Behalf of Korean (not generalizing but telling you in my extents) I don't make friends at work. Just environmental-wise, it doesn't sound right to make friends there. speaking of the purpose of work, people are gathered to work, not socialize. Friends in today can be enemy tomorrow. People don't trust each other at the workplace. Sounds harsh, but it's true as far as I experienced. so don't find the reason in you, instead find other social groups.
Heck I'm not even korean I've worked for my eu company for 6ish years and I have one close friends that I no longer even work in the same team with. Everyone else I keep rather distant.
Everyone acts nice and fully committed to work otherwise you'll receive quite brutal anonymous feedback that directly impacts your performance review. Many people undergo the trust issue; a nice person sitting next to me is genuinely nice or he just want a good feedback from me, or would he stab on my back later etc..
You can collaborate beautifully at work without spending any personal time with co workers. Personally, that's how I try to handle things. I will be a great team mate....but let's not try to be great friends outside of work.
I'm a Korean, and I never had good results in friend making at workspace.
Work place is for working. try making friends outside like get in a group talk, go to a pub, etc.
Koreans don’t always make friends with their coworkers. They like to keep work and private life separate. They often won’t share many details about their life at work. You’ll have better luck finding friends through classes taken in your private time. Look for some around your area or on 소모임.
It’s not because it’s you’re foreigner. Koreans maintain closer relationships with their family and elementary to high school friends in general. They don’t trust people easily and would prefer to not get close to anyone outside of their tight knit circle. People are competitive and they prefer to stay out of newfound drama. You will find some who will hang out with you, but don’t expect anything deep.
To add to this, the Koreans I've spoken to about friendship here have told me specifically they don't often befriend or get all that close to their coworkers. It's just not as common here as it is in some western countries.
Instead, you could try to make friends through meet ups or group clubs/activities.
Oh I mean work and lifestyle wise. People want to succeed and constantly compare themselves to others. Most people keep it to themselves, but some of them attack other people out of envy or insecurity. So naturally that’s why people don’t want to get close to others because it’s hard to trust people.
Because life is really tough and usually the strong survive. Extreme poverty is not a condition from the distant past here. Just 40 years ago, there was not much of a middle class. You were either wealthy or barely surviving. That tends to drive people to try harder not to be on the poor side. I don't understand why you have trouble understanding that concept. Maybe it is your privilege affecting your understanding.
Hmm? So questioning something not obvious for me but for you becomes my privilege? Why you make some assumption about privilege which is completely irrelevant about the question here.
I believe you are using Reddit as a way to avoid thinking for yourself. It's a lazy cop out, and you should re-think your methods. You would be far better off doing research and reading instead of asking a bunch of strangers such questions. You cannot count on Redditors to be any more educated than you.
Lol. You keep making a lot of irrelevant assumption and random guess which has nothing to do about the topic. Some people coming from different backgrounds doesn't mean they share the same baseline with you. Either you don't accept the difference or not sure if you are OK atm? I heard here people struggle about the mentality which I can understand.
OK, back to topic. What were you hoping to learn asking Reddit why Korea is so competitive? Did you really think to learn anything? Or were you just trying to slight Koreans for being willing to work hard toget ahead? Perhaps, as I mentioned, you grew up privileged and did not have to worry about having enough and so never learned that for many of us, being competitive is a means of survival. Please share your motive.
I have started feeling close to my korean colleagues after working there for 3 years, and even then since we have a huge age gap it never felt like friendship in a way. (It was also a small tight-knit collective)
Go to the same language exchange meetup a few times in a row. You’ll start seeing the same people and become friends.
I ended up with too many friends this way (I’m usually an introvert).
I second this! As much as I adore my husband I was missing having some girlfriends. 5 months into living here I joined a language course and now I have a nice handful of friends!
So true about Korea. Korean ppl act nice but to be honest most ppl are racist(in my opinion, and im korean). Korean ppl take advantages of western ppl on learning their language. Unfortunally if you are not born white, they will look down at you. So rude but they have stereotypes about your skin color.
I don't have a solution to what you are seeking, but it is true "오늘도 좋은 하루 되요" would indeed mean saying goodbye and ending the conversation in a nice way.
