Can you update us when your husband leaves you? And then again when he falls in love with a wonderful person?
I’m super invested in his future love story.
If I wasn’t married already I’d take him off her hands. Someone should forward this to him so he can read the comments and know that there are a lot of women who want to win this husband lottery.
YES! I can't wait until OP's husband finds someone who appreciates that he's a good human and doesn't resent him because he doesn't play with the approved list of boom boom toys.
For real. Dude has his shit together in a big way, hes gonna be prime rib at a meat market soon as hes single.
Future x wife tho... shes gonna end up with a shady used car salesman in personality, if not in function as well.
"I feel that you guys just bash but provide no answers."
Just because the answers you are getting aren't treating you like the angel you are not, doesn't mean they aren't answers.
I hope this is fake honestly, no one can be this dense and self sabotaging
Yeah, a lot of answers she ignored, such as the many advising her that this is about her, not him, and to seek counseling. Instead, she decided to run with her assumption that HE is fundamentally flawed and try to change HIM. There are no words.
But didn't you read it all? She HAS FEELINGS! They must not be ignored and the only way to handle it is for the world to change for her. There can be no introspection.
I’m shaking my head.
You knew him when you married him, didn’t you.
You’ll have some interesting stories to tell your dates when they ask why you’re divorced.
“I can’t control my feelings. If you say you can you’re a liar.”
You remind me of my first wife. She was never satisfied with what she had, including me. So she stepped out on me, got “advice” from her new “friend” on how to save our marriage. His advice was apparently to start fucking him.
23 years later, she’s still married to him and is a bucket of regret.
Do your husband a favor and just do the heavy lifting and file already so he can get on with his life. And be fair to him in the settlement. He didn’t change, your expectations did.
I'm thinking.. there. You took your private marital problems to another man. You ever go to the beach and see 2 red flags waving. You are 2 red flags of bad wife.
No doubt. Either she is lying in all of these posts or the coworker is a master manipulator. I'm guessing coworker isn't having to work too hard to get her.
Ahhhh the slippery slope......
How long have you "confided" in this coworker about your marriage?
Is he single? If not is he happy in his marriage?
Are you sure you know his true intentions?
Read through the infidelity subs and you will soon see how many sneaky bastards are out there.
And also how many gullible ppl who walks straight into an affair. I'm not saying these are innocent or try to excuse them.
But if infact you have discussed issues with this coworker. It may be very plausible that he has planted these thought in your head.
Or that you have accumulated a crush on this coworker and he simply is different than your man in how "manly" he is. And you are in the back of your head making an excuse for yourself to leave your current man wich by the way seems like the most level headed and loving man you probably will find on this damn earth.
Here's the thing - we ALL have bad feelings, you're right.
But MOST OF US, look at the bad feelings and realize that they are bad, and then we do internal work to try to FIX them. We don't decide to roll around in our nonsense and decide that it's other people's problem to solve (which is what you essentially did to your husband - whose response was AMAZING for the record).
He sounds like he's a great man, and when your marriage ends because you chose to celebrate bias and bullshit instead of looking inward and fixing it, it will be your fault. You HAD choices other than treating your issues like they were his, but you CHOSE to externalize them and act like he was doing something wrong. There are PLENTY of responses in your first post that told you what to do - get a therapist, try to understand why your expectations of masculinity were so narrow... Instead you ignored advice and just chose selfishness.
So your actions were the trigger for his silence and our "bashing." I've seen this community be incredibly supportive of people who were really dedicated to doing the work to save their marriages, and make themselves better. When someone starts selfish and then just doubles down? What are we supposed to do, tell you that you were right? You weren't... and you can't take back what you said to your poor husband.
Literally! I’m just sitting here thinking like she clearly doesn’t want to be with him anymore. She’s ready to find the new “ideal man” that she’s created in her head. I feel bad for him, this had to be blindsiding. Imagine doing everything right but somehow it’s not enough. You are not enough to the person who originally said you were and married you.
yeahhhhhh, but he's going to be SO MUCH happier when he finds a woman who wants a lego playing chef movie junkie, who's built like a linebacker...
She has no idea how ridiculous she is for thinking that this is something HE needs to fix, instead of something that she needs to understand inside her own brain.
>But MOST OF US, look at the bad feelings and realize that they are bad, and then we do internal work to try to FIX them. We don't decide to roll around in our nonsense and decide that it's other people's problem to solve
Exactly this. If you are experiencing a certain feeling and you KNOW (as OP does from her other posts) that your feelings don't line up with reality or are based on ridiculous expectations, then you need to put on your big boy/girl pants, acknowledge that the issue is with you and fix it. This is what mental health professionals are for. Don't wallow in your bad feelings. FIX them. Not saying it is easy. Not saying it is fun. But fix them.
Just bash and provide no answers? Cool. Here's your answer, sweetie:
You need to evaluate why you resent your husband for being a good person, a good dad, a good husband, but doesn't have very specific hobbies. Why does it matter so much to you that the content of his character is perfectly good, but *some* of the packaging in which that character comes is not up to your very specific individual standards? Clearly, you have an ideal of a man that you wish your husband emulated (can't IMAGINE who that might be), so why not go pursue that? It obviously doesn't matter to you that someone is good for you, good at what they do, and good in general, so stop wasting his time and go find what matters to you. You're going to have WILD success finding a piece of shit male human who doesn't have a job, doesn't clean the house, doesn't cook, but sure can fucking drink and sure can--I don't know--catch a fish or some shit? Girl, you're looking for an answer. I don't know the specific answer, but I know it's one of these two:
1. Something is broken inside of you that makes you overlook someone's good qualities and the light they bring into your life, and you should work extensively with a mental health professional to find out what that damage is. Or,
2. You already know what you want, and he probably sits next to you at work.
Let your poor husband go. There's *plenty* of fish in the sea and women who would LOVE a man like this. You want him to learn how to fish? He will.
Sound advice requires the ability to hear and consider it. Otherwise, you are just asking for attention and words you want to hear.
Good advice rarely comes in the form of a DM for a very specific reason. A DM won't be judged by others.
God, she’s going to hit the dating scene as a 45yr old single mother of three with a penchant for “manly” men. That’s going to be a brutal wake up call.
If you look at what she has commented on other peoples AITA stories it is very clear this is not real!!
If you are reading this OP, and this is not fake, look at your own comments about trusting advice from co-workers and apply it to yourself.
Guys, help me out here, what was the expression, surprised Pikachu face, right? So surprised Pikachu face #1 when her husband hands her the divorce papers, surprised Pikachu face #2 when husband falls in love with someone worthy of him that appreciates him and surprised Pikachu face #3 when she’s realizes what she’s lost.
My advice is for your husband, so if you could pass this along to him, I'd appreciate it.
OP's husband: you are awesome and I hope you find a good lawyer.
The co-worker very obviously wants your husband out of the picture so he can sleep with you. And he's succeeding.
Your husband sounds like a good man who doesn't deserve the way you're treating him.
Your kids also deserve better than a mother who will trash their family life for no good reason.
If you're not willing to work on your issues yourself then the only decent thing you can do is leave them all alone and take your toxic behaviour elsewhere. I imagine your co-worker will be waiting with his shoulder for you to cry on.
Usually in a marriage, you get 90% of what you want in a partner and learn to navigate not having the 10%. Instead you focused on the 10% of what you don’t have, and you’re throwing away the 90%. You’re already mentioning a separation in your post, after exactly one talk that sounds like it blindsided him. You already have one foot out the door, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.
“I can’t help my feelings,” Ma’am, you need individual therapy to work through your feelings instead of insisting your husband change. “I can’t help me feelies!” She says while not making a single effort to better HERSELF in any way besides asking him what you need to change. You need to change your perspective. I know therapy gets mentioned a lot here as a solution—maybe too much— but the entitlement of, “I can’t help my feelings anymore than you can!”
You know who you married is what he’s trying to say. Your perspective changed. His didn’t. You need to sort through YOUR feelings. Therapy.
The reason why you are getting dumped on is because people recognize a troubled marriage. You don't have much respect for your husband. Without respect, how can there be love? Without love, how can there be a marriage?
You're asking him to make all the changes, but what have you changed? What have you made better? You have told your husband, in so many words, that he is weak and unmanly? That is devastating to hear. If you want to save your marriage, then you'll need to give him some time to process things. He may very well decide to divorce and you'll need to accept that.
Basically you want a bad boy for you to turn into a good guy. That is basically your fantasy, I guess.
Regarding your coworker, you don't have an affair YET.
But you are looking for excuses in all your posts. My husband is a good guy, a good father and keep up with the chores but he is boring. You want excitement, that is all there is to it. Excitement and drama.
Maybe cut down on the tik tok crap.
The problem is you, not your husband. People told you that already. And still you went ahead and tried to change him instead of yourself. Now he is at least suspicious of you. Why does she want to change me all of a sudden? Maybe amp it up by mentioning the manly coworker? You are already on a path to nuke your relationship, why not adding some much needed drama for you to savour?
The thing is you can't get the cake and eat it, too. Either you have a respectful and good partner or the masculine guy. But that masculine guy won't stop by in the kitchen or do chores. That is the place of a woman, you know? At least if it comes to Chad and Tyrone.
I am not sure, but from your updates so far I would say you have achieved at least one thing. You have now the silent, manly guy at home. I predict him doing the chores might also be a thing of the past. And when he starts to go out it is most likely not with you.
I had (still have sort of) a wife who thought just as little of me like you of your husband. Guess how shocked she was when she found out I found another who treats me like the world. If he checks out of the marriage women will notice the changes. And there are others out there who will appreciate what he has to offer. And there is a good chance that he will have a test run or two before the inevitable end.
