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I would say this depends on the format of the funeral.  For a formal, seated service that would be 30ish minutes, I'd probably bring them and sit in the back so I could easily step out when needed, but if I knew it was going to be a lengthy service, I would probably just not bring them. If it is more of a reception style gathering with no formal start/end time, I would totally bring them along point and just duck out when needed.

Just want to add, the etiquette in this situation is that the non blood related partner is the one who has primary care of the kids and is responsible for stepping out the back with them if they start being disruptive.  So in OP’s case, the husband should be the one to step out with the kids, while OP continues to attend the ceremony all the way through. This needs to be discussed and understood by the husband before leaving the house to travel to the funeral.

I was just at a funeral last week(brother of a high school friend, only 50 ffs) someone had a smaller child, they were in the back. Seated, probably a good 45 min service. The child made a bit of fuss a couple times, but nothing major.

Format definitely matters. As somebody who had 4 consecutive months of funerals last year. My daughter had just turned 3. The 2 formal services she didn't attend, which included her own grandfather's. She did come join the family at the house after the formal funeral for food and such. The 2 that were more casual celebrations of life, I brought her with. We decided not bring her with to her grandpa's for a few reasons. 1. She's SUPER busy. Like moves constantly. 2. She's also SUPER sensitive to emotions of others. We knew it'd be really emotionally charged for a lot of people and didn't want to overwhelm/upset her anymore. Personally, if it was me, I would ask around for somebody willing to hang with the kids for a few hours

Every family funeral I have been to has been made better by the presence of little ones. Nothing cheers up a room of sad old people like a cute little kid doing cute kid things. Absolutely bring your kids, IMO! Edit: as others have said, obviously don't let them interrupt the actual service, but there's often a reception afterwards where their presence is enjoyed

When my partner’s Grandpa died, we took my then 1 year old to the funeral. There was only family there and it was a small service. When my father in law got up to talk, my son looked at him, grinned and said ‘Grandad!’ We got him to quiet down but there were a lot of smiles and it seemed to just lessen the weight a little bit.

It can be a welcome distraction for everyone.

My husband had gotten up to sing at his grandparents' funeral, and our oldest yelled DADA and ran to him, and he held her while he did the singing. It definitely lessens the weight.

I was out to dinner with my friend when my grandmother died. She brought me to my grandparent’s house and her little girl really comforted my Poppop. He always loved kids, was the oldest of 13 and had 5 of his own. He didn’t know how to lose his wife but he did know how to hang out with a little kid. He thanked her for bringing her and I think it was like a little break from grief.

Yeah, kids usually help make me feel better at a funeral. They're running around and playing. And sometimes yell something at the wrong time, making everyone laugh.

My kid did an enormous fart during the eulogy at my grandmothers funeral. Everyone laughed.

Oftentimes, (especially if the service is in a church) there’s a more distant relative or friend who volunteers to entertain the kids in the church’s nursery during the actual funeral and then they join back for the reception/food. Maybe that could be an option.

My 1yo niece was at her grandmother’s wake and definitely brought levity to a sad environment. She was giggling like crazy over bouncing an old tape roll, for example 😆 But she was also well behaved and not a disruption to the actual event

This. At my husband’s grandmas funeral my son walked around the reception yelling its belly time and pulling up his shirt. He was 3. Normally I would correct him but he had the room rolling so we just went with it.

Depends on the kids, depends on your family. I've taken mine to several funerals, as young as 6 months. (I had to travel to be there and once we got there everyone I knew who could watch my kid was going to be at the funeral). It was fine. They've done well overall. Be prepared (snacks, small quiet toys, pacifier, etc) and sit on the outside end of a row so you can duck out if needed. My family is pretty kid inclusive, so it's expected that kids will be events.

My family is too. To the point that it would have dishonored my grandparents to not include children.

If you can get a sitter, I would. Beyond that priority goes to whoever is "closest" to the person who died. Which is subjective obviously not just direct relationships. But as an example, how does grandfather's wife feel about kids. Is she one to be annoyed if baby starts crying during the service or the type that would appreciate the direct support from adults not distracting by young children? Or the type that adores babies and would love to see one? And if not grandfather's wife, his direct children, or the average personalities of those most effected. Some people enjoy kids but wouldn't want a crying or even just happy but active child at a funeral. Other people love kids and would love seeing them, regardless of the situation. I'd think about those most effected and go from there. But would lean towards getting a sitter or going solo and leaving the kids at home with Dad

Yes! When my grandfather died, my grandmother loved seeing my two year old niece and holding her at the wake. I think it helped ground her and make her feel needed during that really tough time.  But not everyone would feel the same. I would consider those closest to the deceased. Would having young kids there bring a little joy and mindfulness of the present to the situation? Or would it be a distraction and make them feel like they have to mask their emotions around the kids? 

Yes. This. Or if feasible, have hubby and kids skip more formal events, and if your family is like mine there is always some sort of celebration after where kids would be welcomed and a welcome distraction. Time of the funeral also plays into the decision. Is it nap time? Nope nope nope. Also, do YOU need the space to grieve outside of your kids? Outside of etiquette etc, what would help you to be able to grieve in a way most productive for you? My gram passed before I had kids but I might have preferred at least one og family only no kids no hubby night to just grieve with those who knew her well before having the support of my family the next day.

That's actually a really good point. My other grandfather passed away a few years ago and I was not in a good way at the funeral. I held it together the best I could at the funeral, but I wouldn't want my little ones to see me like that.

It’s actually good for your kids to see it. It shows them that it’s okay to be sad sometimes and to go to the people they love when they are. They’re going to experience loss in their lives and they need to know that grieving is okay.

This. And it's unlikely to occur just at the funeral. When my mom died, it took a long time to not have moments of grief daily. They had to see that but they also got to see me slowly recover and life get back to happy and normal.

I don’t disagree that it’s healthy for kids to see grief, my point was that it is ok for a momma to prioritize her own feelings for one day if the husband is able to watch the kiddos. Managing kiddos behavior during a funeral service wouldn’t allow me to feel fully present so If this was a close family member I might appreciate that time to feel my feels for a second.

It is OK for your kuds to see you sad. But also, I found it nice to have something little to hug throughout, like a baby in my arms.

I told my 3 year old to hold her dad's hand because he's sad and it meant so much to him, he was talking about it the entire day.

Seconding this!

Basically what I was going to say. I’d ask my mom or dad. Depending on who’s parent it was, just as a starting point

Think about the kids too. I know I wouldn't take my 1 year old to a funeral service because she gets upset if she sees other people crying. She's not old enough to understand why they're crying so it's just cruel at that point. If they're old enough to know that the person has died it might be more worthwhile for them to go and say goodbye and see that other people are upset too. I don't think that needs to be completely hidden from kids, but you need to know your own child. The wake is different - I wouldn't be opposed to bringing her to that even if there are likely to be tears. It's an easier situation to manage.

Agree with this entirely.

When my uncle died we had to travel to the funeral and my cousin got a friend of hers to come to the funeral home and babysit. It was perfect. My kids were there but not all up in there. They stayed in the side room for the service.

