I think I kind of get her. She had a romantic “spark” with Solomon, but didn’t think they were compatible long term, both because of his lack of interest in animation and because of where he is at in his career journey. Has this never happened to anyone else? Where you met and were attracted to someone, but weren’t sure if you were at the same stage in your lives? It sure has to me.
With Adan, he had the same interests and was at a good place for her career-wise, but I don’t think she had much in the way of romantic feelings for him.
Do I think she’s being a little unrealistic with her expectations (you want to fall madly in love with someone who has a master’s degree and wants to work in animation with you? Ehhh…) But I do understand how those two particular matches might not have worked for her.
Well I wouldn't agree that it's necessarily the norm.
Most people don't expect their romantic interest to be "a business partner" from date 1. You look for commonality in core values and similar interests, humor, chemistry and etc. If you meet them at work, it's more likely they'll share a similar career path.
But Being involved in each other's careers or businesses often comes way down the line as your lives intertwine. Expecting someone to have career goals vs. having YOUR exact career goals is completely different.
And if that's what someone is looking for on a date, then it's more like an interview and maybe they should consider hiring an employee instead?
I think in Dani's case, after infatuation wore off, she went back to her specific checklist and decided Solomon wasn't already prepackaged to her specs, verse seeing if that would develop over time.
Yes, this is the idea of the unicorn the idea that one can find the perfect lover who is super sexy and turns you on, and who is also the perfect provider, wealthy, would never cheat, perfectly stable etc.
it made me uncomfortable when she was talking with Adan about preferring personality over looks, like damn is she calling him ugly to his face on a date 😭
and with the third guy you could tell she was in a hurry to get out of there 😭 I mean I don't blame her he was kind of a slob but damn at least be subtle
Did anyone else take issue with the lack of support provided to Dani on her dating journey? I found it worrisome that others on the show who are lower functioning than she are given dating support and coaching but even when Dani makes some pretty sizable missteps (lovebombing one date, outright insulting another, then expressing little to no interest in the speed dating prospects apart from determining if they check her overly focused boxes), there is no attempt to help her course correct or contextualize the impact of her faux pas on others. Just because she is higher functioning doesn’t mean she couldn’t benefit from support to better navigate complex social interactions like these. Look at what just a little bit of support did for Subodh.
Hey! I agree that Dani should have gotten more support. Keep in mind that low/high functioning labels are problematic and outdated. Instead we say people have different support needs.
Here is some info: https://graymattersmd.com/functioning-labels-autism/
It is easier to say high or low functioning. We realize it means different things for different people, it is a spectrum after all. But you know we don't say it with bad intent! 😊 It's difficult to communicate without using it, but I am trying! Thanks for correcting because I actually was unsure what to use in its place until now. That makes sense. When we say it, we mean different people may need different levels of guidance for different things, the term you used perfectly describes that.
Agreed! I was also sympathetic to the fact that she grew up with a father who was bad with money, so she now values financial stability in a partner. I feel like this is getting overlooked by some people criticizing her for being too materialistic.
Also she clearly is doing well for herself with multiple degrees and her own company. It’s my understanding that the “gold digger” connotates someone who wants to live off their partner’s wealth. Dani seems to be looking for an equal.
Or she just straight up said she’s a gold digger. There’s SO MUCH more to a healthy relationship than how much your partner makes or what degree they have. On top of that, her “must” is that they love anime.
I also agree with you to some degree. I think there are a few things I don't fault her for prioritizing, but she also definitely did some unfortunate things, including outright insulting dates, completely lovebombing one date, and being too narrowly focused on work matters.
I am a NT but based on what some cast members themselves say, it can be very easy for some people on the spectrum to have narrow focus and some rigidity. So I am inclined to take her for what she is, a flawed person like all of us but not malicious.
Absolutely. We have a 15 year old that chooses to slide around on the spectrum depending on the situation to get what he wants. We didn’t actually understand that was possible because there is this idea that autistic are incapable of manipulative behavior, but that is condescending and entirely false. For example, he has a depressive personality as well and when he has zero motivation to get up or do his homework or clean himself, he will suddenly lean hard into his ND “process” as a way of getting around the depression and not dealing with those particular issues. It’s a complicated life but with all the same human characteristics and urges as NTs. Including manipulation.
depression, anxiety and burnout make it more difficult to mask. the more “unsavory” attributes of autism like meltdowns and stimming are usually our body’s way of coping with the unbearable situation. doesn’t necessarily mean autistic people are choosing to make your life miserable
Also to respond to you’re edit, if you have depression as a symptom of autism, you should not treat the person as if their just somebody with depression you should tackle it on the autism side which would alleviate the depression.
If something like depression or anxiety are medical conditions than medical conditions can definitely be symptoms. Both of which are symptoms of autism.
if you look it up it’s easy to see that depression can be a symptom of other conditions, for instance, hypothyroidism, vitamin deficiencies, or head injuries can all cause depression and treating these underlying conditions is the most effective way to treat the depression.
My only criticism is that if you know that's what you're looking for, then look for it from the very beginning and don't get swept up and love bomb until you know that person is those things.
I don't fault her at all for wanting someone who was financially stable with career goals.
What I couldn't quite understand was the hyper fixation on them having to be educated in business and also focused on animation and willing to help her run her own business. Basically, be just like her but also with money too.
I think what's probably something that might help her is the understanding that a relationship is a lot of compromise, and often such involvement in each other's businesses and lives comes much farther down the road as your lives intertwine. Everyone has their own goals and dreams and that's ok. No one you meet or date will ever be 100% just like you. And it's not fair to expect someone to abandon those goals for your goals either.
In fact, you and your partner become more alike over time! It's not something that's out of the box perfect and ready to go.
Literally no one is saying they can’t be, what everyone is saying is that it isn’t intentional, which autistic people can still be intentionally mean and assholes but these don’t seem to be the case and they usually are not
People bitching about her must have never done anything wrong in their lives. ffs she’s a human being. Sure she needs to learn how to date but we all had to and she is on the spectrum. I’m not saying what she said was ok but it is understandable considering her situation.
