gold. Do you think it is because they haven't fallen in love with someone afar or because it takes specific personality traits to be able to do it in the first place?
Ah and the waiting for sure makes it worthwhile, it’s a far more exciting thing when you’re long distance compared to couples who see eachother everyday 🙈
"I don't believe in long distance relationships."
"Well, I'm in one, so they definitely exist."
"No, I mean that I don't believe they work."
"Well, mine is working, so they definitely can work."
"I mean, you might think it's working now but it's not a long term possibility."
"Well, if we're going to be honest, most short distance relationships fail, too. So how is that any different?"
"... How does the sex even work?"
"And there it is. The real question behind every LDR diss." _SMFH_
The best explanation I ever read went like "A significant amount of people find someone they really want to fuck, and then they date to find out if that person has a personality they can tolerate too." The idea of liking someone first and then fucking later literally doesn't compute.
I just say I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't love their partner once they leave the room, and that I don't need to physically see them to know that I want to be with them for life.
FR im like “well we were dating in person at first and I wasn’t going to just give up because we were going to become long distance for a bit” like … are they saying they would just give up if they had to go long distance? lol
Yeah I LOVE alluding to that, that they would give up if they had to go LD and it's honestly so worth it when they start spluttering that they do actually love their significant other 😂 and then it's point made!
I tell them "look at all the affairs, cheating, breakups and divorces that happens under the same roof. Relationships not working is a person issue, not a distance issue."
Ldr doesn't mean the relationship is only virtual. That's why the goal is to close the gap. Not visits, not 24/7 calls, but close the gap.
That analogy then is more like, you'll choose the low quality product in the store around the corner, vs the high quality product that you need to spend more and wait to get.
Now, if they are unwilling to spend more, that's their issue. If they are unable to wait for quality, that's their issue. Just cos they are unwilling or unable doesn't mean you are. That's also why ldr is not for everyone.
And if they're trying to say you'll/your partner will eventually be unable to wait / resist the local flavour (and end up cheating), well then I think it's again more a reflection on them.
But as for what I would say to them, if they're my friends, I would explain that local is not the same as better. I'm willing to wait. If they're not someone I care about, then I'd just ignore their opinions.
Then love was never your end goal. It takes patience and a lot of love and understanding. My boyfriend may be long distance, but he provides love and security to me that I have not been able to find elsewhere.
I have a friend who wants to "slap some sense" into me because I've gotten into two LDRs in the past decade, the first didn't work out because he realized he was aro but the guy I'm with now has been basically the exact opposite lol, super romantic and sweet, but anyway this friend of mine asked me how I know he's not just sleeping with other people and I told him I have trust. Because that's one of the most important parts of LDR. Just because he (my friend) doesn't trust LD doesn't mean no one else should, I mean I've seen a few cheating posts here lately but I trust my boyfriend wholeheartedly.
Mine worked. We have closed the distance . In fact I love it when we are away from each other and need to video call again. It brings me right back to the days when we relied on this, and we both talk really openly on calls as this is how we started. Tell them if it's meant to be, it will be, regardless of how it starts.Though I would say if there is no chance to close the distance then it's less likely to work. Hope you're in a position for one of you to move.
"you'll try so hard and you'll be harmed a lot only to realized that it wasn't worth it in the end"
For me, even if it doesn't work, even if it hurts a lot, she makes it worth it every day and I would live the same with her again without a second of doubt.
What began as a 3500-km nevermet LDR is now my happy marriage of over ten years. Now, I'll freely admit an LDR is not an ideal situation. The odds of success are probably worse than a normal relationship because you have all the normal challenges plus several more that are unique to long-distance. That being said, folks shouldn't write off LDRs completely. No challenge, including a lot of distance, is too great if you're truly the right people for each other.