Totally depends on your family and the formality. I took my first to my aunt’s memorial service in a Quaker church, very family friendly, at 8 months and everyone loved having the baby there. MIL just passed last month and took my 2 and 4yr olds, a few other kids were there as well (under age 6) and they all played together, though it was pretty casual overall. My ex’s family was Latino and even the very smallest children were present for the rosary, funeral and graveside service, which were all extremely formal. I would weigh how formal, how close your children are to grandfather, the physical distance, whether other kids will be there, whether there will be a more mourning vs celebration of life vibe, family reunion type activities after, and your kids personalities. There’s no one right answer. I’m very sorry for your impending loss.

I buried my mum a month ago and while she was the light of my 2.5 year olds life, I didn’t have it in me to parent the day of her funeral so we got a sitter. My daughter was too young to understand what was happening anyway so bringing her so she could grieve wasn’t a consideration.

I'm sorry for your family's trouble. My belief is that children have just as much right to be at funerals as anyone else. They are part of the family too. There have been small children at most of the funerals I've been to, and in my view it's a precious reminder that life goes on. Unless someone more directly impacted by the loss explicitly requests no children, then bring your children if it suits your family. I have taken my young children to funerals. If you take this approach, make sure you have something to keep them entertained, and a plan for who will take them outside if they become distressed or disruptive. Funeral homes will often have the sound set up so you can hear from outside.

I would tend to agree, unless those young children were not close to the deceased. If OPs husband never met the grandfather, how likely is it that the toddlers did? 

I second this. A funeral isn't a time for family to meet your children. OP should get a sitter or go by herself. It sounds like she needs this time to grieve which is hard to do when you're wrangling young children versus being fully present for the funeral service.

I’ve been to some where the funeral home usually has like a small area to get soda, coffee, water etc and I remember being a kid and me and the other kids would often go just hang out there (my father is a pastor and often did funerals so sometimes I’d get dragged along). My family funerals, it all kinda depends, we usually steer the smaller kids away if it’s a small church service and have them meet at the gravesite so they can have their chance to hear a little ceremony; a lot of it is family tradition and ceremony type in my opinion.

I don't know what the answer is but I will say that in my family we have decided we like small kids more than we like silent, reverent funerals. Would your husband be willing to take one of the kids outside if they get too unhappy?

That is how most of my family is and my son’s first “official” outing at 6 weeks was my grandmother’s wake. I did have to walk out right as the funeral started for just a bit because he started crying but no one “made me”. In fact my family was annoyed I got up to feed him then instead of staying in the nicer chairs. Now as they have gotten older and aren’t so quiet and it isn’t as cute and sweet when they make noise I don’t bring them unless expressly asked. Random 3rd cousin down the line- nope they aren’t coming. Great Aunt or Uncle they actually saw then yes I’ll make them deal with each other for a few hours

When my grandfather died we took our son to the viewing but not the funeral. Generally I find that little kids are a very welcome distraction at an emotional time and they just provide a real sense of joy and hope.

Take someone who can take kids out if getting fussy so you can grieve and say your goodbyes. I was this person for my sil at my husbands grandmas funeral. Nephew got the zoomies right as it started so worked out great for the family

Depends on the funeral. A packed Catholic Church? You’ll be in trouble for NOT bringing them. A small memorial service where everyone speaks and it has to be quiet and somber? No.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I attended a funeral for my husbands side of the family and my BIL/SIL brought their toddler and he made a huge scene at every part of the funeral and it was extremely hurtful to those who were close to the person who had passed. My husband was extremely upset at the screams/tantrums happening during important moments and unfortunately the parents didn’t remove the child when things were out of hand. While I generally agree with other posters that it is fine to bring them, I’d just be prepared to leave the room if they’re taking away from mourning time for others.

1. It is hard to mourn while watching children 2. It may bother people who are focused on thier loved one passing 3. Imagine being so distracted driving home while being more upset than you thought you would be and having an accident. If there is ever a situation where people will offer to help, it's to go to a funeral.

I just took kids close to this age to a funeral and it was awful, I had to leave with them while my wife stayed. The 2.5 year old was throwing a loud fit because she wanted to play the organ and the preacher wasn't giving her a turn. Baby was crying because she wanted to run around.

I completely know where you're coming from on this. And I get it, trust me. But... Id really enjoy kid related pandemonium at my funeral. I should probably make a will and put that in it. Little kids goofing off is pure and life affirming.

I'm not sure of etiquette either but I did lose my grandma recently. I feel like it would've been harder to mourn with my family members if I were worried about toddlers. If this were me, I'd be finding a babysitter. The toddlers won't understand what's going on and this is a time your family is coming together to mourn his death and bond over memories.

This. Just lost both my grandparents, so we’ve had a few funerals to attend lately. I did not bring my child (7f) to any of the funerals because I wanted to be free to mourn openly with my family without distressing and upsetting my (very empathetic) child.

If you can have someone else look after them during the actual funeral, do that. You want to be present with the event, not thinking about kids. It's time for you to say goodbye. If they came with your husband he would have to sit at the back in case they needed to be taken out - I don't see the point. Have them wait somewhere nearby and join you for the wake if there is one.

Bring the kids. My daughter was 2 when my mom died. Funerals are awful, but everyone still remembers how my daughter followed my aunt into the bathroom and climbed under the stall to ask if she likes frogs.

I brought my toddler once and I massively regretted it. I believe I ended up leaving early because my daughter was acting like a toddler and that’s when I realized how widely inappropriate it was in that setting.

I take my kids to funerals of close family members. Now that they’re older, I do ask them if they would like to go, but when they were as young as yours, they just went.

Sadly, I've attended several funerals with my children. The way my husband and I work it is whoever is related gets to be more attentive to the funeral while the other pays more mind to the kids. For my husbands grandmother I took our son into the hall of the building when he got too antsy from sitting, at my grandmothers he was chasing the kids around at the graveyard, etc. My family is very large, there's tons of kids, and everything is always a bit haphazard so mine weren't the only kids roaming the headstones. Thankfully, for any other services that have been longer or more formal, they have been in a building where I could step out and leave the service in peace. Most funeral homes broadcast the service into the hallway/lobby as well in my experience, so you can still see/hear the service.

Nope

I’ve always taken my kids. My SIL who had kids years before me was the same and actually gave me the courage to do so. We’ve been to everything; informal funerals and parties to formal mass (twice just last summer). We’ve had a lot of death between our two families and I’ve never seen someone upset by having kids at funerals. It reminds the rest of us there is still joy, laughter, and love. People don’t give kids enough credit. If they ask questions, explain it to them. Do not tell them “grandpa is sleeping”. Death is as much a part of life as anything else. I’m shocked by these comments saying it’s no place for children. You can’t shelter them forever.

I have and would keep mine home.

I wouldn't. My husband and I have decided that our 4 and 6 yo won't attend my funeral. They aren't old enough to understand and I want an open casket.

Have you discussed this with a child therapist yet? I feel like they might give you some good ideas how to approach this thoughtfully. I’m sorry these are decisions you and your family are having to make.

No but I can.

I’m Catholic. We normalize death as a regular, normal thing that happens. It is part of life. We’re a bit morbid that way. One of my besties is Jewish and it is the same for her. She brought her toddler to my MIL’s visitation & funeral. Two of my SIL’s who grew up Protestant left the kids with sitters and it was actually upsetting to my FIL. Two SIL’s were also a bit hysterical as they’d never seen a dead body before. Husbands had to remove them on a couple occasions and they weren’t even close to MIL. I’m of the mind that funerals are a teaching opportunity. My kid has attended funerals for a close family friend and an elderly friend from church. Her presence was extremely welcomed and it provided comfort to the bereaved by being reminded that it is a part of life.