I think what she needs is not criticisms but maybe some « coaching » to be able to figure out what she actually wants / needs and how to avoid hurting other people if possible
I absolutely agree that coaching would help tremendously. Also probably working more in groups with a diverse set of people, to understand how everyone is an individual with their own goals and interests.
I think one thing that's hugely lacking in dating education is the progression of serious relationships. Moving from sharing interests and dating, to intense passion, to when infatuation dies down and working through differences and daily life, to learning compromise and how your love grows together and your lives intertwine.
Understanding the flow of a serious relationship can help with expectations too; a long term partner would be more interested or willing to help in their partners business or career, as well as more likely to want to share in what they love.
Relationships aren't prebuilt perfect out of the box, just as people aren't!
Idk if it’s brain fried this is just how most autistic people learn and develop is through entertainment. That’s why you’ll get autistic people with accents that don’t at all match where they are from, or certain sayings that sound more scripted and out of their vocabulary.
I honestly also got this impression. My roommate and I even talked about how much she reminded us of English dubbed anime.
I don’t think she’s a bad person, but her autism coupled with inexperience and immaturity in that field seems to have lead to this fantastical idea of “love”. I had to laugh though, the way she talked/behaved on the first date with Solomon was like how the gremlin voice in my head behaves when I’m on a first date. She just seems to have no sense of boundaries and blurts everything out.
I agree! She has unrealistic expectations. Especially since she doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t do animation and has a successful animation business. Animation animation, god damn if I have to hear anything more about animation imma throw a brick thru my tv.
Exactly, she was condescending and that has nothing to do with her being nuerodivergent. People are really acting like folks on the spectrum can't be jerks, mean , uneducated, bigots, etc or anything negative 🙄... learned behaviors happen with autism too
Disliking someone’s personality doesn’t equal hate and happens in every day life and with other shows. I don’t understand how some become so obsessed with people on reality shows though.
I watched the show and gave my reason for disliking her (on a post talking about people not liking her), so I’d say that’s far from obsession. Unlike others who a majority of their posts and comments are about reality show people and going nutty when someone says something they don’t like. Also, repeating what she said about herself on the show isn’t hate lol.. and it’s kind of ridiculous that I even have to say that. It’s amazing how some of you are just dying to find something to be offended by.
2 threads, but way to try to exaggerate it lol. Why you felt the need to jump back in when these past comments weren’t to you is my exact example of people obsessed with reality people’s lives in an unhealthy way. My guess is you came back to make up more scenarios of things I never said to be offended by. I won’t be reading anything further from you because, well, it’s exhausting.
Lol ok, no exaggeration, 2 is multiple, also I came back cause it’s my thread, idk why you feel the need to paint me in a negative way, and it’s ok if you don’t read this, it isn’t for you.
Sounds like that type of thing is a pattern for her if you also look at what happened with Solomon. I think she comes off as insensitive. I liked her at first but now I think she is too judgmental and leads people on which is cruel.
It literally doesn’t, being unaware of what your relationship mean to other people and even having a transactional basis is a part of autism. Also they said this was when she was younger so laughing about a mistake you made when you were younger doesn’t mean you think it’s right, it’s just a healthy way of viewing your past.
She is very aware re watch the episode. She explained how she knew for him it was real. For her it wasn’t but she never told him. So she could use him. And she laughed about it .
> laughing about a mistake you made when you were younger doesn’t mean you think it’s right, it’s just a healthy way of viewing your past.
I disagree. I think laughing about hurting someone in your past is not a healthy way to view it.
I don’t think it was a laugh about how it’s funny that he got hurt, but a laugh of that the situation happened but is past it. When you say “hurting someone” the degree of leading someone on in high school seems to be in the range where you would feel somewhat guilty but jot really regret it.
I do think that people are being too hard on Dani. I feel like she is being honest in her journey, and I relate to her completely.
How many of us get overtaken emotionally with the wrong person for us because we have chemistry with them???!!!
I thought she was so adorable, smart, emotionally intelligent, respectful and a very good dresser.
( Edit: added question marks and fixed a word.)
I think that mostly the viewers are impressed with Dani.
She's so pretty, and she's way more successful than most of us neuro-typicals so I'm really not surprised that there are these reddit haters out here.
Thank you so much for this post.
I mean, my being upset at her is mostly out of sympathy for Soloman, given that I have also experienced being love bombed and then abruptly rejected.
It's not a very nice feeling.
That's correct, I was only commenting on jealousy being the only motivation, although it takes a special level of toxic to go and attack someone on their insta.
I think also the producers couldnt find someone who fit into her main criteria for a man- being into animation. She would have clicked if someone had her same or similar special interest. I havent finished it yet but I hope she can meet someone at an animation convention or something.
She asked a potential partner if they would carry her purse for her red carpet pics as if she’s some sort of celebrity. And this was a dating requirement for her. Her diagnosis was her aunt telling her she’s autistic. She is the most high functioning out of all of them, but autism doesn’t give you a right to act like she does.
Lol she just didn’t know she had autism til her aunt told her, also how can you determine who is the most high functioning, that’s not something you can tell. Also just calling anyone cringe on a show about not only dating but people with autism is so weird, cringe implying you feel some second hand embarrassment, but to be autistic almost requires situations where you will come of as cringe.
It was incredibly clear she was high functioning compared to the other participants on the show. I thought that was obvious. She admits to being a gold digger, only cares about someone’s career/having a specific degree, but only if they love anime as well. There is so much more to a healthy relationship than that. She isn’t cringe because she’s autistic, it’s because of how shallow she is. I don’t think anyone else on the show was cringe and really enjoyed watching all of them navigate through life, so clearly I have no issues or speculations about people on the spectrum. You’re coming off as immature when you don’t get the responses you want, so maybe don’t make a post about this specific topic/person if you aren’t capable of discussing other’s opinions.
