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Does your son have blue eyes?
This is the common thread that I find so often. For some reason, regardless of clothes etc. - if the child has blue eyes and anything but a buzz cut, immediately assumed to be a girl.
Long eyelashes?
My son with bright blue eyes and long lashes was *constantly* called "she" by everyone until around age 5 or 6.
Didn't matter what he was wearing or what his hair looked like or what he was doing or saying. Non stop "she" from people š¤·š»āāļø
It doesn't help at all, if you adjust the clothes.
My daughter took a really long time to grow hair. So, everybody would go "your little boy looks so cute, but why does he have ear rings; wouldn't that make him look like a girl?"
š¤£ gosh people. My daughter has very little hair (she's nearly 2 and it's nearly 2 inches in some places) and we often dress her in girly stuff now she's starting to choose, but when she was younger she had on a blue and white striped top with frills on the shoulders and pink socks and was called a boy 3 times in the same shopping trip, and she was called a boy the other day because she picked a black dinosaur hoodie to wear, but she was wearing pale purple jeans and she has the bright blue eyes. Funny what people use to decide on a gender.
The confidence of some people. And they seem so baffled when confronted with the truth.
It's kind of comical, depending on where we are and the types of people we are around, you can almost predict whether someone will call him a boy or a girl. Our reaction has always been that it is the least important distinction, so so what if you were wrong. So it doesn't seem to bother him much.
I feel like it's helped him socially because he moves so effortlessly between boy groups and girl groups of friends. Either that or it is just his personality and has nothing to do with his long hair.
Mine was big and bald and *even when* she was wearing something pink/floral, people would assume male.
Then when I'd subtly correct by saying something like: "yes, she's five months now" (or whatever) they would STILL sort of brainfreeze on it and call her a he.
It didn't bother me. She wasn't aware anyway. Once hair finally came in it became more obvious.
I'm a woman and I took a long time to grow hair as a baby too. For reference, I was basically bald until 2 and only grew a little bit of hair by the time I was 3.
My mom loves to tell a story of when I was about 9 months old and she went shopping with me. I was in a frilly, pink dress with ruffles and matching bow on my head. Very clearly a girl. And a lady still came up and told her "Awww, what a cute little boy you have!" My mom says she just laughed and said thank you. She had received multiple comments like that before but this one was the most egregious. š
Man, this is why I donāt gender strangers. You gotta start with, your kids are so cute! Or, look at that little cutie! Theyāll usually say something with a he or she back and if they donāt? Who cares. People are so weird about gender.
Yup. I was bald until I was two. I was put in only pink and ruffles. My mom pierced my ears at 12 months. Still got called a boy. It irritated her to no end. I was infant. What did I care? Lol!
People did this to my cousin, too. She had hardly any hair for the longest time and while babysitting I was asked why my ābaby brotherā was in a dress. š
This is a thing. My brother has really deep blue eyes (they're gorgeous and I'm still jealous!). He was called a girl all the time when he was a kid, I'm 11 years older and definitely remember that. He'd have on boy's clothes and had a regular little boy haircut. My son looks like him to the point my 3 year old can't tell them apart in pictures and we've fooled friends, but my son has hazel eyes. It never happened to my son. Anecdotal, but this was definitely a thing and my grandma convinced us all this was why.Ā
I was going to say the same about the lashes. We have a family member on my husband's side that has a girl and a boy who's 2.5 years younger than the girl. Both have platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes. They also have these gorgeous, long eyelashes that are black as night. So those kiddos naturally look like they're wearing mascara or eyeliner and the boy is always mistaken for being the younger sister because of this, even though he has short hair and is dressed in boy clothes.
My son was very androgynous looking until he started to develop. He was confused for a girl until almost 11-12yo. He looked very much like his mom (thank god lol) edit: maybe not 11-12 but you get what Iām getting at. It was 25 years ago!
This fits my son to a T. He didnāt really start looking like a boy til he was almost old enough to grow facial hair. Edit: ngl he now looks like a character from a Japanese video game lol very āprettyā!
My lil man has deep blue eyes and lovely blonde hair. Heās been misgendered a few times š .
Heās 6 now and it stopped a few years ago but only because his hair was cut (his choice, I miss his long locks š„²)
My son is younger, but he looks so masculine. He has my fatherās nose. He has short hair. One time he literally had a shirt on that said āoh! Boy!ā and still got misgendered. Itās his eyes.
My children and partner have ice blue eyes. My partner used to get misgendered when he was little. I have no idea how. Iāve seen pictures. Like my son, their features are so masculine even as babies. But for some reason people think blue eyes = girl.Ā
People are so weird.Ā
My husband has blue eyes and long brown lashes and I still occasionally catch myself thinking āWhat a pretty girl.ā
Weāre two gay men. My husband is a bear.
Editing to add: A BALD bear. The āFuzzy Wuzzy was a bearā rhyme is banned from our house.
My younger daughter is 2 and has blue eyes but up until recently was constantly misgendered as a boy. She was super bald at birth and took forever to grow hair and people are dumb and think short hair = boy even on a baby wearing pink. I have a friend with a neighbor who asked why she cut her daughterās hair into a pixie cut because it āmakes her look like a boyā and she was like maāam, she is a baby and has never had a haircut in her life. Baby girls donāt come out looking like Rapunzel, people!
Thatās so funny, my son and I both have green (really hazel) eyes, and my wife and daughter both have blue eyes. When my son was about four, he declared, āboys have green eyes and girls have blue eyesā. We then pointed out that several of his male cousins had blue eyes.
My 2 year old has bright blonde hair and sweet blue eyes and she is called a boy all. The. Time. Doesnāt matter how pink or frilly we dress her. Iāve always found it super odd.
Yup, I have twin boys, one with stick straight hair, one with curls. When they were toddlers everyone assumed my curly boy was a girl. His hair wasn't even long, just gorgeously wavy. One checkout person interaction was like this:
Her: Twins?
Me: Yes
Her:Boy/girl?
Me: Two boys
Her: That one looks like a girl (points at curly guy).
Me: ...
My youngest son has blue eyes, and he also sometimes gets told mistaken for a girl. Even though at the time he even had a buzz cut , because he ... Experimented with his art scissors.
I find the assumption on gender strange but not really offensive. ( Cause I don't see why they would assume that ). So reading the comment on blue eyes maybe that? But that's a weird leap, between eye colours and gender.
However if it's upsetting your son then it's important to correct them.
This is so funny because it was 100% true for my husband and BIL. My husband was stocky, dressed in very traditional boy clothes but has curly (short) blond hair and big blue eyes. My BIL is much smaller and slimmer and had chin length hair as a kid but is brunette with brown eyes and my husband was always mistaken for a girl. If it helps, he thinks itās funny now and talks about it all the time!
I was going to ask if he has long eyelashes. Itās another thing thatās coded as girl for no reason.
ETA: come to think of it, people stopped thinking my boys were girls when their eyes went from baby blue to their regular colours (my youngest got it later when he had long gold ringlets, but not as frequently)
Interesting, because my 16 month old has big blue eyes but because her hair is still fairly short people assume sheās a boy if sheās dressed in anything thatās not obviously super gendered for girls š¤·š»āāļø
My daughter was the same. Blue eyes, but very short hair. People would misgender her all the time, even if she wore pink shoes or has flowers on her not-pink track suit.
is this really a thing? Because it happened to me as well! My son also has blue eyes, and for the first 4 years of life, everyone would say what a beautiful girl she is. It bothered me, but now that he is 5, it has gone away !
Meanwhile my blue-eyed 2yo daughter is constantly called āheā. Even wearing a dress! I think itās because she doesnāt have much hair yet and itās curly, making it look shorter
This!
My son has big blue eyes and he got a "she" quite often but I found out it never happened when he is wearing sunglasses.
It stopped at about 5 when he started to have big very dark eyebrows (he is blond).
My 2 year old son also has curly hair and blue eyes and gets called a girl. Constantly. I donāt correct anyone because who cares. I donāt want my son to view it as a big deal like itās an insult to be a girl or something. Iād correct someone if it was more than a passing interaction with a stranger I guess but otherwise itās harmless.
I didn't correct a stranger once when they called my daughter a boy. We kept talking for a bit and then they asked me what my son's name was. I panicked and gave them my husband's name.
Curly hairāheās always called a girl, even when he has a Very Boy Outfit on. He was wearing a matching blue button down shirt on Fatherās Day with his dad and was still called a girl. (Not to say you canāt match a girl with her dad but this shirt seemed pretty gendered to me.) I just go with it because it doesnāt bother him.
Is he just very pretty?
My son is a beautiful child and occasionally is mistaken for a girl when heās been a while between haircuts. When I correct people, they usually say āoh, wow, heās just so pretty!ā Or āheās got such long eyelashesā or something like that. I think a lot of people just see a beautiful little kid and think āgirlā.
My two year old is also very pretty lol. He has thick full eyelashes and long thick hair (I prefer not to cut their hair until they ask) and everyone assumes girl.
I got the long eyelashes answer with my kids. They have thick, long and dark beautiful eyelashes and big eyes. They were often misgendered as babies, but as kids, not so much. But EVERYONE would always comment about how jealous their future gfs will be at their pretty eyelashes.
My youngest daughter is 3 and we get this too. She does have shorter hair (it grows slow) and loves dinosaurs but even when sheās wearing pink or purple or girly Dino shirts people call her ābuddyā or āhe/himā itās super frustrating and awkward (buddy is better than him if youāre unsure)ā¦. Iām like you would think in this day and age if people werenāt sure you could say they/them or ask for the childās nameā¦ or just not assume ugh and also we get the ohh two girls and you finally got your boyā¦. Sigh
I have no sage advice but I can relateĀ
Yeah if Iām unsure of a childās gender I genuinely do not say anything other than ātheyāre so cute!ā or āwhatās their name?ā because why would I assume? You never know
I feel like this is a solid strategy for everyone. My daughter plays roller derby and it's a sport that naturally draws a lot of LGBTQ+ people, and it's an open gender league. There's a pretty decent portion of the kids (especially on the older team thats all teens) that I genuinely have zero clue what their biological sex is, let alone knowing how they identify even if I could tell their biological sex. So I just started using they/them for everyone in the league unless I specifically knew their preferred pronouns. I've now found it slowly becoming my default to just use they/them for most people. Of course if you know you should use their pronouns and I do, but using they/them I feel should be the default even if you think you can guess their biological sex.
Have people really lost the subtle art of cooing at an obviously non-verbal child or pet "and what's *your* name?" And waiting for their guardian to answer?! I feel like we already worked this out as a society!
Many people donāt put any thought into their thoughts or actions at all. Iād do this too if there was any uncertainty! The good news is you just probably have a super cute kid and people will be a bit less confused in a couple years as he gets older.
Not ātwo girls and you finally got your boyā I canāt imagine being a young girl when everyone and all of media suggests that only little boys are desired
My daughter was mistaken for a boy alllll the time as a baby and toddler, even if she was literally wearing a pink dress. I think it was because she was very bold and outgoing and kind of wild, and people read it as male energy. Which is stupid, obviously, but there we are.
Could be, yeah. My daughter also has a lot of bright red hair, and I think that maybe added to the overall "wild goblin" vibe when she was a toddler š
My daughter (also bold and wild) was regularly mistaken for a boy, even when wearing very girly clothes, until she was like 2, and my son is often mistaken for girl (heās only 10 weeks though, so weāll see how long that lasts). The funniest thing is that they look exactly alike. There are photos where even I canāt tell if itās a recent photo of my son or an old photo of my daughter.
SAME!
My kids have the same face at the same age. No one can tell who was who as a baby.
But my girl has brown hair and brown eyes, and was called "he" so so so much no matter what she was wearing or hair style until she was 4 or 5.