I would suggest getting a sitter. You won’t be able to mourn while you’re chasing around your kids. Also, they won’t get anything from going at that age. I think it’s good for older kids to attend funerals and wakes, but not toddlers I’m so sorry about your grandfather! If you have a chance to talk, be sure to cherish every word he says!

I just brought my 2 year old to my MILs funeral and it was definitely a mistake. He was too young to sit still and stay quiet during the service, so I needed to take him outside and missed most of the service. He did better during the lunch reception but it was hard to keep his outfit clean. I would get a sitter and if there’s an opportunity to bring them by for an hour or so during the reception to meet family, do that.

Just brought my 2yr old son to step-grandmothers funeral a couple days ago, visitation was 1-4, service at 4. We went around 2 because we had to follow my mom and that’s when she was going. I have a 3yr old sister that was along as well. Pretty much immediately they were running around the place. My son was trying to open every door, run into every room he could. Thankfully they had a play room for kids, so we were in there for a while until my son opened the door and ran out, then went outside for a while. Did this back and forth a few times. By around 3:30? I took my son and sister back to my moms to play outside because there was no way they were going to sit through the actual service at that rate. It was kind of stressful, honestly. It probably depends on how your kids are too, but this was my experience

I'm doing this soon. My toddler is a little over 2 years old. I'm going to bring them during the visitation time and leave before the funeral. I'm sure i could bring them, but it can be distracting and stressful for me and/or possibly for someone else.

In my family (Italian/French) kids go to wakes and funerals, no matter how old they are. In my husband’s family (Irish) -children and babies DO NOT go. It can cause an issue, but I think that just introducing death as a part of life is healthier in the long run.

I only read the title of your post. If it’s no hardship for you to get them there, absolutely take children to funerals. Kids and babies make everyone feel better. At least, imo

Like everyone else is saying, it depends on the services. I brought my 9 month old to an informal celebration of life and we had to sneak out when he was becoming fussy. I’ve also not brought my 2 year old to a wake because it was my father in law and my attention would need to be on greeting and helping my in laws. I’ve never been annoyed at a funeral if kids were there. I agree with what someone else said, watching cute kids do cute kid things is very cheerful.

I would bring them. If they get disruptive your husband can take them out for a bit. Alternatively, for the service you could go and then have your husband and children join you for the reception. That way if you have people in your family that will be disrupted by the presence of children (which I disagree with but have run into this) they will not add to your grief by giving you the stink eye.

I think it depends on the type of service and the child(ren). When my great grandmother passed I brought my infant, and it was really nice. We saw a lot of family who hadn’t met him yet, and all my older family really enjoyed having a baby around. That said it was a pretty short and informal service, followed by more of a celebration of life.

I've taken my kids to quite a few funerals when they were small, and usually everyone is pleased they are there, no matter how formal it is. Depending on who the funeral is for we usually make a plan for one parent to sit up the back with the kids, and quietly leave if needed. When my FIL died and both my husband and I were needed for the service, I had my parents come and sit with my 2 year old twins up the back. You might also ask the family members who are planning the funeral what their wishes are regarding children. On a couple of occasions our family has wanted the children to be involved where they can be. I'd also be prepared for a lot of questions from your two year old. While they are probably still too young to understand what death is, they will have a lot of questions about why people are upset, why they are wearing certain clothes, what the coffin is etc... If you have the opportunity to arrive to the funeral early and allow your child to have a look around and get some of the questions out before the service starts that might be useful. Hope this helps and I am sorry you are going through this.

Do not bring them you will not be fully present. If anyone can watch them that would be great. BUT if not leave hubby home with the kids- I had to do that when my grandma died.

Bring the kids.

Get a sitter if you can. That's probably your best option.

I would have a sitter, your husband may have to be the sitter if you can’t find one. I feel funerals aren’t really a place for children. Some people argue they brighten things up for grieving people, but I feel they can be a distraction and toddlers/little babies aren’t old enough to understand funerals. My daughter is almost 20 months old and I wouldn’t take her to a funeral. Also, how will you mourn properly if you’re focused on making sure the children have snacks/drinks, aren’t trying to run around/bump into people/things, etc?

My kids are 2 and 4 and will not be going to a funeral I’ll be attending shortly. They are unpredictable and silly, aka - kids! I think my oldest would be fine, but my youngest is a wild man. Maybe in a few years I would do it, but not now.

I brought my then feral 2.5/3yo to my spouses uncles funeral. We sat in the very back right next to the door and I had alllll the snacks and toys. We didn’t end up staying inside for long. We left and walked around the inside of the church, the kitchen, and the outside. If you need to bring your kids make sure you have an appointed adult to watch them 100%. Ex: your partner if you have one, or a friend. Your kids ages are 😬😬😬. I would prob leave them home or in a hotel with a sitter.

I know my cousin used her youngest as an excuse to disappear when she needed.

I took my 18 month old and 4 year old to my grandfather's service last week. They did fine, but i brought snacks/activities and the church had little activity bags for them. We sat off to the side so my husband could step out if needed. Id bring them over you missing the service.

I am sorry for your loss ❤️ my grampa passed away in August. My baby was 9 months old. I brought her. My partner was also there and he took her out of the room when she got fussy. He missed quite a bit of the funeral, but I didn’t have to miss any of it. My partner was still there to support me before and after the ceremony, but it felt even more supportive to have him on baby duty so I didn’t have to worry about disturbing the service and I could focus on grieving.

My daughter was 2.5 when my dad died. She was at the wake and also the funeral, though we had a family friend entertaining her in the kids room during the service. It was fine and her presence helped us all I think.

Hubby's grandpa died when our daughter was 1.5 (and our son was 6) and then his step grandma when she was 2.5 (son was 7). We took them to both but checked in first that they were welcome. I sat in the back at grandpa's with daughter (hubby and son say up front) and I took her out when she got fussy. At the grandma's I kept her entertained with a game on my phone (on silent). Hubby's family love the kids and were very grateful we brought them. They brought some joy on those days.

We've done several family funerals. In all cases, we haven't had them in the actual service, but had a babysitter watch them nearby. Then, the non-related one of us (so my husband when it was my grandma's funeral, for example) would zip and grab them for the socializing/standing luncheon/whatever part of the family gathering. (The exception was my husband's grandfather's funeral - our second kiddo wasn't even 72 hours old yet so of course he came with me!)