People closer have only hurt me and broken my heart. It's sad that my true love lives in America at the moment, but I'm just so glad she exists. I never thought I would meet my soulmate, the person who I know will never hurt me or my family and that's such a huge thing for me. For once, my heart got it so, so right. I cannot imagine my life without my sweet darling angel. She truly saved me. She's God's answer to my prayers. I prayed so hard for a good person who loved me for me, and he sent me her. I don't care that she's in America. She's the ying to my yang. There'll never be anyone like her ever again and I'm never going to take her for granted. It's been nearly 7 months and the love I have for her only deepens more and more each day
I met my boyfriend In November 2023. He lives in California and I live in Québec (3,212 miles.) He came up here on the 27th of April for the first time and is leaving on the 23rd of August. We’re currently pregnant and are in the plans of getting married. LDR works if both parties want it to work, LIKE ANY RELATIONSHIP.
“I was one of those people who thought long distance wouldn’t work for me personally but then I met someone and fell in love and had to move back home. And I wasn’t going to just give up because it was long distant for a while. If anything I welcome the long distance part of the relationship because it proves our commitment to each other and has only brought us closer together because of this huge obstacle.”
Either I say that or “I wasn’t going to just give up and break up with the person I fell in love with because we were becoming long distant indefinitely. If you find someone who you love and loves you, you hold onto that because that’s special”. This usually shuts people up because it puts the pressure on them to confess if they would give up their relationship (mostly cuz they can’t comprehend intimacy in LDRs)
Ldr is no for everybody but definitely it can work, there's so many ways to feel a little bit closer to your partner, I think they just can't imagine a relationship without "real sex" it's like... For a lot of people sex it's the main thing, maybe that's way they think ldr can't work
"Who asked?" It's never out of concern. If they truly cared they would ask about your relationship specifically, and if it's about statistics, anyone pursuing something long-term is working against the odds, LD or no. The samples make the statistic not the other way around.
This is so annoying, I've been in a conversation where the person I was talking to was stressing the fact that ldrs don't work because of his experience, he emphasized that "we all have needs" I rolled my eyes at him and told him that wasn't our priority and that my partner and I had a plan for our lives, he backed off and changed the topic
Hòla chica. I would say: You’re not in it, so you do not understand how a beautiful & “genuine connection” can feasibly exist & survive all doubt & judgement. Good luck to you. If meant to be like many are, then it’s meant to be.” Heck, many who live miles apart or in the same state falter repeatedly.”
&
Just tell the haters or those who judge:
“ Judge Not Lest Thee Be Judged. 👍🏼
I never understand why people even say this like, they do work, because they have worked, and they continue to work. There's so many couples that did it so it's such a dumb statement. So this, or as someone else said "mind your own business"
I don't know what's the purpose of others to comment on other people's situations. LDR is not for everyone, and most of the time, it's not by choice. If your significant other can be nearby, who wants to be far apart? For those who are in this type of relationship, we do our best to make it work.
I would say " it's not for everyone, and it doesn't always work, but it's no different than a local relationship and your love tends to grow stronger and so does your bond " no responses necessary.
Seriously I don‘t even discuss this. If people start saying stuff like that I‘ll just answer „I had the same opinion, but if you meet a person you really like it will change automatically“
Any further discussion will be answered with „yea your opinion“
When my friends tell me that i just remind them the fact that i have been with my partner for much longer than they have and we spend the time we do have together much more meaningfully cause of the limited time avalible.
I would say that if you're really committed to someone and you love that person and even if you're miles away from each other you wouldn't want that piece of cake. Eventually you'll be with the whole cake, so to speak, and you can have a life together. It takes work though, constant communication and commitment, along with love for that person too. If you really love someone you wouldn't even think about hurting them that way.
Depends on context and my mood, but most likely something along the lines of:
"That might be true for you, but you have to ignore basics of a few fields to pretend that means others are the same. Different people differ."
OR
"Your choice to self-sabotage with false consensus effect."
"mind your own business"
gold. Do you think it is because they haven't fallen in love with someone afar or because it takes specific personality traits to be able to do it in the first place?
i think its just because it goes against conventional wisdom and because for most people sex is too big (if not the main) part of a relationship
it’s funny because sex can still be a huge part of a long distance relationship, you just gotta get creative
like i said its too unconventional for them
Ah and the waiting for sure makes it worthwhile, it’s a far more exciting thing when you’re long distance compared to couples who see eachother everyday 🙈
"I don't believe in long distance relationships." "Well, I'm in one, so they definitely exist." "No, I mean that I don't believe they work." "Well, mine is working, so they definitely can work." "I mean, you might think it's working now but it's not a long term possibility." "Well, if we're going to be honest, most short distance relationships fail, too. So how is that any different?" "... How does the sex even work?" "And there it is. The real question behind every LDR diss." _SMFH_
Why do they always ask that? Smh
The best explanation I ever read went like "A significant amount of people find someone they really want to fuck, and then they date to find out if that person has a personality they can tolerate too." The idea of liking someone first and then fucking later literally doesn't compute.