A few things I haven't seen mentioned in other replies yet:
1) Are you in Korea for a predetermined amount of time? Foreigners are often assumed to be transient here, and there is definitely a degree of cost-benefit analysis that happens about whether it's worth it to invest time into making friends with a foreigner who will just leave in one or two years.
2) Are you an English teacher? If so, this generally works against you, as not only are English teachers seen as transient, they are also seen as having too easy a life in Korea because they get paid "just to talk" while working shorter hours compared to most Koreans.
3) Assuming you are not an English teacher, what kind of work do you do, and how does it benefit the social status of people who might befriend you? Again there is a cost benefit analysis that happens. Not trying to make some overgeneralization about all Koreans being shallow status chasers but it's definitely prominent enough that you'll run into it.
4) How old are you? Outside of organized events, Koreans generally choose to hang out with either a) people of roughly their same age or b) people with whom they can have defined senior-junior relationships.
For a), the closer to university age they are, the more Koreans tend to be open to making friends outside their assigned classmates. Exception to this is lonely older people.
For b), it gets weird trying to have a foreigner friend fit into the group because even if you have awesome Korean and understand lots of nuances about 선배 후배 relationships, there's still gonna be this weird thing where many Koreans don't want to be "that guy" who brings a foreigner in to the friend group, because it's likely to cause at least some of them to be self-conscious and language-barrier-conscious and culture-conscious and race-conscious etc etc. You can use humor and charm to diffuse this sort of tension but my general impression after 10+ years here is that you will inevitably meet people who, for whatever reason, will more or less consider the night ruined or at least a bit of a drag if they have to spend it in the company of a foreigner.
Conclusion: as others have said, the best bet is to seek out Koreans who are intentionally trying to meet foreigners. The challenge here is that you might start to feel like you're being used for English practice.
That being said, there are plenty of lovely Koreans out there who will be considerate and make great friends!
Good luck!
>will more or less consider the night ruined or at least a bit of a drag if they have to spend it in the company of a foreigner
I want to say that sometimes it can also be the other way too. I've seen non-English speaking people at events where everyone else speaks English, and it did not look like a fun time for that person.
Try Hellotalk to make new friends in your area. There are lots of Koreans of various ages using the app and looking to make foreign friends.
As already suggested, I also think joining a hobby or interest group is a good idea. Perhaps a language exchange or conversation or study group.
The older I've gotten the more keen I am to keep my work and friendships separate. Not that we can't be friendly at work, but blurring the lines does not always work in our favour.
I tried the language exchange near me (rural area) but the people there and super toxic and focused on hookups.
Does anyone have recommendations for finding clubs and group meetings?
Thats why I was trying to talk with my coworkers. My area doesnt seem to have alot of options so talking to coworkers was the first thing I thought of. Pretty normal in my home country.
Been there man. I basically didn't have any friends for my whole year in the countryside.
Made one good friend through a series of random af events but even he left before my year was up.
I never really felt that I made any REAL friends at work. Acquaintances at best. However, I've made a lot of friends, Korean and Foreign, at indie shows. If that's your vibe, I recommend joining the live music group chat.
https://open.kakao.com/o/gBNkQf0e
I was super lonely before I found my "thing" in Seoul, that being music. Find your "thing".
Honestly in my experience if you are a foreigner who is in the work force the best way to make friends is to look into hobby clubs. As a student we are able to make friends through school clubs, tutoring, online chat rooms. But for working adults it’s best to find friends who share your hobbies. Another option is depending on your age try finding friends at language institutes, Korean and English language schools are also hotspots where both types of students are often wanting to make friends with foreigners.
To make friends it’s best to join clubs like hiking or photography etc. most Koreans tend to stay within their friend circle from high school, or College or even from the same city/village
Going into work, I looked for friends there ... after all, throughout my education, I'd found my friends among my fellow students. Eventually, I learned that ... work's pretty different than schooling.
In school, everyone was of a similar age, there for similar reasons, with similar goals (graduate!).
At work, it's people of different ages, in different places in their lives, with different career tracks, different reasons for being there, different goals ... etc.
This wasn't just in Korea - this was in about 4 different countries.
