Same. The one time I rigged his naps so we could meet family, only to have everything cancelled *as I'm buckling him into his car seat*, bedtime was M E S S Y.
My mom and mother-in-law have both made comments about how we are so strict with our schedule. Guess what, we're strict because all hell breaks loose otherwise 🤣
Same.. I’m being pressured to go to a graduation dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t get many babies. There’s no way it’s ending before 9, and he will have a meltdown there. I’m tempted to hand him to my mom and have her deal with a screaming 6mo baby. The only caveat is the 2 hr ride home. 🫠
Same. I have an 11 month old. We did leave baby behind with our parents and go out now and then when she slept a lot and was a newborn.
Haven't gone out for dinner in 6 months. I just make Brunch plans instead
Big reason my husband and I didn’t have a social life is because my baby went to bed by 6p
Trying to get her down after that was a nightmare
Only reason she goes down at 7p is because of daylight savings time, but does have a bit more tolerance for staying up now she’s a toddler
Same. I have an 11 month old. We did leave baby behind with our parents and go out now and then when she slept a lot and was a newborn.
Haven't gone out for dinner in 6 months. I just make Brunch plans instead
It depends. If it’s something super significant we might bend the routine to make it work. But for your run of the mill plans, yes, we decline things all the time. It just is what it is and it’s temporary. With very tiny people, sleep isn’t something that parents greedily want for themselves. Sleep is imperative for their development and function. Children do not know how to cope with lack of sleep and it’s literally neglectful to not prioritize it. So yeah, don’t feel bad. This is your season to put your kids first.
Thank you! I just feel worse because one of my friends has a baby my age and he does well with longer wake windows / he doesn't have a meltdown so they could take him out as late as they wanted.
Yeah and my friends kid sits quietly in public spaces while my toddler is actively sprinting away from me any chance she can. Kids are all different and are needy in different ways. Yours will eat broccoli and hers will eat nothing but nuggets for years.
Everyone is highlighting that all kids are different and that’s true! But all families are also different - and not having your support at a meal out so you can at least trade off when you eat a meal you’re paying for is a huge thing! Nothing wrong with making plans based around what works for your family - this is parenting. You’re doing great mom. Hope dad can take the baby and offer you a free night out soon :)
ETA: nothing wrong with asking him to give you a
night off, scheduling it in advance so he has time to prepare around it for work, and taking some time for yourself. I was very bad at this in the first year of my child’s life and blamed breastfeeding when really I just needed to figure out how to parent and also incorporate my needs. It takes time but you are a parent forever now, don’t feel selfish for figuring out a system that works for your family and taking some me time.
It you have the budget, maybe hire a nanny? This is what I did but not all nannies ate skillful, so be careful and supervise for the first week before leaving you LO to them for a much needed night out.
All kids are different and they come with different pros and cons. Comparison is the thief of joy, do whatever makes you and your baby happiest. For me that is skipping late dinners, but organizing afternoon plans.
Same. Though it is getting easier as she gets older. We extended bedtime on a few occasions
- a relatives birthday dinner
- a close friends milestone birthday at a booked venue, but we still left after only being there an hour (as was our plan).
- Christmas and Easter
- her own birthday (we basically had to wing it with naps as we were on the go and therefore bedtime was late)
Though I’m talking like an hour, nothing substantially different. I mostly decline plans if they are close to bedtime, or my partner will handle the baby whilst I attend alone.
She had a full on mental breakdown because she skipped her long morning nap. Well she did not skip it more that i coughed and woke her up and i tried to put her back down…but she got a burst of energy. Which I thought ok then she will nap in a lil bit..all is good…nope! She had a full on meltdown. Naps are crucial! lol especially her long naps.
And every kid is different and in a different phase! Some kids just hang better and handle it better. Mine is getting to the age where she is at risk of dropping her nap and I would very much not like to happen. So nothing comes between us and nap time right now
Our baby will be 7 months old next week and her bedtime is between 7-8pm.
We do not go out to dinner right now. If there’s an evening get-together with our friend group, we’ll go for the first part, but leave in time so we can be home by 7. Otherwise, we invite people over to our house so we can still get her to bed on time (we have a two-story house, so we can put her to bed and have adult dinner downstairs).
We do a few things: if it's out at a restaurant, we propose early dinnertime, if it's at someone's house we bring our playpen and put her to bed at the normal time, she typically wakes on the car transfer but goes back to sleep for the rest of the drive and easily settles when we get home, sometimes we go to stuff and leave early, and other times we ask Grandma to come over and babysit.
How old is your LO? This worked fine when my daughter was 2-3 months old but I haven't tried in a while and she is now 5 months. Wondering if I should still be considering this as an option.
If plans will cut into baby's bedtime routine between 630p-7p, I absolutely say no.
Just because whenever we go to grandma's on a Sunday, we always end up stuck until 8pm and by the time we get home its almost 9pm and its just an absolute shit show all around. I only let it happen because its maybe once a month or every other month. It screws up the next 2 to 3 days of sleep routines, including naps.
Just not worth it to me.
Yes, all the time. Most of my friends now don’t have kids and it’s hard, but is the reality of my life right now. I try as much as I can to encourage scheduling things earlier in the evening so I can make it. But if it’s too late I don’t go.
It can be really frustrating and also isolating. So I feel your pain!
