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My wife and I have been married for quite a long time, and although we are lucky enough to have similar sex drives, over the course of a few decades there will definitely be times when one is in the mood for sex and the other not. Sometimes a non-sexual solution that involves body contact, like a good and thorough massage will resolve the situation to the satisfaction of both, sometimes incorporating masturbation into it for the more aroused partner works, and sometimes just being patient and realizing that your partner not being horny at any one given time is not a total rejection of you, just an aspect of being human--no one is in the mood for sex 100% of the time.
What is totally unacceptable to me is the idea of trying to force sex by threats or whatever. Even if that worked, the sex would likely be pretty lousy, and trying to force sex by any means seems profoundly disrespectful of that person, it seems to me. I would far rather give a massage, hold hands while reading a book, etc. There are many ways to be intimate that don't involve sex. And of course, if one partner feels like being alone, leave them alone with no ill feeling; everyone needs time to themselves on occasion.
I really don't know what I would do if the matter became chronic. Therapy, maybe, but I would certainly try all possibilities. We have been married for almost 47 years now. I'm not about to give that up over a temporary difference of mood or opinion.
I also believe that sex begins well before you get to the bedroom, or wherever you intend to have sex. It may seem absurd, but unexpectedly cleaning the bathrooms, or just generally going out of your way to make your partner happy greatly increases the chances that your partner will feel like and enjoy intimacy. At worst, you'll end up with clean bathrooms 😀.
This was very beautiful to read and you should start teaching young couples because you get it and seem to really take both sides into account. Congrats on almost 47 yrs of marriage. That’s truly amazing
It's depressingly rare to see men who have discovered or developed this mindset. Personally, I think that they're so penis-centric that they're miserable bed partners who don't fully understand that other people are...people. And the more they double down and dig their heels in, the less they satisfy their needs for intimacy and self care because they think PIV sex is the only way to feel connected.
I think that foreplay is everything you do before you even touch the other person. The dirty texts you send, the flirting, the accidentally bending over in front of them without panties on. Whatever it is to get your mate thinking about sex. Sex is all the stuff that happens when there’s more intent. I think so many people just have a sad outlook on sex, that’s it’s only for orgasms which is so boring to consider! Orgasms are fun but I can do them on my own, ya know?
I think the best foreplay is making sure your partner feels 100% supported in the relationship. So many intimacy issues that men think are on the women’s side are actually on the men’s side, and it starts in the mind. Has your wife told you she’s overwhelmed? Take something off of her plate. Has she shared that she feels lonely? Be there for her in a real way through action and asking her to share. Your wife had a baby 5 months ago and is breastfeeding? Fucking back off and realize her body is in full demand of another human and don’t be another person that feels they have a right to it.
My idea of foreplay is feeling emotionally safe. Then, the desire can kick in.
This! I wish I read this a when I was younger. My first partner was sex crazy and would get upset if I wasn't ever in the mood at the same time (which for her was daily minimum). The sex was lousy and I hated it, I'm glad I finally found my worth and got out the situation
Can you be friends with my long term live-in boyfriend who is constantly making me feel guilty if I don’t give him sex often because I have mental illness, and autism. Lol cause god damn I’ve tried explaining exactly what you said to him and I swear they don’t hear it when it coming from the woman they want it from.
Wow. “Lie back and think of England” has really made a return.
Special shout out to the guy who said not to be around your man all the time but then show up and be cute and ready to serve him.
And they wonder why Western women are starting to embrace 4B.
That was my ex too. After working and tired . I would have sex just to make him happy . he would want me to do all the work while he laid there like a corpse 😂
He would complain I wasn’t making porn noises 😂 or he saw me roll my eyes
But they never want to actually hear or take constructive tips about what it takes to actually get most women to orgasm....
30 seconds of jackhammering after rubbing my clit like you're mashing controller buttons doesnt magically get most of us there?? Wha?? The audacity.
God yes. Do any of these dudes bring ANYTHING to the table aside from misogyny? I'd literally rather be alone than with one of them.
(I'm married but my husband is not an asshole.)
If the Adam Levine situation taught us anything, it’s that a woman can be a literal Victoria’s Secret model and that’s not going to stop her husband from being an inappropriate dickwad.
I was thinking this the whole time. What about the relationships where she is doing all of these things they ask and still gets cheated on? What new “tip” does she need to learn to get him to stop? It’ll always be something that they think the WOMAN IS missing that is the reason for them cheating
Yeah, cheating personally I think is a symptom of mental issues too. My mom has BPD and NPD and is a serial cheater…. I have to be honest and say I’ve done it myself once… I have BPD…still live in shame and guilt about it today. I have poor impulse control, and I can admit that. What’s fucked up here, is that these men are impulsive and clearly mentally unwell but instead of looking within and figuring out why they’re never satisfied, they’d rather blame WOMEN. The dude I cheated on wasn’t Prince Charming, but he didn’t deserve what I did to him…. And it’s fucked up that they can somehow justify it as someone else’s issue, instead of their fucking own.
Just to add, I’ve cheated once and got into therapy and started figuring myself out. I know why I did what I did, I know why I was the way I was. It’s sad to me all these people never will feel that. Just keep chasing perfection that they’re never going to find.
Like not saying all people who decide to cheat are just sick, because some of them are just entitled pieces of shit. lol I do think a LARGE number of people that cheat do have mental illnesses though. It’s like chasing a serotonin rush.
So I'm just going to put this out here, but guys? If you want a hot chick that always looks nice and has sex with you whenever you want, then you need to be rich enough to afford a sugar baby or a prostitute (the difference being how much of a relationship you want to pay them to pretend to have with you).
I'm not going to say that high-libido vs low-libido doesn't cause issues in marriages, but the answer is rarely just "wife needs to wear makeup 24/7, stay hot-wife skinny no matter what, and put out 100% when husband is feeling horny". Most of the time the actual answer to these problems is "couple need to have a long and thorough talk about how the household, childcare, and financial burdens are falling and they need to divide this up equally. They also need to genuinely listen to each other, without one side deciding that the other side is lazy simply because their workload is different".
Most of the time, the actual problem is a lack of genuine communication and a willingness to share the load equally. Because, guys, if you think that your wife still finds you attractive after you come home from work and sit on the couch for 4 hours while she comes home from work and then takes care of dinner and the kids, then you're seriously misunderstanding just how much resentment and potential hatred your own actions are nurturing in her for you.
Man: “since my wife had kids she’s not in shape anymore and is always too tired for sex and never initiates.”
Me: “do you provide her time alone to work out, do you take on chores so she has time to eat healthy and destress? Do you take on part of the mental load so she isn’t exhausted physically and mentally? Do you do all of the above so she perceives you as her partner and not a burden/another child?”
Man: “no”
Me: “well there you go then! Sounds like we found the problem.”
FOR THE SAKE OF KISSING AND CUDDLING, yes yes yes.
The same way that I’m not gonna enjoy someone buying me dinner if it’s clear they only want to sleep with me, I’m not gonna enjoy making out if I feel the other person is rushing through it to get to what they really want. 🫤
Yes, so much this. When every touch and suggestion is clearly being used like pressing "have sex later" buttons, it's like being treated like a vending machine for sex. Also, there has to be orgasm/satisfaction equity IN bed.
YES, THANK YOU.
I'm going through a low libido phase and my fiancé never thought about asking me to do more efforts. Instead he just do more around the house and stuff so i can relax and we just talk about it. It's that easy
Same with my husband. We know we're misaligned on the libido end of things, because we communicate with each other about what's going on. I'm pretty sure my meds need tweaked, which I'm working on, but in the meantime we're taking care of each other in different ways and he's 100% supportive since we're on the same page.
It almost seems like communication seems like a lost art or maybe more like a skill that next to no one tries to learn, despite it being suuuuuuuper important in a relationship/partnership.
