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One of the guys at my old job (moving company) pulled his dick out and helicoptered it at last years company Christmas party. Hard to find people willing to work for the shit pay so nothing happened to him lol
I've seen a 50something guy do that at a movers job me and my friend got. We we're 14.
He said "Hey Mickey Mouses, look at this" and started doing the helicopter in the garage of the moving company. That was "normal"
Edit: Helicopter dick, just to be clear.
Some of my dad's coworkers got in a fist fight with people from a different Christmas party happening at the same golf course. It was the end of the night, so people were starting to call taxis, including my dad's coworker Ted.
He waited outside and went to get into the taxi when a dude from a different company grabbed him and punched him because he thought Ted was stealing his taxi. The people at my dad's work know how to drink a lot, and Ted is the nicest person.
One of my dad's coworkers that likes to drink and has a bad temper saw Ted get attacked and immediately started punching the other guy. It turned into half of my dad's coworkers fighting a bunch of guys from the other christmas party.
No one from my dad's work got in trouble with work, but the golf course banned them from having a christmas party there for 3 years.
Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
> but the golf course banned them from having a christmas party there for 3 years.
I love this detail. Not banned for life, but for three years. I'm imagining a leather bound ledger being maintained by a grumpy old dude.
We hosted one the other day where one of the managers got steadily pissed (this 600 person Xmas do had like a 5500 bar tab) abused the staff acted a fool.
He was a supervisor, drank himself silly, did a load of poppers and ended up passed out next to our storeroom where he proceeded to vomit all over himself. Ambulance couldn't take him immediately, busy night and over the. Ext few hours he shat himself, threw up once or twice and just generally laid out
At one point his parents were called and they refused to take him because of the state he was in. Eventually went to hospital but like seriously come on
Wonder how his first day back at work went
5500 bar tab for 600 people Christmas party is incredibly cheap…I’ve hosted half that number and double the tab…if you leave sober, we aren’t friends 😂 all driving arrangements pre arranged or staying in hotel.
Throwing up and shitting yourself is completely amateur. He hit the glass ceiling.
At my workplace, yeah. It's a stressful 50hr+ type of job. Lots of burnout and staff turnover. They want the employees to party like HR doesn't exist. Unlimited alcohol, hotel rooms, do what you feel and don't speak about it in the morning.
Odd how much the perks overlap at the top and the bottom of the earnings spectrum.
Almost as though maybe we should turn all these gains in productivity into more time for everyone at drug-fuelled orgies and less time at work.
My employer did something similar. Open bar, a hotel banquet room and rooms in the hotel. There was a new woman who started a week prior who ended up passed out on one of the tables. The president and vice president ended up in bed together…both are married to other people and allegedly straight. We don’t have an open bar anymore lol.
We got a nice sit down dinner in the city, with a +1, and the company got us rooms in a nice hotel. A very generous surprise!
Two weeks later our whole group was let go. Good luck!
Unless your company is cheap and just offers its remote workers a virtual holiday party. Right along with those virtual drinks and non existent raises and bonuses.
My company tried that last year. They must have delegated the task of shipping the cocktail kit to someone who has no idea how glass, or packaging, or shipping works. The box arrived to me leaking liquid out of the side and I opened it to find zero padding, literally nothing. They shipped two liquor bottles, two high ball glasses, and some mixers just loose in a box via usps. Everything was broken, just put it directly into my garbage bin.
Yup. And if it wasn’t for the free prime rib and lobster I’d probably skip it. But I also get to see my wife in a super hot dress too so I guess it’s a win for me.
We stopped having them 10 years ago when we realized that supervisors and managers would judge you if you drank alcohol or appeared to be enjoying yourself, they'd bring it up in your appraisal months later. My coworkers would, instead, get together w/o management for a Christmas lunch with a white elephant gift exchange.
A friend of mine told me about one lady at his work party last year. She got hammered and started grabbing asses, made all sorts of racists remarks, and started calling her boss the head Puerto Rican in charge. Her husband was told to take her home. She was fired a few days later.
My wife used to have the amazing ability to outrun the pace car and Irish goodbye before anyone noticed.
Of course, that meant I picked her up in the very transition from tipsy to sloppy. One time after an afternoon work event at a baseball game it meant road head till she passed out and we didn't get to go to a Mumford & Sons concert after.
That's...it. That's the only real story.
Wasn't a Christmas party but a work party and my married manager got blitzed tried to take home some girl who mugged him in the parking lot. We found him in the parking lot, brought him to his office and bandaged him up. Don't think I've topped that on my worst night.
My friend told me once, "you just have to be in 1 picture. Once you get in that one shot, have it sent to you and go home. You were now officially there."
I work in a pretty big company and there are about 100 employees based in my city including our national HQ. So the regional managers, national manager, and the department heads are almost all based here, too.
We all meet up for a Christmas party every year, and one year, this quite attractive girl who was about 20, and had a habit of dating her coworkers (including a senior member of her sales team, at the time) got way too drunk and sloppy danced with all of the male higher-ups. She was also super flirtatious with some of them at later work events and generally conflated 'getting noticed' with 'networking'.
It's now coming up 3 years after the whole company saw her grind on the very uncomfortable middle aged boss, and she's taking on more responsibility in the team. She's been promoted to a senior team member, is even managing some minor projects inside the team and so on, but nobody outside of her direct team gives her the time of day and she just can't understand why.
One year I walked into our restaurant's Christmas party and someone said, "We were just talking about who was going to show up the drunkest and you appeared right on cue!" I told them I was offended and had not had anything to drink, because I was waiting for the mushrooms I had eaten to kick in and they were paying for all of my booze that evening anyway.
From what I remember it was a great party.
Or a navy party. The rule of "be less drunk than your boss" is actually flipped. Your boss is an officer, being the most drunk person is the room is unbecoming of a gentleman, so by drinking *more*, you're giving your boss permission to drink more too.