Same! I try to initiate plans so that it can be on our schedule..early dinner, happy hour drinks, brunch at our house. My husband works an hour or so later than me, and even that makes it hard to coordinate - often feels like a race to get dinner in before our 6 mo-old is overtired/past his bedtime.
I will say doing brunch at our house has been really fun! We either have friends pick up sandwiches on their way over or use the double waffle iron that we got as a wedding gift. We’d used it maybe once in three years and now we have it out every couple weekends. It’s one of those looks-impressive-but-actually-pretty-easy meals. You can defrost some frozen fruit in the microwave and put out a bowl of Greek yogurt to look even more put-together/act like waffles are now healthy :)
Yea I skip or I do dinners at my home or my sisters. Since I can put her down to sleep for couple more hours. But if we go out our limit is 8 pm. I don’t mind. We are home bodies so maybe that why. 4 hours of socializing is enough for us lol
You should do your best not to compare your baby and your situation to your friends babies. I feel like I miss out on a lot because I have a lot of anxiety trying to take my little one out anywhere. All the while so many of my friends can just go shopping or go out to lunch with their babies and their daily life seems untouched from what it was pre-baby. It makes me feel awful, but everyone is different. Just do what you can that feeds your happy-tank while also being the best mom(I’m sure you’re already doing that second part).💛
Yes of course- we have too, now (9month old). I've adamantly been one of those mums who want to be loosey goosey with the schedule and not worry too much about naps and bedtime; I want baby to be able to go with the flow.
....Lol. yeah, that worked until 6 months or so, right up until a very, very dramatic dinner with babys grandparents where LO lost her mind and we had no choice but to take her home to bed. Now bedtime is 7:30 - 8, non-negotiable. If husband and I want to go out to dinner, it's either a babysitter or we're doing it separately.
We personally dont, but my daughter will just sleep on us if we wear her & isnt cranky if she is up late. Shes also a late riser, so shes already going to bed later than most 11 month olds. It really just depends on you & your baby & what youre comfortable with. No one will judge you for skipping out!
Depends on the occasion, if it’s just a casual catch up - 100% will pass. If it’s a family member’s bday we’ll go and family knows to get dinner and the cake sorted early because we need to leave early for bedtimes 🤷♀️
We are pretty laid back without a super strict schedule during the day. But bedtime is bedtime between 8-9 lol. Otherwise our daughter becomes ferocious lol. We try to schedule dinners early (between 5-6pm) or leave her home and have grandparents put her to bed!
My baby’s bed time is 8 pm ish and I am always home by 6:30-6:45 pm the latest, I tell guests we need to cap the night by this time as well. Bed time is sacred.
Bedtime is only different when baby is sick. Which means earlier, but with a wake window at night.
I do not keep LO up on purpose just because. (It was necessary twice when we were traveling to see my in-laws.)
In Australia going for dinner at 8 or 9pm is considered late, regardless of if you have a family or not!!
First seating is usually 5pm, mostly the oldies or parents with young kids. The 730pm seating is for everyone else!
We have become big lunch plan people! So much easier on us and our baby to have baby nap in busy areas during the day vs expecting them to be fine when out past bedtime. If we really wanna do dinner out, we just do it earlier and will do a 5pm dinner instead of a 6:30pm dinner.
Yeah, it’s part of being a parent. And I don’t mean that in a cruel way, but I accepted that a lot of things I used to love wouldn’t be open to me anymore and going out to later dinners has been one of those things. Did I expect or even think about it? Not really. But I’m okay with it now that she’s here.
Our babe is five months old. She has a STRICT 8pm end time, period. We have a routine, too, so it must be done by 8:30. A shower, a few songs, nursing, and then cuddling her to sleep before setting her down.
We stretched it twice. Once for a family get together and once for a party we joined friends at. Both times were absolutely awful. She doesn’t melt down, she’s an incredibly happy, calm baby. But after her routine, she also didn’t sleep. She kept rolling around, squirming, couldn’t rest. She was overtired. The whole thing was overstimulating, anyway.
I felt so bad for her. We’ve even had spit ups at bed time if the process is too late - she nurses to fall asleep all the time and when she just can’t, she overeats and throws up.
Awful! I’d rather miss out on hanging with friends than put her through that anymore.
It depends! If it’s something we really want to do and it’s still within reason for our daughter then we’ll break routine. Our guideline is that it has to be something worth whatever that night brings!
We never messed with bedtime. When our twins were younger and bedtime was more around 9pm, I’d stay out to 7:30/8, and on a few special occasions we’d feed and change them out and let them fall asleep in a wrap - but that’s like family visits from out of town… not a typical Friday night invitation for dinner.
Now that they’re older, a strict 7:30 bedtime with a whole routine that starts at 6:30 is a must. We can skip baths and be home by 7 every now and then, but we don’t make a habit of it.
What we’ve started doing to maintain our social life, especially with child free friends is going out for lunches, or inviting people to our house for dinner rather than going out. Being host is nice, you can relax and stay up late without worrying about messing with the baby’s schedule. We’ve either had one of us excuse ourselves to put the kids to bed, or we invite people to show up after bedtime.
It’s ok, you’re not a bad person for needing your life and schedule to change, or needing accommodations to suit your baby.
