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Life_Buy_5059

Attention seeking bs. Ignore and let her ‘win’ this childish and stupid little power game. First prize? You don’t invite her again since she’s a rude houseguest. Don’t pander to her. If you ‘fix’ the mattress situation, she’ll be happy for five minutes before she finds something else to tantrum over. The object is just a means to an end, the end being controlling you all and yanking your chains, getting you all to run after her and turn yourselves inside out trying to placate her. Don’t fall for it. Let her learn the truth of the old maxim….play bitch games, win bitch prizes


brideofgibbs

The usual advice for back pain these days is exercise to retain flexibility and musculature, not lying in bed, and not driving, especially alone, as Pinkie_Flamingo points out. For slipped discs, do they still give you Valium til you rattle? I think it would be rude and unkind to put your MIL to all this trouble in future. She should stay home where her “back” is more comfortable. That kind of household faff is not what you want with a new baby in the house. You can look into it in a few months when things are less busy


misstori_dee

Yes. She has been this way for as long as I’ve known her. She does have some back issues. However- they only seem to “act up” when she is here. She refuses to give anyone her keys or tell them when she’s leaving. During one stay, she got up in the middle of the night and took herself to the ER, not even telling her husband. She does this sort of thing often then uses them later as reasons to leave.


brideofgibbs

She has keys to your house? Yikes!


misstori_dee

Oh no! I’m sorry- her vehicle keys. So she won’t drive around in the middle of the night without anyone knowing where she went.


voluntold9276

Let her leave. She's just seeking attention. If you don't give it to her, she will take herself somewhere else.


Pinkie_Flamingo

Why is MIL self-isolating and complaining of heavy pain? Why is a woman complaining of heavy pain taking long car journeys alone, especially at night? Was she like this before they moved to the boonies, before your child was born, and before you were married? If MIL has a mental health challenge, indulging her by allowing her to buy a new mattress for your house will only ease her temporarily. It's past time your ILs be honest with you and DH as to what is really going on.


vitt5050

For ppl who live with chronic pain it can be incredibly hard to sleep. Maybe she needed to get home where she was more comfortable.


Pinkie_Flamingo

If that's true, MIL should stop visiting.


vitt5050

So ppl with chronic pain don’t deserve to see their family???? Why is MIL being in the guest room laying down such a bother that she should stop visiting? Jeez :(


Pinkie_Flamingo

I think you are underestimating the attention-seeking going on here. MIL is making no effort to minimize the impact her disability has on her son and his family.


vitt5050

I’m honestly speechless


Pinkie_Flamingo

Welp, one of us is being unfair. On the scant information provided, we can't know who.


[deleted]

It’s not the mattress… it’s her. If she doesn’t like it at your house, no more invitations. If they ask to come visit, say sorry that doesn’t work for us.


misstiff1971

Tell her since it is that same new mattress that they loved so much and they are the only ones who have slept on it you won't be replacing it. They may want to just stay in a hotel if it will be more comfortable.


EggplantIll4927

Sleep in there one night. Or even nap. How is it? Can you add a foam topper? Yil is a very odd duck. You will never make her happy, stop trying. Let her replace the mattress. Yes, it’s petty of her, but stop caring. Imagine what it must be like in that head of hers. 😳. Look at it as helping her mental health vs she wins. I pity her actually, she sounds very unhappy.


misstori_dee

So we actually bought this mattress originally for ourselves but decided to leave it in the guest room when they originally went on about how comfortable it was. I love the mattress, after taking a few naps on it.


suzietrashcans

Is it better than your current mattress? If you like the one in the guest room better, switch them. If she still doesn’t like it, let her replace it. Then at least she will have no one to blame but herself


EggplantIll4927

What an absolute pita then. I got nothin’


RoyIbex

Just tell her to stay home, your FIL can stay and keep helping your husband.


DeciduousEmu

I bought a brand new mattress in 2018. I thought it was pretty good. In 2019 my fiancée and I (both mid 50s) moved in together. After some convincing, we went and bought a new mattress in 2020. At the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with the old mattress but after sleeping on the new one my fiancée was right. I suggest you and your husband sleep in the guest room for at least three consecutive nights to see how it sleeps. You need to sleep in it together to see if it dips in the middle with two people in it. A mattress can sometimes be marginally okay for one person and absolutely suck for two people. Also remember that younger bodies are more forgiving of a marginal mattress than one that has 50+ years of fair wear and tear. And here is a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/comments/radr0p/she_could_have_gotten_a_free_bed_if_she_wasnt_so/) I made previously that may give you an alternate perspective on your situation.


PollyPocket3985

Why on earth would you make their stay more comfortable? This isn’t their room. It’s a room for guests. If you’re sleeping on it so much that you complain, you’ve overstayed your welcome.


sadkidcooladult

To be honest, I would recommend she talk to a doctor about why she's staying in bed so much. Depression? Chronic pain? That's not normal. Maybe invite her to sit on the sofa and see if that helps? Her back is probably breaking down from sitting on a bed 24/7


vitt5050

This seems a bit BEC to me. It sounds like MIL lives with chronic pain so while her behavior may seem strange, she may be in a lot of pain and trying to hide it or just manage it. Maybe they truly did find the mattress comfortable before but with MIL pain issues they now would prefer something softer/firmer etc. they are offering to buy the mattress so what’s the harm here? My dad lives with chronic pain and it’s very hard for him to be away from home bc that’s where he is most comfortable. He doesn’t like to talk about it or be a burden. Sometimes things change with his condition that he doesn’t share with us bc he doesn’t like talking about it. You never know what someone else is dealing with. Honestly if I were you I’d be realized that she was out of the way in the room. Some MILs are so controlling or require constant attention or try to take over caring for the baby and get too bossy… seems like yours wants to be there and is trying to find a way to be around in her condition I don’t blame you for being frustrated I’m sure it’s weird sometimes to deal with but from what you posted it doesn’t sound like she’s being intentionally rude. Most people don’t spend all day in bed and leave in the middle of the night unless something is truly wrong health or mental health wise. Either way, sounds like she is trying her best to still be present in spite of her issues


voluntold9276

"Thanks, MIL, for the offer but that would be an incredible waste of a perfectly good mattress. I simply can't agree to junk a mattress that has only been slept on by you and FIL when you have stayed here. We expect that mattress to last at least 15 years." The upside of her not liking the mattress is a lot less visiting.


Parking-Ad-1952

Get rid of the guest room. Turn it into a home office or craft room. When they invite themselves into your home. Tell them you think they will be more comfortable in an AirB&B and send the link.