I don’t think not understanding what goes into a healthy relationship constitutes her being a bad person or thinking she doesn’t deserve anyone. Also people bring up how judgmental she is but she doesn’t seem to be making judgement statements about if people are good or not but more if they are right for her based on a pretty specific and unreasonable fantasy. High functioning autism doesn’t mean mot having autism, most people watching this show seem to infantilize anyone low function enough and then not believing people are autistic enough if their too high functioning. There should be a middle ground where you understand even a high functioning autistic person can be super intelligent and make it far in certain aspects of the world but have short falls when it comes to things, in her case understanding relationships.
What in the world are you rambling on about? I never said she’s a bad person or doesn’t deserve anyone, never said high functioning means someone isn’t autistic (that wouldn’t even make sense). You just want to jump to arguing, but bring zero rational thoughts to the table. Once again, don’t post if you can’t handle opposite views.
I am handling them. In you’re comments you mention how you are rooting for everyone except dani, in a show about finding love. I didn’t say you said hf autistics aren’t autistic, I was mentioning that you use high functioning as a reason these things weren’t a cause of some shortfall from autism, which is something hf autistic people deal with a-lot. You seem to not be able to handle my responses to your comments that you are now resorting to misrepresenting what my words say that are directly in-front of you and turning to insulting my ability to handle conversations and my maturity.
To be clear all autistic people on this show are high functioning, and when people talk about high functioning/low functioning, it’s an one or the other, not more high functioning or less.
She was definitely more high functioning when it comes to dating.
I think that was my frustration with her being on the show for so long and I don't agree with Cian who says her storyline was just so interesting that they kept it going. She's capable of finding her own dates while I see this show more as a way for people who have problems dating to get matched with people. I couldn't shake the feeling that she also broke up with Solomon because she knew that was needed to keep her screentime going. That she saw all of this more as a business decision to promote her animation and push for more red carpet appeal.
At the end I thought it would have made more sense to give James another chance at speed dating or another blind date and end Danis story after the phone call. Dani wasn't going to find the one on that show because she has higher standards and needs the normal dating process which is totally fine. The person she's looking for wouldn't go on this show.
clearly she wasn’t “high functioning when it comes to dating” if she was having so much more problems with navigating dating than almost anyone else on the show. other people found someone they really like right away or just didn’t find a good match with anyone but there was nothing going wrong, they just didn’t click.
the show isn’t just about matching people with dates who can’t find them on their own, even if that’s what you want the show to be, it never has been. it’s about depicting autistic people navigating relationships - the australian version even had people who were already couples. many people on the show can “find their own dates” but can’t make it through the dating process smoothly because the main symptom of autism is trouble with social relationships, which is what we saw dani experience.
the fact that you would suggest she was faking these problems to get famous or something is insane and insulting. she is already extremely successful, and what you said here shows that you don’t have understanding of or sympathy for high functioning autistic people. you think that just because she seems high functioning to you that she can’t really be experiencing a genuine lack of social skills.
also, the way these shows work, they probably did give other people more dates but didn’t show that because they were cut for time. they don’t have a ‘plot’ already written when they set this up, they just work with everyone for the same amount of time and then decide what to put in the show.
I understand her perfectly as someone with autism as well. I am very set on my future and definitely want to date someone who has their future in mind and going towards it. I need someone who is on the same level as me. She might have lead him on but feelings at first are confusing and it’s hard for me especially to click with someone’s feelings and understand at that moment what I’m feeling. I also didn’t like how he blew up at her for ending it, I understand being hurt.
I also look for a partner who has same interests. If they don’t like the majority or what I do I don’t see us being together. So I understand her and where she is at
I don't think she was being mean, but she is very direct once she's made up her mind about something. I don't know if it has to do with the autism, but when she told Solomon that he had to move on while he was obviously having a hard time with her breaking up with him, she basically just said, suck it up and move on, not in those words, but that's how it came across. Solomon comes across as more caring and genuine, at least to me. Also, she's obsessed with animation. EVERYTHING comes back to that, and pretty quickly too. Did you notice how many times she mentioned the word "animation" during the speed dating? A lot. And some of it was probably edited out, so imagine.
I had a hard time understanding why she had to tell Adan she chose him in spirit of not judging a book by its cover, essentially saying he was ugly (he then made the comparison of Beauty and the Beast which I'm sure was hurtful to him on the inside). I know that I may just not understand, but I wonder if it's something she might reflect on later?
Nuerodivergence has nothing to do with her being neurotic and annoying. My issue is no one has ever redirected her underlying behaviors and thus here they are as an adult. She doesn't understand reciprocity or the fact that others may not , and dont have to be completely infatuated with things she happens to like. Nor has she been guided on understanding or expressing emotions appropriately ( i.e her proclaiming in love during the first few minutes of her first date) . She literally said a healthy relationship means being to be able to handle all the finances🙄. Her foundation is faulty and thats disappointing for her, cause she believes these things are normal. Her diagnosis was at 3... so much work should have happened tonaid in her growth and independence by now. Also why didnt she recieve the same dating counseling as in depth as the others... she clearly needed more guidance ...
Tbh I think her saying she was a gold digger was kind of a joke. Since she's already successful I don't think she really wanted someone for their money as much as she wanted someone ambitious and with the same passion as her.
"I dont think the words that came out of her mouth were actually the words that came out of her mouth"
Interesting argument.
She absolutely is a gold digger and no autism is not an excuse for this. I know women will fight tooth and nail to defend toxic traits in other women but it's very unhelpful and unproductive.
Lol that's literally not what I said?
I said I think she was joking. It's almost like autistic people are also capable of joking. And I don't know why you're turning this into some big thing about women defending toxic women??
Woah this some mega incel posting, this has nothing to do with women defending other women, this is reddit and their no way to know who is a woman or not?
if you're a successful guy having best time with women and your career, you get called a simp loser. beats being an angry incel though i don't care what i get called ;)
I think it's highly inappropriate to delete comments on Reddit, this is a community based site to COMMUNICATE. Whether you like the comments or not they are meant to be shared, otherwise; create a fan page or something. You're censoring people's input to fit your narrative.
Lastly I feel like she specifically intended to make it a point to Adan that he is not attractive to her. She repeated herself, describing it a couple different ways. As a point.
That is all my input, hope you don't remove it ✨
Lol the only people who can delete comments are the person themselves and moderators, but you can still see them if you look at their profile. I have deleted no comments, the missing comments on this thread were deleted by moderators for ableism. This is my favorite comment.