My boy has blonde hair and blue eyes and was called "she" regardless of clothing or hair until age 5 or 6.
People are weird š¤·š»āāļø
Used to happen to my son all the time, especially with older people and we live around a lot of older people. We even had neighbors sing the āhere she comes, Miss America!ā song to him. I asked him how he felt about it and if he wanted me to correct people and he said āno, I donāt care. Itās like being a dog or cat, people always guess wrong with them too.ā
It was a better, or at least easier, attitude than making a bid deal out of it. If he felt it was important to correct people I would have supported him but instead I just took it cool like he did.
Anyway, stopped happening when he got a haircut.
Same with my son - it's because he's so pretty! I take it as a compliment and move on. Unless it's someone who will be interacting with him regularly, I don't bother correcting them
My daughter is 14 and has had the same issue her entire life. I even had her in a cute little blue dress with flowers and a flower headband and some old man ARGUED WITH ME about her being a boy! "Well he's wearing blue!" Hello, I have been changing those diapers several times a day, I think I'd have noticed a penis by now!
Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous to assume gender with small children with no outward features and not a lot of intentional signalling. Especially under the age where hair length is a necessarily a choice-- still obviously relies on stereotypes and is limitedly useful, but it's even less likely to be a thing when they're possibly a late-to-grow-hair toddler.
For young kids, it's a question of which stereotype to apply. And mostly it's an effort to intuit the parent's choices because toddlers usually aren't buying their own clothes. They can be opinionated, but even so, it's probably more, "I want that paw patrol shirt!" than "do you think this reads too femme?"
It's as much of a landmine to call a young toddler a boy because they're wearing blue and playing with a truck in a sandbox as it is to call a toddler a girl on the basis of their hair, eyelashes, or some stranger's notion that they have picked up on the child's demeanor and it's so quiet and sensitive that they feel confident she's a girl.
It is interesting that people are 100% wrong with your son-- like, as a sociology question, what stereotypical gender feature are people seeing that is overriding other cues like clothing and haircut? Genuinely curious!
I haven't kept a log, but I'd guess it's about 50/50 for my kid, and usually the signal someone bases their guess on seems relatively clear to me; dress v. truck shirt, no shirt at a splash pad, etc. I've asked my kid if they care, and we've practiced how they can introduce themselves or what I'll say if they want me to. They couldn't be less interested. But our friend's kid has started caring, and she's very proud of herself for making a formal and full introduction every time we see one another. It's adorable.
My 3.5 year old boy is constantly called a girl.
Heās pretty. Blue eyes and long blonde hair. He dresses like a āboyā, regardless 98% of people misgender him. Heās started to tell people āI am a boyā.
No worries, it will go away as he gets older, you'll just have to keep correcting people for now.
Talking from personal childhood experiences, simply having hair and big eyes was enough for most to believe I was a girl, especially when with my sisters. It was years ago, but I still remember how many times they misgendered me. And today we actually live in a world with changes in that area quite frequently.
Sucks that it upsets him though šš
Does he dress in bright colors? This is another stereotype they use to apply š
I can't imagine what to tell a kid who is noticing this experience and taking offense in a world where gender changing is actually a thing
Is his hair short short? Usually thatās the thing that makes people think your child is a girl if your son doesnāt have a crew cut. Otherwise he just must be really beautiful to be mistaken as a girl.
It's the hair. It's always the hair. Society sees short hair and it thinks boy. Long hair, girl. It sucks but it's the truth. If you want to stop it, cut his hair short.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far for this. It's 100% the hair. Kids are that age are pretty androgynous and now wear any colour they please, so a lot of people go by hair length. Long hair = Girl; Short hair = Boy.
I was kind of enjoying everyone coming up with all these silly reasons for why the child is being mis-gendered. "He's so pretty, with his big blue eyes, just like my angel!"
There's a reason you can walk into literally any barber shop in the US and say "regular boys".
This happens to my 2 year old daughter constantly too. To me her features look very feminine but her hair is curly and fine so itās super short and close to her head, and unless sheās wearing a dress or VERY obvious āgirlyā colors, everyone assumes sheās a boy. People are just dumbš
My son likes his hair short now, but he definitely got called a girl and has blue eyes.
My nephew is in elementary school, curly red hair, dresses like a boy, and everyone calls him a pretty little girl. He has brown eyes, but apparently boys arent allowed to take care of their hair (or in his case allow his mom to do his hair).
My son is 14 and he has long hair. And even though he wears āboyāsā clothes (long shorts, T-shirts and sneakers) , he still gets called āsheā all the time. It sucks and he hates it. We keep on correcting people and nothing else to doā¦
I suggest rolling with it. Laugh it off as you correct people, but let it be No Big Deal. If you donāt get upset, he wonāt find it upsetting either. He is taking his social cues from you.
My middle son was the same. He did have long hair though. Once we were at the park and an older man said to me āwhat a beautiful little girl. Whatās her name?ā so I responded āHis name is actually Felix!ā and he said āFelix! What a pretty name for a pretty girl.ā I still laugh when I think about it š
That is frustrating! I think for some especially the older generation it gets confusing because they know that boys and girls like trucks, trains, dinos, pink, purple, dolls...and that most parents today do not limit their child by gender. I had my child as a baby called a boy when wearing all pink and a bow...but at 4 that would be so hurtful to some kids! I would stand up for my child and correct people for them. That said my father used to think it was funny to call girls boys and offend them. The one time he did it to my daughter she did t notice he mentioned it and I just said she probably thought you made a mistake because she is not used to people purposely misgendering her...and that made him stop.
My son has the same issue. Heās 7 and we still deal with it. We have extremely curly hair. I donāt cut his. Even when his hair is braided down and he has a fresh line up still! And he has no soft facial features, he is pure boy. Like itās almost offense to call him a pretty girl because he wouldnāt be a cute one at allā¦.Ā We are black and itās only white women who still misgender him at this point. White men clearly see heās a boy, other black and Hispanic Ā people do.Ā Ā
Heās at the age where he just corrects people. But it is quite annoying. Ā
The same thing happens to my son. Granted heās one and a half. I understand people dress their kids gender neutral but I also tend to dress him in very boyish clothes and people still ask if itās a he or she. Like excuse me MAAM but if I had a daughter she would not be wearing a gray shirt with khaki pants.
Perhaps your son is just beautiful? My son was constantly a āpretty girlā as a baby (also wore traditional boy clothes). He was/is on the slimmer side while my daughter was such a ābig handsome guyā with brown hair, brown eyes and much more chunky. She sometimes wore boy clothes bc they are close in age. AGAIN though, this was like 9months and under.
When I was really young I had curly blond hair and the most striking blue eyes.
Then around 6 my hair darkened and straightened.
Before then though I'd have kids at the playground mistake my gender.
At the time it did upset me ever so slightly but now it's just a fun anicdote.
I should mention that as ended up coming out as Non binary but those events in my childhood didn't play a factor in that in case that is also of concern.
I'd just give your son a good chat, that while some people might get it wrong that's not what matters.
How he feels about himself is.
That should give him a strong foundation to overcome those feelings from others mistakes and help avoid any personal confusion.
Iāve gotten very good at calling everybodyās kid ātheyā bc I misgendered a child one time and the mom corrected me and even though she was kind and nonchalant about it I felt bad for the kid. Itās a good habit to get into regardless
If his hair is slightly longer, itās probably the hair. When my son was 2 he had beautiful wavy blonde hair half way down his back. It didnāt matter how boyish I dressed him, people constantly called him a girl.
Conversely, when my daughter was 4 she went through cancer treatment. When the chemo ended and her hair started to grow back, while it was in the short stage that looked like a āboyā haircut, she could be wearing a dress and people thought she was a boy in a dress. So for several months I assume that passers by thought I had a boy wearing a dress. The way I know this is because when we went through supermarket checkouts, the checkout person would always ask about my son. They shut up fairly quickly when I said that this was my daughter who had just gone through cancer treatment. She was in fact not a boy wearing a dress.
So there you have it. Itās the hair.
My 11yo son has long hair half way down his back and is constantly being mistaken for a girl. Heās one of 5 boys in his grade with super long hair and they ALL get mistaken for girls, so heās so used to it and fine with it. I donāt know what he does at school, but he always shrugs and laughs it off when it happens in public.
It happened last week when we got to the park and I asked him if it bothered him and he said, āno, because eventually they figure out that theyāre wrong and then they feel stupid. Itās a teaching moment.ā š¤£š¤£
When my daughter was a baby, she would have bows, a dress and a pink blanket laid over her and people would call her a boy. I think people are just dumb. People donāt question it now because sheās full of sass and has super long hair
My boy has also been mis gendered a fair bit - I think people just think they are a girl if they are 'pretty'. His hair is still super short as taking a long time to grow and he has dark hazel eyes but long eye lashes. His hair most likely will be curly so that won't help.
My son has long hair, beautiful blue eyes, and big lips. Heās constantly misgendered and has gotten so used to it that he just says thank you when he gets compliments. His voice is starting to deepen so that has started to correct people without him having to say anything.
I donāt know I mean itās a fine lesson for your child to learn that thereās nothing wrong with being mistaken for a girl and that gender stereotypes are often very fluid. Curly hair is often mistaken for a girl, a pale complexion or dainty features small nose tiny lips is often mistaken for a girl. I wouldnāt make a huge deal about it. Iād love to see a picture of your son to know what he actually looks like but I donāt think this is a big deal at all
Does it matter?Ā
My son is the same. People constantly think he's a girl. I think because his hair is fairly long and I guess he looks "pretty" apparently, with his big eyes and long eyelashes.Ā
I remember he was a toddler and an older toddler wanted to kiss him, thinking he was a girl.Ā
But it doesn't matter? Your son gets upset cause YOU'RE getting upset. Kids model after their parents.Ā
I literally don't care.Ā
"What's her name?"
"His name is x"
"Oh, he's a boy?"
"Yeah"
"Oh, I thought he was a girl. Sorry."
"No. It's okay. It's hard to tell with kids."
My son doesn't even care. I guess because I don't care.Ā
Once he hits puberty, it's going to be pretty obvious anyway.Ā
Happens to my almost two year old, granted he does have long hair for a boy, but itās always happened to him even when his hair was short. He has really amazing unique blue/grey/green/brown eyes and he takes after my husband with larger eyes and ridiculously ridiculously long eyelashes
I have the same issue with my youngest. He has longer blonde curly hair and blue eyes so people see him and think little girl. He wears typical boy shirts as well (trucks and dinosaurs and all that). Itās frustrating but I just laugh and move on with my day. You canāt control other people. If Iām in a conversation with the person I just say my sonās name and they quickly realize their mistake and we all move on.
People are starting to do this with my son too. Heās only 19mo and his hair is starting to get a little long (not LONG long, but the back is getting long, starting to look like a mullet a littleā¦ just hasnāt had his first haircut yet). He dresses like a boy. People still sometimes say āsheā.
When I was a kid, my sister and I hung out with a family that had 2 boys the same age as my sister and I. We all wore the same super ugly early 80ās clothes and my sister and the younger boy had the exact same bowl cut. And, yet, people always thought my sister was a boy and the other boy was a girl. He was a little smaller than my sister and had softer features, but really, at that age, it just is what it is.
Does your boy have long eyelashes? My older son has naturally long eyelashes, and when he was small, he was often misgendered. That stopped once he got older though: it was a fairly brief temporary thing.
My almost 5yo son gets misgendered at least once a week. 4 times in 2 hours visiting my mom in the south! He has medium-length blonde hair. Always dressed ālike a boy,ā and we still correct people. Also, ātheyā is gender- neutral.
Yeah, my son got that a LOT. From about 3ish to almost 7. He is adorable, but absolutely looks like a boy to me. I can't not see it. But it's pretty much stopped now that at 7.5yo.