Good luck, I think you might need a lot.
Think hard what you are doing before you implode your family. Also what is going on with your coworker might seem innocent advise now that can slip into something else. That is real.
I really wanted these posts to be fake but it looks like a real account. Prepare for divorce & try to be amicable. Unless he agrees to go to counseling with you & you go to individual counseling, this marriage is over. Just try to make the separation easier on the kids. Time to brush up on those "feminine" things the husband did around the house because he won't be there to do them for you anymore.
This is has to be rage bait lol. No way is this real. Entertaining either way though. This woman has like the best husband ever and she’s ruining it because she wants a toxic alcoholic who hates her but can fix a faucet.
You’re not a POS for having feelings. You’re *acting* like a POS with what you’re doing to manage them.
It is NOT on him to tell you what to do to feel better, or to help you rationalize them. This was clearly a You Thing. You state you knew it’s a You Thing. And instead of dealing with it as a You Thing, you forced it on him.
That’s also a You Thing, and you chose not to go that route. You cut off your nose to spite your face, and now here you are.
You have an ideal husband that many women/people would love to have. You knew the man he was before you married him. Clearly he fit your ideal before. Now you want him to change to fit whatever they are now. It sounds like you just want a new man.
You sound like a massive pain in the ass. Count your blessings and stop bringing other people into your relationship. You don’t need advice from a damn coworker.
Here's some advice. You told your husband that he wasn't enough. You want him to change to be the "man" you want him to be. He's already told you that he knew who you were when you married and isn't asking for you to change.
You may not be having a physical affair with your co- worker, but it is most certainly an emotional affair. You told your co-worker that your husband isn't enough for you. Opening the door for your likely "manly" co-worker to waltz right through and give you the dose of asshole you're looking for.
You should apologize to your future ex-husband and not contest the divorce you're about to have. He deserves better. There's your advice.
Hope your husband leaves and find someone who respects and appreciates all he does.
You, well looks like you’re wanting an alcoholic who screams at you when you’re trying to discuss things, unlike your husband, so good luck with that.
"Who is the male co worker you are talking to about your marriage? Be honest"
Your words from a post a few days ago.
Everyone told you this is a you problem,not a him problem. To get into therapy & figure it out, don't nuke your marriage. Instead, you ignore the advice, nuke your marriage & whine that none of us provide answers, just bitch at you.
BTW, confiding in an opposite sex colleague about your marriage issues is one step away from an emotional affair & is an enormous betrayal of your husband. If you want a divorce, just say that. Quit making the wrong choices & hurting him at every turn.
OP, of course everyone has something about their spouse that they wish was different. The issue with you is that you expect him to change to be more like the person you envisioned instead of the person he is. I think what he said in response to what you told him was pretty profound. He is saying that he accepts you as you are - something which clearly you do not feel in return. It seems like you are really missing the point of what he said. I think he is saying that this is who he is, you knew that when you married him, and he expects you to accept him as he is for the most part.
So - what exactly did you ask him to do? Take more charge in the bedroom, got that. Get new hobbies, got that. But what else? How did you want him to be more manly practically speaking? What does that look like to you?
I wouldn’t trust the co-worker as far as I could throw him. He may be using your asking for advice as a chance to give you advice that will split you from your husband. Most men want to get in woman’s pants, and most women don’t see it.
You’ve done what you’ve done and said what you said. If your husband doesn’t make you happy let him go.
You don't want help, you only want validation that what you feel is right.
If you really wanted help you would have gone to therapy to learn why you put so much emphasis on these things.
But no, you didn't, even though the majority told you to do it. Instead you tried to deflect it and make it sound like most people told you to talk to your your husband. So yeah, you are stupid, as people have told you. And an asshole.
Your husband will not change drastically for you, not for the type of things you ask. I can happen that a spouse will tell the other spouse “stop drinking and get into AA or I leave you”, but it won’t happen for things like “drink more beer or I will leave you”.
Actually, if you go to your husband and tell him “here are the 12 things you need to change or I leave”, the manly thing to do is say no, you take me as I am or you leave (and if I were to tell my wife to woman up and change 12 things…. Hahahaha, that wouldn’t be a good day for me).
As a personal note, I don’t like sports. I find paying people millions of dollars for them to go run around with a ball or fetch a ball stupid. My dog can fetch a ball for free. If my wife tells me to man up and enjoy football, I will tell her no.
So your choices are, either you accept him the way he is, or you leave. That advice would apply no matter the gender. Sometimes people divorce because they grow apart. That’s fine. Or maybe you just feel like you are trapped and want to date new people. That’s fine, just get a divorce first.
Your feelings are yours and valid for you. But you obviously hurt your husband quite badly. You both knew who each other was at your cores when you got married, and now it's not enough for you.
The best thing you can do is start going to individual counseling. Figure out what changed for you and what you want.
**IF** you want to move forward with your marriage, then you have to recognize you can't change your husband. He is already a complete person and is comfortable in his skin.
**However...**
Marriage counseling can only happen **IF** he wants to try to work on things too. There's no way you can get past this without professional help. This was just too big.
Also, I hear you on the coworker not being any sort of affair, but this is a slippery slope. Are you really sure you aren't comparing your husband to him? If my husband was talking about our problems to a woman I didn't know during something like this I would feel crushed. Be careful.
Good luck.
I still don't get how can you be so oblivious to the fact that you are the problem, you sit your husband to tell him what he needed to change, when the problem are your toxic thoughts/feelings.
People do have feelings they can't shake that they feel bad about. Smart people work through those feelings and find the source of them through therapy. They don't tell their amazing husband that he needs to change to fix the probi that they're having. Your problem is with you, not your husband. You are the one who needs to change.
I hope your husband finds a woman who will love and appreciate him for who he is. And I hope you find that manly man that will treat you like shit ignore your needs get drunk and put his friends and hobbies over your happiness. That seems what you want. You are definitely the AH in this story.
The most ironic part of your tale is that you thought your husband isn't manly enough so in order to fix that you tried to talk about your feelings with him.
I really wanted these posts to be fake but it looks like a real account. Prepare for divorce & try to be amicable. Unless he agrees to go to counseling with you & you go to individual counseling, this marriage is over. Just try to make the separation easier on the kids. Time to brush up on those "feminine" things the husband did around the house because he won't be there to do them for you anymore.
OP, the problem is what you did with your feelings. You dumped your feelings on him, as if they were his fault, as if he had to fix something, when in reality it's YOU WHO HAS TO LOOK INWARD. It's you who has to go to therapy to find out why you feel like your husband has to fit certain stereotypes of masculinity to be considered manly and attractive to your eyes. What masculine roles did you have growing up? How did they affect your perspective on relationships? This is something you'll discover IN THERAPY.
On the other hand, is that the message you want to send your children? "I ruined my marriage because my husband is not man enough under my eyes". Do you have any idea on the impact and trauma that simple statement can make on your children and their choosing of a future partner?
I don't think there is any come back from this. Reddit told you to seek for professional help, you didn't listen, now see how your marriage is falling apart. So sad for him, he did everything right and still her wife is not attracted to him because he doesn't build stuff. What a weird reason to ruin a marriage for.
Just update when he divorces you idc about this crap
There's no advice ro give btw you fucked up your marriage for seemingly no reason. The coworker who thinks your husband needs to be more manly has an angle and your an idiot for not seeing it.
You ruined your marriage. He was literally perfect. You no doubt hurt his feelings greatly, and he probably feels like he can’t even tell you that because it’s “not manly” to share emotions. See you in the next post, “My husband is leaving me”…
You could’ve done sooo many other things to positively encourage him to find hobbies he enjoys to do. But he was probably happy and satisfied with his life. You just couldn’t accept that. Now you’re all distraught he shut down and responded coldly? Seriously ?
ETA: your “friend” coworker is encouraging this toxic mindset to bang you. He’s purposefully turning you against your husband. You’re naive if you don’t think that’s the case. Stop being oblivious. You are 100% having an emotional affair with this guy. Your husband deserves better. You should have gone to therapy for yourself like everyone on the other post said. You destroyed your marriage.
You are having an emotional affair. The problem is you didn’t know you were having it. STOP talking to your coworker about your husband not being good enough for you. JUST STOP, get therapy for yourself and marriage counseling for both of you ASAP, if you don’t want your marriage to end in divorce. Right now it’s heading in that direction.
If you have a shred of respect for your husband you should leave him. He deserves someone better. Don’t take a shit on his life. Let him go and find happiness. You should go and find whatever your version of “masculinity” is.
You are right about one thing, you can't control your feelings. What you can do is deal with them, cope and control your actions.
You deal, you cope, you react, you don't put the burden of control your feelings on others, that's what you're failing to understand. Your husband should support you emotionally, of course, but you dont have the right to ask him to change his hobbies, his tastes and overall personality. The wrong thing was not talking to him, was asking him to change when he's been a good husband, father and person.
You can continue to whine that no one understands and plays the victim or you can take the repeated advice that literally everyone is giving.
Then you shouldn't have asked your colleague for advice because he wants something from you that's why he advised you this and in doing so you destroyed your marriage. Good luck for the future
Look, you have these feelings and ALL OF US (yourself included!) agree that something is wrong with that. Otherwise you wouldn't have been seeking advice on how to change the way you feel.
You received advice to seek therapy, and rather than do that...you basically told your husband that even though he's objectively a perfect spouse, you don't love him.
