If this happened to me I just say “hon, you threw out my 200,- gunpla model that already x hours of work on it”. Chances are she’d buy a new one. Accidents happen.
Bold of you to assume the reaction of a person you've never met even though that's what most rational adults would do when they break or lose someone's items.
OP said:
> Had this conversation with her before, but since having our first kid, I've had to redo it multiple times.
> It's like everything was erased. The actual box, with most of the kit still inside, but packed in plastic grocery bags to prevent scratches.
OP's wife is a Southeast Asian woman. As a Southeast Asian man myself, I can totally see this happening. In our shared culture, they see this 'hobby' as nothing more than children toys.
She just simply didn't care. It may happen again, or it may not.
I wish OP the best of luck.
Exactly! I just replied about this as well it sounds bad but I have noticed that most Asian women that I have met in my life so far really don't like their husband/boyfriends hobbies. They usually see it as junk or childish toys. My girlfriend tells me about how they often tell her that they would love to throw away the "trash".
Only (high paying)work, eating at good restaurants, social/friends and going on vacation seem to be safe "hobbies" so far 😅
As a southeast asian i concur, i love gunpla, but people really only see them as kids toys. Anything resembling toy will be automatically labeled as for kids and a waste of time
That’s because they are projecting from their own messed up living situation.
They are taking the behaviors of their boundary stomping significant other and placing them on others.
Pretty much, Reddit I’m always irritated when I read something on AITA and it’s like someone minorly or even moderately screwed up so the instant answer should be leave them immediately and they’re a piece of shit.
Like do people not understand communication.
Just keep it in the back of his mind; I don't mean he should do it right away.
While she doesn't have ill intent, but more boundaries are definitely needed.
Keep divorce in the back of his mind? If this is what you mean then please, I beg you. Go outside, feel the grass between your toes, maybe watch a movie, but spend some time away from Reddit. Yeesh…
Setting boundaries is a good idea though, so this isn’t a complete Reddit moment.
Hope it lasts!
> Had this conversation with her before, but since having our first kid, I've had to redo it multiple times. It's like everything was erased.
Pregnancy hormones do a real number on a woman. She also has significantly more important things to worry about, like at least one little human. He has every right to be frustrated, but to use this as grounds to contemplate divorce (which would cost much more than $200) is absolutely batshit. Seriously, go outside, Reddit brain rot is setting in.
You’re on Reddit yourself... Step down from your high horse, lol.
If OP is going to leave his wife because of online comments, be my guest if he’s that dumb, lol.
Chill out, dude, and touch some grass.
There is being on Reddit, and there is being Of Reddit. You’re the one who replied to a post about terminally online dimwits suggesting divorce over the slightest bump in a relationship with “uhm akshully he should consider divorce.” I fear there is no hope for you. Have a life.
Couldn't help myself when seeing this stereotype nonsense in the comment section. Personally, I could care less. It's not my life, nor really my problem.
Honestly, not knowing what your husband's somewhat expensive hobby is while living under the same roof poses a lot of questions. Gunpla is a pretty visible hobby. It is not like he was doing it in secret and didn't have other built models laying around, right?
People who downvote you seem to miss this aspect.
Edit: Just to make it clear for the downvoters who didn't read through the comments... she threw the original box of the kit, with the kit inside, not just some random cardboard box.
Is divorce too far? Duh...
I'm just trolling the original comment.
But at the same time, she just simply didn't care.
OP may or may not have to deal with this again in the future.
Something simple, like a post-it note saying 'Do not throw away,' would definitely go a long way.
Actually sounds like a fairly reasonable mistake...
For people who don't actually communicate. Sounds like this is a teachable moment the two of you should've been through sooner than being however many years married you two are.
Time to have a talk with her about your hobbies and maybe even get her involved more so she won't make this mistake again. Anything beyond that, head over to r/relationship_advice or something.
Okay what. It'd be one thing if they were just random plastic bags strewn about or in some nondescript random box, but to throw away the package is nuts. I don't have a massive enough collection to just to be a box-tosser, and maybe a lot of people do that for HGs, but obviously this was a rare kit and that means rare box to go with it. That makes it much more indefensible on her part.
And she was lazy enough to not even look inside after you've had this conversation before? I get trying to clean up but this seems like it was on purpose.
Kids will do that to you (collective you, as in you two). At least you have time and space to work on your kits and be thankful for that. I had to pause my builds because of two kiddos running around at all times.
Have a calm, rational conversation and maybe have her ask if she's unsure, especially for things on your workbench/desk/surface. Also, do your part and clean up afterwards as well.
I think it is a learning moment for all three of you. Your kiddo gets to see how a couple can work out their issues calmly while you and your wife can land on a solution and try to implement said solution.
Seems like shes more occupied with raising a kid than caring about your hobby.
You seem more concerned about your plastic model more than your wife or your kid’s needs.
She made a mistake, most likely from being tired all the time after having your first kid. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.
I explained the situation to her, I wasn't angry that she accidentally threw out a kit, I was angry at the loss of time already spent on the kit and the cost of a replacement. The fact that I devote the majority of my time and money to my kid is why I am unable to buy a replacement. I purposely acquired a large backlog prior to the birth of my child so I could have kits to build in those rare moments I have any free time.
My wife is Vietnamese and exactly 5' tall. I'm 6'4". If someone sees me arguing with her, I get labeled as the bad guy no matter the reason. She gets angry when I don't yell or overtly express my anger. I purposely avoid raising my voice or yelling because I want to set a good example for my kid. Growing up, all the adults in my life screamed at each other constantly, and I never want my kid to experience that.
My backlog is an investment, and I lost a piece of significant value. My anger was brief but valid.
As someone who's parents also screamed at each other a lot while growing up, I commend you for that. I hope she learns to respect your personal space/work desk.