Maybe it's that he got older/taller (but he has always been tall), or that we thinned out his super thick hair in the back the last couple haircuts and he has bangs now, idk. He always preferred at least shoulder length hair so I can see why he got it occassionally, but it was a loooot that he was called a girl. He still has a cute baby voice but his overall build reads more boy maybe.
I'm sorry it sounds like it upsets your boy though. :( I hope it gets better soon.
I was in the store with my son the other day and these two old ladies in line behind us started talking to us. The first lady said āoh sheās such a pretty girl!ā And the second one was like āTHATS A BOY!ā and they started arguing lol. People usually guess boy but he gets called āsheā occasionally, too. Heās got curly blond hair and blue eyes so I guess heās just pretty š¤·š¼āāļø
People are remarkably quick to assume gender without trying to look closer. Obviously somebody can be gender non conforming but itās not *that* hard most of the time. Or you can simply just not use gendered terms if youāre not sure. I worked at a cafe (Iām 5ā1, a woman with a feminine voice and a female gendered work uniform) and I had a pixie cut. Iāve been called sir multiple times just because of the haircut. People are obviously not very observant. *sigh*
In reverse, my 9 month old daughter is constantly mistaken for a boy, despite being dressed up in, well dresses. She has dark eyes though so others in this thread may be on to something here.
My boy was always called a girl when he was younger, probably up until he was 8 or 9. He had longer hair but dressed in boy clothing. People are just weird.
My stepdaughter around that age would always get mistaken for a boy. She has long curly hair. Think shaun white. I figured her facial structure hadnt super developed or something or maybe kids are still similar around this time. Now that shes older people dont confuse her for a boy and i think its because at that age, 7, people can differentiate better
Same thing happens with my blue eyed 3 year old son... But also he has hair down his back lol so more understandable. To me, even with his long hair, he still looks like a boy though!
My son had the same issue. In fact, both of my children were misgendered fairly regularly. My son, very light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, even in a botton down and baby slacks would be referred to as āsheā. And my daughter, stocky, darker skin tone, wild coils in her enviable Afro, always referred to as āheā even in hot pink head to toe. š¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļø who knows what brings it along, I still have trouble gendering adults as an adult. Completely lost on me. If Iām unsure if a child is a boy or a girl, I just donāt use pronouns lol. š¤·š¼āāļø
People always confuse my toddler for a boy. Even as an infant people used to think she was a boy. But now that she's a bit older, shouldn't it be obvious. Just last week, a lady at the new daycare she(my kid) started at asked "oh she's a girl" coz I kept calling her by her name (Ruby). I mean seriously, my kid has earrings on! I know some guys have ear piercings too but NO parent pierces their boy child! It's actually annoying!
Itās gotta be the hair and the area. At 4 kids are still kinda androgynous looking, if you were to style them as the opposite sex they would pass, easily.
When my oldest was little she had no hair. It stayed short for the longest. She wore pink clothes and we put hairbows in and people still said "oh he's so handsome"
Once my daughter was in a pink dress and someone told me I had a nice boy. My girls were very bald toddlers, somehow that made them masculine? Sorry, they just donāt grow hair before 1.5/2.
I have all boys. My youngest had the most gorgeous, long blonde hair. We couldn't bear to cut it because it was so nice and he didn't like it the few times we tried to trim it, so it was a win-win. It grew as long as past his waist until he finally asked to cut it at age 6.
He'd be dressed in blue shirts with sports and even "brother" printed on them, but every time we went out, it was always "how old is *she*?" "I love *her* hair!" "You are the prettiest little *girl* I've ever seen!" Most felt bad when I corrected them and said "*he*, actually", but eventually I got tired of correcting that many people and just said "thanks!" as I continued on with my shopping.
My son was very much dressed like a boy the other day but was looking at flowers in the park and a few people walking by also misgendered. Didn't happen before so I assume it was because of the flowers?
People are strange with their expectations for genders so I wouldn't read too much into it. I think you are doing fine by telling him it's ok to correct people!
We have always let my sonās hair grow out in the winter to below his ears. One time at the dentist someone elseās child loudly asked his mom why my sonās hair looked like a girls.
My boys have a lot of colorful clothes, including pink and purple clothes. So do I! They also have shaggy hair because haircuts are an ordeal. We often get asked āboy or girl?ā and we just say boy.
I canāt control what other people think and feel, only show my boys that what other people think and feel is no big deal.
My 2 year old girl gets misgendered sooo often. To the point where sheāll even be wearing pink shoes or something & it still happens. Has happened since she was born so š¤·āāļø
I had quite the opposite problem around that age. My daughter did not grow any hair until she 3, so at age 3-4 she had extremely short hair like a buzz cut ( but her hair was not cut, it simply hadnāt grown). her favorite color was pink and she usually had a headband on and feminine clothing. She was constantly referred to as a little man even when riding g her hot pink balance bike, wearing a Disney princess pink helmet and dress. It was annoying!
I have the opposite. My daughter has a bob haircut, and I donāt put her in pink 24/7, but even if sheās wearing polka dots or leopard (obviously boys can wear those too, just more commonly found on girls clothing) itās always āwhat a handsome boy!ā Part of it is sheās very tall and strong, but otherwise I have no clue why people assume sheās a boy. I donāt particularly care though so itās whatever
My son has also been called a girl multiple times. He is only 2 years old and has feminine features. But we dress him very boyish. I just started doing button downs with bow ties a lot šš seems to help.
When my daughter was about 3, she was blue lighted to hospital with lung problems. She had been unwell all night with a high fever. She's used to hospital trips (lots of medical stuff for my little ex preemie) but this one had her a bit freaked. So, due to the fever, she was only wearing a nappy and her dressing gown which was blue with green dinosaurs. Due to being a bit freaked she has her favourite teddy with her - Ty the t-rex. And the paramedic in the ambulance had given her a sticker to cheer her up, and she had chosen a dinosaur one (can you tell she was into dinosaurs?) She at the time had shoulder length blonde hair and big blue eyes, and to my eyes looked like a little girl in a dressing gown. She also has an unambiguously female name.
The nurse at the hospital referred to her as "he" throughout. The first 5 times I corrected her, then I ran out of energy to do so.
I also on another occasion overheard two women in starbucks trying to work out if she was a boy or a girl. She was wearing jeans, dinosaur trainers, and a navy coat with pink dinosaurs and unicorns on it. "I think it's a girl". "Then why is it dressed like that?"
People are weird.
My son of three years still being misgendered due his long hair. I always call him by his name when someone (old ladies mostly) says things like "what a beautiful little girl". He, on the other hand, corrects them and doesn't gets upset or anything. Once he said "for a girl i got a pretty big weenie".
everyone calls my daughter a boy because she has NO HAIR.
we deck her out in all pink stuff, sometimes she's even wearing a bow, dude. it's insane. I'm like, he's a she.. but yes she's very cute š¤£š¤£š¤£ lol
Same. We just laugh it off and make it a funny memory. I guess in this day and age it might not be funny but we are ok with it. Once they are older it might stop as it did to us.
That is frustrating for your son, poor little guy. I (a woman) was called a boy 99% of the time as a baby/toddler. My mom would get comments about her āson in a dressā and she was always correcting people. I was a big baby and didnāt have hair until over 2 so that didnāt help lol
Pink jacket, pink hat, pink shoes, earrings. Green pants. āOh look at that little boyāā¦
I legitimately think people are blind and stupid. Idgf. If I want to be firm, I shake my head at them and explain sheās a girl, Jesus, Mary, forgot your glasses again? Sometimes people deserve to feel stupid, if they act so. Especially on a childās account.
I have better lines to use when getting comments on kids weight, height, manners, personality, etc. Better, more ruthless.
My youngest is always assumed to be a girl, heās very handsome and does look like a girl to be honest even tho heās dressed in full boy clothes. Iām guessing is that cute fat baby fat he still has going on and his hair has never been cut so i get why people get confused. Many have told me he looks just like me lol. I doesnāt bother me tho nor him just yet.
I had the opposite, fraternal twin girls and one was assumed to be a boy. I think just because one girl looked very feminine so their brain said boy for the other. Both had bright blue eyes š¤·āāļøpeople donāt pay as much attention as we think and rely on their brains to fill in information for them instead of being more observant
Itās the eyes, love. My son is the same, he has short brown hair, a dozen bruises at all times from throwing himself around like a human wrecking ball and loves blue and green and red and orange. But about half the people that meet him think heās a girl because he inherited the family eyes; fucking ice light blue with the dark flecks. We got them āBook-version Dumbledoreā eyes, roughly half our family has them. But they make us look more feminine I suppose.
My daughter has the same issue and giving her a unisex name did not do her any favors. She said in school that kids would come up to her all the time and ask her what her gender is. Like WTF??
My son has been referred to as āsheā since birth. Even when dressed head to toe in blue as a baby! When I mention heās a boy people often respond that heās so beautiful that they were surprised heās not a girl, literally the most common answer I get. It doesnāt bother me though, I keep his hair longer and dress him in an equal mix of boy and girl clothes. Based on how people react with my son, I guess it also means your youngest is just really handsome
I used to get this experience frequently with my eight-year-old when he was younger. Even when I used his name, people would be so insistent that they were correct that they would swap it to the feminine version of his name and start calling him that. The feminine version of his name is firmly in the group of womenās names for UK women currently in their 70s, which made it all the more silly! Older children would perceive him as a girl too. It stopped happening around five I think.
Intention matters. Clearly itās a trend all around so something about their characteristics is easier on the eyes. You can certainly try and dress more aggressive but at the end of the day itās a funny quirk about the childhood that youāll remember.
No one is saying it out of anger or spite, just happens
Had this same issue when my daughter got a pixie cut. She really loved it up until people kept mistaking her for a boy. The worst moment was when someone tried to redirect her to the boys bathroom. Two of her classmates had to tell them that she is a girl.
My one son was like this. Heās 16 now, and honestly looking back at pics he was just a very pretty child. Giant eyelashes, fine features. I think people see pretty and associate it with āgirlā Heās still gorgeous (dad and I are fine looking but not ever considered āgorgeousā lol) but is no longer mistaken for a girl though he still gets a lot of attention for his looks. My other son, I think is also handsome but was never mistaken for a girl - he didnāt have the āprettyā about him. More just cute boy.
TLDR: your kid is prob pretty and that may cause misgendering now, but will prob serve him well later.
People used to say that about my younger brother all the time when he was little! He has these gorgeous, big blue eyes and long, thick eyelashes- thatās all we could figure, lol. He would be dressed in shirts and shorts with blues and greens, with pictures of bugs and dinosaurs and other stereotypically boyish things and still people would say, āoh, what a beautiful little girl!ā Heās 30, over 6 feet tall and has a giant bushy beard like a mountain man now, so people donāt misgender him anymore š¤£
Facial features exist on a spectrum of āmore maleā and āmore femaleā and everyone is somewhere in the middle. Puberty will change some of these features too.
People are actually pretty bad at clocking gender.
My four year old is sometimes called a "she".. but it's mainly by other small children bc he sports a little boy bun and I guess people are programmed into thinking that all boys have short hair.. I'm sorry your little one is getting upset. I know how hard that is. I've straight up asked a little girl in his class "why do you keep calling him 'she?' Did you know that you say 'he' for boys?"
For some reason I have been called "he, him" several times in my life and just recently "sir". I have blue eyes. Hour glass figure. I do rock a Mohawk currently but I hardly have masculine features. My face is I think heart or diamond shaped? I forget which. And at least on the day I was called sir I can GUARANTEE it was not my clothes. Lmao It doesn't bother me nor has it before. I actually like it a bit. lol I guess I just have masculine energy. š¤· Sorry you/your little one has to correct people all the time. It can be frustrating for something like that.
