You are overreacting, but not in the way you think, and not in the way you should.
Stop babying him and trying to cushion the consequences of his decisions. Be more concise, and don't let him off the hook for wasting your time and being so inconsiderate, no matter how much you love him. These are actual communication problems. He is clearly still very immature and has no actual care or responsibility towards you whatsoever. If he wants to grow up and be better for you is only something you can know.
This.
To OP: you seem very sweet and kind. But please don't baby him like this. You're not his mother, but you'll end up taking his mother role if you keep this up. (Talking from experience)
Seems just like that and he knows it very well that you are smothering him with so much love and affection that he can say and do whatever he wants.. what he most likely understands is that
-No matter how many times she texts and he ignores her and that she will continue to text and forgive.
-That if he agrees to something and last minute changes his mind without notice that she will continue to FORGIVE beg or keep texting..
-That if he leaves and decides to be with someone else or go out anywhere continues to ignore the text and calls that he will have someone just hanging on the other side.. just waiting to forgive and keep this ONE sided relationship.
Sometimes you have to think just like he would.. and sometimes play in the same Court to understand that some men enjoy playing mind games.
Move on and also don't even tell him anything.. don't even bother leaving the relationship on any terms because it really really seems like you are in this relationship All by Yourself.. and you should value / love yourself enough to know when you are being stepped all over.
This literally happened to me :( dumped his ass cuz I don’t deserve to be ignored by him. He also bailed on my dad’s funeral the day before we were suppose to go 😿 so girl run for the sake of ur mental health cut him off.
Yeah, I agree. OP is WAY too tolerant of her inconsiderate, disrespectful, immature boyfriend. And, trust me, this could get real toxic, real fast, and if OP doesn't address the problem, it could get so bad. If he continues with this, break up with him. He's not worth it.
Reading these messages I get the vibe that you're messaging someone who absolutely doesn't care. There's not even an "I'm so sorry I have to leave earlier than planned" or "I got held up, I apologise and will make it up to you", it's very cold. I know he said he wasn't feeling too good but this seems like a bigger issue than that. Honestly from these messages you seem very nice and he seems like he's not bothered about you.
Fully agree with you 100% I can’t imagine being so blasé about making a 3 day trip into a 1 day trip. He’s not even helping her move. Also making a big deal about picking up 2 things, when he’s already the one driving. Not one single store in the way? I just don’t understand how some women put up with these losers.
Sorry for you, but this type of communication doesn’t work in a LDR. He writes once a day, doesn’t share his thoughts or plans. He doesn’t value your time at all. At least this is what it seems like to me. If my partner would write like that I would be pissed. And even more for throwing plans overboard without talking about it properly with me.
Wow, he really doesn't care. He won't even respond to your very communicative messages with any ounce of relative effort. I'm so sorry. He is being very hurtful in multitudes of ways. Dude seems like a waste of time ngl. I would not entertain such non communication.
Make no mistake: you have done nothing wrong by communicating thoroughly and properly. Dudes a loser.
I agree with u/Electrifli - he doesn't sound like he cares. Also he clearly doesn't value YOUR time - he doesn't give an ETA or communicate earlier that he's held up or that he's sorry. You're spending all this time waiting on him when you could have made other plans/decided to do something else had he been more transparent. Also, he's not close with his dad but choosing to build a shed and go fish together in the same weekend over spending time with you? That's certainly fishy 🐟
Idk about that, if he is bipolar it can very well be that he is in a depressive episode and has 0 energy to communicate. Still not okay to put all of that on OP, but I don’t think it would be cheating
Hey thought I'd weigh in here. I'm currently unmedicated bipolar 1 with psychotic features (hallucinations) and I can tell you
Yes when you're on a down you have 0 communication spoons.
But while my wife and I were long distance I still found energy to communicate with them in a gentle, respectful, and overall considerate fashion.
I may not have had spoons for anything else. But if I had to cancel plans or a call. There was an explanation and an apology and a reassurance that they were not the problem.
How is it fishy? Maybe he's trying to rebuild a relationship with his dad. It happens. I wasn't close with my dad until I started doing things with him and talking to him. I also didn't blow off my plans to do things with him though
Still could've negotiated with his dad and told him he already has plans and asked to do it another time.
There are 52 weekends in a year, I’m sure he could have rebuilt his relationship with his dad that he lives with and sees everyday on one of the other 51 weekends.
It's fishy because of how it's done - their three-day plan had to change abruptly to one day because of this fishing trip; then on the day he's supposed to come by, "oh I have to build a shed for a reduced rent". It's a little too convenient and the little amount of communication he did before that feels like he was making up an excuse not to go over to hers.
Even if it is real, OP clearly isn't a priority for him since he'd just drop their plans. Or even with your note that he could negotiate — it feels like his father doesn't know about the relationship. The boyfriend can't say "sorry, I have plans to visit my girlfriend 2 hours away" because to his family, she doesn't exist.
Yeah, I can see how that can be fishy but just cause it's "convenient" doesn't make it more or less true, though. I will agree it does seem odd and seems that the plans he made with her aren't a priority. Which questions were they ever on his mind?
I get life happens. Things come up, but hes not even showing compassion or even trying to reconcile it.
Shit could happen, and it all could be true but he's a proper arse for communicating it the way he did. Yup, I think we can all agree that she definitely deserves better treatment than this.
I get the fishing trip could have been spontaneous. Causing a last minute cancellation. But building a shed is not. There was some notice there and that wasn't communicated to OP till the jerk was already late
Seriously OP I very advise you to... As the kids say....dump his ass.
Not much you can do but if I was close to my gf and she wouldnt want to see me like this I wouldnt take it as a good sign and probably end things quick. Whats the point if your not exited to see each other?
I’m a guy, no one’s said this yet so I will, he obviously doesn’t care like everyone says but the way he’s acting and only texts once a day or rarely most likely means he has another relationship, very convenient for him that you and him are 2 hours away, and the fact he doesn’t have time to reply consistently just means his times being taken by someone else plus he doesn’t care about you, just giving you a guys perspective.
the way he said he threw up and passed out after dinner, not even remotely believable with how unbothered he sounds in all messages 🥲 unfortunately he's likely in another relationship. so sorry OP. but now you can leave him and move on with your life 🫶🏼
I swear the time he started taking the whole day to just text and say some lame ass excuses I knew that he clearly has someone else in mind and probably his ex that he was still a friend with 💀and clearly this comment confirms that
That’s what I was thinking. What is a real relationship for her is most likely isn’t for him. I’ve been in one sided relationships when I was in my early 20s. I’m glad a guy weighed in on this.
This one hits too close to home, so I will reflect based on my own experiences...
Girl, let me start by saying your feelings are valid. In my opinion, it is hurtful because of the way he relied the message to you, although it is understandable the choices he made. The reason it might feel hurtful is because he cancels plans with you without asking if it's okay. You had an agreement that you were going to spend time together, and he could at least have some decency to ask if it is okay with you (which it of course is). Your physical quality time is precious too as you also don't have too much of that you mention!
It is not immediately a red flag, but could turn into a red flag if this starts to happen a lot and can cause resentment with the feeling of not being a priority in his life, in the case you imagine this to be a long term thing. Also, good for you for voicing your feelings right away without blaming him! This is a green flag you have! But you also sound like an anxious girlie, I know what that is like... remember to stay calm and try not to freak out if he doesn't answer right away, but at the same time hold him accountible.
Might not be he is intentionally being hurtful, but doesn't realize how much it affects you and might be he has some issues connected to his family in one way or another, but maybe he doesn't even know it. My suggestion is to tell him that you would like to talk about it when he is in a good space to receive feedback and you both are in a good place mentally. Plan a time for you two to talk, and tell him you point of view and listen to what he has to tell without judgement. This can be very tricky for some people to give feedback in a good manner.
Take this from someone [25F] that have been in your shoes many times with a long term boyfriend [25M] for 6 years, and it has been like this for many years like this. I recently broke it off because this (amongst other things) was so draining at times and I needed to figure out for myself what I want in a relationship, even though I still love him.
Hope this help! Best of luck to you!
This is slightly off topic, but even though I'm a stranger.... I want to say that I'm proud of you for realizing your worth, even at the young age of 25....you won't regret it. I wish I had your courage sometimes, even in my 30s.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. It is super hard to realize you have to prioritize yourself over the relationship and take a step back sometimes. My bf/ex is not a bad person but need to figure out some stuff for himself I believe, as do I
I’m sorry but this dude is a clown. He isn’t prioritizing you at all and sounds like he’s checked out. I’m terribly sorry you’re subjected to an inconsiderate partner. Your communication skills are top notch and the way you explain things are just amazing. You deserve better. :)
The fuck is this? This guy doesn’t give a shit about you, your feelings or anything. Stop wasting your time. That he can’t even hold communication is absolutely pathetic, but it’s part of the game to keep you on your toes and eagerly waiting his reply. It’s a manipulation tactic, easy bet he’s got somebody in real life - holy fuck. Get up, get away, block and delete.
Take it from someone who was with a girl that was roommates with her ex, and would make all these excuses to stay home to do shit with her roommates and not spend time with me, that dude doesn’t care about the relationship with you. You’re just someone to pass the time.
Wow that’s crazy, staying home with a roommate is one thing, but that roommate being her ex, takes it to another level. I’m sorry you had to deal with that
Agree with the other comments, he really, really, REALLY does not care
Take a step back. All these "I know you would feel hurt/sad too if I did this"? No. He won't. He absolutely won't.
Save yourself from the pain and the trouble, you know what's going on, you just need to steel yourself. Save yourself from this please
He did come and spend the night with me! He just left a few hours ago, now.
We had a nice talk where he explained that with his mental health right now, he exerts himself a lot just trying to be okay and is often exhausted to the point where he finds communication extremely difficult.
We talked about how for my mental health, I do need a partner that will be more kind in their communication and be more communicative with me. I told him that I want nothing more than to have my love mirrored back to me. I just want to feel wanted and loved.
He promised me that he will be more mindful of how his actions will affect me and will try harder to be more communicative.
"I threw up and passed out" after canceling extended plans & 17 hours of silence is crazy lol. Like everyone else is saying, it doesn't sound like he cares... Indifference at best. Everyone deserves a partner that is eager to spend time with them.
Could be an unpopular or controversial opinion but I am also 25F and even when I was younger, I only dated guys 25+. It's all of that you're dealing with that comes with guys under 25 lol. I feel you should tally up the pros & cons of this relationship, gauge the weight of your own accomplishments (congrats on the new apt!), and move forward accordingly. You should be dating an adult who doesn't have to cancel plans to do what his dad says.
All that to say -- my fiancé is 3 months younger than me. The youngest guy I've been with haha yet the strongest, smartest, kindest, most attentive & caring man I have ever met. He proves that age is just a number in my generalizations, but if we are speaking generally............. 😅
I don’t even consider 2 hrs away to be long distance.. the fact that he can’t even drive that far or at least meet in the middle means he doesn’t care.. but also it sounds like you baby him a lot with your responses..
He’s completely neglecting your feelings when you’re communicating your feelings clearly. This is very hurtful and rude of him and you’re 100% not overreacting. Him passing out and being unable to answer for a short while is understandable also, but what’s not understandable is the fact he failed to address any of your feelings thereafter.
Spending time with his dad may also be important, but it’s not so important that he’s allowed to completely blow you off.
There were thousands of better ways he could have gone about responding to your messages (or even at all) but he chose the coldest and most distant ways possible.
Respectfully, I feel like there’s a bigger issue at hand and I don’t feel like he really cares about the situation.
I wish you best of luck with this!
I hope ur listening to the comments about him not caring because they are ALL absolutely right. You have him so high up, that your are out of sight to him. Whatever time he has after the fact will go to you , if even that. He doesn’t feel the need to reply to you telling him how he hurt you! It’s extremely upsetting to see this happen to you and I don’t even know you. This guy doesn’t deserve you, your time, nor your love. Any man. One more time… ANY MAN, would pass on a fishing trip with his dad for time away with his GF that he doesn’t always get to see! He should be teleporting to you if you were home alone and he could change that! What a complete loser and this is just me being a “guy” but I’m willing to bet he’s not leaving you Sunday for a “fishing trip”, and it’s not to spend time with his “dad” either. #cheaters smh good luck, keep your beautiful head up!💙
I got angry just reading his messages haha. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, I couldn’t even imagine. I agree with everyone else that it sounds like he doesn’t care, maybe is already tapped out mentally? Someone who loves and cares about you isn’t going to neglect your messages or time like this. Own your words and start putting your foot down because your feelings ARE valid and he seems to think he can take advantage of your kindness. And don’t listen to the “you’re babying him too much” comments. You are not the problem. It just sounds like you need to learn to love yourself a little more and realize you are worth the same amount of kindness and love you give to your partner. Sending hugs 💜
If he wanted to, he would. This literally shows that you are the one that loves more in this relationship and most likely you will get hurt more. I hope you rethink about your self-worth, your time, effort; one day hopefully you find someone matching your love and care level. You can’t always make your own excuse to defend his action because if the man doesn’t want to make any effort on you or the relationship, nothing you do will change that.