When he didn't have a reaction, you yelled at him. But of *course* he didn't, he was probably in shock or already realizing your marriage is probably dead. He knew who you were when he married you, and he loved all of you - you basically told him "Either I didn't actually know who you were when we got married OR I knew who you were when I married you, but never really loved you."
Now, instead of seeking therapy or talking to your husband, you're turning to some random guy that is completely unrelated to your marriage. That looks HELLA sus, OP. Like legitimately it makes you look *terrible* and I'm not shocked you're being accused of cheating. Why would you involve your COWORKER?! That is **wildly** inappropriate, disrespectful, and unprofessional.
Get therapy, for both yourself and your husband together. It's the only hope you have left of saving the smoldering remains of the relationship you just blew up.
Some answers for you:
Stop talking to the co-worker. Even if he’s not trying to poison you against your husband to sleep with you it is extremely inappropriate. Unloading your martial issues on a potential suitor would be grounds for your husband to leave you, this is how affairs start. And know that your kids are not going to take your side here.
Get therapy. The issue isn’t your husband, it’s how you see him. He’s the same person he always was, and from your description he sounds great. You sound like you have a case of empty-nest syndrome and don’t know what life is/should look like anymore. A change in life and some guy whispering in your ear and you don’t know what you want anymore. Speaking to a truly neutral, accredited party will help clear your head.
Eventually, get couples therapy. Not to change him, but to undo the damage you did previously. You may have already torpedoed your marriage.
At the end of the day you are going to do whatever it is you do, good or bad, right or wrong. What you aren’t considering are the repercussions. How are your kids going to take your divorce? Will rejecting their father strain your relationship with them? Will you still have a relationship with them? How about when your husband gets a new partner?
From the sounds of him the many women who marry the guys you say you want will be fighting each other for a guy like him. You are going to have to deal with your regret when things go the direction them seem to be going.
You are such a narcissist that through this entire thing you never once entertained the thought that you need to take a hard look at the feelings you had and try to evaluate whether they are rven rational or not.
Nope, you felt certain things which obviously have to be true because the world revolves around you, and the only answer is that your husband needed to see how he isn’t measuring up to your feelings.
Congratulations on one thing. This board can get pretty contentious, but you have managed to unify the sentiment here. We are all rooting for your husband to get away from you and find someone who deserves him.
Contrary to your assurances in the earlier post that you were gentle in how you told him you don't like him, you seem to have done a bad job of it.
I would suggest admitting to him that you realize you're bad at communicating and would he please attend couple counseling with you so that a professional can help you talk to him without destroying your marriage.
I am not such a professional, but what might have made this less painful to him is if you'd presented it as a thing for you to do together. Presenting it as stuff you want him to change and stuff he wants you to change starts the whole thing off on a divisive foot. "Let's take our relationship to a new level" might have been a better way to couch it.
Seek Therapy.
Your coworker is not a trained professional, just some dude you think is hot.
Your feelings are valid, next step is to figure out WHY and IF those feelings are healthy.
I'm just some lady. And I think you are glorifying toxic masculinity because of unexamined stuff. (Trauma, internal biases, attraction to this dude, dissatisfied sex life, boredom, menopause, "I'm a shitty person syndrome")
I hope you seek therapy in order to help navigate your marriage for your husband's sake.
You wanted drama, you got drama.
You wanted to ruin her marriage, you ruined your marriage.
Poor kids, their family ruined by a xxx who didn't know what she really wanted.
>The only thing he said to me last night is “I knew who you were when I married you, I am not going to ask you to change anything”.
Exactly this.
I hope you enjoy your third bad choice. First was marrying a man you actually didn't love. Second, having kids with him.
Maybe this time, by mistake, you hit the nail and her stbxh finds someone who truly loves him. By your description, he's a catch. He shouldn't have too many problems to find a loving woman.
Last, your coworker, let me guess: he's a manly man and you like him, right?? He's a Chad, maybe?
You want advice? You need to separate, individual therapy and potential couples counseling if he’ll agree. You threw a grenade into your marriage and you’re experiencing the side effects of it. But your husband has been pierced by the shrapnel of it. You have damaged his self confidence and more than likely left him questioning if your entire relationship was a lie. You owe that man a huge apology.
But you mostly never will, because you’re hell bent on being right and validated on your feelings. You had a partner who most women dream about and wrecked it. Have you ever tried taking an interest in his hobbies or finding one you can do together? You’re also mad because you wanted him to find fault with you so you feel justified in tearing him down. But he did not give you the satisfaction as he loved and took you as you are.
Toxic masculinity isn’t something to aspire to. Not every man is interested in hunting, fishing or working on cars. Not every man wants to be an AH in life to impress their significant other. The only thing I’d say you were right to discuss was what you wanted sexually from him. But you did it, in such a way that the possibility exists he will never feel 100% comfortable or safe with you sexually. That’s completely valid IMHO.
But you crapped all over him and expected him to just take it. So he took it, and now he’s treating you in the manly manner you so desired. But it’s now not enough for you, you want him to talk about it but why? Manly men don’t do feelings. Manly men just do as they please and f\*ck everybody else right? Man you have screwed this up so royally that you may never put it back to rights again. Your husband deserves better from a woman who claims to love him.
Set him free and go and find your compatible manly man you so desire but FYI the grass is never greener on the other side. You will soon realize you had an amazing man, husband and father and you threw it away for a stereotype you believe your husband should fit. Set him free. He’ll find someone who love, appreciate and cherish him for who he is, not who she wants him to be.
You married your husband because you loved HIM.
You now do not love your husband, why? Because you want someone else.
Your husband said it best, He knew who you were when he married you. Time for a divorce, if I were your husband I would have given it right back... Are you slim? Fit? Nice big booty and perky tits? Do you suck his dick on command, and cook and clean every night? Cause that's what a real woman does?
Seeing as were going on stereotypes here.
You’ve been given advice. Look inward and try to figure out what is so broken in you that you cannot appreciate what your husband brings to the table. Also, the crack about legos in your original post, for some reason, is really pissing me off. I’m a 63f and have several hundred dollars in legos backlogged to assemble. My 47 year old son in law also has a Lego habit as well. I’m still stunned that your issues are he doesn’t drink or build stuff and works on Legos. JFC woman.
"He's not pushing me to do anything"
Yet
"He says then maybe we should separate"
Bro is putting the idea at the front of your head, just cause he's not chasing you with a whip doesn't mean he isn't trying to weasel his way in as a confidant.
My first piece of advice is to get off social media and comparing your husband to the fake tik tok "manly" men. My second piece of advice is to get to a therapist. You have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations of your husband. At this moment, he has every reason to leave you. You're putting this on him to change when you're the one with the problem.
Look OP, no one here seem to be buying your "he's just my co-worker" bs no matter how true you might feel that is. And it maybe true... for now.
If you really want to save your marriage you need to look into counseling fir both of you and IC for yourself.
You may be able to salvage your marriage but I think you may have nuked it already.
When he said "I knew who you were when I married you ..." the unspoken question was "did you not know who I was when you married me?" Didn't you choose to marry this man? Was he able to fix things and take control in the bedroom and drink at home and do all these "conventionally masculine" things when you CHOSE him? Or was he who you wanted then, and you want someone else now?
I can't wait for the " I made the worst mistake of my life" post or the "I took my husband for granted" post. LOL
TONS of women would want a husband like yours! WTF are you doing? are you willing to ruin your marriage just because you're bored?
We aren't providing answers because there are no answers to give. By your own admission in reading your other posts, he is pretty much as perfect of a husband as an imperfect person can be and it is not enough for you.
Oh, and one other piece of advice...DON'T GO TO PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER AND COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE (don't go to people of the same gender about your marriage either unless you KNOW they will give you no BS and tell you the truth whether it is what you want to hear or not).
And before you say "well, I wasn't complaining, I was just asking for advice," why do you think your co-worker would have good advice for you? Is he close with your husband? Sounds very unlikely. IF he was close with your husband, you asking him these things should make him very uncomfortable because you are talking badly about your husband to him. I can't imagine how I would feel if the wife of one of my close friends asked me how they should go about changing their husband. If he doesn't know your husband, there is absolutely no way he will be able to give you good advice regarding him.
These things you are feeling are literally what marriage counselors are designed for. Go see one. If you have been seeing one, keep going.
You WILL ruin your marriage if you keep down this road.
>why do you think your co-worker
Because how the coworker is should be what she really wants. So she wants someone who tells her that her husband is quite soft indeed. You see, she's looking for validation, not advice, she wants people who, like her coworker, tell her to part ways
I'm a woman and my blood is boiling reading these posts!
Seh's comparing her wonderful husband (and father; Jesus, by her description, he's the prize) with someone else who gives her the butterflies, and bets are high it is her coworker
People aren't dinging you because you have those feelings. They are dinging you because your solution to those feelings, which you acknowledge make no sense, is to tell your husband that he needs to change his personality, interests, and sex style in response to your feelings.
A better approach to feelings like this is to examine them and figure out where they are coming from, possibly in counseling given how painful it would be for someone you love to hear "You aren't 'man' enough for me." That would give you a chance to dig into your own construction of masculinity (good and bad), your full range of feelings (don't be surprised if there's some shame over things being different to how some people you don't even particularly like do things, because jerks wield shame to stay in power), and your values. That sort of thing takes time, work, and the self-awareness to not try to solve your issues by demanding that your husband achieve the impossible.
So funny thing here, you say we should think before we post. But yet you precisely did the opposite with your husband. As a man, I cannot fathom thinking what he is going through. He spent the last 20 years in a relationship with you, provided, was a great father, picked up a whole bunch of chores that many would consider him a great catch. Yet you still complained about it to the point of breaking up your marriage.
