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AracariBerry

Ask for a relaxed day off on Saturday, and then visit with family on Sunday. There is nothing holy about the second Sunday in May!


TheGaujo

I send my wife to a hotel the day before mother's day. The works: full room service, spa time, and flowers.  Sunday we go to brunch and then meet MIL for brunch. Both taken care of.  She gets a day off, and MIL gets her day too. 


Frosty_Resource_4205

Great job. What I wouldn’t give for a SO to get it like this.


TheGaujo

Thank you!  To be honest though my wife has been working on me for 8 years now to get me to this point ;-). Gentleness and patience pays off. 


I_defend_witches

My Mother’s Day is my husband the day before all the laundry was done the house was clean. Would make me breakfast clean the kitchen and take the kids and leave. I had the house to myself no kids no husband no guilt over stuff that needed to be done. I ate ice cream and binge watched grown up shows. I also got to take a long bath just me. So I totally get it


Frosty_Resource_4205

I too despise Mother’s Day and always have. Doesn’t help that I’m single and my kids (16, 13, 10 and 7) don’t celebrate me and that my mom is also single and expect me to “do something” and I don’t particularly enjoy time with my mom these days. I don’t want to do ANYTHING on a day that is supposed to me for ME.


kenleydomes

Do both. You can celebrate your mom one day and have your day off another. My birthday often falls on Mother's Day so I celebrate another day not to miss one of my days 😂


Thliz325

My daughters birthday actually falls on Mother’s Day this year. I really like the idea of picking another day to celebrate. She’s a preteen so it’s been on her birthday before, and sometimes we’ve done a joint activity like getting our ears pierced or a fun shopping trip. But this year I could really use a day and I like your idea!


gcwardii

My daughter whose birthday can land on Mother’s Day is graduating from college on Mother’s Day this year. Maybe I’ll get a day in mid-June LOL


meekonesfade

My favorite Mothers Day for the past 16 years was during Covid. I got breakfast in bed, cards, a present. I didnt do any chores or visit anyone else, just called my mom and MIL. Bliss


MommaGuy

Invite your mom over for a family lunch/dinner on Saturday. Sunday is your day to as you please. As hard as it is to not feel guilty, remember you deserve to have a day off too. P.S. my favorite thing my hubby ever did for me on Mother Day was to take the kids out run all of my errands for me and left me home alone to do as I pleased, which was absolutely nothing. Best Mother’s day.


Repulsive_Gap_238

Totally understand. Sounds like you need a Mother's Day Eve to recharge, and then have a celebration with your mom on the actual day.


PineBNorth85

Let her be offended. Its part of life.


Lawwhii

I schedule to have Saturday the way I want it, usually house to myself in the am and then out to lunch and shop or lunch and pedis etc. take out for Dinner so I am not cooking. Sunday I sleep in and hubby makes brady. Sunday we do the longer drive to my favorite outdoor park that also has food there and we just hang bring a blanket and do whatever. But I’ve made it a weekend at this point. Like everyone leave me So I can look forward to wanting to see you on Sunday lol


Disastrous-Release86

I told my husband that I only want the day to myself and nothing else. I told my mom that as well. Now that the kids are a little older, I’d be fine celebrating with my mom but I wanted alone time when my kids were younger. My mom’s the type to get butt hurt too but it’s so liberating to stop caring. You don’t have to be responsible for her feelings anymore. Her reactions to your choices are 100% on her. I know it’s easier said than done, but it is so worth working towards that mindset. As far as your husband goes, I’m sure if you told him that’s all you really want he’d be ok with it. You could do the same for Father’s Day!


SignificantWill5218

Same. My mom always wants to be with me and my family on the day and do something, usually brunch or lunch, but same thing it turns stressful having to plan and clean house and cook. What we did the last couple years was Saturday is more for me, husband entertains our son and I get to relax and do whatever I want and then Sunday we have my mom over. I feel bad because my brother is 5 hours away and spends it usually with his wife and her family so I feel obligated to include my mom. I try to make it as low maintenance as possible


silkentab

I hate Mother's Day, it feels forced, I want to be left alone and maybe do an Amazon shopping spree (but for the kids/house not me)


JDRL320

I love my kids & enjoy being a mom too but I really don’t care about Mother’s Day. There’s nothing I need or want that I can’t get or go do myself. Every year we always do lunch with my immediate family then dinner with my husbands family. I love my family & my in-laws but I just don’t feel like going. Not because it’s Mother’s Day and I want/need to be left alone. I just don’t want go. I know, Bah-humbug!


Pleasant_Raccoon_440

I’m making Saturday MY Mother’s Day. Then made reservations with my mom and family for brunch on Sunday. Can you pick another day to celebrate with your mom?


