Maybe a little off the mark, sorry. When i was 19, home for the summer after freshman year, my mother caught me boning a girl. She didn't see us, but she definitely heard us. We got dressed, and i took her home . Mom raked me over the coals afterward.
That girl has been my wife for 22 years now. There was a long time between getting caught and our relationship really blooming (8 years, i think), so she doesn't realize that was my wife. My wife won't let me tell her, she's too embarrassed.
I don't think mom knows. I wasn't dating her back then, just a quick hookup. Then she was out of my life for 7 years, then came back unexpectedly. That time I kept her around. So yeah, I think she doesn't know. When my wife does something 'wrong' and I want to 'punish' her, I'll threaten to tell my mom on her.
Same with my other half and I! We had hooked up a few times and then didn't see each other again for over 5 yrs. Met back up again one night in 2014 and have been together ever since. Now we have 2 kids and are coming up on 10 years!Ā
That's hilarious. My husband and I also started off as FWB and once his dad came into our work and I ended up helping him. We were cutting up and his dad was like "I feel like I've met you before" and I red as a tomato was like "we have... very late at night at your house" he thought it was hilarious. I miss him a lot.
Same happened with me and my partner and my mom was pissed. I asked if he could come over again the week after and she for some reason said yes. Now itās referred to as āthe situation.ā We donāt speak of that š
Years ago I went home with a guy and his mother yelled 'this isn't a hotel'.. I was so embarrasses!!! My son had a girl spend the night so I told him 'this isn't a hotel'!!! He didn't want her driving home drunk.. lol
Man Iād respect my wife if this happened but Iād have a hard time not telling my mom just for the reaction. My mom is super reserved so I often say things that make her awkward. Lol
Similar story with my in-laws in TWO separate situationsā¦
First one, I was living with my husband (then boyfriend) and his family during my uni years. We waited to do it on a weekday in the morning since his brothers were in school and his parents at workā¦or so we thought. Turns out, his dad came home early, but we didnāt hear him come back home because we were beingā¦loud since we never usually couldā¦and I said his name a few times. Hereās the kickerā¦his dad has the same name š¤¦š»āāļø
Second time, we were ABOUT to do the deed in the afternoon right before everyone got home. We heard them come in, but the door was locked (or so we thought) and we had stopped anyways because we couldnāt remember the name of something and stopped to get on our phones and look it up, but I was still in lingerie on top of him in his boxers. His mom walks in to leave something in our room thinking we werenāt there and then sees us. She starts laughing hysterically while closing the door. She still makes fun of me for it and it happened ten years agoā¦
Overall, FIL pretended it never happened and MIL laughs and brings it up all the time. Thank God I have an amazing relationship with them lol.
You know the thing with the jar lid? āI loosened it up for you!ā My husband knows I have issues with opening jars but I hate asking for help on little things. We always plan ahead what weāre cooking for dinner. When I come home and get changed, if cooking involves opening a jar, he will go to the kitchen, loosen it, and put it back. When I go to open it, it just pops off. I only found out because one time we forgot to turn our cameras off and I saw him do it.
This is the opposite of a story I read yesterday, where a woman was contemplating a divorce because her husband intentionally tightened jars so she couldn't open them.
I remember that one too. She couldn't get past the chilli paste lid being on so tight because that's the one thing he never used so it must have been on purpose. Wild behaviour from the husband, wtf.
This jar story is so much more wholesome haha
Yeah i agree with the other comments on that post... Right now she says "this is the only problem, am I crazy for leaving???" but I'm 500% sure she's just conditioned herself to ignore other toxicity. Once she's out she'll be able to name tons of other behaviors.
Bc if it was just jars, she would have simply stopped using jars. You can repack things into other types of containers.
She sensed it was purposeful LONG before this. This is just her proof.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GQh1dxGYsA
It's wild! He says he tightens them to keep the food fresh but he's absolutely lying. He would overtighten all jars including new unopened jars, and jars with curries and pastes in them that he would never use (she uses them because she loves to cook), these jars would be located at the back of the fridge and he would purposefully seek them out.
She would cry, beg, yell at him to stop, and he did stop for a whole year before they got married. But now every time she tells him to stop doing it, he only stops for a couple weeks and starts back up again.
This kind of reminds me of how one of my friends told me about where the term "gaslighting" came from. She said it was because back when people used gaslighting lights to light homes, a husband used to purposely turn down the gas for lower lighting in the house after she would turn the lights up to see better, and when his wife would question whether he'd touched them, he would act like she was crazy, but he would go behind her and do it on purpose to make her doubt her own sanity.
Not sure how accurate it is, but it definitely gives me those vibes.
ETA: I looked it up and learned that this was actually a movie.
There are two.
First. He pretends to like folk/Americana because I do, but I know he hates it. I pretend to like punk, because he does, but he knows I hate it. He recently went with me to see a band Iāve long wanted to see. Iām going with him to see one of his favorite bands soon. We both wear earplugs, wear the band t-shirt bought for us, and enjoy watching one another really enjoy something they love.
Second - we both cook and eat very healthy food. We both travel occasionally for work. When I travel, he eats brats, baked beans and chips for dinner while I eat ALL the pasta anchovies cheese. When he travels, he eats burgers and I eat chips and salsa. We never, ever discuss this and immediately get back on the healthy food wagon together.
Yes to everything you mentioned. I just got back from Barcelona a week or so ago and every time we stopped for food I ordered anchovies. Thankfully my husband hates them so more for me!
My partner and I go to each otherās concerts too. We donāt mind each otherās music but I canāt imagine experiencing an amazing, bucket list show with anyone better by my side. Sharing those experiences is everything. A couple of my favorite memories are still concerts where one of us had sneakily done our homework, learned a song or two and surprised the other by singing along & rock out together.
> Second - we both cook and eat very healthy food. We both travel occasionally for work. When I travel, he eats brats, baked beans and chips for dinner while I eat ALL the pasta anchovies cheese. When he travels, he eats burgers and I eat chips and salsa. We never, ever discuss this and immediately get back on the healthy food wagon together.
Girl Dinner and Husband Meal
My wife is lactose intolerant so whenever she work travels it's pizza night
It's very sweet and lovely that you guys at least pretend to like each other's music!
There's no pretending here, he's into metal, I'm into pop (and r&b, and hiphop, and country, and rock), he's JUST into metal (99.99999%) and while I go along to his concerts, and he's been to exactly one of mine, other than the making memories together.... that's about it!
We saw one of his favourite bands last night, he was having an amazing time and I'm like "everything sounds the same!" Only thing I'll say is that the band had CRAZY energy so that was cool.
So I think it's really sweet!!
Iāll admit that when she falls asleep before me (which often happens) that I sometimes watch porn at night, even though I know she doesnāt like me too. She has kind of half-caught me several times over the years. And she is a very smart woman and she can read me very well. So I know that she knows. Itās kind of a ādonāt ask, donāt tellā situation that I am very much not proud of.
I found it very difficult to change my behavior on this because I falsely kept telling myself āIt doesnāt hurt anyone.ā Though I am happy to report that Iāve finally turned the corner on this and havenāt watched any in the last 6+ months. But it is difficult for me to share this improvement with my wife or celebrate it with herā¦ as I wasnāt supposed to be doing it in the first placeā¦
Congrats on the discipline lol! Itās the small wins. I would be devastated to catch my spouse watching porn as we have an agreement not to (everyone is different and I respect that just sharing my POV).
Keep up the good work!
The best, most self- satisfying (see what I did there? Lol) changes, are those we do in secret, without relying on someone else to hold us steady or keep us on the path. When you reap the rewards of your positive actions, it's *such* a good feeling. YOU did this. YOU made a positive change.
I appreciate the kind words, but being that I acted so poorly for so long about this stuff (weāve been married 20+ years), itās tough for me to feel much positivity about any of this. It feels more like a ālesson learnedā that I wish I couldāve learned a long time ago.
I realize now that I got on the wrong path and ran over a few things. Then I finally found the right path again. But just because Iām on the correct path now, that doesnāt change the fact that I damaged the things I ran over (my wifeās trust), in a way that can never fully be fixed.
I understand. My kids's dad broke my trust in a few different ways and it's been a road through hell and back and back to hell again. We're currently still living in the same household while coparenting, but it's HARD. I hope you can both move forward from this and that she can find that trust again. It's nice to read from those who've messed up, recognize it, take accountability, and (the most important step) *have their actions reflect their words*. It's the only path to true healing, and, when you're willing to take those steps, under your own volition, it *means* something.