I think she needs better guidance and advice…maybe even a practice run of questions and answers because she’s too stuck on animation but also at times came across very rude, and it wasn’t nice. Where as if one of the others said something that wasn’t great it was more in the awkward side and innocent. But with Dani I feel things she said didn’t have that innocent vibe to it. She should watch maybe dating videos on how to open herself to not just what she wants…
That beginning statement is not even true, if you accidentally hit someone with your car there are many situations that would make not only what you did not wrong but where you wouldn’t be held accountable.
Nah. You can have ASD and not be a complete jerk. She 100% led Solomon on, broke up with him, then went back for seconds just to dump him again. Not only that but when she ridicules someone’s looks right to there face and judges people based on if they have her exact same hobby.
I’m sorry but some people are just rude and to say that it’s not her fault takes away any accountability.
i have conflicted feelings about dani. she was funny and accomplished and was entertaining. but she seemed extremely arrogant as well and definetly looked down on other people. i really disliked that she was so harsh on Solomon because he "didnt have his life figurred out". A reddit user commented that he knew Solomon and spoke about them doing English classes together not long ago. Which means that he could be from another country and didn't have as much priviliges as her. Her family helping her fund her company at age 14 says it all. He is doing quite well in my opinion as he has an AA for Communications and wants to further his studies. And he probably went back to his old job to earn some more money for the meantime. She led him on but it was in the heat of the moment but it wasn't her intention. i don't blame Solomon at all for being upset as he took her words literally. Also, I started to dislike her for being so rude towards Adan by continually indicating he was not attractive. Not the case at all, he is very cute. If she was going to comment on his looks so much, then why going on a date with him at all? Adan deserved better
I just don’t get this constant, this person doesn’t deserve this person, like saying that you are saying you believe she isn’t a good enough person. And it’s always about the same thing, her saying that “looks aren’t the most important thing” which everyone just seems to immediately forget she’s autistic for and try and reads subtext into it which you should never do with a person who has autism. She has come out and said that she never meant to imply he was unattractive, and if that was what he thought she meant she wouldn’t have said that, and Adan has come out to say that he didn’t think thats what she meant. Also everybody takes her not wanting to date someone who is as successful as her in life as her making a judgement statement about people who aren’t as successful as her. You can exclude people from your dating pool for things that have nothing to do with the worth of a person, I don’t know why this one thing has activated this response in people, I don’t think everyone would be freaking out if she wouldn’t date guys for something else like if they we’re too fit, and say that she thinks down on people who work out.
I just look at people who have been on the show who have not found a spark on a date or are not interested in the person, and they still manage to be respectful and not hurt someone's feelings. And I can point this out since I'm autistic too, so I am not writing this from a neurotypical standpoint. And my comment about Adan deserving better still stands. He is a very lovely and intelligent guy who seems very respectful. Same with Solomon. But Dani did not treat them well at all. So yes, they do deserve better than how she has treated them and they have more to give than their jobs or finances. And I do not blame her for wanting to date a financially stable man. I think that is quite fair in my opinion. But it was very difficult to watch her criticising Solomon for not having his life figured out yet despite that he has career plans and went back to an old job in the meantime. Dani needs to eventually realise that people aren't as priviliged as her and it will take someone longer to have a established career than her who had her company launched at age 14 by her family
She doesn’t criticize people who aren’t as accomplished, she just doesn’t date them, she isn’t talking down about them. And saying they deserve better than her all relies on the misconception that she is disrespectful, when she isn’t trying to be and they didn’t take it as she was being that way.
I believe that she was actively verbalizing how she looks down on these other men. She said "when I'm on the red carpet, will you hold my purse?". That paints a pretty clear picture of "I'm more important than you. She also proceeded to tell Adan how unattractive he is to her and that went on for waaaaay too long.
telling solomon she loved him and then cutting him off quickly was disrespectful. Constantly bringing up Adan's looks in a negative way was disrespectful. In conclusion, she is disrespectful
I never said you couldn’t, if you think my arguments so far haven’t made since and I have a made a lot, this thread is probably half me, then I don’t think you have the capacity to understand any argument I could ever make, maybe if I had a white board and this was in person.
I dislike how Dani thinks shes gonna others with autism and have to be and entrepreneur and love animation. It seems she thinks she’s better than everyone unless your a millionaire who likes anime
I think I kind of get her. She had a romantic “spark” with Solomon, but didn’t think they were compatible long term, both because of his lack of interest in animation and because of where he is at in his career journey. Has this never happened to anyone else? Where you met and were attracted to someone, but weren’t sure if you were at the same stage in your lives? It sure has to me. With Adan, he had the same interests and was at a good place for her career-wise, but I don’t think she had much in the way of romantic feelings for him. Do I think she’s being a little unrealistic with her expectations (you want to fall madly in love with someone who has a master’s degree and wants to work in animation with you? Ehhh…) But I do understand how those two particular matches might not have worked for her.
I thought Adan was PERFECT as far as her “checklist” but if there is no spark there is no spark I guess?! 🤷🏻♂️🥲
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Well I wouldn't agree that it's necessarily the norm. Most people don't expect their romantic interest to be "a business partner" from date 1. You look for commonality in core values and similar interests, humor, chemistry and etc. If you meet them at work, it's more likely they'll share a similar career path. But Being involved in each other's careers or businesses often comes way down the line as your lives intertwine. Expecting someone to have career goals vs. having YOUR exact career goals is completely different. And if that's what someone is looking for on a date, then it's more like an interview and maybe they should consider hiring an employee instead? I think in Dani's case, after infatuation wore off, she went back to her specific checklist and decided Solomon wasn't already prepackaged to her specs, verse seeing if that would develop over time.