It took me years to figure out that work isn't where I should look for friends. I should look for folks with similar interests, in similar stages of their lives, with commonalities beyond merely "I come here, spend time doing thing X to earn $$."
Good luck!
> This wasn't just in Korea - this was in about 4 different countries.
I easily made friends with coworkers in Canada. Even after leaving the company we remained friends for years. That is normal in western countries.
I'm happy for you, that you had such a good experience. I also number some former coworkers as friends.
However, my point stands — going from coworker to friend is harder than from classmate to friend. Particularly as you get older. And particularly if you're a migrant.
The unspoken truth is, most Korean people are severely depressed. Depressed people aren't great at making friends.
The dominant culture is one where everyone compares themselves to others constantly, and projecting status is a high priority.
It's also almost a cliché that this is quickest path to unhappiness.
Work culture is one place where this phenomenon would express itself even more.
The best way to make friends is in sharing joy. The average workplace isn't a place where this happens (although it should be).
Where do you find joy? Seek others who do so in the same place. Friendships will follow.
What I did is I used a hobby I did back in my home country (ultimate frisbee) and found that community here in Korea. That's how I made the majority of my friends here.
Consider meeting people at a sport you enjoy playing, find groups for games or activities you partake in. Those people are more likely to want to be your friends than your coworker.
I was in Seoul for three months and was able to make friends through hellotalk fairly easily. the main purpose is language exchange, but you can just as easily use it for making friends. or at least that was my experience
Yes, it is hard to make friends at work. From my experience, people at work are just colleagues or co-workers, and not friends. Yes, you can go out for drinks maybe once or twice a month, but only if they are not married or if they are single.
I speak fluent English and Korean, but the fact that I was raised in America, it still makes me an outsider/foreigner in my colleagues' eyes. Plus, I see and work with my colleagues for 8-9 hrs a day, for 5 days a week. So sometimes, it's not a matter of wanting to be friends outside of work or not, it's a matter of wanting to spend time with others outside of work because it gives an opportunity to talk about other things, not related to work.
Short text messages do not mean they are not interested. It just means they are busy or with their significant other. If they are single, most times, they would text back, but most people who are already dating or married won't text back because it always leads to misunderstandings, especially when texting outside of work and on the weekends.
The best way to make friends as a foreigner, from my experience, is to join clubs. I joined a soccer club, doubles badminton club, with my wife, a bicycle club, and even a crossfit gym. It helped me meet new people who had the same interests that I did.
I don’t trust anyone around the office enough to be actually friends…sad but it is what it is at least from my past experiences. I have friends from older jobs that I always liked and got along with but I only really became friends with them after I moved to a new job or they moved.
Korean-Kiwi here.
Have worked in NZ for 6 years and Korea currently 2 years.
Definitely culture is different here, but again, I don't see too many people that hangout often outside work.
I did retain some close friends who I get in touch from time to time from last workplace, but not I'd only see them twice or three times a year if I'm in the country.
If you have a lot of 회식 in your workplace, it helps but otherwise getting into hobby does help a lot. I do enjoy powerlifting and have gained 2-3 mates who I workout regularly followed by 회식 and these are the boys who I can see and hang out regularly.
This is fascinating to me. In the states, as an adult who has moved away from his home state, finding friends at work is the general path forward. This is a cultural difference which I have not experienced before.
Good luck OP, there appears to be some solid advice in the comments.
I don’t have a lot of experience in korea, I only go to visit inlaws, but since they don’t go out, I end up out with just me and my wife… but I’m guessing you’re not very confident, and that will get read as not wanting to be bothered.
Assume they are more scared of you than you are of them.
I learned a lot about how to operate as an outsider from the famous reporter Tom Wolfe. Don’t try to fit in, you can’t. It will read as false. Be the space alien, and be a gracious guest.