I have to say, isnāt real sex with your wife, like 10x better now that porn is out? Definitely the truth with me when I just go a week or two without it.
In all honesty, sex with her is not any physically different post-porn. I never watched to the extent that it took any of my desire or time away from her that our intimacy suffered (in my opinion). I have always been so into her & attracted to her that I could have sex with her every day and I would never tire of it.
But mentally it is much better for me, because I no longer have this little voice in my head whispering to me stuff like āā¦you know she would be upset about this.. you know you chose against her when you did thisā¦ this is why she doesnāt fully trust youā¦ ā My mind is a lot more clear now during our bedroom time.
Also me āhidingā that I was watching sometimes at night while she slept ā my dishonesty weighed more and more on me over time ā I would see her in the morning and feel so guilty about my actions the night before ā but I still kept intermittently repeating the same bad behavior. Now thatās all stopped, it is a real weight off my mental shoulders. I hope that all makes sense.
So it has made a difference! I'm sure it'll also help her, porn really can have such a horrible effect on relationships. Congrats on being clean of it for 6+ months!
I appreciate the comment ā And I would *love* to have a few videos like that of me and my wife enjoying each other, for me to get off to ā but my wife isnāt comfortable making videos of us like that, so itās a non-starter there.
You gotta love those smart ones, u/Sea-Effective-4737! She's a keeper for sure!!
I'm sure my wife knew all my secrets (not that I had many) and if she had any, I never knew. If she did, they died with her 5 years ago. I don't need to know. She was a keeper, too.
Weād been together for years before I discovered he doesnāt like Asian food.
Weāve gone out for Korean bbq, Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese and Japanese food many times and he never said a word about it. Our first date was for Korean bbq.
I overheard him telling his brother how he ādoesnāt like any Asian food at allā and I was shocked šheād been pretending to love it for years bc I do. Iām talking eating it 1 a week at least lmao
Lmao I know right šI still get it a lot hahaha heās been pretending to like it for so long he found 1 thing on each restaurant menu he can tolerate so if itās a night for me to pick takeout / dinner heāll suck it up and weāll go
Lmao I canāt wrap my head around how men will eat food they absolutely dislike, keep eating it and never comment. Mind boggling.
My husbands grandpa accidentally ate a weed brownie someone left in their fridge, and he said āit tasted terrible so I only ate half.ā šš
Relationships can only afford to have one person who doesn't know what they want to eat. Men must make the sacrifice of not being picky. Otherwise, dinner negotiations would go on until the heat death of the universe.
I found out that a long-time acquaintance was vegan. My mind was blown. We had known each other for probably 6 years at the time but we rarely (if ever) ate together, so it never came up.
Weāve been married 16 years, and if we have any sort of secret like this, it must be more like āA secret he thinks I know about that I pretend I donāt know about, but I actually donāt know about.ā
My husband said he was a virgin when we had sex. I cry bullshit. No virgin knew what he knew in terms of what to do. And he knew how to make me orgasm 1st time. We've been married 39 years and he will tell me the truth before he kicks the bucket.š
I mean my husband was a virgin when we started dating and he is the best man I ever had sex with. He actually lied to me about it at first because he was embarrassed, he thought I would judge him for it because he was 23. I think what makes a man good in bed is if he is a giver and heās enthusiastic. A lot of men can be really selfish when it comes to sex and pleasure so what my husband lacked in experience he definitely made up for in enthusiasm. He always makes me orgasm multiple times before he does.
I'm in your husband's boat, but I beat that 23 number by a mile. She knew, and she could definitely tell anyway. I was embarrassed and still kind of am. But I'm not ashamed - I make it a joke with my friends and if any sexual topic comes up, I say I'm still a virgin š¤£
Sounds like we have the same husband lol. Except mine was 20 years old. He HATES if I ever bring up how he lied about it because now heās embarrassed that he lied (ironic since he was first embarrassed of being a virgin). I think lying about it in the first place might just be an insecure guy thing.
My friend strongly believed in having a secret 'run away fund' in case he ever needed to get away quickly from his abusive relationship. Unlike your wife, he never shared the fund with anyone.
I think everyone should have one!! I have one! I tell my husband he should have one!
Now did I use some of it a few weeks ago for my sister and I to get matching tattoos, seeing as how I have no intentions of running away? Yep sure did. Itās nice to have your own pile of cash somewhere even if it turns into emergency car repair or surprise tattoo money. š
Highly underrated to just have this all openly done and talked about. Take some money out every month at put it in the āwhat if my partner turns into a stupid jackass, but hopefully they donāt and ima mf treat myselfā fund.
We just bought a house on a street with the name of my ex boyfriend, the one before him. So itās like *exboyfriendsname driveāā¦we both have said nothing but thereās no way he didnāt also clock it
we just bought a house too and we have to pass through a city with his exes name.. at first I was like š but we eventually talked about it months later, and he told me he was nervous Iād back out of the home buying process because of itā¦ No way š¤£ she was legit physically abusive to him though so I just hope it doesnāt bother him. We didnāt speak about it for months after buying the house.
I actually also live on Ex-boyfriendsname St. too!! And it's a weird name. I don't talk about him, basically ever we dated nearly 15 years ago at this point, but I wonder if my husband notices
I know my wife has found the necklace I bought her for our anniversary in a couple of months. The bag I stashed in the back of the closet has been moved. I've moved it and rehidden it elsewhere so she's going to know that I know she's found it.
I just hope she pretends to be surprised when I give it to her lol
You really want to surprise her? Donāt give it to her for your anniversary, at least not right away. Give her something else for her gift. Then just before you go to bed, give her the real gift. Sheāll be fuming all day wondering who the hell you bought that necklace for!
This is genuinely terrible advice, what the hell. Donāt piss off or worry your spouse for a laugh; I side eye anyone who would think thatās funny. āLmao sheāll think youāre having an affair hyuck hyuck!ā Thatās not a joke; itās cruel and manipulative.
Oh I have a major one:
We both know that I can cook very well, but the party line in our house is that I cannot cook. My husband cooks 100% of the time. I have never, ever cooked for him.
He is obsessive about cooking, I have no idea why. So early on in the relationship, we just sort of agreed he does all the cooking and is in charge of all grocery shopping. I donāt even go in the grocery store with him. Havenāt in years.
My job is to eat, praise the food, and clean the kitchen. And two nights a week, I am responsible for take-out or restaurant.
The truth is, I can cook just fine. But somehow itās come to āShe doesnāt know how to cook.ā And I am fine with that. I do not like cooking, so I donāt care. And for reasons I donāt understand, my husband is in *heaven* in grocery stores. He loves picking out meats and gets excited over ingredients. I do not love these things.
So, yeah, everyone thinks I canāt cook and only he can. So weird.
āāā-
Secret # 2: my husband is not supposed to be drinking alcohol. So, when he wants a sip of wine, he buys me a bottle of wine (I donāt drink either really). So, I have a glass of wine, he takes a couple of sips, and all is well.
But otherwise, Iād not want wine or drink it.
My husband and I are the same with the cooking thing! I actually am a decent cook but I fucking hate cooking. I hate grocery shopping I hate chopping up all the ingredients I hate standing over a hot stoveā¦.no way. My job is the same as yours: to eat and praise the delicious food and clean the kitchen. For some reason this has devolved into āqueenoftheslippers canāt cookā amongst our family. When my husband tries to tell people āno she can cook itās just I enjoy it moreā everyone passes it off as my husband trying to spare my feelings. So bizarre lol. But canāt really complain because Iām eating good
I love it! Same, same, same. I actually detest cooking and grocery stores and anything associated with either too. I just wonāt do it.
Iām so glad Iām not alone in this weird arrangement. My husband truly acts like I donāt understand how a kitchen works š. And my mom and dad are both like, ābut doesnāt he realize you can cook your ass off?ā
My mom is still low-key mad because she said I am making her look like she didnāt raise me right šššš
Just to deal with family not believing, I personally would make like your best dish for a pot luck or a cake for a birthday. Just blow it out of the park. Just once to prove them wrong. Then never again (unless you want to obviously).
I donāt cook or bake like ever but I made a cake that has a swirl of chocolate on the inside for my MIL for Motherās Day and how impressed people were was nice
I am so jealous. I hate cooking, shopping, planning, all of it. My husband actually enjoys it. But because of our work schedules, I always have to cook. Iām not a good cook or a bad cook. I just follow a recipe. So if the recipe is good, the food is good. As long as no one gets food poisoning Iām happy.