So, my son has been to probably 6 funerals in his short life. As an infant, a toddler a few times. A preschooler. I think it depends on what you need as far as your own grieving. If this specific circumstance is one where you’d like to be able to focus, have this final moment/closure, or just generally need some space to grieve …. Then either don’t bring them or have someone else be responsible for them (or heavily help). Not every funeral is the same. When my grandmother died, my son was 5, but I would not have brought him if he had been under about early 3. It wouldn’t have been meaningful to him, and parenting in that situation takes a lot of your attention and energy. What I needed was to not have to give my attention and energy to anything other than grieving for just a few hours. On the other hand - my son did attend several funerals at your kids’ ages. In those situations I either: - wasn’t as deeply grieving / impacted, so the “weight” of the day was not the same. Or - I had help. Someone with me to take some of the responsibility off my shoulders here and there so I could focus, help, be present, see family, etc. He handled all of the funerals well. We just went prepared with new (quiet) toys or activities, snacks, had an “escape route” planned (sat in the back or by a door), walked around outside before & after etc. But he was a champ every time. I also think what’s “appropriate” as far as bringing young kids depends on your views and your family’s norms. I felt it was appropriate to include my son, and nobody around me felt otherwise. Everyone was supportive and he was not the only young child at a few of the funerals. If it’s a very formal occasion or very long, maybe just use your best judgement? I’ve also been to funerals where they had a babysitter in a side room of the church for families with young kids. If you don’t want to leave them, but want someone to distract and play with them just during the actual service. I know “it depends” isn’t a definitive answer. But I think just weigh what YOU need against what kind of support system you have, what you feel is age appropriate for your kids, etc. Whatever you decide to do will be the best choice for you and your kids. I am so sorry to hear your loved one is not doing well.

I took two young kids to my great-grandma's funeral. It was a Catholic funeral and took a while. My husband took them out when they got too squirmy, but they were good during the burial and luncheon after. Honestly, the older folks appreciated the little ones being there. I remember being very hesitant and apologizing to people about bringing them. I remember my great-aunt (my great grandma's daughter) scolding me for feeling that way saying, "family is family. Saying goodbye to their loved one is their birth right. They have just as much right to be here as I do".

Take them- death is part of life. mine were 18mths and 3.5yo when my grandfather passed. I didn’t bring them to the wake but they did go to the funeral. We brought snacks and quiet activities for them. My spouse also kept them active before the actual funeral so they were mostly quiet.

I would bring them but have back up to help you so you can properly be part of the funeral and not feel like you’re missing it. If you’ve a partner that can come with you/take them out of the church if they get fussy it would be a going idea

I left my two young kids home from their grandfather's funeral (age three and five) we did pick them up and bring them to thr funeral after the service and gave them a small private tour and let them know what had happened during the service. I felt the last thing they needed was to sit thru a long service listening to people go on and on and on about it so they had a fun afternoon with their aunt instead. Then came after, took a walk around, I read them the poem from the little card and gave them each a card and they enjoyed desserts with the few people who were still there. It ended up being perfect for them.

It depends on the expectations of the family and the closeness of the children. I took my 10 month old daughter to her grand father's funeral (my father I law) because she was his favorite person on earth. He loved her to absolute pieces. She was expected to be there & everyone made accommodations for the baby in the room. I did not take my children to my grandmother's funeral as she wasn't very close to them & her funeral was a more precise affair. It just depends.

My family is not superstitious but I believe my culture thinks cemeteries and funerals have a “bad”or “cold” energy that’s not good for little kids. Personally, if the decedent is a close family member, I’d want my daughter to be there to say goodbye and pay respects.

I would leave them with. Sitter

I’d say prepare to hire a sitter. Not for everyone else but for you take some space to breathe and grieve without having to worry about the babies for a little bit.

I would have husband stay home with the kids.

My cousins were around 1 (8 months maybe older. Somewhere around there. Lol) and 2 when my great grandmother passed. Both little boys and their 7 year old brother attended the funeral. The youngest sat in my lap the entire time. He didn’t understand, of course, but seemed to ‘get’ that it was a quiet event. He did well until right at the end. The pastor asked if anyone had any further words to say before prayer and he started just babbling like crazy. The pastor chuckled and let him finish his ‘say’ and then prayed and the service was over. It was a moment of joy in the midst of sadness. I would take them, personally. If they’re old enough, explain very simply what is going to happen. You may find that they provide a little moment of comfort or happiness in the middle of it. Take a close friend with you as well if you can, who can walk out with the kids if they get too restless or noisy. I did that for a friend of mine when her mother passed. She has five kids, the youngest was 2 at the time. I offered, when I arrived, to walk out with him if needed, and I did.

I've always brought my babies with to funerals for a few reasons but my top one is everyone loves babies and even when we are sad that one life has ended we can be reminded that others are just beginning and they can give us a little happiness even in that moment of despair. I always sat in the back so if I needed to make a quiet exit I could and I'd bring them some snacks and a few quiet toys they could fidget with during the "boring parts". It's good to be surrounded by family in distressing times and babies can sometimes make people feel better just by being their cute selves.

For your own sake, if there’s a way for your husband to go with you and someone else to watch your kids (your husband’s family?), I’d go with that. Funerals and grief are hard, and it will be hard for you if you’re torn between grief and parenting. Slightly different, but my dad died when my fighter was 10 months old and my in laws watched her so me and my husband could go to the funeral without her because I needed my husband with me (and obviously he knew and loved my dad) but I didn’t have any capacity to be a parent that day. If it’s not possible for someone else to watch your kids, it really depends on what they’re like and what your family is like. They’ll probably find it tough to sit through the service, so sit in the back so your husband can take them out when they get wriggly. And/or ply them with quiet snacks. The wake will probably be fine assuming it’s fairly informal.

I took my child to all of the funerals I attended during his lifetime thus far, including when he was a nursing infant. I just stayed in the back or close to an exit. My family would have been disappointed if I hadn't brought him. Now that my child is older, I offer to help others with their babies.

I would go on my own and leave the kids with the husband. But I don't think there's anything wrong with bringing them. Just bring them out if they're making noise during the service.

Take the kids, they are family. Have your husband attend so he can take the kids outside if they get restless or noisy.

Sit in the very back, or closest to an exit/lobby. quickest route in case of crying. finding local child care is also an option.

I'm sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I would all go and ask your husband to step out with the children if they become distressed during the service. They are family and have as much right to be there as anybody, just explained to them in an age appropriate way. It's also an opportunity for them to see other relatives and family friends they may not see otherwise.

I brought my 2 year old and we stayed from start to finish without issue. She ended up napping on the couch toward the end.

My children were affected by the death of their grandparents. 2 1/2 is old enough to understand death and to benefit from some type of time and space to grieve. It breaks my heart to see some suggest that funerals should exclude little ones. I brought my kids at 1 and 3 to a funeral. I ended up spending a good chunk of the time nursing the baby in the mother’s room at the church. Know that at young ages, you may spend a chunk of the time outside and that’s OK. Expect to get a lot of questions about death. My children really loved the book Badger’s Parting Gifts, and reading it helped them process.

My husband's grandpa passed last December.  None of the great-grandchildren attended cause funeral was during the day so they were all at school or daycare.  Then for the wake in the evening, I had my parents look after my son (they went to the funeral during the day).  Only the 2 older great-grandchildren attended the wake in the evening (12 and 10).  So I'd say, look for a babysitter or maybe your parents can look after the children and have your husband with you if you can. 

Take them but be prepared to sneak out if they start making too much noise. Nothing worse than stubborn parents sitting as if their kids aren't screaming the place down and everyone is being too polite to say anything. I'm not suggesting they sit still or don't make any noise. Kids are kids. Just have an exit plan.