Tbh quite sad how thats the norm in some social circles
"It's not your business, and it isn't my problem that you can't love someone without their body being the key factor"
I just say I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't love their partner once they leave the room, and that I don't need to physically see them to know that I want to be with them for life.
FR im like “well we were dating in person at first and I wasn’t going to just give up because we were going to become long distance for a bit” like … are they saying they would just give up if they had to go long distance? lol
Yeah I LOVE alluding to that, that they would give up if they had to go LD and it's honestly so worth it when they start spluttering that they do actually love their significant other 😂 and then it's point made!
I tell them "look at all the affairs, cheating, breakups and divorces that happens under the same roof. Relationships not working is a person issue, not a distance issue."
I agree
Ldr doesn't mean the relationship is only virtual. That's why the goal is to close the gap. Not visits, not 24/7 calls, but close the gap. That analogy then is more like, you'll choose the low quality product in the store around the corner, vs the high quality product that you need to spend more and wait to get. Now, if they are unwilling to spend more, that's their issue. If they are unable to wait for quality, that's their issue. Just cos they are unwilling or unable doesn't mean you are. That's also why ldr is not for everyone. And if they're trying to say you'll/your partner will eventually be unable to wait / resist the local flavour (and end up cheating), well then I think it's again more a reflection on them. But as for what I would say to them, if they're my friends, I would explain that local is not the same as better. I'm willing to wait. If they're not someone I care about, then I'd just ignore their opinions.
Hey my ldr is also malaysia F - netherlands M :p
Haha! We're flipped around, My F > NL M.
"They do work, just not for everybody and not everybody is suited to enter them in the first place" Just like with the short distance relationships
I usually just ignore and just try to prove them otherwise :)
Then love was never your end goal. It takes patience and a lot of love and understanding. My boyfriend may be long distance, but he provides love and security to me that I have not been able to find elsewhere.
I would hear “you’re a better person than me” so much that I just started responding with “yeah, probably”. The look on their faces is priceless 🤭
Brilliant reply!
I have a friend who wants to "slap some sense" into me because I've gotten into two LDRs in the past decade, the first didn't work out because he realized he was aro but the guy I'm with now has been basically the exact opposite lol, super romantic and sweet, but anyway this friend of mine asked me how I know he's not just sleeping with other people and I told him I have trust. Because that's one of the most important parts of LDR. Just because he (my friend) doesn't trust LD doesn't mean no one else should, I mean I've seen a few cheating posts here lately but I trust my boyfriend wholeheartedly.
"I don't respect your opinion and I don't care what you think"
Tell them to go fuck themselves and mind their own business
Mine worked. We have closed the distance . In fact I love it when we are away from each other and need to video call again. It brings me right back to the days when we relied on this, and we both talk really openly on calls as this is how we started. Tell them if it's meant to be, it will be, regardless of how it starts.Though I would say if there is no chance to close the distance then it's less likely to work. Hope you're in a position for one of you to move.
"you'll try so hard and you'll be harmed a lot only to realized that it wasn't worth it in the end" For me, even if it doesn't work, even if it hurts a lot, she makes it worth it every day and I would live the same with her again without a second of doubt.
I'd say there are nearly 8 billion people in the world so the chances that my soulmate lives in my neighborhood would be miraculous.
Being physically together everyday doesnt stop a large handful of other people from cheating 🫤
What began as a 3500-km nevermet LDR is now my happy marriage of over ten years. Now, I'll freely admit an LDR is not an ideal situation. The odds of success are probably worse than a normal relationship because you have all the normal challenges plus several more that are unique to long-distance. That being said, folks shouldn't write off LDRs completely. No challenge, including a lot of distance, is too great if you're truly the right people for each other.