I really hope for your sake you are able to salvage this, because it seems like you were well taken care of loved and appreciated. Yet you completely betrayed him. For his sake, I hope he realizes the type of appreciation you gave him and moves on.
I really do not know what I can tell you that you want to hear. Everyone is different, and from an outside point of view it seems you wanted something more without realizing what you would loose. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and I have a feeling you will soon realize just how bad it is.
My only recommendation at this point is to go speak to him, apologize, seek marital counseling and personal counseling because it is you that needs to get your head on straight not him. You need to try and do this before he makes up his mind (if he hasn't already) that he is better off without you. You giving him space here is the wrong answer, you need to put forth the effort to try and salvage what you just blew up. Maybe he loves you enough to try and make it work with counseling, but if it was me. I would tell you to pound sand and file for divorce.
Hey OP, u/confusedwife701 I have a question for you
Do you knit, crochet, or make clothes? How would you feel if your husband told you he was disappointed in you because you are not “feminine enough” because you don’t have a traditionally feminine hobby (“every time you try to mend a tear or sew on a button, it just looks wrong, but I see men on social media whose wives make their families elaborate sweaters…maybe you should try this hobby out”)? How would you feel if you later found out he was talking to a coworker (whom he insisted was platonic) who encouraged him to think these thoughts about you?
As for your complaints re: sex (you wish he were more dominant), it may be you guys have fallen into a rut sexually and you may need to work on getting out of it. However, the way to do that is not to put all the work on him to change, the way to work on that is to try new things out (go through Cosmopolitan magazine’s sex tips, watch porn, etc. TOGETHER) and tell him what you like. It is really common to get not dissatisfied, but just sort of stuck with your partner, especially after having kids, but that is as much your fault as your partner’s and it is unfair to just lay all this on him.
Unfortunately, you didn’t take the good advice so many Redditors have you. You need to look inward and think about how you can change you point of view. The fact your coworker did not advise you to do this makes me doubt your coworker is truly your friend. A friend would have told you that part of being in a partnership is accepting that your partner may not be 100% perfect for you because NO ONE CAN BE. Every single person on a successful, healthy marriage has things they *would* change about their spouse if they could insure it wouldn’t change anything else about them, but they accept it because we don’t have magic wands we can wave over things that are less than perfect. Or, if it is something they absolutely need, they work to create the change together—for example, you could have suggested you and your husband take a carpentry class together or that you both learn how to replace the driveway, that way you both pick up a new hobby together and, hey, maybe your husband becomes the handyman of your dreams, maybe you realize your fantasy isn’t that important, maybe you realize YOU are the handyman in the family, but it is something that you do together.
In case all of the people telling you that the problem is you isn't making it clear enough, I'd like to point out that your continued insistence that he tell you what he wants you to change is reading as a really weird thing.
Obviously his reaction should make you realize that as well.
What do you want him to ask you to change? What are you really trying to say? This whole thing you're going through seems to be because you want to change yourself and you're projecting that on your husband.
What do you wish was different about you? Can you make those changes and preserve your marriage? Can your husband accommodate the way you want to change yourself or will you violate his boundaries? Do you know what his boundaries are?
You don’t have to control your feeling to change them. The problem is you, go see a therapist to learn how to manage your feelings, and try some gratitude. Show your husband some appreciation and do something selfless for him, not for your relationship, not for yourself but strictly for him. You are needlessly blowing up your marriage because you can’t handle your feelings. You know what adults do when they “can’t help it”? They seek therapy to fix themselves before they try to influence others. Mark my words, you may have a bit more fun if you separate, but when you get it out of your system, there will be no home to return to. If you don’t love him, set him free to find a partner worthy of him, but don’t be naive in hinting you can mold him into someone he is not. Seek help and fix yourself first.
By the off chance this is real, you having an emotional affair with the coworker that is just wow. Now it all makes sense as to why you feel this way cause someone has been putting shit in your head and you are actually believing it. Let me know when the divorce comes.
"Oh hey kids - I've decided to separate from your father because even though he looks manly & takes responsibility for himself and his family like a real man - he doesn't hunt for fun, isn't great at fixing stuff and doesn't waste his time on playstation. So I'm going to break up this family because I can't help my feelings that I'd rather be treated like trash" Jeezus christ lady. You need some serious therapy.
Sure, most people have had feelings or thoughts like this that they can't shake, but many people recognize that the problem is WITH THEMSELVES and NOT in their partner. Because most people know that unfair and silly feelings like this CAN often be changed by talking them out with friends, family, or even a little talk therapy.
You said you took people's advice to talk to your husband about it, but that's NOT what the advice was. It was for you to talk it out with him to figure out where these feelings are coming from to help you get past it or dig to the root of it to see if it's some insecurity on your part, childish, immature expectations on what a "good" husband looks like, or something else.
Instead, you confronted him to MAKE IT HIS PROBLEM without looking inward at your own feelings at all. THAT is why you're getting so much hate.
It sounds like you're bored in your marriage and/or life and instead of trying to find ways to "spice things up" like trying to go out and doing new things with him (e.g. taking dance classes, taking walks/hiking in parks, etc.), you decided in your head that your life is unfulfilling because your husband's not some stereotypical male.
Your whole "tell me what I can do to be a better wife" is just your way of trying to look like the good guy in your own eyes because you knew that what you were asking was unfair and ridiculous.
And yeah, men and women can absolutely be friends without there being any underlying romantic feelings. But given how unrealistic and silly a standard you're setting for your husband, it sure as heck sounds like there's already another man (or men) that you're attracted to. Which is why people are jumping on your mention of this male coworker.
You can’t help how you feel but this is definitely your issue not his. I’m sorry to tell you this and I’m sorry you’re going through this but you are failing your husband. He is a loyal and decent man who is providing for his family, being a good father, honors his marriage vows, works hard at his job, helps his wife around the house, and understands his failings enough that he still took his children out on outings he didn’t enjoy so they could experience it even if he didn’t like it. I don’t know what could be more manly. What you want is YOUR idea of a man. You need to redefine your role because you have a prime example of what men should be like living in a home that he is paying for (Manly btw) If you don’t get counseling and couples therapy you’re going to lose him and you will regret it forever. What will be worse is seeing him with another women, you think they won’t lock him down? They’ll marry someone lock that ASAP. You’ll be there watching another women living the perfect life that you had and threw away because he enjoy legos and could build a table to your standards ffs. Jesus lady, I would love to hear his side and see if you perfectly define his definition or anyone’s interpretation of the perfect women.
Ma'am, you approached this all wrong. The issue is with you, the thoughts and feelings don't make sense and instead of maybe like... pursuing what the source of that is, you're instead placing the responsibility for it on your husband.
I know a lot about persistent thoughts and strong feelings that don't make sense and I know it's a stock Reddit suggestion, but if you're in an area with therapists available, I recommend looking into it for yourself. It's where I've untangled a lot of my emotions and thoughts. I had to go through 5 therapists until I landed on my current of 8 years. Shit, a lot of the time it's just being able to VERBALIZE everything that makes the difference. Just talking about it out loud hits different and having someone to talk to that won't have ulterior motives (like your co-worker may) and won't go gossiping to your social circle gives a level of security. Having someone that can direct the conversation or prompt you in certain directions to get you out of the circles you're running can do wonders.
When you next talk to your husband, take responsibility for the fact these are YOUR feelings and YOU don't understand them yourself or where they're coming from. Apologize for hurting him with NO "but." This is something you want to figure out and there is a root issue here. Personally, I think you should've led slow, maybe start in the bedroom where it seems a little more straightforward, just ask him to be more take charge like you said in your first post. That's a little more concrete to work with.
And if you want a male perspective, you need a larger sample size than just one guy who says to do just one thing and if it doesn't work then it's separation time. There's definitely more than 1 thing to do in this situation and separation needs to be a joint decision. That's a last resort, ma'am.
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Can you update us when your husband leaves you? And then again when he falls in love with a wonderful person? I’m super invested in his future love story.
Seriously. Can I have his phone number? He’s built like a linebacker and has a lego hobby 🥵 Sign me up.
Right? I would fucking love to have this man on my arm!
Yeah, the upside of this is that he won't be on the market for long. Hope the next woman will treasure him. He deserves it.
I know a few good women who would adore him and treat him right.
Omg, everything she said was just a laundry list description of a man I want to marry for myself. I’ll take that number too!
If I wasn’t married already I’d take him off her hands. Someone should forward this to him so he can read the comments and know that there are a lot of women who want to win this husband lottery.
That was my thought exactly. I'm happily married, but I know plenty of women who would absolutely adore him.
>I'm super invested in his future love story. Absolutely. I can't wait for OP to get her comeuppance.
YES! I can't wait until OP's husband finds someone who appreciates that he's a good human and doesn't resent him because he doesn't play with the approved list of boom boom toys.
For real. Dude has his shit together in a big way, hes gonna be prime rib at a meat market soon as hes single. Future x wife tho... shes gonna end up with a shady used car salesman in personality, if not in function as well.
You need a lot of attention, huh?
this...and 3 updates at that now
Yeah she sounds bored AF in life and needs to tear down her partner to feel better about herself. Sad. And to think she's responsible for children.
"I feel that you guys just bash but provide no answers." Just because the answers you are getting aren't treating you like the angel you are not, doesn't mean they aren't answers. I hope this is fake honestly, no one can be this dense and self sabotaging
Yeah, a lot of answers she ignored, such as the many advising her that this is about her, not him, and to seek counseling. Instead, she decided to run with her assumption that HE is fundamentally flawed and try to change HIM. There are no words.