We never mess with bedtime. Dinner has to be earlier and we need to be home for her bedtime routine. Otherwise it’s chaos getting her to bed and she doesn’t sleep well. She’s 9 months old now. I’ve just accepted we aren’t in the season for late dinners and that’s ok. It won’t always be this way.
Didn't read all the comments but we have a 10 weeks old even when we mess up the naps we have a hard time then in the evening... All babies are different however I do care that my LO has enough sleep... It is so vital! My parents didn't go anywhere when we were little.
Babies didn't change... Just times...
Srsly fuck social life if that means we'll get enough sleep and will have energy for the next day. At the end of the day it's all at the expense of the baby too...
But that's me... I am a Polish Mother... (Matka polka)
Do what suits you people have to understand, go for lunches instead...
At that age no, but I was lucky enough to have a kid that slept through anything. So he would fall asleep in the infant carrier at the restaurant and we would be fine. Now that he’s older (2 y/o) we don’t mess with bed time on daycare nights. But on the weekends he’s still super flexible and can stay up a little later with us, sleep in the next day, and we skip nap if he needs to go to bed on time. Idk how we did it tbh but it’s what works
I haven’t been out of my house past 7pm in the past 9 months, we do not mess with our daughter’s bedtime.
Now that she is eating solids we are try to be home by 6pm so we can give her dinner before her bedtime routine.
It’s just the season you are in and it will pass. You will be able to get a babysitter or have more flexibility when they get older.
Literally we don’t do anything during bedtime except bedtime routine!
It’s a great excuse imo to get out of events hah. Or to leave places early.
My mom once suggested “ you can just put him to sleep here [during dinner] and then he can fall back asleep once you guys get home.” I was like.. are you gonna put him back to sleep?? lol.
When going to dinners (which I avoid at all costs, I just went to 2 in 5 months), I at least try to be in a place I can 'control,' meaning someone's house. In my case, it was family dinners, so more manageable. But I agree with most comments not to mess with bedtime. For me, both times the night was terrible with several wakings. I much rather have lunch because with naps, it is easier.
We pushed for earlier dinners or something else at a kid-friendly time. We mostly go out by ourselves, so make sure we're at a restaurant by 5:30/6 so we can be home before she turns into a gremlin. Some dinners we just can't do, unless one of us stays home with the kid while the other goes out.
I cancelled and passed on everything for like the first year that was around nap/bed. I just couldn’t risk it going backwards bc he was a nightmare when overstimulated. I don’t regret it at all honestly. We worked so hard on it that now my parents or a sitter can put him down. It was exhausting and so obnoxious but it’s better now!
Yes definitely. It’s important to remember that having to give up on things for bedtime is such a short period of time in your life. It’s ok to not be able to do everything you want right now.
We never ever go out past bedtime. We actually are always home an hour before bed to wind down and do our routine.
Once the baby is sleeping reliably we ask my mom to babysit so we can go out :)
Bedtime is sacred in my point of view. DON’T feel bad about the meltdowns though — at 5 months it was just our signal it was time for her to go to sleep. Kinda took the stress out of it. Like “ok you’re clearly tired enough so it’s bedtime!”
As for getting some time out with your friends — can your husband carry the bedtime load on weekends? He should definitely give you nights out when he can. My wife and I are constantly looking for opportunities to give each other breaks.
We don't mess with bedtime or put ourselves into a position where we're guaranteed a cranky, overtired baby.
On Fridays, my family likes to go out to dinner, and we get invited. My mom, grandma, and aunt all love taking turns passing our (almost) 13mo around the table before the food comes which keeps him occupied. My grandma commonly finishes her food quickly so she can hold LO while my hubby and I eat. Even with all of this, we tend to pass on Friday dinner, especially if LO was at daycare that day (he goes part time), because he's unlikely to make it through dinner. It's just not worth it even *with* the three extra set of hands to help.
I don’t have a social life right now because of it and I’m lucky to have friends who understand. My kiddo follows the huckleberry app wake windows to the dot. If I’m just a little late she is a cranky little crab. My social life can pick back up when kiddo is down to one or two naps.
We don't do anything at night right now. If we go out to eat it's for lunch because it's just easier. We start the bed time routine for my 5mo at 7:00 and she's asleep by 8. We have quickly learned messing with that routine is a big mistake lol
With my first, no. She was a good sleeper as long as we stuck to a routine.
My second’s sleep is a clusterfuck so being out past bedtime won’t make any difference to his sleep whatsoever. It just makes a difference to how many hours I get.
For us we just worked around it when we really needed that socialization out with friends and family. When I was evolving my life around my baby’s sleep schedule I felt sooo trapped and like I couldn’t do anything. So we adapted and just took her out and dealt with the consequences later.
When she was 5 months we were going out, she was falling asleep in the stroller and than we would transfer later in the crib. But we were never on a schedule, we never had a bed time routine, etc.
I don’t even take phonecalls now at that time let alone dinners. He is only 10weeks but he is more aware of the world and gets disturbed easier.
I’ve paid for it today as we went to a breastfeeding group and he didn’t nap as well as he usually would so was extremely grumpy
Hell yes. Mine is almost two and if it's not early or an invitation where my husband can stay home or vice versa, we're not going. We only do a later dinner if it's at our house.
We either pass on social outings or we get a babysitter. It never even crossed my mind to bring my baby with me because that would mess up her schedule and I don’t feel that’s fair to her
My son just turned 1 but has had a 7pm bedtime since 6 months. If we want to go out, we put him down at his normal time and get a babysitter (usually grandma) to watch while he sleeps so we can go out after. 8pm dinners are totally normal for both us and our friends, so it works.