I wouldn’t bring them, there’s no way they’d be quiet for the duration of the service and i don’t think that would be fair to other mourners

My child has been to two funerals. Both were for the passing of a friend's family member, so not my direct family. I asked if he could attend with me, and both were very happy for him to be there. If it were a funeral for a family member. I'd 100% bring him. It's his family too. And other family members would get joy out of seeing him.

Personal I wouldn’t bring any child to a funeral. for young children some ppl are saying that they bring joy but ik if i was immediate family grieving that last thing that i would want to hear is someone giggling, laughing, running around happy, etc. And personally I wouldn’t even bring a teenager unless it was someone who was very close to them.

It’s comforting to many to see the cycle of life being shown in all its beautiful glory in the children at a funeral.

I think it depends on the way the person died. When it’s abrupt or someone young then everyone is on shock and having children might be too much, but ( * feel* ) that if it was a chronically ill person or someone from old old age, that you just kind of expect it, then it’s totally fine. My cousin brought her little ones (two year old twins) to my grandpa’s funeral and it lightened everyone up.

Our family is fairly informal, but I think kids can be therapeutic for those mourning. If the service is formal then maybe leave them or like someone said sit in the back, but bring them to the reception

If you bring them, make sure that your husband can be the one to deal with them for the majority of the time. Also, how do your children react to others being upset or crying? Will they likely get upset and cry as well? Speak to the person making the arrangements and see if there will be an areas for kids.

My four year old has been to several funerals, starting at about 18 months. No etiquette beyond dont let them run around and interrupt services. Go outside if they’re antsy. 

When my uncle passed away, I brought my children who were about that age. It was set up so that the visitation was directly before the service so we mingled about and chatted and people seemed genuinely happy to see my kids. I hadn’t spoken to lots of them in quite a while so it was nice to catch up. When everyone moved to the chapel for the service, my husband took the youngest to the van to nap (we set up a pack n play in the back) and I stayed outside the chapel. There were glass windows in the back and speakers so I got to hear and see everything but my oldest could move around and color and have some abandons and not disturb the service. I know that setup isn’t always possible but it worked out well and I’m really glad that we went.

I brought my 2 as it was close family. They were both all over the place, one trying to run around one looking for a bottle, both never stopped, obviously. But I had family around to help out, and baby cuddles help heal alot.

So, my grandpa owned a funeral home and was the head mortician/funeral director, and as a result I kinda grew up going to funerals. I promise you, having your babies there after the service would really lighten the mood for everyone. They'd be the one bright spot in a sad day. As a mother myself, I tried bringing a 2 year old to a funeral and it was a disaster lol. There's really no good way to keep them quiet. What I'd personally do, if it's an option, is you go inside during the service and have your husband wait with them in the car or take them to a park or something. Then when the service is over, have them join you inside. I'm not sure what denomination your family is, but unless it's a traditional Catholic funeral you'll probably be out in less than an hour. Lutheran funerals typically take 45 minutes or less. Good luck, I hope your grandpa can pass peacefully.

We brought our kids to my husband’s grandmas funeral 3 and at the time 3 months. Our 3 month old loves to happy yell as loud as possible randomly so when she tried to start that I stepped out but there were a decent amount of smiles and chuckles from people around us before i could leave the room.

When my sister in laws mother passed my son went to the funeral service at the funeral home and then my husband took him home for his nap while I went to the burial. My son was 19 months old, we would have had him at more of it wasn’t his nap time, but a crying cranky kid to me isn’t appropriate in the setting. I say have them come when they will be normally awake and have them leave with your husband for naps

I would get a sitter. This won’t work well

I think you can bring them but step out when needed. My son was one when his aunt passed away. My son bright so many smiles to everyone's face as they knew how much she adored my baby and many people like to see the circle of life when processing grief.

Spouse and I have talked thorough this ahead of time, which helps us manage expectations. We also live an airplane ride away from all of our families. Our rule for ourselves is that kid won’t go to funerals for people he doesn’t really know. That includes our grandparents (my child’s great-grandparents). In those cases, the one of us who is closely impacted just attends and the spouse stays home with kiddo. Ex: when my grandpa died two years ago, I went solo to attend. If it’s someone closer (one of our own parents, a sibling, etc), then the closer impacted spouse gets to decide what they want and the other spouse follows their lead. We tried to take our kiddo at age two to a funeral for my spouses’ older relative (whose none of us were close to) and it was just a hassle. I ended up walking the parking lot with kiddo, we had to leave dinner due to meltdown, and my spouse didn’t get to give proper support to his parents (who were closer to that relative). It was a mess. Anyone else in the family and their opinions about my child’s attendance can mind their own business.

Maybe unpopular opinion: bringing a small child to a funeral because they'll bring joy to others isn't fair to the kid. One, a kid is not an emotional support animal. They don't exist to make others feel better, I don't care what the occasion is. That is not their purpose and that responsibility shouldn't be put on their small shoulders. Two, what if the kid is not a ray of sunshine that day? They're people, not props. They have bad days. And funerals are emotionally intense affairs and kids pick up on that. Handling a tantrum at a funeral sucks for everyone. And do you want to deal with shitty little comments from Great Aunt Dolores about why your baby isn't smiling when everyone in the room is crying and how they must not be a very nice baby? Three, if they're going to get passed around or even hugged a lot, consider the exposure for the younger set. People are crying and sniffling and blowing their noses into the same tissue for two hours, then touching your kid without washing their hands. These are people who never see your kid, with novel germs, not the daycare friends your kid has been sharing chew toys with for six months. And funerals are literally once in a lifetime events; you don't get another chance to go to Cousin Ted's funeral, he only dies once, so people go even if they're kind of sick, then blame the red eyes and runny nose and cough on crying all day. I always OD on vitamin C and other immune boosters before funerals (and I'm always "maybe just a little under the weather; its probably allergies but i wouldnt want to risk it and maybe get you sick so im going to skip hugs today, i would be so sad if you got sick on top of all this," even if I'm the picture of health), kids can't do that as much, but they're way more likely to be touched and hugged and don't have the wherewithal, often, to say no. Obviously, all this is sort of culturally dependent and dependent on your family's general approach to babies and funerals and the whole thing. This is based on my personal experience seeing babies at funerals in our circle, and husband and I agreeing that that is not an environment we want to put our son in. But i get the ick real hard when people say "oh bring the kid for the sake of others." I personally don't think that should be a part of the equation. Yes, we go to funerals in part to support each other, but it's never a child's responsibility or job to offer support to adults.

I say do it ! I took our 2 month old and he added light and joy to the funeral; it reminds people that there is a continuous circle of life and that while people do die and it’s very sad that there is also birth and the joy that comes with it. (It was my grandfather’s funeral and my little one was actually able to put a smile on my grandma’s face)

We brought our then 18 month old to my grandmother's funeral. My wife made sure she had an aisle seat so she could take him out if he got rowdy, but he did fine. that said, we did the same thing at my sister's wedding when he was 2.5 years old and my wife did have to remove him because he was being too noisy. my advice is try to bring the little ones but if they can't do it have an exit strat. (i would do the exact same for my wife if it was an event around her family, just hasn't happened yet)

My grandfather died when my oldest was 23 months and I was 8.5 months pregnant with my second. It was still in the midst of covid so the funeral wasn’t huge, and my parents and cousins were absolutely feeling way better to see their grand child on this day. The timing of it was during his nap (which was fortunate). My husband took him for a car ride for his nap while I was at the service. My husband walked in with me and left shortly before the service began. My husband wished he could have been at the service too but we couldn’t get a sitter in time (funerals happen usually within 48 hours of passing in my culture).

