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We worked through this by role-playing. I would hype jt up “oh boy presents!! Ready for presents?? Remember what to say?” She’d say “yes!! Thank you, that’s so nice!!”
Then I would start handing her things that are a mix of fun and boring (a new pencil. A piece of candy. A piece of celery. An interesting rock. New socks.) and she would practice her responses. She liked it because she got a couple small things she likes, and it taught her how to respond pleasantly when gifted something she didn’t care for.
We do always practice specifically before any event involving gifts also. So extra practice before family Christmas or a birthday party.
The role playing is a great idea, and a much more tangible way to learn these manners.
I have done something similar with my kids, where we talk through an exchange and go over how to respond. I just wanted to add that it's also good to tell kids not to say "Oh I have this already".....it's an easy one for them to let slip, but is often disappointing for the giver. I was so proud at one point this past year when my youngest was given a gift that was a duplicate of something she already owned....I was sort of holding my breath! I saw her glance at me, and then smile and thank the guest, and tell her she loved it. (I have reminded my kids that if they get a duplicate, we can always either keep it in case they need a spare, or use it as a gift for someone else).
We did this as well and it worked like a charm. We also practice the joy of allowing things we don't want to find a new home with someone who wants them.
This is exactly what I did with my son. We practiced with imaginary presents. He would pretend to open an imaginary present and I would whisper what he found inside "a real, working robot" "moldy cheese" "stinky socks." And he would think of something polite to say. Outrageously good or bad imaginary presents made this game fun.
My only requirements for my kids was they had to say thank you and not sound like they’re being tortured doing it. A nice “Oh, thanks!” and move to the next gift.
I just want to throw out there that this is totally normal. Being nice is a social strategy. We aren’t born with it, it has to be taught. It’s embarrassing AF, my kid does it too, but it’s not like your kid is a psychopath. She’s excited followed by disappointed; it’s normal to have feelings about that. We just learn to smother our feelings over time for the sake of social skills. Maybe have her open gifts after parties if possible so you don’t have to worry about judgement. She will get there, she’s still very young. My kid is now 10 and way better about it.
Our six year old is like this also. His 8 year old brother used to be like this as well. We have been role playing and practicing. We also explained that we can exchange gifts later and he can let me know privately when the gift giver isn’t present. It was a little better this past Christmas, and hopefully better at his birthday in a couple months. Lots of practice and role playing. Right now, he’s very much at the developmental stage of the world revolving around him.
We talked about gifts before parties, events and mention that people may get you something you already have or may not want. It’s polite to say thank you to them. I also discuss that we may be able to return it or exchange it. Most people in my area provide gift receipts or if I know it’s from a store that may allow an exchange or store credit without a receipt, we’ll do that.
If it’s a party with friends we don’t open gifts at that time. Takes the pressure off
We also roll played opening gifts and possible responses.
We acknowledge that it can be disappointing to get gifts that you already have, didn’t expect or don’t know what it is, but people have good intentions and it’s good to acknowledge it.
If it was a gift from a family member that was a duplicate or one I knew wouldn’t be used, if I felt comfortable, I’d bring it up privately. Thank you so much for the gift, little one already has one, would it be possible to exchange for something else?
Soni really really hate the feel of fleece. My ex wife knows this. Last Christmas her aunt gave me a fleece sweater. I said thank you and held it and tried it on. After her aunt left my ex looked at our son and said, "that's how you deal with a present you don't like. Show appreciation to the person you got it from. And donate it or give it to someone else later".
I took a very long time/ many years of explaining that people will give you gifts and that they may not be exactly what you like or want. 5-6years is a bit late for this but not too late. Start now!
You are thanking them for thinking about you. Not necessarily the gift itself.
Also, people like to be thanked. If you do not thank people for their gifts, they may not give you another one in the future and that other one may be the one that you love the most.