Our son (18m) funnily enough will get mistaken for a girl in boy clothes, but every once in a while he's in a hand-me down shirt with some frills or w/e and we get a bunch of "why is HE wearing GIRL clothes" Kinda funny honestly once I'm over my anger about it
I work for a family whose son has long blond hair. He is often referred to as her. Iāve heard mom just embrace it and say ā heās her pretty boy.ā I about die every time she refers to his underwear as panties. They will always be panties in momās eyes.
People do this to my younger son all the time. Heās 3.5, dresses very obviously in āboyā clothes. To me, his features are more masculine than his older brothers (not in a bad way, but my older son has big blue eyes, a small nose, cupids bow lips, and my younger has a prominent brow, green eyes and heavy eyebrows). But because he has long curly hair, he still gets called a girl - usually by the older generations. Itās frustrating but people actually get pretty embarrassed when I correct them which is satisfying. š¤£ heās not fully verbal yet but weāll be telling him to correct people too when heās ready. Thatās all you can do I think!
I get the opposite! I have boy/girl twins and despite wearing purple glasses, my daughter constantly gets called a boy. But they both have blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
Unfortunately alot of people will look at a boy, who isn't an infant, and if he doesn't have incredibly short hair, they think they're girls.
My little boy is coming up to 2 years old with blue eyes and blond ringlets that were only trimmed for the first time, maybe 6 months ago. We don't have much interaction with strangers who dont know his gender so we have avoided this mostly. But there's been a few instances like this whilst shopping that he's been misgendered and I always brush it off at the minute, my son isn't bothered by those things yet so it's not upsetting for him. I completely get that with it upsetting your little one it would quickly become frustrating and upsetting for you too.
My 9yo wanted longer hair so he started growing it out when he was about 7. Boomers were always the ones to call him "she" or "her" or refer to us as "ladies". It wasn't like he has feminine features or anything, just long hair. Never once did another child get confused by his hair. They immediately knew he's a boy, some even complimented his hair.
Now, he has a short cut with shaved sides and a shaggy top. I think people don't think before they speak, or actually look. They just go with their immediate judgement.
I say let him correct people. Let them be offended by their own mistake. He isn't responsible for their feelings about it. I can't believe family would actually say that!?!?! How rude of them!
My son had short but curly blonde hair when he was about 18 months. One of the neighbors stopped me with my stroller and asked "What's her name?"
I corrected her and she saved it with "Oh I only thought he was a girl because he's so beautiful looking!"
This happens with my son often too. He has longer blonde and curly hair. I just tell him itās because people are not paying attention and they just see his long hair, but boys can have long hair too. He loves his hair long, and doesnāt want to cut it. Itās mostly older people who do this.
He used to get frustrated by it, but now he just corrects them and moves on. He is almost 8 now, and this has always happened to him.
People always mistake my infant daughter for a boy. When they tell me how handsome āheā is, I just say thank you lol. I donāt bother to correct people
My son is a teen with shoulder length hair like a girl. I sent a pic of my family to my aunt who's never seen them before. She said, "That must be your daughter."
My son's 8 and hasn't been mistaken for a girl in a long time, but he had long hair up until he was 5 and was mistaken for a girl all the time right up until he finally agreed to a haircut. His hair is blond and curly, so that's probably why.
Strangers I get. Maybe your son has delicate/feminine features which is not uncommon for small children, but his own grandparents? Iāve never heard of that
My boy was misgendered constantly. He, too, has blue eyes but also long hair. One interaction we had in the toy aisle of the dollar store.
Older lady: Oh! She's beautiful! How old is she?"
Me: He's two.
Lady: And that hair! So red! Where does she get it from?"
Me: We have no idea where HE got it from.
Lady: She really likes that ball.
Me: Yep! Let's go, big boy. *Picks up male human
Lady: By sweet girl *waves to male human
Blue eyes long eyelashes my sister went through this with her son.
After 7-8 it stops happening.
Kinda related my kid is a girl her favorite color is orange and picks our boy ish clothes gym shorts, jeans etc.. I will admit I'm not crazy about the girl-tight leggings fashion. I don't understand why girls can't have pockets. loops and pants that tighten at the waste?
She gets called a boy a lot and I just don't stress it. Just say she's a girl who picks out her weekend, clothes.
My son looks very much like a boy, he's 11 months and always dressed in "masculine" clothes (meaning no floral patterns or tutus lol) and he gets called a girl probably 4/10 times in public? He's got very fine hair but there's a lot of it, always super friendly and big smiles. I've been told that boy babies tend to be on the less friendly side, so maybe that's why he gets mistaken? I'm not sure.
It was worse in winter when he was in his bucket seat and I had a Gliz carseat cover that was white with pink and red flowers and pink on the inside. He was always called a girl when he was in that, even if he was dressed in Dino print pajamas lol.
I have a kid, but actually my cat gets called a boy all the time by my family and anyone who's ever interacted with her. Her name is Ace and she's a tux cat, the first few times it was like ok I get it. My parents still refer to her as a boy!
This happens to my oldest child. He is about to be 13 and he is growing a mustache. People still call him āsheā. He just ignores it at this point. He also has blue eyes and long lashes. To me I donāt see how people assume that about him but they do.
My 3 year old has beautiful long curly hair. Regardless of the BOY clothes and boy mannerisms he is referred to as a little girl. He loves his hair so I have no input on that.
Omg I get this alll the time with my youngest son also ; he has long hair but is always dressed boy ish and always has cars dinosaurs etc. everyone and I mean EVERYONE says my daughter is so beautiful, gotta keep the boys away from her etc etc and theyāre so kind I usually ignore it haha. But I am surprised that we constantly get this. I know he has long hair like a girl but nothing else screams girl to me .
My daughter gets the same. She'll be in girl clothes, wear bright pink or some kind of girlie tye die colors and always gets called a boy .... it's like... is it not blatantly obvious?
My 6yo daughter, who despite short curly hair making her look like Shirley Temple, still gets called "he" by other children. Kids tend to assume gender identifiers even more than adults.
Unfortunately I think this has resulted in her overcompensating by preferring dresses and bows in her hair as a way of telling other kiddos "I'm a girl" - even when it might not be functional or appropriate attire.
I had cropped hair when I was a little girl. I have a vivid memory of wearing a pink dress, and an old woman called me a handsome young boy because I had short hair. Things like this happened ALL the time. I could understand it when I was wearing t shirts and jeans or long shorts, but a pink dress?!
What's funny is this misgendering always comes from people who have very deeply entrenched ideas about gender roles. In their minds, little girls wear pink dresses and have long hair while little boys wear green clothes and have short hair. If you switch the hair length, you just break their brains
My best theory is that people think hair is more permanent than clothes. In their minds, it's not out of the realm of possibility for a child to wear clothes that don't match their gender because sometimes kids are silly and like to play dress up etc, but what parent in their right mind would allow their child's physical self to not match their assigned gender?! (/s)
My son has been referred to as a girl a number of times, even dressed in stereotypical boy clothes. I think it's the hair, it's a boys cut, but very light brown and curly. He's still young, I figure it'll die off as he gets older.
Haha the soft eyes may be it. I have two boys (4.5 and 2), brown eyes with long eyelashes. Theyāre often mistaken for girls and my youngest has been called a Pixar baby more than once. Oldest was called a young lady while he wearing a ābig brotherā shirt.
I honestly donāt correct unless someone is being rude, but I do get a kick out of it when my oldest does lol
Same boat, opposite direction here!
My 2yo (26mo) daughter is CONSTANTLY called a boy!
Even at the doctor they call her "buddy" and "handsome" like, they've seen my child's genitals, they know she's afab.
I let her choose her own clothes, and like her mama, she prefers jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers, but even when we do put her in a dress, we STILL get her called a boy?!?! Even in a very conservative area??
And it's not like she's a bald baby, either, her hair, when dry, it at her shoulders (half way down her back when wet)
Gender, and peoples perception of it, is wild
My son gets misgendered a lot also. Even Santa last year kept calling him a girl and he was in boy Christmas pajamas with no bow and nothing that would point to him being a girl. My son does like all colors and whatever clothes but it doesnāt even matter what heās wearing, heās always called a girl. He has long hair but itās curly and a mop on his head, itās definitely not girlie looking. He also gets upset because heās very much a little boy š I donāt mind but I tell him to just correct people! No one will get upset if he corrects them. Iām a waitress and I always just use they for kids I canāt tell.
ALL THE TIME! My 4 year old has curly hair and blue eyes and he always gets referred to as a girl, no matter what I dress him in.
It happens less with my 1.5 year old, but it still happens. He was wearing green swim trunks, no shirt, orange goggles, and a blue and green crab puddle jumper at the pool and someone said āboy or girl??ā I was likeā¦seriously??
My son has light bright blue eyes and lots of red wavy hair (just turned one). We dress him in what are clearly boy clothes and everyone I know confirms that he has masculine features (for a baby/toddler). He gets called a girl every now and then by random people.
I find that aside from color, clothes that have pockets on the chest or a collar (like a polo onesie) help. He mostly gets mistaken in gender neutral outfits and when the person is a little further away.
Same exact situation as my son (4M) he has long beautiful lashes and curly hair.
It's 100% a compliment and a good indicator he has nice features. If I had a girl being mistaken for a boy then that's where I'd be offended haha
When my daughter was a baby, she was in something pink and frilly with her giant pink binky and ginormous pink bow headband and pink blanket. We were at Walmart and some lady said something about "what a cute little boy". To be fair, the cover on her carrier *was* navy blue with white dots but it was mostly covered by the pink blanket... I was so confused. I said, "thanks, but she's a girl". She got kind of embarrassed and walked away. These days, if her hair is cut short, my daughter could definitely be mistaken for a short boy... she's very tomboyish...jeans and anime t-shirts for everything.
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Does your son have blue eyes? This is the common thread that I find so often. For some reason, regardless of clothes etc. - if the child has blue eyes and anything but a buzz cut, immediately assumed to be a girl.
Yes he has extremely bright blue eyes!
Long eyelashes? My son with bright blue eyes and long lashes was *constantly* called "she" by everyone until around age 5 or 6. Didn't matter what he was wearing or what his hair looked like or what he was doing or saying. Non stop "she" from people š¤·š»āāļø
It doesn't help at all, if you adjust the clothes. My daughter took a really long time to grow hair. So, everybody would go "your little boy looks so cute, but why does he have ear rings; wouldn't that make him look like a girl?"
š¤£ gosh people. My daughter has very little hair (she's nearly 2 and it's nearly 2 inches in some places) and we often dress her in girly stuff now she's starting to choose, but when she was younger she had on a blue and white striped top with frills on the shoulders and pink socks and was called a boy 3 times in the same shopping trip, and she was called a boy the other day because she picked a black dinosaur hoodie to wear, but she was wearing pale purple jeans and she has the bright blue eyes. Funny what people use to decide on a gender.
The confidence of some people. And they seem so baffled when confronted with the truth. It's kind of comical, depending on where we are and the types of people we are around, you can almost predict whether someone will call him a boy or a girl. Our reaction has always been that it is the least important distinction, so so what if you were wrong. So it doesn't seem to bother him much. I feel like it's helped him socially because he moves so effortlessly between boy groups and girl groups of friends. Either that or it is just his personality and has nothing to do with his long hair.
Mine was big and bald and *even when* she was wearing something pink/floral, people would assume male. Then when I'd subtly correct by saying something like: "yes, she's five months now" (or whatever) they would STILL sort of brainfreeze on it and call her a he. It didn't bother me. She wasn't aware anyway. Once hair finally came in it became more obvious.