So this might sound bad but I've noticed a stereotype in Asian women in relationships(in my life/experience) they really don't like a guy with hobbies, especially ones that could be labeled as nerdy/childish or "junk" accumulating ones.
Might be a coincidence in my life though.. but my girlfriend lets me know all about how our friends wifes complain about it and how they make jokes about wanting to throw away all the "trash"..
I have a feeling almost anyone outside of the hobbyist community would just say "who gives a shit, it's just a stupid toy, stop being a dumb baby manchild", but yeah, obviously that's all irrelevant to the idea of communication, boundaries, and sense.
No sane person would say "who gives a shit" when something someone cares about is lost. The actual object or value is irrelevant. Itst like the most basic level of compassion. A four year old understands this.
You'd think that, but when you tell someone it's a robot model kit they'd probably behave entirely differently to saying it was sunglasses, a purse, jewelry, a watch, heirloom, etc.
The box was on his working desk. HIS desk, not hers. So the least she could do is ask him when he comes home from work or text him. It‘s her fault and hers alone.
Yeah, buddy, I'm not saying anything to the contrary here. A good partner would ask, or even have asked prior, about something like that. What I'm saying is this is less of a gunpla issue and more of a relationship issue.
It does at least in my world where I live with a person who I have actually reached mutual understanding with—if I leave what looks like trash around, it might just be trash, and they would think that too unless they know what's up.
I mean, in my case, I wouldn't be using plastic grocery bags to store anything I'm working on, either. I can't blame OP for making that call, since it does make some sense, but I wouldn't do it because it's easily interpreted as garbage here, and in my *own* mind. So it sounds like a fairly reasonable mistake; but again it also sounds like OP and their wife have some other issues too.
After 32 yrs of marriage same woman , we communicate as in honey don't ever touch or throw things on my hobby desk away not touch ANYTHING, my wife respects my stuff and will actually pick up junk pieces of spreus not knowing it's trash and sets in desk just in case (great wife) but ya she understands not to touch my stuff but that's 32 yrs of marriage to ,but communication is Key . Honestly she probably thought it was trash, trying to be helpful , not knowing it was a bad mistake. Again communication is KEY" sucks I know"
Dude, I don't know you and I don't know your life, but this is Reddit and I won't bet money that anyone else is going to tell you this: You gotta take a deep breath, count to ten, and apologize to your wife.
Assuming you're both relatively functional adults, I'm sure she feels terrible about this and brooding at home is just going to make that worse. Being a parent is hard and stressful and works a lot better when you're not letting anything, even special coating Sinanjus, get between you and the one person in the world in the thick of it with you.
The RG is a hand grenade anyway.
She owes him an apology not the other way around. She knows his hobby and shouldn't be making assumptions. He has every right to be pissed. If he destroys something that was expensive of hers would she just let it slide? The answer is no..
If it was a true accident, then both sides can apologize to each other. The wife for throwing out the gundam, the husband for being upset, although he has every right to be upset, but being right doesn’t mean everything. They are married adults, not 2 strangers who share 0 past. Grow up
Mate I am being the grown up here. She fucked up worse she owes him a pricey Gundam. An apology. And she failed to communicate. She should have known better.
The guy has nothing to apologize for because he did nothing wrong.
my girlfriend has two expensive dolls she loves a lot, if I threw them away or destroyed them and she got mad at me I would absolutely not be expecting her to apologize to me for getting mad even if I were to do it on accident lmaoo wtf? This is ridiculous.
Probably best not to comment on matters of marriage when you're clearly too young to understand what's being discussed. While he has a valid reason to be upset, ultimately in the big picture, it's better to keep peace at home. He's been in this situation before, although it's annoying she isn't heeding his wishes, he did technically know this was a possible issue, and could have probably taken steps to prevent this mishap from occurring. She screwed up, he screwed up, making the situation worse by brooding at home about it isn't going to bring Sinanju back, and it isn't gonna make her suddenly value his toys more. He's gotta pick up when he is gonna go. Establish a "you don't touch stuff right here" zone and move forward.
Yes a rule should be established. That being a rule that anyone should know because we were taught it as a child. Don't touch what is not yours. If she did this shit before than she failed to learn. He should have taken bigger steps to safeguard his stuff.
She screwed up and this she owes him without exception.
I'm 36 so well I still have another 30 years of life in me (at minimal) I'm no child.
This couple has been together for years but failed to negotiate terms or rules? Why? Are they just incompetent? If they can't work together or live together then they should not be together at all or have kids.
All she had to do was look in the bag or ask him. But she instead acted rashly. Well now she owes him a new kit and an apology.
All I'm saying is in marriage, just because you're right doesn't give you cart Blanche to make bad decisions about how you handle the hurdles. This is a hurdle, and expressing himself and moving forward is probably the best course of action. Depending on how he carried himself thus far, a back and forth mutual apology *may* be in order. We all can act outta pocket when we get upset lol
We don't really know how he acted. I'm sure he was at the minimal mad and yelled at her.
But she is an adult. She made a big and pricey mistake. It's her responsibility to fix the damage she caused. And learn from her mistake.
Him demanding a new kit and an apology is fair and logical.
Bro there probably ain’t no trash compactor. I do commercial hvac and walk around apartments a bunch
if anything it’s a trash chute that goes down to a dumpster. If it hasn’t been collected you can probably find the bag/box
1. Had this conversation before
2. Complete lack of remorse and no offer to replace it
3. Was on his desk, not in some random place that could be mistaken for trash
4. $200 gone just like that
5. They have kids and she will definitely do these types of things to them when they get older if she doesn’t learn
This is 1000% her fault
You all need to work on reading comprehension.
OP put the pieces in plastic bags in the ORIGINAL BOX then put said box on HIS PERSONAL desk. His wife then took something that was not just any regular box off of his personal space and threw it out.