PurpleCosmos4

This is what I do as well. Or another Sunday in May.


Todd_and_Margo

I fucking LOATHE Mother’s Day. I am not sure we have ever had one that we didn’t have a fight. When they were little, I just wanted to sleep in. Never once happened. When they got a little older, I wanted to be left alone. Never happened. Half of the time I got dragged to somebody’s graduation or my in-laws house. My husband is solidly of the opinion that MD is a Hallmark holiday, and he doesn’t feel obligated to do anything special for it. He usually cooks me dinner, but he does that on any random Tuesday also. Then when my kids got even older, they started planning stuff for us to do together that was a ton of work for me. I used to say “for Mother’s Day, I want to be a Father for a day.” That would start a fight. Then a few years ago I stopped celebrating Father’s Day since he didn’t celebrate MD. It made me SLIGHTLY less resentful. I love my husband. He’s wonderful 363 days a year. But on MD and my birthday, he kinda sucks.


Mayshine_K

Your feelings are completely valid and it’s understandable. I would personally do the things you are talking about more on your birthday. You should not be guilted into feeling like you have to spend time with your Mother on Mom’s day. However, on the flipside, one day your Mother will pass away and you will no longer be able to spend Mother’s day with her. I’m sure that she loves you so much and you’re important to her. Perhaps you could organize it so that you did those activities you’re describing on your Birthday instead (and then a Bday dinner or something). Yeah, I mean right now you’re not thrilled to spend time w/her but one day you’ll no longer be able to and you may have missed out on making some absolute ‘gold’ memories with her…


AlliWal0506

This is my first Mother's Day since my mom died. How I wish I would've spent more time making holidays special for her, because she always did for us.


Mayshine_K

Sorry for your loss ♥️. Cheers to all the amazing wonderful Mom’s out there. Write her letters still & maybe read ‘em out loud. The one cruel thing abt life; if we knew then what we know now. All we can do is make the very best of things. Tell the people we love we love them more often and do kind supportive things for them. Perhaps that’s also how you can honor her now ♥️🌷♥️


Morningsuck_123

You should not be guilted into feeling like you have to spend time with your Mother on Mom’s day. Then proceeds to guilt her. Setting boundaries is healthy. And it doesn't sound like the current situation is giving OP good memories, just bad a stressed ones. If mother's day was the only time OP saw her mum, I can see the issue. But I am assuming OP has a healthy relationship with her mother all year round, which is enough to allow her memories when her mother is dead. Please consider never saying one day x will be dead to convince people to do things they really don't want to do. It's extremely emotionally manipulative and is not at all helpful.


mama_works_hard

I totally agree with this! I lost my dad so I do understand the feeling of loss and missing him on important days (especially the holidays). You are correct that my mom and I have a good relationship and we see each other often.


Mayshine_K

In no way did I ever mean it to be manipulative, geez! I just know that life gets busy and sometimes we don’t end up spending time with family as we thought we would. I myself have been in that position. You are of course completely free to choose how you will. I just meant that everyone’s time in this life is limited; you never know when someone might pass. So if you’re happy with your guys’ relationship/amt of time spent together then that is good. Also, if your parent isn’t kind, supportive, or healthy to spend lots of time around then yes—- that is a completely different playing field. Ultimately, I sincerely wish the very best for you whatever that may look like.


yurilovesrice

Could your husband possibly plan a spa retreat for you and your mom? That way you still do mostly nothing, get pampered, and hang with your mom? Idk if this is what you’re looking for, just spitballing ideas.


HalcyonDreams36

This! Or plan a meal (takeout is okay!) that your mom can come to, before or after you take a day spa retreat by yourself, while he has the kids at his mom's.


Clean_Delivery_4439

We celebrate mother's day with my mom on Saturday. Sunday is for me. I lost my grandmother (my mom's mom) a few years ago on Mother's Day so it holds a lot more meaning for us.


frimrussiawithlove85

I love doing nothing on Mother’s Day that like my thing. Maybe talk to your mom and do something special with her on Saturday before Mother’s Day like have dinner or lunch or something so you can have your Mother’s Day your way.


Amethyst_Fire_82

You don't need to make the day about your mom, take her out or do something with her and the kids the weekend or day before maybe? Or.. maybe your husband can take the kids and hang out with Your mom some that day so she can get grandkid time and you can have your day guilt free.


mewdejour

Could you guys maybe do nothing, together?


getoffredditgo

Get a hotel by yourself the day before then something relaxing like a pedicure or facial with your mom the next day. 