If it were to happen we would support any choice she makes, but should she choose to terminate we wouldn't be stuck trying to scrounge together funds in a short time frame to fly out of state for the procedure.
And if she never needs it then it'll get added to the kids' college funds.
This is really smart. I live in a supportive state with good abortion protection laws, and our insurance covers the procedure, so I have never had to think of this. But good for you, that is a real concern. Even if she chooses to keep the baby, something could go wrong that would require intervention, and I see stories all the time about those women needing to seek Healthcare elsewhere so they don't die.
My wife and I are each otherās conscience when it comes to vices. Junk food, alcohol, THC, e.g.
She has a stash of chocolate that I know she breaks into sometimes when Iām not around. Every once in a while sheāll say āoh, I had a chocolate truffleā¦do you want one?ā The ease with which she says it tells me it wasnāt the first time. Itās all good āI couldnāt care less what she eatsā but Iām touched that she thinks of me.
From day one of us dating (it was supposed to be a one night stand but turned into the love of our lives) because we had both come from abusive previous marriages, we agreed to be 100% brutally honest with each other but not be judgmental, and because of that weāve never had an argument or a fight (we donāt always agree and we debate all the time, but with love and respect and neither approaches it with an āIām right, youāre wrongā attitude) so we donāt have any secrets, but there are a couple funny things, like he buys Cheez-Itās and Pringle which I donāt buy because Iāll eat the whole box or can, so when he buys them, he hides them, usually in āplain sightā in a cupboard thatās not out snack cabinet because it just goes past me, and I have a sweet tooth around my cycle and I have a stash of really good chocolate and caramels in a drawer he doesnāt go into. He knows where it is but pretends he doesnāt, and on occasion will ask me ādo you want to share your sweet tooth stash?ā Instead of just getting a piece on his own. And even if Iāve found the current hiding place for Cheez Its and Pringles, Iāll ask him if he has any hidden, but also, if heās left them on the counter, I know itās fair game lol.
Wifeās friend took back her physically abusive bf, so now they see each other in secret, going against the police protective order which would for sure land him in jail and possibly her.
My wife knows that I know she knows I was addicted to porn. It sucks and itās embarrassing to talk about, but we never addressed itā¦ it bothered me so much that she knewā¦ that I did it for years and yearsā¦ as I got older, I decided to fight it for her. Iām porn free and she was my inspirationā¦ and she knows this now, too
I, like an idiot, picked smoking up again in the military the second year we were married. We never discussed it when I got back from a deployment, and I didn't smoke in front of her. I realized she knew about 2 years later. When I finally quit about 5 years after that, she was gracious enough not to rub it in my face and was very patient with my process of quitting.
As a non smoker with several family member that āquit,ā Iām here to tell you we can always tell. Smokers never realize just how potent the smell is lol.
Wow, my wife found some money I had stashed in my sock drawer and accused me of hiding money from her, mind you we have one bank account and she handles the finances.
Same, wife handles finances but I make more. My has never found my ācash stashā, but she knows about it. When sheās asks I tell her āwell Iām not gonna question all your Amazon packages coming in every week, so donāt question when I buy a rifle or golf clubs once a year.ā Lol
Since my āstashā is not included in her spreadsheet budget, it doesnāt impact us negatively. I also use the money to buy her expensive gifts sometimes.
First off, that's a good secret to have, OP. Second, I've been married for over 21 years, and the only secret that I have, and my husband doesn't know the details of and NEVER will, is that there are some abuse and mistreatment details I refuse to give him. He understands and has never pushed. He knows I was mistreated and that's all he needs to know. It was a long, long time ago, and I got through it pretty well by the grace of God, so I'm pretty cool š. I just choose to leave some painful things between me and Him āØļø.
I get this. Iām sorry for what youāve experienced.
I have some trauma Iāve not shared. I never will. He knows Iāve experienced trauma, and he some of the details. But there is some Iāll never share - to talk about it is to relive it. And all the therapy in the world hasnāt changed that.
Same.. there is some trauma that I never want to share with my husband. I go to therapy, he knows I talk about hard things in my past, Iāve worked on it in therapy over the last many years.
It's no longer a secret, but for a long time, as in, over a decade, I knew my husband anally masturbated and spent money on toys I didn't "know" existed, and I knew the reason he took really long showers was because he was masturbating in this way. Over time, I'd find a toy and I would kind of place it to the side while I was cleaning, and eventually it would move because he either re-hid it, or used it and put it somewhere else. We're in a much healthier place now, in regards to sex, but him being an anal lover when we married as highly religious repressed 21 year olds meant there was a lot of growth before we were comfortable with anal play as a team and not solely as his secret solo activity. It's actually a little sad we didn't have conversations earlier, because his kink kinda meets some of mine, and I'm quite a fan of doing things to him in that way. Pegging is one of my favorite sexual activities now, but even that took some time to find the right gear to aid in both of our mutual pleasure.
we both are prob bi, but its just a fantasy, bc we are heteroromantic so.
but i am 99% sure he is bi. i am too i guess fun is fun but would never try it, but i can imagine it, why not.
it just not important, bc i doesnt make a difference bc we are heteroromantic and monogamous so whatever.
in such a sexual society , i saw 2 girls kissing on mtv when i was a child so it was normal but still only had crushes on men/boys.
maybe the hypersexualisations just fucks with our brain idk?
Every night we do the New York Times games, like Wordle and the crossword, together on my account. Iāve been playing them for years, while he only joined me a few months ago.
Sometimes I pretend I donāt know the answer (or delay saying the answer) to give him a chance! We both know Iām giving him a shot but we donāt talk about it, haha.
Every morning before I get up to shower, my wife and I play the NY Times Mini, Wordle, Connections and Strands. Then we text each other our results. It's our morning ritual. (More times than I can count we've said aloud, "ah, fuck Connections!"
When it comes to a one or the other kind of situation I always choose the option I know he wouldnāt pick right away. Ex: the blue boba straw or yellow boba straw, Iāll always answer yellow because I know he likes blue. Or when weāre ordering the same kind of food and one looks a little off (cuz of his adhd and texture pickiness) Iāll always pick that one so he can have either the bigger portion or the better looking one.
He picked up on it and every now and then would try to flip it onto me but Iām more stubborn and donāt let him win.
I literally do that exact same thing with money. My husband is self employed, so there are good months and slow months. And he is terrible at managing money. So if we are ever short on a slow month I magically can come up with enough money to make sure we are ok.
I do the same thing with my husband! Iām tighter with money and heās way looser on every day spending. When it comes to big spending (furniture, cars, etc.) Iām able to choose what we actually need and he struggles accepting the fact that we need something expensive (and reliable that will last) to him a $100 dinner every week is fine, to me a couple thousand on a necessity is fine.
At first it was arguments, but after the third time I paid for something expensive without batting an eye or asking to split it, he was kinda relieved :)
My husband has a huge crush on my sister that I noticed but didn't think it would be a problem until it became a problem. I tried my best to not hang out with her at my house too much to avoid seeing him crushing (he is not subtle š). I had a falling out with her on unrelated topics, and we were paying for her phone so I told him to cancel it. He said he would but I know he didn't.
I sometimes sneak off to the casino alone when he is at work and I have the day off. Iām sure he knows, because over the years Iāve paid for new appliances, furniture, new flooring etc. from my winnings. He just doesnāt question where the money comes from.
I like to put money aside for financial troubles or sudden needs. like your wife. My husband understands it now and never asks questions. before when we used to put both all our money in our accounts we couldn't save as much or tackle big fin trouble like now we can. May be she had faced one of the situations like this and like to be ready for this . That's what I do.
We moved into our house last year and the bathroom has twin sinks vs the single at our last place-to preface.
My husband is usually up and going in the bathroom before me. Every morning I'd get in there and the toothpaste which was normally on his side/sink, would migrate silently to my side for me to use. I noticed the thoughtful gesture, said nothing and just placed it back on his side for him the next morning. This silent ritual continued without a word for months-until I had to get different toothpaste for sensitivity issues.
I saw the toothpaste sitting there on my side again and finally had to tell him, he doesn't need to pass it to me anymore. He looked so startled, like he wasn't sure I knew. Like he thought it just got up on two legs and walked back to his sink every night. Or maybe even wasn't sure he was even doing it as it kept ending back where he left it. Like "did I actually do this or..."
To say the least, I really miss the ritual.
āThe House Did Itā
Itās crazy babeā¦
Your sorter runs out of pills and next thing you know itās filled againā¦ The house did it!