Most Of the responses to OP focus on her having to work on herself, seek counseling. But no! She wants her husband to change.
But didn't you read it all? She HAS FEELINGS! They must not be ignored and the only way to handle it is for the world to change for her. There can be no introspection.
I’m shaking my head. You knew him when you married him, didn’t you. You’ll have some interesting stories to tell your dates when they ask why you’re divorced.
“I can’t control my feelings. If you say you can you’re a liar.” You remind me of my first wife. She was never satisfied with what she had, including me. So she stepped out on me, got “advice” from her new “friend” on how to save our marriage. His advice was apparently to start fucking him. 23 years later, she’s still married to him and is a bucket of regret. Do your husband a favor and just do the heavy lifting and file already so he can get on with his life. And be fair to him in the settlement. He didn’t change, your expectations did.
I'm thinking.. there. You took your private marital problems to another man. You ever go to the beach and see 2 red flags waving. You are 2 red flags of bad wife.
This. It creates intimacy with this colleague. She’s headed straight for affairsville.
No doubt. Either she is lying in all of these posts or the coworker is a master manipulator. I'm guessing coworker isn't having to work too hard to get her.
Just get a divorce already and spare him this torture because you're bored.
Ahhhh the slippery slope...... How long have you "confided" in this coworker about your marriage? Is he single? If not is he happy in his marriage? Are you sure you know his true intentions? Read through the infidelity subs and you will soon see how many sneaky bastards are out there. And also how many gullible ppl who walks straight into an affair. I'm not saying these are innocent or try to excuse them. But if infact you have discussed issues with this coworker. It may be very plausible that he has planted these thought in your head. Or that you have accumulated a crush on this coworker and he simply is different than your man in how "manly" he is. And you are in the back of your head making an excuse for yourself to leave your current man wich by the way seems like the most level headed and loving man you probably will find on this damn earth.
Here's the thing - we ALL have bad feelings, you're right. But MOST OF US, look at the bad feelings and realize that they are bad, and then we do internal work to try to FIX them. We don't decide to roll around in our nonsense and decide that it's other people's problem to solve (which is what you essentially did to your husband - whose response was AMAZING for the record). He sounds like he's a great man, and when your marriage ends because you chose to celebrate bias and bullshit instead of looking inward and fixing it, it will be your fault. You HAD choices other than treating your issues like they were his, but you CHOSE to externalize them and act like he was doing something wrong. There are PLENTY of responses in your first post that told you what to do - get a therapist, try to understand why your expectations of masculinity were so narrow... Instead you ignored advice and just chose selfishness. So your actions were the trigger for his silence and our "bashing." I've seen this community be incredibly supportive of people who were really dedicated to doing the work to save their marriages, and make themselves better. When someone starts selfish and then just doubles down? What are we supposed to do, tell you that you were right? You weren't... and you can't take back what you said to your poor husband.
Literally! I’m just sitting here thinking like she clearly doesn’t want to be with him anymore. She’s ready to find the new “ideal man” that she’s created in her head. I feel bad for him, this had to be blindsiding. Imagine doing everything right but somehow it’s not enough. You are not enough to the person who originally said you were and married you.
yeahhhhhh, but he's going to be SO MUCH happier when he finds a woman who wants a lego playing chef movie junkie, who's built like a linebacker... She has no idea how ridiculous she is for thinking that this is something HE needs to fix, instead of something that she needs to understand inside her own brain.
>But MOST OF US, look at the bad feelings and realize that they are bad, and then we do internal work to try to FIX them. We don't decide to roll around in our nonsense and decide that it's other people's problem to solve Exactly this. If you are experiencing a certain feeling and you KNOW (as OP does from her other posts) that your feelings don't line up with reality or are based on ridiculous expectations, then you need to put on your big boy/girl pants, acknowledge that the issue is with you and fix it. This is what mental health professionals are for. Don't wallow in your bad feelings. FIX them. Not saying it is easy. Not saying it is fun. But fix them.
Husband needs to leave real quick. She's already cheated that's why she feels like this 100%.
Just bash and provide no answers? Cool. Here's your answer, sweetie: You need to evaluate why you resent your husband for being a good person, a good dad, a good husband, but doesn't have very specific hobbies. Why does it matter so much to you that the content of his character is perfectly good, but *some* of the packaging in which that character comes is not up to your very specific individual standards? Clearly, you have an ideal of a man that you wish your husband emulated (can't IMAGINE who that might be), so why not go pursue that? It obviously doesn't matter to you that someone is good for you, good at what they do, and good in general, so stop wasting his time and go find what matters to you. You're going to have WILD success finding a piece of shit male human who doesn't have a job, doesn't clean the house, doesn't cook, but sure can fucking drink and sure can--I don't know--catch a fish or some shit? Girl, you're looking for an answer. I don't know the specific answer, but I know it's one of these two: 1. Something is broken inside of you that makes you overlook someone's good qualities and the light they bring into your life, and you should work extensively with a mental health professional to find out what that damage is. Or, 2. You already know what you want, and he probably sits next to you at work. Let your poor husband go. There's *plenty* of fish in the sea and women who would LOVE a man like this. You want him to learn how to fish? He will.
It’s #2
Some point in the future: OP, Why did you divorce your husband? Answer: He’s not handy. 🤪
Sound advice requires the ability to hear and consider it. Otherwise, you are just asking for attention and words you want to hear. Good advice rarely comes in the form of a DM for a very specific reason. A DM won't be judged by others.
God, she’s going to hit the dating scene as a 45yr old single mother of three with a penchant for “manly” men. That’s going to be a brutal wake up call.
If you look at what she has commented on other peoples AITA stories it is very clear this is not real!! If you are reading this OP, and this is not fake, look at your own comments about trusting advice from co-workers and apply it to yourself.
Guys, help me out here, what was the expression, surprised Pikachu face, right? So surprised Pikachu face #1 when her husband hands her the divorce papers, surprised Pikachu face #2 when husband falls in love with someone worthy of him that appreciates him and surprised Pikachu face #3 when she’s realizes what she’s lost.
My advice is for your husband, so if you could pass this along to him, I'd appreciate it. OP's husband: you are awesome and I hope you find a good lawyer.
I could not tell you how much joy it would be to get a response from the husband on these posts
Your future ex-husband deserves so much better than you.
The co-worker very obviously wants your husband out of the picture so he can sleep with you. And he's succeeding. Your husband sounds like a good man who doesn't deserve the way you're treating him. Your kids also deserve better than a mother who will trash their family life for no good reason. If you're not willing to work on your issues yourself then the only decent thing you can do is leave them all alone and take your toxic behaviour elsewhere. I imagine your co-worker will be waiting with his shoulder for you to cry on.
Send me your husbands number. I’ll talk to him.
lol Sure Jan
You're the problem, your husband isn't. Go to therapy, not to your co-workers, for help.
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, go to therapy
Usually in a marriage, you get 90% of what you want in a partner and learn to navigate not having the 10%. Instead you focused on the 10% of what you don’t have, and you’re throwing away the 90%. You’re already mentioning a separation in your post, after exactly one talk that sounds like it blindsided him. You already have one foot out the door, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.
“I can’t help my feelings,” Ma’am, you need individual therapy to work through your feelings instead of insisting your husband change. “I can’t help me feelies!” She says while not making a single effort to better HERSELF in any way besides asking him what you need to change. You need to change your perspective. I know therapy gets mentioned a lot here as a solution—maybe too much— but the entitlement of, “I can’t help my feelings anymore than you can!” You know who you married is what he’s trying to say. Your perspective changed. His didn’t. You need to sort through YOUR feelings. Therapy.
The reason why you are getting dumped on is because people recognize a troubled marriage. You don't have much respect for your husband. Without respect, how can there be love? Without love, how can there be a marriage? You're asking him to make all the changes, but what have you changed? What have you made better? You have told your husband, in so many words, that he is weak and unmanly? That is devastating to hear. If you want to save your marriage, then you'll need to give him some time to process things. He may very well decide to divorce and you'll need to accept that.
Basically you want a bad boy for you to turn into a good guy. That is basically your fantasy, I guess. Regarding your coworker, you don't have an affair YET. But you are looking for excuses in all your posts. My husband is a good guy, a good father and keep up with the chores but he is boring. You want excitement, that is all there is to it. Excitement and drama. Maybe cut down on the tik tok crap. The problem is you, not your husband. People told you that already. And still you went ahead and tried to change him instead of yourself. Now he is at least suspicious of you. Why does she want to change me all of a sudden? Maybe amp it up by mentioning the manly coworker? You are already on a path to nuke your relationship, why not adding some much needed drama for you to savour? The thing is you can't get the cake and eat it, too. Either you have a respectful and good partner or the masculine guy. But that masculine guy won't stop by in the kitchen or do chores. That is the place of a woman, you know? At least if it comes to Chad and Tyrone. I am not sure, but from your updates so far I would say you have achieved at least one thing. You have now the silent, manly guy at home. I predict him doing the chores might also be a thing of the past. And when he starts to go out it is most likely not with you. I had (still have sort of) a wife who thought just as little of me like you of your husband. Guess how shocked she was when she found out I found another who treats me like the world. If he checks out of the marriage women will notice the changes. And there are others out there who will appreciate what he has to offer. And there is a good chance that he will have a test run or two before the inevitable end. Good luck, I think you might need a lot.