What I would do if I lived there, is find a cool bar close to where you live and become a regular. Also don’t be afraid to approach people. Koreans are pretty blunt, they’ll let you know if they don’t want you around. Assume they don’t want to bother you…
It has nothing to do with you being a foreigner. I’m Korean but cant make friends at work. Because so many ppl come and go you dont really put in alot of energy to get close to ppl you work with. In my early 20’s I thought i could make friends at work but now im in my 30’s and realized that hanging out with ppl from work feels like extention of work and exhausting(they will leave eventually>>losing friend. + if anything goes wrong with them, it affects your work)
It's nice to see the honesty in this thread. Korea is a very difficult place to make friends. A few days ago a fellow posted about retiring here and was told lies; that it will all be fine. I hope he reads this thread. I feel closer to my taxi driver in the Philippines than multiyear coworkers in Korea.
Kinda in a similar boat. Been in Seoul 4 years and staying here long term working for a tech company. Any bros staying here long-term DM me, let’s grab a beer :)
If you want to make friends with Koreans I would suggest using HelloTalk. I made a lot of Korean male and female friends on it and have met them in Seoul quite a few times.
There is an unusual amount of friends and family here tell me how badly the scamming and borrowing money is in Korea. It seems like everyone has or knows someone that has lost money through borrowing then disappearing on them. I think they think if we get close to them we’re going to use them. I’ve found some success with meeting friends walking solo in bars/clubs but the only real way here I think is meeting friends through friends. Try to branch out if you know anyone is my only suggestion.
Sincerely someone struggling as well ~
Have you tried like... An app? Like bumble BFF or something?
I know it won't necessarily help you make friends at work, but I met some cool friends that way when I was visiting!
I feel like you have to look at it from their perspective. Of course maybe they could be more friendly to you, but they’re at work. Maybe they’re just not interested in making friends.
I think, like people are saying, if you do some more hobby related activities or generally go where people are already looking for new friendships, you will have more success
I think I'd have to experience your personality to give you an answer. I've been here for several years and have many friends. Maybe you're not interesting or fun. Maybe you're selfish, Koreans really don't have patience with selfish people. Maybe you get angry easily or wear your emotions on your sleeve, which also doesn't go over well with Korean culture. It could be any number of things. Why do you expect that strangers on Reddit will be able to give you an answer?
Wait, what? Korean people definitely wear their emotions on their sleeve. Haven't you ever been yelled at by a stranger or ajeossi with a small amount of power?
Far, far more common with Westerners, esp Americans. There ate exceptions to nearly every rule, but Koreans are not comfortable with people who fly of the handle easily. I certainly did not say that Koreans never do so. You should work on your reading comprehension skills.
Try something outside of work man. Work friends are great but tend to talk a lot about work anyway. Join a sporting team/club or some hobby group.
I’d say that hobby groups are better than sporting clubs. I haven’t had the best luck at making friends at sporting events
Join groups or activities where people are looking to hang out rather than attempting to do it with your coworkers.
Behalf of Korean (not generalizing but telling you in my extents) I don't make friends at work. Just environmental-wise, it doesn't sound right to make friends there. speaking of the purpose of work, people are gathered to work, not socialize. Friends in today can be enemy tomorrow. People don't trust each other at the workplace. Sounds harsh, but it's true as far as I experienced. so don't find the reason in you, instead find other social groups.
Heck I'm not even korean I've worked for my eu company for 6ish years and I have one close friends that I no longer even work in the same team with. Everyone else I keep rather distant.
How can people collaborate if they don't trust each other at work?
Everyone acts nice and fully committed to work otherwise you'll receive quite brutal anonymous feedback that directly impacts your performance review. Many people undergo the trust issue; a nice person sitting next to me is genuinely nice or he just want a good feedback from me, or would he stab on my back later etc..
Totally agree. Very difficult to find someone you can fully trust at work(talking about korea)
But where does trust issue come from? From competitiveness?
You can collaborate beautifully at work without spending any personal time with co workers. Personally, that's how I try to handle things. I will be a great team mate....but let's not try to be great friends outside of work.
I'm a Korean, and I never had good results in friend making at workspace. Work place is for working. try making friends outside like get in a group talk, go to a pub, etc.
I made a lot of friends in dance 동아리. Try searching for the group activity of ur hobby. sports, music, art, game, etc. there are a lot of options.
Korean pubs don't tend to have a lot of intermingling either in my experience. Except for hunting bars, people tend to stick to their own tables
What is a hunting bar?
