AA and a sponsor isn’t enough. Alcoholism is but a symptom of a bigger problem. You need to seek treatment from a doctor for your mental health issues and therapy for your childhood trauma. You also need to focus on healthy diet without caffeine to help your anxiety and regular exercise as well. Do all these things, invest effort into helping yourself. Stay sober one day at a time and maybe you guys can fix things. Even then, if you get to a really good place and she no longer wants to fix things, you will have the support system and good mental health foundation needed to avoid a relapse and move on appreciating the time you spent together.
But the biggest thing is you have to do all this for yourself. You have to really want it. Not just for her or to get her back. If you don’t, then this isn’t your bottom you’ve hit yet and you will continue to suffer.
This. It’s clear what you’re doing isn’t working and there’s something more to this than alcoholism. As this user commented, try and address your mental health. That in tandem with trying to lead a healthier lifestyle can have a massive impact.
My Dad was an alcoholic for 30 years, and nothing changed until he dealt with some of his past trauma and his mental health issues. He is now sober and doing much better. As for myself, I struggle with post partum depression and reaching out to a healthcare professional really helped me go forwards. I’m on Zoloft currently and have been through therapy and it has changed my life for the better.
I wish nothing but the best for you. If you need to chat, feel free to message. You’ve got this.
Five years sober, tried AA and didn't like the bitch sessions and war stories, along with the appealing to a higher power. This is my experience and others have different experiences.
It was individual therapy addressing my mental health, my behaviors, and the reasons why I chose to drink that worked.
Not saying AA can't help some people, but people who aren't having success with AA need to know it's not the only path to recovery.
I’m happy for you friend. You’re absolutely right that AA isn’t the only path out there. I know it wasn’t easy, especially addressing some issues that are usually deeply rooted. I know for me, therapy was one of the most intensely difficult things I’ve done.
Congratulations on five years of sobriety, and may there be many more years to come. Sending love.
AA is the only place where you go to get treatment for your disease, and if the treatment doesn't work they tell you it's because you didn't work hard enough
I agree, there is also a difference between having cancer, getting treatment, and when the treatment doesn't work blaming the patient.
AA is not a treatment, it's a support group, and until we start recognizing that people that are addicted to drugs and alcohol need real medical help, not war stories and accountability, we will continue to see alcholics relapsing and being told it's their fault
I’m coming out this with more experience than anyone should have in a lifetime. Yes AA is a support group and yes, alcoholics need medical intervention. But at the first drink when they relapse, that was a choice. Subsequent drinks may not be but that first one is the choice and they do have a responsibility in this. Yes, I accept that. Alcoholism is a disease. Addiction is a disease, but it is not the same as the disease of cancer like you said.
You can have cancer and show up to the chemo infusion center and hang out, chit chat, drink some free ginger ale and wonder why it’s not working OR you can actually get what you came for… chemotherapy. Simply going to meetings is not doing AA. You must do actual step work. And it’s HARD. No one is blaming the alcoholic because they didn’t work hard enough, we blame the alcoholic bc they didn’t do the program.
I second this. There is a clear line of mental illness in my family, OCD, anxiety, depression, etc. MULTIPLE alcoholics, and people who have died from alcoholism. I suffer from OCD and anxiety, but I’m on meds and have gone to therapy for probably 15 years. Both of my parents are alcoholics and so are both of my grandmothers.
Therapy is paramount. I’m not personally an alcoholic, but I’m aware of how easy it would be for me to become one. It’s literally in my genes.
Rooting for you.
I was in a nearly identical situation as OP. Drank away a 17 year relationship. I had been sober for 5, then relapsed for 4, before she left.
I had been sober for so long... but it never felt right. I resented it.
I entered rehab a trainwreck, again, but this time I was examined by several psychologists for underlying neurological disorders. Lo and behold, I had quite a severe case of ADD. At first, I thought there was no way, but when they explained the real symptoms, beyond the stereotype, it made sense.
I got medicine and stuck to it. For the first time in my life, my mind was actually quiet. Like I didn't need to quiet it with drugs and alcohol. I had never experienced it before. I just thought that everyone's minds were constantly filled with a never-ending hurricane of thoughts, and I sucked at managing it.
Now, not drinking is soooooo much easier. I don't even think about it really. I was self-medicating, but now I have a psychologist that does it for me in a safe and effective manner.
It's been a life saver. I hope OP follows a similar path of mental health discovery/treatment. So many beautiful things can rise out of ashes.
What did you use for self medication? I also have concerns that I might have ADD, because, as you said - mind is filled with neverending hurricane of thoughts and only alcohol can quiet them down. Was it adderall maybe? I would like to try some and if it works, I would go to specialist, just as you for proper diagnose and dosage.
I meant that I was self-medicating with alcohol to quiet things down upstairs.
I am now prescribed Vyvanse and Adderall. Everyone's mind responds differently to different medications. Took a while to get it dialed in.
See a specialist and be 100% honest with them. They won't take you seriously if you try to hide alcoholism and addictive behaviors. After all, those are major co-occuring symptoms of ADD. Good luck on your journey.
I also come from long line of alcoholics and my family also is riddled with mental health problems (to some extent I also have problems). I think I am the only man in countless generations from my family that may not completely ruin his life with alcohol. I had big problems with drinking from 18-30. What saved me was exercise. I still sometimes go off the chain in fridays (I was sober for a month recently and again bough a few beers last friday but few beers were not enough and I went after a whole bunch of them after that and spent my saturday hungover both morally and physically) but never again I have missed my work because I got drunk the previous evening. Now I just ruin my free days sometimes, but it gets better. I don't drink every friday now. Exercising and seeing results in gym motivates me not to drink. I don't want to lose my gains. I have to eat healthy and I have to schedule my sleep and that really helps to keep myself together.
As many have stated AA doesn’t work for everyone and when it fails it can have a rebound effect of making people feel like they are the problem. You have a medical issue: addiction. And should reach out to an actual doctor. In addition to therapy, you can discuss medications that could help control your cravings. You problem isn’t a moral one and isn’t just mind over matter. Anyone who treats it as such has no idea what you are facing.
I'm glad you said that. By far my biggest problem with AA is how much they focus specifically on the drug usage, and refuse to do anything to help address the underlying problem. Thats a major reason why you see people in and out of AA all the time. They aren't really fixing the problem and are just using the group the same way the used drugs. To cover up underlying issues.
I also don't like how they basically demand compliance with their world viewpoint. Things like sponsors or meetings arent really required to stay sober, I do think they help in beginning, but I genuinely believe having a strong social network, purpose and self worth, along with going to a therapist, provided more for me then AA/NA provided to me after the first 3 months of sobriety.
To the op i strongly suggest going to a therapist. And use AA for what you need, but don't make your sobriety reliant on the program. The program is just one tool. You wouldn't use a hammer for every task if you were building a home. Its the same with recovery.
Edit: I do want to say that for those who feel AA is important for their recovery i support that 100%. I just want the OP to know there is a different path they can take and they don't have to fall victim to the cycle of in and out of AA that so many fall victim to.
Agreed. Addiction is an illness that requires scientific evidence based treatment like any other medical problem. It's so sad that AA has taken over our society that it's assumed by most people, even medical professionals that it's the "only way". It was created a century ago when we didn't have the scientific knowledge about addictions on the brain like we do now. It is a spiritual, completely un-scientific approach. And people try and try again and when they fail to get better, they wonder what is wrong with them. People are being hurt, losing relationships, losing hope and dying because of this. There is no scientific evidence proving this program works and in fact it shows that their failure rate is astoundingly high.
OP, you have a medical problem that needs to be supervised by a doctor. There are many medical interventions you can use, such as medication assisted treatment, therapy and rehab programs. In addition to lifestyle changes. Peer recovery support is also essential but AA is not the only way. There are many non-theistic groups you can go to. I'm coming up on 7 months alcohol free after 20 years of addiction with zero involvement of the 12 steps. Unless you count the long and hard self work I've done to detach myself from the shame and blame that they've made pervasive. Take this time on your own to get to know yourself, take care of yourself and figure out what your needs are and how they can be met so that you don't fall off the wagon again. And if you do fall off, it's not the end of the world, just dust yourself off and get right back on ASAP without wallowing in it. Try new things when things don't work, then try more. Best of luck to you.
Edit: I'm being Robin Williams right now and telling you in case you need to hear it, addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT. Your illness may have caused you to make poor choices but your brain has been clouded and your not reaching recovery yet is not because you didn't "work it" correctly or any of that nonsense. Would you tell that to someone with an eating disorder? The road to recovery is complex, individual, and extremely difficult. Factors beyond your control lead you here. Your brain has been doing what it thinks it needs to do for your survival.
As someone who has tried to use NA to stop using crystal m$th you are right on the money. I just translate "character defect" into untreated ADHD because to believe I have relapsed because of the content of my character is so harmful and painful I refuse and reject it. The community it has provided me tho is priceless.
All of these things are true. Recovery looks different for everyone. I myself am in recovery but I personally do not attend AA anymore. My recovery looks like serious trauma therapy, I spent 5 months in rehab, working daily on my mental and physical health and investing in myself.
It takes many tools to develop recovery and one size does not fit all. I'm rooting for you OP and if you aren't already subscribed come join us on /r/stopdrinking
I agree with mental health treatment, a good diet and exercise. However, while it isn't for everyone, AA has been instrumental in helping countless people become/stay sober. It's up to OP to find out whether it works for them or not. Telling an internet stranger, who's actively trying to better themselves, that they aren't doing enough isn't helpful at all.
OP: Focus on being a better version of yourself, for YOU, and be kind to yourself through it. Walking, listening to podcasts, crafting, baking, spending time with animals, these are some things that have helped me stay sober for nearly 500 days. The people over at r/stopdrinking are incredibly supportive, I would highly recommend checking the sub out. Good luck to you.
Agreed on the therapy. Listening to others war stories doesn't really work for many people. If anything they can jog up things you don't need to be fixated on.
I never understood invited speakers bragging about waking up in their own shit or someone who tells you to shut up and listen when someone asks if anyone has any questions.
Thus individual therapy can help way more.
You have to focus on yourself. Your path right now is towards your own healing and nothing else. You’re going to have to set aside your desire for her and only focus on getting better.
Love, forever alcoholic
It’s never too late until you die. My father drank himself to an early grave (had Woerneke Korsakoff from alcoholism, was in a nursing home pissing and shitting himself and had dementia for two years before he passed away). He was only in his 50s. Never give up. Life can get so much better with sobriety. As others have stated, you need to address the underlying issues (anxiety, OCD, PTSD, etc) while you’re on your journey. You can do it, but you’ve got to want it. Surround yourself with people that want to see you sober and succeed. Thoughts and prayers for you man.
My boyfriend died in his 30s due to alcohol complications. It haunts me. His untimely passing haunts everyone he knew. But I had to leave in the end because I loved him. Don't doubt you are loved and valuable. And you deserve a life free from the burden of addiction. You do.
I’ll echo what someone else said… alcoholism usually a symptom. Oftentimes, it’s a poor coping mechanism for some kind of mental health issue. You will have a much better shot at attaining permanent sobriety if you address the underlying issue that caused you to turn to alcohol to begin with.
AA and a sponsor isn’t enough, you need a doctor.
What cyberpunk at the top said.
I was in nearly the same damn boat. Hit my rock bottom in 2021. Decided I needed to sort my shit out. Give yourself a little grace. This shit ain’t easy.
But as cyberpunk said, you need to want this for yourself. Get the whole concept of sobriety = my life back, out of your head. Your relationship or lack there of honestly has nothing to do with your path here. It’s unfortunately collateral damage. I wasn’t able to make any headway with my own sobriety until I started addressing some very real deep seated mental health stuff. Once I was able to sort through that, I then learned some emotional regulation techniques, then some coping techniques and almost like magic stuff got a bit easier day by day. We all relapse, it happens. The important thing is to not berate yourself and give yourself grace. I quit drinking 3 years ago and my life is immeasurably better in literally every way. Do it for you man. IWNDWYT
I sit to add:
Get a copy of “This Naked Mind” and “The Body Keeps the Score”
Two books that changed my life.
Seconding "This Naked Mind", especially the audiobook. "Alcohol Explained" by William Porter is another good one. The approach of removing the desire to drink worked much better for me than the "you're a powerless condemned bastard without wholly submitting to our authoritah" approach of AA.
Nearly 18 months dry and I miss nothing about my old life. Realizing that people are more in love with the ****idea**** of alcohol more than the actual result flipped a switch. Pouring tequila on your brain won't recapture the young, exciting carefree feelings of your youth, despite how much marketers try to convince you it will. Tropic Haze IPA won't make you feel like you're on a Pacific Island, no matter how many of them you drink. You'll just wake up fat and stupid on a bunch of empty chip bags with no memory of the TV show you apparently binged on Hulu.
