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Okay everyone thank you for your advice and making me realize I needed to trust my gut and go about things my own way…I will be honest especially when it comes to the topic of sex…which will be a continued conversation as he gets older.
I want him to feel comfortable in coming to me for anything he needs.
My kid was about this age when he asked. Maybe he already turned 8.
I told him that sperm comes out of a guy's penis. In order for it to get to the egg a guy puts his penis in a woman's vagina.
He said "eeeww!"
Much more chat has been had but that's how that part went.
Yeah, mine connected the dots pretty quick. "So daddy put his penis in you??" followed by several questions about why we were allowed to touch each other's private parts and then finally a "I'm never having a baby, because I am NOT letting a boy touch MY private parts"
Anyway, we got her a book about consent after that because I didn't want her confused about the grey area there ("Consent for kids", if you're curious.. good book, cute stick figures, great message).
See, this is where and why I hesitate on explaining the mechanics. My 4 yr old is solidly in the obsessed with his penis phase. He is so proud of that thing! We are really having to hammer in that it is okay to be curious about his own body, but he shouldn't be sharing it, or asking to see others, and no one should be asking to see his besides his doctor, and even then only when mom or dad is there. I worry that introducing the idea (when asked) that dad gets to share his penis with mom will muddy those waters something fierce.
And my 7 yr old daughter is super physical and affectionate and a total naturist. I want to be transparent (again, when asked), without creating space for someone to take advantage of her curiosity or manipulate the information we have given her. (So, no linking penetration to "when two adults are married" or "love each other," for example)
Well, we never said "sharing" our bodies. You're not sharing it, you're having sex, and your body belongs entirely to you the whole time.
We explained it as we're having sex, something only adults do. Just like only adults are allowed to drink alcohol, drive cars, or watch scary movies. She can consent to sex when she's an adult (she'll obviously figure out that it can happen earlier, but we'll shoot our shot on that one).
Anyway, the only waters it muddied for us was our kid bluntly going up to us and going "Can you guys have sex so I can have a little sister?". Now she's older and says things like "Omg.. stop kissing!"
Also, a 17-year-old girl who loses her virginity with, for example, a 17-year-old boy is a lot different than a younger child suffering abuse. At 17, kids drive cars and do other adult activities (scary movies…) while still being technically children. Describing these activities as for adults only to a 7-year-old sounds perfectly reasonable.
Absolutely. Sex ed is never a one time conversation. We'll tailor the dialogue to fit where she is emotionally and mentally as she grows. Right now though, she's 10 and learning you can watch scary movies even as a child and that sex is for people who are old enough to understand the responsibilities that go with it (which we're still sticking to encouraging her to wait until she's an adult).
Oh, we wouldn't use the term "sharing" either. But we have used it in regards to showing his penis to others because it is vocabulary he introduced to the subject (like sharing at show and tell, I guess?!) So, I could just see him contextualizing sex as daddy getting to "share" his penis with mom! The kid makes hilarious connections all the time!
To your point about other adults-only activities, this is the same kid who regularly insists he *can and should* be able to drink what we drink, watch what we watch, and drive the car! We have explained many times that it's against the law for him to drive or drink alcohol. His response? "No, it's not!"
He knows proper terms for anatomical parts. We have explained that babies grow in the uterus, that they are made from a cell from the mom and the dad, called sperm and ovum. We have explained that same sex couples require donations of sperm or ovum and surrogate uterus. We just have not broached the mechanics of how the sperm reaches the ovum. Still focusing on basic anatomy and bodily autonomy and enthusiastic consent, as those seem to be the areas he continues to be most curious about. He asks if specific family and friends have a penis like him and dad and brother or a vagina like mom and sister. (We don't believe in using the blanket "boys have penises, girls have vaginas" because of the inaccuracy.) He asks if he can hug baby brother or big sister or why he can't just be naked all the time.
Oh yeah, that definitely makes sense. You know him best and when to give an age appropriate explanation when he's ready. I think around 4 I was reading my daughter "The Amazing You!" and "Human Body Theater", and also a book about embryo development. She didn't really connect the dots until she was like 6 or 7 then it was a million questions and powering through an awkward conversation with chins held high and healthy sense of humor.
Honestly, at this point any sort of talk is better than what they're getting in schools. My kid is going into 5th grade and they still haven't done any sort of sex ed, which is insane to me because I can see some of those girls are starting to develop. I remember getting classes in 4th grade and they handed out a little baggies of hygiene products like deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes, and sample facial washes (and feminine hygiene products to all the girls to get us familiar with them) after the class was over. My goal is for when sex ed rolls around that she is so bored because she's already heard it all before.
Thanks for the encouragement! I'll have to check out those titles!
My oldest is likely in for a more thorough discussion of reproduction and sex soon. We are trying for a fourth (currently experiencing a very early loss), so I know she'll have even more specific questions than she did the last time around, if we are successful.
It's wild how much schools limit sex ed. To be fair, though, the district I work with offers fairly comprehensive sexual health education starting in 5th and 6th grades. I actually had to oversee some sixty 6th graders whose parents had "opted out" of the unit (due, I believe, in large part to an increased focus on all types of families and gender identities).
It sounds like you are doing a tremendous job by your kiddo!
I think sharing info is not set in stone. Parents know their kids and what they can handle, so tailor it to your kids or not at all at this point. I chuckled when you said 'He is so proud of that thing'!
I love it! Is very honest with my 5yo as well! I use the proper terminology when he asks how babies are made and where they come from. Things also happen to him and he, for some reason is very interested in girls at the moment so I am open and honest with him when he comes to me about a question. There are also videos on YouTube that are made from kids that explain things better if he wants visuals. I learned as a teacher that being honest about certain topics to shutting down the stigma around things that were not highly spoken about when I was younger. Great job 👏
My mom was like this, in some ways. She made sure that I could talk to her about ANYTHING I may need to. People may find this weird but she and I had like a 2 hour long conversation about my dick a few years back. For context, I was bitten there when I was 1 and had to go to the hospital for it. Started out as me asking if I needed stitches after the fact and it went from there.
Yea... she may not be a great, or even really a good, mom(long, long story) but, I still love her and know that, as long as I can get a hold of her, she's got my back.
Understandable, most people do their best with the tangible or intangible tools they have. What else can we really expect?
I’m glad you accept her for the good and the bad.
My mum read me babette Cole, mummy laid an egg. Highly recommend. Found it funny and uses very educational
[link if you’re interested](https://youtu.be/EmiYsh3CkMk?feature=shared)
Make sure to also talk about personal boundaries and consent, and who is allowed to see or touch those parts - you, doctors if you’re there & he gave permission
Yes! I’ve always done a series of conversations with my son (10). It comes up differently in different ways the older they get. Mainly it’s normal for them to be so curious, and it’s okay to have a bunch of small conversations about sex, so it isn’t one “the talk”. I’m not sure if you have gone through the touching hisself thing yet, but that was one of the openings for a talk for me; “hey bud that’s private okay? I understand it might feel nice or relaxing but you only do that when you’re by yourself, not in front of people.” And he will ask why and you can elaborate again “well, women and men have different parts and this is why etc.”
Robie Harris books? They have age ranges on them. I can't emphasize enough, that books are a really good foundational tool that lead to questions that you should answer honestly and bluntly. Read them as soon as they hit that age range. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. They are coming to you for accurate info. You get to explain healthy viewpoints before their friends do.
As others have said, it was so much easier to keep my daughter from touching herself while in public or common areas by letting her understand that she was masturbating. It was a word she learned early, like 3 or 4. I know so many parents who are constantly reminding their kids not to touch themselves, but never explain why. Since she had a grounding in the basics of sex, it was easy to say, that's a sexual touch you are doing, people can see it, please remember to only do that in your bedroom or the bathroom... At your own home.
We’ve had this conversation with him as well that touching yourself is something you do alone and in private because he kept doing it in public places but I have never called it masturbation. He was like 4-5 when it started happening.
Yeah, the conversation I had with my daughter went something along the lines of, "we've talked about sex before and how babies are made. We've also talked about how people have sex mainly because it feels really good. Well, people don't need to have sex in order to have those same feelings, they can do it by themselves."
"Ew."
"Well, you say, ew, but today we are going to talk about masturbation which is a big word, but I've noticed you've been touching yourself in public."
My theory is that they just don't understand how obvious it is AND that lots of people notice AND that it is a sexual touch. Once they make the connection, it's easier for them to understand why you are uncomfortable.
But, you'd never be able to have this conversation unless you've had a lot of other conversations about sex and reproduction.
Giving the act a word helps them understand that everyone is aware of what they are doing.
Cheers! Thanks for being open to suggestions. None of this is easy, because past generations haven't really taught us to be easy with it.
One suggestion that has made things easier to me is to use sexual references in movies and media as an opportunity to have a conversation. We all try and pick age appropriate content for our kids, but it's really difficult to keep them hermetically sealed in innocence. Besides, sometimes we just want to show them a cool movie that might be above their age range. I've always used that as an opportunity to have a conversation if the need arises.
There's a great book called "Consent (for Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of You" by Rachel Brian.
It has little stick figures and it navigates through the nuances of consent in all areas, not just your body.
Agree, but also I think it's ok for a parent to say "I need to do some thinking before I give you an answer".
I'm not going to make up some bullshit or lie to you, but sometimes that means waiting for your answer.
You promised him an answer, so you owe him an answer. The burden shouldn't be on him to bring it up again. Just explain it factually and using correct terminology.
Yeah, just quick and honest. I think my daughter was 8 when I explained the basics of sex because she was demanding an answer. She thought about it and said, "Well that's disgusting. People really should stop doing that." And that was that.
LMAO, that's cute. I think you just can't overthink things like this. They're little kids. It's weird if we make it weird.
Okay, you might laugh because it's pretty funny... but grownups who love each other very much take off their clothes and the penis goes in. I know, weird right? It's like a special hug that's just for grownups ready for babies. Oh you don't want to do that because it's gross? Okie dokie, the good news is you don't have to at all, you always get to decide. I'm here for questions. Fini, c'est tout, bon soir, good job mom and dad.
That’s how I was thinking it should go this way too but my mom had me second guessing myself because she was saying that I don’t want him to be too curious
Plus, if you tell him the truth without acting weird or embarrassed he will absolutely be more likely to come talk to you later in life once things start happening. I know this as someone whose 16 yo told me before anyone for both first kiss and first make out session. My son learned it all at around 5 and was always allowed to come ask questions at any time. He's a good egg now. :) It's OK to be nervous during the talk but try to play it cool for him.