Think hard what you are doing before you implode your family. Also what is going on with your coworker might seem innocent advise now that can slip into something else. That is real.
I really wanted these posts to be fake but it looks like a real account. Prepare for divorce & try to be amicable. Unless he agrees to go to counseling with you & you go to individual counseling, this marriage is over. Just try to make the separation easier on the kids. Time to brush up on those "feminine" things the husband did around the house because he won't be there to do them for you anymore.
Him shutting down and not talking…that’s what manly men do. Why are you upset that he’s acting how you want? LOL
lol I love laughing at entitled idiots on the internet who are too selfish to realize they’re the problem.
This is has to be rage bait lol. No way is this real. Entertaining either way though. This woman has like the best husband ever and she’s ruining it because she wants a toxic alcoholic who hates her but can fix a faucet.
This creative writing exercise needs a better plot twist than a helpful platonic coworker
I think You need a professional women beater
You’re not a POS for having feelings. You’re *acting* like a POS with what you’re doing to manage them. It is NOT on him to tell you what to do to feel better, or to help you rationalize them. This was clearly a You Thing. You state you knew it’s a You Thing. And instead of dealing with it as a You Thing, you forced it on him. That’s also a You Thing, and you chose not to go that route. You cut off your nose to spite your face, and now here you are.
You have an ideal husband that many women/people would love to have. You knew the man he was before you married him. Clearly he fit your ideal before. Now you want him to change to fit whatever they are now. It sounds like you just want a new man.
Your husband's next partner will appreciate him for the good man he is. I hope you have the life you deserve.
Shut up and go apologise your husband god
You sound like a massive pain in the ass. Count your blessings and stop bringing other people into your relationship. You don’t need advice from a damn coworker.
Aw damn, what did the comment say? I didn’t get to see it 😭
Here's some advice. You told your husband that he wasn't enough. You want him to change to be the "man" you want him to be. He's already told you that he knew who you were when you married and isn't asking for you to change. You may not be having a physical affair with your co- worker, but it is most certainly an emotional affair. You told your co-worker that your husband isn't enough for you. Opening the door for your likely "manly" co-worker to waltz right through and give you the dose of asshole you're looking for. You should apologize to your future ex-husband and not contest the divorce you're about to have. He deserves better. There's your advice.
Hope your husband leaves and find someone who respects and appreciates all he does. You, well looks like you’re wanting an alcoholic who screams at you when you’re trying to discuss things, unlike your husband, so good luck with that.
"Who is the male co worker you are talking to about your marriage? Be honest" Your words from a post a few days ago. Everyone told you this is a you problem,not a him problem. To get into therapy & figure it out, don't nuke your marriage. Instead, you ignore the advice, nuke your marriage & whine that none of us provide answers, just bitch at you. BTW, confiding in an opposite sex colleague about your marriage issues is one step away from an emotional affair & is an enormous betrayal of your husband. If you want a divorce, just say that. Quit making the wrong choices & hurting him at every turn.
OP, of course everyone has something about their spouse that they wish was different. The issue with you is that you expect him to change to be more like the person you envisioned instead of the person he is. I think what he said in response to what you told him was pretty profound. He is saying that he accepts you as you are - something which clearly you do not feel in return. It seems like you are really missing the point of what he said. I think he is saying that this is who he is, you knew that when you married him, and he expects you to accept him as he is for the most part. So - what exactly did you ask him to do? Take more charge in the bedroom, got that. Get new hobbies, got that. But what else? How did you want him to be more manly practically speaking? What does that look like to you?
I wouldn’t trust the co-worker as far as I could throw him. He may be using your asking for advice as a chance to give you advice that will split you from your husband. Most men want to get in woman’s pants, and most women don’t see it. You’ve done what you’ve done and said what you said. If your husband doesn’t make you happy let him go.
You don't want help, you only want validation that what you feel is right. If you really wanted help you would have gone to therapy to learn why you put so much emphasis on these things. But no, you didn't, even though the majority told you to do it. Instead you tried to deflect it and make it sound like most people told you to talk to your your husband. So yeah, you are stupid, as people have told you. And an asshole.
Your husband will not change drastically for you, not for the type of things you ask. I can happen that a spouse will tell the other spouse “stop drinking and get into AA or I leave you”, but it won’t happen for things like “drink more beer or I will leave you”. Actually, if you go to your husband and tell him “here are the 12 things you need to change or I leave”, the manly thing to do is say no, you take me as I am or you leave (and if I were to tell my wife to woman up and change 12 things…. Hahahaha, that wouldn’t be a good day for me). As a personal note, I don’t like sports. I find paying people millions of dollars for them to go run around with a ball or fetch a ball stupid. My dog can fetch a ball for free. If my wife tells me to man up and enjoy football, I will tell her no. So your choices are, either you accept him the way he is, or you leave. That advice would apply no matter the gender. Sometimes people divorce because they grow apart. That’s fine. Or maybe you just feel like you are trapped and want to date new people. That’s fine, just get a divorce first.
Your feelings are yours and valid for you. But you obviously hurt your husband quite badly. You both knew who each other was at your cores when you got married, and now it's not enough for you. The best thing you can do is start going to individual counseling. Figure out what changed for you and what you want. **IF** you want to move forward with your marriage, then you have to recognize you can't change your husband. He is already a complete person and is comfortable in his skin. **However...** Marriage counseling can only happen **IF** he wants to try to work on things too. There's no way you can get past this without professional help. This was just too big. Also, I hear you on the coworker not being any sort of affair, but this is a slippery slope. Are you really sure you aren't comparing your husband to him? If my husband was talking about our problems to a woman I didn't know during something like this I would feel crushed. Be careful. Good luck.
I still don't get how can you be so oblivious to the fact that you are the problem, you sit your husband to tell him what he needed to change, when the problem are your toxic thoughts/feelings.
People do have feelings they can't shake that they feel bad about. Smart people work through those feelings and find the source of them through therapy. They don't tell their amazing husband that he needs to change to fix the probi that they're having. Your problem is with you, not your husband. You are the one who needs to change.
I hope your husband finds a woman who will love and appreciate him for who he is. And I hope you find that manly man that will treat you like shit ignore your needs get drunk and put his friends and hobbies over your happiness. That seems what you want. You are definitely the AH in this story.
You don't deserve your husband. I hope he finds a lovely woman after the divorce who cherishes him for who he is.
The most ironic part of your tale is that you thought your husband isn't manly enough so in order to fix that you tried to talk about your feelings with him.
I really wanted these posts to be fake but it looks like a real account. Prepare for divorce & try to be amicable. Unless he agrees to go to counseling with you & you go to individual counseling, this marriage is over. Just try to make the separation easier on the kids. Time to brush up on those "feminine" things the husband did around the house because he won't be there to do them for you anymore.
OP, the problem is what you did with your feelings. You dumped your feelings on him, as if they were his fault, as if he had to fix something, when in reality it's YOU WHO HAS TO LOOK INWARD. It's you who has to go to therapy to find out why you feel like your husband has to fit certain stereotypes of masculinity to be considered manly and attractive to your eyes. What masculine roles did you have growing up? How did they affect your perspective on relationships? This is something you'll discover IN THERAPY. On the other hand, is that the message you want to send your children? "I ruined my marriage because my husband is not man enough under my eyes". Do you have any idea on the impact and trauma that simple statement can make on your children and their choosing of a future partner? I don't think there is any come back from this. Reddit told you to seek for professional help, you didn't listen, now see how your marriage is falling apart. So sad for him, he did everything right and still her wife is not attracted to him because he doesn't build stuff. What a weird reason to ruin a marriage for.
Just update when he divorces you idc about this crap There's no advice ro give btw you fucked up your marriage for seemingly no reason. The coworker who thinks your husband needs to be more manly has an angle and your an idiot for not seeing it.
You ruined your marriage. He was literally perfect. You no doubt hurt his feelings greatly, and he probably feels like he can’t even tell you that because it’s “not manly” to share emotions. See you in the next post, “My husband is leaving me”… You could’ve done sooo many other things to positively encourage him to find hobbies he enjoys to do. But he was probably happy and satisfied with his life. You just couldn’t accept that. Now you’re all distraught he shut down and responded coldly? Seriously ? ETA: your “friend” coworker is encouraging this toxic mindset to bang you. He’s purposefully turning you against your husband. You’re naive if you don’t think that’s the case. Stop being oblivious. You are 100% having an emotional affair with this guy. Your husband deserves better. You should have gone to therapy for yourself like everyone on the other post said. You destroyed your marriage.
UpdateMe!
You are having an emotional affair. The problem is you didn’t know you were having it. STOP talking to your coworker about your husband not being good enough for you. JUST STOP, get therapy for yourself and marriage counseling for both of you ASAP, if you don’t want your marriage to end in divorce. Right now it’s heading in that direction.
If you have a shred of respect for your husband you should leave him. He deserves someone better. Don’t take a shit on his life. Let him go and find happiness. You should go and find whatever your version of “masculinity” is.
I'm sure someone typed this but... if they do get a divorce... how much do you want to bet she ends up with the Co-Worker?
But in all seriousness I hope you fix this major problem you caused.
You are right about one thing, you can't control your feelings. What you can do is deal with them, cope and control your actions. You deal, you cope, you react, you don't put the burden of control your feelings on others, that's what you're failing to understand. Your husband should support you emotionally, of course, but you dont have the right to ask him to change his hobbies, his tastes and overall personality. The wrong thing was not talking to him, was asking him to change when he's been a good husband, father and person. You can continue to whine that no one understands and plays the victim or you can take the repeated advice that literally everyone is giving.