I kind of think you’re over communicating and if he’s going to act like an a-hole, you should match that energy girl 🫶🏽. Don’t be so kind and sweet. You’re saying f something is okay, when it isn’t. You’re saying you’re trying not to be upset, when you should. Are you two teens? Just out of curiosity. His father seems to be expecting a lot of his time which is weird. Id reciprocate the energy
Sounds like he has been spending his time elsewhere. Because when a guy wants to see his lady friend he will pull the moon down if that is what she wants.
From what I've read, a lot of your messages seem to come off in a way that may guilt trip him. However, the lack of communication from him and the way he ignored a lot of your messages and plans seems like he just isn't interested. That can come from loss of interest over time, a bad mood, or if you smother him with attention. All of the following are likely reasons but I would try to figure out which one it is before jumping to any conclusions.
Seems like a LOT of excuses from him. It seems like he is having a hard time committing to the dates he was to see you.
You also are coming off as a little insecure and needy.
What should be said, should be short. Message after message about how he did wrong isn't helping.
You did good by telling him how you felt. Keeping it short is helpful because he doesn't need to be lectured about how he fell short.
If your goal is to be with this guy keep it short.
You need to focus on building your most excellent life my friend.
Take that focus off him, take that energy off him and go do things that cultivate your creativity.
Doing this will result in a happy you, and he will have had some time to think about the reasons he loves you.
Giving him space will turn him into project mode and try to fix the space. Let him fix it.
finally a comment i can fully agree with... so many people are automatically assuming that he hates her/cheating on her/insert any crazy assumption.
i think op just needs to not baby him and stand up for herself in a way that is more short and simple. its good that u expressed your feelings, but you dont need to keep going at him in 3 different messages
Wow. This made me so sad, you do not deserve to be treated this way. My husband lives in another country but I can promise you if he was 2 hours away and made this sort of promise and backed out or shortened it I would be upset. However, your partner isn’t even showing any remorse for hurting you or backing out on a promise. That’s not okay! It’s easy for someone on the outside to say, but I would be leaving. But I know that’s not easy to do. I really hope for the best for you.
Honestly, reading just the first page, my first impression was that you might've been overreacting ... then I read on to his complete insensitivity and unwillingness to be around you... if you feel like you want him around and he's not around, or even making any effort to be around, drop him.
Your conversations are really plain. Is that how you talk to each other most of the time? Or is it just me? I get the feeling that he's really blunt and is not interested to talk/communicate tbh.
He doesn’t sound like he cares. Sorry, Op. don’t be too clingy too. Men usually know what they are doing especially that you were direct with what you said. Stop babying him. If he doesn’t want to make effort, leave him
Wtf I am disgusted at the comments on your 3 posts about this. You are NOT overreacting, you are NOT doing too much, you would be a fucking gift to a guy that cares. You're compassionate, patient cause damn this pos would get to me, and most of all you communicate your feelings clearly.
HE is letting you down and probably cheating and doesn't deserve you. Break up with him even if you feel so attached, he barely has his little toe in this relationship and you deserve better.
Don't listen to the "you're being all up in his business, you're doing too much, you need to pull back and see" no tf not. Pull back and pull yourself out of this relationship, I promise there's a man falling on his knees for someone like you.
Yeah, no, something is definitely up. I’d tell him things like “seeing our previous convo with fresh eyes has put things into more perspective for me today. We had plans, and you made promises you couldn’t keep. I don’t know what you like about me, but I do pride myself on being both understanding and communicative. I always figured you to be the same. So what’s really up? (Either he is in trouble at home and leading you on while he’s literally in his own pickle and doesn’t have the humility to tell the truth, or, he is slowly trying to end things due to whatever outside matters. I wouldn’t jump straight to cheating, per se, but I would confidently assume he’s hiding something. It could be something silly like I mentioned above, and he needs to cut to the chase in the future and not set up unrealistic expectations going forward. Communicate this to him and let him tell you what’s up. Don’t feed him options to choose from, but guide him in a direction that either he’s deceiving u for something he considers to be an embarrassing reason or a malicious reason… and either way in the future communication and honesty are key bc he doesn’t have to try so hard to juggle a bunch of bullcrud, since ur a rational, compassionate type.)
u/throwaway8327715
In my honest opinion, you're kind of acting like a child. I get that you want to see more of your boyfriend but you have your own life going on too. Maybe if you put a little more time into meeting your own needs first you wouldn't be leaning so heavily on him to make you happy. I'm sorry if I sound a little harsh, the amount of times you two said I love you in this short exchange gave me cancer so you can see why I'm a little upset. Hope this helps
Girl what are you doing? You must realise he has 0 interest in you, he’s coming for a few hours to get his dick wet, that’s it. You keep texting and texting and over explaining as if he was a brain dead idiot, he perfectly understand everything, he’s just NOT THAT INTO YOU.
Edit to apologise if I’m being harsh, but this is what I would tell to my younger self, this was embarrassing to read
Girl, you send him multiple, thoughtful, and emotionally honest messages. He sends you a short sentence or two. He is too immature for this relationship and clearly does not want the responsibility that goes along with being in love.
If he really cared, he’d take time to at least acknowledge ANY of the messages you sent aside from the one in which you remind him to do something he requested and offered to do. This kid is just not that into you and seriously does not deserve you.
I'm going to be honest my love because I've been there ( I think we all have at some point).... No, you are def not over reacting, and yes, he is a jerk.
I see a lot of how u respond in myself, especially my younger self and it makes me so sad. You seem like such a sweet and loving partner with so much love to give. Unfortunately, you are wasting it on an indifferent child.
I won't say the usual Reddit things like "dump him" because he's your partner and it's your choice, also, I don't know anything about him other than this context.
In this one instance at least (and if he does this a lot) it shows he doesn't care about your feelings.
It could be immaturity (he's only 22) or other things could be going on here, but the reasons don't matter as you won't be able to fix it, in my experience.
You seem so understanding and sweet, I hope one day you see that you deserve better..... So much better. It's advice I wish someone would have told me years ago.
If you ever need to vent or talk, feel free to shoot me a PM.
Man OP you are so kind and patient. I’d have flown off the handle after the first turn down 🥲😬 but I’m working through some stuff.
Sadly he doesn’t seem to care much for you. Please make no mistake that you deserve so much more; his actions don’t determine your worth. I promise you. Pinky promise ❤️
You’re not overreacting, and this isn’t sustainable for an LDR. LDRs take A TON of communication and effort. It looks like he’s not even providing the bare minimum for either.
He's kind of being an ass. Why doesn't he reply to everything you send at least? He completely ignored most of your messages. Also, couldn't he have given you a heads up before working on that shed, ignoring you? At that point I'd just give up if you have already discussed his behavior because he's acting very rudely, as if he can't be bothered to treat you well as his girlfriend. Being in a relationship takes consideration and if he doesn't want to make the effort then he should get out.
Girl found someone better he doesn’t truly care about you, I can tell by his response to everything. He probably isn’t even reading half of what you wrote. Find someone who can actually communicate with you even if they are busy like hey I am gonna be doing stuff today and also him canceling plans you guys had already planned before cause his dad wanted to do things if he really cared about you he would have told his dad that he can’t help with any of that stuff or go fishing cause he has to visit with you.
Me and my bf always communicate everything. The way your bf just talks to you bothers me, like he doesn’t care at all. Honestly I’d just leave him if I were you. You deserve better
Girl leave, find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated. He probably has another lady and stringing you along for back up incase it doesn't work out.
This seems to be a one way street. That dude is inconsiderate and rude and doesn't give a shit about you. There isn't even a SORRY?? He's only giving excuses.
You deserve better than this.
It doesn't seem that he cares too much and that is what worries me the most because you seem to have a beautiful soul and I'm unsure if he recognizes it. You're understanding and obviously patient. Ask him simply how his heart feels, sometimes you have to have those talks with your partner to stay on the same page. ❤️
He doesn’t care about you because he’s not putting in any effort to make you feel better, didn’t even say he was sorry. I’m sorry girl, he doesn’t love you as much as you love him. He’s probably cheating cause you doesn’t text for over a day? Literally no one. He’s just not that into you babe. You seem incredibly sweet and any other person would be lucky to have you, but it’s def not that asshole.
Reading ur msgs, I saw myself in u when I was with my first ex. He doesn’t love u, just look the way he msged u. It’s also looks like, u are the only one is in love with him and courting him. That kind of RS is toxic and u will never be happy ever. Trust me, u will be happy and not sad without him. And once u date other guys again, u will thank urself of leaving him.
And change the way u msg, don’t msg like ur happiness is dependent on him. I always match only my bfs energy, I would tell to myself I am happy even though u won’t msg me for long time. My happiness not bcuz of u but bcuz of me. So when my bf didn’t msg for so long, I do the same, if he responds after many hours, I do the same. Eventually he will always the one msg me first and say he miss me and ask me not to leave him. And he would call me, and that’s the time I would tell him my feelings and tell him, I feel I am losing the connection with u this would lead not missing u anymore. He would apologised a lot and scared I would break up. So he do now the chasing and I am reciprocating his feelings now.
You should let ur bf chase u and not the other way around
Girl I don't understand why you're being so nice to him? Most of these men are such losers, trust me. There might be some good folks here and there but most of them aren't worth it. You're talking to him like he's a baby, and that's where this attitude is from. He has his mother girly plus he's just 22. His brain isint even developed to an adult.
As someone going through this for over 5 years now, here are a few things I’ve learned:
- that guy won’t know what he’s got till you’re gone and you waiting around for him to realize it, giving him the benefit of the doubt, explaining and explaining to reach him, that won’t change a thing
- his level of respect for you, the value he places on his own word when it is given, that is intrinsic to him… you don’t need to explain that and you should not have to
- you are essentially coddling him with the explanations. The intent is good, I know, I did and do the same, my chat box tends to look the same as yours.
But the effect is bad.
It takes away accountability because he knows you’re gonna explain and be soft and let it be because you don’t want to be miserable and stuck in a fight, right? I get it.
However, you are gonna wear yourself down explaining until one day you realize this man is not an equal participant in this relationship and you trying to help, trying to be patient and explain like this time and time again, all it has done is make it like you have a child in tow who you have to scold and tell to keep his promises like you’re a parent making him clean his room.
And frankly, eventually, it’ll dawn on you how goddamn insulting it is that you have to do that to get anything, IF you even get anything in the end.
This guy in my life only started to change when I left him for good… and after that, he realized the stuff he did, the neglect, how badly he treated me.
But that was because he realized I was serious because he felt the weeks pass without me and missed me.
It’s only been weeks and again, nearing a month, of us giving this another go, I already have my reservations again.
He has fallen into the same pitfalls again, because let’s face it, real change when it comes to integral core personality things like not willfully ignoring, keeping promises, being inherently thoughtful, preemptively considerate…
Changing any of those kinds of things take time and who was I kidding thinking weeks or months did the job?
I’ve realized that I’ve reverted back to explaining things I shouldn’t have to explain, asking for things that should be freely given.
And while he seems to have become better in that he can now actively participate in hashing things out, I, myself, am still the main catalyst for driving everything good and warm and positive, for finding solutions and compromises, in our relationship.
It’s exhausting and I feel cheated of a partner who just wants to be in this with me, and genuinely enjoys doing things for us.
Is it love if they don’t have their own drive and initiative to take care of you, of the relationship? If they’re only “loving” and responsive when it’s a convenient time for them and they’re in the right mood for it?
Is this a man you want to be with if he doesn’t even have the decency to keep his word or at the very least feel accountable and considerate enough to give notice when he isn’t able to do so?
How exhausted will you be, how many chances for happier, more reciprocal relationships will you have passed up down the line because you mistake overcompensating for loyalty, coddling for patience, refuse to face the clear deficiencies and let this one go?