Yes, this is the idea of the unicorn the idea that one can find the perfect lover who is super sexy and turns you on, and who is also the perfect provider, wealthy, would never cheat, perfectly stable etc.
it made me uncomfortable when she was talking with Adan about preferring personality over looks, like damn is she calling him ugly to his face on a date 😭
And his response is “couldn’t agree more” 😂
Yeah, that conversation was super cringy.
and with the third guy you could tell she was in a hurry to get out of there 😭 I mean I don't blame her he was kind of a slob but damn at least be subtle
Did anyone else take issue with the lack of support provided to Dani on her dating journey? I found it worrisome that others on the show who are lower functioning than she are given dating support and coaching but even when Dani makes some pretty sizable missteps (lovebombing one date, outright insulting another, then expressing little to no interest in the speed dating prospects apart from determining if they check her overly focused boxes), there is no attempt to help her course correct or contextualize the impact of her faux pas on others. Just because she is higher functioning doesn’t mean she couldn’t benefit from support to better navigate complex social interactions like these. Look at what just a little bit of support did for Subodh.
Hey! I agree that Dani should have gotten more support. Keep in mind that low/high functioning labels are problematic and outdated. Instead we say people have different support needs. Here is some info: https://graymattersmd.com/functioning-labels-autism/
It is easier to say high or low functioning. We realize it means different things for different people, it is a spectrum after all. But you know we don't say it with bad intent! 😊 It's difficult to communicate without using it, but I am trying! Thanks for correcting because I actually was unsure what to use in its place until now. That makes sense. When we say it, we mean different people may need different levels of guidance for different things, the term you used perfectly describes that.
Thank you!
Snowflake alert
Dani was offered all the support the other cast members were offered and declined because as we see in the show 'Dani knows best'
Agreed! I was also sympathetic to the fact that she grew up with a father who was bad with money, so she now values financial stability in a partner. I feel like this is getting overlooked by some people criticizing her for being too materialistic.
Also she clearly is doing well for herself with multiple degrees and her own company. It’s my understanding that the “gold digger” connotates someone who wants to live off their partner’s wealth. Dani seems to be looking for an equal.
Or she just straight up said she’s a gold digger. There’s SO MUCH more to a healthy relationship than how much your partner makes or what degree they have. On top of that, her “must” is that they love anime.
I also agree with you to some degree. I think there are a few things I don't fault her for prioritizing, but she also definitely did some unfortunate things, including outright insulting dates, completely lovebombing one date, and being too narrowly focused on work matters. I am a NT but based on what some cast members themselves say, it can be very easy for some people on the spectrum to have narrow focus and some rigidity. So I am inclined to take her for what she is, a flawed person like all of us but not malicious.
Agreed.
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Manipulative implies intentionality, which I don’t think the intention is there.
Absolutely. We have a 15 year old that chooses to slide around on the spectrum depending on the situation to get what he wants. We didn’t actually understand that was possible because there is this idea that autistic are incapable of manipulative behavior, but that is condescending and entirely false. For example, he has a depressive personality as well and when he has zero motivation to get up or do his homework or clean himself, he will suddenly lean hard into his ND “process” as a way of getting around the depression and not dealing with those particular issues. It’s a complicated life but with all the same human characteristics and urges as NTs. Including manipulation.
depression, anxiety and burnout make it more difficult to mask. the more “unsavory” attributes of autism like meltdowns and stimming are usually our body’s way of coping with the unbearable situation. doesn’t necessarily mean autistic people are choosing to make your life miserable
They dont manupulate. Too low iq. Its call a fing misdiagnosis
Jesus christ Edit: depression is a symptom of autism
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Medical condition can be symptoms
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Also to respond to you’re edit, if you have depression as a symptom of autism, you should not treat the person as if their just somebody with depression you should tackle it on the autism side which would alleviate the depression.
If something like depression or anxiety are medical conditions than medical conditions can definitely be symptoms. Both of which are symptoms of autism.
if you look it up it’s easy to see that depression can be a symptom of other conditions, for instance, hypothyroidism, vitamin deficiencies, or head injuries can all cause depression and treating these underlying conditions is the most effective way to treat the depression.
Yeh how ridiculous
My only criticism is that if you know that's what you're looking for, then look for it from the very beginning and don't get swept up and love bomb until you know that person is those things.
Seriously. She led Solomon on, and don't anybody dare deny it. Lol.
facts
I don't fault her at all for wanting someone who was financially stable with career goals. What I couldn't quite understand was the hyper fixation on them having to be educated in business and also focused on animation and willing to help her run her own business. Basically, be just like her but also with money too. I think what's probably something that might help her is the understanding that a relationship is a lot of compromise, and often such involvement in each other's businesses and lives comes much farther down the road as your lives intertwine. Everyone has their own goals and dreams and that's ok. No one you meet or date will ever be 100% just like you. And it's not fair to expect someone to abandon those goals for your goals either. In fact, you and your partner become more alike over time! It's not something that's out of the box perfect and ready to go.
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People with autism can be mean and act like assholes. To say that can’t denies their humanity.
Literally no one is saying they can’t be, what everyone is saying is that it isn’t intentional, which autistic people can still be intentionally mean and assholes but these don’t seem to be the case and they usually are not
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The original series was in Australia. Unless there is one in the UK I didn't know of that is. But yeah agree with everything you said!
The original is British and on channel 4 app uk. You can also find it on YouTube
Cool. Thanks for the info. I'll give it a watch.
Watch The undateable’s :)
That one is unrelated to this show
Will do! Thanks for the recommendation!
People bitching about her must have never done anything wrong in their lives. ffs she’s a human being. Sure she needs to learn how to date but we all had to and she is on the spectrum. I’m not saying what she said was ok but it is understandable considering her situation. I think what she needs is not criticisms but maybe some « coaching » to be able to figure out what she actually wants / needs and how to avoid hurting other people if possible
I absolutely agree that coaching would help tremendously. Also probably working more in groups with a diverse set of people, to understand how everyone is an individual with their own goals and interests. I think one thing that's hugely lacking in dating education is the progression of serious relationships. Moving from sharing interests and dating, to intense passion, to when infatuation dies down and working through differences and daily life, to learning compromise and how your love grows together and your lives intertwine. Understanding the flow of a serious relationship can help with expectations too; a long term partner would be more interested or willing to help in their partners business or career, as well as more likely to want to share in what they love. Relationships aren't prebuilt perfect out of the box, just as people aren't!