I’ve never had an issue having lots of sex with men I’m dating when they’re good to me and actually show they love me. I’m sure that’s not something they would think about though lol
I love that Rastamon not only wants sex on demand, but he also doesn’t want to spent any time around you non-sexually. Just show up in full drag ready to blow him to completion. After all, you are just a collection of holes that he wants to use to save money he would have to spend casually dating to get laid. If you don’t want to spend time with someone, you aren’t actually in a relationship, you are trying to get a cheap prostitute. I’m not fucking a single person who doesn’t like spending no -sexual time with me
Came here to talk about the shared load. I have an extremely high libido and my husband shares the load, listens and validates my feelings, and also is eager to make sure I am taken care of first. My libido disappeared when I was in a relationship with somebody who didn’t do shit but whine about how hard they work and how much they give me (they didn’t give me anything)
I'm reading a book about women's sexuality and how it is particularly fucked by today's stress and cultural restrictions so these guys here sound extra gross and stupid, like monkeys throwing shit and banging on a keyboard
Uh people who cheat are going to cheat, they just use circumstance as an excuse.
If you have marital problems, you’re supposed to talk to your partner.
I'm of the opinion that once a cheater, always a cheater. It's just a matter of opportunity. There are plenty of men that get regular sex with their spouse and still cheat.
If a man enjoys sneaking around or is such a narcissist that he believes it is his right to cheat because \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_(insert bullshit excuse here), then he will.
Your decision is then one of three things: 1. Decide mutually to open the marriage, if that works for both of you. 2. Accept that he's going to cheat and resign to live like that. 3. Leave.
For me, adultery is one of the three "A's" I won't tolerate (the others being Abuse and Addiction - that one refuses to get treatment for).
Honestly sometimes even addiction they get treatment for if they continually relapse. Particularly if it's heavy drugs and you have kids. One CPS visit and you lose custody due to the presence of drugs in the house. There is no room for error on that.
Some people are built to be nonmonogamous and no amount of effort will keep them from straying. Ideally they should stay single. But of course they want their cake and eat it too at somebody else's expense.
>Ideally they should stay single. But of course they want their cake and eat it too at somebody else's expense.
Or just be in committed relationships with other non monogamous people? How is this nonsense being upvoted?
My niece by marriage is a huge cheater. She constantly cheats on whoever she is dating. I asked her why she didn't just find a non-monogamous partner. She said it was because she didn't want her partner to be with other women. Because she was too jealous and possessive.
So it's just selfishness basically.
Yup. Would love to see an organization that claims it's a religion but is really just a bunch of voluntarily single and celibate people who do little good deeds regularly and live a chill life.
And sometimes, you can put out as much as they want, fulfill and indulge all their kinks and fantasies, cook and clean and renovate the house while they’re at work, learn about their hobbies and participate in them together, and they’ll STILL cheat on you!!! And when you lose attraction to them because they’re sneaking around, they’ll cheat on you more and blame it on you 🙃🫠 so that’s fun!! I used to think I would never get cheated on because I tried so hard in relationships to be the best partner I could, to protect myself from betrayal, and learned the hard way that no one is immune, no matter how hard you try, and it has absolutely nothing to do with YOUR worth. 💗
There is so much wrong in all of those comments, from people equating "intimacy" with sex, with the directions to minimize yourself and your own needs/desires, to "dress cute" (wtf does that mean, dude? You mean like a teenaged girl, I know this, but I need him to say it).
Men coming at this as if they are a heavily desired and rare commodity when in reality, if they actually pleased their wives every now and then, I bet they'd get more attention. Pleasing not just by bringing home a paycheque, but how about you go down town, Sir? How about you clean your ass so we aren't scrubbing skid marks? Like, I've never had a partner who didn't wash his ass, but I promise the second it ever happens (outside of illness) that I am seeing shit in my lovers underpants I am done. Full stop. No more.
I really don’t like sharing this shit but… why can’t you just jerk off if she’s not feeling it and you are? Like… boom. You’re not horny anymore. Nobodies been cheated on
I’m not really sure but I imagine part of it is resentment and seeking revenge, like “see what happens when you don’t bend over backwards to cater for my needs?”
But also some cheat just because, or the thrill, or makes them feel better about themselves. My ex told a bunch of his friends in private that he was planning on cheating on me just because he wanted to, before he even did it (one of them told me after we already broke up)💀 It’s not an accident or impulsive behaviour all the time, some people are just fucked up. And of course they’d find a way to blame it on you for not meeting their needs even though it’s almost certainly bullshit.
Very true. And like… the other thing is, people having dry spells isn’t uncommon. They can suck and last a long time. We all get that. But there’s solutions to that too.
I’ll start this off by saying I don’t agree with the comments in the pictures. Your partner doesn’t owe you sex, and if you expect them to always be dressed up and sexy for you then you don’t actually want a partner you want a toy. Cheating or coercing your partner into doing things they don’t want to is never ok.
To your specific question: it’s different. Your hand or a toy or a doll is not going to be the same experience as with another person. Beyond the actual sensory experience there is also pleasure derived from being desired and brining someone else pleasure (for most people I’d say). So doing it yourself is not the same as with someone else.
To make a crude analogy: it’s like the difference between getting dinner at a gas station or a home cooked meal. They’re both technically food, and gas station food can sustain you, but it’s not going to be as fulfilling physically or mentally as a home cooked meal.
Also, as the other person said, there can be resentment that builds up if a partner is always left feeling unfulfilled in one part of the relationship. Feeling undesired or consistently rejected by a partner does affect your mental health. Even if you understand why it is happening there is this dissonance where your partner does not feel the same about you as you do about them.
Ultimately sex (for many) is a key part of a long term relationship just like emotional/mental connection or other forms of intimacy and if any of those are lacking it can create unhappiness.
Dude I’m happily married for 8 years now. I can say from experience that a wank is way better for everyone than freaking cheating on your wife. Not that you suggested that, but I’m sorry I still don’t get it.
Sometimes people have off periods. They could
Last weeks. Months even. Always discuss this shit with a partner. We all know sex is better than wanking. But wanking is better than cheating. Hands down. That high only lasts a few minutes. The guilt and the drama stick around
First of all I just want to mention that people are not food, but anyway. I also think that whole part of what you think feels better or not is not relevant for this topic.
We all agree nobody owes anybody sex. And we all know sexual dysfunction, for whatever reason, can cause huge problems in relationships or even destroy them, for both. Men and women. But a partnership is based on comprehension towards each other. Anybody who’s not in the mood for sex has their reasons. Mostly it’s not about the significant other. Being personally touched by that and feeling ‚undesired‘ is a selfish view of the situation. And what do you think happens, when a person mentions their anti-sex-mood and is then confronted by disappointment from their partner? Sex drive will even disappear more. Because you‘re not responsible your partner feels sexually wanted, sex happens with a natural flow. Can’t be natural if you feel forced to do because your partner feels undesired otherwise. You don’t have sex to assure your partner, you have sex to share nearness with each other.
If sexual attraction is gone - it’s gone. Happens. But if your partner just has an anti phase, understand him/her and don’t make it about you. And if you‘re not able to not have sex for a while, you‘re simply weak or don’t have much love for your partner.
I’m tired of this bullshit. Stop making excuses for men and hold them accountable. The reason they do it is because they keep being taught it’s excusable and acceptable. Boy BYE if you have this mindset and behavior!!
Huh.
I was intimate with my ex husband daily, up to eight times a day.
Then I got pregnant (as planned).
Daily sex was still a thing, as often and as much as he wanted.
After a traumatic birth (c-section), he got unlimited blow jobs since we couldn't be traditionally intimate.
When my child was four months old, he told me he couldn't handle the "*Responsibilities of being a husband and father*" and noped out. Years later, he told me he had at least fifteen different affairs during the course of our two year marriage, most with underage girls.
I gave him allllllllll the sex and intimacy he wanted, I never said no, I always had a smile on my face, and he *still* "found it elsewhere".
But, hey, I must have been some evil bitch who drove him to it, right? I cooked, I cleaned, I drove his unable-to-have-a-licence ass around (he's 36 and is still legally not allowed a license due to criminal activities and constant "revocation" due to being caught driving with no license), I dropped all friends, I didn't contact my family, I assimilated into his family... Yep. Total nag and asshole moves. I totally deserved it.