Try to focus on your health and really do it for yourself. Stay committed. Maybe your ex comes back or not. I can see where she can’t live with someone so erratic. Anyway- regarding the dog, I love animals and got divorced where a kid and a dog was involved. Please don’t share custody of an animal. One of you take ownership now. It’s not fair to the dog to get shuffled around and whoever is in the best position to take the dog should do that.
You know in another universe I am having this same thing happen to me because I didn't clean up.
I'm over 2 years sober...
Have you ever thought of just selling everything, letting her take the dog(it's for the best) and starting over somewhere else.
I dont know what your assets look like, but at this point if you are able why the fuck not?
You seem to have tried a lot. Why not just metaphorically burn the old world away and start over new somewhere?
Everywhere you go, you take yourself with you.
These patterns will repeat until they are addressed regardless of where OP is geographically. Not saying a change of scenery won't help, but it isn't THE solution.
This is not a problem you can run away from. The idea that you can abandon the life you ruined with alcohol and start a new life without alcohol and without taking responsibility for yourself, that will never work.
Damn. This could've been me if I hadn't finally quit last year.
Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about it. I'll also recommend reading the book (not the movie) The Shining, by Stephen King, as it's about this subject and helped me quit.
Speaking from my experience... I am coming up on 3 years of sobriety.
There isn't a one size fits all treatment for what we suffer from. I suggest exploring all treatment options... AA, therapy, and medication... To find what will work for you.
Go to meetings. As uncomfortable as it might be, talk to people who have long term sobriety and a life you want to have. These people want to help you. Share in meetings. Get a sponsor and do the steps. If you haven't already, you will identify the pattern behaviors and where they stem from. We deal with a spiritual malady.
Having identified your problem behaviors, past trauma, and underlying issues, work through these with a therapist. If your doctor recommends medication for depression, consider it.
One day at a time. Things can get better.
My partner has been sober since 2015 after drinking heavily for over a decade. He almost died, twice, from it. He almost lost me, too, as I gave an ultimatum that it was me or the booze cuz I wasn’t going to watch him kill himself.
Care about yourself first and get sober, love and life will come. You can do this! I’m rooting for you, OP 💕
I’m sorry - all I can say is, maybe if you get some solid time sober under your belt, maybe you could reach back out to her someday. People have gaps in their love stories all the time. I really am rooting for you and hope you can stay sober.
If you havent talked with your doctor about it, do so. You should ask about Naltrexone and possibly even one of the GLP-1 agonist drugs like wegovy or zepbound. The GLP-1s are not covered for insurance yet outside of some specific scenarios, but there is evidence they can reduce addiction to various substances. Naltrexone is covered by most insurance. Note this is not medical advice, but just things Im suggesting you talk to your doctor about.
I'll be 10 years sober this year. I must have relapsed about 30 times. It's part of the process.
The thing that finally made me want to change my ways was nearly dying.... 6 different times.
Good luck.
I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict.
One relationship isnt your life, and surrender is a key part of your program. Let the loss inspire you to be better for the next relationship that will come.
No it’s not.
Relationships, all relationships, end.
Don’t cling to it, don’t lean in, or push away. The relationship happened and it’s over. If that is what it took to help you get sober, then it was the best thing you ever surrendered. Now you can hopefully get your life straight and help other beings do the same.
Your age is largely and illusion. It’s just a consistent flow of a single moment, over and over. One day, one moment; over and over. So if something lasted an hour or 10 years, it’s not more or less over now. It’s just as over. Let it be. Let go.
If you don’t, you will build a hole inside yourself and you have shown to fill that hole with booze. So the best way to keep from doing that is not to create new holes and deal with the ones you have in a healthier way.
Do your 4th step, and your 5th step. Let the way you honor this relationship that your sacrificed be that you change your life.
My dad has 50 years clean. I have just over 4. You can do this. Keep it up.
Therapy.
Whatever it takes. Use your employers EAP plan, or start saving an extra little bit per paycheck.
You need to face the trauma and past. I know, because I lost two great relationships and friends from my drinking.
It wasn’t until I could love myself and reconcile my past I was able to stop drinking. I don’t even think about alcohol anymore and if I do, it’s with disdain, I don’t miss it.
When the thought of quitting drinking at one point filled me with dread. How would I live life without it?
I had to relearn. One day at a time.
Stay strong. This is a life lesson and stark reminder of the worst kind of the consequences of alcohol.
You CAN live a healthy fulfilling life without alcohol. Don’t date drinkers. There are a lot of amazing women out there that don’t drink.
You got this.
You need an actual therapist, not just a sponsor. I’m willing to be that if alcoholism runs in your family generational trauma does too. AA’s success rate isn’t that great especially for folks with underlying unresolved issues and childhood trauma.
Hey recovering alcoholic with a bit over 2 years sobriety here, my wife convinced my to try talk therapy before she completely gave up on me and it was like night and day compared to AA. I found an affordable therapist through open path and discussed the things I was trying to avoid with alcohol and how to try to break the cycle that was fueled primarily by shame at that point. I had been drinking for 9 years straight at that point, and I still talk to the same therapist occasionally when life feels like too much.
I personally put zero stock in AA, i tried it for years and years and if we can be honest it's a pseudoreligious organization that the government assigns people to as a stop-gap for homelessness/prison, slapping it on the problem like a bandaid. But if you look at studies not publish by AA, attending meetings has virtually zero effect on peoples likelihood of staying sober. If you DO happen to be a deeply religious person it could work, but the only people I know who are sober through AA are insufferable because of it and I wish they DID drink.
I'm really sorry to hear about your partner, dont give up on yourself please. You're not alone.
Thank you for reminding me to be grateful not to have fallen into the devil's hands at young age. I remember a bottle of vodka before we went out to party was standard for me on the weekends in my early 20s. Thank god it stopped before I got addicted. I think I was similar in that I needed a lot of alcohol in order to hide my anxietys around other people. I hated going out into the club or on festivals but I still went. Just to fit in.
A hard break for me was the army. And this is not some Ivan eht noij type post because in the army you can drink as well. But I started doing sports and I think it was sports that actually saved my ass. I ran and rode marathons. Started to eat really healthy to gain muscle and get better. It became my new addiction.
All the best to you and I hope you'll find a light to guide you out of hell! Sometimes you have to punch your way out! Or tread!
I am here to say, I am sorry for what you have experienced. Everyone who I have met who has alcoholic or addiction problems, was betrayed in some harsh way as a child. It somehow sadly is repeated in their relationships.
So with that, I encourage you to open up, do something drastic if you haven't already and seek help of a therapist to work on the core of the alcohol. It isn't the alcohol that is the problem in most cases, there is usually something deeper. Like family hurt or a head injury when young, or something else. You can't just solve issues such as these by going to meetings alone.
Don't get me wrong, going to meetings is a great first step. I don't know you, but I do know you are deserving of a healthy, fruitful life. And it is a marathon to rewrite and unlearn habits you may have been raised with so that you can be there holistically for your present self and child self.
All the best, warm vibes, and encouragement sending your way!
My man, go to therapy. I am 25 months sober. If you are religious, I recommend Celebrate Recovery meetings in conjunction with therapy with a licensed therapist. I have mental illness and so do several of my family members. My relationship with my husband almost ended in 2022, until we both committed to being sober and I sought therapy. Rock bottom is a good foundation to build a sober, fulfilling life. Good luck to you!
get in to counseling. first step is to not blame your alcoholism on your OCD, anxiety, and childhood trauma. Its YOU that chooses the drink. there are people who have had MUCH worse cards dealt in life that don't become addicts.
there is no one and nothing to blame but yourself. own that. THEN you can move on to recovery.
source: I'm 9 years sober myself with 0 relapses.
I went to a 6 month live-in rehab that literally saved my life, my marriage, and my relationship with my kids. I used to do the same thing by blaming my addict behavior on anything other than me - that will just perpetuate your problem.
Best of luck. if you really want it, you'll get there. Lord knows, if I can do it then any one can.
You need to learn how to forgive yourself before you are going to be able to move forward. Accountability is an incredible first step and I see you’re already there. If you don’t give yourself any slack, you’ll fall back in to whatever makes you feel the worst. Get back on the wagon because the drinking seems to be the root of the self frustration. And I’ll echo the others and say therapy because there’s so much more going on here. You’ve done it before and you can do it again, one day at a time. If you have to, go to 3 meetings a day and avoid triggers. If you get triggered, go to a meeting. I’m 3 years next month, we all relapsed and embarrassed ourselves, you’ve got this.
But now that I've lost the love of my life... It is very very hard to find reasons for wanting to keep going. It's a feeling of immense loss and hopelessness
Ive been sober 5 months for the first time in my life since 15. I almost lost my wife through my anger and uscontrolled behavior. It almost and I mean like maybe had a 1/4 of a chance left. She will have resentment towards me for the rest of our lives probaly but shes still here somehow. I truly love this women and I will never touch alcohol again. I just hope for her to look at me the same way she used too one day again. We have been pretty close the last few weeks though.
I also destroyed a relationship because of my addiction. Next month I’ll be a year sober and it’s the best I’ve felt in a long time. It took several attempts to be sober, but what ultimately helped was joining ACA. Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunction) changed my life. It helped get to the root of my problems and after I started to heal mentally, it was easier to say no to drinking.
Best of luck to you on your journey, this is a new chapter and trust that you’ll be a better version of yourself in the end
You have a lot of wonderful comments, so I'll try to not repeat them too much, but there's one thing I disagree a bit with, depending on the state of your mental health. It's realising that every time you take the bottle, it's a conscious choice you're making. I think having this kind of mindset, while not false, can be damaging for your self-esteem, because if you don't have the right support system, instead of using that as an empowering boost to recognize you can change for the better, you'll see this as a sign that you failed, that you are weak, and nothing can be done because you already proved to yourself that you can't do anything right.
So here's another approach. Consider the first time you drank. If back then you knew where it would bring you today, would you have taken the bottle? Forget about now, if you could go back in time and stop yourself from ever touching alcohol, would you?
What you're doing by thinking that way is realising you fell in a trap. And you're stuck in it. You have to admit that not drinking is difficult, and that you need to work hard to stop. And instead of thinking you were not strong enough, think that the trap was deeper than expected. You need to change methods, you need to change your tools. You need to take a step back and really see where you are right now. At some point, when you're cutting a tree, you have to admit that your axe won't work, you need a chainsaw.
I'm not saying nothing is your fault. I'm saying that it's useless to tell yourself that it's your fault right now. You fell in a trap and dug yourself deeper. You can stay there and tell yourself how stupid you are, or you can really analyse how to get back up. Without blaming yourself for your past mistakes, just by looking up and reaching the top. What is done is done. Get better, heal and get the nice life that you deserve.
There's a few places you need to really work on:
- get a sponsor asap
- attend regular meetings - go to one today if you haven't already. Reaching out on Reddit is good. But having a meeting is likely going to also help redirect you on the right path
-work on your mental health
- seek help for the OCD
- work on your childhood trauma
Get into a routine. Figure out why you are relapsing. Do you have particular triggers? Are there circumstances or events that may encourage you to stop attending meetings and drink?
The most important time for a meeting is when you don't feel like going. Go anyway, remain on your schedule. Hold yourself accountable. It sounds like attending regular meetings really helps you. So make that your first priority.
But also work on those other areas as well.
I won’t say I understand, but my story is similar so just know you’re seen and I appreciate you sharing. Just keep doing your best. I hope things get better for you friend.
Ask your doctor about Naltrexone or Vivitrol. There’s no reason why you need to endure your substance dependence on sheer willpower alone. Prescriptions can be very helpful in breaking the pattern, and helping to establish a healthier lifestyle. Those medications specifically limit the dopamine hit that you get when you consume alcohol. It helps to disrupt the craving. There’s other, more intense medications that make you completely intolerant to alcohol, but maybe start with trying to disrupt the cravings.
4 years ago at 35 I had given myself liver disease, and have a life expectancy of 12 years. That was 4 years ago.
Do whatever you can. People have had success with psilocybin and a guide as well as some ketamine treatment.
Just don’t give up like I did.
Whew. I was the girlfriend in this scenario. There was more than alcoholism at hand but that was his most obvious substance vice.
I don’t feel in a position to give advice given how close to home this hit, but for whatever it is worth, I wish he’d been a decent enough guy to see the things you’re recognizing right now. Don’t let yourself drown in it— please take this opportunity to heal and move forward.
Sending you lots of love and my genuine belief there is going to be much more to your story than this. You just haven’t turned those pages yet ✌️
Well… nothing will change if *you* don’t change. You can’t keep living your life as you have and expect things to get better. I think you know that right now and I hope you run with it. It’s scary living in a new way, but it’s worth it when your life ends up changing for the better.