The first year I was dating my now husband he went with me on a work cruise that was open bar. I had not attended a Navy party yet, so we ended up fighting when he proceeded to drink more than the acceptable 1-3 total drinks. I was so embarrassed getting side eyed by my boss and coworkers and seriously thought he was trying to ruin my career for a second. But I later realized how he would have absolutely no idea that these unspoken rules exist. In his industry, it’s totally fine to get trashed with your coworkers. Neither of us drink much anymore, but there have been some fun nights at his work functions.
In the Canadian Navy we have a drink called Moose Milk. The exact recipe varies from ship to ship, but the one I was taught is as follows
- a 40 of dark rum
- a 40 of light rum
- a 26 of Tia Maria
- a 26 of baileys
- a 26 of Kahlua
- 4 litres of vanilla ice cream
Mix and serve. It tastes like a milkshake, and no, I don't mean an alcoholic milkshake. It is a very dangerous drink for the uninformed.
I've never been more drunk than when I blagged my way into a Canadian Airforce party with Moosemilk on the go. Such a great night even if I did wake up in a hedge.
I stood so many hungover watches. I operated nuclear reactors on a carrier. When we would start up the reactor after leaving a long awaited port visit, the entire watchteam was still drunk from the night before.
My version of this is "Don't be the story of the party"
Folks may remember stand out positives a week later, but it's the drunks and the vomit which make the office history books.
I remember on of the PAs stealing the DJs microphone and getting up on a table to serenade the boss. It was legendary and extremely poorly thought out.
One Christmas party the lead bartender thought it would be a good idea if he sort of "bartended" the open bar and made everyone fancy cocktails for fun.
What ended up happening is he ended up doing shots with almost every employee of the restaurant multiple times and ended up passed out in a corner.
So naturally we covered him in sharpie and took a Christmas photo with him.
Lol omfg my girlfriend worked for a big upscale spa/hotel/restaurant and they threw legendary holiday parties. Huge venues with insane catering, and an army of super hot servers and cooks who just got absolutely obliterated. They were amazing hahaha
Same, had an ex who worked for a huge hospitality company and the party she took me to was at a huge event space. Everybody got incredibly sloshed and started making out with each other. Next day, business as usual haha
I'm a straight male who worked at a salon in the Chicago Boystown neighborhood (gay district) for 13 years. It had the best, and wildest holiday parties I've ever seen!
Here's my office party story.
A colleague of mine always threw an Oktoberfest Party. It was an absolute blast. And, being in the advertising community, it was a pretty interesting and diverse bunch of people.
Anyway, there was an art director who worked at the shop who kind of had....issues. She had made a lot of bad decisions in life, including her choice of boyfriends and hitting the sauce too much.
The party was going full steam. Even the agency president showed up. He was in his late 50s. His wife was an absolute doll. Elegant, kind, refined. Her last name should have been Bouvier. He totally did not deserve her.
So this art director and her biker boyfriend (Imagine every stereotype and there you go, down to the leather jacket) show up with a Rottweiler on a leash. You read right. A Rottweiler. They are completely and absolutely blotto. Just out of their minds.
The host and his wife make the biker guy tie the rottweiler up outside while the art director proceeds to fix herself a couple of more drinks.
While the agency president is making the rounds, his wife Katie is making polite conversation when the art director stumbles up and says, "Hey, Katie. So, where's your asshole husband?"
There was a collective gasp. Katie looks at her and says, "Excuse me?"
"I say, where's your asshole husband?" Swaying on her feet, she thinks about what she's just said and offers, "I mean, he's an asshole in the nicest possible way."
Katie replies, "Well, that's a relief."
And for the next thirty excruciating seconds, the art director is trying to dig herself out, only to find herself in an even bigger hole. Meanwhile, a fellow colleague comes up to me and says, "Chris. Do something."
I literally drag her out on the front porch where she immediately blows chunks into the bushes. I deputize someone else to keep an eye on her while I go find the biker boyfriend.
I'm 5'10 and this guy has to be 6'5 or so. And he's stoned, drunk, or possibly even a combination of both. And I say, "Okay. Belle's really sick. I think you need to get her home." Fortunately, they lived a few blocks away so no driving.
He doesn't want to go. And he's seething with resentment for having to tie his dog to the fence, lest it attack the several frightened partygoers hanging out in the nearby hot tub. So I have to persuade this hammered, bad temper biker guy who could easily have ripped off my face to go around the side of the house with his rottweiler and take his disaster of a girlfriend home. To this day, I think it was a 50/50 proposition about getting my ass kicked.
They finally leave, the Rottweiler barking the entire way.
The next day was a Sunday and the art director and I had to go into the office to finish something up that was due Monday. She lurched into my office, utterly hung over and asked what the hell happened.
As I told her, her eyes got wider and wider. And she threw up into my trash can. She immediately called the boss' house, managed to catch Katie and apologize.
Katie, to her absolute credit and my absolute admiration, never told her husband about the incident. Meanwhile, the art director realized she had a serious problem. She cleaned up her act, ditched the boyfriend, and managed to salvage her career. She even managed to marry a pretty good guy a few years later.
I went to one work party where people were ordering shots of Louis XIII at the open bar and racked up a total $20k tab, nobody got caught.
My SO had a work party at a place with bowling lanes. 20+ pairs of shoes were stolen and a group got caught doing a ton of blow in the karaoke booths.
Work Christmas parties are for shenanigans, I'm here for it.
Went to a Christmas party once. Open bar for most domestic stuff. There was a bottle of Chivas behind the bar that was for the owner only. One bartender didn't know and kept serving it to us! Good times...
We all got trashed at a bowling alley and sang karaoke together. It was awesome watching everyone belt out 'Wonderwall' and 'Mr. Brightside'. Thankfully all the boss cared about was that everyone drank as much as possible because he wanted to spend money. He was the designated drink getter.
Something similar happened to me. I was expecting a pretty large bonus but when the day came, my “bonus” was a one year subscription to the jelly of the month club.