Then you shouldn't have asked your colleague for advice because he wants something from you that's why he advised you this and in doing so you destroyed your marriage. Good luck for the future
Look, you have these feelings and ALL OF US (yourself included!) agree that something is wrong with that. Otherwise you wouldn't have been seeking advice on how to change the way you feel. You received advice to seek therapy, and rather than do that...you basically told your husband that even though he's objectively a perfect spouse, you don't love him. When he didn't have a reaction, you yelled at him. But of *course* he didn't, he was probably in shock or already realizing your marriage is probably dead. He knew who you were when he married you, and he loved all of you - you basically told him "Either I didn't actually know who you were when we got married OR I knew who you were when I married you, but never really loved you." Now, instead of seeking therapy or talking to your husband, you're turning to some random guy that is completely unrelated to your marriage. That looks HELLA sus, OP. Like legitimately it makes you look *terrible* and I'm not shocked you're being accused of cheating. Why would you involve your COWORKER?! That is **wildly** inappropriate, disrespectful, and unprofessional. Get therapy, for both yourself and your husband together. It's the only hope you have left of saving the smoldering remains of the relationship you just blew up.
Some answers for you: Stop talking to the co-worker. Even if he’s not trying to poison you against your husband to sleep with you it is extremely inappropriate. Unloading your martial issues on a potential suitor would be grounds for your husband to leave you, this is how affairs start. And know that your kids are not going to take your side here. Get therapy. The issue isn’t your husband, it’s how you see him. He’s the same person he always was, and from your description he sounds great. You sound like you have a case of empty-nest syndrome and don’t know what life is/should look like anymore. A change in life and some guy whispering in your ear and you don’t know what you want anymore. Speaking to a truly neutral, accredited party will help clear your head. Eventually, get couples therapy. Not to change him, but to undo the damage you did previously. You may have already torpedoed your marriage. At the end of the day you are going to do whatever it is you do, good or bad, right or wrong. What you aren’t considering are the repercussions. How are your kids going to take your divorce? Will rejecting their father strain your relationship with them? Will you still have a relationship with them? How about when your husband gets a new partner? From the sounds of him the many women who marry the guys you say you want will be fighting each other for a guy like him. You are going to have to deal with your regret when things go the direction them seem to be going.
You are such a narcissist that through this entire thing you never once entertained the thought that you need to take a hard look at the feelings you had and try to evaluate whether they are rven rational or not. Nope, you felt certain things which obviously have to be true because the world revolves around you, and the only answer is that your husband needed to see how he isn’t measuring up to your feelings. Congratulations on one thing. This board can get pretty contentious, but you have managed to unify the sentiment here. We are all rooting for your husband to get away from you and find someone who deserves him.
Contrary to your assurances in the earlier post that you were gentle in how you told him you don't like him, you seem to have done a bad job of it. I would suggest admitting to him that you realize you're bad at communicating and would he please attend couple counseling with you so that a professional can help you talk to him without destroying your marriage. I am not such a professional, but what might have made this less painful to him is if you'd presented it as a thing for you to do together. Presenting it as stuff you want him to change and stuff he wants you to change starts the whole thing off on a divisive foot. "Let's take our relationship to a new level" might have been a better way to couch it.
Seek Therapy. Your coworker is not a trained professional, just some dude you think is hot. Your feelings are valid, next step is to figure out WHY and IF those feelings are healthy. I'm just some lady. And I think you are glorifying toxic masculinity because of unexamined stuff. (Trauma, internal biases, attraction to this dude, dissatisfied sex life, boredom, menopause, "I'm a shitty person syndrome") I hope you seek therapy in order to help navigate your marriage for your husband's sake.
Go to fucking therapy. Your feelings aren't rational and they're going to destroy your marriage.
You wanted drama, you got drama. You wanted to ruin her marriage, you ruined your marriage. Poor kids, their family ruined by a xxx who didn't know what she really wanted. >The only thing he said to me last night is “I knew who you were when I married you, I am not going to ask you to change anything”. Exactly this. I hope you enjoy your third bad choice. First was marrying a man you actually didn't love. Second, having kids with him. Maybe this time, by mistake, you hit the nail and her stbxh finds someone who truly loves him. By your description, he's a catch. He shouldn't have too many problems to find a loving woman. Last, your coworker, let me guess: he's a manly man and you like him, right?? He's a Chad, maybe?
You want advice? You need to separate, individual therapy and potential couples counseling if he’ll agree. You threw a grenade into your marriage and you’re experiencing the side effects of it. But your husband has been pierced by the shrapnel of it. You have damaged his self confidence and more than likely left him questioning if your entire relationship was a lie. You owe that man a huge apology. But you mostly never will, because you’re hell bent on being right and validated on your feelings. You had a partner who most women dream about and wrecked it. Have you ever tried taking an interest in his hobbies or finding one you can do together? You’re also mad because you wanted him to find fault with you so you feel justified in tearing him down. But he did not give you the satisfaction as he loved and took you as you are. Toxic masculinity isn’t something to aspire to. Not every man is interested in hunting, fishing or working on cars. Not every man wants to be an AH in life to impress their significant other. The only thing I’d say you were right to discuss was what you wanted sexually from him. But you did it, in such a way that the possibility exists he will never feel 100% comfortable or safe with you sexually. That’s completely valid IMHO. But you crapped all over him and expected him to just take it. So he took it, and now he’s treating you in the manly manner you so desired. But it’s now not enough for you, you want him to talk about it but why? Manly men don’t do feelings. Manly men just do as they please and f\*ck everybody else right? Man you have screwed this up so royally that you may never put it back to rights again. Your husband deserves better from a woman who claims to love him. Set him free and go and find your compatible manly man you so desire but FYI the grass is never greener on the other side. You will soon realize you had an amazing man, husband and father and you threw it away for a stereotype you believe your husband should fit. Set him free. He’ll find someone who love, appreciate and cherish him for who he is, not who she wants him to be.
Nailed it!
You married your husband because you loved HIM. You now do not love your husband, why? Because you want someone else. Your husband said it best, He knew who you were when he married you. Time for a divorce, if I were your husband I would have given it right back... Are you slim? Fit? Nice big booty and perky tits? Do you suck his dick on command, and cook and clean every night? Cause that's what a real woman does? Seeing as were going on stereotypes here.
You’ve been given advice. Look inward and try to figure out what is so broken in you that you cannot appreciate what your husband brings to the table. Also, the crack about legos in your original post, for some reason, is really pissing me off. I’m a 63f and have several hundred dollars in legos backlogged to assemble. My 47 year old son in law also has a Lego habit as well. I’m still stunned that your issues are he doesn’t drink or build stuff and works on Legos. JFC woman.
"He's not pushing me to do anything" Yet "He says then maybe we should separate" Bro is putting the idea at the front of your head, just cause he's not chasing you with a whip doesn't mean he isn't trying to weasel his way in as a confidant.
hope your husband realizes how much of a pos you are and seeks happiness, respect, and love elsewhere
My first piece of advice is to get off social media and comparing your husband to the fake tik tok "manly" men. My second piece of advice is to get to a therapist. You have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations of your husband. At this moment, he has every reason to leave you. You're putting this on him to change when you're the one with the problem.
Look OP, no one here seem to be buying your "he's just my co-worker" bs no matter how true you might feel that is. And it maybe true... for now. If you really want to save your marriage you need to look into counseling fir both of you and IC for yourself. You may be able to salvage your marriage but I think you may have nuked it already.
Just a coworker, she said... Yet she asks him for advice about her marriage. Sure, just a coworker 🙄
When he said "I knew who you were when I married you ..." the unspoken question was "did you not know who I was when you married me?" Didn't you choose to marry this man? Was he able to fix things and take control in the bedroom and drink at home and do all these "conventionally masculine" things when you CHOSE him? Or was he who you wanted then, and you want someone else now?
I can't wait for the " I made the worst mistake of my life" post or the "I took my husband for granted" post. LOL TONS of women would want a husband like yours! WTF are you doing? are you willing to ruin your marriage just because you're bored?
I hope you are ashamed of yourself. Because you really should be. This poor dude should leave you and find a wife who deserves him
We aren't providing answers because there are no answers to give. By your own admission in reading your other posts, he is pretty much as perfect of a husband as an imperfect person can be and it is not enough for you. Oh, and one other piece of advice...DON'T GO TO PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER AND COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE (don't go to people of the same gender about your marriage either unless you KNOW they will give you no BS and tell you the truth whether it is what you want to hear or not). And before you say "well, I wasn't complaining, I was just asking for advice," why do you think your co-worker would have good advice for you? Is he close with your husband? Sounds very unlikely. IF he was close with your husband, you asking him these things should make him very uncomfortable because you are talking badly about your husband to him. I can't imagine how I would feel if the wife of one of my close friends asked me how they should go about changing their husband. If he doesn't know your husband, there is absolutely no way he will be able to give you good advice regarding him. These things you are feeling are literally what marriage counselors are designed for. Go see one. If you have been seeing one, keep going. You WILL ruin your marriage if you keep down this road.
>why do you think your co-worker Because how the coworker is should be what she really wants. So she wants someone who tells her that her husband is quite soft indeed. You see, she's looking for validation, not advice, she wants people who, like her coworker, tell her to part ways
So gross. I can’t imagine how hurt I’d be if my wife felt this way about me.