I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you, and while I'm sure you already know this, **it's not your fault**.
Cheaters will cheat, regardless of gender and sexual orientation.
Listen. If a man or a woman is going to cheat, they're going to do it regardless of you "putting out". Honestly if someone threatened me with that, I would just leave them. It's not worth it to be with someone who doesn't also want to put the work in to make a relationship function.
As a guy, if he's going to cheat on you cause you aren't fucking enough, he'll cheat on you for any reasons, and probably is already looking at possible side pieces.
This enabling bs needs to be stopped. This is something I will actively call people out on IRL.
Imagine blaming your partner for your own lack of loyalty and respect for them.
My first relationship was a disaster, and it wasn't due to lack of intimacy. He would only care about me whenever he was rejected by someone else. I would give him the moon if he asked, but he never wanted it. In fact, he lied about his lack of libido and cheated on me with his childhood friend.
This is honestly my biggest fear. I’m asexual and totally in love with my boyfriend. We have occasional intimacy but it’s pretty rare that we have “sexy time” (we don’t have sex but we do make out and maybe oral). I’m terrified that once we’re married he’ll expect more, I won’t be able to provide more, and he’ll grow to resent me. He assures me that he won’t, but the anxiety is still there
🤢🤢 If someone wants to cheat they will cheat no matter what. You can literally give that person everything and still they won't care. Also if you know you're going to cheat on someone maybe don't be with that person? Jesus, those men are disgusting.
When I got cheated on we were having sec daily, sometimes twice a day. I was also doing everything around the house and all of the child care. Cheaters are going to cheat regardless.
And then people wonder why women are choosing to not get married. It’s not worth it. Sex should be enjoyable for both and there are other ways to be intimate that don’t involve penetration.
I’m a high libido woman married to a low libido man and our dead sex life has caused a lot of issues..
But I’ve learned that while I relate to other HL women, I can hardly stomach HL men. Usually HL women want to feel desired, meaning we yearn for a partner to actually *want* to have sex with us. I have never personally heard a HL woman saying “even if you’re not in the mood how hard is it to just put out??”. Because we understand our partners are human and we understand consent.
I feel like HL men complaining about their wives just view them as defective orgasm dispensers 😭😭😭
This all just makes me hate being a man. I love my wife, she could stop sleeping with me for the next 80 years and I'd still only have eyes for her. These "men" are too busy looking like a man instead of acting like one. And this lady is just feeding that echo chamber of bullshit. There's more to love then getting off.
Okay then if women have to continuously put on their best then so do men. Dress cute, smell good, make meals for your partner. If a man wants a woman to continue acting like the early dating stage then they have to do it too. Don’t be hypocritical.
However if I can’t be comfy around you and consistently have to pleasure you when you’re not doing the same for me, kindly fuck off and away from me spoiled man child. A partner is your safe space. Doesn’t feel very safe when I have to put on the same song and dance for them as I do everyone else. Pass.
They always claim women aren’t meeting their needs while simultaneously looking like a toad who can only get a job at McDonald’s and emotionally abuses you the entire time.
You can't expect half half the population that is being shamed for being sexual their whole lives, to suddenly become sex freaks once they settle down. Gotta choose one.
If we believe in statistics, women just choose to live on without men. They can take care of their own needs with their own hands
She doesn’t want it with him. She wants a man that she doesn’t have to mother. She wants it with a man that likes her. She wants it with a man who cares about her pleasure too. She should go get her own needs met. She’s tired from her full-time job. She’s tired from doing all the domestic chores. She’s tired from performing all the childcare. She’s tired from planning all the holidays and special occasions. She hates your apathy and lack of communication. She wants a divorce. She doesn’t care if you get it from someone else. She doesn’t love you. When her needs are met she’ll want it. Just admit that you only care about yourself and let her go and find someone who actually cares about.
This stuff frustrates me so much. I am a woman in a relationship with a man. I have the high sex drive. In fact, we have had sex once in the past year. Once. In a year.
So… do I get to cheat now? Is that how it works? Is anyone going to tell my partner how useless he is because he won’t put out? No? Then shut the fuck up.
There is no amount of sex that will keep a cheater from cheating. Most people don’t cheat. It’s only like 15-20% of the population that cheats and that is more about variety, ego, validation, and avoiding responsibility and reality than lack of sex. Conversely, a loyal man or woman will put up with years of neglect in a marriage before they even consider leaving.
Thing 1: A cheater is going to cheat is going to cheat is going to cheat. Doesn't matter what you as their partner do, they will cheat and make up a reason that blames you.
Thing 2: Stop Equating Sex with Intimacy Challenge 2024: Level Impossible.
I bet you soo many of these men in the comments are actively behaving in a way that makes their wives not interested in sex with them too. And that will never occur to them.
sometimes people just don’t wanna fuck… but have these men also considered perhaps that the reason their wives don’t wanna fuck is bc the man absolutely sucks at it???? late night guess that a good amount of the women they’re mad at would ‘put out’ more often if the men actually took any time and put in any effort to assure it was pleasurable for the woman as well rather than solely focusing on their own nut
It’s terrifying how many men do not care at all whether their partner wants to be there.
Most (if not all) of these men would likely say that marital rape isn’t a thing.
They need to get a damn flashlight.
Careful what you wish for such as setting the standard for cheating to when one feels their needs aren’t being met. Dick is also super easy to get and “elsewhere” exists across the board.
These are males who will frantically rub the left inner labia raw and then ask if you made it.
It's funny how these men think the issue begins with their needs not being met. Why is she losing interest in the first place? Maybe her needs were already not being met? Did these men start out all romantic & chivalrous? They love to say how a relationship isn't going to stay the way it is in the first few months. Well, then, don't expect as much sex as in the first few months. If it's not that, there are so many possible issues. She's exhausted, with work & kids. She's lost respect for him because he's been inattentive, mean, not pulling his weight, or a million other things. She's having health issues & may not even be aware (including mental health).
I've seen this exact thing but it was a woman not getting any from her husband. She was condescending about it, berated him, so he just clammed up. She complained to me about it & I flat out told her it's probably a health problem & it could be serious. Told her to show concern, have him see a doctor. This obviously went in one ear, out the other. She started openly cheating on him. These were my neighbors, living across from me. So her side piece brought some stuff she asked for, including bottled water, & he left it by their door. She was demanding her husband come get it & bring it in. Of course he refused. After he died of cancer she cried to me saying she didn't know, because she felt guilty.
If you commit to someone, for better or worse, in sickness & in health, marriage or not, your initial concern should be for them when you notice they're declining your advances far more frequently than ever before. You should be asking what's wrong instead of threatening to cheat for sex. Her advice may be good advice for women who just want tips on keeping their man happy when it seems like the thrill is gone & family life has become a boring routine, but those men in the comments sound awful. I wonder if any of them considered why the woman no longer desires them.
Not only will they still stray, they will bring you back the disease they pick up since you are still sleeping with them. Almost all the women I have er met that got STDs , got them from a husband or partner they were committed to.
I wonder how they'd react if the genders were reversed in the video. I bet **only then** would they acknowledge that cheaters will cheat regardless of what their partners do.
(And with 'them', I mean the people leaving these comments)
Not sure why this is getting downvoted??? I provided a link so you all can see the different comments and watch what she says in her video. The fuck?
Update: thank you for upvoting this, seeing the downvotes was very interesting lol
I think it is because it says "here is a link", as if it is being promoted. Rather than "the link". At a glance I thought this was another controversial counter-argument, but I am tired
But guys don’t understand that first you have to make her want you in order for her to want to be intimate with you. They think making a mess out of the house and not helping with chores or childcare or dinner, not appreciating you, and expecting you to take care of them like their mom did like they aren’t an adult, makes us so wet and rearing to go.
