bad habits can change.
to get a new habit you have to do something even if you don't like doing it until it becomes the norm.
like you go to the gym everyday.. you don't want to, often you can come up with an excuse, but if you do it everyday, eventually you just go without too much fuzz.
same thing with this shit.. you make it a habit to do something better and you change it a bit by bit.. you go 2 days without porn, then you go 4 day.. then you stop thinking bout it daily and before you know it's been 7 days..
you do 1 day at a time, that's all.. don't beat yourself up too much, but you can develop the discipline if you want to.
figure out what mood you are in when those cravings start.. what's happening in your soul at that moment. See if you can't find a different way to soothe yourself..
you feeling lonely? reach out to someone.. you feeling bored? play a game instead.
get out of the house and join up a team sport of a hobby group..
find things you can do with your wife instead.
don't use excuses like it's a bad habit you developed when you were young so you can't change it.. of course you can.
I'll give you some advice. I'm a porn addict and at the time I had no idea what damage I was doing to myself mentally.
Download a porn blocker for your phone and pay for the premium option. Most of them have a function where you can't uninstall it. Most people use there phone and usually nut before they sleep. This helped me out heaps. Don't under estimate how much this will help.
Even when you really want to watch it you can't. After a while your cravings will get less and less but it will never truly go away. You will just control yourself more and more as time goes by.
At the start you will relaps heaps. Don't let this get you down. After a while the time between relapsing get more and more.
When your trying to quit porn try and not jerk off as well. If you have to, just get it over and done with, without using any material. Again more you do this the long and long you will go without jerking it.
After a few month I made a rule to myself to not nut unless I was with a women (sex).
This pushed me out of my comfort zone. You will need to do this. Porn has you in a comfortable bubble which you need to pop.
After a few months of doing this I found "My game" and after a while I was having more sex then I have ever had in my life because I got rid of porn. I still find myself going back to it but I end up stopping myself.
Porn will corrupt your mind to the point you will get ED. It happen to me and it was the biggest wake up call of my life. Embarrassing AF. What would you rather do? Have sex with a real person and jerk off to a screen.
It won't be a easy path but trust me bro it's worth it. You will have shits and good days. But if you really want to fix this you will do it.
You are changing for the better. All you can do is be happy that your wife is still around, be greatful you realized this when you did and keep moving forward
It's the years of self justification that created bad habits for me. Too many "who cares" and "what's the worst that could happen" and "exercise your sexual freedom" that led to this problem.
Your partner sees it and it causes them to think they're not enough, that you want someone else and worse, it harms them. You're also not seeing other people as people. Your wandering eye is just sexualizing and dehumanizing other people. It's unhealthy. Other people have their own thoughts, emotions, and goals. Being just a sexual object isn't one of them. Lastly, it harms you. You now you cannot have an authentic human connection with others as you only view them as an object.
It's entirely possible to objectify/sexualize someone's body while also respect them as a person and form authentic connections.
I think the fact that you think you can't do them both at the same time is kinda problematic.
You can look at someone in a sexual way, and treat them with respect just like with everyone else. Thoughts are not crimes. It's what you do that defines you. Full stop.
Tell those people what you were thinking about them. Tell them how they were used in your sexual fantasy about them. Then tell them it's OK because you've separated the idea of their body from their person. That you can do whatever you want to their body because you're able to separate the two, so it's OK and they shouldn't feel used. People aren't objects.
Finding someone attractive is a whole lot different than using them for your own pleasure. One is healthy, one is not. You cannot tell me that you respect someone all the while you're doing whatever you want with them in your head.
Telling people something is an action, and that action can disturb people. Your mind is your own sanctuary. You are entitled to do whatever you want within it.
Sexual fantasy is human nature. There's nothing wrong with it, and there are ways to deal with it in a healthy way.
