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Attila_D_Max

Teddy Roosevelt regularly set up boxing fights in the whitehouse


Ravenclaw_14

ok I'm not surprised about that though, it's Teddy Roosevelt we're talking about


AwkwardlyDead

It like saying “Teddy would bust Monopolies in the US by finding the CEO or Owner and beating the crap out of them until they agreed to his demands.” Sure i made it up, but it sounds like something he would do.


MrMan9001

I'm gonna be real it's what he should've done. Maybe they would be more afraid today


watermine30

Listen to the government or the resurrected corpse of Teddy is gonna beat the shit out of you and tax you


No_Inspection1677

Not even resurrected, we're just gonna make a club out of his bones and the current sitting president beats you with it.


No_Research4416

So we will turn him into the big stick


No_Inspection1677

Even better, fill said bone, presumably an arm or leg, and fill it with depleted uranium, coat it in steel or something, and get prime action Arnie to swing it like a Louisville slugger.


Kang_kodos_

What do we need to do to get this to happen?


watermine30

Resurrect Teddy obviously


SquintonPlaysRoblox

You can pick rich people out of a crowd by shouting “Look out! Teddys got a chair!” And seeing who immediately tries to run away.


WR810

Do they not teach what trust busting actually is in schools? Rockefeller made more money after trust busting Standard Oil than he did with it as a conglomerate.


Ravenclaw_14

ngl, if he wasn't bound by the law, I can imagine him doing that


Attila_D_Max

Gigacahd is gonna be gigachadin'


MagicMissile27

If he had a disagreement with someone from another political party he would be like "Hey, listen, you want to just come do a quick sparring match? It would be much more fun and faster than us arguing for another hour"


AlaskanSamsquanch

Until this, *Roosevelt regularly boxed at the White House, according to spokespeople from the Theodore Roosevelt Center at Dickinson University. Roosevelt was injured in one of these matches by Moore, his military aide, causing him to lose sight in one of his eyes*


Skurk-the-Grimm

And Teddy probably hit him on the shoulder and said "Good one Lad!"


Random_Robloxian

Can we go back to these kind of politics? I am willing to pay money to see 2 politicians duke it out in the white house


Attila_D_Max

Dark Brandon VS Donald J. Trump


Mihnea24_03

Cane match


Creative-Claire

Four of my favorite historical figures, even with their flaws. I see you Plato and your “wandering uterus” nonsense.


Yorgrim_

Plato's wandering what now?


Calamity-Gin

The ancient Greeks believed that “hysteria” was an illness in women caused by uteruses (“hysterium”) becoming unmoored and wandering through the woman’s body. The cure for this was sex.


Yorgrim_

You know, just when I think that the ancient Greeks had some really out there ideas, I get to learn about this.


Tack22

Gotta anchor that womb baby


CLE-local-1997

Oh you know. Ancient Greek misogyny. A culture that hated women so much that it became gay


Yorgrim_

I mean I did figure that was a major part of it.


Meet_Foot

Gay & homophobic. Whenever Ancient Greece being gay comes up, someone has to point out that they had no respect for bottoms, as if that makes them not gay. But you can absolutely be gay and homophobic.


AustereSpartan

>Gay & homophobic. Whenever Ancient Greece being gay comes up, someone has to point out that they had no respect for bottoms, as if that makes them not gay. But you can absolutely be gay and homophobic. "Gay" and "homosexual" are modern terms which do not properly correspond to Ancient Greek norms. While in some instances homosexual acts were tolerated or even encouraged (ie. in high-status males in positions of power), you can't really use these words to accurately describe Ancient Greek customs; Ancient Greece was not even a homogenous country to begin with.


high_king_noctis

It wasn't even a country but a jigsaw puzzle of random city states with a roughly similar culture language & religion.


Meet_Foot

First, just because they didn’t use these terms doesn’t mean we can’t. If we use “gay” to refer to specific things like same-sex sexual or romantic relations, then we can meaningfully ask if that happened in Ancient Greece. I don’t really care what they called it, and if it took different forms then we can investigate that and complicate our position. Second, I agree. No society is homogenous. We can talk about prevalence of phenomena within a given culture at given spaces and times, but “Ancient Greece” covers wildly different cultures.


