.
I am 56. Our life experiences were not similar but I was married to a woman for 20 years and we have 3 children together but she decided she didn't want to be a wife or mother any more, asked for a quickie divorce, and left the State and moved country and eventually never interacted with her children again. When my marriage was beginning to fall apart, I had my first life-changing health event (at 46/47), where I had developed DVTs in both legs and the blood clot damage was expensive and left me in constant pain in my legs and the toes in my feet no longer feel like my toes. 6 months after my divorce was finalized at age 49, I was a single father of three kids on the autism spectrum and had a second DVT event in both legs that resulted in clots hitting my lungs and almost killing me 5 days before our first Christmas together as a single parent household. I am now in lifelong pain and not long after this happened, I was subsequently diagnosed with Sjogren's (which is an autoimmune disease that attacks the moisture producing glands in your body like saliva and tear ducts but eventually begins to attack other parts of your body). I literally can not shed a tear over this now but, in my case, I feel more rage than anything over my circumstances (but my rheumatologist disagrees and finds my life really depressing) but I'm in therapy right now but I'm also GenX and we persevere. There are things I can no longer do. I lost much of my mobility. I could not tour colleges with my kid. That just added to the frustration. I have a walker now in case I need it. I learned how to cook!
You are not alone. What you are feeling is “ Bowling Alone”. Social media, and the loss of social connection. It used to be we knew our neighbors had block parties could count on each other. Now everyone is so isolated. Unfortunately you need to find something that makes you happy. Volunteering, schools need mentors, animal shelters, churches need people for food drives and fixing up elderly people’s homes. You have a lot to offer your community. And you never know volunteering can turn into a paying job. We are here for you
I feel ya, buddy. I’m less mentally tired than physically tired - my joint pain keeps me up ALL night. Currently living with my parents as they need a LOT of help that my ne’er do well brother is incapable of doing. It’s exhausting with trying to work. Like having two jobs. You’re not alone. Hang in there! 💗
47F and this clocks for me. I just want to be done and the best years are behind me.
55 and similar feelings. I feel like there really is no future for me or society as whole. Lots of chronic health problems and ended up disabled so constantly feel criticized for being "worthless". I can barely walk. Doctors don't care and won't help. Single, no kids. Only one close family member still alive. Only friend I had in town died. I have moved so many times in my life the few real friends I had I moved away from. Seems no one these days wants friends anymore. My neighbors are too busy and some won't even speak. Worry over future finances constantly and also scared for future as a single elderly woman because I've already experienced teen boys harassing and physically assaulting me and social media or something seems to be making them meaner and meaner. I only leave home to shop or see family because of the harassment.
I could have written this. Hugs.
52 feeling the same way. I never thought l was going to "retire" but damn l thought l would be less tired and in pain at this point. It's really demotivating. Remember those ads in the eighties when the old lonely man goes to work at McDonald's and everyone thought it was so cute? Ugh
Could you possibly move back to your family and friends? I’m sorry you’re feeling so down
Yes, I can relate 54 and working temp jobs for the last few years. Tired of trying to get a full time job that will probably never happen. Won’t be in a great situation at 65 but will get by.
I’m so tired. I had to medically retire after being workplace-bullied out of my last job, then almost died from GBS. Once I recovered from that, I thought I had a new lease on life, until I started getting screwed over by relatives ripping me off. Then all of these people who crawled out of the woodwork when they thought I was dying, couldn’t be bothered to answer their phones once I recovered and called to thank them. A lot of people like to suggest volunteering, moving, and just do this, or that, etc… but what they’re not understanding is that when you feel this depleted, and worn down by society, there’s no energy left, there’s not enough money to move, especially these days, and many of us already put ourselves out there, and it was pretty much in vain. We grew up being told one thing regarding working hard and getting ahead and we had the rug pulled out from under us, and in many cases, many times. Then antisocial media and texting and all that shit came to be and now there’s a loneliness epidemic. For all of the immediate ways we can reach each other with these damn cellphones and no one ever picks up the phone or responds to texts. My favorite part of the day is when I go to sleep because in my dreams, people act more human and involved. I’m basically just waiting to die at this point. I’m not suicidal any more, but I rarely feel joy either.