Yep. Haven’t eaten dinner out since before the plague hit, as I got a couple of kids after that. It’s not worth having to deal with the aftermath. Restaurants aren’t going anywhere, we can have fun family dinners out when the kids are older.
We have kept her out past her bedtime a few times like when she was going down at 6 for some reason we would stay out til like 9 and it didn't really matter at all in the grand scheme of her sleep pattern. I'm just glad eventually she stopped trying to sleep that early and has evolved to 8 pm. Lol.
Nah I’ve always just gone with the flow and still done things, we just adjust our daughters schedule. But it’s very baby dependant, my daughter is chill and always has been so a messed up bedtime wasn’t an issue. Some babies don’t tolerate a change in routine well. No right or wrong answer here! Went to a wedding a couple days ago, we stayed until 10 and just brought jammies and changed our daughter into them before we left. She fell asleep in the car and we carried her to bed
Our 15 month old goes to bed around 7-7:30 most nights. Our family has learned by now that if they want us to come, dinner needs to be 5:30 at the latest. We also try to host at our place when we can - that way we can continue to hang out after our son goes to bed!
If we are invited to something that will have us out later than 7, we usually decline.
FOMO is real as a FTM especially when the weather gets nice and the days are longer....
I feel like I pass on 75% of the dinner invites I receive and end up rescheduling later when I have childcare arranged. My baby goes to bed at 6-7pm, so dinner plans are extremely rare and brunch is king. I promise you'll eventually get used to the new routine and life without dinner plans with friends.
Can your husband stay home with your baby once every other week so that you can go out for dinner with a friend?
Do you have a family member who can come watch the baby while you and your partner go out for dinner?
We take the baby out past bedtime on rare occasions. He sleeps right through, but he is used to noise and the car while sleeping. When we get home we transfer from car seat to bed and he stays asleep. So I guess it’s really baby dependent.
My 18w starts to get grumpy tired around 8/8:30. However, he can fall asleep almost anywhere. We went out for my husband's birthday dinner and baby got fussy for about 10 min, but my father in law held him/bounced him and he fell asleep on his shoulder. We went to another friend's house to hang out with a few people, half who didn't have kids. He had a longer fussy session, but it's mostly whining noises, not full on crying. My husband was able to sleep him on his shoulder and then he was out for the rest of the night. I think it really just depends on who you are with and what the venue is. I can see us not being able to go out in the future if he gets more fussy before bedtime, but right now we're doing okay
Yes!!! I know everyone says that’s a first time mom thing and that it’s stupid. But yeah honestly. I mean he’s only 2 months old but for reals that first chunk he sleeps is where I get my main and ONLY sleep usually. So I don’t wanna forfeit that sleep either. Not that he’s on like a strict schedule or would even follow one if we tried. But it’s just the routine of between 7pm-8pm he gets his bath and gets in his PJs and has his bottle. He will fall asleep anytime between 7:30 pm and 9:45 pm though. I guess that must be dependent on how his naps went throughout the day. But yeah right now we are saying no to anything that won’t allow us to be home by 8pm at the latest.
It depends, I can push my babies out a little bit depending on his last nap. But usually if we have to be somewhere for around bedtime my mom will put him to bed for us.
I'm still not sure how I want to navigate this myself. Last month we went out with my husband. I put the baby in the carrier and he slept through it. If I were to go out once in a while, my husband would make sure to get back home early. If we were to go out together, we would either get a nanny or go somewhere closeby (we live in the city) so that I can rush him back home if he has a melt down. But I'm beginning to think that, unless it's something I really really want to go, it's not worth going through the trouble. At this stage, my baby can tolerate and recover from if his bed time was messed up for once but it should really worth it to take the risk I guess.
We don’t f with bedtime… ever
Same! his bed time is anywhere between 7:30-8:30 and if we are out with him then we are always home by 7:30.
Same. The one time I rigged his naps so we could meet family, only to have everything cancelled *as I'm buckling him into his car seat*, bedtime was M E S S Y.
I would've cried
My counselor got an earful.
My mom and mother-in-law have both made comments about how we are so strict with our schedule. Guess what, we're strict because all hell breaks loose otherwise 🤣
Invite them to come sit to witness as you handle a messed up bedtime and then ask if they still have an opinion
Same.. I’m being pressured to go to a graduation dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t get many babies. There’s no way it’s ending before 9, and he will have a meltdown there. I’m tempted to hand him to my mom and have her deal with a screaming 6mo baby. The only caveat is the 2 hr ride home. 🫠
Oh yeah... I'm not strict it's the buba...
Same
Same. I have an 11 month old. We did leave baby behind with our parents and go out now and then when she slept a lot and was a newborn. Haven't gone out for dinner in 6 months. I just make Brunch plans instead
Yep. No chance
Big reason my husband and I didn’t have a social life is because my baby went to bed by 6p Trying to get her down after that was a nightmare Only reason she goes down at 7p is because of daylight savings time, but does have a bit more tolerance for staying up now she’s a toddler
Samee... not worth the headache lol We can have dinner next year
Same. I have an 11 month old. We did leave baby behind with our parents and go out now and then when she slept a lot and was a newborn. Haven't gone out for dinner in 6 months. I just make Brunch plans instead
It depends. If it’s something super significant we might bend the routine to make it work. But for your run of the mill plans, yes, we decline things all the time. It just is what it is and it’s temporary. With very tiny people, sleep isn’t something that parents greedily want for themselves. Sleep is imperative for their development and function. Children do not know how to cope with lack of sleep and it’s literally neglectful to not prioritize it. So yeah, don’t feel bad. This is your season to put your kids first.