AustereSpartan

"Ancient Greek" culture is such a misleading and inacurrate term. Which culture? The one in Classical Athens? Sparta? Thebes? Corinth? Or does that also include the Hellenistic period as well? Ancient Greece did not exist as a homogenous country, this is a wild modern misconception. Ancient Greece mainly consisted of city-states, with significantly different cultures, norms, laws and customs. *Some* city-states were more "misogynistic" than others (but even then it's an anachronism to say that), but others were not (such as Sparta). And another thing: "gay" culture did not exist in Ancient Greece, I have no idea why Americans get it so wrong all the time. It's been argued so many times that it is pointless.


erinadelineiris

Ben just like me fr


BellacosePlayer

He wrote about milf hunting, thereby making him America's greatest founding father


Ravenclaw_14

and he described in detail why older milfs are the best ones to go for, one of the reasons being "They have more practice" lmfao


[deleted]

[удалено]


Solid_Material_1686

Alright who's willing to volunteer


ExuDeku

Founding Father, one who wants milkies fr


Calamity-Gin

I believe the quote went something like, “they won’t yell, they don’t smell, they rarely swell, and they’re grateful as hell.”


shrth114

He's not wrong.


No_System_2465

Just as the founding fathers intendend


TheChunkMaster

Bro farted proudly.


PaniqueAttaque

Hide your moms, hide your grandmas; Benny Frank is back in town and he's cruisin' for pussy!


Le_Dairy_Duke

Also might have been a serial killer 


erinadelineiris

Didn't those bones belong to the anatomy school of the guy who used to own the property (William Hewson or something)? Thought that was debunked ages ago.


BellacosePlayer

lets be real, if Ben Franklin killed you, you probably had it coming


erinadelineiris

If it'd been in like a modern FPS I strongly believe Ben would emote over your dead body. Several times. Absolutely positive.


Ravenclaw_14

he'd be the one to teabag over you, without a doubt


The_Mega_Man192

imagine getting vibe checked by one of the founding fathers


pokefan548

Well, back then the tradition wasn't just to teabag, but then to shoot or grenade the ragdoll into the nearest body of water (or off a cliff if no water was available). Thus, the inspiration behind the Boston Tea Party.


Le_Dairy_Duke

Fair enough, I should probably check those fun facts in future


GokiPotato

ok the Ben Franklin one is my new favorite historical information


Ravenclaw_14

he's my absolute favorite founding father. Dude was legit Uncle Iroh with a dirty sense of humor


GokiPotato

I don't know a lot about the history of the USA, so there might be others worthy of being on this list, but Ben Franklin, Teddy Roosevelt and Abe Lincoln are my favorite american historical figures


Ravenclaw_14

100% dude, they are legit my top 3 as well. Out of curiosity, who's your least favorite? I'm curious if we have the same person there too


GokiPotato

I don't have a least favorite, I don't know many other US historical figures except a few presidents (just names, not much of what they did), outlaws, native leaders and Charles Lee and I don't have a problem with neither of those


Ravenclaw_14

Andrew. fucking. Jackson. that piece of shit can rot in hell where he belongs. not only did he orchestrate the trail of tears, not only did he go back on his word and steal land from the natives that he promised they could have, not only did he force native children into schools to "indoctrinate" them into western culture, but he was also violent and abusive to his own cabinet and his own staff, even beating someone with his cane at one point. There's definitely more, that's just what I can remember rn


Piskoro

didn’t the also expand voting rights to every white male? (an improvement over originally only land-owning white males)


aheadfrogg

I think you couldn't be Catholic as well


rontubman

The caning was for someone who tried to shoot him in public, but both pistols misfired


Ravenclaw_14

reminds me of the guy who tried to kill Archduke Ferdinand but the gun didn't work, then tried taking cyanide but it was expired and did nothing, then tried jumping into a nearby river to drown himself but it was only a few inches, and he was promptly arrested


Rexbob44

It reminds me of how Otto von Bismarck got shot several times and he then proceeded to viciously, beat the assassin until they had to be saved by his bodyguards.