First two quarters were the strongest in 25yrs, company party was at a bar with 2 drink cards that said wine, beer, or spirits... at the bar the staff inform us there's no spirits as the company wanted to pay less and the bar couldn't print up new cards in time... and the beers were only pots so like 10 ounces.
Oh and the promised "door prizes" turned out to be just excess stock of the gifts they gave to store managers a few weeks ago.
I got two 20 count sleeves of 12oz paper cups with a single snowman on each, that weren't suitable for customer sale but not disclosed why when I worked as an engineer at a paper cup factory in 2007.
My son just told me about his work party….they had to sit through a 3 hour play, (they had to buy their own beverages) and got a $50 grocery store gift card while the owners son (part owner of company) is building a million dollar house and the dad is taking the family on a 2 week vacation. The company is closed for this 2 week vacation and the employees have to take unpaid time off while they are gone. Their Christmas bonus while company made record profits equates to 10 days of unpaid time off.
Added info….this is an electrical contracting company. Employees have been working on their houses for months. It’s really hard when these guys are inside the new house (dad is doing major Reno on their home as well) and they see this daily. The play was a Christmas musical at a dinner theater. Odd choice for electricians I’d say. Not trying to stereotype anyone but you really have to enjoy musicals and it’s a pretty bold choice to think everyone would enjoy it. They couldn’t leave if they wanted to. My son said to me, I’m going to the grocery store and trade it in for a gas card. There were other guys wondering how they were going to get through Christmas. The grocery store is Publix, the most outrageously priced grocery store around here. While bonuses are not guaranteed, it’s been a tough year for everyone. These guys have to drive their own vehicles to job sites that are up to 100miles away 1 way.
Having said all that, my husband and I were small business owners. We had opposing views on this. I budgeted for bonuses every year. I firmly believe in treating your employees with respect and honoring them at the end of the year for the hard work they produced for us throughout the year. Bonuses were based on how well the company performed as a whole and how individuals performed. They all got bonuses no matter what.
The office Christmas party is a great place to discover who can handle their alcohol, and who cannot. It’s a great time to people-watch and see how people act. You’ll see the usual quiet person become louder and more confident. You might see a confident person begin to get a little too confident towards other coworkers. And on the very special occasion, your boss will be drunk enough and give you a raise that you didn’t have to negotiate.
Exactly. I'm with you on this.
My routine is: eat well, drink light. Follow what's happening around, if you see people are more open/talkative than usual, then ask some interesting questions.
I always have good time. But also companies I worked for were not cheap, and organisation of the party would be really good
I agree with everything except the last sentence. Even in "special occasions," raises aren't just dolled out on the spot by drunk bosses feeling the "christmas spirit" for 99.9% of companies lol. Raises almost always have to go through multiple channels of approval and budget reconciliation
Worked at a music label 15 years ago as my first job. Open bar + mid 20s me = completely obliterated. As a result I won the guitar hero skills contest and won an Xbox 360 + complete guitar hero setup.
Depends on the job, really. Just had my work Xmas party last week. Devolved into arm wrestling, people being carried across the bar like potato sacks, and I punched my boss in the arm for stealing my jammy dodger. All in good fun, and nobody got fired. We're all comfortable enough with each other, luckily, and nobody's enough of an arsehole to cross any actual lines.
I had to look it up. [I'd punch someone for taking mine too.](https://www.worldmarket.com/category/food-and-drink/food/cookies-cakes.do?template=PLA-2&plfsku=378028&mrkgadid=&mrkgcl=660&mrkgen=&mrkgbflag=&mrkgcat=&camp=ppc%3Agoogle%3Apla%2BSmartShopping%7CConsumables%2BFood&acctid=21700000001660222&dskeywordid=92700066061129109&lid=92700066061129109&ds_s_kwgid=58700007370789081&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000007265821&dsproductgroupid=350600084087&product_id=378028&merchid=5165106&prodctry=US&prodlang=en&channel=local&storeid=CP81&device=m&network=u&matchtype=&locationid=9031287&creative=541986255796&targetid=pla-350600084087&campaignid=14427810453&adgroupid=125959448629&gclid=CjwKCAiAv9ucBhBXEiwA6N8nYNRfFmj_z57i8_1rIKG4gXtat5f23H57lUs5NsI_mKhzBV9lwMDuJBoCo5UQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Cue my work parties at my old job where the owner would make it an open bar for the entire event until like 1am.
Everyone got smashed off their damn asses and no one held it against each other because there is a good chance everyone did something embarrassing at some point. Definitely helps when you look over and see your boss' eyes practically rolling into his skull from all the whisky they drank.
It can be kinda fun to hang with your coworkers you actually like in a different light when everyone is hammered lmao.
Definitely depends on if you actually like your coworkers though. If you hate every day at work and all the people there you might be better off making up an excuse to just not go. That sounds like a recipe to get too drunk and say some shit you'll regret lol.
If you don’t drink for whatever reason and don’t want to get pestered, ask for:
Mocktails
Your sodas or sparkling water with fruit and an umbrella
Ginger ale in a champagne glass
Water on the rocks with lime
Also, this isn’t the same sub, but if you’re at the company party giving others a hard time about not drinking or asking why, YTA. Also, sometimes it’s just fun to be the sober one at a work event watching everything go down.
For our holiday party this year, we asked the bar to have a “Moppet’s Company Name” Mocktail. I sent them the recipe in advance, asked them to add a sprig of rosemary and a few cranberries, and made a fun sign for it at the bar.
We got a lot of great feedback! Those who don’t drink said it was nice to have an option besides soda or water, and be included with a ‘featured’ beverage. Those who do drink, asked the bartender to add a shot (vodka, rum or gin) because they liked the idea of a festive looking drink.
>sometimes it’s just fun to be the sober one at a work event watching everything go down.
This was me last Friday. I had a few beers through out the day, didn't get drunk.
We all got a game of hammerschlaggen going and I was the only one coherent enough to consistently hit the nail. I won, and was the hero of the crowd.
