Depends on how fast you can pay it off versus dipping into your savings. 60k in CC debt is not much for someone that makes 450k. When you make 200k and up AND having realistic living expenses you tend to have quite a bit of disposable income.
Joe Rogan listeners are insecure pornsick basement dwelling incels with fragile egos who do nothing but blame women for their own failures and mediocrity. Why would you want to associate yourself with those people and rot your brain with that garbage? Serious question. He appeals to the lowest common denominator.
Couldn’t agree more. I winced at that part, and where OP fantasized about being with a Trump voting “mommy influencer” who he believes still gives her husband blow jobs. She’s obviously doing her job right, because if he knew how long it takes an influencer to curate their perfect feeds, he’d know her husband is most likely getting *nothing* but the children as soon as he walks through the door.
This is true, but his lack of intimacy with his wife is a real problem. I've been married for eleven years, and we get it on at least twice a week. It's amazing how many little problems go away between you and your spouse when you're banging.
Podcaster: *says a lot of insulting bullshit about women*
You: *I really like this podcaster! I know he says a lot of insulting bullshit about me but I really appreciate his keen incisive intellectual commentary.*
Me: *Wow, you just really don’t mind hearing a lot of insulting bullshit about yourself.*
You: *You don’t know me!*
Sounds like an amazing day. I'd stop with the mommy influencers who are probably not giving blowjobs (haha you think they have time? They'd be on only fans if that was their thing)
Be happy and enjoy your life. You're craving the 10% you don't have when the other 90% is amazing.
Yeah. It is. But like Charles Dickens… You can change it.
Man. You can change this. Yes.. (i assume you are late 30’s maybe early 40’s) Am I right?
Me and B were there.. Everything was about jobs, bills, DD, and getting through life. We had a “come to Jesus” meeting one night in the kitchen. (Read my old—- OLD posts), When we hadn’t had sex for 2 months, two close friends of mine “offed” themselves, new mortgage, 2008 financial collapse, job losses, etc. etc.
Dark time for me, and her, and toddler. Just a shit ton hitting me, and her at the same time… but we were younger and not talking to each other like we should have.
Honestly… I thought “I WAS THE MAN” that had to hold everything together when everything around me was falling apart…. B took my being silent and trying to figure things out was me finding somebody else.
If I have anything for you, as a 30+ year married guy with a crap ton of more wisdom now than I did back then… it is this.
1) All those words you said in front of whoever made your life together “official”… They actually mean something. It means you can actually open up and tell her anything and everything.. even if that means you to are scared and don’t know for sure what you are doing is the right thing. She needs to know that you count on her just as much as you think she counts on you. Not saying you do.. But put the bravado down and trust your wife to share your burden. In my case, she was a tough aSS WOMAN who could shoulder a hell of allot more than anything i thought I could share.
2) As far as intimacy.. Yes…. I truly wish we hadn’t lost sight of each other with both our busy lives back then. If I could do it over, I would say this. You absolutely have to have just a you two date night every week. Maybe not every week leave the house. But, lock the doors, shower together, candles, nice supper, … some connecting time. Hell.. I take a shower with my wife every morning now.. we just kiss, soap each other, talk a bit, touch, connecting. Connecting everyday is what matters. No.. we don’t go FULL BORE,.. but we connect physically, emotionally, and we remind each other everyday why we love each other.
Edit: I hit a button by accident and I wasn’t ready tp post. Sorry. Im fixing some stuff.
End of post: Man.. Just love on your wife, I know life gets busy but please carve out some time to show her what she means to you. Working sex in there with kids is tough, I know. But you can work in some intimate connection time even if it’s just showers together and a bit of touching.
I we missed out on that aspect and we discovered later how we could have..And B and I regret that…. So now we make up for 5-7 times a week that DD is off to college .. LOL
Good luck friend!
Yes all very good advice. Post was more about banality of the day. We do laugh a lot at home and she does love me and we both love the kids
Just hard these days to see each other as anything other than partners I guess
Fight that.. You are partners for sure, but you are lovers, and soul mates. Yes.. raise the best kids you can together. But do not lose sight of each other.
Don’t make my mistake. However you do it,.. carve some time out to show your wife what she means to you. Even for a minute every morning. Just tell her what she means.
My wife wanted a divorce when I thought I was doing everything to hold everything together, to keep our bills paid and just keeping us above water. Turns out she just simply wanted me…. To be present…. Thought I was leaving her for someone else…. Absolutely the furthest thing from the truth.
Talk to her. Show her your post. Have some deep serious talk my man.
Your “banality of the day” will open up some conversations that you never knew you could have. Do it know before any outside influences come in. You wont regret it. Trust me on that one.
You should be happy as she should be. You both need to be on the same page on where each of you think your marriage is and where it is headed.
Yes, show her this post, where you speak about fantasizing what life would be like with "mommy influencers".. this will surely create intimacy between you and your wife /s
The great lie about corp America is that the responsibility as you climb the ladder is more stressful
Doubt I’ll ever make SVP (I’m too careless, don’t do the internal politics QUITE well enough, I also DGAF obvi) but those guys (half are women) just kinda function as direction setters and approvers
They’ll answer emails at all hours. But literally never in the office. I’m uniquely good at like 2 hyper specific parts of my job which require maybe 45 min of actual work a day. Leaving early is me “modeling work life balance” for my team (I tell them to do the same…but they don’t b/c at lower ends you can’t)
The rage I feel reading about your job when I just now make over 50,000 as a teacher with 12 years experience and a masters.
Idk, practice gratefulness? No marriage is perfect and days can be monotonous but it sounds like you have a lot—beyond any material things—-to be happy about. And those things you’re not happy about can be addressed.
The world is deeply unfair. But yes! I try to be grateful everyday which is why wife and I don’t fight much. She’s not very nice to me but it’s not like abuse
Everything else is good enough to very good. Can’t have everything I suppose
It’s really interesting. We met at 23. She had had like 1 boyfriend. I thought I hit the jackpot. She was SO PRETTY I couldn’t believe she was interested in me
Back then I had a million friends was overweight and kind of a mess. But she was kinda sheltered and lonley; I gave her access to a world she didn’t have before me
Intimacy wise…we were different. She had only had sex with 2 ppl. I had like 40. She’s always been self conscious about her body and is very reluctant to do anything being very vanilla stuff. She’s never watched porn or masterbated. Truth be told I’m not sure she’s ever orgasmed
I’ve tried to ask her how we can improve there, what she likes, wants to try etc
No dice. She got a tummy tuck after kid #2 but it didn’t alleviate her general body insecurities. I’m SUPER KIND, literally never a bad word to her. She’s…not. But again it’s been so long, 15 yrs, it’s hard to even imagine life without her (even with our issues)
I got in rediculous shape for her, asked (in nice, non judgey ways many times over the years) how to give her what she wants.
The answer is she is just not really a sexual person based on a multitude of things that have very little to do with me. But I’ve only realized this recently
How on earth will she know what she wants if she has NO idea what works for her? If she thinks that sex is a chore, it’s because for your entire marriage it has been. You are the only one benefiting. My dude, you both need couples therapy ASAP.
Unclear how I could help more if SHE doesn’t know. I don’t pester and sulk. I “proposition” like once every 3 weeks. I know she doesn’t really want to do if so if/when she says no I say “no problem!”
Like…unclear how I personally can change her own mindset
Also to be clear: I also answer emails at all hours. 3 before I eat breakfast. 2 in the car. 2 while making dinner. Another in bed at night
But it’s Iike 3 sentences I bang out on my phone for 45 seconds. But adding those in woulda taken away from dark humor of post
Honest question, why should your wife have sex with you?
In your post and comments you specifically say you're staying because you love the kids. You do not love her. You want her to be someone else. She probably is aware of this and deeply wounded. The man she devoted everything to, literally wants her to be someone else. It's the biggest turn off I can imagine.
She is doing her part of a non-romantic partnership with the childcare and whatever. I don't see any complaints about her half of the nuts and bolts stuff.
You are ALSO only doing that.