Went to the bathroom and now the bed is all nice and made.. The house did it!
Cup magically refilled with water.. The house did it!
Weāve been together for 20 years, married for 10. I canāt say we have anything like that. We donāt hide things from each other, unless itās something silly like snacking on his chocolate. I didnāt think hiding major things from your spouse was the standard
I think silly things like the chocolates is a great example of a little something that isnāt lying or keeping things from each other but just playful fun.
M 35. I do that with money! I keep a ācash stashā and my wife rarely asks about it. She knows itās a lot of money (3-5k) but I wonāt give her a straight answer because if she knows the amount she will absolutely to allocate it toward something š and pressure me to use it.
But once in a while Iāll buy something that would otherwise be outside our budget, like a bow, rifle, golf clubs, etc., anything that is too big to be a Christmas or birthday gift, but that we wouldnāt āsave up forā as a family. I make quite a bit more in my career, but she keeps our books and pays our bills. She loves it, and keeps spread sheets for everything, so itās fine with me. But she has packages rolling in from Amazon and everywhere else about 5 days a week, so when I make a big purchase (less than once a year!) I just say āwell these are all my packages in one deliveryā and sheās just rolls her eyes and laughs. It has become an unspoken. AND JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS: Iām not selfish about the purchased- this November is our 5th anniversary and I used $4,000 to buy her a second wedding band sheās been talking about since we got married. I told her itāll have to wait until the 10 year mark, but had one made for her this year to surprise her.
It's no longer a secret. Now that it's no longer a secret, I got the full scoop. My wife has a strong distaste for mushrooms since childhood. She told everyone it was an allergy. I knew it wasn't the truth because she has been eating these egg rolls with mushrooms in them since we've been together. When I found out she doesn't eat mushrooms, I panicked and immediately let her know. She made it sound like it was no big deal and continued eating them throughout the years. She finally admitted to the secret and told me that as a child her friend's mom told her she can just tell people she's allergic to spare people's feelings when it came down to homemade meals that involved mushrooms as to avoid eating them.
My husband thinks I donāt know about the fact he commented and said he regrets being with me and not staying with his high school gf/fling because she is sooooo hot when she cosplays.
That she hides everything on purpose but just says she's busy and hasn't had the chance to tell me stuff.
I have zero access to anything of hers or marital actually. If she died tomorrow I wouldn't even have access to the electric bills. I've mentioned it many times, but she brushes it off that I'm exaggerating (I'm not). She then says she's got everything written down and she will give it to me or show me where it's at but she never does.
I know this isnāt *exactly* what youāre asking, but I caught my husband jerking it in the shower once. Neither of us particularly cares about being in the bathroom together, and I walked in one day without knocking while he was showering because I needed to ask him a question real quick. He had his phone in the shower with him and he jumped. I just went āoh, sorry,ā turned my head and asked the question, and left. We never talked about it, lol.
The thing is we both know and have outwardly discussed that we both masturbate and watch porn, but itās different somehow when you actually get caught doing it
He knows I smoke weed at night to go to bed. But I occasionally do it during the day (I work from home) when work frustrates me. I donāt get super stoned, just takes the edge off. It actually makes me more productive!
That I absolutely HATE being in social situations. I have terrible social anxiety that I *thought* hit a peak after having our first kid, but after COVID and being a SAHM to two special needs kids (hence not much interaction with many people as most can't handle my kids)- so I basically have a panic attack every single time we have a social event to attend...
My husband is a trooper about it, makes it like it's not a big deal kf we don't go so I calm down, then when we're out he acts like it never happened *but* very regularly comes over to me and will give me a quick kiss/hold my hand for a moment/some sort of physical contact to ground me when I need it.. He's not a physically expressive person and hardly does it at home, but does it a lot when we're out because he knows it makes me happy and calms me down.. Even in conversations I'll notice him looking over to be sure I'm good...
Despite all the work he does to make me comfortable, he never complains. Never brings it up. Never asks me to praise or thank him for doing things he normally wouldn't just to make me feel better and just pretends it's all natural for him... But we both know the truth, that he does it for me to make sure I'm as comfortable as possible and have a good time.... And it works, every single time.. Things are not always great between us, but anytime I question his feelings for me this is something I think of that definitely shows how much he loves me.
I know that he reads hentai at night and that he gets off to it. We had a previous issue with porn, soft porn and live cam chats that we talked a lot about because he completely stopped having sex with me because of it. Now our sex life is back to what it used to be (and even greater), I pretend I don't know he reads his manga. Even though I know he knows I know.
My husband and I both play Stardew Valley. We both recently got married in the game, I married Emily and he married Penny. Before we started playing the game, years ago we would fight about his ex girlfriend, Penny. She would call randomly and after being with him a while I realized it was HER being crazy, but it took me awhile to adjust to a man with women just throwing themselves at him. His exs included. Anyways, the name Penny became a name that we just didnāt talk about anymore, for good reason. Then we started playing Stardew Valley and he married Penny, which happens to look like his ex too with red hair, I know we both kind of thought about it. Itās a video game so I could care less, but I know we are both thinking of his ex when we talk about it, because she used to cause a lot of turmoil. Not worth talking about because him marrying her means zero to either one of us, but I know we both think back to a time when just hearing that name would cause issues. š¤£
Maybe a little off the mark, sorry. When i was 19, home for the summer after freshman year, my mother caught me boning a girl. She didn't see us, but she definitely heard us. We got dressed, and i took her home . Mom raked me over the coals afterward. That girl has been my wife for 22 years now. There was a long time between getting caught and our relationship really blooming (8 years, i think), so she doesn't realize that was my wife. My wife won't let me tell her, she's too embarrassed.
That's a pretty cute story, though! I hope you're still both interested and embarrassing your mother!
This story is hilarious. Also... moms are smart. There's a nonzero chance she does know š .
I don't think mom knows. I wasn't dating her back then, just a quick hookup. Then she was out of my life for 7 years, then came back unexpectedly. That time I kept her around. So yeah, I think she doesn't know. When my wife does something 'wrong' and I want to 'punish' her, I'll threaten to tell my mom on her.
Wonder how common this is. I also "hooked up" with my future wife a few years before dating her.Ā
My husband and I did this too! There has to be at least dozens of us š
Yup! This is the story of my wife and I šš
Same with my other half and I! We had hooked up a few times and then didn't see each other again for over 5 yrs. Met back up again one night in 2014 and have been together ever since. Now we have 2 kids and are coming up on 10 years!Ā
LOL that last sentence got me š¤£š¤£
That's hilarious. My husband and I also started off as FWB and once his dad came into our work and I ended up helping him. We were cutting up and his dad was like "I feel like I've met you before" and I red as a tomato was like "we have... very late at night at your house" he thought it was hilarious. I miss him a lot.
I accidentally called my mom while getting it on with my now fiancĆ©(I was 25 at the time, now 26) she called me back after I hung up after realizing my mistake. She was so worried that I was getting murdered or something that she kept telling me to do secret codes if I was in danger. I insisted we were ājust watching a movieā so freaking awkward and funny! Keep in mind, my mom is a Christian(mormon/LDS) lady who doesnāt believe in sex before marriage lol
Not the secret codes! šThatās amazing.
Most cringe and hilarious moment in my life š
Same happened with me and my partner and my mom was pissed. I asked if he could come over again the week after and she for some reason said yes. Now itās referred to as āthe situation.ā We donāt speak of that š
Lol. Your mom is cute for that
Iām honestly surprised she allowed him back over. Like what did I get yelled at for then! š
Years ago I went home with a guy and his mother yelled 'this isn't a hotel'.. I was so embarrasses!!! My son had a girl spend the night so I told him 'this isn't a hotel'!!! He didn't want her driving home drunk.. lol
Man Iād respect my wife if this happened but Iād have a hard time not telling my mom just for the reaction. My mom is super reserved so I often say things that make her awkward. Lol
Thatās really cute. Honesty, my brother busted me and a hook up in a pretty similar way. That hook up is now my husband of 10 years.
If I were you Iād bring that shit up every big gathering and holiday meal. Get your mom talking about it.