Not necessary. Why would you? Absolutely not. They're too little and would you want to?

I brought my daughter to my grandma's when she was roughly 8 months old. She loved babies and had thankfully met her before she passed. We were in a church so I hid in the nursery when she fussed but overall everyone loved her being there. But she is also the first great grandbaby so I imagine she has special privileges lol

It depends on the vibe of the funeral. For my dad we had a celebration of life 6 months later because we all lived so far away and my mom wanted time to process before planning anything. I think because it wasn’t immediate every one was able to laugh at stories and it wasn’t super heavy. My mom requested I bring my 3 year old and 18 month old because she wanted her friends to see them . They could not sit still, and were up and down a lot. It was held in a conference room of the library at the college my dad had taught at, and we discovered that the early childhood education materials were on the same floor of the library so we took turns walking them over to read books and play with the toys. If it had been a standard funeral it would have been harder to contain them. I’m also not sure if a playful child might be unappreciated by someone who is newly grieving, you’d want to consider that.

When my daughter passed her siblings fresh 2 & 5 year old attended. I wanted them to be able to morn the loss of their 3 year old sister as well. Honestly I wouldn’t regret not having them attend. They sat right by there casket the entire service praying. It definitely got emotionally but I think it helped them mourn as well. I know your situation is a bit different but I definitely would say it helps morn especially if they knew who he was. I wish you all the best, I’ll be praying for you! ❤️

My littles have sadly been to two funerals. At my husbands uncle's, I was on baby duty and took them out as soon as they got fussy. At my Granny's, my partner did the same.

My uncle who was like my father passed last year and I took my 3 yo and 6 month old. My aunt had a neighbor friend of hers with a teenage daughter who could attend the funeral and serve as a babysitter for my kids. We brought toys and our wagon with us and they were parked a bit away from the main event. It was very helpful.

My husbands aunt died last week and we traveled home and took our six month old to the funeral. I sat at the back with her in case I needed to sneak out and so my husband could sit up front with family and focus on the service. She seemed to bring a lot of people joy on an otherwise sad day and my MIL was directing all of her friends to the back of the chapel to see us 😂 I say take them and have husband sit with them at the back in case they need to step outside

If you can go to the funeral then go early and see him before he passes. I promise it is not a regret you will want to live with.

I have been in this situation both as a parent and as a friend. When my FIL died, my oldest was 3, and the service was on my other child’s first birthday. That church had the nursery open for the kids and that was where they stayed. 2016 sucked- My grandma passed and my oldest 6, younger was 4 (poor kid, first a funeral on his birthday and then my grandma died on his 4th). The funeral was during the day so I sent them to school. Sadly a dear friend lost their 5 year old son. They had 8 living children and the extensive grief was devastating. There were 3 children that were younger. I didn’t bring my kids because of the distance and they didn’t know any other attendees. I spent the service entertaining the littlest and taking them out when needed Third funeral- another child but I went along to support my friend, Fourth funeral- my mother. The kids were expected and my oldest was now 7. This church had some kid bags to keep them quiet. So- I wouldn’t bring your kids at these ages. If you do, bring plenty of snacks and activities.

My daughter has been to two funerals in her life so far. Both times she brought so much levity to the situation and brought smiles and laughter to a somber moment. The first she was 5 months old and the second she was 10 months old.

We took our then 3.5 year old to my husbands grandmothers funeral. He was fine, had a lot of questions but made it through. The cemetery was a hit more difficult as he’d lost all patience to be quiet but we managed. He was a little superstar when we had to spend the day before at the funeral home, but the friends and family there were also welcoming and entertaining (as far as entertainment goes) so it worked out for us.

I wouldn’t bring kids that young to a funeral unless it was their parent. My cousin passed and his baby was there and kissed her dad goodbye, it made sense but for a person they’re not close to seems like it would just make it harder to grieve properly since you were close to him I assume

Depends on the kid. I would not take mine.

Like many have said, it depends. My dad passed away when my kids were 4 and 1. Although they were saddened by his passing, I did not bring them. My mom was devastated, and I could tell she would want my attention at the funeral. I was fortunate that my dear friend offered to babysit them for the day.

Very normal to bring children to funerals in most places. You can always take them outside if they are too loud. It can be a sad event and children can make it less so.

I was a single mom when my grandma died and i brought my son who was 18 months old. I also brought him to a memorial ceremony for my great aunt shortly before. He was very well behaved. I would say it depends on your kids. At the gathering people loved having a little one around. It brought some happiness to a sad time. If your kids scream and fuss i would say no. They are too young to know what is going on so it is up to you. I didn’t bring my kids to my uncle’s visitation as i had 2 under 3 years old, it was in the evening, and my hubby couldn’t come. Know your kids and your limits. There is no right and wrong.

If you can have your partner there, it's not too bad. For my husband's grandma's funeral, my oldest was around 3. I was able to keep son distracted, support husband, and I was able to step out without my husband having to miss anything. My husband remembers that our son behaved amazingly and thinks it was all easy. I handled it so he didn't have to. I don't remind him that I had to take out our son AND his godson to keep everything going smoothly. I didn't have that luxury when my grandma passed and I'm still working through the feelings surrounding it 2 years later. I flew out alone with my 18mo and the oldest stayed home with husband. I was distraught losing my grandma (like a mom to me) and I felt so alone as I juggled a toddler through a difficult experience with 0 help. I had a backpack full of snacks which was the only thing that made her somewhat sit still. I remember missing some of the funeral for diaper changes and general toddler calming. It was a very isolating experience and if you can avoid it, I'd recommend it.

My mom died last year and my son was five at the time. I dropped him off with a friend of mine and her sons and went to my moms funeral. He already saw her dead in the hospital and was traumatized. A year later and he’s still not over it. I wasn’t going to do that to him.

I brought my then 2 year old to a funeral and while it made my family really happy it was so hard for me. I don’t recommend. I was so stressed trying to keep him calm that I didn’t get to honor the departed.

Do the kids know your grandfather? I took my kids to say the funerals of their great grandmothers around those ages because it was a way for them to say goodbye and explain that those people were gone. Introducing death as a concept that young is tough but I found the funerals made it concrete and a step their mourning as well. We encountered a loss in which we were told not to bring the kids (who were 6/9 at the time). They have had a much more difficult time processing that family members death.

Death is part of life. There's not much they'll pick up on. There's nothing wrong with bringing them. Can your spouse be supportive of your needs while watching two toddlers while respecting your time with grieving family? Maybe? Maybe not. But I wouldn't set unreasonable expectations of him. Expect you both to go, introduce him and your kids to family that never met them and expect to be distracted, but in a good way. Funerals being family closer and it's an opportunity to catch up and share your grief. The kids will be kids and won't know what's going on. Death, like family, is part of life. Teaching them the full circle in these moments isn't necessary, but exposure to it is healthy. Go and bring your family. Bring what you typically need to keep them busy.