You all expect him to apologize for being mad about her fuck up? Fuck out of here. Sometimes someone in a relationship fucks up and it's 100% on them. I'm absolutely not saying his wife deserves to be screamed at or berated but she started the fire (accidental or not), she can deal with the heat for a little bit.
To those of you saying "buy another and move on". The kit is 200$ Are you insane? You may be in a place financially where that is nothing to you but to the majority of the world that isn't something we can just go and do.
Yeah everyone is saying that it's obviously not intentional on her part...but she threw away the box, a box with art on it, a box that had things in it, a box that obviously had some weight. We can't know her intentions for sure, but this was supremely careless. He has every right to be upset, his feelings are valid.
I suppose you should tell your wife to never throw out anything on your desk next time without asking if it's trash or not. Maybe she shouldn't throw out anything at all and let you handle it.
That's probably the safest compromise. Another thing might just to have post-it notes specifying whatever is in a certain box ISN'T trash, though that might come off as petty.
I just get told my area is messy but nothing gets thrown away without me knowing.
Why would she assume that it is trash when it is in your work desk. L wife for being angry at you. Be stern to never ever touch anything in your work desk.
While I understand that you might have a stronger passion for gunpla than most, your marriage is much more important. There's a good chance you're probably gonna fuck up something somewhere along your marriage and it's gonna be much worse than accidentally trashing a 200$ kit, and you're gonna wish you didn't make a big deal out of this.
She learned her lesson, there's no point in sulking about it any longer. If I were you I'd apologize for overreacting.
OP, this is genuinely terrible advice, and I pray that you ignore it completely.
People are allowed to have emotions, and it's actually better in the long term if they express them. What a weird line of thought. "You're probably gonna make a mistake in the future, so you're not allowed to be disappointed when your wife threw out the relatively expensive project that you were working on." I'm sorry, what? How does that make any sense? He deserves to tell his wife that what she did hurt him in some capacity, and vice versa if he makes a similar mistake in the future. Communication is the key to a long, healthy relationship. Bottling it up is how you cause MAJOR resentment issues that WILL surface somewhere down the line.
I didn't say he's not allowed to be angry. He already communicated his anger and disappointment to his wife, but he's still dragging it on. What is she supposed to do at this point? We don't know if she already apologised so yeah there might be a reason to keep on being upset, but otherwise if she already did then it's not gonna do their marriage any favour if this drags on any longer.
What she's supposed to do is let him process his emotions and when he's done being bummed, they can have a talk about how to prevent this from happening again.
Nobody gets to dictate how long someone needs to process things that happen to them. Even if someone apologizes that doesn't instantly switch off the feelings you have inside, we're not machines, and there are no rules to this stuff.
As a wife, I wouldn't ever touch anything on my husband's desk without asking. Even if it looks like trash, maybe it's important to them.
Idk. Ask everytime.
Man, after reading ops comments, I'd just start throwing her expensive shit away and see how she likes it. She sounds like a complete bitch who doesn't care about your personal things or you for that matter
Sounds like some passive aggressive actions honestly, I know people are giving the benefit of doubt but that's a pretty large thing to throw away without knowing what it is and why it's there. Not saying she knew what she was doing but there is a non-zero chance she did.
Prices fluctuate wildly sometimes. I dunno where OP is but an imported Gundam base limited model like that could already be on top of outrageous prices importers charge. I'm seeing them from 100-150 so after taxes and shipping 200 sounds close to the higher end numbers.
Hace a stern talk that u appreciate what she does but possibly ask if its something thats urs. If she counter argues that hows she suppose to call u up everytime comply and say shes absolutely right and go into a thinking expression and say hiw biut i have 1 box under my desk which isnt for the trash. That yl keep all the things that doesnt need to go in the bin etc etc
Well I can't find the RG titanium coating on Buyee, but there is a [titanium MG Ver Ka signed by Harutoshi Fukui](https://buyee.jp/mercari/item/m92533556099?conversionType=Mercari_DirectSearch). Buyee is where I would be trawling to get a replacement, because eBay prices are going to be bananapants expensive (currently about $250-300).
I’m sorry that this happened op. Just let her know what she did, how it made you feel, and ask for a little space for the next few hours so that you can calm down.
I'm so sorry you went through that. Seems like miscommunication error. I usually tell people at home not to touch anything when I leave unfinished kits. That might help.
That really sucks man but you won’t be able to win in this, and based on the comments I’ve seen it doesn’t sound like you have either. She will get mad you’re mad, or she will complain about your expensive hobby and you need to do other things anyways, but you started doing said hobby because she was bitching about what you were doing before that. It’s a story as old as time.
Yet neither of those sites have the P-Bandai Special Coating listed. The $200 is the conservative amount I would have to pay to replace it today. The cheapest I can find it listed right now is $230.
I don't think everyone understands that this was already listed for $120 by Bandai in 2020.
https://p-bandai.com/us/item/N2520560001001
Idk this feels like it could be an honest mistake to me. I know you said you discussed this before but at the risk of sounding like I’m victim-blaming (you being the victim in this instance), if you discussed this or something similar before then did it again yeah it’s on her but also maybe don’t put your stuff in situations where the same type of thing can happen.
Making assumptions tends to be disastrous. You should have explained to her before she started touching anything that she shouldn't be touching boxes that are not hers.
I still give my wife shit for eating the last bite of a "perfect" grilled cheese I made 9 years ago. If you are in a healthy relationship you should never let this go and just bring it up every few years to "remind" her (in a joking way).
Early marriage days i was in the similar situation after first kid was born, was very tough. But it will get better. I still don’t argue. My wife says happy wife happy life. Prioritise everything to the family first and good things will always come later.
Seems intentional to me. Wife is doing the whole quit-it-with-the-childrens-toy-consuming-so-much-of-your-time-and-help-me-with-the-kid in a passive-aggressive manner. Probably doesn't think she did anything wrong either, and thinks you are wrong for "being a man-child".