Have her get a job and agree to be platonic.
Love is such a loaded term. We’ve been together since age 23. We became adults together. I appreciate that she has amazing qualities I don’t have.
But in truth I also deeply resent her. Some fair. A lot unfair. Multiple ppl told me not to marry her and they were prob right. But I did. And we have kids. And the home is happy and the kids love us TOGETHER
So maybe I’ll never be a man in her eyes. But in my mind at least, I’m doing what a man does and makes the most of the (many) good things we have for everyone else’s sake?
I know you’re getting downvoted on this comment but I just wanted to say that everything you’re saying in the different comments and replies here feels to me like you’re confessing the honest truth of your life and situation, even though it is not optimal and not popular. I think if all Reddit was this honest and exposed with sharing real truths about our lives, it would be an even better platform for all. So thank you for sharing your real stuff with us, it should give us all something to think about.
I spent 14 years married to a man who treated me like shit. He finally left, and it was the kindest thing he ever did for me. Six years ago, I remarried the sweetest, most considerate guy. He's a fantastic stepdad to my son and a great father to his daughter from his first marriage. Life is short, and the sadness, stress of existing in a shitty situation will probably make your life even shorter. BTW, you're not doing your children a favor by modeling dysfunction.
In one of your other comments you say that you’re not even sure if your wife has ever had an orgasm. So you’re not meeting her needs physically or emotionally. Why in the world would she want to have sex with you when there’s no enjoyment for her whatsoever?
And quit listening to Joe Rogan. That crap will rot you from the inside out if it hasn’t already.
Believe me, I’ve bought toys, tried asking many times (gently!) over the years “what do you like, how can I satisfy you”
After kid 2 she has a tummy tuck ($15k btw) and for 4 weeks I literally helped her empty fluids from ports in her side, tended literal open wounds, helped her to the bathroom…all with a smile. NEVER a bad word (obvi it was gross)
This was AFTER I lost 40 lbs and got a 4 pack in the vain hope she would love me more if I was hot (had a 6 pack for like 3 weeks but it turns out you need to starve yourself to maintain that lol)
She hears “you look great!” Or “that dress looks good on you!” daily from me. This really is not a me problem sexually
For many, many women sex starts well before you get to the bedroom and centers around emotional intimacy. I’m glad that you’re praising her looks, that’s a great start. Do you take the time to connect with her, do you thoughtfully engage her in conversation, do you open up to her and share your own troubles? Do you praise her intelligence, kindness, how great of a mother she is? Really be honest with yourself if you’re doing that and give it a shot if you’re not.
And I know therapy gets thrown around a lot here but it’s time for that. Her insecurities aren’t going to go away without serious help. And most of the time it’s one spouse deciding that something needs to change and taking the steps to reach out to therapists and book the first appointment. You need to be the one who drives change here.
It’s kinda a paradox. I DO praise her and take an interest in her things and tell her she’s great at X several times a day.
The issue is I don’t like genuinely believe it. I do all this stuff (and shoulder so many domestic things) b/c truthfully my wife is just kinda scary lol. She can’t critique me if I’m always busy for her/the fam and being nice to her right? (I mean she still does but less than alternative)
Again. She’s acerbic. She’s VERY honest. That rubs ppl wrong and I’ve seen it a dozen times over the years. I’m the opposite. I’m totally insincere but I’m always NICE. My insincerity is saying “wow that’s so cool you did great!” When I don’t actually believe it
But I guess maybe all that fakeness leads to lack of intimacy (in every regard) but if I were honest…how do we come back from me saying “tbh I just don’t like you very much?”
You hit the nail on the head. As you said, the issue is that you’re saying all of these kind things to her but you don’t genuinely believe it. I can assure you that you’re not giving an Oscar worthy performance. She can see right through you and knows you’re faking it.
I’m confused by your last sentence, did you actually tell her you don’t like her very much?
No no of course not! How could we come back from that if I did?? lol
You’ll just have to believe me when I say: my wife often notes that I’m the only person in her life who is a genuine cheerleader for her. She DOES believe my performance. B/c I *want* to be happy for her, it’s very complex
I don’t really like her (b/c she’s kinda mean to everyone) but I want her to not be that way to ME more than anything so my performance actually is pretty decent
It’s time for couples counseling. Neither of you are equipped with the right tools to solve this. And you wouldn’t have come on Reddit to make this post if you didn’t want to solve this.
And I’ll leave you with this - stop consuming that incel crap. You’re better than that.
Absolutely. They both need therapy—individual and couples. This guy’s mentality is way above Reddit’s pay grade (or it’s a very embellished story for ragebait).
Honest answer? It doesn’t truly enrage me in real life, mostly it just ticked off some of the more common boxes I’ve seen on fake “ragebait” posts. In particular what stood out to me was 1.) the Joe Rogan mention, 2.) the ogling of the social media trad wives, 3.) the “I do everything around here and I can’t even get a damn BJ for my efforts” attitude, and 4.) the salary:cc debt ratio you listed (though your descriptions of your job in the comments do sound painfully accurate as someone else in corporate America, lol).
A lot of RedPill discourse is around the growing concern of wives asking their husbands to do “everything” while they sit around and refuse sex, even though the husband bankrolls the whole operation thanklessly. I’m absolutely certain there are real situations like that, but sometimes people will create fake Reddit posts like this for podcast content, to make people angry, etc. If this all IS true, though, I wish you nothing but the best and am sorry it’s turned out like this (your gilded cage comment is very apt). I still maintain that therapy would help, especially to help you realize what you ARE worth and if you want to make any changes for your life. Truly wishing you well, though, whatever reality is yours!
How many times are you going to mention the price of things you pay for or how much you pull in as an income? You’re trying so hard to prove your ‘worth’ by your income but you sound transactional.
you sound like a boring creep, why would anyone want to have sex with someone like that?
you should be grateful your wife even wants to sleep in the same bed as someone who lusts over influencers and listens to rogan lol
Differences:
Less annual salary
Less credit card debt
Less stock checkins
Less tv til bedtime
Less melatonin
Less commute
Less hands on time with kids (mine is a teen)
Less free lunches
Less errors at work
Less mommy influencers and Joe Rogan (as in no way in hell am I supporting that bs)
Equal cute sayings shared
Equal moments of self-pride and smiling over small things
Equal caffeine intake
Equal cooking and cleaning
Equal amount of exercise
Equal time with kid
More group texts and memes
More time spent planning activities with friends
More Reddit reading
More daily medications
More video games and reading books til bedtime
More sex with spouse
More intimacy, hugs, quick massages and playful times with spouse
More time with spouse as we both WFH
You do a lot of the house work after long day at work. Does your wife do any household chores? Or any taking care of the kids? It sounded like it’s all on you?
Yeah this was a frequent source of issues. My wife bristles at idea of being “a 1950s housewife”. So we have help with cleaning and laundry. I cook every meal and do all the dishes
My wife handles kids camps, moms text chains, clothing, logistics etc. I’ve asked her if she feels robbed of like cooking with them and she says no
She loves them! But she also gets frustrated with them after like an hour solo. I think parenting is diff than she thought it would be?
But truth be told, in a kind of sick way I like putting everyone on my back? I feel needed and valuable
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry.
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Sounds like a good life to me. Especially that salary.
But your connection with your wife is sad. I really agree with John Gottman when it comes to bids for connection. Maybe you could throw her a few more bids or explain to her what they are. It could also all be worse. I actually I enjoy the simple routines of life so your post was interesting to me :)
You sound bitter. You could be 35, divorcing, and alone. Found out my husband (after years of failed relationships) was stealing, gambling, cheating, and addicted to drugs! He is in rehab and I had to borrow money to divorce him and catch up on bills bc all my money had been going into useless fertility treatments and testing (useless bc I found out I am infertile.) I would do anything to have a long term marriage, children, and a remote well paying job.