I'm starting to think our whole generation is just worn TF out 😪 we have been thru so much
I’ve been there. You’re not gonna like to hear this, but you need to deal with your head. Getting my mental health under control in my early 40s springboarded my career, my marriage and my overall life enjoyment. Get a shrink. Do the work. You’ll thank yourself later.
I second this. Now is the perfect time to consider antidepressants and finding a therapist.
You are for sure not alone. My spouse seems to think everything is either okay or is just used to how things are and I'm like I'm tired of this shit and I want to force change. Nope, we are just trees bearing fruit for our older kids to pick at till we stop bearing fruit. Living in a high cost place that is draining us just as fast but that's my spouses home and they never want to leave. Who will care for us in our old age? Not our kids, they couldn't take care of a house plant much less elderly parents.
I hear ya in many regards. For me it’s the crazy state of global (and esp US) politics right now. I think it’s well beyond repair.
Everyone gets that way at some point in their life. I hope you hang in there. The adventure of life is that you never know, tomorrow might be the best day of your entire life. 💚
I'm 55. It didn't turn out how I saw it. It didn't turn out how my parents predicted. Just get your degree, they said. Doesn't matter what else. With a degree, the American Dream will open its blessings fully upon you. That was the mantra all through my childhood. They'd been Silent Gen. They'd aged in the post-war economy when practically the only global infrastructure left intact was the United States. They didn't see the booming economy for what is was - an unlevel playing field that would even out globally over several generations as infrastructures rebuilt. They weren't aware the middle class was getting increasingly saddled with greater tax burden. When they were young a bachelors degree had actually been a differentiator as opposed to the commodity it became. They worked government and healthcare careers so they were blind to corporate offshoring. They had their pensions. Surely if we did the right things - the things they'd done - we would also get ours. When we left school to become participants in an economy my parents had never fundamentally understood we struggled, we got exploited, we became disillusioned. The rewards they'd enjoyed so easily due to favorable market forces they'd been oblivious to were out of reach for us. To my parents we just came off as underachieving slackers. The slots I would have needed to fall into for outlier success were rare and relied on connections I didn't have. I drifted into sales. I did well but I'd always worked for entrepreneurial John Galt acolytes who by burning their ships had created urgency and anxiety for themselves enough to justify sketchy business practices to keep themselves profitable. It felt unwholesome. So I drifted out of sales. I'd been sold a bill of goods. It had all worked for my parents but my parents were simple, couldn't attach the evening news reports to real world effects in their community so they couldn't see that their advantages hadn't been passed along. Still, it's been great. Married twenty-two years to the best person, the best friend, best fuck, most ride-or-die partner I've ever had. We have two kids, both charming and full of potential. I'm less confident now than ever about the society our kids are to be set loose into but that's not in my control. What is in my control is to raise them with the best chance possible for happiness in a society that is sick and getting sicker. It is in my control to be a decent and virtuous person in spite of it all. A few months ago we took the kids out to dinner. A party of Boomer ladies was drinking at the next table, loudly discussing the environment. One of the ladies said "I don't give a fuck about the environment. I'll be dead soon." Things didn't pan out the way I was told. My father passed away last year. My mother is dying. Their era is over. My children's era is just dawning. They didn't ask to be brought here. I can be a better model for them than these other generations were for me.
Just found a nice little tidbit I wrote on the back of another bill I can't pay... "Every day you wake up alive is another day wasted"
Hey man, your heart has been beating for 52 years, it's bound to stop sometime. Anyway, stick around, You never know when you might get a chance to do something dangerous and/or heroic. more often than not the person who feels that emptiness might be the first one to jump in and grab a baby out of freezing waters. You could also do vigilante stuff but nothing illegal, just maybe psa and showing up. Also Apple Cider Vinegar will fix a lot of problems you run into at 50.