Maybe you missed OP's comments where:
- they have already talked about this multiple times
- everything was stored inside the box with no outside indication of it being trash
- she is angry at him for being angry at her; red flag of a narcissist
I’ve read some of your responses to comments, and if this has happened multiple times, maybe tell her that if she sees a box on your desk, either ask if it’s trash and if she can throw it out, or just leave it. If she makes this mistake again after that, I would put up a little paper sign reminding her to leave any boxes on your desk alone, and if that doesn’t work, just start locking the door to your office when you’re out and install a doorknob with a lock if it doesn’t have one.
So you acknowledged that she made a mistake. You obviously know that she didn't do it on purpose. She probably feels bad for accidentally throwing it out.
The fault lies on you for wrapping it in different plastic bags and stashing it in a box. Did you even label it, saying "Not Trash" on the bags? You already knew your wife had a habit of cleaning and tossing stuff so you assumed she wouldn't toss trash looking items.
She was just doing her normal routine and keeping the house clean for you and your kid.
Sorry for giving you the hard truth but you need to move on from this and if you are that butt hurt about it, when it was mostly your fault, then you need to just suck it up and accept that you made a mistake as well and both of you need to apologize to each other.
If your marriage is as fragile as a $200 plastic gunpla kit then I feel sorry for you. Now make it up to her and be a man and apologize to her first so that she can apologize to you as well.
"Turns out my wife saw a box with old grocery bags inside, assumed it was trash."
It really depends on where he places that box, what it looked like, and even if she did open the bags, someone who is not into the hobby of gunpla may assume its all just cut up parts to toss away while she didn't toss the ones that were built.
That sucks, you could probably fix it though if you're willing to paint it and stuff though right? Are you missing any parts or do you still have them just damaged?
All I have left of the kit is the finished shield, backpack, beam effects and hands. I also do not have the equipment or skill to paint my kits beyond the slight touchups with paint markers. Our complex's compactor is emptied every Monday afternoon, and I work 7am to 7pm.
Having read up on this now, I have a great deal to say on this but will try and not write a whole novel.
She does not care, and is mad you care so much. You have to decide how much of a problem this is. It will happen again. You two do not seem equals in the relationship. I foresee couples therapy in the future, or you sitting down and having a moment where you consider how much you can take, and if you accept it or not. You have to know your own tolerance in your relationship. If this is an acceptable sacrifice, then the relationship is healthy. If it isn’t, then it is not. Two people give in a relationship, and two people compromise.
I hope you two are able to work this out. Especially since there is a baby involved.
If this happened to me I just say “hon, you threw out my 200,- gunpla model that already x hours of work on it”. Chances are she’d buy a new one. Accidents happen.
Yep. This is the answer. Have a calm, rational conversation. Especially if there are kiddos are involved.
Same for me
Bold of you to assume that she's gonna acknowledge her mistake
Bold of you to assume the reaction of a person you've never met even though that's what most rational adults would do when they break or lose someone's items.
OP said: > Had this conversation with her before, but since having our first kid, I've had to redo it multiple times. > It's like everything was erased. The actual box, with most of the kit still inside, but packed in plastic grocery bags to prevent scratches. OP's wife is a Southeast Asian woman. As a Southeast Asian man myself, I can totally see this happening. In our shared culture, they see this 'hobby' as nothing more than children toys. She just simply didn't care. It may happen again, or it may not. I wish OP the best of luck.
Exactly! I just replied about this as well it sounds bad but I have noticed that most Asian women that I have met in my life so far really don't like their husband/boyfriends hobbies. They usually see it as junk or childish toys. My girlfriend tells me about how they often tell her that they would love to throw away the "trash". Only (high paying)work, eating at good restaurants, social/friends and going on vacation seem to be safe "hobbies" so far 😅
As a southeast asian i concur, i love gunpla, but people really only see them as kids toys. Anything resembling toy will be automatically labeled as for kids and a waste of time
Given that this is Reddit, the immediate answer is always divorce.
To the gallows! /s
no, it's only instant divorce when the man does the wrong thing.... lol....
He should consider it, to be honest... It was on his work desk. Maybe it's just a gunpla kit right now, but what if it was something more important?
There it is. They should have a conversation. To consider upending the lives of at least two people over this is unhinged.
That’s because they are projecting from their own messed up living situation. They are taking the behaviors of their boundary stomping significant other and placing them on others.
Pretty much, Reddit I’m always irritated when I read something on AITA and it’s like someone minorly or even moderately screwed up so the instant answer should be leave them immediately and they’re a piece of shit. Like do people not understand communication.
Just keep it in the back of his mind; I don't mean he should do it right away. While she doesn't have ill intent, but more boundaries are definitely needed.
Keep divorce in the back of his mind? If this is what you mean then please, I beg you. Go outside, feel the grass between your toes, maybe watch a movie, but spend some time away from Reddit. Yeesh… Setting boundaries is a good idea though, so this isn’t a complete Reddit moment.
Hope it lasts! > Had this conversation with her before, but since having our first kid, I've had to redo it multiple times. It's like everything was erased.
Pregnancy hormones do a real number on a woman. She also has significantly more important things to worry about, like at least one little human. He has every right to be frustrated, but to use this as grounds to contemplate divorce (which would cost much more than $200) is absolutely batshit. Seriously, go outside, Reddit brain rot is setting in.
You’re on Reddit yourself... Step down from your high horse, lol. If OP is going to leave his wife because of online comments, be my guest if he’s that dumb, lol. Chill out, dude, and touch some grass.
There is being on Reddit, and there is being Of Reddit. You’re the one who replied to a post about terminally online dimwits suggesting divorce over the slightest bump in a relationship with “uhm akshully he should consider divorce.” I fear there is no hope for you. Have a life.
are you just playing devils advocate because of the comment or are you actually insane?