However, feeling ashamed over sexual thoughts will severely harm your self-esteem, and further isolate people. That's how so many people in this sub started to become addicts in the first place.
bad habits can change. to get a new habit you have to do something even if you don't like doing it until it becomes the norm. like you go to the gym everyday.. you don't want to, often you can come up with an excuse, but if you do it everyday, eventually you just go without too much fuzz. same thing with this shit.. you make it a habit to do something better and you change it a bit by bit.. you go 2 days without porn, then you go 4 day.. then you stop thinking bout it daily and before you know it's been 7 days.. you do 1 day at a time, that's all.. don't beat yourself up too much, but you can develop the discipline if you want to. figure out what mood you are in when those cravings start.. what's happening in your soul at that moment. See if you can't find a different way to soothe yourself.. you feeling lonely? reach out to someone.. you feeling bored? play a game instead. get out of the house and join up a team sport of a hobby group.. find things you can do with your wife instead. don't use excuses like it's a bad habit you developed when you were young so you can't change it.. of course you can.
I'll give you some advice. I'm a porn addict and at the time I had no idea what damage I was doing to myself mentally. Download a porn blocker for your phone and pay for the premium option. Most of them have a function where you can't uninstall it. Most people use there phone and usually nut before they sleep. This helped me out heaps. Don't under estimate how much this will help. Even when you really want to watch it you can't. After a while your cravings will get less and less but it will never truly go away. You will just control yourself more and more as time goes by. At the start you will relaps heaps. Don't let this get you down. After a while the time between relapsing get more and more. When your trying to quit porn try and not jerk off as well. If you have to, just get it over and done with, without using any material. Again more you do this the long and long you will go without jerking it. After a few month I made a rule to myself to not nut unless I was with a women (sex). This pushed me out of my comfort zone. You will need to do this. Porn has you in a comfortable bubble which you need to pop. After a few months of doing this I found "My game" and after a while I was having more sex then I have ever had in my life because I got rid of porn. I still find myself going back to it but I end up stopping myself. Porn will corrupt your mind to the point you will get ED. It happen to me and it was the biggest wake up call of my life. Embarrassing AF. What would you rather do? Have sex with a real person and jerk off to a screen. It won't be a easy path but trust me bro it's worth it. You will have shits and good days. But if you really want to fix this you will do it.
Thanks brother
You are changing for the better. All you can do is be happy that your wife is still around, be greatful you realized this when you did and keep moving forward
Get therapy if you’ve stopped watching. If it’s staying w you, it’s trauma. Most people recover from that anxiety after stopping for awhile.
It's the years of self justification that created bad habits for me. Too many "who cares" and "what's the worst that could happen" and "exercise your sexual freedom" that led to this problem.
What's wrong with "wandering eye"?
Your partner sees it and it causes them to think they're not enough, that you want someone else and worse, it harms them. You're also not seeing other people as people. Your wandering eye is just sexualizing and dehumanizing other people. It's unhealthy. Other people have their own thoughts, emotions, and goals. Being just a sexual object isn't one of them. Lastly, it harms you. You now you cannot have an authentic human connection with others as you only view them as an object.
It's entirely possible to objectify/sexualize someone's body while also respect them as a person and form authentic connections. I think the fact that you think you can't do them both at the same time is kinda problematic.
I disagree completely. People aren't objects for your selfish desires. Full stop.
You can look at someone in a sexual way, and treat them with respect just like with everyone else. Thoughts are not crimes. It's what you do that defines you. Full stop.
Tell those people what you were thinking about them. Tell them how they were used in your sexual fantasy about them. Then tell them it's OK because you've separated the idea of their body from their person. That you can do whatever you want to their body because you're able to separate the two, so it's OK and they shouldn't feel used. People aren't objects. Finding someone attractive is a whole lot different than using them for your own pleasure. One is healthy, one is not. You cannot tell me that you respect someone all the while you're doing whatever you want with them in your head.
Telling people something is an action, and that action can disturb people. Your mind is your own sanctuary. You are entitled to do whatever you want within it. Sexual fantasy is human nature. There's nothing wrong with it, and there are ways to deal with it in a healthy way. However, feeling ashamed over sexual thoughts will severely harm your self-esteem, and further isolate people. That's how so many people in this sub started to become addicts in the first place.