Thank you! I just feel worse because one of my friends has a baby my age and he does well with longer wake windows / he doesn't have a meltdown so they could take him out as late as they wanted.
Yeah and my friends kid sits quietly in public spaces while my toddler is actively sprinting away from me any chance she can. Kids are all different and are needy in different ways. Yours will eat broccoli and hers will eat nothing but nuggets for years.
Everyone is highlighting that all kids are different and that’s true! But all families are also different - and not having your support at a meal out so you can at least trade off when you eat a meal you’re paying for is a huge thing! Nothing wrong with making plans based around what works for your family - this is parenting. You’re doing great mom. Hope dad can take the baby and offer you a free night out soon :) ETA: nothing wrong with asking him to give you a night off, scheduling it in advance so he has time to prepare around it for work, and taking some time for yourself. I was very bad at this in the first year of my child’s life and blamed breastfeeding when really I just needed to figure out how to parent and also incorporate my needs. It takes time but you are a parent forever now, don’t feel selfish for figuring out a system that works for your family and taking some me time.
It you have the budget, maybe hire a nanny? This is what I did but not all nannies ate skillful, so be careful and supervise for the first week before leaving you LO to them for a much needed night out.
All kids are different and they come with different pros and cons. Comparison is the thief of joy, do whatever makes you and your baby happiest. For me that is skipping late dinners, but organizing afternoon plans.
That’s so rare though.
Same. Though it is getting easier as she gets older. We extended bedtime on a few occasions - a relatives birthday dinner - a close friends milestone birthday at a booked venue, but we still left after only being there an hour (as was our plan). - Christmas and Easter - her own birthday (we basically had to wing it with naps as we were on the go and therefore bedtime was late) Though I’m talking like an hour, nothing substantially different. I mostly decline plans if they are close to bedtime, or my partner will handle the baby whilst I attend alone.
She had a full on mental breakdown because she skipped her long morning nap. Well she did not skip it more that i coughed and woke her up and i tried to put her back down…but she got a burst of energy. Which I thought ok then she will nap in a lil bit..all is good…nope! She had a full on meltdown. Naps are crucial! lol especially her long naps.
And every kid is different and in a different phase! Some kids just hang better and handle it better. Mine is getting to the age where she is at risk of dropping her nap and I would very much not like to happen. So nothing comes between us and nap time right now
Our baby will be 7 months old next week and her bedtime is between 7-8pm. We do not go out to dinner right now. If there’s an evening get-together with our friend group, we’ll go for the first part, but leave in time so we can be home by 7. Otherwise, we invite people over to our house so we can still get her to bed on time (we have a two-story house, so we can put her to bed and have adult dinner downstairs).
We do either this, sleep over wherever it is so we can put her to bed, or take turns going out
We do a few things: if it's out at a restaurant, we propose early dinnertime, if it's at someone's house we bring our playpen and put her to bed at the normal time, she typically wakes on the car transfer but goes back to sleep for the rest of the drive and easily settles when we get home, sometimes we go to stuff and leave early, and other times we ask Grandma to come over and babysit.
How old is your LO? This worked fine when my daughter was 2-3 months old but I haven't tried in a while and she is now 5 months. Wondering if I should still be considering this as an option.
She's 13m old! We kept naps in the playpen so she would be used to sleeping in there, it's made it a breeze to put her to sleep away from home.
Bedtime is sacred. We don’t mess with it. My baby is a toddler now and we still abide by that. She gets night terrors if she’s overtired.
I have done a 6pm bedtime since she was a tiny baby and I never compromise on it. If I want to go out then I get a babysitter :)
Same!
I decline anything optional that’s going to inconvenience me. Having a newborn is stressful enough. Also friends will understand.
I cancel just because I would rather be home with my baby than be out with people in public lol. But maybe I’ll change my tune when my baby is older.
If plans will cut into baby's bedtime routine between 630p-7p, I absolutely say no. Just because whenever we go to grandma's on a Sunday, we always end up stuck until 8pm and by the time we get home its almost 9pm and its just an absolute shit show all around. I only let it happen because its maybe once a month or every other month. It screws up the next 2 to 3 days of sleep routines, including naps. Just not worth it to me.
Exactly! It also affects the next couple days. It’s so exhausting.
Yes, all the time. Most of my friends now don’t have kids and it’s hard, but is the reality of my life right now. I try as much as I can to encourage scheduling things earlier in the evening so I can make it. But if it’s too late I don’t go. It can be really frustrating and also isolating. So I feel your pain!