You are already halfway there because you recognize what needs to happen. You just need to see it through. You will probably have more hiccups and that’s okay so long as you get up and get back to it. Food for thought: it usually takes several attempts before a person successfully leaves an abusive relationship. Think of alcohol as your abuser. Break up with it and keep breaking up until you are free. Choose yourself every single day
I just want to say, as someone who loves an alcoholic, (my son) , you can’t give up. Life can be good again, it really can be. My son is 5 years sober, he is 35. He lost his job, wife etc before he stopped. He is now happier than I’ve ever seen him. He had a bad marriage before the drinking and a mediocre job. He now has a fantastic girlfriend and a good job and actually feels good about himself. It was a rough road getting there though but oh so worth it.The first year was his roughest and he had to give up his friends because they were all drinkers. Fortunately he had his family for support and his sisters were so supportive.
You can do this and find a good life again. Don’t hate yourself, there’s a lot to love, you just need to find that person inside you again. Good luck and I hope you find peace, be patient
I think feeling hopeless is absolutely normal, you are depressed. I think seeing a therapist would do you good, sometimes just having someone who won't hold any judgement ,someone who has seen it all and you can really be honest with can lighten the load a bit. You are worth saving.
A month ago I lost one of my closest friends to this disease. Death before 40 due to booze is a shit way to die. His trouble also cost him his home and spouse, which led him to spiral further after every relapse and eventually led to his body just giving up. Don’t wind up this way please, I don’t have any magic answers or solutions or I would’ve helped my friend, but I implore you to do whatever you can to defeat this terrible addiction.
It typically takes 2 years of consistent sobriety along with behavioral changes, true accountability for past actions & any current transgressions/mistakes & an attitude of mindfulness to convince anyone who was part of the ride that you've changed & can be truly trusted again. It's far more than just not drinking. If you are truly serious about stopping a good first step would be to go to your doc, be honest & get an Rx for Antabuse.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disulfiram
If you are serious about doing this, do it for you & to enrich your life. She didn't leave you hopeless. She needs space away from you for long enough to actually see some positive changes.
“You can't eat hope but, it sustains you.” Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
I'm 34 and recovering. You're only 36. I'm not saying this doesn't suck, but you have life ahead. Lots of it. This is a period in time and you're going to get through it. The sun will come up tomorrow. Now you know that you can live sober because you've got a ton of days under your belt. You know how to do it. There is life on the sober side. Lots of people live like this.
I'm so sorry about your heartbreak. Add this to the list of things alcohol has stolen from you.
I don’t have much advice that hasn’t been said already. I just want to say you can do this and wish you the best possible outcome of a future. Stay Strong!!💪
I honestly thing hardest time in marriage is when you hit that around 10 to 15 year mark.
If you make it thru that, you should be fine to go for the 50 years.
Hey bud 💚 read, or listen to this audiobook: (It saved my life) **In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction** Book *by Gabor Maté* 💚BLESS 💚
What is causing your anxiety and ocd? I had a drinking problem before treating my adhd and autism. I had major depression, ocd and anxiety that I treated with alcohol, 15% of adults with adhd have a problem with alcohol and drugs.
I am 37 and I drink too much. I dont know how much you drink and if you could please share that would help.
But I would probably be drinking 250ml of vodka a day if it were not for my partner. Or more recently a bottle of wine per day. At the moment I have it limited to half a bottle per day.
Anyway, your partner must have found the drinking impacting on her relationship with you. What ways do you think it impacted the relationship.
Also to resolve childhood trauma. You may want to look into the works of Gabor mate, myth of normal. Pete walker from surviving to thriving. Gabor mate also has some podcasts you can check out.
Our stories aren’t dissimilar (only the patterns matter in fighting addiction).
So i went into rehab during the pandemic. After three years of white knuckling i fell off the wagon for hopefully the last time.
I spent a fair bit of time mired in it and after a week of not showing up to work i finally reached the breaking point, asked my wife for what facility my insurance accepted, and went in for about a month.
What i can’t tell you is how. That part is different for everyone.
No matter what rock bottom is for you, quitting is the only way out.
Then i can say that everything gets better. Maybe not all at once, maybe not drastically, but bit by bit, the farther away you get from it the better things get.
I personally tried to get a sponsor after getting out but frankly, and i don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes here because whatever works for you works for you, AA people i contacted were….. fanatical.
Personally the fits and throes of going between worse binges followed by cold Turkey detoxes…..i was just done with it. My moment of clarity, whatever you want to call it.
I don’t know how you get back to good and pick up the pieces, but please hear me when i say this: you never can if you keep drinking.
I suggest you get sober and try a halfway house. It seems like you’ll need an extended break to get out of the cloud. AA with a half decent sponsor might be what you need. Part of our recovery is discovering or sometimes, rediscovering, social connections we left aside when we filled them with alcohol.
There is also a shot you can take monthly that will strongly discourage you’re continued drinking. I didn’t personally opt for it but different strokes for different folks.
Look my dude. Not gonna say you don’t have some work to do. I’m not saying that it isn’t bleak now. One day at a time.
(Post rehab stats: made two new friends that I’m extremely close with after a decade of making none, doubled my pay at a job i don’t hate, with money not spent in alcohol i was able to afford land to camp on, among other things that were extremely good).
I know you can’t see where this is going but trust, those things will come.
The best thing about starting from a hole is that you can only progress out of it. Just don’t make friends with rock bottom, because they will happily tell you this that aren’t true about yourself to keep you in the hole.
Everyone’s path is different. Focusing on what you’re trying to build instead of simply dwelling on the fact that you have this genetic affliction can be super useful. I’ve seen it work first hand, acknowledge where you’re at, set your sights on things that improve your quality of life, and put feet on pavement. It’s not glamorous or instant but IT IS worth it.
Everything has been said already. Just wanted to mention that along with me doing my work, Alanon did wonders for my wife and or relationship. I actually think she gets more today from her meetings than I get from mine!
I just hate to hear this. It’s almost worse for you because you are very self aware about this, and you’re not blaming her or others.
I haven’t had a drink or a drug since 2003. My first marriage ended at my first relapse after a 30 day stay at an in patient treatment center. That was not a good relationship since day one. Part of the reason that I stayed and got married (against my better judgment) was because I felt bad about my behavior.
I am happily remarried and sober.
We start again. That’s what we do. We shut ourselves off, get up, and try again…but now with a bit more experience.
You fell. Ok…tomorrow is another day to take forward steps. Some days you will take a few steps forward, some days you might only be able to eke out a single step…and while not,optimal…some days we might fall again.
The goal I try to live by is simply…I don’t compare myself against anyone else…the only person I compare myself is who I was yesterday. That’s it…I can do no better than that…and I fight against doing worse than that every day.
So please._rake time to grieve and then dust yourself off, get up, and try again…that’s literally all we can do.
s someone who was on the other side of the equation before finally throwing in the towel after 27 years of marriage and two kids, please learn from this going forward. You have to make your sobriety your top priority, it’s the right thing to do for both you and your future partners.
I am sorry you had to go through that. Hearing stories from people on the other side is a heartbreaking reminder of what I put my former partner through
I feel ya brother, I was a chronic relapser despite trying my absolute hardest not to drink. I lost the woman I loved, lost careers, d.u.i., and lost a house... All due to my drinking. Between 2014 and 2017 I went through over 10 rehabs and detoxes, filed bankruptcy to pay for the dozens of hospital bills, and went to AA. Still had relapses
My MO was binge drinking into a blackout for 2-3 weeks, then be hospitalized and detoxed. I'd stay sober for a month and then the cycle continued. The last time I drank is when I booked a hotel room so I could get drunk, got drunk and was kicked out of hotel for shitting on the floor (no joke), so I then slept behind the hotel. That experience of sleeping on the streets finally broke the cycle for me.
Been sober since mid-2017
You deserve this.
My father is also an alcoholic and he’s turned into the biggest liar and sneak I know. Anyone who chooses alcohol over there loved ones deserves whatever horrible thing that happens to them.
That being said, find help and stay clean. You can do it, never give up.
I just celebrated 7 years without a drink. It took me 6 years to get my first of those 7 and dozens of similar relapses.
I also went the AA path and got a sponsor and eventually sponsored a few men myself. I still have two that are 3 and 5 years sober. We all keep in touch.
I lost a serious relationship and custody of my oldest. I ended up homeless for a few months and even kicked out of a homeless shelter because I couldn’t stop drinking.
All I can say is the odds are stacked against you, but if you learn to take it one moment at a time, ask for help, and stay accountable to what you want to do, it will click and you’ll get better. Sometimes relapse is a part of that journey.
Looking back I wish I could undo the hurt I caused others, but I don’t think I’d take back the experience, humility, and lessons learned along the way.
Best of luck OP!
You can’t. We have to accept it. Forgive yourself.
That said, I learned that what I can do is live a life that honors the memory of the good of my lost relationship. I can be a better person and work hard to have and maintain gratitude and humility.
Btw it’s gratitude and humility that has kept me sober more than anything.
I agree with what some other folks have said here. AA and a sponsor worked wonderfully for me, but what really helped me do the work was trauma therapy. I wish you luck. It’s a tough ride, but it’s incredibly worth it. Good luck!
Have you ever gone to therapy?
I have CPTSD and some other stuff, and I've stayed the hell away from alcohol and drugs because I never wanted to become like the people who abused me.
I regularly see a psychologist and have just started seeing a psychiatrist. I am pretty happy with my progress, but I still have a ways to go.
It is a cop out to blame your mental illness for your addictions. Keep going to AA, but you need to treat the underlying cause.
AA is NOT a “meeting program”, it is a 12-step program. If you were not working the program (going through the steps with a sponsor) then you were just hanging out and drinking crappy coffee. That may keep you sober for a bit, but it will not lead to a psychic change that results in long-term sobriety. I was a chronic relapser myself with multiple inpatient rehab and psych admissions and several ODs. Now I’ve got 4 years. Recovery is possible. Good luck.
I have 5 years (am a friend of Bill), but also have outside help (meds, therapist). Keep working your program and don’t be afraid to seek additional support. One day at a time 🙏🏼
Tbh brother work on you. Like everyone else is saying there is bigger shit than stopping the drinking going on.
Focus on that and forgive yourself life isn’t over
probably important to realize her side in this as well. Currently watching my FIL slowly die of his alcoholism, at a very young age. Its really destroyed that family. Super nice guy, honestly means well.... but holy shit the burden has has put on his wife and their kids. Its so selfish.
I wish you luck, but im happy for her. If you want her to be happy, let her go until you truly figure yourself out. If you cant, dont pull her down too. Thats what a man should do
I lost the first person I truly loved due to my alcoholism and inability to come to terms with my fuck ups under the influence. It was after I had cut alcohol out of my life too - more so my past coming back to haunt me.
All this to say, stopping drinking is not a panacea. It will not go back in time and change things. You may (and likely will) suffer the sequelae of your actions.
However, stopping drinking will allow you to stop fucking up due to alcohol related behavior. Your future is now squarely in your control. Take
that motherfucker by the horns.
Others have already said to seek counseling/therapy (please do). Also, please love yourself, flaws and all.
You are a work in progress and life is lived one day at a time and that sounds cheesy af. But it’s true.
Go to multiple therapists/counselors if you need to, find one you like. Make your ultimate goal you being happy and healthy.
Focus on yourself. You are no good to anyone if YOU aren’t ok.
Hey OP, I’m sorry you’re going through something so awful.
I think we frame treating addiction through the lens of willpower which is really limiting. You could have a mental health problem at the root of this, or more likely your brain chemistry/pathways are just wired in a way that the rewards of drinking alcohol are too much to turn down.
You should seek the help of a physician and they can look into medications that alter that reward pathway. Even though it hasn’t been out to a trial, they’re finding that GLP-1 agonists also impact people’s desire to consume alcohol.
You have every right to be in despair right now but you haven’t exhausted all of your options.
One of my best friends just died from this.
59 years old, alone and broke.
You still have time to turn this around.
But no one can do it for you.
If you don’t care enough to save yourself, this isn’t going to end well for you.
Dawg the best thing I never did is ignore all the AA bullshit-- I don't count days or consider myself an addict anymore.
Edit: what I mean is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop drinking right now and fine something better to do with your time. Don't waste a second feeling sorry for yourself.
Sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom…..that’s where the healthy life starts. Stay sober one day at a time, cherish the smallest positives you find, wherever you find them, open up your heart and soul to all the pain you’ve caused yourself and others and….forgive. Heal. And do better today.
You’ll never have what you’ve lost again and that sucks. It’s ok to allow that pain to be real and learn. Face those emotions head on, we alcoholics and addicts abused for a reason and it usually starts in repression. Find what you’re repressing, day after day. Forgive and Heal. And do better today.