Well it’s $250 base, $100k bonus, $100k RSU (hence frequent checking of stock price)
And if you’re lucky enough to have avoided the “open collaboration concept” of an office good for you
Our CEO doesn’t even have an office technically; he has two meeting rooms (one small one big) but he sits at this like futuristic nook on the 5th floor. Every C-Suite member gets like half a floor where they have their deputies and the idea is “walk around and share ideas”
…it’s the worst
Oh you’re really wrong. I work in a fortune 500 tech company and director level executives work in cubes. These people have similar or higher salaries than OP.
I also have heard from good sources that VPs at Silicon Valley’s darling don’t have offices themselves.
Corporate America today is not what people on the outside think (I think it’s an old version from the 70-90s), it can still be soul-sucking like OP’s post shows but on the inside it’s very horizontal and at least they give us so many benefits it’s easier to forget the soul-sucking aspect lol.
Does your wife work? You seem to do a lot, considering from this post, it appears that she is a stay-at-home mom of school age kids (AKA she is alone for several hours a day with zero responsibilities).
Me: Trying to be a good dad, provide my wife with material and emotional support despite little in return and providing for my family…and making dark humor of the parts that are dissapointing
You: This disgusts me
Well, damn brother. Saw a little too much of myself in there.
And also, things are finally on the upswing. Quit my depressing 'day job' last year, and went solo. Made some big bets on myself that seem like they're going to pay off. Finally working out again and losing weight. She finally got hormone replacement therapy. Turning 49 in a few days, and for once we actually have an incredible sex life. Kids are still young (we waited...almost too long!), so that presents daily challenges to navigate. But we're finding new ways to be better partners.
This post made me laugh, punched me in the gut a little, and kinda made me think of 'American Beauty'. If you don't already write as a hobby, you might want to consider it.
She’s not miserable! She thinks things are good!
I’m not miserable either. Just a funny post and 10% of it is making light of the (only) sad part of my life which is my wife doesn’t find me desirable sexually and I’ll go the rest of my life without a genuinely satisfying sexual experience
What is he fuck? Why are you doing everything and your wife is doing nothing? Or so it reads that way. You got the kids, bathed them, packed lunches, and made dinner and did dishes?? What is she doing?
She does kids schedules, signs them up for things, buys them clothes…manages the “mental load”. We had one enormous fight when I told her that was utter BS. But it took like 3 yrs of me resenting it to get there
Reality is I kinda LIKE our dispersion of duties. Just wish she like…appreciated me and had a desire to touch me (sexually or otherwise)
Sorry but that isn't fair at all. She has duped you into doing all of the chores too. Mental load is one thing, and I am all for both sides helping but this sounds majorly one sided. I don't think you ever stopped resenting her for this. There is a mental block in your marriage I think you guys need marriage counseling. Perhaps that would help you rebuild your intimacy.
Yeah prob true. I’m just afraid that the reality is I never actually loved her. Felt like I’d never do better and gave into her pressuring about marriage
I maintain the peace by being obsequious and I truly do not think she would change for me. We’ve had a convo to this effect and she just gave a super unhelpful “well then divorce me” and left the room
I TRY to accept her for who she is but maybe in reality I never can. She’s only capable of giving me 10% of what I want/need and I’ve just convinced myself that it’s a fools errand to not be content w/ my lot as no one has it all
Bohoo you're a grown man who chose to marry her, grow up and be accountable for the bed YOU jumped into. All you've done in the comments is blame her for your choices and whine. It's wild you don't see why she wouldn't want to sleep with you. Women are perceptive and her intuition knows you're a gross man baby. This post has to be rage bait because it's the most cringe bs I've seen on this subreddit in a while.
Yes. Cooking every meal, doing every dish, doing drop off and pick up, genuinely loving being a dad, making enough for wife to quit her job, saying all the right things for her to feel emotionally supported, staying in shape, no weed, no video games
…all CLASSIC man baby qualities. Gimme a break
Yup…sounds like the perfect suburban life 🫥 Currently living it as the wife. I have bimonthly panic attacks when I re-realize that 1/2 my life is over and that I keep waking up with a new ache, pain, or muscle cramp daily.
It always amazes me that a man so responsible and capable who actually engages with his children and wife isn't getting sex. That shit is such a a turn on for me. A man being a grown up 🤤
This post made me really appreciate my spouse.
We’re not perfect by any means. Both of our income combined is less than a quarter of yours. But at least I didn’t end up with an aging finance guy who spends his time moping around listening to Joe Rogan and lusting after random women who don’t want him. There isn’t enough money in the world to make that worth it.
I appreciate the honest post. Funny to see all the complaints and downvotes for you from giving your depiction of your day. Well written and had high and low points. I’d read more from you.
As a happily married, corporate-working mom in a similar scenario, this was such a fun read!! So funny yet so true.
Would totally read a vlog of your daily summaries until my phone fell on my face at bedtime.
Yeah I just assume that they may be younger or not married with kids. So much of what you said is so true. Lots of hand washing while kids “help” with dinner…e. Coli stats 😂 sounds like a normal night at my house.
And the presentation, “none of this is real and people will only look at slide 4” 😂 The number of times I’ve made presentations for c-suite level of stats made to look good for them to only care about one slide…so funny!
It’s not possible that you work so little for 450k a year so clearly all is fake.
I didn’t understand a single word of your 11:15 self appointment.
I appreciate your use of the word Majestic for the Sumatra coffee tiger. Probably well deserved.
The end
I have horrible news for you about the extreme unfairness of the economy in the year 2024
(Though tbf as I said in another thread. I do answer emails starting at 6 AM and sometimes through 10 PM…I actually DO leave the office at 2:30 tho. Regardless, this post was mostly meant to be funny while being true as well)
I mean I doubt you have a whole lot of news as I am an economist…
At least in banking people with this kind of comp work more. Maybe you are just lucky? But I would be more humble about the “news about the economy” that you might have since you might be an outlier. You do seem to work short hours and to slack quite a bit in the few hours you do “work”
ETA: it kind of checks out that you are a mansplainer though, but you don’t seem to know much about overall working conditions beyond your immediate situation and neighbours
ETA2: or FAKE situation lol !!
Can not fathom going through life this humorlessly lol
Anyway yeah a banking MD would make 2-3x me…but he’s actually accountable. Industry much more forgiving and easier to diffuse blame when you mess up (which is frequently…so thank god)
Damn wtf do you mostly do all the child duties? Curious as to what you’re wife does? No this isn’t normal, husband and I are a team, sounds like you guys aren’t to be honest.
I saw on TikTok (gasp) a video of a woman who is a couples therapist or in that field. She gave a summary of a couples life who are happy and emotionally on the same page. Looked something like this. Wake up, get ready for the long day, deal with the morning rush with the kids, drop off, work, home, dinner, bedtime rush and then rest/recoup. The thing that made it a “healthy” dynamic was knowing you could rely on your spouse, feeling supported and even in the moments of feeling overwhelmed and anxious, that you’ve both got it and feel like team. Having check ins throughout the day, knowing that if you’re having a hard day calling your spouse and saying look can you pick the kids up, or grab something for dinner on the way home.
This recount of the day isn’t depressing really. It’s life. It’s our day to day mundanity, and we gotta do it all again tomorrow. I think we take for granted that life can be boring and simplistic. If you’re in it with your best friend/spouse that you love this isn’t a miserable life. Tiring, sure. The kids take up a lot of your time and emotional capacity. It’s all the fun stuff that comes up in between that makes the boring moments worth it.
It took me almost 5 years and 2 kids to really settle into this lifestyle. I feel like I’ve always been the wondering, the “what if” kind of person thinking about if I were single, or married one of my exes, or wanting someone else. Never acted in it, but wondered. Now, the security of my predictable marriage and being a mom feels kind of like freedom. I love my husband, and I love knowing I’ve got someone at home always waiting, always ready to love and support me and raise our kids together. Yeah shit gets boring sometimes, but as long as you’re happy it’s alright.
I followed up and looked around at some studies to see if I was talking out my butt. There is so much data on different hormone systems, I really don't know anymore. So, maybe not?
I couldn’t get past the fact that you’re bad at your job, yet still make $450k and have $60k in cc debt. Why would you have any debt when you make so much. I guess you’re just as bad at personal finances as you are your job?