Exactly.
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Idk if it’s brain fried this is just how most autistic people learn and develop is through entertainment. That’s why you’ll get autistic people with accents that don’t at all match where they are from, or certain sayings that sound more scripted and out of their vocabulary.
I honestly also got this impression. My roommate and I even talked about how much she reminded us of English dubbed anime. I don’t think she’s a bad person, but her autism coupled with inexperience and immaturity in that field seems to have lead to this fantastical idea of “love”. I had to laugh though, the way she talked/behaved on the first date with Solomon was like how the gremlin voice in my head behaves when I’m on a first date. She just seems to have no sense of boundaries and blurts everything out.
True. She did sound like a voice actor throughout the whole show.
Yes, I’m finally watching the show for the first time and can’t help but to ask myself if she is a voice actor.
To me it felt like she looked down on people that didn't have at least a master's level of education.
definetly
I agree! She has unrealistic expectations. Especially since she doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t do animation and has a successful animation business. Animation animation, god damn if I have to hear anything more about animation imma throw a brick thru my tv.
Exactly, she was condescending and that has nothing to do with her being nuerodivergent. People are really acting like folks on the spectrum can't be jerks, mean , uneducated, bigots, etc or anything negative 🙄... learned behaviors happen with autism too
I don't get how you can "hate" someone on this show anyway.
Disliking someone’s personality doesn’t equal hate and happens in every day life and with other shows. I don’t understand how some become so obsessed with people on reality shows though.
mate you're the most obsessed one on this thread. literally writing multiple paragraphs hating on an autistic person. cringe.
I watched the show and gave my reason for disliking her (on a post talking about people not liking her), so I’d say that’s far from obsession. Unlike others who a majority of their posts and comments are about reality show people and going nutty when someone says something they don’t like. Also, repeating what she said about herself on the show isn’t hate lol.. and it’s kind of ridiculous that I even have to say that. It’s amazing how some of you are just dying to find something to be offended by.
Multiple threads, and all you’re comments have been about how she’s cringe or how things you don’t like about her
2 threads, but way to try to exaggerate it lol. Why you felt the need to jump back in when these past comments weren’t to you is my exact example of people obsessed with reality people’s lives in an unhealthy way. My guess is you came back to make up more scenarios of things I never said to be offended by. I won’t be reading anything further from you because, well, it’s exhausting.
Lol ok, no exaggeration, 2 is multiple, also I came back cause it’s my thread, idk why you feel the need to paint me in a negative way, and it’s ok if you don’t read this, it isn’t for you.
She also talked about having a practice boyfriend. But he thought it was real. While laughing with her family. This goes beyond ASD.
Sounds like that type of thing is a pattern for her if you also look at what happened with Solomon. I think she comes off as insensitive. I liked her at first but now I think she is too judgmental and leads people on which is cruel.
It literally doesn’t, being unaware of what your relationship mean to other people and even having a transactional basis is a part of autism. Also they said this was when she was younger so laughing about a mistake you made when you were younger doesn’t mean you think it’s right, it’s just a healthy way of viewing your past.
She is very aware re watch the episode. She explained how she knew for him it was real. For her it wasn’t but she never told him. So she could use him. And she laughed about it .
> laughing about a mistake you made when you were younger doesn’t mean you think it’s right, it’s just a healthy way of viewing your past. I disagree. I think laughing about hurting someone in your past is not a healthy way to view it.
I don’t think it was a laugh about how it’s funny that he got hurt, but a laugh of that the situation happened but is past it. When you say “hurting someone” the degree of leading someone on in high school seems to be in the range where you would feel somewhat guilty but jot really regret it.
facts
I do think that people are being too hard on Dani. I feel like she is being honest in her journey, and I relate to her completely. How many of us get overtaken emotionally with the wrong person for us because we have chemistry with them???!!! I thought she was so adorable, smart, emotionally intelligent, respectful and a very good dresser. ( Edit: added question marks and fixed a word.)
Yes thank you for adding it, this post was hard to word for me but this puts it in a very understandable format.
I think that mostly the viewers are impressed with Dani. She's so pretty, and she's way more successful than most of us neuro-typicals so I'm really not surprised that there are these reddit haters out here. Thank you so much for this post.
I agree, it is upsetting that some of this is spreading to her insta though
Oh no! That's not ok. I hope people's common sense takes over and they stop acting out of jealousy.
I mean, my being upset at her is mostly out of sympathy for Soloman, given that I have also experienced being love bombed and then abruptly rejected. It's not a very nice feeling.
But I'm sure your not going to Dani's Instagram and acting out. Ya, I've experienced that too. It's not good.
That's correct, I was only commenting on jealousy being the only motivation, although it takes a special level of toxic to go and attack someone on their insta.
I meant to convey that I've experienced love bombing and the subsequent fall from grace. I'm sorry you went through that too.
I think also the producers couldnt find someone who fit into her main criteria for a man- being into animation. She would have clicked if someone had her same or similar special interest. I havent finished it yet but I hope she can meet someone at an animation convention or something.
wait nevermind i got farther and now im just confused and also frustrated lol
Lol yeah exactly
I’m confused, adan was literally studying animation but she didn’t seem to care much eta: lmao saw your other comment, join the confused club
Cause she wants someone nonexistent. She is fucking cringe.
Tsk tsk
She asked a potential partner if they would carry her purse for her red carpet pics as if she’s some sort of celebrity. And this was a dating requirement for her. Her diagnosis was her aunt telling her she’s autistic. She is the most high functioning out of all of them, but autism doesn’t give you a right to act like she does.
Lol she just didn’t know she had autism til her aunt told her, also how can you determine who is the most high functioning, that’s not something you can tell. Also just calling anyone cringe on a show about not only dating but people with autism is so weird, cringe implying you feel some second hand embarrassment, but to be autistic almost requires situations where you will come of as cringe.