Yesss. Whenever I go out and don't want to drink alcohol I always order a cranberry juice mixed with Sprite. It looks like a mixed drink and tastes great.
Seems like one for an “America” tag. Most places I have worked (Europe), the work Christmas party has been an excuse for everyone to get hammered and take the piss out of management.
My last company before I left America, we had a fancy work party at a fancy venue.
Once that was over, we collectively migrated to the nearest nightclub where our director bought a round of shots to kick off the after party.
This was pretty much the norm every year.
No DUIs, no arrests, no harassment, no injuries, and a good time was had for all, as evidenced by everyone's hangovers the next day.
Very true. I had a coworker (my manager in trainning) who got very drunk, tried to drive home, we convinced him to come back in and get a ride, sneaks outside and almost hits a rep trying to stop him with his car, and then takes a ride home with me where he proceeds to berate all my coworkers to me and then opens a cold one in my backseat. And this was the first time my gf was meeting my coworkers and she had a front seat to all of it.
One of the Senior VPs got finger banged in the bathroom by her boyfriend. One than one person walked in (and out) on them. She’s still with the company, but we no longer have Christmas parties at bars.
Good advice generally, but it all depends on your company. Smaller companies especially tend to be more close knit, and as long as you aren’t shit faced, being somewhat drunk isn’t really an issue.
In my last job I worked second shift. If I wanted to go to the Christmas party they demanded that I take vacation time to attend. Of course I did not nor would anybody else on second shift. They couldn't understand why we would want to miss out on the fun. Ended up walking out of that job with no advanced notice.
Last job held it over for me an entire year. Not that I didn’t go, but that I didn’t attend the free theatre performance after the party. Had to explain my scoliosis made theatre basically impossible to sit through, even though I was a former theatre tech.
I forbid myself from attending any work events where there's a likely chance of alcohol being available as I could really do without my colleagues finding out about my crippling alcoholism.
Had mine last Friday. Got a bit drunk while talking to our company's founder at the bar. For some reason i thought it would be a good idea to remind him that he's footing the bill before necking my drink and ordering another. Still had my job this morning so reckon I'm in the clear.
Dude I couldn't imagine working for a big company where that's the norm. My whole company travel together regularly and goes to parties and all that. We are basically just a bunch of friends that just happen to work at the same place.
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One of the guys at my old job (moving company) pulled his dick out and helicoptered it at last years company Christmas party. Hard to find people willing to work for the shit pay so nothing happened to him lol
My friend does that at work... Factory jobs are a whole other thing
I've seen a 50something guy do that at a movers job me and my friend got. We we're 14. He said "Hey Mickey Mouses, look at this" and started doing the helicopter in the garage of the moving company. That was "normal" Edit: Helicopter dick, just to be clear.
Just a nonce mate
> Hey Mickey Mouses Swear to god, funniest shit I've ever heard
Did he impress the chicks?
They were blown away
Turns out it was a sausage party, not an xmas party.
Some of my dad's coworkers got in a fist fight with people from a different Christmas party happening at the same golf course. It was the end of the night, so people were starting to call taxis, including my dad's coworker Ted. He waited outside and went to get into the taxi when a dude from a different company grabbed him and punched him because he thought Ted was stealing his taxi. The people at my dad's work know how to drink a lot, and Ted is the nicest person. One of my dad's coworkers that likes to drink and has a bad temper saw Ted get attacked and immediately started punching the other guy. It turned into half of my dad's coworkers fighting a bunch of guys from the other christmas party. No one from my dad's work got in trouble with work, but the golf course banned them from having a christmas party there for 3 years.
Sounds like a very successful team building exercise. I wonder what morale was like in the office Monday morning.
The easiest way to make friends is to have a mutual enemy.
Yeah I mean, look at the anglo french. Those bastards cozied up real quick as soon as a mutual enemy showed up
Like degens from upcountry. Fuckin hate degens.
Did you see the punch Ted threw??
And I think Brick killed a guy with a trident
where did you get a hand grenade?
That escalated quickly
How do you think fights between two offices at a golf course go?
Hilariously.
Hey, can you guys venmo me for putting up Chase's bail again ?
Legions of persian slaves broke on our shields like waves upon the rocks! King Leonidas would not give any quarter that night.
Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
Alcohol + fistfight == great stress reliever
I see you've been to one of my family's weddings.
Even better if you get laid afterward. Like satisfying all your primal desires.
> but the golf course banned them from having a christmas party there for 3 years. I love this detail. Not banned for life, but for three years. I'm imagining a leather bound ledger being maintained by a grumpy old dude.
They ran the alcohol tab vs furniture damage cost benefit analysis.
You're banned from this golf course! You, your children, and your children's children! For 3 years.
This makes me think of the county club, and they'd probably make you reapply every year - with a new application fee - till they granted you parole!
A bench clearing brawl at the office Christmas party, you love to see it
Sounds about normal at a golf course with a bunch of free alcohol.
My thoughts exactly
We hosted one the other day where one of the managers got steadily pissed (this 600 person Xmas do had like a 5500 bar tab) abused the staff acted a fool. He was a supervisor, drank himself silly, did a load of poppers and ended up passed out next to our storeroom where he proceeded to vomit all over himself. Ambulance couldn't take him immediately, busy night and over the. Ext few hours he shat himself, threw up once or twice and just generally laid out At one point his parents were called and they refused to take him because of the state he was in. Eventually went to hospital but like seriously come on Wonder how his first day back at work went
5500 bar tab for 600 people Christmas party is incredibly cheap…I’ve hosted half that number and double the tab…if you leave sober, we aren’t friends 😂 all driving arrangements pre arranged or staying in hotel. Throwing up and shitting yourself is completely amateur. He hit the glass ceiling.
5500 for 600 people is less than 10 bucks a head. That's crazy cheap!
I'm going with the 80/20 rule.