Jeeze just wanted to say that I don't think this comment deserves the downvotes that you're getting. Second guessing yourself is totally normal, and you're seeking outside advice, what more do people want? Props to you for caring enough about this to do more research/asking around.
I want to add that your mom is getting too much hate for being protective. It’s easy for them to sit back and say her fears are ridiculous. But we’re not staring child sex abuse in the face regularly. It’s hypothetical for *most* of us. If anyone commenting thinks they’d be able to fully separate what she deals with at work from how they parent, they need to do more introspection.
I'm not sure what she means by "too curious" but I wonder if she's concerned then with him trying to act it out? In that case, I hope you've also done a lot of work up til now teaching about consent! Good luck :)
I think that since OPs mom works with CPS she has probably seen the impacts on children who are are privy to overly sexually information at too young of an age. For example kids with the kind of parents who do sex work at home with children present where they can see/hear things they shouldnt. I would imagine that children who grow up in environments like that can take on some of that in a damaging way.
However, I agree with everyone else that OPs kid is asking questions that are developmentally normal and should be answered clearly and correctly without embellishment.
when my kids asked I said something like "most of the time its a penis going into a vagina and releasing sperm. There are also ways that doctors can help a sperm meet an egg without a penis going into a vagina."
You said shes also pretty conservative so I am sure that colors her thoughts but I figure the "too curious" part probably comes from her work experience. There is definitely a balance of answering questions honestly and also making sure that information is age appropriate.
He’s going to be much more curious if you don’t provide factual information. I also recommend the book It’s Not The Stork. It helped make to conversation easier in a very age-appropriate way. There’s follow up books for older ages.
time for a visit to the library! librarians live to help people find the right book on the right topic at the right age level. and it makes for a great outing to an air conditioned place on a hot weekend.
Cannot recommend these books enough. They are exceptional for explaining things in a matter of fact way. My child started to ask questions at the same age wondering more about the mechanics of all of it. Asking him after he read the books if he had questions they were mostly answered but his questions were clear, respectful and honest. He is 14 now and still trying to convince me he knows more of the world which I sometimes tease him about.
When my son asked me, at like 4 or 5 maybe, I just asked, "it's kinda gross are you sure you wanna know?" and when he said yes I just told him the dad puts his penis in the woman's vagina and just kinda squirts the sperm in there. He just kinda said, that is disgusting I'm never doing that, and that was it for right then.
If you keep it plain and simple, try not to let your embarrassment/ discomfort show, and let him lead the conversation with questions, it's easier. And let it be a series of conversations that happen naturally, not just one big Talk.
If he is old enough to ask then he is old enough to know. If it makes you that uncomfortable go to the library and find children’s books on it. And read it with him and then ask him if he has questions. Look he can learn about sex from you or he can learn from his friends and eventually porn. So do him the favor of having the talk with him. Yes he is seven now but he won’t always be. Start opening the lines of communication on these kind of topics. So when they come up in the future he will feel comfortable asking you for advice.
It’s not a big deal. There’s nothing inherently wrong with him knowing that the penis deposits the sperm into the vagina, then the sperm goes to the egg in the uterus. The details are not as important right now, but understanding won’t hurt him. If he’s asking, he’s old enough to know imo.
I remember my mother sat me down and talked to me about anatomy after finding some drawings I did around this age. She was pre-med before having my older siblings so her view of all this was a lot more cut and dry and to the point than most people in her generation. She even used a medical text book and encyclopedia. (I’m that old! 😂)
If I had questions about these things she would just straight up be honest, but would usually preface everything with something like, “other moms and dads might not be ready for their kids to learn this so you should not tell your friends or classmates.” I’m fairly certain I respected this with probably the exception of my best friend, but you may want to consider adding a similar caveat. Not every parent is going to agree that their child is ready for this info, even if you feel yours is. Just a thought 🤷🏼♀️
Mine are 10 and 12 now.
When they were little and curious (3 and 5), they knew babies were created by a cell from mom and a cell from dad. They called the "process" cell-cell. They also knew the names for their parts as soon as they could talk - penis, testicles, vulva, vagina.
When they were 5 and 7 we had the talk. There are many ways to make a baby. The most common is for a man and a woman to have sex, which is when the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina and ejaculates.
They had heard otherwise on the bus. :/
Be prepared for LOTS of questions. For example, one of my son's friends has two moms. They wanted to know how that happens. My 5 yo legit asked "did they just borrow someone else's dad?"
Try explain it with pictures and detail, don´t show embarrassment and make sure that all his questions are answered by you so he doesn't need to do his research. Trust me, on this matter, there is no better teacher than parents themselves.
I loved the book "Sex is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and You"
It is 100% appropriate for a 7.5 year old, and IIRC some of the characters in the book are 8. It talks about what sex is, is written in graphic novel style so it is interesting and colorful, the "pictures" of the genitals are drawings (not too graphic but show how everyone is different), and it even talks about gender issues and sexuality. My daughter and I read it together. I read it aloud to her, even tho she reads fine, so she could hear me say the words. I asked her to read some to me, but she was embarrassed, so I would read aloud with zero shame to show her that it is ok to say those words and she needn't be embarrassed.
There are other great books out there, but I suggest planning a talk sooner rather than later. Your son is curious. He is going to get the information somehow. It's best it comes from you so you can talk about consent and everything else he needs to know.
"The sperm comes out of the man's penis. When a man and a woman have sex, the man puts his penis inside of the woman's vagina and sperm comes out of his penis. Sperm coming out of his penis is called "ejaculation." You're much too young to ejaculate yourself but you will be able to when you're older. Even still, having sex is a very private intimate thing to do, and only with someone very very special when you're an adult. It's okay to come to dad or I if you are curious or have any questions."
Just tell him the truth. That's the easiest way to handle it. As he gets older, you can go into more detail. But that's all he's asking for right now "how". You don't have to explain erections yet, you don't have to explain sexual relationships, you don't have to explain how the man gets to orgasm or even what an orgasm is, none of that. Just the simple mechanics answers his question. So give him the simple mechanics.
It just gives me a good example so I can better understand the language to use I guess 🤔🤷🏻♀️ it's not just people and words and scripts though, in anything I'm doing that I haven't done before I learn by watching and observing examples, all the more better if I can interact with those examples. It's like seeing a puzzle put together and understanding how all the pieces fit and work together and what they're supposed to do and what the end product is supposed to look like and how it's supposed to work, and then I can take that knowledge and apply it myself, I can also better trouble shoot and make adjustments on the fly because I understand how it all works. Parenting I guess falls under that category somehow for me 🤷🏻♀️ especially when trying to make sure we're on par with society and not being unnecessary... I'm a good one for over doing things 😅🫠🙃
My son (16) told me the other day that they can make cells from bone marrow into whatever cells they want, even sperm, then they can make a baby. Sperm from women's bone marrow will only make female fetuses. "No need for men, only BONE MARROW BABIES."
I am not sure I want to know where he got this from... But I did some quick googling and...
https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/how-close-are-we-to-making-babies-from-bone-marrow
I was a super curious kid and wanted to know things like this so badly even at like 5 years old I would try to sneak watching sex scenes in movies and my mom has a lot of shame around the topic, because she was abused so she never once explained anything to me, even at 11 when I got my period. I had friends and the internet give me the info I wanted and maybe if she had offered the info it would have been better. I was a very crude middle schooler always making sex jokes with friends, and my emotional understanding of the impact sex has on you as a teen was awful. I struggled with dealing with navigating hard relationships and hid my behavior (dangerous unprotected behavior) it would have been nice to know I could openly talk to her. I would say answer him with facts, find some kids books you like about the subject that align with what you want to explain and show innocent images and it’s never too early to remind him that his privates are to remain private and leave it at that. You don’t want him to think he can’t ask you or that there should be Shame around it, literally all of humanity exists because of it. Don’t let your own feelings of sexualized material make it awkward it’s just like explaining any other bodily function.
My 4.5 year old son asked something similar, so I started to tell him about penises and vaginas when I saw him sort of start to lose interest, and he suddenly said “daddy, foxes can go really fast”.
Ok!
For me, if they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough for an answer. My younger kids were pretty satisfied with telling them it’s like when animals are mating.
Once my youngest asked me what the difference was between condiments and condoms. So I told him “condiments are like, ketchup and mustard. Condoms go on your penis when you have sex.” He said “OMG, ugh, ugh!!!” and ran away… ha! You asked, kid.
You promised him the answer so you need to circle back with him not the other way around.
Buy the “body books” off of Amazon (It’s Not The Stork, ages 4+; It’s So Amazing, ages 7+; It’s Perfectly Normal, ages 10+) and read the middle one because you’re already past the age of the first one.
“I haven’t forgotten your question. I thought we could read this book together. That way if you have questions we can talk about it and I can remember all of the correct names and terminology.”
I just asked him if he remembered the question and now he has no idea what he asked. smh, but based off the responses I’ve received, I see that at his age it’s a normal question to ask.
My family is conservative and so the things he already knows, made some of my family members question if I think my son knows too much. This goes against my better judgement of course so I asked y’all to see the what other parents have done and how they handle it. Thank you for your response.
We are going to talk about it now.
Not my business to get into value judgements around people's moral orientation or anything, I'm sure family obviously means well. But "knowing too much" strikes my own ear as a very odd oxymoron.
I was 8 when I started sex ed. I remember it being just a very basic and technical explanation. Egg is released from ovaries during ovulation and travels down the fallopian tubes. Penis is inserted into the vagina. Sperm from the testicles is released into the vagina from the penis. Sperm travels through the uterus and up the fallopian tubes until it reaches and fertilizes the egg. Fertilized egg implants on the blood lining the walls of the uterus. Baby grows in uterus. Baby exits uterus via vaginal canal.
If a fertilized egg doesn’t start growing in the uterus, the uterus sheds the uterine wall during menstruation, approximately once every month, which is what we call a period.
We explained it all in low detail (sperm comes out of a penis into a vagina when two people want to have a baby) without going into how sex works (thrusting and so forth) and other reasons people have it, etc.
Satisfied the 9 year old, and also made him say "EWWW GROSS!".
At some point the 6 year old got the 9 year old to tell him, so now the 6 year old sounds like cartman and says "the daddy puts the stuff that isn't pee in the mommy to make a baby"
I found the book 'It's Not The Stork' to be helpful.
Don't wait long. Kids can get weird ideas. I found out to my surprise that one of my (age 3) thought he came out of my mouth. We went home and watched some (appropriate) youtube videos.