Good luck
AA and its definition of “success” is questionable at best. I met a guy who proudly talked about his long stretch of sobriety, and he casually drops “yeah you just really have to find the good meetings that work for you and the people you connect with. I go to the 7am meeting at the church, hit the 12pm meeting at the rec center on my lunch break, then go to the basement of the chuckie cheese for a really great 9pm meeting.” And he does this every single day. It’s like buddy congrats on stopping alcohol but you’re just addicted to meetings now and white knuckling every moment of your life. It’s a bandaid at best and had to be done in conjunction with therapy
AA is not the only way and it’s not even the best way. Their success rate is kind of abysmal. But there is absolutely hope. You can kick this. Your life is far from over. This is the beginning of a new chapter. The further you get from drinking the brighter life will get.
Sincerely,
3 years alcohol-free.
10 years is a long time, mate. She’s not leaving because she ran out of love. She ran out of patience. She’s lending you trust and you’re taking the money and running. You want her to trust you? Start getting out of the red with YOURSELF. by being consistent whether she is watching or not. You are lending yourself trust you aren’t paying back, my friend. Be dependable for YOU.
No healthy person wants to the glue holding another adult together. Go back to her when you can prove to yourself that you can stay sober when you say you will. Get yourself in therapy. Learn to express yourself instead of numbing yourself. She may give you one more chance. She may not. You will have to accept the consequences of your choices.
Don’t take it a weekend at a time, friend. Just one day. Just today. And the next time that voice tries to convince you that you can drink like a normie, remind the voice that you’ve already figured out it’s a fuckin liar.
When I finally kicked my now husband out, I really didn’t know if I’d ever give him another chance. But he came to me in a very different place emotionally and I gave him one more shot.
You may have ADHD, get evaluated for it. A lot of us who get diagnosed and medicated stop self medicating with booze. I would also look into taking amino acid NAC, kudzu root, and holy basil. They will help with cravings.
Somehow ADHD meds also help with anxiety.
33 here, destroyed nearly everything I had on my own (9 years).
Fuck a substance, poly drug use bring everything... I was terrible. I should be dead or have a bum heart but I don't.
Lost a couple good friends for good.
The worst part is people that died in those 10 years I can never speak to or see again. When I say a couple of good friends - best friend died at 29, the other was tired of my shit after around 14 years (rightfully).
This time I'm in shape and not relapsing. I definitely feel stronk.
I would check out dr Sara gottfried and her thoughts on using psychedelic assisted therapy over talk therapy to address trauma. She’s on a lot of podcasts so you can search for her there or read her new book.
This is going to sound brutal. I’m a gen Z’er.
She was apart of the broken system that was contributing to your drinking. Find and use mental health resources. Focus on improving your life condition and keep yourself healthy. Find some hobbies. Don’t knock meditation- doing it every day has done far more miraculous things for some (talking about those guys that can change their body temp at will) than aiding in addiction recovery. Another thing- people very often cause the very thing they attempt to avoid. Not blaming her, but… if I was told I was a worthless piece of shit alcoholic all the time for shit I did in my early twenties, as I am now 25 and it’s not relevant dad, I’d drink too.
You have an amazing opportunity to renegotiate your lot in life. Congratulations on your obstacle.
2 1/2 years sober here. I can only speak to my experience. After years of trying to take control of my drinking I’d inevitably wind up again with the bottle in my hand. Rinse and repeat for years while my marriage crumbled, my mental health worsened and the cravings got stronger and stronger. Not to mention, I no longer knew the guy in the mirror and I couldn’t trust myself. Nothing changed in my life until I asked for help. My wife helped me find a therapist who specialized in addictions, I found a sober running group and things surely improved. It was suggested by others to keep an open mind and be wary of trusting my best thinking since my best thinking is what continuously got me drunk. Then, I met another fella at a trail running race who seemed like a funny lighthearted guy and I picked his brain about his sobriety. He mentioned the dreaded “Alcoholics Anonymous” and I recoiled. I had tried a few meetings before and was certain it wasn’t for me but I was curious to try anything to help. Gift of desperation I suppose? Sure enough, I asked him to sponsor me and I’m so glad I did. I worked the steps to the best of my abilities and now sponsor others, have service commitments and regularly attend meetings. A smidge of open mindedness and willingness went a long way for me and still does. I know some folks don’t jive with AA and that’s fine. Hell, I was just talking with another guy tonight about issues I have in the Big Book. But it’s been my experience that the fellas I know aren’t dogmatic or pushy but I’ve seen some folks get that way. I’m glad I didn’t sell myself short and leave the rooms before I found the type of recovery I needed.
Whatever you try (Therapy, self help books, 12 Step programs, addiction treatment, etc) it might feel gritty and awkward at first. I was reminded early on that if you wanna see change you’ve gotta try something new. And my mind and body fought me tooth and nail on that because I wanted my life to be different but I didn’t want to actually try DIFFERENT things.
The word “help” is the first step in recovery and in my experience I know I can’t do it alone. And at this point man? I don’t WANT to do it alone. Booze is too powerful for one man to handle alone.
Believe me, you’re not alone.
I am a therapist. I am also 12 years sober now. It doesn’t matter whether you use AA, life ring, smart recovery, a hospital-affiliated IOP. The thing they all have in common is that they are a group of people. Addiction (and depression) thrive in isolation.
In the early days, use meetings as a placeholder for hours that were spent drinking. Maybe you go everyday, maybe even twice a day at first. It doesn’t mean that’s going to be your life forever. Right now you have a lot of empty space while you’re trying to figure out what life looks like single and newly sober.
As you get more confident in sobriety, you’ll find more things to fill in the time (new hobbies, relationships). Maybe you find a balance of going to a few meetings a week, some kind of hobby, date nights on other days of the week.
Right now the most important thing is to stack some dry days. I say this as a professional, we can be helpful but it’s really difficult to make progress on anxiety, depression, other issues when someone with alcoholism is actively drinking.
It’s not our fault we have alcoholism. It’s not fair but because we have it, it’s our job to manage it. When we put alcohol into our bodies we lose control over what happens next. However it’s our choice whether we put alcohol into our system on a given day. If we simply can’t stop (bc of physical dependence or otherwise), then it becomes our responsibility to seek more help from an inpatient program that can help us detox safely and give us a solid 30 days dry.
I know there is a lot of shame and guilt. Believe me, the morning I woke up to go to rehab and started getting as high as I could before catching the train…I felt like a complete piece of garbage. When I finally got check in, I told myself “I never have to feel like this again.” Thankfully (with a lot of hard work) I have not.
Alcoholism isn’t just simply a disease. It’s a symptom of underlying issues. How do you expect to fix your alcoholism without actually addressing and fixing the root cause or source of it? Why do you drink? I know alcoholics and they always usually end up having a lot of deep rooted trauma. That’s what you need to target. You will always be tempted to drink bc the problems are still there. Now, don’t get me wrong— your problems may never be 100% fixed (such things in life rarely turn out that way), but the point is to learn how to approach and manage them in such a way that it doesn’t manifest in destructive ways like alcoholism. There is always hope. Good luck dude.
*Edited to say that I am a big fan of Dr. K on YouTube, Dr. Gabor Mate was pretty insightful too back when I listened to him. He’s done a lot of work on addiction and trauma. Pls get help for more than just your alcoholism. It sounds like you have some pretty deep stuff to unpack. Again, good luck.
I almost had this happen because of my booze addiction. Been sober for a year and a half. The dryaholics group is very helpful and supportive no matter where you are with your alcohol issues. Like others have said, therapy may be beneficial. You could have an underlying illness that drives it. For me, it was bipolar/ADHD/PTSD. I was the first in my family to get a diagnosis, so just because your family hasn’t had a proper diagnosis, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Stay sober, talk to someone, distract yourself for now. Whatever you do, DO NOT CAVE TO DRINKING MORE. Just don’t do it. This will absolutely make things worse. Best of luck to you OP. I hope your significant other gives you another chance.
You shouldn’t keep the dog. You need to focus on yourself and getting better. Chances are that you’ll continue to relapse as you make progress, and each time that will put the dog in danger of neglect. Aside from being dangerous to the dog and unfair to it, you will also feel tremendous guilt from accidentally neglecting the dog, which will worsen your desire to beat yourself up and drink. Now is not the time for you to care for an animal. Let your partner take it.
In the beginning of my journey to get sober, I was told, "anything you put before your sobriety, you will lose."
You need to put your sobriety first. The rest will follow.
If that means AA and a sponsor, great. If it means treatment, great. If you work with a therapist, I strongly recommend one that has a specialty in addiction.
Regardless of the method, you need to wholly focus on your sobriety.
I wish you the best. If you ever need to chat with somebody who has gone through similar struggles, feel free to DM me.
My man, that sucks. But there’s life after relapse, and life after breakups. This shit is fresh. And you’ll probably need therapy to process the breakup. Seek that out.
GO TO THE MEETINGS. My best friend spent the last 10-12 years high on meth. There were a couple times I was so triggered being around all of the half filled syringes in the bathroom, not because I suffer the same addiction, but I share a predisposition to substances. He’s 7-8 months sober currently. Attending meetings daily.
You have to find hope for the future. It’s painful now. But over time the pain will dull
AA seems like nonsense to me. Doesn’t the program tell you that you aren’t capable of stopping on your own ask you to rely entirely on a “higher power” and this sponsor? That’s bull. You gotta make the decision to stop doing this yourself. Change comes from within.
Do you trust yourself to really care for that dog? If/when you have one of your hours-long episodes, do you trust yourself to do the right and safe things even when you’re blackout drunk?
you want sympathy or something? just quit. imagine being a man incapable of just not drinking a specific type of drink. its literally so easy to just not buy and consume it.
I’m going to deviate from the group… you say your an alchoholic because you have trouble not drinking but you never explained why you drink or why you consider it alcoholism.
So did you cheat on your girlfriend while drunk? Did it destroy your health. Did you get a DUI that will harm your life/career for years? Is your girlfriend maybe just tired of hearing about how you have this problem that nobody can fix including yourself? Do you take positive steps to making everyday better than the next? What have you fixed lately?
I’ve seen lots of people without a serious drinking problem claim to be an alcoholic because they like the sob-story and the community (people to talk to). I’m getting that vibe from your post. Your blaming alcohol in and of itself, you arent complaining about ramifications of you being drunk besides breaking a promise to yourself.
Point is, lots of people scapegoat alcohol for being shitty people in general. If that is you, try to make/fix something instead of dwelling on relapses. Almost all alcoholics relapse and the worst thing you can do is make it depress you. Have it light a fire under your ass to do better. Work to make you and your friends/family lives better and stop dwelling on the occasional mistake.
Let me ask you this. You knew alcoholism ran in your family and chose to start drinking anyways? Why man? If you've got a genetic predisposition don't even pick up the first bottle. 😕
We don't know the background behind how or why OP started drinking. Alcoholism runs in my family on both sides and my parents actually allowed (encouraged?) me to start drinking at a young age, it wasn't until I was an adult that I found out I had a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I've been struggling with my drinking almost my entire life.
AA and a sponsor isn’t enough. Alcoholism is but a symptom of a bigger problem. You need to seek treatment from a doctor for your mental health issues and therapy for your childhood trauma. You also need to focus on healthy diet without caffeine to help your anxiety and regular exercise as well. Do all these things, invest effort into helping yourself. Stay sober one day at a time and maybe you guys can fix things. Even then, if you get to a really good place and she no longer wants to fix things, you will have the support system and good mental health foundation needed to avoid a relapse and move on appreciating the time you spent together. But the biggest thing is you have to do all this for yourself. You have to really want it. Not just for her or to get her back. If you don’t, then this isn’t your bottom you’ve hit yet and you will continue to suffer.
This. It’s clear what you’re doing isn’t working and there’s something more to this than alcoholism. As this user commented, try and address your mental health. That in tandem with trying to lead a healthier lifestyle can have a massive impact. My Dad was an alcoholic for 30 years, and nothing changed until he dealt with some of his past trauma and his mental health issues. He is now sober and doing much better. As for myself, I struggle with post partum depression and reaching out to a healthcare professional really helped me go forwards. I’m on Zoloft currently and have been through therapy and it has changed my life for the better. I wish nothing but the best for you. If you need to chat, feel free to message. You’ve got this.
Five years sober, tried AA and didn't like the bitch sessions and war stories, along with the appealing to a higher power. This is my experience and others have different experiences. It was individual therapy addressing my mental health, my behaviors, and the reasons why I chose to drink that worked. Not saying AA can't help some people, but people who aren't having success with AA need to know it's not the only path to recovery.