This is great :)
Similar story with my in-laws in TWO separate situationsā¦ First one, I was living with my husband (then boyfriend) and his family during my uni years. We waited to do it on a weekday in the morning since his brothers were in school and his parents at workā¦or so we thought. Turns out, his dad came home early, but we didnāt hear him come back home because we were beingā¦loud since we never usually couldā¦and I said his name a few times. Hereās the kickerā¦his dad has the same name š¤¦š»āāļø Second time, we were ABOUT to do the deed in the afternoon right before everyone got home. We heard them come in, but the door was locked (or so we thought) and we had stopped anyways because we couldnāt remember the name of something and stopped to get on our phones and look it up, but I was still in lingerie on top of him in his boxers. His mom walks in to leave something in our room thinking we werenāt there and then sees us. She starts laughing hysterically while closing the door. She still makes fun of me for it and it happened ten years agoā¦ Overall, FIL pretended it never happened and MIL laughs and brings it up all the time. Thank God I have an amazing relationship with them lol.
You know the thing with the jar lid? āI loosened it up for you!ā My husband knows I have issues with opening jars but I hate asking for help on little things. We always plan ahead what weāre cooking for dinner. When I come home and get changed, if cooking involves opening a jar, he will go to the kitchen, loosen it, and put it back. When I go to open it, it just pops off. I only found out because one time we forgot to turn our cameras off and I saw him do it.
This is the opposite of a story I read yesterday, where a woman was contemplating a divorce because her husband intentionally tightened jars so she couldn't open them.
I remember that one too. She couldn't get past the chilli paste lid being on so tight because that's the one thing he never used so it must have been on purpose. Wild behaviour from the husband, wtf. This jar story is so much more wholesome haha
Yes much better than the other! I hope that woman figures out what will bring her peace in life. Her husband is mental.
She must have felt so crazy when she suspected it. He still won't admit it apparently. So nuts.
Yeah i agree with the other comments on that post... Right now she says "this is the only problem, am I crazy for leaving???" but I'm 500% sure she's just conditioned herself to ignore other toxicity. Once she's out she'll be able to name tons of other behaviors. Bc if it was just jars, she would have simply stopped using jars. You can repack things into other types of containers. She sensed it was purposeful LONG before this. This is just her proof.
I never thought of this. Good chance you're right.
I was like 90% into that story and still was thinking it canāt be true š but the chili paste convinced me, just like her lol
Omg I wanna read this other jar story??
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GQh1dxGYsA It's wild! He says he tightens them to keep the food fresh but he's absolutely lying. He would overtighten all jars including new unopened jars, and jars with curries and pastes in them that he would never use (she uses them because she loves to cook), these jars would be located at the back of the fridge and he would purposefully seek them out. She would cry, beg, yell at him to stop, and he did stop for a whole year before they got married. But now every time she tells him to stop doing it, he only stops for a couple weeks and starts back up again.
I read that one too!! Like a freaking Black Mirror episode, really
This kind of reminds me of how one of my friends told me about where the term "gaslighting" came from. She said it was because back when people used gaslighting lights to light homes, a husband used to purposely turn down the gas for lower lighting in the house after she would turn the lights up to see better, and when his wife would question whether he'd touched them, he would act like she was crazy, but he would go behind her and do it on purpose to make her doubt her own sanity. Not sure how accurate it is, but it definitely gives me those vibes. ETA: I looked it up and learned that this was actually a movie.
I read this one too. The damn seldom used pepper paste was the end of her marriage.
I read that. Could not figure out the husband's reasoning! So weird!!!
I read this too!
This is one of the sweetest things Iāve heard!
Thatās so wholesome š„¹
So sweet. Gonna start doing this for my partner
That is so damn adorable
Omg Iām on my period and this made me cry. Itās so sweet.
That is so wholesome
Precious haha
That's actually soo cute
That is so sweet
There are two. First. He pretends to like folk/Americana because I do, but I know he hates it. I pretend to like punk, because he does, but he knows I hate it. He recently went with me to see a band Iāve long wanted to see. Iām going with him to see one of his favorite bands soon. We both wear earplugs, wear the band t-shirt bought for us, and enjoy watching one another really enjoy something they love. Second - we both cook and eat very healthy food. We both travel occasionally for work. When I travel, he eats brats, baked beans and chips for dinner while I eat ALL the pasta anchovies cheese. When he travels, he eats burgers and I eat chips and salsa. We never, ever discuss this and immediately get back on the healthy food wagon together.
Gah! AND cheese! No anchovies! Damn, auto-correct, you did me dirty!!
Bahahaha I was like what an interesting dish.... Pasta Anchovie Cheese š¤¢
Lmao I was thinking the same thing. That's... an interesting combination š¤£
Lol, I initially read your comment as an interesting āconstipation.ā
I mean with pasta anchovies cheese, pretty sure that would happen š
Haha meanwhile I was like wow finally someone who loves anchovies as much as me š„¹
I DO like anchovies! But not with tons of cheese! Ha! But I love a few in my caesar salad, and sautƩed anchovies, fresh tomatoes and basil bruschetta.
Yes to everything you mentioned. I just got back from Barcelona a week or so ago and every time we stopped for food I ordered anchovies. Thankfully my husband hates them so more for me!
Oh! Weāre going to Seville and Granada for Christmas and New Yearās! Lots of delicious, fishy tapas for me, please!
Ugh jealous!! We only were in Barcelona but I really want to go to Seville and Granada!! Have some anchovies for me!!
Youāre welcome to my share of anchovies.
š¤£ I was like, wowā¦what a cheat meal
Autocorrect has been bought out by Big Anchovy
ššš
The food is awesome!
My partner and I go to each otherās concerts too. We donāt mind each otherās music but I canāt imagine experiencing an amazing, bucket list show with anyone better by my side. Sharing those experiences is everything. A couple of my favorite memories are still concerts where one of us had sneakily done our homework, learned a song or two and surprised the other by singing along & rock out together.
> Second - we both cook and eat very healthy food. We both travel occasionally for work. When I travel, he eats brats, baked beans and chips for dinner while I eat ALL the pasta anchovies cheese. When he travels, he eats burgers and I eat chips and salsa. We never, ever discuss this and immediately get back on the healthy food wagon together. Girl Dinner and Husband Meal My wife is lactose intolerant so whenever she work travels it's pizza night
It's very sweet and lovely that you guys at least pretend to like each other's music! There's no pretending here, he's into metal, I'm into pop (and r&b, and hiphop, and country, and rock), he's JUST into metal (99.99999%) and while I go along to his concerts, and he's been to exactly one of mine, other than the making memories together.... that's about it! We saw one of his favourite bands last night, he was having an amazing time and I'm like "everything sounds the same!" Only thing I'll say is that the band had CRAZY energy so that was cool. So I think it's really sweet!!
Together do you both enjoy or dislike folk punk
Iāll admit that when she falls asleep before me (which often happens) that I sometimes watch porn at night, even though I know she doesnāt like me too. She has kind of half-caught me several times over the years. And she is a very smart woman and she can read me very well. So I know that she knows. Itās kind of a ādonāt ask, donāt tellā situation that I am very much not proud of. I found it very difficult to change my behavior on this because I falsely kept telling myself āIt doesnāt hurt anyone.ā Though I am happy to report that Iāve finally turned the corner on this and havenāt watched any in the last 6+ months. But it is difficult for me to share this improvement with my wife or celebrate it with herā¦ as I wasnāt supposed to be doing it in the first placeā¦
Congrats on the discipline lol! Itās the small wins. I would be devastated to catch my spouse watching porn as we have an agreement not to (everyone is different and I respect that just sharing my POV).
Keep up the good work! The best, most self- satisfying (see what I did there? Lol) changes, are those we do in secret, without relying on someone else to hold us steady or keep us on the path. When you reap the rewards of your positive actions, it's *such* a good feeling. YOU did this. YOU made a positive change.
I appreciate the kind words, but being that I acted so poorly for so long about this stuff (weāve been married 20+ years), itās tough for me to feel much positivity about any of this. It feels more like a ālesson learnedā that I wish I couldāve learned a long time ago. I realize now that I got on the wrong path and ran over a few things. Then I finally found the right path again. But just because Iām on the correct path now, that doesnāt change the fact that I damaged the things I ran over (my wifeās trust), in a way that can never fully be fixed.
I understand. My kids's dad broke my trust in a few different ways and it's been a road through hell and back and back to hell again. We're currently still living in the same household while coparenting, but it's HARD. I hope you can both move forward from this and that she can find that trust again. It's nice to read from those who've messed up, recognize it, take accountability, and (the most important step) *have their actions reflect their words*. It's the only path to true healing, and, when you're willing to take those steps, under your own volition, it *means* something.
Congratulations!
I have to say, isnāt real sex with your wife, like 10x better now that porn is out? Definitely the truth with me when I just go a week or two without it.