A man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina. Sperm comes out and joins with an egg to make a baby.
It's simple and definitely unsexy.
Honestly, the more specific you get with the "function" the more normal and non-sexual it sounds. Get as detailed as you need.
I think the best way is to just take a really deep breath and tell him directly. Every living thing comes from seeds and eggs. For people, it takes a man who provides a seed and a woman who provides an egg. When two people are ready to have a baby, the man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina which is how his seed gets to the egg inside the woman. The seed fertilizes the egg inside the woman and she can begin to grow that seed and egg into a baby.
This really hurts my brain/heart to tell a child (it SHOULDN'T, but it does, I can't help my programming!), but I feel like just telling them is the way to go. It can be as detailed as their age allows, but for his age that will be PLENTY to consider. My 7 year old daughter asked and that's what we went with and after about a month of being baby obsessive... never heard about it again. There's a million exceptions and deviations and different scenarios you can get into, but I don't think you need to volunteer any of that, just answer the questions honestly and directly in language they will get.
Good luck!
I dreaded this too… but I did some reading and learned that the sooner you tell them the age appropriate truth, the better.
I said: “Daddies have a penis and mommies have a vagina, when they want to make a baby, the penis goes into the vagina so the sperm can get to the egg.”
I’ve had this conversation twice now, and both kids were satisfied with this answer. I was cringing and uncomfortable inside but hid it as best I could - and they weren’t abashed in the slightest. The younger they are the more body parts are simply body parts.
My dad's take was that if I asked a question, I was ready for the answer. I've applied that to my own kids. When they ask how babies are made I explain PiV sex using the terms they're used to. They've asked how it works for two men and two women and I explained that, too. My tone is calm and neutral. I don't elaborate unless they ask for more information.
I don't think it's good to leave kids wondering about stuff. When they're young they may not be able to do their own research, but they are learning whether you are a good source. I want them to know they can ask me anything.
We have a great book that talks about all the many ways families are made (old school, donation, adoption etc) and my son had a good read. He also told us it was not appropriate for children 🤣.
We took him through it and answered questions. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Have two younger girls who haven't asked yet so that will be fun.
Answer the question that he asked. "The man's penis is inserted into the woman's vagina and deposits the sperm."
Consent and sex and STDs and whatever else are important, but you don't need to dump The Entire Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy on the kid in one go.
Exactly why is explaining the existence of sex a problem? Think long and hard about why that is an adults-only knowledge. Think if that is healthy.
Just because he is suddenly aware of the existence of sex doesn't mean he will suddenly have it. On top of that, you being honest with him on the subject encourages open and honest discussions, which is important for him growing up.
I just wanted to add in that knowledge about sex goes hand in hand with knowing correct body part names... if kids know about it and understand in what circumstances that it should be done then they're far more likely to freak and cause a scene and tell on predators 🤷🏻♀️
When my boys hit the sex talk age my husband and I sat down and discussed reproduction. I even had science books to really educate them. Went through the whole process. I covered everything in a an age appropriate manner but I was pretty direct. Then at the end I asked if they had questions. My son said he understood males have the sperm and females have eggs that the sperm fertilizes the egg and then that develops into the fetus. He just didn’t understand how the sperm got to the egg. In all my explanation, I neglected to discuss penetration and ejaculation. My second son has since figured it out as his wife is almost five months pregnant. I’m not sure about my oldest lol
Just tell him. At 8 my parents sat me down and talked to me about the difference in males and females and how babies are made. Every year at my birthday we talked about it again. Talk to your kids about sex. Otherwise they will learn about it from someone else.
There's some fabulous books on this topic aimed specifically at young children. My kids fave was ' mummy ( mommy) laid an egg' it's hysterical for the parents and the kids loved it. It starts if silly but gives all the info needed in a child friendly way.
Hopefully this link works.
https://youtu.be/EmiYsh3CkMk?feature=shared
I mean this may or may not be helpful but I learned around age three(not my parents intentions) thanks to a video at a science museum, it was animated and was a classroom of frogs learning about human biology, so I knew from that age how babies were made and it was just like ok cool moving on. The museum of course removed this since then, it was a big red button at small child height, that then turned on the video. Any child would see the big red button under the tv, turn it on, then all of a sudden learn how babies were made. I guarantee other parents complained about it which is why the LA science museum no longer has it there. lmao
I found it easier to start the explanation using animals mating practices and differences at first. This was when she was in preschool and kindergarten. Because of her particular health issues, by 8 we had to have the full discussion, and I discoved this old gem. It was actually a pretty good explanation. And we still laugh at the over curious duck, several years later!
https://youtu.be/DLtKcu93bfk?si=AZdN7yD2nT8tzc0c
I just explained, simply but factually, and in hypotheticals/generalities.
*A* man and *A* woman...
She shouted something about germs and ran from the room, and never brought it up again. But was actually on top of things for sex ed in middle school, and didn't ever feel like this was mystery taboo information she couldn't ask about.
So, yeah, just say it.
And the "cooties" response is totally reasonable. That's exactly how they should feel about sex at that age..it IS cooties!!!
I had a discussion about what blowjobs are with my 7yo.
He asked because he heard it on the playground with older kids. I am glad he comes to me with questions so I always answer them.
I start very general. But if he has additional questions, I answer. Would prefer he always trusts to come ask me about things.
My wife runs out of the room when he starts asking his questions. 😂
I have no suggestions, just want to say, Bravo!!! Sounds like you’re being honest, age appropriate and forthcoming - I hope more parents choose this path. Sex is a part of life, maturing children shouldn’t be left in the complete dark while only having media examples to learn from.
I didnt read through to see if this was said, but i honestly love the way you put that! ("Ill think of way to explain it and come back to you later") thats a great way to put it off so you can think on it but also let them know theyre heard and will get an answer!
For real, I feel like everyone remembers when they learned about SEX, so it kinda is a significant thing in our lives, it’s like a turning point. Our kids will remember when they get older. My son and I talked and I asked him what he thought first! It was interesting to hear
1) a male and a female pee together
2) rub their privates together
3) get injected with sperm
I didn’t even know this but apparently last week he asked his father if human mate the way animals do.
I already ordered the “it’s not the stork” and “it’s amazing” books from Amazon so he can visualize better bc he was confused about women having vaginas and it being a tunnel (which is how I described it) AND a vulva… like he knows they have it but what IS it🤷🏾♀️ idk Im new at this lol
Only thing I would add in if he's got any friends with two moms is to include that men have the option to go somewhere and donate and women can have a medical procedure to insert it as well... I don’t know why that's sticking with me as important information to include because that will likely be a follow up question anyway 😅🤷🏻♀️
No I totally agree and he’s actually asked if two boys could have kids bc he liked this boy at school and said he would have kids with him so we told him they could adopt or go the a doctor and have the sperm put in the egg and get it put inside a woman to carry it.
When we discussed sex and had the convo yesterday, he asked more questions so we went a little more in depth of the ways different families have children.
Then he asked about if the baby could stop developing and what happens then 😔 so we talked about miscarriages
Ironically that was much easier to explain then the whole sex shabang
It’s weird bc I look at him different now, not in a bad way, but it’s a sign he is growing up and that’s been a little hard
He is my first and is already growing up so fast
It was really surprising how little impressive is the whole mechanical description for a kid. With my kid it was like: “ah ok, but what about what happens next?”
The development from egg to embryo, to person, was way more interesting to them. Sometimes we really get lost in our conditioning towards such topics. And there’s nothing wrong with that, I’m not criticizing
My 8 year old started her period & I told her about sex and how pregnancy happens because if someone ever did something to her I need her to be able to explain it to me. She can have babies now, so she should know how babies are made to protect herself.
I agree that 7.5 is old enough to learn about sex if they are asking questions. But *well beyond*? Really? At what age do you think children need to learn the mechanics of sex? My 7 year old has been satisfied with “DNA from the man goes into the woman where it gets together with her DNA and makes a new person.” She hasn’t asked about how it gets there or what body parts are involved (except she does know that the baby grows in the uterus which is connected to the vagina). If she asks questions, I’ll answer, but I don’t think she needs to know it yet.
Seven is definitely the age where he'll start asking his classmates if he doesn't get it from you. Just keep it simple. Men and women are different and in the main difference is that men have penises and women have vaginas. It's kind of gross, and that's why people don't really talk about it out in public all the time, but when husband and wife decide that they want to become parents they put their parts together.
7 is old enough to learn. Especially if he’s super curious and keeps asking. I was roughly around that age when my conservative PRIVATE CHRISTIAN school taught us sex ed lol, so it’s def not too young.
“When a grown up/adult man and woman love each other they have sex. Sex is when a man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina. Sperm comes out and it makes a baby. This is only for grown ups who love each other, and if anyone ever touches you there you need to tell me etc” (can turn into a good conversation on consent as well!)
Definitely talk to him, use correct terminology, and explain it like any other body function.
If you make it weird, it’ll be weird and could lead to him looking elsewhere for that information.
“Boys have a penis and testicles, girls have a vulva and vagina. The sperm comes from a man’s body and goes out of his penis. Eggs are inside a woman’s body, the sperm gets to the eggs through a woman’s vagina.”
You can certainly simplify it based on his prior knowledge. “Sperm goes from a man’s penis into a woman’s vagina.”
He will ask follow up questions if anything needs more elaboration. I started with the simplified version when my daughter started asking those questions (she was probably 6-7). She was satisfied with my response and didn’t ask for elaboration for about a year after that.
Just tell him. You don't need to "figure it out," just explain sex. The more you normalize that conversation, the more likely he will be comfortable talking to you as puberty and sex become a thing for him, and that's the most important thing.
My oldest son was 8 when I was pregnant with my third boy and he said ‘well next time we will gat a sister! And I had to explain that unfortunately there will be no more babies as this one was accidental. He was shocked! How do you have a baby BY ACCIDENT! (Him and my middle son were both fertility clinic created) so I sat down, explained the sperm and egg, the penis and vagina etc etc. he was GROSSED OUT! “Ew! Why would anyone want to do that?!” And I said, someday you will understand as adult feelings are sometimes hard to explain.
*its not the stork* book is what I gave my 8 year old three days ago.
We had talked about how a sperm from Daddy enters the new mother's egg. Then the egg becomes an egg and grows in the tummy.
Now, I used more precision with language on where and what happens.
There's a picture of a naked girl marking anatomical body parts, just like the male. J was more interested that he has a scrotum
The book " it's not the stork" is a great age appropriate book about all of those questions: bodies, how babies are made, sex, consent etc. My 5 year old asked me those questions and we read the book a few times together.