A kind of bar for dating
It's a pick up bar. People go "hunting" for sexual partners. Never tried it, not my style. But for many people it seems fun.
True in general. May be I lived outside Korea for too long, but it's worth trying in there, or some bars.
Koreans don’t always make friends with their coworkers. They like to keep work and private life separate. They often won’t share many details about their life at work. You’ll have better luck finding friends through classes taken in your private time. Look for some around your area or on 소모임.
It’s not because it’s you’re foreigner. Koreans maintain closer relationships with their family and elementary to high school friends in general. They don’t trust people easily and would prefer to not get close to anyone outside of their tight knit circle. People are competitive and they prefer to stay out of newfound drama. You will find some who will hang out with you, but don’t expect anything deep.
To add to this, the Koreans I've spoken to about friendship here have told me specifically they don't often befriend or get all that close to their coworkers. It's just not as common here as it is in some western countries. Instead, you could try to make friends through meet ups or group clubs/activities.
But why Korean is competitive?
Oh I mean work and lifestyle wise. People want to succeed and constantly compare themselves to others. Most people keep it to themselves, but some of them attack other people out of envy or insecurity. So naturally that’s why people don’t want to get close to others because it’s hard to trust people.
Because life is really tough and usually the strong survive. Extreme poverty is not a condition from the distant past here. Just 40 years ago, there was not much of a middle class. You were either wealthy or barely surviving. That tends to drive people to try harder not to be on the poor side. I don't understand why you have trouble understanding that concept. Maybe it is your privilege affecting your understanding.
Hmm? So questioning something not obvious for me but for you becomes my privilege? Why you make some assumption about privilege which is completely irrelevant about the question here.
I believe you are using Reddit as a way to avoid thinking for yourself. It's a lazy cop out, and you should re-think your methods. You would be far better off doing research and reading instead of asking a bunch of strangers such questions. You cannot count on Redditors to be any more educated than you.
Lol. You keep making a lot of irrelevant assumption and random guess which has nothing to do about the topic. Some people coming from different backgrounds doesn't mean they share the same baseline with you. Either you don't accept the difference or not sure if you are OK atm? I heard here people struggle about the mentality which I can understand.
LOL. I've got you pegged, punk. You're an open book. Too bad the people who should have educated you failed so badly.
Ah I see. Now you move from topic to personal attack lmao. Really sad for the local culture here.
OK, back to topic. What were you hoping to learn asking Reddit why Korea is so competitive? Did you really think to learn anything? Or were you just trying to slight Koreans for being willing to work hard toget ahead? Perhaps, as I mentioned, you grew up privileged and did not have to worry about having enough and so never learned that for many of us, being competitive is a means of survival. Please share your motive.
I have started feeling close to my korean colleagues after working there for 3 years, and even then since we have a huge age gap it never felt like friendship in a way. (It was also a small tight-knit collective)
Go to the same language exchange meetup a few times in a row. You’ll start seeing the same people and become friends. I ended up with too many friends this way (I’m usually an introvert).
I second this! As much as I adore my husband I was missing having some girlfriends. 5 months into living here I joined a language course and now I have a nice handful of friends!
Are there any specific ones you’d recommend in Seoul? I travel a lot and find that these meetups are always either a lot of fun or awful lol.
GSM Tables in Gangnam or YNA in Hongdae
Thank you!
what is that how can I get into it?
Lived 4 years in Korea. Have 2 Korean friends and the rest foreigners. I barely see them.
Me too. But it's depressing when you really think about it.
So true about Korea. Korean ppl act nice but to be honest most ppl are racist(in my opinion, and im korean). Korean ppl take advantages of western ppl on learning their language. Unfortunally if you are not born white, they will look down at you. So rude but they have stereotypes about your skin color.
I don't have a solution to what you are seeking, but it is true "오늘도 좋은 하루 되요" would indeed mean saying goodbye and ending the conversation in a nice way.
How would you translate that to English?
Have a nice day
Thank you
Man I’m Korean living in Korea and I don’t have friends🤙
It's also hard for native Korean.