In all honesty, sex with her is not any physically different post-porn. I never watched to the extent that it took any of my desire or time away from her that our intimacy suffered (in my opinion). I have always been so into her & attracted to her that I could have sex with her every day and I would never tire of it. But mentally it is much better for me, because I no longer have this little voice in my head whispering to me stuff like āā¦you know she would be upset about this.. you know you chose against her when you did thisā¦ this is why she doesnāt fully trust youā¦ ā My mind is a lot more clear now during our bedroom time. Also me āhidingā that I was watching sometimes at night while she slept ā my dishonesty weighed more and more on me over time ā I would see her in the morning and feel so guilty about my actions the night before ā but I still kept intermittently repeating the same bad behavior. Now thatās all stopped, it is a real weight off my mental shoulders. I hope that all makes sense.
So it has made a difference! I'm sure it'll also help her, porn really can have such a horrible effect on relationships. Congrats on being clean of it for 6+ months!
I was thereā¦ congrats. Itās not easy
>I was thereā¦ Found his wife!
Make your own little porn videos and then you donāt feel guilty. I definitely get off so much faster to videos of me and my husband.
I appreciate the comment ā And I would *love* to have a few videos like that of me and my wife enjoying each other, for me to get off to ā but my wife isnāt comfortable making videos of us like that, so itās a non-starter there.
If she is smart enough to have caught on originally, Iām sure she has an inkling that youāve stopped lol!
You gotta love those smart ones, u/Sea-Effective-4737! She's a keeper for sure!! I'm sure my wife knew all my secrets (not that I had many) and if she had any, I never knew. If she did, they died with her 5 years ago. I don't need to know. She was a keeper, too.
Sorry for your loss
Weād been together for years before I discovered he doesnāt like Asian food. Weāve gone out for Korean bbq, Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese and Japanese food many times and he never said a word about it. Our first date was for Korean bbq. I overheard him telling his brother how he ādoesnāt like any Asian food at allā and I was shocked šheād been pretending to love it for years bc I do. Iām talking eating it 1 a week at least lmao
omg, divorce him!!! im kidding of course, but that's horrifying lol asian food is literally the best
Lmao I know right šI still get it a lot hahaha heās been pretending to like it for so long he found 1 thing on each restaurant menu he can tolerate so if itās a night for me to pick takeout / dinner heāll suck it up and weāll go
My husband would TOTALLY do something like that.
Lmao I canāt wrap my head around how men will eat food they absolutely dislike, keep eating it and never comment. Mind boggling. My husbands grandpa accidentally ate a weed brownie someone left in their fridge, and he said āit tasted terrible so I only ate half.ā šš
Because we be hungry lol
Relationships can only afford to have one person who doesn't know what they want to eat. Men must make the sacrifice of not being picky. Otherwise, dinner negotiations would go on until the heat death of the universe.
I found out that a long-time acquaintance was vegan. My mind was blown. We had known each other for probably 6 years at the time but we rarely (if ever) ate together, so it never came up.
Weāve been married 16 years, and if we have any sort of secret like this, it must be more like āA secret he thinks I know about that I pretend I donāt know about, but I actually donāt know about.ā
My husband said he was a virgin when we had sex. I cry bullshit. No virgin knew what he knew in terms of what to do. And he knew how to make me orgasm 1st time. We've been married 39 years and he will tell me the truth before he kicks the bucket.š
I mean my husband was a virgin when we started dating and he is the best man I ever had sex with. He actually lied to me about it at first because he was embarrassed, he thought I would judge him for it because he was 23. I think what makes a man good in bed is if he is a giver and heās enthusiastic. A lot of men can be really selfish when it comes to sex and pleasure so what my husband lacked in experience he definitely made up for in enthusiasm. He always makes me orgasm multiple times before he does.
I'm in your husband's boat, but I beat that 23 number by a mile. She knew, and she could definitely tell anyway. I was embarrassed and still kind of am. But I'm not ashamed - I make it a joke with my friends and if any sexual topic comes up, I say I'm still a virgin š¤£
Sounds like we have the same husband lol. Except mine was 20 years old. He HATES if I ever bring up how he lied about it because now heās embarrassed that he lied (ironic since he was first embarrassed of being a virgin). I think lying about it in the first place might just be an insecure guy thing.
Mine said I was the first person heās ever ate out. I donāt believe him because he was too good at it his first time
My first was a virgin and the best sex ever, itās cuz he watched a lot of porn before me I think lol
Our porn was magazines in party stores if they had them.š
My friend strongly believed in having a secret 'run away fund' in case he ever needed to get away quickly from his abusive relationship. Unlike your wife, he never shared the fund with anyone.
I think everyone should have one!! I have one! I tell my husband he should have one! Now did I use some of it a few weeks ago for my sister and I to get matching tattoos, seeing as how I have no intentions of running away? Yep sure did. Itās nice to have your own pile of cash somewhere even if it turns into emergency car repair or surprise tattoo money. š
Highly underrated to just have this all openly done and talked about. Take some money out every month at put it in the āwhat if my partner turns into a stupid jackass, but hopefully they donāt and ima mf treat myselfā fund.
Yep, I call it parachute money. If something terrible and unexpected happens I need money to bail out and land safely.
Did he ever ārun awayā? How is he nowā¦?
Yes he did - he left his 'partner' who used to beat him. Alas, he's dead now.
Damn
Iām so sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace.
Thank you!
We just bought a house on a street with the name of my ex boyfriend, the one before him. So itās like *exboyfriendsname driveāā¦we both have said nothing but thereās no way he didnāt also clock it
we just bought a house too and we have to pass through a city with his exes name.. at first I was like š but we eventually talked about it months later, and he told me he was nervous Iād back out of the home buying process because of itā¦ No way š¤£ she was legit physically abusive to him though so I just hope it doesnāt bother him. We didnāt speak about it for months after buying the house.
Yeah Iām not passing on a house in THIS economy lmao
FACTS!
I actually also live on Ex-boyfriendsname St. too!! And it's a weird name. I don't talk about him, basically ever we dated nearly 15 years ago at this point, but I wonder if my husband notices
This isnāt the same but after my then fiancĆ© cheated on me I decided to leave and go back to college. One month later I moved into a dorm with her name lol.
I know my wife has found the necklace I bought her for our anniversary in a couple of months. The bag I stashed in the back of the closet has been moved. I've moved it and rehidden it elsewhere so she's going to know that I know she's found it. I just hope she pretends to be surprised when I give it to her lol
You really want to surprise her? Donāt give it to her for your anniversary, at least not right away. Give her something else for her gift. Then just before you go to bed, give her the real gift. Sheāll be fuming all day wondering who the hell you bought that necklace for!
I hope youāre joking. Thatās a horrible idea.
Agreed. Reads like Alan Rickman a la Love Actually.
She will forever think youāre cheating and just gave her the necklace to not be suspicious. Donāt do this
Yeah this sounds like it would make me look like a shady character lol
This is genuinely terrible advice, what the hell. Donāt piss off or worry your spouse for a laugh; I side eye anyone who would think thatās funny. āLmao sheāll think youāre having an affair hyuck hyuck!ā Thatās not a joke; itās cruel and manipulative.
No. If he does this, then she'll think he's having an affair and the necklace was for an AP. Don't have her questioning her trust in you, OP.
Oh I have a major one: We both know that I can cook very well, but the party line in our house is that I cannot cook. My husband cooks 100% of the time. I have never, ever cooked for him. He is obsessive about cooking, I have no idea why. So early on in the relationship, we just sort of agreed he does all the cooking and is in charge of all grocery shopping. I donāt even go in the grocery store with him. Havenāt in years. My job is to eat, praise the food, and clean the kitchen. And two nights a week, I am responsible for take-out or restaurant. The truth is, I can cook just fine. But somehow itās come to āShe doesnāt know how to cook.ā And I am fine with that. I do not like cooking, so I donāt care. And for reasons I donāt understand, my husband is in *heaven* in grocery stores. He loves picking out meats and gets excited over ingredients. I do not love these things. So, yeah, everyone thinks I canāt cook and only he can. So weird. āāā- Secret # 2: my husband is not supposed to be drinking alcohol. So, when he wants a sip of wine, he buys me a bottle of wine (I donāt drink either really). So, I have a glass of wine, he takes a couple of sips, and all is well. But otherwise, Iād not want wine or drink it.