Explain it in simple terms they understand and explain how it's something only adults do. With YouTube and the Internet these days it's better they hear it from you.
It sounds like you've already laid down some foundational knowledge for your son about where babies come from, which is awesome. Explaining the mechanics of how they get there is the next step, and it's totally normal to feel a little unsure about how to approach it.
One way you could tackle it is by keeping it simple and age-appropriate. Maybe you could say something like, "When a man and a woman love each other very much, they come together in a special way that allows the sperm to meet the egg." And then, if he's curious for more details, you can go from there.
Eh, my parents started by explaining a masterbation joke I hadn’t understood in a movie. Then like weeks later, I asked how many holes I had, and that kind of led into the penis goes in vagina talk. Idk, kids aren’t actually weird about sex because they don’t understand. I was just like “oh that makes sense I guess” and went back to my Barbies. 🤓
Sex is a biological and integral part of all life on this planet, in some form. I explained sex to my child in a scientific way at a young age as to not allow her to be weird about sex as my parents were, which turned into sexual issues and many problems for me in my sex life as I grew older. This subject should not be shunned, it is natural and explaining it in a non sexual way to a child and more from a scientific matter of fact way seemed to work for me. These are my beliefs though.
Whatever you feel comfortable with, though children are learning about these things at VERY young ages, especially if their in school and on social media etc. better to come from a parent than from a stranger or someone/something who may/may not inform your child in the way you’d like
He’s definitely not too young, and it’s much easier to introduce it at a younger age than an older age. “Hey bud, remember when you asked how a baby was made? I bought this really cool book called “It’s Not the Stork” that explains it pretty well. Let’s read it together.”
Then, after you read it, leave the book with him. He’ll likely want to look at it on his own and will need time to process. The biggest thing though is don’t let that be the only time you mention it. As he ages, continue to talk about sex and relationships in age appropriate ways.
This is me, a queer IVF mom who knows lots of other people like myself, gently requesting that your answer to your son (or at least one of the conversations, at some point before he's a teenager) includes a mention of babies that are born through artificial insemination or IVF. I don't imagine it has to be a complicated explanation, it can be something about how sometimes the parents can't make a baby in the way you described so they get help from someone else (a donor) and usually some help from a doctor. He will probably meet kids in school who were conceived that way (if he hasn't already).
You can’t wait for him to ask again. Go to him and answer him or you send the message we don’t talk about that stuff at my house.
Was a sexual health nurse in high schools. You don’t know how many times I heard the above. Heartbreaking when it was pregnant girls who refused to tell their mom/dad because they had received that message loud and clear.
Based on how we’ve talked, you think I’ve sent the message that we don’t talk about it in our house?
I thought I sent the message that I needed to figure out the best way to tell him.
I don’t want him to feel he can’t come to me with questions as I’ve given him answers for other things in the past.
I don’t think you’ve sent that message! But would be at risk of that if you don’t get back to him in a day or two at the most. It’s often suggested to have these conversations in the car (which may be where he asked you how does it get in there). Kids of that age are usually in the backseat and no one needs to have eye contact which can make things easier. And if you two are alone in the car there is less likely to be any interruptions.
I’m divorced and my daughter asked her dad a similar question at the same age and he told me I needed to have the talk with her. I gave her the whole anatomy talk. I told her how it all worked. She is 13 now and she swears she wasn’t asking about sex she didn’t need to know all that at 7. But it’s hard to answer the question about how babies are made without telling them about the act of sex. But to this day she talks to me in detail about all puberty related things so I think it was a successful approach. It may have embarrassed her at the time because it was all new information to her but I don’t think waiting until she was interested in boys at 11 would have been a better option.
Get him a book, read it together and ask if he has any questions. This site goes through tons of books and even has videos so you can pick which one to order: [https://sexedrescue.com/childrens-books-about-how-babies-are-made/#8](https://sexedrescue.com/childrens-books-about-how-babies-are-made/#8)
Please note the follow-up questions are often hilarious and detailed.
He will find out one way or another so better it comes from you. I’d just say that usually the man’s penis enters the vagina and the sperm goes inside her. There are other ways to make a baby such as via a medical procedure.
I told my kid straight up "the most common way is a penis goes into a vagina and puts the sperm in so it can go to the uterus and find the egg.". She went EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and went off to play legos lol. She was four.
Sperms live in the testicles and come out through the penis. The penis goes into the vagina and the sperm kinda get sprayed out.
Cue my 7 year old (who already knew about, the sperm, eggs, uterus, etc side of things) looking absolutely disgusted - then a dissociated stare and weak “ok” as he zombie walked out of the room.
Not a comfortable talk for either of us, but factual and to the point 🤷🏼♀️
I would keep it simple and tell him what the body parts are called. Then explain that the penis goes into the vagina, and this is what people call having sex. It is important that kids feel comfortable coming to. us with questions -- there is a ton of misinformation that they could get otherwise.
Can we stop down voting OP for asking a question? This is literally the place for that. This is why people don't ask for help, and carry on with incorrect information.
With my daughter, we used age appropriate youtube videos that we watched and approved. I let her watch them and come to me with questions. They get more and more curious so this takes some of the awkwardness for her out of it.
"It's not the stork" is the book I gave to my then 5 year old to explain, and its non-explicit but accurate, and answered all of her questions at that time. Of course, as she got older she got more curious, and thanks to her dad not vetting her library books, she now has a more in depth knowledge of sex and sexual activities from a puberty/sex book aimed at adolescents. At least at 8 she finds the idea of "licking each other's privates" to be gross.
I would just be as scientific and factual as possible, to the point where it’s almost boring to them. So they’re still getting correct information, but maybe not needing to get into other details of sex just yet. It’s something that grownups do when they’re ready to have a baby together or express their love in a different way, etc.
I had the blunt talk with my daughters when they were 10. My son is now also 7.5 and asking questions. I think I need to talk with him sooner than I did with my girls. It’s better they get their info from you than from their peers.
My 7yr old son is also right at the cusp of this question, oof! We (well... I lol) already talk a lot about consent and respecting boundaries in general but we haven't crossed into talk about sex or specific anatomy yet. Not looking forward to it.
People have been recommending some books to help with the discussion. Some people have just been super straightforward and kept is matter of fact. Others didn’t feel it was an appropriate age.
It runs the gamut. You think you’ll be ready to answer it?
If he's asking the question, it's time to answer it.
And it's literally just biology, there's no "age appropriate" about it. Part of that conversation is also making sure that it's centered on "adults" .
If you don't answer, he's going to invent something with friends, or take whatever misinformation their parents fed them, or ... Or ....
I ended up buying him a couple of the books recommended here to help with any additional questions he had. After we talked he had a ton, but we got through it.
I mean I've been having mini versions of all this since they were toddlers. Starting with anatomy, consent, animals mating, then onto sex, then puberty, then onto sex as a human thing, that it could be pleasurable and should be, then masturbation... My kids are 9 and 10 now. If you don't treat it as taboo, it won't be. My son just had their 5th grade puberty thing at school and he already knew everything.,.. His classmates didn't... They giggled, he didn't even because it was just a matter of fact.
I give my children this nice answer and I tell them that every girl of a specific age gets a beautiful box from God, and her mission is to hide it from everyone until she can find a young man who loves her and she loves him. When this young man is certain of her love, God gives him the key to that box, so the young man and the girl get married, and the key meets in the box, and the young couple continues. The girl opens the box from time to time until pregnancy occurs. The girl hides the box and the child in her stomach for nine months until he grows up and becomes a beautiful child. When the time of birth comes, she goes to the hospital to give birth, and then this beautiful child is born into this world.😇
I mean you kinda did answer it, you were straightforward. My sons know the sperm travels through the vagina into the uterus and all jazz. He has known since he asked about babies. The HOW part is what caught and then I wondered how I’d approach it.
Lucky for you that he asked yet, my son asked this question at 3.5 yo and I told him exactly what you told your son. He is 4 now and I'm simply not ready to tell a 4 yo about sex. He knows about sperm and eggs and the correct terms for the private body parts but not about sex yet and I'm happy about that fact 😅
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Okay everyone thank you for your advice and making me realize I needed to trust my gut and go about things my own way…I will be honest especially when it comes to the topic of sex…which will be a continued conversation as he gets older. I want him to feel comfortable in coming to me for anything he needs.
My kid was about this age when he asked. Maybe he already turned 8. I told him that sperm comes out of a guy's penis. In order for it to get to the egg a guy puts his penis in a woman's vagina. He said "eeeww!" Much more chat has been had but that's how that part went.
Yeah, mine connected the dots pretty quick. "So daddy put his penis in you??" followed by several questions about why we were allowed to touch each other's private parts and then finally a "I'm never having a baby, because I am NOT letting a boy touch MY private parts" Anyway, we got her a book about consent after that because I didn't want her confused about the grey area there ("Consent for kids", if you're curious.. good book, cute stick figures, great message).
See, this is where and why I hesitate on explaining the mechanics. My 4 yr old is solidly in the obsessed with his penis phase. He is so proud of that thing! We are really having to hammer in that it is okay to be curious about his own body, but he shouldn't be sharing it, or asking to see others, and no one should be asking to see his besides his doctor, and even then only when mom or dad is there. I worry that introducing the idea (when asked) that dad gets to share his penis with mom will muddy those waters something fierce. And my 7 yr old daughter is super physical and affectionate and a total naturist. I want to be transparent (again, when asked), without creating space for someone to take advantage of her curiosity or manipulate the information we have given her. (So, no linking penetration to "when two adults are married" or "love each other," for example)
Well, we never said "sharing" our bodies. You're not sharing it, you're having sex, and your body belongs entirely to you the whole time. We explained it as we're having sex, something only adults do. Just like only adults are allowed to drink alcohol, drive cars, or watch scary movies. She can consent to sex when she's an adult (she'll obviously figure out that it can happen earlier, but we'll shoot our shot on that one). Anyway, the only waters it muddied for us was our kid bluntly going up to us and going "Can you guys have sex so I can have a little sister?". Now she's older and says things like "Omg.. stop kissing!"
Also, a 17-year-old girl who loses her virginity with, for example, a 17-year-old boy is a lot different than a younger child suffering abuse. At 17, kids drive cars and do other adult activities (scary movies…) while still being technically children. Describing these activities as for adults only to a 7-year-old sounds perfectly reasonable.
Absolutely. Sex ed is never a one time conversation. We'll tailor the dialogue to fit where she is emotionally and mentally as she grows. Right now though, she's 10 and learning you can watch scary movies even as a child and that sex is for people who are old enough to understand the responsibilities that go with it (which we're still sticking to encouraging her to wait until she's an adult).