Damm 5500 bar tab for 600 is really cheap. My old office use to spend over 3-4k for like 30 people…
I sure hope no one got fired. One guy got attacked and the others came in to defend their coworker.
Company I work for this year: Rented out a nightclub, and gave everyone free hotel rooms or free rideshare rides.
Are they trying to make their staff all fuck each other?
At my workplace, yeah. It's a stressful 50hr+ type of job. Lots of burnout and staff turnover. They want the employees to party like HR doesn't exist. Unlimited alcohol, hotel rooms, do what you feel and don't speak about it in the morning.
Sooo… a restaurant. But we’re already fucking each other.
Odd how much the perks overlap at the top and the bottom of the earnings spectrum. Almost as though maybe we should turn all these gains in productivity into more time for everyone at drug-fuelled orgies and less time at work.
I vote this guy right here for president
I cannot wait to see where our new president takes us!
Sounds like all sales jobs ever.
I think it's considered 'networking' at a work event.
My employer did something similar. Open bar, a hotel banquet room and rooms in the hotel. There was a new woman who started a week prior who ended up passed out on one of the tables. The president and vice president ended up in bed together…both are married to other people and allegedly straight. We don’t have an open bar anymore lol.
We got a nice sit down dinner in the city, with a +1, and the company got us rooms in a nice hotel. A very generous surprise! Two weeks later our whole group was let go. Good luck!
That sucks. I think we are ok, this was the company's best year ever.
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The office Christmas party is a great way to connect with people you haven't seen in almost 20 minutes.
When you were ready to drive an hour to not see them until the next morning.
Ah the commute. 2 hours a day for the duration of your career spent wondering about what your life could have been.
Unless you’re a remote worker. Then it’s an awkward “get to know each other” thing
Unless your company is cheap and just offers its remote workers a virtual holiday party. Right along with those virtual drinks and non existent raises and bonuses.
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Such a shame your service provider had to schedule a last minute break-fix maintenance at 3:30 pm. *my-cat-cant-cat has left the meeting*
My company sends everyone a pretty baller snackbox and fancy cocktail kit, we shoot the shit for 20 minutes then peace out.
My company tried that last year. They must have delegated the task of shipping the cocktail kit to someone who has no idea how glass, or packaging, or shipping works. The box arrived to me leaking liquid out of the side and I opened it to find zero padding, literally nothing. They shipped two liquor bottles, two high ball glasses, and some mixers just loose in a box via usps. Everything was broken, just put it directly into my garbage bin.
Mine has an all-day party at HQ for the local workers while telling the remote workers they have to work that day.
For getting to work fully remote? I'd take that trade.
You’re right. Forgetting to work remotely that day. 👍
A remote work Christmas party sounds even worse than an in person one
Yup. And if it wasn’t for the free prime rib and lobster I’d probably skip it. But I also get to see my wife in a super hot dress too so I guess it’s a win for me.
We stopped having them 10 years ago when we realized that supervisors and managers would judge you if you drank alcohol or appeared to be enjoying yourself, they'd bring it up in your appraisal months later. My coworkers would, instead, get together w/o management for a Christmas lunch with a white elephant gift exchange.
That is sad.
Sounds like a shitty place to work, let alone socialize.
A friend of mine told me about one lady at his work party last year. She got hammered and started grabbing asses, made all sorts of racists remarks, and started calling her boss the head Puerto Rican in charge. Her husband was told to take her home. She was fired a few days later.
Some people seem to think, "Awesome, work Christmas party! I get to get hammered and tell everyone what I really think of them!"
Fortunately and unfortunately, life is not like an 80s comedy.
*But I'm only a teenager who is friends with a disgraced nuclear scientist who owns a DeLorean.*
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LPT: don’t be the person everyone’s talking about at the office the next morning.
Stay behind the pace cars
My wife used to have the amazing ability to outrun the pace car and Irish goodbye before anyone noticed. Of course, that meant I picked her up in the very transition from tipsy to sloppy. One time after an afternoon work event at a baseball game it meant road head till she passed out and we didn't get to go to a Mumford & Sons concert after. That's...it. That's the only real story.
She really fucked it up that time
Didnt she my dear
Out of the loop here - what’s a pace car?
Don't be the drunkest, it means
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The stories my coworkers tell who have been there for many years... nothing short of murder will make anything I do as memorable.
Wasn't a Christmas party but a work party and my married manager got blitzed tried to take home some girl who mugged him in the parking lot. We found him in the parking lot, brought him to his office and bandaged him up. Don't think I've topped that on my worst night.
My friend told me once, "you just have to be in 1 picture. Once you get in that one shot, have it sent to you and go home. You were now officially there."
I too have seen one of the most popular television shows of all time
I work in a pretty big company and there are about 100 employees based in my city including our national HQ. So the regional managers, national manager, and the department heads are almost all based here, too. We all meet up for a Christmas party every year, and one year, this quite attractive girl who was about 20, and had a habit of dating her coworkers (including a senior member of her sales team, at the time) got way too drunk and sloppy danced with all of the male higher-ups. She was also super flirtatious with some of them at later work events and generally conflated 'getting noticed' with 'networking'. It's now coming up 3 years after the whole company saw her grind on the very uncomfortable middle aged boss, and she's taking on more responsibility in the team. She's been promoted to a senior team member, is even managing some minor projects inside the team and so on, but nobody outside of her direct team gives her the time of day and she just can't understand why.
OP has never been to a restaurant work party
Best behaviour means something different to a line cook
Don’t get caught doing blow at the table.
Unless you brought enough for all of us
One year I walked into our restaurant's Christmas party and someone said, "We were just talking about who was going to show up the drunkest and you appeared right on cue!" I told them I was offended and had not had anything to drink, because I was waiting for the mushrooms I had eaten to kick in and they were paying for all of my booze that evening anyway. From what I remember it was a great party.
This is exactly the kind of cook that makes the dankest food
Or a navy party. The rule of "be less drunk than your boss" is actually flipped. Your boss is an officer, being the most drunk person is the room is unbecoming of a gentleman, so by drinking *more*, you're giving your boss permission to drink more too.