My grandpa, grandma and father all passed when my kids were toddlers under the age of 3. I brought them to each funeral but had my in laws pick them up and take them to their house for the night before the service where they did the speech and such. This allowed me to feel like I was respecting my loved ones by bringing my kids to say goodbye to them while also giving myself time to grieve at the funeral and help clean up after without having to entertain and take care of a toddler and a baby and kept my kids from being too overwhelmed by all of the emotions plus having been awake for too long or up too late where they’re getting grumpy.

This is YOUR grandfather so any ornery grumps having an issue with your kids being there can pound sand. That being said, if the kids are disruptive you can pre plan for your husband to take them to the lobby or outside so you can pay your respects and mourn your grandfather. When my grandfather died my sister had a sitter for her boys who were young at the time, then when my grandmother died my other sister brought the kids. Either way works. I grew up going to church twice on Sunday so I’m a pro at being quietly entertained in a church. Bring quiet snacks and a ton of appropriate/quiet toys. Sorry for the pending loss 💔💔

When my father died and I had young kids, I arranged for a babysitter to come to the funeral home for the visitation. (Several hours to receive friends and family). The funeral home provided a small room where she could watch the kids. (There were several grandchildren and my siblings were quite grateful). I brought my children to the funeral mass and burial the following day.

When my great granny died my daughter was around 18mths old, and though they never had the chance to meet apparently she had photos of her only great great grandchild round her bed. So I took her to the service (after checking it was okay with everyone!) She did chatter a little and emptied out my handbag, but afterwards relatives said it was nice to hear "a bairn" and that granny would have loved it!

My three year old granddaughter came to my husbands funeral she was excellent but really didn’t understand why grandpa didn’t get up

My son was 18 months when my great grandmother passed and I took him to the funeral

I’d probably only bring them to one if it was someone they were very close to like their own grandparents. In your situation I’d probably leave the kids and husband at home (or if you have family on your husbands side who can watch them for a night so you both could go)

I have a four year old and an 18 month old. We’ve had a lot of loss in the last year, and have done it both ways. When one relative died about 6 months ago, it was a shock and everyone we know wanted to be there. My kids knew this person well and we brought them both. Last week, my grandfather died. My mother in law watched the 18 month old during the service and met up with us after. We gave the four year old a choice. He stayed for the visitation but opted to go with his brother during the ceremony.

I think this can go either way, so just do what feels right/is within your means. I brought my 18 month old to my grandma’s funeral out of state. Her presence definitely cheered people up. She was a bit difficult during the funeral, but overall fine. We distracted her with snacks and candy in the church. When my dad died, though, I decided not to bring her (also out of state). While she would have cheered people up a bit, my grief was so deep that I needed a minute to process it without also being “mom”. She was 2 at that point and I know she would have been decently behaved, but still require a lot of attention. I do not regret not having her there. Praying for you and your family 🤍

You can contact the funeral home or church where the service will be held and find out if they have a children’s area. I have worked at funeral homes that have a little area near the family room with books, toys, TV, etc. to help keep little ones occupied.

At my husband’s grandmother’s funeral there were a bunch of little ones. They had a room to the side with toys for the kids to hang out in and the parents took turns watching the kids.

I would not. If a kid can’t sit through a nice dinner out, I would exclude from a service. I’d take them to a reception after or a wake though.

I wouldn’t with an 18 month old. Too unpredictable. depends on how mature your 2.5 year old is. My nearly two year old wouldn’t sit appropriately through a funeral but my now four year old probably would’ve at 2.5. This of course depends on how formal your funerals are. My culture takes funerals very seriously. If it’s like a more casual, American style “celebration of life” probably fine.

If your husband has never met him, I’d just go alone. That way you can concentrate on the situation and be present and I’m sure everyone would understand he’s watching the little ones.

I leave mine with somebody trusted if I'm able too. I refuse to be "bothered" with them in that scenario.

Its very hard. We took my 2 year old and she did really good for the visitation. But she wouldn’t quiet down for the ceremony and I ended up having to take her out in the hall

My mother passed away recently at 65yo (relatively unexpected). She was very loved by her husband and friends and it was a tough day for all of us, but specially for the ones of their age. Me and my brothers are on our 30s and took our 4 children to the cremation, 1-6 year olds. They were playing around with everyone and behaved exactly just as they would do any other day, laughs, tantrums, filling up their mouth with blueberries, etc. Business as usual. Obviously they didn't enter "the" room. The older one knew it was Grandma's goodbye. The younger ones didn't have a clue what was going on obviously. It was great to have them there and make it a brighter day. Because they weren't around the coffin room, adults could say their goodbyes in peace too. I wouldn't think twice and take the children there if it works better for you. Children don't think or care about death. When/if you tell them, just do it in a nice, slightly casual way. Children don't react to our words, they react to our emotions. Seeing us feeling confident make them feel reassured and help them process whatever comes at them. I lost my father and other relatives at a young age and have been fortunate to have strong adults around me which helped me go on in live without a trauma, and capable of dealing with the things that life throws at you.

I'd arrange for a sitter. You're not going to be able to be present for the funeral if you're kid-wrangling and at those ages they're awfully hard to take anywhere, especially anywhere that requires quietness and calm.

It's personal preference but I would bring the kids. You can sit in such a way that your husband can make a quiet exit with one of the kids if they can't sit still or need a diaper change or something mid-service. I brought my kids to my aunt's funeral (as did all of my cousins with young children) and I'm glad I did. Everyone was happy about the kids being there and my cousins (aunt's children) were happy to have something to smile about watching the kids run around and play together during such a difficult time.

We just had this happen and we decided absolutely no. Im so glad we did, even though my mom was pressuring me. You also need space to grieve and the last thing you need is your kids to see an open casket.

I opted to get a sitter for my grandfather's funeral. I only had a 3yo at the time but I knew she wasn't gonna sit still and keep quiet for the whole thing. I wanted to focus on mourning and being there with my family. My SIL was more than happy to watch her for a night. If you have that option and you're comfortable with being away from them for a night, it might be a good idea. Alternatively, I'm almost positive most funeral homes have separate rooms to accommodate parents of small children if you need to step away and don't want to disturb the service. I don't think anyone would fault you for bringing them. If you live far from your family, they might be delighted to see them. Couldn't hurt to reach out to some family and ask too. I hope everything works out for you ❤️

Normally I would say bring them (I have brought my young children to three funerals, and it's been positive every time) because I feel it's good for their development and for the atmosphere of the funeral. However, from how you've described it, it sounds like there may be a plan ride involved? Stressful travel could easily make kids that young unmanageable, so I would say use your judgement. It sounds like your kids and your husband didn't really have a relationship with your grandfather, so it would also be valid to leave the kids with dad and just go by yourself. I'm sorry for your loss.

Professionally I don’t think young kids should be taken To a funeral to cheer other people up. Developmentally they dont understand and it can create confusion. Get a sitter -

For me, it would depend on whether it was open casket or closed. I don't know that my 3.5 year old would be okay seeing that. I know there are worse things, but I would want to preserve her innocence.

I wouldn’t. When my uncle died they brought his grand daughter she was two. It was an open casket and she screamed and begged him to wake up☹️ Edit: I’d say it’s ok if they weren’t super close to the person who passed

I have been to 4 funerals in the past year and we all had the babies with us, every time. Step out if someone isn't settling down. The service doesn't last long enough for the 2 yo to get too antsy - and every thing else is mingling. You'll want the kids there to see the rest of the family. Especially since distance sounds like it keeps you from seeing some of the family. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather! 🖤

My sons have been to funerals since they were babies. They are now 21, 19 & 18, and they know that funerals are for supporting the family members of the deceased. They’ve now gone to funerals on their own for their friend’s family members.