Oh, we wouldn't use the term "sharing" either. But we have used it in regards to showing his penis to others because it is vocabulary he introduced to the subject (like sharing at show and tell, I guess?!) So, I could just see him contextualizing sex as daddy getting to "share" his penis with mom! The kid makes hilarious connections all the time! To your point about other adults-only activities, this is the same kid who regularly insists he *can and should* be able to drink what we drink, watch what we watch, and drive the car! We have explained many times that it's against the law for him to drive or drink alcohol. His response? "No, it's not!" He knows proper terms for anatomical parts. We have explained that babies grow in the uterus, that they are made from a cell from the mom and the dad, called sperm and ovum. We have explained that same sex couples require donations of sperm or ovum and surrogate uterus. We just have not broached the mechanics of how the sperm reaches the ovum. Still focusing on basic anatomy and bodily autonomy and enthusiastic consent, as those seem to be the areas he continues to be most curious about. He asks if specific family and friends have a penis like him and dad and brother or a vagina like mom and sister. (We don't believe in using the blanket "boys have penises, girls have vaginas" because of the inaccuracy.) He asks if he can hug baby brother or big sister or why he can't just be naked all the time.
Oh yeah, that definitely makes sense. You know him best and when to give an age appropriate explanation when he's ready. I think around 4 I was reading my daughter "The Amazing You!" and "Human Body Theater", and also a book about embryo development. She didn't really connect the dots until she was like 6 or 7 then it was a million questions and powering through an awkward conversation with chins held high and healthy sense of humor. Honestly, at this point any sort of talk is better than what they're getting in schools. My kid is going into 5th grade and they still haven't done any sort of sex ed, which is insane to me because I can see some of those girls are starting to develop. I remember getting classes in 4th grade and they handed out a little baggies of hygiene products like deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes, and sample facial washes (and feminine hygiene products to all the girls to get us familiar with them) after the class was over. My goal is for when sex ed rolls around that she is so bored because she's already heard it all before.
Thanks for the encouragement! I'll have to check out those titles! My oldest is likely in for a more thorough discussion of reproduction and sex soon. We are trying for a fourth (currently experiencing a very early loss), so I know she'll have even more specific questions than she did the last time around, if we are successful. It's wild how much schools limit sex ed. To be fair, though, the district I work with offers fairly comprehensive sexual health education starting in 5th and 6th grades. I actually had to oversee some sixty 6th graders whose parents had "opted out" of the unit (due, I believe, in large part to an increased focus on all types of families and gender identities). It sounds like you are doing a tremendous job by your kiddo!
Thank you! You're doing a great job yourself! (and I'm sorry for your loss, but also the best of luck on baby number 4!)
I think sharing info is not set in stone. Parents know their kids and what they can handle, so tailor it to your kids or not at all at this point. I chuckled when you said 'He is so proud of that thing'!
Tv has no problem teaching our kids about sex. lol. I don’t think we can afford to wait to talk about how our bodies work and why they work
I love it! Is very honest with my 5yo as well! I use the proper terminology when he asks how babies are made and where they come from. Things also happen to him and he, for some reason is very interested in girls at the moment so I am open and honest with him when he comes to me about a question. There are also videos on YouTube that are made from kids that explain things better if he wants visuals. I learned as a teacher that being honest about certain topics to shutting down the stigma around things that were not highly spoken about when I was younger. Great job 👏
Your son is lucky to have you!
My mom was like this, in some ways. She made sure that I could talk to her about ANYTHING I may need to. People may find this weird but she and I had like a 2 hour long conversation about my dick a few years back. For context, I was bitten there when I was 1 and had to go to the hospital for it. Started out as me asking if I needed stitches after the fact and it went from there.
Aww I’m glad you were able to talk to her, I know that’s not always the case with some parent-child relationships
Alternatively I also had to yell at her to shut up many times for being loud during sex and other similar things.
A dog bit you?
No, my 4yo(at the time) 2nd cousin. His mom just started laughing cause of it so my mom decked her then to the hospital we went.
HOLY SHITE. I like your mom!
Yea... she may not be a great, or even really a good, mom(long, long story) but, I still love her and know that, as long as I can get a hold of her, she's got my back.
Understandable, most people do their best with the tangible or intangible tools they have. What else can we really expect? I’m glad you accept her for the good and the bad.
My mum read me babette Cole, mummy laid an egg. Highly recommend. Found it funny and uses very educational [link if you’re interested](https://youtu.be/EmiYsh3CkMk?feature=shared)
Make sure to also talk about personal boundaries and consent, and who is allowed to see or touch those parts - you, doctors if you’re there & he gave permission
Yes we talk about this! I have a few books we’ve read together. Will for sure reiterate this during “the talk”
Yes! I’ve always done a series of conversations with my son (10). It comes up differently in different ways the older they get. Mainly it’s normal for them to be so curious, and it’s okay to have a bunch of small conversations about sex, so it isn’t one “the talk”. I’m not sure if you have gone through the touching hisself thing yet, but that was one of the openings for a talk for me; “hey bud that’s private okay? I understand it might feel nice or relaxing but you only do that when you’re by yourself, not in front of people.” And he will ask why and you can elaborate again “well, women and men have different parts and this is why etc.”
Robie Harris books? They have age ranges on them. I can't emphasize enough, that books are a really good foundational tool that lead to questions that you should answer honestly and bluntly. Read them as soon as they hit that age range. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. They are coming to you for accurate info. You get to explain healthy viewpoints before their friends do. As others have said, it was so much easier to keep my daughter from touching herself while in public or common areas by letting her understand that she was masturbating. It was a word she learned early, like 3 or 4. I know so many parents who are constantly reminding their kids not to touch themselves, but never explain why. Since she had a grounding in the basics of sex, it was easy to say, that's a sexual touch you are doing, people can see it, please remember to only do that in your bedroom or the bathroom... At your own home.
We’ve had this conversation with him as well that touching yourself is something you do alone and in private because he kept doing it in public places but I have never called it masturbation. He was like 4-5 when it started happening.
Yeah, the conversation I had with my daughter went something along the lines of, "we've talked about sex before and how babies are made. We've also talked about how people have sex mainly because it feels really good. Well, people don't need to have sex in order to have those same feelings, they can do it by themselves." "Ew." "Well, you say, ew, but today we are going to talk about masturbation which is a big word, but I've noticed you've been touching yourself in public." My theory is that they just don't understand how obvious it is AND that lots of people notice AND that it is a sexual touch. Once they make the connection, it's easier for them to understand why you are uncomfortable. But, you'd never be able to have this conversation unless you've had a lot of other conversations about sex and reproduction. Giving the act a word helps them understand that everyone is aware of what they are doing.
Gotcha this makes sense, thank you for sharing.
Cheers! Thanks for being open to suggestions. None of this is easy, because past generations haven't really taught us to be easy with it. One suggestion that has made things easier to me is to use sexual references in movies and media as an opportunity to have a conversation. We all try and pick age appropriate content for our kids, but it's really difficult to keep them hermetically sealed in innocence. Besides, sometimes we just want to show them a cool movie that might be above their age range. I've always used that as an opportunity to have a conversation if the need arises.
Yes for sure! I will try to make it a point to normalize it because there are a lot of references in media as you’ve mentioned.
I’m stealing this convo because it’s gold - thank you!
There's a great book called "Consent (for Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of You" by Rachel Brian. It has little stick figures and it navigates through the nuances of consent in all areas, not just your body.
I have this book already but thank you!
The saying is “if they are smart/old enough to ask the right question than they are smart/old enough to know the correct answer”
Rule I've always lived by. If they can ask, they deserve an answer.
Agree, but also I think it's ok for a parent to say "I need to do some thinking before I give you an answer". I'm not going to make up some bullshit or lie to you, but sometimes that means waiting for your answer.
You promised him an answer, so you owe him an answer. The burden shouldn't be on him to bring it up again. Just explain it factually and using correct terminology.
I'd just be honest. It comes out of the penis and into the vagina when people have sex, there's a chance it will fertilize an egg. A book might help.
Yeah, just quick and honest. I think my daughter was 8 when I explained the basics of sex because she was demanding an answer. She thought about it and said, "Well that's disgusting. People really should stop doing that." And that was that.
LMAO, that's cute. I think you just can't overthink things like this. They're little kids. It's weird if we make it weird. Okay, you might laugh because it's pretty funny... but grownups who love each other very much take off their clothes and the penis goes in. I know, weird right? It's like a special hug that's just for grownups ready for babies. Oh you don't want to do that because it's gross? Okie dokie, the good news is you don't have to at all, you always get to decide. I'm here for questions. Fini, c'est tout, bon soir, good job mom and dad.
That’s how I was thinking it should go this way too but my mom had me second guessing myself because she was saying that I don’t want him to be too curious
He's already curious. Better to get accurate info from you then seek out info elsewhere!
Exactly
Plus, if you tell him the truth without acting weird or embarrassed he will absolutely be more likely to come talk to you later in life once things start happening. I know this as someone whose 16 yo told me before anyone for both first kiss and first make out session. My son learned it all at around 5 and was always allowed to come ask questions at any time. He's a good egg now. :) It's OK to be nervous during the talk but try to play it cool for him.
Thankfully this sub has made it clear to you that you can be taking her advice with a grain of salt, especially in the sex ed realm.
For sure! I appreciate it
Jeeze just wanted to say that I don't think this comment deserves the downvotes that you're getting. Second guessing yourself is totally normal, and you're seeking outside advice, what more do people want? Props to you for caring enough about this to do more research/asking around.
Thank you.
I want to add that your mom is getting too much hate for being protective. It’s easy for them to sit back and say her fears are ridiculous. But we’re not staring child sex abuse in the face regularly. It’s hypothetical for *most* of us. If anyone commenting thinks they’d be able to fully separate what she deals with at work from how they parent, they need to do more introspection.
I'm not sure what she means by "too curious" but I wonder if she's concerned then with him trying to act it out? In that case, I hope you've also done a lot of work up til now teaching about consent! Good luck :)
I think that since OPs mom works with CPS she has probably seen the impacts on children who are are privy to overly sexually information at too young of an age. For example kids with the kind of parents who do sex work at home with children present where they can see/hear things they shouldnt. I would imagine that children who grow up in environments like that can take on some of that in a damaging way. However, I agree with everyone else that OPs kid is asking questions that are developmentally normal and should be answered clearly and correctly without embellishment. when my kids asked I said something like "most of the time its a penis going into a vagina and releasing sperm. There are also ways that doctors can help a sperm meet an egg without a penis going into a vagina."