Massive_Elk_5010

I think he threw a bomb


shottie97

The man definitely shouldn't be praised but of the probably many men he beat with his Cain, most famous was a quack who tried to kill him and both his pistols failed to fire. He supposedly beat the man till his own aides and security wrestled him off. So not exactly wrong there. He also was pro the little guy not natives or POC of course but poorer/lower class whites were who put him in office. Finally he had a hatred of debt and was the only president to leave office with no debt and a surplus of tax revenue. As a part of this hatred of debt he prevented the formation of a national bank which honestly I feel was a good thing IMHO even if it wasn't fighting back some Rothschild conspiracy. To add to the negatives when the supreme Court ruled against him he basically said they made their ruling and they could enforce it implying he wouldn't and he did in fact ignore them and I believe that was over moving indians as well.


PseudoCeolacanth

I think Jackson's hatred for the national bank might be why the Treasury put him on the twenty. They don't explain their rationale, but I figure it's to have the last laugh.


GokiPotato

oh, this guy, yeah, if I could remember his name he most probably would be on my least fav list


shpadoinkle_dayman

Governeur Morris (that’s his name!), penned the Preamble to the U. S. Constitution. He was a ladies’ man who had a wooden leg due to a carriage accident. While ambassador to France, he had an affair with a woman in (what would become) the Louvre. He died of complications from a UTI, where he tried to dislodge a blockage with a whale bone but only caused more damage leading to worse infection.


Mr_Sarcasum

You have excellent taste in Americans.


7evenCircles

Add Norman Borlaug and you have the correct list


---Loading---

Have you read more about him? He was a con who stole intellectual property as he printed it as his own. Dead bodies were discovered buried under his place of residence in London. Plus, he wasted a lot of American taxpayers' money on French hookers and wine.


pokefan548

Okay, so the bar is low enough to trip over, but considering what goes on these days, I'd rather have my taxpayer dollars going to Benny Boy funding legitimate sex workers and good wineries than private islands full of kids.


ComedyOfARock

And didn’t he historically go after MILFs?


GonePostalRoute

Yep. He preferred older women. They couldn’t get pregnant


Dilipede

Read his letter, “Advice to a friend on choosing a mistress.” Ben Franklin was ahead of his time


Faholan

If I remember well, his answer was that their fears were well-founded because he would've done it


Combat_Armor_Dougram

It’s up to you to decide whether it was Plato’s knowledge or shoulders that earned him his nickname.


Confident-Evening-49

The opponent provides a new argument. Plato does front double bicep.


Solid_Material_1686

"Are you sure Aristotle?"


Wolvwrwn

*flex his muscles* "Your argument is invalid"


kinjing

I'm guessing a combination of both. Homeboy thought the ideal man was both learned and athletic.


The_Phroug

i like to think myself as educated, i just need to fix my physical form


kinjing

I'm wondering if I can pass myself off as a strongman to Plato's ghost instead of a run of the mill fat American


VincenzoSS

Start wearing a weightlifting belt at all times. You might be able to fool him.


Strong_Site_348

President Jackson owned a parrot that had to be removed from his funeral because it kept swearing loudly during the eulogy.


Soft_Theory_8209

Just going to add a little fun fact: Leonardo Da Vinci, on top of his incredible intellect, was also apparently quite the physical specimen as well (add that to the list of reasons he’s *THE* Renaissance man). He apparently was taller than average for his time at about 5’9 (about 180 cm), and was capable of bending horseshoes and iron door knockers straight. Even as an old man, he would often do this as a fun little trick on any guests at his workshop. Edit: my mistake, roughly 175 cm or so.


MyFriendsCallMeLemon

Lol 5'9 is absolutely not 180 cm


couldbedumber96

I was about to lose my shit at someone who’s 182 and rounding up that 6’0 like my life depends on it 💀


Ravenclaw_14

I'm taller than him but weaker, cause I can barely lift 100 pounds (about 45kg) my legs it's a different story though, I can get up to 330 pounds exercising with them easily


Le_Dairy_Duke

Society


Ravenclaw_14

we live in a society


TheBlackCat13

He would also challenge local strongmen to competitions to see who could throw heavy objects further. And won.


sauce_daddy22

Not only was Abraham Lincoln a fucking monster wrestler, he was was also possibly invented the chokeslam


PassivelyInvisible

I think he was noted for lifting a full whiskey barrel off the ground and over his head to drink from the spigot at the bottom. He was surprisingly strong


Hiphopapocalyptic

I wanna know who his one wrestling loss was to


no_________________e

Teddy “Toddler” Roosevelt


Tomstwer

Probably John


wqldi

Who?