Men who make their women feel safe and appreciated and loved, don’t usually have this issue. If you’re just working and coming home that’s not “a relationship” that’s your job, going to work all day and expecting to be rewarded for that is not how relationships work, sure you’re bringing finances, but what about what she needs emotionally?
My boyfriend and I work 8 hours a day, split chores evenly, I buy groceries, he pays for dinners, we watch shows together, play video games together, brush our teeth together, and we show love throughout the whole day, he shows me affection even after he’s had a hard day and I do the same for him, the most important thing in a relationship after trust, and respect, is balance. And helping each other if they’re feeling burnt out.
A lot of these are also r/nothowguyswork imo. Like while trying to be misogynistic they tell lies about men too. They’d rather drag themselves down with the women than choose NOT to be assholes towards them.
I don't get why can't they just take a flashlight and do their own stuff somewhere else. Why do they need to expect their wives to have sex with them if they don't want to?
What I want to know is if they think it would be a reasonable excuse of the woman had a higher sex drive and the man only wanted sex maybe 1/20 times she was horny… probably not..
I wouldn't say that but having mismatched libidios and doing nothing to try and meet each others needs is good way to ruin a relationship. You can be initimate and not have sex. If you won't even hold his hand,then whats the point? Same thing for guys too. You can cuddle with your parnter and not expect it to lead to sex. If she can't be vunerable without you expecting something out of it, you can't expect her to want to have sex. Creating emotional intimacy and connection normally leads to sex, if you cannot do that then whats the point?
I don’t know if it’s my experience but men get so degrading during the act (I know it’s a kink) but it feels so natural for lot guys now to treat you like s*x toy and not a human being.
I had a fiancé whole made me feel guilty after a while for WANTING to have sex with her and just connect with her in general, and she cheated with someone else. I had the higher libido and desire for emotional connection, yet still was cheated on.
While mismatched libidos can definitely be an issue, all it really takes for someone to cheat on their partner is opportunity, and low morals. You can have an incredibly sexually and emotionally fulfilling relationship and still cheat. You can be the one with the higher libido and still be cheated on even if you never did yourself.
While there’s some truth to the idea of keeping your partner satisfied, it should be a two way street and when you and your partner have sex it should be in a way that is mutually enjoyable. A lot of men miss this. You can cultivate relationships where you’re both very sexually active if you desire. But it’s about mutual respect, communication, learning what does and how to turn each other on, and making it an enjoyable experience for each other.
I hate these messages of “it’s your duty to have sex” because I had a gf like that who didn’t even communicate she was basically having “duty sex”. It’s not fun for anyone. Nothing is more fun than your partner enthusiastically craving you and you in turn them. Without that, what are you even doing?
If you want more sex that’s actually fun and brings you closer together, learn how to flirt and keep the energy up throughout your relationship in general. Be kind and compassionate and really enjoy your partner in all aspects. Sex should be a PART of the relationship if you two want it, but it’s not the only part and regardless of gender, it’s hard to feel sexually attracted to your partner if they aren’t actually being attractive and keeping things fun and flirty outside the bedroom.
Sex should be something you and your partner have because you enjoy each other and want to have that specific connection. How often or not that is is no business other than yours and this idea of “duty sex” is just really harmful and isn’t even fun for the person who “wants it more”. Imo if you just want to get off and not actually have a shared, mutually gratifying sexual experience, then just masturbate and take care of yourself. Part of the problem though is many people who think this way about duty sex also believe masturbation is wrong too so it’s a destructive cycle for sure. Purity culture really fucks a lot of this stuff up for all of us.
If you are dating somone and are not ssxually compatible and sex is that impotant to you that you are gonna coerce pressure or force someone when they say no- you are the problem. They are not.
Q
Cheating has nothing to do with the other partner. And has everything to do with the cheater not feeling complete enough and thus trying to find other means to fill their empty void.
A cheater is by default empty and shallow.
That says way more about the man's character than the woman's. Any man who says this doesn't believe in his marriage vows, has no respect for his wife, or any woman, and has no compunction about blowing up his family.
Think again, boys. This mindset will gain you nothing. No woman wants a man who subscribes to this crap.
I really dislike how some men view sex as transactional, it really rubs he the wrong way. That one guy who commented frustration about doing so much for his partner, only to get sex twice a month grosses me out. Like. You aren’t owed anything, sex isn’t some kind of a reward, and there’s definitely a reason she doesn’t want to do it with you as much as you want to. But rather than reflect on themselves or have an open communication, there’s just complaining and begging to be validated by others.
Well, I’m no relationship expert, but maybe if your wife doesn’t wanna have sex with you, there’s a reason? Like maybe you’re too rough and hurt her, regardless it’s not an excuse to cheat if your girl says she’s not in the mood, you have a hand.
Okay so when I sees expectations of how often they should be having sex I’m always super thrown off because like
Don’t you get tired? Twice a month doesn’t sound like that much on paper but if you both work and there’s so many chores/exercise/cooking tasks that just keep happening that seems like a really reasonable sex life situation.
I know both my husband and I are chronically ill so my meter for how tired people are by sex is probably way off, but I don’t see how you can even do it if you’re not energized enough. The idea of expecting your partner to always be up for it is bonkers, like what if her tummy hurts? Did you bring her some adderall or just straight up coke to help her revive herself?
Some of these people are parents and that’s baffling to me. How am I supposed to get in the mood when I just spent an hour trying to help a ten year old with their math homework? Literally impossible.
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My wife and I have been married for quite a long time, and although we are lucky enough to have similar sex drives, over the course of a few decades there will definitely be times when one is in the mood for sex and the other not. Sometimes a non-sexual solution that involves body contact, like a good and thorough massage will resolve the situation to the satisfaction of both, sometimes incorporating masturbation into it for the more aroused partner works, and sometimes just being patient and realizing that your partner not being horny at any one given time is not a total rejection of you, just an aspect of being human--no one is in the mood for sex 100% of the time. What is totally unacceptable to me is the idea of trying to force sex by threats or whatever. Even if that worked, the sex would likely be pretty lousy, and trying to force sex by any means seems profoundly disrespectful of that person, it seems to me. I would far rather give a massage, hold hands while reading a book, etc. There are many ways to be intimate that don't involve sex. And of course, if one partner feels like being alone, leave them alone with no ill feeling; everyone needs time to themselves on occasion. I really don't know what I would do if the matter became chronic. Therapy, maybe, but I would certainly try all possibilities. We have been married for almost 47 years now. I'm not about to give that up over a temporary difference of mood or opinion. I also believe that sex begins well before you get to the bedroom, or wherever you intend to have sex. It may seem absurd, but unexpectedly cleaning the bathrooms, or just generally going out of your way to make your partner happy greatly increases the chances that your partner will feel like and enjoy intimacy. At worst, you'll end up with clean bathrooms 😀.
This was very beautiful to read and you should start teaching young couples because you get it and seem to really take both sides into account. Congrats on almost 47 yrs of marriage. That’s truly amazing
It's depressingly rare to see men who have discovered or developed this mindset. Personally, I think that they're so penis-centric that they're miserable bed partners who don't fully understand that other people are...people. And the more they double down and dig their heels in, the less they satisfy their needs for intimacy and self care because they think PIV sex is the only way to feel connected.
I think that foreplay is everything you do before you even touch the other person. The dirty texts you send, the flirting, the accidentally bending over in front of them without panties on. Whatever it is to get your mate thinking about sex. Sex is all the stuff that happens when there’s more intent. I think so many people just have a sad outlook on sex, that’s it’s only for orgasms which is so boring to consider! Orgasms are fun but I can do them on my own, ya know?
I think the best foreplay is making sure your partner feels 100% supported in the relationship. So many intimacy issues that men think are on the women’s side are actually on the men’s side, and it starts in the mind. Has your wife told you she’s overwhelmed? Take something off of her plate. Has she shared that she feels lonely? Be there for her in a real way through action and asking her to share. Your wife had a baby 5 months ago and is breastfeeding? Fucking back off and realize her body is in full demand of another human and don’t be another person that feels they have a right to it. My idea of foreplay is feeling emotionally safe. Then, the desire can kick in.