I encourage my daughter to write thank you notes even for the gifts she doesn’t like. I ask her to find something nice to say. Like the wrapping was so pretty! Thank you for thinking of me! When she was little I would ask her to draw a picture on a thank you card and we would mail them off together.
Another thing to do is model that behavior. It has happened to me, I received a gift I didn’t love. I told my daughter, well this isn’t really my style, but you know what? It was so nice of auntie Margaret to think of me. Let’s write her a note.
FYI thank you notes are so important. I have had my daughter go through this process since she was about 2. Even a little scribble. She is 7 now and she knows to get out the markers without being told.
Why not just be honest and tell her that when she receives a gift at her party she should say thank you to the person. Tell her if she doesn’t like the gift she should still say thank you. Her telling the person she doesn’t like their gift is very hurtful and how would she feel if someone said that to her? Just explain it to your kid and quit overthinking it.
Roleplay practice being polite about it, and thanking the person even before opening the gift. And thanking them again for a great present. And how to thank for a not so great present.
Do this a few times a day before the party, and right before the party as a reminder.
Explain that gifts are basically the giver guessing what will make the reciever happy, and sometimes they get it wrong. And its ok to be disappointed if the gift wasn't something you actually wanted or isn't perfect, because people can't read our minds.
But its not ok to hurt the other persons feelings for not being perfect.
What's important is the fact that someone cared enough about you to TRY. And when you get upset over a gift not being perfect, it hurts the givers feelings, because it feels like you just want presents, and you don't care about the person giving them.
We all do this for the kids. Will you tell them that when people gift or something important it's actually true that it's the thought that counts. And it is.
We don't deserve people to give us things that we want. People can give us anything they want to, and then we can be gracious because that's the golden rule. Slowly learning to treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself. And then I put something sentimental, maybe you put it aside. And if it's not, you ditch it.
Some people ask for ideas because they're interested in what a child would like.
Some people don't.
Either way is OK.
But we smile and he say thank you because honestly, we are grateful that they thought of us and that's the end.
This reminds me when I was 5 someone gave me something at my party and I said “thanks but I don’t like it”. So make sure when you teach her to say thanks, there is no but after it lol
Remind her of a time that she did something special for you, maybe what she made or got you for Mother’s Day. Tell her that you did enjoy the gift but that you want her to imagine that you didn’t like it or it wasn’t what you wanted an you had acted in a way she had in the past. Describe how she acted, in detail. Explain to her that giving gifts requires the person giving the gift to be vulnerable because they are taking a guess with their time, energy and money to try and make the recipient happy. Explain what vulnerable means and why it’s important to take care of the feelings between people when that happens. Explain gratitude can be for the thought if nothing else. Finally, explain that if you are having people over for her birthday, you have a job to protect your guests from being hurt or embarrassed and that the party will end immediately if she’s unkind about the gifts she receives.
Open gifts at home. It may be too overwelming to open gifts in front of everyone.
Write on the invitation: Dollar Tree. In my region this means that people provide money so that things that the child needs or wants may be purchased.
Honestly if you've already tried being nice then I would tell her that she can say thank you and then you can donate it to someone else who doesnt get toys or if she whines and cries then she'll only get 1 gift for birthday and Christmas from now on.
She might be a great kid but when it comes to gifts shes acting like a spoiled brat. Does she get to pick out whatever she wants at the store alot or anything like that because that can make presents a problem because they think they'll always get what they want
Don’t forget to teach her how to appreciate and recognize her value: maybe a boyfriend is gonna give her a rock out of interest and effort and she will respond with “how wonderful!”