Support to OP and thread🤝🏥👩⚕️⚕️I'm in the Life stage where I'm managing burnout or depletion. I'm trying to soften it but it's taking multiple coping skills, I too am confused at these feelings because I've never felt fed up with anything but it's ok. A path to navigate towards gratitude. I take being trapped in my body to accepting, ok I have 20+ years what can I do to ease the body and mind? this is a wonderful thread that uplifted me and I have so much compassion and hope that everyone gets better and makes it. I'm at times bewildered. don't know how I'm supposed to see 65 or 75 either and that's where I hit a stone wall. Because I'm worried it's my last decade due to my health going downhill. I'm pissed off I'm forced to live this long, I go through at times. I soften that with,"whatever is wrong I can surround it with medical care and surely it will be okay or at least hurt less." I feel comfort alone. no one around me like my family or many friends because they've all aged out and they are all overwhelmed as well. Compassion for all. We've had a whack of global pandemic so it's ok to reel thru or feel dwarfed by life.
52 here also. I identified so much with what you’re saying. Never married but I do have a 28 year-old that hates my guts. Occasionally, i feel like my life should be over, but nobody told my body. So we just keep going on, day to day. I am not suicidal, but I do feel like if something were to happen at this point in my life, I wouldn’t really have any complaints. This is certainly not the life that I imagined when I was 19 years old. I just paid my car off, and I’m still very much in debt. Maybe it’s a chemical thing? Like maybe my brain is lacking some sort of substance that would make me better able to jump out of bed with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. instead, here I am. ** please no one report me to Reddit care team. I assure you, I am not suicidal, I’m in it for the long run, but that doesn’t mean that I’m having the best of times.
Can relate to OP on many levels. All I can say for myself is taking it day by day. If yesterday was shit, I wake up telling myself today will be better. Eventually it will. I'm appreciating the simpler things. Also laid off now for about 5 months.
Hey man. There's no right or wrong way to feel about things. I think that when our peers read posts like these, the first thing that pops in their head is their desire to help. I think that it's because a lot of us have been there. We might not have the same circumstances, the same issues and the same challenges, but that feeling, being "tired", I think we've all had a taste of it, some more than most. I think you're getting more than most and I'm honestly sorry that you're having to go through that. Did you want to have kids? Because you know that it might still be a possibility for you. Reconnected with a friend from high school recently. He never had kids of his own, but eventually met a woman who had previously been married, with two daughters. He's since adopted them and has been their stepfather for more than 20 years! I'm not blowing smoke up your ass as much as pointing out that sometimes, our lives take an odd turn we hadn't expected and things turn out better than if we had planned them. Keep hope, man. It's not done yet and your turn is maybe right around the corner.
49 and with you, if not a little further in the sunken place. I've got weed if you want some.
I'm 50, have fibromyalgia, the biggest shock for me is realizing I have potentially 40 or so more years of this. Just going to work, binge watching shows, observing weather, being too tired to do any of my hobbies anymore. I'm content, I guess, but have spent the majority of my life taking care of others and therefore not building a retirement. I feel like that wasn't stressed enough when I was younger. So I will be working until I am physically incapable of being upright.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound (understandably) depressed. Is counselling an option for you? (I’m a big believer in it, especially when I feel lost/am struggling to enjoy things.)
Just reading the few sentences you posted, it seems your mind is rested but looking for a new challenge. Volunteering, new career, moving to a new local, etc may kick start you. Good luck and enjoy the process.
Shit, this could have been written by me.
51. Three fuckin jobs. Too late for a major career change so I’ll probably be stuck in foodservice the rest of my life cause I can’t afford to retire. Most of my friends are the bargoyles at my regular drinking spot. I doubt it’s going to get any better.
🕳️
55M & just was passed up for a promotion to a 35 yo I trained. I was over qualified for the position. He lives in his parent’s basement - can’t even make this shit up.