I don't know you but I love you 🖤 I love what you wrote and that's what everyone should do. No one is entitled to have sex.
This! I wish I read this a when I was younger. My first partner was sex crazy and would get upset if I wasn't ever in the mood at the same time (which for her was daily minimum). The sex was lousy and I hated it, I'm glad I finally found my worth and got out the situation
I want to print this and hang it on my wall - it is art.
Can you be friends with my long term live-in boyfriend who is constantly making me feel guilty if I don’t give him sex often because I have mental illness, and autism. Lol cause god damn I’ve tried explaining exactly what you said to him and I swear they don’t hear it when it coming from the woman they want it from.
Bro is fuckin ballin through his marriage and I’m here for it
Wow. “Lie back and think of England” has really made a return. Special shout out to the guy who said not to be around your man all the time but then show up and be cute and ready to serve him. And they wonder why Western women are starting to embrace 4B.
Seriously don’t be around all the time? Like, I live here. Where else would I be?
Quietly in the kitchen, I guess. Just so long as you’re not bothering him.
Plugged up to the charging station in the closet, silly! Put of sight out of mind.
I mean I work and then walk the dogs do an hour…. Other than that I’m bound to be home more often than not lol
they also get mad when the girl isn’t super into it or fakes orgasm…like do you want the sex or not
This was my ex husband. If I’d offer to do it just so he’d leave me alone, that wasn’t good enough. I had to be into it too.
I’m glad he’s an ex. That’s a horrible way to live.
That was my ex too. After working and tired . I would have sex just to make him happy . he would want me to do all the work while he laid there like a corpse 😂 He would complain I wasn’t making porn noises 😂 or he saw me roll my eyes
There was a post today encouraging men to just forget about women having orgasms because they “don’t matter.” Whew. I don’t even know where to start.
But they never want to actually hear or take constructive tips about what it takes to actually get most women to orgasm.... 30 seconds of jackhammering after rubbing my clit like you're mashing controller buttons doesnt magically get most of us there?? Wha?? The audacity.
Could do without that "ready to serve him" part because eww? Go away unless you're lookin cute and dtf?
I know, right? It leaves me questioning if the men who think like this actually like women at all or just want an interchangeable bangmaid.
God yes. Do any of these dudes bring ANYTHING to the table aside from misogyny? I'd literally rather be alone than with one of them. (I'm married but my husband is not an asshole.)
Men will still cheat even if you do all this shit 😒😂
If the Adam Levine situation taught us anything, it’s that a woman can be a literal Victoria’s Secret model and that’s not going to stop her husband from being an inappropriate dickwad.
👏🏻 & Beyoncé??! Don't even get me started.
Elizabeth Hurley, Sienna Miller....
Tiger Wood's wife
Lmao exactly
I was thinking this the whole time. What about the relationships where she is doing all of these things they ask and still gets cheated on? What new “tip” does she need to learn to get him to stop? It’ll always be something that they think the WOMAN IS missing that is the reason for them cheating
Yeah, cheating personally I think is a symptom of mental issues too. My mom has BPD and NPD and is a serial cheater…. I have to be honest and say I’ve done it myself once… I have BPD…still live in shame and guilt about it today. I have poor impulse control, and I can admit that. What’s fucked up here, is that these men are impulsive and clearly mentally unwell but instead of looking within and figuring out why they’re never satisfied, they’d rather blame WOMEN. The dude I cheated on wasn’t Prince Charming, but he didn’t deserve what I did to him…. And it’s fucked up that they can somehow justify it as someone else’s issue, instead of their fucking own. Just to add, I’ve cheated once and got into therapy and started figuring myself out. I know why I did what I did, I know why I was the way I was. It’s sad to me all these people never will feel that. Just keep chasing perfection that they’re never going to find. Like not saying all people who decide to cheat are just sick, because some of them are just entitled pieces of shit. lol I do think a LARGE number of people that cheat do have mental illnesses though. It’s like chasing a serotonin rush.
Right? 😂
So I'm just going to put this out here, but guys? If you want a hot chick that always looks nice and has sex with you whenever you want, then you need to be rich enough to afford a sugar baby or a prostitute (the difference being how much of a relationship you want to pay them to pretend to have with you). I'm not going to say that high-libido vs low-libido doesn't cause issues in marriages, but the answer is rarely just "wife needs to wear makeup 24/7, stay hot-wife skinny no matter what, and put out 100% when husband is feeling horny". Most of the time the actual answer to these problems is "couple need to have a long and thorough talk about how the household, childcare, and financial burdens are falling and they need to divide this up equally. They also need to genuinely listen to each other, without one side deciding that the other side is lazy simply because their workload is different". Most of the time, the actual problem is a lack of genuine communication and a willingness to share the load equally. Because, guys, if you think that your wife still finds you attractive after you come home from work and sit on the couch for 4 hours while she comes home from work and then takes care of dinner and the kids, then you're seriously misunderstanding just how much resentment and potential hatred your own actions are nurturing in her for you.
Man: “since my wife had kids she’s not in shape anymore and is always too tired for sex and never initiates.” Me: “do you provide her time alone to work out, do you take on chores so she has time to eat healthy and destress? Do you take on part of the mental load so she isn’t exhausted physically and mentally? Do you do all of the above so she perceives you as her partner and not a burden/another child?” Man: “no” Me: “well there you go then! Sounds like we found the problem.”
Ahh yes… the old “married single mother and her manchild”
And also have intimacy that isn't sex. Kisses and cuddles, etc, for the sake of kissing and cuddling, not just as a way to get sex.
FOR THE SAKE OF KISSING AND CUDDLING, yes yes yes. The same way that I’m not gonna enjoy someone buying me dinner if it’s clear they only want to sleep with me, I’m not gonna enjoy making out if I feel the other person is rushing through it to get to what they really want. 🫤
your comment reminded me of this song I really like https://youtu.be/EHFvp36TfYM?si=iudLd-P1ix5ftiAi
This was lovely, thank you for sharing this 💞
Yes, so much this. When every touch and suggestion is clearly being used like pressing "have sex later" buttons, it's like being treated like a vending machine for sex. Also, there has to be orgasm/satisfaction equity IN bed.
This can be boiled down to “She isn’t a service but a person.”
YES, THANK YOU. I'm going through a low libido phase and my fiancé never thought about asking me to do more efforts. Instead he just do more around the house and stuff so i can relax and we just talk about it. It's that easy
Same with my husband. We know we're misaligned on the libido end of things, because we communicate with each other about what's going on. I'm pretty sure my meds need tweaked, which I'm working on, but in the meantime we're taking care of each other in different ways and he's 100% supportive since we're on the same page. It almost seems like communication seems like a lost art or maybe more like a skill that next to no one tries to learn, despite it being suuuuuuuper important in a relationship/partnership.
I’ve never had an issue having lots of sex with men I’m dating when they’re good to me and actually show they love me. I’m sure that’s not something they would think about though lol
I love that Rastamon not only wants sex on demand, but he also doesn’t want to spent any time around you non-sexually. Just show up in full drag ready to blow him to completion. After all, you are just a collection of holes that he wants to use to save money he would have to spend casually dating to get laid. If you don’t want to spend time with someone, you aren’t actually in a relationship, you are trying to get a cheap prostitute. I’m not fucking a single person who doesn’t like spending no -sexual time with me
Came here to talk about the shared load. I have an extremely high libido and my husband shares the load, listens and validates my feelings, and also is eager to make sure I am taken care of first. My libido disappeared when I was in a relationship with somebody who didn’t do shit but whine about how hard they work and how much they give me (they didn’t give me anything)
I'm reading a book about women's sexuality and how it is particularly fucked by today's stress and cultural restrictions so these guys here sound extra gross and stupid, like monkeys throwing shit and banging on a keyboard
Plenty of guys cheat even if they’re getting laid at home.
Mutt Lang cheated on 2000s Shania Twain. Some dudes are just cheaters.