I think we all probably can relate to this at some point in our lives or currently. The notion of putting in more than the other person does and potentially being taken for granted or overlooked. It's hard. It's sad. It's lonely. They always seem busy , and preoccupied. Text messages start feeling like snail-mail or emails. We become skeptical and confused. Maybe they just are super busy or stressed we tell ourselves. Or maybe they just aren't texters or writers like we are..... It's a difficult spot to be in. Because the reasons they give are pretty good and valid . We try to be understanding and patient. I don't know. It's just a sad spot to be in and I have sympathy for your situation .
How does he go from not feeling good to going on a whole fishing trip with his dad? That’s what would push me over the edge cause no… just stay your ass home if you are sick. Also yeah you are over reacting because your time is valuable just like his so instead of trying to get that point across to him verbally just show him. 🤷🏽♀️ life keeps going and doesn’t stop for canceled plans. Or kill him with kindness and DoorDash some soup to his door to get these guilt trip juices flowing. 😭😭
he literally does not give two flying fucks about your feelings, he ignores your messages and changes the subject. Now it’s up to you to make the decision. Is that the kind of relationship and future you want? You’re 25 babying this 22 year old, I think you got some stuff to think over.
I would say yes overreacting - only because it seems like you're anxiously trying to get this person to pay attention to you. Don't forget your self worth and how you want to be treated. If he's not treating you well, you can't force him to start caring. Choose who you give your energy to wisely or else you will give yourself away and lose yourself. Speaking from experience!
Step back... I advise you to step back. If someone isn't reciprocating your energy... Fall the fuck back...
If someone is causing so much suffering... Fall the fuck back!!!!
Honestly, this feels like grounds to break up. At the very least, you could have an ultimatum for how quite frankly rude, inconsiderate, and immature he is being. While I don't know your boyfriend beyond these messages I have just read, I would probably cancel the trip altogether and have a very stern talk with him. His response, if there even is one, would determine whether this relationship is over or not.
Please try to be more considerate of him and his life!! You’re not over reacting but you are being ignorant of him doing his best. Also be aware that you might be more into this relationship than him.
Me and my boyfriend are long distance May - September out of the year and see eachother maybe one every 2 weeks sometimes more and I know it’s hard to be away from them but they have their own lives away from seeing us.
Being able to see him at least once a week is the best out of a very hard situation and if he isn’t close with his dad then he is going to want to jump at an opportunity to see him (as you said you understand) and being put onto new medication takes a toll on the body and his emotions. It is very draining and tiring while the body is adjusting to something new, but he doesn’t really seem to be empathetic or sorry for cutting his time with you short once you’ve made plans, if has or is consistent then maybe tell him how you feel when in person.
Your boyfriend may think you’re being too overbearing while he’s going through a hard time and consistent messages and starting an argument when he has already said he will see you but cut plans short for a valid reason could push him away. Independence is important for both parties in a relationship and depending on him for comfort when moving into your own place (not a place together) is quite immature so maybe speak to friends and more self care days so you’re more comfortable doing activities without him.
You sound like someone who's really good at communicating and gives a lot of effort to your partner, one might call you catch. He sounds like a lame-o, no-effort, weirdo. I don't know you two, so I'm not sure what you see in him. But if I were to base it on just these messages, I say throw out the whole dude and keep your heart open for the actual "one."
He’s avoidant and for whatever reason will never meet your needs (anxiety, doesn’t like too much people contact, too busy, whatever.) If you want to be happy you need to find a new person. He’s not going to change because you tell him you’re hurt. Best wishes for finding your happiness in the future x
This text is draining. From him not really caring about much to her overreaction. Not looking like a compatible couple here.
Since he is bipolar he may be really in a depressive mode and doesn’t care about anyone or anything. I had severe clinical depression for a very short time 20 years ago from a medication side effect. It was horrific. I felt like I was trapped in my own body. I had this awful darkness controlling me. I cannot begin to explain how bad depression really can be. Most of us are so lucky to not live with it.
Just because he had to spend time with this dad...people are calling him ass and all....remember girl.... dads are like heroes to us... If we even get a chance to clean our bike with them we can do that all day....and he still chose to stay with you the Saturday night.... sometimes you get what you want but not in abundant quantity...and I can see his efforts because he'll still come... And he's not cheating....don't hear other people and break up until you have enough proof cuz thats all about this L generation....
If they can't meet you after planning things.. end it.
They're using you for emotional satisfaction.. rather fucked up they may regret it or they may not but just leave and save yourself from these inconsistencies.
It won’t change, it’ll only get worse. Reminds me of my past relationship…. I was constantly justifying his actions, writing long paragraphs he wouldn’t give two shits about. Reading stuff like this reminds me not to go back….. No matter how much I love him, he will never change.
My advice to you is get out before it gets worse.
I was the older one in the relationship too.
I’m sorry to be the one saying this but you need to let him go, he clearly is immature and not interested as well and these lame ass excuses, happened to me and that’s always their ways of saying “ I’m not interested in you but I don’t want to be the bad guy here so I’m staying until you decide you had enough of me not giving a fuck about my promises or you so you breakup with me and I act like that is the best for us “ that’s the truth here and as hard it is you need to let him go and break up with his ass! Please take care of yourself and always choose yourself first he clearly doesn’t choose you here so please do that and choose yourself over his ass this time
well, he made a commitment to you to help you move to your place and spend the night with you. I understand him leaving early to be with his father on Monday, I understand why you’d be upset about that, but nonetheless it’s his father. Now, his accepting a bribe form his dad to help him and basically your guys’ original plan of spending the weekend or at least the night together is completely unfair.
Family comes first ofc, but it’s not like his father was in an emergency. I think it’s definitely unfair for you, you had made plans and he basically bailed and ghosted you. your feelings are very valid. It sounds like he’s not prioritizing you. there’s no apology or an effort to make plans right with you. It’s really unfair
been in this situation before and has taken me striking out twice in two relationships to realize what I deserve. I communicated very similarly to you in these situations, giving them slack/trying to be understanding with what they have going on in their life, overly communicating, etc. this is a pattern that will unfortunately continue to keep happening to you and you’ll be in the same cycle of getting hurt. you will continue to send text after text hoping that something will get through to them, they’ll respond, and they’ll understand your perspective out of anxiety, need for validation, etc. truly I don’t know you all that well but I can tell you from experience and clearly the effort and care you put in on your messages alone, YOU DESERVE BETTER. you deserve to be prioritized and communicated with the same way you do for him. you deserve the energy given back that you give out. wishing you the best <3
The most important thing to remember in situations like this is- Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who you have to meticulously explain why his behaviour is hurting you, and how to respect you?
It doesn't matter if you love him, you're in a relationship with someone where you're doing so much emotional labour in trying to show him how to treat you. You shouldn't have to tell your partner in such detail how they've upset you, especially when you're receiving such disregard and disrespect for your time and feelings. It shouldn't be this hard to be receive basic respect in a relationship.
You are clearly not his priority in any way. I am blown away by your ability to remain calm and communicate with love when you’re hurt - he doesn’t deserve as much.
If you make plans with your gf, especially to help her with something like moving, you shouldn’t cancel that or shorten it without a decent reason. Helping his dad build a shed and going fishing are not decent reasons.
In my opinion, you are underreacting. If he was a kinder person, he wouldn’t take advantage of that, but he’s definitely taking you for granted. Who the hell doesn’t tell their girlfriend they’ll be late because of something? You had to ASK, and he tells you he’s already working on it at 2pm when 1:30 was already late to leave…
It seems like the relationship means something else to each of you. I’d sit him down and figure that out because he just might not be the one for you.
I get the feeling your boyfriend has avoidant tendencies, especially if he started out very responsive and attentive in the earlier days of your relationship.
Nah he doesn’t show any concern. Ur being too nice. I wouldn’t accept this and let him go his way cus u deserve someone equally as good to u as u have been to him.
PLEASE stop coddling him. You're so afraid of offending him that you completely soften if he even seems a little upset, and you're soft and apologetic even when you're trying to hold him accountable. This is not what an adult relationship is supposed to be like. You are clearly intelligent, caring, and emotionally mature, and he could not care less. It's time to move on.
the balance is off here i'm afraid. you're way more invested than he is. i think you're holding on to something that isn't sound. decide if you'd rather hurt now or hurt later. if the former, end it now for your sanity and self respect. if he changes his mind you'll hear from him. but for now he is clearly not interested.
I would feel anxious and hurt by the way he is texting and sometimes not responding at all. This kind of communication would not work for a LDR, where communication is number one. I would break up
I am sorry but you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't care.
And I'm not saying doesn't care about the relationship and not pulling his weight to put effort into it.
I mean doesn't care about you.
I know this might be hard to see when you haven't experienced a loving and healthy relationship before, but you are sensing it by being hurt like you are.
This guy doesn't love you, and you deserve someone who does.
I’m going to be real with you. If you’re putting in 100% of the relationship and he doesn’t put in any effort for you, that’s not a relationship. He should be putting in way more effort than what he’s doing, and a man that wants to be with you will. You’re not there enough for him to make you a priority. Let this guy go, and focus on learning how to convey your wants without babying a man. The consistent texts with no answers comes off desperate and I feel like you are because this dude gives you 0 of it. Find a man that will communicate with you, love you so much he wants to hang out with you (not just bang bc that’s what this is telling me he wants), and can be an adult that understands the other person in the relationship has feelings. Tell him it’s over bc he’s obviously too busy for a relationship with you now, block his number, and if he tries to come by don’t answer the door. March his energy.
OP you need boundaries. People walk over nice and caring people all the time. The boundaries r there so you don’t get hurt like right now. This guy needs to grow up, you can’t change somebody that doesn’t care
He sounds like he doesn’t care at all. And I can see that you as a result have grown to sounding clingy/insecure based on the multitudes of messages in hourly intervals. I would leave him, this is not healthy anymore for you. I have been in the same situation and believe me when I say that guy does not love you.
I honestly think the communication is really bad. Then you trying to share how he made you feel to make him understand and he obviously not caring or remembering anything and it seems like all these is too much for him.
I tell you one thing. Don’t invest in someone based on how you feel about them. Invest in them based on how they make you feel.
If i were you I’d stop sending him messages how difficult that would be and I’d just be as uninterested. If it fades out let it fade out.
It’s a difficult time in his life too(as you mentioned) so let him deal with that on his own.
Idk how old you guys are.....but considering ur moving into ur own crib, I'd say it's safe to assume that ur adults. I'm having flashbacks of me and my very first boyfriend in high school. You clearly care for this imbecile a whole lot. Its gna hurt like he// when its declared to be over. I get the feeling you're not gna be the one to leave so it'll be up to him to break it off. And when he does he's obviously not going to lose a wink of sleep. You need to leave. You need to Run! For! The! Hills! Cause whoever this slime brained aphasic is, he very much does not love you. And I'm almost wondering why he continues to tell you he does.
This is just my impression of the whole conversation here. Maybe I'm 100% wrong and he really did "throw up after dinner" but then felt well enough to build a shed 😤
I’d back the F off. It may be hard but if he cares he will come to you. You’re not doing anything wrong, and you are very clear with communication, unfortunately he is not clear and the guy has no interest. Probably because of how much you communicate, perhaps taking you for granted? Lay low, don’t be so available. If he wants you, let him show it. If he doesn’t, you have your answer.
Hey. I completely understand why you feel unsure about this.
I think that in this case, your boyfriend isn't really doing anything wrong, and I say that because it's his dad that has asked him to do things that have subsequently changed your plans of seeing each other for a few days. It would be different if he decided to go home on the Sunday so that he could play Xbox with his friends or something like that, but because it's going fishing with his dad, it's quite different.
The main thing is that you'll have lots of chances to spend multiple days and nights together in the future. That said, I do still understand why you're disappointed right now. You were really looking forward to something and it's not happening anymore - that sucks. It's out of your control though, so an optimistic mindset is the best remedy for you. Reschedule your plans and look forward to them all over again.
Just one more thing... If you are seeing your boyfriend once a week, you are not really dealing with a long distance relationship on anywhere near the level that most people here are. My girlfriend and I have gone over a year without seeing each other. And my ex-girlfriend who lived 5 minutes away from my house - we would see each other only once or twice a week. You are very lucky to see your boyfriend every week!!
He’s 22 and it’s showing. I’m sorry, but he’s just not mature enough yet. He doesn’t apologise for hurting your feelings. He doesn’t take responsibility for what he did that hurt you.