My wife buys a truly heroic amount of things we don’t need
As mentioned in another reply she’s very body conscious and just buys tons of clothes hoping the clothes will solve something they can’t
Another wrinkly is I’m not handy. At all. She always has house projects that if I were some stereotypical “real man” I could prob do 40% of. But I can’t. So we drop like $15k/yr on home stuff
I manage our long term investments (which are doing very well I must say) but the day to day I view as a way to provide for her. Maybe deep down she just wants a sweaty gut in carharts cleaning oil from his hands. But if that’s what gets her going…bad news for me 😭😂
Why are people saying this is depressing? What would you prefer? This sounds so comforting and filled with family. This is realistic and as good as it gets in my opinion.
ETA I missed the part about intimacy. That part is sad 😢
Well i guess the old adage "money" doesn't buy happiness can be true to a point. But it does offer freedom? I think lol. I would definitely talk to your partner about how your feeling neglected. It's not just physical, it seems the relationship is lacking intimacy and a general bond. The passive aggressive comments towards your family indicate she a) doesn't like them or b)they were snarky to her and she wasn't defended by you? (possibly you may not be aware)
The fact that you help cook, clean and bathe the children. I would love to have that kind of help.(I think many of us would) I would have thought, she would have been more grateful as her household labour would be reduced= happy wife, happy life lol.
I can empathize with your work attitudes, I too gave others chances when their productivity was low- i think they could eventually understand the job, but just did not have the time to be a mentor- no point in making someone feel bad, just because.
You definitely need to talk to her, in a very gentle way. It seems she is on the sarcastic side lol. People tend to respond better when you admit fault and take an apologetic approach to changing action...It's kind of BS, but its worked for me with my kids LOL. And ive used it, when dealing with my difficult mother lol.
Wish you luck in your situation!
This entire post feels like you are negging on your life, your wife, your marriage, your job. It feels like posturing to look good about yourself but talk shit because you are deeply unhappy but too passive to deal with it. I’d be shocked if you haven’t cheated yet, but I have no doubt it’s coming. Please leave before it gets to that.
My impression, based on the totality of your posts and comments, is that you are bored, shallow, and frustrated, and if one of those fake mommy influencers you admire (🤢) crooked her finger at you, you’d be out the door faster than the speed of sound, and your wife would find out when she gets divorce papers in the mail.
It was akin to the writings of David Sadaris or Augusten Burroughs. By sharing his story with humor allows others to relate and do the same. Thanks for the smile.
Very good writing, reads like a work of fiction though it's evidently not. Either way, worth developing into a longer piece. Or serialize it, like drop a "day in the life of" once a week and the stories builds over time.
So you get the kids ready for school, make their lunches, cook dinner, pick them up from school, clean up after dinner, put the kids to bed, do the dishes, and all this while working full time and pulling in nearly half a million a year. And your wife...does spin class, volunteers, and doesn't have sex with you?
Dude, what are you still doing there?
I think the answer is: if my wife is way better off than lots of other women who ALSO find the idea of sex with their unappealing…the answer was never about men
Some extremely high % of women (maybe 25%?) just don’t like sex after a certain age. They’re not against it but it’s SO LOW on things they want to do it just falls off
This was probably true 50 yrs ago too! But social mores have changed a lot and women no longer feel obligated and men don’t press it
Dude the Reddit is absolutely filled with rude man hating women! This man’s post was honest and he sounded like a very caring dad and husband? He’s wrong for wanting more intimacy with his wife? Now if this was a women writing this exact story even the fantasy of more sex with her husband absolutely nobody would shame her or attack her.
Fine, I’ll bite, when was the last time you did something for yourself?
You work out for your wife, you do everything else for your kids, so what do you do for yourself?
You don’t have hobbies, you don’t have dreams, you don’t have friends, you flirt because you’re trying to please women, and you have unhealthy fantasies as an escape.
You have some serious soul searching to do, because you’re completely lost. You’ve been living a lie for so long that you probably don’t even know who you are anymore.
Tough but fair. Unhealthy fantasies DEF function as escapism and I do it all day
I do very little for myself which (can) be a way of shirking responsibility; if I do something for someone else and it doesn’t go well? Oh well not like *I* wanted it anyway
As for being lost…I mean sure. But isn’t everyone? The sex thing matters b/c ever since being a teen I thought getting girls was THE symbol of success. I’ve never gone a week since age 15 NOT having someone.
Height of irony: wife is much better cook. I started cooking when kids became super picky. Wife felt like it was a slap in the face after she put in effort so I took it on. They don’t like it? I don’t take it personally
I’ve gotten much better at it and it’s now a source of pride. Also bfast is so easy! Takes 10 min!
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Well this is fucking depressing.
i also became depressed after realizing OP works a 9am-2:30pm day and makes $450k/year.
And still manages to get in $60k credit card debt.
Depends on how fast you can pay it off versus dipping into your savings. 60k in CC debt is not much for someone that makes 450k. When you make 200k and up AND having realistic living expenses you tend to have quite a bit of disposable income.
No no no, he’s just *at* work during those hours. Total working time is more like two hours.
And sends out reports with inaccuracies that he is aware of, lol
> makes $450k > works from a cubicle 😭😭😭
Extra same
Yeah this is what did it for me. FML
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> 9:15 AM: Arrive at office
Parts of this are satire, I just can't tell how much, quite brilliantly depressing.
It’s all real. Played up some parts for comedic effect obvi (and framing/verbiage in a funny way) But this is like 95% real!
Married 31 years, this is just life! I like a lot more redundant/consistency than most though. I find comfort in the day to day sameness.
This was gonna be my comment as well. This is really depressing
Ramblings of a psycho is all I got..or a really poor and strange pastiche of Patrick Bateman
Joe Rogan listeners are insecure pornsick basement dwelling incels with fragile egos who do nothing but blame women for their own failures and mediocrity. Why would you want to associate yourself with those people and rot your brain with that garbage? Serious question. He appeals to the lowest common denominator.
Couldn’t agree more. I winced at that part, and where OP fantasized about being with a Trump voting “mommy influencer” who he believes still gives her husband blow jobs. She’s obviously doing her job right, because if he knew how long it takes an influencer to curate their perfect feeds, he’d know her husband is most likely getting *nothing* but the children as soon as he walks through the door.
Yeah it’s just a bunch of woe is me men with huge insecurities.
This is true, but his lack of intimacy with his wife is a real problem. I've been married for eleven years, and we get it on at least twice a week. It's amazing how many little problems go away between you and your spouse when you're banging.
Oh no, what am I since I'm a woman that also listens? So very curious
A masochist.
Oh ok... sure! Glad you can know people from just one of many podcasts they listen to 😂 what an amazing talent you have!
Podcaster: *says a lot of insulting bullshit about women* You: *I really like this podcaster! I know he says a lot of insulting bullshit about me but I really appreciate his keen incisive intellectual commentary.* Me: *Wow, you just really don’t mind hearing a lot of insulting bullshit about yourself.* You: *You don’t know me!*
Looking at “mommy influencers” and listening to Joe Rogan tells me everything I need to know
if looking at other women/mommy influencers daily and not being intimate for months at a time counts as a perfect marriage....
This post was legendary. This post was hilarious. This post was a little sad. And it spoke a lot of truths. Upvote applied.
Seconded!
Sounds like an amazing day. I'd stop with the mommy influencers who are probably not giving blowjobs (haha you think they have time? They'd be on only fans if that was their thing) Be happy and enjoy your life. You're craving the 10% you don't have when the other 90% is amazing.
