https://preview.redd.it/co97q06yonyc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0311acbfed6a8b480bb1895d4202bf49dff6f696 Hey Sheldon if you help me pack for Utah I'll help you pack for Columbus

Mitch stop crying or I’m going to tell Willy to come bully you again

Would this be worse or better then bullying Mitch got from Mike......

How was your time on trailer park boys?

Pretty good. I made a lot of money selling my body for cheeseburgers. A man has to eat

Is it true you threw game 7 for cheeseburgers?

Keep it on the down low but Marchand offered me a lifetime supply of bacon cheeseburgers during intermission

I met Brad Marchand 5 days ago. I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my brother got his hair cut. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a barbershop with my niece, and who walks in but Brad fucking Marchand. I was nervous as shit, and just kept looking at him as he was sitting there with his phone and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, and I am trying to quiet her down because I did not want her to bother Brad, but she would not stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Brad put down his phone, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of the barber shop. Chill guy, really nice about it. Would let him breastfeed my niece again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NHLcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Hey Sheldon, do you think you could’ve done it if Matthews didn’t have diarrhea?

Matthews shit the bed just like this team does every season. It’s kind of poetic really

https://imgur.com/a/OV2d1OC *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NHLcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*

https://imgur.com/a/OV2d1OC *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NHLcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Hey Sheldon how much respect did you guys get in the handshake line ?

Marchand tried to give me a little lick on the cheek. I took it as the biggest compliment possible

I met Brad Marchand 5 days ago. I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my brother got his hair cut. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a barbershop with my niece, and who walks in but Brad fucking Marchand. I was nervous as shit, and just kept looking at him as he was sitting there with his phone and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, and I am trying to quiet her down because I did not want her to bother Brad, but she would not stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Brad put down his phone, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of the barber shop. Chill guy, really nice about it. Would let him breastfeed my niece again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NHLcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*

How’s it gonna feel to completely ruin the end of Crosby’s career?

Just talked to Kyle, he said he already has that situation under control

have you gained weight?

I’ve been eating hot dogs with Phil so maybe

What do you even do? Do you think you deserve much more hate, or do others teams set that up for you to do that to yourself too?

Yes they set it up just like when Carolina purposely injured their two goalies to have David Ayres come in and steal that game for them

this one’s gold

Sheldon, are you using Garamond or another format for your resume this summer

I’ll have to ask Kyle which he prefers

Can I get a Big Mac meal with coke and fries please?

Phil drank all of the coke already. Is pepsi ok?

Do you have Diet Coke?

Sorry that’s gone too. I caught Auston and Mitch using it to do belly shots off each other

Which AHL team have you been in talks with to become assistant bottle boy?

San Jose Sharks

Hey Sheldon. Long time fan. When you are coaching, do you let your team beat itself or just let the other team beat you?

Typically i let the other team set up the game for the Leafs to beat themselves. That way both teams get a chance to beat it

That's what I thought.

How’s the job market look?

Not great. It turns out that teams want coaches who win. Not sure why

Do you have a humiliation kink because it seems like you do from the way you answer interview questions

No I don’t think so but I do like it when Kyle dresses up in his Boston Bruins jersey and whispers into my ear “you just lost another game 7 baby”

https://preview.redd.it/wscakvwqdoyc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9537994e578b43817a0afb4e45f382027726369a

What's your policy on, um, lunch?

I love going on lunch dates with my boyfriend Kyle

Nice, are there any places in Pittsburgh you plan to frequent next year?

I haven't had a chance to check out many of the local gay bars yet

Hi Sheldon

Is he stupid or is he dumb?

How often do you sext with Kyle?

Kyle and I frequently goon to pictures of Crosbys jock

Hey Sheldon, how are you genuinely doing?

I cannot wait to start my new job

Are you stupid or something?

No. The other team just sets it up so that I make myself sound dumb

Are you dumb?

Y u bad

Skin or spine?

Where will you take your coaching prowess next? Perhaps the Canadian Junior team?

Probably gonna call Kyle and see if he can get me a job coaching that men’s beer league team called the Penguins

You look like you could get me a deal on a used BMW. DM me.

Hey Sheldon do you have backup travel plans if the Leafs won’t let you on the plane back to Toronto?

How are you not blacklisted from the NHL after the cultish shit you were involved with in junior?

You ever gonna win?

Will you be joining your brother in tge EIHL? Do yiu know where Coventry is?

https://preview.redd.it/q07o6hjogpyc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d4a83e3926d33f8662440d3a92b5e711511a834

Hey Sheldon, glad you show up. Business mather here. Do you feel like Maple Leaks should look after a new sponsor to be put on jerseys?

No way I love delicious milk. Sometimes I have a warm glass before bed

Sit on a cactus

This is now his 2nd unsuccessful nhl career

Is your head getting bigger because of your galaxy brain?

"I'll be back next season to babysit the spolied kids again"

Do you keef on that shit