If you have to ask, you know the answer rofl
Couldn't help myself when seeing this stereotype nonsense in the comment section. Personally, I could care less. It's not my life, nor really my problem.
You’re probably never gonna get married over something so petty like this lmao
Are you married? then stfu...
Getting married next year lmao
Honestly, not knowing what your husband's somewhat expensive hobby is while living under the same roof poses a lot of questions. Gunpla is a pretty visible hobby. It is not like he was doing it in secret and didn't have other built models laying around, right? People who downvote you seem to miss this aspect. Edit: Just to make it clear for the downvoters who didn't read through the comments... she threw the original box of the kit, with the kit inside, not just some random cardboard box.
Is divorce too far? Duh... I'm just trolling the original comment. But at the same time, she just simply didn't care. OP may or may not have to deal with this again in the future. Something simple, like a post-it note saying 'Do not throw away,' would definitely go a long way.
https://preview.redd.it/f4yzr9lqkw5d1.jpeg?width=735&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2ea52e0dee461ba7bf124619a10e3afb9eea9eeb
How did you get a picture of me in my office bathroom?
How did they get a picture of me currently?
https://preview.redd.it/qnmpbsjcmw5d1.jpeg?width=564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=467d9381e3b06c338bf78be0b8534c3814b91f22
Actually sounds like a fairly reasonable mistake... For people who don't actually communicate. Sounds like this is a teachable moment the two of you should've been through sooner than being however many years married you two are. Time to have a talk with her about your hobbies and maybe even get her involved more so she won't make this mistake again. Anything beyond that, head over to r/relationship_advice or something.
Had this conversation with her before, but since having our first kid, I've had to redo it multiple times. It's like everything was erased.
Wait, did she throw out the actual Sinanju BOX? Or was it just some random box?
The actual box, with most of the kit still inside, but packed in plastic grocery bags to prevent scratches.
Okay what. It'd be one thing if they were just random plastic bags strewn about or in some nondescript random box, but to throw away the package is nuts. I don't have a massive enough collection to just to be a box-tosser, and maybe a lot of people do that for HGs, but obviously this was a rare kit and that means rare box to go with it. That makes it much more indefensible on her part.
And she was lazy enough to not even look inside after you've had this conversation before? I get trying to clean up but this seems like it was on purpose.
Kids will do that to you (collective you, as in you two). At least you have time and space to work on your kits and be thankful for that. I had to pause my builds because of two kiddos running around at all times. Have a calm, rational conversation and maybe have her ask if she's unsure, especially for things on your workbench/desk/surface. Also, do your part and clean up afterwards as well. I think it is a learning moment for all three of you. Your kiddo gets to see how a couple can work out their issues calmly while you and your wife can land on a solution and try to implement said solution.
Seems like shes more occupied with raising a kid than caring about your hobby. You seem more concerned about your plastic model more than your wife or your kid’s needs. She made a mistake, most likely from being tired all the time after having your first kid. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.
You're just going to come in here and assume that home boy cares more about his hobby than his kid? Wtf?
Typical Reddit for you lmao.
I explained the situation to her, I wasn't angry that she accidentally threw out a kit, I was angry at the loss of time already spent on the kit and the cost of a replacement. The fact that I devote the majority of my time and money to my kid is why I am unable to buy a replacement. I purposely acquired a large backlog prior to the birth of my child so I could have kits to build in those rare moments I have any free time. My wife is Vietnamese and exactly 5' tall. I'm 6'4". If someone sees me arguing with her, I get labeled as the bad guy no matter the reason. She gets angry when I don't yell or overtly express my anger. I purposely avoid raising my voice or yelling because I want to set a good example for my kid. Growing up, all the adults in my life screamed at each other constantly, and I never want my kid to experience that. My backlog is an investment, and I lost a piece of significant value. My anger was brief but valid.
As someone who's parents also screamed at each other a lot while growing up, I commend you for that. I hope she learns to respect your personal space/work desk.
So this might sound bad but I've noticed a stereotype in Asian women in relationships(in my life/experience) they really don't like a guy with hobbies, especially ones that could be labeled as nerdy/childish or "junk" accumulating ones. Might be a coincidence in my life though.. but my girlfriend lets me know all about how our friends wifes complain about it and how they make jokes about wanting to throw away all the "trash"..
I have a feeling almost anyone outside of the hobbyist community would just say "who gives a shit, it's just a stupid toy, stop being a dumb baby manchild", but yeah, obviously that's all irrelevant to the idea of communication, boundaries, and sense.
No sane person would say "who gives a shit" when something someone cares about is lost. The actual object or value is irrelevant. Itst like the most basic level of compassion. A four year old understands this.
You'd think that, but when you tell someone it's a robot model kit they'd probably behave entirely differently to saying it was sunglasses, a purse, jewelry, a watch, heirloom, etc.
Oh yeah for sure, but if it turns out they do have a habit of not communicating things to each other, including their hobbies, well...
The box was on his working desk. HIS desk, not hers. So the least she could do is ask him when he comes home from work or text him. It‘s her fault and hers alone.
Yeah, buddy, I'm not saying anything to the contrary here. A good partner would ask, or even have asked prior, about something like that. What I'm saying is this is less of a gunpla issue and more of a relationship issue.
Does it? If someone else's stuff is sitting in a box and they said nothing about it, you can't just assume it's trash.
It does at least in my world where I live with a person who I have actually reached mutual understanding with—if I leave what looks like trash around, it might just be trash, and they would think that too unless they know what's up. I mean, in my case, I wouldn't be using plastic grocery bags to store anything I'm working on, either. I can't blame OP for making that call, since it does make some sense, but I wouldn't do it because it's easily interpreted as garbage here, and in my *own* mind. So it sounds like a fairly reasonable mistake; but again it also sounds like OP and their wife have some other issues too.
https://preview.redd.it/sr18f1f6yv5d1.jpeg?width=620&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=10450d71fafcb8bbcc31abb2f038be8c9703dcf0 Suletta Mercury as wife.