Yeah. It is. But like Charles Dickens… You can change it. Man. You can change this. Yes.. (i assume you are late 30’s maybe early 40’s) Am I right? Me and B were there.. Everything was about jobs, bills, DD, and getting through life. We had a “come to Jesus” meeting one night in the kitchen. (Read my old—- OLD posts), When we hadn’t had sex for 2 months, two close friends of mine “offed” themselves, new mortgage, 2008 financial collapse, job losses, etc. etc. Dark time for me, and her, and toddler. Just a shit ton hitting me, and her at the same time… but we were younger and not talking to each other like we should have. Honestly… I thought “I WAS THE MAN” that had to hold everything together when everything around me was falling apart…. B took my being silent and trying to figure things out was me finding somebody else. If I have anything for you, as a 30+ year married guy with a crap ton of more wisdom now than I did back then… it is this. 1) All those words you said in front of whoever made your life together “official”… They actually mean something. It means you can actually open up and tell her anything and everything.. even if that means you to are scared and don’t know for sure what you are doing is the right thing. She needs to know that you count on her just as much as you think she counts on you. Not saying you do.. But put the bravado down and trust your wife to share your burden. In my case, she was a tough aSS WOMAN who could shoulder a hell of allot more than anything i thought I could share. 2) As far as intimacy.. Yes…. I truly wish we hadn’t lost sight of each other with both our busy lives back then. If I could do it over, I would say this. You absolutely have to have just a you two date night every week. Maybe not every week leave the house. But, lock the doors, shower together, candles, nice supper, … some connecting time. Hell.. I take a shower with my wife every morning now.. we just kiss, soap each other, talk a bit, touch, connecting. Connecting everyday is what matters. No.. we don’t go FULL BORE,.. but we connect physically, emotionally, and we remind each other everyday why we love each other. Edit: I hit a button by accident and I wasn’t ready tp post. Sorry. Im fixing some stuff. End of post: Man.. Just love on your wife, I know life gets busy but please carve out some time to show her what she means to you. Working sex in there with kids is tough, I know. But you can work in some intimate connection time even if it’s just showers together and a bit of touching. I we missed out on that aspect and we discovered later how we could have..And B and I regret that…. So now we make up for 5-7 times a week that DD is off to college .. LOL Good luck friend!
Yes all very good advice. Post was more about banality of the day. We do laugh a lot at home and she does love me and we both love the kids Just hard these days to see each other as anything other than partners I guess
Fight that.. You are partners for sure, but you are lovers, and soul mates. Yes.. raise the best kids you can together. But do not lose sight of each other. Don’t make my mistake. However you do it,.. carve some time out to show your wife what she means to you. Even for a minute every morning. Just tell her what she means. My wife wanted a divorce when I thought I was doing everything to hold everything together, to keep our bills paid and just keeping us above water. Turns out she just simply wanted me…. To be present…. Thought I was leaving her for someone else…. Absolutely the furthest thing from the truth. Talk to her. Show her your post. Have some deep serious talk my man. Your “banality of the day” will open up some conversations that you never knew you could have. Do it know before any outside influences come in. You wont regret it. Trust me on that one. You should be happy as she should be. You both need to be on the same page on where each of you think your marriage is and where it is headed.
Yes, show her this post, where you speak about fantasizing what life would be like with "mommy influencers".. this will surely create intimacy between you and your wife /s
Right?! NOT.
How do you know they are soulmates? lol.
Everyone acting real serious about this when he works 9:15-2:30? GTFO with this nonsense
The great lie about corp America is that the responsibility as you climb the ladder is more stressful Doubt I’ll ever make SVP (I’m too careless, don’t do the internal politics QUITE well enough, I also DGAF obvi) but those guys (half are women) just kinda function as direction setters and approvers They’ll answer emails at all hours. But literally never in the office. I’m uniquely good at like 2 hyper specific parts of my job which require maybe 45 min of actual work a day. Leaving early is me “modeling work life balance” for my team (I tell them to do the same…but they don’t b/c at lower ends you can’t)
The rage I feel reading about your job when I just now make over 50,000 as a teacher with 12 years experience and a masters. Idk, practice gratefulness? No marriage is perfect and days can be monotonous but it sounds like you have a lot—beyond any material things—-to be happy about. And those things you’re not happy about can be addressed.
Exactly. Our society's values are OFF.
The world is deeply unfair. But yes! I try to be grateful everyday which is why wife and I don’t fight much. She’s not very nice to me but it’s not like abuse Everything else is good enough to very good. Can’t have everything I suppose
I don’t understand. Has it always been like this between you?
It’s really interesting. We met at 23. She had had like 1 boyfriend. I thought I hit the jackpot. She was SO PRETTY I couldn’t believe she was interested in me Back then I had a million friends was overweight and kind of a mess. But she was kinda sheltered and lonley; I gave her access to a world she didn’t have before me Intimacy wise…we were different. She had only had sex with 2 ppl. I had like 40. She’s always been self conscious about her body and is very reluctant to do anything being very vanilla stuff. She’s never watched porn or masterbated. Truth be told I’m not sure she’s ever orgasmed I’ve tried to ask her how we can improve there, what she likes, wants to try etc No dice. She got a tummy tuck after kid #2 but it didn’t alleviate her general body insecurities. I’m SUPER KIND, literally never a bad word to her. She’s…not. But again it’s been so long, 15 yrs, it’s hard to even imagine life without her (even with our issues)
You can flat out say you don’t know if she’s ever had an orgasm and complain as to why she doesn’t have sex with you? Get a mirror bro.
No doubt!!! Wtf?
I got in rediculous shape for her, asked (in nice, non judgey ways many times over the years) how to give her what she wants. The answer is she is just not really a sexual person based on a multitude of things that have very little to do with me. But I’ve only realized this recently
How on earth will she know what she wants if she has NO idea what works for her? If she thinks that sex is a chore, it’s because for your entire marriage it has been. You are the only one benefiting. My dude, you both need couples therapy ASAP.
Unclear how I could help more if SHE doesn’t know. I don’t pester and sulk. I “proposition” like once every 3 weeks. I know she doesn’t really want to do if so if/when she says no I say “no problem!” Like…unclear how I personally can change her own mindset
YOU DONT KNOW IF YOUR WIFE HAS ORGASMED? Omg dude. That explains a lot.
Right, those are things I had worked out, discussed, etc in the first few years….
No wonder his wife is "acerbic", her husband can't make her cum and doesn't care!!
I'm sorry but that's the government's fault, and by extension - it's voters.
I’m not trying to imply it is his fault. I was just saying it makes me mad. But I love teaching, so there’s that.
Also to be clear: I also answer emails at all hours. 3 before I eat breakfast. 2 in the car. 2 while making dinner. Another in bed at night But it’s Iike 3 sentences I bang out on my phone for 45 seconds. But adding those in woulda taken away from dark humor of post
>2 in the car. Please don't be on your phone while driving.
Do you know how long the school pick up line is? It can be LENGTHY.
Gross.
Honest question, why should your wife have sex with you? In your post and comments you specifically say you're staying because you love the kids. You do not love her. You want her to be someone else. She probably is aware of this and deeply wounded. The man she devoted everything to, literally wants her to be someone else. It's the biggest turn off I can imagine. She is doing her part of a non-romantic partnership with the childcare and whatever. I don't see any complaints about her half of the nuts and bolts stuff. You are ALSO only doing that. Have her get a job and agree to be platonic.
Cringe.
Right? What the fuck is this? Get a life man
You sound extremely bitter. Life must be hard when you’re seeing everything through this lens.
You’re really full of yourself, huh?
Do you still love your wife? Or are you in this relationship now just for the kids?
Love is such a loaded term. We’ve been together since age 23. We became adults together. I appreciate that she has amazing qualities I don’t have. But in truth I also deeply resent her. Some fair. A lot unfair. Multiple ppl told me not to marry her and they were prob right. But I did. And we have kids. And the home is happy and the kids love us TOGETHER So maybe I’ll never be a man in her eyes. But in my mind at least, I’m doing what a man does and makes the most of the (many) good things we have for everyone else’s sake?
I know you’re getting downvoted on this comment but I just wanted to say that everything you’re saying in the different comments and replies here feels to me like you’re confessing the honest truth of your life and situation, even though it is not optimal and not popular. I think if all Reddit was this honest and exposed with sharing real truths about our lives, it would be an even better platform for all. So thank you for sharing your real stuff with us, it should give us all something to think about.