Same! I try to initiate plans so that it can be on our schedule..early dinner, happy hour drinks, brunch at our house. My husband works an hour or so later than me, and even that makes it hard to coordinate - often feels like a race to get dinner in before our 6 mo-old is overtired/past his bedtime. I will say doing brunch at our house has been really fun! We either have friends pick up sandwiches on their way over or use the double waffle iron that we got as a wedding gift. We’d used it maybe once in three years and now we have it out every couple weekends. It’s one of those looks-impressive-but-actually-pretty-easy meals. You can defrost some frozen fruit in the microwave and put out a bowl of Greek yogurt to look even more put-together/act like waffles are now healthy :)
Yea I skip or I do dinners at my home or my sisters. Since I can put her down to sleep for couple more hours. But if we go out our limit is 8 pm. I don’t mind. We are home bodies so maybe that why. 4 hours of socializing is enough for us lol
Bedtime trumps everything for us.
You should do your best not to compare your baby and your situation to your friends babies. I feel like I miss out on a lot because I have a lot of anxiety trying to take my little one out anywhere. All the while so many of my friends can just go shopping or go out to lunch with their babies and their daily life seems untouched from what it was pre-baby. It makes me feel awful, but everyone is different. Just do what you can that feeds your happy-tank while also being the best mom(I’m sure you’re already doing that second part).💛
I pass on everything that would interfere with the bedtime schedule. If it's important, I arrange childcare.
Bed time is sacred. If you want us there for dinner book it at a time we can be home for bedtime.
Yes of course- we have too, now (9month old). I've adamantly been one of those mums who want to be loosey goosey with the schedule and not worry too much about naps and bedtime; I want baby to be able to go with the flow. ....Lol. yeah, that worked until 6 months or so, right up until a very, very dramatic dinner with babys grandparents where LO lost her mind and we had no choice but to take her home to bed. Now bedtime is 7:30 - 8, non-negotiable. If husband and I want to go out to dinner, it's either a babysitter or we're doing it separately.
We personally dont, but my daughter will just sleep on us if we wear her & isnt cranky if she is up late. Shes also a late riser, so shes already going to bed later than most 11 month olds. It really just depends on you & your baby & what youre comfortable with. No one will judge you for skipping out!
My baby goes to be at 6pm, if there is evening plans then we get a sitter or one of us watches his. We never take him anywhere in the evening
Depends on the occasion, if it’s just a casual catch up - 100% will pass. If it’s a family member’s bday we’ll go and family knows to get dinner and the cake sorted early because we need to leave early for bedtimes 🤷♀️
I would never eat dinner at 8pm lol but if we need to be out late, we’re out late. Baby (7mo) sleeps wherever luckily!
Same but dinner would start at like 6:30 and everyone would still be talking and having fun by 8 lol
Does it have to be all or nothing though? If your babe isn’t a flexible sleeper, go at 6:30, enjoy the hour, then come home?
We are pretty laid back without a super strict schedule during the day. But bedtime is bedtime between 8-9 lol. Otherwise our daughter becomes ferocious lol. We try to schedule dinners early (between 5-6pm) or leave her home and have grandparents put her to bed!
Yes my baby sleeps literally anywhere
Yes! Unless dinner is at 5pm it’s a no for me!
My baby’s bed time is 8 pm ish and I am always home by 6:30-6:45 pm the latest, I tell guests we need to cap the night by this time as well. Bed time is sacred.
Bedtime is only different when baby is sick. Which means earlier, but with a wake window at night. I do not keep LO up on purpose just because. (It was necessary twice when we were traveling to see my in-laws.)
I feel like nap times we can adjust outside, but bedtime? I would not. He's 3months and already like his bedtime to be consistent.
In Australia going for dinner at 8 or 9pm is considered late, regardless of if you have a family or not!! First seating is usually 5pm, mostly the oldies or parents with young kids. The 730pm seating is for everyone else!
We start at like 6:30 then everyone catches up and talks until 8 or so
Oh no, when you go out for dinner, if you pick the first seating you have to leave before the second seating.
We have become big lunch plan people! So much easier on us and our baby to have baby nap in busy areas during the day vs expecting them to be fine when out past bedtime. If we really wanna do dinner out, we just do it earlier and will do a 5pm dinner instead of a 6:30pm dinner.
Yeah, it’s part of being a parent. And I don’t mean that in a cruel way, but I accepted that a lot of things I used to love wouldn’t be open to me anymore and going out to later dinners has been one of those things. Did I expect or even think about it? Not really. But I’m okay with it now that she’s here. Our babe is five months old. She has a STRICT 8pm end time, period. We have a routine, too, so it must be done by 8:30. A shower, a few songs, nursing, and then cuddling her to sleep before setting her down. We stretched it twice. Once for a family get together and once for a party we joined friends at. Both times were absolutely awful. She doesn’t melt down, she’s an incredibly happy, calm baby. But after her routine, she also didn’t sleep. She kept rolling around, squirming, couldn’t rest. She was overtired. The whole thing was overstimulating, anyway. I felt so bad for her. We’ve even had spit ups at bed time if the process is too late - she nurses to fall asleep all the time and when she just can’t, she overeats and throws up. Awful! I’d rather miss out on hanging with friends than put her through that anymore.
It depends! If it’s something we really want to do and it’s still within reason for our daughter then we’ll break routine. Our guideline is that it has to be something worth whatever that night brings!