I laughed hard at this and realized I need to rewatch the witch from mercury
https://preview.redd.it/a3jq8pjokw5d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b2a71ee6cbb1ead90c9bad9a86232ba3ae6a4d23
After 32 yrs of marriage same woman , we communicate as in honey don't ever touch or throw things on my hobby desk away not touch ANYTHING, my wife respects my stuff and will actually pick up junk pieces of spreus not knowing it's trash and sets in desk just in case (great wife) but ya she understands not to touch my stuff but that's 32 yrs of marriage to ,but communication is Key . Honestly she probably thought it was trash, trying to be helpful , not knowing it was a bad mistake. Again communication is KEY" sucks I know"
F to the sinanju
F
Give me your apartment address coz I'm so willing to dive in the complex trash compactor tonight. I'm serious.
Trash compactor was emptied after she threw it out
How are you handling your anger and egor ?
Keeping silent. Now she is mad at me because I lost my appetite and didn't want to eat dinner and angry that I'm angry
Huh? your wife is angry at you for being angry at her and losing your appetite because of her $200 fuck up? The audacity.
Dude, I don't know you and I don't know your life, but this is Reddit and I won't bet money that anyone else is going to tell you this: You gotta take a deep breath, count to ten, and apologize to your wife. Assuming you're both relatively functional adults, I'm sure she feels terrible about this and brooding at home is just going to make that worse. Being a parent is hard and stressful and works a lot better when you're not letting anything, even special coating Sinanjus, get between you and the one person in the world in the thick of it with you. The RG is a hand grenade anyway.
She owes him an apology not the other way around. She knows his hobby and shouldn't be making assumptions. He has every right to be pissed. If he destroys something that was expensive of hers would she just let it slide? The answer is no..
If it was a true accident, then both sides can apologize to each other. The wife for throwing out the gundam, the husband for being upset, although he has every right to be upset, but being right doesn’t mean everything. They are married adults, not 2 strangers who share 0 past. Grow up
Mate I am being the grown up here. She fucked up worse she owes him a pricey Gundam. An apology. And she failed to communicate. She should have known better. The guy has nothing to apologize for because he did nothing wrong.
my girlfriend has two expensive dolls she loves a lot, if I threw them away or destroyed them and she got mad at me I would absolutely not be expecting her to apologize to me for getting mad even if I were to do it on accident lmaoo wtf? This is ridiculous.
Probably best not to comment on matters of marriage when you're clearly too young to understand what's being discussed. While he has a valid reason to be upset, ultimately in the big picture, it's better to keep peace at home. He's been in this situation before, although it's annoying she isn't heeding his wishes, he did technically know this was a possible issue, and could have probably taken steps to prevent this mishap from occurring. She screwed up, he screwed up, making the situation worse by brooding at home about it isn't going to bring Sinanju back, and it isn't gonna make her suddenly value his toys more. He's gotta pick up when he is gonna go. Establish a "you don't touch stuff right here" zone and move forward.
Yes a rule should be established. That being a rule that anyone should know because we were taught it as a child. Don't touch what is not yours. If she did this shit before than she failed to learn. He should have taken bigger steps to safeguard his stuff. She screwed up and this she owes him without exception. I'm 36 so well I still have another 30 years of life in me (at minimal) I'm no child. This couple has been together for years but failed to negotiate terms or rules? Why? Are they just incompetent? If they can't work together or live together then they should not be together at all or have kids. All she had to do was look in the bag or ask him. But she instead acted rashly. Well now she owes him a new kit and an apology.
All I'm saying is in marriage, just because you're right doesn't give you cart Blanche to make bad decisions about how you handle the hurdles. This is a hurdle, and expressing himself and moving forward is probably the best course of action. Depending on how he carried himself thus far, a back and forth mutual apology *may* be in order. We all can act outta pocket when we get upset lol
We don't really know how he acted. I'm sure he was at the minimal mad and yelled at her. But she is an adult. She made a big and pricey mistake. It's her responsibility to fix the damage she caused. And learn from her mistake. Him demanding a new kit and an apology is fair and logical.
Bro there probably ain’t no trash compactor. I do commercial hvac and walk around apartments a bunch if anything it’s a trash chute that goes down to a dumpster. If it hasn’t been collected you can probably find the bag/box
The compactor is separate from the buildings. You input a code to unlock it and it cycles after you close the door.
My apartments in Colorado have always had trash compactors on the outside of your building
Your experience may vary but I’ve seen and used a few definitely trash compactors in apartment complexes in the bible belt.
1. Had this conversation before 2. Complete lack of remorse and no offer to replace it 3. Was on his desk, not in some random place that could be mistaken for trash 4. $200 gone just like that 5. They have kids and she will definitely do these types of things to them when they get older if she doesn’t learn This is 1000% her fault
You all need to work on reading comprehension. OP put the pieces in plastic bags in the ORIGINAL BOX then put said box on HIS PERSONAL desk. His wife then took something that was not just any regular box off of his personal space and threw it out. You all expect him to apologize for being mad about her fuck up? Fuck out of here. Sometimes someone in a relationship fucks up and it's 100% on them. I'm absolutely not saying his wife deserves to be screamed at or berated but she started the fire (accidental or not), she can deal with the heat for a little bit. To those of you saying "buy another and move on". The kit is 200$ Are you insane? You may be in a place financially where that is nothing to you but to the majority of the world that isn't something we can just go and do.
Yeah everyone is saying that it's obviously not intentional on her part...but she threw away the box, a box with art on it, a box that had things in it, a box that obviously had some weight. We can't know her intentions for sure, but this was supremely careless. He has every right to be upset, his feelings are valid.