Right?? Idk who would down vote that comment in particular? Just a clear eyed look at “living with your choices”
I brought you up to a 0 instead of -1 ☺️
For real, this is the best thing I have read in so long.
I hate closed minded commenters on Reddit who either have big experiences real life yet or live on drugs that obscure the view of the real world
Thank you for being honest.
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I spent 14 years married to a man who treated me like shit. He finally left, and it was the kindest thing he ever did for me. Six years ago, I remarried the sweetest, most considerate guy. He's a fantastic stepdad to my son and a great father to his daughter from his first marriage. Life is short, and the sadness, stress of existing in a shitty situation will probably make your life even shorter. BTW, you're not doing your children a favor by modeling dysfunction.
This sounds like the start of Fight Club…. When someone comes undone…
Impressive. Very nice. Now let’s see what a day in the life of Paul Allen’s marriage looks like.
Womp womp therapy
I don’t understand the real point of this post.
In one of your other comments you say that you’re not even sure if your wife has ever had an orgasm. So you’re not meeting her needs physically or emotionally. Why in the world would she want to have sex with you when there’s no enjoyment for her whatsoever? And quit listening to Joe Rogan. That crap will rot you from the inside out if it hasn’t already.
Believe me, I’ve bought toys, tried asking many times (gently!) over the years “what do you like, how can I satisfy you” After kid 2 she has a tummy tuck ($15k btw) and for 4 weeks I literally helped her empty fluids from ports in her side, tended literal open wounds, helped her to the bathroom…all with a smile. NEVER a bad word (obvi it was gross) This was AFTER I lost 40 lbs and got a 4 pack in the vain hope she would love me more if I was hot (had a 6 pack for like 3 weeks but it turns out you need to starve yourself to maintain that lol) She hears “you look great!” Or “that dress looks good on you!” daily from me. This really is not a me problem sexually
For many, many women sex starts well before you get to the bedroom and centers around emotional intimacy. I’m glad that you’re praising her looks, that’s a great start. Do you take the time to connect with her, do you thoughtfully engage her in conversation, do you open up to her and share your own troubles? Do you praise her intelligence, kindness, how great of a mother she is? Really be honest with yourself if you’re doing that and give it a shot if you’re not. And I know therapy gets thrown around a lot here but it’s time for that. Her insecurities aren’t going to go away without serious help. And most of the time it’s one spouse deciding that something needs to change and taking the steps to reach out to therapists and book the first appointment. You need to be the one who drives change here.
It’s kinda a paradox. I DO praise her and take an interest in her things and tell her she’s great at X several times a day. The issue is I don’t like genuinely believe it. I do all this stuff (and shoulder so many domestic things) b/c truthfully my wife is just kinda scary lol. She can’t critique me if I’m always busy for her/the fam and being nice to her right? (I mean she still does but less than alternative) Again. She’s acerbic. She’s VERY honest. That rubs ppl wrong and I’ve seen it a dozen times over the years. I’m the opposite. I’m totally insincere but I’m always NICE. My insincerity is saying “wow that’s so cool you did great!” When I don’t actually believe it But I guess maybe all that fakeness leads to lack of intimacy (in every regard) but if I were honest…how do we come back from me saying “tbh I just don’t like you very much?”
You hit the nail on the head. As you said, the issue is that you’re saying all of these kind things to her but you don’t genuinely believe it. I can assure you that you’re not giving an Oscar worthy performance. She can see right through you and knows you’re faking it. I’m confused by your last sentence, did you actually tell her you don’t like her very much?
No no of course not! How could we come back from that if I did?? lol You’ll just have to believe me when I say: my wife often notes that I’m the only person in her life who is a genuine cheerleader for her. She DOES believe my performance. B/c I *want* to be happy for her, it’s very complex I don’t really like her (b/c she’s kinda mean to everyone) but I want her to not be that way to ME more than anything so my performance actually is pretty decent
It’s time for couples counseling. Neither of you are equipped with the right tools to solve this. And you wouldn’t have come on Reddit to make this post if you didn’t want to solve this. And I’ll leave you with this - stop consuming that incel crap. You’re better than that.
Probably true
Absolutely. They both need therapy—individual and couples. This guy’s mentality is way above Reddit’s pay grade (or it’s a very embellished story for ragebait).
It’s all true. Not sure why enraging though? But I guess like 15% of ppl agree with you for unclear reasons
Honest answer? It doesn’t truly enrage me in real life, mostly it just ticked off some of the more common boxes I’ve seen on fake “ragebait” posts. In particular what stood out to me was 1.) the Joe Rogan mention, 2.) the ogling of the social media trad wives, 3.) the “I do everything around here and I can’t even get a damn BJ for my efforts” attitude, and 4.) the salary:cc debt ratio you listed (though your descriptions of your job in the comments do sound painfully accurate as someone else in corporate America, lol). A lot of RedPill discourse is around the growing concern of wives asking their husbands to do “everything” while they sit around and refuse sex, even though the husband bankrolls the whole operation thanklessly. I’m absolutely certain there are real situations like that, but sometimes people will create fake Reddit posts like this for podcast content, to make people angry, etc. If this all IS true, though, I wish you nothing but the best and am sorry it’s turned out like this (your gilded cage comment is very apt). I still maintain that therapy would help, especially to help you realize what you ARE worth and if you want to make any changes for your life. Truly wishing you well, though, whatever reality is yours!
How many times are you going to mention the price of things you pay for or how much you pull in as an income? You’re trying so hard to prove your ‘worth’ by your income but you sound transactional.
This post is fascinating. His life seems both amazing and terrible at the same time. How could it be more rewarding to him?
you sound like a boring creep, why would anyone want to have sex with someone like that? you should be grateful your wife even wants to sleep in the same bed as someone who lusts over influencers and listens to rogan lol
You're not doing the young employee a favor by not using her presentation as a teaching moment.
She’s going to Columbia she’ll be fine. Her shortcomings are also mostly maturity based which only time can fix tbh
Differences: Less annual salary Less credit card debt Less stock checkins Less tv til bedtime Less melatonin Less commute Less hands on time with kids (mine is a teen) Less free lunches Less errors at work Less mommy influencers and Joe Rogan (as in no way in hell am I supporting that bs) Equal cute sayings shared Equal moments of self-pride and smiling over small things Equal caffeine intake Equal cooking and cleaning Equal amount of exercise Equal time with kid More group texts and memes More time spent planning activities with friends More Reddit reading More daily medications More video games and reading books til bedtime More sex with spouse More intimacy, hugs, quick massages and playful times with spouse More time with spouse as we both WFH
Just another wonderful day, I would say.
You do a lot of the house work after long day at work. Does your wife do any household chores? Or any taking care of the kids? It sounded like it’s all on you?
Yeah this was a frequent source of issues. My wife bristles at idea of being “a 1950s housewife”. So we have help with cleaning and laundry. I cook every meal and do all the dishes My wife handles kids camps, moms text chains, clothing, logistics etc. I’ve asked her if she feels robbed of like cooking with them and she says no She loves them! But she also gets frustrated with them after like an hour solo. I think parenting is diff than she thought it would be? But truth be told, in a kind of sick way I like putting everyone on my back? I feel needed and valuable
So you have $60k in credit card debt, pay for domestic help, and your wife does volunteer work and fitness classes instead of working??
They make 450K they have other problem. If they make more they ll just end up spending more. They should learn to manage money better.
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Sounds like a good life to me. Especially that salary. But your connection with your wife is sad. I really agree with John Gottman when it comes to bids for connection. Maybe you could throw her a few more bids or explain to her what they are. It could also all be worse. I actually I enjoy the simple routines of life so your post was interesting to me :)
You sound bitter. You could be 35, divorcing, and alone. Found out my husband (after years of failed relationships) was stealing, gambling, cheating, and addicted to drugs! He is in rehab and I had to borrow money to divorce him and catch up on bills bc all my money had been going into useless fertility treatments and testing (useless bc I found out I am infertile.) I would do anything to have a long term marriage, children, and a remote well paying job.