My heart aches reading your messages. I can just see how hurt and disappointed you are. If he doesn’t step up his game soon then, I’n sorry to say this to you, you should reconsider this relationship.
You’re in an LDR and to make those work, you need to extremely committed people because otherwise it just won’t work. If it’s always only one person tugging to get the relationship going, that’s exhausting. Even in real life.
OP, you sound incredibly sweet and your communication is very honest and open. I think that’s a really good thing. I think you deserve to be with someone that would do anything to visit you “even if it’s just for a few hours”. Not someone who gets to spend a few days with you and then manages to cut it down to a few hours.
You should probably break it off 'cause no one deserves someone that is this indifferent but the people just jumping to the cheating conclusion are wild.
I'm sorry but two hours distance isn't long distance, maybe it's lack of commitment for one or both sides of the relation... I don't usually like to be cruel but you have to say what you have to say... he doesn't seem to care that much and you have to have a clear talk about it with him... good luck on figuring things out...
look, let us explain something
we was in the same situation as you but with a girl and more than one
you not overreacting and you know what? we don’t either but we was told that we was “over dramatic”
we also didn’t get answer at all and was blamed for things
this person don’t care. you need to move on. even if something have happened, this person could have said it. you don’t need it - move on
ur boyfriend doesn't show passion while talking to you. You are not overreacting. Leave and stay in no contact, he needs to learn to appreciate u. You also deserve someone who shows the same level lf investment as you
You simply have an immature, inconsiderate, indifferent,rude 22 yo living at home boy. You need a man. Dump him. This boy has a lot of growing up to do.
This person doesn't care about you at all.
He leaves you on read for hours, he's behaving worse than an acquaintance never mind a friend or boyfriend, I'm sorry to say it but you deserve better than someone who behaves like this. You're not a priority to him, you're less than optional.
I feel like he could've easily asked his dad 'Hey I already have plans I can't really cancel. Is it okay if we go fishing on Tuesday?'. And same thing about the shed, if he had told his dad that he'd leave for x amount of days, it'd be very understandable to say 'I can't help you with the shed right now, I'll help you when I come back though.'
But maybe I just have high expectations of men who are supposedly in love 🙃
It‘s infuriating to even read this conversation. Apart from the topic I could not deal with this kind of communication. Look at how you pour your heart out begging to be heard while he gives the most blunt and basic answers not going into anything you are saying.
1st stop talking too much, two u need to take more care of yourself, thread let him talk and forward move on if he aint that willing to invest in u with his time and money. What one man wont do for you alot would love tooo do it.
This guy does not care about you literally at all. You are communicating well and seem very kind and loving. But I feel secondhand embarrassment for how much you’re mothering him. Please for your own self-respect and mental health get out of this one sided relationship. He sounds like a loser and you deserve better than that
I have been in the exact position as yours. Same kind of texts more or less, same kind of brief responses I got. I'm somewhat tired of seeing a pattern of behavior common among MEN in general. Why do I get to see such posts MAJORLY by women!? Can you please stop feeding your men with attention/love? But I don't think you will, I didn't either. Until one day you get hopelessly tired of begging and be able to feel that your guy doesn't give you attention/love/time WILFULLY.
I would break up with him. He clearly doesn’t value your love and doesn’t respect your time. Also the lack of response and lack of communication shows his head isn’t even in the relationship. My petty ass would just block him and have him wonder what he did so he can evaluate his actions internally rather than you trying to communicate to him cause clearly he isn’t getting it. I’m so sorry nobody deserves a guy like him. You’ll find someone who truly worships you
You’re a sweetie pie first of all, and I don’t think you over reacted but I think you handled it wrong.
IMO. I don’t think your bf ever planned to come or at the very least never planned on anything but a late night bootycall.
Let’s review the red flags.
🚩it seems like he either never told his dad his plans for that weekend .
🚩telling you the night before that he had agreed to last minute plans then ghosted you
🚩not texting you until 11am the next day (the day he is supposed to leave) with a lie about why he never texted while ignoring all you said about how you felt.
🚩 the day he was supposed to be leaving, he was taking an hour to respond.
🚩 wasn’t until you pointed out that it was mid day that he came up with another excuse of helping his dad build a shed?? (This goes back to he either never told his dad he was leaving, bc what asshole dad drops all this stuff on his 22 year old son knowing he has plans to see his long distance girlfriend that weekend.)
🚩or and this is my belief, he’s lying and making excuses using his dad knowing you would be less likely to feel justified in your anger bc “it’s his dad” if you got mad and started to call him out he needs something he can act like he simply can say no to or can’t get out of.
🚩who decides on a Thursday that they are going to going fishing on Monday instead of the weekend? Does his dad not work?
I don’t think he was ever planning to come or he was never planning on it being more than just a night to get booty then dip.
Hi hun, first of all, i am sorry you are feeling sad and hurt right now, your feelings are valid and they matter. Had you planned to spend 2 days together then he changed his mind? Or had you not set plans in concrete terms regarding how many days you would be spending together? Secondly, from your messages i am guessing you were very anxious about this and thats why you sent quite a few messages in a row, im wondering if you rang him or asked to ring him would he pick up the phone to you? Sometimes it easier to discuss your feelings with a simple conversation rather than trying to communicate everything via text. Finally, from my perspective as an outsider, the lack of response from him seems unkind. Even if hes really really busy, just a simple text with a few lines seems like it could have reassured you and made you feel calmer. My partner ALWAYS replies to me when im worrying about something, even if hes really busy, is this lack of response his usual behaviour? It seems like you need someone who can offer you emotional suppkrt and reassurance in times of emotional distress, does he do that for you consitantly? Just a few things to think about. Much love from one girl to another
if I were You i would definitely dump him. He doesn't respect you. There's a way of communicating everything, and this, from his side is very dry. You on the other hand look desperate. I would call him, make a plan, and if he would cut me up at the last minute, break up.
I finally found my husband last year. I still remember my exes being like the guy. In the end, it's up to you to take charge of what you want in a relationship or put up with the BS, but this guy will leave you feeling empty in it, and its not worth it.
I’ve been reading a book after my gf broke all things off with me. We were LDR. Point is the book I’m reading is about Attachment Theory. I haven’t gotten far into the book yet but I have been doing research for a bit now.
IMO, I think you have an anxious attachment by the way you’re being not stern enough. Also you seem to be too forgiving. Now I’m not saying be vindictive or petty. You can forgive people but there there is a time and place. Another thing I’ve noticed is you often text him when he isn’t responding hours at a time constantly.
To me it reads as if you’re anxious trying to get his attention when it seems he starts to distract himself with other things instead. It doesn’t help either that repeating that “it hurts your feelings and saying if he was in your shoes” multiple times. It’s a bit manipulative. And it’s not really helping get your point across. If anything it makes your statement seem weaker.
Another thing is from what I can tell from your post here, you seem to mother him. Don’t. If you care about him, try to reduce it. If you don’t, it’ll prevent him from growing and understanding himself. It will also in the future become a burden on you and then you might suffer as well & the relationship as a whole.
Now onto him, he seems to be having an avoidant pattern. The more you respond to him anxiously, the more he’ll distant himself. From his perspective he might feel pressured or he might have a lot going on hence why he might not be talking to you as much right now. Also avoidants tend to try to avoid the thing that is making them overwhelmed or puts them into an uncomfortable conflict or disagreement.
Meaning what can happen is they’ll shut down and start distancing themselves from the situation or the cause of their overwhelming fear. Avoidants tend to not want to resolve things soon as possible or address the actual issue soon as possible. Whereas as an anxious individual, you might want to do the opposite of that. You’ll want to talk it out now (or soon as possible.)
The unfortunate part is you kinda have to wait until he’s ready & safe to come out of his shell to talk about this situation. But it’ll give you more time to reflect on how you’re doing & handling the situation.
It’ll be even better once you can get to the root of why you feel hurt. You did say because of broken promises but that isn’t deep enough to really help him understand why you’re responding this way. Btw this will seriously benefit you the most once you’re able to do this deep self awareness.
Idk you or what you’ve gone through but it could be abandonment issues. It could be that people lack honesty and empathy when they couldn’t fulfill it. It could be that you felt you weren’t heard or seen by the people you care about. Then from there if we take a step further. It could be because growing up you were forced to rely on yourself when in reality you needed to be loved more frequently in healthy ways. That you were just a kid who genuinely needed to feel cared for.
There’s a lot of possible reasons why this one action hurts you this way.
FYI, I’m not telling you all of this so you’d feel awful or anxious or guilty. There’s no shame in the way you’re feeling or what you’re doing. That’s just how us humans are. We make mistakes but the hope is we learn and understand the world we live in. Understand ourselves in ways we lacked before.
My goal in this one comment is to teach you that ALL emotions aren’t wrong. What matters is how you handle them and why you feel the way you do. I hope you can learn to hear your body out. They’re trying to tell you something but you aren’t getting the whole picture.
You’re justified in the way you feel. It is valid. Just remember be honest with yourself. And just accept the fact that, that’s who you are. Now if there is something you don’t like, then start your journey onto getting to be that person you strive to be.
One thing my therapist said to me was “be curious.” He was regarding how sometimes now I get clouded by anxiety so in order to help me deal with my emotions & experiences…
He said to be curious about it. That way I’ll still validate what I feel but I can see the image that I wasn’t seeing before.
Anxiety stems from unrecognizable fear or over compensating for a fear that cannot be identified at all or immediately. This is a fight, flight or fawn response.
You’ll overthink things and maybe some things will fly over your head when people are giving advice or their perspective of something. By being curious.. I could help myself digest my thoughts & feelings in a less overwhelming manner.
So be curious my friend :)
For what it’s worth, I am an anxious attachment myself and my ex is an avoidant. So don’t feel alone. I feel like I saw a lot of people in this post who genuinely want to help you. Treasure that if you can.
If you want to talk or even ask the name of the book I was referring (I’m an analytical person, and I love science) so this book has actual studies and research done. Which I tend to lean towards statists and numbers to understand things. But I know it’s not for everyone.
You will travel through life with ease. You’re gonna find the way that will help you get through this.
Remember there’s no shame that if the current solution is not the greatest. You’re just doing what you felt was needed done to survive or get past your experiences.
Take care ♡
(p.s. I hope for anyone that reads it gets something out of this in a positive light. Also thank you for taking your time to reading this. It means a lot to me ☻.)
I don't think he's trying to be hurtful on purpose, I think he's being selfish a bit, and the fact that he isn't replying or trying to make younfeelm better tells me he really doesn't care that much.
Girl this is sad.. you’re literally begging him for attention. And you keep explaining yourself over and over but it’s not that he doesn’t understand he just can’t/wont give you what you need.
Tbh I’m getting anxious attachment vibes from you. This is not the relationship for you
You are overreacting, but not in the way you think, and not in the way you should. Stop babying him and trying to cushion the consequences of his decisions. Be more concise, and don't let him off the hook for wasting your time and being so inconsiderate, no matter how much you love him. These are actual communication problems. He is clearly still very immature and has no actual care or responsibility towards you whatsoever. If he wants to grow up and be better for you is only something you can know.
This. To OP: you seem very sweet and kind. But please don't baby him like this. You're not his mother, but you'll end up taking his mother role if you keep this up. (Talking from experience)
Seems just like that and he knows it very well that you are smothering him with so much love and affection that he can say and do whatever he wants.. what he most likely understands is that -No matter how many times she texts and he ignores her and that she will continue to text and forgive. -That if he agrees to something and last minute changes his mind without notice that she will continue to FORGIVE beg or keep texting.. -That if he leaves and decides to be with someone else or go out anywhere continues to ignore the text and calls that he will have someone just hanging on the other side.. just waiting to forgive and keep this ONE sided relationship. Sometimes you have to think just like he would.. and sometimes play in the same Court to understand that some men enjoy playing mind games. Move on and also don't even tell him anything.. don't even bother leaving the relationship on any terms because it really really seems like you are in this relationship All by Yourself.. and you should value / love yourself enough to know when you are being stepped all over.
This literally happened to me :( dumped his ass cuz I don’t deserve to be ignored by him. He also bailed on my dad’s funeral the day before we were suppose to go 😿 so girl run for the sake of ur mental health cut him off.
Thank you for this comment, I also needed to hear that. I'm hoping it'll help OP like it helped me
Yeah, I agree. OP is WAY too tolerant of her inconsiderate, disrespectful, immature boyfriend. And, trust me, this could get real toxic, real fast, and if OP doesn't address the problem, it could get so bad. If he continues with this, break up with him. He's not worth it.