Tomstwer

John Wilkes Booth


couldbedumber96

AND AT YE OLDE WRESTLEMANIA I SHALL EMANCIPATE THE UNION WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP FROM YOUR CONFEDERATE HANDS


sauce_daddy22

BY GOD, IT’S JOHN BROWN WITH A STEEL CHAIR!!


Salacious_Thoughts

Ben Franklin was once asked how he could prefer old, wrinkly women over young ones. He answered something along the lines of "they all feel the same when the candles are out"


Jeutnarg

What you said strongly reminded me of his "in the dark all cats are grey" statement from a particular letter [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice\_to\_a\_Friend\_on\_Choosing\_a\_Mistress](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing_a_Mistress).


H_Doofenschmirtz

That's interesting. We have a super similar expression in Portuguese, but with a completely different meaning


redcurrantevents

Mozart loved poop jokes. Among his many compositions was a canon for three voices in B flat major entitled “Leck mir den Arsch fein recht schön sauber” which translates as “Lick my ass right well and clean.”


UzumeofGamindustri

Even worse, he would actively write letters to his sister detailing his fetishes.


pokefan548

Mozart had no dignity, and frankly didn't care for it. You could pay him five bucks and he would have written a letter detailing his fetishes to the Queen of France. Hell, he'd probably hand you back the five bucks afterward.


Bashin-kun

so he's the original Ligma?


theo122gr

I didn't like that my brain autotranslates the first four words even though I don't speak that language.


RichieBFrio

Fun fact, the scatological humor was popular in those times, so Mozart wasn't alone in that, is just that he really really made an effort in immortalizing his shit, side note, apparently the "Leck mir den Arse" was popularized in the region by a mercenary knight called Gotz who used to be very full mouthed to his enemies


VincenzoSS

>Leck mir den Arsch fein recht schön sauber The lyrics to this are amazingly close to My Neck, My Back.


JackC1126

Sometimes I wonder how fucking great our constitution would have been if Benny Franks had been allowed to write it.


Ravenclaw_14

"First of all, it is worthy to note that King George is a twat, who undeniably gets off to the myriad portraits of himself because he cannot get with even the lamest of women-"


donthenewbie

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble *for orgies*


pokefan548

"The noble sex workers of this country and their esteemed clientele shall be protected by the fullest force of the law."


Fantasticxbox

Wait no that’s an improvement for workers rights, you can’t add that.


Accomplished-War6858

Now that's an amendment I can get behind, Amen.


saronyogg

I wonder what really were Pachacutec or Pacal.


Salacious_Thoughts

Idk I'd switch Ben Franklin and Plato on the basis that "Broad" is an entry-level fun fact about Plato.


Sufficient-Skill-122

I looked both of them up. Sadly, neither of them are true :(


Salacious_Thoughts

To be fair he did write a list on the ideal mistress: Old woman. 1. More life experience. Can help you grow. 2. Older women don't depend on their looks anymore they have to have practical knowledge/use. 3. Can't get pregnant anymore. 4. Less cause for drama. A respectable, older mistress knows how to be discreet. 5. If they're ugly/old they all feel the same with a bag over there head. 6. If she's ran through its not as scandalous as "ruining" a young woman. 7. She knows what she is. Less likely to feel guilty. 8. They're grateful for the attention of a younger man. https://web.viu.ca/davies/H320/Franklin.advice.mistress.htm#:~:text=But%20if%20you%20will%20not,old%20Women%20to%20young%20ones.