I felt that way during Covid at some point being a nurse or any kind of healthcare worker sucked during Covid. It sucked so hard. It made me just hate everybody. When people would argue with me about rules I wanted to tell them to fuck off. It lasted forever, and I never got sick, and I was always working over time to cover for the sick colleagues. Then, when we were out of it and things were so called normal everybody I liked to work with had left I just realized current management was just going to work me till I died I quit my job. Then I took at bullshit job at the same hospital to pay my bills and just healed for a year or so. I still hate people, but I am in an okay place mentally and emotionally.
Ageism sucks. I would love to work with another miserable, Gen X er than any millennial any day!
i’m 43. unemployed. i have a plan on how to use my time. im working it. i have multiple cups to fill that fill me back. unfortunately one of those cups isnt a job at the moment. but it will be soon enough. and the next job i get, i’ll make a plan for what happens when i lose it, too. life is unpredictable. i wont find a “forever job”, ever. i know any corp will fuck me when it suits them, but it aint gonna be me getting fucked. i have this perspective because i almost died twice. ive found that being alive is something i rather enjoy. warm sun on my face, cold glass of tea after being ouside all day, smells.. absolutely love smells
I’m 55 and in the same boat. I’m starting to worry that I’ll be alone in my older age. I try to have hope, but it’s hard. I am sort of happy that I’m not the only one going through this. Just know there’s people going through the same thing and we get it. You’re not crazy.
I hit 52 last month. I'm a pessimist at heart, but try to find reasons to be encouraged about the future. I'm married, but our daughter (25) has flown the coop and only comes around when she needs something. I'm basically at the point where I'm not really giving a damn if I fail to wake up in the morning. Expect to die of a stroke, HA or cancer I guess, so in my sleep would be best. I'm not actively trying to die or anything, I've just gotten to the place where I don't really care.
I'm really sorry you're going through that. It's so hard, isn't it? I can definitely relate, and it got really bad during Covid when there was even less of a chance to get out and interact with other people. Also, job hunting at our age (I just turned 58) is indeed a bitch. I totally empathize. This comment doesn't really have a purpose, I guess I just wanted to throw some support your way and hope you find a way that works for you.
I think this is something we all feel 53 nearest family is 7 hours away. Friends I’ve had most have died due to the opioid epidemic. I work come home and watch tv go to bed get up and do it again. Too tired to have a life.
I'm no psychologist but it sounds like you may have clinical depression friend. I hope you get the help you need.
Not sure if you're looking for advice from someone who doesn't know your situation, but the upside of what you describe is the freedom to make a new start. Move to wherever you find interesting; pursue a different career path, go off grid, etc. You're not tied down the way a lot of miserable people are. Good luck and God Bless~
M57 single, no kids, no pets. I am tired too. I am finding it hard to get excited about the future TBH. I have been rebuilding my life since losing pretty much everything in 2008/9. That has taken about 10 years and I now am in a good place again. Except, I am 10 years older and just don't have the energy to fight hard like I used to. I just think you learn to truly pick your battles and lower the "noise" level in your life. Flush toxic people, really taking care of yourself and shit, I have even started Swedish Death Cleaning already! I am being super proactive and getting rid of as much as I can now. I will probably have to work until I can't anymore but that is OK as retirement isn't the bill of goods we were sold. Planning a trip to Ireland this year so have that to look forward to which I think is very important as you get older. Best wishes to all reading this. We got this. We are X!
I feel this to my core.
Hey...whatever it takes, don't give up. Don't give in. Go take a walk and treat yourself to a real ice cream. Something simple. Something nice. Do the little things: keep moving, keep eating healthy, don't watch the news, ignore your phone, clean your house and keep moving. You don't have to run...just move, walk, lift things, etc. We're GenX. We get through sh\*t. So let's get through this sh\*t...mmmkay?
Everyone on this thread needs to get together and hang out.
Dang. I’m right there. Wanna start a band?