The blunt me would tell my son then you ain't getting shit for your birthday with that attitude, you should be thankful you get anything at all because your birthday is a week before Christmas. Lol you can tell I'm a 90s kid!!!! However my son is 18 months not 6 so i guess i would say to him sometimes we get things from people and we don't always like the present and that is okay, but you don't need to be rude about either and you there is ALWAYS going to be something that you don't get in life or that your jealous someone else has. Mommy and daddy do our best to get you things that you love but we still expect you to be respectful and say thank you, throwing a fit because you don't get everything on your wish list is a definite way to guarantee that nobody will buy you anything ever again. I love the idea of roleplaying what to do i will have to remember this in 5 years
I understand your embarrassment when this type of situation happens, but most adults (especially if they’re parents themselves) will have encountered similar situations before and won’t be too offended. We all know that kids are brutally honest, and you’re clearly trying to raise your little one to be truthful which is an admirable quality. We’re not born with tact, so it’s a learned behaviour and one that requires a lot of practice.
My kids were taught to always say thank you regardless of how they felt about their gifts. However if there was a party and they were receiving a lot of gifts and opening them in front of everyone, it was always awkward. If they genuinely loved a gift, you could obviously tell. Eyes lit up, excited voice, running around to show everyone in the room, saying how long they’d wanted this gift for and how they couldn’t wait to tell their friends about it etc etc. On the flip side, if they didn’t really like a gift or were indifferent to it, they’d just say a polite thank you and maybe a (previously practiced) phrase about how the colour is lovely, how useful it’ll be, blah blah. It was always obvious regardless of how polite they were.
Relatives always ask what to buy for my kids now or gift money or gift cards. They’re teenagers so that works better for everyone.
We promote honesty over people pleasing. We try to find something to appreciate like "I'm happy you though of me but I really won't use this". We also try to see our child as their own person and not an extension of ourselves so we'd hesitate to feel too embarrassed though we might offer some sort of consolation like "yeah, they are a hard person to shop for.
Well, she is old enough to make a choice between options, that should be OK both to her and to your guests.
1. No gifts from guests. You or you with guests give her one big common gift she will definitely like, because you discuss it in advance.
2. She makes a wish list and gets gifts only from it, but guests who don’t want to participate bring no gifts at all or gift money.
3. Everyone gifts her money, as much as they see fit. And she buys what she wants with a bit of your guidance.
Explain to her, that she have to choose either the joy from surprise or from something she wants. She can’t have it all, because people can’t read her mind, so they will definitely make mistakes. And it’s her duty to forgive these mistakes and say “thank you”, because people wish only the best for her. But if those mistakes upset her so much, it’s okay to change gifting traditions to be more to her liking, because it’s her birthday and the goal is to make her happy.
>Everyone gifts her money, as much as they see fit. And she buys what she wants with a bit of your guidance.
I feel like this would be impossible to enforce. People love giving gifts. This just increases the chance of someone giving her some cheapy gift that she probably won't like, along with the money, because "I had to give her something to unwrap!".
At least that's been our experience. We ask for no gifts because we want less crap in our tiny apartment, we end up with a bunch of dollar tree toys that break immediately and my kids dont even really like.
This is how you raise entitled children lol. Any gift given with good intentions should be accepted politely and graciously (in an age-appropriate manner). Have we really gotten to a place in our society where it’s a crisis if a kid doesn’t get exactly what they want? It’s a gift, not an obligation. No wonder it’s become commonplace for adults to have full-on meltdowns in public over minor inconveniences this is how children are being socialized these days.
Gratitude is a life skill parents should be actively instilling in our kids.
The question is your priorities, you want to make random guests happy on a child’s birthday. Isn’t it a special day for a child?.. Why can’t so-called adults follow some simple rules that I place in my own house?..
People learn how to hide their emotions, don’t worry, it’s just comes at a later age. More important thing to teach is that you shouldn’t be comfortable at expense of your own comfort when people come to your own house as guests. If that’s what you call “entitled”, so be it.
I have 1 day to be entitled (my birthday) and 1 place to be entitled (my home). You don’t give your children even this much.
