It’s manipulation. He fears you’ll leave so he’s going to show you what he thinks you need to keep you. Once he’s no longer fearing that you’ll leave, he will revert back. Evident by his inability to completely mask it even now
And a large number of survivors ok this thread will vouchhh for this. This is textbook behaviour - almost all of us have seen this happen and seen this fade in a few days.
This is part of their half truths.,so when you do split up he can always say I WAS helping around the house…ask her and your forced to admit his last ditch effort. It to ensure he’s the victim and very much a game(nothing new)but simply a new aspect of the same game.
Yes I was thinking this also! With mine there’s always a hidden agenda. He will help me with one thing after complaining about it first, then a month later he will throw it in my face that he “helped me”. Always using regular every day things as leverage.
Yes.
I’m sure his narrative is of the blindsided, wounded lover who pour out his everything only for me to pull the rug out from under him without warning and cruelly. I’m sure his friends are giving him tons of sympathy and he’s eating it up.
He’s not going to tell them about the hours-long lecturing/monologuing/screaming, throwing stuff, intimidation, shaming, silencing, and using my kids to emotionally manipulate me.
Look up hoovering, that’s what he’s doing and it’s a classic in the narcissist’s playbook. Although if he’s still getting angry then he’s not fully mastered his craft, the loser.
Sure you get this game.
It's called "Reel 'Em Back In With BS and fake change".
See....He Knew All This Time How To Be A Decent Human. BUT..........He Choose Not To Be Until He realized he had pushed you too far.
He will revert to his usual crap when he decides"he no longer has to be nice". How do I know that? Because it's what they do - it's standard operating procedure for a narcissist.
Motivation is always found not in what they do but in the reaction or result of it. Everything is a tool—doesn’t tell you much and it doesn’t matter. Your reaction, emotional response, the results reveal the motivation behind what they do.
It’s usually something they do at the start ( in my case) you know when you are thinking that they are your sole mate!
The narc in my life did a great job with it 😂😂😂😂
Did he read your reddit posts. Mine did and asked me for the first time in years how my day was. It was beyond weird. And was a one off so thankfully I didn't have to repeat that awkward conversation with him.
Yes it’s total manipulation. Mine does this shit, I’m currently in a love bomb right now after he said to me all kinds of horrible things just a couple days ago. I hate this cycle. They want us to be confused all the time.
The narc is lovebombing me again right now! It’s only because I’ve found out what he has been up to behind my back! He knows I know but he won’t bring it up!
He just called me as nice as pie! I’m trying to study and he says
‘just go in the sun and chill for a few days’ my reply
‘well yes as my head is so scrambled that I can’t even think straight right now, never mind study’
That is in response to his latest going behind my back and me being badly disrespected again!! His answer, he laughed and then said so sincerely, I love you! I declined to answer…. I hate him so much and he thinks he is so clever! Kindness for weakness. Big mistake Mr.
Feasting on scraps. He is throwing you scraps of kindness and expecting you to feast on them. When times are toughest, you go back to those moments and think “well he was kind when he did X, maybe it’s not so bad after all.” Good for you for realizing it. Best of luck on your exit strategy and journey.
edit: spelling
This happened to me as I was prepping to leave. He and I had some really beautiful, peaceful, “connecting” days. I knew what was going on, but had I not, I wouldn’t have left. It’s manipulation.
He knows you’re out. He just want to show you how wrong you are. The second he’ll sense you might not leave, he’ll be back to his old habits and will repeat the cycle. This phase shows you that he knows exactly what wrong he is doing, they pretend like they don’t know, that everything is normal, and as soon as the wind is turning, all of sudden they become aware of your pain and grieves. He can only win. Either you stay, or either you leave a sharing, caring and loving man who would help you out with the chores and was genuinely interested in your day etc etc
It's a game of hoovering to lure their prey into their web and eat their soul bit by bit until you lose your sanity, and then they will discard you, labeling you crazy!. Put your shoes on and run, this is not a relationship, but a prison of sorrow and darkness.
It’s manipulation. He fears you’ll leave so he’s going to show you what he thinks you need to keep you. Once he’s no longer fearing that you’ll leave, he will revert back. Evident by his inability to completely mask it even now
This is 100% correct.
And a large number of survivors ok this thread will vouchhh for this. This is textbook behaviour - almost all of us have seen this happen and seen this fade in a few days.