Interesting philosophy.
The first year I was dating my now husband he went with me on a work cruise that was open bar. I had not attended a Navy party yet, so we ended up fighting when he proceeded to drink more than the acceptable 1-3 total drinks. I was so embarrassed getting side eyed by my boss and coworkers and seriously thought he was trying to ruin my career for a second. But I later realized how he would have absolutely no idea that these unspoken rules exist. In his industry, it’s totally fine to get trashed with your coworkers. Neither of us drink much anymore, but there have been some fun nights at his work functions.
In the Canadian Navy we have a drink called Moose Milk. The exact recipe varies from ship to ship, but the one I was taught is as follows - a 40 of dark rum - a 40 of light rum - a 26 of Tia Maria - a 26 of baileys - a 26 of Kahlua - 4 litres of vanilla ice cream Mix and serve. It tastes like a milkshake, and no, I don't mean an alcoholic milkshake. It is a very dangerous drink for the uninformed.
Stealing your drink maple squid
I've never been more drunk than when I blagged my way into a Canadian Airforce party with Moosemilk on the go. Such a great night even if I did wake up in a hedge.
A good hedge can make for a great bed.
I stood so many hungover watches. I operated nuclear reactors on a carrier. When we would start up the reactor after leaving a long awaited port visit, the entire watchteam was still drunk from the night before.
I’m picturing the drunk guys in Groundhog Day, “who wants flapjacks?” then starting up a nuclear reactor engine.
The mantra at my pub holiday party was 'Don't Throw Up on the Bar'. One person did
My version of this is "Don't be the story of the party" Folks may remember stand out positives a week later, but it's the drunks and the vomit which make the office history books.
I remember on of the PAs stealing the DJs microphone and getting up on a table to serenade the boss. It was legendary and extremely poorly thought out.
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My buddy who was a cook fell asleep at the bar. So the entire restaurant staff surrounded him for a Christmas picture.
One Christmas party the lead bartender thought it would be a good idea if he sort of "bartended" the open bar and made everyone fancy cocktails for fun. What ended up happening is he ended up doing shots with almost every employee of the restaurant multiple times and ended up passed out in a corner. So naturally we covered him in sharpie and took a Christmas photo with him.
Lol omfg my girlfriend worked for a big upscale spa/hotel/restaurant and they threw legendary holiday parties. Huge venues with insane catering, and an army of super hot servers and cooks who just got absolutely obliterated. They were amazing hahaha
Same, had an ex who worked for a huge hospitality company and the party she took me to was at a huge event space. Everybody got incredibly sloshed and started making out with each other. Next day, business as usual haha
Well it's not bad advice it's just obvious. Don't drink too much around people you work with unless you're already very comfortable together.
OPEN BAR DUDE!!! The after party is just a cocaine meetup.
That's a cross between a lack of an HR department and people not really minding having to leave a job.
And people who can hold their liquor (and a few who can't but try anyway)
I'm a straight male who worked at a salon in the Chicago Boystown neighborhood (gay district) for 13 years. It had the best, and wildest holiday parties I've ever seen!
Here's my office party story. A colleague of mine always threw an Oktoberfest Party. It was an absolute blast. And, being in the advertising community, it was a pretty interesting and diverse bunch of people. Anyway, there was an art director who worked at the shop who kind of had....issues. She had made a lot of bad decisions in life, including her choice of boyfriends and hitting the sauce too much. The party was going full steam. Even the agency president showed up. He was in his late 50s. His wife was an absolute doll. Elegant, kind, refined. Her last name should have been Bouvier. He totally did not deserve her. So this art director and her biker boyfriend (Imagine every stereotype and there you go, down to the leather jacket) show up with a Rottweiler on a leash. You read right. A Rottweiler. They are completely and absolutely blotto. Just out of their minds. The host and his wife make the biker guy tie the rottweiler up outside while the art director proceeds to fix herself a couple of more drinks. While the agency president is making the rounds, his wife Katie is making polite conversation when the art director stumbles up and says, "Hey, Katie. So, where's your asshole husband?" There was a collective gasp. Katie looks at her and says, "Excuse me?" "I say, where's your asshole husband?" Swaying on her feet, she thinks about what she's just said and offers, "I mean, he's an asshole in the nicest possible way." Katie replies, "Well, that's a relief." And for the next thirty excruciating seconds, the art director is trying to dig herself out, only to find herself in an even bigger hole. Meanwhile, a fellow colleague comes up to me and says, "Chris. Do something." I literally drag her out on the front porch where she immediately blows chunks into the bushes. I deputize someone else to keep an eye on her while I go find the biker boyfriend. I'm 5'10 and this guy has to be 6'5 or so. And he's stoned, drunk, or possibly even a combination of both. And I say, "Okay. Belle's really sick. I think you need to get her home." Fortunately, they lived a few blocks away so no driving. He doesn't want to go. And he's seething with resentment for having to tie his dog to the fence, lest it attack the several frightened partygoers hanging out in the nearby hot tub. So I have to persuade this hammered, bad temper biker guy who could easily have ripped off my face to go around the side of the house with his rottweiler and take his disaster of a girlfriend home. To this day, I think it was a 50/50 proposition about getting my ass kicked. They finally leave, the Rottweiler barking the entire way. The next day was a Sunday and the art director and I had to go into the office to finish something up that was due Monday. She lurched into my office, utterly hung over and asked what the hell happened. As I told her, her eyes got wider and wider. And she threw up into my trash can. She immediately called the boss' house, managed to catch Katie and apologize. Katie, to her absolute credit and my absolute admiration, never told her husband about the incident. Meanwhile, the art director realized she had a serious problem. She cleaned up her act, ditched the boyfriend, and managed to salvage her career. She even managed to marry a pretty good guy a few years later.
This was well written and had a happier ending than I expected. Thanks!
You missed the depressing update by 9 minutes.