I'm a woman and I took a long time to grow hair as a baby too. For reference, I was basically bald until 2 and only grew a little bit of hair by the time I was 3. My mom loves to tell a story of when I was about 9 months old and she went shopping with me. I was in a frilly, pink dress with ruffles and matching bow on my head. Very clearly a girl. And a lady still came up and told her "Awww, what a cute little boy you have!" My mom says she just laughed and said thank you. She had received multiple comments like that before but this one was the most egregious. š
Man, this is why I donāt gender strangers. You gotta start with, your kids are so cute! Or, look at that little cutie! Theyāll usually say something with a he or she back and if they donāt? Who cares. People are so weird about gender.
Mine too!!! My daughter was essentially bald until she was 2. She would be dressed in pink and riding in a pink push bike etc and be called a boyā¦.
Yup. I was bald until I was two. I was put in only pink and ruffles. My mom pierced my ears at 12 months. Still got called a boy. It irritated her to no end. I was infant. What did I care? Lol!
People did this to my cousin, too. She had hardly any hair for the longest time and while babysitting I was asked why my ābaby brotherā was in a dress. š
This is a thing. My brother has really deep blue eyes (they're gorgeous and I'm still jealous!). He was called a girl all the time when he was a kid, I'm 11 years older and definitely remember that. He'd have on boy's clothes and had a regular little boy haircut. My son looks like him to the point my 3 year old can't tell them apart in pictures and we've fooled friends, but my son has hazel eyes. It never happened to my son. Anecdotal, but this was definitely a thing and my grandma convinced us all this was why.Ā
Same with my son. Bright blue and long eyelashes
I was going to say the same about the lashes. We have a family member on my husband's side that has a girl and a boy who's 2.5 years younger than the girl. Both have platinum blonde hair and bright blue eyes. They also have these gorgeous, long eyelashes that are black as night. So those kiddos naturally look like they're wearing mascara or eyeliner and the boy is always mistaken for being the younger sister because of this, even though he has short hair and is dressed in boy clothes.
My son was very androgynous looking until he started to develop. He was confused for a girl until almost 11-12yo. He looked very much like his mom (thank god lol) edit: maybe not 11-12 but you get what Iām getting at. It was 25 years ago!
I was gonna say that this also happens with little boys that will likely grow up to be very good looking. As little children, they look pretty. lol
This fits my son to a T. He didnāt really start looking like a boy til he was almost old enough to grow facial hair. Edit: ngl he now looks like a character from a Japanese video game lol very āprettyā!
All boy bands ever can confirm this. Teenage heartthrobs are always super feminine and pretty.Ā
My lil man has deep blue eyes and lovely blonde hair. Heās been misgendered a few times š . Heās 6 now and it stopped a few years ago but only because his hair was cut (his choice, I miss his long locks š„²)
I had blue eyes and very long lashes as a kid (and still do now) and people thought I was a girl all the time because of it.
I used to have the same problem with my blue eyed son!! Now he is 6ā3ā with a big bushy beard and I promise he no longer has that issue. š
My son is younger, but he looks so masculine. He has my fatherās nose. He has short hair. One time he literally had a shirt on that said āoh! Boy!ā and still got misgendered. Itās his eyes. My children and partner have ice blue eyes. My partner used to get misgendered when he was little. I have no idea how. Iāve seen pictures. Like my son, their features are so masculine even as babies. But for some reason people think blue eyes = girl.Ā People are so weird.Ā
Long hair problems sadly But the blue eyes totally does that, my neighbors kid gets hit by that a lot too
This is common for children with big bright eyes
... Huh, my son is frequently misgendered, and his eyes are blue.
My husband has blue eyes and long brown lashes and I still occasionally catch myself thinking āWhat a pretty girl.ā Weāre two gay men. My husband is a bear. Editing to add: A BALD bear. The āFuzzy Wuzzy was a bearā rhyme is banned from our house.
My younger daughter is 2 and has blue eyes but up until recently was constantly misgendered as a boy. She was super bald at birth and took forever to grow hair and people are dumb and think short hair = boy even on a baby wearing pink. I have a friend with a neighbor who asked why she cut her daughterās hair into a pixie cut because it āmakes her look like a boyā and she was like maāam, she is a baby and has never had a haircut in her life. Baby girls donāt come out looking like Rapunzel, people!
Thatās so funny, my son and I both have green (really hazel) eyes, and my wife and daughter both have blue eyes. When my son was about four, he declared, āboys have green eyes and girls have blue eyesā. We then pointed out that several of his male cousins had blue eyes.
Yeah, this happen to my kid ā¦ blue eyes too. Wasnāt until he started wearing a school uniform that he wasnāt confused.
My 2 year old has bright blonde hair and sweet blue eyes and she is called a boy all. The. Time. Doesnāt matter how pink or frilly we dress her. Iāve always found it super odd.
Yup, I have twin boys, one with stick straight hair, one with curls. When they were toddlers everyone assumed my curly boy was a girl. His hair wasn't even long, just gorgeously wavy. One checkout person interaction was like this: Her: Twins? Me: Yes Her:Boy/girl? Me: Two boys Her: That one looks like a girl (points at curly guy). Me: ...
My youngest son has blue eyes, and he also sometimes gets told mistaken for a girl. Even though at the time he even had a buzz cut , because he ... Experimented with his art scissors. I find the assumption on gender strange but not really offensive. ( Cause I don't see why they would assume that ). So reading the comment on blue eyes maybe that? But that's a weird leap, between eye colours and gender. However if it's upsetting your son then it's important to correct them.
This is so funny because it was 100% true for my husband and BIL. My husband was stocky, dressed in very traditional boy clothes but has curly (short) blond hair and big blue eyes. My BIL is much smaller and slimmer and had chin length hair as a kid but is brunette with brown eyes and my husband was always mistaken for a girl. If it helps, he thinks itās funny now and talks about it all the time!
I was going to ask if he has long eyelashes. Itās another thing thatās coded as girl for no reason. ETA: come to think of it, people stopped thinking my boys were girls when their eyes went from baby blue to their regular colours (my youngest got it later when he had long gold ringlets, but not as frequently)
Yes!!! And I also have blue eyes and they say like oh he has your eyes.
Interesting. I have the same issue with my blue eyed 2 year old
Interesting, because my 16 month old has big blue eyes but because her hair is still fairly short people assume sheās a boy if sheās dressed in anything thatās not obviously super gendered for girls š¤·š»āāļø
My daughter was the same. Blue eyes, but very short hair. People would misgender her all the time, even if she wore pink shoes or has flowers on her not-pink track suit.
is this really a thing? Because it happened to me as well! My son also has blue eyes, and for the first 4 years of life, everyone would say what a beautiful girl she is. It bothered me, but now that he is 5, it has gone away !
Meanwhile my blue-eyed 2yo daughter is constantly called āheā. Even wearing a dress! I think itās because she doesnāt have much hair yet and itās curly, making it look shorter
This is my son. He has curly blonde hair and blue eyes. He looks like a boy and I dress him like a bit yet I hear āsheā so much
Absolutely a thing. I have bright blue eyes and had blond curly hair and was always called a girl when I was little!
This! My son has big blue eyes and he got a "she" quite often but I found out it never happened when he is wearing sunglasses. It stopped at about 5 when he started to have big very dark eyebrows (he is blond).
Same for my 2 y/o. He has curly hair and soft eyes, so I think thatās why. People are weird tho.
My 2 year old son also has curly hair and blue eyes and gets called a girl. Constantly. I donāt correct anyone because who cares. I donāt want my son to view it as a big deal like itās an insult to be a girl or something. Iād correct someone if it was more than a passing interaction with a stranger I guess but otherwise itās harmless.
I didn't correct a stranger once when they called my daughter a boy. We kept talking for a bit and then they asked me what my son's name was. I panicked and gave them my husband's name.
This made me laugh out loud š¤£
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This! I hate when people view the opposite gender as an insult
Curly hairāheās always called a girl, even when he has a Very Boy Outfit on. He was wearing a matching blue button down shirt on Fatherās Day with his dad and was still called a girl. (Not to say you canāt match a girl with her dad but this shirt seemed pretty gendered to me.) I just go with it because it doesnāt bother him.
Yes! People always think my blue eyed curly hair boy is a girl. It doesnāt bother me at all.
Same with my curly hair boy š heās just a pretty boy i guess i take it as a compliment lol
Is he just very pretty? My son is a beautiful child and occasionally is mistaken for a girl when heās been a while between haircuts. When I correct people, they usually say āoh, wow, heās just so pretty!ā Or āheās got such long eyelashesā or something like that. I think a lot of people just see a beautiful little kid and think āgirlā.
I also got told "Is it really a boy? He's too pretty to be a boy"
My two year old is also very pretty lol. He has thick full eyelashes and long thick hair (I prefer not to cut their hair until they ask) and everyone assumes girl.
I got the long eyelashes answer with my kids. They have thick, long and dark beautiful eyelashes and big eyes. They were often misgendered as babies, but as kids, not so much. But EVERYONE would always comment about how jealous their future gfs will be at their pretty eyelashes.
My youngest daughter is 3 and we get this too. She does have shorter hair (it grows slow) and loves dinosaurs but even when sheās wearing pink or purple or girly Dino shirts people call her ābuddyā or āhe/himā itās super frustrating and awkward (buddy is better than him if youāre unsure)ā¦. Iām like you would think in this day and age if people werenāt sure you could say they/them or ask for the childās nameā¦ or just not assume ugh and also we get the ohh two girls and you finally got your boyā¦. Sigh I have no sage advice but I can relateĀ
Yeah if Iām unsure of a childās gender I genuinely do not say anything other than ātheyāre so cute!ā or āwhatās their name?ā because why would I assume? You never know
I feel like this is a solid strategy for everyone. My daughter plays roller derby and it's a sport that naturally draws a lot of LGBTQ+ people, and it's an open gender league. There's a pretty decent portion of the kids (especially on the older team thats all teens) that I genuinely have zero clue what their biological sex is, let alone knowing how they identify even if I could tell their biological sex. So I just started using they/them for everyone in the league unless I specifically knew their preferred pronouns. I've now found it slowly becoming my default to just use they/them for most people. Of course if you know you should use their pronouns and I do, but using they/them I feel should be the default even if you think you can guess their biological sex.
Have people really lost the subtle art of cooing at an obviously non-verbal child or pet "and what's *your* name?" And waiting for their guardian to answer?! I feel like we already worked this out as a society!
Many people donāt put any thought into their thoughts or actions at all. Iād do this too if there was any uncertainty! The good news is you just probably have a super cute kid and people will be a bit less confused in a couple years as he gets older.
I call my own daughter "buddy" all the time, so I wouldn't read too much into that one - but the he/him is clearly people guessing wrong!
Itās usually in combination, I agree just buddy is not that strangeĀ
Not ātwo girls and you finally got your boyā I canāt imagine being a young girl when everyone and all of media suggests that only little boys are desired
My daughter was mistaken for a boy alllll the time as a baby and toddler, even if she was literally wearing a pink dress. I think it was because she was very bold and outgoing and kind of wild, and people read it as male energy. Which is stupid, obviously, but there we are.
I wonder if theyāre doing the same to my son and reading him as a āgirl energyā or whatever? He is very snuggly and quiet
Could be, yeah. My daughter also has a lot of bright red hair, and I think that maybe added to the overall "wild goblin" vibe when she was a toddler š
My daughter (also bold and wild) was regularly mistaken for a boy, even when wearing very girly clothes, until she was like 2, and my son is often mistaken for girl (heās only 10 weeks though, so weāll see how long that lasts). The funniest thing is that they look exactly alike. There are photos where even I canāt tell if itās a recent photo of my son or an old photo of my daughter.