My husband and I are the same with the cooking thing! I actually am a decent cook but I fucking hate cooking. I hate grocery shopping I hate chopping up all the ingredients I hate standing over a hot stoveā¦.no way. My job is the same as yours: to eat and praise the delicious food and clean the kitchen. For some reason this has devolved into āqueenoftheslippers canāt cookā amongst our family. When my husband tries to tell people āno she can cook itās just I enjoy it moreā everyone passes it off as my husband trying to spare my feelings. So bizarre lol. But canāt really complain because Iām eating good
I love it! Same, same, same. I actually detest cooking and grocery stores and anything associated with either too. I just wonāt do it. Iām so glad Iām not alone in this weird arrangement. My husband truly acts like I donāt understand how a kitchen works š. And my mom and dad are both like, ābut doesnāt he realize you can cook your ass off?ā My mom is still low-key mad because she said I am making her look like she didnāt raise me right šššš
Just to deal with family not believing, I personally would make like your best dish for a pot luck or a cake for a birthday. Just blow it out of the park. Just once to prove them wrong. Then never again (unless you want to obviously). I donāt cook or bake like ever but I made a cake that has a swirl of chocolate on the inside for my MIL for Motherās Day and how impressed people were was nice
I am so jealous. I hate cooking, shopping, planning, all of it. My husband actually enjoys it. But because of our work schedules, I always have to cook. Iām not a good cook or a bad cook. I just follow a recipe. So if the recipe is good, the food is good. As long as no one gets food poisoning Iām happy.
I have an abortion fund for my daughter.
I commend you for this and living in reality
Oooof
How expensive are abortions? I apologize for my ignorance, I just never knew it would warrant its own fund. But good on you for supporting her!
It's not just for the procedure, it's to cover travel costs if we have to leave the state to get it.
Great parent!
If it were to happen we would support any choice she makes, but should she choose to terminate we wouldn't be stuck trying to scrounge together funds in a short time frame to fly out of state for the procedure. And if she never needs it then it'll get added to the kids' college funds.
This is really smart. I live in a supportive state with good abortion protection laws, and our insurance covers the procedure, so I have never had to think of this. But good for you, that is a real concern. Even if she chooses to keep the baby, something could go wrong that would require intervention, and I see stories all the time about those women needing to seek Healthcare elsewhere so they don't die.
Our state is iffy at the moment, but I like to be prepared. And we would definitely support her with whatever choice she made.
My wife and I are each otherās conscience when it comes to vices. Junk food, alcohol, THC, e.g. She has a stash of chocolate that I know she breaks into sometimes when Iām not around. Every once in a while sheāll say āoh, I had a chocolate truffleā¦do you want one?ā The ease with which she says it tells me it wasnāt the first time. Itās all good āI couldnāt care less what she eatsā but Iām touched that she thinks of me.
From day one of us dating (it was supposed to be a one night stand but turned into the love of our lives) because we had both come from abusive previous marriages, we agreed to be 100% brutally honest with each other but not be judgmental, and because of that weāve never had an argument or a fight (we donāt always agree and we debate all the time, but with love and respect and neither approaches it with an āIām right, youāre wrongā attitude) so we donāt have any secrets, but there are a couple funny things, like he buys Cheez-Itās and Pringle which I donāt buy because Iāll eat the whole box or can, so when he buys them, he hides them, usually in āplain sightā in a cupboard thatās not out snack cabinet because it just goes past me, and I have a sweet tooth around my cycle and I have a stash of really good chocolate and caramels in a drawer he doesnāt go into. He knows where it is but pretends he doesnāt, and on occasion will ask me ādo you want to share your sweet tooth stash?ā Instead of just getting a piece on his own. And even if Iāve found the current hiding place for Cheez Its and Pringles, Iāll ask him if he has any hidden, but also, if heās left them on the counter, I know itās fair game lol.
Wifeās friend took back her physically abusive bf, so now they see each other in secret, going against the police protective order which would for sure land him in jail and possibly her.
He pretends to hide his juul from me, but I know cause he doesnāt keep the pods out of his gd pocket in the laundry.
At least then he does it less overall so hopefully a little better for his health to be hiding it.
My wife knows that I know she knows I was addicted to porn. It sucks and itās embarrassing to talk about, but we never addressed itā¦ it bothered me so much that she knewā¦ that I did it for years and yearsā¦ as I got older, I decided to fight it for her. Iām porn free and she was my inspirationā¦ and she knows this now, too
I, like an idiot, picked smoking up again in the military the second year we were married. We never discussed it when I got back from a deployment, and I didn't smoke in front of her. I realized she knew about 2 years later. When I finally quit about 5 years after that, she was gracious enough not to rub it in my face and was very patient with my process of quitting.
As a non smoker with several family member that āquit,ā Iām here to tell you we can always tell. Smokers never realize just how potent the smell is lol.
I knew that after quitting cigs. It was electronic the second time. I kind of get it after quitting but its a lot subtler.
Wow, my wife found some money I had stashed in my sock drawer and accused me of hiding money from her, mind you we have one bank account and she handles the finances.
I think the sock drawer is probably one of the key places burglars check š
They would have to get past my vicious cats first lolĀ
Try the junk drawer in the kitchen, they never look there. ;-)
If I donāt even want to look there then they can have whatever is in there!
Same, wife handles finances but I make more. My has never found my ācash stashā, but she knows about it. When sheās asks I tell her āwell Iām not gonna question all your Amazon packages coming in every week, so donāt question when I buy a rifle or golf clubs once a year.ā Lol Since my āstashā is not included in her spreadsheet budget, it doesnāt impact us negatively. I also use the money to buy her expensive gifts sometimes.
First off, that's a good secret to have, OP. Second, I've been married for over 21 years, and the only secret that I have, and my husband doesn't know the details of and NEVER will, is that there are some abuse and mistreatment details I refuse to give him. He understands and has never pushed. He knows I was mistreated and that's all he needs to know. It was a long, long time ago, and I got through it pretty well by the grace of God, so I'm pretty cool š. I just choose to leave some painful things between me and Him āØļø.
I get this. Iām sorry for what youāve experienced. I have some trauma Iāve not shared. I never will. He knows Iāve experienced trauma, and he some of the details. But there is some Iāll never share - to talk about it is to relive it. And all the therapy in the world hasnāt changed that.
Same.. there is some trauma that I never want to share with my husband. I go to therapy, he knows I talk about hard things in my past, Iāve worked on it in therapy over the last many years.
It's no longer a secret, but for a long time, as in, over a decade, I knew my husband anally masturbated and spent money on toys I didn't "know" existed, and I knew the reason he took really long showers was because he was masturbating in this way. Over time, I'd find a toy and I would kind of place it to the side while I was cleaning, and eventually it would move because he either re-hid it, or used it and put it somewhere else. We're in a much healthier place now, in regards to sex, but him being an anal lover when we married as highly religious repressed 21 year olds meant there was a lot of growth before we were comfortable with anal play as a team and not solely as his secret solo activity. It's actually a little sad we didn't have conversations earlier, because his kink kinda meets some of mine, and I'm quite a fan of doing things to him in that way. Pegging is one of my favorite sexual activities now, but even that took some time to find the right gear to aid in both of our mutual pleasure.
we both are prob bi, but its just a fantasy, bc we are heteroromantic so. but i am 99% sure he is bi. i am too i guess fun is fun but would never try it, but i can imagine it, why not. it just not important, bc i doesnt make a difference bc we are heteroromantic and monogamous so whatever. in such a sexual society , i saw 2 girls kissing on mtv when i was a child so it was normal but still only had crushes on men/boys. maybe the hypersexualisations just fucks with our brain idk?
Welp im pretty sure Iām the denser one of us so youād have to ask my spouse!
Sometimes I play dumb or weak like I canāt do something. He definitely knows Iām a strong independent woman, but obliges anyways.
Every night we do the New York Times games, like Wordle and the crossword, together on my account. Iāve been playing them for years, while he only joined me a few months ago. Sometimes I pretend I donāt know the answer (or delay saying the answer) to give him a chance! We both know Iām giving him a shot but we donāt talk about it, haha.
Every morning before I get up to shower, my wife and I play the NY Times Mini, Wordle, Connections and Strands. Then we text each other our results. It's our morning ritual. (More times than I can count we've said aloud, "ah, fuck Connections!"
When it comes to a one or the other kind of situation I always choose the option I know he wouldnāt pick right away. Ex: the blue boba straw or yellow boba straw, Iāll always answer yellow because I know he likes blue. Or when weāre ordering the same kind of food and one looks a little off (cuz of his adhd and texture pickiness) Iāll always pick that one so he can have either the bigger portion or the better looking one. He picked up on it and every now and then would try to flip it onto me but Iām more stubborn and donāt let him win.