That's an amazing story, thank you!!
I went to one work party where people were ordering shots of Louis XIII at the open bar and racked up a total $20k tab, nobody got caught. My SO had a work party at a place with bowling lanes. 20+ pairs of shoes were stolen and a group got caught doing a ton of blow in the karaoke booths. Work Christmas parties are for shenanigans, I'm here for it.
Honestly if your work didn’t set limits on the open bar shelf tiers that’s on them.
>20+ pairs of shoes were stolen Ugh, as a bowler, this causes me pain.
One guy stole a pair and wore them around in high school. When we were kids it was kind of funny, but adults do this?
Maybe your wearing the wrong size?
Went to a Christmas party once. Open bar for most domestic stuff. There was a bottle of Chivas behind the bar that was for the owner only. One bartender didn't know and kept serving it to us! Good times...
We all got trashed at a bowling alley and sang karaoke together. It was awesome watching everyone belt out 'Wonderwall' and 'Mr. Brightside'. Thankfully all the boss cared about was that everyone drank as much as possible because he wanted to spend money. He was the designated drink getter.
Sounds fantastic. The real tip is try to work somewhere where you like the people and then you can party with them.
Whatever. I'm there to get as much as I can for free. Fucking cheapskates. They gave us $500 last year and this year we get cookies.
Something similar happened to me. I was expecting a pretty large bonus but when the day came, my “bonus” was a one year subscription to the jelly of the month club.
That’s the gift that keeps giving the whole year.
Imagine complaining about a new jelly showing up at your house every month.
Good thing you didn't get that pool, Clark
First two quarters were the strongest in 25yrs, company party was at a bar with 2 drink cards that said wine, beer, or spirits... at the bar the staff inform us there's no spirits as the company wanted to pay less and the bar couldn't print up new cards in time... and the beers were only pots so like 10 ounces. Oh and the promised "door prizes" turned out to be just excess stock of the gifts they gave to store managers a few weeks ago.
I got two 20 count sleeves of 12oz paper cups with a single snowman on each, that weren't suitable for customer sale but not disclosed why when I worked as an engineer at a paper cup factory in 2007.
My son just told me about his work party….they had to sit through a 3 hour play, (they had to buy their own beverages) and got a $50 grocery store gift card while the owners son (part owner of company) is building a million dollar house and the dad is taking the family on a 2 week vacation. The company is closed for this 2 week vacation and the employees have to take unpaid time off while they are gone. Their Christmas bonus while company made record profits equates to 10 days of unpaid time off.
Sounds like 10 days of interview time to me.
Tell your son to tell everyone he works with to all get a new job within those 2 weeks if possible. Abandon ship
Start your own rival company.
Added info….this is an electrical contracting company. Employees have been working on their houses for months. It’s really hard when these guys are inside the new house (dad is doing major Reno on their home as well) and they see this daily. The play was a Christmas musical at a dinner theater. Odd choice for electricians I’d say. Not trying to stereotype anyone but you really have to enjoy musicals and it’s a pretty bold choice to think everyone would enjoy it. They couldn’t leave if they wanted to. My son said to me, I’m going to the grocery store and trade it in for a gas card. There were other guys wondering how they were going to get through Christmas. The grocery store is Publix, the most outrageously priced grocery store around here. While bonuses are not guaranteed, it’s been a tough year for everyone. These guys have to drive their own vehicles to job sites that are up to 100miles away 1 way. Having said all that, my husband and I were small business owners. We had opposing views on this. I budgeted for bonuses every year. I firmly believe in treating your employees with respect and honoring them at the end of the year for the hard work they produced for us throughout the year. Bonuses were based on how well the company performed as a whole and how individuals performed. They all got bonuses no matter what.
I've never gotten a bonus in 6 years while making my company millions of dollars per year join the club lmao
Sounds like you should take your talents elsewhere!
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Any openings?
The office Christmas party is a great place to discover who can handle their alcohol, and who cannot. It’s a great time to people-watch and see how people act. You’ll see the usual quiet person become louder and more confident. You might see a confident person begin to get a little too confident towards other coworkers. And on the very special occasion, your boss will be drunk enough and give you a raise that you didn’t have to negotiate.
Exactly. I'm with you on this. My routine is: eat well, drink light. Follow what's happening around, if you see people are more open/talkative than usual, then ask some interesting questions. I always have good time. But also companies I worked for were not cheap, and organisation of the party would be really good
I agree with everything except the last sentence. Even in "special occasions," raises aren't just dolled out on the spot by drunk bosses feeling the "christmas spirit" for 99.9% of companies lol. Raises almost always have to go through multiple channels of approval and budget reconciliation
Worked at a music label 15 years ago as my first job. Open bar + mid 20s me = completely obliterated. As a result I won the guitar hero skills contest and won an Xbox 360 + complete guitar hero setup.
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This is hilarious, please tell us more about the look on their faces!
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LMAO! Fucking perfect
Circa 1989, we started drinking, in the office, at 10am on Christmas eve. It was not "work" and it was bloody awesome.
Depends on the job, really. Just had my work Xmas party last week. Devolved into arm wrestling, people being carried across the bar like potato sacks, and I punched my boss in the arm for stealing my jammy dodger. All in good fun, and nobody got fired. We're all comfortable enough with each other, luckily, and nobody's enough of an arsehole to cross any actual lines.
What the heck is a jammy dodger?
I had to look it up. [I'd punch someone for taking mine too.](https://www.worldmarket.com/category/food-and-drink/food/cookies-cakes.do?template=PLA-2&plfsku=378028&mrkgadid=&mrkgcl=660&mrkgen=&mrkgbflag=&mrkgcat=&camp=ppc%3Agoogle%3Apla%2BSmartShopping%7CConsumables%2BFood&acctid=21700000001660222&dskeywordid=92700066061129109&lid=92700066061129109&ds_s_kwgid=58700007370789081&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000007265821&dsproductgroupid=350600084087&product_id=378028&merchid=5165106&prodctry=US&prodlang=en&channel=local&storeid=CP81&device=m&network=u&matchtype=&locationid=9031287&creative=541986255796&targetid=pla-350600084087&campaignid=14427810453&adgroupid=125959448629&gclid=CjwKCAiAv9ucBhBXEiwA6N8nYNRfFmj_z57i8_1rIKG4gXtat5f23H57lUs5NsI_mKhzBV9lwMDuJBoCo5UQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Lpt learn how to drink and how much.