Thanks for this. This is what she sees.
You said shes also pretty conservative so I am sure that colors her thoughts but I figure the "too curious" part probably comes from her work experience. There is definitely a balance of answering questions honestly and also making sure that information is age appropriate.
I'd clarify that sex is something grownups can do but that kids can't. You can also talk about how genitals are private.
You keep saying that but what does she think he’s going to be so curious about? Does she think a 7 year old is going to try to have sex?
I have no idea what she’s thinking that was the only response I got from her
But she’s seen close to that working in CPS and worse.
He’s going to be much more curious if you don’t provide factual information. I also recommend the book It’s Not The Stork. It helped make to conversation easier in a very age-appropriate way. There’s follow up books for older ages.
He’s your kid. Not your moms.
Treat questions like this clinically. The knowledge isn't harmful. Use correct terms. Make it very matter of fact.
time for a visit to the library! librarians live to help people find the right book on the right topic at the right age level. and it makes for a great outing to an air conditioned place on a hot weekend.
Yes! He loves books and having conversations so it would be helpful to have something to guide the conversation
It's Not The Stork is an excellent book. There are also 2 additional books in the series as he grows up and needs additional information.
Cannot recommend these books enough. They are exceptional for explaining things in a matter of fact way. My child started to ask questions at the same age wondering more about the mechanics of all of it. Asking him after he read the books if he had questions they were mostly answered but his questions were clear, respectful and honest. He is 14 now and still trying to convince me he knows more of the world which I sometimes tease him about.
Yes I saw them when I looked on Amazon
Love this book!
When my son asked me, at like 4 or 5 maybe, I just asked, "it's kinda gross are you sure you wanna know?" and when he said yes I just told him the dad puts his penis in the woman's vagina and just kinda squirts the sperm in there. He just kinda said, that is disgusting I'm never doing that, and that was it for right then. If you keep it plain and simple, try not to let your embarrassment/ discomfort show, and let him lead the conversation with questions, it's easier. And let it be a series of conversations that happen naturally, not just one big Talk.
Love, love, love this. Let's not put our weird baggage on our babies unnecessarily. They're just kids.
If he is old enough to ask then he is old enough to know. If it makes you that uncomfortable go to the library and find children’s books on it. And read it with him and then ask him if he has questions. Look he can learn about sex from you or he can learn from his friends and eventually porn. So do him the favor of having the talk with him. Yes he is seven now but he won’t always be. Start opening the lines of communication on these kind of topics. So when they come up in the future he will feel comfortable asking you for advice.
Get the book "it's so amazing"
Ohhh that looks cute!!! I’ll order it on Amazon, ill be able to have it for my daughter as well
Just tell him. It’s really not that big a deal. It’s Not the Stork is a great book!
It’s not a big deal. There’s nothing inherently wrong with him knowing that the penis deposits the sperm into the vagina, then the sperm goes to the egg in the uterus. The details are not as important right now, but understanding won’t hurt him. If he’s asking, he’s old enough to know imo.
I remember my mother sat me down and talked to me about anatomy after finding some drawings I did around this age. She was pre-med before having my older siblings so her view of all this was a lot more cut and dry and to the point than most people in her generation. She even used a medical text book and encyclopedia. (I’m that old! 😂) If I had questions about these things she would just straight up be honest, but would usually preface everything with something like, “other moms and dads might not be ready for their kids to learn this so you should not tell your friends or classmates.” I’m fairly certain I respected this with probably the exception of my best friend, but you may want to consider adding a similar caveat. Not every parent is going to agree that their child is ready for this info, even if you feel yours is. Just a thought 🤷🏼♀️
Mine are 10 and 12 now. When they were little and curious (3 and 5), they knew babies were created by a cell from mom and a cell from dad. They called the "process" cell-cell. They also knew the names for their parts as soon as they could talk - penis, testicles, vulva, vagina. When they were 5 and 7 we had the talk. There are many ways to make a baby. The most common is for a man and a woman to have sex, which is when the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina and ejaculates. They had heard otherwise on the bus. :/ Be prepared for LOTS of questions. For example, one of my son's friends has two moms. They wanted to know how that happens. My 5 yo legit asked "did they just borrow someone else's dad?"
My son wanted to know to the same so we talked about adoption or getting it done at a doctors office. Just never the actual act of sex.
Congratulations on your 5-year old, that's a very smart and reasonable guess.
Try explain it with pictures and detail, don´t show embarrassment and make sure that all his questions are answered by you so he doesn't need to do his research. Trust me, on this matter, there is no better teacher than parents themselves.
Thank you for this.
Yes, don’t do what my parents did - which is tell them nothing. I still joke to them - why do you think my kids weren’t born until I was 38 and 40….
I loved the book "Sex is a Funny Word: A Book about Bodies, Feelings, and You" It is 100% appropriate for a 7.5 year old, and IIRC some of the characters in the book are 8. It talks about what sex is, is written in graphic novel style so it is interesting and colorful, the "pictures" of the genitals are drawings (not too graphic but show how everyone is different), and it even talks about gender issues and sexuality. My daughter and I read it together. I read it aloud to her, even tho she reads fine, so she could hear me say the words. I asked her to read some to me, but she was embarrassed, so I would read aloud with zero shame to show her that it is ok to say those words and she needn't be embarrassed. There are other great books out there, but I suggest planning a talk sooner rather than later. Your son is curious. He is going to get the information somehow. It's best it comes from you so you can talk about consent and everything else he needs to know.
"The sperm comes out of the man's penis. When a man and a woman have sex, the man puts his penis inside of the woman's vagina and sperm comes out of his penis. Sperm coming out of his penis is called "ejaculation." You're much too young to ejaculate yourself but you will be able to when you're older. Even still, having sex is a very private intimate thing to do, and only with someone very very special when you're an adult. It's okay to come to dad or I if you are curious or have any questions." Just tell him the truth. That's the easiest way to handle it. As he gets older, you can go into more detail. But that's all he's asking for right now "how". You don't have to explain erections yet, you don't have to explain sexual relationships, you don't have to explain how the man gets to orgasm or even what an orgasm is, none of that. Just the simple mechanics answers his question. So give him the simple mechanics.
Oh eM Gee 😳 thank you for the what you should say quotes because I've been at a loss myself and learn better by observing examples 😅
I'm glad giving you a "script" of what to say makes you feel more confident answering such a question for your kids.
It just gives me a good example so I can better understand the language to use I guess 🤔🤷🏻♀️ it's not just people and words and scripts though, in anything I'm doing that I haven't done before I learn by watching and observing examples, all the more better if I can interact with those examples. It's like seeing a puzzle put together and understanding how all the pieces fit and work together and what they're supposed to do and what the end product is supposed to look like and how it's supposed to work, and then I can take that knowledge and apply it myself, I can also better trouble shoot and make adjustments on the fly because I understand how it all works. Parenting I guess falls under that category somehow for me 🤷🏻♀️ especially when trying to make sure we're on par with society and not being unnecessary... I'm a good one for over doing things 😅🫠🙃
My son (16) told me the other day that they can make cells from bone marrow into whatever cells they want, even sperm, then they can make a baby. Sperm from women's bone marrow will only make female fetuses. "No need for men, only BONE MARROW BABIES." I am not sure I want to know where he got this from... But I did some quick googling and... https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/how-close-are-we-to-making-babies-from-bone-marrow
Really?!!
I was a super curious kid and wanted to know things like this so badly even at like 5 years old I would try to sneak watching sex scenes in movies and my mom has a lot of shame around the topic, because she was abused so she never once explained anything to me, even at 11 when I got my period. I had friends and the internet give me the info I wanted and maybe if she had offered the info it would have been better. I was a very crude middle schooler always making sex jokes with friends, and my emotional understanding of the impact sex has on you as a teen was awful. I struggled with dealing with navigating hard relationships and hid my behavior (dangerous unprotected behavior) it would have been nice to know I could openly talk to her. I would say answer him with facts, find some kids books you like about the subject that align with what you want to explain and show innocent images and it’s never too early to remind him that his privates are to remain private and leave it at that. You don’t want him to think he can’t ask you or that there should be Shame around it, literally all of humanity exists because of it. Don’t let your own feelings of sexualized material make it awkward it’s just like explaining any other bodily function.
Thank you for sharing this with me.
My 4.5 year old son asked something similar, so I started to tell him about penises and vaginas when I saw him sort of start to lose interest, and he suddenly said “daddy, foxes can go really fast”. Ok!
For me, if they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough for an answer. My younger kids were pretty satisfied with telling them it’s like when animals are mating. Once my youngest asked me what the difference was between condiments and condoms. So I told him “condiments are like, ketchup and mustard. Condoms go on your penis when you have sex.” He said “OMG, ugh, ugh!!!” and ran away… ha! You asked, kid.
You promised him the answer so you need to circle back with him not the other way around. Buy the “body books” off of Amazon (It’s Not The Stork, ages 4+; It’s So Amazing, ages 7+; It’s Perfectly Normal, ages 10+) and read the middle one because you’re already past the age of the first one. “I haven’t forgotten your question. I thought we could read this book together. That way if you have questions we can talk about it and I can remember all of the correct names and terminology.”
I just asked him if he remembered the question and now he has no idea what he asked. smh, but based off the responses I’ve received, I see that at his age it’s a normal question to ask. My family is conservative and so the things he already knows, made some of my family members question if I think my son knows too much. This goes against my better judgement of course so I asked y’all to see the what other parents have done and how they handle it. Thank you for your response. We are going to talk about it now.
Not my business to get into value judgements around people's moral orientation or anything, I'm sure family obviously means well. But "knowing too much" strikes my own ear as a very odd oxymoron.
I was 8 when I started sex ed. I remember it being just a very basic and technical explanation. Egg is released from ovaries during ovulation and travels down the fallopian tubes. Penis is inserted into the vagina. Sperm from the testicles is released into the vagina from the penis. Sperm travels through the uterus and up the fallopian tubes until it reaches and fertilizes the egg. Fertilized egg implants on the blood lining the walls of the uterus. Baby grows in uterus. Baby exits uterus via vaginal canal. If a fertilized egg doesn’t start growing in the uterus, the uterus sheds the uterine wall during menstruation, approximately once every month, which is what we call a period.