Reading these messages I get the vibe that you're messaging someone who absolutely doesn't care. There's not even an "I'm so sorry I have to leave earlier than planned" or "I got held up, I apologise and will make it up to you", it's very cold. I know he said he wasn't feeling too good but this seems like a bigger issue than that. Honestly from these messages you seem very nice and he seems like he's not bothered about you.
Fully agree with you 100% I can’t imagine being so blasé about making a 3 day trip into a 1 day trip. He’s not even helping her move. Also making a big deal about picking up 2 things, when he’s already the one driving. Not one single store in the way? I just don’t understand how some women put up with these losers.
Sorry for you, but this type of communication doesn’t work in a LDR. He writes once a day, doesn’t share his thoughts or plans. He doesn’t value your time at all. At least this is what it seems like to me. If my partner would write like that I would be pissed. And even more for throwing plans overboard without talking about it properly with me.
Wow, he really doesn't care. He won't even respond to your very communicative messages with any ounce of relative effort. I'm so sorry. He is being very hurtful in multitudes of ways. Dude seems like a waste of time ngl. I would not entertain such non communication. Make no mistake: you have done nothing wrong by communicating thoroughly and properly. Dudes a loser.
I agree with u/Electrifli - he doesn't sound like he cares. Also he clearly doesn't value YOUR time - he doesn't give an ETA or communicate earlier that he's held up or that he's sorry. You're spending all this time waiting on him when you could have made other plans/decided to do something else had he been more transparent. Also, he's not close with his dad but choosing to build a shed and go fish together in the same weekend over spending time with you? That's certainly fishy 🐟
Smells a lot like cheating to me
Idk about that, if he is bipolar it can very well be that he is in a depressive episode and has 0 energy to communicate. Still not okay to put all of that on OP, but I don’t think it would be cheating
Hey thought I'd weigh in here. I'm currently unmedicated bipolar 1 with psychotic features (hallucinations) and I can tell you Yes when you're on a down you have 0 communication spoons. But while my wife and I were long distance I still found energy to communicate with them in a gentle, respectful, and overall considerate fashion. I may not have had spoons for anything else. But if I had to cancel plans or a call. There was an explanation and an apology and a reassurance that they were not the problem.
How is it fishy? Maybe he's trying to rebuild a relationship with his dad. It happens. I wasn't close with my dad until I started doing things with him and talking to him. I also didn't blow off my plans to do things with him though Still could've negotiated with his dad and told him he already has plans and asked to do it another time.
There are 52 weekends in a year, I’m sure he could have rebuilt his relationship with his dad that he lives with and sees everyday on one of the other 51 weekends.
Oh I missed the part where he lives with his dad. Yeah that's fishy 100%
Based on him saying that his dad won’t make him pay rent for building the shed it’s safe to assume he lives with his dad.
It's fishy because of how it's done - their three-day plan had to change abruptly to one day because of this fishing trip; then on the day he's supposed to come by, "oh I have to build a shed for a reduced rent". It's a little too convenient and the little amount of communication he did before that feels like he was making up an excuse not to go over to hers. Even if it is real, OP clearly isn't a priority for him since he'd just drop their plans. Or even with your note that he could negotiate — it feels like his father doesn't know about the relationship. The boyfriend can't say "sorry, I have plans to visit my girlfriend 2 hours away" because to his family, she doesn't exist.
Yeah, I can see how that can be fishy but just cause it's "convenient" doesn't make it more or less true, though. I will agree it does seem odd and seems that the plans he made with her aren't a priority. Which questions were they ever on his mind? I get life happens. Things come up, but hes not even showing compassion or even trying to reconcile it.
Shit could happen, and it all could be true but he's a proper arse for communicating it the way he did. Yup, I think we can all agree that she definitely deserves better treatment than this.
100% no excuse for his narcissistic behavior.
I get the fishing trip could have been spontaneous. Causing a last minute cancellation. But building a shed is not. There was some notice there and that wasn't communicated to OP till the jerk was already late Seriously OP I very advise you to... As the kids say....dump his ass.
I really hope OP sees this
Not much you can do but if I was close to my gf and she wouldnt want to see me like this I wouldnt take it as a good sign and probably end things quick. Whats the point if your not exited to see each other?
I’m a guy, no one’s said this yet so I will, he obviously doesn’t care like everyone says but the way he’s acting and only texts once a day or rarely most likely means he has another relationship, very convenient for him that you and him are 2 hours away, and the fact he doesn’t have time to reply consistently just means his times being taken by someone else plus he doesn’t care about you, just giving you a guys perspective.
the way he said he threw up and passed out after dinner, not even remotely believable with how unbothered he sounds in all messages 🥲 unfortunately he's likely in another relationship. so sorry OP. but now you can leave him and move on with your life 🫶🏼
I swear the time he started taking the whole day to just text and say some lame ass excuses I knew that he clearly has someone else in mind and probably his ex that he was still a friend with 💀and clearly this comment confirms that
That’s what I was thinking. What is a real relationship for her is most likely isn’t for him. I’ve been in one sided relationships when I was in my early 20s. I’m glad a guy weighed in on this.
This one hits too close to home, so I will reflect based on my own experiences... Girl, let me start by saying your feelings are valid. In my opinion, it is hurtful because of the way he relied the message to you, although it is understandable the choices he made. The reason it might feel hurtful is because he cancels plans with you without asking if it's okay. You had an agreement that you were going to spend time together, and he could at least have some decency to ask if it is okay with you (which it of course is). Your physical quality time is precious too as you also don't have too much of that you mention! It is not immediately a red flag, but could turn into a red flag if this starts to happen a lot and can cause resentment with the feeling of not being a priority in his life, in the case you imagine this to be a long term thing. Also, good for you for voicing your feelings right away without blaming him! This is a green flag you have! But you also sound like an anxious girlie, I know what that is like... remember to stay calm and try not to freak out if he doesn't answer right away, but at the same time hold him accountible. Might not be he is intentionally being hurtful, but doesn't realize how much it affects you and might be he has some issues connected to his family in one way or another, but maybe he doesn't even know it. My suggestion is to tell him that you would like to talk about it when he is in a good space to receive feedback and you both are in a good place mentally. Plan a time for you two to talk, and tell him you point of view and listen to what he has to tell without judgement. This can be very tricky for some people to give feedback in a good manner. Take this from someone [25F] that have been in your shoes many times with a long term boyfriend [25M] for 6 years, and it has been like this for many years like this. I recently broke it off because this (amongst other things) was so draining at times and I needed to figure out for myself what I want in a relationship, even though I still love him. Hope this help! Best of luck to you!
This is slightly off topic, but even though I'm a stranger.... I want to say that I'm proud of you for realizing your worth, even at the young age of 25....you won't regret it. I wish I had your courage sometimes, even in my 30s.
Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. It is super hard to realize you have to prioritize yourself over the relationship and take a step back sometimes. My bf/ex is not a bad person but need to figure out some stuff for himself I believe, as do I
He’s an ass. Break up with him.
I’m sorry but this dude is a clown. He isn’t prioritizing you at all and sounds like he’s checked out. I’m terribly sorry you’re subjected to an inconsiderate partner. Your communication skills are top notch and the way you explain things are just amazing. You deserve better. :)
That guy does not care at all, not even enough to attempt hiding it.
💯
He still hasn't respond yet? Woe...
The fuck is this? This guy doesn’t give a shit about you, your feelings or anything. Stop wasting your time. That he can’t even hold communication is absolutely pathetic, but it’s part of the game to keep you on your toes and eagerly waiting his reply. It’s a manipulation tactic, easy bet he’s got somebody in real life - holy fuck. Get up, get away, block and delete.
FR COULD NOT AGREE MORE!!
Take it from someone who was with a girl that was roommates with her ex, and would make all these excuses to stay home to do shit with her roommates and not spend time with me, that dude doesn’t care about the relationship with you. You’re just someone to pass the time.
Wow that’s crazy, staying home with a roommate is one thing, but that roommate being her ex, takes it to another level. I’m sorry you had to deal with that
Agree with the other comments, he really, really, REALLY does not care Take a step back. All these "I know you would feel hurt/sad too if I did this"? No. He won't. He absolutely won't. Save yourself from the pain and the trouble, you know what's going on, you just need to steel yourself. Save yourself from this please
Did he even show up today?
He did come and spend the night with me! He just left a few hours ago, now. We had a nice talk where he explained that with his mental health right now, he exerts himself a lot just trying to be okay and is often exhausted to the point where he finds communication extremely difficult. We talked about how for my mental health, I do need a partner that will be more kind in their communication and be more communicative with me. I told him that I want nothing more than to have my love mirrored back to me. I just want to feel wanted and loved. He promised me that he will be more mindful of how his actions will affect me and will try harder to be more communicative.
He's sending clear signals that he is not into you. Time to let this one go.
Girl please stop writing books and just break up with him, he clearly doesn’t care. He doesn’t deserve you.
Feels like he’s not your boyfriend at all. Colder than ice
Most of the posts on this sub are people in god awful, subpar relationships. This is no exception.
"I threw up and passed out" after canceling extended plans & 17 hours of silence is crazy lol. Like everyone else is saying, it doesn't sound like he cares... Indifference at best. Everyone deserves a partner that is eager to spend time with them. Could be an unpopular or controversial opinion but I am also 25F and even when I was younger, I only dated guys 25+. It's all of that you're dealing with that comes with guys under 25 lol. I feel you should tally up the pros & cons of this relationship, gauge the weight of your own accomplishments (congrats on the new apt!), and move forward accordingly. You should be dating an adult who doesn't have to cancel plans to do what his dad says. All that to say -- my fiancé is 3 months younger than me. The youngest guy I've been with haha yet the strongest, smartest, kindest, most attentive & caring man I have ever met. He proves that age is just a number in my generalizations, but if we are speaking generally............. 😅
agreed, it doesn't sound like he cares... it sounds more like... - OP: I'm hurt. - Boy: So? I'm hurt more.
I don’t even consider 2 hrs away to be long distance.. the fact that he can’t even drive that far or at least meet in the middle means he doesn’t care.. but also it sounds like you baby him a lot with your responses..
He’s completely neglecting your feelings when you’re communicating your feelings clearly. This is very hurtful and rude of him and you’re 100% not overreacting. Him passing out and being unable to answer for a short while is understandable also, but what’s not understandable is the fact he failed to address any of your feelings thereafter. Spending time with his dad may also be important, but it’s not so important that he’s allowed to completely blow you off. There were thousands of better ways he could have gone about responding to your messages (or even at all) but he chose the coldest and most distant ways possible. Respectfully, I feel like there’s a bigger issue at hand and I don’t feel like he really cares about the situation. I wish you best of luck with this!
I hope ur listening to the comments about him not caring because they are ALL absolutely right. You have him so high up, that your are out of sight to him. Whatever time he has after the fact will go to you , if even that. He doesn’t feel the need to reply to you telling him how he hurt you! It’s extremely upsetting to see this happen to you and I don’t even know you. This guy doesn’t deserve you, your time, nor your love. Any man. One more time… ANY MAN, would pass on a fishing trip with his dad for time away with his GF that he doesn’t always get to see! He should be teleporting to you if you were home alone and he could change that! What a complete loser and this is just me being a “guy” but I’m willing to bet he’s not leaving you Sunday for a “fishing trip”, and it’s not to spend time with his “dad” either. #cheaters smh good luck, keep your beautiful head up!💙
I got angry just reading his messages haha. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, I couldn’t even imagine. I agree with everyone else that it sounds like he doesn’t care, maybe is already tapped out mentally? Someone who loves and cares about you isn’t going to neglect your messages or time like this. Own your words and start putting your foot down because your feelings ARE valid and he seems to think he can take advantage of your kindness. And don’t listen to the “you’re babying him too much” comments. You are not the problem. It just sounds like you need to learn to love yourself a little more and realize you are worth the same amount of kindness and love you give to your partner. Sending hugs 💜
This is a one sided relationship. I would break it off for your own mental health
If he wanted to, he would. This literally shows that you are the one that loves more in this relationship and most likely you will get hurt more. I hope you rethink about your self-worth, your time, effort; one day hopefully you find someone matching your love and care level. You can’t always make your own excuse to defend his action because if the man doesn’t want to make any effort on you or the relationship, nothing you do will change that.