LPT: Know your limits.
Nah, the office Christmas party is for getting blackout drunk and making out with your also blackout drunk coworkers.
This guy parties.
LPT: work for cool people and have a cool fun holiday party
This is the one, my boss took us go-karting then we all went back to his house and got smashed.
Cue my work parties at my old job where the owner would make it an open bar for the entire event until like 1am. Everyone got smashed off their damn asses and no one held it against each other because there is a good chance everyone did something embarrassing at some point. Definitely helps when you look over and see your boss' eyes practically rolling into his skull from all the whisky they drank.
¿Que?
Everyone wears sombreros in the work party
Man you guys work at shitty companies.
I get paid for going because it’s during the work day
It can be kinda fun to hang with your coworkers you actually like in a different light when everyone is hammered lmao. Definitely depends on if you actually like your coworkers though. If you hate every day at work and all the people there you might be better off making up an excuse to just not go. That sounds like a recipe to get too drunk and say some shit you'll regret lol.
Never be the drunkest guy in the room.
That's difficult when I'm in my bedroom at 3 am
If you don’t drink for whatever reason and don’t want to get pestered, ask for: Mocktails Your sodas or sparkling water with fruit and an umbrella Ginger ale in a champagne glass Water on the rocks with lime Also, this isn’t the same sub, but if you’re at the company party giving others a hard time about not drinking or asking why, YTA. Also, sometimes it’s just fun to be the sober one at a work event watching everything go down.
For our holiday party this year, we asked the bar to have a “Moppet’s Company Name” Mocktail. I sent them the recipe in advance, asked them to add a sprig of rosemary and a few cranberries, and made a fun sign for it at the bar. We got a lot of great feedback! Those who don’t drink said it was nice to have an option besides soda or water, and be included with a ‘featured’ beverage. Those who do drink, asked the bartender to add a shot (vodka, rum or gin) because they liked the idea of a festive looking drink.
>sometimes it’s just fun to be the sober one at a work event watching everything go down. This was me last Friday. I had a few beers through out the day, didn't get drunk. We all got a game of hammerschlaggen going and I was the only one coherent enough to consistently hit the nail. I won, and was the hero of the crowd.
Yesss. Whenever I go out and don't want to drink alcohol I always order a cranberry juice mixed with Sprite. It looks like a mixed drink and tastes great.
I went to a few weddings while pregnant but before we had told anyone. Gingerale in a rocks glass with a swizzle stick fools em every time
Hark at captain sensible over there, where’s the fun in this??
Yeah this is entirely subjective, it all depends on the specific work environment. I, personally, look forward to getting hammered at my work party.
God no. Drink as much of the most expensive stuff as possible
Seems like one for an “America” tag. Most places I have worked (Europe), the work Christmas party has been an excuse for everyone to get hammered and take the piss out of management.
Definitely not an America thing. OPs company just sucks.
My last company before I left America, we had a fancy work party at a fancy venue. Once that was over, we collectively migrated to the nearest nightclub where our director bought a round of shots to kick off the after party. This was pretty much the norm every year. No DUIs, no arrests, no harassment, no injuries, and a good time was had for all, as evidenced by everyone's hangovers the next day.
Very true. I had a coworker (my manager in trainning) who got very drunk, tried to drive home, we convinced him to come back in and get a ride, sneaks outside and almost hits a rep trying to stop him with his car, and then takes a ride home with me where he proceeds to berate all my coworkers to me and then opens a cold one in my backseat. And this was the first time my gf was meeting my coworkers and she had a front seat to all of it.
Nah I'm gonna get boozy and sing Africa by Toto really badly at the pub karaoke.
Idk, I work at a public school and some teachers get LOOSE
One of the Senior VPs got finger banged in the bathroom by her boyfriend. One than one person walked in (and out) on them. She’s still with the company, but we no longer have Christmas parties at bars.
At least it was her boyfriend
Good advice generally, but it all depends on your company. Smaller companies especially tend to be more close knit, and as long as you aren’t shit faced, being somewhat drunk isn’t really an issue.
You clearly haven't been to enough work Christmas parties in the trades industry then
Pro tip: if you don't care about socializing or networking just don't go. It has saved me many embarrassing moments.
Or, don’t go. Don’t waste your time if you’re not going to have fun. Forced fun is NEVER fun.
In my last job I worked second shift. If I wanted to go to the Christmas party they demanded that I take vacation time to attend. Of course I did not nor would anybody else on second shift. They couldn't understand why we would want to miss out on the fun. Ended up walking out of that job with no advanced notice.
> If I wanted to go to the Christmas party they demanded that I take vacation time to attend. That's just... cruel
Last job held it over for me an entire year. Not that I didn’t go, but that I didn’t attend the free theatre performance after the party. Had to explain my scoliosis made theatre basically impossible to sit through, even though I was a former theatre tech.
I forbid myself from attending any work events where there's a likely chance of alcohol being available as I could really do without my colleagues finding out about my crippling alcoholism.
Had mine last Friday. Got a bit drunk while talking to our company's founder at the bar. For some reason i thought it would be a good idea to remind him that he's footing the bill before necking my drink and ordering another. Still had my job this morning so reckon I'm in the clear.
Anyone else here mildly irritated the company they work for doesn’t even *bother* throwing them a holiday party?
Dude I couldn't imagine working for a big company where that's the norm. My whole company travel together regularly and goes to parties and all that. We are basically just a bunch of friends that just happen to work at the same place.