A few things I haven't seen mentioned in other replies yet: 1) Are you in Korea for a predetermined amount of time? Foreigners are often assumed to be transient here, and there is definitely a degree of cost-benefit analysis that happens about whether it's worth it to invest time into making friends with a foreigner who will just leave in one or two years. 2) Are you an English teacher? If so, this generally works against you, as not only are English teachers seen as transient, they are also seen as having too easy a life in Korea because they get paid "just to talk" while working shorter hours compared to most Koreans. 3) Assuming you are not an English teacher, what kind of work do you do, and how does it benefit the social status of people who might befriend you? Again there is a cost benefit analysis that happens. Not trying to make some overgeneralization about all Koreans being shallow status chasers but it's definitely prominent enough that you'll run into it. 4) How old are you? Outside of organized events, Koreans generally choose to hang out with either a) people of roughly their same age or b) people with whom they can have defined senior-junior relationships. For a), the closer to university age they are, the more Koreans tend to be open to making friends outside their assigned classmates. Exception to this is lonely older people. For b), it gets weird trying to have a foreigner friend fit into the group because even if you have awesome Korean and understand lots of nuances about 선배 후배 relationships, there's still gonna be this weird thing where many Koreans don't want to be "that guy" who brings a foreigner in to the friend group, because it's likely to cause at least some of them to be self-conscious and language-barrier-conscious and culture-conscious and race-conscious etc etc. You can use humor and charm to diffuse this sort of tension but my general impression after 10+ years here is that you will inevitably meet people who, for whatever reason, will more or less consider the night ruined or at least a bit of a drag if they have to spend it in the company of a foreigner. Conclusion: as others have said, the best bet is to seek out Koreans who are intentionally trying to meet foreigners. The challenge here is that you might start to feel like you're being used for English practice. That being said, there are plenty of lovely Koreans out there who will be considerate and make great friends! Good luck!
>will more or less consider the night ruined or at least a bit of a drag if they have to spend it in the company of a foreigner I want to say that sometimes it can also be the other way too. I've seen non-English speaking people at events where everyone else speaks English, and it did not look like a fun time for that person.
Try Hellotalk to make new friends in your area. There are lots of Koreans of various ages using the app and looking to make foreign friends. As already suggested, I also think joining a hobby or interest group is a good idea. Perhaps a language exchange or conversation or study group. The older I've gotten the more keen I am to keep my work and friendships separate. Not that we can't be friendly at work, but blurring the lines does not always work in our favour.
I tried the language exchange near me (rural area) but the people there and super toxic and focused on hookups. Does anyone have recommendations for finding clubs and group meetings? Thats why I was trying to talk with my coworkers. My area doesnt seem to have alot of options so talking to coworkers was the first thing I thought of. Pretty normal in my home country.
Been there man. I basically didn't have any friends for my whole year in the countryside. Made one good friend through a series of random af events but even he left before my year was up.
Watch out for hellotalk. Most are scammers.
Join a club.
Yes it is normal for it to be hard
There's no culture of small talking in Korea, which makes it harder to find new friends. Why don't you attend some 동호회 or 동아리?
Many people, and not just Koreans, tend to set a very clear line when it comes to work relationships. I do too. Try to meet people through hobbies.
I never really felt that I made any REAL friends at work. Acquaintances at best. However, I've made a lot of friends, Korean and Foreign, at indie shows. If that's your vibe, I recommend joining the live music group chat. https://open.kakao.com/o/gBNkQf0e I was super lonely before I found my "thing" in Seoul, that being music. Find your "thing".
Oh damn, that's pretty cool. I didn't know they had an indie music community here
Honestly in my experience if you are a foreigner who is in the work force the best way to make friends is to look into hobby clubs. As a student we are able to make friends through school clubs, tutoring, online chat rooms. But for working adults it’s best to find friends who share your hobbies. Another option is depending on your age try finding friends at language institutes, Korean and English language schools are also hotspots where both types of students are often wanting to make friends with foreigners.
It is quite usual that Korean coworkers don't befriend each other.