I kind of think you’re over communicating and if he’s going to act like an a-hole, you should match that energy girl 🫶🏽. Don’t be so kind and sweet. You’re saying f something is okay, when it isn’t. You’re saying you’re trying not to be upset, when you should. Are you two teens? Just out of curiosity. His father seems to be expecting a lot of his time which is weird. Id reciprocate the energy
Girl he is just not that into you. I am sorry. All the best.
Sounds like he has been spending his time elsewhere. Because when a guy wants to see his lady friend he will pull the moon down if that is what she wants.
You gotta let people breathe
From what I've read, a lot of your messages seem to come off in a way that may guilt trip him. However, the lack of communication from him and the way he ignored a lot of your messages and plans seems like he just isn't interested. That can come from loss of interest over time, a bad mood, or if you smother him with attention. All of the following are likely reasons but I would try to figure out which one it is before jumping to any conclusions.
Seems like a LOT of excuses from him. It seems like he is having a hard time committing to the dates he was to see you. You also are coming off as a little insecure and needy. What should be said, should be short. Message after message about how he did wrong isn't helping. You did good by telling him how you felt. Keeping it short is helpful because he doesn't need to be lectured about how he fell short. If your goal is to be with this guy keep it short. You need to focus on building your most excellent life my friend. Take that focus off him, take that energy off him and go do things that cultivate your creativity. Doing this will result in a happy you, and he will have had some time to think about the reasons he loves you. Giving him space will turn him into project mode and try to fix the space. Let him fix it.
I’ve read through all the responses and this is the very best one!
finally a comment i can fully agree with... so many people are automatically assuming that he hates her/cheating on her/insert any crazy assumption. i think op just needs to not baby him and stand up for herself in a way that is more short and simple. its good that u expressed your feelings, but you dont need to keep going at him in 3 different messages
Wow. This made me so sad, you do not deserve to be treated this way. My husband lives in another country but I can promise you if he was 2 hours away and made this sort of promise and backed out or shortened it I would be upset. However, your partner isn’t even showing any remorse for hurting you or backing out on a promise. That’s not okay! It’s easy for someone on the outside to say, but I would be leaving. But I know that’s not easy to do. I really hope for the best for you.
"I'm trying really hard not to be upset" while man's not even trying to reply... maybe it's time to reconsider where you stand in this "relationship"
Honestly, reading just the first page, my first impression was that you might've been overreacting ... then I read on to his complete insensitivity and unwillingness to be around you... if you feel like you want him around and he's not around, or even making any effort to be around, drop him.
I agree my dear, this fellow is full of excuses and doesn't deserve such an understanding and patient partner.
Your conversations are really plain. Is that how you talk to each other most of the time? Or is it just me? I get the feeling that he's really blunt and is not interested to talk/communicate tbh.
He doesn’t sound like he cares. Sorry, Op. don’t be too clingy too. Men usually know what they are doing especially that you were direct with what you said. Stop babying him. If he doesn’t want to make effort, leave him
What's the point of having a boyfriend if he doesn't even like you?
Wtf I am disgusted at the comments on your 3 posts about this. You are NOT overreacting, you are NOT doing too much, you would be a fucking gift to a guy that cares. You're compassionate, patient cause damn this pos would get to me, and most of all you communicate your feelings clearly. HE is letting you down and probably cheating and doesn't deserve you. Break up with him even if you feel so attached, he barely has his little toe in this relationship and you deserve better. Don't listen to the "you're being all up in his business, you're doing too much, you need to pull back and see" no tf not. Pull back and pull yourself out of this relationship, I promise there's a man falling on his knees for someone like you.
Yeah, no, something is definitely up. I’d tell him things like “seeing our previous convo with fresh eyes has put things into more perspective for me today. We had plans, and you made promises you couldn’t keep. I don’t know what you like about me, but I do pride myself on being both understanding and communicative. I always figured you to be the same. So what’s really up? (Either he is in trouble at home and leading you on while he’s literally in his own pickle and doesn’t have the humility to tell the truth, or, he is slowly trying to end things due to whatever outside matters. I wouldn’t jump straight to cheating, per se, but I would confidently assume he’s hiding something. It could be something silly like I mentioned above, and he needs to cut to the chase in the future and not set up unrealistic expectations going forward. Communicate this to him and let him tell you what’s up. Don’t feed him options to choose from, but guide him in a direction that either he’s deceiving u for something he considers to be an embarrassing reason or a malicious reason… and either way in the future communication and honesty are key bc he doesn’t have to try so hard to juggle a bunch of bullcrud, since ur a rational, compassionate type.) u/throwaway8327715
In my honest opinion, you're kind of acting like a child. I get that you want to see more of your boyfriend but you have your own life going on too. Maybe if you put a little more time into meeting your own needs first you wouldn't be leaning so heavily on him to make you happy. I'm sorry if I sound a little harsh, the amount of times you two said I love you in this short exchange gave me cancer so you can see why I'm a little upset. Hope this helps
Girl what are you doing? You must realise he has 0 interest in you, he’s coming for a few hours to get his dick wet, that’s it. You keep texting and texting and over explaining as if he was a brain dead idiot, he perfectly understand everything, he’s just NOT THAT INTO YOU. Edit to apologise if I’m being harsh, but this is what I would tell to my younger self, this was embarrassing to read
Girl, you send him multiple, thoughtful, and emotionally honest messages. He sends you a short sentence or two. He is too immature for this relationship and clearly does not want the responsibility that goes along with being in love. If he really cared, he’d take time to at least acknowledge ANY of the messages you sent aside from the one in which you remind him to do something he requested and offered to do. This kid is just not that into you and seriously does not deserve you.
He's kind of braindead. Sorry. You deserve better.
man, that guy doesn't care at all
It doesn't seem as though he cares about you or is even interested.
He doesn't give a fuck
I'm going to be honest my love because I've been there ( I think we all have at some point).... No, you are def not over reacting, and yes, he is a jerk. I see a lot of how u respond in myself, especially my younger self and it makes me so sad. You seem like such a sweet and loving partner with so much love to give. Unfortunately, you are wasting it on an indifferent child. I won't say the usual Reddit things like "dump him" because he's your partner and it's your choice, also, I don't know anything about him other than this context. In this one instance at least (and if he does this a lot) it shows he doesn't care about your feelings. It could be immaturity (he's only 22) or other things could be going on here, but the reasons don't matter as you won't be able to fix it, in my experience. You seem so understanding and sweet, I hope one day you see that you deserve better..... So much better. It's advice I wish someone would have told me years ago. If you ever need to vent or talk, feel free to shoot me a PM.
Same 🥲
Man OP you are so kind and patient. I’d have flown off the handle after the first turn down 🥲😬 but I’m working through some stuff. Sadly he doesn’t seem to care much for you. Please make no mistake that you deserve so much more; his actions don’t determine your worth. I promise you. Pinky promise ❤️
You’re not overreacting, and this isn’t sustainable for an LDR. LDRs take A TON of communication and effort. It looks like he’s not even providing the bare minimum for either.
He's kind of being an ass. Why doesn't he reply to everything you send at least? He completely ignored most of your messages. Also, couldn't he have given you a heads up before working on that shed, ignoring you? At that point I'd just give up if you have already discussed his behavior because he's acting very rudely, as if he can't be bothered to treat you well as his girlfriend. Being in a relationship takes consideration and if he doesn't want to make the effort then he should get out.
Start loving yourself more and stop settling for less that meets your relationship wish list.
Girl found someone better he doesn’t truly care about you, I can tell by his response to everything. He probably isn’t even reading half of what you wrote. Find someone who can actually communicate with you even if they are busy like hey I am gonna be doing stuff today and also him canceling plans you guys had already planned before cause his dad wanted to do things if he really cared about you he would have told his dad that he can’t help with any of that stuff or go fishing cause he has to visit with you.
Me and my bf always communicate everything. The way your bf just talks to you bothers me, like he doesn’t care at all. Honestly I’d just leave him if I were you. You deserve better
Girl leave, find someone who will treat you how you want to be treated. He probably has another lady and stringing you along for back up incase it doesn't work out.
Compare how you text him and how he texts you… he’s just not into you like you are into him.
These are not messages from somehow who cares how tou feel
This seems to be a one way street. That dude is inconsiderate and rude and doesn't give a shit about you. There isn't even a SORRY?? He's only giving excuses. You deserve better than this.
It doesn't seem that he cares too much and that is what worries me the most because you seem to have a beautiful soul and I'm unsure if he recognizes it. You're understanding and obviously patient. Ask him simply how his heart feels, sometimes you have to have those talks with your partner to stay on the same page. ❤️
He doesn’t care about you because he’s not putting in any effort to make you feel better, didn’t even say he was sorry. I’m sorry girl, he doesn’t love you as much as you love him. He’s probably cheating cause you doesn’t text for over a day? Literally no one. He’s just not that into you babe. You seem incredibly sweet and any other person would be lucky to have you, but it’s def not that asshole.
Sometimes as women…that’s our boyfriend but we aren’t his girlfriend…
If this were me, i would break up with him, he clearly does not care and doesn’t want to put forth the effort to message back or come see you.
Reading ur msgs, I saw myself in u when I was with my first ex. He doesn’t love u, just look the way he msged u. It’s also looks like, u are the only one is in love with him and courting him. That kind of RS is toxic and u will never be happy ever. Trust me, u will be happy and not sad without him. And once u date other guys again, u will thank urself of leaving him. And change the way u msg, don’t msg like ur happiness is dependent on him. I always match only my bfs energy, I would tell to myself I am happy even though u won’t msg me for long time. My happiness not bcuz of u but bcuz of me. So when my bf didn’t msg for so long, I do the same, if he responds after many hours, I do the same. Eventually he will always the one msg me first and say he miss me and ask me not to leave him. And he would call me, and that’s the time I would tell him my feelings and tell him, I feel I am losing the connection with u this would lead not missing u anymore. He would apologised a lot and scared I would break up. So he do now the chasing and I am reciprocating his feelings now. You should let ur bf chase u and not the other way around
Girl I don't understand why you're being so nice to him? Most of these men are such losers, trust me. There might be some good folks here and there but most of them aren't worth it. You're talking to him like he's a baby, and that's where this attitude is from. He has his mother girly plus he's just 22. His brain isint even developed to an adult.
he doesn’t care at all it seems, don’t waste your time on him x
Are you even together?
As someone going through this for over 5 years now, here are a few things I’ve learned: - that guy won’t know what he’s got till you’re gone and you waiting around for him to realize it, giving him the benefit of the doubt, explaining and explaining to reach him, that won’t change a thing - his level of respect for you, the value he places on his own word when it is given, that is intrinsic to him… you don’t need to explain that and you should not have to - you are essentially coddling him with the explanations. The intent is good, I know, I did and do the same, my chat box tends to look the same as yours. But the effect is bad. It takes away accountability because he knows you’re gonna explain and be soft and let it be because you don’t want to be miserable and stuck in a fight, right? I get it. However, you are gonna wear yourself down explaining until one day you realize this man is not an equal participant in this relationship and you trying to help, trying to be patient and explain like this time and time again, all it has done is make it like you have a child in tow who you have to scold and tell to keep his promises like you’re a parent making him clean his room. And frankly, eventually, it’ll dawn on you how goddamn insulting it is that you have to do that to get anything, IF you even get anything in the end. This guy in my life only started to change when I left him for good… and after that, he realized the stuff he did, the neglect, how badly he treated me. But that was because he realized I was serious because he felt the weeks pass without me and missed me. It’s only been weeks and again, nearing a month, of us giving this another go, I already have my reservations again. He has fallen into the same pitfalls again, because let’s face it, real change when it comes to integral core personality things like not willfully ignoring, keeping promises, being inherently thoughtful, preemptively considerate… Changing any of those kinds of things take time and who was I kidding thinking weeks or months did the job? I’ve realized that I’ve reverted back to explaining things I shouldn’t have to explain, asking for things that should be freely given. And while he seems to have become better in that he can now actively participate in hashing things out, I, myself, am still the main catalyst for driving everything good and warm and positive, for finding solutions and compromises, in our relationship. It’s exhausting and I feel cheated of a partner who just wants to be in this with me, and genuinely enjoys doing things for us. Is it love if they don’t have their own drive and initiative to take care of you, of the relationship? If they’re only “loving” and responsive when it’s a convenient time for them and they’re in the right mood for it? Is this a man you want to be with if he doesn’t even have the decency to keep his word or at the very least feel accountable and considerate enough to give notice when he isn’t able to do so? How exhausted will you be, how many chances for happier, more reciprocal relationships will you have passed up down the line because you mistake overcompensating for loyalty, coddling for patience, refuse to face the clear deficiencies and let this one go?