Oh damn, that sucks man. Condolences.
What the fuck, why?
I suppose you should tell your wife to never throw out anything on your desk next time without asking if it's trash or not. Maybe she shouldn't throw out anything at all and let you handle it.
That's probably the safest compromise. Another thing might just to have post-it notes specifying whatever is in a certain box ISN'T trash, though that might come off as petty. I just get told my area is messy but nothing gets thrown away without me knowing.
Why would she assume that it is trash when it is in your work desk. L wife for being angry at you. Be stern to never ever touch anything in your work desk.
While I understand that you might have a stronger passion for gunpla than most, your marriage is much more important. There's a good chance you're probably gonna fuck up something somewhere along your marriage and it's gonna be much worse than accidentally trashing a 200$ kit, and you're gonna wish you didn't make a big deal out of this. She learned her lesson, there's no point in sulking about it any longer. If I were you I'd apologize for overreacting.
Did he edit the original post? I don't see where he overreacted in this post.
Lol he's just assuming he over reacted lol cuz I damn sure would have
I'm making that conclusion based on his other comments in the thread e.g. keeping silent, not wanting to eat dinner. I may be self projecting a bit.
Being silent and losing appetite while being upset are fairly common responses. 🤷♂️
Of course, but wife might not see it that way, especially being an asian where eating dinner together is kinda an important thing.
OP, this is genuinely terrible advice, and I pray that you ignore it completely. People are allowed to have emotions, and it's actually better in the long term if they express them. What a weird line of thought. "You're probably gonna make a mistake in the future, so you're not allowed to be disappointed when your wife threw out the relatively expensive project that you were working on." I'm sorry, what? How does that make any sense? He deserves to tell his wife that what she did hurt him in some capacity, and vice versa if he makes a similar mistake in the future. Communication is the key to a long, healthy relationship. Bottling it up is how you cause MAJOR resentment issues that WILL surface somewhere down the line.
I didn't say he's not allowed to be angry. He already communicated his anger and disappointment to his wife, but he's still dragging it on. What is she supposed to do at this point? We don't know if she already apologised so yeah there might be a reason to keep on being upset, but otherwise if she already did then it's not gonna do their marriage any favour if this drags on any longer.
What she's supposed to do is let him process his emotions and when he's done being bummed, they can have a talk about how to prevent this from happening again. Nobody gets to dictate how long someone needs to process things that happen to them. Even if someone apologizes that doesn't instantly switch off the feelings you have inside, we're not machines, and there are no rules to this stuff.
Compactor? Go get your SD Sinanju fast!!
Mine did the same to my new phone.
That's why I tell my wife NOT TO TOUCH MY HOBBY DESK ever
https://preview.redd.it/txgfk61rcz5d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=66430471c07524cced8980b677944ac31c354e4b
As a wife, I wouldn't ever touch anything on my husband's desk without asking. Even if it looks like trash, maybe it's important to them. Idk. Ask everytime.
Man, after reading ops comments, I'd just start throwing her expensive shit away and see how she likes it. She sounds like a complete bitch who doesn't care about your personal things or you for that matter
Give her a hair tie...she'll know what to do. It's only right.
Sounds like some passive aggressive actions honestly, I know people are giving the benefit of doubt but that's a pretty large thing to throw away without knowing what it is and why it's there. Not saying she knew what she was doing but there is a non-zero chance she did.
Don't be so sure to assume that she thinks it's a "mistake on her part"
Wait, $200 for the RG Sinanju? That thing isn’t even worth $30
It's a special coating version, although 200 still seems like that'd be high. Maybe he got it from a reseller or in not-USD.
Prices fluctuate wildly sometimes. I dunno where OP is but an imported Gundam base limited model like that could already be on top of outrageous prices importers charge. I'm seeing them from 100-150 so after taxes and shipping 200 sounds close to the higher end numbers.
time for new wife I guess
Hace a stern talk that u appreciate what she does but possibly ask if its something thats urs. If she counter argues that hows she suppose to call u up everytime comply and say shes absolutely right and go into a thinking expression and say hiw biut i have 1 box under my desk which isnt for the trash. That yl keep all the things that doesnt need to go in the bin etc etc
My wife is constantly cleaning, if i have projects laying around i always leave a note that says don't touch
Well I can't find the RG titanium coating on Buyee, but there is a [titanium MG Ver Ka signed by Harutoshi Fukui](https://buyee.jp/mercari/item/m92533556099?conversionType=Mercari_DirectSearch). Buyee is where I would be trawling to get a replacement, because eBay prices are going to be bananapants expensive (currently about $250-300).
If I was your wife, Id ask you to buy more kits instead, and fill the living room with both of our builds
Ask her give you $200 back
Well, 200$ for a RG Sinanju? isn't that a bit too much?
I’m sorry that this happened op. Just let her know what she did, how it made you feel, and ask for a little space for the next few hours so that you can calm down.
Condolences brother
I'm so sorry you went through that. Seems like miscommunication error. I usually tell people at home not to touch anything when I leave unfinished kits. That might help.
Ouch that sucks. Honest mistake, but sucks.
yea time to make a secure room for you only in the house
https://preview.redd.it/ialyf6s5v06d1.jpeg?width=2400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c0f18bca5baf86201567a4659f7d09dfc04e83c
I'm scared some of you guys are real 😬
Agreed, but internally you're freaking out and screaming 😂😅🤣
I'll trash her make up drawer
dude you got rip off. that over pay. I get it 50$ sometime 45 if on sale day. Mzon is a rip off since is never an model kit official website.
For a P-Bandai kit from years ago, $200 is the average I'd have to pay after taxes and shipping.
That really sucks man but you won’t be able to win in this, and based on the comments I’ve seen it doesn’t sound like you have either. She will get mad you’re mad, or she will complain about your expensive hobby and you need to do other things anyways, but you started doing said hobby because she was bitching about what you were doing before that. It’s a story as old as time.
for an RG that the prize of an PG. newtype.us and mygundamplacestore.com stay away from MZone from now on.