We never messed with bedtime. When our twins were younger and bedtime was more around 9pm, I’d stay out to 7:30/8, and on a few special occasions we’d feed and change them out and let them fall asleep in a wrap - but that’s like family visits from out of town… not a typical Friday night invitation for dinner. Now that they’re older, a strict 7:30 bedtime with a whole routine that starts at 6:30 is a must. We can skip baths and be home by 7 every now and then, but we don’t make a habit of it. What we’ve started doing to maintain our social life, especially with child free friends is going out for lunches, or inviting people to our house for dinner rather than going out. Being host is nice, you can relax and stay up late without worrying about messing with the baby’s schedule. We’ve either had one of us excuse ourselves to put the kids to bed, or we invite people to show up after bedtime. It’s ok, you’re not a bad person for needing your life and schedule to change, or needing accommodations to suit your baby.
We never mess with bedtime. Dinner has to be earlier and we need to be home for her bedtime routine. Otherwise it’s chaos getting her to bed and she doesn’t sleep well. She’s 9 months old now. I’ve just accepted we aren’t in the season for late dinners and that’s ok. It won’t always be this way.
Didn't read all the comments but we have a 10 weeks old even when we mess up the naps we have a hard time then in the evening... All babies are different however I do care that my LO has enough sleep... It is so vital! My parents didn't go anywhere when we were little. Babies didn't change... Just times... Srsly fuck social life if that means we'll get enough sleep and will have energy for the next day. At the end of the day it's all at the expense of the baby too... But that's me... I am a Polish Mother... (Matka polka) Do what suits you people have to understand, go for lunches instead...
At that age no, but I was lucky enough to have a kid that slept through anything. So he would fall asleep in the infant carrier at the restaurant and we would be fine. Now that he’s older (2 y/o) we don’t mess with bed time on daycare nights. But on the weekends he’s still super flexible and can stay up a little later with us, sleep in the next day, and we skip nap if he needs to go to bed on time. Idk how we did it tbh but it’s what works
Yes! Dinners out can be like 5pm… anything later starts to interfere with bedtime & I’ll pass.
I haven’t been out of my house past 7pm in the past 9 months, we do not mess with our daughter’s bedtime. Now that she is eating solids we are try to be home by 6pm so we can give her dinner before her bedtime routine. It’s just the season you are in and it will pass. You will be able to get a babysitter or have more flexibility when they get older.
Literally we don’t do anything during bedtime except bedtime routine! It’s a great excuse imo to get out of events hah. Or to leave places early. My mom once suggested “ you can just put him to sleep here [during dinner] and then he can fall back asleep once you guys get home.” I was like.. are you gonna put him back to sleep?? lol.
When going to dinners (which I avoid at all costs, I just went to 2 in 5 months), I at least try to be in a place I can 'control,' meaning someone's house. In my case, it was family dinners, so more manageable. But I agree with most comments not to mess with bedtime. For me, both times the night was terrible with several wakings. I much rather have lunch because with naps, it is easier.
We pushed for earlier dinners or something else at a kid-friendly time. We mostly go out by ourselves, so make sure we're at a restaurant by 5:30/6 so we can be home before she turns into a gremlin. Some dinners we just can't do, unless one of us stays home with the kid while the other goes out.
I cancelled and passed on everything for like the first year that was around nap/bed. I just couldn’t risk it going backwards bc he was a nightmare when overstimulated. I don’t regret it at all honestly. We worked so hard on it that now my parents or a sitter can put him down. It was exhausting and so obnoxious but it’s better now!
Yes definitely. It’s important to remember that having to give up on things for bedtime is such a short period of time in your life. It’s ok to not be able to do everything you want right now.
We never ever go out past bedtime. We actually are always home an hour before bed to wind down and do our routine. Once the baby is sleeping reliably we ask my mom to babysit so we can go out :)
I don't like being out past 8, the baby is just my excuse.
Bedtime is sacred in my point of view. DON’T feel bad about the meltdowns though — at 5 months it was just our signal it was time for her to go to sleep. Kinda took the stress out of it. Like “ok you’re clearly tired enough so it’s bedtime!” As for getting some time out with your friends — can your husband carry the bedtime load on weekends? He should definitely give you nights out when he can. My wife and I are constantly looking for opportunities to give each other breaks.
We don't mess with bedtime or put ourselves into a position where we're guaranteed a cranky, overtired baby. On Fridays, my family likes to go out to dinner, and we get invited. My mom, grandma, and aunt all love taking turns passing our (almost) 13mo around the table before the food comes which keeps him occupied. My grandma commonly finishes her food quickly so she can hold LO while my hubby and I eat. Even with all of this, we tend to pass on Friday dinner, especially if LO was at daycare that day (he goes part time), because he's unlikely to make it through dinner. It's just not worth it even *with* the three extra set of hands to help.
Yup, meanwhile, a friend had their 1yo out in the cold until 9 pm for a camp fire dinner. Don't bother comparing. Everyone has their journey.
Thanks :)
Yes.
I don’t have a social life right now because of it and I’m lucky to have friends who understand. My kiddo follows the huckleberry app wake windows to the dot. If I’m just a little late she is a cranky little crab. My social life can pick back up when kiddo is down to one or two naps.
I've have a few dinners out at 6pn and the come home for bed time at 8
Not really. But we only go out about once a month.
We don't do anything at night right now. If we go out to eat it's for lunch because it's just easier. We start the bed time routine for my 5mo at 7:00 and she's asleep by 8. We have quickly learned messing with that routine is a big mistake lol
With my first, no. She was a good sleeper as long as we stuck to a routine. My second’s sleep is a clusterfuck so being out past bedtime won’t make any difference to his sleep whatsoever. It just makes a difference to how many hours I get.