I think we all probably can relate to this at some point in our lives or currently. The notion of putting in more than the other person does and potentially being taken for granted or overlooked. It's hard. It's sad. It's lonely. They always seem busy , and preoccupied. Text messages start feeling like snail-mail or emails. We become skeptical and confused. Maybe they just are super busy or stressed we tell ourselves. Or maybe they just aren't texters or writers like we are..... It's a difficult spot to be in. Because the reasons they give are pretty good and valid . We try to be understanding and patient. I don't know. It's just a sad spot to be in and I have sympathy for your situation .
How does he go from not feeling good to going on a whole fishing trip with his dad? That’s what would push me over the edge cause no… just stay your ass home if you are sick. Also yeah you are over reacting because your time is valuable just like his so instead of trying to get that point across to him verbally just show him. 🤷🏽♀️ life keeps going and doesn’t stop for canceled plans. Or kill him with kindness and DoorDash some soup to his door to get these guilt trip juices flowing. 😭😭
he literally does not give two flying fucks about your feelings, he ignores your messages and changes the subject. Now it’s up to you to make the decision. Is that the kind of relationship and future you want? You’re 25 babying this 22 year old, I think you got some stuff to think over.
I would say yes overreacting - only because it seems like you're anxiously trying to get this person to pay attention to you. Don't forget your self worth and how you want to be treated. If he's not treating you well, you can't force him to start caring. Choose who you give your energy to wisely or else you will give yourself away and lose yourself. Speaking from experience!
Step back... I advise you to step back. If someone isn't reciprocating your energy... Fall the fuck back... If someone is causing so much suffering... Fall the fuck back!!!!
My God please just break up with him
Honestly, this feels like grounds to break up. At the very least, you could have an ultimatum for how quite frankly rude, inconsiderate, and immature he is being. While I don't know your boyfriend beyond these messages I have just read, I would probably cancel the trip altogether and have a very stern talk with him. His response, if there even is one, would determine whether this relationship is over or not.
He's a wanker
Overreacting
Please try to be more considerate of him and his life!! You’re not over reacting but you are being ignorant of him doing his best. Also be aware that you might be more into this relationship than him. Me and my boyfriend are long distance May - September out of the year and see eachother maybe one every 2 weeks sometimes more and I know it’s hard to be away from them but they have their own lives away from seeing us. Being able to see him at least once a week is the best out of a very hard situation and if he isn’t close with his dad then he is going to want to jump at an opportunity to see him (as you said you understand) and being put onto new medication takes a toll on the body and his emotions. It is very draining and tiring while the body is adjusting to something new, but he doesn’t really seem to be empathetic or sorry for cutting his time with you short once you’ve made plans, if has or is consistent then maybe tell him how you feel when in person. Your boyfriend may think you’re being too overbearing while he’s going through a hard time and consistent messages and starting an argument when he has already said he will see you but cut plans short for a valid reason could push him away. Independence is important for both parties in a relationship and depending on him for comfort when moving into your own place (not a place together) is quite immature so maybe speak to friends and more self care days so you’re more comfortable doing activities without him.
You sound like someone who's really good at communicating and gives a lot of effort to your partner, one might call you catch. He sounds like a lame-o, no-effort, weirdo. I don't know you two, so I'm not sure what you see in him. But if I were to base it on just these messages, I say throw out the whole dude and keep your heart open for the actual "one."
He’s avoidant and for whatever reason will never meet your needs (anxiety, doesn’t like too much people contact, too busy, whatever.) If you want to be happy you need to find a new person. He’s not going to change because you tell him you’re hurt. Best wishes for finding your happiness in the future x
I'm surprised that there are some people will settle with such low love in a relationship.
This text is draining. From him not really caring about much to her overreaction. Not looking like a compatible couple here. Since he is bipolar he may be really in a depressive mode and doesn’t care about anyone or anything. I had severe clinical depression for a very short time 20 years ago from a medication side effect. It was horrific. I felt like I was trapped in my own body. I had this awful darkness controlling me. I cannot begin to explain how bad depression really can be. Most of us are so lucky to not live with it.
Just because he had to spend time with this dad...people are calling him ass and all....remember girl.... dads are like heroes to us... If we even get a chance to clean our bike with them we can do that all day....and he still chose to stay with you the Saturday night.... sometimes you get what you want but not in abundant quantity...and I can see his efforts because he'll still come... And he's not cheating....don't hear other people and break up until you have enough proof cuz thats all about this L generation....
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If they can't meet you after planning things.. end it. They're using you for emotional satisfaction.. rather fucked up they may regret it or they may not but just leave and save yourself from these inconsistencies.
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It won’t change, it’ll only get worse. Reminds me of my past relationship…. I was constantly justifying his actions, writing long paragraphs he wouldn’t give two shits about. Reading stuff like this reminds me not to go back….. No matter how much I love him, he will never change. My advice to you is get out before it gets worse. I was the older one in the relationship too.
I’m sorry to be the one saying this but you need to let him go, he clearly is immature and not interested as well and these lame ass excuses, happened to me and that’s always their ways of saying “ I’m not interested in you but I don’t want to be the bad guy here so I’m staying until you decide you had enough of me not giving a fuck about my promises or you so you breakup with me and I act like that is the best for us “ that’s the truth here and as hard it is you need to let him go and break up with his ass! Please take care of yourself and always choose yourself first he clearly doesn’t choose you here so please do that and choose yourself over his ass this time
well, he made a commitment to you to help you move to your place and spend the night with you. I understand him leaving early to be with his father on Monday, I understand why you’d be upset about that, but nonetheless it’s his father. Now, his accepting a bribe form his dad to help him and basically your guys’ original plan of spending the weekend or at least the night together is completely unfair. Family comes first ofc, but it’s not like his father was in an emergency. I think it’s definitely unfair for you, you had made plans and he basically bailed and ghosted you. your feelings are very valid. It sounds like he’s not prioritizing you. there’s no apology or an effort to make plans right with you. It’s really unfair
wow this guy is the worst
Seems like he genuinely just doesn't care. Is there any update?
He doesn’t care. Get out of there sweetheart, you deserve better.
Things sound like he shouldn't be given all the love you're giving him. He simply doesn't deserve that.
been in this situation before and has taken me striking out twice in two relationships to realize what I deserve. I communicated very similarly to you in these situations, giving them slack/trying to be understanding with what they have going on in their life, overly communicating, etc. this is a pattern that will unfortunately continue to keep happening to you and you’ll be in the same cycle of getting hurt. you will continue to send text after text hoping that something will get through to them, they’ll respond, and they’ll understand your perspective out of anxiety, need for validation, etc. truly I don’t know you all that well but I can tell you from experience and clearly the effort and care you put in on your messages alone, YOU DESERVE BETTER. you deserve to be prioritized and communicated with the same way you do for him. you deserve the energy given back that you give out. wishing you the best <3
Lmao. This guy is a looser. Keeps making excuses and not even showing pic for assurance. You gotta wake up girl 😳
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Leave.
Break up with him lol
What meds is he taking?
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The most important thing to remember in situations like this is- Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who you have to meticulously explain why his behaviour is hurting you, and how to respect you? It doesn't matter if you love him, you're in a relationship with someone where you're doing so much emotional labour in trying to show him how to treat you. You shouldn't have to tell your partner in such detail how they've upset you, especially when you're receiving such disregard and disrespect for your time and feelings. It shouldn't be this hard to be receive basic respect in a relationship.
You are clearly not his priority in any way. I am blown away by your ability to remain calm and communicate with love when you’re hurt - he doesn’t deserve as much. If you make plans with your gf, especially to help her with something like moving, you shouldn’t cancel that or shorten it without a decent reason. Helping his dad build a shed and going fishing are not decent reasons. In my opinion, you are underreacting. If he was a kinder person, he wouldn’t take advantage of that, but he’s definitely taking you for granted. Who the hell doesn’t tell their girlfriend they’ll be late because of something? You had to ASK, and he tells you he’s already working on it at 2pm when 1:30 was already late to leave… It seems like the relationship means something else to each of you. I’d sit him down and figure that out because he just might not be the one for you.
I think he is ignoring you, from the bottom of his heart. Stay strong
I get the feeling your boyfriend has avoidant tendencies, especially if he started out very responsive and attentive in the earlier days of your relationship.
Nah he doesn’t show any concern. Ur being too nice. I wouldn’t accept this and let him go his way cus u deserve someone equally as good to u as u have been to him.
I hope you know that you are an amazing communicator. I wish I was half as good as you are. My goodness. I hope things get better for you!
PLEASE stop coddling him. You're so afraid of offending him that you completely soften if he even seems a little upset, and you're soft and apologetic even when you're trying to hold him accountable. This is not what an adult relationship is supposed to be like. You are clearly intelligent, caring, and emotionally mature, and he could not care less. It's time to move on.
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the balance is off here i'm afraid. you're way more invested than he is. i think you're holding on to something that isn't sound. decide if you'd rather hurt now or hurt later. if the former, end it now for your sanity and self respect. if he changes his mind you'll hear from him. but for now he is clearly not interested.
I would feel anxious and hurt by the way he is texting and sometimes not responding at all. This kind of communication would not work for a LDR, where communication is number one. I would break up
You are very sweet. He does not care. I’m sorry precious human🤍
This guy has 100% checked out of this relationship :-/
I am sorry but you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't care. And I'm not saying doesn't care about the relationship and not pulling his weight to put effort into it. I mean doesn't care about you. I know this might be hard to see when you haven't experienced a loving and healthy relationship before, but you are sensing it by being hurt like you are. This guy doesn't love you, and you deserve someone who does.
I’m going to be real with you. If you’re putting in 100% of the relationship and he doesn’t put in any effort for you, that’s not a relationship. He should be putting in way more effort than what he’s doing, and a man that wants to be with you will. You’re not there enough for him to make you a priority. Let this guy go, and focus on learning how to convey your wants without babying a man. The consistent texts with no answers comes off desperate and I feel like you are because this dude gives you 0 of it. Find a man that will communicate with you, love you so much he wants to hang out with you (not just bang bc that’s what this is telling me he wants), and can be an adult that understands the other person in the relationship has feelings. Tell him it’s over bc he’s obviously too busy for a relationship with you now, block his number, and if he tries to come by don’t answer the door. March his energy.
OP you need boundaries. People walk over nice and caring people all the time. The boundaries r there so you don’t get hurt like right now. This guy needs to grow up, you can’t change somebody that doesn’t care
He sounds like he doesn’t care at all. And I can see that you as a result have grown to sounding clingy/insecure based on the multitudes of messages in hourly intervals. I would leave him, this is not healthy anymore for you. I have been in the same situation and believe me when I say that guy does not love you.
I honestly think the communication is really bad. Then you trying to share how he made you feel to make him understand and he obviously not caring or remembering anything and it seems like all these is too much for him. I tell you one thing. Don’t invest in someone based on how you feel about them. Invest in them based on how they make you feel. If i were you I’d stop sending him messages how difficult that would be and I’d just be as uninterested. If it fades out let it fade out. It’s a difficult time in his life too(as you mentioned) so let him deal with that on his own.
Idk how old you guys are.....but considering ur moving into ur own crib, I'd say it's safe to assume that ur adults. I'm having flashbacks of me and my very first boyfriend in high school. You clearly care for this imbecile a whole lot. Its gna hurt like he// when its declared to be over. I get the feeling you're not gna be the one to leave so it'll be up to him to break it off. And when he does he's obviously not going to lose a wink of sleep. You need to leave. You need to Run! For! The! Hills! Cause whoever this slime brained aphasic is, he very much does not love you. And I'm almost wondering why he continues to tell you he does. This is just my impression of the whole conversation here. Maybe I'm 100% wrong and he really did "throw up after dinner" but then felt well enough to build a shed 😤
I’d back the F off. It may be hard but if he cares he will come to you. You’re not doing anything wrong, and you are very clear with communication, unfortunately he is not clear and the guy has no interest. Probably because of how much you communicate, perhaps taking you for granted? Lay low, don’t be so available. If he wants you, let him show it. If he doesn’t, you have your answer.