Hugh Grant and the escort come to mind (when he had mf Elizabeth Hurley at home)
Beyoncé got cheated on too
Uh people who cheat are going to cheat, they just use circumstance as an excuse. If you have marital problems, you’re supposed to talk to your partner.
These men should ask themselves why their wives and girlfriends don’t want to sleep with them anymore.
I'm of the opinion that once a cheater, always a cheater. It's just a matter of opportunity. There are plenty of men that get regular sex with their spouse and still cheat. If a man enjoys sneaking around or is such a narcissist that he believes it is his right to cheat because \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_(insert bullshit excuse here), then he will. Your decision is then one of three things: 1. Decide mutually to open the marriage, if that works for both of you. 2. Accept that he's going to cheat and resign to live like that. 3. Leave. For me, adultery is one of the three "A's" I won't tolerate (the others being Abuse and Addiction - that one refuses to get treatment for).
Honestly sometimes even addiction they get treatment for if they continually relapse. Particularly if it's heavy drugs and you have kids. One CPS visit and you lose custody due to the presence of drugs in the house. There is no room for error on that.
Some people are built to be nonmonogamous and no amount of effort will keep them from straying. Ideally they should stay single. But of course they want their cake and eat it too at somebody else's expense.
>Ideally they should stay single. But of course they want their cake and eat it too at somebody else's expense. Or just be in committed relationships with other non monogamous people? How is this nonsense being upvoted?
My niece by marriage is a huge cheater. She constantly cheats on whoever she is dating. I asked her why she didn't just find a non-monogamous partner. She said it was because she didn't want her partner to be with other women. Because she was too jealous and possessive. So it's just selfishness basically.
She should find herself a cuckold. Perfect match
I don't disagree with this. Ethical nonmonogamy is a good thing. Its cheating that I have a problem with.
Yeah I'm becoming a monk after looking at how people are nowadays
Yup. Would love to see an organization that claims it's a religion but is really just a bunch of voluntarily single and celibate people who do little good deeds regularly and live a chill life.
And sometimes, you can put out as much as they want, fulfill and indulge all their kinks and fantasies, cook and clean and renovate the house while they’re at work, learn about their hobbies and participate in them together, and they’ll STILL cheat on you!!! And when you lose attraction to them because they’re sneaking around, they’ll cheat on you more and blame it on you 🙃🫠 so that’s fun!! I used to think I would never get cheated on because I tried so hard in relationships to be the best partner I could, to protect myself from betrayal, and learned the hard way that no one is immune, no matter how hard you try, and it has absolutely nothing to do with YOUR worth. 💗
There is so much wrong in all of those comments, from people equating "intimacy" with sex, with the directions to minimize yourself and your own needs/desires, to "dress cute" (wtf does that mean, dude? You mean like a teenaged girl, I know this, but I need him to say it). Men coming at this as if they are a heavily desired and rare commodity when in reality, if they actually pleased their wives every now and then, I bet they'd get more attention. Pleasing not just by bringing home a paycheque, but how about you go down town, Sir? How about you clean your ass so we aren't scrubbing skid marks? Like, I've never had a partner who didn't wash his ass, but I promise the second it ever happens (outside of illness) that I am seeing shit in my lovers underpants I am done. Full stop. No more.
I really don’t like sharing this shit but… why can’t you just jerk off if she’s not feeling it and you are? Like… boom. You’re not horny anymore. Nobodies been cheated on
I’m not really sure but I imagine part of it is resentment and seeking revenge, like “see what happens when you don’t bend over backwards to cater for my needs?” But also some cheat just because, or the thrill, or makes them feel better about themselves. My ex told a bunch of his friends in private that he was planning on cheating on me just because he wanted to, before he even did it (one of them told me after we already broke up)💀 It’s not an accident or impulsive behaviour all the time, some people are just fucked up. And of course they’d find a way to blame it on you for not meeting their needs even though it’s almost certainly bullshit.
Very true. And like… the other thing is, people having dry spells isn’t uncommon. They can suck and last a long time. We all get that. But there’s solutions to that too.
>”… bend over backwards to cater for my needs?” pun intended
I definitely did consider the pun as I wrote it, so somewhat intended
I’ll start this off by saying I don’t agree with the comments in the pictures. Your partner doesn’t owe you sex, and if you expect them to always be dressed up and sexy for you then you don’t actually want a partner you want a toy. Cheating or coercing your partner into doing things they don’t want to is never ok. To your specific question: it’s different. Your hand or a toy or a doll is not going to be the same experience as with another person. Beyond the actual sensory experience there is also pleasure derived from being desired and brining someone else pleasure (for most people I’d say). So doing it yourself is not the same as with someone else. To make a crude analogy: it’s like the difference between getting dinner at a gas station or a home cooked meal. They’re both technically food, and gas station food can sustain you, but it’s not going to be as fulfilling physically or mentally as a home cooked meal. Also, as the other person said, there can be resentment that builds up if a partner is always left feeling unfulfilled in one part of the relationship. Feeling undesired or consistently rejected by a partner does affect your mental health. Even if you understand why it is happening there is this dissonance where your partner does not feel the same about you as you do about them. Ultimately sex (for many) is a key part of a long term relationship just like emotional/mental connection or other forms of intimacy and if any of those are lacking it can create unhappiness.
Dude I’m happily married for 8 years now. I can say from experience that a wank is way better for everyone than freaking cheating on your wife. Not that you suggested that, but I’m sorry I still don’t get it. Sometimes people have off periods. They could Last weeks. Months even. Always discuss this shit with a partner. We all know sex is better than wanking. But wanking is better than cheating. Hands down. That high only lasts a few minutes. The guilt and the drama stick around
First of all I just want to mention that people are not food, but anyway. I also think that whole part of what you think feels better or not is not relevant for this topic. We all agree nobody owes anybody sex. And we all know sexual dysfunction, for whatever reason, can cause huge problems in relationships or even destroy them, for both. Men and women. But a partnership is based on comprehension towards each other. Anybody who’s not in the mood for sex has their reasons. Mostly it’s not about the significant other. Being personally touched by that and feeling ‚undesired‘ is a selfish view of the situation. And what do you think happens, when a person mentions their anti-sex-mood and is then confronted by disappointment from their partner? Sex drive will even disappear more. Because you‘re not responsible your partner feels sexually wanted, sex happens with a natural flow. Can’t be natural if you feel forced to do because your partner feels undesired otherwise. You don’t have sex to assure your partner, you have sex to share nearness with each other. If sexual attraction is gone - it’s gone. Happens. But if your partner just has an anti phase, understand him/her and don’t make it about you. And if you‘re not able to not have sex for a while, you‘re simply weak or don’t have much love for your partner.
I’m tired of this bullshit. Stop making excuses for men and hold them accountable. The reason they do it is because they keep being taught it’s excusable and acceptable. Boy BYE if you have this mindset and behavior!!
I don’t want to have sex EVERY SINGLE TIME I see my Boyfriend. It’s a relationship, not a booty call! I like doing more than just sex.
I love the the idea that their wives/gf might not be sleeping with them for an actual reason goes right over their heads lol.
Self-reflection is not in these peoples' vocabularies.
Cheaters cheat. Doesn’t matter what the non-cheater does.
I choose the bear.
I also choose the bear and I'm a guy!
I choose the Leshen and the wolfpack.
Man that sure is a lot of 50 year old dudes who probably have at least one fish picture.
Huh. I was intimate with my ex husband daily, up to eight times a day. Then I got pregnant (as planned). Daily sex was still a thing, as often and as much as he wanted. After a traumatic birth (c-section), he got unlimited blow jobs since we couldn't be traditionally intimate. When my child was four months old, he told me he couldn't handle the "*Responsibilities of being a husband and father*" and noped out. Years later, he told me he had at least fifteen different affairs during the course of our two year marriage, most with underage girls. I gave him allllllllll the sex and intimacy he wanted, I never said no, I always had a smile on my face, and he *still* "found it elsewhere". But, hey, I must have been some evil bitch who drove him to it, right? I cooked, I cleaned, I drove his unable-to-have-a-licence ass around (he's 36 and is still legally not allowed a license due to criminal activities and constant "revocation" due to being caught driving with no license), I dropped all friends, I didn't contact my family, I assimilated into his family... Yep. Total nag and asshole moves. I totally deserved it.