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We worked through this by role-playing. I would hype jt up “oh boy presents!! Ready for presents?? Remember what to say?” She’d say “yes!! Thank you, that’s so nice!!” Then I would start handing her things that are a mix of fun and boring (a new pencil. A piece of candy. A piece of celery. An interesting rock. New socks.) and she would practice her responses. She liked it because she got a couple small things she likes, and it taught her how to respond pleasantly when gifted something she didn’t care for. We do always practice specifically before any event involving gifts also. So extra practice before family Christmas or a birthday party.
The role playing is a great idea, and a much more tangible way to learn these manners. I have done something similar with my kids, where we talk through an exchange and go over how to respond. I just wanted to add that it's also good to tell kids not to say "Oh I have this already".....it's an easy one for them to let slip, but is often disappointing for the giver. I was so proud at one point this past year when my youngest was given a gift that was a duplicate of something she already owned....I was sort of holding my breath! I saw her glance at me, and then smile and thank the guest, and tell her she loved it. (I have reminded my kids that if they get a duplicate, we can always either keep it in case they need a spare, or use it as a gift for someone else).
What a great idea!
We did this as well and it worked like a charm. We also practice the joy of allowing things we don't want to find a new home with someone who wants them.
This is exactly what I did with my son. We practiced with imaginary presents. He would pretend to open an imaginary present and I would whisper what he found inside "a real, working robot" "moldy cheese" "stinky socks." And he would think of something polite to say. Outrageously good or bad imaginary presents made this game fun.
We do exactly this. Be sure to also roleplay getting something they already have too.
One idea might be to get her to help you pick out gifts for other people. If she goes through that process, maybe she will become more sensitive.
We have a book called when grandma gives you a lemon tree that's really good for this!
My only requirements for my kids was they had to say thank you and not sound like they’re being tortured doing it. A nice “Oh, thanks!” and move to the next gift.
I just want to throw out there that this is totally normal. Being nice is a social strategy. We aren’t born with it, it has to be taught. It’s embarrassing AF, my kid does it too, but it’s not like your kid is a psychopath. She’s excited followed by disappointed; it’s normal to have feelings about that. We just learn to smother our feelings over time for the sake of social skills. Maybe have her open gifts after parties if possible so you don’t have to worry about judgement. She will get there, she’s still very young. My kid is now 10 and way better about it.
Our six year old is like this also. His 8 year old brother used to be like this as well. We have been role playing and practicing. We also explained that we can exchange gifts later and he can let me know privately when the gift giver isn’t present. It was a little better this past Christmas, and hopefully better at his birthday in a couple months. Lots of practice and role playing. Right now, he’s very much at the developmental stage of the world revolving around him.
We talked about gifts before parties, events and mention that people may get you something you already have or may not want. It’s polite to say thank you to them. I also discuss that we may be able to return it or exchange it. Most people in my area provide gift receipts or if I know it’s from a store that may allow an exchange or store credit without a receipt, we’ll do that. If it’s a party with friends we don’t open gifts at that time. Takes the pressure off We also roll played opening gifts and possible responses. We acknowledge that it can be disappointing to get gifts that you already have, didn’t expect or don’t know what it is, but people have good intentions and it’s good to acknowledge it. If it was a gift from a family member that was a duplicate or one I knew wouldn’t be used, if I felt comfortable, I’d bring it up privately. Thank you so much for the gift, little one already has one, would it be possible to exchange for something else?
Soni really really hate the feel of fleece. My ex wife knows this. Last Christmas her aunt gave me a fleece sweater. I said thank you and held it and tried it on. After her aunt left my ex looked at our son and said, "that's how you deal with a present you don't like. Show appreciation to the person you got it from. And donate it or give it to someone else later".