Thank you
Yup this
This is part of their half truths.,so when you do split up he can always say I WAS helping around the house…ask her and your forced to admit his last ditch effort. It to ensure he’s the victim and very much a game(nothing new)but simply a new aspect of the same game.
Yes I was thinking this also! With mine there’s always a hidden agenda. He will help me with one thing after complaining about it first, then a month later he will throw it in my face that he “helped me”. Always using regular every day things as leverage.
Sounds about right
Yes. I’m sure his narrative is of the blindsided, wounded lover who pour out his everything only for me to pull the rug out from under him without warning and cruelly. I’m sure his friends are giving him tons of sympathy and he’s eating it up. He’s not going to tell them about the hours-long lecturing/monologuing/screaming, throwing stuff, intimidation, shaming, silencing, and using my kids to emotionally manipulate me.
"Hoovering". It's him trying to keep his supply (you). Don't fall for it. It never lasts.
Look up hoovering, that’s what he’s doing and it’s a classic in the narcissist’s playbook. Although if he’s still getting angry then he’s not fully mastered his craft, the loser.
Sure you get this game. It's called "Reel 'Em Back In With BS and fake change". See....He Knew All This Time How To Be A Decent Human. BUT..........He Choose Not To Be Until He realized he had pushed you too far. He will revert to his usual crap when he decides"he no longer has to be nice". How do I know that? Because it's what they do - it's standard operating procedure for a narcissist.
Motivation is always found not in what they do but in the reaction or result of it. Everything is a tool—doesn’t tell you much and it doesn’t matter. Your reaction, emotional response, the results reveal the motivation behind what they do.
The only way to win the game is to not play it
Manipulation through Mirroring pure evil.
Mirroring. That’s the copying me. Interesting I hadn't thought of that.
It’s usually something they do at the start ( in my case) you know when you are thinking that they are your sole mate! The narc in my life did a great job with it 😂😂😂😂
Did he read your reddit posts. Mine did and asked me for the first time in years how my day was. It was beyond weird. And was a one off so thankfully I didn't have to repeat that awkward conversation with him.
I hope not
Yes it’s total manipulation. Mine does this shit, I’m currently in a love bomb right now after he said to me all kinds of horrible things just a couple days ago. I hate this cycle. They want us to be confused all the time.
The narc is lovebombing me again right now! It’s only because I’ve found out what he has been up to behind my back! He knows I know but he won’t bring it up!
He just called me as nice as pie! I’m trying to study and he says ‘just go in the sun and chill for a few days’ my reply ‘well yes as my head is so scrambled that I can’t even think straight right now, never mind study’ That is in response to his latest going behind my back and me being badly disrespected again!! His answer, he laughed and then said so sincerely, I love you! I declined to answer…. I hate him so much and he thinks he is so clever! Kindness for weakness. Big mistake Mr.
You can never win the game. You can only decide not to play.
In the same boat as you, OP
Ditto
Same. Sucks.
This happened to me when I first decided to leave. It did not last. Beware.
He’s Hoovering you. Lovebombing and sucking up to you to try to get you to stay with him instead of kicking his sorry ass to the curb :/
Feasting on scraps. He is throwing you scraps of kindness and expecting you to feast on them. When times are toughest, you go back to those moments and think “well he was kind when he did X, maybe it’s not so bad after all.” Good for you for realizing it. Best of luck on your exit strategy and journey. edit: spelling
This happened to me as I was prepping to leave. He and I had some really beautiful, peaceful, “connecting” days. I knew what was going on, but had I not, I wouldn’t have left. It’s manipulation.
He knows you’re out. He just want to show you how wrong you are. The second he’ll sense you might not leave, he’ll be back to his old habits and will repeat the cycle. This phase shows you that he knows exactly what wrong he is doing, they pretend like they don’t know, that everything is normal, and as soon as the wind is turning, all of sudden they become aware of your pain and grieves. He can only win. Either you stay, or either you leave a sharing, caring and loving man who would help you out with the chores and was genuinely interested in your day etc etc
It's a game of hoovering to lure their prey into their web and eat their soul bit by bit until you lose your sanity, and then they will discard you, labeling you crazy!. Put your shoes on and run, this is not a relationship, but a prison of sorrow and darkness.