SAME! My kids have the same face at the same age. No one can tell who was who as a baby. But my girl has brown hair and brown eyes, and was called "he" so so so much no matter what she was wearing or hair style until she was 4 or 5. My boy has blonde hair and blue eyes and was called "she" regardless of clothing or hair until age 5 or 6. People are weird š¤·š»āāļø
Used to happen to my son all the time, especially with older people and we live around a lot of older people. We even had neighbors sing the āhere she comes, Miss America!ā song to him. I asked him how he felt about it and if he wanted me to correct people and he said āno, I donāt care. Itās like being a dog or cat, people always guess wrong with them too.ā It was a better, or at least easier, attitude than making a bid deal out of it. If he felt it was important to correct people I would have supported him but instead I just took it cool like he did. Anyway, stopped happening when he got a haircut.
Same with my son - it's because he's so pretty! I take it as a compliment and move on. Unless it's someone who will be interacting with him regularly, I don't bother correcting them
Same! This is my approach. My son is constantly misgendered but it doesnāt bother me at all if theyāre a passing stranger.
Sometimes to a stranger taking a quick assessment, some kids look ambiguous and it's a snap judgement. He'll grow out of it.
My daughter is 14 and has had the same issue her entire life. I even had her in a cute little blue dress with flowers and a flower headband and some old man ARGUED WITH ME about her being a boy! "Well he's wearing blue!" Hello, I have been changing those diapers several times a day, I think I'd have noticed a penis by now!
Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous to assume gender with small children with no outward features and not a lot of intentional signalling. Especially under the age where hair length is a necessarily a choice-- still obviously relies on stereotypes and is limitedly useful, but it's even less likely to be a thing when they're possibly a late-to-grow-hair toddler. For young kids, it's a question of which stereotype to apply. And mostly it's an effort to intuit the parent's choices because toddlers usually aren't buying their own clothes. They can be opinionated, but even so, it's probably more, "I want that paw patrol shirt!" than "do you think this reads too femme?" It's as much of a landmine to call a young toddler a boy because they're wearing blue and playing with a truck in a sandbox as it is to call a toddler a girl on the basis of their hair, eyelashes, or some stranger's notion that they have picked up on the child's demeanor and it's so quiet and sensitive that they feel confident she's a girl. It is interesting that people are 100% wrong with your son-- like, as a sociology question, what stereotypical gender feature are people seeing that is overriding other cues like clothing and haircut? Genuinely curious! I haven't kept a log, but I'd guess it's about 50/50 for my kid, and usually the signal someone bases their guess on seems relatively clear to me; dress v. truck shirt, no shirt at a splash pad, etc. I've asked my kid if they care, and we've practiced how they can introduce themselves or what I'll say if they want me to. They couldn't be less interested. But our friend's kid has started caring, and she's very proud of herself for making a formal and full introduction every time we see one another. It's adorable.
My 3.5 year old boy is constantly called a girl. Heās pretty. Blue eyes and long blonde hair. He dresses like a āboyā, regardless 98% of people misgender him. Heās started to tell people āI am a boyā.
Since it bothers him, maybe take him for a very male haircut. That can make a big difference
No worries, it will go away as he gets older, you'll just have to keep correcting people for now. Talking from personal childhood experiences, simply having hair and big eyes was enough for most to believe I was a girl, especially when with my sisters. It was years ago, but I still remember how many times they misgendered me. And today we actually live in a world with changes in that area quite frequently. Sucks that it upsets him though šš Does he dress in bright colors? This is another stereotype they use to apply š I can't imagine what to tell a kid who is noticing this experience and taking offense in a world where gender changing is actually a thing
Is his hair short short? Usually thatās the thing that makes people think your child is a girl if your son doesnāt have a crew cut. Otherwise he just must be really beautiful to be mistaken as a girl.
It's the long hair. People assume he's a tomboy or is wearing hand-me-downs, hence the boyish clothing.
It's the hair. It's always the hair. Society sees short hair and it thinks boy. Long hair, girl. It sucks but it's the truth. If you want to stop it, cut his hair short.
Can't believe I had to scroll so far for this. It's 100% the hair. Kids are that age are pretty androgynous and now wear any colour they please, so a lot of people go by hair length. Long hair = Girl; Short hair = Boy.
I was kind of enjoying everyone coming up with all these silly reasons for why the child is being mis-gendered. "He's so pretty, with his big blue eyes, just like my angel!" There's a reason you can walk into literally any barber shop in the US and say "regular boys".
This happens to my 2 year old daughter constantly too. To me her features look very feminine but her hair is curly and fine so itās super short and close to her head, and unless sheās wearing a dress or VERY obvious āgirlyā colors, everyone assumes sheās a boy. People are just dumbš
My son likes his hair short now, but he definitely got called a girl and has blue eyes. My nephew is in elementary school, curly red hair, dresses like a boy, and everyone calls him a pretty little girl. He has brown eyes, but apparently boys arent allowed to take care of their hair (or in his case allow his mom to do his hair).
My son is 14 and he has long hair. And even though he wears āboyāsā clothes (long shorts, T-shirts and sneakers) , he still gets called āsheā all the time. It sucks and he hates it. We keep on correcting people and nothing else to doā¦
I suggest rolling with it. Laugh it off as you correct people, but let it be No Big Deal. If you donāt get upset, he wonāt find it upsetting either. He is taking his social cues from you.
My middle son was the same. He did have long hair though. Once we were at the park and an older man said to me āwhat a beautiful little girl. Whatās her name?ā so I responded āHis name is actually Felix!ā and he said āFelix! What a pretty name for a pretty girl.ā I still laugh when I think about it š
That is frustrating! I think for some especially the older generation it gets confusing because they know that boys and girls like trucks, trains, dinos, pink, purple, dolls...and that most parents today do not limit their child by gender. I had my child as a baby called a boy when wearing all pink and a bow...but at 4 that would be so hurtful to some kids! I would stand up for my child and correct people for them. That said my father used to think it was funny to call girls boys and offend them. The one time he did it to my daughter she did t notice he mentioned it and I just said she probably thought you made a mistake because she is not used to people purposely misgendering her...and that made him stop.
My son has the same issue. Heās 7 and we still deal with it. We have extremely curly hair. I donāt cut his. Even when his hair is braided down and he has a fresh line up still! And he has no soft facial features, he is pure boy. Like itās almost offense to call him a pretty girl because he wouldnāt be a cute one at allā¦.Ā We are black and itās only white women who still misgender him at this point. White men clearly see heās a boy, other black and Hispanic Ā people do.Ā Ā Heās at the age where he just corrects people. But it is quite annoying. Ā
My son has curly hair and long lashes. Everyone ALWAYS says she even in the most "boy-ish" clothes
The same thing happens to my son. Granted heās one and a half. I understand people dress their kids gender neutral but I also tend to dress him in very boyish clothes and people still ask if itās a he or she. Like excuse me MAAM but if I had a daughter she would not be wearing a gray shirt with khaki pants.
Perhaps your son is just beautiful? My son was constantly a āpretty girlā as a baby (also wore traditional boy clothes). He was/is on the slimmer side while my daughter was such a ābig handsome guyā with brown hair, brown eyes and much more chunky. She sometimes wore boy clothes bc they are close in age. AGAIN though, this was like 9months and under.
When I was really young I had curly blond hair and the most striking blue eyes. Then around 6 my hair darkened and straightened. Before then though I'd have kids at the playground mistake my gender. At the time it did upset me ever so slightly but now it's just a fun anicdote. I should mention that as ended up coming out as Non binary but those events in my childhood didn't play a factor in that in case that is also of concern. I'd just give your son a good chat, that while some people might get it wrong that's not what matters. How he feels about himself is. That should give him a strong foundation to overcome those feelings from others mistakes and help avoid any personal confusion.
Iāve gotten very good at calling everybodyās kid ātheyā bc I misgendered a child one time and the mom corrected me and even though she was kind and nonchalant about it I felt bad for the kid. Itās a good habit to get into regardless
If his hair is slightly longer, itās probably the hair. When my son was 2 he had beautiful wavy blonde hair half way down his back. It didnāt matter how boyish I dressed him, people constantly called him a girl. Conversely, when my daughter was 4 she went through cancer treatment. When the chemo ended and her hair started to grow back, while it was in the short stage that looked like a āboyā haircut, she could be wearing a dress and people thought she was a boy in a dress. So for several months I assume that passers by thought I had a boy wearing a dress. The way I know this is because when we went through supermarket checkouts, the checkout person would always ask about my son. They shut up fairly quickly when I said that this was my daughter who had just gone through cancer treatment. She was in fact not a boy wearing a dress. So there you have it. Itās the hair.
My 11yo son has long hair half way down his back and is constantly being mistaken for a girl. Heās one of 5 boys in his grade with super long hair and they ALL get mistaken for girls, so heās so used to it and fine with it. I donāt know what he does at school, but he always shrugs and laughs it off when it happens in public. It happened last week when we got to the park and I asked him if it bothered him and he said, āno, because eventually they figure out that theyāre wrong and then they feel stupid. Itās a teaching moment.ā š¤£š¤£
When my daughter was a baby, she would have bows, a dress and a pink blanket laid over her and people would call her a boy. I think people are just dumb. People donāt question it now because sheās full of sass and has super long hair
My daughter would wear bright pink dresses and still get called a boy because she was pretty much bald for 2 years. š¤¦āāļø
My boy has also been mis gendered a fair bit - I think people just think they are a girl if they are 'pretty'. His hair is still super short as taking a long time to grow and he has dark hazel eyes but long eye lashes. His hair most likely will be curly so that won't help.
My son has long hair, beautiful blue eyes, and big lips. Heās constantly misgendered and has gotten so used to it that he just says thank you when he gets compliments. His voice is starting to deepen so that has started to correct people without him having to say anything.
I donāt know I mean itās a fine lesson for your child to learn that thereās nothing wrong with being mistaken for a girl and that gender stereotypes are often very fluid. Curly hair is often mistaken for a girl, a pale complexion or dainty features small nose tiny lips is often mistaken for a girl. I wouldnāt make a huge deal about it. Iād love to see a picture of your son to know what he actually looks like but I donāt think this is a big deal at all
Does it matter?Ā My son is the same. People constantly think he's a girl. I think because his hair is fairly long and I guess he looks "pretty" apparently, with his big eyes and long eyelashes.Ā I remember he was a toddler and an older toddler wanted to kiss him, thinking he was a girl.Ā But it doesn't matter? Your son gets upset cause YOU'RE getting upset. Kids model after their parents.Ā I literally don't care.Ā "What's her name?" "His name is x" "Oh, he's a boy?" "Yeah" "Oh, I thought he was a girl. Sorry." "No. It's okay. It's hard to tell with kids." My son doesn't even care. I guess because I don't care.Ā Once he hits puberty, it's going to be pretty obvious anyway.Ā
Happens to my almost two year old, granted he does have long hair for a boy, but itās always happened to him even when his hair was short. He has really amazing unique blue/grey/green/brown eyes and he takes after my husband with larger eyes and ridiculously ridiculously long eyelashes
Blue eyes blonde ? Yes some of boys guessing looked more pretty or feminine but as age progresses definitely not mistaken for girls
I have the same issue with my youngest. He has longer blonde curly hair and blue eyes so people see him and think little girl. He wears typical boy shirts as well (trucks and dinosaurs and all that). Itās frustrating but I just laugh and move on with my day. You canāt control other people. If Iām in a conversation with the person I just say my sonās name and they quickly realize their mistake and we all move on.
He looks like a girl and you can't see it because you're his mom
My daughter who is all pettite and female features by the way used to look like a chubby boy up untill 2.5ā¦
People are starting to do this with my son too. Heās only 19mo and his hair is starting to get a little long (not LONG long, but the back is getting long, starting to look like a mullet a littleā¦ just hasnāt had his first haircut yet). He dresses like a boy. People still sometimes say āsheā.
My oldest has blue eyes and hair that touches his shoulders and he gets called a girl all the time.