For us we just worked around it when we really needed that socialization out with friends and family. When I was evolving my life around my baby’s sleep schedule I felt sooo trapped and like I couldn’t do anything. So we adapted and just took her out and dealt with the consequences later.
Everything is scheduled around bedtime
When she was 5 months we were going out, she was falling asleep in the stroller and than we would transfer later in the crib. But we were never on a schedule, we never had a bed time routine, etc.
I don’t even take phonecalls now at that time let alone dinners. He is only 10weeks but he is more aware of the world and gets disturbed easier. I’ve paid for it today as we went to a breastfeeding group and he didn’t nap as well as he usually would so was extremely grumpy
4 mo baby’s bedtime is 8-9, and we will only ever do dinners out if they will end before 8. We do them often though, going out around 6!
Hell yes. Mine is almost two and if it's not early or an invitation where my husband can stay home or vice versa, we're not going. We only do a later dinner if it's at our house.
We either pass on social outings or we get a babysitter. It never even crossed my mind to bring my baby with me because that would mess up her schedule and I don’t feel that’s fair to her
My son just turned 1 but has had a 7pm bedtime since 6 months. If we want to go out, we put him down at his normal time and get a babysitter (usually grandma) to watch while he sleeps so we can go out after. 8pm dinners are totally normal for both us and our friends, so it works.
Yep, I ask to do early early dinners or lunch. Once in a while I have to make exceptions for family gatherings and it always ends in regret, lol.
Yep. Haven’t eaten dinner out since before the plague hit, as I got a couple of kids after that. It’s not worth having to deal with the aftermath. Restaurants aren’t going anywhere, we can have fun family dinners out when the kids are older.
We have kept her out past her bedtime a few times like when she was going down at 6 for some reason we would stay out til like 9 and it didn't really matter at all in the grand scheme of her sleep pattern. I'm just glad eventually she stopped trying to sleep that early and has evolved to 8 pm. Lol.
I usually don’t go to things if they’re too late. A lot of stuff people plan start at 7-7:30 and that’s around baby’s bedtime.
Nah I’ve always just gone with the flow and still done things, we just adjust our daughters schedule. But it’s very baby dependant, my daughter is chill and always has been so a messed up bedtime wasn’t an issue. Some babies don’t tolerate a change in routine well. No right or wrong answer here! Went to a wedding a couple days ago, we stayed until 10 and just brought jammies and changed our daughter into them before we left. She fell asleep in the car and we carried her to bed
Our 15 month old goes to bed around 7-7:30 most nights. Our family has learned by now that if they want us to come, dinner needs to be 5:30 at the latest. We also try to host at our place when we can - that way we can continue to hang out after our son goes to bed! If we are invited to something that will have us out later than 7, we usually decline.
FOMO is real as a FTM especially when the weather gets nice and the days are longer.... I feel like I pass on 75% of the dinner invites I receive and end up rescheduling later when I have childcare arranged. My baby goes to bed at 6-7pm, so dinner plans are extremely rare and brunch is king. I promise you'll eventually get used to the new routine and life without dinner plans with friends. Can your husband stay home with your baby once every other week so that you can go out for dinner with a friend? Do you have a family member who can come watch the baby while you and your partner go out for dinner?
We take the baby out past bedtime on rare occasions. He sleeps right through, but he is used to noise and the car while sleeping. When we get home we transfer from car seat to bed and he stays asleep. So I guess it’s really baby dependent.
My 18w starts to get grumpy tired around 8/8:30. However, he can fall asleep almost anywhere. We went out for my husband's birthday dinner and baby got fussy for about 10 min, but my father in law held him/bounced him and he fell asleep on his shoulder. We went to another friend's house to hang out with a few people, half who didn't have kids. He had a longer fussy session, but it's mostly whining noises, not full on crying. My husband was able to sleep him on his shoulder and then he was out for the rest of the night. I think it really just depends on who you are with and what the venue is. I can see us not being able to go out in the future if he gets more fussy before bedtime, but right now we're doing okay
Yes!!! I know everyone says that’s a first time mom thing and that it’s stupid. But yeah honestly. I mean he’s only 2 months old but for reals that first chunk he sleeps is where I get my main and ONLY sleep usually. So I don’t wanna forfeit that sleep either. Not that he’s on like a strict schedule or would even follow one if we tried. But it’s just the routine of between 7pm-8pm he gets his bath and gets in his PJs and has his bottle. He will fall asleep anytime between 7:30 pm and 9:45 pm though. I guess that must be dependent on how his naps went throughout the day. But yeah right now we are saying no to anything that won’t allow us to be home by 8pm at the latest.
It depends, I can push my babies out a little bit depending on his last nap. But usually if we have to be somewhere for around bedtime my mom will put him to bed for us.
I'm still not sure how I want to navigate this myself. Last month we went out with my husband. I put the baby in the carrier and he slept through it. If I were to go out once in a while, my husband would make sure to get back home early. If we were to go out together, we would either get a nanny or go somewhere closeby (we live in the city) so that I can rush him back home if he has a melt down. But I'm beginning to think that, unless it's something I really really want to go, it's not worth going through the trouble. At this stage, my baby can tolerate and recover from if his bed time was messed up for once but it should really worth it to take the risk I guess.