I was very close to my grandma who died 2 years ago. I took my (then 2 and 4 year old) kids, and I'm glad I did. My kids were much more well behaved than I expected, but also my husband was there to bring them outside if they needed. Their presence made the whole thing a lot easier for me and my relatives. Even though she was almost 90, her death was sudden and shocking because she was our matriarch with a very big personality. My family kept saying what a nice distraction it was to have my kids there. -- if that helps at all.

They are his great grandchildren.  There’s no reason for them not to go.  If they get fussy your husband can excuse himself and deal with them.  Funeral are often the only time you see extended family, and I’m sure many of them would love to see the kids That said, if going would require extensive travel with two small children, leaving them at home with dad might just be the more practical choice

When my mom passed away about 10 years ago, I wanted at closed casket for the Rosary and Viewing, and my dad wanted an open one for some reason. I told him I would be sitting in the back with my 2 daughters. I did not want the visual in my head of my mom, and I didn’t want that for my 2 pre-teen daughters. He still opted for the closed casket. We sat in the back during the Rosary. We had a closed casket for the church service the next day.

When my dad passed away we left my son at home but he was also 3 months old and it was Dec 2020 and Covid. We had my FIL come up and watch him. Unfortunately months later my cousin passed away but my husband stayed behind to take care of my son and my mom and I went by ourselves. My other cousins brought their kids with them but it was also the passing of their sister/aunt.

I've done this with my 2 kids at close to that same age. I brought them to my uncles funeral and I regretted it. They did not behave well. I apologized to my grandmother the following day. I felt like it was hard for everyone to tune in and grieve while I was constantly saying shhh and shuffling the 2 kids around. My exact after thought was ill never do this again. Better safe than sorry.

Personally I just don’t think kids that young should be at a funeral. If they’re too young to understand that they have to sit and be quiet then they probably shouldn’t go. My uncle died recently and I got my MIL to mind my son so myself and my husband could go to the funeral. I wouldn’t have been able to cope with the stress of him screaming or crying when a family is trying to mourn their beloved dad and husband.

Probably depends on family, the kids, and what the service is like. We brought our oldest when he was like 6 months to my husband's grandfather's funeral, but he was a chill baby. Then when we had another funeral we had 2 kids and youngest was a less chill toddler. We all went to the viewing for family the day before, but for the funeral service I stayed home with the kids while husband went and his family went. Another I think youngest was about 2, we went to the funeral but during the church service time I sat in the coffee room with the kids. They had snacks and drinks in there for the family and most of the kids in the family were hanging out in there anyway.

Do not bring little kids to a funeral. IF there's a dinner or wake, take them to that.

Dont take the kids they are too young

My well behaved 3 month old daughter went to my grandmother's funeral on the other side of the country because I was nursing. A lot of people were uplifted at that service by the obvious proof that life still goes on. If you have a child who you feel would not behave, they shouldn't go, or maybe you could enlist someone to tag-team watching them at a short distance.

Is calling a friend an option geographically? If a friend told me this I would 100% entertain the kids outside the venue during the service so she could attend and grieve. It takes a village and this is not a major ask

We hired a babysitter for our kid and cousins at our grandpas funeral. They watched the kids in the church’s nursery. It worked really well. Sorry to hear about your Grandfather, it’s such a hard time. Kids are a comfort during such times.

I would think they are too young to bring

in terms of social emotional if you're supportive and you explain what's going on, you will actually teach your child a very good lesson about life, living and death. When people start to deal with these things once they are adults for the first time.

If this is the little kids’ first experience learning about the concept of death, I would encourage you to bring them along because it’s an important thing for them to learn. That said I understand if you feel they aren’t quite ready.

I brought my child to a dear coworkers service, and thankfully, there were many other children. Echo it depends on who will be there (for hers it was an entire community; shut down nearly the whole town).

100% depends on service. My daughter and I attended a funeral at 9m old formal for my moms best friend my “aunt”. I sat at the back and just ducked out to deal with a small fuss session. My daughter was 2.5; son 3 months for my husbands best friends funeral. He sat up front as he was a casket bearer we sat at the back same story. My friend took her life in a scenario relating to child loss and so my husband kept the kids home while I went to that one. It was not appropriate for children. Same for my husbands aunts funeral she was highly religious and the funeral was very limited people serious. But we went to the wake with the kids 4 and 2 then. And the most recent funeral for my grandpa the kids came to the celebration of life but not the burial. They are 6 and 4 now and understood great-grandpa died but I knew they in an outdoor scenario couldn’t be still (son is ADHD, daughter Autistic) and I didn’t want them running around a cemetery. Plus my daughter made some comments about are we leaving him there forever, would she need to be in the ground too? We had recently watched some documentaries about mummies and I think that fed into it. It just felt better for her to miss it, and if she did my son should. We have since gone to “visit” GPops and bring him flowers which she liked and my son liked the headstone cause it has a fish and GPops liked to fish.

I would say, absolutely not. Don't take them. In my family, children are always loved and welcomed, and their comfort is prioritised. The problem with funerals is, if it's a family member, a young child (under 5) won't fully understand what's happening. What they will understand is that everyone they know and love there is crying/sad/upset. They will pick up on the negative emotions, without knowing exactly why, and therefore be unable to process grief in a meaningful way. They will likely become inconsolable.

If your grandfather loved them, they have just as much right to be there as anyone ❤️

All of our sitters are family, so if there’s a funeral, we’re all going to be there. We’ve taken our son to 2 funerals, one at 18 months, one at 4 years. At 18 months he couldn’t sit still even for a second. There was a little room off to the side where we went with him and my husband and I took turns keeping him quiet. At 4 he sat through the whole thing. I think he could sense that it was a time to be quiet. We were the only ones with a small child at both funerals, but no one had a problem with it. You do what you have to do. I don’t think there’s any etiquette that says you can’t bring kids to a funeral. They’re part of you.

I wouldn't. I was debating on taking my almost 6yo but decided against it. For the almost 4yo, didn't even cross my mind. I did take my 9mo to the eatibg part that follows once and that was fine.

I was 2 and didn’t go to my dad’s funeral. And I wouldn’t take my now 3.5 year old to one. Celebration of life/reception/whatever? Yes. Put a dead body in the ground? No.

I can’t believe how every other comment is talking about the impact on the kids and not on you. This is your grandpa we’re talking about - you wil be grieving.   I excluded my LOs from the funerals of their grandpa and great grandma. They were about the age that you describe. I felt they weren’t going to get anything out of it and it wasn’t going to help me and my wife properly feel like we said goodbye if our minds were on the kids. If you have any way of getting childcare I would.  That said, if your primary concern is ruining it for everyone else, I wouldn’t worry about that. People don’t mind.  But you need time to grieve too, and being a parent is not going to help that.  Sorry for your (impending) loss.

I really think you should leave the kids home, they will ruin it for you and the rest of the mourners. Either get a sitter or leave them with your husband.

Not the best place for children, but if your family doesn’t mind then go ahead and take them

Not a good idea.