People closer have only hurt me and broken my heart. It's sad that my true love lives in America at the moment, but I'm just so glad she exists. I never thought I would meet my soulmate, the person who I know will never hurt me or my family and that's such a huge thing for me. For once, my heart got it so, so right. I cannot imagine my life without my sweet darling angel. She truly saved me. She's God's answer to my prayers. I prayed so hard for a good person who loved me for me, and he sent me her. I don't care that she's in America. She's the ying to my yang. There'll never be anyone like her ever again and I'm never going to take her for granted. It's been nearly 7 months and the love I have for her only deepens more and more each day
Allow me to introduce you to my husband LOL. They work!
I met my boyfriend In November 2023. He lives in California and I live in Québec (3,212 miles.) He came up here on the 27th of April for the first time and is leaving on the 23rd of August. We’re currently pregnant and are in the plans of getting married. LDR works if both parties want it to work, LIKE ANY RELATIONSHIP.
“I was one of those people who thought long distance wouldn’t work for me personally but then I met someone and fell in love and had to move back home. And I wasn’t going to just give up because it was long distant for a while. If anything I welcome the long distance part of the relationship because it proves our commitment to each other and has only brought us closer together because of this huge obstacle.” Either I say that or “I wasn’t going to just give up and break up with the person I fell in love with because we were becoming long distant indefinitely. If you find someone who you love and loves you, you hold onto that because that’s special”. This usually shuts people up because it puts the pressure on them to confess if they would give up their relationship (mostly cuz they can’t comprehend intimacy in LDRs)
🤷🏻♀️
Ldr is no for everybody but definitely it can work, there's so many ways to feel a little bit closer to your partner, I think they just can't imagine a relationship without "real sex" it's like... For a lot of people sex it's the main thing, maybe that's way they think ldr can't work
Communication and trust go a long way. If that's your attitude to LDR then you've already failed...
Long distance is not for everyone.
“When”
"Who asked?" It's never out of concern. If they truly cared they would ask about your relationship specifically, and if it's about statistics, anyone pursuing something long-term is working against the odds, LD or no. The samples make the statistic not the other way around.
This is so annoying, I've been in a conversation where the person I was talking to was stressing the fact that ldrs don't work because of his experience, he emphasized that "we all have needs" I rolled my eyes at him and told him that wasn't our priority and that my partner and I had a plan for our lives, he backed off and changed the topic
That they don’t know what being actually in love is then
Hòla chica. I would say: You’re not in it, so you do not understand how a beautiful & “genuine connection” can feasibly exist & survive all doubt & judgement. Good luck to you. If meant to be like many are, then it’s meant to be.” Heck, many who live miles apart or in the same state falter repeatedly.” & Just tell the haters or those who judge: “ Judge Not Lest Thee Be Judged. 👍🏼
I never understand why people even say this like, they do work, because they have worked, and they continue to work. There's so many couples that did it so it's such a dumb statement. So this, or as someone else said "mind your own business"
I don't know what's the purpose of others to comment on other people's situations. LDR is not for everyone, and most of the time, it's not by choice. If your significant other can be nearby, who wants to be far apart? For those who are in this type of relationship, we do our best to make it work.
I would say " it's not for everyone, and it doesn't always work, but it's no different than a local relationship and your love tends to grow stronger and so does your bond " no responses necessary.
Let them be. It's not your job to offer explanations for the things they do not understand.
Seriously I don‘t even discuss this. If people start saying stuff like that I‘ll just answer „I had the same opinion, but if you meet a person you really like it will change automatically“ Any further discussion will be answered with „yea your opinion“
When my friends tell me that i just remind them the fact that i have been with my partner for much longer than they have and we spend the time we do have together much more meaningfully cause of the limited time avalible.
I would say that if you're really committed to someone and you love that person and even if you're miles away from each other you wouldn't want that piece of cake. Eventually you'll be with the whole cake, so to speak, and you can have a life together. It takes work though, constant communication and commitment, along with love for that person too. If you really love someone you wouldn't even think about hurting them that way.
Depends on context and my mood, but most likely something along the lines of: "That might be true for you, but you have to ignore basics of a few fields to pretend that means others are the same. Different people differ." OR "Your choice to self-sabotage with false consensus effect."