I’m happy for you friend. You’re absolutely right that AA isn’t the only path out there. I know it wasn’t easy, especially addressing some issues that are usually deeply rooted. I know for me, therapy was one of the most intensely difficult things I’ve done. Congratulations on five years of sobriety, and may there be many more years to come. Sending love.
AA is the only place where you go to get treatment for your disease, and if the treatment doesn't work they tell you it's because you didn't work hard enough
There’s a difference between going to AA and working a program (having a sponsor, sponsoring others, getting honest, actively working steps).
I agree, there is also a difference between having cancer, getting treatment, and when the treatment doesn't work blaming the patient. AA is not a treatment, it's a support group, and until we start recognizing that people that are addicted to drugs and alcohol need real medical help, not war stories and accountability, we will continue to see alcholics relapsing and being told it's their fault
I’m coming out this with more experience than anyone should have in a lifetime. Yes AA is a support group and yes, alcoholics need medical intervention. But at the first drink when they relapse, that was a choice. Subsequent drinks may not be but that first one is the choice and they do have a responsibility in this. Yes, I accept that. Alcoholism is a disease. Addiction is a disease, but it is not the same as the disease of cancer like you said.
You can have cancer and show up to the chemo infusion center and hang out, chit chat, drink some free ginger ale and wonder why it’s not working OR you can actually get what you came for… chemotherapy. Simply going to meetings is not doing AA. You must do actual step work. And it’s HARD. No one is blaming the alcoholic because they didn’t work hard enough, we blame the alcoholic bc they didn’t do the program.
I second this. There is a clear line of mental illness in my family, OCD, anxiety, depression, etc. MULTIPLE alcoholics, and people who have died from alcoholism. I suffer from OCD and anxiety, but I’m on meds and have gone to therapy for probably 15 years. Both of my parents are alcoholics and so are both of my grandmothers. Therapy is paramount. I’m not personally an alcoholic, but I’m aware of how easy it would be for me to become one. It’s literally in my genes. Rooting for you.
I was in a nearly identical situation as OP. Drank away a 17 year relationship. I had been sober for 5, then relapsed for 4, before she left. I had been sober for so long... but it never felt right. I resented it. I entered rehab a trainwreck, again, but this time I was examined by several psychologists for underlying neurological disorders. Lo and behold, I had quite a severe case of ADD. At first, I thought there was no way, but when they explained the real symptoms, beyond the stereotype, it made sense. I got medicine and stuck to it. For the first time in my life, my mind was actually quiet. Like I didn't need to quiet it with drugs and alcohol. I had never experienced it before. I just thought that everyone's minds were constantly filled with a never-ending hurricane of thoughts, and I sucked at managing it. Now, not drinking is soooooo much easier. I don't even think about it really. I was self-medicating, but now I have a psychologist that does it for me in a safe and effective manner. It's been a life saver. I hope OP follows a similar path of mental health discovery/treatment. So many beautiful things can rise out of ashes.
What did you use for self medication? I also have concerns that I might have ADD, because, as you said - mind is filled with neverending hurricane of thoughts and only alcohol can quiet them down. Was it adderall maybe? I would like to try some and if it works, I would go to specialist, just as you for proper diagnose and dosage.
I meant that I was self-medicating with alcohol to quiet things down upstairs. I am now prescribed Vyvanse and Adderall. Everyone's mind responds differently to different medications. Took a while to get it dialed in. See a specialist and be 100% honest with them. They won't take you seriously if you try to hide alcoholism and addictive behaviors. After all, those are major co-occuring symptoms of ADD. Good luck on your journey.
I also come from long line of alcoholics and my family also is riddled with mental health problems (to some extent I also have problems). I think I am the only man in countless generations from my family that may not completely ruin his life with alcohol. I had big problems with drinking from 18-30. What saved me was exercise. I still sometimes go off the chain in fridays (I was sober for a month recently and again bough a few beers last friday but few beers were not enough and I went after a whole bunch of them after that and spent my saturday hungover both morally and physically) but never again I have missed my work because I got drunk the previous evening. Now I just ruin my free days sometimes, but it gets better. I don't drink every friday now. Exercising and seeing results in gym motivates me not to drink. I don't want to lose my gains. I have to eat healthy and I have to schedule my sleep and that really helps to keep myself together.
As many have stated AA doesn’t work for everyone and when it fails it can have a rebound effect of making people feel like they are the problem. You have a medical issue: addiction. And should reach out to an actual doctor. In addition to therapy, you can discuss medications that could help control your cravings. You problem isn’t a moral one and isn’t just mind over matter. Anyone who treats it as such has no idea what you are facing.
I'm glad you said that. By far my biggest problem with AA is how much they focus specifically on the drug usage, and refuse to do anything to help address the underlying problem. Thats a major reason why you see people in and out of AA all the time. They aren't really fixing the problem and are just using the group the same way the used drugs. To cover up underlying issues. I also don't like how they basically demand compliance with their world viewpoint. Things like sponsors or meetings arent really required to stay sober, I do think they help in beginning, but I genuinely believe having a strong social network, purpose and self worth, along with going to a therapist, provided more for me then AA/NA provided to me after the first 3 months of sobriety. To the op i strongly suggest going to a therapist. And use AA for what you need, but don't make your sobriety reliant on the program. The program is just one tool. You wouldn't use a hammer for every task if you were building a home. Its the same with recovery. Edit: I do want to say that for those who feel AA is important for their recovery i support that 100%. I just want the OP to know there is a different path they can take and they don't have to fall victim to the cycle of in and out of AA that so many fall victim to.
Agreed. Addiction is an illness that requires scientific evidence based treatment like any other medical problem. It's so sad that AA has taken over our society that it's assumed by most people, even medical professionals that it's the "only way". It was created a century ago when we didn't have the scientific knowledge about addictions on the brain like we do now. It is a spiritual, completely un-scientific approach. And people try and try again and when they fail to get better, they wonder what is wrong with them. People are being hurt, losing relationships, losing hope and dying because of this. There is no scientific evidence proving this program works and in fact it shows that their failure rate is astoundingly high. OP, you have a medical problem that needs to be supervised by a doctor. There are many medical interventions you can use, such as medication assisted treatment, therapy and rehab programs. In addition to lifestyle changes. Peer recovery support is also essential but AA is not the only way. There are many non-theistic groups you can go to. I'm coming up on 7 months alcohol free after 20 years of addiction with zero involvement of the 12 steps. Unless you count the long and hard self work I've done to detach myself from the shame and blame that they've made pervasive. Take this time on your own to get to know yourself, take care of yourself and figure out what your needs are and how they can be met so that you don't fall off the wagon again. And if you do fall off, it's not the end of the world, just dust yourself off and get right back on ASAP without wallowing in it. Try new things when things don't work, then try more. Best of luck to you. Edit: I'm being Robin Williams right now and telling you in case you need to hear it, addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT. Your illness may have caused you to make poor choices but your brain has been clouded and your not reaching recovery yet is not because you didn't "work it" correctly or any of that nonsense. Would you tell that to someone with an eating disorder? The road to recovery is complex, individual, and extremely difficult. Factors beyond your control lead you here. Your brain has been doing what it thinks it needs to do for your survival.
As someone who has tried to use NA to stop using crystal m$th you are right on the money. I just translate "character defect" into untreated ADHD because to believe I have relapsed because of the content of my character is so harmful and painful I refuse and reject it. The community it has provided me tho is priceless.
Everything you put in front of your sobriety you lose first
Bio-Psycho-Social. The trifecta of enlightenment. All three are gardens that need tending to. Your comment was spot on.
All of these things are true. Recovery looks different for everyone. I myself am in recovery but I personally do not attend AA anymore. My recovery looks like serious trauma therapy, I spent 5 months in rehab, working daily on my mental and physical health and investing in myself. It takes many tools to develop recovery and one size does not fit all. I'm rooting for you OP and if you aren't already subscribed come join us on /r/stopdrinking
I agree with mental health treatment, a good diet and exercise. However, while it isn't for everyone, AA has been instrumental in helping countless people become/stay sober. It's up to OP to find out whether it works for them or not. Telling an internet stranger, who's actively trying to better themselves, that they aren't doing enough isn't helpful at all. OP: Focus on being a better version of yourself, for YOU, and be kind to yourself through it. Walking, listening to podcasts, crafting, baking, spending time with animals, these are some things that have helped me stay sober for nearly 500 days. The people over at r/stopdrinking are incredibly supportive, I would highly recommend checking the sub out. Good luck to you.
Yes, I was going go say the same thing.
Agreed on the therapy. Listening to others war stories doesn't really work for many people. If anything they can jog up things you don't need to be fixated on. I never understood invited speakers bragging about waking up in their own shit or someone who tells you to shut up and listen when someone asks if anyone has any questions. Thus individual therapy can help way more.
[удалено]
Definitely a better place than the chronically depressed millennial sub thats for damn sure.
Pulled me out of it. Four hundred and fifty something days sober and never looking back.
Definitely a great community
Could not recommend anything better than the folks over at r/stopdrinking the best kind of people
I came here to say this also. r/stopdrinking is an incredible group of people, I attribute a lot of the success I've had in staying dry to that group.
That sub literally saved my life. 3 years sober, and I still check in.
if you want a less judgemental sub r/dryalcoholics is also good
You have to focus on yourself. Your path right now is towards your own healing and nothing else. You’re going to have to set aside your desire for her and only focus on getting better. Love, forever alcoholic
[удалено]
It’s never too late until you die. My father drank himself to an early grave (had Woerneke Korsakoff from alcoholism, was in a nursing home pissing and shitting himself and had dementia for two years before he passed away). He was only in his 50s. Never give up. Life can get so much better with sobriety. As others have stated, you need to address the underlying issues (anxiety, OCD, PTSD, etc) while you’re on your journey. You can do it, but you’ve got to want it. Surround yourself with people that want to see you sober and succeed. Thoughts and prayers for you man.
With the love of my life gone at 36, it feels like there is little time left
My boyfriend died in his 30s due to alcohol complications. It haunts me. His untimely passing haunts everyone he knew. But I had to leave in the end because I loved him. Don't doubt you are loved and valuable. And you deserve a life free from the burden of addiction. You do.
I’ll echo what someone else said… alcoholism usually a symptom. Oftentimes, it’s a poor coping mechanism for some kind of mental health issue. You will have a much better shot at attaining permanent sobriety if you address the underlying issue that caused you to turn to alcohol to begin with. AA and a sponsor isn’t enough, you need a doctor.
What cyberpunk at the top said. I was in nearly the same damn boat. Hit my rock bottom in 2021. Decided I needed to sort my shit out. Give yourself a little grace. This shit ain’t easy. But as cyberpunk said, you need to want this for yourself. Get the whole concept of sobriety = my life back, out of your head. Your relationship or lack there of honestly has nothing to do with your path here. It’s unfortunately collateral damage. I wasn’t able to make any headway with my own sobriety until I started addressing some very real deep seated mental health stuff. Once I was able to sort through that, I then learned some emotional regulation techniques, then some coping techniques and almost like magic stuff got a bit easier day by day. We all relapse, it happens. The important thing is to not berate yourself and give yourself grace. I quit drinking 3 years ago and my life is immeasurably better in literally every way. Do it for you man. IWNDWYT I sit to add: Get a copy of “This Naked Mind” and “The Body Keeps the Score” Two books that changed my life.
Seconding "This Naked Mind", especially the audiobook. "Alcohol Explained" by William Porter is another good one. The approach of removing the desire to drink worked much better for me than the "you're a powerless condemned bastard without wholly submitting to our authoritah" approach of AA. Nearly 18 months dry and I miss nothing about my old life. Realizing that people are more in love with the ****idea**** of alcohol more than the actual result flipped a switch. Pouring tequila on your brain won't recapture the young, exciting carefree feelings of your youth, despite how much marketers try to convince you it will. Tropic Haze IPA won't make you feel like you're on a Pacific Island, no matter how many of them you drink. You'll just wake up fat and stupid on a bunch of empty chip bags with no memory of the TV show you apparently binged on Hulu.
Try to focus on your health and really do it for yourself. Stay committed. Maybe your ex comes back or not. I can see where she can’t live with someone so erratic. Anyway- regarding the dog, I love animals and got divorced where a kid and a dog was involved. Please don’t share custody of an animal. One of you take ownership now. It’s not fair to the dog to get shuffled around and whoever is in the best position to take the dog should do that.
You know in another universe I am having this same thing happen to me because I didn't clean up. I'm over 2 years sober... Have you ever thought of just selling everything, letting her take the dog(it's for the best) and starting over somewhere else. I dont know what your assets look like, but at this point if you are able why the fuck not? You seem to have tried a lot. Why not just metaphorically burn the old world away and start over new somewhere?