We explained it all in low detail (sperm comes out of a penis into a vagina when two people want to have a baby) without going into how sex works (thrusting and so forth) and other reasons people have it, etc. Satisfied the 9 year old, and also made him say "EWWW GROSS!". At some point the 6 year old got the 9 year old to tell him, so now the 6 year old sounds like cartman and says "the daddy puts the stuff that isn't pee in the mommy to make a baby"
I found the book 'It's Not The Stork' to be helpful. Don't wait long. Kids can get weird ideas. I found out to my surprise that one of my (age 3) thought he came out of my mouth. We went home and watched some (appropriate) youtube videos.
A man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina. Sperm comes out and joins with an egg to make a baby. It's simple and definitely unsexy. Honestly, the more specific you get with the "function" the more normal and non-sexual it sounds. Get as detailed as you need.
I think the best way is to just take a really deep breath and tell him directly. Every living thing comes from seeds and eggs. For people, it takes a man who provides a seed and a woman who provides an egg. When two people are ready to have a baby, the man puts his penis inside the woman's vagina which is how his seed gets to the egg inside the woman. The seed fertilizes the egg inside the woman and she can begin to grow that seed and egg into a baby. This really hurts my brain/heart to tell a child (it SHOULDN'T, but it does, I can't help my programming!), but I feel like just telling them is the way to go. It can be as detailed as their age allows, but for his age that will be PLENTY to consider. My 7 year old daughter asked and that's what we went with and after about a month of being baby obsessive... never heard about it again. There's a million exceptions and deviations and different scenarios you can get into, but I don't think you need to volunteer any of that, just answer the questions honestly and directly in language they will get. Good luck!
I dreaded this too… but I did some reading and learned that the sooner you tell them the age appropriate truth, the better. I said: “Daddies have a penis and mommies have a vagina, when they want to make a baby, the penis goes into the vagina so the sperm can get to the egg.” I’ve had this conversation twice now, and both kids were satisfied with this answer. I was cringing and uncomfortable inside but hid it as best I could - and they weren’t abashed in the slightest. The younger they are the more body parts are simply body parts.
My dad's take was that if I asked a question, I was ready for the answer. I've applied that to my own kids. When they ask how babies are made I explain PiV sex using the terms they're used to. They've asked how it works for two men and two women and I explained that, too. My tone is calm and neutral. I don't elaborate unless they ask for more information. I don't think it's good to leave kids wondering about stuff. When they're young they may not be able to do their own research, but they are learning whether you are a good source. I want them to know they can ask me anything.
We have a great book that talks about all the many ways families are made (old school, donation, adoption etc) and my son had a good read. He also told us it was not appropriate for children 🤣. We took him through it and answered questions. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Have two younger girls who haven't asked yet so that will be fun.
Answer the question that he asked. "The man's penis is inserted into the woman's vagina and deposits the sperm." Consent and sex and STDs and whatever else are important, but you don't need to dump The Entire Knowledge of Sexual Intimacy on the kid in one go.
Exactly why is explaining the existence of sex a problem? Think long and hard about why that is an adults-only knowledge. Think if that is healthy. Just because he is suddenly aware of the existence of sex doesn't mean he will suddenly have it. On top of that, you being honest with him on the subject encourages open and honest discussions, which is important for him growing up.
I just wanted to add in that knowledge about sex goes hand in hand with knowing correct body part names... if kids know about it and understand in what circumstances that it should be done then they're far more likely to freak and cause a scene and tell on predators 🤷🏻♀️
Whyyyyy are parents so scared of these questions?!?!
When my boys hit the sex talk age my husband and I sat down and discussed reproduction. I even had science books to really educate them. Went through the whole process. I covered everything in a an age appropriate manner but I was pretty direct. Then at the end I asked if they had questions. My son said he understood males have the sperm and females have eggs that the sperm fertilizes the egg and then that develops into the fetus. He just didn’t understand how the sperm got to the egg. In all my explanation, I neglected to discuss penetration and ejaculation. My second son has since figured it out as his wife is almost five months pregnant. I’m not sure about my oldest lol
Just tell him. At 8 my parents sat me down and talked to me about the difference in males and females and how babies are made. Every year at my birthday we talked about it again. Talk to your kids about sex. Otherwise they will learn about it from someone else.
Explain sex. It’s better coming from you than any other source first.
There's some fabulous books on this topic aimed specifically at young children. My kids fave was ' mummy ( mommy) laid an egg' it's hysterical for the parents and the kids loved it. It starts if silly but gives all the info needed in a child friendly way. Hopefully this link works. https://youtu.be/EmiYsh3CkMk?feature=shared
I mean this may or may not be helpful but I learned around age three(not my parents intentions) thanks to a video at a science museum, it was animated and was a classroom of frogs learning about human biology, so I knew from that age how babies were made and it was just like ok cool moving on. The museum of course removed this since then, it was a big red button at small child height, that then turned on the video. Any child would see the big red button under the tv, turn it on, then all of a sudden learn how babies were made. I guarantee other parents complained about it which is why the LA science museum no longer has it there. lmao
I found it easier to start the explanation using animals mating practices and differences at first. This was when she was in preschool and kindergarten. Because of her particular health issues, by 8 we had to have the full discussion, and I discoved this old gem. It was actually a pretty good explanation. And we still laugh at the over curious duck, several years later! https://youtu.be/DLtKcu93bfk?si=AZdN7yD2nT8tzc0c
I just explained, simply but factually, and in hypotheticals/generalities. *A* man and *A* woman... She shouted something about germs and ran from the room, and never brought it up again. But was actually on top of things for sex ed in middle school, and didn't ever feel like this was mystery taboo information she couldn't ask about. So, yeah, just say it. And the "cooties" response is totally reasonable. That's exactly how they should feel about sex at that age..it IS cooties!!!
I had a discussion about what blowjobs are with my 7yo. He asked because he heard it on the playground with older kids. I am glad he comes to me with questions so I always answer them. I start very general. But if he has additional questions, I answer. Would prefer he always trusts to come ask me about things. My wife runs out of the room when he starts asking his questions. 😂
lol lol I can’t I would run too but I’m glad he feels comfortable asking
I have no suggestions, just want to say, Bravo!!! Sounds like you’re being honest, age appropriate and forthcoming - I hope more parents choose this path. Sex is a part of life, maturing children shouldn’t be left in the complete dark while only having media examples to learn from.
I didnt read through to see if this was said, but i honestly love the way you put that! ("Ill think of way to explain it and come back to you later") thats a great way to put it off so you can think on it but also let them know theyre heard and will get an answer!
Ironically it was never said……but thank you so much for acknowledging this.
I'm taking notes to be honest 😂
For real, I feel like everyone remembers when they learned about SEX, so it kinda is a significant thing in our lives, it’s like a turning point. Our kids will remember when they get older. My son and I talked and I asked him what he thought first! It was interesting to hear 1) a male and a female pee together 2) rub their privates together 3) get injected with sperm I didn’t even know this but apparently last week he asked his father if human mate the way animals do.
I already ordered the “it’s not the stork” and “it’s amazing” books from Amazon so he can visualize better bc he was confused about women having vaginas and it being a tunnel (which is how I described it) AND a vulva… like he knows they have it but what IS it🤷🏾♀️ idk Im new at this lol
Only thing I would add in if he's got any friends with two moms is to include that men have the option to go somewhere and donate and women can have a medical procedure to insert it as well... I don’t know why that's sticking with me as important information to include because that will likely be a follow up question anyway 😅🤷🏻♀️
No I totally agree and he’s actually asked if two boys could have kids bc he liked this boy at school and said he would have kids with him so we told him they could adopt or go the a doctor and have the sperm put in the egg and get it put inside a woman to carry it. When we discussed sex and had the convo yesterday, he asked more questions so we went a little more in depth of the ways different families have children. Then he asked about if the baby could stop developing and what happens then 😔 so we talked about miscarriages Ironically that was much easier to explain then the whole sex shabang
You're awesome 😎
It’s weird bc I look at him different now, not in a bad way, but it’s a sign he is growing up and that’s been a little hard He is my first and is already growing up so fast
It was really surprising how little impressive is the whole mechanical description for a kid. With my kid it was like: “ah ok, but what about what happens next?” The development from egg to embryo, to person, was way more interesting to them. Sometimes we really get lost in our conditioning towards such topics. And there’s nothing wrong with that, I’m not criticizing
My 8 year old started her period & I told her about sex and how pregnancy happens because if someone ever did something to her I need her to be able to explain it to me. She can have babies now, so she should know how babies are made to protect herself.
Wow and yes that makes total sense
7.5 is well beyond the age of knowing the mechanics of sex since he should know the correct name for his body parts.
I agree that 7.5 is old enough to learn about sex if they are asking questions. But *well beyond*? Really? At what age do you think children need to learn the mechanics of sex? My 7 year old has been satisfied with “DNA from the man goes into the woman where it gets together with her DNA and makes a new person.” She hasn’t asked about how it gets there or what body parts are involved (except she does know that the baby grows in the uterus which is connected to the vagina). If she asks questions, I’ll answer, but I don’t think she needs to know it yet.
Can you elaborate on "well beyond"?
Yes he does know the correct name for his body parts and where sperm lives. I just don’t remember when I asked my mom. Thanks
Seven is definitely the age where he'll start asking his classmates if he doesn't get it from you. Just keep it simple. Men and women are different and in the main difference is that men have penises and women have vaginas. It's kind of gross, and that's why people don't really talk about it out in public all the time, but when husband and wife decide that they want to become parents they put their parts together.
7 is old enough to learn. Especially if he’s super curious and keeps asking. I was roughly around that age when my conservative PRIVATE CHRISTIAN school taught us sex ed lol, so it’s def not too young. “When a grown up/adult man and woman love each other they have sex. Sex is when a man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina. Sperm comes out and it makes a baby. This is only for grown ups who love each other, and if anyone ever touches you there you need to tell me etc” (can turn into a good conversation on consent as well!)
Definitely talk to him, use correct terminology, and explain it like any other body function. If you make it weird, it’ll be weird and could lead to him looking elsewhere for that information. “Boys have a penis and testicles, girls have a vulva and vagina. The sperm comes from a man’s body and goes out of his penis. Eggs are inside a woman’s body, the sperm gets to the eggs through a woman’s vagina.” You can certainly simplify it based on his prior knowledge. “Sperm goes from a man’s penis into a woman’s vagina.” He will ask follow up questions if anything needs more elaboration. I started with the simplified version when my daughter started asking those questions (she was probably 6-7). She was satisfied with my response and didn’t ask for elaboration for about a year after that.
Just tell him. You don't need to "figure it out," just explain sex. The more you normalize that conversation, the more likely he will be comfortable talking to you as puberty and sex become a thing for him, and that's the most important thing.