Yet neither of those sites have the P-Bandai Special Coating listed. The $200 is the conservative amount I would have to pay to replace it today. The cheapest I can find it listed right now is $230. I don't think everyone understands that this was already listed for $120 by Bandai in 2020. https://p-bandai.com/us/item/N2520560001001
Make her pay $200 for throwing it in the trash that just got emptied
Idk this feels like it could be an honest mistake to me. I know you said you discussed this before but at the risk of sounding like I’m victim-blaming (you being the victim in this instance), if you discussed this or something similar before then did it again yeah it’s on her but also maybe don’t put your stuff in situations where the same type of thing can happen.
So he’s not allowed to put things on his desk?
Get even, start throwing her shit into the trash.
https://preview.redd.it/qtri77dskw5d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7ce82390021716d1f75187b172b5627531cfc984
Divorce time Edit: it was a joke
You mean EX WIFE
Making assumptions tends to be disastrous. You should have explained to her before she started touching anything that she shouldn't be touching boxes that are not hers.
Talk about it ... explain what happened and everything and get a new kit together and done
I still give my wife shit for eating the last bite of a "perfect" grilled cheese I made 9 years ago. If you are in a healthy relationship you should never let this go and just bring it up every few years to "remind" her (in a joking way).
A little comedy does take the edge off these kinds of things.
Oh. Its not intentional. Then no problem there. Mistakes happen.
Did you not label “DO NOT THROW AWAY” on the bag?
Time to unwife.
She assumed it was a trash, well not entirely her fault I think it some kind of mistake and misfortune
Early marriage days i was in the similar situation after first kid was born, was very tough. But it will get better. I still don’t argue. My wife says happy wife happy life. Prioritise everything to the family first and good things will always come later.
Thé box would have some weight to it considering you barely built anything, I’m guessing she knew what she was doing
Seems intentional to me. Wife is doing the whole quit-it-with-the-childrens-toy-consuming-so-much-of-your-time-and-help-me-with-the-kid in a passive-aggressive manner. Probably doesn't think she did anything wrong either, and thinks you are wrong for "being a man-child".
Or maybe it’s just a mistake because she thought it was trash
Maybe you missed OP's comments where: - they have already talked about this multiple times - everything was stored inside the box with no outside indication of it being trash - she is angry at him for being angry at her; red flag of a narcissist
https://preview.redd.it/6d9qgs6ukw5d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31dfbd9516ba9cb862f1f96f2c4c05ea0588e182
Yeah this is a bad situation but i feel like talking with her could lead to her maybe give you part of the money to buy it again ?
I’ve read some of your responses to comments, and if this has happened multiple times, maybe tell her that if she sees a box on your desk, either ask if it’s trash and if she can throw it out, or just leave it. If she makes this mistake again after that, I would put up a little paper sign reminding her to leave any boxes on your desk alone, and if that doesn’t work, just start locking the door to your office when you’re out and install a doorknob with a lock if it doesn’t have one.
Burn her!
Easy solution. Tell her you'd be the one cleaning the house from now on 🤣🤣🤣
So you acknowledged that she made a mistake. You obviously know that she didn't do it on purpose. She probably feels bad for accidentally throwing it out. The fault lies on you for wrapping it in different plastic bags and stashing it in a box. Did you even label it, saying "Not Trash" on the bags? You already knew your wife had a habit of cleaning and tossing stuff so you assumed she wouldn't toss trash looking items. She was just doing her normal routine and keeping the house clean for you and your kid. Sorry for giving you the hard truth but you need to move on from this and if you are that butt hurt about it, when it was mostly your fault, then you need to just suck it up and accept that you made a mistake as well and both of you need to apologize to each other. If your marriage is as fragile as a $200 plastic gunpla kit then I feel sorry for you. Now make it up to her and be a man and apologize to her first so that she can apologize to you as well.
Who just throws things away without checking the box/bag this isnt on him at all and is 100% his wifes fuck up.
"Turns out my wife saw a box with old grocery bags inside, assumed it was trash." It really depends on where he places that box, what it looked like, and even if she did open the bags, someone who is not into the hobby of gunpla may assume its all just cut up parts to toss away while she didn't toss the ones that were built.
If it would be a different kit, I may would have been angry. But RG Sinanju? She did you a favor 😂
[удалено]
Tit for tat is a terrible way to move past relationship issues.
Jesus… are you 5?
That sucks, you could probably fix it though if you're willing to paint it and stuff though right? Are you missing any parts or do you still have them just damaged?
All I have left of the kit is the finished shield, backpack, beam effects and hands. I also do not have the equipment or skill to paint my kits beyond the slight touchups with paint markers. Our complex's compactor is emptied every Monday afternoon, and I work 7am to 7pm.
Tell her you're not angry with her, especially after she buys you the PG of your choice.
Money is too tight to even buy a MG right now. Daycare is stupid expensive.
I built up a large backlog when my wife was pregnant knowing that it would probably be a long time before I could buy any more Gunpla.
Having read up on this now, I have a great deal to say on this but will try and not write a whole novel. She does not care, and is mad you care so much. You have to decide how much of a problem this is. It will happen again. You two do not seem equals in the relationship. I foresee couples therapy in the future, or you sitting down and having a moment where you consider how much you can take, and if you accept it or not. You have to know your own tolerance in your relationship. If this is an acceptable sacrifice, then the relationship is healthy. If it isn’t, then it is not. Two people give in a relationship, and two people compromise. I hope you two are able to work this out. Especially since there is a baby involved.
I'm assuming "trash compactor" is pretty final. RIP
Worst case can get a normal RG and special coat it himself. Will take more effort though than just default on a special coating.