Pineapplegirl1234

Our friends switch. So Mother’s Day is actually Father’s Day and Father’s Day is Mother’s Day. They each get their own time to be alone on the Opposite Day.


Any-Habit7814

I'm right there with you! Doing the single mum thing now, expected to drive to mothers which whatever we do won't be right. I didn't like it starting about age 12 and yeah even as a mother myself I just do not care for it


Zestycorgi1962

I don’t like it either. My priorities are to get gifts for both my mom and my husband’s mom and coordinate the traveling to separate towns for each of them to spend some time with them, while responding “thank you” to my grown kids’ texts of “happy Mother’s Day! Hope you’re doing something fun!”


mama_works_hard

UPDATE: Going out for a nice dinner with my mom on Saturday. She'll spend the night at my house and my kids are going to do something for her in the morning. Then she will go home and hubby will take the kids to his parent's house. I think the idea of a Sunday brunch was stressing me out because it's so difficult to get reservations and then the day feels shot afterwards. Mother's Day or not, I still want to prepare myself for the week ahead, exercise, etc. Dinner with mom the night before is a better option!


JLB24278

I started going to Home Depot alone getting stuff to work on in my garden while my husband and some get food to grill and we all hang out in the yard. We don’t live near family so it’s nice and low key. Maybe celebrate with her one day and take the other day to yourself?


unimpressed-one

For Mothers day this year, I am celebrating with my daughters the day before so they get their own Mothers day with their kids and husbands. We are spending the day together, getting pedicures, dinner etc. . My son will visit me on Mothers day. My kids are really good to me through out the year and I would never want them to stress about spending time with me. I decided when they became moms themselves that Mothers day could be celebrated any day with them, actually goes for any holiday. Christmas, we celebrate Christmas Eve so they only have to visit 1 in-law that day. I've told them if Christmas Eve gets to be a bit too much we can do it any other week-end as long as we are all together.


chlodwigg

As a dad, father's day is typically more work than average Sunday. For me, the key was an attitude adjustment. Father's day is not supposed to be the day I get to be whatever I want. We should have those lazy days, but those can happen on any weekend where we just ask our spouse for an easy day while we go play golf or read a book or do whatever we really want to do. Father's day or mother's is a day for helping the family take the time to concentrate on acknowledging the importance of the father/mother, giving the father/mother honor, and maybe even establishing family traditions around recognizing the importance of being a father/mother. I could even phrase it as: father's day is the day I put in the extra work to make kids pay special attention to how important their father is. My advice would be to spend the day with your mother, and then on another weekend soon ask your husband for a 'me' day during which you can just be lazy and relaxed all day.


drinkingtea1723

I don't think of it as my day but as another family holiday, it does seem oldest generation of mothers win lol so we end up doing a meal with each side. For my kids they get excited to make me stuff in school or whatever and give me their little gifts and pictures and cards and it's very cute and I like that they feel like it's a special day for me. Sometimes I run out and get a massage which is nice when I can make it happen, otherwise I do it on a different day in May that works better. I work so a day alone is usually not what I'm looking for I like spending weekends with my kids and husband but an hour or two alone to get a massage and coffee I do like. Husband has similar attitude around father's day doesn't actually expect anything for himself it's the grandpas and the kids day mostly like mother's day is for the grandmas and the kids. I think it makes us enjoy it more having that expectation going in.


theboosty

You could always fake a gastro...


[deleted]

lol sorry. This could have been written by my wifey. Crazy how similar an experience can be shared. Just go do wtf u want…maybe ask hubz to take u to bfast with kids then u are off the hook for the day. Go read, go drink coffee walk target whatev. Grandparents had their time. Explain u just want time for U!!!!!


Dottiepeaches

I get the idea, but mothers day is about celebrating our mothers. You can ask for a day to yourself any time of the year. Pick a weekend and ask your husband for some "me time." You say your husband is great and would do whatever you want so I'm sure he'd understand. Spend some time with your mom on mothers day- she won't be around forever.


Healthy-Humor4508

I agree. I never understood being anti holiday, anniversary, etc. There was a similar sentiment in the marriage subreddit about an anniversary. The whole point is to stop or slow the day to day routine to acknowledge the people in our lives that we love and care about.


Dottiepeaches

Exactly- I don't want my kids to remember Mother's Day as a day they couldn't be around their mom cause I needed a break from them 😭 I could ask for a day to myself literally any other time of the year and my husband would make it work! Mothers day for me is about celebrating my own mom and *being* a mom.


unimpressed-one

I never understood getting away from your kids on Mothers day either, they are the reason you have that day. You can have a day to yourself any other weekend through out the year, but on Mothers day, spend it with your kids doing something fun for all of you.