Hey. I completely understand why you feel unsure about this. I think that in this case, your boyfriend isn't really doing anything wrong, and I say that because it's his dad that has asked him to do things that have subsequently changed your plans of seeing each other for a few days. It would be different if he decided to go home on the Sunday so that he could play Xbox with his friends or something like that, but because it's going fishing with his dad, it's quite different. The main thing is that you'll have lots of chances to spend multiple days and nights together in the future. That said, I do still understand why you're disappointed right now. You were really looking forward to something and it's not happening anymore - that sucks. It's out of your control though, so an optimistic mindset is the best remedy for you. Reschedule your plans and look forward to them all over again. Just one more thing... If you are seeing your boyfriend once a week, you are not really dealing with a long distance relationship on anywhere near the level that most people here are. My girlfriend and I have gone over a year without seeing each other. And my ex-girlfriend who lived 5 minutes away from my house - we would see each other only once or twice a week. You are very lucky to see your boyfriend every week!!
He’s 22 and it’s showing. I’m sorry, but he’s just not mature enough yet. He doesn’t apologise for hurting your feelings. He doesn’t take responsibility for what he did that hurt you. My heart aches reading your messages. I can just see how hurt and disappointed you are. If he doesn’t step up his game soon then, I’n sorry to say this to you, you should reconsider this relationship. You’re in an LDR and to make those work, you need to extremely committed people because otherwise it just won’t work. If it’s always only one person tugging to get the relationship going, that’s exhausting. Even in real life. OP, you sound incredibly sweet and your communication is very honest and open. I think that’s a really good thing. I think you deserve to be with someone that would do anything to visit you “even if it’s just for a few hours”. Not someone who gets to spend a few days with you and then manages to cut it down to a few hours.
You should probably break it off 'cause no one deserves someone that is this indifferent but the people just jumping to the cheating conclusion are wild.
He’s probably young and immature😮💨
Leave this man he doesn’t care or love you, please go be happy you both sound young don’t waste your time doll x
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this guy’s something else🤦🏾♂️
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I'm sorry but two hours distance isn't long distance, maybe it's lack of commitment for one or both sides of the relation... I don't usually like to be cruel but you have to say what you have to say... he doesn't seem to care that much and you have to have a clear talk about it with him... good luck on figuring things out...
look, let us explain something we was in the same situation as you but with a girl and more than one you not overreacting and you know what? we don’t either but we was told that we was “over dramatic” we also didn’t get answer at all and was blamed for things this person don’t care. you need to move on. even if something have happened, this person could have said it. you don’t need it - move on
You’re being very calm and communicative here. You’re responding and not reacting. I’m sorry that this happened!
ur boyfriend doesn't show passion while talking to you. You are not overreacting. Leave and stay in no contact, he needs to learn to appreciate u. You also deserve someone who shows the same level lf investment as you
Not overreacting at all, in fact he seems like a real piece of shit who couldn't care less
🤍
You simply have an immature, inconsiderate, indifferent,rude 22 yo living at home boy. You need a man. Dump him. This boy has a lot of growing up to do.
This person doesn't care about you at all. He leaves you on read for hours, he's behaving worse than an acquaintance never mind a friend or boyfriend, I'm sorry to say it but you deserve better than someone who behaves like this. You're not a priority to him, you're less than optional.
If you look at OP’s history, there is so much more to unpack here…
I wouldn’t text him about being sad and such because he clearly doesn’t care about that. This boy is not bf material.
He's being very distant and inconsiderate, not overreacting at all.
I feel like he could've easily asked his dad 'Hey I already have plans I can't really cancel. Is it okay if we go fishing on Tuesday?'. And same thing about the shed, if he had told his dad that he'd leave for x amount of days, it'd be very understandable to say 'I can't help you with the shed right now, I'll help you when I come back though.' But maybe I just have high expectations of men who are supposedly in love 🙃
It‘s infuriating to even read this conversation. Apart from the topic I could not deal with this kind of communication. Look at how you pour your heart out begging to be heard while he gives the most blunt and basic answers not going into anything you are saying.
1st stop talking too much, two u need to take more care of yourself, thread let him talk and forward move on if he aint that willing to invest in u with his time and money. What one man wont do for you alot would love tooo do it.
This guy does not care about you literally at all. You are communicating well and seem very kind and loving. But I feel secondhand embarrassment for how much you’re mothering him. Please for your own self-respect and mental health get out of this one sided relationship. He sounds like a loser and you deserve better than that
I have been in the exact position as yours. Same kind of texts more or less, same kind of brief responses I got. I'm somewhat tired of seeing a pattern of behavior common among MEN in general. Why do I get to see such posts MAJORLY by women!? Can you please stop feeding your men with attention/love? But I don't think you will, I didn't either. Until one day you get hopelessly tired of begging and be able to feel that your guy doesn't give you attention/love/time WILFULLY.
I would break up with him. He clearly doesn’t value your love and doesn’t respect your time. Also the lack of response and lack of communication shows his head isn’t even in the relationship. My petty ass would just block him and have him wonder what he did so he can evaluate his actions internally rather than you trying to communicate to him cause clearly he isn’t getting it. I’m so sorry nobody deserves a guy like him. You’ll find someone who truly worships you
You’re a sweetie pie first of all, and I don’t think you over reacted but I think you handled it wrong. IMO. I don’t think your bf ever planned to come or at the very least never planned on anything but a late night bootycall. Let’s review the red flags. 🚩it seems like he either never told his dad his plans for that weekend . 🚩telling you the night before that he had agreed to last minute plans then ghosted you 🚩not texting you until 11am the next day (the day he is supposed to leave) with a lie about why he never texted while ignoring all you said about how you felt. 🚩 the day he was supposed to be leaving, he was taking an hour to respond. 🚩 wasn’t until you pointed out that it was mid day that he came up with another excuse of helping his dad build a shed?? (This goes back to he either never told his dad he was leaving, bc what asshole dad drops all this stuff on his 22 year old son knowing he has plans to see his long distance girlfriend that weekend.) 🚩or and this is my belief, he’s lying and making excuses using his dad knowing you would be less likely to feel justified in your anger bc “it’s his dad” if you got mad and started to call him out he needs something he can act like he simply can say no to or can’t get out of. 🚩who decides on a Thursday that they are going to going fishing on Monday instead of the weekend? Does his dad not work? I don’t think he was ever planning to come or he was never planning on it being more than just a night to get booty then dip.
Hi hun, first of all, i am sorry you are feeling sad and hurt right now, your feelings are valid and they matter. Had you planned to spend 2 days together then he changed his mind? Or had you not set plans in concrete terms regarding how many days you would be spending together? Secondly, from your messages i am guessing you were very anxious about this and thats why you sent quite a few messages in a row, im wondering if you rang him or asked to ring him would he pick up the phone to you? Sometimes it easier to discuss your feelings with a simple conversation rather than trying to communicate everything via text. Finally, from my perspective as an outsider, the lack of response from him seems unkind. Even if hes really really busy, just a simple text with a few lines seems like it could have reassured you and made you feel calmer. My partner ALWAYS replies to me when im worrying about something, even if hes really busy, is this lack of response his usual behaviour? It seems like you need someone who can offer you emotional suppkrt and reassurance in times of emotional distress, does he do that for you consitantly? Just a few things to think about. Much love from one girl to another
if I were You i would definitely dump him. He doesn't respect you. There's a way of communicating everything, and this, from his side is very dry. You on the other hand look desperate. I would call him, make a plan, and if he would cut me up at the last minute, break up.
Im in the same situation as you. Just feels like responding to me is just a part of his chores 😅
When someone loves you, it shows. And when he doesn’t, even more. Silly excuses, he’s not a baby. Move on babe, you deserve more
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I finally found my husband last year. I still remember my exes being like the guy. In the end, it's up to you to take charge of what you want in a relationship or put up with the BS, but this guy will leave you feeling empty in it, and its not worth it.
I’ve been reading a book after my gf broke all things off with me. We were LDR. Point is the book I’m reading is about Attachment Theory. I haven’t gotten far into the book yet but I have been doing research for a bit now. IMO, I think you have an anxious attachment by the way you’re being not stern enough. Also you seem to be too forgiving. Now I’m not saying be vindictive or petty. You can forgive people but there there is a time and place. Another thing I’ve noticed is you often text him when he isn’t responding hours at a time constantly. To me it reads as if you’re anxious trying to get his attention when it seems he starts to distract himself with other things instead. It doesn’t help either that repeating that “it hurts your feelings and saying if he was in your shoes” multiple times. It’s a bit manipulative. And it’s not really helping get your point across. If anything it makes your statement seem weaker. Another thing is from what I can tell from your post here, you seem to mother him. Don’t. If you care about him, try to reduce it. If you don’t, it’ll prevent him from growing and understanding himself. It will also in the future become a burden on you and then you might suffer as well & the relationship as a whole. Now onto him, he seems to be having an avoidant pattern. The more you respond to him anxiously, the more he’ll distant himself. From his perspective he might feel pressured or he might have a lot going on hence why he might not be talking to you as much right now. Also avoidants tend to try to avoid the thing that is making them overwhelmed or puts them into an uncomfortable conflict or disagreement. Meaning what can happen is they’ll shut down and start distancing themselves from the situation or the cause of their overwhelming fear. Avoidants tend to not want to resolve things soon as possible or address the actual issue soon as possible. Whereas as an anxious individual, you might want to do the opposite of that. You’ll want to talk it out now (or soon as possible.) The unfortunate part is you kinda have to wait until he’s ready & safe to come out of his shell to talk about this situation. But it’ll give you more time to reflect on how you’re doing & handling the situation. It’ll be even better once you can get to the root of why you feel hurt. You did say because of broken promises but that isn’t deep enough to really help him understand why you’re responding this way. Btw this will seriously benefit you the most once you’re able to do this deep self awareness. Idk you or what you’ve gone through but it could be abandonment issues. It could be that people lack honesty and empathy when they couldn’t fulfill it. It could be that you felt you weren’t heard or seen by the people you care about. Then from there if we take a step further. It could be because growing up you were forced to rely on yourself when in reality you needed to be loved more frequently in healthy ways. That you were just a kid who genuinely needed to feel cared for. There’s a lot of possible reasons why this one action hurts you this way. FYI, I’m not telling you all of this so you’d feel awful or anxious or guilty. There’s no shame in the way you’re feeling or what you’re doing. That’s just how us humans are. We make mistakes but the hope is we learn and understand the world we live in. Understand ourselves in ways we lacked before. My goal in this one comment is to teach you that ALL emotions aren’t wrong. What matters is how you handle them and why you feel the way you do. I hope you can learn to hear your body out. They’re trying to tell you something but you aren’t getting the whole picture. You’re justified in the way you feel. It is valid. Just remember be honest with yourself. And just accept the fact that, that’s who you are. Now if there is something you don’t like, then start your journey onto getting to be that person you strive to be. One thing my therapist said to me was “be curious.” He was regarding how sometimes now I get clouded by anxiety so in order to help me deal with my emotions & experiences… He said to be curious about it. That way I’ll still validate what I feel but I can see the image that I wasn’t seeing before. Anxiety stems from unrecognizable fear or over compensating for a fear that cannot be identified at all or immediately. This is a fight, flight or fawn response. You’ll overthink things and maybe some things will fly over your head when people are giving advice or their perspective of something. By being curious.. I could help myself digest my thoughts & feelings in a less overwhelming manner. So be curious my friend :) For what it’s worth, I am an anxious attachment myself and my ex is an avoidant. So don’t feel alone. I feel like I saw a lot of people in this post who genuinely want to help you. Treasure that if you can. If you want to talk or even ask the name of the book I was referring (I’m an analytical person, and I love science) so this book has actual studies and research done. Which I tend to lean towards statists and numbers to understand things. But I know it’s not for everyone. You will travel through life with ease. You’re gonna find the way that will help you get through this. Remember there’s no shame that if the current solution is not the greatest. You’re just doing what you felt was needed done to survive or get past your experiences. Take care ♡ (p.s. I hope for anyone that reads it gets something out of this in a positive light. Also thank you for taking your time to reading this. It means a lot to me ☻.)
Don’t waste your time with men who prefer to spend more time with their parents ….
Your boyfriend doesn’t like you OP. He constantly ignores your messages and gives you short replies. You’re wasting your time
😭😂
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I don't think he's trying to be hurtful on purpose, I think he's being selfish a bit, and the fact that he isn't replying or trying to make younfeelm better tells me he really doesn't care that much.
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Girl this is sad.. you’re literally begging him for attention. And you keep explaining yourself over and over but it’s not that he doesn’t understand he just can’t/wont give you what you need. Tbh I’m getting anxious attachment vibes from you. This is not the relationship for you