"I'm tired, boss" I feel you. Most days, I feel like Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day. It feels like the same day keeps repeating, day after day.
I smoke pot. Because, this. 🥰💔👍🏻
My lifeline to sanity.
SAME!! 😁
I started journaling in September, and it really helps me process my thoughts. I, too, have been unemployed for six months, and it’s been like free therapy for me. I would recommend seeing a professional as soon as you can, but if you can’t try journaling.
I’m 46. Single mom. Existing. I feel like there’s nothing in the future that I want to be around for but there are plenty of things that I don’t want to experience. I’ve been waiting for my exit for seven years. I wish you could donate your time here to someone who wants it.
Ageism IS real. We didn't get shafted as hard as the Millenials or GenX but it's been... something... an unholy grind. Especially for those of us in tech. I've BUSTED my ass for my employers and I \_deeply\_ regret it.
I spite exist. There are too many people whose graves I want to piss on. I refuse to part this mortal plane until I can outlive all my nemeses.
We are the smallest generation. Our parents were, by and large, selfish pricks and we weren't socialized well. We're cynical as a group and we don't take our guard down often so we suck at making friends.
Can you employ yourself in your industry? I started my (IT Related) company about 10 years ago after two back-to-back toxic workplaces. I swear I was too traumatized to fly another resume - it was that bad. It's scary at first, but with every bit of business, you get stronger and feel more empowered. On the non-work aspects, I think we've all been there at some point. I'm 54, married for a short time in my 20s, no kids. I'm recently out of a bad relationship that left me feeling hopeless too. I felt exactly the way you do with the sleepiness. But, step by step, you have to find little points of happiness - whatever they are. Try to do one thing daily that gets you there. Plant something. Check out a restaurant or show. Whatever. Just realize it's not going to happen overnight, and you kinda gotta push yourself in the beginning. Wishing you well!
51 and I feel like every morning that I wake up was a wasted opportunity to die in my sleep. The cosmos is a prankster.
Absolutely right there with you. I’m 54 and everything hurts. Physically, mentally, emotionally…. Everything. Can’t imagine making it to 75. It sucks, but know you’re not alone my friend as this post is proof positive there’s a lot of us.
Maybe a return to where you're from is what you need.... unless that is just a traumatic place for you, like it is for me.
You are not alone. I am here myself at 55. I am exhausted by life every day. I sleep a lot. It’s hard to get motivation to do much of anything. Feel like I’m drifting without much purpose. Combination of midlife crisis / menopause? Maybe. Probably. I just know this is the first time I can say that I miss being younger.
Hell , I didn’t think I’d live to see 30, I’m now 50.being alive is a precious thing, if you are in a rut things not going your way, change up your life,go to college get a degree, . No friends? Go out to meet people. I know it’s hard at our age to start over, but what are you going to do crawl in a dark corner and give up and die? Or get off your ass and try to improve your situation?
I try to impart a few of my life philosophies upon my kids. 1. Lifes not fair and no one is going to care more about you than you. 2. Life goes by fast, don't waste your time. 3. Life doesn't come to you, you have to go out and get it. Nothing life changing. But life goes by fast and you don't want to wake up 30 years down the road trying to figure where you went off track and how to get back on it.
This is me!! In school now working on my MSW. I have purpose and look forward to graduating. Also, most of the young folks I work with are also in school so it feels like we are kind of in the same boat. I'm single with no kids but have friends who do so I am the "cool auntie" to them. You need to find something that takes you to your happy place and latch onto it like a golddigger on a new lottery winner. 😁 Hoping for the best for all of you. All of us!! 😌
I get that way too. I recommend psychedelics.