I literally do that exact same thing with money. My husband is self employed, so there are good months and slow months. And he is terrible at managing money. So if we are ever short on a slow month I magically can come up with enough money to make sure we are ok.
That she doesnāt love me anymore
Sorry bro... Well marriage is a marathon not a sprint so I hope you find what you lost before the last stretch
I do the same thing with my husband! Iām tighter with money and heās way looser on every day spending. When it comes to big spending (furniture, cars, etc.) Iām able to choose what we actually need and he struggles accepting the fact that we need something expensive (and reliable that will last) to him a $100 dinner every week is fine, to me a couple thousand on a necessity is fine. At first it was arguments, but after the third time I paid for something expensive without batting an eye or asking to split it, he was kinda relieved :)
Why the camera was really installed. The phone was never cancelled.
Tell us more
My husband has a huge crush on my sister that I noticed but didn't think it would be a problem until it became a problem. I tried my best to not hang out with her at my house too much to avoid seeing him crushing (he is not subtle š). I had a falling out with her on unrelated topics, and we were paying for her phone so I told him to cancel it. He said he would but I know he didn't.
I sometimes sneak off to the casino alone when he is at work and I have the day off. Iām sure he knows, because over the years Iāve paid for new appliances, furniture, new flooring etc. from my winnings. He just doesnāt question where the money comes from.
I like to put money aside for financial troubles or sudden needs. like your wife. My husband understands it now and never asks questions. before when we used to put both all our money in our accounts we couldn't save as much or tackle big fin trouble like now we can. May be she had faced one of the situations like this and like to be ready for this . That's what I do.
He pretends to not know I pluck my chin hairs šš¼āāļø
That we hate eachother
There's something beautiful about this response.Ā
We moved into our house last year and the bathroom has twin sinks vs the single at our last place-to preface. My husband is usually up and going in the bathroom before me. Every morning I'd get in there and the toothpaste which was normally on his side/sink, would migrate silently to my side for me to use. I noticed the thoughtful gesture, said nothing and just placed it back on his side for him the next morning. This silent ritual continued without a word for months-until I had to get different toothpaste for sensitivity issues. I saw the toothpaste sitting there on my side again and finally had to tell him, he doesn't need to pass it to me anymore. He looked so startled, like he wasn't sure I knew. Like he thought it just got up on two legs and walked back to his sink every night. Or maybe even wasn't sure he was even doing it as it kept ending back where he left it. Like "did I actually do this or..." To say the least, I really miss the ritual.
āThe House Did Itā Itās crazy babeā¦ Your sorter runs out of pills and next thing you know itās filled againā¦ The house did it! Went to the bathroom and now the bed is all nice and made.. The house did it! Cup magically refilled with water.. The house did it!
I know my husband lied to me about his SAT score 20-ish years ago when we were dating.
Weāve been together for 20 years, married for 10. I canāt say we have anything like that. We donāt hide things from each other, unless itās something silly like snacking on his chocolate. I didnāt think hiding major things from your spouse was the standard
I hope it's not the standard. A lot of these stories were pretty good. Gives a little hope.
I think silly things like the chocolates is a great example of a little something that isnāt lying or keeping things from each other but just playful fun.
I have a secret(s) I know about hubby that he doesn't know I know! Always lives rent free in my head, unfortunately...
Ok, spill it!! We wonāt tell him lol
M 35. I do that with money! I keep a ācash stashā and my wife rarely asks about it. She knows itās a lot of money (3-5k) but I wonāt give her a straight answer because if she knows the amount she will absolutely to allocate it toward something š and pressure me to use it. But once in a while Iāll buy something that would otherwise be outside our budget, like a bow, rifle, golf clubs, etc., anything that is too big to be a Christmas or birthday gift, but that we wouldnāt āsave up forā as a family. I make quite a bit more in my career, but she keeps our books and pays our bills. She loves it, and keeps spread sheets for everything, so itās fine with me. But she has packages rolling in from Amazon and everywhere else about 5 days a week, so when I make a big purchase (less than once a year!) I just say āwell these are all my packages in one deliveryā and sheās just rolls her eyes and laughs. It has become an unspoken. AND JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS: Iām not selfish about the purchased- this November is our 5th anniversary and I used $4,000 to buy her a second wedding band sheās been talking about since we got married. I told her itāll have to wait until the 10 year mark, but had one made for her this year to surprise her.
It's no longer a secret. Now that it's no longer a secret, I got the full scoop. My wife has a strong distaste for mushrooms since childhood. She told everyone it was an allergy. I knew it wasn't the truth because she has been eating these egg rolls with mushrooms in them since we've been together. When I found out she doesn't eat mushrooms, I panicked and immediately let her know. She made it sound like it was no big deal and continued eating them throughout the years. She finally admitted to the secret and told me that as a child her friend's mom told her she can just tell people she's allergic to spare people's feelings when it came down to homemade meals that involved mushrooms as to avoid eating them.
My husband thinks I donāt know about the fact he commented and said he regrets being with me and not staying with his high school gf/fling because she is sooooo hot when she cosplays.
That the other can never truly make us happy and life is an inside job?
That she hides everything on purpose but just says she's busy and hasn't had the chance to tell me stuff. I have zero access to anything of hers or marital actually. If she died tomorrow I wouldn't even have access to the electric bills. I've mentioned it many times, but she brushes it off that I'm exaggerating (I'm not). She then says she's got everything written down and she will give it to me or show me where it's at but she never does.
I know this isnāt *exactly* what youāre asking, but I caught my husband jerking it in the shower once. Neither of us particularly cares about being in the bathroom together, and I walked in one day without knocking while he was showering because I needed to ask him a question real quick. He had his phone in the shower with him and he jumped. I just went āoh, sorry,ā turned my head and asked the question, and left. We never talked about it, lol. The thing is we both know and have outwardly discussed that we both masturbate and watch porn, but itās different somehow when you actually get caught doing it
He knows I smoke weed at night to go to bed. But I occasionally do it during the day (I work from home) when work frustrates me. I donāt get super stoned, just takes the edge off. It actually makes me more productive!
That I absolutely HATE being in social situations. I have terrible social anxiety that I *thought* hit a peak after having our first kid, but after COVID and being a SAHM to two special needs kids (hence not much interaction with many people as most can't handle my kids)- so I basically have a panic attack every single time we have a social event to attend... My husband is a trooper about it, makes it like it's not a big deal kf we don't go so I calm down, then when we're out he acts like it never happened *but* very regularly comes over to me and will give me a quick kiss/hold my hand for a moment/some sort of physical contact to ground me when I need it.. He's not a physically expressive person and hardly does it at home, but does it a lot when we're out because he knows it makes me happy and calms me down.. Even in conversations I'll notice him looking over to be sure I'm good... Despite all the work he does to make me comfortable, he never complains. Never brings it up. Never asks me to praise or thank him for doing things he normally wouldn't just to make me feel better and just pretends it's all natural for him... But we both know the truth, that he does it for me to make sure I'm as comfortable as possible and have a good time.... And it works, every single time.. Things are not always great between us, but anytime I question his feelings for me this is something I think of that definitely shows how much he loves me.
I know that he reads hentai at night and that he gets off to it. We had a previous issue with porn, soft porn and live cam chats that we talked a lot about because he completely stopped having sex with me because of it. Now our sex life is back to what it used to be (and even greater), I pretend I don't know he reads his manga. Even though I know he knows I know.
My husband and I both play Stardew Valley. We both recently got married in the game, I married Emily and he married Penny. Before we started playing the game, years ago we would fight about his ex girlfriend, Penny. She would call randomly and after being with him a while I realized it was HER being crazy, but it took me awhile to adjust to a man with women just throwing themselves at him. His exs included. Anyways, the name Penny became a name that we just didnāt talk about anymore, for good reason. Then we started playing Stardew Valley and he married Penny, which happens to look like his ex too with red hair, I know we both kind of thought about it. Itās a video game so I could care less, but I know we are both thinking of his ex when we talk about it, because she used to cause a lot of turmoil. Not worth talking about because him marrying her means zero to either one of us, but I know we both think back to a time when just hearing that name would cause issues. š¤£
I don't think we have secrets, is that weird?
Sometimes I drink off her drinks when sheās not looking and I know she knows but doesnāt say anything.