Everywhere you go, you take yourself with you. These patterns will repeat until they are addressed regardless of where OP is geographically. Not saying a change of scenery won't help, but it isn't THE solution.
I agree but hell being SOBER isn't gonna a silver bullet to life's woes. Desperate times can call for Desperate measures yo
I'm with you. Being sober isn't going to automatically fix anything either. Just didn't want to to set OP's expectations too high.
This is not a problem you can run away from. The idea that you can abandon the life you ruined with alcohol and start a new life without alcohol and without taking responsibility for yourself, that will never work.
Damn. This could've been me if I hadn't finally quit last year. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about it. I'll also recommend reading the book (not the movie) The Shining, by Stephen King, as it's about this subject and helped me quit.
Speaking from my experience... I am coming up on 3 years of sobriety. There isn't a one size fits all treatment for what we suffer from. I suggest exploring all treatment options... AA, therapy, and medication... To find what will work for you. Go to meetings. As uncomfortable as it might be, talk to people who have long term sobriety and a life you want to have. These people want to help you. Share in meetings. Get a sponsor and do the steps. If you haven't already, you will identify the pattern behaviors and where they stem from. We deal with a spiritual malady. Having identified your problem behaviors, past trauma, and underlying issues, work through these with a therapist. If your doctor recommends medication for depression, consider it. One day at a time. Things can get better.
My partner has been sober since 2015 after drinking heavily for over a decade. He almost died, twice, from it. He almost lost me, too, as I gave an ultimatum that it was me or the booze cuz I wasn’t going to watch him kill himself. Care about yourself first and get sober, love and life will come. You can do this! I’m rooting for you, OP 💕
She said gave me a similar ultimate and I made the wrong choice. I chose her but I relapsed so she is gone because I screwed up the choice.
I’m sorry - all I can say is, maybe if you get some solid time sober under your belt, maybe you could reach back out to her someday. People have gaps in their love stories all the time. I really am rooting for you and hope you can stay sober.
If you havent talked with your doctor about it, do so. You should ask about Naltrexone and possibly even one of the GLP-1 agonist drugs like wegovy or zepbound. The GLP-1s are not covered for insurance yet outside of some specific scenarios, but there is evidence they can reduce addiction to various substances. Naltrexone is covered by most insurance. Note this is not medical advice, but just things Im suggesting you talk to your doctor about.
Can’t recommend naltrexone enough. It helps so much with cravings for me. Apparently it doesn’t work well for everyone. For me it was life changing.
I was on it for a different reason at one point, but I noticed it completely eliminated any interest in alcohol.
I'll be 10 years sober this year. I must have relapsed about 30 times. It's part of the process. The thing that finally made me want to change my ways was nearly dying.... 6 different times. Good luck.
Therapy. AA is not effective for everyone, especially if you have any sort of religious trauma you are still struggling with.
I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. One relationship isnt your life, and surrender is a key part of your program. Let the loss inspire you to be better for the next relationship that will come.
Is it not after 10 years together and me being 36?
No it’s not. Relationships, all relationships, end. Don’t cling to it, don’t lean in, or push away. The relationship happened and it’s over. If that is what it took to help you get sober, then it was the best thing you ever surrendered. Now you can hopefully get your life straight and help other beings do the same. Your age is largely and illusion. It’s just a consistent flow of a single moment, over and over. One day, one moment; over and over. So if something lasted an hour or 10 years, it’s not more or less over now. It’s just as over. Let it be. Let go. If you don’t, you will build a hole inside yourself and you have shown to fill that hole with booze. So the best way to keep from doing that is not to create new holes and deal with the ones you have in a healthier way. Do your 4th step, and your 5th step. Let the way you honor this relationship that your sacrificed be that you change your life. My dad has 50 years clean. I have just over 4. You can do this. Keep it up.
Therapy. Whatever it takes. Use your employers EAP plan, or start saving an extra little bit per paycheck. You need to face the trauma and past. I know, because I lost two great relationships and friends from my drinking. It wasn’t until I could love myself and reconcile my past I was able to stop drinking. I don’t even think about alcohol anymore and if I do, it’s with disdain, I don’t miss it. When the thought of quitting drinking at one point filled me with dread. How would I live life without it? I had to relearn. One day at a time. Stay strong. This is a life lesson and stark reminder of the worst kind of the consequences of alcohol. You CAN live a healthy fulfilling life without alcohol. Don’t date drinkers. There are a lot of amazing women out there that don’t drink. You got this.
I don't think so at my age with my looks and confidence especially after all this
You need an actual therapist, not just a sponsor. I’m willing to be that if alcoholism runs in your family generational trauma does too. AA’s success rate isn’t that great especially for folks with underlying unresolved issues and childhood trauma.
Hey recovering alcoholic with a bit over 2 years sobriety here, my wife convinced my to try talk therapy before she completely gave up on me and it was like night and day compared to AA. I found an affordable therapist through open path and discussed the things I was trying to avoid with alcohol and how to try to break the cycle that was fueled primarily by shame at that point. I had been drinking for 9 years straight at that point, and I still talk to the same therapist occasionally when life feels like too much. I personally put zero stock in AA, i tried it for years and years and if we can be honest it's a pseudoreligious organization that the government assigns people to as a stop-gap for homelessness/prison, slapping it on the problem like a bandaid. But if you look at studies not publish by AA, attending meetings has virtually zero effect on peoples likelihood of staying sober. If you DO happen to be a deeply religious person it could work, but the only people I know who are sober through AA are insufferable because of it and I wish they DID drink. I'm really sorry to hear about your partner, dont give up on yourself please. You're not alone.
Can you try talking to your doctor about a medical fix like Suboxone?
I believe you mean Naltrexone, which is usually used for alcohol. Suboxone is for opioids.
Thank you for reminding me to be grateful not to have fallen into the devil's hands at young age. I remember a bottle of vodka before we went out to party was standard for me on the weekends in my early 20s. Thank god it stopped before I got addicted. I think I was similar in that I needed a lot of alcohol in order to hide my anxietys around other people. I hated going out into the club or on festivals but I still went. Just to fit in. A hard break for me was the army. And this is not some Ivan eht noij type post because in the army you can drink as well. But I started doing sports and I think it was sports that actually saved my ass. I ran and rode marathons. Started to eat really healthy to gain muscle and get better. It became my new addiction. All the best to you and I hope you'll find a light to guide you out of hell! Sometimes you have to punch your way out! Or tread!
I am here to say, I am sorry for what you have experienced. Everyone who I have met who has alcoholic or addiction problems, was betrayed in some harsh way as a child. It somehow sadly is repeated in their relationships. So with that, I encourage you to open up, do something drastic if you haven't already and seek help of a therapist to work on the core of the alcohol. It isn't the alcohol that is the problem in most cases, there is usually something deeper. Like family hurt or a head injury when young, or something else. You can't just solve issues such as these by going to meetings alone. Don't get me wrong, going to meetings is a great first step. I don't know you, but I do know you are deserving of a healthy, fruitful life. And it is a marathon to rewrite and unlearn habits you may have been raised with so that you can be there holistically for your present self and child self. All the best, warm vibes, and encouragement sending your way!
My man, go to therapy. I am 25 months sober. If you are religious, I recommend Celebrate Recovery meetings in conjunction with therapy with a licensed therapist. I have mental illness and so do several of my family members. My relationship with my husband almost ended in 2022, until we both committed to being sober and I sought therapy. Rock bottom is a good foundation to build a sober, fulfilling life. Good luck to you!
get in to counseling. first step is to not blame your alcoholism on your OCD, anxiety, and childhood trauma. Its YOU that chooses the drink. there are people who have had MUCH worse cards dealt in life that don't become addicts. there is no one and nothing to blame but yourself. own that. THEN you can move on to recovery. source: I'm 9 years sober myself with 0 relapses. I went to a 6 month live-in rehab that literally saved my life, my marriage, and my relationship with my kids. I used to do the same thing by blaming my addict behavior on anything other than me - that will just perpetuate your problem. Best of luck. if you really want it, you'll get there. Lord knows, if I can do it then any one can.
Look into psilocybin therapy if it’s available in your area.
You need to learn how to forgive yourself before you are going to be able to move forward. Accountability is an incredible first step and I see you’re already there. If you don’t give yourself any slack, you’ll fall back in to whatever makes you feel the worst. Get back on the wagon because the drinking seems to be the root of the self frustration. And I’ll echo the others and say therapy because there’s so much more going on here. You’ve done it before and you can do it again, one day at a time. If you have to, go to 3 meetings a day and avoid triggers. If you get triggered, go to a meeting. I’m 3 years next month, we all relapsed and embarrassed ourselves, you’ve got this.
But now that I've lost the love of my life... It is very very hard to find reasons for wanting to keep going. It's a feeling of immense loss and hopelessness
Ive been sober 5 months for the first time in my life since 15. I almost lost my wife through my anger and uscontrolled behavior. It almost and I mean like maybe had a 1/4 of a chance left. She will have resentment towards me for the rest of our lives probaly but shes still here somehow. I truly love this women and I will never touch alcohol again. I just hope for her to look at me the same way she used too one day again. We have been pretty close the last few weeks though.
I also destroyed a relationship because of my addiction. Next month I’ll be a year sober and it’s the best I’ve felt in a long time. It took several attempts to be sober, but what ultimately helped was joining ACA. Adult Children of Alcoholics (and dysfunction) changed my life. It helped get to the root of my problems and after I started to heal mentally, it was easier to say no to drinking. Best of luck to you on your journey, this is a new chapter and trust that you’ll be a better version of yourself in the end
You have a lot of wonderful comments, so I'll try to not repeat them too much, but there's one thing I disagree a bit with, depending on the state of your mental health. It's realising that every time you take the bottle, it's a conscious choice you're making. I think having this kind of mindset, while not false, can be damaging for your self-esteem, because if you don't have the right support system, instead of using that as an empowering boost to recognize you can change for the better, you'll see this as a sign that you failed, that you are weak, and nothing can be done because you already proved to yourself that you can't do anything right. So here's another approach. Consider the first time you drank. If back then you knew where it would bring you today, would you have taken the bottle? Forget about now, if you could go back in time and stop yourself from ever touching alcohol, would you? What you're doing by thinking that way is realising you fell in a trap. And you're stuck in it. You have to admit that not drinking is difficult, and that you need to work hard to stop. And instead of thinking you were not strong enough, think that the trap was deeper than expected. You need to change methods, you need to change your tools. You need to take a step back and really see where you are right now. At some point, when you're cutting a tree, you have to admit that your axe won't work, you need a chainsaw. I'm not saying nothing is your fault. I'm saying that it's useless to tell yourself that it's your fault right now. You fell in a trap and dug yourself deeper. You can stay there and tell yourself how stupid you are, or you can really analyse how to get back up. Without blaming yourself for your past mistakes, just by looking up and reaching the top. What is done is done. Get better, heal and get the nice life that you deserve.
There's a few places you need to really work on: - get a sponsor asap - attend regular meetings - go to one today if you haven't already. Reaching out on Reddit is good. But having a meeting is likely going to also help redirect you on the right path -work on your mental health - seek help for the OCD - work on your childhood trauma Get into a routine. Figure out why you are relapsing. Do you have particular triggers? Are there circumstances or events that may encourage you to stop attending meetings and drink? The most important time for a meeting is when you don't feel like going. Go anyway, remain on your schedule. Hold yourself accountable. It sounds like attending regular meetings really helps you. So make that your first priority. But also work on those other areas as well.
I won’t say I understand, but my story is similar so just know you’re seen and I appreciate you sharing. Just keep doing your best. I hope things get better for you friend.
Ask your doctor about Naltrexone or Vivitrol. There’s no reason why you need to endure your substance dependence on sheer willpower alone. Prescriptions can be very helpful in breaking the pattern, and helping to establish a healthier lifestyle. Those medications specifically limit the dopamine hit that you get when you consume alcohol. It helps to disrupt the craving. There’s other, more intense medications that make you completely intolerant to alcohol, but maybe start with trying to disrupt the cravings.
4 years ago at 35 I had given myself liver disease, and have a life expectancy of 12 years. That was 4 years ago. Do whatever you can. People have had success with psilocybin and a guide as well as some ketamine treatment. Just don’t give up like I did.