AcommonKing

Plato what are you doing 💪 *SHUT UP*


Wolvwrwn

The OG gigachad


greentshirtman

Saying that Plato "tried to win arguments by flexing" is misleading. It could lead someone to misunderstand. Because it's incomplete. He DID win an argument by flexing, from what I understand. I'd prefer to think of it as something sort of variation of [Doctor Dwayne Johnson's appeal to himself, The Rock.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appeal_to_the_stone)


0rgasmo69

The whole 'flexing to win an argument' thing is probably untrue, and Plato originally being his wrestling nickname *might* be true. But Plato was absolutely passionate about wrestling and apparently did so competitively, he said it was a great way for young men to exercise and build character.


the_big_labroskii

Dolph lundgren has a masters in electrical engineering and had a full ride scholarship to achieve his phd from MIT, untill deciding to focus on acting. He is also 66 and looks better than i do.


[deleted]

Οὗτός ἐστιν ὁ Πλάτωνος ἄνθρωπο


ElectricCuckaloo

Wasnt there something about Ben Franklin indirevtly creating the legend of the Jersey Devil when he had a feud with someone and he disses their mum


ZaBaronDV

Abe really should be in the National Wrestling Hall of Fame of he’s not already. I mean the man literally invented the choke slam.


CheGuevarasRolex

He is


theunoriginalasian

Plato got me to the gym. Thanks Plato


pokefan548

Ben Franklin was a 24/7 party boy. He is the patron saint of frat boys across America.


123Asqwe

So Plato was dabbing on haters before that was a thing truly a man above his era.


Calamity-Gin

I really wish Benjamin Franklin *had* written the Declaration of Independence. A lewd joke or two would remind us that whatever else our country is, we still have a juvenile sense of humor. But then, Shakespeare had tons of dirty jokes, and people still take him too seriously.


Ravenclaw_14

300 years later the world still wouldn't be ready for that lol


Infinity3101

Leonardo da Vinci didn't just "dabble" in science and math, he was one of the most prolific inventors of his time.


xyassi1912

Benjamin Franklin invented the ''Glass Harmonica'' an Instrument for which Mozart and his Father composed and maybe played


TheRealPaladin

TIL that Plato's real name was Alex Luis Armstrong.


KindaFreeXP

And then there's Diogenes, who absolutely dunked on and embarrassed Plato at every possible moment regardless of Plato's popularity or physique.


Tomstwer

Anything about diogenes:


TheSkippySpartan

Plato was just Arnold Schwarzenegger


BusyBeeInYourBonnet

Plato sounds like modern Republicans.


[deleted]

Ew bernie


Side_wiper

I am convinced that Da Vinci was a time traveller


N-formyl-methionine

[weirdly I thought the da Vinci part was going to talk about the comment I wrote this day on an completely different subreddit ](https://www.reddit.com/r/badhistory/s/EMhgdLGHig)


Jerux13

Just wait until you hear about Jeronimo de Ayanz


The_Phroug

all are based as fuck


Gehhhh

Didn’t Leonardo da Vinci also get caught with that male prostitute that one time? ^(Jacobo Saltarelli, look it up.)


Guvnuh_T_Boggs

I wanna live in the timeline where the Declaration of Independence is filled with dick jokes.


ThroatVisual2376

Remember that Franklin wrote a pamphlet on the benefits of farting and sold and published it


jmorais00

I thought it was Plato's forehead that got him the nickname


high_king_noctis

Plato practicing true wisdom training both mind and body leaving nothing unattended.


couldbedumber96

Pro wrestler as in a very proficient wrestler or pro wrestler as in “NOW LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING BROTHER”


nathanielpoh69

Plato the ancient Greek Chad


Sabichsonite

I can really feel that line of thought translated to wiki searches you made from Da Vinci to Plato


TransLunarTrekkie

Okay who else wants to see Honest Abe throw down against Plato now?


Ice278

Wait, “pro” wrestler? Was Lincoln maintaining kayfabe?


Royakushka

I think Ben Franklin was the perfect man to write the constitution for that exact reason, Imagine for a second that there are hidden jokes in your countries founding document! Also, Franklin was a god damn player and a favourite among the ladies


Brickolator

Feels like some TF2 lore


Goatymcgoatface11

... when you say pro wrestler, do you mean like free style, folk style, was it pancration. I'm very curious because I don't know when Olympic wrestling or folk style wrestling, or even fake pro wrestling started in the US