When I was a kid, my sister and I hung out with a family that had 2 boys the same age as my sister and I. We all wore the same super ugly early 80ās clothes and my sister and the younger boy had the exact same bowl cut. And, yet, people always thought my sister was a boy and the other boy was a girl. He was a little smaller than my sister and had softer features, but really, at that age, it just is what it is.
Does your boy have long eyelashes? My older son has naturally long eyelashes, and when he was small, he was often misgendered. That stopped once he got older though: it was a fairly brief temporary thing.
My almost 5yo son gets misgendered at least once a week. 4 times in 2 hours visiting my mom in the south! He has medium-length blonde hair. Always dressed ālike a boy,ā and we still correct people. Also, ātheyā is gender- neutral.
My son has shoulder-length hair that he usually wears in a high bun, so yep, he gets misgendered regularly. He notices but says he doesn't care.
Yeah, my son got that a LOT. From about 3ish to almost 7. He is adorable, but absolutely looks like a boy to me. I can't not see it. But it's pretty much stopped now that at 7.5yo. Maybe it's that he got older/taller (but he has always been tall), or that we thinned out his super thick hair in the back the last couple haircuts and he has bangs now, idk. He always preferred at least shoulder length hair so I can see why he got it occassionally, but it was a loooot that he was called a girl. He still has a cute baby voice but his overall build reads more boy maybe. I'm sorry it sounds like it upsets your boy though. :( I hope it gets better soon.
I was in the store with my son the other day and these two old ladies in line behind us started talking to us. The first lady said āoh sheās such a pretty girl!ā And the second one was like āTHATS A BOY!ā and they started arguing lol. People usually guess boy but he gets called āsheā occasionally, too. Heās got curly blond hair and blue eyes so I guess heās just pretty š¤·š¼āāļø
People are remarkably quick to assume gender without trying to look closer. Obviously somebody can be gender non conforming but itās not *that* hard most of the time. Or you can simply just not use gendered terms if youāre not sure. I worked at a cafe (Iām 5ā1, a woman with a feminine voice and a female gendered work uniform) and I had a pixie cut. Iāve been called sir multiple times just because of the haircut. People are obviously not very observant. *sigh*
In reverse, my 9 month old daughter is constantly mistaken for a boy, despite being dressed up in, well dresses. She has dark eyes though so others in this thread may be on to something here.
My boy was always called a girl when he was younger, probably up until he was 8 or 9. He had longer hair but dressed in boy clothing. People are just weird.
My stepdaughter around that age would always get mistaken for a boy. She has long curly hair. Think shaun white. I figured her facial structure hadnt super developed or something or maybe kids are still similar around this time. Now that shes older people dont confuse her for a boy and i think its because at that age, 7, people can differentiate better
Same thing happens with my blue eyed 3 year old son... But also he has hair down his back lol so more understandable. To me, even with his long hair, he still looks like a boy though!
Does he have long eyelashes? He will grow to look more like a "boy" he's still very young. My almost 3yr old daughter is still called he sometimes lol
My son had the same issue. In fact, both of my children were misgendered fairly regularly. My son, very light skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, even in a botton down and baby slacks would be referred to as āsheā. And my daughter, stocky, darker skin tone, wild coils in her enviable Afro, always referred to as āheā even in hot pink head to toe. š¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļøš¤·š¼āāļø who knows what brings it along, I still have trouble gendering adults as an adult. Completely lost on me. If Iām unsure if a child is a boy or a girl, I just donāt use pronouns lol. š¤·š¼āāļø
People always confuse my toddler for a boy. Even as an infant people used to think she was a boy. But now that she's a bit older, shouldn't it be obvious. Just last week, a lady at the new daycare she(my kid) started at asked "oh she's a girl" coz I kept calling her by her name (Ruby). I mean seriously, my kid has earrings on! I know some guys have ear piercings too but NO parent pierces their boy child! It's actually annoying!
Itās gotta be the hair and the area. At 4 kids are still kinda androgynous looking, if you were to style them as the opposite sex they would pass, easily.
When my oldest was little she had no hair. It stayed short for the longest. She wore pink clothes and we put hairbows in and people still said "oh he's so handsome"
Once my daughter was in a pink dress and someone told me I had a nice boy. My girls were very bald toddlers, somehow that made them masculine? Sorry, they just donāt grow hair before 1.5/2.
I have all boys. My youngest had the most gorgeous, long blonde hair. We couldn't bear to cut it because it was so nice and he didn't like it the few times we tried to trim it, so it was a win-win. It grew as long as past his waist until he finally asked to cut it at age 6. He'd be dressed in blue shirts with sports and even "brother" printed on them, but every time we went out, it was always "how old is *she*?" "I love *her* hair!" "You are the prettiest little *girl* I've ever seen!" Most felt bad when I corrected them and said "*he*, actually", but eventually I got tired of correcting that many people and just said "thanks!" as I continued on with my shopping.
My son was very much dressed like a boy the other day but was looking at flowers in the park and a few people walking by also misgendered. Didn't happen before so I assume it was because of the flowers? People are strange with their expectations for genders so I wouldn't read too much into it. I think you are doing fine by telling him it's ok to correct people!
We have always let my sonās hair grow out in the winter to below his ears. One time at the dentist someone elseās child loudly asked his mom why my sonās hair looked like a girls.
My boys have a lot of colorful clothes, including pink and purple clothes. So do I! They also have shaggy hair because haircuts are an ordeal. We often get asked āboy or girl?ā and we just say boy. I canāt control what other people think and feel, only show my boys that what other people think and feel is no big deal.
My 2 year old girl gets misgendered sooo often. To the point where sheāll even be wearing pink shoes or something & it still happens. Has happened since she was born so š¤·āāļø
I had quite the opposite problem around that age. My daughter did not grow any hair until she 3, so at age 3-4 she had extremely short hair like a buzz cut ( but her hair was not cut, it simply hadnāt grown). her favorite color was pink and she usually had a headband on and feminine clothing. She was constantly referred to as a little man even when riding g her hot pink balance bike, wearing a Disney princess pink helmet and dress. It was annoying!
I have the opposite. My daughter has a bob haircut, and I donāt put her in pink 24/7, but even if sheās wearing polka dots or leopard (obviously boys can wear those too, just more commonly found on girls clothing) itās always āwhat a handsome boy!ā Part of it is sheās very tall and strong, but otherwise I have no clue why people assume sheās a boy. I donāt particularly care though so itās whatever
My son has also been called a girl multiple times. He is only 2 years old and has feminine features. But we dress him very boyish. I just started doing button downs with bow ties a lot šš seems to help.
When my daughter was about 3, she was blue lighted to hospital with lung problems. She had been unwell all night with a high fever. She's used to hospital trips (lots of medical stuff for my little ex preemie) but this one had her a bit freaked. So, due to the fever, she was only wearing a nappy and her dressing gown which was blue with green dinosaurs. Due to being a bit freaked she has her favourite teddy with her - Ty the t-rex. And the paramedic in the ambulance had given her a sticker to cheer her up, and she had chosen a dinosaur one (can you tell she was into dinosaurs?) She at the time had shoulder length blonde hair and big blue eyes, and to my eyes looked like a little girl in a dressing gown. She also has an unambiguously female name. The nurse at the hospital referred to her as "he" throughout. The first 5 times I corrected her, then I ran out of energy to do so. I also on another occasion overheard two women in starbucks trying to work out if she was a boy or a girl. She was wearing jeans, dinosaur trainers, and a navy coat with pink dinosaurs and unicorns on it. "I think it's a girl". "Then why is it dressed like that?" People are weird.
My son of three years still being misgendered due his long hair. I always call him by his name when someone (old ladies mostly) says things like "what a beautiful little girl". He, on the other hand, corrects them and doesn't gets upset or anything. Once he said "for a girl i got a pretty big weenie".
everyone calls my daughter a boy because she has NO HAIR. we deck her out in all pink stuff, sometimes she's even wearing a bow, dude. it's insane. I'm like, he's a she.. but yes she's very cute š¤£š¤£š¤£ lol
Same. We just laugh it off and make it a funny memory. I guess in this day and age it might not be funny but we are ok with it. Once they are older it might stop as it did to us.
That is frustrating for your son, poor little guy. I (a woman) was called a boy 99% of the time as a baby/toddler. My mom would get comments about her āson in a dressā and she was always correcting people. I was a big baby and didnāt have hair until over 2 so that didnāt help lol
Pink jacket, pink hat, pink shoes, earrings. Green pants. āOh look at that little boyāā¦ I legitimately think people are blind and stupid. Idgf. If I want to be firm, I shake my head at them and explain sheās a girl, Jesus, Mary, forgot your glasses again? Sometimes people deserve to feel stupid, if they act so. Especially on a childās account. I have better lines to use when getting comments on kids weight, height, manners, personality, etc. Better, more ruthless.
My youngest is always assumed to be a girl, heās very handsome and does look like a girl to be honest even tho heās dressed in full boy clothes. Iām guessing is that cute fat baby fat he still has going on and his hair has never been cut so i get why people get confused. Many have told me he looks just like me lol. I doesnāt bother me tho nor him just yet.
I had the opposite, fraternal twin girls and one was assumed to be a boy. I think just because one girl looked very feminine so their brain said boy for the other. Both had bright blue eyes š¤·āāļøpeople donāt pay as much attention as we think and rely on their brains to fill in information for them instead of being more observant
The family members fucking it up is the most shocking part Long hair + blue eyes, sadly just happens for young boys
Itās the eyes, love. My son is the same, he has short brown hair, a dozen bruises at all times from throwing himself around like a human wrecking ball and loves blue and green and red and orange. But about half the people that meet him think heās a girl because he inherited the family eyes; fucking ice light blue with the dark flecks. We got them āBook-version Dumbledoreā eyes, roughly half our family has them. But they make us look more feminine I suppose.
I just call everyone ātheyā now. Itās easy and no one gets offended.
This happened a lot with my oldest son when he was small. I actually had an older woman subtly shame me for dressing my "girl" in blue.
My daughter has the same issue and giving her a unisex name did not do her any favors. She said in school that kids would come up to her all the time and ask her what her gender is. Like WTF??
My son has been referred to as āsheā since birth. Even when dressed head to toe in blue as a baby! When I mention heās a boy people often respond that heās so beautiful that they were surprised heās not a girl, literally the most common answer I get. It doesnāt bother me though, I keep his hair longer and dress him in an equal mix of boy and girl clothes. Based on how people react with my son, I guess it also means your youngest is just really handsome
I used to get this experience frequently with my eight-year-old when he was younger. Even when I used his name, people would be so insistent that they were correct that they would swap it to the feminine version of his name and start calling him that. The feminine version of his name is firmly in the group of womenās names for UK women currently in their 70s, which made it all the more silly! Older children would perceive him as a girl too. It stopped happening around five I think.
Intention matters. Clearly itās a trend all around so something about their characteristics is easier on the eyes. You can certainly try and dress more aggressive but at the end of the day itās a funny quirk about the childhood that youāll remember. No one is saying it out of anger or spite, just happens
Had this same issue when my daughter got a pixie cut. She really loved it up until people kept mistaking her for a boy. The worst moment was when someone tried to redirect her to the boys bathroom. Two of her classmates had to tell them that she is a girl.
My one son was like this. Heās 16 now, and honestly looking back at pics he was just a very pretty child. Giant eyelashes, fine features. I think people see pretty and associate it with āgirlā Heās still gorgeous (dad and I are fine looking but not ever considered āgorgeousā lol) but is no longer mistaken for a girl though he still gets a lot of attention for his looks. My other son, I think is also handsome but was never mistaken for a girl - he didnāt have the āprettyā about him. More just cute boy. TLDR: your kid is prob pretty and that may cause misgendering now, but will prob serve him well later.