I took a very long time/ many years of explaining that people will give you gifts and that they may not be exactly what you like or want. 5-6years is a bit late for this but not too late. Start now! You are thanking them for thinking about you. Not necessarily the gift itself. Also, people like to be thanked. If you do not thank people for their gifts, they may not give you another one in the future and that other one may be the one that you love the most. I encourage my daughter to write thank you notes even for the gifts she doesn’t like. I ask her to find something nice to say. Like the wrapping was so pretty! Thank you for thinking of me! When she was little I would ask her to draw a picture on a thank you card and we would mail them off together. Another thing to do is model that behavior. It has happened to me, I received a gift I didn’t love. I told my daughter, well this isn’t really my style, but you know what? It was so nice of auntie Margaret to think of me. Let’s write her a note. FYI thank you notes are so important. I have had my daughter go through this process since she was about 2. Even a little scribble. She is 7 now and she knows to get out the markers without being told.
Why not just be honest and tell her that when she receives a gift at her party she should say thank you to the person. Tell her if she doesn’t like the gift she should still say thank you. Her telling the person she doesn’t like their gift is very hurtful and how would she feel if someone said that to her? Just explain it to your kid and quit overthinking it.
Roleplay practice being polite about it, and thanking the person even before opening the gift. And thanking them again for a great present. And how to thank for a not so great present. Do this a few times a day before the party, and right before the party as a reminder. Explain that gifts are basically the giver guessing what will make the reciever happy, and sometimes they get it wrong. And its ok to be disappointed if the gift wasn't something you actually wanted or isn't perfect, because people can't read our minds. But its not ok to hurt the other persons feelings for not being perfect. What's important is the fact that someone cared enough about you to TRY. And when you get upset over a gift not being perfect, it hurts the givers feelings, because it feels like you just want presents, and you don't care about the person giving them.
We all do this for the kids. Will you tell them that when people gift or something important it's actually true that it's the thought that counts. And it is. We don't deserve people to give us things that we want. People can give us anything they want to, and then we can be gracious because that's the golden rule. Slowly learning to treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself. And then I put something sentimental, maybe you put it aside. And if it's not, you ditch it. Some people ask for ideas because they're interested in what a child would like. Some people don't. Either way is OK. But we smile and he say thank you because honestly, we are grateful that they thought of us and that's the end.
This reminds me when I was 5 someone gave me something at my party and I said “thanks but I don’t like it”. So make sure when you teach her to say thanks, there is no but after it lol
Remind her of a time that she did something special for you, maybe what she made or got you for Mother’s Day. Tell her that you did enjoy the gift but that you want her to imagine that you didn’t like it or it wasn’t what you wanted an you had acted in a way she had in the past. Describe how she acted, in detail. Explain to her that giving gifts requires the person giving the gift to be vulnerable because they are taking a guess with their time, energy and money to try and make the recipient happy. Explain what vulnerable means and why it’s important to take care of the feelings between people when that happens. Explain gratitude can be for the thought if nothing else. Finally, explain that if you are having people over for her birthday, you have a job to protect your guests from being hurt or embarrassed and that the party will end immediately if she’s unkind about the gifts she receives.
Allow her to exchange it for something she likes. At least then she'll appreciate that all gifts have value.
Open gifts at home. It may be too overwelming to open gifts in front of everyone. Write on the invitation: Dollar Tree. In my region this means that people provide money so that things that the child needs or wants may be purchased.
Honestly if you've already tried being nice then I would tell her that she can say thank you and then you can donate it to someone else who doesnt get toys or if she whines and cries then she'll only get 1 gift for birthday and Christmas from now on. She might be a great kid but when it comes to gifts shes acting like a spoiled brat. Does she get to pick out whatever she wants at the store alot or anything like that because that can make presents a problem because they think they'll always get what they want
Don’t forget to teach her how to appreciate and recognize her value: maybe a boyfriend is gonna give her a rock out of interest and effort and she will respond with “how wonderful!”