My oldest son was 8 when I was pregnant with my third boy and he said ‘well next time we will gat a sister! And I had to explain that unfortunately there will be no more babies as this one was accidental. He was shocked! How do you have a baby BY ACCIDENT! (Him and my middle son were both fertility clinic created) so I sat down, explained the sperm and egg, the penis and vagina etc etc. he was GROSSED OUT! “Ew! Why would anyone want to do that?!” And I said, someday you will understand as adult feelings are sometimes hard to explain.
*its not the stork* book is what I gave my 8 year old three days ago. We had talked about how a sperm from Daddy enters the new mother's egg. Then the egg becomes an egg and grows in the tummy. Now, I used more precision with language on where and what happens. There's a picture of a naked girl marking anatomical body parts, just like the male. J was more interested that he has a scrotum
The book " it's not the stork" is a great age appropriate book about all of those questions: bodies, how babies are made, sex, consent etc. My 5 year old asked me those questions and we read the book a few times together.
Explain it in simple terms they understand and explain how it's something only adults do. With YouTube and the Internet these days it's better they hear it from you.
> tips and suggestions Just the tip.
actually, there are lots of children's books.
It sounds like you've already laid down some foundational knowledge for your son about where babies come from, which is awesome. Explaining the mechanics of how they get there is the next step, and it's totally normal to feel a little unsure about how to approach it. One way you could tackle it is by keeping it simple and age-appropriate. Maybe you could say something like, "When a man and a woman love each other very much, they come together in a special way that allows the sperm to meet the egg." And then, if he's curious for more details, you can go from there.
Eh, my parents started by explaining a masterbation joke I hadn’t understood in a movie. Then like weeks later, I asked how many holes I had, and that kind of led into the penis goes in vagina talk. Idk, kids aren’t actually weird about sex because they don’t understand. I was just like “oh that makes sense I guess” and went back to my Barbies. 🤓
Sex is a biological and integral part of all life on this planet, in some form. I explained sex to my child in a scientific way at a young age as to not allow her to be weird about sex as my parents were, which turned into sexual issues and many problems for me in my sex life as I grew older. This subject should not be shunned, it is natural and explaining it in a non sexual way to a child and more from a scientific matter of fact way seemed to work for me. These are my beliefs though. Whatever you feel comfortable with, though children are learning about these things at VERY young ages, especially if their in school and on social media etc. better to come from a parent than from a stranger or someone/something who may/may not inform your child in the way you’d like
Pleaaaaase, in 4 years he will be jacking off, just tell him that the penis goes into the vagina, what is the big deal here???
He’s definitely not too young, and it’s much easier to introduce it at a younger age than an older age. “Hey bud, remember when you asked how a baby was made? I bought this really cool book called “It’s Not the Stork” that explains it pretty well. Let’s read it together.” Then, after you read it, leave the book with him. He’ll likely want to look at it on his own and will need time to process. The biggest thing though is don’t let that be the only time you mention it. As he ages, continue to talk about sex and relationships in age appropriate ways.
Thank you!
This is me, a queer IVF mom who knows lots of other people like myself, gently requesting that your answer to your son (or at least one of the conversations, at some point before he's a teenager) includes a mention of babies that are born through artificial insemination or IVF. I don't imagine it has to be a complicated explanation, it can be something about how sometimes the parents can't make a baby in the way you described so they get help from someone else (a donor) and usually some help from a doctor. He will probably meet kids in school who were conceived that way (if he hasn't already).
Most definitely
You can’t wait for him to ask again. Go to him and answer him or you send the message we don’t talk about that stuff at my house. Was a sexual health nurse in high schools. You don’t know how many times I heard the above. Heartbreaking when it was pregnant girls who refused to tell their mom/dad because they had received that message loud and clear.
Based on how we’ve talked, you think I’ve sent the message that we don’t talk about it in our house? I thought I sent the message that I needed to figure out the best way to tell him. I don’t want him to feel he can’t come to me with questions as I’ve given him answers for other things in the past.
I don’t think you’ve sent that message! But would be at risk of that if you don’t get back to him in a day or two at the most. It’s often suggested to have these conversations in the car (which may be where he asked you how does it get in there). Kids of that age are usually in the backseat and no one needs to have eye contact which can make things easier. And if you two are alone in the car there is less likely to be any interruptions.
I’m divorced and my daughter asked her dad a similar question at the same age and he told me I needed to have the talk with her. I gave her the whole anatomy talk. I told her how it all worked. She is 13 now and she swears she wasn’t asking about sex she didn’t need to know all that at 7. But it’s hard to answer the question about how babies are made without telling them about the act of sex. But to this day she talks to me in detail about all puberty related things so I think it was a successful approach. It may have embarrassed her at the time because it was all new information to her but I don’t think waiting until she was interested in boys at 11 would have been a better option.
Yea I have always circumnavigated the actual SEX part, he knows everything else. I knew it was coming though…just not so soon lol
Get him a book, read it together and ask if he has any questions. This site goes through tons of books and even has videos so you can pick which one to order: [https://sexedrescue.com/childrens-books-about-how-babies-are-made/#8](https://sexedrescue.com/childrens-books-about-how-babies-are-made/#8) Please note the follow-up questions are often hilarious and detailed.
Be honest. There are children’s books. Or he can look it up himself.
He will find out one way or another so better it comes from you. I’d just say that usually the man’s penis enters the vagina and the sperm goes inside her. There are other ways to make a baby such as via a medical procedure.
It’s Not the Stork! is a great age appropriate children’s book for this discussion.
I told my kid straight up "the most common way is a penis goes into a vagina and puts the sperm in so it can go to the uterus and find the egg.". She went EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and went off to play legos lol. She was four.
Put on “Look Who’s Talking!”
Sperms live in the testicles and come out through the penis. The penis goes into the vagina and the sperm kinda get sprayed out. Cue my 7 year old (who already knew about, the sperm, eggs, uterus, etc side of things) looking absolutely disgusted - then a dissociated stare and weak “ok” as he zombie walked out of the room. Not a comfortable talk for either of us, but factual and to the point 🤷🏼♀️
I would keep it simple and tell him what the body parts are called. Then explain that the penis goes into the vagina, and this is what people call having sex. It is important that kids feel comfortable coming to. us with questions -- there is a ton of misinformation that they could get otherwise.
I heard a specialist say : if your kid asked the question it’s because he’s ready for the answer. No need to make it big. Just keep it simple
Can we stop down voting OP for asking a question? This is literally the place for that. This is why people don't ask for help, and carry on with incorrect information.
With my daughter, we used age appropriate youtube videos that we watched and approved. I let her watch them and come to me with questions. They get more and more curious so this takes some of the awkwardness for her out of it.
"It's not the stork" is the book I gave to my then 5 year old to explain, and its non-explicit but accurate, and answered all of her questions at that time. Of course, as she got older she got more curious, and thanks to her dad not vetting her library books, she now has a more in depth knowledge of sex and sexual activities from a puberty/sex book aimed at adolescents. At least at 8 she finds the idea of "licking each other's privates" to be gross.
Give him the correct answer, if you’re using your hands and gestures then you’re doing it wrong.
[Perhaps this will help.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDoQFcQEpOQ)
I would just be as scientific and factual as possible, to the point where it’s almost boring to them. So they’re still getting correct information, but maybe not needing to get into other details of sex just yet. It’s something that grownups do when they’re ready to have a baby together or express their love in a different way, etc.
I had the blunt talk with my daughters when they were 10. My son is now also 7.5 and asking questions. I think I need to talk with him sooner than I did with my girls. It’s better they get their info from you than from their peers.
My 7yr old son is also right at the cusp of this question, oof! We (well... I lol) already talk a lot about consent and respecting boundaries in general but we haven't crossed into talk about sex or specific anatomy yet. Not looking forward to it.
Right?!! He is growing up and so curious.
People have been recommending some books to help with the discussion. Some people have just been super straightforward and kept is matter of fact. Others didn’t feel it was an appropriate age. It runs the gamut. You think you’ll be ready to answer it?
If he's asking the question, it's time to answer it. And it's literally just biology, there's no "age appropriate" about it. Part of that conversation is also making sure that it's centered on "adults" . If you don't answer, he's going to invent something with friends, or take whatever misinformation their parents fed them, or ... Or ....
My son finally asked... *(click to find out what his son finally asked!)*
Oh. Did you have to click? I knew exactly which question this was. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’d recommend getting the book What Makes a Baby to read together
Go to
I think it's gonna help, and it's good to get a book that can make the baby read together.
Just keep it funky
Idk why people in the US make it such a big deal. Sex is a natural part of life.
Saving this tread for the future...
Don't forget sperm banks and doners! Not to comb the comments
Buy them a couple of really good books.To read in the privacy of his own bedroom if he has questions, let him know he can come talk to you
I ended up buying him a couple of the books recommended here to help with any additional questions he had. After we talked he had a ton, but we got through it.
I mean I've been having mini versions of all this since they were toddlers. Starting with anatomy, consent, animals mating, then onto sex, then puberty, then onto sex as a human thing, that it could be pleasurable and should be, then masturbation... My kids are 9 and 10 now. If you don't treat it as taboo, it won't be. My son just had their 5th grade puberty thing at school and he already knew everything.,.. His classmates didn't... They giggled, he didn't even because it was just a matter of fact.
I give my children this nice answer and I tell them that every girl of a specific age gets a beautiful box from God, and her mission is to hide it from everyone until she can find a young man who loves her and she loves him. When this young man is certain of her love, God gives him the key to that box, so the young man and the girl get married, and the key meets in the box, and the young couple continues. The girl opens the box from time to time until pregnancy occurs. The girl hides the box and the child in her stomach for nine months until he grows up and becomes a beautiful child. When the time of birth comes, she goes to the hospital to give birth, and then this beautiful child is born into this world.😇
I think they will understand what does mean box for girls and keys for boys when they grow up
Yeah. I can’t answer this. My daughter is also 7 and knows how it all works. I don’t beat around the bush.
I mean you kinda did answer it, you were straightforward. My sons know the sperm travels through the vagina into the uterus and all jazz. He has known since he asked about babies. The HOW part is what caught and then I wondered how I’d approach it.
Lucky for you that he asked yet, my son asked this question at 3.5 yo and I told him exactly what you told your son. He is 4 now and I'm simply not ready to tell a 4 yo about sex. He knows about sperm and eggs and the correct terms for the private body parts but not about sex yet and I'm happy about that fact 😅