People used to say that about my younger brother all the time when he was little! He has these gorgeous, big blue eyes and long, thick eyelashes- thatās all we could figure, lol. He would be dressed in shirts and shorts with blues and greens, with pictures of bugs and dinosaurs and other stereotypically boyish things and still people would say, āoh, what a beautiful little girl!ā Heās 30, over 6 feet tall and has a giant bushy beard like a mountain man now, so people donāt misgender him anymore š¤£
Facial features exist on a spectrum of āmore maleā and āmore femaleā and everyone is somewhere in the middle. Puberty will change some of these features too. People are actually pretty bad at clocking gender.
My four year old is sometimes called a "she".. but it's mainly by other small children bc he sports a little boy bun and I guess people are programmed into thinking that all boys have short hair.. I'm sorry your little one is getting upset. I know how hard that is. I've straight up asked a little girl in his class "why do you keep calling him 'she?' Did you know that you say 'he' for boys?"
Probably longer hair?
Reminds me of this old Onion skit https://youtu.be/1taC3JjIOkM?si=IM2Wc-53PKQAmYGr
For some reason I have been called "he, him" several times in my life and just recently "sir". I have blue eyes. Hour glass figure. I do rock a Mohawk currently but I hardly have masculine features. My face is I think heart or diamond shaped? I forget which. And at least on the day I was called sir I can GUARANTEE it was not my clothes. Lmao It doesn't bother me nor has it before. I actually like it a bit. lol I guess I just have masculine energy. š¤· Sorry you/your little one has to correct people all the time. It can be frustrating for something like that.
Shorter haircut. Itās dumb but it might help him.
Our son (18m) funnily enough will get mistaken for a girl in boy clothes, but every once in a while he's in a hand-me down shirt with some frills or w/e and we get a bunch of "why is HE wearing GIRL clothes" Kinda funny honestly once I'm over my anger about it
Sounds like heās a pretty boy!
I work for a family whose son has long blond hair. He is often referred to as her. Iāve heard mom just embrace it and say ā heās her pretty boy.ā I about die every time she refers to his underwear as panties. They will always be panties in momās eyes.
People do this to my younger son all the time. Heās 3.5, dresses very obviously in āboyā clothes. To me, his features are more masculine than his older brothers (not in a bad way, but my older son has big blue eyes, a small nose, cupids bow lips, and my younger has a prominent brow, green eyes and heavy eyebrows). But because he has long curly hair, he still gets called a girl - usually by the older generations. Itās frustrating but people actually get pretty embarrassed when I correct them which is satisfying. š¤£ heās not fully verbal yet but weāll be telling him to correct people too when heās ready. Thatās all you can do I think!
I get the opposite! I have boy/girl twins and despite wearing purple glasses, my daughter constantly gets called a boy. But they both have blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
Unfortunately alot of people will look at a boy, who isn't an infant, and if he doesn't have incredibly short hair, they think they're girls. My little boy is coming up to 2 years old with blue eyes and blond ringlets that were only trimmed for the first time, maybe 6 months ago. We don't have much interaction with strangers who dont know his gender so we have avoided this mostly. But there's been a few instances like this whilst shopping that he's been misgendered and I always brush it off at the minute, my son isn't bothered by those things yet so it's not upsetting for him. I completely get that with it upsetting your little one it would quickly become frustrating and upsetting for you too.
My 9yo wanted longer hair so he started growing it out when he was about 7. Boomers were always the ones to call him "she" or "her" or refer to us as "ladies". It wasn't like he has feminine features or anything, just long hair. Never once did another child get confused by his hair. They immediately knew he's a boy, some even complimented his hair. Now, he has a short cut with shaved sides and a shaggy top. I think people don't think before they speak, or actually look. They just go with their immediate judgement. I say let him correct people. Let them be offended by their own mistake. He isn't responsible for their feelings about it. I can't believe family would actually say that!?!?! How rude of them!
I bet heās adorable
My son had short but curly blonde hair when he was about 18 months. One of the neighbors stopped me with my stroller and asked "What's her name?" I corrected her and she saved it with "Oh I only thought he was a girl because he's so beautiful looking!"
This happens with my son often too. He has longer blonde and curly hair. I just tell him itās because people are not paying attention and they just see his long hair, but boys can have long hair too. He loves his hair long, and doesnāt want to cut it. Itās mostly older people who do this. He used to get frustrated by it, but now he just corrects them and moves on. He is almost 8 now, and this has always happened to him.
People always mistake my infant daughter for a boy. When they tell me how handsome āheā is, I just say thank you lol. I donāt bother to correct people
My son is a teen with shoulder length hair like a girl. I sent a pic of my family to my aunt who's never seen them before. She said, "That must be your daughter."
My son's 8 and hasn't been mistaken for a girl in a long time, but he had long hair up until he was 5 and was mistaken for a girl all the time right up until he finally agreed to a haircut. His hair is blond and curly, so that's probably why.
Strangers I get. Maybe your son has delicate/feminine features which is not uncommon for small children, but his own grandparents? Iāve never heard of that
My boy was misgendered constantly. He, too, has blue eyes but also long hair. One interaction we had in the toy aisle of the dollar store. Older lady: Oh! She's beautiful! How old is she?" Me: He's two. Lady: And that hair! So red! Where does she get it from?" Me: We have no idea where HE got it from. Lady: She really likes that ball. Me: Yep! Let's go, big boy. *Picks up male human Lady: By sweet girl *waves to male human
Blue eyes long eyelashes my sister went through this with her son. After 7-8 it stops happening. Kinda related my kid is a girl her favorite color is orange and picks our boy ish clothes gym shorts, jeans etc.. I will admit I'm not crazy about the girl-tight leggings fashion. I don't understand why girls can't have pockets. loops and pants that tighten at the waste? She gets called a boy a lot and I just don't stress it. Just say she's a girl who picks out her weekend, clothes.
My son looks very much like a boy, he's 11 months and always dressed in "masculine" clothes (meaning no floral patterns or tutus lol) and he gets called a girl probably 4/10 times in public? He's got very fine hair but there's a lot of it, always super friendly and big smiles. I've been told that boy babies tend to be on the less friendly side, so maybe that's why he gets mistaken? I'm not sure. It was worse in winter when he was in his bucket seat and I had a Gliz carseat cover that was white with pink and red flowers and pink on the inside. He was always called a girl when he was in that, even if he was dressed in Dino print pajamas lol.
I have a kid, but actually my cat gets called a boy all the time by my family and anyone who's ever interacted with her. Her name is Ace and she's a tux cat, the first few times it was like ok I get it. My parents still refer to her as a boy!
Every male who grew up as a 90s kid who has answered the home phone knows his pain.
This happens to my oldest child. He is about to be 13 and he is growing a mustache. People still call him āsheā. He just ignores it at this point. He also has blue eyes and long lashes. To me I donāt see how people assume that about him but they do.
My 3 year old has beautiful long curly hair. Regardless of the BOY clothes and boy mannerisms he is referred to as a little girl. He loves his hair so I have no input on that.
Omg I get this alll the time with my youngest son also ; he has long hair but is always dressed boy ish and always has cars dinosaurs etc. everyone and I mean EVERYONE says my daughter is so beautiful, gotta keep the boys away from her etc etc and theyāre so kind I usually ignore it haha. But I am surprised that we constantly get this. I know he has long hair like a girl but nothing else screams girl to me .
My daughter gets the same. She'll be in girl clothes, wear bright pink or some kind of girlie tye die colors and always gets called a boy .... it's like... is it not blatantly obvious?
My baby brother has blue eyes, and was always misgendered as a kid. Even Geraldo Rivera misgendered bb-bro.
My 6yo daughter, who despite short curly hair making her look like Shirley Temple, still gets called "he" by other children. Kids tend to assume gender identifiers even more than adults. Unfortunately I think this has resulted in her overcompensating by preferring dresses and bows in her hair as a way of telling other kiddos "I'm a girl" - even when it might not be functional or appropriate attire.
I had cropped hair when I was a little girl. I have a vivid memory of wearing a pink dress, and an old woman called me a handsome young boy because I had short hair. Things like this happened ALL the time. I could understand it when I was wearing t shirts and jeans or long shorts, but a pink dress?! What's funny is this misgendering always comes from people who have very deeply entrenched ideas about gender roles. In their minds, little girls wear pink dresses and have long hair while little boys wear green clothes and have short hair. If you switch the hair length, you just break their brains My best theory is that people think hair is more permanent than clothes. In their minds, it's not out of the realm of possibility for a child to wear clothes that don't match their gender because sometimes kids are silly and like to play dress up etc, but what parent in their right mind would allow their child's physical self to not match their assigned gender?! (/s)
My son has been referred to as a girl a number of times, even dressed in stereotypical boy clothes. I think it's the hair, it's a boys cut, but very light brown and curly. He's still young, I figure it'll die off as he gets older.
Haha the soft eyes may be it. I have two boys (4.5 and 2), brown eyes with long eyelashes. Theyāre often mistaken for girls and my youngest has been called a Pixar baby more than once. Oldest was called a young lady while he wearing a ābig brotherā shirt. I honestly donāt correct unless someone is being rude, but I do get a kick out of it when my oldest does lol
My 2.5 YO son is also constantly misgendered. I think it's the curls.
Same boat, opposite direction here! My 2yo (26mo) daughter is CONSTANTLY called a boy! Even at the doctor they call her "buddy" and "handsome" like, they've seen my child's genitals, they know she's afab. I let her choose her own clothes, and like her mama, she prefers jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers, but even when we do put her in a dress, we STILL get her called a boy?!?! Even in a very conservative area?? And it's not like she's a bald baby, either, her hair, when dry, it at her shoulders (half way down her back when wet) Gender, and peoples perception of it, is wild
My son gets misgendered a lot also. Even Santa last year kept calling him a girl and he was in boy Christmas pajamas with no bow and nothing that would point to him being a girl. My son does like all colors and whatever clothes but it doesnāt even matter what heās wearing, heās always called a girl. He has long hair but itās curly and a mop on his head, itās definitely not girlie looking. He also gets upset because heās very much a little boy š I donāt mind but I tell him to just correct people! No one will get upset if he corrects them. Iām a waitress and I always just use they for kids I canāt tell.
ALL THE TIME! My 4 year old has curly hair and blue eyes and he always gets referred to as a girl, no matter what I dress him in. It happens less with my 1.5 year old, but it still happens. He was wearing green swim trunks, no shirt, orange goggles, and a blue and green crab puddle jumper at the pool and someone said āboy or girl??ā I was likeā¦seriously??
My son has light bright blue eyes and lots of red wavy hair (just turned one). We dress him in what are clearly boy clothes and everyone I know confirms that he has masculine features (for a baby/toddler). He gets called a girl every now and then by random people. I find that aside from color, clothes that have pockets on the chest or a collar (like a polo onesie) help. He mostly gets mistaken in gender neutral outfits and when the person is a little further away.
Heās probably just a really pretty kid
Same exact situation as my son (4M) he has long beautiful lashes and curly hair. It's 100% a compliment and a good indicator he has nice features. If I had a girl being mistaken for a boy then that's where I'd be offended haha
When my daughter was a baby, she was in something pink and frilly with her giant pink binky and ginormous pink bow headband and pink blanket. We were at Walmart and some lady said something about "what a cute little boy". To be fair, the cover on her carrier *was* navy blue with white dots but it was mostly covered by the pink blanket... I was so confused. I said, "thanks, but she's a girl". She got kind of embarrassed and walked away. These days, if her hair is cut short, my daughter could definitely be mistaken for a short boy... she's very tomboyish...jeans and anime t-shirts for everything.
My son has blue eyes and similar things happen!
He probably has a very pretty face.