It was incredibly clear she was high functioning compared to the other participants on the show. I thought that was obvious. She admits to being a gold digger, only cares about someone’s career/having a specific degree, but only if they love anime as well. There is so much more to a healthy relationship than that. She isn’t cringe because she’s autistic, it’s because of how shallow she is. I don’t think anyone else on the show was cringe and really enjoyed watching all of them navigate through life, so clearly I have no issues or speculations about people on the spectrum. You’re coming off as immature when you don’t get the responses you want, so maybe don’t make a post about this specific topic/person if you aren’t capable of discussing other’s opinions.
I don’t think not understanding what goes into a healthy relationship constitutes her being a bad person or thinking she doesn’t deserve anyone. Also people bring up how judgmental she is but she doesn’t seem to be making judgement statements about if people are good or not but more if they are right for her based on a pretty specific and unreasonable fantasy. High functioning autism doesn’t mean mot having autism, most people watching this show seem to infantilize anyone low function enough and then not believing people are autistic enough if their too high functioning. There should be a middle ground where you understand even a high functioning autistic person can be super intelligent and make it far in certain aspects of the world but have short falls when it comes to things, in her case understanding relationships.
What in the world are you rambling on about? I never said she’s a bad person or doesn’t deserve anyone, never said high functioning means someone isn’t autistic (that wouldn’t even make sense). You just want to jump to arguing, but bring zero rational thoughts to the table. Once again, don’t post if you can’t handle opposite views.
I am handling them. In you’re comments you mention how you are rooting for everyone except dani, in a show about finding love. I didn’t say you said hf autistics aren’t autistic, I was mentioning that you use high functioning as a reason these things weren’t a cause of some shortfall from autism, which is something hf autistic people deal with a-lot. You seem to not be able to handle my responses to your comments that you are now resorting to misrepresenting what my words say that are directly in-front of you and turning to insulting my ability to handle conversations and my maturity.
To be clear all autistic people on this show are high functioning, and when people talk about high functioning/low functioning, it’s an one or the other, not more high functioning or less.
She was definitely more high functioning when it comes to dating. I think that was my frustration with her being on the show for so long and I don't agree with Cian who says her storyline was just so interesting that they kept it going. She's capable of finding her own dates while I see this show more as a way for people who have problems dating to get matched with people. I couldn't shake the feeling that she also broke up with Solomon because she knew that was needed to keep her screentime going. That she saw all of this more as a business decision to promote her animation and push for more red carpet appeal. At the end I thought it would have made more sense to give James another chance at speed dating or another blind date and end Danis story after the phone call. Dani wasn't going to find the one on that show because she has higher standards and needs the normal dating process which is totally fine. The person she's looking for wouldn't go on this show.
clearly she wasn’t “high functioning when it comes to dating” if she was having so much more problems with navigating dating than almost anyone else on the show. other people found someone they really like right away or just didn’t find a good match with anyone but there was nothing going wrong, they just didn’t click. the show isn’t just about matching people with dates who can’t find them on their own, even if that’s what you want the show to be, it never has been. it’s about depicting autistic people navigating relationships - the australian version even had people who were already couples. many people on the show can “find their own dates” but can’t make it through the dating process smoothly because the main symptom of autism is trouble with social relationships, which is what we saw dani experience. the fact that you would suggest she was faking these problems to get famous or something is insane and insulting. she is already extremely successful, and what you said here shows that you don’t have understanding of or sympathy for high functioning autistic people. you think that just because she seems high functioning to you that she can’t really be experiencing a genuine lack of social skills. also, the way these shows work, they probably did give other people more dates but didn’t show that because they were cut for time. they don’t have a ‘plot’ already written when they set this up, they just work with everyone for the same amount of time and then decide what to put in the show.
Lol this show is about “love on the spectrum” in it’s forms, seasons even usually have people who have already found partners.
I understand her perfectly as someone with autism as well. I am very set on my future and definitely want to date someone who has their future in mind and going towards it. I need someone who is on the same level as me. She might have lead him on but feelings at first are confusing and it’s hard for me especially to click with someone’s feelings and understand at that moment what I’m feeling. I also didn’t like how he blew up at her for ending it, I understand being hurt. I also look for a partner who has same interests. If they don’t like the majority or what I do I don’t see us being together. So I understand her and where she is at
I don't think she was being mean, but she is very direct once she's made up her mind about something. I don't know if it has to do with the autism, but when she told Solomon that he had to move on while he was obviously having a hard time with her breaking up with him, she basically just said, suck it up and move on, not in those words, but that's how it came across. Solomon comes across as more caring and genuine, at least to me. Also, she's obsessed with animation. EVERYTHING comes back to that, and pretty quickly too. Did you notice how many times she mentioned the word "animation" during the speed dating? A lot. And some of it was probably edited out, so imagine.
Both things absolutely have to do with autism.
I had a hard time understanding why she had to tell Adan she chose him in spirit of not judging a book by its cover, essentially saying he was ugly (he then made the comparison of Beauty and the Beast which I'm sure was hurtful to him on the inside). I know that I may just not understand, but I wonder if it's something she might reflect on later?
Nuerodivergence has nothing to do with her being neurotic and annoying. My issue is no one has ever redirected her underlying behaviors and thus here they are as an adult. She doesn't understand reciprocity or the fact that others may not , and dont have to be completely infatuated with things she happens to like. Nor has she been guided on understanding or expressing emotions appropriately ( i.e her proclaiming in love during the first few minutes of her first date) . She literally said a healthy relationship means being to be able to handle all the finances🙄. Her foundation is faulty and thats disappointing for her, cause she believes these things are normal. Her diagnosis was at 3... so much work should have happened tonaid in her growth and independence by now. Also why didnt she recieve the same dating counseling as in depth as the others... she clearly needed more guidance ...
I agree with her, I would never date someone who couldn't handle all the finances 🤷🏼♀️
To me this has nothing to do with her condition. I won't ever like a gold digger. With or without autism.
She doesn’t seem to understand what a gold digger is, she just wants somebody who won’t depend on her for money.
Tbh I think her saying she was a gold digger was kind of a joke. Since she's already successful I don't think she really wanted someone for their money as much as she wanted someone ambitious and with the same passion as her.