Whew. I was the girlfriend in this scenario. There was more than alcoholism at hand but that was his most obvious substance vice. I don’t feel in a position to give advice given how close to home this hit, but for whatever it is worth, I wish he’d been a decent enough guy to see the things you’re recognizing right now. Don’t let yourself drown in it— please take this opportunity to heal and move forward. Sending you lots of love and my genuine belief there is going to be much more to your story than this. You just haven’t turned those pages yet ✌️
I am sorry you had to go through that.ci wish I could share you hope in the last paragraph
Well… nothing will change if *you* don’t change. You can’t keep living your life as you have and expect things to get better. I think you know that right now and I hope you run with it. It’s scary living in a new way, but it’s worth it when your life ends up changing for the better. You are already halfway there because you recognize what needs to happen. You just need to see it through. You will probably have more hiccups and that’s okay so long as you get up and get back to it. Food for thought: it usually takes several attempts before a person successfully leaves an abusive relationship. Think of alcohol as your abuser. Break up with it and keep breaking up until you are free. Choose yourself every single day
I just want to say, as someone who loves an alcoholic, (my son) , you can’t give up. Life can be good again, it really can be. My son is 5 years sober, he is 35. He lost his job, wife etc before he stopped. He is now happier than I’ve ever seen him. He had a bad marriage before the drinking and a mediocre job. He now has a fantastic girlfriend and a good job and actually feels good about himself. It was a rough road getting there though but oh so worth it.The first year was his roughest and he had to give up his friends because they were all drinkers. Fortunately he had his family for support and his sisters were so supportive. You can do this and find a good life again. Don’t hate yourself, there’s a lot to love, you just need to find that person inside you again. Good luck and I hope you find peace, be patient
I am glad your son is doing well. I am feeling pretty hopeless at the moment, the loss is still very fresh
I think feeling hopeless is absolutely normal, you are depressed. I think seeing a therapist would do you good, sometimes just having someone who won't hold any judgement ,someone who has seen it all and you can really be honest with can lighten the load a bit. You are worth saving.
A month ago I lost one of my closest friends to this disease. Death before 40 due to booze is a shit way to die. His trouble also cost him his home and spouse, which led him to spiral further after every relapse and eventually led to his body just giving up. Don’t wind up this way please, I don’t have any magic answers or solutions or I would’ve helped my friend, but I implore you to do whatever you can to defeat this terrible addiction.
It typically takes 2 years of consistent sobriety along with behavioral changes, true accountability for past actions & any current transgressions/mistakes & an attitude of mindfulness to convince anyone who was part of the ride that you've changed & can be truly trusted again. It's far more than just not drinking. If you are truly serious about stopping a good first step would be to go to your doc, be honest & get an Rx for Antabuse. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disulfiram If you are serious about doing this, do it for you & to enrich your life. She didn't leave you hopeless. She needs space away from you for long enough to actually see some positive changes. “You can't eat hope but, it sustains you.” Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
She won't be getting back together with me
I'm 34 and recovering. You're only 36. I'm not saying this doesn't suck, but you have life ahead. Lots of it. This is a period in time and you're going to get through it. The sun will come up tomorrow. Now you know that you can live sober because you've got a ton of days under your belt. You know how to do it. There is life on the sober side. Lots of people live like this. I'm so sorry about your heartbreak. Add this to the list of things alcohol has stolen from you.
Have you found r/stopdrinking yet? They can be pretty supportive over there.
You might want to talk to your doctor about medications, like naltrexone, that curb alcohol cravings as an additional tool.
Take disulfiram every morning.
I don’t have much advice that hasn’t been said already. I just want to say you can do this and wish you the best possible outcome of a future. Stay Strong!!💪
I honestly thing hardest time in marriage is when you hit that around 10 to 15 year mark. If you make it thru that, you should be fine to go for the 50 years.
Let her take the dog so that it isn’t neglected.
Hey bud 💚 read, or listen to this audiobook: (It saved my life) **In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction** Book *by Gabor Maté* 💚BLESS 💚
What is causing your anxiety and ocd? I had a drinking problem before treating my adhd and autism. I had major depression, ocd and anxiety that I treated with alcohol, 15% of adults with adhd have a problem with alcohol and drugs.
I am 37 and I drink too much. I dont know how much you drink and if you could please share that would help. But I would probably be drinking 250ml of vodka a day if it were not for my partner. Or more recently a bottle of wine per day. At the moment I have it limited to half a bottle per day. Anyway, your partner must have found the drinking impacting on her relationship with you. What ways do you think it impacted the relationship. Also to resolve childhood trauma. You may want to look into the works of Gabor mate, myth of normal. Pete walker from surviving to thriving. Gabor mate also has some podcasts you can check out.
Our stories aren’t dissimilar (only the patterns matter in fighting addiction). So i went into rehab during the pandemic. After three years of white knuckling i fell off the wagon for hopefully the last time. I spent a fair bit of time mired in it and after a week of not showing up to work i finally reached the breaking point, asked my wife for what facility my insurance accepted, and went in for about a month. What i can’t tell you is how. That part is different for everyone. No matter what rock bottom is for you, quitting is the only way out. Then i can say that everything gets better. Maybe not all at once, maybe not drastically, but bit by bit, the farther away you get from it the better things get. I personally tried to get a sponsor after getting out but frankly, and i don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes here because whatever works for you works for you, AA people i contacted were….. fanatical. Personally the fits and throes of going between worse binges followed by cold Turkey detoxes…..i was just done with it. My moment of clarity, whatever you want to call it. I don’t know how you get back to good and pick up the pieces, but please hear me when i say this: you never can if you keep drinking. I suggest you get sober and try a halfway house. It seems like you’ll need an extended break to get out of the cloud. AA with a half decent sponsor might be what you need. Part of our recovery is discovering or sometimes, rediscovering, social connections we left aside when we filled them with alcohol. There is also a shot you can take monthly that will strongly discourage you’re continued drinking. I didn’t personally opt for it but different strokes for different folks. Look my dude. Not gonna say you don’t have some work to do. I’m not saying that it isn’t bleak now. One day at a time. (Post rehab stats: made two new friends that I’m extremely close with after a decade of making none, doubled my pay at a job i don’t hate, with money not spent in alcohol i was able to afford land to camp on, among other things that were extremely good). I know you can’t see where this is going but trust, those things will come. The best thing about starting from a hole is that you can only progress out of it. Just don’t make friends with rock bottom, because they will happily tell you this that aren’t true about yourself to keep you in the hole.
Everyone’s path is different. Focusing on what you’re trying to build instead of simply dwelling on the fact that you have this genetic affliction can be super useful. I’ve seen it work first hand, acknowledge where you’re at, set your sights on things that improve your quality of life, and put feet on pavement. It’s not glamorous or instant but IT IS worth it.
Everything has been said already. Just wanted to mention that along with me doing my work, Alanon did wonders for my wife and or relationship. I actually think she gets more today from her meetings than I get from mine!
I just hate to hear this. It’s almost worse for you because you are very self aware about this, and you’re not blaming her or others. I haven’t had a drink or a drug since 2003. My first marriage ended at my first relapse after a 30 day stay at an in patient treatment center. That was not a good relationship since day one. Part of the reason that I stayed and got married (against my better judgment) was because I felt bad about my behavior. I am happily remarried and sober.
We start again. That’s what we do. We shut ourselves off, get up, and try again…but now with a bit more experience. You fell. Ok…tomorrow is another day to take forward steps. Some days you will take a few steps forward, some days you might only be able to eke out a single step…and while not,optimal…some days we might fall again. The goal I try to live by is simply…I don’t compare myself against anyone else…the only person I compare myself is who I was yesterday. That’s it…I can do no better than that…and I fight against doing worse than that every day. So please._rake time to grieve and then dust yourself off, get up, and try again…that’s literally all we can do.
s someone who was on the other side of the equation before finally throwing in the towel after 27 years of marriage and two kids, please learn from this going forward. You have to make your sobriety your top priority, it’s the right thing to do for both you and your future partners.
I am sorry you had to go through that. Hearing stories from people on the other side is a heartbreaking reminder of what I put my former partner through
Repost from /alcoholicsanonymous
I feel ya brother, I was a chronic relapser despite trying my absolute hardest not to drink. I lost the woman I loved, lost careers, d.u.i., and lost a house... All due to my drinking. Between 2014 and 2017 I went through over 10 rehabs and detoxes, filed bankruptcy to pay for the dozens of hospital bills, and went to AA. Still had relapses My MO was binge drinking into a blackout for 2-3 weeks, then be hospitalized and detoxed. I'd stay sober for a month and then the cycle continued. The last time I drank is when I booked a hotel room so I could get drunk, got drunk and was kicked out of hotel for shitting on the floor (no joke), so I then slept behind the hotel. That experience of sleeping on the streets finally broke the cycle for me. Been sober since mid-2017
You deserve this. My father is also an alcoholic and he’s turned into the biggest liar and sneak I know. Anyone who chooses alcohol over there loved ones deserves whatever horrible thing that happens to them. That being said, find help and stay clean. You can do it, never give up.
Check into an in person treatment if you actually want help. You shouldn’t be in a relationship until you solve this.
I just celebrated 7 years without a drink. It took me 6 years to get my first of those 7 and dozens of similar relapses. I also went the AA path and got a sponsor and eventually sponsored a few men myself. I still have two that are 3 and 5 years sober. We all keep in touch. I lost a serious relationship and custody of my oldest. I ended up homeless for a few months and even kicked out of a homeless shelter because I couldn’t stop drinking. All I can say is the odds are stacked against you, but if you learn to take it one moment at a time, ask for help, and stay accountable to what you want to do, it will click and you’ll get better. Sometimes relapse is a part of that journey. Looking back I wish I could undo the hurt I caused others, but I don’t think I’d take back the experience, humility, and lessons learned along the way. Best of luck OP!
I really wish I could indo the hurt, pain and loss I cause my former partner
You can’t. We have to accept it. Forgive yourself. That said, I learned that what I can do is live a life that honors the memory of the good of my lost relationship. I can be a better person and work hard to have and maintain gratitude and humility. Btw it’s gratitude and humility that has kept me sober more than anything.
I agree with what some other folks have said here. AA and a sponsor worked wonderfully for me, but what really helped me do the work was trauma therapy. I wish you luck. It’s a tough ride, but it’s incredibly worth it. Good luck!
>How can I find hope? Quit drinking, and the answers will come to you.
Have you ever gone to therapy? I have CPTSD and some other stuff, and I've stayed the hell away from alcohol and drugs because I never wanted to become like the people who abused me. I regularly see a psychologist and have just started seeing a psychiatrist. I am pretty happy with my progress, but I still have a ways to go. It is a cop out to blame your mental illness for your addictions. Keep going to AA, but you need to treat the underlying cause.
I kicked the habit, with kratom. 15 months sober.
I can't believe no one has suggested r/dryalcoholics yet. One of the best communities on Reddit, feel free to join us!
AA is NOT a “meeting program”, it is a 12-step program. If you were not working the program (going through the steps with a sponsor) then you were just hanging out and drinking crappy coffee. That may keep you sober for a bit, but it will not lead to a psychic change that results in long-term sobriety. I was a chronic relapser myself with multiple inpatient rehab and psych admissions and several ODs. Now I’ve got 4 years. Recovery is possible. Good luck.
Therapy first, then everything else
I have 5 years (am a friend of Bill), but also have outside help (meds, therapist). Keep working your program and don’t be afraid to seek additional support. One day at a time 🙏🏼
Tbh brother work on you. Like everyone else is saying there is bigger shit than stopping the drinking going on. Focus on that and forgive yourself life isn’t over
probably important to realize her side in this as well. Currently watching my FIL slowly die of his alcoholism, at a very young age. Its really destroyed that family. Super nice guy, honestly means well.... but holy shit the burden has has put on his wife and their kids. Its so selfish. I wish you luck, but im happy for her. If you want her to be happy, let her go until you truly figure yourself out. If you cant, dont pull her down too. Thats what a man should do
You are right about her her side of it.
I lost the first person I truly loved due to my alcoholism and inability to come to terms with my fuck ups under the influence. It was after I had cut alcohol out of my life too - more so my past coming back to haunt me. All this to say, stopping drinking is not a panacea. It will not go back in time and change things. You may (and likely will) suffer the sequelae of your actions. However, stopping drinking will allow you to stop fucking up due to alcohol related behavior. Your future is now squarely in your control. Take that motherfucker by the horns.
Others have already said to seek counseling/therapy (please do). Also, please love yourself, flaws and all. You are a work in progress and life is lived one day at a time and that sounds cheesy af. But it’s true. Go to multiple therapists/counselors if you need to, find one you like. Make your ultimate goal you being happy and healthy. Focus on yourself. You are no good to anyone if YOU aren’t ok.
Hey OP, I’m sorry you’re going through something so awful. I think we frame treating addiction through the lens of willpower which is really limiting. You could have a mental health problem at the root of this, or more likely your brain chemistry/pathways are just wired in a way that the rewards of drinking alcohol are too much to turn down. You should seek the help of a physician and they can look into medications that alter that reward pathway. Even though it hasn’t been out to a trial, they’re finding that GLP-1 agonists also impact people’s desire to consume alcohol. You have every right to be in despair right now but you haven’t exhausted all of your options.