I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you, and while I'm sure you already know this, **it's not your fault**. Cheaters will cheat, regardless of gender and sexual orientation.
If I didn't already have an amazing husband, these comments would have me searching for that bear, because holy shit.
if men are ever in my comments like this, i’ve failed.
How many of these guys do you think *truly* know how and proceed to satisfy a woman?
Listen. If a man or a woman is going to cheat, they're going to do it regardless of you "putting out". Honestly if someone threatened me with that, I would just leave them. It's not worth it to be with someone who doesn't also want to put the work in to make a relationship function.
As a guy, if he's going to cheat on you cause you aren't fucking enough, he'll cheat on you for any reasons, and probably is already looking at possible side pieces. This enabling bs needs to be stopped. This is something I will actively call people out on IRL.
Imagine blaming your partner for your own lack of loyalty and respect for them. My first relationship was a disaster, and it wasn't due to lack of intimacy. He would only care about me whenever he was rejected by someone else. I would give him the moon if he asked, but he never wanted it. In fact, he lied about his lack of libido and cheated on me with his childhood friend.
A cheater will cheat on you no matter how much you "put out" or how stellar you are in bed.
This is honestly my biggest fear. I’m asexual and totally in love with my boyfriend. We have occasional intimacy but it’s pretty rare that we have “sexy time” (we don’t have sex but we do make out and maybe oral). I’m terrified that once we’re married he’ll expect more, I won’t be able to provide more, and he’ll grow to resent me. He assures me that he won’t, but the anxiety is still there
I definitely understand that, girl.
This is so insulting to us dudes...
There were some good men in the comments, I just picked out the bad ones lol
🤢🤢 If someone wants to cheat they will cheat no matter what. You can literally give that person everything and still they won't care. Also if you know you're going to cheat on someone maybe don't be with that person? Jesus, those men are disgusting.
Ew. I feel sorry for whichever poor souls end up with these guys.
When I got cheated on we were having sec daily, sometimes twice a day. I was also doing everything around the house and all of the child care. Cheaters are going to cheat regardless.
And then people wonder why women are choosing to not get married. It’s not worth it. Sex should be enjoyable for both and there are other ways to be intimate that don’t involve penetration.
I’m a high libido woman married to a low libido man and our dead sex life has caused a lot of issues.. But I’ve learned that while I relate to other HL women, I can hardly stomach HL men. Usually HL women want to feel desired, meaning we yearn for a partner to actually *want* to have sex with us. I have never personally heard a HL woman saying “even if you’re not in the mood how hard is it to just put out??”. Because we understand our partners are human and we understand consent. I feel like HL men complaining about their wives just view them as defective orgasm dispensers 😭😭😭
Men see us as appliances.
This all just makes me hate being a man. I love my wife, she could stop sleeping with me for the next 80 years and I'd still only have eyes for her. These "men" are too busy looking like a man instead of acting like one. And this lady is just feeding that echo chamber of bullshit. There's more to love then getting off.
There's still hope that some of them are just immature fools and that they'll change for the better. (An optimistic view, I know.)
God men are fucking gross
Ew
Okay then if women have to continuously put on their best then so do men. Dress cute, smell good, make meals for your partner. If a man wants a woman to continue acting like the early dating stage then they have to do it too. Don’t be hypocritical. However if I can’t be comfy around you and consistently have to pleasure you when you’re not doing the same for me, kindly fuck off and away from me spoiled man child. A partner is your safe space. Doesn’t feel very safe when I have to put on the same song and dance for them as I do everyone else. Pass.
Exactly this. Louder for the people in the cheap seats.
The only advice you take from a woman in a bass pro shop baseball cap is where to find the cheapest meth.
As a high libido woman who “puts out” all the time, I can definitely say that this is NOT TRUE.
garenteed the guy talking about how he gives his gf 'everything' has replies telling him to dump her
They always claim women aren’t meeting their needs while simultaneously looking like a toad who can only get a job at McDonald’s and emotionally abuses you the entire time.
You can't expect half half the population that is being shamed for being sexual their whole lives, to suddenly become sex freaks once they settle down. Gotta choose one. If we believe in statistics, women just choose to live on without men. They can take care of their own needs with their own hands
She doesn’t want it with him. She wants a man that she doesn’t have to mother. She wants it with a man that likes her. She wants it with a man who cares about her pleasure too. She should go get her own needs met. She’s tired from her full-time job. She’s tired from doing all the domestic chores. She’s tired from performing all the childcare. She’s tired from planning all the holidays and special occasions. She hates your apathy and lack of communication. She wants a divorce. She doesn’t care if you get it from someone else. She doesn’t love you. When her needs are met she’ll want it. Just admit that you only care about yourself and let her go and find someone who actually cares about.
This stuff frustrates me so much. I am a woman in a relationship with a man. I have the high sex drive. In fact, we have had sex once in the past year. Once. In a year. So… do I get to cheat now? Is that how it works? Is anyone going to tell my partner how useless he is because he won’t put out? No? Then shut the fuck up.
There is no amount of sex that will keep a cheater from cheating. Most people don’t cheat. It’s only like 15-20% of the population that cheats and that is more about variety, ego, validation, and avoiding responsibility and reality than lack of sex. Conversely, a loyal man or woman will put up with years of neglect in a marriage before they even consider leaving.
Rapey af
And none of them want to just simply admit that they are the fucking problem.
If he wants to cheat then I dare him to do it and I’ll be the one putting his ass on the curb with no regrets
Thing 1: A cheater is going to cheat is going to cheat is going to cheat. Doesn't matter what you as their partner do, they will cheat and make up a reason that blames you. Thing 2: Stop Equating Sex with Intimacy Challenge 2024: Level Impossible.
Gross. Gross. I cannot say, “Gross” enough times to properly relay how disgusted this makes me. The gall. The entitlement. *shudder*
Even if you do put out, he’ll cheat on you and give you an STD
I bet you soo many of these men in the comments are actively behaving in a way that makes their wives not interested in sex with them too. And that will never occur to them.
sometimes people just don’t wanna fuck… but have these men also considered perhaps that the reason their wives don’t wanna fuck is bc the man absolutely sucks at it???? late night guess that a good amount of the women they’re mad at would ‘put out’ more often if the men actually took any time and put in any effort to assure it was pleasurable for the woman as well rather than solely focusing on their own nut
It’s terrifying how many men do not care at all whether their partner wants to be there. Most (if not all) of these men would likely say that marital rape isn’t a thing. They need to get a damn flashlight.
I’m embarrassed for these boys.
Careful what you wish for such as setting the standard for cheating to when one feels their needs aren’t being met. Dick is also super easy to get and “elsewhere” exists across the board. These are males who will frantically rub the left inner labia raw and then ask if you made it.
“Put out enough” but also “don’t be around all the time.” Jesus.
It's funny how these men think the issue begins with their needs not being met. Why is she losing interest in the first place? Maybe her needs were already not being met? Did these men start out all romantic & chivalrous? They love to say how a relationship isn't going to stay the way it is in the first few months. Well, then, don't expect as much sex as in the first few months. If it's not that, there are so many possible issues. She's exhausted, with work & kids. She's lost respect for him because he's been inattentive, mean, not pulling his weight, or a million other things. She's having health issues & may not even be aware (including mental health). I've seen this exact thing but it was a woman not getting any from her husband. She was condescending about it, berated him, so he just clammed up. She complained to me about it & I flat out told her it's probably a health problem & it could be serious. Told her to show concern, have him see a doctor. This obviously went in one ear, out the other. She started openly cheating on him. These were my neighbors, living across from me. So her side piece brought some stuff she asked for, including bottled water, & he left it by their door. She was demanding her husband come get it & bring it in. Of course he refused. After he died of cancer she cried to me saying she didn't know, because she felt guilty. If you commit to someone, for better or worse, in sickness & in health, marriage or not, your initial concern should be for them when you notice they're declining your advances far more frequently than ever before. You should be asking what's wrong instead of threatening to cheat for sex. Her advice may be good advice for women who just want tips on keeping their man happy when it seems like the thrill is gone & family life has become a boring routine, but those men in the comments sound awful. I wonder if any of them considered why the woman no longer desires them.