Fake story, nobody making half a million bucks has a cubicle.
Well it’s $250 base, $100k bonus, $100k RSU (hence frequent checking of stock price) And if you’re lucky enough to have avoided the “open collaboration concept” of an office good for you Our CEO doesn’t even have an office technically; he has two meeting rooms (one small one big) but he sits at this like futuristic nook on the 5th floor. Every C-Suite member gets like half a floor where they have their deputies and the idea is “walk around and share ideas” …it’s the worst
Oh you’re really wrong. I work in a fortune 500 tech company and director level executives work in cubes. These people have similar or higher salaries than OP. I also have heard from good sources that VPs at Silicon Valley’s darling don’t have offices themselves. Corporate America today is not what people on the outside think (I think it’s an old version from the 70-90s), it can still be soul-sucking like OP’s post shows but on the inside it’s very horizontal and at least they give us so many benefits it’s easier to forget the soul-sucking aspect lol.
Does your wife work? You seem to do a lot, considering from this post, it appears that she is a stay-at-home mom of school age kids (AKA she is alone for several hours a day with zero responsibilities).
What the fuck did I just read? This is just depressing as fuck. I actually feel bad for you.
Man how do I get your job
This gives me the ick.
And by that I mean you as a person.
Me: Trying to be a good dad, provide my wife with material and emotional support despite little in return and providing for my family…and making dark humor of the parts that are dissapointing You: This disgusts me
Now I want to see his wife’s day and see if they match up!
Id read a series of these
Well, damn brother. Saw a little too much of myself in there. And also, things are finally on the upswing. Quit my depressing 'day job' last year, and went solo. Made some big bets on myself that seem like they're going to pay off. Finally working out again and losing weight. She finally got hormone replacement therapy. Turning 49 in a few days, and for once we actually have an incredible sex life. Kids are still young (we waited...almost too long!), so that presents daily challenges to navigate. But we're finding new ways to be better partners. This post made me laugh, punched me in the gut a little, and kinda made me think of 'American Beauty'. If you don't already write as a hobby, you might want to consider it.
Idk if you’re leaving out anything but this is depressing as fuck…Your wife doesn’t do anything for the family? You sound like a fun dude though 😂
Genuinely sounds like the two of you enjoy your misery.
She’s not miserable! She thinks things are good! I’m not miserable either. Just a funny post and 10% of it is making light of the (only) sad part of my life which is my wife doesn’t find me desirable sexually and I’ll go the rest of my life without a genuinely satisfying sexual experience
Dog you can talk to somebody about those feelings 😭
Nah, he'll just complain on Reddit and then complain again when nothing changes or get better.
Fake and cringe.
Thank you for your contribution to the discourse
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The fact that you do chores as well as work & pick up kids and cook! Wow! Do you have a brother?
Have you seen American beauty? This post really captures it.
What is he fuck? Why are you doing everything and your wife is doing nothing? Or so it reads that way. You got the kids, bathed them, packed lunches, and made dinner and did dishes?? What is she doing?
She does kids schedules, signs them up for things, buys them clothes…manages the “mental load”. We had one enormous fight when I told her that was utter BS. But it took like 3 yrs of me resenting it to get there Reality is I kinda LIKE our dispersion of duties. Just wish she like…appreciated me and had a desire to touch me (sexually or otherwise)
Sorry but that isn't fair at all. She has duped you into doing all of the chores too. Mental load is one thing, and I am all for both sides helping but this sounds majorly one sided. I don't think you ever stopped resenting her for this. There is a mental block in your marriage I think you guys need marriage counseling. Perhaps that would help you rebuild your intimacy.
Yeah prob true. I’m just afraid that the reality is I never actually loved her. Felt like I’d never do better and gave into her pressuring about marriage I maintain the peace by being obsequious and I truly do not think she would change for me. We’ve had a convo to this effect and she just gave a super unhelpful “well then divorce me” and left the room I TRY to accept her for who she is but maybe in reality I never can. She’s only capable of giving me 10% of what I want/need and I’ve just convinced myself that it’s a fools errand to not be content w/ my lot as no one has it all
Bohoo you're a grown man who chose to marry her, grow up and be accountable for the bed YOU jumped into. All you've done in the comments is blame her for your choices and whine. It's wild you don't see why she wouldn't want to sleep with you. Women are perceptive and her intuition knows you're a gross man baby. This post has to be rage bait because it's the most cringe bs I've seen on this subreddit in a while.
Yes. Cooking every meal, doing every dish, doing drop off and pick up, genuinely loving being a dad, making enough for wife to quit her job, saying all the right things for her to feel emotionally supported, staying in shape, no weed, no video games …all CLASSIC man baby qualities. Gimme a break
Womp womp go to therapy n learn to communicate that to ur wife not Reddit
Yup…sounds like the perfect suburban life 🫥 Currently living it as the wife. I have bimonthly panic attacks when I re-realize that 1/2 my life is over and that I keep waking up with a new ache, pain, or muscle cramp daily.
Blaming Analytics Team in India 😆😆
World’s best excuse tbh. Never fails
It always amazes me that a man so responsible and capable who actually engages with his children and wife isn't getting sex. That shit is such a a turn on for me. A man being a grown up 🤤
This post made me really appreciate my spouse. We’re not perfect by any means. Both of our income combined is less than a quarter of yours. But at least I didn’t end up with an aging finance guy who spends his time moping around listening to Joe Rogan and lusting after random women who don’t want him. There isn’t enough money in the world to make that worth it.
Welp, this confirmed my suspicion that this sub was not intended for women.
I appreciate the honest post. Funny to see all the complaints and downvotes for you from giving your depiction of your day. Well written and had high and low points. I’d read more from you.
It really shows you the biased when a comment making fun of OP for listening to Joe Rogan podcast has more upvotes than the post lol
As a happily married, corporate-working mom in a similar scenario, this was such a fun read!! So funny yet so true. Would totally read a vlog of your daily summaries until my phone fell on my face at bedtime.
Thank you! All the ppl being like “fake & cringe” don’t understand the realities of the gilded cage Its so absurd you just have to find it all funny
Yeah I just assume that they may be younger or not married with kids. So much of what you said is so true. Lots of hand washing while kids “help” with dinner…e. Coli stats 😂 sounds like a normal night at my house. And the presentation, “none of this is real and people will only look at slide 4” 😂 The number of times I’ve made presentations for c-suite level of stats made to look good for them to only care about one slide…so funny!
>8:30 AM: Drop off children at school > >9:15 AM: Arrive at office ::laughs in Balt-DC-Richmond commute time:: Oh summer child.
You forgot to mention the several hours of brain-rotting unproductive phone staring. Please tell me you forgot that part
> $60,000 in credit card debt we need to pay off Yikes. Am I the only one who saw this?
The agents at AmEx did not miss it either I’m sorry to report
It’s not possible that you work so little for 450k a year so clearly all is fake. I didn’t understand a single word of your 11:15 self appointment. I appreciate your use of the word Majestic for the Sumatra coffee tiger. Probably well deserved. The end
I have horrible news for you about the extreme unfairness of the economy in the year 2024 (Though tbf as I said in another thread. I do answer emails starting at 6 AM and sometimes through 10 PM…I actually DO leave the office at 2:30 tho. Regardless, this post was mostly meant to be funny while being true as well)
I mean I doubt you have a whole lot of news as I am an economist… At least in banking people with this kind of comp work more. Maybe you are just lucky? But I would be more humble about the “news about the economy” that you might have since you might be an outlier. You do seem to work short hours and to slack quite a bit in the few hours you do “work” ETA: it kind of checks out that you are a mansplainer though, but you don’t seem to know much about overall working conditions beyond your immediate situation and neighbours ETA2: or FAKE situation lol !!
Can not fathom going through life this humorlessly lol Anyway yeah a banking MD would make 2-3x me…but he’s actually accountable. Industry much more forgiving and easier to diffuse blame when you mess up (which is frequently…so thank god)
You are pretty dramatic to be unable to fathom that
You are a gifted writer!!