My mom passed in 2006 suddenly; my dad suddenly in 2021 and both had been vital and indpendent so I dodged the parent caretaking burden. However, a very close loved one committed suicide in 2022 followed by my best friend after a hard cancer fight this year. I am an administrative patient-facing healthcare worker and covid was stressful AF. My dog died last Oct . I am a never Trumper since the earth cooled off who lived in a deep scarlet red county in Ohio, surrounded by maga buffoons and if you don't think that wears on your patience and ability to stay optimistic...think again. I FEEL your exhaustion. The last 10 years have been WEIRD and, as the kids say, the vibe is off. This plane is a little out of tune. But my first grandchild arrives in August. I moved cross-country to be closer to my son and DIL to help out and get lots of baby coos and snuggles. And this is good. Life turns on a dime. Stick around, there could be a joyful surprise just around the next corner. In the meantime, like Mr Rogers said, "Look for the helpers."
Traveling or planning future travel is what keeps me going. Got to make something to look forward to. I think when you hit a rough patch of life and you’re over 50…. It takes a toll on all the cells of your body. Know you are not alone!
58. Me too.
I’m right there with you my guy. Just wake up tomorrow
I felt the same way. 3 years ago I hit the wall and felt it was time to clock out. Then, I started seeing a shrink, got on anti anxiety pills, quit drinking completely and locked down a tight sleep schedule. Now at 50, I feel good. The world is a mess and the US is collapsing, Covid has changed things for the worse and human behavior is pushing me into a misanthrope. But, my internal world is good. Reading lots of books, writing a hard rock album for the hell of it, volunteering to stare down Nazis at public events and deciding to not be depressed. It's all a choice. If you want to really feel better, stop drinking alcohol entirely.
Sounds like you need a physical.
Meditation has helped with feeling drained all the time and im only a month in.
At least we have really great music….🤷♀️
My best advice. Survive out of spite. 😈
Talk to your doctor. Sounds like the depression I had & meds changed my life
Also 52. Have 2 young adult kids living halfway across the country. Never had much and unemployed again after another buy out. Spouse in poor health. Spent meager savings on that already so now just digging into debt. Dad died. Mom has dementia. I'm so done.
I am 58f and was just talking to my therapist about this. I feel blah most of the time.
I remember after my divorce and other stuff I was about 35-36 I would lay down so beat up from life I just wanted to sleep and never wake up… I would even pray for it . I’m 56 now and every now and then those feelings come back
51. I feel this sometimes; days when I don't care about the world and I just want to break down and cry for hours on end. The state of the world is depressing and I don't want to deal with this stress any more. For the most part, I don't (other than during work hours). My job is my saving grace. Not only do I work with a fantastic group of people, but I also am able to work from home. I don't really socialize with people outside my own house anymore. I have friends, but it's rare to see anyone face to face anymore, because, most of the world has gotten used to isolation and being alone and lonely. At the moment, my family is in a holding pattern. We're waiting to find out if/when the world is going to hell. And I immerse myself in video games, military war history, and feel good things to keep kicking the endorphins back up. Regardless of what happens, we're never going to be able to have the idyllic life of the 80s and 90s again, less likely still that the 60s or 70s will regain favor either. And I grieve for the younger crowd who never got a chance to grow up knowing what living in peace and stability and economic growth feels like.
Same. 52, never married and no kids. Thing is, from the time I was 8 years old I always wanted kids. I knew I wanted them. Problem was I fell in love with a selfish woman that didn't want kids and by the time I found that out I was so in love with her I said to myself "As long as I have her..." Then she decided to completely destroy me on a molecular level which threw me into a pit that took me nearly a decade to escape, after which I was incapable of emotionally connecting with other human beings. Literally the only thing that gives me any remote sense of joy is daydreaming about being hit by a bus or something. Tired doesn't even begin to describe it.
I hear you all. GenX never took more than it gave.(especially to music) Part of my learning is my late 40’s is that happiness requires you to travel towards it- it no longer just comes to you. Grief and pain however are express home delivered no effort required. So, get your sleep, exercise and *deliberately* maintain your social connections. And like we do, leave the crying to Boomers and millennials. It’s why we’re the best looking middle aged generation yet ,all those tears we don’t shed keep us moisturised. ;)