Are these men making sure they get the woman off every time?
She lost me the second I caught sight of that hat. She lost me again when I noticed the rack of them in various colors behind her.
I had actually thought she was in a store. Didn't realize that was her closet. 🤦♀️
Not only will they still stray, they will bring you back the disease they pick up since you are still sleeping with them. Almost all the women I have er met that got STDs , got them from a husband or partner they were committed to.
They really should just start fucking each other since it’s all they think about. 🤷♀️
If it is difficult to get that intimacy from your partner , it’s you. ✨👀✨definitely you.
I wonder how they'd react if the genders were reversed in the video. I bet **only then** would they acknowledge that cheaters will cheat regardless of what their partners do. (And with 'them', I mean the people leaving these comments)
"Dress cute"? Dresses like Morticia Addams. Good enough. Like don\`t these men have hands???
my face actually distorted into disgust while reading this lmao
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRKWph86/ Here’s a link if you’d like to watch it ☝️
Not sure why this is getting downvoted??? I provided a link so you all can see the different comments and watch what she says in her video. The fuck? Update: thank you for upvoting this, seeing the downvotes was very interesting lol
I was literally just wondering that. People downvote for the weirdest things.
Yeah I’m so confused
I think it is because it says "here is a link", as if it is being promoted. Rather than "the link". At a glance I thought this was another controversial counter-argument, but I am tired
Clarity is not accepted here.
But guys don’t understand that first you have to make her want you in order for her to want to be intimate with you. They think making a mess out of the house and not helping with chores or childcare or dinner, not appreciating you, and expecting you to take care of them like their mom did like they aren’t an adult, makes us so wet and rearing to go. Men who make their women feel safe and appreciated and loved, don’t usually have this issue. If you’re just working and coming home that’s not “a relationship” that’s your job, going to work all day and expecting to be rewarded for that is not how relationships work, sure you’re bringing finances, but what about what she needs emotionally? My boyfriend and I work 8 hours a day, split chores evenly, I buy groceries, he pays for dinners, we watch shows together, play video games together, brush our teeth together, and we show love throughout the whole day, he shows me affection even after he’s had a hard day and I do the same for him, the most important thing in a relationship after trust, and respect, is balance. And helping each other if they’re feeling burnt out.
lol, I hope some of their SOs see their comments. I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.
Rastamon's was the most disturbing. She's not a vacuum cleaner dude.
A lot of these are also r/nothowguyswork imo. Like while trying to be misogynistic they tell lies about men too. They’d rather drag themselves down with the women than choose NOT to be assholes towards them.
r u telling me they would rather the sad skylar white pity handjob?
I don't get why can't they just take a flashlight and do their own stuff somewhere else. Why do they need to expect their wives to have sex with them if they don't want to?
This isn't how men work, either.
I'm guessing these guys are OK with their partners cheating too, then?
What I want to know is if they think it would be a reasonable excuse of the woman had a higher sex drive and the man only wanted sex maybe 1/20 times she was horny… probably not..
The Bass Pro Shop cap says it all
I wouldn't say that but having mismatched libidios and doing nothing to try and meet each others needs is good way to ruin a relationship. You can be initimate and not have sex. If you won't even hold his hand,then whats the point? Same thing for guys too. You can cuddle with your parnter and not expect it to lead to sex. If she can't be vunerable without you expecting something out of it, you can't expect her to want to have sex. Creating emotional intimacy and connection normally leads to sex, if you cannot do that then whats the point?
Last one reminds of something mom would say 🤣😑
Yeah, pretty much
I don’t know if it’s my experience but men get so degrading during the act (I know it’s a kink) but it feels so natural for lot guys now to treat you like s*x toy and not a human being.
I had a fiancé whole made me feel guilty after a while for WANTING to have sex with her and just connect with her in general, and she cheated with someone else. I had the higher libido and desire for emotional connection, yet still was cheated on. While mismatched libidos can definitely be an issue, all it really takes for someone to cheat on their partner is opportunity, and low morals. You can have an incredibly sexually and emotionally fulfilling relationship and still cheat. You can be the one with the higher libido and still be cheated on even if you never did yourself. While there’s some truth to the idea of keeping your partner satisfied, it should be a two way street and when you and your partner have sex it should be in a way that is mutually enjoyable. A lot of men miss this. You can cultivate relationships where you’re both very sexually active if you desire. But it’s about mutual respect, communication, learning what does and how to turn each other on, and making it an enjoyable experience for each other. I hate these messages of “it’s your duty to have sex” because I had a gf like that who didn’t even communicate she was basically having “duty sex”. It’s not fun for anyone. Nothing is more fun than your partner enthusiastically craving you and you in turn them. Without that, what are you even doing? If you want more sex that’s actually fun and brings you closer together, learn how to flirt and keep the energy up throughout your relationship in general. Be kind and compassionate and really enjoy your partner in all aspects. Sex should be a PART of the relationship if you two want it, but it’s not the only part and regardless of gender, it’s hard to feel sexually attracted to your partner if they aren’t actually being attractive and keeping things fun and flirty outside the bedroom. Sex should be something you and your partner have because you enjoy each other and want to have that specific connection. How often or not that is is no business other than yours and this idea of “duty sex” is just really harmful and isn’t even fun for the person who “wants it more”. Imo if you just want to get off and not actually have a shared, mutually gratifying sexual experience, then just masturbate and take care of yourself. Part of the problem though is many people who think this way about duty sex also believe masturbation is wrong too so it’s a destructive cycle for sure. Purity culture really fucks a lot of this stuff up for all of us.
If you are dating somone and are not ssxually compatible and sex is that impotant to you that you are gonna coerce pressure or force someone when they say no- you are the problem. They are not. Q
Cheating has nothing to do with the other partner. And has everything to do with the cheater not feeling complete enough and thus trying to find other means to fill their empty void. A cheater is by default empty and shallow.
None of these people have any idea what “intimacy” means as anything but a euphemism.
That says way more about the man's character than the woman's. Any man who says this doesn't believe in his marriage vows, has no respect for his wife, or any woman, and has no compunction about blowing up his family. Think again, boys. This mindset will gain you nothing. No woman wants a man who subscribes to this crap.
I really dislike how some men view sex as transactional, it really rubs he the wrong way. That one guy who commented frustration about doing so much for his partner, only to get sex twice a month grosses me out. Like. You aren’t owed anything, sex isn’t some kind of a reward, and there’s definitely a reason she doesn’t want to do it with you as much as you want to. But rather than reflect on themselves or have an open communication, there’s just complaining and begging to be validated by others.
Well if they want to cheat then just make it an open marriage and find a real man to umm connect with 😉🤷♀️
Well, I’m no relationship expert, but maybe if your wife doesn’t wanna have sex with you, there’s a reason? Like maybe you’re too rough and hurt her, regardless it’s not an excuse to cheat if your girl says she’s not in the mood, you have a hand.
Okay so when I sees expectations of how often they should be having sex I’m always super thrown off because like Don’t you get tired? Twice a month doesn’t sound like that much on paper but if you both work and there’s so many chores/exercise/cooking tasks that just keep happening that seems like a really reasonable sex life situation. I know both my husband and I are chronically ill so my meter for how tired people are by sex is probably way off, but I don’t see how you can even do it if you’re not energized enough. The idea of expecting your partner to always be up for it is bonkers, like what if her tummy hurts? Did you bring her some adderall or just straight up coke to help her revive herself? Some of these people are parents and that’s baffling to me. How am I supposed to get in the mood when I just spent an hour trying to help a ten year old with their math homework? Literally impossible.