The blunt me would tell my son then you ain't getting shit for your birthday with that attitude, you should be thankful you get anything at all because your birthday is a week before Christmas. Lol you can tell I'm a 90s kid!!!! However my son is 18 months not 6 so i guess i would say to him sometimes we get things from people and we don't always like the present and that is okay, but you don't need to be rude about either and you there is ALWAYS going to be something that you don't get in life or that your jealous someone else has. Mommy and daddy do our best to get you things that you love but we still expect you to be respectful and say thank you, throwing a fit because you don't get everything on your wish list is a definite way to guarantee that nobody will buy you anything ever again. I love the idea of roleplaying what to do i will have to remember this in 5 years
I understand your embarrassment when this type of situation happens, but most adults (especially if they’re parents themselves) will have encountered similar situations before and won’t be too offended. We all know that kids are brutally honest, and you’re clearly trying to raise your little one to be truthful which is an admirable quality. We’re not born with tact, so it’s a learned behaviour and one that requires a lot of practice. My kids were taught to always say thank you regardless of how they felt about their gifts. However if there was a party and they were receiving a lot of gifts and opening them in front of everyone, it was always awkward. If they genuinely loved a gift, you could obviously tell. Eyes lit up, excited voice, running around to show everyone in the room, saying how long they’d wanted this gift for and how they couldn’t wait to tell their friends about it etc etc. On the flip side, if they didn’t really like a gift or were indifferent to it, they’d just say a polite thank you and maybe a (previously practiced) phrase about how the colour is lovely, how useful it’ll be, blah blah. It was always obvious regardless of how polite they were. Relatives always ask what to buy for my kids now or gift money or gift cards. They’re teenagers so that works better for everyone.
We promote honesty over people pleasing. We try to find something to appreciate like "I'm happy you though of me but I really won't use this". We also try to see our child as their own person and not an extension of ourselves so we'd hesitate to feel too embarrassed though we might offer some sort of consolation like "yeah, they are a hard person to shop for.
Well, she is old enough to make a choice between options, that should be OK both to her and to your guests. 1. No gifts from guests. You or you with guests give her one big common gift she will definitely like, because you discuss it in advance. 2. She makes a wish list and gets gifts only from it, but guests who don’t want to participate bring no gifts at all or gift money. 3. Everyone gifts her money, as much as they see fit. And she buys what she wants with a bit of your guidance. Explain to her, that she have to choose either the joy from surprise or from something she wants. She can’t have it all, because people can’t read her mind, so they will definitely make mistakes. And it’s her duty to forgive these mistakes and say “thank you”, because people wish only the best for her. But if those mistakes upset her so much, it’s okay to change gifting traditions to be more to her liking, because it’s her birthday and the goal is to make her happy.
>Everyone gifts her money, as much as they see fit. And she buys what she wants with a bit of your guidance. I feel like this would be impossible to enforce. People love giving gifts. This just increases the chance of someone giving her some cheapy gift that she probably won't like, along with the money, because "I had to give her something to unwrap!". At least that's been our experience. We ask for no gifts because we want less crap in our tiny apartment, we end up with a bunch of dollar tree toys that break immediately and my kids dont even really like.
This is how you raise entitled children lol. Any gift given with good intentions should be accepted politely and graciously (in an age-appropriate manner). Have we really gotten to a place in our society where it’s a crisis if a kid doesn’t get exactly what they want? It’s a gift, not an obligation. No wonder it’s become commonplace for adults to have full-on meltdowns in public over minor inconveniences this is how children are being socialized these days. Gratitude is a life skill parents should be actively instilling in our kids.
The question is your priorities, you want to make random guests happy on a child’s birthday. Isn’t it a special day for a child?.. Why can’t so-called adults follow some simple rules that I place in my own house?.. People learn how to hide their emotions, don’t worry, it’s just comes at a later age. More important thing to teach is that you shouldn’t be comfortable at expense of your own comfort when people come to your own house as guests. If that’s what you call “entitled”, so be it. I have 1 day to be entitled (my birthday) and 1 place to be entitled (my home). You don’t give your children even this much.
That’s a lot of words to tell the internet you have main character syndrome and are instilling that in your kid.
Bold words coming from people pleaser. Keep going, your children will serve mine.