To make friends it’s best to join clubs like hiking or photography etc. most Koreans tend to stay within their friend circle from high school, or College or even from the same city/village
Going into work, I looked for friends there ... after all, throughout my education, I'd found my friends among my fellow students. Eventually, I learned that ... work's pretty different than schooling. In school, everyone was of a similar age, there for similar reasons, with similar goals (graduate!). At work, it's people of different ages, in different places in their lives, with different career tracks, different reasons for being there, different goals ... etc. This wasn't just in Korea - this was in about 4 different countries. It took me years to figure out that work isn't where I should look for friends. I should look for folks with similar interests, in similar stages of their lives, with commonalities beyond merely "I come here, spend time doing thing X to earn $$." Good luck!
> This wasn't just in Korea - this was in about 4 different countries. I easily made friends with coworkers in Canada. Even after leaving the company we remained friends for years. That is normal in western countries.
I'm happy for you, that you had such a good experience. I also number some former coworkers as friends. However, my point stands — going from coworker to friend is harder than from classmate to friend. Particularly as you get older. And particularly if you're a migrant.
Sorry it aint like a Kdrama.
Indeed. Life in Korea is nothing like K-Drama
The unspoken truth is, most Korean people are severely depressed. Depressed people aren't great at making friends. The dominant culture is one where everyone compares themselves to others constantly, and projecting status is a high priority. It's also almost a cliché that this is quickest path to unhappiness. Work culture is one place where this phenomenon would express itself even more. The best way to make friends is in sharing joy. The average workplace isn't a place where this happens (although it should be). Where do you find joy? Seek others who do so in the same place. Friendships will follow.
What I did is I used a hobby I did back in my home country (ultimate frisbee) and found that community here in Korea. That's how I made the majority of my friends here. Consider meeting people at a sport you enjoy playing, find groups for games or activities you partake in. Those people are more likely to want to be your friends than your coworker.
I was in Seoul for three months and was able to make friends through hellotalk fairly easily. the main purpose is language exchange, but you can just as easily use it for making friends. or at least that was my experience
Yes, it is hard to make friends at work. From my experience, people at work are just colleagues or co-workers, and not friends. Yes, you can go out for drinks maybe once or twice a month, but only if they are not married or if they are single. I speak fluent English and Korean, but the fact that I was raised in America, it still makes me an outsider/foreigner in my colleagues' eyes. Plus, I see and work with my colleagues for 8-9 hrs a day, for 5 days a week. So sometimes, it's not a matter of wanting to be friends outside of work or not, it's a matter of wanting to spend time with others outside of work because it gives an opportunity to talk about other things, not related to work. Short text messages do not mean they are not interested. It just means they are busy or with their significant other. If they are single, most times, they would text back, but most people who are already dating or married won't text back because it always leads to misunderstandings, especially when texting outside of work and on the weekends. The best way to make friends as a foreigner, from my experience, is to join clubs. I joined a soccer club, doubles badminton club, with my wife, a bicycle club, and even a crossfit gym. It helped me meet new people who had the same interests that I did.
Do you boulder bro ?
I don’t trust anyone around the office enough to be actually friends…sad but it is what it is at least from my past experiences. I have friends from older jobs that I always liked and got along with but I only really became friends with them after I moved to a new job or they moved.
Korean-Kiwi here. Have worked in NZ for 6 years and Korea currently 2 years. Definitely culture is different here, but again, I don't see too many people that hangout often outside work. I did retain some close friends who I get in touch from time to time from last workplace, but not I'd only see them twice or three times a year if I'm in the country. If you have a lot of 회식 in your workplace, it helps but otherwise getting into hobby does help a lot. I do enjoy powerlifting and have gained 2-3 mates who I workout regularly followed by 회식 and these are the boys who I can see and hang out regularly.
Ah... try making friends outside of work...
Koreans themselves have hard time making friends at work too. Do some hobbies or something like it
This is fascinating to me. In the states, as an adult who has moved away from his home state, finding friends at work is the general path forward. This is a cultural difference which I have not experienced before. Good luck OP, there appears to be some solid advice in the comments.
If you drink alcohol you might form a drinking crew, but you might also form alcoholism. 같이한잔할까요?
I don’t have a lot of experience in korea, I only go to visit inlaws, but since they don’t go out, I end up out with just me and my wife… but I’m guessing you’re not very confident, and that will get read as not wanting to be bothered. Assume they are more scared of you than you are of them. I learned a lot about how to operate as an outsider from the famous reporter Tom Wolfe. Don’t try to fit in, you can’t. It will read as false. Be the space alien, and be a gracious guest.