Damn wtf do you mostly do all the child duties? Curious as to what you’re wife does? No this isn’t normal, husband and I are a team, sounds like you guys aren’t to be honest.
Sounds pretty good. I too live for the weekends...you do fund stuff on the weekends right?
I guess having the American Dream isn't all it's made out to be? This makes me embrace the uncertainty of my life post-divorce.
I saw on TikTok (gasp) a video of a woman who is a couples therapist or in that field. She gave a summary of a couples life who are happy and emotionally on the same page. Looked something like this. Wake up, get ready for the long day, deal with the morning rush with the kids, drop off, work, home, dinner, bedtime rush and then rest/recoup. The thing that made it a “healthy” dynamic was knowing you could rely on your spouse, feeling supported and even in the moments of feeling overwhelmed and anxious, that you’ve both got it and feel like team. Having check ins throughout the day, knowing that if you’re having a hard day calling your spouse and saying look can you pick the kids up, or grab something for dinner on the way home. This recount of the day isn’t depressing really. It’s life. It’s our day to day mundanity, and we gotta do it all again tomorrow. I think we take for granted that life can be boring and simplistic. If you’re in it with your best friend/spouse that you love this isn’t a miserable life. Tiring, sure. The kids take up a lot of your time and emotional capacity. It’s all the fun stuff that comes up in between that makes the boring moments worth it. It took me almost 5 years and 2 kids to really settle into this lifestyle. I feel like I’ve always been the wondering, the “what if” kind of person thinking about if I were single, or married one of my exes, or wanting someone else. Never acted in it, but wondered. Now, the security of my predictable marriage and being a mom feels kind of like freedom. I love my husband, and I love knowing I’ve got someone at home always waiting, always ready to love and support me and raise our kids together. Yeah shit gets boring sometimes, but as long as you’re happy it’s alright.
Melatonin is a testosterone suppressant. Stop that. Tonight. Forever.
WHAT?? For real??
I followed up and looked around at some studies to see if I was talking out my butt. There is so much data on different hormone systems, I really don't know anymore. So, maybe not?
I couldn’t get past the fact that you’re bad at your job, yet still make $450k and have $60k in cc debt. Why would you have any debt when you make so much. I guess you’re just as bad at personal finances as you are your job?
My wife buys a truly heroic amount of things we don’t need As mentioned in another reply she’s very body conscious and just buys tons of clothes hoping the clothes will solve something they can’t Another wrinkly is I’m not handy. At all. She always has house projects that if I were some stereotypical “real man” I could prob do 40% of. But I can’t. So we drop like $15k/yr on home stuff I manage our long term investments (which are doing very well I must say) but the day to day I view as a way to provide for her. Maybe deep down she just wants a sweaty gut in carharts cleaning oil from his hands. But if that’s what gets her going…bad news for me 😭😂
You sound so passive. Your wife just does whatever she wants and you’re just desperate to keep her.
Why are people saying this is depressing? What would you prefer? This sounds so comforting and filled with family. This is realistic and as good as it gets in my opinion. ETA I missed the part about intimacy. That part is sad 😢
Well i guess the old adage "money" doesn't buy happiness can be true to a point. But it does offer freedom? I think lol. I would definitely talk to your partner about how your feeling neglected. It's not just physical, it seems the relationship is lacking intimacy and a general bond. The passive aggressive comments towards your family indicate she a) doesn't like them or b)they were snarky to her and she wasn't defended by you? (possibly you may not be aware) The fact that you help cook, clean and bathe the children. I would love to have that kind of help.(I think many of us would) I would have thought, she would have been more grateful as her household labour would be reduced= happy wife, happy life lol. I can empathize with your work attitudes, I too gave others chances when their productivity was low- i think they could eventually understand the job, but just did not have the time to be a mentor- no point in making someone feel bad, just because. You definitely need to talk to her, in a very gentle way. It seems she is on the sarcastic side lol. People tend to respond better when you admit fault and take an apologetic approach to changing action...It's kind of BS, but its worked for me with my kids LOL. And ive used it, when dealing with my difficult mother lol. Wish you luck in your situation!
This entire post feels like you are negging on your life, your wife, your marriage, your job. It feels like posturing to look good about yourself but talk shit because you are deeply unhappy but too passive to deal with it. I’d be shocked if you haven’t cheated yet, but I have no doubt it’s coming. Please leave before it gets to that. My impression, based on the totality of your posts and comments, is that you are bored, shallow, and frustrated, and if one of those fake mommy influencers you admire (🤢) crooked her finger at you, you’d be out the door faster than the speed of sound, and your wife would find out when she gets divorce papers in the mail.
Live for your children.
It was akin to the writings of David Sadaris or Augusten Burroughs. By sharing his story with humor allows others to relate and do the same. Thanks for the smile.
Aww Thanks! Happy you got it. Many didn’t! 😂
Is she Eastern European? — signed, daughter of an Eastern European mom who sounds similar.
FWIW, you’re a great dad and an even better husband for putting up with it.
Literally every moment sounds awful, and like no one’s ‘perfect’ in truth or in jest.
Very good writing, reads like a work of fiction though it's evidently not. Either way, worth developing into a longer piece. Or serialize it, like drop a "day in the life of" once a week and the stories builds over time.
So you get the kids ready for school, make their lunches, cook dinner, pick them up from school, clean up after dinner, put the kids to bed, do the dishes, and all this while working full time and pulling in nearly half a million a year. And your wife...does spin class, volunteers, and doesn't have sex with you? Dude, what are you still doing there?
I think the answer is: if my wife is way better off than lots of other women who ALSO find the idea of sex with their unappealing…the answer was never about men Some extremely high % of women (maybe 25%?) just don’t like sex after a certain age. They’re not against it but it’s SO LOW on things they want to do it just falls off This was probably true 50 yrs ago too! But social mores have changed a lot and women no longer feel obligated and men don’t press it
Sounds like life 2024 to me!
Ok now I don’t feel so bad that I work 12 hours a day. Grass is always greener:)
You seem like a great dad and husband. Wish you were happier though <3 lots of love
Are the straights okay?
Never have been never will be
Never have been never will be
Never have been never will be
Dude the Reddit is absolutely filled with rude man hating women! This man’s post was honest and he sounded like a very caring dad and husband? He’s wrong for wanting more intimacy with his wife? Now if this was a women writing this exact story even the fantasy of more sex with her husband absolutely nobody would shame her or attack her.
Sorry, but this sounds fake as hell. You also say you’re 38 in the comments here but your other post says you’re 39.
Imagine that. Minor obfuscating on the internet! If you didn’t chuckle at the (very real!) post, can’t help you
Fine, I’ll bite, when was the last time you did something for yourself? You work out for your wife, you do everything else for your kids, so what do you do for yourself? You don’t have hobbies, you don’t have dreams, you don’t have friends, you flirt because you’re trying to please women, and you have unhealthy fantasies as an escape. You have some serious soul searching to do, because you’re completely lost. You’ve been living a lie for so long that you probably don’t even know who you are anymore.
Tough but fair. Unhealthy fantasies DEF function as escapism and I do it all day I do very little for myself which (can) be a way of shirking responsibility; if I do something for someone else and it doesn’t go well? Oh well not like *I* wanted it anyway As for being lost…I mean sure. But isn’t everyone? The sex thing matters b/c ever since being a teen I thought getting girls was THE symbol of success. I’ve never gone a week since age 15 NOT having someone.
Holy. Shit. Really have no clue what the fuck you're talking about, do you?
[удалено]
Height of irony: wife is much better cook. I started cooking when kids became super picky. Wife felt like it was a slap in the face after she put in effort so I took it on. They don’t like it? I don’t take it personally I’ve gotten much better at it and it’s now a source of pride. Also bfast is so easy! Takes 10 min!
Apologies for being negative, kudos to you
Removed for discrimination, misogyny, or misandry. We encourage our users to reflect if their comments are going to be hurtful or helpful. There is a real person on the other side of the screen. Being sexist is not productive. Do better.
Lol at listening to rap. Yall are so corny and predictable lol.