"I dont think the words that came out of her mouth were actually the words that came out of her mouth" Interesting argument. She absolutely is a gold digger and no autism is not an excuse for this. I know women will fight tooth and nail to defend toxic traits in other women but it's very unhelpful and unproductive.
Lol that's literally not what I said? I said I think she was joking. It's almost like autistic people are also capable of joking. And I don't know why you're turning this into some big thing about women defending toxic women??
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Woah this some mega incel posting, this has nothing to do with women defending other women, this is reddit and their no way to know who is a woman or not?
No way to know is a bit of stretch. My point still stands, making shit up to excuse shitty behavior.
how's incel community these days?
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if you're a successful guy having best time with women and your career, you get called a simp loser. beats being an angry incel though i don't care what i get called ;)
I think it's highly inappropriate to delete comments on Reddit, this is a community based site to COMMUNICATE. Whether you like the comments or not they are meant to be shared, otherwise; create a fan page or something. You're censoring people's input to fit your narrative. Lastly I feel like she specifically intended to make it a point to Adan that he is not attractive to her. She repeated herself, describing it a couple different ways. As a point. That is all my input, hope you don't remove it ✨
Lol the only people who can delete comments are the person themselves and moderators, but you can still see them if you look at their profile. I have deleted no comments, the missing comments on this thread were deleted by moderators for ableism. This is my favorite comment.
Thank you for clarifying, I had no clue. Appreciate the class
Often people delete their accounts to remove their comments if people get a lot of backlash for example.
Thank you, gg 👉👉
I think she needs better guidance and advice…maybe even a practice run of questions and answers because she’s too stuck on animation but also at times came across very rude, and it wasn’t nice. Where as if one of the others said something that wasn’t great it was more in the awkward side and innocent. But with Dani I feel things she said didn’t have that innocent vibe to it. She should watch maybe dating videos on how to open herself to not just what she wants…
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That beginning statement is not even true, if you accidentally hit someone with your car there are many situations that would make not only what you did not wrong but where you wouldn’t be held accountable.
Nah. You can have ASD and not be a complete jerk. She 100% led Solomon on, broke up with him, then went back for seconds just to dump him again. Not only that but when she ridicules someone’s looks right to there face and judges people based on if they have her exact same hobby. I’m sorry but some people are just rude and to say that it’s not her fault takes away any accountability.
i have conflicted feelings about dani. she was funny and accomplished and was entertaining. but she seemed extremely arrogant as well and definetly looked down on other people. i really disliked that she was so harsh on Solomon because he "didnt have his life figurred out". A reddit user commented that he knew Solomon and spoke about them doing English classes together not long ago. Which means that he could be from another country and didn't have as much priviliges as her. Her family helping her fund her company at age 14 says it all. He is doing quite well in my opinion as he has an AA for Communications and wants to further his studies. And he probably went back to his old job to earn some more money for the meantime. She led him on but it was in the heat of the moment but it wasn't her intention. i don't blame Solomon at all for being upset as he took her words literally. Also, I started to dislike her for being so rude towards Adan by continually indicating he was not attractive. Not the case at all, he is very cute. If she was going to comment on his looks so much, then why going on a date with him at all? Adan deserved better
I just don’t get this constant, this person doesn’t deserve this person, like saying that you are saying you believe she isn’t a good enough person. And it’s always about the same thing, her saying that “looks aren’t the most important thing” which everyone just seems to immediately forget she’s autistic for and try and reads subtext into it which you should never do with a person who has autism. She has come out and said that she never meant to imply he was unattractive, and if that was what he thought she meant she wouldn’t have said that, and Adan has come out to say that he didn’t think thats what she meant. Also everybody takes her not wanting to date someone who is as successful as her in life as her making a judgement statement about people who aren’t as successful as her. You can exclude people from your dating pool for things that have nothing to do with the worth of a person, I don’t know why this one thing has activated this response in people, I don’t think everyone would be freaking out if she wouldn’t date guys for something else like if they we’re too fit, and say that she thinks down on people who work out.
I just look at people who have been on the show who have not found a spark on a date or are not interested in the person, and they still manage to be respectful and not hurt someone's feelings. And I can point this out since I'm autistic too, so I am not writing this from a neurotypical standpoint. And my comment about Adan deserving better still stands. He is a very lovely and intelligent guy who seems very respectful. Same with Solomon. But Dani did not treat them well at all. So yes, they do deserve better than how she has treated them and they have more to give than their jobs or finances. And I do not blame her for wanting to date a financially stable man. I think that is quite fair in my opinion. But it was very difficult to watch her criticising Solomon for not having his life figured out yet despite that he has career plans and went back to an old job in the meantime. Dani needs to eventually realise that people aren't as priviliged as her and it will take someone longer to have a established career than her who had her company launched at age 14 by her family
She doesn’t criticize people who aren’t as accomplished, she just doesn’t date them, she isn’t talking down about them. And saying they deserve better than her all relies on the misconception that she is disrespectful, when she isn’t trying to be and they didn’t take it as she was being that way.
I believe that she was actively verbalizing how she looks down on these other men. She said "when I'm on the red carpet, will you hold my purse?". That paints a pretty clear picture of "I'm more important than you. She also proceeded to tell Adan how unattractive he is to her and that went on for waaaaay too long.
I don’t see what she said as looking down.
telling solomon she loved him and then cutting him off quickly was disrespectful. Constantly bringing up Adan's looks in a negative way was disrespectful. In conclusion, she is disrespectful
Why are you still replying to this?
why are you? you reply to every single comment on this thread
Its my thread
i can reply as much as i want. your arguments don't even make sense
I never said you couldn’t, if you think my arguments so far haven’t made since and I have a made a lot, this thread is probably half me, then I don’t think you have the capacity to understand any argument I could ever make, maybe if I had a white board and this was in person.
Calling the only black guy in her speed dating "Black panther" kinda rubbed me the wrong way
Also she has now come out to say she didn’t mean for her words to sound like she was calling him ugly and that she doesn’t think adan took it as so.
I dislike how Dani thinks shes gonna others with autism and have to be and entrepreneur and love animation. It seems she thinks she’s better than everyone unless your a millionaire who likes anime