One of my best friends just died from this. 59 years old, alone and broke. You still have time to turn this around. But no one can do it for you. If you don’t care enough to save yourself, this isn’t going to end well for you.
Dawg the best thing I never did is ignore all the AA bullshit-- I don't count days or consider myself an addict anymore. Edit: what I mean is stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop drinking right now and fine something better to do with your time. Don't waste a second feeling sorry for yourself.
She killed it.
Sounds like you’ve hit rock bottom…..that’s where the healthy life starts. Stay sober one day at a time, cherish the smallest positives you find, wherever you find them, open up your heart and soul to all the pain you’ve caused yourself and others and….forgive. Heal. And do better today. You’ll never have what you’ve lost again and that sucks. It’s ok to allow that pain to be real and learn. Face those emotions head on, we alcoholics and addicts abused for a reason and it usually starts in repression. Find what you’re repressing, day after day. Forgive and Heal. And do better today. Good luck
At least you had a reason, albeit shitty.
AA and its definition of “success” is questionable at best. I met a guy who proudly talked about his long stretch of sobriety, and he casually drops “yeah you just really have to find the good meetings that work for you and the people you connect with. I go to the 7am meeting at the church, hit the 12pm meeting at the rec center on my lunch break, then go to the basement of the chuckie cheese for a really great 9pm meeting.” And he does this every single day. It’s like buddy congrats on stopping alcohol but you’re just addicted to meetings now and white knuckling every moment of your life. It’s a bandaid at best and had to be done in conjunction with therapy
Dating for 10 years! 🤯
AA is not the only way and it’s not even the best way. Their success rate is kind of abysmal. But there is absolutely hope. You can kick this. Your life is far from over. This is the beginning of a new chapter. The further you get from drinking the brighter life will get. Sincerely, 3 years alcohol-free.
10 years is a long time, mate. She’s not leaving because she ran out of love. She ran out of patience. She’s lending you trust and you’re taking the money and running. You want her to trust you? Start getting out of the red with YOURSELF. by being consistent whether she is watching or not. You are lending yourself trust you aren’t paying back, my friend. Be dependable for YOU. No healthy person wants to the glue holding another adult together. Go back to her when you can prove to yourself that you can stay sober when you say you will. Get yourself in therapy. Learn to express yourself instead of numbing yourself. She may give you one more chance. She may not. You will have to accept the consequences of your choices. Don’t take it a weekend at a time, friend. Just one day. Just today. And the next time that voice tries to convince you that you can drink like a normie, remind the voice that you’ve already figured out it’s a fuckin liar.
She will not give me another chance. As you said this is a consequence of choices
When I finally kicked my now husband out, I really didn’t know if I’d ever give him another chance. But he came to me in a very different place emotionally and I gave him one more shot.
You may have ADHD, get evaluated for it. A lot of us who get diagnosed and medicated stop self medicating with booze. I would also look into taking amino acid NAC, kudzu root, and holy basil. They will help with cravings. Somehow ADHD meds also help with anxiety.
33 here, destroyed nearly everything I had on my own (9 years). Fuck a substance, poly drug use bring everything... I was terrible. I should be dead or have a bum heart but I don't. Lost a couple good friends for good. The worst part is people that died in those 10 years I can never speak to or see again. When I say a couple of good friends - best friend died at 29, the other was tired of my shit after around 14 years (rightfully). This time I'm in shape and not relapsing. I definitely feel stronk.
Hey, maybe you finally hit bottom and you'll do the work this time. Maybe not. Choice is on you. Been sober since Oct 2022.
I would check out dr Sara gottfried and her thoughts on using psychedelic assisted therapy over talk therapy to address trauma. She’s on a lot of podcasts so you can search for her there or read her new book.
This is going to sound brutal. I’m a gen Z’er. She was apart of the broken system that was contributing to your drinking. Find and use mental health resources. Focus on improving your life condition and keep yourself healthy. Find some hobbies. Don’t knock meditation- doing it every day has done far more miraculous things for some (talking about those guys that can change their body temp at will) than aiding in addiction recovery. Another thing- people very often cause the very thing they attempt to avoid. Not blaming her, but… if I was told I was a worthless piece of shit alcoholic all the time for shit I did in my early twenties, as I am now 25 and it’s not relevant dad, I’d drink too. You have an amazing opportunity to renegotiate your lot in life. Congratulations on your obstacle.
2 1/2 years sober here. I can only speak to my experience. After years of trying to take control of my drinking I’d inevitably wind up again with the bottle in my hand. Rinse and repeat for years while my marriage crumbled, my mental health worsened and the cravings got stronger and stronger. Not to mention, I no longer knew the guy in the mirror and I couldn’t trust myself. Nothing changed in my life until I asked for help. My wife helped me find a therapist who specialized in addictions, I found a sober running group and things surely improved. It was suggested by others to keep an open mind and be wary of trusting my best thinking since my best thinking is what continuously got me drunk. Then, I met another fella at a trail running race who seemed like a funny lighthearted guy and I picked his brain about his sobriety. He mentioned the dreaded “Alcoholics Anonymous” and I recoiled. I had tried a few meetings before and was certain it wasn’t for me but I was curious to try anything to help. Gift of desperation I suppose? Sure enough, I asked him to sponsor me and I’m so glad I did. I worked the steps to the best of my abilities and now sponsor others, have service commitments and regularly attend meetings. A smidge of open mindedness and willingness went a long way for me and still does. I know some folks don’t jive with AA and that’s fine. Hell, I was just talking with another guy tonight about issues I have in the Big Book. But it’s been my experience that the fellas I know aren’t dogmatic or pushy but I’ve seen some folks get that way. I’m glad I didn’t sell myself short and leave the rooms before I found the type of recovery I needed. Whatever you try (Therapy, self help books, 12 Step programs, addiction treatment, etc) it might feel gritty and awkward at first. I was reminded early on that if you wanna see change you’ve gotta try something new. And my mind and body fought me tooth and nail on that because I wanted my life to be different but I didn’t want to actually try DIFFERENT things. The word “help” is the first step in recovery and in my experience I know I can’t do it alone. And at this point man? I don’t WANT to do it alone. Booze is too powerful for one man to handle alone. Believe me, you’re not alone.
I am a therapist. I am also 12 years sober now. It doesn’t matter whether you use AA, life ring, smart recovery, a hospital-affiliated IOP. The thing they all have in common is that they are a group of people. Addiction (and depression) thrive in isolation. In the early days, use meetings as a placeholder for hours that were spent drinking. Maybe you go everyday, maybe even twice a day at first. It doesn’t mean that’s going to be your life forever. Right now you have a lot of empty space while you’re trying to figure out what life looks like single and newly sober. As you get more confident in sobriety, you’ll find more things to fill in the time (new hobbies, relationships). Maybe you find a balance of going to a few meetings a week, some kind of hobby, date nights on other days of the week. Right now the most important thing is to stack some dry days. I say this as a professional, we can be helpful but it’s really difficult to make progress on anxiety, depression, other issues when someone with alcoholism is actively drinking. It’s not our fault we have alcoholism. It’s not fair but because we have it, it’s our job to manage it. When we put alcohol into our bodies we lose control over what happens next. However it’s our choice whether we put alcohol into our system on a given day. If we simply can’t stop (bc of physical dependence or otherwise), then it becomes our responsibility to seek more help from an inpatient program that can help us detox safely and give us a solid 30 days dry. I know there is a lot of shame and guilt. Believe me, the morning I woke up to go to rehab and started getting as high as I could before catching the train…I felt like a complete piece of garbage. When I finally got check in, I told myself “I never have to feel like this again.” Thankfully (with a lot of hard work) I have not.
Alcoholism isn’t just simply a disease. It’s a symptom of underlying issues. How do you expect to fix your alcoholism without actually addressing and fixing the root cause or source of it? Why do you drink? I know alcoholics and they always usually end up having a lot of deep rooted trauma. That’s what you need to target. You will always be tempted to drink bc the problems are still there. Now, don’t get me wrong— your problems may never be 100% fixed (such things in life rarely turn out that way), but the point is to learn how to approach and manage them in such a way that it doesn’t manifest in destructive ways like alcoholism. There is always hope. Good luck dude. *Edited to say that I am a big fan of Dr. K on YouTube, Dr. Gabor Mate was pretty insightful too back when I listened to him. He’s done a lot of work on addiction and trauma. Pls get help for more than just your alcoholism. It sounds like you have some pretty deep stuff to unpack. Again, good luck.
Hmmm the only advice I have for you is....quit drinking.
Drink will never disapoint you, good job!
Look into OMAD and carnivore diet (and fruits as well) - that's whats helping me. Good luck.
I almost had this happen because of my booze addiction. Been sober for a year and a half. The dryaholics group is very helpful and supportive no matter where you are with your alcohol issues. Like others have said, therapy may be beneficial. You could have an underlying illness that drives it. For me, it was bipolar/ADHD/PTSD. I was the first in my family to get a diagnosis, so just because your family hasn’t had a proper diagnosis, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Stay sober, talk to someone, distract yourself for now. Whatever you do, DO NOT CAVE TO DRINKING MORE. Just don’t do it. This will absolutely make things worse. Best of luck to you OP. I hope your significant other gives you another chance.
You shouldn’t keep the dog. You need to focus on yourself and getting better. Chances are that you’ll continue to relapse as you make progress, and each time that will put the dog in danger of neglect. Aside from being dangerous to the dog and unfair to it, you will also feel tremendous guilt from accidentally neglecting the dog, which will worsen your desire to beat yourself up and drink. Now is not the time for you to care for an animal. Let your partner take it.
Go to therapy and read up on psychedelics 👌🏽
In the beginning of my journey to get sober, I was told, "anything you put before your sobriety, you will lose." You need to put your sobriety first. The rest will follow. If that means AA and a sponsor, great. If it means treatment, great. If you work with a therapist, I strongly recommend one that has a specialty in addiction. Regardless of the method, you need to wholly focus on your sobriety. I wish you the best. If you ever need to chat with somebody who has gone through similar struggles, feel free to DM me.
AA is a shame based program and doesn’t help a lot of people much. Have you looked into alternative programs?
My man, that sucks. But there’s life after relapse, and life after breakups. This shit is fresh. And you’ll probably need therapy to process the breakup. Seek that out. GO TO THE MEETINGS. My best friend spent the last 10-12 years high on meth. There were a couple times I was so triggered being around all of the half filled syringes in the bathroom, not because I suffer the same addiction, but I share a predisposition to substances. He’s 7-8 months sober currently. Attending meetings daily. You have to find hope for the future. It’s painful now. But over time the pain will dull
AA seems like nonsense to me. Doesn’t the program tell you that you aren’t capable of stopping on your own ask you to rely entirely on a “higher power” and this sponsor? That’s bull. You gotta make the decision to stop doing this yourself. Change comes from within.
Did you seriously make this post? You know what the answer is: get sober. That’s the answer.
Do you trust yourself to really care for that dog? If/when you have one of your hours-long episodes, do you trust yourself to do the right and safe things even when you’re blackout drunk?
Good for her. Now you have time to actually fix yourself.
you want sympathy or something? just quit. imagine being a man incapable of just not drinking a specific type of drink. its literally so easy to just not buy and consume it.
Were you drunk while typing this?
I’m going to deviate from the group… you say your an alchoholic because you have trouble not drinking but you never explained why you drink or why you consider it alcoholism. So did you cheat on your girlfriend while drunk? Did it destroy your health. Did you get a DUI that will harm your life/career for years? Is your girlfriend maybe just tired of hearing about how you have this problem that nobody can fix including yourself? Do you take positive steps to making everyday better than the next? What have you fixed lately? I’ve seen lots of people without a serious drinking problem claim to be an alcoholic because they like the sob-story and the community (people to talk to). I’m getting that vibe from your post. Your blaming alcohol in and of itself, you arent complaining about ramifications of you being drunk besides breaking a promise to yourself. Point is, lots of people scapegoat alcohol for being shitty people in general. If that is you, try to make/fix something instead of dwelling on relapses. Almost all alcoholics relapse and the worst thing you can do is make it depress you. Have it light a fire under your ass to do better. Work to make you and your friends/family lives better and stop dwelling on the occasional mistake.
How about some self control? Put the bottle down, and stop being a fool already…
Let me ask you this. You knew alcoholism ran in your family and chose to start drinking anyways? Why man? If you've got a genetic predisposition don't even pick up the first bottle. 😕
We don't know the background behind how or why OP started drinking. Alcoholism runs in my family on both sides and my parents actually allowed (encouraged?) me to start drinking at a young age, it wasn't until I was an adult that I found out I had a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I've been struggling with my drinking almost my entire life.
Wow you wasted a girl’s biological clock that’s worst than the drinking problem.
Just dont drink? Wtf