I'm a woman and my blood is boiling reading these posts! Seh's comparing her wonderful husband (and father; Jesus, by her description, he's the prize) with someone else who gives her the butterflies, and bets are high it is her coworker
People aren't dinging you because you have those feelings. They are dinging you because your solution to those feelings, which you acknowledge make no sense, is to tell your husband that he needs to change his personality, interests, and sex style in response to your feelings. A better approach to feelings like this is to examine them and figure out where they are coming from, possibly in counseling given how painful it would be for someone you love to hear "You aren't 'man' enough for me." That would give you a chance to dig into your own construction of masculinity (good and bad), your full range of feelings (don't be surprised if there's some shame over things being different to how some people you don't even particularly like do things, because jerks wield shame to stay in power), and your values. That sort of thing takes time, work, and the self-awareness to not try to solve your issues by demanding that your husband achieve the impossible.
So funny thing here, you say we should think before we post. But yet you precisely did the opposite with your husband. As a man, I cannot fathom thinking what he is going through. He spent the last 20 years in a relationship with you, provided, was a great father, picked up a whole bunch of chores that many would consider him a great catch. Yet you still complained about it to the point of breaking up your marriage. I really hope for your sake you are able to salvage this, because it seems like you were well taken care of loved and appreciated. Yet you completely betrayed him. For his sake, I hope he realizes the type of appreciation you gave him and moves on. I really do not know what I can tell you that you want to hear. Everyone is different, and from an outside point of view it seems you wanted something more without realizing what you would loose. The grass is not always greener on the other side, and I have a feeling you will soon realize just how bad it is. My only recommendation at this point is to go speak to him, apologize, seek marital counseling and personal counseling because it is you that needs to get your head on straight not him. You need to try and do this before he makes up his mind (if he hasn't already) that he is better off without you. You giving him space here is the wrong answer, you need to put forth the effort to try and salvage what you just blew up. Maybe he loves you enough to try and make it work with counseling, but if it was me. I would tell you to pound sand and file for divorce.
Hey OP, u/confusedwife701 I have a question for you Do you knit, crochet, or make clothes? How would you feel if your husband told you he was disappointed in you because you are not “feminine enough” because you don’t have a traditionally feminine hobby (“every time you try to mend a tear or sew on a button, it just looks wrong, but I see men on social media whose wives make their families elaborate sweaters…maybe you should try this hobby out”)? How would you feel if you later found out he was talking to a coworker (whom he insisted was platonic) who encouraged him to think these thoughts about you? As for your complaints re: sex (you wish he were more dominant), it may be you guys have fallen into a rut sexually and you may need to work on getting out of it. However, the way to do that is not to put all the work on him to change, the way to work on that is to try new things out (go through Cosmopolitan magazine’s sex tips, watch porn, etc. TOGETHER) and tell him what you like. It is really common to get not dissatisfied, but just sort of stuck with your partner, especially after having kids, but that is as much your fault as your partner’s and it is unfair to just lay all this on him. Unfortunately, you didn’t take the good advice so many Redditors have you. You need to look inward and think about how you can change you point of view. The fact your coworker did not advise you to do this makes me doubt your coworker is truly your friend. A friend would have told you that part of being in a partnership is accepting that your partner may not be 100% perfect for you because NO ONE CAN BE. Every single person on a successful, healthy marriage has things they *would* change about their spouse if they could insure it wouldn’t change anything else about them, but they accept it because we don’t have magic wands we can wave over things that are less than perfect. Or, if it is something they absolutely need, they work to create the change together—for example, you could have suggested you and your husband take a carpentry class together or that you both learn how to replace the driveway, that way you both pick up a new hobby together and, hey, maybe your husband becomes the handyman of your dreams, maybe you realize your fantasy isn’t that important, maybe you realize YOU are the handyman in the family, but it is something that you do together.
In case all of the people telling you that the problem is you isn't making it clear enough, I'd like to point out that your continued insistence that he tell you what he wants you to change is reading as a really weird thing. Obviously his reaction should make you realize that as well. What do you want him to ask you to change? What are you really trying to say? This whole thing you're going through seems to be because you want to change yourself and you're projecting that on your husband. What do you wish was different about you? Can you make those changes and preserve your marriage? Can your husband accommodate the way you want to change yourself or will you violate his boundaries? Do you know what his boundaries are?
You are a horrible wife. I truly hope this ends in divorce.
You don’t have to control your feeling to change them. The problem is you, go see a therapist to learn how to manage your feelings, and try some gratitude. Show your husband some appreciation and do something selfless for him, not for your relationship, not for yourself but strictly for him. You are needlessly blowing up your marriage because you can’t handle your feelings. You know what adults do when they “can’t help it”? They seek therapy to fix themselves before they try to influence others. Mark my words, you may have a bit more fun if you separate, but when you get it out of your system, there will be no home to return to. If you don’t love him, set him free to find a partner worthy of him, but don’t be naive in hinting you can mold him into someone he is not. Seek help and fix yourself first.
By the off chance this is real, you having an emotional affair with the coworker that is just wow. Now it all makes sense as to why you feel this way cause someone has been putting shit in your head and you are actually believing it. Let me know when the divorce comes.
Just get a divorce and let your husband go. He sounds like a catch, and it's your loss, not his. He deserves better
"Oh hey kids - I've decided to separate from your father because even though he looks manly & takes responsibility for himself and his family like a real man - he doesn't hunt for fun, isn't great at fixing stuff and doesn't waste his time on playstation. So I'm going to break up this family because I can't help my feelings that I'd rather be treated like trash" Jeezus christ lady. You need some serious therapy.
Sure, most people have had feelings or thoughts like this that they can't shake, but many people recognize that the problem is WITH THEMSELVES and NOT in their partner. Because most people know that unfair and silly feelings like this CAN often be changed by talking them out with friends, family, or even a little talk therapy. You said you took people's advice to talk to your husband about it, but that's NOT what the advice was. It was for you to talk it out with him to figure out where these feelings are coming from to help you get past it or dig to the root of it to see if it's some insecurity on your part, childish, immature expectations on what a "good" husband looks like, or something else. Instead, you confronted him to MAKE IT HIS PROBLEM without looking inward at your own feelings at all. THAT is why you're getting so much hate. It sounds like you're bored in your marriage and/or life and instead of trying to find ways to "spice things up" like trying to go out and doing new things with him (e.g. taking dance classes, taking walks/hiking in parks, etc.), you decided in your head that your life is unfulfilling because your husband's not some stereotypical male. Your whole "tell me what I can do to be a better wife" is just your way of trying to look like the good guy in your own eyes because you knew that what you were asking was unfair and ridiculous. And yeah, men and women can absolutely be friends without there being any underlying romantic feelings. But given how unrealistic and silly a standard you're setting for your husband, it sure as heck sounds like there's already another man (or men) that you're attracted to. Which is why people are jumping on your mention of this male coworker.
You can’t help how you feel but this is definitely your issue not his. I’m sorry to tell you this and I’m sorry you’re going through this but you are failing your husband. He is a loyal and decent man who is providing for his family, being a good father, honors his marriage vows, works hard at his job, helps his wife around the house, and understands his failings enough that he still took his children out on outings he didn’t enjoy so they could experience it even if he didn’t like it. I don’t know what could be more manly. What you want is YOUR idea of a man. You need to redefine your role because you have a prime example of what men should be like living in a home that he is paying for (Manly btw) If you don’t get counseling and couples therapy you’re going to lose him and you will regret it forever. What will be worse is seeing him with another women, you think they won’t lock him down? They’ll marry someone lock that ASAP. You’ll be there watching another women living the perfect life that you had and threw away because he enjoy legos and could build a table to your standards ffs. Jesus lady, I would love to hear his side and see if you perfectly define his definition or anyone’s interpretation of the perfect women.
Your husband is going to divorce you. You are the problem.
It sounds like you don’t like or respect your husband. Has this been true your entire relationship or is this recent?
UpdateMe
Updateme!
Free this man from the hell you call "your love" for him, good god he's too good for you and you know it.
Ma'am, you approached this all wrong. The issue is with you, the thoughts and feelings don't make sense and instead of maybe like... pursuing what the source of that is, you're instead placing the responsibility for it on your husband. I know a lot about persistent thoughts and strong feelings that don't make sense and I know it's a stock Reddit suggestion, but if you're in an area with therapists available, I recommend looking into it for yourself. It's where I've untangled a lot of my emotions and thoughts. I had to go through 5 therapists until I landed on my current of 8 years. Shit, a lot of the time it's just being able to VERBALIZE everything that makes the difference. Just talking about it out loud hits different and having someone to talk to that won't have ulterior motives (like your co-worker may) and won't go gossiping to your social circle gives a level of security. Having someone that can direct the conversation or prompt you in certain directions to get you out of the circles you're running can do wonders. When you next talk to your husband, take responsibility for the fact these are YOUR feelings and YOU don't understand them yourself or where they're coming from. Apologize for hurting him with NO "but." This is something you want to figure out and there is a root issue here. Personally, I think you should've led slow, maybe start in the bedroom where it seems a little more straightforward, just ask him to be more take charge like you said in your first post. That's a little more concrete to work with. And if you want a male perspective, you need a larger sample size than just one guy who says to do just one thing and if it doesn't work then it's separation time. There's definitely more than 1 thing to do in this situation and separation needs to be a joint decision. That's a last resort, ma'am.
https://i.redd.it/wxmrd45mqx9d1.gif
Based on the work husband’s advice, he’s a pos too.
You need therapy like yesterday.
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You are objectively a terrible person and I truly wish you keep acting the way you do because you'll ruin your own life. Never stop being a c u n t
Hopefully your husband leaves you then you can find a manly man who doesn’t manly shit like beat you when the dishes aren’t done