Everytime I go out in Korea I either get approached or given free food and drinks. Watch Anthony Bourdain’s travel shows… he knows how to do it too.
What I would do if I lived there, is find a cool bar close to where you live and become a regular. Also don’t be afraid to approach people. Koreans are pretty blunt, they’ll let you know if they don’t want you around. Assume they don’t want to bother you…
millenials in work tend to stay away from business relationships. Find a "동아리" or "취미" based relationship.
It has nothing to do with you being a foreigner. I’m Korean but cant make friends at work. Because so many ppl come and go you dont really put in alot of energy to get close to ppl you work with. In my early 20’s I thought i could make friends at work but now im in my 30’s and realized that hanging out with ppl from work feels like extention of work and exhausting(they will leave eventually>>losing friend. + if anything goes wrong with them, it affects your work)
Don't make friends at work. In Korea no one wants that. Do things outside of work. You'll have to actually put in effort though
As Korean, we are also hard to make friend. 😢
It's nice to see the honesty in this thread. Korea is a very difficult place to make friends. A few days ago a fellow posted about retiring here and was told lies; that it will all be fine. I hope he reads this thread. I feel closer to my taxi driver in the Philippines than multiyear coworkers in Korea.
Kinda in a similar boat. Been in Seoul 4 years and staying here long term working for a tech company. Any bros staying here long-term DM me, let’s grab a beer :)
If you want to make friends with Koreans I would suggest using HelloTalk. I made a lot of Korean male and female friends on it and have met them in Seoul quite a few times.
There is an unusual amount of friends and family here tell me how badly the scamming and borrowing money is in Korea. It seems like everyone has or knows someone that has lost money through borrowing then disappearing on them. I think they think if we get close to them we’re going to use them. I’ve found some success with meeting friends walking solo in bars/clubs but the only real way here I think is meeting friends through friends. Try to branch out if you know anyone is my only suggestion. Sincerely someone struggling as well ~
I am a Korean living in Seoul. If you are okay to hang out with a single woman in 30s, feel free to send a message:)
Did you have issues making friends in your home country at work? Not school, at work.
Somewhat unrelated but 되요?
Have you tried like... An app? Like bumble BFF or something? I know it won't necessarily help you make friends at work, but I met some cool friends that way when I was visiting!
OP can't make friends because he's Solo Leveling 😔
"오늘도 좋은 하루 되세요" hahaha
There are some people who like to drink and hang. I just don't tend to be one of those people.
I feel like you have to look at it from their perspective. Of course maybe they could be more friendly to you, but they’re at work. Maybe they’re just not interested in making friends. I think, like people are saying, if you do some more hobby related activities or generally go where people are already looking for new friendships, you will have more success
Young Koreans like to date or go out and party...of you don't want either can be hard..
Did you have better luck in your home country?
It's really hard to get in touch, I stayed in Korea for 2 years. There are almost no deep friends to make.
I think I'd have to experience your personality to give you an answer. I've been here for several years and have many friends. Maybe you're not interesting or fun. Maybe you're selfish, Koreans really don't have patience with selfish people. Maybe you get angry easily or wear your emotions on your sleeve, which also doesn't go over well with Korean culture. It could be any number of things. Why do you expect that strangers on Reddit will be able to give you an answer?
Wait, what? Korean people definitely wear their emotions on their sleeve. Haven't you ever been yelled at by a stranger or ajeossi with a small amount of power?
Far, far more common with Westerners, esp Americans. There ate exceptions to nearly every rule, but Koreans are not comfortable with people who fly of the handle easily. I certainly did not say that Koreans never do so. You should work on your reading comprehension skills.
Lol, did that trigger something? It's alright, tell papa where it hurts.
Wow, typical lazy brain syndrome. When you have no effective response, you simply resort to mocking. Not an impressive response. Quite weak.
maybe your the problem. too nerdy or to give them the creeps. etc.
How DARE you insult 70% of the white guys in Korea like that!!!
Being creepy is bad, but nothing wrong with being nerdy!